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Best Graffiti I Ever Saw

I was sitting in a pub in Oxford outside one of the posh colleges. I needed a crap and went to the loo. On closing the toilet door I noticed the graffiti was a little different to normal. Being Oxford someone had written a rather moving love poem down the door. Being Oxford there was something more: someone else had added a detailed poetry critique. Complete with references and footnotes. Oh those wacky students eh?

(Can you beat that? Best / funniest stories will be used for B3ta radio.)

(

rob, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:11, archived)

this reminds me of alan partridge

always used a gag from dennis norden's (i think) book of humorous graffiti to start a speech

[edit] on a fence overlooking the M40 (just before Junction 1 westbound), somebody has painted "why do i do this everyday?", which is certainly the most apt graffiti i've ever seen, since it's my route home from work

(

atomboy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:12, archived)

demotivation graffiti

what a good idea

(

rob, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:17, archived)

I saw that the other day coming back from Oxford.

And there's various other bits of multicoloured stuff too small to read as you zip past.

(

pxyzyzygy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:20, archived)

one of them says

"i am the king* of peas" *or possibly god, which is nice

(

atomboy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:23, archived)

I pass that quite often.

Originally it was just the "why do I do this..." but it has been added to over the past year or so to the point that it has lost some of its original impact.

It's still quite impressive though.

The only time you can read all of it is when the traffic for the M25 is backed all the way up and you can crawl past it.

(

jonas is not my name, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:50, archived)

that one alwayus makes me laugh..

..on the southbound M40 right?

(Scribble, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:45, archived)

Yeah I saw that, but on the M25,...

Sat in a traffic jam looking at that,.. 3 months later I'd quit my job and moved 250 miles away from London :)

(HoTWire, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:07, archived)

damn right

I head up and down the M40 every day and see that message... it really is depressing, and 100% of accurate

(

Reckless_Rik, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:33, archived)

Similar,

On bridge over motorway into town, forget where, HUGE letters - "Good morning lemmings"

(mr pete, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:07, archived)

You mean this?

(

Zak Canard remembers this place, vaguely, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:59, archived)

That's the one

Classic

(mr pete, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:43, archived)

LOL!

That is an absolute f**king classic!

(Hektor, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 21:48, archived)

Same again, back when all this were trees

Good
Morning
Lemmings
in the early 1980's on successive pillars coming off the M4 at Hammersmith

(sad b'stard, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 9:48, archived)

Used to be spread over

three consecutive bridges on the M3.

(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:51, archived)

This is not demotivational as such

but it is fucking funny.

www.banksy.co.uk

.

(mr pete, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 12:58, archived)

Banksy is superb...

Having lived in Bristol over the past five years I'm no stranger to his work. If you take a stroll around the streets of St.Pauls, Kingsdown, Cotham etc. you can see many examples of his work.
My favourite is the large one on Gloucester Road showing the teddy bear throwing a molotov cocktail at a group of police with riot shields.
Has anyone seen that? I wish I could post up a copy.

(trollbite, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 13:47, archived)

yeah

I walk past it every time I go into the centre, the caption is "the mild mild west", or somesuch...

(matt'twam'asi, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 13:53, archived)

Currently

there's an advert for something (can't remember what, so it can't be a very good advert) that has a picture of Jaime Rednapp standing next to a fat bloke wearing a shirt saying "I'm Jaimie Rednapp".
Someone near me has written on Jaime: "I'm a Cunt"

(

Weetobix, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:29, archived)

similarly

on a fly poster for the last holly valance record someone had written over her cleavage, "I am a dirty bitch, I fuck Gypos"

(

Mingus wonders where all the time went, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 17:20, archived)

Remember Leah Betts?

There was a poster in Worcester with her on a life support machine. It said "Leah died after taking one tablet of extacy."
Underneath somebody wrote a very very big "LIGHTWEIGHT"

(

Zuowan, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 20:34, archived)

You mean

Jaime Redknapp, the Mexican defender?

(Sybil 'n' Tess, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 17:38, archived)

In Nelson, Lancashire

There is a railway bridge in the centre, and someone had put 7 pieces of paper along it so it reads 'NIPPLES'.

I thought that was genius. Made me larf. But then someone changed it to the ever present GOURANGA.

Which never fails to remind me of Lenny Henry. "GOURANGA MY FRIEND. AOOOWA AOOOWA"

(V3lvetPresley, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:53, archived)

in a similar vein

spotted on a roadsign near a distinctly middle class area of Reading: "fat nobodys in company cars". Cutting.

(breadtroll, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:20, archived)

it's

Nigel Rees book of graffiti.

He published at least three volumes of it not including best ofs.

And in the second volume, there was one bit that said, "If Nigel Rees uses this, I hope I get paid this time."

(

fishsticks, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 17:29, archived)

Oxford is strange

I know of another wall sized piece of thought provoking intellectual vanadlism in Oxford. Simply says "Life is not a paragraph". I dont understand what they are going on about or why Oxford seems to attract a better class of vandal, still makes you think!!!

If its not a paragraph what is it?

(Lord Turkey Boy the First The Real Turkey Boy, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 10:37, archived)

silly fool

It's a line from an ee cummings poem.

(punch, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 1:40, archived)

Heh!

You said 'cummings'.

(Bob Hopelessness, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 13:09, archived)

Best I ever saw was on a fence in Leyton.

It simply said "Start Your Sheep". Lasted a good 10 years.

(

pxyzyzygy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:13, archived)

On a local crossing light,

underneath the illumintated "Wait" message, someone has scrawled in Tipp-Ex "while I get undressed".

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:13, archived)

fuck

Over the top of the illuminated message on a traffic light near me, someone has written in big bold letters with a marker pen "fuck". The piece of grafiti itself isn't that funny it's just the thought of the retarded, easily amused vandal that did it that tickles me.

(Skippy_T, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 18:48, archived)

chalkboard in a pub toilet

"chalk below, write your graffiti here"
huge scratched words with a key or something
"try harder"

(

_null_, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:13, archived)

a lot of the roadsigns where i am

have started being written in english only.
welsh nationalists keep translating them.

(

_null_, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:14, archived)

Bloody welsh.

they get everywhere.

(

Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:17, archived)

lets rebuild offa's dyke

you know it makes sense...

(

lo, the OTHER greebo warrior, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:21, archived)

it wasn't actually meant to keep the Welsh out

but only to show them how powerful the king was, and anyone who could build something so big and long, was probably best not antagonised.
</documentary addict>

(

Pootle, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:36, archived)

Whats the point?

If they can translate them, they can understand them anyway.

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:40, archived)

the point is

that it is their language. They speak it. And not just to piss you off.

(

bleepbloop, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:50, archived)

well

i made up my own language. I don't speak it, but I could if I wanted to. I don't write it on signs.

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:51, archived)

mmmm

it sounds like you're the sort that thinks that the Potato Famine was caused by a shortage of potatoes.

(

bleepbloop, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:55, archived)

It was caused by an excess of Irishmen

(jonnies, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:56, archived)

(pikey, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:31, archived)

That

is the funniest thing all day.

(

100% Cock Raw like carrots., Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:17, archived)

that and an excess of viable grain being shipped

to the UK - well England more specifically.

edit: summat nicer

(

WhoElse I'm what Willis was talking about, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 11:39, archived)

hahahahah

vandal humour :D

(

fassit is old, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:15, archived)

In the ladies loos

in The Bull in Rugby, there's a grafitti argument going on on the back of one of the doors. It starts with one person complaining about the state of the loos (anyone see the irony there?) and is continued by someone else calling the first person a disgusting vandal for grafitti-ing the toilets (what about there?)

The intelligence level of the majority of the people in Rugby isn't too high...

(The Squirrels in the graveyard steal my drugs and swear at me!, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 17:00, archived)

You're telling Me !

Daft Cunts think football is played by picking the ball up and running with it !

And they've got rid of the "Return to Oz" which was always a superb pub (?)

(Living in Coventry is Hell)

(

The Mighty Gusset Doesn't Care - And Doesn't Care Who Knows It !, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:14, archived)

i'll hear less

slurs about coventry, please

(fearnation, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:59, archived)

You can hear this ?

You Scare Me !!!!

I mean, most cities build their Ring Roads round the outside !

Is it okay if I slag off Bedworth ?

(

The Mighty Gusset Doesn't Care - And Doesn't Care Who Knows It !, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 9:44, archived)

Yes, it is!!!

It really is! And feel free to slag off Nuneaton too. I live there. Feel sorry for me...

(The Squirrels in the graveyard steal my drugs and swear at me!, Sat 8 Nov 2003, 13:13, archived)

i once saw someone had drawn

a big cock which stretched across the road.
which isn't all that exciting.

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:14, archived)

people often do that

in the mountain stages of the tour de france.
it's fun spotting them on eurosport

(

atomboy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

Oh Yes

Down the road from us is quite a posh estate called 'The Chase' where all the snobbery live. 'The Chase' is carved into a stone wall and looks very grand......well it did until some thoughtful soul spraypainted 'Chevy' in the middle of it.

Well it made me laugh...

(

Scary Mary The D'oh Fairy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:14, archived)

i used to shag a girl who lived in chevy chase

it's a vaguely snobbish part of the Washington DC metro area

(greengo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:28, archived)

That was much better

with just the subject line.

(

The Mighty Gusset Doesn't Care - And Doesn't Care Who Knows It !, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:20, archived)

not as snobbish as

Georgetown.

Makes my soul shrivel.

(laurathefrog, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 2:56, archived)

Hmm..

In our old school bathrooms, someone had ripped the words out of the old Biology textbook, and written " I lick cat's bottoms" in the letters . :)

(number 27-hunter, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 0:48, archived)

Saw a sign on a toilet the other day

and someone had removed the "I" so it said To Let...

(

christhebarker, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:14, archived)

genius

(

rob, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

i once

added an I to a To Let sign, but nobody seemed to get confused, unfortunately

(

atomboy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

I love the

"60,000 SQ. FOOT TO LET" signs. I always wished I could change them to "60,000 SQ. FOOT TOILET".

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:22, archived)

i dreamed of doing that since i was a kid

and there was office space above southampton central train station to let.

(

atomboy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:25, archived)

I got caught sticking a big cardboard "I" onto a sign for a huge but ugly office block in Glasgow.

I explained to the cop that it wasn't vandalism, but architectural criticism. He said "Yeah, it's fucking ugly, isn't it? Now.. piss off. Quick.".
I didn't need to be told twice. I took my aluminium stepladder and legged it.

(

chaotic_illuminator proud spacehopperist, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:54, archived)

I saw some graffiti on the bottomeof a toilet door as I was taking a shit.

It was written quite small, so I had to lean over to read it.

It said....

"you are now shitting at an angle of 45 degrees"

(guinea, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:14, archived)

hahahahah

excellent

(

fassit is old, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:15, archived)

In the

Erskine Medical Library in Edinburgh uni one of the cubicles has grafitti on the bottom corner of the wall:

"If you're reading this, you're peeing on your shoes..."

(

Fudgebags will wear you like a glove, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:25, archived)

My older brother used to glue pound coins to the bottom of toilets with the queens head facing up

Personally, What's quite funny, although not exactly graffiti, Is to write "reading this note will make you [insert insult her- eg.gay/smell/ugly]

(tom the astronaut, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:17, archived)

does glue work underwater?

how does it dry?

(chegosaurus sucks at b3ta, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:30, archived)

superglue uses

water molecules to initiate the polymerisation reaction for bonding, it doesn't 'dry' as such.

Er... I'll go now.

(Zak is pleased with your offerings, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 1:40, archived)

he's right

I do use... erm.. that.

(

RarelyEvil, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 17:26, archived)

That's been around a while

My dad spotted it in Oxford in the 60s. When he was JCR member with special responsibility for the underground toilet block (official post title: Rear Vice Admiral. And I'm not making that up.)

(

Dr Almost, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:15, archived)

i once saw some graffiti on the back of the loo

in leeds station, it went as follows:
'FREE! HOT GAY CHAT FOR NOTHING!!!
CALL 0800227711 NOW!!!!'

thinking nothing of it, when i got home i opened a can of fanta, and noticed the number was the coca-cola schweppes helpline

(

lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:15, archived)

did you make a note of the number,

or do you have a photographic memory?
:)

(

Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:18, archived)

i have a can of coke

to my left, a cup of coffee to my right.

should keep me buzzing this afternoon...

(

lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:19, archived)

I have some apple juice

and a box of Lemsip. I'm going to make cocktails. I'm in for a par-tay!

(

Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:22, archived)

here i am

stuck in the middle with you

(Jibbed, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 1:24, archived)

I read that

as pornographic memory...

(Harry, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:50, archived)

I have

one of them!

(

betpet is the fun in dysfunctional, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 12:14, archived)

Gay Chat Line

Did you dial the number and thats how you found out it was the Shweppes help line, no memory skills (joke)

(Mexican Chilli Dog, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 11:58, archived)

The railway bridge

by Harold Wood station in Essex had "B U T T O C K S" in 2 foot letters, which always made me chuckle.

(

Ptortoise, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:15, archived)

Getting out of Harold Wood alive

is reason enough to smile.

(

PeterSeychelles, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

railway bridge near us in Wigan...

...still has 'QUEEN ROCKS!' written across it hehe

(

beefandcheese, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:36, archived)

Bah. You think that's old?

On a wall in Carlton Scroop in Lincolnshire it still says "USA GET OUT VIETNAM"

(

sp3ccylad carries on breathing all the way up to, say, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:08, archived)

on the now closed down police station in Folkestone

there is still 'Stop Pool Tax'

(Pokes badgers with spoons, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 16:28, archived)

on the wall at our local probation office

"Dogger's mum sucks dogs"

(

WD-39, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:15, archived)

On a wall in Dublin

"Bert is a dog's diddy"

(

pxyzyzygy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:21, archived)

Next to some specifically insulting graffitti

('wayne is gay', or whatever) in Finsbury Park wayne (or whoever the original was aimed at, has replied) 'Whoever wrote this, their mum is a snowblower'. I'm still not really sure what a snowblower is.

(michael_k_vegfruit, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 1:52, archived)

That's

a quote from the dreadful 80s film "Short Circuit" starring Steve Guttenberg. I feel extremely sad for knowing this, and apologise for my geekery.

(mentalageofseven, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 8:42, archived)

hey laser lips...

say no more

(Emohawk, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 12:27, archived)

on a wall in Bristol

"Tracy's nan wears a wig"

(trollbite, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 14:25, archived)

the graffiti

in the gents at The Shakespear in stoke newington is of a similar bohemian nature.

(

discostu oh my, its back, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

and a

great Pub it is too

(

@man move along, nothing to see here on, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:25, archived)

I travel with a lot of

school kids on my commute to work. And as a new form of uber bullying, they inscribe a note on the back of the plastic chairs with something to the effect of "Hi I'm tracey, for a good time give me a call on 'insert porr bastards mobile number here'" SOme of them get quite provocative, I just wonder how many of the dirty Slough fuckers actually phone those numbers.

Oh, and for the the Scottish people - was driving through the bloody wildnerness of Jockland, nothing but sheep, no habitation whatsoever, suddenly a sign looms near us........................................with "jobbies" written on it. The fact that someone drove miles to do that, coupled with the sheer childishness of the graffiti, disabled me from driving.

(

Banana, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

I would

(

WD-39, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:17, archived)

I've seen some like that

"For hot mexican sex call...."

(Ellis, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:36, archived)

it was

"for hardcore Mexican sex", if I remember correctly, ye silly hoot.

(McDave, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:06, archived)

arse off

(Ellis, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 18:31, archived)

You live near Slough?

God I go to school there (yr 13 at a convent grammar thank you very much), and I can believe those fuckers doing it

(monsta, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:04, archived)

Hahahaha,

Jobbies!!! Genius!

(Pedro-a-Go-Go, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:52, archived)

M Kahn is bent!

/Whitehouse

(

supermoore: HUNG, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

that one always puzzled me

M Kahn was the name of the bass player in 80s band Japan. Always wondered...

(

rob, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:19, archived)

Apparently

www.angelfire.com/ok/marywhitehouse/mkahn.html

(

bloid ....dloibbloiddloibbloid...., Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:46, archived)

I still like my Japan theory

Knowing far too much about 80s pop music, I know that M Kahn was straight (and a dispute over a girlfriend with David Sylvian was a major factor splitting the band.)

But look at the photo! I can see why people may have called his sexuality into question.

edit: Just noticed the name is spelt different. Arses.

(

rob, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:03, archived)

Hee heee :-)

He does look a bit like Lurch's smaller gayer brother...

(

bloid ....dloibbloiddloibbloid...., Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:43, archived)

I dont know who he is

But the record company logo at the bottom amuses me.

(lucky_13, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 17:16, archived)

he is also

the wicket keeper of the Pakistan cricket team, I think

(KJHIOUPOIOIUKJJH, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:40, archived)

Surely

an euphamism like that must prove it!

(

betpet is the fun in dysfunctional, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 12:19, archived)

M. Kahn

is probably a very common name in Pakistan

(

smutch, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 12:21, archived)

Except that's Khan.

As in Genghis, or Imran.
Kahn is Middle-European, maybe. Like Louis I. Kahn, an American architect and very geat man, who was born in Estonia.

(

PastorSauce : easy on the anchovies..., Wed 5 Nov 2003, 16:32, archived)

hmmmmmm

What about the Wrath of?

(Lord Turkey Boy the First The Real Turkey Boy, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 16:00, archived)

Isn't that on a bridge over the M1 or summat ?

(

Hagbard ... it's been a long time., Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:20, archived)

Yup

I've had the pleasure of driving past it quite a few times recently. Makes me laugh every time. Can't remember exactly where it is, though, apart from that it's somewhere between London and Leeds... does that help?

(

numberbruncher - correct by nature, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:55, archived)

I always thought

it was on Brixton Bridge just by the underground back in the late eighties. At least I'm sure there was some big funny graffiti there. Anyone remember...?

(

Jacksonville Missed me fuckin Candles, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:36, archived)

Best graffitti I ever saw

was on Springfield Road police station in Belfast the day after the IRA ceasefire. It said "For Sale"

(

mother inferior - now fully in compliance with the Trades Descriptions Act, being both a mother and inferior, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

on a vaguely similar note...

.. "Ireland for the Irish, Peckham for the Peckish" on a pub toilet door (not in Peckham though) made me smile.

(<foo>, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 9:42, archived)

"Provo Land" in big letters sprayed on the side of the Brandywell with a big arrow pointing towards the Bogside in Derry.

(Saoirse, Sat 8 Nov 2003, 0:53, archived)

written on an overpass:

"what's gonna set you free?" this was there for years when someone decided to answer on the next overpass: "perhaps some chocolate chip cookies and milk?"

(

MelbaToast, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

A great addition was made to a mural on the side of a church

where i live. It's a huge mural of jesus that is alongside a very busy highway. Underneath the hokey portrait of jesus, amidst the rainbows and flowers, it says "LOVE POWER". The letters are about two feet high. Someone had the brilliant idea to add the letter "I", so now it reads "I LOVE POWER" quite appropriate, i think.

(meowmeowkittymeow, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 21:44, archived)

"Free Kuwait"

was written on an overpass in London at the time of the Gulf War
and then somebody wrote below it
"with Tiger Tokens"

(trollbite, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 14:49, archived)

LMAO

i been a visitor of b3ta for a long time, i am always surprised that is more than one person with the same sense of humour as me.

(lucas_maximus, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 22:38, archived)

In St Ives (Cornwall not Cambridgeshire)

Someone had altered the sign saying "please do not feed the seagulls as they are becoming a nuisance" to "please do not feed the slags..."

not really graffiti but made me laugh.

(

Reverend Dan, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

Sheffield University chemistry department, early '90s:

The structure of a large (and plausible) organic molecule was written on the cubicle wall in marker pen, along with "can anyone tell me what the hell this is?".

Underneath, various students and staff had made suggestions. Serious ones.

(Astatine, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:17, archived)

It wasn't arsole, was it?

(see Molecules with Silly Names for more)

(

Dr Almost, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:29, archived)

Some hilarious japer had replaced the words "an offence"

in "It is an offence to urinate on Metro property" to the words "a Joy".

Never a truer word...

(

Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:17, archived)

On a desk in school

"Adolf Hitler european tour 1939 - 1945"

(

HP hasn't been here in aaaaaages, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:18, archived)

yeh the 1939-1945 tour

that was there best to date

(Leroy_slade, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:38, archived)

You're all very young

I used to have the T-Shirt
Caused great offence in the summer of '80
(Cautioned by the plod and/or arrested on several occasions)

(

The Mighty Gusset Doesn't Care - And Doesn't Care Who Knows It !, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:29, archived)

With

the England gig marked 'cancelled', as I remember.

Were you arrested by the style police?

(Bob Hopelessness, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 13:24, archived)

A few doors down

from my house there's a huge piece of hardwood in someone's driveway with an enormous cock drawn on it, just like the ones which often appear on this very site. I think it might have been Dr Dunno on his way home from the pub....

Also our local swimming pool had the 'l' removed from its sign, so for years it was 'Teddington Poo' - not really graffiti but made me laugh when I was a kiddie

(MrsA, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:19, archived)

Why would I

be going to your house?

(

christhebarker, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:22, archived)

For mashed potato & peas of course

(MrsA, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:25, archived)

mmmmmmm

peas.....

(

christhebarker, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:47, archived)

on a similar note

"SWIMMING POOL" -> "SWIM IN POO"

chuckle

(

wingphil, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:55, archived)

our local pool was called

bishopsworth swimming pool - changed to bishops swim in poo. which is strange, because i thought they spent all their time molesting children. you learn something new...

(muler, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 13:51, archived)

removing letters is good

the signs on trains that say "please give up this seat if a disabled person needs it" can be easily changed to read "please eat a disabled person"

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:18, archived)

and...

"tools and appliances are kept in the guards compartments for use in emergency" becomes "apples are kept in the guards pants for use in emergency" well, makes me laugh

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:21, archived)

On a Train on the Piccadilly

Line, someone has taken the time to alter the "Obstructing The Doors Can Be Dangerous" to "Obstruct The Doors, Be Dangerous".

How long must they have sat there trying to work that one out?

(

Beejay Proper old bastard, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:42, archived)

Or on Manx Buses

"The director will press for the highest penalties against offenders" to "The director will press his penis against offenders"....

(el pedro, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 14:07, archived)

On a notice at uni

FIRE ALARMS WILL BE TESTED, to FIRE ARMS WILL BE TESTED
Alarming...

(Fi, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 14:16, archived)

On old Central Line Trains

From when there was a guard present on all trains, a sticker above the doors read "OBSTRUCTING THE DOORS CAUSES DELAY AND CAN BE DANGEROUS",

a guard had inserted the letter "y" and changed it to

"YOBS IN THE DOORS CAUSE DELAY AND CAN ANGER US"

(lochii, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 17:52, archived)

A small

village near where I live had a problem with people speeding through it, so someone added "twinned with Le Mans" under the village sign.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:20, archived)

i like that one!

(

magoo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:29, archived)

'False Tit' in huge letters outside Nottingham train station

'If the sheep could talk, what a story they would tell' - near Bristol Temple Meads station

Underneath the Now wash your hands sign in the gents in a pub in Bristol someone has written 'and your cheesy pants and tights'

I have no idea what any of these are on about.

(

Dr. trouser, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:20, archived)

Ouch

Small village near Bristol called Cocklake. Local council now fed up with replacing the 'l' on all the approaching signs...

(

pattwat, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:00, archived)

Pathead

just outside edinburgh often has its signs tampered with to read "Fathead"

(

dipdapdop, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:24, archived)

Wait a minute...

Cocklake is funnier than Cock ake.

(A Wooden Leg Named Smith, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 23:35, archived)

er....

he's right you know...i do prefer cocklake

(monhwa, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 5:31, archived)

Another in Bristol...

When resident evil came out in the cinema, someone did a totally professional job modifying one of the posters hung a bit too low in the city centre.

Bush's head on one figure, Blair's on the other and an extra 'P'. It was so well done, I didn't notice it for a few weeks. Nearly crashed my car into it when I did...

(

VeryGnawty, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:26, archived)

Now that is comedy

We need some photos people!!

(nospoon The Olympigs would have been more entertaining., Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:56, archived)

haha

i was thinkin it said resident pevil for ages then.

(Jibbed, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 1:37, archived)

I saw a similar one

on Birmingham New Street, when all the green Railtrack signs were up saying "we're working on your station", one had been changed to say "we're wanking on your station". It was so well done that having to look twice was what made it funny.

(InTheStudio, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:55, archived)

Someone

has done that at the Odeon in Brighton. the poster for Love Actually now reads Hove Actually. Made me laugh.........maybe you have to come from Brighton to get that one....

(

D3xt3r Don't take any guff from these fucking swine...., Sun 9 Nov 2003, 12:31, archived)

more common

"now please wash your hands" with the addition "in your piss"

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:22, archived)

At architecture school someone used letraset to write

Bum and Willy on a cubicle in helvetica 12point.

In the same cubicle was: "I don't like vacuum cleaners, they suck" and the more obscure, "Leo Sayer, What a player"

(

alistair, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:21, archived)

When I was

at art college in Cheltenham years ago, someone had written in huge letters above the urinal 'ART DIES, GOES MAD'.
I still have very little inclination as to what the faux-intellectual (probably) bearded cockbite that wrote it was on about.

(Surgeon_General, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 10:54, archived)

i have 2

1. ON train from london to birmingham, i saw graffiti saying "the velvet underpants"

2. Leighton buzzard train station. Someone had graffiti'd
"god is dead"
and someone added "sexy" to the end.

(snitchell, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:22, archived)

the velvet underpants

is a name of a band. I remember them from the early 90s. They had a song which went, "I lost my pants, I lost my pants in Vulvahampton. Don't talk to me, Don't talk to me, I'm as pissed as a cunt."

(

rob, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:23, archived)

well i never...

still, "god is dead sexy" made me laugh

(snitchell, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:28, archived)

bingo jesus

famous round our parts - not exactly graffiti, but hey.

(frankit, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 11:07, archived)

yay

i pass that on the 86 bus route to Piccadilly.

(troznarf, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:48, archived)

YAY!!!!

I like Bingo Jesus. They gave me free tickets to their gig a few months ago.

(

A Pregnant Dog, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 15:39, archived)

The other band that did a lot of grafiti was "Ken Dodd's Dad's Dog's Dead"

(

alistair, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:40, archived)

years ago, just before an exam,

I saw someone had written the complete
lyrics to Shriekback's song "Nemesis"
on the inside of a cubicle door. I still
remember them to this day.

(haberman is singing in the changes, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:29, archived)

My favourite tune of theirs was

Dog Shit Vacuum Bikes.

"Here they come
Down the street
Dogshit Vacuum Bikes..."

For some reason I can't find that on Kazaa...

(

amygdala, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:59, archived)

Saw them live a few times

The only songs I can remember are "Take Some Drugs" (main lyric "take some drugs") and Join The Police (main lyric "join the police" accompanied by member of the band attacking bemused audience members with an inflatable truncheon.)

My favourite piece for graffiti is in Leeds: "what's wrong with being sexy?" in two foot high letters all along a low wall.

(chegosaurus sucks at b3ta, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:27, archived)

Note:

They have pooper-scooper motorcycles in Spain to pick up doggy- shit. Neat.

(number 27-hunter, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 1:58, archived)

They've also

got them in Paris. I remember an impromptu lunch in the Sacre Cour being ruined by some Parisian council worker skidding to a halt in front of us and sucking up large piles of poodle mess whilst I tried to eat my baguette.
And he sneered at us as he sped off.
Cunt.
Funnily enough, the Parisian council also sluice (sp?) the streets at certain times of the day to wash all the crap and other detritus into the Seine. Nice eh?

(Surgeon_General, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 11:00, archived)

I believe...

...it was Hugh Reed and The Velvet Underpants.

(

Mystery_Bob, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 7:19, archived)

Yep,

It's still there, even now. Only sometime in the last few years, someone has added a massive cock and bollocks sticking out the side of the Y-fronts that were alongside the words.

The cheeky scamp.

(v1ctory_1s_m1ne Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:24, archived)

I don't suppose it's really graffiti

but a village near my parents is called Libanus.

Someone taped a piece of blank paper over the 'Lib' bit.

(

HP hasn't been here in aaaaaages, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:22, archived)

the sign for the river "uck" is often seen with an added F. The Council has made the sign as small as possible, but not small enough.

