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# I don't know whats up with me today ...
did i ever tell you I listen to Avril Lavign in my car ... i stole some pens from work ysterday ... Des O'conner make me laugh ... I like bandwagons ... arrgghh! whats wrong with me!?!




i tried and tried, but couldn't get the test to look right .. ah well


(I helped save b3ta! spiny - things are looking up, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:03, archived)
# truthpaste?
my you've been busy :)
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:04, archived)
# i'd buy it
.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:05, archived)
# you'd
regret it.
(I helped save b3ta! bananaman, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:05, archived)
# That won't fill my cavity.
At all.
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:06, archived)
# pffffffft
you said 'cavity'
:@ )
(I helped save b3ta! blyerkit e k trilby, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:30, archived)
# I know.
Titter.
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:52, archived)
# That's big
That's the truth.

/runs, pentathlon
(Smudger, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:05, archived)
# Oh my god!
You listen to Avril Lavinge in your car?
(I helped save b3ta! Bitchy Teresa is bitchy, duh., Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:06, archived)
# isnt that unicorns little anim thingy?
- still nice though
(icedragon, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:11, archived)
# Yes it is her anim thingy
but i've put it on my site, sos i'm not using anyone elses bandwidth.
(I helped save b3ta! Bitchy Teresa is bitchy, duh., Wed 11 Jun 2003, 19:50, archived)
# When I have that problem
I erase all text and rewrite it. Because I am not that good at photoshop clever.
(I helped save b3ta! Artamnesia, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:06, archived)
# you gave Avril Lavigne a lift?
bullshit.
(1 0\|\|z j00, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:08, archived)
# Hey, watch the sass captain sassy pants.
/mtv matrix thing.
(I helped save b3ta! dogsbollocks, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:10, archived)
# good thing...
part of the phone number got erased. we wouldn't want anyone calling colgate frivolously.
(kerouac, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 19:38, archived)
# A double order of patriotism with extra tomato sauce - please



(I helped save b3ta! lord bofingham, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:56, archived)
# mmmmm
extra patriotism sauce...
(1, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:57, archived)
# Fights back with foodvengeance in dull voice over mic
"Whopper, fries, Sprite."
(Smudger, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:59, archived)
# nicely done
there's clear understanding of the concept in that :)
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:59, archived)
# Steady hands on that there
tomato sachet
(Smudger, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:00, archived)
# mmmmm
hungry
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:00, archived)
# aww
go on ->> fp next to the union jack.
(I helped save b3ta! Traducer, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:06, archived)
# I like that
it's much more stylish. Curves are very dynamic. And it looks like little white birds flying on the left. I think the stripes should be french fries though.
(I helped save b3ta! Artamnesia, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:00, archived)
# without meaning to be rude,
are you off your tits?
(I helped save b3ta! bananaman, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:05, archived)
# is that like being off your food?
.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:05, archived)
# it's a problem usually only associated with babies
/
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:08, archived)
# If I were on my tits I couldn't possibly reach the keyboard
so yes, I am off my tits. I am on my ass.
(I helped save b3ta! Artamnesia, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:07, archived)
# Are your hooters massive then?
Mine are.

I have to use a special sling at work to drag them under my armpits and round the back (like waterwings) so I can type.
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:20, archived)
# yay for the war on hunger!
.
(1 0\|\|z j00, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:00, archived)
# "would you like
some Freedom Fries with that?"
(I helped save b3ta! *f o o f* is a craft-aholic, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:02, archived)
# sigh.
macdonalds, macdonalds, piza hut, pizza hut mac etc...
i thought my mate was joking about that song.
(icedragon, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:12, archived)
# Look what i found in my mailbox!


the smallest kitten in the world.
(superhari, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:49, archived)
# Head explosion of cuteness
(I helped save b3ta! LIKWID, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:51, archived)
# he needs
a grin
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:53, archived)
# and a spong
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:03, archived)
# and a hat
(I helped save b3ta! LP, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:11, archived)
# and a beer

