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# Win a book competition time - It looks like a cock


Authors Ben & Jack have put together lots of photos of stuff that looks like penises, shoved it into a book and figured it would fit in with B3ta.

You can buy it on Amazon.

Anyway, we've got 6 copies to give away. Complete this tie-breaker in 15 words or less. 'I love cock because... '
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 9:59, archived)
# it has a greater depth of flavour than a standard chicken
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:00, archived)
# they help make baby chickens
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:00, archived)
# I'm a cunt
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:01, archived)
# Pfft!
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:05, archived)
# winner #1
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:09, archived)
# i am a massive gobbler of it. it tastes so yummy in my manflange. cock love.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:02, archived)
# EDIT: "... I'll do anything for a free book."
I was looking at this book at the weekend, and in terms of desperate, last minute christmas presents it's much better than this
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:02, archived)
#
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:05, archived)
# oh dear lord...
not once, but twice
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:06, archived)
# The number of chicken related gags are making me glag
It's like people are shying away of saying why they really love cock... ;)
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:07, archived)
# I went on Amazon.com looking at that Frankie Boyle book
(which was linked on this or last weeks newsletter, sponsor link) and read the pdf segment from it, funny as fuck :)
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:05, archived)
# it pulls out all the stops
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:03, archived)
# nothing tastes better when it's dipped in batter.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:04, archived)
# I love cock because, because,
it tastes a lot like cod of course,
cod in lovely parsley sauce!
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:05, archived)
# I love cock because,
It tastes like cod in a sauce,
Cod in parsley sauce.


^ That's a Haiku.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:10, archived)
# I love cock because I went to public school.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:11, archived)
# Bless you
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:11, archived)
# Yes, it is.
When you finish writing it all out on edit ya twatnugget ;)
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:12, archived)
# I spastically hit enter instead of tab
Also.... Fuck off!
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:13, archived)
# Wah wah wah!
As a great man once said, Yer maw! ;)
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:14, archived)
# ...it's mine and daddys secret"
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:05, archived)
# Ben & Jack gently cock-slapped me in the face as a kid.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:06, archived)
# NNSFW*
www.swaffelen.nl/
*Not Necessarily Safe For Work
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:10, archived)
# from wankers to bankers, we all hanker to spank 'er
or something
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:06, archived)
# it makes for a rudamentory club to beat children with, with varying degrees of strength
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:07, archived)
# How much did Archie charge them for the front cover quote?
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:07, archived)
# Haha I wondered that
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:08, archived)
# I've never been a cat person
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:08, archived)
# It tastes like cock
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:08, archived)
# if I didn't, that would make me into some kind of freaky heterosexual.
PS someone needs to make a Hulk Hogan 9-11 reply for this quickly :)
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:08, archived)
# I *am* one of those freaky heterosexuals
does that mean I'm not allowed to like cock?
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:10, archived)
# no, of course you can love it
Just love your own, that's all :)
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:11, archived)
# but... but...
I don't have one!

Where can I get one?
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:13, archived)
# Would you like to borrow mine?
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:13, archived)
# that depends
does it taste like chicken?
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:15, archived)
# It can do or not, depending on your preference
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:16, archived)
# Yum
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:17, archived)
# Lol
I dare you to shout that question out in the street.

Top of your voice and filmed on your mobile please :D
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:14, archived)
#
because I see them everyday in realistically drawn beauty on cockaday.co.uk ;)
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:09, archived)
# cock cock cock cock cock cock cock cock cock cock cock cock cock cock cock
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:10, archived)
# I love cock it never takes the piss
:)
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:10, archived)
# ...it's only gay if you put both balls in your mouth at once!
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:10, archived)
# With the shaft?
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:13, archived)
# GAY
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:15, archived)
# I can't bend over that far
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:13, archived)
# have you only got a tiddler then?
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:15, archived)
# 4 inches
but most women don't like them that wide
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:24, archived)
# , because, because, because, becaaaause...
Because of the wonderful things it does.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:11, archived)
# damn I got in too late.
narf
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 12:00, archived)
# it makes horse racing funny when you see an erection....riding a horse.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:12, archived)
# cornflakes
cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:12, archived)
# MUSHROOM! MUSHROOM!
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:13, archived)
# i'm so old
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:25, archived)
# I love cock because...
Teacher pays me 50p a day to sit upon it
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:13, archived)
# I'm ginger
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:14, archived)
# In fairness.....
...they've got more love to give.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:15, archived)
# when in the bath with a broom-on you can pretend you're a pirate ship
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:17, archived)
#
You, sir, are a winner.

(You *are* a bloke, aren't you?)
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 15:24, archived)
# the colour Magenta would be unemployed if cock didn't exist.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:18, archived)
# no no no....
The colour is glans mauve......
(, Mon 14 Dec 2009, 1:48, archived)
# ...frankly i'll say anything to get this book so i don't have to think about my brother's christmas present
/more than 15
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:21, archived)
# it makes people smile!
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:21, archived)
# without his crowing,
the sun would not rise;
darkness would cover all the land.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:21, archived)
# because . . . IT LOOKS LIKE A C**K!
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:25, archived)
# I've only got one leg.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:28, archived)
# CLEVER BASTARD
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:29, archived)
# it's something else we can call "John & Edward"
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:28, archived)
# I love cock because
cock loves me
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:32, archived)
# of this book
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:34, archived)
# It's not gay if.... Fuck it. It's gay.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 11:04, archived)
# "I love cock because... I've been on B3ta.com far too long!"
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:44, archived)
# because I got bird flu while serving male poultry at Morrisons
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:45, archived)
# cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes,
cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes.

