I'm thinking of starting a blog about this terrible idea
I was in great dispare one night writing my dissertation for philosophy when I started making examples of famous record lyrics and putting them into different philosophical argument examples I had been studying. Alas I am letting some examples of this flow onto you. The following was this:-

1, Bono cannot live with you
2, Bono cannot live without you
Conclusion; Bono cannot live.

1, Billy Jean is not my lover
2, If and only if Billy Jean is not my lover, she is a girl who claims I am the one
Conclusion; Billy Jean is a girl who claims I am the one.

1, If Morrissey is human
2, If Morrissey is human then he needs to be loved.
Conclusion; Morrissey describes his homosexual experiences in the song 'this charming man'
(Hagbard MacDougal, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 3:31, archived)

I'm hungover already

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 3:37, archived)

Morrissey is a cunt. Get back to work.

( Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 3:41, archived)

My mate fancies the fuck out of him
She's got a daffodil tattoo and a load of lyrics on her tummy.

She's 20.

*sighs*

She also fancies George Michael, enjoys the work of James Morrison, and lives with a racist copper who made her quit her job.

Not blessed with the best taste.
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 3:43, archived)

Night night internets xxx

( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 3:48, archived)

good night madam

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 3:54, archived)

Should I stay or should I go
If I leave there will be trouble, if I stay there will be double.

WELL FUCKING LEG IT THEN.
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 3:42, archived)

hmmm
Give that Rob Zombie is more human than human,
and all humans are human,
only Rob Zombie is human?
( Foxglove -- it all ends in tears anyway..., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 7:30, archived)

Quickly, everyone!
I've got Geoff the Clownfish in my Fritzl room. What next?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:07, archived)

SSG, CANCER PATIENT, MUST HAVE POSTED

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:07, archived)

Terrible cancer bullying

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:08, archived)

Best of all the bullying.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:17, archived)

They're my friends

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:28, archived)

Add me to your friends list. Here, I made a handy link you can share with your mates.
Here
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:13, archived)

It's not horses.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:16, archived)

If you don't love horses you're a MONSTER

( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 3:17, archived)

You fucking bastard.
Don't you know SSG has cancer?
( WHARRGARBL, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:19, archived)

i'm going to firebomb a different orphanage every day until you apologise to SSG over this terrible cancer bullying

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:28, archived)

What if you run out of orphanages?

( WHARRGARBL, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:32, archived)

Nursing homes

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:37, archived)

Nursing homes Parent teacher conferences, to create MOAR ORPHANS!!!!!ONE
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 3:10, archived)

MMMOOOOARRRRRR

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 3:11, archived)

I'm replying to you in two different screens at the same time
WEB 2.0!
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 3:12, archived)

PHWOAR

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 3:14, archived)

phantom of the opera,
chicago
and les miserables.
three things i am well aware of yet at the same time have never seen nore have any idea what they are about.
so,
what is your favourite gerry rafferty song?
mine is baker street so you can't choose that.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:02, archived)

Isn't he missing?

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:04, archived)

missing dead
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:05, archived)

rofl

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:05, archived)

only in that he hides from the media,
which obviously the media take as meaning that he is hiding from everything ever.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:07, archived)

Aye but apparently he went missing
A quick wiki is conflicting but apparently he is safe.
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:12, archived)

he only went missing by media standards.
nobody who actually knew him considered him missing.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:13, archived)

But the word of The Sun is 100% fact
Just don't read it on a train in Liverpool...
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:14, archived)

Night out!
OK?
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:04, archived)

7000 fucking /talk messages
Preston are going up next season, Chester will go down from the Blue Square "Premier"

What's for lunch?
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:56, archived)

ME ME ME
www.b3ta.com/talk/6221908
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:56, archived)

How is that website still running?

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:57, archived)

What? But I only just made it!

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:57, archived)

clue:
it isn't
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:59, archived)

Is it the matrix?

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:00, archived)

you are

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:01, archived)

AWESOME
*throws karate chops to try to rip time and space*
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:01, archived)

hah, omg, look at this old post!
b3ta.belm.co.uk/talk/50932
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:01, archived)

Preston are a bunch of shits.
God I hate them, fuckin' deepdale an all that business.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:57, archived)

there are some nice shops at deepdale

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:58, archived)

I work at one of them
There is a prime dogging spot behind sports world next door
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:58, archived)

how often do you go?

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:01, archived)

Never
It was reported by the LEP as being featured on a major dogging website.. but seeing as the area is secure with gates, and I often have to open our shop at the back at night, I have never seen anything.

Apparently Preston held the UKs first dogging championship...I want to know the criteria of such a competition!
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:03, archived)

I think the main criteria would be:
a/ fully working headlights
b/ plenty of room on the back seats
c/ a lack of sexual inhibitions
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:08, archived)

I see it like an Ice skating comp
with three sections comprising of compulsory, original and free.

and Torvill and Dean
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:11, archived)

Actually,
I've heard the football museum is very good. Still, shittin' Preston and whatnot.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:02, archived)

it's better than blackpool - roadwork capital of europe

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:04, archived)

UK stench champions too

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:05, archived)

Blackpool was ultimately disappointing for me.
The pepsi max or whatever that corporate coaster is called now was the highlight of my trip.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:07, archived)

Free entry too!
Still never been..
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:05, archived)

i've always been of the belief that football could do with a "wildcard" player who plays for neither team and whose job is to boot the ball as far away in any direction as possible

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:58, archived)

and snipers too

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:58, archived)

The referee can wear the tops of both sides underneath his top
He can play for either side whenever he wants, depending on bungs etc
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:59, archived)

Fuck that!
Bleurgh!

Don't stop, BELIEVING!
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:40, archived)

They are playing Download arent they?

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:41, archived)

Webcast 14:30 on sunday :D
www.downloadfestival.co.uk/webcast/
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:46, archived)

Yeah whatever...
Earth Song just came on some channel I'm watching.

EARTH SONG! AAHHHH AAHHh AHhhhhh AAAAhhhhhh etc.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:49, archived)

Well that guy is a cunt

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:50, archived)

Michael?
I saw him in the Cardiff arms park when I was about 9. It was the best thing ever. THE BEST THING.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:51, archived)

except that i was not there
so it can't have been.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:53, archived)

I made a greatly improved /talk searcher the other night out of absolute boredom.
Here, have a trip down memory lane: b3ta.belm.co.uk/talk/1582943
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:55, archived)

Gutted.
You didn't see Michael. You are deprived, and probably a victim of some sort of childhood poverty.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:56, archived)

he phoned me about the gig you went to.
he said he saw you and considered you "ripe".
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:00, archived)

This led to the best night of my life.
I was so ripe back then.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:03, archived)

Was he hiding in the bushes?

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:54, archived)

Fucks sake, I missed all the bands I wanted to watch.

( WHARRGARBL, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:49, archived)

I think they are showing them whenever the webcast isn't live
I saw some of Limp Bizkit earlier... awful...
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:50, archived)

That might just be the quality of the webcast though...

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:51, archived)

Oooh.
I hope I can see Faith No More. And Billy Talent. And The Blackout.
( WHARRGARBL, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:52, archived)

Is that a STEPS song?

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:41, archived)

JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRL
LIVIN' IN A LONELY WORLD!
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:43, archived)

JUST A ONE WAY TRAIN

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:44, archived)

a bit like Virgin rail then?

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:46, archived)

:(
Good 'un, no really.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:52, archived)

SATIRE

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:52, archived)

the smell of wine,
and cheap perfume :(
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:42, archived)

KEEP UP THE BELIEVING
HANG ON TO THAT FEELING
( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:42, archived)

I bet you 'hang on to that feeling' at least 5 times a day
I bet your arm aches
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:44, archived)

you're that bearded priest who replaces father jack when he gets taken away to an old folks home in that episode of father ted
AICMFP
( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:45, archived)

I've never watched Father Ted

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:46, archived)

get out

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:50, archived)

WOW!
Check out this GREAT VIEW!
nsfw
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:52, archived)

cor, preggo sex.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:54, archived)

mum??