(I helped save b3ta! Snollock Biffer I don't really sniff Bollocks, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:31, archived)
# You guys!
sheesh!
(I helped save b3ta! blyerkit e k trilby, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:31, archived)
# heheheh
:-)
(I helped save b3ta! DoctorGonzo should be more drunk, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:13, archived)
# Looks like he's doing a big poo
and really enjoying it
(I helped save b3ta! wayward., Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:04, archived)
# Gnngngnngnngnnnn!
*Plip*
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:11, archived)
# threadjack
i am in st pancras station on one of these new fangld telephone internet thingies. i am very bored. that is all.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:54, archived)
# Hmmm!
St Pancreas
(Smudger, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:54, archived)
# pancrarse
everywhere in london is on a slant and the escalators in the tube are too steep for my liking. bloody southerners
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:55, archived)
# You watch
yourself there :-)
(Smudger, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:57, archived)
# well
then check out what some cleverclogs has made
edit:argh i dont get it.
(doktored, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:57, archived)
# that old thing...
it can only be one possible picture if you do it right. try doing what it says but with different numbers and check what picture it is. all the same. then a different picture next time.
(icedragon, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:15, archived)
# uh
hummus
(doktored, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:18, archived)
# ok
i get it, its all the same. everytime.
but it wasn't grrr
(doktored, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:21, archived)
# i'm going to be at kings cross
in less than an hour. the exciting life I lead.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:57, archived)
# want to go for a drink?
this station smells funny
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:58, archived)
# nah, sorry
I've got to run around this evening. Much like a Hamster - but with slightly less point.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:00, archived)
# its alright
i think i have just made friends witha pigeon
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:01, archived)
# With nuts
in your mouth?
(I helped save b3ta! wayward., Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:07, archived)
# those
wont lets you leave it on porn and walk away, ive yet to find one that lets you look at porn in public
(I helped save b3ta! ChaosTime The Fucking Moon Lord, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:55, archived)
# blimey you must be bored -
don't forget to log out

/mum
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:55, archived)
# I stuck 1 quid in one the other day
and left it playing the b-b-b-birmingham thing. How we didn't laugh.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:55, archived)
# good idea.
i am stuck here till seven and i cant afford to get drunk
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:56, archived)
# isn't there a smiths
for magazine browsage?
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:58, archived)
# yeah
but there is only so many times yu can pretend to be intrested in muscle weekly. damn these buttpns are hard to press
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:00, archived)
# so am i
hey i can see you!!!

wave back
(i am me and various other people, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:56, archived)
# Go North
then East then examine door
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:56, archived)
# The door is locked
I see a key.

/key
(t3d on FTLFM now http://83.149.101.8:8070/listen.pls, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:05, archived)
# I'm going to make that into Jam.
Or a conserve. Oh I don't know. I like them both.
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:54, archived)
# then spread it over yourself
and dance naked on Clapham common? What? Again? It's not even midnight yet.
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:56, archived)
# Clapham?
Eeeeuw! How common!
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:59, archived)
# i hear some people there like to go
up the junction

I never thought it could happen
With me and the girl from Rackhams.
Her face was full of make-up.
She always smelled so fragant.
I asked what her name was,
She told me it was Paula.
I said "I'd like to date you,
But I wish you were taller".

She told me she was kneeling,
and I could have hurt her feelings.
But really she was 6'2,
So did i think that would do?
I jumped over the counter,
I fell and looked up at her.
I said "Let's be together",
And she said "Yes, forever".

We dated for a few months,
And everything was rosey.
I'd walk her back home from work,
We'd dine and then get cosy.
One night from out of nowhere
She said those magic 10 words.
"I've brought some lubrication,
I want it up, the junction".
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:00, archived)
# You mean bumming, don't you?
Well, I don't find the antics of deviants to be one bit amusing.
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:01, archived)
# stop then.
you'll feel better for it.
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:02, archived)
# Pep lovey...
...I wish you'd stop projecting your terrible private longings onto me. I would like to oblige you with the Jam thing, but it would interfere with my hairdo and clothing.
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:05, archived)
# you say that now sweetie...
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:06, archived)
# Titter.
*Covers blushes with Parasol*
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:07, archived)
# I do.
bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
(t3d on FTLFM now http://83.149.101.8:8070/listen.pls, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:06, archived)
# Or maybe a snake in the head.

