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up yer bum

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 21:04, archived)

have some sensitivity mr horrible, poor spanishfly has just spent 13 hours trying to make it go the other way

(

vladimir, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 21:09, archived)

fuck him

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 22:14, archived)

Well it was a 13 hour shift in the end
And I was shit. What was shit for you today?
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 20:35, archived)

YM.
alt: YM.
(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 20:44, archived)

f
(

vladimir, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 20:47, archived)

i'd have performed a Rob after less than 1 hour,
possibly using shower hose assistance.
(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 21:01, archived)

alright brb

(

vladimir, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 21:10, archived)

tired, might go to bed and lie down with my eyes closed and see what happens

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 22:01, archived)

The coroners report

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 20:50, archived)

I don't think Frank's had one yet.

(#1, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 20:53, archived)

I think he has, he just did it in his sleep and it went all down his leg

(

Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 21:05, archived)

poo

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 20:55, archived)

waste is an abstract concept

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 20:56, archived)

Maybe if you'd tried harder at school
you wouldn't have to do such a shit job to make ends meet in your failure of a life.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 21:13, archived)

I don't.
Do a shit job.
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 23:37, archived)

Yeah shut up,
Taken by the Toaster is Free today guys : www.amazon.com/dp/B00TMVO2GG
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 19:53, archived)

I don't own a kindle, soz mike

(

mongychops, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 20:10, archived)

One person described it as "the bible of our time."
You're missing out man.
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 20:11, archived)

surely that's the bible?
alright mike woz ere
(

vladimir, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 20:13, archived)

No, that's the speaking clock.

(

CharlesDexterWard no rush eh, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 20:33, archived)

alright CharlesDexterWard

(

vladimir, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 20:47, archived)

Woah
Very late, but yes thanks.
(

CharlesDexterWard no rush eh, Thu 26 Feb 2015, 0:03, archived)

Kindles are an object of the sheeple,
and the bible is the bible of our time.
May the lord strike you down.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 21:14, archived)

hey it's Wednesday

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 19:24, archived)

FUCK YEAH

(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 19:25, archived)

alright

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 19:31, archived)

bah its like a poundland thursday

(

willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 19:40, archived)

Pick some of the worst post from your facebook feeds and post them guys.

"Can ne1 do a Spray tan 2mor nite ne time from 7 pleeesssseee xx"

"I'm definitely voting for ukip now after dancing with a girl all night and then when I finally decided to chat to her she couldn't understand English. Not good"

If you don't have facebook, fuck off.
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 17:35, archived)

oh man daphne and velma third time investigating we are here and we are pure WIN with our certificates and handsome faces motherflippers

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 17:39, archived)

I still don't need a shit

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 17:46, archived)

Result!
Think how good tomorrow's will be. A proper blurtergasm.
(#1, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:21, archived)

fucking off

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 17:43, archived)

fuck off dull prick

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 17:47, archived)

Fucking off right here

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 17:46, archived)

if only

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:05, archived)

I got some women on mine who's gone crazy because someone signed for her Royal Mail post, and the signature doesn't look anything like hers (actually, it's pretty similar).
As if the postie is going to know the signature of everyone on their route.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 17:50, archived)

Can I just confirm that the fact you know
The signatures are similar means this facebook fuckwit photographed and posted both signatures? Her real one and the one she questions?
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 17:57, archived)

haha brilliant
what a fucking mong
(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 19:24, archived)

Did the woman get her stuff?
If so, whats the problem.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:18, archived)

fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/10392466_466525040163688_5124793332945342243_n.jpg?oh=3674e8e4a04ad7bf3d47a0842411102e&oe=557D6FA3&__gda__=1435059401_be245ba411591df32f1162264e9df6c6
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 17:53, archived)

i dunno if that will work
if it doesn't, fuck off
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 17:53, archived)

don't click, it's probably child pornography

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 17:53, archived)

Get AB on the case

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 17:57, archived)

You appear to have shit "friends".

(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 17:58, archived)

this
(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:08, archived)

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:10, archived)

i no

(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:14, archived)

I love party rings

(

$$ ✅, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:17, archived)

theyre dirt

(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:42, archived)

that looks like the spaceship opening up at the end of war of the worlds

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:46, archived)

any tit in that?

(

mongychops, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:50, archived)

nah, but I heard there's one where Scarlet J. Jonah Jameson walls round with her yid muff on show

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:53, archived)

disgusting

(

mongychops, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 19:04, archived)

fucking hell

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 19:27, archived)

Haha

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 19:51, archived)

omg
this has actually ruined cakes
(

vladimir, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 20:11, archived)

You roast the unborn?!

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 21:16, archived)

I don't really use it, soz

(

mongychops, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:30, archived)

im just glad you didnt sell me out like fj up there david, sisterhood

(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:34, archived)

he's off his nut on meds, it's took his bullying too far

(

mongychops, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:38, archived)

no need is there, golden me

(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:39, archived)

like Graham's

(

mongychops, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:42, archived)

alright rosie bird
fancy an oily massage?
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:48, archived)

pack it in internet troll

(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:51, archived)

best offer you've had all week

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:52, archived)

I bet you don't even have an nvq in oily massage therapy

(

mongychops, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 19:24, archived)

more than any doctor on this board's got

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 20:17, archived)

one from a while back.
"Fucking spastic can spack off. If one touches me again I'll punch him" from an old school person who had just taken a job with mentally handicapped children.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 18:57, archived)

*postive reviews for fifty shades of grey from family members*

(

willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 19:10, archived)

so yeah, jeu waking up fron genreal anaesthetic here
three hours worth of propofol still gurgling round my veins

this stuff is well freaky lol
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:19, archived)

The thing about propofol, you generally don't remember anything that happens in the 30 minutes after you wake up
so you'll probably forget me wishing you a happy christmas right here.
(

mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:22, archived)

fuuuuuck my head's all wobbly

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:27, archived)

So the circumcision went well then?

(

spazzcaptain Misses Valin @, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:30, archived)

better than this guy's
b3ta.com/talk/2084537
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:36, archived)

I always new he was a fucking massive nonce

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:58, archived)

How come?

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:22, archived)

day patient surgery innit

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:27, archived)

Having something removed or added?

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:39, archived)

had my eyes lasered

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:45, archived)

Oh, a ball scraping?
Good stuff.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:56, archived)

Then how come your bum hurts?
MIND BLOWN
(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 16:30, archived)

ok, here's the weird thing
I remember thinking before I had the anaesthetic, hmm I could do with a shit

then I had the anaesthetic

then I woke up

now I don't need a shit

so I'm wondering, did I shit myself while I was unconscious?
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:39, archived)

It's possible
But you'll never know for sure.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:41, archived)

And I'll tell you something else
When they say you can't eat before surgery, that's bollocks. I've had surgery while being hung over, so that's nonsense too.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:43, archived)

I think it's just a safety precatuion so you don't vomit while you're asleep
I mean, didn't work out so well for Jimi Hendrix

mind you, propofol didn't work out to well for Michael jackson, swings and roundabouts innit
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:47, archived)

I honestly think I've had an unconscious shit

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:47, archived)

Look at this way
You didn't have to clean it up yourself. When was the last time that happened? Enjoy it, I say.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:55, archived)

not since I hired that german prostitute
this one was all funded by the taxpayer

so I'd like to personally thank each and every one of you for contributing to a compltetely effortless shit
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:58, archived)

You're welcome

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:59, archived)

hahaha pay tax, lol

(

mongychops, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 16:17, archived)

It's clearly just been shoved right back up into your transverse colon by the big black theatre nurse's cock.

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 17:10, archived)

yeah yeah take it to qotw

(

Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:22, archived)

did you have an operation to cure you of your crippling autism?