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 2:29, archived)

i remember when he died
:(
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:53, archived)

we'll remember when you die too

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:55, archived)

MoT is "ruined".
He's going to bed too.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:25, archived)

what did I miss, another bash?

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:26, archived)

Details here:
Click
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:37, archived)

fooled again!
tsk
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:40, archived)

I ONCE DID A THING YEAH

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:30, archived)

Thats no way to speak of your beautiful girlfriend

( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:31, archived)

SHE IS BEAUTIFUL YEAH!

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:35, archived)

FUCK OFF DAVE. SERIOUSLY. IM LIKE OMFGWTH?! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.

( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:32, archived)

haha, no link?
THAT DIDN'T LAST LONG.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:33, archived)

I have no idea what you're talking about.

( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:38, archived)

Do his farts make no sound?

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:34, archived)

lol
lol
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:37, archived)

Gilgamesh is going to bed.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:16, archived)

BECAUSE HE'S BEEN A VERY NAUGHTY BOY

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:17, archived)

IMPORTANT UPDATES

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:17, archived)

Gilgyplops is going to bed
which means this board will soon be dead
I might just go for a poo
( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:17, archived)

HOW DO YOU DO?

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:18, archived)

To the left, to the right

( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:20, archived)

i heard you do zany well

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:18, archived)

WAKA WAKA WAKA

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:21, archived)

WILD BREAM LOL!

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:22, archived)

TOOT SNAIL etc

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:23, archived)

I JUST DIDN'T EAT A JAM!

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:24, archived)

MANGOES

( SuperMatt, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:00, archived)

MELONS

( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:00, archived)

Tsk.
That could have been a good thread.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:01, archived)

CUMQUATS

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:03, archived)

I WILL SEX YOUR GIRLFRIEND

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:04, archived)

No.
We will surprise sex YOUR girlfriend when you die.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:04, archived)

JOKE'S ON YOU, MISTER!

( SuperMatt, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:04, archived)

why the hell would you want to sex kersal?

( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:05, archived)

ahahahahah
Does she post anymore?
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:06, archived)

Nope

( SuperMatt, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:07, archived)

Why not?

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:07, archived)

She got fed up with the tedium

( SuperMatt, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:09, archived)

I love how long it takes for people to leave when claiming this place is shit or tedious.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:10, archived)

Frankly, I find all the posts about it being shit or tedius shit & tedius
I'M OFF
( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:11, archived)

she hid in embarassment when it became obvious the car thieves couldn't win the premiership

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:09, archived)

she's in a cupboard in the attic right now

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:09, archived)

Actually
Our bedrooms are in the attic...
( SuperMatt, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:10, archived)

a fascinating insight into the life of Supermatt there

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:11, archived)

Everyone enjoys learning

( SuperMatt, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:13, archived)

because i done her up the shitter

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:09, archived)

All valid reasons

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:10, archived)

Did you eat her?
I don't mean in the sexy way.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:08, archived)

No way
there's no meat on her.
( SuperMatt, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:09, archived)

Is that the one who kept going on about her fucking bird?
I was in Swansea earlier.
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:14, archived)

if you adblock all the images on /board, it's like a good version of /talk

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:04, archived)

or, to be less stupid, just turn off images like a normal person, instead of adding several hundred images to your hate list.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:06, archived)

I'm playing solitaire.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:10, archived)

haha, no life
I'm going to bed, I might just start a new thread announcing this
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:12, archived)

I'd totally reply to that.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:17, archived)

Bird, Bird, Jacob Dyer
Giant Eye, Pyramid, Bristol. Bird, Giant Eye, Barnaby Bear. Dead Fish, Cat Head, France. Cat Head, Cat Head, Some Guy Doing This (Egyptian Stance), Burnt Neck.
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:15, archived)

Where did Dave Trouser come from?

The Adventures of Spleeg and Dave Trouser
===================================

Spleeg, was a mattress, a happy, happy mattress.
And he said "Voon".
Now, whenever Spleeg says "Voon", Flid, the sizable Pringle, would
bounce merrily along the bannister rails, singing "Kyle's Mum's a
Bitch, in D-Minor".
Spleeg doesn't like this, but he has to say "Voon" every 3.24762834
hours or his springs will explode and kill all the happy bunny rabbits
in the farmers field 2 miles away.

So, one day, Spleeg asked his mate, Dave Trouser, to help come up with
a plan...

Dave thinks long and hard, then asks Spleeg to put it away, so he
doesn't have to think about it. He gives up on the plan and they go
and visit Gorak the Unpleasant.

"Feeccckkkk Oooorrrrfff!" Said Gorak.

Dave is not surprised at this and flaggellates in mirth.....

"Ha ha!", said Flid. "I will annoy you forever!"

Spleeg folded and then lept in the air towards Flid.

"Diiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee!", he yelled.

Flid shat his kecks, and trembled at the might of the mattress.

Spleeg landed square on Flid, and crushed him.

"Ah great." said Dave. "Now we can go and finish our mission to save
the Rubfulps from certain destruction!"

Spleeg agreed, and they flew off to the land of the Kuff Peoples, on
Bjork, the ugly, untalented "singer", who happened to be able to fly
using farts to stay aloft.

GREEN....YELLOW...RED....PURPLE...

...The farts ripped away beneath the vile Icelander as she
supported herself on a roiling column of guff.

"WSTFCK" Yelled Dave, retching at the awful sight. The mattress once
again sprang (pun intended) into action. Straining with the effort,
Spleeg leapt 500ft into the air and accelerated down towards the
hovering, bottomburping singer.

KAPLOP! The noise was heard all over the Bungaloo...and Bjork was no
more......

"Oh, I guess we'll have to use the old method then.", said Dave.

"Yes, we will.", agreed Spleeg.

"Danzigga, danzigga, wahlee!", said Dave, as he poked a sharp stick
into the air.

A large, magical Heffa appeared, and opened the gateway to the magical
portal of time.

"Enter, beings of the Bungaloo!", said the Heffa.

Dave and Spleeg jumped through the gateway and were instantly ripped
into tiny bits, and sent hurtling back to 400,000,000 BC, where they
mixed with some primevil gunge, and formed into a giant space hopper
called Peter.

Peter bounced from planet to planet, making that distinct space
hoppery noise, "b-d'oing b-d'oing" as he went. This went on for quite
some time.

Peter approached a small temporal anomaly that was nearby, and
bounced off to investigate.

Meanwhile Spleeg and Dave were having a whale of time being the space
hopper (For the sake of plot they are still separate beings.....look
it's our story and we can have shite continuity if we want....) They
got bored of bouncing around and left Peter to investigate the
anomaly.

"Come on Dave," said Spleeg, "let's find Mo'BoBo Manda'ning, and he
should be able to help us in our quest."

"Yeah, but we'll have to watch out for the Nurgles.", replied Dave.

"Danzigga, danzigga wahlee!", said Spleeg, as he operated the gnunge.

The large, magical Heffa appeared, and opened the gateway to the
Magical Portal of Time.

"Now, let's get it right this time ok Heffa?", said Dave rudely.

"Sorry about before, but the O-Flange on the rear inversion matrix was
a bit rusty.", explained the Heffa.

"Well, ok." said Spleeg, "let's go Dave!"

And with that, the dynamic duo leaped into the portal, and continued
their mystical journey through time to save the Rubfulps in the land
of the Kuff Peoples.

**********
And there we leave our two heroes, albeit momentarily. Let us, dear
readers pay a visit to Plop, the neighbouring planet to that of
NGGGGGGIP, the home of the Kuff Peoples.
**********

The people of Plop are a violent race. They have evolved into vicious
killing machines, with 13 arms, all with vicious barbed claws. They
would think nothing of ripping innocent people to shreds then
returning back home and having their Grandmas for tea. Unfortunately
the Creator decided to have a laff with these beings and created them
only 1.4 pnarfeefs (2 inches) high (which is good news for every one,
apart from the Grandmas).

