Has anone got Shitanta?
Apparently the England game is free right now!
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:22, archived)

Yeah mate, it's well wicked.

( (|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:23, archived)

don't be silly, there's no such thing as shitanta
claus
( spacefish bong!, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:24, archived)

Not over here it isn't.
Why did you lie to me?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:32, archived)

Creation of a pussy
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.


First was a butcher, with smart wit,
using a knife, he gave it a slit,

Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole,

Third was a tailor, tall and thin,
by using red velvet, he lined it within,

Fourth was a hunter, short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without,

Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,

Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee,
touched it and blessed it, and said it could pee,

Last was a sailor, dirty little runt,
who sucked it and fucked it, and called it a cunt.


( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:15, archived)

Are we 12 again?

( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:17, archived)

No time for you, internet dullard!

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:18, archived)

time soup
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:19, archived)

I had some tomato soup this morning from Greggs, it was lovely and filled a hole :)

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:23, archived)

YEAH, BUT WHICH CELEBRITIES HAVE MENTIONED YOU ON TWITTER?

(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:19, archived)

I creeped out Charlie Brooker
And Jez from Peep Show tweeted back at me about bumming.

But no.

:*(
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:20, archived)

I saw that Tweet Charlie Brooker did!
I was impressed.

Oh, Twitter. How I love thee.
(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:26, archived)

I'm not a member of Twitter
this is well discrimination
( minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:20, archived)

only mr fry

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:21, archived)

Vagina dentata what wonderful phrase
Vagina dentata aint no passin' craze
It mean no penis for the rest of your days
It's our willy free anatomy
Vagina dentata

vagina. dentata. vagina. dentata...
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:19, archived)

Fanny fanny
Fanny fan
Yummy yummy
Bearded clam.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:19, archived)

I'm going to have to confer with Richard Dawkins on this one
before I can believe you
( minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:19, archived)

I, like, totally reject your patriarchal misogynistic concept of design, here
( vladimir, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:20, archived)

Settle down Germaine Greer

( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:20, archived)

Right on, sister.

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:21, archived)

I'm mates with Trent Reznor
I don't fancy Bez more
'Cos he posted on my Twitter
Then thumped me up the shitter
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 17:22, archived)

Oh and by the way
Trent Motherfucking Reznor just tweeted about me.
( hexachordal la la la la la, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:34, archived)

oh you're famous we forgot sorry
we had no idea you did music and were famous and celebrity
( moohalaa, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:36, archived)

I wonder if we little people will star in THE TOM MILSOM SHOW

(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:43, archived)

well you won't
what with being shit and all that
( minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:43, archived)

ha, little people.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:46, archived)

Who?

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:36, archived)

I'm glad it's not just me.
/edit - Oh him. I do know of Nine Inch Nails.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:36, archived)

well whoever it is,
motherfucking is his middle name.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:37, archived)

he's a well-known anagram for an actual name
( vladimir, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:37, archived)

No one likes a braggart.

( ArthurTheRat, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:36, archived)

I heard Taggart likes a braggart

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:38, archived)

I like dragonheart

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:44, archived)

it's no Hart to Hart

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:48, archived)

*fartz*

( ArthurTheRat, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:53, archived)

GOLLY GOSH I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:36, archived)

you must be very proud.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:36, archived)

bloody hell,
if i saw someone who looked like you on the street, i would have to try very very hard not to storm over and punch you.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:38, archived)

of course, only being five foot six myself,
it is best that i keep myself to myself.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:39, archived)

that and the pancreatic cancer.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:40, archived)

how tall is the cancer?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:43, archived)

i don't think it's measurable in that way.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:44, archived)

don't you have a tape measure?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:46, archived)

If it was colon cancer
You could measure it with a tape-worm
( CanonCaliber A big bore, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:52, archived)

why would you want to punch hex?

( minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:41, archived)

He has a face that makes you just so damn mad.

( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:41, archived)

I've never felt the need to punch someone based solely on their appearance
run away screaming in terror perhaps, but not punch
( minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:43, archived)

you don't know what it's like.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:44, archived)

perhaps not.
still, nice to see you aren't dead
( minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:45, archived)

who has been saying i am dead?
i am just sick, i will get over it hopefully.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:46, archived)

...really?
( vladimir, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:45, archived)

I don't really mind him
I reckon he's probably a nice guy in real life. It's all just show for the media.
( minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:47, archived)

fair enough
( vladimir, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:50, archived)

because i hate everything about him

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:42, archived)

man, you can die happy now.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:36, archived)

lovely song too, I'd not heard it before

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:40, archived)

Hello. Sign up for our bash please.
kthnksbye
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:37, archived)

WOW REALLY?
REALLY?

FUCKING WOW
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:37, archived)

*high fucking five*
awesome news that!
( MrA, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:39, archived)

yea, but I'm listening to Paulo Nutini

( minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:40, archived)

Ace.

( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:42, archived)

Well, Stephen Fry tweeted about ME, motherfucker
twitter.com/stephenfry/status/1232717577

(Well, Retweeted me, but STILL..)
(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:45, archived)

God bless internet validation.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:45, archived)

He tweeted not only about me,
but directly TO me!
(MooCow_Byter, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:48, archived)

Gosh, right, brill.
SO, I'm in Berlin right now! It's overcast and we haven't done any sights yet, because a 40 minute powernap turned in to a 2hr30 sleep. Only one cure, off to the sauna! HOORAY!

What pie filling gets you hardest?
( hexachordal la la la la la, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:25, archived)

Cock pie

( SuperMatt, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:25, archived)

Well done, sir
Good to see the gay community being supported.
( hexachordal la la la la la, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:27, archived)

I quite like pie filling

( moohalaa, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:27, archived)

Bet that story of Hansel and Gretel
turns you RIGHT on. Two of your favourite things. Kids and sweets.
( hexachordal la la la la la, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:30, archived)

I believe Mr Durham has his hands full with both at the moment
tsk
( moohalaa, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:31, archived)

Hair pie
/ac
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:28, archived)

Keema... or Beef and Stilton.
( C, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:32, archived)

Concrete.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:32, archived)

haha oh hahaha, itt's hahah it's like the other thread haha oh god but it's just a bit hahahahaha different oh god this is comedy GOLD right here

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:33, archived)

Got a problem?
Take it up with Reznor, bitch.
( hexachordal la la la la la, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:35, archived)

hahaha no, no hahah problem, I just can't stop laughing hahaha, this is just creative comedy genius right here hahahaha

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:36, archived)

three bird game pie

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:33, archived)

Pork pie.
Hur hur hur.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:34, archived)

gosh, it's a tough choice, possibly banoffee, but pecan, if made properly, is fabulous. Lemon meringue pie, chicken and ham pie, almost certainly with eggs (GET BACK baldmonkey), and fish pie with saffron.
...but if you limited me to 1 savoury 1 sweet, I'd have to go with mermaid, spinach and nutmeg, and custard with jelly with custard with prunes topped with pie.
( vladimir, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:36, archived)

Grim though the story is
www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/05/19/national/main5024694.shtml

Being charged with 'Mayhem' is something special
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:48, archived)

And that's why Mykeyboy should never be allowed to have kids.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:49, archived)

Supermatt always takes more than his fair share

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:50, archived)

eyes cream

(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:50, archived)

p-eye-ella

(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:50, archived)

mince p-eye

(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:50, archived)

las-eye-gna

(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:50, archived)

ch-eye-nese food

(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:50, archived)

egg fr-eye-d r-eye-ce

(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:51, archived)

sush-eye

(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:51, archived)

spaghett-eye

(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:51, archived)

pupilau r-eye-ce

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:53, archived)

I'VE ALREADY SAID R-EYE-CE

(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:56, archived)

YES BUT NOT PUPILAU

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:56, archived)

PUPILAU PAGE

(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:00, archived)

Iris wondering if someone would start punning

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:50, archived)

It always happens after retina (reading a) news story.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:53, archived)

Im vision i hadnt started this now

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:54, archived)

oh come on it's only j-ocular

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:54, archived)

Si-lens would be preferable

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:55, archived)

don't make a spectacle

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:55, archived)

Put a lid on it

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:57, archived)

what are you going to do,
give me lashes?
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:58, archived)

I'd have charged him with CHAOS

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:51, archived)

I like that the neighbours told the police where he was
and he was arrested a week later.

I'd like to think that he was gradually hacking his legs off for the entire week
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:54, archived)

I suspect he was an unpopular kid

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:56, archived)

with a rusty butter knife or somehting like that
but in also news, the silly thunder storms have knocked out my sky box so i cant watch the football
(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:57, archived)

Our Sky is working fine thank you

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:57, archived)

mine is stil showing a big blue box saying no satellite is being recieved -

(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:59, archived)

TIOABOA

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:06, archived)

Has anyone played Sims 3 yet?
I've read a few reviews, and they all seem to be on the good side, but any first hand experience?

If you've not, then what's the funniest way of killing people in the sims you've done?

If you can't give a toss about the sims, bangers and mash or toad in the hole?

Edit: Also if you really need a new computer, cube 24-7 are refunding delivery on orders before 4pm.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:34, archived)

mash in the toad in the hole

(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:35, archived)

mine rolls off the tongue better

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:37, archived)

it does. but.... but i bet mine tastes better....................

(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:38, archived)

Nope.
Yours is just potato sausages and batter. the other sounds better, double the carbohydrates, all of the taste.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:41, archived)

[inappropriate comment]
( jenpots, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:41, archived)

Toad in the mash hole.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:36, archived)

I only played the Sims 1,
sometimes I would strand visitors on the top of a column or something. I preferred trying to make them happy though, in general, it seemed the more demanding task.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:36, archived)

Indeed.
I at one point in sims 2 made my sims do counterfeiting, but then the police came to fine/arrest them. So I then put move objects on and stored the police in a little prison at the bottom of the garden. Fun!