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:23, archived)

He had an arse graft in order to look pre-pubescent for spanishfly.

(

Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:24, archived)

I wouldnt touch him, even if he was 5

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:59, archived)

typical jeu

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:27, archived)

that was meant to say "just"
not really running on 100% brain caopacity here
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:53, archived)

hahaha

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 16:00, archived)

you should operate heavy machinery right away

(

$$ ✅, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:52, archived)

shit yeah, maybe one of those big diggy things they use in open cast mining

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:54, archived)

I don't trust those things
I'm sure they're a plant
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:56, archived)

Come on, this is gold!
Philistines
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 16:00, archived)

Don't get heavy

(wimbley is feeling hungover, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 16:19, archived)

is it a gold mine, then?
and what does the plant have to do with anything? are you sure you aren't thinking of canaries?
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 16:37, archived)

Ur a canary m8

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 16:39, archived)

bit.ly/c6Shmy
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 16:46, archived)

blocked

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 17:06, archived)

FUCK'S SAKE

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 17:09, archived)

Lol

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 17:26, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7802152
(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:56, archived)

you died on the operating table
this is purgatory, soz
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 16:39, archived)

Oh noes, who will feed his imaginary parrot?

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 17:08, archived)

so, how is literally any aspect of your life?

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:34, archived)

shit

(

$$ ✅, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:38, archived)

chin up

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:44, archived)

They vary, some are good, some are shit
be more spefic?
(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:41, archived)

no, you be more spefic

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:45, archived)

Alright
After a long, long time practicing I have finally managed to grasp slap bass.
Or rather I've managed to get my hand to hit individual strings without twatting other ones at the same time.

So that's a bit good I guess.
(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:50, archived)

great, so you going to play us the seinfeld theme tune or what?

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:55, archived)

I'll work on it
currently trying to learn some stuff by Chic at the minute, funky disco shit
(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:55, archived)

i never ever worked it out
dozens of people have shown me, it's just some spastic mental block of mine.
(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 16:52, archived)

I haven't played tennis for at least 16 years, reckon I probably still could, though I would be shit at it of course.

(

Zuowan, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:41, archived)

that's really interesting please tell me more about I haven't played tennis for at least 16 years, reckon I probably still could, though I would be shit at it of course.

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:45, archived)

superior

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:42, archived)

got any old dears to write you into their will recently?

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:52, archived)

good

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:46, archived)

cool

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:52, archived)

it's a bit warm in this office
might have to take my jumper off
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:49, archived)

it is a bit warm in the office
i've just rolled up the sleeves on my jumper for now, no need for drastic measures yet
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:54, archived)

it's off
no half measures here
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:57, archived)

dunno

(

MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:53, archived)

oh ok

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:54, archived)

oh god
www.langtp.com/Red-Nose-Day
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:58, archived)

i don't usually go there on fridays

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:02, archived)

Neither do I, to be fair

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:21, archived)

yes!

(

$$ ✅, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:10, archived)

I am sick

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:59, archived)

good

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:02, archived)

this will probably end up on the popular board you do realise this right?

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:04, archived)

don't care, go fuck yourself

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:10, archived)

is this a demand?
I mean normally when you ask me to do things its on cam, and i am certianly choking something.
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:22, archived)

I've been working with radiation all day and I have absolutely no superpowers.
I'm frankly gutted.
(

Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:12, archived)

Have you tried unfiltered exposure to Gamma rays

(

Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:13, archived)

No, it's all monochromated here.

(

Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:25, archived)

don't see why you'd get super powers from working with radiators

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:17, archived)

Got the rest of the week off
so deliriously happy in all respects.
(

Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:13, archived)

how are you going to spend your time, locus123?

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:18, archived)

In the juicer as much as possible

(

Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 15:24, archived)

fine thanks, how are you?

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 16:53, archived)

bit rude

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 17:42, archived)

I've made blooming onions that I'm going to eat for dinner tonight
What have you bloo blah blug blig berk?

Come on, I'm bored.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:37, archived)

I am not really sure what you want from us here.

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:40, archived)

I want to be entertained
In the broadest sense of the word.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:42, archived)

I might have chicken tonight...
chicken tonight
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:44, archived)

I'm doing pizza
I was going to make the dough earlier but I couldn't be arsed, so I'll do it later. Is this interesting to anyone? I have no idea.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:45, archived)

so its you that has the pizza oven right?

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:47, archived)

no

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:49, archived)

I know.
I might see what the canteen at work has to offer, it will be the usual slop along with sandwhiches made out of bread they have nicked from the bins round the back of Greggs.
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:53, archived)

Me
What are your tips and tricks for making ~~pizza~~ dough?
(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:41, archived)

i hope he has one weird tip

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:46, archived)

It's the weirdest, baby

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:52, archived)

Does the diet industry hate him for it?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:53, archived)

I'll tell you what the doctors don't want to!

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:55, archived)

He told me
I couldn't BELIEVE it!!!!!!!!!11!1
(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:56, archived)

In my idler moments, I've taken to reading the comments that appear beneath the ads in my Facebook feed.
One was about microwaving an onion (no idea why, as I don't look at the ads themselves) and, in amongst all the comments about how microwaves are bad (they kill your food!) was someone explaining that microwaves don't even heat food up - they only heat the water molecules, so the food itself remains cold.

My mind was blown.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:05, archived)

Woah
I'll bear that in mind next time I'm....microwaving...an....onion.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:16, archived)

still dough

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:47, archived)

No real tricks
I just make a regular bread dough, then roll it into a circle. Few minutes in a screaming hot, dry frying pan. Bung the toppings on while it's in there, then finish it off under the grill. Jobs a goodun
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:51, archived)

strong white flour, fast acting yeast and sugar stirred into warm water
Knead the fucker for 10 minutes and prove for thirty. No more than 30, mind.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:54, archived)

over prove and it can go a bit cakey
Hth x
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:56, archived)

ta duck
x
(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:57, archived)

I'd not heard of blooming onions before, but they sound...
...ALLI-YUMMY!!!
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:42, archived)

Neither had I, until [B3ta USER] told me about them yesterday
So I'm giving them a go.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:44, archived)

Monster Munch
It was Monster Munch
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:44, archived)

hes a babe

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:46, archived)

Aw, shucks.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:05, archived)

If his pickled onion flavour is anything to go by you can trust his judgement on this

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:54, archived)

His savoury game is beyond reproach

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:56, archived)

I'm tempted to request that you post pictures of, and a full report on said onion,
but that sounds a bit of a naff thing to do, so I'll just wish you well in your endeavour.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:08, archived)

I literally don't care if people think I'm a twat
so I will photograph them. If I remember. I'm a twat, but I'm also flakey.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:11, archived)

^ flakey twat

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:14, archived)

See?
water off a ducks back
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:15, archived)

i had never heard of them until seeing one on an episode of the american office
except it was referred to as an 'awesome blossom' in that
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:43, archived)

I don't remember that
However, I shall report my findings presently
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:43, archived)

Are you sure it wasn't an Awesome Possum?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:01, archived)

not 100%
maybe i should dip my body in awesome frosting
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:18, archived)

Only if you're going to go without washing for the next 3 years.
~~awesome~~ chocolate
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:21, archived)

shit, i couldn't be bothered to look up the line

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:36, archived)

Not to worry:
it's awesome to win AND it's awesome to lose!

Free taco?
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:41, archived)

is it taco tuesday?
let's take extra care to follow the instructions or you'll be put to sleep, and don't forget taco tuesday's coming next week!
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:49, archived)

:D
It's the film that made me not hate Will Ferrell.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:55, archived)

i've been making a list of things i want. next i'm going to get some of them.

(

MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:47, archived)

What else is on the list, Meaty?