They are known to many, as the Knurg, they are laughed at over the
entire Universe and beyond. However, they have formed an alliance with
the Kuff peoples of NGGGGGGIP, and have developed special suits which
make them appear to be 15 pnarloogs (about 72 miles) tall, yet only
1.4 pnarfeefs wide. This has enabled them to build vast Knurg Bridges
between planets, and to NGGGGGGIP in particular. Armed with these
bridges, the Kuff Peoples can easily transfer the Rubfulps from
NGGGGGGIP to Plop (The Rubfulps live underground, and can be mined).

The Kuff Peoples use the Rubfulps for food and clothing. Rubfulps are
large, quasi-intelligent vegetables that are bred to actually enjoy
being eaten or skinned and woven into Blims (The Kuff Peoples
ceremonial robes). They are also telepathic and use a Psychic Ring of
Energy (TM) to protect the planets that they are grown on.

The growth of these Rubfulps is a very complex process as they feed
only on a certain type of luminous moss called Neil. The moss (and the
Rubfulps) needs a steady temperature, good shelter and a plentiful
supply of Ribena in order to grow properly which is a problem for the
Kuff Peoples because they don't have a plentiful supply of Ribena.

So they are planning to use the Knurg to build a bridge to the distant
planet Earth, to obliterate the Humans that live there and use the it
to produce nothing but Ribena, so they can grow the Rubfulps properly.

However, the Rubfulps no longer enjoy being eaten, and have secretly
sent a telepathic message to the Intergalactic Psychic Underpants
(IPU), who happens to be a good friend of Dave Trouser. The IPU
alerted Dave immediately and hence Dave and Spleeg are on their way to
save the Rubfulps from the Kuff Peoples.


**********
Meanwhile, down on the NGGGGGGIP, the high commander of the Kuff
Peoples is addressing the Kuff Peoples...
**********

"People of NGGGGGGIP!", he boomed. "We need the Knurg Bridge to Earth
complete by next Tuesday week, or our crop of Rubfulps will fail!"
Faint mutterings could be heard from the 40,000 Knurg standing at the
back of the crowd.
"The construction will begin NOW, and the invasion must start before
the bridges are complete, so we may destroy the Humans before they
know of our plan. You will all go now!", the commander commanded.

At once, the Kuff Peoples Army took to their battleplibs and headed
off for Earth, a journey that would take them a good few days.

NB: In case you were wondering, NGGGGGGIP is approximately the size of
Earth's Solar System, and is home to close to 2^128 Kuff People. A
formidable foe, if ever there was one.

**********
And now, back to Dave and the Mighty Mattress, Spleeg...
**********

Spleeg and Dave hurtled through the Portal of Time, at an amazing
rate, screaming in terror at the Portal Demons which inhabit it.

"I'll be glad when this is over!", exclaimed Dave.

"Too right mate.", said Spleeg

And at that moment they fell from the other end of the Portal onto the
planet NGGGGGGIP!

"Aha, we're here!", said Dave flapping his legs wildly.

"Right, let's get it on!" Purred Spleeg.

"Pardon" Inquired Dave, raising his belt loops inquisitively (he is
Trousers, remember?)

"Sorry there mate, just a bit of Post Hurtle Horniness"

"How does a mattress get hor.....oh never mind", said Dave.

The two intrepid explorers set out across the planets surface, hoping
that they didn't meet any of the Kuff Peoples.

"HALT, Infidels!" Boomed a voice from behind.

"Shit. A Kuff Peoples Guard" Swore Spleeg.

The two wanderers turned around slowly, not knowing what to
expect......(for the sake of narrative excitement they had not been
informed of this before taking part in the story, so the following
reaction is entirely genuine).

"Arses!" Yelled Dave, and yes he was correct. The Kuff people are
humanoid, but they are completely covered in different types of arses.

The Guard wobbled a fine specimen of a weasels arse at the end of it's
arm at them in a threatening manner.

"How dare you not show the holy cheeks of Kuff on this planet. You will
be sentenced to The Pit of Eternal Falling!", the guard shouted.

Dave turned to Spleeg, then shouted "Run for it!", and started to run
off.

Spleeg, on the other hand, stayed put, staring at the gaurd.

"Spleeg! What are you doing!?!", asked Dave

"muhahahahahah, I am the Mighty Mattress!", explained Spleeg. "Nobody
can defeat me, I am Almighty!". So Spleeg crushed the guard like he
was Flid, the Sizable Pringle.

"Wow", gasped Dave, "You really are Almighty!"

Suddenly the ground trembled violently, and what looked like a warship
from the planet Altair descended to the planet's surface.
When the dust cleared they saw a tall figure emerge from the craft.

"I am Altran the Almighty! Ruler of Altair!", he roared.

"O'rite mate!", said Dave.

"Dave! What are you doing here? I heard someone say "Almighty", so I
dropped in.", explained Altran.

"We're here to save the Rubfulps from the evil Kuff Peoples. Can you
help us?", asked Dave.

"Of course I can, I am Altran the Almighty.", replied Altran.

Altran pointed his Alt-Stick up to the sky, where the Knurg Bridge to
Earth could be clearly seen, along with a large fleet of Kuff
Battleplibs. "Fntyaaaaar!", he shouted.

And in a second, the entire fleet was gone, and the Knurg fell heavily
back to the ground, killing all but a few.

"See, it's easy. Let's go get the commander!", said Altran



On board the Altairian Warship, Dave and Spleeg have time to rest, and
prepare for the encounter with the Kuff Commander.

*********
Meanwhile, on a totally irrelevant planet called Pnuggetar, completely
unconnected with this story...
*********

TO BE CONTINUED...



PART II A. Rev 12.

The continuing Adventures of Spleeg and Dave Trouser.

Pnuggetar.

Dave is buttoning his flies.

"...and then I lifted the rock and discovered nuclear fission"

"What the grunkle are you talking about, Dave?", asked Spleeg.

"Monkey Chutney" Murmured Dave, in a large, yet unmistakeably small.

*For the information of confused readers, Pnuggetar is in a parallel
universe, and as such, any happenings or events here have no effect
or even remotely sensible connection with the rest of the story*

"Yeah, rancid turkey buttons always do that to me. Try levelling off
the cheesecake while being carefully smallish-medium tilt largely
under moonshine and haddock flinch.", suggested Spleeg.

Dammit Spleeg! I told you to lay off the Mr Sheen. It does weird
things too you and I don't like it", raged Dave.

"Mang!" Yelled Spleeg defiantly, in the manner of his favourite
'Scientist of Science'.

"Leave PJ out of this, he's too weird and ginger for this story", said
Bobbet Lighting Circuit, who had mysteriously entered the storyline in
the last chapter, but went completly undiscovered until now.

"If you spin your noodles in a vast washing machine, they will fall
through the holes into the quantum soup, thus ending the paradox of
noodles in a washing machine.", continued Bobbet vaguely.

*Note to reader: The Noodles in a Washing Machine Paradox is
non-existant until BEFORE it was NOT discovered, AFTER the end of the
Bungaloo.*


*******************
Editors note:

The temporary fault in [REDACTED] brain has now been fixed, by giving him
an almighty smack upside the head. Normal storytelling will now be
resumed.

We had left Dave and Spleeg on board the Altairian warship, preparing
to meet the Kuff commander.
*******************


"You may like to remember that, although humanoid the Kuff people are
completely covered in different types of arses", reminded Dave

"Cheers", said the readers, most of whom had given up long ago.

"To the quadra-tele-sprout-O-matic-transportation suite", cried
Spleeg, Hworanging off down the corridor.



"Ah! Here we are.", said Dave. "In the Kuff Palace"

"Ooh look! A rare Scrantarian Eckle Munki arse. How errrr, hairy",
commented Spleeg.

The Kuff Gaurd turned around, to be met by a powerful blow to the
right cheek of his Actubarrian Arse, from Dave's left belt loop.
The Guard falls to the ground, utterly paralysed by Dave's attack.

Altran tele-sprouts into the Kuff Palace to join our heros.