(BadgerPirate, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:25, archived)

When i was a kid

living in (shudder) Basildon there was a road nearby that the council had decided, in their infinite wisdom, to call "Puck Lane".

Apparently it is very very easy to remove the front part of the 'P' to make it look like an 'F'.

(Daveybaby, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:32, archived)

PAC MAN

was originally called puck man, and was changed for the same reason.

FACT

(shiftClick shifts it., Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:31, archived)

I was under the impression that

Pac Man was so named after the japanese for 'eat', have I been wrong all my life?

(100%hummusfree, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:23, archived)

yes you have

the puck/fuck man thing is true

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:29, archived)

A village down the road from me

was called cocklake. Guess the erased letter on the signposts.

(PacStar, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 0:32, archived)

surely

you dont even need to remove any letters...

(jamena, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 18:05, archived)

... cock ake ...

;)

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 13:08, archived)

The sign on Canal Street, which is in the centre of the gay bit of Manchester,

regularly has the 'C' whited out.

(

pxyzyzygy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:27, archived)

unlurk

traditionally, so is the "s" in street.

relurk

(

godstar, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:08, archived)

there's some town in ohio called "mianus"

and yes, it is pronounced "my anus"

(retro, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 3:48, archived)

I've always preferred

this place.

www.polkadotmittens.co.uk/names/graphics/twatt.jpg

(

Fronkle99, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 17:43, archived)

Wanker's Corner

It's a place in america I kid you not, I'll find the map one day.....

(Herr Dimitri For Truth, Justice and Fluffeh Tiem!, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 22:57, archived)

Not to mention

joeldcanfield.com/oakcreek/beavercreek.asp

(

The Mighty Gusset Doesn't Care - And Doesn't Care Who Knows It !, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:39, archived)

ask and ye shall receive

www.parr.com/Stores/Portland_-_East_Side/Wankers_Corner/

I just love the bit about "come and enjoy our legendary service through teamwork.

And it's a lumber yard...got wood?

I think I just did a little wee

(th3ta, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 12:12, archived)

wankers

its a horrid redneck place. I had the misfortune to run out of gas in front of a bar there one night. *shudder*
not pretty.
mullets galore. and lots of pickup trucks.

(kayke, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 4:22, archived)

Muff

Is a plabne in Ireland, in County Donegal! And there's one in Sweden too! Most amusing. Wooden Bong in Australia too.

(Vega31, Sat 8 Nov 2003, 23:28, archived)

The world famous village

of Twatt is about 15 miles from my parents house.

Oh how we laugh

(The Insidious Dr Mayhem ...conquering all on Metaltech.me, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 18:17, archived)

Tame by comparison...

...but I serendipitously came across a place called Nasty a few years ago. We got out of the car and took a photo of ourselves pulling nasty faces under the sign.

Haven't got the photo, but here's the multimap link

This also gives me the idea of typing random rude words into the location bit to see what comes up - I'm off to try it now!

(Bob Hopelessness, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 13:38, archived)

Dunno if this counts, but.....

I mate of mine had a new stereo for his car and he got a little sign to place on the dashboard saying "In-car stereo removed",
He awoke one morning to find his driver side window smashed and the words "Just Checking" on the bottom of the sign.

(

Kris Fucking Kristofferson, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:22, archived)

No way

(

Banana, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:26, archived)

way

(

Kris Fucking Kristofferson, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:26, archived)

no way

www.snopes.com/autos/theft/carthief.asp

(

dipdapdop, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:26, archived)

hah

That is the best yet

(

AgentMuu hentai coordination, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 4:52, archived)

oh round where we used to skate when i was younger there were some arseholes who used to vandallise things

and also a grumpy security guard type who used to call the police... one time he saw these people write the words "fuck you" in permanent marker on the front doors of the building so he called the police and then came out to confront them. He grabbed the pen off one of the guys and hen scribble VANDALISM IS FOR CUNTS underneath where they'd been writing, at which point the police turned up and sw what he done and we got to watch while he squirmed.... ahh i love it when the world has a sense of humour

(

lemony, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:23, archived)

temporary graffiti

some friends of mine and I managed to change a sign which read

"Country Property Agents"
in to
"Cunty ropey gents"

by the cunning positioning of hands and guitar necks.

(BadgerPirate, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:23, archived)

I used to live in a place called Shillinghill.

Regularly somone would cross the ll's to make Shittinghill.

Hillarious

(guinea, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:26, archived)

I used to live near failand

We would sometimes use black tape to make the signs read "Fatland".

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:34, archived)

Not exactly on topic

But reminds me of the fact that I used to live in a place called Balsall Heath.

So called because there was nothing there.

(Wizlevard, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:26, archived)

The magnetic sign in reception at work

on occasion gets changed from PASSES MUST BE SHOWN to ASSES MUST BE SHOWN.

At one point we managed to find some more letters from other sentences on the sign and make "TITS ON TOAST"

(

HP hasn't been here in aaaaaages, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:26, archived)

South Yorkshire Busses used to have signs reading..

Cut out the fuss, show your pass on this bus.

They were made of self-adhesive plasticy stuff, and were regularly modified to read:

Cut out the fuss, show your ass on this bus

Funny first time I saw it. I was well caned though.

(Gypsum Fantastic, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:49, archived)

Me and a mate went into Halfords

with a load of white sticky labels with the word 'toast' written on them. We went to find the 'baby on board' signs. We stuck the stickers on over the word 'board'.

I guess you had to be there...

(The Squirrels in the graveyard steal my drugs and swear at me!, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 15:47, archived)

Somebody once changed the sign on a school near me

to Queer School.

Not really graffiti but driving to Hinkley I passed a roundabout. One the exits was labelled 'Willey' and happened to be located in a comedy place.

(

Mr Peet, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:03, archived)

I've seen

'beware limbo dancers' on the bottom of toilet cubicle doors a few times. Very old - but probably the best graffiti ever.

(8-Ball, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:24, archived)

my personal fave

on the back of a dirty white van

"I wish my wife was as dirty as this"

(BadgerPirate, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:28, archived)

on a dirty police prisoner transort van,

my bird saw "Gary Glitter On Tour" drawn in the dirt.

(snitchell, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:32, archived)

(

magoo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:41, archived)

Outside Leicester Crown Court

On a prison wagon, "A con is for life, not just for christmas"

(

fineart, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:13, archived)

to which is replied

'She is'

(

Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:32, archived)

I love as I have done for ever

Be alert - the world needs more lerts

(

Pootle, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:50, archived)

Usually followed by:

"No, be aloof, there's too many Lerts around"

then

"No. Be alert, there's safety in numbers"

(100%hummusfree, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:28, archived)

On the back of

a recently washed gleaming white transit, in black marker pen : "Also available in dirty grey".

(Daveybaby, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:37, archived)

just after gulf war 1

i saw a van with "iragi prisoners in transit" written in the grime on the back

(funkenstein Be pure! Be vigilant! Behave!, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:15, archived)

once written along the side of my dad's car:

fitted with anti-glare paint

(Fille, Sat 8 Nov 2003, 14:16, archived)

Dirty white car.

Also in kidlington there was inscripted in the dirt on a white car for sale,"also avalable on white"!

Not the best but quite good!

(punkman03, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:52, archived)

Well

i never.

(

100% Cock Raw like carrots., Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:48, archived)

She Is!

no.. really

(tom the astronaut, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:21, archived)

Again on the back of a van

"Well driven? Must be stolen"

(dirtyhippy, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:24, archived)

your username is appropriate

theres a vw microbus down the road from my house and on the back is written, i beat up four hippies and all i got was this lousy bus.

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:36, archived)

i've seen....

"I wish my wife
was this dirty"

To which some lag had added
's sister
to the top line.

(

fishsticks, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 10:51, archived)

Can't remember where it was

but I passed a grubby old white van and somebody had quite carefully sketched a naked lady into the dust. Practically a work of art (but with big knockers!).

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 10:08, archived)

always liked the old

"stephen hawking washed my van' line ...

(

coco, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 17:13, archived)

I saw this in Chicago in the 80s:

On the back of a dirty van was scrawled "Drive Like an Egyptian," which was amusing until I thought about it.

(ChiTown Guy Dating when 35+: sane, single, attractive - pick 2, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 0:25, archived)

Also on a van....

Spotted on my way to work one cold, miserable morning....
"D & J Evans
Plumbing & Heating Engineers,
We do exactly what it says on the van."

To which some genius had added...

"Drink tea and eat biscuits"

absolutely classic, my thanks to the author, still makes me laugh.

(jr_jayr, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 15:04, archived)

Somewhere in Crouch End

"Jesus Saves" to which someone had added " but Satan gives good head".

Oh, and a longstanding one in Cambridge is the lamppost in the middle of Parker's Piece (for those who don't know, it's a huge area of open space in the centre of the town) which has "Reality Checkpoint" painted in neat letters on its base. For a while there was even a nice brass plaque until it got nicked.

(

chthonic, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:28, archived)

On the way to a beach party

down the Gower, underneath a large sign claiming Jesus is Lord, some funny fucker had added the word VADER! Is it true?

(

DumbMonkey The penis mightier than the sword, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:36, archived)

Similar sign...

On the A69 from Newcastle to Carlisle there is (or was) a sign saying "Jesus Saves" by the side of the road. A little further on someone had placed another: "But Gazza scores on the rebound".

(natto, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:53, archived)

more blashempy

The classic church sign "Jesus Saves"
was always paired with the follow up "But Beckham scores with the rebound"

(insert football player as appropriate)

again not grafitti but my dad was confused at a news board advertising the local paper which told "Astley mental patients like cabbages"....he thought to himself...i like veg too but is that news?

(

pobx, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:35, archived)

I saw

one that said "Jedi Knight Man-Insane!"
No shit Sherlock.......

(

D3xt3r Don't take any guff from these fucking swine...., Sun 9 Nov 2003, 14:02, archived)

On the ceiling above the urinals in a pub loo that you could only see if you looked up:

'You're pissing on your shoes'

(mrfalafel, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:28, archived)

Similar

Why Look Up Here When The Jokes in Your Hand

(Adaminho, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:32, archived)

ha!

hahahahahahahhhhaaahahhahaha, ahem

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:38, archived)

Saw

'Satan shat here' scrawled on the inside of a cubicle door in blood, vomit and shit...

down my local.

(Pouched_species, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:29, archived)

You live in

Hull then?

(

Kris Fucking Kristofferson, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:30, archived)

gosh!

(

corington, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:30, archived)

Sign saying "Plesae Mind Your Head"

on a train had been tippexed to say "Fleas in your head"
and faded graffiti in Bedford still saying "Roxy Music" and "The Clash"

(

corington, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:30, archived)

Bit of a trick, that is.

Saying as the word plesae is nothing like the word fleas.

/Uncunt.

(A Wooden Leg Named Smith, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 23:42, archived)

In pub loo way down behind the toilet you could only see if you were on your knees puking into it:

"An hour of nausea is a victory over death"

(mrfalafel, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:31, archived)

my all time favorite graffiti:

1) In huge letters in the women's room of a local punk venue "I'm not leavin' here til I catch a marlin"

2) Spraypainted on the side of the highway: "you need slacks"

3) a local tagger in my city writes "lick nuts". it's all over the city and it always makes me giggle.

(meowmeowkittymeow, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 21:59, archived)

I can't remeber the source,

or indeed the exact wording...so..um..this could be completely inaccurate, but it was something like:

Shakespeare, 1554-1616: "To be, or not to be"
Sartre, 1905-1980: "To do is to be"
Sinatra, 1916-1998: "Do be do be do"

(BeAst - did it wrong on:, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:33, archived)

that's from the start of subway, luc besson.

(geckofun, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:26, archived)

Is it?

Someone had copied it onto a bog wall in Bradford then. The scamps.

(BeAst - did it wrong on:, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 16:43, archived)

before i went to university

i went along to hear a lecture about what it would be like
i sat at a desk on which someone had lovingly carved:
"hand in hand
hand in gland
gland in gland"

i took it as a portent

(

magoo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:35, archived)

did you get any?

(BadgerPirate, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:36, archived)

once

by accident (it was dark)

(

magoo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:37, archived)

good.

I'm glad. Never got any at Uni, fell in love, stalked her, never got a shag. Still wood five years later (and it aches like shit).

(BadgerPirate, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:42, archived)

Fucking hell

youre not me, are you?

(Daveybaby, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:39, archived)

Danish writer/humorist Soya in the 50s/60s

wrote a poem (or copied it?) called "A love poem":

Hand in hand
hand in it
it in hand
hand in hand.

I usually write/recite that whenever people bug me for poetry.

(Carthag, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:46, archived)

naughty but funny one....

again - on a toilet door, in my local public house, someone had written

"imigrants go home"

which was pretty nasty, but you had to laugh at the second part which someone had added

"and stop eating our swans"

genius.

(JBoom, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:35, archived)

haha

That's one of the best

(Ellis, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:38, archived)

perfect!

(

magoo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:39, archived)

Arf!

Arf!

(

splorp ®, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:40, archived)

there used to be

'pakis go back to africa' near my school

genius or fucknut? who can say

(psausage76, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:16, archived)

On a bridge in Poplar

there was/is the phrase "Packey Cunts" which just shows you the level of education you get round there.

(Lambkin, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:03, archived)

another pub,

NF scratched in the wall,
someone had added
love the gay skinhead look boys

(pesh, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 5:14, archived)

in a toilet

somewhere...

Sometimes i come to sit and think
but mostly just to shit and stink

(

Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:37, archived)

It's all over the place:

Some come here to sit and think
some come here to shit and stink
some come here to scratch their balls
and read the writing on the walls

(

sick_boy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:50, archived)

When I was in college people kept on adding to that in a sort of rhyme duel

Only the next two after that spring immediately to mind:

You've got a very good point,
But I only come here to roll a joint.

And further more I'd like to add,
A line of coke aint half bad

(KingMong, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:19, archived)

Sign saying 'Sheep Dog Trials'

graffitti underneath saying 'He's innocent'

(

Dai_Marzipan Ain't no party like an S Club party, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:41, archived)

'Bill Stickers is Innocent'

(

Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:42, archived)

ah, same

but Bill Posters round these parts.

(~Sunny~, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:04, archived)

Sign on Smith St, Fitzroy

My father used to see this everyday on his way to work, and he took a photo one day, pity I lost it. A badly painted sign reading:

"Bill Posters Will Be Prostituted"

Knowing the area, I can't help but feel that wasn't a mistake...

(Niktau, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 6:18, archived)

Similar

Longnor Sheep Dog Trials, word Dog replaced by Shagging. Often wondered who turned up!

(DrinkatMoes, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:56, archived)

more justice

there used to be a great literary masterpiece on my way into work

JIM + PAD IS NOT GUILTY

I often thought to myself "i bet they isn't!"

(

pobx, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:41, archived)

woo

(

Obz Click, ting, stamps, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:42, archived)

hahahahaha

that fucking cheese eating bastard!

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:48, archived)

i remember nigel

(

magoo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:07, archived)

hehehe...

Laughing in the middle of your boss talking is NOT good...you bugger.

(

Fronkle99, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:26, archived)

"Itsa Newport Ting" amused me so much it made me spirt my crisps...

...over the seat infront, on the train to Cardiff once. Maybe I imagined it! Newport has it's own gangstas?

(

darth munki is flipping livid, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:42, archived)

on the M4 into london,

on the LONDON sign, someone has added 'ting

it's been there years :)

(

spiny - things are looking up, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:08, archived)

being anal

doesn't it say London (Thing) 44

between jn 13 and 12 ....

(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:25, archived)

Shops around here

Sell cans of Ting.
It's a Jamaican fizzy pop drink - a bit like Lilt.
As Bob Marley once said
"Every can of Ting
Gonna be alright"

(

The Mighty Gusset Doesn't Care - And Doesn't Care Who Knows It !, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:48, archived)

Ting

It's carbonated grapefruit jiuce from St. Kitts (West Indies).

(anotheradam, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 2:59, archived)

I stand corrected

Well, sit actually.
I wasn't far off !

(

The Mighty Gusset Doesn't Care - And Doesn't Care Who Knows It !, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 9:54, archived)

Me and my sis

changed our local village sign from Please Drive Slowly to Please Die Slowly. Mainly cos most of the village are cunts.

(jonnies, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:43, archived)

I just remembered an old one

it was under a slide in a park i used to play in.

"IF YOU READ THIS YOU ARE GAY!!"

class

(snitchell, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:43, archived)

graffiti stuff

heh. I wrote that once on a blackboard in a bog, in a pub in Cambridge(Champion of the Thames). I went back for a slash about an hour later and someone had written a paragraph about why they weren't gay.

(thrain, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:48, archived)

when we first saw the graffiti

my friend claimed he wasn't gay because he didn't read it.
we asked what he didn't read, and he said he hadn't read the graffiti saying "if you read this you are gay"

CATCH 22

(snitchell, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:51, archived)

a blackboard

in a bog?

(Jibbed, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 1:57, archived)

yeah

for writing graffiti on so you don't do it on the walls

(

NomDePlume fo shizzle my nizzle old bean, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 2:43, archived)

They've

got one of those in the Gloucester Arms in Oxford just off the the Gloucester Green.
Prolly the only rock pub in all of Oxford, a real shithole but a great place to go and laugh at the goths. Miserable bastards.
For some reason or other I always end up getting leathered there when I visit the dreaming spires...

(Surgeon_General, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 11:21, archived)

Gay

If you're gay

(Anak, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 23:08, archived)

on a train, you get them signs that say

"Please give up this seat for a disabled person"

Someone has scribbled out certain words and letters so it actually read

"Please eat a disabled person"

(JBoom, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:43, archived)

Yes yes yes!!!

I saw something very similar on a bus about 15 years ago - "Please eat the elderly and disabled."
Still makes me smile now...

(Sleary, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:49, archived)

I worked in ASDA a long time ago...

...and someone had changed the signs saying 'please do not smoke at this table' to 'please do not eat this table'.

(

sick_boy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:52, archived)

there was the classic tube one too...

'Obstruct the doors and be dangerous'

(

ExactlyHowLongDoIHaveToBeHere, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:50, archived)

variation on a theme

or "obstructing the doors can anger us" .. think it was on the picadilly line

(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:27, archived)

i saw

that one too, but some one had scribbled "GAURDS" on the end of it

(

The Ginja Ninja, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:53, archived)

its that time again...

my dear god sir, i've seen this too

(pissycocks GIRAFFETASTIC!, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 19:57, archived)

similar

Trains in Sydney:

At night, please travel near the guard's carriage, marked with a blue light.

changed to

At night, rave near the guard's carriage with a blue light.

(mxxx, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 1:13, archived)

Isn't it

At night rave near the guard's compartment naked with a blue light?

(Funt, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 5:14, archived)

On a condom machine

in a pub in Winchester was lovingly inscribed:

'Insert baby for refund'

(

doctordoctor I feel like a pair of curtains, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:46, archived)

On a broken condom machine in a pub

the landlord had put a sign on it "Out of order - please use withdrawal method"

Made me laugh.

(

Farmfoodsman, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:22, archived)

On a different condom machine...

...in a different pub, I've seen written "don't buy this chewing gum, it tastes terrible".

(Illon Gruci, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:28, archived)

with thew obligatory reply;

'oh, but what bubbles ... '

(

spiny - things are looking up, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:10, archived)

How about

"Homes for retired Semen. Please give generously."

(

L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:46, archived)

25¢ for recaps...

(

Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:34, archived)

I think you'll like this one!

On old Merseytravel buses in Wirral and Liverpool there used to be a sticker on the windows similar to those seen on trains, warning against criminal activities/vandalism on public transport.

It read :

THE MANAGEMENT WILL PRESS FOR HEAVIEST PENALTIES AGAINST OFFENDERS

someone must have been playing around one day and discovered that this was NOT the best way to word such a sign...

As from then on people took great joy in scratching off some of the letters so that it was left reading...

(nutty_nut_nuts, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:48, archived)

hahahaahahahahahahahah

*breathes*

hhahahahahaahahahahahha

(

Herr Tezcat, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:39, archived)

delurking just to say...

yes! I remember those signs, have been trying to remember the exact wording all afternoon. Them were't days.

(juicer, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:55, archived)

hahaha

kids eh

(Jibbed, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 2:01, archived)

Not as good as the above, possibly.

In Cambridge, Bateman Street has had a letter scribbled over for years, making it the hilarious "Batman Street".

But the best I ever saw was in the gents in the Natural Sciences building at Swansea University (out of the library, turn right opposite the biology office and past the first year biology notice board, toilets on your right - I think it was the far cubicle, but this is a while back).

Someone had written in big letters "KENT IS A SAD CUNT". There was a lot of space, so someone else - probably a geographer - had added the odd letter here and there to make it "KENT IS A SAnDy CoUNTy" (apologies for the dodgy capitals, there, it's the best representation of what I actually saw).

(Fat Bear is adjusting your breasts on, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:49, archived)

There is actually a Batman Avenue in Melbourne

and a Batman Hotel nearby!
100% FACT

(son of crazymum, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:04, archived)

In Turkey ..

.. there is a city named Batman. Always made me giggle.

(spinoza, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 8:29, archived)

This could be...

Because Melbourne was first founded by John Batman.

Being a big fan of the comics, I find this very amusing! Considering before Melbourne, we were going to be called Batmania! HAHAHA

(Niktau, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 9:15, archived)

I sprayed this all round brighton when bored once...

(son of crazymum, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:49, archived)

i also put up this poster on the main trainline in melbourne

to whore my site

(son of crazymum, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:57, archived)

so,

it was you. i saw it at the seven dials and almost fell off my bike!

(

calihal, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:17, archived)

think you should do it again. Make sure you get Churchill Square, as I want to see that when I wake up.

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 23:13, archived)

I saw

one of those Joey Deacon things up by the Dials only the other day. Made me chuckle.

(

D3xt3r Don't take any guff from these fucking swine...., Sun 9 Nov 2003, 14:33, archived)

On a garage door in Acton

"Fuck you mum" must be fun round their house at christmas

(

alistair, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:50, archived)

In a local graveyard...

...someone had scrawlled 'I am dead' on a gravestone.

hehe

(dirtbox, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:50, archived)

Also from Oxford -

In my student days, in huge white letters on a wall near New College:

"ANARCY NOW"

I always wondered whether the spelling was deliberate.

(

Cassidy : Vissi d'arte, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:50, archived)

i read somewhere

someone wrote Romanes eunt domus underneath a statue of some roman guy

woo python 4real

(The city of Metris The city never sleeps, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:58, archived)

I heard about that

That was in Bath or Gloucester I think. Prolly Bath, the level of education in Gloucester is somewhat *ahem* lacking.

(Surgeon_General, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 11:26, archived)

(

Pootle, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:55, archived)

theres a free ian brown

on dickenson road in manchester. also on plat lane somebody has scrawled on a shutter

"2 burk u losis"

(

parsley, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:56, archived)

i went to africa

and there was some giraffiti

(

Sunshine Elephant, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:01, archived)

i once saw this on a lesbian

anti-pornography poster in edinburgh

"tits oot - lesbo hunk"
note that the 'artist' has also drawn the tits in.

(

magoo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:03, archived)

Inspired from a bit of graffiti

/pearoast

(

Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:03, archived)

Bus stop in Loughborough:

Osama is a minger

(jokeface_killah, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:05, archived)

I saw one at a bus stop similar to that

"Osama has no penus"

I am still bemused as to what a penus is

(

Queen of Cheesecake, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:32, archived)

It's

an ancient Roman writing implement.

(

100% Cock Raw like carrots., Tue 4 Nov 2003, 11:01, archived)

my favourite graffiti

was on a fence next to the park in my home town. somebody had scrawled on the fence with a biro 'Graffiti or Art?'. what a twat.

i also liked Dogpool Lane in Birmingham being changed to Dogpoo Lane, and Prawn Cocktail on a pub chalkboard menu being changed to read 'raw Cock'

(

Spoon, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:07, archived)

Dog Poo Lane

Every morning I drive down Dog Pool lane and every morning it rasies a smile.

(hanuman, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:16, archived)

I always found it quite amusing

that a street sign for canal street in Manchester (also known as the gay village) had been changed to anal treet

(bullitt, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:08, archived)

i've seen a 'please eat the elderly and disabled' on trains as well
at my secondary school years ago there was a cantene with a menu thing on the walls, and because it was made decades previously one of the options was 'cold sweet' which changed quickly to 'old wee'
it probably still says it even now

(John Doe, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:14, archived)

not quite the same but

whoever wrote the menu for our school canteen obviously didn't check what they had written. We had a 'mourning break'.

(sanity challenged, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 20:03, archived)

i was about to write that!

ahh.. the fun

(

Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:13, archived)

I think the best for me has to be

in the edward boyle library lift at Leeds uni

"Jesus Loves YOU"
and underneath
"But everyone else thinks youre a cunt".

(

discostu oh my, its back, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:14, archived)

one in the 4th floor gents

of University of Manchester Chemistry department..(brace yourself)

Potassium Ethoxide rules C2H5OK

Makes me shiver everytime i see it... bwuuuuhhuhhu

(northern seth back is giving him jip again, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:15, archived)

Probably somewhere in every Chem dept in the country.

I can vouch for Sussex Uni. It used to be in the lift.

A couple I've seen recently:

'Sorry for the Inconvinience'[sic] sign by an NCP carpark in Brighton with it's spelling corrected and a note saying 'see me after school'. And a note in the girls toilets at the Concord club - 'Lick here if you want to live for ever X'.

(

cupboardy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:32, archived)

Ooh, I've seen that NCP sign I have, it's not far from the station

(ex-rat, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 0:08, archived)

In the medical school

at Newcastle Uni, someone's graffitied one of the men's toilets with an offer for gay sex, ending with the promise
"I'm nine inches long and two inches thick."

Underneath, someone's written
"Are you a ferret?"

(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:17, archived)

Crabs

In the Engineering building at UCL some of the toilets have quite high ceilings - in one of the blokes traps there were arrows going up the wall to next to the cistern where there was some writing - but it was so small that - here's the genius - you had to stand on the toilet bowl to read it. And it said "No use standing there mate - the crabs in here can jump 10 feet"

(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:24, archived)

In some engineering office toilets

Someone had taken a sign from the workshop and stuck in on the back of the cubicle door, saying
"All objects over two pounds must be lowered by hand"

(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:49, archived)

Now that I like - consider yourself saluted ;)

Nowhere near as good - but in my PhD years there were 5 of us in a house in bounds green - much sign stealage - including the following: on the toilet door "haringay council - no dumping £2000 fine" on the wall inside the bog "haringay council - no ball games" and on the wall in the upstairs bog "Thames water - no swimming" ... we were easy to amuse back then...

(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:15, archived)

On my bedroom door

I have a sign stolen from the post room of a certain Govt Department saying "Bomb Area. Do Not Enter"

Some friends at university lived in a house where there were 4 or 5 blokes an done girl. They went to France once and while there they stole a direction sign for a town. They took it home and put it on the wall of the hallway pointing towards the girl's room. The town?

Brest.

(Lambkin, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:26, archived)

at my mum's old work

they had a lot of immigrant workers from countries where the lavatory arrangements are different - the ladies would stand on the toilet and squat when they went, and it was common to find dirty shoe-prints on the seats.
So someone did some signs and stuck them up - "no use standing on the seat, the crabs in here can jump ten feet".

Has the added bonus of rhyme. Management took the signs down though, lest anyone got offended.

(myngemold, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:38, archived)

Crabs revisited

If memory serves me right, this is an old bit of graffiti from WW2...

It's no use standing on the seat
the crabs in here can jump 10 feet.
If you think that's fucking high
go next door, the bastards fly
Swinging off chains and such resources
is laughed at by their airbourne forces
That's why it gives me reason, a cunning wrangle
to give my bollocks room to dangle.

Something along those lines anyhoo. Check out the 'Graffiti' series of books by Nigel Rees for more. Pure genius some of the stuff in there.

(Jackanory, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:49, archived)

Crabby crab crabba

I saw a similar one whilst shitting in a youth hostel in Australia.

"Don't bother trying to wipe the seat
A healthy crab can jump three feet."

a bit worrying if you're already sitting.