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:50, archived)

some trainers and a particular pair of denim jeans
and a jacket
and a set of shoes and pedals for my bike
(

MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:53, archived)

Do it
Do it now
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:54, archived)

i might get the trainers, i'll let you know
they're grey so you know they're good
(

MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:55, archived)

You can't go wrong with grey
That's why god made elephants that colour
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:57, archived)

exactly. i had some lovely bright green ones, but they just don't last do they?
you're right, grey is the way forward
(

MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:58, archived)

they get lost in grass as well.

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:04, archived)

i got those blue ones just before xmas but they haven't lasted either

(

MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:06, archived)

they get lost in bluebells

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:19, archived)

shush now.

(

MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:31, archived)

get fucked

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:37, archived)

*sigh*

(

MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:37, archived)

terrible bullying of elmer

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:02, archived)

crack

(

Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:52, archived)

Drugs are bad for you

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:54, archived)

i did a fart and it smelt like burnt hair

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:53, archived)

One time I did one and it smelt like popcorn
and another time it smelt like kebab paper. It was bad.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:55, archived)

i think there's a bit of a haze around me with how much i've been farting today

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:57, archived)

The best thing to do is just stay still until it passes

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:57, archived)

nah let him walk round dragging it behind him like a fetid umbilical cord, share the wealth

(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:09, archived)

i did a fart during the night that woke me up with its ferocity

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:23, archived)

I'm making some flipping courgettes

(

Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:03, archived)

Have you ever had a bloody pepper?

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:06, archived)

Is that some kind of sex act?

(

Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:40, archived)

It is the way I do it

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:48, archived)

I'm at work. Why aren't you at work?

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:07, archived)

working from home innit

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:12, archived)

I'm looking forward to a fucking smashing curry that I made last night.
Might stop and get some naan on the way home. What I like ti do is fill the naan with curry and eat it like a messy curry kebab. I have to wear a napkin, but it's totally worth it
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 12:59, archived)

You're a hot mess, do you know that?

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:04, archived)

sometimes I feel it, but it's always nice to hear.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:22, archived)

naan
naan
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:06, archived)

BATMAN!

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:16, archived)

oh you cheeky scamp

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:22, archived)

I quite fancy a curry, now.
Peshwari naan is the best.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:11, archived)

I dunno what they're called, but being an indulgent fatso I like the ones with kebab meat in them.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:23, archived)

keema? I hardly knew her!
Haha
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:28, archived)

Keema?
Also very nice, although meat with a side order of meat could be considered a bit of an indulgence.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:33, archived)

Only nonces and rapists like Peshwari naan

(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:51, archived)

How do you feel about lime pickle?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:58, archived)

I don't despise it, but its definitely last on the list of things to dunk a poppadom into

(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:13, archived)

I think you'd be a good companion at the curry house,
as there'd be little chance of you stealing my food.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:16, archived)

so you're one of those
who doesn't actually order any food, just fills up on the free doms and dips?
(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:40, archived)

I fill up on doms'n'dips, and then realise that I've over ordered, usually.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:56, archived)

the cafe I'm in has rost chicken on the menu

(

mongychops, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:17, archived)

cor!
get on it
(

$$ ✅, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:21, archived)

relly?

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:30, archived)

How do you make onions?
Do you mean you peeled and chopped one? or you brought together the base atomic materials and actually created an onion?

Also I haven't bloo blah blug blig berk today. but I did blaa bloo blog bilk bark
(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:39, archived)

If you want scrambled eggs, do you have to wait until you're ovulating?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:46, archived)

Na
I just rob someone else's
(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:53, archived)

to bake an apple pie from scratch you must first create the universe

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:58, archived)

^sage advice from the modolith

(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:03, archived)

He should be on Thought For The Day.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:09, archived)

he created one, in his own image

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:53, archived)

might have broccoli and pasta

(

$$ ✅, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 13:45, archived)

I'm at the synchrotron again.
12 hours of prodding crystals with X-rays. Joy.
(

Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:01, archived)

~~tron~~ mesh
~~prodding crystals~~ cooking toast
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:04, archived)

I'm going to go stand in the beam for a while.

(

Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:10, archived)

goodnight, sweet prince
Colonel Boris NEVAR 4GET
(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:15, archived)

alright Roland

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:16, archived)

lol

(wimbley is feeling hungover, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:25, archived)

Stay there until your superpowers develop.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 14:18, archived)

Wow, another fun packed evening on /talk
Morning everyone
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:04, archived)

morning

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:13, archived)

Deef

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:17, archived)

fuck off dozers

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:23, archived)

BUMHOLES

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:14, archived)

Hey, here he is!

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:17, archived)

morning

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:23, archived)

Yes

(

MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:16, archived)

MATEsnake, more like

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:17, archived)

you're not wrong there, friend.

(

MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:19, archived)

meaty

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:22, archived)

h

(

MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:24, archived)

Two Hats, believing in just one mind

(

$$ ✅, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:20, archived)

If only I could make a song out of your name, SS Express
So I shall merely bid you a 'good morning'
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:22, archived)

the thought was there and that's the main thing

(

$$ ✅, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:27, archived)

scouser

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:23, archived)

mr h

(

$$ ✅, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:27, archived)

I'm in a waiting room.
Guess what I'm waiting for.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:25, archived)

someone to reply?

(

vladimir, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:27, archived)

nope.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:33, archived)

love

(

$$ ✅, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:27, archived)

well, that's a given, but it's a no in this specific instance.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:34, archived)

Godot?
A star to fall? Service at a meat counter?
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:30, archived)

nearly

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:34, archived)

Bakery?
Is it food related?
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:35, archived)

not really no.
I mean, when was the last time you saw a bakery with a waiting room?
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:39, archived)

I....
fair enough
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:40, archived)

2can

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:31, archived)

who can?

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:34, archived)

tartan paint

(

MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:33, archived)

a long stand.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:34, archived)

Sky hooks

(

MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:35, archived)

elbow grease

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:39, archived)

is everybody moving?
moving, moving, moving?
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:39, archived)

there's a fat woman. and no.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:39, archived)

I don't want the news
(I cannot use it)
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:54, archived)

I like to move it

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:49, archived)

to exhale?

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:39, archived)

hysterectomy

(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:56, archived)

sick note for 'depression'

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:57, archived)

vasectomy

(

Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:32, archived)

oh wow, a two hats morning thread!
I just know it's going to be a great day now
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:38, archived)

*firm handshake*
*unnecessarily long eye contact*
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:40, archived)

*continues to grip hand awkwardly*

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:51, archived)

*misreads situation*
*leans in for a kiss*
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:59, archived)

just going to leave this here *whistles*
5.9.83.79/talk/7802059
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:09, archived)

I disagree
bread preparation can be very erotic
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:10, archived)

indeed, but there is nothing confusing about that

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:11, archived)

They're calling the Gosport musical festival 'GosFest'
I've heard 'gos' used to describe the thick phlegm you might spit out onto the floor. I think this adequeately describes something that might happen in Gosport.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:39, archived)

morning

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:40, archived)

spanish

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:41, archived)

wotcha

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:40, archived)

I'm sorry, are you new?

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:41, archived)

newer than you, old man

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:05, archived)

snow on the roof, etc

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:06, archived)

more like solar panel on the roof

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:39, archived)

I struggle with converting fuel into energy, and you KNOW THAT
*sobs*
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:42, archived)

AND it takes years for you to become worth the initial expenditure

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 10:56, archived)

well that IS true

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:17, archived)

hey, can you tell if I've got another account?