Concentrate Fluffy, concentrate!
(Tarquin., Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:02, archived)
# Electric boy was never bullied *FACT*
(I helped save b3ta! LIKWID, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:49, archived)
# Looks
like stringy mucus boy to me
(Baj does Minecraft - http://www.youtube.com/w92baj, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:52, archived)
# Definitely won't be bullied then
.
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:54, archived)
# neither
was his baby brother.


edit:i have just noticed the robbers from ealier on tried to delete my mydocument folder..ggggggr
(doktored, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:05, archived)
# that looks like a wonderful huge mosaic pic
like sul's fluffy penguin
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:10, archived)
# It didn't optimize very well I'm afraid.
(I helped save b3ta! LIKWID, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:56, archived)
# is he
the 'electric eskimo's kid brother?
(son of crazymum, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:12, archived)
# Clive 3D


Clive is back! Bigger and better than before.
(Archie, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:43, archived)
# ?
(1, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:43, archived)
# Evidently
The woes stem from our good friend Rolf.
(Tarquin., Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:45, archived)
# Give me
Those drugs! :-)
(I helped save b3ta! noodle monkey the cheese junky, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:50, archived)
# aaah
you must be from the Johnny2 school of photoshopping.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:50, archived)
# please explain
I'm slow obviously
(Archie, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:52, archived)
# Pnats
(I helped save b3ta! A good man, and thorough, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:03, archived)
# There are no pnats at the zoo.
And any such request for them is unwarranted.
(Tarquin., Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:06, archived)
# Yay....
...for 3Dness and Cliveness !
(Craggle_Fraggle, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:50, archived)
# The Ape Escape.
(m4shup look out stomach, here come banana, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:42, archived)
# Sorry
but I still would. Oh yeah stevie baby!
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:43, archived)
# he needs
a grin
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:46, archived)
# you're right
you know
:o)
(m4shup look out stomach, here come banana, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:48, archived)
#
(I helped save b3ta! ?, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:40, archived)
# top
shop
(_, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:41, archived)
# i don't
get it, if it's supposed to be funny...

but it's a beautiful pic...
(I helped save b3ta! edovan, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:42, archived)
# *Sotto voce*
the top part is penguin...
I just got an email generated from a contact form on my site asking "what is your site's address?" hee hee.
And so far this is my favorite suggestion for a quiz: "organ or nutrition"
(I helped save b3ta! Artamnesia, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:43, archived)
# everything about all
of that made me laugh.
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:04, archived)
# fairy or scary
or something..
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:12, archived)
# do colibries
like grammophone players?
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:42, archived)
# tj: anyone heard any jokes?
.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:43, archived)
# why do elephants paint their feet yellow?
so they can hide upside down in pots of custard
(I helped save b3ta! evil pixie, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:43, archived)
# how do you know if an elephant has been hiding in your custurd?
yellow footprints on the carpet
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:44, archived)
# how do you know if an elephant
has been eating your custard?

There's none left!! (well, they're big bathtubs, aren't they??!)
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:45, archived)
# what's grey and comes in pints



an elephant.

although telling this joke after a load of elephant jokes ruins it a bit
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:46, archived)
# YUK!!!
Funny but YUK!

man goes to a fancy dress part dressed only in a pair of y's... he says

'I'm a premature ejaculation...I've just come in my pants'!!
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:47, archived)
# man goes to a fancy dress party
giving a piggy-back to a girl.
"What have you come as?"
"A snail"
"Who is that on your back?"
"Michelle"
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:49, archived)
# tee hee hee!
me like lots!
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:50, archived)
# man goes to a fancy dress party
wearing brown paper, a cowboy hat & a gunbelt...


I've come as a rustler.
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:52, archived)
# it's small, orange
and it's constantly yelling: "I'm an Orange"




a megalomaniac mandarin
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:54, archived)
# What is E.T. short for?