The policemen never slept, they just kept wandering round in circles in their little jail. I even gave them a toilet and a sink, but they never used them. It had a bit where the people on the outside could see in.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:39, archived)

I discovered to my alarm
that even if your house has no doors, the burglar could still get in and nick stuff. He just stands there, shrugs, and something disappears out of the house. So much for that tactic.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:42, archived)

Haha!
Amazing! Psychic burglary.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:43, archived)

Bangers & Mash with onion gravy.
Has to be good pork butcher sausages though. Tesco *finest are OK.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:36, archived)

Trust you to be a sausage lover

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:40, archived)

Yes but I couldn't eat a whole packet.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:41, archived)

But you could fit an entire pig up that gaping maw you call your anus

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:42, archived)

Apple 'n' all.

( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:44, archived)

Thats going to be the title of the biography im going to write about the captain
Apple 'N' All: The Story Of One Mans Love For Other Mens Bottoms
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:47, archived)

I've got veg sausages and colcannon with gravy for later on.
Om nom nom.

I may get the sims for my iphone but I'd rather play a free demo first, I've not played the Sims range before.
( moohalaa, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:36, archived)

I preferred Sims 2: The Klumps

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:36, archived)

Theme hospital, that got boring very quickly
they should make Theme Concentration Camp, I'd well buy that
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:38, archived)

Theme hospital never got boring.
It got annoying when everyone was throwing up and dying in the halls though :( and I never once cured an epidemic.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:40, archived)

next time I fill in a sick note at work I'm going to say I had Bloaty Head

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:48, archived)

I like how baldness is a disease.

( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:51, archived)

TJ - anyone know of a programme that allows you to turn down / mute the volume of individual programmes in Windows? I want to listen to some music whilst playing a game but, even with all the volume levels on the game down it's still too loud.
( TIAL Four capital letters, written in gold., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:39, archived)

I think Vista has that built in.

( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:40, archived)

FUCK VISTA

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:41, archived)

My e-penis is too big for the CD drive :(

( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:41, archived)

Yeah it does
that's the one thing going for it really - I went back to XP.
( TIAL Four capital letters, written in gold., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:41, archived)

you can't
the audio from all the programs is summed by to the Windows audio subsystem, if the individual programs don't offer volume controls then you're fucked
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:40, archived)

Thanks
Guess I'm fucked then :D
( TIAL Four capital letters, written in gold., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:42, archived)

I can't think of any games that don't offer volumn control.
Except the likes of crap flash ones.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:48, archived)

It's alright
Although mine keeps glitching and turning young adults into OAPs within one birthday... hmm
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:47, archived)

toad in the hole, with roast potatoes*
om nom nom

*no, they're not called "roasties." not unless you're under 5, or would like me to brand you with a frying pan. or both
( spacefish bong!, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:09, archived)

Why does google have a logo made out of Lego blocks.
Surely something to do with D-Day would be more appropriate?

Inappropriate things on the internet, anyone?

EDIT: I meant to say "tetris" but obviously the word blocks made me think lego for some reason.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:18, archived)

It's Tetris.
25th birthday or something.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:19, archived)

I'm going to enjoy the football.
This is your chance for you, the internet to fall out with me whilst I'm away.
Girls are looking!
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:19, archived)

yeah, you know what
I'll tell you what I think about that JMG. I bet he's got an inadequate skincare regime!

I didn't say that, I've only heard it on the grapevine. But just so you all know.
( moohalaa, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:21, archived)

I bet his baldy head needs some serious moisturizer too.

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:23, archived)

I heard he once wet himself in Aldi and burst into tears

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:24, archived)

I have it on good authority that he does sit-down wees like a girl.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:27, archived)

I have it on very good authority that he once passed out after drinking half a Babycham

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:31, archived)

I've no time for this, the cricketing world is being turned on its head AS WE SPEAK

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:22, archived)

Holland doing rathe well at cricket
/e is all smug about it.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:23, archived)

And Scotland very nearly beat NZ
It's all really rather bizarre
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:25, archived)

I heard they beat England on Radio 4 news last night,
it made me do a little chuckle, I didn't even know the Netherlands played cricket.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:32, archived)

shane williams has just lost his place in the rest of the lions tour!
shocking!
(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:31, archived)

lego!
its tetris`s birthday!
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:19, archived)

you?

( jenpots, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:20, archived)

:( you love me.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:43, archived)

yeah
I just hide it really well
( jenpots, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:47, archived)

Tennis tetra.

( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:24, archived)

Tetris > D-Day

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:26, archived)

mouse over their logo
and the alt text explains it
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:30, archived)

NOTHING ON THE INTERNETS HAS EVER BEEN AS UNAPPROPRIATE AS THIS!
www.b3ta.cr3ation.co.uk/data/jpg/planecrash.jpg
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:34, archived)

hahaha

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:36, archived)

pfffft that's very good

( moohalaa, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:37, archived)

murgatroyd!
LOLSICKRIK DONE SEX AT A WEDDING WITH THE GIRL HE LIKES ALL NIGHT AND IS NOW TIRED
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:12, archived)

A guy at my college has the name 'Byron Murgatroyd'
He sounds like a transformer.
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:13, archived)

You're not a real person, are you?

( jenpots, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:13, archived)

he is, I met him

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:16, archived)

are you sure you weren't just talking to some random chav?

( jenpots, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:16, archived)

nah, was the real thing I believe

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:18, archived)

This is a scary thought

( jenpots, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:18, archived)

AND nowhere near as annoying as many on here think
and I nicked one of his chips.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:20, archived)

I've met Rik and he's a rather nice chap.
Terrible taste in shirts and ties, but I'd definitely buy him a drink if he wanted.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:22, archived)

real rik and online rik
2 very different people.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:23, archived)

Anyone know a safe way to calm down a cat?
I'm attempting to remove a tick from one of mine, and she's clawed one of my arms quite a bit, and doesn't sit still long enough for me to remove the tick.

I don't want to have to go to the vets for them to pull out the tick and charge me £15-20 for it.

No-one else is here at the moment, so I can't have them hold her or pull the tick out.

Edit: Tick is microwaved. Cat is fine.

We ended up getting rid of the tick when it removed itself. I'll be checking the area it was in a bit to ensure there's nothing left in her skin. But the tick I think got pissed off by my attempts, withdrew to find another place and then got zapped as soon as we saw it was moving.


Edit the second:

Someone's left organic apple juice in the fridge which has turned cidery. It's drinkable, but tastes like cider, a nice sweet cider.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:18, archived)

hammer to the skull

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:19, archived)

That's only safe to me.
And not very safe.


I like my cats and would like for them to stay concious.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:20, archived)

threaten to hammer their skull

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:27, archived)

they can't speak English :(

( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:30, archived)

Wrap her in a towel or something.
And make sure you get the whole thing out.
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:21, archived)

Tick is in the middle of the back.
Not sure if towel would work.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:22, archived)

just keep stroking her whilst you do it, if the cat's fairly placid in nature she should be alright with you doing it.

(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:23, archived)

She's mental.
Placid is near the other end of the spectrum with her.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:24, archived)

www.ehow.com/how_2097197_calm-down-cat.html
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:25, archived)

Those are some fairly shit tips.

(MooCow_Byter, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:27, archived)

7. Sing bryan Adams into the cats ear
8. Go to a Celin Dion concert
( Super piat I am the owl, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:29, archived)

I think I'll just wait until someone else comes home.
they can hold her, I'll remove the tick.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:30, archived)

wrap it up in a towel.

(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:21, archived)

Liquid nitrogen on the tick
then it should die..
( Super piat I am the owl, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:22, archived)

Pull her tail.
?
(MooCow_Byter, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:22, archived)

photoshop xray'd?

( Super piat I am the owl, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:23, archived)

If you're using a tick remover, just wrap her in a towel and make sure you get the whole thing out
If not, get a tick remover from the vets, or buy some Frontline spot on treatment as that kills ticks.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:22, archived)

This.
You need someone to hold her properly. Holding is everything with cats.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:27, archived)

hitting them withs mallets helps
everything is better with a mallet
( Super piat I am the owl, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:28, archived)

If your legs are strong, you can sort of do it like that
Using your thighs to press her down.

However, be nice to it too
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:30, archived)

Yeah, after the fighting we just did.
I did give her some stroking and kitty treats. She's given me some scars.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:31, archived)

That doesn't really seem like a fair exchange to me.

(MooCow_Byter, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:38, archived)

I'm bad at neogotiating with her :(

( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:04, archived)

Yeah, and stress her out even more.
Leave her alone until you have someone to hold her.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:39, archived)

Hypnotise it with Bizarro-vision

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:23, archived)

You will probably not be able to do it on your own.
You need someone to hold her properly.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:27, archived)

Yeah.
Gonna do this.


Also, she's moulting, so I think with all the fighting we've just done, I'll be throwing up my own furballs. Ugh.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:31, archived)

Towel, and make sure you grab the tick's head

( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:28, archived)

Firmly hold her against your fridge by duck taping her legs, neck and hindquarters to it (put a piece of kitchen roll between the tape and the cat if you don't want to damage her coat) when you've removed the tick and released the cat then wipe the fridge down with thinners to remove any adhesive residue.
( C, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:32, archived)

Did you come up with the original idea of duct taping a cat to a fridge?

( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:34, archived)

No that's from a book about looking after cats and kittens that I'm reading at the mo.
( C, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:36, archived)

I would like to know who thought of duct taping a cat to a fridge.
"We'll need a big object they can't move easily."