(kookoobirdz, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 16:25, archived)

Two really

Once, when driving along the motorway through Lyon (France) in a traffic jam, I saw this plastered on a noise reduction barrier:

"Algeria Francaise" - which was crossed out and replaced by:
"Algeria Algerienne" - which was crossed out and replaced by:
"Algeria Francaise" - which was crossed out and replaced by:
"Algeria Algerienne" - which was crossed out and replaced by:
"Algeria Francaise" - which was crossed out and replaced by:
"Algeria Algerienne" - which was crossed out and replaced by:
"Why can't you bloody frogs make up you bloody minds?"

(

groovegenerator The man who mistook his wife for his wife, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:17, archived)

The other was on a train at Lime Street

The locomotive had a name plate: - it was called "Robert Burns"

to which some wag had added, "very easily"

(

groovegenerator The man who mistook his wife for his wife, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:19, archived)

At university

in the AI department bogs, was this predicate calculus statement:

This translates as - "For all x and y, where x is a dalek and y is not a dalek, x exterminates y"

After 48 hours in the lab, stuff like that became funny.

/geek

(

UncleLewy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:19, archived)

lovely predicate calculus

that and lambda calculus were the bane of my life.

(

jonas is not my name, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:17, archived)

Banksy stuff,..

I particularly like Banksy's zoo stuff, "Laugh now, but one day we'll be in charge" and "I'm bored with fish" on the walls of the penguin enclosure in Regents Park.

BUT then I looked at his site and noticed the best graffiti ever, someone had scrawled on the wall outside his recent show "Banksy is a fucking Sell Out" ,..

(HoTWire, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:20, archived)

I've seen that...

...'laugh now...' one in Manchester with a monkey above it.

On Oldham Street

(

beefandcheese, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:51, archived)

Not really graffitti but....

first week in august I was in pateley bridge with the missus (small town in north yorkshire... Pateley bridge, not the missus)
Anyway someone had altered the cricket club fixture to
Shitey Bridge
vs
Chimps
Match Sponsors
Twat

If I can find the picture, will post as an edit. Still makes me laugh...

(northern seth back is giving him jip again, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:21, archived)

when I lived in Waterford,

a load of Romanians came over (mostly kid for the summer, and some immigrants) and someone had sprayed on a wall:

"Romeans go home"

well, it made me chuckle

(

Reckless_Rik, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:24, archived)

oh, and on the way through Dublin

someone had sprayed "Tallaght is gay" - nice to see an entire city engaged in "that sort of thing"

(

Reckless_Rik, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:26, archived)

On the back of a toilet door in Totnes,

a drawing of a stamped envelope with the name and address
"Mary Lykes,
The Cockwell Inn,
Tillit,
Herts"

(

pxyzyzygy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:27, archived)

There's a place called Maching Tye

in Hertfordshire.

(Seebeedee, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:40, archived)

its called Matching Tye

and its in Essex

(

Spoon, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:52, archived)

Maybe there's two...

;-)

(Seebeedee, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:56, archived)

and it's

very nice I might add, along with Matching Green, which is also pretty

(39811 basic bytes free, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:47, archived)

that's my

standard answer to...Jamaica?

(Murun Buchstansangur's hairpiece, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:43, archived)

Uri Gellar is a Bender

- posted in the right place now!

(cowkicker, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:28, archived)

It still makes me laugh

but for years, on the back wall of our local firestation in Billesley, Birmingham, in massive letters, someone had written "Louise is a pin-hole". It must have been there for about 10 years before they finally cleared it off. Everytime I went past in the car with my Mum and Dad, they'd wonder why I'd start piss myself laughing. I never had the bottle to tell them why. Juvenile, but still amusing.

(v1ctory_1s_m1ne Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:34, archived)

The simplicity is endearing

Toilet wall:

"You smell"
followed by
"Sorry!"

(rymix, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:34, archived)

It used to say

"Wolverhampton Boys Rule"

On the bridge before Wolverhampton station (going northbound)

Always used to make me chuckle...

(

bloid ....dloibbloiddloibbloid...., Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:34, archived)

"Owslha watch out! Spotty bum's gonna get ya!"

...On a wall next to McDonald's in Waltham Cross.

(Seebeedee, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:37, archived)

And in a restaurant toilet wall:

"You're food makes me (sic)"

cheenius

(rymix, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:37, archived)

In Bristol

In a wall in Bristol, I saw 'E. Doust is an ugly MP bitch' - who is E. Doust? What is an ugly MP bitch?

(Wax cat, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:43, archived)

Written on the dirt

of a white van.

"My other car is just as shit" (Soure White Van, M40 outside of Birmingham)

(

Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:40, archived)

The most satisying graffiti I ever saw

was on the shutters of a video shop in Liverpool. It said
You Fat Cunt Weve Got Youre Batman Video Ha Ha Ha.

And there is a small alleyway in Hemel Hempstead called Fishery Passage. Which regularly gets four-letter alternatives graffitied over it.

(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:41, archived)

some near my house that quite simply, and for no apparent reason just says

PORNO

(

huggybear, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:43, archived)

On a cubicle door in Glasgow Uni:

"Nietzsche says God is dead."

Written underneath:

"God says Nietzsche is dead."

(Seebeedee, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:44, archived)

i think the original is

"God is dead" Nietzsche
"Nietzsche is dead" God

it's a good one either way :)

(

magoo, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:57, archived)

usually followed by

"Nietzsche is God" - the dead

(

Legionary - My god, Brian, there's a message in my alphabets, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:47, archived)

Late 70's in Portsmouth..

The was a large wall with the slogan:

"TORIES ARE BEST"

Written in three feet high letters, it stood there for years until one day when some clever sod changed it to:

"TORIES ARE BESTIAL"

Which made me laugh like a drain...

(

Darryn.R, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:45, archived)

"I'm pink, therefore I'm spam"

(

Herr Tezcat, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:46, archived)

Inspired by Ray Winstone

A bridge over a river near me has written on it:

"you're fat and i'll throw you in the river"

(rymix, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:50, archived)

Hmm... Interesting...

Some grafitti near my hotel when i was in Minnesota, in the US, was on a JobDig post ( these signs with papers listing jobs on them, and was a really good help, got you jobs ANYWHERE, has a sign saying " Woo Yay." in permanent marker. It made me literally laugh till i scared the guy I was on a date with, Methinks we have a Minnesotan poster/lurker.

(number 27-hunter, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 2:18, archived)

Taking a shortcut near the Mile End Road

I used to come over a canal bridge. One morning I crested this bridge to be confronted by the words "SMASH THE TATE" painted on a wall opposite.
"Someone really doesn't like modern art." I thought to myself.
It was only as the perspective changed did the "S" in front of "TATE" appear from behind a lamppost...

(

Rooster, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:51, archived)

In a toilet at high school

"Jesus Saves"
"Allah Invests"
"Buddha Pays Dividends"

also in a toilet at uni
www.ratemypoo.com
It's appropriate.

(kupsta, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:52, archived)

I heard

Jesus Saves
Allah Forgives
Chthulu thinks you'd make a nice meal.

(notcarlos, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:54, archived)

cthulhu saves...

... in case he's hungry later

(or s/cthulhu/yog sothoth/ if you prefer...)

(haberman is singing in the changes, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:04, archived)

also

Moses scores on the rebound

(

spiny - things are looking up, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:16, archived)

Jesus Saves

But the Mongol Hordes.

(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 8:32, archived)

Along a similar theme.....

"Jesus Saves"
to which had been added
"Green Shield Stamps."
followed by
"He is a redeemer."

(chimpos, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 15:57, archived)

jesus saves

and also
Jesus saves
Moses scores from the rebound

(discobunny, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 1:31, archived)

A mates just reminded me of some

we saw on a stagecoach bus in sunny Manc

Anyone who reads this is gay and fucked up

and

Bin Laden is a Twat

There is no words to describe the occassionally genius of the becapped manc scally

(northern seth back is giving him jip again, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:54, archived)

I remember once...

Again, during my college days.
Somebody wrote 'I love young men' on the toilet door.
Someone else had added 'So do I.'
A third had changed So do I to SodoMi.

(CerberaSpeedTwelve, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:04, archived)

In the dirt on the back of a transit....

Dirty.... but not as dirty as the video I've got of your mum.

(monkeyinasuit, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:58, archived)

Also in transit dirt

'I wish my wife was as dirty as this'

(

Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:11, archived)

www.boners.com/content/789945.1.jpg

(

Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Tue 4 Nov 2003, 18:38, archived)

If been looking out for a van with this on for ages.........

.....so I can write "She is, mate" underneath....

(Just Some Guy from Hull, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 12:04, archived)

Semi-Relevent

On one of the newspapers (I think it was the express), they had the title

"TORYS HIT"...

But the spacing looked odd, it looked more like "T O R Y S H I T"

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:59, archived)

But surely a newspaper editor would know that it's "tories" when it's plural.

(

100% Cock Raw like carrots., Tue 4 Nov 2003, 11:16, archived)

Some more......

On lots of the old buses running round Edinburgh; "Please extinguish all pipes and cigarettes" changed to "Please extinguish all pi es"

Also in the freshly painted toilets at college; "The painters work is all in vain, the shithouse poet strikes again"

(City, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:00, archived)

Another

Life is like an egg
You only get hard once
You only get laid once
And your mother sits on our fence

(kupsta, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:01, archived)

On the wall of the Gents at my workplace :

A sign saying "Please don't put chewing gum in the Urinals", underneath which was scrawled "or the Balkans"

Well I laughed enough to piss on my shoes, anyway.

(Chillijam, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:01, archived)

I once found some toilet grafitti written about ME!!

It made me feel truly famous. I was both awestruck and proud at the same time. It was when I was in college and it accused me of being a pretentious wanker or something. Not very funny I know, but this was an engineering department after all.

I felt like such a hero.

(

dr_fonz, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:03, archived)

in three feet high letters, sprayed on a wall in humourless Govan:

I SHALL REWEASE... BWIAN

(big fat lazy man on a sofa is giving his piles a bloody good clawing, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:03, archived)

On our way home from Glastonbury...

we stopped off in a small town for a bog break. I went into the bog and the door wouldn't lock properly, but sod it, I thought, its already heaps better than the Glasto toilets.

Graffiti on the back of the door was the usual stuff - be here at 8pm 23/6/01 or whatever for a good time.

It then struck me that it was today. I finished rapidly and left (while noticing a couple of guys hanging around). I didn't have a watch, so asked wifey the time. 7:58 or something.

Argh! Close one.

It appears that at least some of those messages really are genuine.

(

stup0t, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:06, archived)

Oxford is full of stuff like that.

The KA pub has the best graffiti ever, but I've always been too drunk to remember any of it.
Turl Street regularly becomes Turd Street, and there's a sandwich place called 'Heroes' that is currently 'Herpes'. Bloody good sarnies, regardless.

Although there's a whole website devoted to graffiti found in the assorted libraries around the city: users.ox.ac.uk/~peter/humour/graffiti.html (Not sure if it'll work outside the Oxford network though...)

(DuckieMonster, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:07, archived)

yes

it does

(

Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 18:11, archived)

Here at work there's some on the back of a toilet door....

..that reads. "Flush twice. It's 200 yards to McDonalds" which unnervingly, it roughly is.

The best I've ever seen was on a bridge on the way into Hindley from Wigan. It just simply said "Fuck Off" in shitty black spray paint. Nice!

(

Evil Bastardo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:07, archived)

More graffiti

There was a lecture theatre here in Dundee Uni which has just recently been refurbished, but before that it had a classic collection of graffiti. Stuff like "Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?" Then someone wrote "Vote Labour" (this was about 15 years back, during the days of the Thatcher govt). Under this, someone else had added "..and ruin your country", to which a third person had contributed "mansion".

Also, there's a village near Kinross called Crook of Devon, presumably so called as it lies on a bend on the River Devon. At one time, some wag had written under the village name on the sign:
"Twinned with the Thief of Baghdad".

(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:18, archived)

on a similar note...

near ripley n. Yorks there is a little village called Bedlam, a few years back someone had written below it "Twinned with l'unacy"

(northern seth back is giving him jip again, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:26, archived)

graffiti

"The Queen Sucks Hitler's Cock" amused me. It was on some wooden boarding near St James's Park a couple of years ago. I think it was the aggressive alliteration of k sounds, or something... perhaps being stoned.

(Ihaveagirlfriend, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:21, archived)

visible from the charlton-london bridge train, just outside deptford

written neatly on a brick wall: "I SPIT ON YOUR 47 VEGETABLES". curious...

after panathinaikos had beaten man u in the champion's league, someone had daubed the team's name on a wall at UMIST, to which someone added, "NO, THIS IS A GEEK UNIVERSITY"...

and on the wall of tesco metro's in andover some years ago, an illiterate racist had daubed: "COMBAT 18 - NO NIGERS"

(martian, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:21, archived)

when i was at UMIST, there was a famous bowling green in the middle of the campus

one night someone poured weedkiller or similar on it, try to spell out the name of the place in massive letters. but science students being what they are, for the next month or so the green had 20 foot high letters burnt into it spelling out "UMST". someone later went back and put an "i" into it...

(

new_matt, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:40, archived)

On the way

to my local when I'm back in Cardiff are the classics "Mmm...Cheese" and the ever so insulting "Edward is Posh"

Also in the toilets when I was at Uni read "Heisenberg wasn't here, and even if he was...you didn't see him.

(Nigel Meek's Incredibly High Waistband, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:24, archived)

There is a converted public loo building down my road

They turned it into a house, the building project went on for ages, and when it was finally finished they put a "To Let" sign. It can only have been 24 hours later that someone added the missing "I" in the middle.

(jazi, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:24, archived)

Better than "wash me"

One of those transient, only graffiti until the loser washes his filthy car; seen in West LA.

"I wish my wife was this dirty".

(obiwab, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:27, archived)

and the reply

"she is, mate"

(

muteboy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:35, archived)

OK that's the 3rd time this one's been up

Doesn't anyone read them first?

(

100% Cock Raw like carrots., Tue 4 Nov 2003, 14:07, archived)

down a desk leg at parkwood school bedford

"limahl"

(

muteboy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:31, archived)

On a bridge in Leyton

"Blacks and whites unite... and kick out the pakis"

on the liitle building in Soho Sq "Osama woz ere" written underneith was "fuck off you muslim cunt"

All in Grimsby "Jon Fox the nonse P. D. O. FILE"

"Dave Micheals had a banna shoved up his ring piece by Gozney"

"Scrobbo Ya Dead"

(El_Presidente, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:38, archived)

Also in grimsby

simply 'Fuck It' written in huge letters on a wall

(

so long and thanks for all the fish, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 22:06, archived)

And

being from Humberside myself I know exactly how they feel about Grimsby.

(Surgeon_General, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 12:05, archived)

In an underpass in High Wycombe

a picture of a head with a huge spliff in its mouth.
and underneath, "High Wycombe"

Elsewhere, just the word "Spliff!". Such enthusiasm.

(

muteboy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:38, archived)

We made some stickers once

intended for the sole purpose of putting near notices that stated 'Bill Posters Will Be Prosecuted'. They simply said 'Bill Posters is innocent'

How funny we thought we were. Sigh.

(

Nath, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:41, archived)

big hairy coke

I was once on a train and saw, carved into the headrest of the seat in front of me
"I want a bolw job."

Although this desperate dyslexic pails when compared to the graffiti I found drawn
on a Co-Op wall in Nottingham, "Lee is a coke sucker" it read and was accompanied by an illustration of
Lee sucking on what appeared to be someone's erect 'coke'.

(monkeyjam, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:45, archived)

I didn't see the point in this one..

.. it's in a lecture theatre at brum uni:

"Ranbidemdubopdidu, dem tings alright." - Rasta Man Dave

makes me chuckle.

(

Kavanagh thinks that -6C is warm, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:45, archived)

In studentville, Leeds

"HAVE YOU SEEN OUR LOVELY SPIDER?"

accompanied by drawing of said arachnid. It was a beauty.

(Anger...Pain...Fear...Aggression...Watercolours?, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:52, archived)

was

the spider barking?

(seamonkey, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:18, archived)

Oh, and another one...

"The Canadian Muffin Company" in Cambridge has been "The Canadian Muff Company" for a long time now thanks to a well placed blob of red paint.

(Fat Bear is adjusting your breasts on, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:53, archived)

my friend lives in a town caled puckington

some bright spark changed the P to an F

:oD

(

Rev. Jesse. broke his ankle, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:58, archived)

I nearly

craked my buggering ribs at that one

(Roland Deschain, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:47, archived)

Not very inventive but...

Leicester Road, Rugby, on the side of a bridge - "Boycott Shell". Only readable after you've passed the Shell garage.

Someone altered it to read "Boycott Is Innocent" after he smacked some woman about.

Also:- on a slide already heaving with "KEV LUVS SHAZ 9T8" and the like - "PEOPLE WHO WASTE TIME WRITING ON PLAYPARKS ARE BENDERS". How clever.

(

Neth, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:00, archived)

I know who that was!!!

It was Dave Edwards (no surprises there!)

(The Squirrels in the graveyard steal my drugs and swear at me!, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 15:29, archived)

In a cubicle in the downstairs gents in the university of portsmouth engineering building

someone had drawn a bloody good cartoon of the rear view of a knickerless, stockinged woman, bending over wearing a very short skirt.

That cubicle was always the busiest for some reason.

(

gingerbenji wrote a book http://goo.gl/8UiGjd, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:03, archived)

Made me chuckle

"Out of order" sign on toilet door, someone wrote "bang" at the top

(mr pete, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:16, archived)

sign on _inside_ of

toilet door -- "out of order - do not use".

(later made into pic: 1378238)

(haberman is singing in the changes, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:11, archived)

'Out of Ordure'

(

Jacksonville Missed me fuckin Candles, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:09, archived)

That must be near the cubicle that says...

Known

Time = Money
Money = sqr(Evil)
Girls = Money * Time

Therefore

Girls = Money^2
Money^2 = sqr(Evil)^2 = Evil

Girls = Evil

Made me chuckle, but then I'm a geek.

(Ash Oops, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:41, archived)

yay

i went to portsmouth uni

(

Rev. Jesse. broke his ankle, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:56, archived)

So did I

but I don't like to admit it...

(Ash Oops, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 19:04, archived)

Eugh...

I used to live in Portsmouth (since I was a wee lad infact, born there), but I moved away, cos I got bored of the smell of urine... Live in Bristol now, so getting used to the smell of shit.

(3N1GM4, Sat 8 Nov 2003, 18:36, archived)

One line written above a urinal...

"I'm Pink therefore I'm Spam"

(

DanGleeballs Moist people don't notice spelling errors..., Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:10, archived)

Had one of those

at Lancs university.

(.david, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:20, archived)

Wot college were you at?

I hope it wasn't county...

(scruffy, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 6:41, archived)

At School

Someone wrote 'Mr Falk Sucks Cock' on the back of his lab coat in big black pen.. Chemistry has never been so funny (xcept the time when he set fire to his hand)

(Cockfosters!, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:11, archived)

We had a chemistry teacher who was afraid of fire.

She promptly set fire to her register and evacuated the lab.

(

Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:04, archived)

In edinburgh

there used to be a shop called World Of rugs in Morningside we spent hours constructing a massive D out of cardboard sprayed to match.A ladder and copious amounts of superglue completed the deal.
Stayed up for at least a day thu. which was nice

(seamonkey, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:15, archived)

A loving message to our transatlantic friends

used to adorn a desk in Edinburgh Uni library. An American had written: "Scotland is such a pathetic country. It's so small it would get lost in Texas." Underneath some unimpressed local had replied: "Small? A bit like Vietnam you mean? A lot of Americans got lost there."

(

calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:28, archived)

Again in a lecture hall at Napier

"Yir Ma Wanks Dugs" - sheer undiluted genius

(seamonkey, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:30, archived)

another simple one

essex road
to
sex road

(doktored, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:16, archived)

seen in a nightclub in swansea

bigger

(

Happyperson, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:17, archived)

but it lasts

ages

(pikey, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:37, archived)

when did

they start taking dollars in wales? :D

(south, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 22:15, archived)

On a wall at my old comp school in big letters...

Mery Christmas.

Don't think that school was working for them

(

Weetobix, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:18, archived)

Poor Emily

EMILY FRENCH IS A BIG TITTED WENCH

(saucykipper, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:19, archived)

...or lucky Emily

(rymix, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:59, archived)

To the sign

'University of Reading', somebody had added 'and Writing'

Not graffiti but Hertford has a barbers shop called 'Dead Swanky'... you can guess which letter periodically goes missing...

(oiseau, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:29, archived)

We wrote a huge....

...chalk stop message in the road when we where kids

A little old fella stopped in his car and couldn't figure out what he'd stopped for.

(

beefandcheese, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:34, archived)

Also classics seen include....

....'Stardate ##### : Beamed down for a crap'

and 'Don't beem me up scot....' with a big long T going up the side of the wall.

(

beefandcheese, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:02, archived)

If there's a bigger bite, it can't be found

Two on the walls of my local shopping centre in Mansfield:

"Be a winner, eat your dinner"
and
"Alan Meale, Wagon Wheel" (Alan Meale is Mansfield MP)

(Shake, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:35, archived)

You gotta have a system

(rymix, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:55, archived)

Mansfield, Nottingham?

were that blue peter fella came from the one who got kicked out for drug abuse, u from there??

well i am and the cineam recently showed "league of extraordinary genitlemen"
hehehe

(dan_clarkie, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 23:12, archived)

On one of the tunnel entrances

going south on the Kings Cross line towards london is written "Kropotkin Lives!"

It's not funny, but it amuses me all the same.

(

chthonic, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:38, archived)

Bidford upon Avon

stages a charity Duck Race every year.
Most years the D and R on the posters get turned into Fs

(spike, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:40, archived)

cheesy!

Someone had sprayed a 30ft long message on a wall in central Paris proclaiming "La France est la reine du fromage"

... and proud presumably?

(macmonkey, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:40, archived)

When I worked at the Body Shop factories..

.. we had chalkboards in the cubicles. Inscribed were such wonders as:
"Here I sit amongst the vapour,
cos there is no toilet paper"

and below that:

"Oh, what a lot of wit,
you'd think Shakespeare himself came here to shit;
For all you know that may be true,
cos Shakespeare had an arsehole too!"

and my personal favorite:

"Spencer is gay"

(Grobie, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:41, archived)

at a favorite restaurant

on the wall of the mens' restroom someone wrote "Save Russian Jews" and another person had come along and written "... and collect valuable prizes" underneath it.

(

kingoffools, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:52, archived)

A mate has just told me of

some grafitti on a bus stop opposite the finglands bus garage on wilslow road in fallowfield,Manchester
"If you're a scally then just stop it, you look like a cock and people would rather you were dead"
Kind of gets it across nicely, doesn't it. Cheers Ben D

(northern seth back is giving him jip again, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:55, archived)

please add..

.. can you also stop tucking your trousers into your socks as it is demeaning to humanity.

(evil pete, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:23, archived)

"But I'm a homosexual!"

written in the male bogs in the Twelve Bar on Denmark Street, London.

Funny coz it sits alone, refuting a statement that only exists inside the writers head.

(

rob, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:57, archived)

"David Sylvie is a BIG HAIRY APE"

Informative AND entertaining

(rymix, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:00, archived)

for a while on South West Trains

you couldn't go anywhere without reading 'except (at) Woking'

Do not use unless in an emergency... except at Woking.
Do not open door when train is moving... except at Woking.

and, the most common of these:
Do not flush toilet when train is at a station... except Woking.

I have no idea what it was all about, but the dedication of these people did impress me at the time.

A good one for filthy toilets is this, in pencil, works best with a date for reasons that should be obvious:
Dave, goods stashed in usual place. Mike. 04/11

Not sure if this qualifies... written in shit on the back of a toilet door:
WHO FUCKING STOLE MY PEN?

(

Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:02, archived)

A pub in Islington;

'My mum made me a homosexual'

the reply was,

'If I gave her the wool, would she make me one too?'

(jem, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:07, archived)

I nearly

peed myself at that!

(

Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:59, archived)

that was at central station sydney

from about 1975 to 1978.
Just near
"its better to be wanted as a murderer than not to be wanted at all"

(gamera, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 0:12, archived)

In my student union...

someone has scrawled www.sheepshaggers.co.wales on the wall in the toilets. well it made me chuckle. and pee on the floor :(

also, the bridge nearby has 'SINBAD IS INOCENT' sprayed on it. He must have been illiterate as well.

(

Purple Robot Now with added doom, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:08, archived)

Outside my local paper shop a few year back,

on the board for that evenings Bolton paper,it read..."Jobs Blow for Gulf War Heros".After a rip and tear,the heros were feeling much better.

"Blow Jobs for Gulf War Heros"
kept us amused for the rest o'the night.

(Loft, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:14, archived)

Made me laugh

(TheGoodStuff, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:09, archived)

on the 200 bus...

...i saw someone had picked the letters off them litte ticket bins you get by the doors of buses, so instead of reading 'used tickets' it just read 'tits'

oh,and the usual scratching bits off tube signs, like 'obstruct the doors, be dangerous'

(nawtie, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:11, archived)

On a sign in a town local to me during a spell of SERIOUS flooding

The town's name is Carrick-On-Shannon, the "on" had cleverly been crossed out and replaced with an "under"

(KingMong, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:13, archived)

Just a couple...

...an old one from Oxford (late 70s or early 80s) and one which always appealed to me:
"Is this mindless vandalism?"

One I invented - and please steal if you like - was to find an 'Armitage Shanks' on a piece of porcelain and add the clarifying message:
"Armitage is a shanker"

A nice one near my home in York now is:
"Paul has got big feet" - wicked huh!

(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:13, archived)

I am saddened to report that

on no occasion have I seen the graffiti: "your all gay"
I shall have to become a ruffian for a while, don my indellible marker and introduce the greater public to this unparalleded expression of illiteracy, humour, irony and down-right homosexuality-ed-ness

(rymix, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:14, archived)

Lived in a house with a

bloke who had a tendancy to be a bit of a wanker so one very pissed night me and a mate spraypainted in 5ft high, red letters, DEAN IS GAY!! on the subway near the house. Very juvenille and a bit council estate but very amusing because he had to walk past it everyday.

(Dave Mash, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:16, archived)

Graffiti at Tesco's

I saw a huge banner outside Tesco's that made me chuckle. It was an advert for doubling reward points if you bought petrol at their garage. It read "Pump up your reward points" and someone had written underneath "... and shag your mum". I bet they don't have things like that written in toilets at Oxfooord.

(jskunkbox, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:17, archived)

Not Mine

But still bloody funny

(Cockfosters!, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:21, archived)

on the liverpool street line I saw

bump 'n flex
bump 'n flex
bump 'n flex
bump 'n flex
~~bump 'n felx~~
bump 'n flex

(el_meerkat, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 0:01, archived)

Let me set the scene...

I'm taking a waz in the downstairs toilet of Prince of Wales Feathers, on Warren Street. The loo is pristine, not one bit of Graffiti, or so i thought until i knoticed somthing just to the left of the door frame. Upon closer inspection, as it was too small to read from the urinal, i found it to be a deep etching containing biro ink reading...

"Michael Jackson sucks cock"

roughly this big

|------------------------------------|

However, despite its minuteness, it had been etched in with such ferocity that it was obviously impossible to remove.

The most baffling part, for myself and those i sent to see it? What the fuck had Michael Jackson done to this poor guy.

(GlobaModule, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:25, archived)

Maybe

he'd sucked his cock.

(Daveybaby, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:56, archived)

i remember living in bristol

quite a few years ago, and in brislington there was a newsagents with "D.Clutterbuck sales coke" written on it. I was never sure if D.Clutterbuck was the shopkeeper or a drug dealer.

some kids used to spraypaint the date on one of my mate's garage door. every time he tried to paint the garage door and get rid of the graffitti, those pesky kids would come along and write the new date in the old one's place.

(

GTA, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:25, archived)

On a toilet door at university

"Terry Waite, world hide and seek champion 1985, 1986, 1987"

(

Disco, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:26, archived)

genius

(

rob, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:29, archived)

Umm

I think you'll find lord lucan had been winning for ages before that!

(ean, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 17:00, archived)

Nigel Rees' Grafitti...

...books contain many gems. Some of my favourites are:

By the toilet roll holder in one university toilet: 'Sociology degrees - please take one.'

By the lightswitch in the toilet of an Oxbridge Divinity library: 'A light to lighten the Genitals.'

On a sign advertising a gay community folk festival: 'There's nowt so folk as queer.'

(

numberbruncher - correct by nature, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:27, archived)

Last of the Summer Wine - wtf is that all about?