"Right, although I could just destroy this place with a single
thought, let's wander in and see what's around that corner.", boomed
Altran The Almighty.

They wandered round the corner.....

....and some more....

(It's a big corner)

At the end of it is..........


a corner that goes the other way, but it is only short this time.
Round the corner is a set of doors. There are 37 doors, above which is
written "Only ONE door may be opened and passed through. Any more, and
death will be swift."

"Hmm", hmm'd Spleeg. "Which door do we chose?"

"That's easy!", said Dave. "Altran can use his immensely powerful
computer and work out the statistically safest door to go through."

*Whirrrrr*

"Lo!", boomed Altran "My ZX Spectrum 48k has finished!"

"Which door do we use then", asked Spleeg.

"Camel"

"What?"

"Camel. That is what the ZX Spectrum 48k says we should take..."

"Whooo-oo, thanks!", said Dave sarcastically. "What a useless pile
of potato that was."

"aha! We must go through door number "7", I
just checked with my X-Ray vision!", said Altran.

Spleeg, who is pretty immune to pain, death, and other nasties, opens
the door marked "7".

Our heroes enter the room behind the door and inside they find...

...a giant mantrap, baited with two pints of lager and a packet of
cheese and onion crisps.

"Wow" Says Dave, "That sure does look tempting", as he leapt toward
the goodies.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..." Yelled Spleeg slowly, in the
manner that these things happen in films, "...ooooooooo!"

Spleeg tries to save Dave before the mantrap is set off, but even this
mighty hero is too slow for the devious trap.



"ARGH!", screams Dave, as he is mangled beyond recognition.

"DAVE!", shout Spleeg and Altran as they try to find a way to save
Dave.

But, it is too late. Dave is nothing more than a pile of shredded up
bits of material.

"Oh no! This is a disaster!", said Spleeg.

"Indeed it is.", replied Altran. "What to do..."
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:56, archived)

Pathetic.

( hoifbjifbef, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:57, archived)

haha, bitter.
Piss off.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:57, archived)

good one dave!

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:00, archived)

I hop u liek mi storie

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:03, archived)

oh dear

( Cleisthenes morning sickness is a bitch, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:57, archived)

Thank you
This has saved me to resorting to buying any Stephan King books at trains stations for next 12 months.
( spaceage, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:58, archived)

That's ok, anytime.
You are redeemed.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:59, archived)

I love this!

( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:08, archived)

Be sure to click!

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:08, archived)

I'd click 10 times if i could.

( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 1:10, archived)

this is the worst random monkey cheese wall of text i've ever fucking seen

( ArthurTheRat, Sun 14 Jun 2009, 2:14, archived)

Oh, bugger
I thought I had hayfever all day - I'm now pretty sure it's the start of a cunt of a cold. I am now drinking Scotch - there are germs in my body and I plan on getting each one pissed and have my immune system throw them out of the pub.

What inane thing have you done today that you've chosen to tell the internet about?
( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:45, archived)

I did a splattery shit, and it looked like your face.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:46, archived)

But I'm not brown :(

( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:47, archived)

The colour wasn't really relevant.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:48, archived)

RACIST

( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:49, archived)

:O
Racist.
( spaceage, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:49, archived)

lacist!

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:52, archived)

eeeerrrrmmmmmmmm

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:47, archived)

That's the spirit!

( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:47, archived)

I'm thinking
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:47, archived)

I watched Blade Runner
Is that an inane thing though?
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:54, archived)

Have some ginger, mixed with hot vimto.
Works brilliantly for colds, does for me anyway.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:48, archived)

I have the ginger
But not the Vimto.

I'll stick with the Scotch. I thought I hated it for the past 5 years, turns out it's not so bad.
( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:49, archived)

Your mum

( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:50, archived)

Have you got my randomburn?
Also, did it have a tracklist?
( WHARRGARBL, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:53, archived)

YOU THINK THAT A COLD IS BAD?!?!?!?!

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:55, archived)

We need some B3ta disease top trumps.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:57, archived)

I had such a bad poo It took three flushes and half a bog roll wipe clean.
My arse looks like a blood orange and feels like Ive been bummed asunder.
( Cleisthenes morning sickness is a bitch, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:57, archived)

*ahem*
Just an apology for my drunken ways before. To signify my dearest apology, please accept this picture of our horse Eric with a French braid which I assure you, was done against his own will :] i75.photobucket.com/albums/i289/POINSETTIA1/erica.jpg
( spaceage, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:14, archived)

Your thread's better than mine, I must say.

( ArthurTheRat, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:15, archived)

Mine was just a passive-aggressive poncey way to boast that I'm reading Camus in the original French.

( ArthurTheRat, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:17, archived)

Whoops, did I say that?

( ArthurTheRat, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:17, archived)

I'm reading foreign books you know.

( ArthurTheRat, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:17, archived)

You're too pissed to be able to read.

( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:18, archived)

I haven't had a drink in weeks, actually.
I'm rectifying that once exams are over.
( ArthurTheRat, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:20, archived)

I'm naturally this dull.

( ArthurTheRat, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:20, archived)

*bgns*

( ArthurTheRat, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:24, archived)

BRING BACK ERASTY!

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:29, archived)

BLUE NAMER

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:32, archived)

*Thumbs up*

( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:20, archived)

bollocks, I bet you're playing WoW in the original hobbit really

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:18, archived)

foiled :(

( ArthurTheRat, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:19, archived)

I love that book. Did it for A Level.
When do you finish your exams?
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:27, archived)

Tuesday.
I did pretty well at both lit papers, and Economics. Just French/Italian Reading/Writing/Listening to go now.
( ArthurTheRat, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:34, archived)

I'm reading Crime & Punishment in English
GET IN.
( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:46, archived)

English as in the language, not the class.

( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:47, archived)

I normally hate horses,
but THAT one!
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:15, archived)

Actually looks like a unicorn,
but its spike is pointing downwards.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:20, archived)

You know what, I love that
Mainly because I love horses
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:16, archived)

They really are best of all the animals

( spaceage, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:17, archived)

I love Erica
best of all the braided animals
( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:18, archived)

Erica Roe, whatever happened to her?

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:20, archived)

She hatched into a lovely shoal of caviar

( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:22, archived)

I'm not clicking that.
It's no reflection on the link itself, it's just that I think you're a cunt.
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:19, archived)

:(
Why so?
( spaceage, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:20, archived)

It's mostly because you're a cunt.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:22, archived)

What can I do to prove I'm not?

( spaceage, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:23, archived)

Extract from his profile
"Alex. Male. 20. Welsh. Travel Agent. Cunt."

We're all cunts here, except me, I'm nice,
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:24, archived)

Well thank goodness for that.,
But is being Welsh a requirement?
( spaceage, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:26, archived)

I'm sure it helps with the banter.
But not really, no.

Welcome, anyway
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:27, archived)

It definately helps.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:28, archived)

Horray for being half Welsh

( spaceage, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:29, archived)

christ, don't apologise you spineless cretin
I post brainfart shit posts all the time

Just brass it out and pretend you were being ironic, these fools will lap it up
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:25, archived)

I have a lot to learn
You cunt.