He's got little legs.
(I helped save b3ta! Nath, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:01, archived)
# I took my practical gynaecology exam last week









scraped it...
(I helped save b3ta! Reverend Dan, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:26, archived)
# Top joke.
That is all.
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:55, archived)
# there's
two pizza's in a microwave.

one says: damn it's hot in here

the other: how odd, a talking pizza!




/coats
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:49, archived)
# two chicken sandwiches walking down the road
"Where do you live?"
"I'm not telling you- you'll nick my washing"
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:03, archived)
# why do elephants paint their feet pink
to hide in strawberry fields.


ever seen an elephant in a strawberry field?
see? it works.
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:45, archived)
# works with cherry trees as well
(martian, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:49, archived)
# what's the most confused animal in the jungle?
the polar bear
(I helped save b3ta! evil pixie, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:45, archived)
# it's yellow, bent and definitely not a banana



secretly, a banana
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:47, archived)
# Yeah
What's a shitsu?




A zoo with no animals!!
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:43, archived)
# good one!
.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:44, archived)
# YAY!
What do you call cheese that's not yours?

Nacho Cheese!!! (say in american type accent)!
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:45, archived)
# lol
fuck off :D
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:46, archived)
# why feck off?
Not taking the pee - just hard to tell in typing and not saying... know what I mean?
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:47, archived)
# I remember whole set up to that punchline
based on the large boxes of Velveeta cheese they give out in aid packages. It involves a busstop and someone taking the cheese and someone running after yelling "that's not yo cheese! That's not you cheese"... "nacho" cheese.
(I helped save b3ta! Artamnesia, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:51, archived)
# How do you make a red-neck scream?
Punch his sister in the jaw.
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:44, archived)
# yes thankyou for asking
[edit] this is rather gay but my science teacher thought it was one...

any way...
on electron says to another electron
"are you sure you're and electron?"
the other replies
"yes im positive"
(I helped save b3ta! ?, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:44, archived)
# you mean
a proton.
(I helped save b3ta! bananaman, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:48, archived)
# electrons are
negative. that should be "protons".
(_, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:48, archived)
# notorious fibbers
electrons
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:49, archived)
# Neutron walks into a bar, says "I'll have a pint of Carlsberg Export, a JD and coke and a pack of salted peanuts please."
Barman says, "For you sir, no charge."
(_, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:49, archived)
# that's
quite atrocious.
(I helped save b3ta! bananaman, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:50, archived)
# Looks like
you're going to fail science then.

electrons are negative
(I helped save b3ta! wayward., Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:49, archived)
# Descartes walks into a bar, says "Hello everyone, I am the famous philosopher Descartes. You may have heard of me, or read one of my many works."
Bloke at bar says "Well, in that case you can afford to buy us all a drink, can't you?"
Descartes says "Ha! I think not!" and vanishes.
(_, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:45, archived)
# I love that one
makes me feel all warm and clever!
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:46, archived)
# What's E.T. short for?
So he can fit in his little spaceship.
(I helped save b3ta! wayward., Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:45, archived)
# ho ho
.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:47, archived)
# bet you're glad you asked?
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:48, archived)
# why do mice have small balls?
not many of them can dance.
(I helped save b3ta! bananaman, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:49, archived)
# Why do elephants paint their balls red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.


What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Monkeys eating cherries.
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:46, archived)
# what does an elephant do if it gets stuck in a tree?
stands on a leaf and waits for autumn
(I helped save b3ta! evil pixie, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:49, archived)
# gawd. why shouldn't you play cards in the jungle?
because it's full of cheeters.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:50, archived)
# why can't a car play football
cos it's only got one boot... groan!
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:51, archived)
# it's bloody not,
the bloody things live in the savannah. like the lion - how is it the king of the jungle when it doesn't bloody live in the jungle?
(I helped save b3ta! bananaman, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:51, archived)
# We're really
digging out the 20 year old jokes now!
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:50, archived)
# why do penguins walk softly?
because they can't walk, hardly.
(martian, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:49, archived)
# British Rail
(oh how I laughed) ;)

Why did the squirrel squeal and roll around in agony?