Back in the eighties, just after Thora Hird had been made an OBE, she was opening our village fete and someone had overwritten the "OBE" on the welcome banner to "OAP".

It was bloody funny to this particular 11 y.o.

(Conditional Identity If you need any help........, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:30, archived)

I saw this in my local, though it was only up for a while

on the toilet wall next to the urinal:

Any fool can piss on the floor.
Be a hero and shit on the ceiling.

Made me laugh, but I was drunk at the time.

(

Rusty Shackleford www.junt.co.uk / @joeyrobbo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:39, archived)

Impressed me...

The scene... A toilet in Peckham
"Ireland for the Irish"
and underneath, in different handwriting "Peckham for the Peckish"

It rang my bell

(CrudeButEffektiv, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:43, archived)

seen in Geneva, Switzerland

It was written in French, and can be traslated like this:

"Even a child can piss on the floor,
be a hero and take a crap on the ceiling!"

(Shaolin_Bukkake, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:42, archived)

Not *funny* funny, but...

For several years, there was a spray-painted diagram of a Stirling heat engine on a wall in Truro town centre.

Oh, those wacky Truronians... you never knew what thermodynamic principle they would lampoon next!

(

Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:48, archived)

Graffiti in a Liverpool Uni toilet cubicle

On the left wall: For the rules of toilet tennis, see the other wall.

On the right wall: For the rules of toilet tennis, see the other wall.

Repeat ad nauseum

(

Zak Canard remembers this place, vaguely, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:50, archived)

Remembered another one...

at my senior school they had these foldable seats with stickers on the top of the seat back saying they were made by Sandler Seating.

A few scratches of the sticker later and you had 'anal eating'. always bound to impress visitors.

(

Purple Robot Now with added doom, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:54, archived)

In the alley way between Upminster and Hornchurch in Essex...

...my mate done a smilie face on the floor and then some girl got raped in that alley and the graffiti was in the papers, and recently someones sprayed BOATHEAD all over it lol.

(Valo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:13, archived)

Serial Killer Apreciation Society?

I once saw 'Free Dr Shipman' on the back of a white van. It did make me laugh.

(negativefactor, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:11, archived)

This has probably been mentioned......

.... but I couldn't be arsed to read all of them.

On a big plain brick wall at the side of a shop on a busy high st was an official looking sign saying 'BILL POSTERS WILL BE PROSECUTED' underneath in permanent marker some cad had written 'Bill Posters is innocent'

(

Chumfatty, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:27, archived)

Did you get

your free Dr Shipman?

(Chillijam, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:10, archived)

Nope...

...I'm still waiting for it. Postal Strike probably

(negativefactor, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 16:56, archived)

"Colin has three bars of soap...

and one of them is plain flavour." Surreal, and somewhat beautiful, in a playground in Twickenham.

Also, I note that the Public Records Office in Kew has finally tired of replacing the "L" and changed its name to the National Archives.

(

Queen of Cheesecake, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:20, archived)

so now its....

anal archives

(El_Presidente, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:41, archived)

It is

now

(Jimmaw, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 21:29, archived)

Dodgy Venue in Wycombe

i went to see a band and on the toilet wall was written ....

"If you think punks dead your dead"

Also a great source of graffiti was the exam desks at school.

(Spoondeath, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:23, archived)

is that

the White Horse?
lol

(Fort, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:46, archived)

yeah...

..s'gotta be the White Horse. Top venue, have even played there a few times meself, frightening bogs though!

(Scribble, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:08, archived)

Wie Adolf Hitler sitz ich hier

die braunen Massen unter mir.
(Sorry, I failed to translate this while keeping it funny).
Commonly written on german public toilets.

(

azerty, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:34, archived)

Did some german 10 years ago

I think it means something like .....

Like Adolf Hitler I here the brown masses under me

(Spoondeath, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:40, archived)

You mean you did some google translation?

(

xian, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:38, archived)

I think it means

Like Adolf Hitler i sit here with the brown masses below me

(Cockfosters!, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:55, archived)

i think i can

Like adolf hitler i sit here
the brown massing under me :P

(dan_clarkie, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 23:36, archived)

theres a gang in our town

called "The Mexicans".

They graffiteed their name on the side of the biggest building in town--they spelled it

"The Mecksikans"

everyone laughed and laughed--so the next night they crossed it out and re-wrote it the right way right below it. They never got much respect, that gang

(-Ironic Ferret-, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:38, archived)

LOL!

This big house near where I am staying in MN has the name of this gang called the Pheonix-Flame Cigarettes in giant grafitti. They also spelled it Feenix-phlame sigarets. * EVIL GRIN* Cunts.

(number 27-hunter, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 22:17, archived)

My old school

was next to a river and we used to get really bad fog drifting up and engulfing the grounds. Also, at the back of the school field was a huge embankment stretching up at an angle and facing the entire school. I always felt that it would make a nice canvas. So one morning we dissapeared out into the freezing fog and left our mark in the frosty grass by shuffling our feet. An hour or so later as the sun burned away the residual pea souper - Hey preso!! a thirty yard long cock and nuts for the whole school to guffaw over, it lasted the rest of the day.

(

Cosmo Smallpiece Nickers Nackers Knockers, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:42, archived)

in response to goodness knows what

someone painted on a wall near belfast city centre, in large letters
"ULSTER HAS SUFFERED ENOUGH"
(it's quite probable that someone had been killed nearby, that sort of thing used to happen quite a lot in that part of town) and then some bright spark came along and painted above it
"No topless bathing"
made me laugh

(

VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:49, archived)

in co-op bogs

in a small broadband enabled market town in north staffordshire:

birth, school, work, then die. Is that all there is to life?

Then it said "wot about sex" underneath. The word sex had then been inserted between each of the four stages above.

(pygmy giraffe, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:53, archived)

Birth, School, Work, Death

Single and Album by the Godfathers circa 1988.

(

The Mighty Gusset Doesn't Care - And Doesn't Care Who Knows It !, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 10:02, archived)

somewhere

on the way to Alton Towers near (or in) Uttoxeter I noticed there's a Stone Road. A blighter had vandalised it, it read Stoned Road

(happylobster, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:54, archived)

IVE SEEN THAT!

(Cockfosters!, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:58, archived)

In the same vein..

..we have some easily abusable place names near us, thus:

Hem Lane becomes Hemp Lane
and
Uckington becomes..well I guess you can figure that out.

(negativefactor, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:34, archived)

And on the

way somewhere, there is a sign that says "Effingham"
phnar phnar

(anotheradam, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 3:28, archived)

While not exactly graffiti

I have posted inane signs around my workplace before, one of the better being a sign which read "WARNING: Do Not Remove This Sign". It was up for weeks, being one of those safety sign construction toolkit jobbies I guess everyone just ignored it.

(.david, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:12, archived)

Not written graphtti

But kinda cool.

When the escalators and extra shops were built in a shopping centre nearby, someone stuck a toy wooden parrot on a ledge u see as your going up. 5 years later its still there

(

Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:42, archived)

did you know?

theres an escalator and lift company called schindler's lifts?

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:15, archived)

All the lifts in our shopping centre are made by Porn & Dunwoody.

This never fails to make me laugh.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 11:23, archived)

Crazy

and zany indeed

(seamonkey, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:47, archived)

there used to be a hairdressers in the exchange arcade

located just behind the council house in nottingham. it was originally full of various shops, tobacconists, toy shops, hairdressers, etc. (now its full of pretencious wanky designer clothing shops and homeless people sheltering from the rain)

but one shop, well, hairdressers, i remember quite clearly was called 'the public hairdressers'
and oh how i laughed when someone stole the L off of the sign!

(

Muns, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:28, archived)

nottingham is fun

(Ellis, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 18:21, archived)

It is indeed

but does painting parts of the left lion pink count as graffiti?

(

Sack Sack - Norfolks laziest, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 2:06, archived)

Best Graffiti?

Somewhere on the Underground in late 90's: "Ooh-err in a Kenneth Williams stylee"

Also someone in my town has put stickers nearly all over a lamp post near my local Sainsbury's
I will try to supply pics tommorow

And some local twat tried to be all racist once but couldn't spell right
The legend on the postbox read: "Pakies go home"

Most people thought it said "Pasties go home"
Hehehehe

(Boss Mew Covfefe does not bargain...it only covfefes., Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:32, archived)

my student house

front door had "sex" in blue marker inscribed on each of the four panels.

(

dipdapdop, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:43, archived)

train travel.

on the way to liverpool lime street on the train there is a bit of graffiti on a wall that says
"NO POPE HERE"
strange...

(EvilNoodle, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:48, archived)

I've seen that...

...I think he paid a visit in the 80s or summat

(

beefandcheese, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 21:42, archived)

Lucky Pope

(

useful_idiot, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 15:44, archived)

a few years ago

the neon lights on the Superbowl opposite Old Trafford football ground in Manchester had a defective B. so for many months the large neon sign read 'Super owl'.

the mental images of a super owl never failed to make me laugh.

(honeybadger, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:45, archived)

I used to take a train into Kings Cross every Friday Night and see a neon sign reading


General
    bing
    lies

Not until I went past in daylight did I suss out what it meant.
(General Plumbing Supplies - Obviously neon is pretty unreliable)

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 11:27, archived)

that reminds me

of my favourite sign ever: ELF SERVICE. it hung over a roundabout i used to pass every day, & wherever the S got off to, it took ages to return :)

(

wh00ps where's my, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 16:42, archived)

best graffiti

Saw this on a wall in strood, kent about 10 years ago, was in big blue spay can scrawl on a brick wall at the end of the road, I guess its about as shocking as three words can possibly be " FUCK MY MUM "

(teddyb, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:50, archived)

I remember...

...a TV news report from outside Falkirk Sheriff Court during a particularly nasty trial.

The news crew must have been in a rush to set everything up and shoved the reporter up against a nearby wall to do the report.

As a result, over his shoulder, the words 'FUCK OFF' were written clearly for the world to see all the way through that bulletin.

Not big or clever, but it made me laugh.

(

Mystery_Bob, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:18, archived)

Oh...

...just along from my house there is "SATAN IS MY MASTER, I AM HIS BITCH"

(

Mystery_Bob, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 7:22, archived)

Welsh TV

saturday afternoon sports round up about 3 years ago.

Two presenters. Camera moves back for a two-shot, leaving only the central four letters of the word Saturday visible between the presenters.

After a good 15 seconds, they cut away to a brief report and on return, the camera has moved slightly. Spoilsports.

(

chthonic, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:23, archived)

In Cambridge (like so many others)

When you're walking from Christ's Parts (or something like that, it's a park) to the station, you find Janus House. Me and Hazz couldn't resist this-

In a pub in my village in Essex, there was once "Look up *above it* Look up *above it* Look up *on the ceiling* Now look down- you've pissed all over your trousers." which I liked.

Oh, and driving into Cambridge we go past the Genome Park which someone had change a sign to read "Gnome Park".

Tables at school: Bordom kills, English should have a health warning
*some teacher* is a bitch on EVERY table of her classroom.

My friend Lucy one had one of those "Lucy is a slut" ones on the toilet walls- first she heard about it was when she walked in there and someone (not knowing she was in there) read it out loudly. Owch.

EDIT: arse, sorted out wrong code now.

(

Whillow, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:28, archived)

lol

heh heh heh... anus...

(xxhazziexx, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:43, archived)

Christs Pieces

I used to live there

(

xian, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:32, archived)

Bloody hell

Why are there so many Cambridge b3tans and never Cambridge bashes? Though the only place I can get served there is the Russian Shop...

(

Whillow, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:30, archived)

think its called

cryers piece, is it the one with the princess diana memorial that the little 12 year old cunts sk8 on?

(iain with two eyes, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:34, archived)

Yeah

It's also got a police station right next to it, we didn't find out this untill we had smoked too much weed there to care.

(

Whillow, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 16:16, archived)

I live not far from Penistone.

Hours of fun. Hours.

(

sp3ccylad carries on breathing all the way up to, say, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:26, archived)

Yeah

It's called "Christ Pieces"

I always thought it would have made a good menu entry for a Golgothan KFC a couple of thousand years ago.

(

100% Cock Raw like carrots., Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:23, archived)

okay, um...

On the way into Watford is a wall that says LOOK DEEP, MY EYES SHOW YOU MY SOUL which I have always found touching.

Also just outside Finsbury Park station there is a marker-scrawled message reading FREE AFGHAN STAN. Who is he, I wonder?

And I had another one but I forgot it while reading the above thread.

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:31, archived)

On the wall of a pub toilet....

The painters work was all in vain
The shithouse poet strikes again

classic :D

(FoetalYouth, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:34, archived)

the best ive eva seen

in st ives (cornwall) there was a sign next to this massive surfing bech tht was meant to say no dogs, someone had scralwed on a picture of a shouting man and chaged it to say no dogs or townies i spen hte rest of the day chucling and eating pasties.
yay first eva post

(spanley, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:42, archived)

Elvis suxs

I am currently working in a very dull government office in Wellington, NZ. In the toilets on the 11th floor someone has written 'Elvis suxs' on the wall. The thing that puzzles me is that the offices are not open to the public, and were only re-decorated a few years ago, which means that the message has to have been written there by one of the staff. I spend my days glancing around the office suspciously trying to fathom which of my co-workers harbours a festering hatred of The King strong enough to make them deface the toilet wall. The recent revival of interest in Presley's songs has granted me the opportunity to mention him in casual conversation around the coffee machine, but none of my probing has provoked the kind of furious reaction I would expect from the culprit. This is how I imagine the conversation would go when I found the man responsible:

Me: Morning. Getting a coffee there I see. Hey, by the way, I just heard that 'new' Elvis song on the radio this morning, but i'm not sure what to make of it just yet. What do you think of it?

Culprit: Elvis? Would it suprise you to know that I am a cell leader for an underground militia set on denouncing the life and works of Elvis. We have operatives in New York, Cairo and Peru set to deface The Statue of Liberty, The Great Pyramid and Machu Picchu respectively with huge slogans which will reveal the true nature of Elvis's work and start the demise of Rock and Roll as we know it. And me? Well it was I, yes I who wrote 'Elvis suxs' in biro on the toilet wall!

(TommyTheMuff is a new dad and luvvin it, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:42, archived)

on a peice of hording

near covent garden

(

weebl Mashed farts, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:46, archived)

More badgers...

On the wall outside my Chem lab when I was doing my PhD:

"All students are reminded that they must at all times have a dead badger in their sink..."

Followed by

"Students which do not have a dead badger may get one from reception. Thank you."

(aardvarkadam, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:50, archived)

Oh ! Oh !

Saw a big van today with "Badger Removals" written on it - excellent choice of name

(

wonko the sane, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 23:01, archived)

help, badgers!

they're bigger than you think

phew, thought i wasnt gonna get the opportunity to write it on this board

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:21, archived)

on a huge viaduct over a road

about 60ft up. In huge letters - We have balls of steel

(christophaloph, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:12, archived)

On a bridge

Scrawled into the paintwork "I have just had a warnk." Underneath that, someone had written "If it was as good as your spelling, I wouldn't of bothered." Helpfully, someone had circled the "of" and corrected it to "have."

(ed_pearson, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:21, archived)

On the mean streets ...

... of Gowerton you can expect to see shit graffiti. I remember seeing one which was on a warning sighn by an electric pylon that read 'Danger of death' now it is cool as it is but some pube changed two letters so it read 'Banger of beth'

(WiggZ, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:20, archived)

There's a bridge running over the Charles River in Boston

and there's a big college rowing race there every year. Usually people spraypaint things on the bridge for their team, or something nasty for a team they want to lose. One year someone spraypainted "Tufts! I'm risking my life to warn you, there is a bomb in your boat bail out bail out BAIL OUT!"

Tufts didn't win that year, so I guess that, as a distraction, it worked.

On the toilet door in the arts and architecture building at my school someone had written: "Taking a shit is creating shit, so it must be art, eh?" Under that, in response, "Fucking architects."

Also, on the ladies bathroom wall in the A&A building, a very detailed pen and ink drawing of two gentleman kissing. Actually quite tasteful, and very skillfully rendered. With the caption, "I don't care if you're gay, stay out of our bathroom."

I don't know, I laughed.

(

TheFelineAnarchist, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:23, archived)

Opposite Oxford road station in Manchester some anti-war protester has written "WAR IS CRIME" on the wall. Not that interesting, but underneath someone else has written "so is graffiti". Made me laugh anyway.

(jawjut, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:23, archived)

i used to work

as a security guard at a UPS center, and on one of the restroom stall walls there was an entire conversation written out in graffiti between about 4 people. went something like
"hang hoffa by his nuts"
"what nuts?"
"he doesnt have any"
"its spelled doesn't"
"no its not"
"no, thats right"
it apeared over the corse of a week, in diffrent handwriting too.

(Mynd, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:29, archived)

I once read

"Rose are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm on Prozac,
Ten Pence for your Tractor"

Which I came out of the khazi giggling my arse off.

Especially when I told my then girlfriend that I saw it seconds after I sat down and then told her that there were loads of people heard me laugh like a loon on the bog.

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:31, archived)

the best bit of graffiti i saw has to be...

in a fairly run down area of my town where the words "Fuck Oof" (spelled like that) was sprayed across the outside wall of the public library (surely they should of checked with the dictionaries inside). It was there since I could remember but was removed a few years ago.

(Ash_Pow is now available in extra medium, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:32, archived)

Fuck

On the subject of fuck. At my old school some vandals broke in and sprayed in big yellow letters the word FUCK on the side of the drama studio. The school was swift to remove it but while using the high preshurer water washer thinggy accidently traced the word. Now theres a filthy wall with FUCK being the only clean bit.

(WiggZ, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:38, archived)

At my old

office, a person was scrawling on walls claiming that 'Robert Smells Bad!!' A while later, a post-it note appeared on the drink dispenser, saying 'Even this machine knows Robert smells bad!'

(jeligula, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:39, archived)

Well....

im only half way through this lot (so kill me if its already been said) but the best ive seen is:

In big white writing 'Bill Stickers Is Innocent' on a bridge in Northolt (London)

Also in a pub in Euston, there was the usual rubbish Arsenal are great, Chelsea are the best... at the bottom of the door was 'IM BEHIND YOU, NOW SCREAM AND MAKE IT FUN FOR ME!'

(templett, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:46, archived)

Not the most

politically correct graffiti but here goes:

In a pub in Chiswick (no prizes if you can tell me which one) the gents toilet cubicle had the usual graffiti ("MUFC rules!", etc) except, written halfway down the wall was this gem:

"It is my belief that the sale of pens to the working classes should be banned"

Apologies if that offends anyone but it made me laugh for a couple of hours.

(Crumpet, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:47, archived)

Various Milton Keynes subways

Especially around Springfield, cast aspersions upon the sexual preferences of a person called 'Rory':

"Rent Boy Rory"
and
"Rory is gay"

I had no succes in confirming these rumours.

(mcnelson, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:28, archived)

Did you see

"Bent Rory" as well on a house in Springfield? Just by the H6! Man, that's been a running joke in my family since 1988.

(noahlovesnesquick, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:14, archived)

hmm...

While vising friends in South Texas (the heart of the Bible Belt)
I once saw on a bathroom door:
"Chrissie is a gosh darned cheater! She has no respect for herself, her friends, or God. Pray for her." Hardcore.
Next to: Sarah fucked Andrew dirty and loved it"
It made me giggle.

Edit: Oh and: there are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who read binary, and those who don't.

(blubear, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:50, archived)

My locals

have great graffiti! One has "you are all bastarards" and the other has "you are all noobs"... the same person maybe?

Oh dear me I joined just to post this

(

GeordieSteve, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:08, archived)

beep beep

Me and a few friends were road trippin' in north wales and came along a city called Bangor. It is a proper shithole.

I needed to take a dump (well, leave a dump, I didn't take it with me) but was too scared to go in a scary Bangor pub for fear of being raped so we drove to a service station, while I sat atop my throne and contemplated life I saw this gem on the door of the cubicle:

"Fuck off home English wankers"

Nothing too special about that, but underneath someone had written:

"We already are home, we just let you live in this shithole"

Made me giggle like a girl.

Also on this door, someone had written:

"My name is Simon,
When I'm not shagging
I'm wanking"

Someone had changed this to:

"My name is Simon LeBon,
When I'm not shagging sheep,
I'm wanking horses off"

The door is now available on audio cassette for the visually impaired, or so another message made me believe.

It was a good dump.

(tricky_soul, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:14, archived)

Recently took a road

trip from Ontario to Alberta.
Wrote "PENIS" in every single gas station bathroom we stopped at from Toronto to Edmonton. (got the rest on the way back)

(

cheesemaster a screaming naked asian man driving a semi, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:22, archived)

I saw one!

One the way back from France to England, on the ferry, someone had written one of my all time favourite jokes on one of those crappy blue tables :

Two goldfish are in their tank. One says : I'll drive.

(Nudger - Back on b3ta having been away since '04!, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:25, archived)

My favourite toilet graffittittiffiittii

Every poet, when he dies
Finds erected in the skies
In honour of their style and wit
A monumental pile of shit.

Well done, not only have you shat: you've created a monument to a poet.

I confess to writing this in any new toilet I go in.

(

wanky art student is liable to phwoar at any minute, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:32, archived)

I was famous in Leeds Uni Ladies...

I was reliably told by 4 seperate sources, that for some time, in the Ladies dunny in Leeds Uni (just outside the Old bar, if anyone knows the place), there was a scrawl that read:-
'Jesus doesn't exist'
to which someone replied -'Yes he does, he works at Clarence Dock Bar'
(that'd be me then...)

Oooh, to be well known around those cubicles again...

Oh, and currently there's a spate of 'Wet Paint' being written on (almost) freshly painted walls.
Made me laugh.

(jesusbagpuss, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:34, archived)

Best i've seen

is on a desk in a lecture room in uni of newcastle upon tyne.

1/fuck off x 1/fuck right off = 1/right

(smigga, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:45, archived)

tuesday

I realise I have almost certainly missed some deeper point but mathematically should that equal 1/(fuck off)^2 right ... ?

(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:46, archived)

If I remeber maths from

20 years ago (jesus!) it should be (1/fuck off)/(1/fuck right off)=2/right. Surely?

(Chimichanga!, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 20:35, archived)

No..

If i remember maths from my class last week then badger is right

(Moppith, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 4:35, archived)

hmmm

who gives a fuck? I got it wrong anyway :)

Should be

fuck off x 1/fuck right off = 1/right

(smigga, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 18:42, archived)

I grew up

in a hole in South Wales called Newport, and drank in a collapsing hole of a bar called (shortened) "The Brahms" (owned by Steve Strange, if I recall).

Anyway, halfway up the stairs to the (*ahem*) toilets someone had carved the words (8 inches high) "I went to the Brahms, and their dog ate my homework".

(

wonko the sane, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:54, archived)

On a shed that houses police push bikes in Oxford....

People
Of
Limited
Intelligence
Controlling
Everyone

(ad, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 23:13, archived)

I went back to Newport

for a visit a few years ago. They'd built a bypass / overpass type thing,
and on the wall of one of the ramps up to a bridge, which was about 12 billion tons of concrete were the words
"The speed of light is proportional to mass"

Which I thought was pretty good, for Newport.

(

wonko the sane, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:39, archived)

there's a great one in cambridge

where someone tried to write "apocalypse" on a chimney but ran out of space so had to scribble it out and do it again a couple of feet lower down. d'oh.

ps - hullo b3ta... have decided to stop lurking and start posting

(egglet, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 23:28, archived)

Does it still say

"Meat is Mudrer" on the wall of Sidney Sussex College opposite Sainsbury's?

(

chthonic, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:41, archived)

I 2 joined 4 this.

No. 1: On the stall's wall (it rhymes in German):

Don't waste your time reading the jokes on the wall,
Because the biggest joke is between your hands.

No. 2: the desk next to me on the far back of the classroom one day had the word "scrub" written all over it. It must've taken the dude hours of patience for writing what seemed like at least one thousand instances of the word. You literally couldn't see the desk's color anymore... Next week, same class, the desk was clean. That's when I pictured a janitor like in The Simpsons, cursing the brat who did all this, having to scrub all of it away... What I hard time I had to contain my laughter for the rest of the class...

(st0pid, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 23:52, archived)

I got two.

The first one was scrawled on a generic bathroom wall.

"Life's a bitch
and then you die.
It really sucks
Unless you're high."

Personally, I was the inventor of Anti-Graffiti. (And if you came up with it earlier, then fuck you, I've got the patent, la la la.)

I would go around to typically childish graffiti - "Tanner is a FAG." and either simply write the word 'not' in, or write the exact opposite of what they wrote immediately below it.

Steven Black sucks the cock.
"The guy who wrote that wishes Steven Black would suck his cock."

Robert is a gino.
"The guy who wrote that wishes he was a gino."

That sort of thing. I was rather pleased with myself.

(A Wooden Leg Named Smith, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 23:56, archived)

Isn't that

a bit like writing "Graffiti is for cunts" on a wall?

(Crumpet, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:00, archived)

Surprised no one's seen this:

"There are 10 types of people in this world; those who understand binary, and those who don't."

simple elegance is what that is.

(DonkeyRhubarb, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 0:16, archived)

The funniest I've seen

wasn't even a joke or witty piece of writing, just some idiot at school who wrote "Seth Wright, 10 Toole." He's also the sort of kid that would do that sort of thing. Stupidity or bravery, I still found it funny.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 0:29, archived)

I've seen two of the best poems in the same stall

The first:
"There once was a girl from Peru,
who loved to bathe in man goo.
She said it was tough, to find quite enough,
but even a sprinkle will do!"

The second:
"Life is a waste of time
and time is a waste of life,
so let's get wasted and have the time of our lives!"

(

droogii why stay still when you can roll, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 1:08, archived)

In my music teachers office

He has a picture of a wall he saw somewhere. It says something like "Make peace, no more violins".
Obviously spellcheck was not the most useful thing in this case.

(penguinpower, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 1:25, archived)

I think

that could be true, if the Grafitti Artest( a misspelling Grafitti Artist)hates violins, or just hates my flatmate. his name is VIOLINS! Which mother would name their child VIOLINS, after the musical insturment of DOOM?

(number 27-hunter, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 22:35, archived)

graffiti around the keele uni area

A few...
"if god was to give the world an enema, he'd stick the hose in Stoke on Trent"
Underneath the British Standard sign on the condom machine
"So was the titanic"
"Here i sit in silent bliss
listening to the dribbling piss
now and then a fart is heard
followed by a falling turd
i sit and smell the rising vapour
and see some bastard's nicked the paper"

probably all been seen everywhere else in the world :P

(Fantastic Mr Porter is bored, and wishes it was, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 1:20, archived)

On a ferry on the way to the Isle Of Arran...

On the inside of the toilet door: "Stop having a brickie".

(...And You Will Know Us By The Waste Of Thread, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 1:35, archived)

being a celtic fan i appreciated this..

on the toilet roll dispenser in my uni toilets, someone has written "rangers season tickets available here". theres another good one where someone has written "masturbation stunts the growth" on the door, then on the ceiling it says "liar". well it made me laugh

(king_graham_of_grahamsville, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 1:37, archived)

On a bridge near to my secondary school....

Someone had written "I fucked Steer's mum" (Mr Steer being the headteacher). Someone else had written underneath: "- by Steer's dad".

Also, on a desk in a lecture room at Brunel Uni: "I shot Phil Mitchell"

(...And You Will Know Us By The Waste Of Thread, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 1:45, archived)

On Stockport Library...

the endeering and enduring phrase 'I LOVE PLUM' is scrawled near the entrance. I'd take a picture of it but i've no camera, be it digital or old fashioned.

But it's true.

(fnerk, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 2:58, archived)

Reverse the Curse

On an bridge over Storrow Drive (one of the main roads through Boston, MA) there is a sign that should say "Reverse curve". I moved here about two years ago and it has always been graffitied (sp?) to read "Reverse the Curse", presumably a reference to the "Curse of the Bambino", an ancient curse against the Red Sox baseball team who sold Babe Ruth to the New York Yankees and have never since won the World Series. This year included.

Over this past summer the sign was replaced. Not more than two days later so was the graffiti. Even as a non-fan I find this excellent!

(UnlikelyBostonian, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 3:02, archived)

alright!

we're getting more bostonians on here!
thank cats, i was starting to feel like the only one.
oh, and since i'm now at college, i have taken it upon myself to scrawl 'reverse the curse' in permanent marker all over the campus. also 'believe' with the red sox 'b'.