"FRIDGE"
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:04, archived)

Do that thing that Mick "Crocodile" Dundee did in the documentary of the same name.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:34, archived)

I love
Oz humour
Only about 30 secs but worth it
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:42, archived)

Pillow case.
Seemples!
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:39, archived)

All of the above "COVER THE ENTIRE BODY" remarks do not work when the tick is on the body.

( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:07, archived)

Fill a rectangular washing up bowl with quick drying cement and make the cat stand in it until it dries, then you can easily remove the tick with no fear of scratches, before rinsing the cats legs down with cement remover to release it.
( C, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:43, archived)

This would be a great plan, there's only two problems.
One, I have no cement.

And two I have no cement.

I realise that's just the same point repeated, but I felt it was so important, I'd better mention it twice.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:15, archived)

superglue it to the wall and force-feed it mogadon and qualudes

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:53, archived)

buy a cat tazer

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:53, archived)

shout "CALM DOWN OR I GET THE FUCKING AIR HORN" at it

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:55, archived)

shout "CALM DOWN OR I GET THE FUCKING HORN" at it
that should do it
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:56, archived)

I have no penis :(

( Rev. Cleo still alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:32, archived)

New Newcastle shirt!
*Punches the clouds*
JMG Fashion. What are your no doubt LOL views?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:59, archived)

Has it got the Championship badges on the arms?

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:02, archived)

Yes, and it's got "Welcome to your Cup Final" written just under it.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:08, archived)

Has it got
"we thought we were a big team and mouthed off for 20 years without winning anything on it?"
( Super piat I am the owl, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:09, archived)

Well, that's two anti-Newcastle comments in one thread.
I'm not a scientist, but I am very popular.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:10, archived)

ha
I'm just stating a fact. no need to get your feelings hurt
( Super piat I am the owl, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:11, archived)

Internet strategy #1.
Ignore the previous comment. TELL the other user he's upset.

Who do you support?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:12, archived)

SC Heerenveen
why?
( Super piat I am the owl, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:18, archived)

They sold us Tomasson.
A terrible player for us.
:(
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:20, archived)

We are nigerians of football
i'm sorry
( Super piat I am the owl, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:21, archived)

I don't have any problem with you wearing a football t-shirt
I once overheard someone saying they can't understand why people would wear a band t-shirt, and I consider this to be exactly the same thing.
( SuperMatt, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:03, archived)

I find it strange when views like that come from people who have paid to advertise GAP

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:07, archived)

I think we need to see you wearing it to make a full assessment

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:07, archived)

Should I vectorise the whole thing and cause mayhem?

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:08, archived)

Absolutely

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:09, archived)

Newcastle is a shitty city
its true.
( Super piat I am the owl, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:07, archived)

That's the spirit!
All of the girls will now be looking at you and thinking "Phwoar!"
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:09, archived)

Pfft
I have only got eyes for you my sweet.
( Super piat I am the owl, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:10, archived)

That's understandable. I'm JMG.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:13, archived)

I will be getting the NEW Aston Villa away kit
It's very nice!
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:09, archived)

I see they had Barry modelling it.
Yourselves and Everton need to be wary of City, there.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:09, archived)

They were doing better without the likes of Robinho
I'm not too worried yet, as long as we can replace Laursen and get an attacking central midfielder who scores goals

I fancy that Andy Carroll to get a hatful in the Championship for your lot, he looks a class act. That Go Go Nile Ranger isn't too shabby either.
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:13, archived)

Yes. I am very encouraged by young Ranger's progress.
I still have doubts with Carroll. But it seems I'm one of the rare fans at SJP.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:14, archived)

i'm looking quite smart now, just off up the pub for some offline banter and football, stella jim just called and he is already there
good stuff
( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:09, archived)

Get him in a headlock until he gets his round in.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:10, archived)

i will do, if he gets upset i'll tell him to blame jmg, this will confuse him as he has no idea of this forum, i will laugh at him, it appears my friend spud is already pissed
why do some feal the need to peak so soon, kick off is not till 4
( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:15, archived)

I have no strong feelings either way,
but if it brings people joy then I am all for it.
(MooCow_Byter, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:14, archived)

I might wear a tie with it.
Just to annoy people.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:15, archived)

I've just had a pair of Mormons come round.
I asked them inside and they spoke to me about their religion. They were younger than I am, and here from the States for two years.

I often stop and speak to monks and missionaries and whatnot that you meet in the street trying to preach, and I always just listen and ask questions without directly challenging what they say, but I've never met anybody so implacably sincere and forceful in their faith. I found them a little bit unnerving. Especially because one of them didn't seem to have a name. His nametag just said Elder _____, and when they introduced themselves he didn't say anything.