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:11, archived)

spare accounts are for wankers

(Gerald was innocent, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:14, archived)

no I started an account a long time ago and forgot the password,
So when I started posting I had to start another. I just wonder if it's still alive.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:16, archived)

morning tw'ats
i'm quite hungry, what's for breakfast?
(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:43, archived)

I'm at home, so I'm going to go make something now
Hash browns, eggs and beans sounds good
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:54, archived)

*something about toast*

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:54, archived)

I normally have a piece of bread and butter with it
but toast might work
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:59, archived)

*confused yet aroused*

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:02, archived)

well this reply is in the wrong place

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:08, archived)

jelly.b3ta.com/talk/7802073
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:11, archived)

I've taken to quickly frying a slice of bread in the eggy oil left over in the pan. very tasty.
it's not very healthy but i have a perfect bmi and it also makes the pan easier to clean.
(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:12, archived)

ugh, don't say that
I feel bad enough for eating this as it is
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:12, archived)

don't say what?
i'm prone to repeating myself so i need you to be quite specific here.
(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:20, archived)

any of the things you were thinking of posting

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:21, archived)

haha
it was national toast day yesterday and i didn't tell frank
that'll teach him
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:23, archived)

oh boy is his face going to be red when he finds out

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:24, archived)

Man, he'll be FURIOUS

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:25, archived)

morning 2Hats, et al.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:48, archived)

Munchathon

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 8:54, archived)

I'm getting worried about my package. It left Miami yesterday at 1.31 am and there's been nothing since.

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:14, archived)

it's probably dead by now.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:15, archived)

Just looked on google earth. I wish I was in the USPS facility in Miami :(

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:47, archived)

So you could ride the conveyers, be manhandled by a man in uniform, and chucked in the back of a van?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 10:11, archived)

Miami is in the United States
there you go. FACTS.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:15, archived)

alright Rafa Benitez

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:17, archived)

a quick Google tells me that he is a football manager
from Italy
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:28, archived)

I was getting vaccinations for Hepatitis and MMR.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:16, archived)

^dirty and autistic

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:20, archived)

one of my uncle outlaws got hep from bumming some guy in an alley
and he's also heavily autistic and deaf and a compulsive liar. he'd love this place.
(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:24, archived)

He sounds like a real treat
What's the most outrageous and obvious lie he's told?
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:26, archived)

that it actually happened to his uncle not him

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:33, archived)

I had a friend who was always lying
We all knew (which made it a bit tragic I guess) but it was often comical.
The story of how he lost his virginity, for instance, changed every time he told it. At one point it happened in front of an open fire and panoramic window in some massive ski lodge in switzerland over looking the alps. It sounded magical.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:36, archived)

probably the entire eulogy he gave at his mum's funeral.

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:38, archived)

I wasn't there, so you might have to elaborate

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:39, archived)

this guy's story telling isn't really up to scratch is it?

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 10:10, archived)

Wait, he's getting there
Let him flow in his own time
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 10:13, archived)

I once saw Alexei Sayle in the northbound car park of Keele Services on the M6.

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 10:13, archived)

I once walked past the Cheeky Girls in a little village in Kent
Rye, I think.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 10:14, archived)

Rye is nice, i think, is that the one with the smallest town hall by the river?

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 10:20, archived)

Don't know about that
But it is a nice place. They had a guitar shop and a bakery called Simon the Pieman.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 10:25, archived)

PS they'd love that story in qftw

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 10:21, archived)

No they wouldn't
They'd accuse me of lying, then start posting pictures of my kids.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 10:42, archived)

every detail of her life was fabricated or embellished... he added siblings, claimed his shithole of an alcoholic violent absent father was a loving, caring sort who was always there, made up a speech that his mum gave him on her deathbed
(she was unconscious, he wasn't there, and he never visited her), fuckloads more stuff like that really, plus loads of petty stuff that would only annoy you if you were in his family...

Oh and he claimed he was dying and only had a fortnight left to live. This was a few years ago and he seems fairly alive.
(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 10:11, archived)

Yeah, he sounds like a character
As you say, annoying for the people that knew the truth, but maybe it comforted those who didn't? Putting a positive spin on an otherwise sad event.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 10:13, archived)

i hope the priest and the organist found his oddly articulated words comforting, i really do.

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 10:18, archived)

Nevertheless, sometimes people just want to hear nice things
even if they're not true. You know what families are like. They're all mental.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 10:24, archived)

Now don't go getting any ideas, but this is easily the best thing you've ever posted.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 10:22, archived)

so i should keep saying it every wednesday morning, yeah?

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 10:51, archived)

and now you have autisms disease

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:20, archived)

correct.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Feb 2015, 9:36, archived)

~~cor~~ e
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 10:14, archived)

n dge-
ed ing
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 10:20, archived)

Fantastic

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 10:25, archived)

Morning

(

Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 11:32, archived)

eveninh

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 22:31, archived)

HIYA

(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 22:34, archived)

hey babes

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 23:04, archived)

Well seeing as you asked
But pissed off really 12 hour shift tomorrow, open evening innit. Loads of pricks knocking about tomorrow evening wanting to ask questions, talk to me, generally they just turn up annoy the fuck out of me
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 22:39, archived)

IRL name: prince philip

(

vladimir, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 22:46, archived)

yes, because open evening is all about you, you narcissistic wank

(Plague Hedgehog 'posting crap', Tue 24 Feb 2015, 22:47, archived)

IRL name: Liz II

(

vladimir, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 22:51, archived)

12 hours is a lot of noncing.

(

Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 24 Feb 2015, 22:51, archived)

i didnt ask fuck off

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 23:04, archived)

Fuck off, nonce.

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 25 Feb 2015, 0:21, archived)

just nipping to the shop, anyone need anything?

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 18:11, archived)

Giant Toblerone please
like the ones you only really see in the duty free shop at airports.
(

djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 18:16, archived)

alright disc jockey Richard, I'll try my best but it's an Asda so you might end up with a normal sized one and I'll be honest, I'll probably eat it on the way home

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 18:20, archived)

All good Frank
it's the thought that counts.
(

djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 18:23, archived)

I went for the healthy option, tangy cheese Doritos

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 18:46, archived)

Hey frank, do you have any more pictures of b3tans? It would be really helpful if you could do a who's who with all their real names and everything, I like to know who I'm talking to.

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 18:53, archived)

Are you encouraging him to dox everyone?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 19:28, archived)

steve left last month so it's alright to out him now

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 19:32, archived)

it really surprises me you'd want real names revealed

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 19:43, archived)

think he means in a gaz, supposedly doctors can keep a secret

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 19:54, archived)

Yes, quickly tell me all your secrets.

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 20:24, archived)

respect the sanctity of gaz yeah? I expect not to see any of that appearing on here

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 20:31, archived)

Are you sure you didn't just gaz me all of manolith's secrets?

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 22:12, archived)

You don't know my real real name

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 20:23, archived)

so you CHOSE that name?
fucking hell
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 21:48, archived)

It's my middle name, I've always been known professionally by my first name.
Which is good because it means my patients and stalkery forum moderators can't track me down on facebook.
(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 22:15, archived)

Ds9 DVD , the one where Dax fucks worf ta

(

mongychops, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 18:54, archived)

never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 18:56, archived)

hahaha internet

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 18:59, archived)

the only card for me is the ace of spades
the ace of spades
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 19:03, archived)

bit racist

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 21:49, archived)

Can you get some cat food
for my cat that I have
(

H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 19:10, archived)

too late fucko, been and come back
interesting side note, I had my wallet and 78p change and it came to £10.78 total so I threw the change in the machine and now I don't have any spare change to refuse to give to tramps
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 19:19, archived)

that's all well and good but what's the interesting side note?

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 19:43, archived)

you're reading /talk and you honestly expect to see something more interesting than that?