(

TheFelineAnarchist, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 5:07, archived)

graffiti...

they were doing construction on one side of a road, and there was a sign directing traffic that read "squeeze left" -- under which someone had written "nut". what was particularly funny is that the added text was done with such care that it blended perfectly with the sign.

that "reverse the curse" graffiti has been there for years on storrow drive.
it gets repainted over every time it starts to fade.
enough cops have turned so many blind eyes to the painters, that it's safe to say it's a nearly-endorsed boston landmark.

(pinknoisemachine, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 3:06, archived)

Here i sit, broken hearted,

came to shit but only farted.

(retro, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 3:57, archived)

remembered another

I wrote at high school and it lasted the whole time I was there

LLAW EHT NI KCUTS MA I PLEH (letters backwards)

(kupsta, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 3:58, archived)

In 6th grade, on the post of a volleyball net

"8 inches
can go for many hours
875-555-1234"

(futile, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 4:54, archived)

In San Diego California

There is an area by the 805 lined with the back fences of peoples homes. One section is painted a darkish red color and is frequently used for graffiti. Guess the owner was fed up and put his own, but tragically didn't pay attention to what he was writing and ended up with "Taggers are idiots and asshoholes!".

(PrenatalFlunky, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 5:13, archived)

Can't believe no one's posted this

Unfortunately, I've only seen pictures from my boss, having never been myself. Beltway, Washington D.C. There's an overpass, and just over the view is a rather creepy looking building. Quite reminiscent of the Wizard of Oz. Someone fitting spraypainted across the overpass "Surrender Dorothy."

(puttysan, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 5:13, archived)

My first ever post....lazy funker that I am

Best dirty van graffiti i've ever seen was " Shhhhh, illegal immigrants sleeping"

Also have seen several times variations on "I am 12 inches, do you want me", to which I am forced to respond "that depends on how big your cock is"

(Moustachio, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 5:23, archived)

old reply

"Well its 12 inches long but I don't use it as a rule"

(ho_yus, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:33, archived)

more of a serious one

but in various places of the new york subway, some guy has started writing his journal/life history/wake the hell up people type stuff. he started this after he lost nearly everything and tried to kill himself. now, there are walls with writing, and labeled by page. last i saw was only page 3.

(Plus9AgainstOgres, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 5:30, archived)

On a toilet paper/bog roll dispenser

Is printed the logo and name of the manufacturer-- "Rollmaster"

Above it, someone has written, "wipe faster with", thus making a rather catchy advertising slogan.

(+3 Baroque Vambrace of Icthyology, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 6:16, archived)

in KBC at edinburgh uni in the bogs years ago...

smoke ~~blunts~~
          ~~the herb~~
          ~~rothmans~~
          the white owl

(

wingpig wish I'd known about liquify eighteen years ago, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 6:49, archived)

On a condom machine:

"Don't buy this gum, it tastes like rubber!"

(retro, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 7:39, archived)

Free Nelson Mandella.....

with every box of Weetabix

(wall in Birmingham)

(AndyA, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 8:14, archived)

On one of the M1 bridges

LESUS SAVES

Obviously the religious fruitcake got confused while painting hanging upside down or something.

Twatmangle!

(

Signify, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 8:16, archived)

random Australian graffiti

There is a lovely bit of vandalism that can be seen on a fair amount of the trains around Sydney.
With a small amount of white-out the 'At night travel near the guards compartment, marked with a blue light' easily becomes 'At night, rave near the guards, naked with a blue light'

(notthatgreg, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 8:32, archived)

And on another one southbound on the M1:

FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT

the right for what exactly?

(

Dr. Blackwolf is sucking diesel on, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:44, archived)

chouchter brilliance

For those who don't know, chouchter's are referred to as people who come from anywhere North of Perth. It's a fairly derogatory term, and my mate Gourlay was a prime example of why it was coined.

In an effort to show his coolness, he told us down the pub one night that he'd written "smoke up the gange" on our quarter pipe we kept by the river in Thurso. When we got down there, we found that we he'd actually written was :

"somke up the ganga" in two foot high letters.

Idiot.

(weedom, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 8:36, archived)

Cambridgeshire Drug Action Team, bless em.....

... have put up large pink posters in the toilets of many of the pikier local pubs that say, "While you're in here, what's happening to your drink?" This is blatantly an invitation to grafitii, among the responses I've seen have been:

i) Oxidation.
ii) Inflation.
iii) Being pissed in.
iv)Being Mickey Finned (??? What??)
v) Being Rohyped.
vi) Being Fucking Stolen.

I think maybe Cambridgeshire Drug Action team may have needed to leave less pink space on the posters. And I'd like them (out of purely casual interest, I must emphasise) to explain to me what 'Mickey Finning' a drink entails.

(fixit, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 8:41, archived)

Mickey Finn

is slang for mixing your drinks.

I have no idea why, and the story about how I came to know reflects *really* badly on my mum, no matter how many times I tried to type it correctly.

So I shan't mention it at all.

dictionary.reference.com/search?q=mickey%20finn

/edit slightly different definition, now that I've read it more closely. Bloody americans.

(weedom, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 8:53, archived)

During Prohibition

bootleg gin was called Mickey Finn - just a form of rhyming slang (I do believe). Basically, it was gutrot.

(

Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 8:54, archived)

Had a quick google search after I posted...

64.191.14.225/mfinn.html

(fixit, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 8:57, archived)

It means to slip a drug into a drink

I'd always heard that it was named after a bar owner who slipped some knockout chemical ( I don't recall what) into drinks, and take the passed out person in the back, rob him, and put him in the alley in rags instead of clothes. The chemical also affected their thinking when they woke up. MAybe I should check snopes.com . . .

(ChiTown Guy Dating when 35+: sane, single, attractive - pick 2, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 1:51, archived)

to slip someone a mickey

..is to spike their drink in some unpleasant manner, the type and degree of unpleasantness according to your character.

I was recently at a bar in the Rio in Vegas, chatting to a girl who was, over the course of 10 minutes, a dancer, manicurist, PA, and dancer again. (never a hooker)
When I wandered to the slots to replenish my wife with quarters, the girl was aghast that I should leave my drink unattended.
What if someone should _mickey_ it.
Being large, homely (ugly), married, pissed, and with a liver the size of a small pony, I said _ I don't care, so long as it's paid for._
e.

(etchi, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 18:09, archived)

Goat Hill Tavern in Costa Mesa, California, before they renovated the toilets.

"Sex is evil,
Evil's sin
Sin's forgiven
So get stuck in"

"Mary had a little lamb,
It's fleece was white as snow
But nobody gave a shit about her fucking fluffy fleece when they ate it."

(

Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 8:46, archived)

sex is great

sex is fine
doggy style or 69
just for fun or getting paid
everyone loves getting laid

cowes, iow

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:36, archived)

Bog wall at Nottm Uni Physics Dept.

I came down from Mars in a tabacco tin,
my hair is falling out.
So why is a pig?
Why is it eh?

and

Lincon is full of shit
followed by
It's also full of Ls dickweed.

(

Hoagie, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:07, archived)

Queens Road subway yields a lot of good grafitti here in Coventry.

One of the finest was "never Cov in Coventry", whatever the hell that means.
And on the wall of someone's house in Machynlleth, the legend "Will Young is gay" and the reply "good".
Either way, they're better than the ones that say "if you read this u r gay" (laziness!).

(noahlovesnesquick, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:08, archived)

A bunch of us went out one night on a girly night out

and ended up in a karaoke bar. Not knowing there was a competition on, I got up and belted out a song (Carpenters, Rainy Days & Mondays) and an hour later found out it was a competition and I'd actually won it - of course they did the "Where's that accent from" thing, so it was the usual "England, been here 4 years, love it, blah blah"

Went to the toilets half an hour later after buying a round for my friends ($100 buys a lot of beer) and on the back of the stall door was written
"The English bitch can't sing"
I promptly whipped my biro out and wrote "Neither can you you fat whore, that's why I won" (bearing in mind I had no idea who'd written it)

10 minutes later this girl comes storming over to our table - after I'd told my friends - yelling "How dare you call me a fat whore"
We all cracked up laughing, as did this girls friends......

(

Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:09, archived)

I put the 'cunt' in Scunthorpe. (in a pub in Hull)

(

Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:11, archived)

but who.

. put the twat in Derwent Water?

(etchi, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 18:12, archived)

this was in oxford too

On the way to hire a punt, just before the boatyard there is a toilet block. I nipped in, and washing hands afterwards was confronted with one of those continuous towel thingies to dry my hands on. It proudly displayed its name on the front "Advance Towelmaster". Underneath, some wit had written "and be recognised"

Later on I fell in the river, which serves me right for going punting. I was getting out and had one foot on the punt and one on the bank. As if in slow motion it occured to me that the distance between the two was increasing until the inevitable moment when I couldn't hold it together any more. How they all laughed on the bank. Bastards.

(

weevilstepmother, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:33, archived)

Graffiti

Is this graffiti? Someone used to stick labels on Range Rovers in Hampstead which said "Fuck off back to the range".

(weds child, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:40, archived)

on a toilet door

it's not premarital sex if you don't plan on getting married

(egglet, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:47, archived)

Not sure if this counts as graffiti...

but in a pub in Southend someone had sellotaped a piece of paper to a blackboard. Written on the paper was "Do not look."
Written on the blackboard under the paper was "Nosey Bastard!"

(

Ijon Tichy, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:47, archived)

SOMKE

There is some grafitti in connahs quay that always entertained me cos it was spelt wrong it just said "SOMKE DRUGS" i always tried to imagine the person who wrote it, probably had somked some b4 they did

(Count Spazula, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:07, archived)

see my post further up

It was probably my mate on a day trip

(weedom, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:56, archived)

The best I ever saw was

on an old run down building near where I live someone had done a homage to Alan Partridge and sprayed "Cock Piss Partridge" but not stopping there they then did the correction as well and changed it to "Cook Pass Babtridge" (or whatever it was I cant remember exactly now).

It made me laugh.

(

comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:56, archived)

Seen in Hackney c.1990

GAY SKINS DO IT LOADS

(

Dunks, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:56, archived)

Also seen in Hackney c.1990

BIG UP YA CHEST - BUY A STRING VEST!

(

Dunks, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:57, archived)

maybe im just a grumpy old curmudgeon

but I hate graffiti.

I hate Banksy. I used to work around brick lane and was horrified when he went through an "ironic porn" phase. He stencilled pornographic images on the walls and shutters of halal butchers, moslem community centres and I seem to remember even the side of Brick Lane mosque.

Some people might think that's funny. Me, I see no difference between Banksy's "art", and skinheads spraying "NF" or swastikas. Banksy is a racist and shouldn't be encouraged, let alone have his own exhibition and get fawned over in the Guardian.

Anyway, you're looking for examples, here's a picture I took recently in Llandudno. Not only did these morons deface a brand new kids' roundabout, they're so stupid they can't spell from.

(

littlebean, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:01, archived)

No he's saying hello to Forme in Somerset...

...all of it

(

darth munki is flipping livid, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:20, archived)

then it's his

geography that's dodgy, being in North Wales an all

(

littlebean, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:24, archived)

coming from Frome

as I do - he's welcome to it.

(lolly, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 13:55, archived)

Banksy

Whats Racist about spraying porn on a mosque? Surely that is attacking religion? Unless you're assuming that ALL Moslems are of a race different to Banksy's (which they obviously aren't). He may be intolerent towards religion but religion is ideology and any ideology by its very nature must be open to question. I'm not deffending his attack on religion, but it deffinately does not make him racist.

(El_Presidente, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:44, archived)

no. it's gratuitously defacing a building in an offensive way

that's not engaging in debate, any more than slashing a rembrandt is.

(

littlebean, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 21:51, archived)

the building is defacing the the land in an offensive way to me

right back at ya

(BULLSHIT_and_ONIONS, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 0:43, archived)

only cunts

are offended by porn.

I'm offended by mosques. and synagogues, and churches, and temples. I would personally like to see all these encitements to religious zealotry demolished and replaced by Courts Furniture Warehouses. I am sure if the religious all bought nice comfy sofas and had a relaxing sit down (and a cup of tea) there would be a lot less hate in the world.

There's logic in there somewhere.

(Lambkin, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 15:38, archived)

Agreed.

This world has no place for bigoted, backward and non-tolerant collectives of people.

(

Dr. Blackwolf is sucking diesel on, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 15:59, archived)

Wait

Are you talking about religions or people putting offensive grafitti about?

(ChiTown Guy Dating when 35+: sane, single, attractive - pick 2, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 1:58, archived)

Like those

damn Atheists.

(Random Ferret, Sat 8 Nov 2003, 0:27, archived)

I agree,

i bought a smashing bed from my local Courts the other week. They actually kept the original font by the leather sofa section too.

(Jackanory, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 22:54, archived)

WOO!

seconded.

(hingesII, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 22:55, archived)

I wasn't suggesting it was a debate.

I don't think that slashing a Rembrandt is racist though, do you?

(El_Presidente, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 19:24, archived)

No...

....but someone should slash The Rembrandts.

(

Beve The Spaniard broke off his horse's head, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 12:55, archived)

On the alleyway wall

Shipman Vs Tyson!
Who has the most wicked jab?

(

doctordoctor I feel like a pair of curtains, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:04, archived)

Really sad grafitti

In a computer science department toilts at uni there was some really awful grafitti.

e.g.
On left wall: "Recursion, a simple example. Look right"
On right wall; "Look Up"
On ceiling: "Look Left"

And also the picture of a tree someone drew. Someone else addes loads of '1's and '0's to it, and labeled it a binary tree (If you don't get it, be grateful)

[edit] Oh and on a desk in a lecture theatre, a picture of a button with "Hold button for 50 minutes to end lecture" written below it.

(

Not Called Dave, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:05, archived)

CLAIRE IS LUVLY

on bridge just outside of Rugby. How nice!

And on the other side:

"HOME RULE FOR CRICK" which has recently changed to:

"FLY CRICK AIR"

(Scribble, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:10, archived)

Jane loves Mark for eva
and under it:
why cant Eva love him herself?

(

Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:27, archived)

well...

I used to live in Wapping, just on Wapping Lane itself. Running behind my flat was another road called Reardon Street.
There was an old primary school there which has now been turned into some nice new flats.
On the back wall of the school, the local "gang" had tagged their territory. This was around the height of Ali G and the whole "massive" method of gang naming.
So, as you can guess, I was highly amused to read the graffiti they left all over the wall.
"Wapping Massive"
I'll try and get a photo, if the wall is still there.

(

vbloke OLDSKOOL, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:28, archived)

Danish artist called HuskMitNavn

(it means RememberMyName)

he did some with a thin little child saying "The hungry children in Africa are also thinking of you"
He's also done a bunch with a creature that has "Say no to war" painted on him, and a speechbubble that says "Yes"

(Carthag, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:29, archived)

I always liked the one in pub toilets in Daptford

"Please Flush Slowly To Prevent Froth When Served"

very similar to the other one I liked

"Please Flush Twice, It's a long way to Watneys Brewery"

(plankton, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:40, archived)

Smokers at school

I can remember seeing just how cool the smokers were at my school when they wrote "Smokkers Rule OK" on the wall.

(byakhee, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:42, archived)

Russell

At Uni there was a guy named Russell who didn't really have any mates but always seemed to be at every party or night out. On the toilet wall someone had written "who invited Russell?" but it got painted over after about a year. Not long after that appeared the words "we still don't know who invited russell" and under this was "I did. For cunt value!".

At the Christmas Ball that year whilst very drunk and in the toilet a friend of mine shouted to me "OI! WHO THE FUCK INVITED RUSSELL?", I shouted over my shoulder "I DID FOR CUNT VALUE!" and then looked round to see Russell next to my friend... How we laughed

(El_Presidente, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:53, archived)

funny graffiti

On the F3 freeway, heading out of Newcastle into Sydney, there's a sign warning motorists that police patrol the area in helicopters, so don't speed. Some wag's written "pigs in space" underneath it.

(Lydia_Petze, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:54, archived)

One that confused me and two that I feel bad about:

In a toilet in a place that I once worked:

"Dave smells nice"

I took their word for it.

We also did some living graffiti once. Our headmaster was nicknamed Yak for some unknown reason. Yak had a black labrador that we kidnapped and went to work on with a bleaching kit. We tried to get creative and draw a bleach knob on the side of the dog but it turned out more like a blob. We sent him packing with a large yellow stain on his black coat. He seemed oblivious to the whole thing and rather happy to have got the attention.

At the same school we drew a 50 foot high penis on the school cricket pitch with the line marking paint machine. Had we been caught we would have been skinned alive as the Old Boys Vs 1st Eleven match was the next day. Much scrubbing had to be done by the ground staff that morning....

Sorry Yak, this was most cathartic

(

sick_boy, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 11:02, archived)

Yes, applying bleach to pets is always funny...

...

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 12:39, archived)

Shitcase, etc.

There was a shop in Leeds called Suitcase which had a sign done in capitals, thus: SUITCASE.

The bottom curve of the U fell off so I replaced it with a straight horizontal halfway up and made it say SHITCASE instead.

Hyde Park was a particularly good place for graff. My all time favourite was when somebody amended a piece which said 'vote with a bullet' into 'vote with a ballet'. Fucking class.

(

AntonSporz, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 11:19, archived)

We had a shop here called.........

Ltd Shirts, name done in those plastic letters that stick out a bit from the wall.

It doesn't take much imagination to realise which letter got nicked EVERY weekend. After about 6 months they finally got the letters painted on.

(mary magdalen, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 19:00, archived)

graffiti

there was once some roadworks on the A140 into Norwich - Usual sign "cats eyes removed"

A little further down the road a picture of a cat with no eyes "Cats Eyes £3 a pair"

had difficulty making the next corner

(Shifty weeeee, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 11:20, archived)

more graffito

On a bus in Hitchin "LL Cool Singh".
Oh how we giggled!

(

mushybees NEBUSHI SHANGHUNG!, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 11:24, archived)

I've seen his CDs

In our local library. This is a FACT.

(sanity challenged, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 21:06, archived)

Alton Towers - Air ride

Best grafitti I've seen was in the queue for Air at Alton Towers the month it opened - we queued for over 3 hours and all along the route (gleaming new pale wood fence) were inscriptions and jokes biroed on.
Along with the usual toilet 'humour', there was an inspired sequence every 15 minutes or so along the lines of "Captains Log, 2026 - running out of water and licking dew from the grass" ... "Captains Log, 2057 - had to eat Harry's leg. Bit chewy. Harry wasn't happy".

Air broke down when we got strapped into it, so we went on Nemesis about 5 times instead.

(juicy_lucy, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 11:24, archived)

Trying not to laugh in the mens toilet...

was impossible when i read....

"Derek Batey fists dead kittens"

(Glasgow uni library, C.1996)

(big fat lazy man on a sofa is giving his piles a bloody good clawing, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 11:26, archived)

also...

on an advert for stewarts cream of the barley in belfast. it was the poster of an old guy cutting the barley, sickle aloft, ready to hack down.

someone had drawn a black line drawn up from the corn, and written

"alright da, i'll turn the music down"

makes a change from graff about killing brits and fenians

(big fat lazy man on a sofa is giving his piles a bloody good clawing, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 11:36, archived)

i cant be arsed to read all of this, im too tired.... but:

in Bath (near the Rat and Parrot), there are separate pieces of graffiti that used to make me smile.

The first says: 'is it OK for feminists to shave their legs?'.

Under which is written: "ooh, it's nice to see that Bath is still a hotbed of radical thought".

(Obi Wan Jonobi, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 11:37, archived)

Not quite Graffiti

I was on the Isle of Skye a few years ago and the triangular road warning signs to warn of Deer crossing the road had all had the silhouettes of the deer replaced with silhouettes of elephants.
It was a perfect and nearly made me crash several times firstly for laughing at the sign and secondly for making me try
to spot any elephants that may have been wandering the hills just incase it was a genuine sign.

(cort16, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 11:37, archived)

I saw that

The sheep warning signs had been done too in places.

(

Hoagie, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:55, archived)

M32 Bristol

Driving into Bristol a couple of years ago some anarchists had sprayed a bridge with the slogan "Go on take a sickie, You Deserve it" and the little A symbol. Laughed so hard I nearly crashed into the queue of traffic.

(bblac didnt get the new job booo rotten bastards, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 11:41, archived)

Where 2 motorways join in Birmingham, the M25 and another one

right outside Ikea, theres a sign saying

under which is written 'it'll be quicker to walk there.'

Its funnier if you notice it whilst sittling in a 3 hour traffic jam though.

(el_pollo_diablo, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 11:59, archived)

The M5/M6

you mean

(

Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:03, archived)

As you can propably imagine.....

...the blokes toilets where I used to work at IBM in Portsmouth were *spotless*. No graffiti at all, unless you looked closely....

In one particular stall, written on the wall so small it was hardly readable was the rather serious (but funny) "my bums bleeding"

Always made me chuckle.

(andy_pandy_pud, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:07, archived)

Scrawled Down A Nice

set of quite large white plaster on a busy roundabout in Brighton....... ' Go-on Phone In Sick'

(Elusive Squirrel, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:09, archived)

"U.S. out of...

..north america"

well, made me laugh

(I'm not giving my name to a freaking machine, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:16, archived)

On a hairdressers in Forest Hall, Newcaslte

Called "Pauls Hairdressing".

Some imaginative chavers had smashed all the letters apart from the ones spelling out “resin” as a reference to hash I imagine.

Also, “Fuck Diana rot in hell” in Newcastle city centre, which made me chuckle by the bluntness of it, and the best (written by the same person who did the previous one) of “Gerry Addams issnt a german”.

(Pandaemonium, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:21, archived)

Kingsmead School Wiveliscombe

"Lara smells fishy, tuna" in 2ft high blue letters on the side of a bike shed. It was there until I left (late eighties). Thing is Lara was gourgeous, never did find out if it was true.

(bblac didnt get the new job booo rotten bastards, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:31, archived)

Most profound graffitti

I've seen is "god is dead - nietsche" and some smart alec wrote underneath, "nietsche is dead - god" hmmmmmmmm.

(soldinio - fairly mingning today, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:36, archived)

100% Fact

When they were building the new H&M store in Chelmsford, there was the obligatory builder's fence around it to stop nosey shoppers getting into the building site.

Not being one to miss an advertising opportunity, some Ad Agency Genius came up with a cunning plan.

In foot-high letters, they put:
"W_ATS _ISSING IN CHELMSFORD"
on the outside of the building - geddit? H&M? See?

Unfortunately, some cleverer wag had graffitti'd an extra T and P onto the sign, so it read:
"tWATS pISSING IN CHELMSFORD"

Oh how I laughed. I tried to get a picture of it with the digital camera the next weekend, but unfortunately they removed it rather swiftly...

(antonye, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:33, archived)

A good few years back...

"It's grim up North" written in big letters on a bridge over the A1 Northbound near Doncaster

(dirtyhippy, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:40, archived)

Not graffiti, but still amusing, I drove past a hairdressers in Nottingham

that promised punters

"Haircut whilst you wait"

(monkeyjam, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:05, archived)

KLF

Weren't Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty responsible for that one?

(Chimichanga!, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 13:33, archived)

When i was in Jersey

I took a walk to the Devils Hole
www.cipostcard.co.nz/jersey/devhole.htm
The walk takes about 20mins up and down hill to get to a rather stunning bit of coastline where the path ends. Written on a wall was "I came down here looking for the beach and all i found was the end of this fucking path"

(

Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:52, archived)

It was not really graffiti but I nearly wrecked the car...

...when I drove past a small shed on Maui at the top of the Upper Kula Hwy. On the dark green side walls was carefully painted, "Fuck Green Harvest" in white letters in reference to the regular helicopter spotting and spraying patrols experienced on the island. I commented to my mother, "that was pointless: the helicopter would have to be at rooftop levels for the occupants to read that." My mother, a soft spoken and straight laced lady said, "those fuckers fly so low they'll get the message."

And that was when I nearly wrecked the car.

(

Felis Concolor, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:57, archived)

On a poster at Colchester North Station............

that read Harwich for the Continent

Some one wrote "Frinton for the Incontinent"

(Frinton - a nice place to retire to, or to go and die basically)

We also had many seconds of fun in A-level maths writing "25.8 the square root of the beast" on as many desks as possible.

(mary magdalen, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:02, archived)

I like the idea that the bible would round off the decimal places from the number of the beast.

;)

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 12:58, archived)

2 things

After a particulalry bad bombing spate in Derry early 70's "Shop Now while Shops Last"

but oldies are the besties - in many male toilets just above the eyeline

"What are you looking up here for ....ashamed?"

to which someone had added

"No its pushing my chin up"

ta da

(ho_yus, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:23, archived)

Not Graffiti

Went to KFC t'other day.
Sign read
"Please only use the drive through if you are in a car. Many thanks, The Managerment"

Spanners.

(

Fronkle99, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:25, archived)

Ha Ha Ha

I've tried to use a dirve through in my "invisible" Car.... I guess I'm a spanner too

(Timmy (Esq), Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:11, archived)

shame

I tend to use a shopping trolley.

(

CowJam, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 17:23, archived)

Also

The Managerment bit wasn't a typo from me.

(

Fronkle99, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 21:10, archived)

My girlfriend used to take her horse through McDonalds drive-thru.

Apparently they don't mind. Unlike skateboards...

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 13:01, archived)

The best on e I saw

was in the gent's loos in The Alexandra near Clapham Common Tube.

Someone had written 'Why does no-one in London care about each other any more?' and underneath in a different coloured ink it said 'Talk to the hand'.

(

Micro Prawnvica, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:34, archived)

it only funny on e?

(

100% Cock Raw like carrots., Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:39, archived)

Old one

but it used to make me giggle:

At Southampton Uni, there was a notice on a door saying "This door is alarmed" under which some wag had written "Well calm it down then!"

(

splorp ®, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:42, archived)

much of the same

On the toilet door in the Queens pub in sunny Bradford was the sign "caution wet floor" to which some wag had written underneath "this is not an instruction"

(

fr13day has everything required to be a Penguin, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:27, archived)

Isle of Wight

/unlurk

On a railway bridge in Havenstreet there was daubed 'ELIVS LIVES' in 6' high white letters for years.

One of the toilet cubicles in The Albion in Freshwater Bay has an entire partition that has ONLY goat sex oriented graffiti on it. People are named.

The speed timing squares on the main south coast road (the Military Road, but you're not interested) were added to a couple of years ago so they became square, circle, cross, triangle (Playstation, geddit). The police soon burnt the additions back to balck though.

And finally the signs as you drive into Freshwater have a black outline of the Arched Rock on, which fell down over ten years ago (it was a rock, in the sea, there was an arch in it you could swim through). Just before Dinosaur Isle or whatever it was was on the TV the arched rock had a black cut out of a T.Rex stuck on top of it, so the 'legs' of the arch became the legs of the T. Rex. These are still there and look as if they were intended. Nice

relurk/

(Diamond Hell, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:45, archived)

I've got two

One was beside a "Warning: Anti-climb paint" sign, someone had written "Warning: Anti-graffitti chalk" in chalk (obviously) beside it.

The second in this deep dark garage area in East London where someone had scribed "The revolution starts here" someone else had marked below it "What, here?"

Maybe you had to be there...

(TheMagicalMonkeyboy, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:50, archived)

Apols if someone else has reported this...

... but someone at Hastings College wrote "City & Guilds certificates - please take one" above the bog roll holder in a cubicle.

(w, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:52, archived)

Another sign-manipulation, rather than graffiti... but too good not to share.

Port Glasgow, early 90's. Driving past at 9pm and nearly crashed the car when we saw the "County Bingo", whose neon sign wasn't quite working. The first "o" was out...

(

chaotic_illuminator proud spacehopperist, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 14:02, archived)

Graffiti at the Uni of Cape Town

One of the toilets at Uni was plastered in Graffiti and it took me awhile to read it all eventually I started to run out ( of Graffiti to read) and happened to look up. Someone had written on the roof "Stop looking around and Shit!"

(El Wapo, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 14:07, archived)

In Worcester there used to be two yellow grit bins

side by side. One had printed on the front "GRIT", the other, in the same official font, read "DETERMINATION"

I wish I'd have taken a photo as they've been taken away now.