Someone had pinched his nuts.
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:50, archived)
# What has a hazelnut in every bite?
Squirrel shit!
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:51, archived)
# why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
because it was dead
(son of crazymum, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:52, archived)
# why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
because it was tied to the first one.
(martian, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:54, archived)
# why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
he thought it was a game.
(martian, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:55, archived)
# Why did the pervert cross the road?
He still had his dick in the chicken
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:57, archived)
# Why did the cat cross the road?
It was stapled to the pervert.
(I helped save b3ta! wayward., Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:06, archived)
# Why are there no asperins in the jungle?
Because willows grow in a temperate climate.


sorry.


Because the parrots et 'em all (say it fast)
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:54, archived)
# Where do they Iraqis keep their armies?
In their sleevies.
(I helped save b3ta! Artamnesia, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:55, archived)
# what's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?
finding half a worm

what's worse than that?
gang rape
(I helped save b3ta! bananaman, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:54, archived)
# what did the 0 say to the 8?

nice belt
(I helped save b3ta! Artamnesia, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:55, archived)
# what did the 1 say to the 11?
whose your friend?
(I helped save b3ta! Artamnesia, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:56, archived)
# what did the 1 say to the 10?
whose your fat friend?
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:01, archived)
# what's brown and taps on your bedroom window?
poo on stilts.
(I helped save b3ta! baby wet ones, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:57, archived)
# What do you have if
you've got a moth ball in one hand and a moth ball in the other hand?

The world's biggest moth.
(Fuzzbutt aka Mr. Natural, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:06, archived)
# What do you have if you have
1 green ball in one hand and 1 green ball in the other?

The undivided attention of the Jolly Green Giant or Kermit the frog
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:13, archived)
# Sean Connery's been out of work for a while so he's really pleased when, one day, his agent rings
'It's a pretty good gig' says the agent, 'but you have to be there for 10ish'

'Tennish?' frowns Sean. 'Buth I haven't even got a racket...'
(Judge Nutmeg, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:25, archived)
# James Bond

premieres his design for the new Union Jack!
(son of crazymum, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:33, archived)
# your
all loon
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:34, archived)
# Class.
your'e ace
(I helped save b3ta! routine has perfected burgers, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:34, archived)
# Woo
One of the cheesiest/greatest movie openings just got a whole lot better.
(I helped save b3ta! Ijon Tichy, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:37, archived)
# cheese grater movie opening?
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:38, archived)
# Cheese-grating your opening?
Ooyah!
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:39, archived)
# my boss is
asking me why there's vomit on my monitor.




i don't actually work
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:40, archived)
# Is it because you have used a kitchen utensil on your parts?
That'll do it.
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:41, archived)
# i don't actually work.
but you could probably work that out.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:42, archived)
# you're suggesting
that the syntaxis of the above sentence is totally wrong, right?

thanks for correcting - i could also look it up in my grammar but having a native speaker react to it is easier :)
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:43, archived)
# crivvens.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:40, archived)
# Bernard?
?
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:41, archived)
# no,
it's just the way i'm sitting.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:42, archived)
# Thank goodness.
Can I sit on you too? Is there room?
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:45, archived)
# plenty of room
for all.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:48, archived)
# Oooh yes.
Comfy.
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:52, archived)
# Woo!
thats ace

Fantastich!
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:38, archived)
# loooooooooooooooon
(I helped save b3ta! ?, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:40, archived)
# WOO !!!
im not by the way

(m4shup look out stomach, here come banana, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:46, archived)
# here.
have one of these:



oh, and definitely woo. that image is not a comment on yours.
(kerouac, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:48, archived)
# Hopefully not GC
http://server1.modernhumorist.com/punchie.mov
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:30, archived)
# its quite old
but its a classic.
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:31, archived)
# come back come back
you can love tramps - I won't judge!
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:32, archived)
# like
you.
(I helped save b3ta! butchbint, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:33, archived)
# i'm simultaneously insulted
and flattered. ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:33, archived)
# do you work on fruit machine coding stuff?
There's a thingy in m3ss3ng3r you may have heard about.
65.247.189.57/m2.5/dailylink_comments.cfm?l_id=285
www.fairplay-campaign.co.uk/fruit/fruit1.htm is the link
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:38, archived)
# hahahah
yeah, if you really think hi/lo gambles or skillstops involve any sort of skill, you're wrong. HOWEVER, for example, our gambles are a 50/50 random chance, so while theres no skill involved, you ARE in with a chance.