(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:54, archived)
# I love cock because it's like Jesus; it loves everyone unconditionally. Oh glorious, glorious cock.
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 11:04, archived)
# because love spurts.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 11:51, archived)
# Because because because becaaaaaaause
Because of the wonderful things it does!
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 11:59, archived)
# ... I stalk you and I want to like everything you like
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 13:53, archived)
# Because it has the texture of slightly cooked bacon
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 13:54, archived)
# I love cock because it has the right thickness, girth and self-lubricant to slip right up my arsehole
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 14:02, archived)
# Thankyou google
for I have sorted my straight brother's Christmas present:
www.prowlerdirect.co.uk/default-mainmenu-2-mptid-6-ptid-185-detail-45860.htm
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 14:11, archived)
# ha ha
that's special indeed
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 14:21, archived)
# I love cock because
I can spin it fast and pretend to be a sexual spitfire in my garden.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 14:25, archived)
#
I love cock because I love that helicopter thing that boys can do.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 14:32, archived)
# I've got one.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 14:36, archived)
# I love cock because...
it rhymes with sock, oh and lock, but not lemon, or cardiomyopathy. Trufax.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 14:37, archived)
# I love cock because
it's cock
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 14:58, archived)
# i'm your mum
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 15:27, archived)
# I love cock because...
it gives me a convenient place to hang my towel after my morning shower.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 15:27, archived)
# I'm forever running out of tea spoons.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 15:27, archived)
# I love cock because...
My Daddy told me too
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 16:17, archived)
# I love cock because
is an anagram of, "Evacuee cock boils."
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 16:18, archived)
# I love ~naughty~because
How could I be a good girl otherwise ;-)
.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 16:36, archived)
# I love cock because...
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 16:54, archived)
# I love cock because...
I've already bought the book, and I need another copy for the other eye. Cock.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 16:56, archived)
# ..i’m a bender
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 17:18, archived)
# ...it's cheaper than fanny on a saturday night.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 17:25, archived)
# I love cock because...
Its the best of all the animals.
I love cock because...
It's my friend! Deagostini.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 18:02, archived)
# it's perfect for sealing up my boyfriend's leaky shitpipe.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 18:02, archived)
# dey mek dat "Holidez ar cumin" advert an it mek me fill all Chrismassy
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 18:50, archived)
# ..it's a handy place to put ring doughnuts.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 19:23, archived)
# I'd love anything for a free book
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 19:29, archived)
# lets face it
It'd be hard to rape a panda without one
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:33, archived)
# ...because in prison beggars can't be choosers.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:40, archived)
# cock loves me
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:53, archived)
# ...
it's made of glass.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 21:16, archived)
# I'm a girl and that's what we're supposed to love.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 21:55, archived)
#
You can leave it behind and still keep people happy!
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 22:40, archived)
# I love cock because
I had mine cut off and made into a mimsy. I have photos!
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:23, archived)
# We asked you to complete the following in the most apt or amusing way, "I love cock because... "
and the winner is a Mrs Trellis of North Wales who wrote "I love cock because... it's quite good"
And that was by far the most amusing of the many hundreds of entries we received...



from Mrs Trellis
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:28, archived)
# it makes me all warm and gooey inside.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:29, archived)
# I love cock because
we'd be fucked without it. Literally :P
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 1:12, archived)
#
if I don't daddy cuts me.
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 1:36, archived)
# I Love Cock Because...
It reminds me of my favorite play things
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 6:27, archived)
# ...cos I'm a chicken
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 9:35, archived)
# my boyfriend is black and hung like a horse!
I'm not boasting - I'm just very fortunate :0)
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 16:49, archived)
# cock understands, dear.
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 17:59, archived)
# I love cock because....
...it doesn't go off as fast as sausages.
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 20:11, archived)
# ..it doesn't have a "time of the month".
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 20:15, archived)
# ...it tastes just like chicken!
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 22:04, archived)
# you can put it in rude places
(, Sun 13 Dec 2009, 6:32, archived)
# iph tafthes pho nyth
(, Sun 13 Dec 2009, 9:13, archived)
# I love cock...
because cock loves me!
(, Mon 14 Dec 2009, 2:31, archived)
# it's easier to find.
(, Mon 14 Dec 2009, 9:31, archived)
# Because
It is better than Pepsi
(, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 0:16, archived)
# I love cock because
it tastes a hell of a lot better than cack
(, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 11:05, archived)
# I got bored murdering prostitutes
(, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 19:15, archived)
# I love cock because...
OM NOM NOM NOM!
(, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 20:20, archived)
# I love cock beacuase...
daddy told me too.
(, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 22:56, archived)
# it keeps me on the straight and narrow.
(, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 3:19, archived)
# i like cock because
i take it up the ass.
(, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 6:46, archived)
# it helps me forget about the cancer
(, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 1:51, archived)
# it's the best thing to scratch puppies with.
(, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 19:58, archived)
# without it, none of this would be possible
(, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 21:22, archived)