(monkeyjam, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:15, archived)

thoughtful graffiti

along an old wall in my street* somebody had written (in 8" letters) "I am more comfortable doing this here than in belfast - my ma lives there" (roughly - its been painted over since). I always wanted to know more.

There was also a poster for milk upon which somebody had scribbled "cow's milk is for baby cows" - a few days later this was joined by "and baby cows are for hamburgers". it made me chuckle.

(* Otago St in Glasgow, fact fans)

(shinai, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 14:16, archived)

Got suspended from high school for this

We had spanish excersise books with photos and illustrations of spanish people pointing at things like the eifle tower or a car or a loaf of bread, all with blank speech bubbles coming out of their mouths and lines underneath objects where you were supposed to write in what they were. I spent about two weeks worth of lessons going through every single one, writing 'This has been up my arse.'

They suspended me and sent photocopies of my deed to my parents, with my additions highlighted in green marker. Fuckers.

(spellingmistakescostlives .com, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 14:20, archived)

bloody hell

That brought tears to my eyes

and ideas to my head

i'll let you know if i get suspended too

(

AgentMuu hentai coordination, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 4:25, archived)

on a similar note

Hindsight tells me it was a bad idea to go to school stoned but so I did and in the middle of double biology I saw the evolutionary chart for horses ending with equus - the modern horse except that the picture of said horse had been doctored to include a wizards hat and cloak, painstakingly emblazoned with stars and stuff, a beard and a wand in its mouth. Underneath the legend now read equus the magic horse. In my hazed mental state i actually fell of the stool laughing.

(Ozwald, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 18:19, archived)

I laughed for ages at that

And I'm not even stoned

(

wayward., Thu 6 Nov 2003, 20:56, archived)

for many years in Yate, near Bristol

one of the signs announcing the town name had "Twinned with Legoland" written on it.

(

weevilstepmother, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 14:35, archived)

in my local pub

Someone scrawled "TRUST IN SATAN HE WILL PROVIDE". After a brief alteration it then read
"TRUST IN SANTA (sorry, dyslexic), HE WILL PROVIDE*" "* once a year. if you're good".

Someone later added "it's a devil when you can't spell".

(

CowJam, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 14:38, archived)

Why I think b3ta is funny

When I was at school someone had written 'EAT SHIT' on a wall. A friend of mine decided to modify it to ' AT HIT' which for some strange reason I thought was funnier. I'm still giggling at that one...

(

BG, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 14:41, archived)

"Your Mum rang"

Randomly scrawled around central London circa 2001.
Also while at Uni:
Posted beneath toilet roll dispencer in toilets...
"Art dergrees. Please take one"
Oh ho ho ho.

(

Your Mum, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 14:43, archived)

Not sure if this qualifies

I dunno if this counts, but on one occasion I was looking through the accident book on a site I was a security guard. An entry read: "Hit over the head by persons unknown"

Underneath, someone had added: "Area supervisor suspected!"

(Snitter the Rat, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 14:45, archived)

A comedian on the telly once said

"you're a real shaft of wit", paused and then said wonderingly, " did I say that right?"
Someone ought to use that as toilet grafitti.
On a railway bridge in Clydebank was a little bit saying "Farmer Jack" and it used to set me and my sister off laughing every time.

(Serendipity Long time, No see., Tue 4 Nov 2003, 14:49, archived)

Favourite bog comment:

One of mine, and boy am I proud, on any toilet wall:

NOW WASH YOUR HAND

(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 14:46, archived)

On a wall in Deptford, SE London

near a rehearsal studio i used to use:

"Let Sleeping Bags Lie"

(dtnl, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 14:52, archived)

My favs

Factory I used to work at (with a chap called Dave Burns)
On toilet wall: "Dave Burns the candle at both ends"

And a local one.. Sign for the tiny hamlet of "Hagg Bank" is frequently altered to "Shagg Bank"

(

ChiefWiggum typing random stuff, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 14:56, archived)

On the road to Aberystwyth...

...there is an outcrop of rock that has said 'Elvis' on it for over twenty years. Until someone painted over it with 'Benny Hill' then it became 'Elvis' again and then I think the council tired of the rock's existence and took a pneumatic drill to it - I imagine someone's painted it back by now though.

this is more of an observation, rather than an amusing story, in fact its a bit rubbish, sorry

(

Gnoll, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:00, archived)

its there again

accompanied by about 3 or 4 more instances of the king's name

(tarannau, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 20:07, archived)

Just remembered

an advertising poster for the BBC Clothes Show Live! that someone had written "Spawn of the Devil" over Jeff Banks' forehead. Never have I seen a more appropriate warning.

(

chthonic, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:03, archived)

Inspired I thought I'd look for grafitti in town

I found a sign which once read 'West Street' now reads 'Fuck You Street'

(Cockfosters!, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:26, archived)

More Toilet Humor

Speaking of toilet graffitti I was recently at a contractor agencies office in Greenwhich. Also in the same building was the offices for Lawrence Llewlyn Bowen (or fuckface for short). Anyhow i needed a shit so went to the one toilet that all the offices share. While dropping the kids off at pool I noticed a sign on the door that had "If it wont flush use the brush" and underneath someone had written "If in doubt scoop it out". Not overtly funny but the mental image of fuckface with his frilly cuffs with a loo brush bent into a ladle configuration scooping out his own cable made me laugh so hard that I could't get up for 5 mins......

(Zaphod666, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:26, archived)

While in Harpindon i found out that "Korn hate egg and cress"
100% fact

also local swimming pool sign had lost the "p"
so it now read
"Swimming ool"
Some bright spark had added
"Look no P, lets try to keep it that way"

(

Dave - KneHigHbOb talks, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:29, archived)

In the "King Street Run" pub in cambridge

Someone had written on the bog roll holder

"The indefinable sorrow of newly orphaned children"

Which is one of the strangest bits of graffiti I've ever seen. It is a goth pub though so its quite understandable

(WindyMiller, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:29, archived)

graffiti

"Neil's got a shit bike"

Seen at Brighton

(

Hankster, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:48, archived)

Suspicously close to the Reading Uni Philosophy Department...

...was:
"I would write some graffiti, but I don't have a pen."
Hmmm, Zen...

(HairySammoth, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:50, archived)

Hmm

I will look out for that one...

(sanity challenged, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 21:17, archived)

Very neat graffiti repainting

Between Uni. and starting my job me and a mate were sharing this flat in Hanley. The flats had previously been a knocking shop which led to a few hilarious misunderstandings, but round the back someone had written very neatly in letters about a foot tall:-

"ISLAMIC WARRIORS SAY FUCK THA POLICE"

About six months after I moved out, I went back up there for a party, and found that the original graffiti had been very neatly repainted in exactly the same place, after someone had tried to remove it.

(Dop, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:52, archived)

Remember the Bacardi billboard ads from years ago?

I lived in Leytonstone in the late 1980s at the height of the acid house thang & there was a Bacardi ad right by the tube station. "Peckham on a wet Saturday afternoon when you're drinking Bacardi" it said over a picture of a tropical paradise white-sand beach. Someone had pasted a piece of paper over the end of the sentence & written in so it said "Peckham on a wet Saturday afternoon when you're ON LSD" They'd done quite a professional job too.

I always thought it would have been better (if a bit highbrow) to put "Peckham on a wet Saturday afternoon when you're William Blake", but then I'm a bit sad...

(

Dunks, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:53, archived)

Local Election

The Conservative candidate in a Grimsby local election several years back had public denounced homosexuality previouly in his career. So we replaced the slogan on his campaign poster with the words "HE'S A FUCKING NAZI". We did quite a good job but its not exactly imaginative....

(El_Presidente, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:01, archived)

Edinburgh's finest.

Some great graffiti popped up in the very well-to-do area of Marchmont in Edinburgh...

- On one street a ground floor flat is owned by a psycho-vegan-guerilla-eco-warrior type, who hilariously once kidnapped my mate's cat and sent him a letter claiming the cat had told her it was being mistreated. This woman's front bay window is full of "meat is murder" and anti-fur and anti-hunt posters, on full view of all passers-by. The reply from the local youths was to write "EAT BEEF" on the door in very small, permanent black letters.

- Not so good this one, but for some reason a puritan local had taken it upon themselves to write "PORN PORN SHOP" on a sign for the local branch of Alldays.

- Same shop also had a big sign boasting "24 HOURS" under which was written in almost microscopic writing "OF SHITE".

(Hans-Hubert, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:07, archived)

High Wycombe again...

On the railway bridge in Frogmore, between Safeway and the Chilterns shopping centre was my second favourite piece of Grafitti :

"I (heart) YOU LARD"

it spells out in 3 foot high bright green letters, only to be followed up with:

"THIS VEGGIE WORLD SUCKS!"

I was hoping that this was the start of some bizarre meat eaters rights campaign, but no more to be seen yet...

(

Geej, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:15, archived)

Local reporters are shit...

Piece about graffiti on the local news here in Oxford. Two reporters standing under Donnington Bridge, in front of a completely spray-painted wall: this is traditionally where rowers paint up their college colours.

Whoever they were interviewing was saying "we must find out who's doing this" in front of a 10 foot high purple and white sign saying "Merton College".

(

randompunter, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:31, archived)

Whatever...

The youth of today make me laugh with their laziness. Outside the Aquatic centre in Manchester there used to be some grafitti which said, 'Lauren Pegg is a slag, slut, etc'.

When I was young I went to a private school (on a scholarship before you start) and we used to dictate our grafitti.

(Dr Whom I say DJ. You say Roomba. DJ, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:35, archived)

the eggy road

on a subway under the aigburth road liverpool...

"I Like Tits By A Gey Person"

always made me piss with it's cutting critique of homosexuality, and demanded respect with it's (surely purposeful) spelling of 'gey'.

Says all that needs to be said about redneck scousers.

(notrubraw2, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 6:32, archived)

on a pillar near my school

it says "westy westworth is a slaaaaaaaaag"

(~Sunny~, Sat 8 Nov 2003, 12:53, archived)

On the back of a toilet door, some mentally-challenged chimp had written

"WHO LOVES DICK?" in large letters.

Some mischievous imp had then written below:
"Dick's mum?"

(Tarka_the_Frotter, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:38, archived)

some parts of Wales they have bi-lingual signs that read
Diwedded
End

Took my years to see that read as Dreaded End, or Wales as it is normally none.

Some grafitti near my house says "Another Dull Socio-Political Slogan. But Why?"

(arseburger, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:41, archived)

not particularly funny but...

our garage is in a row of about 15 garages, all different but still really nasty shades of baby blue and on the one next to ours someone has written in the dust "also available in pink"..

(qdamik, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:41, archived)

who is christian goldsmith?

this was about 10 years ago, mainly in west london. A lot of graffiti with just the words: "who is christian goldsmith?" blazed across walls, bridges etc. This went on for a while until about 5 years later i came out of leicester sq tube and saw loads of stickers with the same message, and a telephone number...which i called

unfortunately the person on the other end of the phone didn't have a clue

(ViDi, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:48, archived)

Had one on the train back in sydney

"Plain Clothes and Uniformed Police patrol this train"

edited to read

"Plain Clothes and Uninformed Police patrol this train"

(jumpy yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:47, archived)

There was one

I saw this at a wall near my house. It had a realistic shit drawn near the bottom and the words above it,

Thort it wuz a fart

coupled by a smiley face.

The next week it was gone.

(Roland Deschain, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:53, archived)

A removing letters one...

The orange stickers on London tube doors used to read "OBSTRUCTING THE DOORS CAUSES DELAY AND CAN BE DANGEROUS". I once saw the pleasing result of a helpful anarchist's alteration: "OBSTRUCT THE DOORS CAUSE DELAY BE DANGEROUS"

Cheered me right up that did.

(

Dunks, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:54, archived)

An obvious target.

There's a village near where I live called Uckfield. Enough said.

(CerberaSpeedTwelve, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:58, archived)

no way is uckfield a village

and the river that goes through it is just as funny... the river Uck

(Cockfosters!, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 17:07, archived)

in so many pubs, sometimes perpetrated by me

i'd rather have a full bottle in front of me
than a full-frontal lobotomy

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:55, archived)

erm im to dumb to find how to post my own thread so im replying to this one

table im my GCSE exams are a pure source

I FUCKED GENNA UP THE ARCE AND 10 TIMES IN THE PUSSY

I BET U NEED A SHIT OR A PISS NOW
and my favourite

LEANNE MOORE IS AN STD LOVING SLAG

wooo yaaaaay for STD loving slags

(dan_clarkie, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 17:15, archived)

hehe exam tables are great

theres a bit of a story... In science we do modulated multiple choice exams so the answer is b etc.... Well we were sitting a module and some sneaky bugger had carved all the 'answers' into a table.. The guy who got this table is an idiot and he came out beaming saying 'I got all the answers right 'cos they were on the desk' Soon enough we got the results.. He got 4... Out of 40

(Cockfosters!, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 17:52, archived)

Not amusing, but i had to agree with the sentiment

On a London Underground advertising poster for the remake of The Italian Job, someone had written in large letters:

SACRILEDGE

(

100% Cock Raw like carrots., Tue 4 Nov 2003, 17:13, archived)

near halfords

in stafford there used to be
BILBO BAGGINS LIVES
not sure if it spoke the truth or not.

(you FUCKING *BANG* BANG*BANG* AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 17:18, archived)

saw a sign

it was in woolworths near oxford, it used to read:

we will prosecute shoplifters.

nicely edited to read:

we r cute shoplifters.

liked that

(

Tiggy Twitchin', Tue 4 Nov 2003, 17:25, archived)

Way back

When Beckham was starting to be something, just before he fouled it all up [NB I don't follow football so I won't pretend to do details; might have been a Euro match?], Adidas or somesuch did billboards with the various England team-members. Beckham's said: "Historians, it's B-E-C-K-H-A-M". Then he balsed up and kicked someone, got sent off and everyone hated him. During that very night, someone pasted new letters in so it read "Historians, it's T-O-S-S-E-R-!". (I have picture, but am lazy).

(Sybil 'n' Tess, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 17:53, archived)

In Glasgow

Kings Court, across from the 13th Note, someone has painted I'm Spartacus

Which always makes me giggle.

(

watashi-wa Evenin'!, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 18:06, archived)

i'm sure i've seen that

around london too

(monofiopia, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 12:49, archived)

banksy is a genius, but...

..i cant help but wonder how he got the cows to stand still.

(eskodas, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 18:22, archived)

someone did that to a dog in town

it got in the paper.. shame I don't have article

(Cockfosters!, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 18:55, archived)

In my town...

The "Main Street" sign is situated over the river.

Some clever badger changed it to "Main Piss"

In School today, my and my productive mate decided to change the words on a school letter-

BALLYCLARE HIGH SCHOOL
Parent And Teacher's Ass~~ociation~~ ~~Invite you to the~~ FOR THE

ANNUAL CRAFT FAIR

Yadda yadda yadda.

(Goemon Impact, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 18:25, archived)

Regards school humour

We had to give a reason for being late when we started school after first bell... i noticed someone had been late 10 minutes before me because he was 'rescuing a cat from a tree'

So i said i was late because 'i missed my bus putting a cat up a tree'

(templett, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 21:28, archived)

I really enjoyed...

A big printed protest-sign stuck to a wall which read
"Free Tibet..."
altered
"...With every purchase of a Tibet of equal or lesser value."

And in Oxford (The Turf IIRC):
someone wrote some rather trite philosophy, provoking the discussion:
"Fuck off posh cunt"
"Not all Oxford students are posh you wanker"
"I am"
"Well you're a cunt then, aren't you?"
Not witty, but makes me laugh a lot.

I haven't seen this yet, although it's a classic:

Here I sit all broken hearted,
Paid 2p and only farted.

In my halls at KCL there was a hole in one toilet stall, about 2" in diameter. On the inside was written "stick your cock in here for a blowjob", and on the other side, which was out by the sinks, it read "I don't know what this is, but if it sticks it's head out again, kick it."

edit:
Also (in a girls loo, repored by a friend of mine).
"I lost my virginity in here"
"I'm in the wrong loo. Can I have the box it came in?"

(

Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 18:33, archived)

Read this....

Seen in a kids playground, there was a wooden post painted in the same style as the things outside barbers shops (the red and white striped spiral pattern going downwards) on which someone had written (only on the white bit, and going round so you had to move around it to read the whole thing) :-

"Read this and get f**king dizzy"

which amused me.

(bodger, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 18:36, archived)

Toilet Graffiti

In one stall at my highschool, on the right wall was written "look to the left" and on the left wall was written "look to the right"

Also seen in a highschool toilet was a petition to beat up some girl whose name I can't remember. There was about a dozen signatures before it got painted over.

And finally, in my locker:
Life's a bitch
And then you die
So fuck the world
And lets get high

There was another four lines, but I can't remember them.

o/t My first post! Whee!

(dragonrose, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 19:12, archived)

on the toilet wall in work..

"have a break...have a shit shat"

(R1 8LUN, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 19:35, archived)

simple but inventive..

on a library wall in stoke on trent, someone had written "BURT REYNOLDZ". it gave me great pleasure for over a year, before it was removed.

(rd, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 19:40, archived)

I don't know why

but I love that

(

wayward., Thu 6 Nov 2003, 21:11, archived)

An alternative is..

Sex and drugs and rock and roll
speed and weed and birth control
Life's a bitch and then you die
So fuck the world and let's get high!

The major one in our toilets at school was
I was here but now I'm not
I'm round the corner smoking pot
I was here to make the point
That life is shit without a joint.

And:
Those who know me know me well
Those who don't can go to hell.

(sanity challenged, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 21:27, archived)

Just remembered:

Sex is evil, sex is gay
One night of pleasure for nine months of pain
Baby's a bastard, father's a git
And all because the condom split

(sanity challenged, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 21:30, archived)

On the wall of a toilet stall at Shepton Mallet showground...

Sex, drugs and rock and rave
Let's get mashed and misbehave
On speed and weed and little Es
Let's get f*cked and talk to trees

then

Life's a bitch and then you die
So f*ck them all and let's get high.

(InTheStudio, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 16:13, archived)

Less is more and so forth.

Scrawled in red crayon on a fence just behind my house is the word: 'Sex'

Its beauty is its simplicity.

(

HappyBadger, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 19:43, archived)

Harlow knows funny

Harlow Town car park was long daubed with the immortal 'SLAGBONCE', with each letter approximately the width of one car. It was later replaced with the less effective but more filthy 'STARFUCK'.

Also, somewhere along the Central line from Epping there is a pillar with the words 'Spurs are naff'. I just thought it was quite sweet that there's someone out there who was rebel enough to spray grafitti on a train station pillar, yet not resort to offensive swearwords.

(MrSnuggly, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 19:49, archived)

me and my mate

once etched out a 40ft long cock using our heels in the sand of one of the beaches in newquay, y'know... the one under the cliff so all the passers by could get a good view of our cock

(tarannau, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 20:09, archived)

Best Graffiti

A bloke in my class at school wrote "COSGI SNIFFS PANTIES" in 4 foot high thick black letters across the bottom of the bridge over the river Almond in Livingston. Anyone driving north from the town centre couldn't miss it. Cosgi was a twat at school called Cosgrove and he took such a slagging over it. It was only there for about a week unfortunately.

(

High Lord Phanty, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 20:17, archived)

the funniest piece of graffiti I ever saw

was a supposed advert for a sex party, that went something like this:

"****** and ***** are having another sex party. If you've been before, you'll know how good they are. If you want to come, just phone **** on *********, and ask about the sex party"

I make it sound terrible actually

never mind

(jms, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 20:48, archived)

They've cleaned it off now,

But there was a bridge near here where someone had written "qui est le sex pistols". Later someone came and edited it to: "qui ~~est~~ sont le sex pistols.

(

giblethead2000, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 21:32, archived)

Some bright spark.....

Decided to open one of those cheap little sex shops with the blacked out windows near ours. Anyway, some of the locals were having none, especially a local idiot who decided to spray

"PREVETS GO HOME"

on the shutters of the shop.

(

Mozer, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 21:37, archived)

Actually...

...if it was "Good Vibrations" on Kenny in Liverpool it was "PERVETS GO HOME"

Now its some kind of crazy afro-carribean shop, which frankly is just begging for some graffiti.

(Flagrant Tendencies, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 14:17, archived)

Another one....

In Liverpool (we are going back a couple of years now) outside a church a sign read
"Jesus Saves"
Then underneath someone had written,
"But Fowler scores the rebound."

(

Mozer, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 21:47, archived)

A couple of

weeks ago on the way into Southend, I noticed someone had got as far as writing

“cops are cu”

I passed by the other day and in a different style of handwriting

“te”

had been added to the end

(robert james, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 22:21, archived)

Whilst waiting for a bus...

... I noticed that someone had scrawled this in blue marker on the perspex windows of the bus shelter:

TELFORD BULE SKINS RULE!

The "BULE" was crossed out, and the word "BLUE" was written above it.

Made me chuckle. Cucking funts.

(

GazChap, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 22:25, archived)

a public bog somewhere, there was a dotted line leading up from the top of the urinal that said "follow me"

It went in crazy lopps and flips until it ended, just on the ceiling, where it said "You are now pissing on your shoes"

Genius

(ProudClod, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 22:25, archived)

Don't know if any other London Oldies remember this...

...but on the Hammersmith & City line tube going Westbound between Westbourne Park & Ladbrooke Grove the train is overground. There were lots of pillars spaced about 6' apart with white painted graffiti that read as you went along: "WORK - EAT - SLEEP - EAT - WORK - EAT - SLEEP - EAT - WORK - HOW - MUCH - MORE - CAN - YOU - STAND?"

(Think I've remembered it right.) That was in 1983. Anyone else remember it?

(

Dunks, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 22:31, archived)

cybergraffiti...

probably doesn't count, but seeing as slaveway have had me down for 10 shift weeks for the last couple of weeks i've taken matters into my own hands.

every advent calander that i had to produce those stupid little shelf labels for has suddenly mutated into an 'advent colander'. not extremely funny on it's own, but when it's gonna come up as that every year from here on in it's better raaaaaaaaaaaaa

(

Predatory Sock has 99 dead baboons, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 22:40, archived)

This is a version of the one you see all over the Metro in Paris....

Which reads:

Metro
Boulot
Dodo

(or train, work, sleep)

(mary magdalen, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 13:46, archived)

Not really graffiti but made me laugh muchly...

Again in East London when I lived in Leyton about 8 years ago, by a building site off Cath Hall Road two blokes had been given the job of whitewashing a length of temporary hoarding round the site. I noticed it had taken them two whole days to paint only 30 feet of this hoarding when I saw them sat at the roadside skinning-up. I chuckled about this as it explained everything, but next day was delighted to see they had written over the rest of the hoarding in 6 ft letters: WET PAIT

They must have been fired cos I never saw them again and it stayed like that for about a fortnight.

(

Dunks, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 22:51, archived)

you are all rubbish...

there's about 3 images posted in total. This is from a pleasant canalboat cruise through Coventry(!)

NOTE THE UNDERLINING

(regtools, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 22:57, archived)

profound

In Glasgow Uni Library:

"rhythm is a dancer; discuss"

or in my friends works toilet and profound on many levels:

"this is shit" written in shite.

(arsebeard, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 23:16, archived)

The million puns involving "tile"

The walls in one of the public bathrooms at the University are done up in tile. In the stall against the wall, the entire tile wall has been covered in every pun involving the word "tile" that has been thought of by man.

If that's not en-tile-ly enough,
the cracks between the tiles have been filled in with even more puns involving the word "crack"

(Davmaster is not a quadrispazz, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 23:37, archived)

can we have

some more examples please?

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 16:44, archived)

There's a sign...

...in my work toilets that says 'Keep these premises tidy' which, on my last day and with the help of a blue marker and some tippex, hope to change to 'Keep those penises tiny'.

What a hoot I am, eh?

(MrSnuggly, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 23:39, archived)

God?

On one of the cabinets we use backstage to house tools and the like, there's this in pen "Jesus was here"
And underneath it, in different pen
"I was under the impression that Jesus (aka god) was always here"

Not really funny until you realize that the response was made by my theatre teacher, who is the kind of man that throws things at students like chairs and other students, smokes, and drinks like there's no tomorrow. He's also irish.

(

Eleroach13, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 23:39, archived)

on the northern line

sometime last year someone had stuck loads of stickers (which looked like they might have been purpose-built) to turn the northern line poster map (the one that shows all the stops on the northern line) into some kind of weird, looping, multi-stationed fun park thing.

the train went the normal way though.

anyone see this/get pictures? it was classy.

(corruptia, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 23:56, archived)

I live in Canberra, the capital of Australia.

Next to the city's largest road (the Tuggernong Parkway) there's a sign with silhouette of a kangaroo on it to warn motorists that kangaroos frequently cross the road in that area. Someone has used black tape to add skis and stocks to the kangaroo to make it look like it's down-hill skiing.

Another sign in another location has a silhouette of a koala bear. Someone has added some tape to make it look like the koala has his middle finger raised at all the passing motorists.

Aussie wildlife jokes:
How much can a koala bear?
Do you know how to platypus?
I bet you've seen a cockatoo.

(

Purple Martin is board sigless, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 0:31, archived)

canberra eh?

odd. i'm canberran too.

noticed the Stop signs that have "Bush" written underneath them?

STOP BUSH.

classic.

(mxxx, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 1:15, archived)

Best one I ever saw

was above the urinal in a British army
training Camp in sunny Cyprus, which read
'at this very moment you are the only man
in the British army who knows exactly what
he is doing'. Laugh? I nearly cried - so true.

(andypandy, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 1:44, archived)

Above a urinal:

"Don't look here, the joke is your hand."

(rockxprophet, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 1:48, archived)

On the wall of a building down my road:

"Even crabs have orgasms"

Also, there is a sign for "Pollock Walk" near my house.

(s. shoe, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 1:53, archived)

Crabs have orgagsms?

Really? to what extent?

(bored at work, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 2:13, archived)

Crabs have orgagsms? (obvious misspelling)

Really? to what extent?

(bored at work, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 2:14, archived)

They didn't say

(s. shoe, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 2:37, archived)

i dunno if this beats that but

my brother was sitting at a bus stop after school and noticed a post-it note with somones tag inscribed on it stuck to the back of the bus stop. finding this amusing he got out his own post it note and wrote "Wont they sell you spraypaint?" and stuck it next to it. He then got on the next bus.
However the gag didnt last long as a passerby hailed down the bus and accused my brother of vandalising transperth property. He had to walk back to the bus stop and remove both the post-it notes to send in as proof as not to get a fine.
(if you dont understand the pun ,,, in australia people under 18 cannot buy spray paint without and adult present.)

(SPoRk, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 2:41, archived)

i got 2

at the local sewage place a few people took some sticker letters and a razor to change the no parking sign to no pooping kind of bathroom rumor but still funny and this isent really graffiti but i thin everyon has seen the movie theater
erin borcavitch
screwed
my dog skip
thing i still makes me laugh no matter what

(airbehaviordrummer, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 2:50, archived)

Housing Estate Critique

A very crappy housing estate was being built in an old quarry site. All the exposed dirt, etc led to the name of "Sienna Falls". There was a stroke of simple genius to add "Down" to the estate name plaque after a landslide demolised the building site. This is right near the Red Rooster takeaway that continually has it's "S" removed.

(Yarbo, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 3:22, archived)

In the library toilets

at Goldsmiths college I once saw 'Sociology degrees. Please take one' written on the lav roll dispenser.

(Robertvaliant, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 5:06, archived)

In our school toilets,

there's a little horizontal line above the urinals, and a label that says "School record".
About a week after it was put there, another one appeared, a foot higher, that said "NEW school record".

(CptSadness, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 7:20, archived)

best graffiti

on a brick wall by an abandoned boatyard in Bowling (small town near Glasgow)in white paint: "SUCK UP YOUR LOVE HOLE"
confused me at the time...still does

...i have a photo somewhere.

(andoru, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 7:32, archived)

My mate swears

That in London somewhere is a traffic sign that says "Golders Green 5" (miles) and some has written underneath "To you my boy, 4"

(Waynster James Joyce is fucking my sister!, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 8:02, archived)

I'll have to explain this a bit

....but Living in Amsterdam, it is often abbreviated to A'dam by the locals.

One of the more territorial locals had written on a bus that "A'dam West Rules"

Quite what the Batman Actor had done to inspire this accolade we do not know...