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 19:45, archived)

New life, new love
Where's the heart I was dreaming of?
I need a new hope, new dream
another part in a different scene
(

vladimir, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 21:26, archived)

You could become a Buddist

(

CharlesDexterWard no rush eh, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 21:52, archived)

I don't think I need to be any more buddhist, I'd rather take a ride and run with the dogs tonight in suburbia

(

vladimir, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 22:00, archived)

in suburbia

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 22:08, archived)

juicer time then

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 17:44, archived)

mr.h

(

djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 17:53, archived)

Trodd En Brat are fucking terrible.
there's some pretty bad 18:30 radio 4 stuff on these days.
(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 19:07, archived)

fuck off dull prick

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 19:32, archived)

New thread.
Tell me something I don't already know.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:30, archived)

Bananas don't grow on trees
It's actually a large herb that looks like a tree
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:33, archived)

Unless you already know that
In which case, I can't help you
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:33, archived)

I do know about banana plants not being trees, although it was originally explained to me as
"bananas aren't actually fruit, they're a herb".
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:38, archived)

I believe bananas are berries
and strawberries and raspberries are not. What a world, eh?
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:39, archived)

Ribena isn't suitable for vegetarians.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:42, archived)

but Walker's Prawn Cocktail crisps are!

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:44, archived)

Botanically speaking, bananas are fish
that have simply evolved to live in trees
(

H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:38, archived)

Oh, so now we're just trying to prove things with facts?
Nice try brainiac
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:40, archived)

Similarly, pigs - despite looking and behaving very much like mammals - are actually a very highly evolved species of moss, thus making bacon technically vegan.
I read about this in a paper sponsored by PETA. I was as shocked as you are, I can tell you, but you can't argue with science, can you?
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:43, archived)

I can't believe what happens next!

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:44, archived)

It blew my mind and now I'm on disability

(

H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:46, archived)

+ and mad as hell
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:53, archived)

The slimming industry HATES her.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:57, archived)

On a serious note
Someone once told me that banana trees/herbs/whatever walk.
As in, over a long time their roots will move towards higher concentrations of water and nutrients in the soil and kind of pull the tree along with them.
Trufax or total bollix?
(

H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:48, archived)

I hadn't heard of that before
But there might be something to it:
thespliceoflife.wordpress.com/2012/08/17/friday-fun-fact-banana-plants-walk-up-to-40-centimetres-in-a-lifetime/

Looks like it's to do with the way they're cultivated. Interesting though.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:52, archived)

Well they're you go

(

H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 16:01, archived)

*we'll

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 16:02, archived)

basic social skills

(

Zuowan, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:34, archived)

I get upset easily online

(

$$ ✅, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:35, archived)

Only about 1% of the mass of a proton comes from its constituent quarks.
The rest is due to the potential energy in the gluonic field binding the quarks together.
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:37, archived)

I'll have to take your word for that.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:39, archived)

Pfft, says you

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:39, archived)

The touch of a woman

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:39, archived)

I've often wondered about that.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:43, archived)

Ragdoll physics in video games were originally introduced in Hitman as a method of saving memory
Rather than have to make a separate animation for each character model when picked up and moved, they created nodes at the end of each limb, these would tell the model where the limbs should be based on movements in the environment, allowing the game to animate models on the fly rather than pre-bake them.

One thing that the developers noticed using this new system was that letting the nodes go limp and fall in the direction of gravity looked like a much more convincing death animation than the one they animated/mocapped, and many games began to adopt and refine this technique over time.

Or, I don't know, the inside of a vagina or something.
(

H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:43, archived)

This smacks of being copied from Wikipedia.
Particularly the comment about vaginas.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:48, archived)

Nah, 'onist 'guv, ai wroted it all dahn meself wiv me own two 'aynds sow ai dihd
If ai cop'eed it from Weekeypeedya it'd 'av flowery words like veer-lit intergayshin and imfersey kinkymatics an' orl that guff, beggin' yer pardon, m'lud.
(

H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:58, archived)

Oy daan't naow much abaowt thayt
Oy just loike to stick to me blecksmiffin'!
(

H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:59, archived)

Oh man, it TOTALLY snacks.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:59, archived)

totes

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 16:08, archived)

You sneaky prick.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 16:18, archived)

this is a nice (and relevant to your question) music video
vimeo.com/23262014
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:43, archived)

I was shown this last night by one of my kids
vimeo.com/56901429
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:45, archived)

This wins
https://vimeo.com/107435702
(

H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:54, archived)

I was shown this last night by my three year old
youtu.be/G_NIop72vis
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 16:15, archived)

I watched about a minute or so of that and there didn't appear to be any music in it

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 16:13, archived)

music starts after about 2 minutes

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 16:36, archived)

ok, but first you are going to have to tell me everything that you do already know so I don't waste my time

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 16:01, archived)

^This
is a valid request
(

H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 16:04, archived)

I know everything about nothing,
but not too much about that.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 16:10, archived)

meow

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 16:11, archived)

where would you like me to start then?

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 16:12, archived)

where do babies come from?

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 16:41, archived)

And where are they going?

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 17:14, archived)

And how can we stop them?

(

Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 17:19, archived)

~~ok, but first you are going to have to tell me everything that you do already know so I~~ nice try, goodbye
(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 17:53, archived)

Do you know who I'm not very keen on?
Ant & Dec.

Who are you not keen on? You can't say bloo bloo bloo
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:56, archived)

might be a bit contentious this but I'd have to say Hitler

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:58, archived)

www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-london-31594956
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:59, archived)

I don't see that you can pin that one on Hitler.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:25, archived)

I'M ENTITLED TO MY OPINION

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:25, archived)

This is why I dislike living in a democracy.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:29, archived)

PI
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:47, archived)

YEAH

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:49, archived)

Battered, deep-fried, and served with honey-mustard.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:48, archived)

I fucking love onion rings
There. I've said it.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:53, archived)

~~fucking~~ love
~~love~~ fucking
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:54, archived)

Oof
not fresh out of the fryer, mind
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:55, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7801835
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:13, archived)

rude

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:15, archived)

I was thinking of a Blooming Onion, which I've not eaten in a long time,
but onion rings are good, too.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:03, archived)

Imma make some of that shit tomorrow

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:15, archived)

I'm looking forward to receiving my dinner invitation.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 15:32, archived)

LEAVE HITLER ALONE

(

Zuowan, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:54, archived)

coincidence?!???????
www.theguardian.com/world/2015/jan/26/french-couple-name-girl-nutella
(

Zuowan, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:55, archived)

I hope nutella do an advert over 'firestarter' now.

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:17, archived)

I heard he was a Nasseem or something

(

H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:54, archived)

Bono

(

Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:04, archived)

meat flavour crisps

(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:04, archived)

poof

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:27, archived)

Amorous Badger, Robbie Savage, Adrian Chiles, Russel Howard, Paddy McGuinness
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:08, archived)

Noce, fuck off.

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:08, archived)

alright pal

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:09, archived)

e d
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:08, archived)

Amorous Badgdr, Robbid Savagd, Adrian Childs, Russdl Howard, Paddy McGuinndss?

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:17, archived)

fucking bang on mate

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:22, archived)

Shirley Collins.

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:08, archived)

really? why?

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:10, archived)

'Cos she's fucking shit.

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:43, archived)

oh, I think you might be wrong on the internet here

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:01, archived)

No really, she's really, really unlistenable.
One of these people, a bit like Dylan, that you're 'supposed' to like when actually they sing like a cat having something rather spiky shoved up its bum.
(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:05, archived)

She sounds a bit like one of those people that hipsters say they don't like because it makes them look 'cool'

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:13, archived)

I feel like that about Joni Mitchell. And Kirsty MacColl.
People never seem to tire of pointing out that I'm wrong, though.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:20, archived)

I think you're right about Joni Mitchell, she's dull

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:34, archived)

I love her voice and her arrangements
and Dylan has a brilliant voice
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:33, archived)

pretty sure this should win qftw
b3ta.com/questions/cannotunsee/post2469776
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:02, archived)

Who is that?