All the games on a fruit machine are basically random, within certain limits. The machine usually pays out between 78-92% of what goes in it (our machines usually pay around 90%). The main game (on the reels) works thus:

You press start. The machine picks 3 totally random stop points. If its a lose, it just spins it. If its a win, IF IT CAN AFFORD IT, it'll pay it, otherwise it'll pick again.

So it isn't necessarily cheating, there is no way to predict when it'll win.
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:41, archived)
# do you progam in any really rare mad streaks
like my 50+ reapeat chances in a row or is that just a result of the software?
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:46, archived)
# could be
there are such things as "series wins". This is where the game works as above, but somewhere it stores away money. Once that money hits a pre-defined amount, it "dumps" it onto the main game, so it starts actively looking for wins until that store is all paid out, so you get a big streak of wins. Its basically a jackpot, but paid stealthily through the normal game.
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:48, archived)
# If I've understood the article correctly
freezing the emulator prior to a gamble, then replaying from that point at a later date is likely to produce diferent results anyway as the random numbers used are just that, random aren't they?

Ifs working how I think it's working, the articles logic is flawed. (I still won't play the machines though ;-)
(I helped save b3ta! LP, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:47, archived)
# the thing you have to understand about
'random' number generators is that they work from a "seed". Feed the same seed in, you'll get the same next number. Its really a sequence of numbers. This produces random results, because the random number generator is used all over the machine, and no set sequence will appear (ie, the machines won't spin the same sequence of symbols if you put two next to each other).

If you "freeze" and emulator and go back, you also freeze the random number generator; so it'll do the same thing every time.

This is something an emulator will do, but not the machine.
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:50, archived)
# aha
that's what I was thinking was going on, but the more I think about wether that means the articles right or wrong, the more my brain hurts.

I think I'll go to the pub instead.
(I helped save b3ta! LP, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:54, archived)
# basically
hi/lo gambles are just that; gambles.

The article is right, in that the machine picks whether you are going to win, but its usually a random 50/50 choice, so its still a gamble.
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:56, archived)
# I would have thought ...
That in a real (reel) machine they'd use entropy collection (button push timings, spin jitter etc..) to build a more truly random sequence for the processor to use.
(I helped save b3ta! Hagbard ... it's been a long time., Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:58, archived)
# argh!
very unpleasant :(
no matter how hard he trys, i'm pretty sure he's not gonna be able to impregnate that pikachu. stupid dog.
(joshwa ultra lurker, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:31, archived)
# aww come on!
we've all done it!
(I helped save b3ta! LP, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:38, archived)
# have we?
:) must have been asleep. or worse still asleep and the pikachu.
(joshwa ultra lurker, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:40, archived)
# in the old cartoons vein...
(kerouac, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:28, archived)
# that is
odd.
(martian, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:29, archived)
# That blusher looks fabulous on you.
I have this lipstick in Coral, but with your coloring let's try Twilight Teaser.
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:30, archived)
# you're
sick.
you are.
but anyway, very weird.
(I helped save b3ta! zog why change it now?, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:32, archived)
# that looks a bit like Darwin on the left
click for pic
In fact it IS Darwin :)
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:36, archived)
# He kept that tome hidden in his desk for 40 years before publishing.
I'm really not surprised.
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:38, archived)
# Like the guy
who phoned in his work to tell his boss he would be off because he was sick. The boss said 'why, what's wrong?' He said, 'oh, I'm really really sick... I've slept with my sister!!!'