(Waynster James Joyce is fucking my sister!, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 8:04, archived)

And finally my favourite of all time

On a tube train in London, on an "In case of Emergency" poster, somone had just scrawled underneath "Call the Jellyfiends"

Me and my best mate, pissed as we were, on said tube saw this and have been apoplectic over it ever since

(Waynster James Joyce is fucking my sister!, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 8:06, archived)

Not graffiti but...

Hereford Cathedral : Someone ripped the 'Br' off a poster advertising a 'Brass Rubbing Demonstration'.

(

propellerhed, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 8:38, archived)

Here are two real ones...

"Sarah is a fat cow bacause she is pregnant now"

and

"Fuck off old bidies"

both in wakefield UK (shithole)

...and a possibly apocryphal one :

Penny a look
Tuppence a feel
Threepence a ride
On the hairy wheel

(schminkypinky, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 8:55, archived)

some

On a lamp post in Plymouth:
"Fuck off this is my post"

On a billboard in Nottingham in big letters:
"Billy and Mark like fish"

A church in Leicester "PERMIT HOLDERS ONLY" changed to "PERM HOLDERS ONLY"

(Robocop, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 9:27, archived)

Grafitti

Both my favourite pieces of graf are (or were) on Picadilly approach station wall (next to the train track in big yellow letters) in Manchester...

"THE DON LOVES TV"

&

"WHO IS MICK MIDDLES?"

(ProperTop.com, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 9:29, archived)

Leeds University

Anyone who went or goes to Leeds University would have noticed that the Roger Stevens Building desks are a goldmine of top quality graffiti on a variety of topical subjects.

The simple and downright strange ones were always the best though, like:

"Mutley Touches Goats"

(

Gnoll, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 9:46, archived)

Truth!

There is much truth in what you say, I had forgotten Mutley and his goat touching, but it is almost ten years since I left.

(alfie nokes, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 16:27, archived)

When I was at Kettering Tech in 1982

(now Tresham Institute, no less!) on a bog wall was scrawled:
When we were an empire we had an Emperor,
When we were a kingdom we had a King,
Now we're just a country we've got Margaret Thatcher.

Hardly original though, I'm sure it came from a book of graffiti that was around at the time. (Bloody true though...)

(

Dunks, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 9:59, archived)

Darwin College JCC Office, University of Kent, circa 1994

(

Shedside, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 10:02, archived)

Probably only makes sense to a few people

but there's a big bridge over the River Cam in Cambridge, where colleges traditionally paint big slogans in their college colour (a rowing thing).

St John's college are cunts; everybody knows this. Anyhow, they painted "RED ALERT" in their colours of red and white. Within a few months it had miraculously changed to "INBRED ALERT", which was quite appropriate, really.

(

The Boy T, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 10:11, archived)

human permanent marker

Seen one earlier bout Goldsmiths Library toilets, reminded me of when I simutaneously gagged and pissed meself on seeing the word "Strepsils" daubed in one of the cubicles in what can only be described as a 'Poo-Pen'.

And, not really funny but classy all the same: "My Life is Over", on some steps that go into the water under Waterloo bridge.

(manckykeyboard, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 10:30, archived)

ooh ooh

i got one

and i'm responsible...

In northamptonshire there is a company that supplies all the paper towels and hand driers to all the pubs called 'COUNTY GLASSWARE'.

It iws very easy to rub off bits of the letters with a key so that they all say 'C UNTY ASSWIPE'

well it makes me laugh

(dazron, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:03, archived)

anyone who has ever sat

in C4 of the main building (hugh owen?) at aberystwyth will notice that tariq isnt too well liked. wish i could remember some of the quotes as they are pure gold

(skagg, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:05, archived)

Philosophers

I once saw an amusing thought provoking piece of graffiti obviously written by some kind of Philosophy student...

"God is dead!" - Nietze

Underneath, someone else had written:

"Nietze is dead!" - God

Made me chuckle...

(Nefarious Tim, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:42, archived)

Seen on the wall of an underpass in Leeds, circa 1991-95:

"All dentists are dangerous money grabbing bastards"

I can only guess at the unfortunate experience that inspired that, but it made me laugh.

Also on a wall in Leeds, same era:
"Only winners take drugs"

(

smutch, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 12:11, archived)

My Favourite Graffiti

OK there have been a few examples around Glasgow which I like:
1) The straightforward: "Poofs are gay"
2) The surreal: "Chaos, Oooh scary!"
3) "I love grils" to which someone added "It's girls stupid!" to which someone else added "What about us grils then"
4) and finally a good bit ofletter erasing turned a posh West End "Basement Cookshop" into a " B Semen Cock Shop!"

Finally I would like to thank the person who listed the classic "M Khan is bent" absolutely pissing myself!

(Catwumman, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 12:26, archived)

Ventnor on the Isle of Wight

often used to have the pebbles in it's flowerbed welcome sign rearranged to form the words 'Bent Nob'. bloody six foot high letters an' all. no idea if it still gets done though...

(monofiopia, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 12:41, archived)

Topical one this,

scrawled in silver letters under a bridge thats on the way from westferry to mile end along the burdett road in east london is the declaration: guy fawkes is innocent

also in the area is a (probably) never to be removed: kick the tories out

(Cyclotron last smashed a bunch of atoms on, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 12:50, archived)

on a poster a few years ago at Convent Garden station someone had added the slogan:

"London: Land of Donkeys"

(

brianftang www.brianftang.co.uk, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 12:50, archived)

Best uni toilet graffiti ...

On a wall in uni in the cubicle:

'Lecture 1: How to waste a marker pen'

Crude but funny at the time...

(deepfriedpeas, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 12:54, archived)

Best uni toilet graffiti ...

'Lecture 1 : How to waste a marker pen'

funny at the time...

(deepfriedpeas, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 12:56, archived)

Lecture 2:

How to waste message board space

(

100% Cock Raw like carrots., Thu 6 Nov 2003, 11:58, archived)

how?

(bwana dik, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 19:00, archived)

On a remote castle wall

in Waldeck, Germany, written in English:
Punk is not dead!

(13 Floors Up, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 12:53, archived)

During my GCSE's back in the summer of 91

I was sat at a desk that had been used for many years by countless students sitting similar exams to me.

Somebody had inscribed on the desk:-

'I know the only thing that I have passed with any satisfaction while sitting at this desk is - wind'

Not comedy genius you'll agree, but why do certain things seem much funier when you know you shouldn't laugh, i.e. during exam conditions or at funerals?

I nearly ruptured my spleen...

(gronda_gronda I'm old, please speak slowly., Wed 5 Nov 2003, 12:55, archived)

i know what you mean...

during one of my many exams I noticed

'goat fondler'

on the desk. Not funny, but I nearly slipped a disc laughing...

(deepfriedpeas, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 12:59, archived)

The other week..........

........I saw a piece that said "Bumtron 2001"

I was lost for words. Not sure what it meant, but it got a little crafty giggle.

(lomofrenzy, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:03, archived)

hehe

I remember "You Stink" was plastered all over the school shed. And also "Mrs Roberts for Mr Whitehead", Always made me giggle

I remember my m8 coming back from the loo saying "Ive Just had a superman Poo" and I was like "whats that?" and he explained its when the lock on the door is broken and you have to lean forward to hold the door shut in a superman pose

(Chutney_Pie, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:22, archived)

I'm in a meeting now

and want to laugh out loud at 'Goat Fondler'.

Why?

(gronda_gronda I'm old, please speak slowly., Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:08, archived)

Petrol station mischief

The most sophisticated graffiti I have seen involved rearranging the calculator-style characters used to display petrol prices in a BP station in Reading. The unleaded, super unleaded and diesel boxes were shuffled to read "you are gay". Inane, but amused me at 5 in the morning.

Needless to say this was in the student district and apparently was a regular occurance. BP have now changed to tamper free numbers.

(breadtroll, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:09, archived)

I found some theological graffiti

in the gents' cubicle at the Chaplaincy Centre, Edinburgh Uni. Some tortured soul had written

"God is dead - Nietzche"

beneath which came the response:

"Nietzche is dead - God."

I know who I believe.

(

Dr Almost, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:11, archived)

.....

that's only the 8 millionth time I've seen someone post that now in the last hour.

(Saoirse, Sat 8 Nov 2003, 1:49, archived)

Cash & Hash Machine

The 'C' on the cash machine sign at my local Tesco's has come off, an inventive young dealer has replaced it with a 'H', so we now have a 'hash machine' with a dealer hanging around it! yay!

(Ghost Batty Rider, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:12, archived)

Best Graffiti I Ever Saw

On tube trains above the doors
"Obstructing the doors causes delay and can be dangerous"

neatly converts to

"Obstruct the doors cause delay and be dangerous"

also "Andy Pandy can be dangerous"

(urgle-splurgle molesting small goats since, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

You saw it too?

Are you an Oldie like me? Cos they haven't had that sign for years.

(

Dunks, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:49, archived)

At Marconi Radar in Milton Keynes

There was a cabinet marked "Quality Department Stationery" under which was written "TRUE"

(

High Lord Phanty, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:33, archived)

A variation on a theme

A union jack sticker, with "your Ma'am rang" written across the middle.

(jonnies, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:38, archived)

Super little bit of wordplay

I asked around the office for some memorable graffiti, and Ed, my colleague, gave me this:

"lodged behind The Hackney Empire one can find the words 'I SHOT KEN DODS DADsS
DOG DEAD'"

Thanks for that, and try saying it when you're sozzled!

(yesplease, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:44, archived)

There is also a

"Ken Dodds Dads Dogs Dead" on a wall outdside the Tottenham High Road entrance to White Hart Lane. In foot high letters!
Other goodys are:

"We are the people our parents warned us about"
Or:

An eighties smiley face, and someone had written "AICD" underneath it. Jesus.

Not really graffitti, but in Morley near Leeds 2 years ago, there was a closed down shop called "Discount Fashions" and so some funny fuck removed the D, I, S, and O. The shop was on the main high street and was called CUNT FASHIONS for quite a few weeks before it was taken down!

(San, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:57, archived)

AMUSEMENTS

Naughty students in St. Andrews removed the AMU and TS from this large neon sign.

Classic.

Sometimes less *is* more.

(Rompy, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 21:46, archived)

In a library

written under the Shelf marked 'Handel's Organ Yorks':

'So does mine!'

(

Weetobix, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:49, archived)

FAS jacks Loughlinstown Dublin

On back of the cubicle door theres a big arrow pointin down and written beside it look out gay limbo dancers!

(We Love You Jimi!, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:58, archived)

great bit

of extremely crude and pointless graffiti in the crude and pointless town of Pembroke "I am gay by Wanker Jason".

also on a desk at school was "I can see right up Nia's skirt from here".

(cymrococh, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:59, archived)

In my nearest bog in halls in 1st year

i was sitting having a crap when i noticed on the bottom of the cubilcle door:
BEWARE: LIMBO DANCERS

Made me quite uncomfortable...

(

MrUppity, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 14:01, archived)

when i was living in sydney

for a bit earlier this year i used to get the train into the city. on the walls near the doors they had a sign up saying "AT NIGHT TRAVEL NEXT TO THE GUARDS COMPARTMENT MARKED WITH A BLUE LIGHT"

someone changed it to: "AT NIGHT RAVE NEXT TO THE GUARDS COMPARTMENT NAKED WITH A BLUE LIGHT"

always made me chuckle

(jeaneye, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 14:15, archived)

Graffiti around my school.

Some genius crossed out “Stop” on the stop signs near my high school and wrote “GO.” Also, has anyone else seen the hula-hoop stickers around the little walking guy on the crosswalk signs? Those bring me joy.

(Luna loves you., Wed 5 Nov 2003, 14:23, archived)

in hull

the litter bins usually look like this

cLITTERus

showing not only the cutting edge sense of humour they have their, but also the unique spelling level.

also, year 10 R.E. "Jesus In The Icon" scribbled out to reveal "Jesus The con"

brilliant

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 14:29, archived)

Just remembered

Another Alan Partridge homage. On a wall somewhere in what has already been referred to in this thread as "studentville" in Leeds, someone had painted: "Dan. Dan. Dan. Dan. Dan!" for quite some distance along a wall - guaranteed amusement.

(

Gnoll, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 14:43, archived)

Just for fun I've put up

a post-it on my calander (still on October) which says: living in the past, 2003 tour.

I also plan to put a piece of a white sticker on the sign in reception which advises visitors to hand their passes in.

Also making plans to keep a pen on me at all (loo) times.

(Cyclotron last smashed a bunch of atoms on, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 14:49, archived)

A few years ago

when I returned to school after the summer holidays, someone had painted "Bonnar is a bold bastard" (Bonnar was deputy rector) in massive letters along a wall. I think they meant bald, but hey. It was there for a few days before it got painted over, but they kind of painted over it in the same shape as the letters, so you could still see it. Somebody else also wrote "Bonnar tokes weed + willys". I later found out my brother was responsible for that one.

(s. shoe, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 15:32, archived)

On a condom machine in a pub in Surrey...

"Beware the march of Aids"

(talamacus is waiting for New Year, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 15:39, archived)

Aberdeen Uni

In the toilets in the main reception at Aberdeeen Uni-

"WELCOME TO ABERDEEN, WHERE MEN ARE MEN AND SHEEP ARE SCARED."

It will make sense to any fans of Scottish football.

(Hans-Hubert, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 16:18, archived)

Totty Ct Road Station, recently

Poster with Toyah Wilcox looking totally bumgay in cowgirl outfit with rope advertising shitehole musical "Calamity Jane".

Someone had scrawled "PUNK AS FUCK" over it.

(

SpunkyBackpack, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 15:56, archived)

There's a multi-storey car park near me

that has the different areas on each floor marked out with letters. In area 'I' there is a sign saying 'I'. It has been adjusted to read 'nIpple'.

Also, there is a traffic island near there that used to say 'ewok'. As soon as that was scrubbed out, it was replaced by 'Mr. T'. Strange.

(The Ghost of Stephen Foster, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 16:29, archived)

Here's another one

In Belper (Derbyshire), the road signs on the edge of town say;
AMBER VALLEY, THE HEART OF DERBYSHIRE

In the last year, these have been changed a couple of times, to;

AMBER ALE, THE FART OF DERBYSHIRE

:o)

(imianwilliams, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 17:01, archived)

Crosby

There's some local builders round 'ere called 'Crosby'. On one of their fences round a posh new city centre development, someone added 'Stills and Nash' in big white letters.

Lasted two days before they blacked it out :(

(spacedman, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 17:31, archived)

<Lee and Herring>

On toilet cubical wall:

"I'm 12" - Do you want me?"
"Dunno - depends how big your cock is."

(WaldoMcFroog, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 17:10, archived)

Graffiti

At Uni we decided to change the Speed Ramp sign after a drunken night out. Unfortunatley I can't find the original photo, but you get the idea!

(MiniMac, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 17:34, archived)

This one

was on a bog wall in a book called 'Gravity's Rainbow'.

I just tried to find it, but failed as book is a mutha.

(

PastorSauce : easy on the anchovies..., Wed 5 Nov 2003, 17:31, archived)

On a car...

...down our block, that had been collecting dust for ages:
"Wash your car, gay arsefucker."

The car was clean the next day.

(

RarelyEvil, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 17:46, archived)

On a huge billboard outside a popular shopping centre

that originally said "JESUS DOES" Someone had spraypainted "DALLAS"

It was some church sign - you know the sort that takes your money...

(jamena, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 18:03, archived)

Hands Off! These are my rocks. Signed - God

In letters 6 feet high on a big rocky outcrop in Australia

(jamena, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 18:10, archived)

Wilmslow welcomes armed robbers

Best i've ever seen

(Arakon, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 18:31, archived)

THE best (if you don't mind non PC)

In the disabled toilet of Manchester University Library

"JUMP UP ALL WHEELCHAIR MASSIVE!"

I like to think it had hadicapped junglists in stitches...

(sicone, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 18:44, archived)

Back in 1999...

...the day before my old secondary school was due to have its OFSTED inspection, we all came in that day to find that all of the buildings had been subjected to a vicious, yet hilarious, graffiti attack.

Highlights included:

"BAXTER IS A BITCH"
"SHORTMAN THE SHOWER PERV WANTS TO TOUCH A NERVE"
"HELLO MUM"
"BELVIDERE SUCKS DONKEY COCK"

:D

(

GazChap, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 19:37, archived)

once upon a time

i used to live in Birmingham, and I used to take great delight in the football loving brummie humour.

On bus stops the Birmingham City fans would write "BCFC", then with a certain inevitability, the Aston Villa fans would write underneath "ARE SHIT".

The invariable response was
"Villa scum - get out of brum"

This was on every bus stop in birmingham for about two years, and they NEVER thought up any other replies

(*note, this is about the footy fans, not birmingham, which I still love, even though it has got that huge blue thing in digbeth now which seems to have swelled every time I come back from Londinium)

(

expf, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 20:09, archived)

only other classic i can think of

was in a public loo in macclesfield, and it was written so that the text crawled up from the urinal in spindly letters, right up the wall to the join with the ceiling.

It said:

While your [sic] reading wot i've put you might be pissing on your foot.

And I was.

(

expf, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 20:17, archived)

in a 'forest' path in my town

there is a bridge, and it said "Have you seen the bridge? I ain't seen the bridge. Now where's that confounded brige?!?"
also there is one that says "Ahhh.. Got Real Lots" (which was painted over but mysteriously appeared again one day.) A few blocks away it said "Ahhh... Chips"

(applecore, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 20:40, archived)

not really graffiti...

... and not really that funny...

Scribbled on the back of a spotty teenager's rucksack in biro
"How's my walking? Call this number..."

Made me chuckle the first time I saw it

(Laughing_cow, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 21:11, archived)

Glaascae Hardmen

It's late at night - you're lost in the centre of Glasgow and feeling somewhat vunerable in this notorious city.

Search for the bookstore near the art gallery and be inspired by the slogan:

"I love toast"

It works on so many levels.

(Rompy, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 21:41, archived)

one more..

There's a large really well stocked Chinese supermarket in Glasgow. They stock everything and supply the majority of the restaurants in the area.

Some talented individual daubed "CHINKYS" on their wall.

Duh.

(Rompy, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 22:08, archived)

Not really grafiiti

but in St. Andrews there is a large neon sign:

AMUSEMENTS

Naughty students removed AMU & TS

(Rompy, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 22:15, archived)

Toilet humour

Of course, it's funnier to find those big signs advertising 'TO LET', and adding an 'I' in the middle.

Immature yes. But fun!!

(abertownie, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 1:14, archived)

In Cambridge

the rivalry between the boaties can get quite fierce. Presumably after winning a race, somebody obviously spent a lot of effort decorating a bridge with "Back where we belong" in a lovely serifed font. The obvious addition wasn't handled with quite as much care, but it made me chuckle:

(Cartroo, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 23:06, archived)

The Grafitti Artist's WONDERLAND!

In Chicago, there is one resteraunt that you can draaw ANYWHERE ( exept some places that are marked) with ink, pen, crayon, whatever! I left a huge inscription on the wall saying WOO YAY! in green ink pen.

(number 27-hunter, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 23:13, archived)

That is probably Gino's East

It's a pizza place that moved -- losing a lot of graffiti when it was torn down for another condo complex. I was there once with a friend who dicided to take the huge knife he kept in his boot out to carve his name. While he was busy carving, the waitress tried to take his plate, and he turned around (knife in hand and pointed at her accidentally) and said, "I'm not finished with that yet."
She backed up fast.
So if there are so many Chicago people here, why aren't we signing up for a party already? Seems we're always one short. . .

(ChiTown Guy Dating when 35+: sane, single, attractive - pick 2, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 2:56, archived)

i saw a poster in a pub advertising a poet...

...which included the line "he gives good poem". until someone came along with a biro and changed it to "he gives good head".

(just_resting, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 0:04, archived)

Saw a sign on a bunch flats

near my house that normally said "If you lived here you would be home now" and someone had changed it to "If you lived here, you would have a stupid sign on your house too".

Obviously a disgruntled resident..

(Peripheral Visionary, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 0:46, archived)

From a pub near Nott'm Trent Uni (Russels I think it was called)

'Accept as your lord satan
and get free drugs and beer
for sure you're going straight to hell
but you'll be too stoned to care'

(from the blokes toilets - but they've renovated the place now so it's gone)

(

Sack Sack - Norfolks laziest, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 1:04, archived)

and also

When I was at school we had the campest english teacher in the known universe (Mr Frost)

I'm not sure if this counts as graffiti or not, but outside his room someone had highlighted the instructions for the fire extinguisher:

To use:
* Strike knob
* Hold upright
* Protect from Frost

made me smile anyhow...

(

Sack Sack - Norfolks laziest, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 1:53, archived)

Around Ipswich

All of the bus shelters originally said 'Suffolk County Council' in stick-on letters. usually people just nick the O from 'County'

one day someone must've been particularly bored on the superoute 66 path out on the guideway near Tescos and stolen several shelters worth of letter and spelled out 'fuck off you fishy cunts'

Brightened my day right up that did :)

(

Sack Sack - Norfolks laziest, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 2:29, archived)

Back in the day

There's always the ones in the toilets at Aber Uni on the toilet roll dispensers that say "Art Degree dispenser".

In Barnsley, on one of the old railway bridges we always used to drive under in the late 1980s, somebody graffittied "victory to the miners!", I always used to smile when I saw that. But the best ones are those that last longest- like the marks on Black Dick's Temple near Huddersfield from the 1950s and 60s. I went up there a year or so ago and saw the same scrawl I put up when I was about 14. It's cool to see your own tags are stil there years later.

(abertownie, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 1:10, archived)

I went through all these to avoid repeats only to find repeats. . .

Anyhow, here are some originals from the states:

Municipal water towers are always targets here, and on one just off of busy highway I-80-94 in Indiana (during the mid-1970s)under "Chesterton", someone painted "Home of the Sperm Soda" -- quite impressive as they had to climb about 4 stories to do it.

In Iowa City: "Go Vegan" followed by "Smash Steak" (a pun on "smash state" (university)).

Funeral home signs can be altered to read "fun home".

My nephew's girlfriend lives on Tuckahoe Avenue, where someone altered the "T" to "F" on the street signs.

(ChiTown Guy Dating when 35+: sane, single, attractive - pick 2, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 3:13, archived)

I went through all these to avoid repeats only to find repeats. . .

(ChiTown Guy Dating when 35+: sane, single, attractive - pick 2, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 3:15, archived)

bar scrawl

Decades ago, in the can at the Glen Eagles bar in Pickering, Ontario this was written.
"I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy." Try saying that fast when you're pissed.

(OGH, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 4:09, archived)

spooky

My surname is Pickering and I very recently lived on Gleneagles Crescent - and that there was already one of my favourite quotes. I suppose Ontario just slipped onto my "must visit some day" list.

(PiK the sigless, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 11:48, archived)

I once drunkenly

chopped, peeled and re-arranged the 2 foot high adhesive lettering 'opening soon' message on Gap's new Princes Street [Edinburgh] store to read 'penis.' Oh, the joy on the way to work on monday seeing it still there! Went for it again the next weekend but they'd used better glue or something and then the rozzers turned up.

(PhoToCoPYtErrOriSt, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 5:38, archived)

at this juncture

may I just go on to say it is one of my greatest ambitions to be well funded enough to [not have to go to work] be able to go round Edinburgh, or wherever, taking super high-res, scale digital pics of bus shelter ads etc, getting back to base, altering parts, then printing them out on sticky back plastic and doing over loads of bus stops in a night. Ahhh! Calling all corporates seeking sabotage agents and someone who works in bus stop advert planning.

(PhoToCoPYtErrOriSt, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 5:54, archived)

YAY

this calls for an edinburgh underground movement - much like the A team - bagsey i'm Mr T -

Hmm Milk

(seamonkey, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 10:11, archived)

Wachu talkin' 'bout fool!!!

You aint gettin' me in no damn airplane

(Lord Turkey Boy the First The Real Turkey Boy, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 15:45, archived)

Wachu talkin' 'bout fool!!!

You aint gettin' me in no damn airplane.

Or bus station!!!

(Lord Turkey Boy the First The Real Turkey Boy, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 16:12, archived)

an old one

here i sit
broken hearted
paid a penny
and only farted

i came back
a half hour later
managed to shit
but found no paper

i didn't want
to sit and linger
so i had
to use my finger

now i try
to no avail
i cant get the shit out
from under my nail

(bigdogs, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 6:03, archived)

pub

a pub in portobello, edinburgh, named 'the glassblower' often has a couple of letters stolen/smashed off. yes. the gl.

(PhoToCoPYtErrOriSt, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 6:09, archived)

Oxford... do they have sex

I once spent three and a half hours trying to find a pub in Oxford that sold condoms... It was very frustrating ...... So the best grafitti I ever saw was on my girlfriends upper half and glady I was the author.

(Syntax_error, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 7:16, archived)

condom-minimum

I had the same problem for years, I can entirely sympathise. Oxford is rubbish for condom machines....

(doctor sideburns, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 10:34, archived)

i found

one the other day in po na na's.

(jeaneye, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 23:47, archived)

beetle tomato

In Copenhagen/Denmark there are a number of signs marking off the location of a "BILLETAUTOMAT". A "BILLETAUTOMAT", in this context, is an automatic vending machine for parking permits (there is probably an appropriate English word for this).

For unknown reasons someone has crafted a sticker just big enough to cover the middle letters "TAU". These stickers have been applied to a large number of signs and new ones seem to be popping up occasionally.

It's not graffiti as such but makes me smile anyway. The sticker breaks up the word in the following way, making it read (in English translation) "BEETLE[ ]TOMATO":

BILLE

TOMAT

(spinoza, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 7:29, archived)

On the concrete surround to the roundabout

to a business park in Reading (ca. 1990) someone had painted "Fat nobodies in company cars" which I can only imagine was a great motivator as they drove into work every day...

(

shavedchimp something something oranges something, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 7:30, archived)

In a factory I once worked at

Someone had tried a spot of poetry on the toilet wall, but they got the key rhyming work wrong.

"Nothing could be finer,
Than licking a cunt"

I think he meant to put "vagina" but probably couldn't spell it, and made me piss myself. Luckily I was on the toilet at the time :)

Also just above the toilet roll holder it said
"Nottingham Forset Season Ticket Dispenser"

(JaffaMused local in the So.Cal, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 7:34, archived)

Make my dinner bitch!!!!

In Melbourne there are tram stops in the middle of the roads which at one end have these big concrete bollards, probably to stop passengers from being run over when they get off the trams.

Someone had taken their time and also risked thier life by stenciling some advert for a niight club on the road side of this bolard outside RMIT university. This highly artistic stencil had a lovely figure of a female draped seductively over something or other.

This had managed to offend some hairy amrpitted, bra burner, who had then risked her life to update the graffiti in the middle of the road and scrawled in black marker "Sexism degrades women THINK!!!!!"

Not to be beaten some right thinking bloke had then dodged the traffic and added "Shut up and make my dinner bitch!!!"

Always brought a smile to my face getting off the tram for college till the bastards at the council recently pinted over it.

(Lord Turkey Boy the First The Real Turkey Boy, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 8:41, archived)

Anal Treat

Canal Street in the centre of Manchesters gay village more often than not has the first letters of both words crossed off them to make rather an apt statement.

(Lord Turkey Boy the First The Real Turkey Boy, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 10:29, archived)

there is a classic

"

changed to

"ass Rubbing Centre 100yrs -"

(Mutey, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 11:12, archived)

written really small

in the tile grout of Sinclairs in Manchester gents(above the first urinal on the right as you go in)
"Johns big cock is big"
I don't know if thats stating the obvious or not.

(northern seth back is giving him jip again, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 11:24, archived)

Mr. Kipling

On a lecture theatre (B I think) in the science block in UCD....

"Mr. Kipling writes exceeding good poetry"
and
"Carter the unstoppable washing machine"

This was 1991...

/relurk

(

Scoff Cruddle you would, wouldn't you?, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 11:47, archived)

Graffiti in lift

Written in a lift at the halls of residence at Edinburgh Uni

"Dermot Woods sucks farts out of dead rabbits".

One of the most inventive insults I've ever heard.

(JSB, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 11:34, archived)

Not that inventive...