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:05, archived)

someone who has posted in this very thread

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:09, archived)

Ah...
gotcha
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:10, archived)

would you like some more clues?

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:12, archived)

No, I've got it now

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:14, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISEc_iQ4RLs
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:27, archived)

Not clicking that, might not be a picture of Taylor Swift with a big cock

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:33, archived)

no, not ah... ab

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:13, archived)

Either way, I "liked" it

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:19, archived)

If you can find one of his wife in the same pose I'm pretty sure that would win

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:21, archived)

tinyurl.com/nue6zyg
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:24, archived)

conspiracy theorists

(

$$ ✅, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:15, archived)

I've printed something out and I don't know where it's gone
It's not come out of the printer I expected it to
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:16, archived)

keep reprinting it until you find out where they're going

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:16, archived)

that's good advice

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:17, archived)

lol i hacked into your print server and sent it printing out in one of your other offices.
lol
(

$$ ✅, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:18, archived)

lolol

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:20, archived)

You should get tracking like I have. Then you'd know if it was still in Miami or not.

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:19, archived)

I find that if I send it to the printer in another office then someone invariably walks through with it
saves me a trip to the printer
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:24, archived)

Yeah, but it's something personal and in colour
Not that I'd get into trouble as such, I'd just rather avoid it.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:24, archived)

ah right, see I don't print out pornography in the office

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:30, archived)

I won't be from now on either

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:30, archived)

Brighton Dave's a prick, I don't speak to him, full of bullshit

(

mongychops, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:20, archived)

How many dave's do you know?

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:25, archived)

in my local I know 4, Dave the beds a bit of a nob too, harmless tho

(

mongychops, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:29, archived)

Dave the bed?
Bed salesman?
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:30, archived)

close, delivery and sets up hospital beds in peoples homes

(

mongychops, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:36, archived)

you
I'm not very keen on you
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:22, archived)

You don't have to like me, you just have to respect me
You don't even have to respect me
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:24, archived)

well that's ok, I don't do either of those things

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:30, archived)

Meghan Trainor

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:29, archived)

I don't know who she is
But she looks annoying
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:30, archived)

she does that 'all about that bass 'bout that bass no treble' fucking bullshit

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:40, archived)

I don't know what that is

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:01, archived)

a popular music song in the hit parade

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:08, archived)

ok

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:11, archived)

she's famous for the low-frequency rumbling sounds produced by her massive dirtbox or something
and she says she hasn't got any tits, though she does seem to have tits
(

Zuowan, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:59, archived)

What a peculiar sounding person

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:03, archived)

john 'bradshaw' layfield

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:43, archived)

I used to like him
When he stopped being 'Bradshaw' and became JBL, I thought it was pretty good. A shameless rip off of Ted Dibase, but still.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:02, archived)

yeah, i have no beef with acolytes/apa bradshaw
but as a heel commentator he's fucking shit
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:09, archived)

Yes, yes, I see. The problem with that is CLOTHESLINEFROMHELL

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:13, archived)

a wild ron simmons appears
"DAMN"
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:16, archived)

I loved the vignettes they did with Kai En tai
With Sho Funaki gabbling on in Japanese and Ron Simmons sat there, chewing on his cigar, going "uh huh, sure, sure"

Loses something in translation, admittedly, but it was funny at the time.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:22, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRTgubD04Pk
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:37, archived)

that is some amazing video quality

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:48, archived)

We live in a glorious age

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:49, archived)

Farooq da man

(

$$ ✅, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:49, archived)

First black WCW champion ever
Not that that means much these days
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:54, archived)

there STILL hasn't been a black WWE champ
or an english one for that matter
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:13, archived)

Well Rocky's black-ish

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:15, archived)

but you're right
Weird, because Vince has never run a glass-ceiling business in the past.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:19, archived)

well, quite

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:23, archived)

Why do you suppose that is?
Is it as simple as good old fashioned racism? Maybe he's worried that a black champion wouldn't be accepted by all the fans. Which is nonsense, of course, but is that it? It's not like they haven't had talented black guys to choose from in the past.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:28, archived)

i think it's pretty much just racism, yeah

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:41, archived)

this is a wwe meeting
www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqETyU9k0lM
(

$$ ✅, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:44, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=n2sJadTbuxo#t=58
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:50, archived)

hurrrrr

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:55, archived)

Is there a way of photoshopping Taylor Swift's face just above that?

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:57, archived)

I never liked him. Stiff, homophobic, sexist, cunt.

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:10, archived)

fuck off dull prick

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:23, archived)

Agreed.
He's okay for half a second when he forgets to be completely corporate, but that's a rare event.
(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:07, archived)

fuck off dull prick

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:23, archived)

Frank Bruno

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:48, archived)

Yeah
I liked him when I was a kid. But then he went all mental and that and I didn't like him as much. See also Adam Ant.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:03, archived)

bloo bloo bloo

(

Zuowan, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 12:51, archived)

^not on

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:04, archived)

Guam

(

$$ ✅, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:21, archived)

I've never been
But it's never mentioned in a positive light.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:27, archived)

what about bubbleguam?

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:41, archived)

Or guamboots

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:49, archived)

Two Hats

(

H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:26, archived)

wait a minute
Is this one of those things where I'm going to get all upset tha tyou don't like me, and then you're going to go "hahaha I didn't mean you, I meant two ACTUAL hats hahaha"

Is it that, Mupps? Is it something like that?
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:36, archived)

Yeah, lets go with that

(

H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:42, archived)

I'd quite like to give that Taylor Swift a good solid kick up the cunt with a pair of hobnail boots on

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 13:59, archived)

I agree
If by "kick" you mean shag and by "hobnail boots" you mean penis. Because that's how I speak to women.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:06, archived)

you're like one of those 'lads' I heard about in the 90s
do you read loaded magazine?
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:09, archived)

Just because I like to shag birds up the cunt with my penis
doesn't make me a bad person, right?
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:10, archived)

I think it makes you a #trulad

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:12, archived)

#bantz #trulad #dappylaughsisinnocent

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:17, archived)

got it, you'd like to give that Taylor Swift a good solid shag up the cunt with a pair of penis on

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:10, archived)

who wouldn't?

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:11, archived)

not sure how that works tbh
I'm guessing you and her get one penis each
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:11, archived)

so taylor swift is a hermaphrodite?

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:15, archived)

in his sick fantasy world, yes she is

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:15, archived)

Oh man, I'd love that
Best of both worlds. Taylor Swift's effortless beauty and willowy figure, with a lovely big knob hanging down below. That'd be radical.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:20, archived)

like an adult playground

(

$$ ✅, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:22, archived)

I will literally fuck anything
With consent, obvs
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:25, archived)

it'd be so much easier to just give her a kick in the cunt and have done with it

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:24, archived)

Well yeah
But that doesn't help me to realise my fantasy of having sex with hermaphrodite Taylor Swift. Are you going to help here, or not?
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:26, archived)

I'm fine with just giving her a kick in the cunt if it's all the same with you

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:31, archived)

Ok, well then we'll just have to agree to disagree

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:32, archived)

what if frank cuntpunts her while you're sexing her up?
you might end up with a collapsed bellend but that's just part of the thrill, right?
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:54, archived)

wow, I hadn't considerd that
Or worse, what if it collpases HER bellend?? Poor, sweet, well hung Taylor :(
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:56, archived)

natasha kaplinski y/n

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:05, archived)

yeah m8

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:06, archived)

My package just left Miami. How cool is that?

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:18, archived)

why on earth would you sever your penis and send it to america?

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:19, archived)

I bought something from China once, what's your point?