Yuck! Like your pic by the way - looks familiar, the old man
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:37, archived)
# see my linky
it's the result of Darwin getting a bit too friendly with his experiments.
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:39, archived)
# I know...
thanks! I was kidding!
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:40, archived)
# "It was a cold day over here too"


I enjoyed SeanyBoy's FP so much I bought the company it got me thinking.
(Soapy, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:26, archived)
# It's
Alessi Twin Syndrome!
(I helped save b3ta! butchbint, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:28, archived)
# Hehe nice one
It's a shame there aren't 2 St Pauls domes really :)

Except of course that may not be St Pauls now I look at it ...
(I helped save b3ta! Hagbard ... it's been a long time., Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:28, archived)
# it needs a grin.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:28, archived)
# Funny
I see it more as a nipple erecting.
(I helped save b3ta! Artamnesia, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:30, archived)
# ....
mmmmm nork!
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! icezebra *insert large monkey*, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:33, archived)
# yup me too.


But not in a sexual manner. Oh no.
(Soapy, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:39, archived)
# I've just realised this source pic
is from the Thames TV logo ident thing that used to appear just before Rainbow etc.

www.users.totalise.co.uk/~simon.harries/thames/idents/thames1973.jpg

:)
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:42, archived)
#
(m4shup look out stomach, here come banana, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:23, archived)
# i strangly like it
(I helped save b3ta! ?, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:23, archived)
# Planet of the Apes.
I do a good impression of Planet of the Apes. It involves grapes.
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:24, archived)
# you're supposed to shop things before you post them ; )
that is quality work!
WOO!
(I helped save b3ta! cwethan, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:26, archived)
# oi loiks thaaat...
lots!
(I helped save b3ta! robh, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:36, archived)
# Very nice.
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:57, archived)
# So so sorry...


er...Coneman the Barbarian!
I'll get my coat :(
(I helped save b3ta! noodle monkey the cheese junky, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:22, archived)
# Took
me a couple of seconds to realise that was a sword...

*phew*
(I helped save b3ta! Ijon Tichy, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:24, archived)
# whats
david hasselhoff doing in the cone ?
(m4shup look out stomach, here come banana, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:25, archived)
# heheh
eheheh
(I helped save b3ta! Obz Click, ting, stamps, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:26, archived)
# that looks like
Slaine from 2000AD, obviously with added cone.
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:36, archived)
# pfft....
scnruf.....pffsst. Ha ha........oh dear.
(I helped save b3ta! routine has perfected burgers, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:37, archived)
# WooHoo works over, going home..

clicky for Biggy
(I helped save b3ta! Kris Fucking Kristofferson, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:20, archived)
# ^looks like
lemmings>
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:22, archived)
# how come your name isn't below your post
like everyone elses?
(joshwa ultra lurker, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:26, archived)
# h4x
:o>
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:27, archived)
# hehehe
omgtehhax
(I helped save b3ta! dogsbollocks, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:28, archived)
# does everybody do it?
crikey i didn't realise i was so 90's.
(joshwa ultra lurker, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:28, archived)
# because he does
this thing >
EDIT: That doesn't work for me>
(1, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:27, archived)
# :-°
use the source luke
>
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:29, archived)
# ooo
I see

>
(I helped save b3ta! Oscar Wildebeest, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:35, archived)
# But
I can't even see any difference?
(I helped save b3ta! Ijon Tichy, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:35, archived)
# you have
to believe in it, luke.

the source is strong wif you
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:36, archived)
# I believe
you're doing something, but what?

I see nothing but pointy brackets...
(I helped save b3ta! Ijon Tichy, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:38, archived)
# you will have
to train yourself if you want to confront the darthtml bug
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:39, archived)
# it doesn't show up in Mozilla
but it does if you use IE. I guess it's probably IE failing to adhere to the HTML standard formatting, though that is just a wild guess
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:40, archived)
# a wild fact
IE sucks dogbollocks at doing html properly. probably to make it compatible with the rubbish frontpage produces.
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:41, archived)
# I hope they are singing...
...Oh my darlin
...Oh my daaarlin
...Oh my daaaaaaarlin Clementine
...You are lost and gone forever
...Oh my darlin Clementine.
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:24, archived)
# makes me want
to do another cantus. yay for beer and songs
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:24, archived)
# I love the Miner 49er!
His story is so sad.
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:27, archived)
# This is Mr. Grebe