I think the artist nicked that from a comic book series called Cerebus. The original was "Weisshaupt sucks wet farts out of dead pigeons"

(mr pete, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 15:24, archived)

Dunno

if it really counts as 'graffiti' but I was at a party in Dublin with some mates from Larne years back, and also some annoying wankers, including a bloke known as "Gyp". He'd been winding everybody up all night so when he finally passed out from too much cider, somebody took an indelible marker and wrote CUNT across his forehead in big, heavy letters. And of course nobody liked him enough to tell him, so he tried to hitch back to Belfast the next day with this still in place. And he had a look about him that said "DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ALLOW ME IN YOUR VEHICLE" anyway, even without obscenities written across his face in two-inch-high letters.

(Wong Fei-Hung - now with added flickr.com (see profile), Thu 6 Nov 2003, 11:49, archived)

there is a matress store near hear called the Matress Discounters

somone smashed out the lights in the sign, starting at the end to read "Matress Disco"

(

gracielou, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 11:57, archived)

best graffiti

Seen the other day in Cardiff "Debbie, Sarah and Little Keith ON A MISSION"

I want to know who is called Little Keith and what their mission is.

(four foot vauxhall carlton, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 12:44, archived)

Funny, political and blatant

I hope this works

www.banksy.co.uk

(mr pete, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 12:53, archived)

Some favourites of mine (all seen on lavatory walls)...

People who write on lavatory walls,
Must carry their brains between their balls.

(seen on a lavatory wall - Oh the irony!)

Then there was this mangled quote from Karl Marx (for 'cisterns' read 'workers'):

Cisterns of the world unite.
You have nothing to lose but your chains.

and finally:

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(minimalist ..., Thu 6 Nov 2003, 12:52, archived)

on condom machine - various places

"insert baby for refund"

(

brianftang www.brianftang.co.uk, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 12:53, archived)

Gay Village

The Gay Village in Manchester consists of a single street.
Canal Street.
One day Manchester awoke to find that it wa now called
Anal Treat.
How they laughed

(redbrickterrace, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 13:55, archived)

Dailysex

lures KO!!

(

Jacksonville Missed me fuckin Candles, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 13:02, archived)

Best graffiti i saw

was at the bottom of a gents toiet door, you only see it when you sit down to take a shit. As the gap at the bottom of the door was quite high in this particular 'bog' someone had aptly scrawled 'BEWARE!!! Limbo Dancers'

good job i was on the loo cos i pissed myself

(big manc ryan, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 13:54, archived)

Best Graffiti I Ever Saw

The best was painted on a wall in Sheffield:
"Women are angry"
Underneath by someone else
"So are the Fuck City Shitters"

Don't know why but we thought this was hilarious...!!

(hullcity, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 13:58, archived)

BLACK POWER!!!!

I saw that on a toilet wall in Glasgow.
Underneath someone wrote...
"Is it cheaper than gas?"

(rubberducky, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 14:38, archived)

On a wall down my road in Brighton

"Sometimes freedom is not enough"

which someone had added to

"But chips hit the spot nicely"

(wizbits_armpit, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 15:27, archived)

funniest thing ive ever seen

written on the lavatory walls while taking a dump in a service station on the M56. Somone had written look left so i looked left, then someone had written look right, so i did, it said look left and so on. i was quite confused at this point till i looked at the door and it said, 'hope u enjoyed your bog tennis' oh how i chuckled

(JonnyWad, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 15:36, archived)

Handy for getting rid of bible bashers.....

Poster emblazoned with the message "Christ Died for our sins!"

Scrawled underneath, "Dare we make his sacrifice meaningless by failing to commit them?"

(JSB, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 15:39, archived)

my mate wrote

some on the local wildlife centres wall the other month, goes like this:

badger, badger badger, badger, mushroom, mushroom......

(roachette, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 16:09, archived)

Graffitii

I once saw some Graffiti in Luton.
It said

Kevin Keegan Gangster Mother Fucker.

(chob, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 17:02, archived)

I am replying to myself. Ace

Oh and in Cornwall in my local village I read once...

My dad fucks. My mum fucks. My dog don't.
I do. And so does my mate Sticky.

(chob, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 17:08, archived)

plemft

hi scodd

(lizardfister, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 17:15, archived)

Madd

U cunt evans. I am bored let me die here

(chob, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 17:22, archived)

seen in a toilet in hoxton

"you're going to be really annoyed when a football team for my local area beats a football team from your local area"

now die chob.

(lizardfister, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 9:52, archived)

At my convent grammar school in slough where we have nuns and everything

about 3 summers ago, a cleaner came across this, written in huge black letters in a part of the school the nuns wouldnt usually go because they have no need to, the english department, were the words:

"Die nuns die" and more eloquently "St. Bernards girls are sluts"

A bit harsh, but ultimately fair ;) (well the 2nd one anyway)

(monsta, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 17:29, archived)

On the outside of the building

and i think i failed to put across the scale of the words
they were HUGE

(monsta, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 18:21, archived)

The Angel of Death!

A few years ago on the "Wilson's Parking" building on Parramatta road in Camperdown, there was a huge spraypainted SHOUT:

"THE ANGEL OF DEATH!"

About 20 meters long.

But not quite.

Actually it said:

"the angle of death".

And it stayed like that for several years, until someone amended it to read:

"THE ANGLE OF DEATH! = 180 degrees".

That always made me laff. :-)

(b, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 17:40, archived)

Sausages!

Three of my favourite examples of graffito:

1 - Early nineties; Dunkirk area of Nottingham. On a newly-built pelican crossing, simple instructions were posted in the form of a sign saying
"Press button and wait for green man".

Child's handwriting changed this to say
"Press button and wait for green bogey".

2 - Seeing the rude word "sex" written on walls should also get a mention.

3 - In Nottingham pub The Old Angel:
The menu used to describe one of their meals as:
"Sausage, mashed potato and gravy all served up in a giant Yorkshire".

Nice touch was the addition, in biro, of the word "terrier" to the end.

I love graffiti, me. I might post more as I remember them.

(Sharp-Eyed Sharon, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 18:16, archived)

One of the funniest

examples of Graffiti that I have ever seen was on the Leeds-Liverpool canal by a bridge that was having work done to it. The sign, which was placed to warn motorists, had originally read:
"DANGER CANAL BRIDGE," to which some comic genius had edited to read:
"DANGER ANAL RIDGE."

At the time this was so funny to me that I almost fell off my bike with laughter.

(Flagrant Tendencies, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 18:42, archived)

From the gents door of speakeasy (Nottingham)

'Welcome to Jimmy Savilles love nest'

and the ultimate anti-joke:

'Me and my wife went to the bahamas.

Jamaica?

No. Trinidad'

That 'joke' make me laugh like a bastard and I don't even know *why* it's so funny

(

Sack Sack - Norfolks laziest, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 4:49, archived)

Wholly appropriate...

if you've ever met anyone from Texas:

Here I sit
cheeks a-flexin'
giving birth to
another Texan.

Found on the back of the stall door.

(

kingoffools, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 21:10, archived)

When I were a lass...

Some Smiths fan wrote on a desk "I wear black on the outside, 'cos black is how I feel on the inside"
Someone witty replied, "I wear red on the outside, because I _am_ red on the inside"...

I once spent a term's worth of double English filling a desktop with I HATE SCHOOL in red pen. It looked fantastic.
I still do hate school, and I haven't been there for over 13 years.

(juicer, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 22:05, archived)

My personal fave:

I wasn't born gay, I just slipped in to it.

(SCar, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 22:22, archived)

from my school subway

'gays are queer' apparently written in all seriousness judging by the author's racist scrawlings next to it.

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 23:22, archived)

UVF

Ulster Vegetable Farmers

Skillyfully written on one of the toilet doors at my College - oh how I laughed.

(Ben!, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 23:37, archived)

next to a bus stop in manchester...

After a Gulf War protest, someone had written "War is a Crime" and underneath someone had added "so is graffiti".

(The Black Labrador, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 23:42, archived)

Yeovil, Somerset

Down the end of my road, on the wall behind the street sign, the word "WANK" sprayed in foot high white letters. Simple, but effective.

(butter_me_up, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 2:37, archived)

Not the best, but good nonetheless

In a pub loo, (where else)
"I want to die like Grandpa, sleeping peacefully.....not like his passengers, screaming their heads off"

Seemed funny at the time

(Seppo Anglo Pint-Draino, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 3:03, archived)

Near Porthcothan Bay in Cornwall theres a sharp bend

and the council have painted 'SLOW' on the road in that way they do. In the early 90's some local shoe-gazing indie kid added, in matching lettering, 'DIVE', thus completing the name of a dull bunch of sub-my bloody valentine droners that the world has rightly forgotten. Was there for a good five years at least.

(Horns, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 4:07, archived)

Meanwhile in Paris....

This white thing is supposed to be a celebration of womanhood. It's on the banks of the Siene in Paris. Nice cock.

(bluecheese, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 6:23, archived)

speaking of cock

graffiti after a fashion...auditing a fairly famous record company. Board room has a large electrical roller white-board (the kind that rolls round). In the middle of a very serious meeting, the hard-as-nails female audit partner presses the roller button to get a clean "sheet". Scrolls round to reveal a phallus advancing slowly across the room to an eventual length of seven feet. I think I actually had to leave the room. Killed me.

(Lodge, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 7:04, archived)

Best Graffitti

On the A38 on the outskirts of Plymouth there is a sign saying "Welcome to Plymouth - Spirit of Discovery". Every Monday morning the '..very' was painted over and read "Welcome to Plymouth - Spirit of Disco". Classic.

(Ronniew, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 9:13, archived)

In a pub in Soho

Theres a Fruit machine with a sticker saying
"THIS MACHINE IS EMPTIED DAILY"

Altered to read...

"THIS MACHINE IS EMPTIED BY DAILY THOMPSON"

I guess its funnier if you're there, and pissed

(El_Presidente, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 9:56, archived)

Funniest graffitti I saw....

This seemed a lot funnier in that midday hangover/ re-pissed feeling, and involved a lot of strategic body blocking as my mate walked up to his car... It was all worth it though, driving along behind him and reaching over from the passenger seat to lean on the horn... I nearly messed myself:

"Honk if you love cock"

And I don't even like cock.

(Me and your sisters- at it. DVDs/Videos 10 quid., Fri 7 Nov 2003, 10:21, archived)

Someone

has scratched 'R Whytes' in to the concrete near the door of the Woolies in Cirencester's Castle Street.
It's been there at least 12 years afaik, probably a lot longer.
Why would someone be so proud of being a secret lemonade drinker that they'd take the time and effort of blunting their front-door keys proclaiming it to the world in such a location?

(Surgeon_General, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 10:41, archived)

Graffiti, a small list.

There used to be a small hairdressers shop near the bottom of the high street here in Canterbury. Being as it's an old town many of the quaint little shops have a first floor that you can touch from street level if you're
anything over 5'6". This means that the shop's signwriting is often handily accessible. This particular shop had chosen to call itself "FLICKERS", written in very angular black block capitals on a white background. Enter six footer (furtively, in the dead of night) with a roll of black insulating tape and by the simple expedient of joining the bottom of the L to the bottom of the I we have "FUCKERS", an all round improvement I'm sure you'll agree. It took them a couple of weeks to notice the first time...

PS How do you submit to this thread directly? I can't find any mention of it in the posting instructions.

(

A Lurker jacked up on B3ta on, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 10:56, archived)

That was supposed to be a list...

Was very impressed with an artic trailer I saw on the M6 many years ago. It had "Christian Salvesen" written on it in very big letters. On one side. Inevitably someone had altered the other side to read "Christ Saves." Must've taken ages as the letters were each a good two foot square.

One for the older kids amongst you who remember their science lessons. We were told regularly that "nature abhors a vacuum." I had completely forgotten until I met someone who had it elegantly signwritten across the front of his hoover.

A now-demolished wall en route Paddington station used to bear the marvellous legend:

'Far away is close at hand in images of elsewhere'.

The oldest Graffiti I have ever seen is at Tattershall Castle in Lincolnshire. Prisoners that were kept there used to scratch their names into the stonework. I think the noldest one that they've verified is from a bout 1640, cool.

(

A Lurker jacked up on B3ta on, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 11:12, archived)

Simply the best!

'Bev Baz Gaz rule so fuck you bumhead'

On a railway bridge, in an alley in Palmers Green North London.

Other favourites include: 'Abdul is badboy' and 'Ruban is badboy massive attack'.

(drhaddock, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 11:01, archived)

just remembered

when I was at primary school, we used to go to the swimming pool - inside one of the lockers in the changine room, somebody had scrawled

"some wab on ye!"*

made me chuckle as a 10 year old... and also as a 28 year old :-)

* wab being a slang term for the male naughty bit

(

Reckless_Rik, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 11:09, archived)

this...

(

isthisyou?, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 12:10, archived)

In a pub in bath

Some one has written bove the urinal "I am 8 inches do you want me?" which is quite funny, but then a couple of weeks ago someone write "that all depends on the size of your cock" underneath it which gave me visions of a dwarf on a stool writing above a urinal, which is quite a funny image when drunk

(Dave_uk_01, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 12:44, archived)

In Borders toilets - Oxford Street

someone wote 'FREE CATALONIA!'

then, in different handwriting underneath, it says 'what the fuck r u on about?'

then, in different writing again: 'idiot, haven't you ever heard of Basque seperatism'

and underneath that, someone's just drawn a huge cock and written 'COCK' next to it.

I liked it better than the books

(I'm afraid of wet bread, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 13:14, archived)

Near Old Street

There was a derelict office off Old Street in London a few years ago that had the words "FUCK OUR MUM" sprayed over one of the boarded up windows. We often used to speculate the background to the story. Beacuse it was opposite where we used to play football it actually became a reference point for directions. Turn right off Old Street and its opposite the fuck our mum office. Nobody ever got lost.

(jimcrock, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 13:15, archived)

toilet poetry

I wish I remember where I saw it, the only thing I remember is that it is unwise to laugh hysterically in a toilet cubicle;
There was a young Man from Cowes,
Who liked to suck shit from young womens bowels,
when he couldn't do this,
he drunk prostitutes piss
and nibbled scabs from sanitary towels.

(

spingers, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

Not so much graffiti...

...there's a village on the Isle of Wight called Apse Heath. Someone has added some white tape to the P of Apse so it reads ARSE HEATH when lit by headlights at night, but is near invisible by day.

Always makes me chuckle.

(--merciless-- is delightfully fragrant, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 13:20, archived)

From several years ago...

...in a pub toilet in Shrewsbury:
"Leeds United, striking fear into the hearts of the innocent"
to which someone later added
"Leeds United are as scary as a cake".

(Mr McKenzie Mr McKenzie, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 14:13, archived)

arf

Near paris there's a town named Jouy En Josas
I couldn't help painting over the sign to
'Joy In Josas'

Funny enough 'Joui', which pronounces the same as Jouy, means 'cum'

(Bertie, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 14:34, archived)

I found this the other day in Brighton....

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 14:00, archived)

Madchester

At the height of Madchester, someone painted the words "Bez is top skill and well ard" in 5 foot letters on a bridge in my hometown of Blackpool.

(redbrickterrace, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 14:25, archived)

anyone seen this

near liverpool street
not graffiti really but impressive

(mrbeans is felching, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 14:36, archived)

on a wall near my house in Swansea,

there is, in two-foot letters

"Expensive Dolphins,
Free Wales"

It took a while to explain that one to my (english) mum

(pomegranate, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 14:33, archived)

Salford in Manchester

used to be a real shithole (some parts still are). There was a notorious towerblock called Ordsall Flats that was in a real state of ill-repair, the occupants were for want of a better word, scum.
In six foot high letters along one of the walls that a major road used to go past, one of the pissed off scummers had sprayed "If Jesus really did walk on water, the fucker must have done it at Ordsall Flats". I remember it was there for years, due to the area being pretty much no go!

Another Mancunian graffiti-ist chose their spot well. A wall in Moss-Side (an area known at the time as Little-Beiruit) had a 2-foot hole knocked through it. Apart from the various cock pictures and that sort of thing, there was a huge arrow pointing to the hole with "This is Moss-Side, enter at your own risk" graffitied to the side. The message was so true though - a mate of mine was shot at when stupidly asking a prozzy for the time and then not ponying up some cash for her "time". Oh how we laughed.

*edit* and ANOTHER one in Manchester city centre, there is a street called "CANAL STREET" which is the main route through the gay village. The sign at the end of the street was permenantly graffitied, quite simply, with the "C" and the "S" being removed - so the gay village centre became "ANAL TREET". At least they've got a good sense of humour!

(beZz, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 14:36, archived)

In the Pub On The Park in Hackney:

uberbumgay

(

dirty barry, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 15:13, archived)

Offensive Phone Box

Was walking up a street in London only to see 4 fully fledged Japanese tourists having their photo taken next to a red phone box. Each one in turn was standing with their arm round it whilst the other 3 were clicking away with their cameras. It was only when I got right up the phone box that I realised someone had written the words CUNT in big white letters on the front of it....Funniest thing I have ever seen. I only wish I could have seen the slide show when they got back home

(Big Dog's Cox, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 16:21, archived)

my favourite has always been

'Surrealism breeds chickens'

scribbled on the inside of a toilet door in Strathclyde Uni.

(

izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 16:30, archived)

Cult of van

Big red van. Big red, dirty van. Very dirty, but very red, van.

Written in the muck:
"Also available in white".

(Sharp-Eyed Sharon, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 17:00, archived)

Graffiti USA

"West Virginia...
1,500,000 people...
5 surnames"

(weds child, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 20:23, archived)

Dyslexia rulez KO

(Jane-is-happy, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 21:14, archived)

always plan ahe... end of wall

(Jane-is-happy, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 21:27, archived)

North South Divide

When I moved house from Liverpool to Northampton, I experienced first hand the North/South Divide.

On leaving Liverpool, the last piece of graffiti I remember seeing was scrawled on a vomit-stained cash machine at Liverpool University. This machine - a Royal Bank of Scotland one I believe - had emblazoned across it in black marker "Danny and Ste are kiddas all the way!"

I don't know who Danny and Ste are, but their occupation is apparently full time kiddas. What is a kidda? Who knows.

Arriving in Northampton a week or so later, there was some graffiti on a blue fence wrapped around the half-finished leisure complex Sol Central. This was in black spray paint and read "I recommend you listen to these distinguished gentlemen".

I was taken aback. Even the graffiti is posh in the South.

(mikehall314, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 22:29, archived)

After

it was mention on Newman & Baddiel (or whatever it was called) all the bridges round by us in Brum were emblazoned with "M Khan is bent"

(

Kali, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 22:43, archived)

bridge grafitti

M Khan is bent apparently

(stealthytiger, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 22:58, archived)

Toilet Graffiti

To do is to be - Descartes
To be is to do - Voltaire
Do be do be do - Sinatra

(zsingaya, Sat 8 Nov 2003, 7:32, archived)

In a hostel in Prague, much used by American tourists

"My parents went to New York on September the eleventh and all I got back was a bloody T-shirt."

(

Zuowan, Sat 8 Nov 2003, 16:44, archived)

Here's a few for you...

On a garage door by the main car park in South Molton - 'Urine' (makes me laugh whenever I see it. I mean, why???)

Back when I was at school, I wrote this across one of the tables in the RE class - 'This table needs new graffiti so lets do my bit for mankind. Whoops - ran out of space'

Another one of mine... in one of the toilets at East Devon College - 'Fourteen elephants died during the building of this block'... to which someone had replied: 'true, true'

Another one at EDC (same toilet block...) - 'Sign of boredom #407: you read the graffiti in public toilets' and underneath that in different handwriting '#408: you reply'

One in a different toilet at EDC - 'Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity' and underneath in different writing: 'A pacifist is someone who feeds a crocodile hoping it will eat him last'

(richietheg my dad buries dead people. he's an undertaker., Sat 8 Nov 2003, 21:14, archived)

Just a couple...

I remember I saw a while ago (it might've been on this site!) a poster advertising BBC One's "new style"... I was just a red square with the work 'one' written on it and some bright spark had added a b before and an r after the word. Lovely. Also, I saw an excellent piece of road sign vandalism... a sign reading: "Park and Ride: Saturdays only" had been modified to read "Park and Ride: turds only", which I thought was quite nice...

(3N1GM4, Sat 8 Nov 2003, 18:25, archived)

Written on a lot of the bins around thatcham

is the rather disturbing message; 'no i wont david'

(travel asparagus, Sat 8 Nov 2003, 21:10, archived)

Great stuff

realmofdreams.com/virgingraffiti.jpg

I made my husband take a photo of this after he came out of a Chicago Virgin Megastore's loo and told me about it. Apparently, there were no doors to the cubicles. And there's me thinking it was the ladies who had fun in the loos.

(Sarah The Nutter, Sat 8 Nov 2003, 21:50, archived)

It was

one of those patronising motivational posters for the staff out the back in Tescos. The picture was of a guy in bed at 5am with his alarm clock going off, with a demon and an angel on either shoulder. Well you know how it goes, the devil was saying 'stay in bed, they can manage without you' or something, so i traced the speech bubble for the angel, cut it out and wrote inside 'Yeah sod it, have a lie in mate'. Was so subtle no managers spotted it for a week :)

(DopplerSow, Sat 8 Nov 2003, 23:21, archived)

On school desks

We used to write "If you're reading this you're not working you slacker". True.

(Vega31, Sat 8 Nov 2003, 23:43, archived)

Linzi Sucks Bums

Written everywhere in one subway in Sunderland: "Linzi Sucks Bums". In my mates back lane, "Elvis is King" has been there for years. Also, no one sems to have mentioned the classic "If you notice this notice, you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing."

(Fenriz-Hates Goffiks, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 0:51, archived)

Pompey Uni

On a toilet wall in the soon to be defunct Milton Campus' toilets...

Click for biggy

made me chuckle...

(Phillprice who lost his lohgin details!, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 1:00, archived)

Close to where I live is a gypsy collony

one house, for as long as I can remember, sell plants outside their house and advertise their wares with a sign in foot high letters stating 'PLANTS'. A friend of my brother once walked up there with a can of paint and painted over the 'L' leaving just P ANTS. Inspirational!!!

(Alleeen, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 1:32, archived)

Korean graffiti

claims the funniest spray paint job I've seen. On a wall in South Korea, the graffitti read "Fack you man" . closely followed by "Bush is a Twat" sprayed under a walkway at Stanley Park

(nabi, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 2:34, archived)

Pompey

At the end of my road, someone has written (taking up a whole wall, no less) the following message:

"It's Corn
Blad
My friend."

And a picture of a crown underneath this.

I have absolutley no idea what this means.

Also, a popular tag:

"Bum is Gay"

There's a nicely rendered "Legalise It!" that has been on Copnor Bridge for years.

(Elektrokat, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 5:54, archived)

Think

Roundabout in Nottingham - Has a sign in the middle that says 'THINK BIKE'. some wag changed the 'BI' to 'DY' with the aid of some white stickers and a felt pen. hilarious

Although my favourite creative vandalism was the community service kids that were given coloured bulbs to plant on highways/roundabouts etc, but planted them so they spelt out 'Bollocks' and 'Cunt' and so on.

(pips, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 13:21, archived)

a road near my school is called

sussex place

teehee

(monsta, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 17:00, archived)

Crow Aptok

At my school in Oxfordshire there was a toilet reserved for teenage girls, known to us as the "period palace". The sign on the door read: VI FORM GIRLS. With black electrical tape and tippex, I altered it to: VD FROM GIRLS.

In the same town was a recreational ground with the sign: DO NOT LET DOGS FOUL THE PLAYING FIELD. IT'S NOT FUN FALLING IN DOG DIRT." Someone removed the "NOT" from the second sentence. Someone else altered "DIRT" to "SHIT". A third person changed "DO NOT" to "PLEASE". I giggled.

In today's Sunday Times there's a report of some badly punctuated racist graffitti in New York, that read "NIGGER'S OUT". To which someone had appended: "But he'll be back shortly."

Finally, anyone driving to Oxford on the M40 will have seen "CROW APTOK" painted on an old bridge support. Anyone know what it means?

(bingbong, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 17:30, archived)

It's an anagram

of cartop wok.

(McDave, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 18:07, archived)

Don't think this one's been mentioned yet...

On a roadsign near Regent's Park, London, 'Get In Lane', was altered with yellow spray paint to 'Get In Line, You Camels'.

No idea, but I liked it. Unfortunately not there any more.

(GoatBoy, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 18:35, archived)

Another one I've just remembered

In the "obscure" category: all over my school, written on desks, walls, ceilings, was the epithet WAXY JONES LIKES CHOC SAUCE.

Nobody ever knew who Mr Jones was, why he liked choc sauce, or who it was who wanted to inform us of this fact.

(bingbong, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 19:19, archived)

i joined just for this

on one of those hand dryers in the men's restroom there was a diagram showing a person pushing the button and then thick wavy red lines coming out, written underneath "push button, recieve bacon"

(baconfetus, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 19:19, archived)

I joined

just for this, too!

Alas it seems we've missed the radio show, if anything we've posted is worth repeating.

(bingbong, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 21:26, archived)

CROW APTOK

Tried Googling that a while ago for a mate and it came up with a web address which came up with... a blank page, ho hum. Amusingly the Outlook spellchecker suggested "Cowpat" & "Cowpoke", maybe that explains it...

(

A Lurker jacked up on B3ta on, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 23:38, archived)

There is the "why do I do this everyday" one on the M40.

On the M4 underneath "have a break" - someone has done the obvious kitkat line.

Northolt - NW London. On the railway bridge.

"Bill Stickers will be prosecuted." to which some wag has added the refrain "Bill Stickers is innocent"

Also in Northolt, another bridge. "Dave, paint your wagon." then followed by "Elvis lives"

Also must mention when I was busted for graffiti in 1989. Asking my accuser (Mrs Garth - Deputy head, Junior School) how she knew the chalk graffiti was mine.

"Cos you wrote your name you stupid boy!!!!"

Also on my flip up school desk same period. I had written "MS Brooks is a fat bitch" this was noticed by Ms Brooks and my proud parents on a parents evening.....

But she was a fat bitch.

(benzanotto, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 20:21, archived)

At the top of Brick lane this morning...

I noticed that someone had scribbled under "Fly Posters Will Be Prosecuted" the words "Shoreditch Will Be Napalmed", rather that the obligatory "Fly Posters Is Innocent".

Different, yes, but perhaps a bit weird too.

(meat katie rocked the other nite and also on, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 22:31, archived)

"Cornish Jobs for Cornish Workers"

On A40 near Launceston.

(Horns, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 4:37, archived)

scariest graffiti ever

When I went to the public toilets in Chelmsley Wood some years ago, as I was using the urinal. I looked to my right and saw that someone had drawn a full sized picture of themselves on the wall with a village people beard and glasses in full drag with fishnet tights and their cock hanging out. With the words I come in here everyday dressed like this. I thought "time to leave"

(himmler, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 9:19, archived)

Coventry

I know this is late but there's a pub in Coventry (yes, there again) called "The Butts Retreat" (wait for it) and someone had removed some of the two-foot-high gold letters (wait for it) to make:

The Butt Treat.

See, not all Warwick Uni students are clever.

J

(Drakien, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 10:21, archived)

Just round the corner from my work

someone had altered the parking restriction sign from '2 hours maximum' to '2 whores maximum'.

(whydobirdssuddenlyappear, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 10:31, archived)

best i ever saw was

in newcastle someone took a tin of white paint and a huge brush then scrawled across the wall near my school 'JOHNSON KEEP OFF MY WIFE!' and not far from where i live a, presumably, dyslexic revolutionary vandal has scribbled 'fuck the cistern' i kinda guessed that he meant 'the system' and not the flush on his toilet...or did he?

(yokojakamotototo, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 11:02, archived)

I used to get the train

from Hull to Leeds quite often when I worked there. Just on the outskirts of Leeds there's a council estate with a bit of graffiti that used to cheer me up every day. I can't remember the exact name (let's assume it's Steve G.), but someone's painted on the side of a house with a paint brush in large letters "Steve G. is a C" and then the paint just sort of trails off like whoever's done it has been caught half way through (by Steve G. perhaps) and had to do a runner....

(Just Some Guy from Hull, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 11:47, archived)

Local graffiti in Swords, Dublin, written on a wall .....

"Waker"

What a waker, couldn't even spell it!

(Badabing, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 11:55, archived)

The pub

I forgot to mention this. A pub in Cornwall, which was already pink, had massive yellow spots painted on it, and "The Blobby Inn" sprayed on the side.

(Fenriz-Hates Goffiks, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 13:18, archived)