Anyway, they left me a Book of Mormon and their phone number and a note of some scripture verses to look up. Religion. Good times?
(MooCow_Byter, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:16, archived)

I've been watching Meet the British
www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00kv0d0/Meet_the_British/

I like how the Science Correspondent in the 1980's who was in charge of predicting what the year 2000 would bring was called Peter Theory
(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:17, archived)

I don't see how that's relevant to this thread,
but I will look into it.
(MooCow_Byter, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:19, archived)

It was one of those "near the top" things

(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:28, archived)

You are just an awful, awful man.

(MooCow_Byter, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:34, archived)

haha
just watched the start of it, this looks like it might be hilarious.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:23, archived)

About 10 minutes in, there's a whole thing about how EVERYBODY IN LONDON TALKS IN RHYMING SLANG.

(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:29, archived)

I know I do
apples and pears, dog and bone, plates of meat etc.

Although mind you I have been known to refer to Stella as Nelson.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:31, archived)

it's always been a pint of helen round these parts

( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:33, archived)

haha
also good.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:33, archived)

just seen it.
the whole thing is totally surreal.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:37, archived)

Wait til the "inventions of Britain" section near the end
Apparently, we all use MOTORS TO SWIM.

And we PAINT OUR CENTRAL HEATING.

It'll make sense eventually.
(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:38, archived)

Asbestos, the wonder substance!

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:06, archived)

THERE IS A PERSON INSIDE THE CASH MACHINE

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 14:17, archived)

hehe
this is great :P
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:50, archived)

I bet they stole things from your living room.
It's what they do, these Mormons.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:19, archived)

You're confusing them with Liverpudlians

( SuperMatt, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:24, archived)

lol
m
( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:19, archived)

ORMONS?!!
/Master of Turnips type joke
(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:28, archived)

Fat face
/not even a joke
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:58, archived)

Some Mormons came round once,
but I was upstairs and Spacefish didn't tell me and I wasn't dressed anyway, and they didn't want to come in, which I thought was unusual.
I've already got a book of Mormon though.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:19, archived)

I hadn't done my hair,
but either they didn't notice or were too polite to say anything.

I hope they didn't make fun of me after they left. :(
(MooCow_Byter, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:26, archived)

I've just cleaned the flat
I love my flat. :)
Housewarming starts in 3 and a half hours.
( SuperMatt, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:21, archived)

and why wasn't i invited? it's because you don't like me is that it? well fuck you, i don't have to take this shit
i'm finished with you and the like, :((((
( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:24, archived)

I've kept it quite low brow, just a few close friends
I know we've had our ups and downs, but surely this doesn't mark the end of our relationship?
( SuperMatt, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:25, archived)

it just seems we spend more time fighting these days than we ever used to, are either of us really happy anymore, or just going with the flow for the sake of the familiar
can we recapture the goodtimes? i'd like to think so, but i'm so confused, when it works i'm happy but the volatility, it makes me cry
( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:30, archived)

Christ, you're such a whiny bitch.
You're dumped.
( SuperMatt, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:31, archived)

see, this is the problem with you, whenever i try an discuss things as an adult with you your so emotionally stunted it borders on stupidity
well have it your own way, i can see i'm better off on my own with out a person so immature that they can't talk things through as an adult
( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:38, archived)

I'm sorry darling
Fancy some angry make-up sex?
( SuperMatt, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:42, archived)

ok, i'm still angry but we can talk later
reverse cowgirl ok?
( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:45, archived)

Fine by me.

( SuperMatt, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:56, archived)

I do.

( OneSullenBrit *air sandwiches*, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:47, archived)

Because you're over 16

(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:58, archived)

Just make sure you've not sent out any notices like this.
www.27bslash6.com/matthewsparty.html
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:28, archived)

I love that site.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:32, archived)

It is brilliant.
www.27bslash6.com/buffed.html
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:44, archived)

Hahaha
"The Middle One"

:D
( Darklord, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:54, archived)

A couple of them came to my house the other day, my wife answered the door.
"We are Mormons," they said.
She answered, "No thank you, I've got one already."
(She'd thought they said "morons".)

/Blaster Bates
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:23, archived)

she must've been feeling a bit mormonal

( spacefish bong!, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:33, archived)

I've been looking at this unusualy jewellery:
www.zuzafun.com/bad-jewelry-ideas


I don't like religion, so have no comment on your post.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:31, archived)

crosshead earrings are a brilliant idea

( spacefish bong!, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:36, archived)

so's the fuse necklace- i must make one with a proper fuse...
the cunt and cock rings are a bit hmm though
( spacefish bong!, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:38, archived)

I thought they were earrings, I did wonder how you were supposed to wear them.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:38, archived)

i'm guessing
perhaps it's a borrower stimulator
( spacefish bong!, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:40, archived)

My dad started making jewellery out of copper wiring.
He's very good now, he made a diamond solitaire ring for a friend's engagement.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:39, archived)

my dad used to make stuff for my mum when they were young
it's something that always impressed me, but i never took up
( spacefish bong!, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:42, archived)