He has a slight tic, but don't tell him... he worries.
(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Sheep Fat Squelchy Goodness, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:15, archived)
# hoo hoo hoo!
ha ha haaaa!

he looks worried.
(I helped save b3ta! zog why change it now?, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:18, archived)
# I believe
in Mr. Grebe.
Pray for a man in the middle.
One that talks like doolittle.
I believe in Mr. Grebe.
(I helped save b3ta! Artamnesia, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:19, archived)
# You've missed your medication again
haven't you?
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:20, archived)
# do you have another opinion
do you have another opinion
la la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la


(I helped save b3ta! Artamnesia, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:21, archived)
# *backs away slowly*
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:22, archived)
# here's the syringe
good luck
(martian, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:23, archived)
# i get him
s'pixies that is. mr greeves
very woo.
(I helped save b3ta! baby wet ones, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:46, archived)
# I've always wondered if the words to that made any sense.
Clearly not :)
(Amerella, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:20, archived)
# I just thought about it
and I have to agree with you.
(I helped save b3ta! Artamnesia, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:22, archived)
# All the better for scaring people with though,
apparently!
(Amerella, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:24, archived)
# i've only just realised
you aren't talking to yourself :)
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:28, archived)
# That would be wrong
Sometimes I like to stretch back and scratch my ribs. Doesn't that feel good?
(I helped save b3ta! Artamnesia, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:31, archived)
# yarrrrrrrr
sounds tib-ticklikngly funny :(
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:33, archived)
# did you think
you had found a soul mate? ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:32, archived)
# yes
I want someone to be 4 with :(
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:34, archived)
# It's the living on two continents
that's really difficult...
(Amerella, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:34, archived)
[challenge entry] Those things remind me of Kelis
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:26, archived)
# urm...
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:14, archived)
# That's
nice, I likey
(kryptik, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:18, archived)
# The old ones are the best.........
(hugh jarce, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:12, archived)
# cow
pies. :)

woom
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:12, archived)
# It's Richard Speck.
Up the Peg.
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:13, archived)
# He's got a preeety mouth
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:17, archived)
# i love this track
(I helped save b3ta! ?, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:10, archived)
# Huzzah!
.
(CrackyPipe, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:12, archived)
# woo
yay
(I helped save b3ta! mnb098mnb used to be here, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:16, archived)
# yeah...
I think I would
(I helped save b3ta! robh, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:39, archived)
# careful
you'll scare him
(dred, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:07, archived)
# ooh
lovely
(martian, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:08, archived)
# Woo
(CrackyPipe, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:09, archived)
# is that
lech walenza?
(I helped save b3ta! zog why change it now?, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:12, archived)
# I always thought that looked like Howard
out of Ever Decreasing Circles....
(I helped save b3ta! Samsonite, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:15, archived)
# girat
.
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:09, archived)
# Woo!
Can I repost?
(I helped save b3ta! corington, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:12, archived)
# do you think
we could get them to mate?
(dred, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:13, archived)
# i hope to god
that you can't.
(martian, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:14, archived)
# I'd like
to see that
(I helped save b3ta! corington, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:14, archived)
# stands to reason
this one would eat that one
(I helped save b3ta! Oscar Wildebeest, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:23, archived)
# yes.
yes you can.

that'll be 6000 posts from me. and that's a bit, round number. it's biiiiiiig and roooouuuuuund.
(martian, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:13, archived)
# well
done
(I helped save b3ta! mnb098mnb used to be here, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:14, archived)
# You lazy shite,
no celebratory 6,000 posts animated gif? Go to your room and no supper until you make one.
(I helped save b3ta! djol, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:23, archived)
# I've never done a celebratory post
too busy posting real messages :)
(I helped save b3ta! mnb098mnb used to be here, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:25, archived)
# no animated gifs ever
as a matter of fact.
(martian, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:29, archived)
# yes you can
woo
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:13, archived)
# Pah!
that's fake.

they drink whilst on the wing.
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:14, archived)

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