See, am I doing it right? :)
( spaceage, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:27, archived)

Now you're learning!
You cunt.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:33, archived)

Reusing the same insult?
Pathetic...
( spaceage, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:36, archived)

Horse.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:30, archived)

I can see why you might think that

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:43, archived)

Actually its a highly sophisticated beard weave
made from the real back and chest hairs of pirates.
( spaceage, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:46, archived)

Aujourd'hui, maman est morte. Ou peut-être hier. Je ne sais pas.
J'ai reçu un télégramme de l'asile: «MÉRE DÉCÉDÉE. ENTERREMENT DEMAIN. SENTIMENTS DISTINGUÉS.»
( ArthurTheRat, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:14, archived)

HAW HE HAW HE HAW HE HAW

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:16, archived)

sois assuré de mes sentiments les plus distinguées
fuck, I'm smooth
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:16, archived)

Mon nom est Jacob Dyer et j'habite à Bristol.
Il est fantastique. Je ressemble Barnaby Bear. J'aime Barnaby Bear. Une fois il est allé en France. Je suis allé en France. Mais un certain enfant a brûlé mon cou. Je ne l'ai pas aimé.
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:27, archived)

Ich heisse Jacob Dyer und ich wohne in Bristol.
Es ist fantastisch. Ich klinge wie Barnaby Bear. Ich mag Barnaby Bear. Einmal war er in Frankreich gefahren. Ich bin in Frankreich gefahren. Aber eine Junge hat mein Hals gebrannt. Ich mögte es nicht.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:41, archived)

Mijn naam is Jacob Dyer en ik leef in Bristol.
Het is fantastisch. Ik klink als Barnaby Bear. Ik houd van Barnaby Bear. Een keer ging hij naar Frankrijk. Ik ging naar Frankrijk. Maar één of ander jong geitje brandde mijn hals. Ik hield niet van het.
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:56, archived)

no, give ME all the attention instead
RESENT RESENT RESENT RESENT bullshit and waaaah etc
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:56, archived)

I loved your

( MrA, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:57, archived)

SHUT UP GILGAMESH!!!!!!!!!!!!
:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:57, archived)

GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:57, archived)

is this about poovs...?
i dont have much dealings with poovs
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:57, archived)

it'll be gone soon, always goes, same shit differnet year, nothing to say but alot of typing

( mongychops, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:57, archived)

WHAT FILM SHOULD I WATCH?
I have already watched Blade runner (Final cut) today... so wouldn't mind watching a comedy now.
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:58, archived)

Tombstone.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:59, archived)

NO
KURT RUSSELL WAS RAPED BY CHRISTMAS CRITTERS!
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:00, archived)

YOU LEAVE KURT RUSSELL ALONE YOU PRICK.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:03, archived)

HE WAS RAPED AND IT HURT HIM!

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:04, archived)

Bubba Ho-tep

( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:00, archived)

i was a bit disappointed with that
apart from the OH WOW BRUCE factor, not much happened
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:00, archived)

Yeah
My name is Bruce was also disappointing
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:01, archived)

iv not seen that.
the bubba one got fucking build up. bit :(
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:02, archived)

My name is Bruce starts promisingly but doesn't really go anywhere great

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:03, archived)

I enjoyed it
mind you, I was pissed
( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:04, archived)

Fuck it
I'm gonna watch Kitchen Nightmares, I'm in the mood to watch Ramsay call some guy a cunt.
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:08, archived)

Oh man, it's Gilgamesh again.
Everyone pretend we aren't in.
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:58, archived)

Quick! Pretend you're asleep!
Zzzzzz_zzzzzzzz^zzzzzzzz
( St. Defenestration The REAL one, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:59, archived)

I saw the curtains twitch, you're not fooling me you cunt

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:02, archived)

*sigh*
I've been holding this in, but I can no longer contain it.

I find you irresistibly attractive.
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:58, archived)

zomg!
love on the internet!
( jenpots, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:59, archived)

It's true
It could happen to you!*
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:59, archived)

everyone should show me their bumholes

( mongychops, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:00, archived)

Think about that for a second,
All those wild overgrown bum holes.

Now, are you sure?
( spaceage, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:02, archived)

JUST SHUT UP AND SHOW HIM YOUR BUMHOLE
IMMEDIATELY

FUCK
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:06, archived)

But I'm scared to :[

( spaceage, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:10, archived)

We've all got our bumholes out

( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:12, archived)

Really?
Well, can I see yours?
( spaceage, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:15, archived)

 \    /
- O -
 /    \
( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:26, archived)

It's...
...beautiful
( spaceage, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:33, archived)

Dude, everyone thinks that you're a cunt.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:01, archived)

thanks...
I'm sorry If I've gave that impression tonight.
( spaceage, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:03, archived)

hello
do you have any diseases? are you a boy or a girl?
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:01, archived)

I'm a boy
And I have a the gay disease. Is that a problem-o baby?
( spaceage, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:16, archived)

Hi babe, you look lovely

( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:01, archived)

bum titty bum titty bum bum bum
I'm with stupid

1970s t-shirts were the best, all others are vastly inferior
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:03, archived)

I shot JR

( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:05, archived)

That might have been eighties, I wasn't checking

( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:06, archived)

deffo 80s, everything shit happened then

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:07, archived)

HULK OOOUUUTTT

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:12, archived)

I hate myself I'm so fat and ugly
No boys liked me in school they called me Grimhotep and I hate my life and I only get presents from accountancy firms and they're always advertising cups :((((
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:15, archived)

can I cheer you up by clicking this?

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:21, archived)

I suppose it's worth a try

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:22, archived)

Goodnight, fuckmonkeys.
To those of you who dislike me, be pleased.
To those who are ambivalent, don't give a shit.
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:44, archived)

Once again,
Thank you, thank you good sir.
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:45, archived)

But I LOVE you.
How will I cope?
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:45, archived)

christ

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:46, archived)

Will he love us...
You know, down there?...
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:47, archived)

lolwut

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:47, archived)

Our Lord savour ,
Will he Love us, in our...
Nether regions?
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:49, archived)

you best stop drinking

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:49, archived)

Believe me,
I stopped.
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:50, archived)

It's nether regions.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:50, archived)

Oh are you shit too?
Brilliant.

It's "nether" not "never", you utter tool.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:50, archived)

*tips hat*
Please accept me apology for being such a dunce.
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:51, archived)

I know, it's terrible.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:47, archived)

You're going on the OTHER list now.
I am disappointed in you.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:48, archived)

tell her dave

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:49, archived)

:((((((((
I'll have to invest in some sarcitalics.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:49, archived)

BACKPEDALING

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:51, archived)

I'm too fat to pedal.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:53, archived)

Let alone back pedal?

( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:56, archived)

...
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:59, archived)

Ah,
Obviously not...

*merges into the background*
( spaceage, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:00, archived)

BAI

( St. Defenestration The REAL one, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:46, archived)

I am now more in love with Gary Barlow than I ever thought possible.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:46, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6221632
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:47, archived)

alright rosalicious

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:00, archived)

Oh man, I've only just got here & you're going
how will I ever cope
oh what a personal disaster
( broadsword, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:47, archived)

I'm here though.
I've had a very boring night.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:48, archived)

Evening fella
I've got a pain in the arse
( broadsword, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:49, archived)

Again?
Isn't it time you got that sorted?
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:50, archived)

It's summat different this time
Spain is destroying me I think
( broadsword, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:51, archived)

That serves you right for living somewhere sunny in the winter.
Maybe it's time for a new arse.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:57, archived)

Where can I get a new arse? Body Shop?

( broadsword, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:59, archived)

Gibraltar port.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:02, archived)

GibraltARSE more like

( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:09, archived)

I was about to type
"well what happens if i killed your grand mother" but I thought that was too far. Is it?
( MrA, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:47, archived)

I killed a guy

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:48, archived)

Did you throw a trident?

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:49, archived)

yeah and there was a man on fire

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:49, archived)

I stabbed a man in the heart!

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:56, archived)

My T Shirt is brill
img199.imageshack.us/img199/9075/12062009262.jpg
( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:58, archived)

I've been meaning to talk to you about that Brick...
Maybe you should lay low for a while... visit some relatives out of town... as you are probably wanted for murder...
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:59, archived)

hahaah

( jenpots, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:50, archived)

YEAH!
I ♥ that film!
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:57, archived)

that works better
;o)
( jenpots, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:59, archived)

*whistles*
YOU SAW NOTHING!
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:00, archived)

I hate you because you're an affront to God.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:48, archived)

Goodnight, you sexy beast.

( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:54, archived)

You're all wankers.
Fuck the lot of you.
Good bye.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:24, archived)

Hahaha! FLOUNCE!
Brilliant.
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:24, archived)

Says Capain Cissy there.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:28, archived)

Captain Cissy - Fruitcake Extraodinaire!