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:24, archived)

you're a filthy communist

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:29, archived)

glasnost, etc

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:50, archived)

And how is your lovely wife?

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:30, archived)

hahaha

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:32, archived)

what a beautiful name

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:33, archived)

I'd be thinking of Kate Silverton, all the while.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:23, archived)

she looks like Gok Wan

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:27, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsH63qJlIMM
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:29, archived)

I'll barely last a stroke, with that thought.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:31, archived)

That's who I was thinking of, to be honest
Still a yes though
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:28, archived)

Question is, would you crawl naked through shattered glass, which is digging into your nutsack, just to mouth one of

(

$$ ✅, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:31, archived)

her farts after a night out on Guinness and curry?
(

$$ ✅, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:31, archived)

I believe the phrase is
drag your dick through a mile of broken glass just to hear her fart through a walkie-talkie
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:34, archived)

would you though?

(

$$ ✅, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:37, archived)

for Kaplinski, no

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:39, archived)

and the alternative ending is
... just to puch matchsticks in a pile of her shit
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:40, archived)

Disgusting

(

$$ ✅, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:45, archived)

I'd like to see the animation of mr chips demonstrating that one

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:37, archived)

"It's good, but it's not right."

(

$$ ✅, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:39, archived)

lol
I'm imagining Roy Walker shouting it excitiedly.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:42, archived)

i saw him on a bus once

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:44, archived)

BUS WALKER

(

mongychops, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:47, archived)

Who, Walker?
He's too big to ride a bus, surely. He's on limo money.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:48, archived)

Did you shout out his name until he asked you to stop saying what you see?
I certainly hope not, that would have been needlessly annoying.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:53, archived)

Who's your favourite David?
Bowie? Banner? Carradine? Bumhole?

Alt: what's the worst tasting thing you've ever eaten? You can't say Hitler's Mum's face.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:48, archived)

Koresh

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:50, archived)

alweyz in r hartz

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:50, archived)

fuck off David Bowie, fucking talentless transvestite

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:53, archived)

David toast

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:53, archived)

once in royal David's city

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:53, archived)

alt: tripe

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:00, archived)

me I suppose

(

mongychops, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:00, archived)

oh yeah, him

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:01, archived)

hang on, you just insisted on yourself

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:35, archived)

Has this thread killed the board?
Soz, someone should start another, less divisive thread
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:03, archived)

summat about christmas or toast or summat

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:04, archived)

hasn't david trousers voted himself the best david?

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:03, archived)

almost certainly

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:04, archived)

i like mitchell, navarro and cross

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:18, archived)

me or bellamy, we look alike so either will do

(

MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 11:22, archived)

Exciting thread.
Tell me about something exciting.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:17, archived)

chinky birds' fannies open sideways

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:20, archived)

I had four pieces of toast this morning

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:20, archived)

well that's that thread finished, someone should start another now

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:21, archived)

I found that I could fit 6 slices of bread under the grill, at the same time,
so would frequently breakfast on 6 slices of toast, during school holidays.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:40, archived)

yeah, no one cares about toast tbh
you should maybe stop fucking banging on about it all the time
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:31, archived)

You're right.
Let's harp on a about Christmas, instead.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:33, archived)

i'm still pretty excited about owning my own home
and i got a ps4 yesterday
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:28, archived)

have you had a wank in every room yet?

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:31, archived)

I had in a wank in the loft when he wasn't looking
pretty sure he was listening though
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:42, archived)

you were never alone in the loft
...oh god
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:46, archived)

I'm very discreet

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:47, archived)

http://blog.fancydress.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/futurama1.jpg
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:00, archived)

BLOCKED BY AT&T

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:13, archived)

TRY IT NOW

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:14, archived)

cheers

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:14, archived)

hey, did you know
in 'community' one of the characters insults another by calling her 'the at&t of people'
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:17, archived)

I didn't know that
but I have seen AT&T insulted many times on television. Hardly surprising.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:18, archived)

does it make you bristle with rage?
i assume you're a company man through and through
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:25, archived)

Yeah
I'm incandescent with fury
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:26, archived)

i knew it

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:27, archived)

did you drop the kleenex into the water tank?

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:12, archived)

What would I need a kleenex for?

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:13, archived)

derr, to blow your nose on

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:16, archived)

I do the old Docker's Hankie trick
And just snort it out onto the floor
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:17, archived)

not yet, no

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:46, archived)

If I hadn't settled down to raise a family,
I could have had a PS4, by now.
You are living my dreams, manolith.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:37, archived)

I have a family AND lots of unneccesary stuff
You can have both, Munchie! YOU JUST HAVE TO BELIEEEEEEEEEVE

*explodes into stardust*
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:43, archived)

*bolieve

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:45, archived)

ok, reporting this to the mods for trolling

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:46, archived)

i can't believe that whole gimmick got shut down because vince didn't get it

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:52, archived)

it was fucking shit though

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:54, archived)

i thought it was ok, he was properly irritating which is good, in a heel

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:01, archived)

i prefer to hate heels for being bastards and nasty cunts, not because they have delusions and unrealistic booking.

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:16, archived)

the unrealistic booking bit i can agree with but i don't mind heels being irritating
it's a perfectly legit way of getting heat
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:25, archived)

i think people hated the gimmick/writing more than they wanted to see bo getting beaten up by john fucking cena or ryback or some other cartoon face.

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:37, archived)

fuck off dull prick

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 14:48, archived)

Oh, I don't lack fulfillment, 2Hats,
I just don't play as many video games as I used to.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:58, archived)

i'm going to play them for 27 hours in a row in march

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:01, archived)

That sounds inadvisable.
Will you be keeping empty bottles to hand, for toilet purposes?
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:09, archived)

we're allowed toilet breaks
i did it 2 years ago for a mere 25 hours
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:26, archived)

Ah, you're doing that?
I don't think I'd be able to stay awake for that long these days.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:15, archived)

yeah, it wasn't actually that difficult last time

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:26, archived)

I assume it's for charidee?

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:28, archived)

it is, yeah
comic relief
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:38, archived)

So's ur face m8

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:47, archived)

I have a family, loads of unneccesary stuff
and STILL lack fulfillment
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:13, archived)

I've chosen to live vicariously, though my children,
and so have essentially given up at life.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:15, archived)

fair enough
I'm planning on spending every penny I have, but I'm trying to stretch it out so that the last penny is spent on the day I die. It's challenging.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:16, archived)

Aim to spend it all before retirement,
then spend your old age as a burden to your kids. That's my plan.
They're all pledged to avenge my death, too, so they'll never truly be free of me.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:21, archived)

Absolutely
I don't want my kids growing up looking forward to being left something in my will. I've seen families torn apart by that sort of thing, so I'm removing the problem. If they aren't financially stable by the time I pop off, then I haven't done my job properly.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:24, archived)

also, it turns out your kids prefer me anyway

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:27, archived)

Not hard
I'm a right bastard
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:28, archived)

More people should think like this.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:32, archived)

I went to Norwich yesterday

(

$$ ✅, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:29, archived)

^winner

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:30, archived)

haha, "Norwich" like that's even a thing

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:31, archived)

(k)Nickers Off Ready When I Come Home?
Your missus is a game girl.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:31, archived)

knickers

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:34, archived)

the first time i heard this was in a bottom live show that i had on vhs
and they said knockers out instead of knickers off
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:28, archived)

why the fuck would you want to do that

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:33, archived)

work thing

(

$$ ✅, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:39, archived)

the whispers b-side

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:46, archived)

fuuuuck

(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:34, archived)

haha like Alan Partridge yeah?

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:46, archived)

I have never been to Norwich
and I'm not ashamed to admit that
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:48, archived)

Im about to make a round of
coffees
(

Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:42, archived)

I bought a new coffee mug, yesterday.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:43, archived)

Bearing the legend.....

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:44, archived)

It's an integrated mug/coffee press, so it just say "bodum" on its cuff.
Not very exciting, although it is shiny.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:03, archived)

Anything new is exciting
I hope you enjoy everything you drink from it x
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:13, archived)

Thanks.
Your support means the world to me.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:16, archived)

Listen to this. I think it'll explain everything I want to say
www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-k3hjvMGuU
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:19, archived)

You move me like no other.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:24, archived)

It's my birthday next wednesday
I'm not sure whether or not to get excited because I don't know if I'm getting anything.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:42, archived)

i will draw you a celebrity wishing you happy birthday on a piece of toilet paper using a black marker

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:46, archived)

ok, reporting this to the mods for racism

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:47, archived)

he did it for me once
unfortunately the celebrity he chose was andrew marr
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:54, archived)

you must admit it was a good likeness though

(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:56, archived)

probably, yeah

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:02, archived)

You'll definitely be getting something... OLDER! hahahahalolololololol

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:06, archived)

hahaha

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:12, archived)

it's ten months to christmas tomorrow, just thought I should mention it

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:13, archived)

Oh man
I'm well looking forward to christmas this year
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:14, archived)

I heard a Water Rail on the way to work and saw a Stock Dove.

(

Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:43, archived)

i just ordered this:
www.amazon.co.uk/Andre-Giant-Graphic-Novel-Brown/dp/1596438517
(

brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:50, archived)

fuck off dull prick

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:31, archived)

brb still has me on ignore

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:06, archived)

That's because you forget to put your bins out

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:08, archived)

I spoke to famous lego head and ex board member Maffers.
He says he's alright.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:17, archived)

oh
ok
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:26, archived)

at least he's dead now
i.imgur.com/KdbEM4J.jpg
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:35, archived)

maffers is definitely one of the Good Guys

(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:40, archived)

apart from that time he tried to defend Sexface for sharing nonce porn with Spanishfly
www.b3ta.com/talk/7050409
(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:44, archived)

I forgot he was the one who sent Mortal Wombat over the edge

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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:48, archived)

he's gone up another notch

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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:48, archived)

I kind of miss wombat. he was a more interesting chode than out current crop.

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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:59, archived)

he's probably back as a new chode

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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:10, archived)

~~a new chose~~ Spanishfly
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Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 10:13, archived)

Maybe you should apologise

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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:20, archived)

my conscience is clear

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:26, archived)

Well I'm out of ideas

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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:31, archived)

hey I've nearly finished installing a Roland GK hex pickup into a Stratocaster, I am so great, I might lick myself all over now

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:32, archived)

Nice
I've been hearing a lot of good things about Beardcomber pickups. Don't think they have distribution over here yet though.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:37, archived)

well what fucking use is that to me then

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:39, archived)

Dunno, you could move abroad

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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:39, archived)

seems a bit excessive when I could just nip down the road and buy these
www.creamery-pickups.co.uk/custom-handwound-pickups-from-the-creamery/wide-range-thinline-humbucker-replacements.html
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:41, archived)

why don't you just buy guitars with the right pickups on in the first place?

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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:43, archived)

because you can't buy US Strats with Roland hex pickups any more, they're out of production you gorilla's tit

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:44, archived)

if only there was a market for second hand guitars
oh well I guess we'll never see that in our lifetimes
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:49, archived)

I've been looking for years, no one sells the Roland Ready US Strats
quicker and cheaper to get the router and the soldering iron out and carve up a spare
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:52, archived)

They NEVER have the right pickups
That being said, the 57 classics on my sg are pretty good
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:44, archived)

haha
Gibsons are girls' guitars, they're for girls
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:48, archived)

my es330 has lovely sounding p90s and is very manly

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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:49, archived)

P90's are ok, humbuckers are for wankers though

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:51, archived)

what's wrong with an acoustic dulcimer like god intended?

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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:45, archived)

it's good but it's no
theorbo
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:46, archived)

holy long-necked shitballs

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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:50, archived)

stick a Seymour Duncan in the bridge, Floyd Rose trem, bung it through a Marshall, sorted

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:53, archived)

i miss theoban

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manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:54, archived)

4evainrhartz
i.imgur.com/2ZHQOCL.jpg
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:07, archived)

that's beautiful and belongs on the popular page

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manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:07, archived)

i.imgur.com/w7ZQnaR.png
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:14, archived)

I nearly bought a dulcimer once
true story
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:50, archived)

oh god, the old I-nearly-bought-a-dulcimer story, we've heard it all a thousand times, no one's impressed you know

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:55, archived)

haha wait til you hear about the time I played a mandola in hobgoblin!

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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:56, archived)

first instrument I played was mandolin, all those double-coursed things are a bit wanky tbh

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:59, archived)

no, you nearly bought some dulcolax
very different
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manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:08, archived)

the important thing is I don't have any problems with going toilet now

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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:14, archived)

and me

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$$ ✅, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:28, archived)

he really is a steaming great parasite-infested horse's clitoris isn't he

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:29, archived)

he laughed when 9/11 happened

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$$ ✅, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:31, archived)

he masturbated when the Queen Mother died
MASTURBATED
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:37, archived)

That's disgusting
What did he do when Diana died?
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:37, archived)

spent the entire week stimulating his prostate with an egg whisk

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:38, archived)

Jesus

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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:39, archived)

frotted his own bumhole with a severed corgi paw

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$$ ✅, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:39, archived)

the fucking cunt, he should be arrested
i.imgur.com/0NoIb0p.jpg
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:43, archived)

so what?

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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:35, archived)

knickers

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:35, archived)

bit rude

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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:41, archived)

lol soz m8

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:45, archived)

nah you're alright you are really

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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:50, archived)

brace yourself

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monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:58, archived)

nice contents

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:59, archived)

^upset

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2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:37, archived)

he sounds like a proper one

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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:41, archived)

have you tried reaching out to him
i bet you two have more in common than you think
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manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:53, archived)

well no, because he just posts stupid shit all the time

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:54, archived)

exactly

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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:55, archived)

I don't get it soz

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:00, archived)

is brb the bin man or the paedophile?

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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:01, archived)

both

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:01, archived)

yes

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manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:07, archived)

morning
i'm wearing a jumper that i warmed up on the radiator, it's ACE.
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brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 7:27, archived)

Now I've got no problem with Geordies per se
But they really shouldn't be allowed on television. That accent is ghastly.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 7:52, archived)

morning two hats
How's the lawn?
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mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 7:55, archived)

Could be better

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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:06, archived)

my lawn is long
but not muddy! success!
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brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:00, archived)

morning dickface

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mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 7:54, archived)

A rare flower only found on sheltered chalky uplands in North Incestershire

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Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 24 Feb 2015, 7:56, archived)

and the extremely well fertilised land known as two hats' lawn

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mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 7:58, archived)

Probably fertilised with a rich seam of missing sex workers, one imagines.

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Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:01, archived)

www.b3ta.com/search/talk?q=shit+two+hats+lawn
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mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:06, archived)

Sounds like a pretty shitty lawn.

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Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:23, archived)

Bit libellous m8

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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:07, archived)

Only if you can prove my claim is false.

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Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:22, archived)

Still in bed. Can't seem to get out of it.

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Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 24 Feb 2015, 7:57, archived)

I filled it with glue

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mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 7:58, archived)

Oh thank god it's glue.

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Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:02, archived)

fuck off dull prick

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:06, archived)

Thank god you're here

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mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 8:06, archived)

morning
My bins are due to go out, tonight.
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monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 9:15, archived)

knickers

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Mon 23 Feb 2015, 23:44, archived)

thats not the pc term for them

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Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 1:08, archived)

Red podka dots then

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mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 24 Feb 2015, 1:47, archived)

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