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:28, archived)

extra
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:30, archived)

OMG that's sooooo clever. LOLZ.
U shud b on myspace or sumfing. LOL
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:31, archived)

Strike-through is L33t

( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:35, archived)

LOLZ hows do3z he do dat? itz majik

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:35, archived)

idk LOL
haxxor!
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:37, archived)

IMH itz GR8!

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:37, archived)

Baldmonkey DOES NOT flounce
if he did it would be done in a much more stylish fashion than that.
( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:32, archived)

I do not trust your opinion, stranger.

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:33, archived)

What ? Did you want me to detail my entire life out to you before I replied to one of your posts?

( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:35, archived)

You're female. He has no interest in you.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:36, archived)

You're just adorable, aren't you?
I actually prefer to socialise with women more than men.

PS- do you have a penis at all?
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:39, archived)

You leave HaroldBishop'sLoveChild alone, you big gay.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:46, archived)

he's fucked off to watch cricket anyway

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:48, archived)

Which one of them?
Actually, I'm watching South Park, so don't worry.
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:50, archived)

I'd like to know someone before I believe their opinion about another person.
I'm not asking you to do anything.

Edit - You did reply to my post, didn't you?
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:36, archived)

I never said you asked,
I asked you if you wanted me to.
( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:38, archived)

Well then the answer is 'no'.
But don't expect me to accept what you said.
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:40, archived)

I never asked you to accept it,
I was clearly stating my opinion on the matter.
( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:41, archived)

Then I refute your opinion.
Take that.
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:43, archived)

Don't bother
it's being one of 'those' nights on here.
( jenpots, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:36, archived)

awwwwwwww pleeeeeeeeeasssseeee

( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:39, archived)

well, go on then
just this once.
( jenpots, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:40, archived)

HELLO AGAIN!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:24, archived)

Word up JUMGE.
How is the shiz?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:27, archived)

Canny.
I might go make myself a sandwich.
It's all go here.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:32, archived)

I just had some left over tortillas and KFC
so I know just what you mean.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:34, archived)

Aye'up JMG
I saw a post from you earlier that people from Yorkshire have been giving you death threats. This is not good for my home county. I am disappointed in those silly fat Yorkshire people.
( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:36, archived)

it wasn't me!

( jenpots, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:37, archived)

It deffo wasn't you it was fattys

( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:39, archived)

More death threats?
Not as popular as once thought then.
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:41, archived)

Your podcast made me laugh on the bus today. Lots.
I had to turn it off because people were looking at me.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:25, archived)

Seriously, though, it is shit.
I mean, we're going to try condensing it and giving it more of a focus, but I'm not holding out much hope for it. Fact is, we think we are funnier than we are.
We might pack it in and do something else.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:27, archived)

Make a TV programme.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:28, archived)

Can you imagine how awful that would be?
Listen to oour podcast and imagine our monotone faces drearing the whole thing along.
Fucking hell. No. Maybe a book.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:34, archived)

I'd buy (download for free) a DVD of your podcast
It would be great for frightening the children.
( Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:37, archived)

hello, I hate puffs tonight

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:30, archived)

I don't.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:31, archived)

Frankly, I keep having wet dreams about gay sex.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:31, archived)

No offence.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:32, archived)

it's ok, there's some psychologist guy who can cure it now
just try to stay away from children until the ambulance arrives
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:32, archived)

i don't see why poofs are treated as normal, they are are worse than pitbulls around kids, the damage lasts longer with poofs tho

( mongychops, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:39, archived)

I hear that up to 80% of them carry hepatitis, AIDS, necrotising fasciitis, dropsy, fin rot, scrapie and worms

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:42, archived)

and they let these people roam free?

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:44, archived)

it's a fucking disgrace

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:45, archived)

AWESOME-O
Thanks I have had a good evening
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:27, archived)

once, if not twice a day

( CowJam, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:27, archived)

I wonder if there is an official government recommended limit?
If not I may lobby my MP. We should be told.
( Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:30, archived)

Thank you very much kind sir :)

( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:28, archived)

Shh!

( Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:28, archived)

Top tip:
Don't scratch your bum if you're a nose picker. You might forget, and absent mindedly stick your bum finger up your nose.
( CowJam, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:28, archived)

Meh.
It spends best part of the day up a Welshman's arse trying to keep my job. A bit of my shit won't hurt it.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:29, archived)

I've been in Swansea, today.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:39, archived)

Chances are nose pickers will like this.

( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:30, archived)

*clicks*
I like this tip. Oh yes.
( MrA, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:31, archived)

OTTERS TWINKLE
LOL RANDOM.
( MrA, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:29, archived)

THEY FUCKING EGG AS LIKE!
ROFLANDOM
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:30, archived)

*hugs*

( jenpots, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:32, archived)

FUCK YOU.
Please.
PMSPANDERING
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:32, archived)

*hands hot water bottle*
you ok for chocolates?
( MrA, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:33, archived)

errr
I'm not blobbing.

I was just being nice.
( jenpots, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:35, archived)

I wish I could bleed out my man fadge :(
seems so cool
( MrA, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:38, archived)

it's not
it's rubbish
( jenpots, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:39, archived)

HELLO INTERNET.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:36, archived)

ESME
YES
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:38, archived)

OH HAI
Who are we shouting at tonight?
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:43, archived)

FUCKING EVERYONE

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:51, archived)

I think I'm going to watch Tombstone again.
Yeah.
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:37, archived)

Oooh, cheers for reminding me to download that.
Have you seen Wyatt Earp?
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:38, archived)

I have not.
I've been busy in Swansea today.
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:43, archived)

Download Wyatt Earp.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:46, archived)

How can I put this
I don'want to alarm anyone but I think someone wants to talk about their sexuality. Open forum now, anyone can join in. Okay Roan, go...
(i_mustnt_panic, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:14, archived)

Is he gay?
I couldn't quite tell because NONE of his posts involve him making innuendo or talking about his cock.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:16, archived)

i don't know.
As long as he knows, thats the main thing.
(i_mustnt_panic, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:18, archived)

Finally!
Someone interested in my cock!
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:18, archived)

do you not get much then?
why's that?
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:18, archived)

They're too busy swallowing them to express much interest, to be honest.

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:20, archived)

oh

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:20, archived)

Just curious,
but in your picture, what's that hanging out of your mouth? It looks like the back end of a baby eel.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:21, archived)

Give that man a gold watch!

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:21, archived)

Fucking fags.
When will they fuck the hell out of our country?

And take those lesbian fuckwits with them? Obviously not the pretty ones though.
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:17, archived)

So all of them then.

( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:18, archived)

Not the pretendy ones.

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:18, archived)

see you misunderstand
i would never call you a fag. You just like to make out everyone hates you for being gay, when really I just don't like you cos I'm funny that way. Also you're a bit mean
(i_mustnt_panic, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:19, archived)

I use naughty gay swear words so that if anyone else uses them it makes me not insulted by them.
You don't have to like me. And I like being mean. It makes me feel better.
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:21, archived)

words
i try not to get offended by the word itself more the context they're used in... See I knew I had hidden depths
(i_mustnt_panic, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:23, archived)

Well then if a gay man uses them, there's no issue.
Quite ego-centric to presume that I am projecting them on to you.
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:25, archived)

hold on a minute, i love jesus in a catholic way, no offence, except to wrongs in the eyes of christ

( mongychops, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:18, archived)

Sexuality on b3ta?
I thought you were all virgins.

I want my donation money back.
( Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:19, archived)

I've never done sex
I found my two daughters in the cabbage patch.
( jenpots, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:21, archived)

Hoorah
I found my four kids behind the sofa.

If only I'd had a cleaner. Life would have been much easier.
( Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:26, archived)

i dont do sex
im a bit too young really
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:19, archived)

What with being 12 and all

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:20, archived)

15 rob
15
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:21, archived)

You're 15?!! Erm...
Does anyone know of software that can completely remove pictures from a harddrive?
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:22, archived)

Windows Vista
it removed everything from my hard disk.
( Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:28, archived)

It only does that if you are a spack handed idiot.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:49, archived)

Well,
I'm not all that in to sex. I'm not particularly sensitive down there and while I enjoy it a lot of the time I can't be arsed.

So, which regular's backup account are you?
( CowJam, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:19, archived)

i love it
you know i'm just a retard with a computer. New and fresh like a clean lady plug
(i_mustnt_panic, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:21, archived)

Just had a nosey in your profile.
I'm with you on the pig thing.
( CowJam, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:23, archived)

my boy cat is gay and an assassin
The Gay Assassin (thank you to miknosugar, for the re-christening of my cat)
( jenpots, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:20, archived)

the thing with faggots is
they make me fucking sick to the pit of my stomach

they should be electrocuted until they fancy women, the filthy shit stabbers
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:20, archived)

no offence, forum banter, great times etc

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:21, archived)

I think it's gay to have sex with a woman.
Eww.
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:23, archived)

I hear some psychologist has a cure for gay though
amazing the advances they've made in medicine lately

see, that'll probably sure AIDS too, it's a win-win
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:27, archived)

When was the last time you got checked for HIV?

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:28, archived)

I've never suffered from homosexuality so I'm immune unless a junkie sticks a needle in me

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:31, archived)

Don't be silly
only gays can transfer it.
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:33, archived)

in that case I suggest we set up forced labour camps for them

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:37, archived)

And for what purpose shall these labour camps pose?
The production of fake Gucci wallets?
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:40, archived)

you can't treat them, they pretend they are better and then hurt children, sad times, jesus doesn't love them, no nonces

( mongychops, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:22, archived)

I hear that statistically, 90% of bum bandits are also child molesters

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:23, archived)

48% of statisticians are badger rapists.
I don't make a big thing about it though.
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:26, archived)

well no, that just sounds like you're being lolwacky to be perfectly honest

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:28, archived)

Don't make me spray my semen into your mouth.

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:30, archived)

it does doesn't it, yet most nonces have gay tendecies, and i belive visa versa

( mongychops, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:31, archived)

I hear it's pretty much statistically the same thing
it's safe to assume that most gaylords also want to have sex with children
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:35, archived)

How do I stop my cat licking my bowl?
Is it cool to say the c word? I'm scared I'll come accross un pc.
(i_mustnt_panic, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:57, archived)

Put it in a bin liner with some rocks and chuck it off a bridge.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:58, archived)

That's how I dealt with 7 of my 12 kids.

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:58, archived)

BREEDER!

( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:01, archived)

They were adopted, shit-for-brains.

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:02, archived)

Stolen from a nursery more like.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:04, archived)

And raped several times a night.

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)

In the cellar

( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:07, archived)

Of the local primary school.

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:08, archived)

No lube.

( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:08, archived)

Just a speculum, my cock, and a grapefruit.

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:09, archived)

I find a bottle of baby oil and a knowing smile does the trick

( Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:10, archived)

I prefer the friction.
It's not a fuck unless you have burn marks on your dick.
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:12, archived)

Too far, you say?

( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:09, archived)

I find this a bit harsh
Can't I just put it in the bin liner as a warning?
(i_mustnt_panic, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:59, archived)

It wont learn. Cats are spiteful like that.
Bin bag. Rocks. Bridge.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:01, archived)

well ok
I wanted a new one anyway, xmas was AGES ago.
(i_mustnt_panic, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:01, archived)

JEW

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:58, archived)

Fatty's off to a blinder tonight I see.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:00, archived)

ohhh right, FINE then, discriminate against larger people why don't you?
you disgust me you RACIST
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:01, archived)

I'M GOING TO ADD THIS TO WIKIPEDIA!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:02, archived)

Kill the cat
or just punch it a bit
( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:58, archived)

Wash the bowl up and put it away when you've finished eating

( in vino veritas, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:58, archived)

Or smash the bowl over the cats head

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:59, archived)

It'll be all like *TISH*raaaaowwww

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:59, archived)

That's a little bit illegal I think
For people who are concerned about legality and animal welfare the washing-up option might be better.
( in vino veritas, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:00, archived)

Or put the bowl on top of the cat
whilst screaming "HAH! NOT SO SMART NOW ARE YOU FUCKO?"
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:00, archived)

I quite like this one
then burst into tears as you realise your only social contact is with a cat
( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:03, archived)

Flush it first.
Dirty cats.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:59, archived)

did you say bowl or bowel?

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:59, archived)

Damn
Poor spelling can really lead to some amusing misunderstandings. How do I stop him licking my arse? There thats clear enough I think
(i_mustnt_panic, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:01, archived)

Just clench

( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:01, archived)

he might get stuck
I can be quite a tight arse
(i_mustnt_panic, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:02, archived)

Well, hello there. ;)

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:04, archived)

the answer is the same anyway
kick a biro down its ear
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:01, archived)

proper LOLs here

( jenpots, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:03, archived)

I only have a pencil.
Besides writing implements are hard enough to come by when you need them for phone messages. Life is just so unfair
(i_mustnt_panic, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:04, archived)

just say it, half the people will be gobsmacked and disgusted the other half with think your brave and may laugh

( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:59, archived)

GILGAMESH FOR MOD

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:00, archived)

GILGAMESH FOR NEW DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS TEACHER

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)

GILGAMESH FOR LUNCH

( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:16, archived)

Not wanting to make a new thread,
Anyone in Leicester?

Pretty lonely here with all my flatmates gone home for the summer, looking for someone to hang out with and have a laugh or two.
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:01, archived)

:(
saddest little post in the world
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:01, archived)

Pretty much...
Ok, I admit I'm half drunk. Not enough to know this was a waste of my time.
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:04, archived)

run like the wind
bobson's offered himself up
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)

Joke's on you, I was going to say no

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:10, archived)

i'm gutted

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:12, archived)

So you should be.

( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:13, archived)

joke's on you, i'm not really

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:18, archived)

Filthy liar :[

( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:19, archived)

I hear that Sebastian Winnett aka Wormulus, the scarf-wearing cockhound, supports Leicester

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:03, archived)

i hear he's well up for drinks with randoms off the internet

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:03, archived)

I hear that this is getting boring.

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)

well that's us told then

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:07, archived)

It's not an opinion.
I just heard it.
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:07, archived)

I hear that according to scientific theory, somewhere there's a parallel universe where I give a crap what you think

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:07, archived)

Are there scarves in this universe?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:08, archived)

everyone wears them except Sebastian Winnett
it's a crazy mixed up back to front universe like that
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:12, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6221461
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:08, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/5000000
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:10, archived)

The relevance?
I mean apart from the negative comment about JMG, naturally.
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:16, archived)

relevance? I don't know, I never click those /talk links
if you could copy-paste your linked post here that might help with the conversation
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:18, archived)

i bet you'll miss rohoney when they fuck off again in a few days, you bully, jesus loves you

( mongychops, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:13, archived)

hmmm, nope, probably not

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:14, archived)

I hear that he's a respected artist who went to Oxford and wears a scarf indoors and is a cockhound

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)

Yeah but he's a suvvener

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:04, archived)

I thought he was born in Yorkshire?

( in vino veritas, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)

Yeah, but doesn't live there

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)

errr
I think he was. He talk to me once about Yorkshire, I wasn't paying attention though.
( jenpots, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:07, archived)

In West Yorkshire born and raised
In Halifax was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all paintin some fine art outside of the school
When a couple of guys
Who were up to no good
Startin making trouble in my neighborhood
I sold 2 little paintings and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Belle Isle'
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:10, archived)

At last, the years between first writing that and getting the chance to post it are at an end!

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:11, archived)

*turns the internet off*

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:12, archived)

That's it,
There really isn't anything else to see. This is the end of the internet.
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:20, archived)

:(
i'm nowhere near Leicester, but thanks for asking
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:03, archived)

Hang on.
I'm going top play some sad violin music, could you repeat your post while it's playing? Cheers
( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:03, archived)

Yes, oddly enough

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:03, archived)

Aww
I wish I was in Leicester now :(
( in vino veritas, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:04, archived)

No one wishes they were in Leicester

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)

True.
I'm only here because of uni.
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)

Stay on /talk.
We're a friendly bunch. Well, I am.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:06, archived)

Thanks for the advice.

( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:07, archived)

But they have a Land Registry in a sock factory and it's Gary Lineker's ancestral home!
What's not to love?
( in vino veritas, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:08, archived)

And a statue of Ghandi, despite never visiting the City

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:09, archived)

And a statue featuring a footballer, a cricketer and a rugby player, all in bizarre poses which makes it look like an acrobats aerial threesome

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:09, archived)

Why can't anyone spell Gandhi?

( in vino veritas, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:11, archived)

Because no one cares

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:12, archived)

Because as a spiritualist Hindu, conventional witchcraft and spells don't work?

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:17, archived)

I'm afraid those words are really not registering to me
And that's not to do with my drunken state.
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:09, archived)

Is it your literacy?
They have courses for that nowadays. Taught by gremlins or something.
( in vino veritas, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:12, archived)

They do?
What an age we live in...
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:14, archived)

That's why Samuel Johnson didn't say
"Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave Leicester.
No, Sir, when a man is tired of Leicester, he is tired of life, for there is in the East Midlands all that life can afford."
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:07, archived)

You could come out with me, but i'm a bit further north.

(misusscompiler No cornflakes? No eyes? No problem !, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:06, archived)

ask yourself what would our lord jesus do? he wasn't timid or weak, no offence

( mongychops, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:02, archived)

you are onto something with this jesus thing.
Can he save me? My sinning trolling illiterate sock puppeting ways?
(i_mustnt_panic, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:06, archived)

only jesus can judge that, i don't judge, not my place, i love jesus, no offence

( mongychops, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:10, archived)

Tabasco sauce is very useful stuff.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:16, archived)

There's this pimpley little fuckhead I work with
right racist little nonce.
My manager told me if first sign of him fucking about, give him a call and he'll sack him (he can't stand the little prick neither).
He does his job, but he spends the rest of his time frog marching, or telling me he voted BNP, or he likes girls when they're fifteen, or that the holocaust didn't happen...
Reckon I should get him binned anyway?
( Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:45, archived)

There's nothing in his contract about this kind of thing???

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:46, archived)

I don't know
I really should go take a look
( Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:51, archived)

no sound like he is trolling you in real life
jailbait, jews and bivvys
( mongychops, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:47, archived)

trolling?
you mean like charging you three goats to cross a bridge?
( Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:48, archived)

GET RID OF THE CUNT!
GO TEAM STEVE!
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:49, archived)

I like this answer

( Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:49, archived)

Short answer - yes.
Long answer - yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeess
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:49, archived)

Hiya
Gavin was here Wednesday and Thursday this week fixing my tumbler, I think he thinks I make jobs up now. Were your ears burning?
( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:52, archived)

Ha ha! Good man himself!
I've not seen him for ages. Not even to say congratulations on hims and Carrie's engagement!!

I'm a terrible brother-in-law-in-law-in-law!
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:55, archived)

He's a great guy isn't he.
oh crap that makes me his sister-in-law-in-law-in-law-in-law.
( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:56, archived)

He's ace!

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:57, archived)

i dont give a monkeys

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:49, archived)

good for you
glad you cared enough to tell me you don't care
( Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:50, archived)

keep me updated

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:50, archived)

You should. Steve has a magic eye, and will zap you with it if you are bad.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:51, archived)

dont bully me dave
i know all your seedy secrets
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:51, archived)

Not all of them.
I reckon you only know two at most. One of those probably isn't even a secret.

You are a lousy secret agent. Get out!
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:53, archived)

you should stop being such a narrow-minded bigot and learn to accept other people's views you fucking racist

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:50, archived)

Racist?
Some of my best friends are chinks and wogs, I'll have you know
( Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:53, archived)

get back on the banana boat you wog-loving terrorist

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:55, archived)

carefull whitey
or I'll put some bad ju-ju on you
( Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:00, archived)

why aren't you Sneaky Steve any more?

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:04, archived)

because the name reminds me
of waking up on the floor of the gents in my local
( Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:08, archived)

Every workplace has one...
If he carries on with his shit, I'd get rid. I doubt he will stop though.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:50, archived)

it don't help he's got a face you'd never tire of hitting
with whatever came to hand
( Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:09, archived)

If he uses the phrase ''holohoax'', get him gone.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:51, archived)

is 'lolocaust' acceptable in the workplace these days?

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:52, archived)

It rhymes, therefore it's acceptable anywhere.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:54, archived)

if there's one thing worse then right wing facism
it's those god-awful internet text words
( Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:55, archived)

i no lol

( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:57, archived)

rofl
what a sockpuppeting troll with a bbq and lmao all over his face
(i_mustnt_panic, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:58, archived)

one of my friends uses LOL as an substitute full stop :(
"wat r u doin dis wknd? LOL im goin out tmrw LOL etc..."

makes me want to kick a biro down her ear
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:59, archived)

*wears ear defenders*
HA!
( in vino veritas, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:01, archived)

*shakes fist*

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:04, archived)

it sets my teeth on edge
I had a mate who called me a noob once.
had
( Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:02, archived)

Did you pwn him RIGHT up the rofl?

( in vino veritas, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:03, archived)

I don't know what half of that means
but it makes me want to vomit all over my knees
( Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:11, archived)

No
*reports you to your line manager*
( in vino veritas, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:58, archived)

If you do, I shan't ever tow your car out of a ditch again.

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)

It WASN'T a ditch
It was a bit vergey. And a bit muddy deep puddly.
( in vino veritas, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:06, archived)

Ditch sounds better for both of us. Embellishment and repetition are the keys to a good yarn!
By the end of the month...
You - were forced off the road into a ditch by an articulated truck driven by a serial killer
Me - stole a car and a tow rope and towed you out

Now click this and we'll forget all about this bit :)
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:15, archived)

It was a RAVINE which my car plunged into during a frantic car/articulated lorry chase
and you hijacked a passing helicopter to winch me out just before my car exploded. You were wearing shades. I was all grateful heaving bosom.
( in vino veritas, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:33, archived)

Cucumber, Pickle and Penis having an argument.
Cucumber says 'life is shit, when I get long and hard I get chopped up and put in a salad'. The Pickle says 'you think you have it tough? When I get long and hard I get chopped up and drowned in a jar full of vinegar'. Then the Penis says 'you two have it easy, when I get long and hard, I get a plastic bag thrown over my head, shoved inside a damp dark cave and have my head smacked against a wall until I throw up and faint'
( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:44, archived)

I heard this when I was about 7.

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:44, archived)

Aren't you the one that puts videos of yourself masturbating onto a website?

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:45, archived)

That could apply to a lot of people here.
But yes, that's me.

Are you after a second look or something?
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:46, archived)

Not quite

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:46, archived)

Why bring it up then, you dirty little fox?

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:47, archived)

Because I wanted to clarify it

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:48, archived)

Oh, it's been clarified several times.
It's pretty much ghee right now.

Look, if you want the videos, just gaz me and I'll be happy to send them for your viewing pleasure.
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:49, archived)

Yeah, that's definitely what I want

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:50, archived)

You're such a flirt!
What a minx. :)
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:50, archived)

o_0

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:51, archived)

If you really want to, we can chat on MSN for a while.
Maybe we'll get to meet up and I'll fuck the shit out of you.

Otherwise, please stop the malicious attempts at my personality.

A-thankyou.
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:54, archived)

Oooo, threatened violence on the internet
you must be hard
( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:55, archived)

Hard as fuck and ready to plow it into you, dude.

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:56, archived)

My arms are musclier than yours

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:56, archived)

That's a bit of a turn on. Grrrr. :D

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:58, archived)

Don't mind him Bobson.
He'll flounce off soon enough with the promise of never coming back to all us MEANIES.

That, and he's shit and not worth the effort.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:57, archived)