As usual, my dad got obsessed with it, and did LOADS.
He taught himself how to cast, and set stones etc. I have a nice silver ring he made, it has an arrow on it, all curled up. The tip and flight are gold, it's cool.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:43, archived)

awesome
to my mind that's got much more meaning than shop-bought jewellery
( spacefish bong!, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:47, archived)

Yeah, it's cool
And unique, because it's not 100% perfect.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:49, archived)

hehe
the plaster and bird legs are great.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:39, archived)

I like the little house ring.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:41, archived)

i like the bottle opener one, handy

( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:43, archived)

Yeah, that's cool, I've seen that before.
I've lost my keyring bottle opener, so that would be very handy for me.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:44, archived)

i was going to buy some flip flops with bottle opener in the sole when i was in oz, but it seemed a bit grim if the opener was dragged through the dirt all the time
germ times
( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:48, archived)

Oh yeah, I've seen those.
I didn't think of that, ugh.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:49, archived)

i reckon on me they would increase my chances of stepping in dog shit

( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:51, archived)

There are some here:
bizarrearea.com/index.php/gadgets/35-coolest-bottle-openers.html

I want the hat one.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:50, archived)

Clothes pegs in gold?
Unusual, yes, but ... wtf?!
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 15:15, archived)

Good times with religious nutters?
no thanks, would rather have rusty nails hammered into my cock.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:43, archived)

can anyone else here cook? i'd rather be nailed to a tree than put up with judas' cooking any more

( spacefish bong!, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:45, archived)

I can cook

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:49, archived)

I can cook

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:50, archived)

JMG!
What are your opening statements?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:36, archived)

Corned beef.
Top stuff.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:38, archived)

Internet is quiet today.
I wonder where everyone is.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:45, archived)

i expect everyone is up their local gala bingo practicing for next weeks epic online b3ta bingo
top prizes, great times
( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:06, archived)

What does b3ta bingo involve?

(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:16, archived)

playing bingo

( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:20, archived)

football at 4 jmg, up at spiders snooker hall with the lads, you are more than welcome
great times
( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:40, archived)

COME ON the England!
I say, 2-0. Rooney to score.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:48, archived)

only an hour to go and then it's up the pub for the pre-match drinks, dave spiders got a function on at 7 so he's kicking us out after the match
nice to see the cricket is going as well as i thought it would
( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:58, archived)

I watched a bit of that, and thought of SSG.
:(
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:01, archived)

I've got RUNNING SHOES on
I think I shall utilise them as the manufacturer intended, JMG!
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:40, archived)

hanging around outside asda?

( MrA, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:44, archived)

Excellent news!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:48, archived)

I smell garlic people.

( vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:44, archived)

I am flying home tomorrow. HURRAY.
I am watching a small rabbit carrying out his midday ablutions.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:48, archived)

The hounds!
Won't somebody care for our hounds?!
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:49, archived)

I do not look after the hounds anymore:(
But I shall be looking after my own hound when I go home.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:51, archived)

It's an F1 Day today Jammy.
I'm joining the ranks of the sport watching elite.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:49, archived)

JMG, I'm going to buy some Lovely Headphones
and then go and watch Star Trek. Apparently it's very good.
( moohalaa, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:50, archived)

Ooh, it is.
And, SPOCK. Oh, Spock.

*le sigh*
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:52, archived)

It is very good.
Much better than Terminator:Salvation anyway. There's two hours of my life I won't get back.
( FoldsFive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:57, archived)

I am very disappointed at this.
I love Christian Bale.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:58, archived)

you should have pretended you were 14 and titted bluestar up and have her push your hand away from her mimsy mound
teenage times
( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:01, archived)

I liked the action bits
they were full of action.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:08, archived)

I'm tired of buying new headphones.
I go through a set a month.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:59, archived)

what are you doing,
eating them?
Or do you have aural dentata?
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:04, archived)

It is.
As long as you're not the sort of obsessive fan who goes to conventions in uniform and would get upset that they're not taking it seriously.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:04, archived)

I've got a sore throat and I'm losing my voice :(

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:03, archived)

I've just had an argument with two seagulls.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:07, archived)

who won?
a seagul nicked my daughters sandwich when she was in broadstairs the other week, despite a full description the police insisted they are powerless to act, no wonder people take the law into their own hands
( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:09, archived)

FRIDGE IN. WASHER DRYER IN.
BIKE SOON TO BE CLEANED.

Productive spangolin is productive.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:16, archived)

That's a good washer dryer you've got there
if it will take a bike.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:18, archived)

I have to put the wheels in a pillowcase but otherwise it all fits in.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:19, archived)

Pig's Head
flapsandwich.blogspot.com/2009/06/henrietta.html
(b0w13, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 11:55, archived)

We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine
I say, we can go where we want to
A place where they will never find
And we can act like we come from out of this world
Leave the real one far behind
And we can dance
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 11:58, archived)

why
was there a post-box in the background?
( vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)

I like singing "My Old Man's a Dustman" to that tune

(__, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:11, archived)

That link breaks my Internet
My own fault for using IE7 i suppose.
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:12, archived)

if it had ducks I'd probably still not read it

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:16, archived)

do you like coots?

( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:24, archived)

they're alright, I love a bit of moorhen

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:26, archived)

morehens are ok in my book, i like the rought and tumble the coots do to each other always fightin
but i have issues with them in other areas in which they eat all my bait and sometimes tangle my lines
( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:33, archived)

i'm not sure that is relevant to my interests, or is, not clicking it, no offence
great forum
( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:22, archived)

I'm not sure if this helps, I hope it does, but it might not.
But I actually clicked on the link, and I read the first paragraph, there wasn't much content contained in these paragraphs, and they failed to titilate or captivate my interests, as such, I didn't continue reading.

I'm not enirely sure if you would enjoy the link, it might be worth saving your clicking on something else, but don't let me tell you what to do.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:28, archived)

i don't think i'll take the risk then, thank for you semi opinion on this, great times
i'll wait for another link to come along and see if i want to click that one, thanks
( mongychops, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:35, archived)

Hello everyone
I am trying to write a trashy novel. What are you doing?
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:04, archived)

Watching Dave. There's nothing better to do really

( SuperMatt, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:05, archived)

What's he doing?

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:05, archived)

Not a lot
He's really boring when he's asleep
( SuperMatt, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:06, archived)

Put your winky in his ear.

( OneSullenBrit *air sandwiches*, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 11:21, archived)

Fighting boredom and losing fast.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:06, archived)

We are off into town to go see terminator!
du du du dum dum

du du du dum dum
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:10, archived)

:(
I hate you.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:12, archived)

Mwoahaha

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:14, archived)

No, really.
*hates*
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:19, archived)

^

( OneSullenBrit *air sandwiches*, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:14, archived)

Oh Mykey.
Don't waste your money or your time. We went last night and we all hated it. It's really not very good at all. Even the boys hated it. Spend your money and time on something else.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:26, archived)

Like DEEP DRIED PIES

( broadsword, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:28, archived)

They are like deep fried pies, but really need gravy on them

( broadsword, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:29, archived)

I have yet to try that
I think i shall next time i go to the chipper
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:29, archived)

I've always wanted to try a deep fried kebab
brutally bad for you but it's something you need to try once in your life I reckon
( broadsword, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:32, archived)

I know, i know:(
Its going to rip a hole out of my heart and fill it with McG's filthy man milk.

But im not going to see angels and demons
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:28, archived)

It can't be as bad as T3, surely?

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 11:00, archived)

Wanna bet?

( WHARRGARBL, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 11:24, archived)

I'd put them on a par.

( FoldsFive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 11:29, archived)

Only boring people get bored.
Do you not have porn on your internet?
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:13, archived)

NO
Only imbeciles use that phrase. Mums and imbeciles.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:14, archived)

Shall I watch it with my 1 year old running around?
oooh, shall I? I do love social services.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:18, archived)

15 years to go till Gonzo comes a-visiting
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:22, archived)

I'll start sharpening my cleaver now shall I?

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:22, archived)

Its got to be better than her getting with a local, and you know it.
Well, for a given value of 'better'
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:24, archived)

thats what gonzo said as well

(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 11:23, archived)

yeah
but only 2 months till supermatt..
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:24, archived)

Pfft

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:26, archived)

Then you have Saturday morning cartoons.
Sheesh.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:23, archived)

It's more teletubbies, tweenies and In the night garden at that age.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:26, archived)

Read a book
Write a book
draw something
build something
destroy something
critically deconstruct something
whittle
whistle
clean something
bake something
write an offensive letter to a celebrity
discover a new religion
put lots of old books on amazon marketplace
alphabetise your CD collection
click random article on wikipedia and make that your new 'thing'
plant a tree
learn something new

How can anyone ever be bored ever?
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 11:00, archived)

Alphabetising anything is for simpletons
proper snobs organise by record label or publisher
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 11:03, archived)

Lightweight.
Record label, band name, chronological order.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 11:05, archived)

Im thinking more of books
but it's pretty much that. Publisher, Author, Work By Publish Date
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 11:10, archived)

All my books are organised by word count.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 11:18, archived)

I order things by colour.
It annoys my dad.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 11:42, archived)

Work
I have finished my Mcbreakfast, it was disgusting.
Bloody hell, weekends here and the weather has gone to shit
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:08, archived)

I dont understand why people buy things if they find them disgusting

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:10, archived)

I don't normal mind them
This one was stone cold.
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:12, archived)

Email their head office to complain
I did that once and they sent me a tenner
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:13, archived)

Good idea
My mum once wrote to Kinder egg complaining about the crapness of there latest toys, They sent her a jiffy containing about 10 toys and an apology stating due to EU rules they have to be careful about putting small parts in the eggs.
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:17, archived)

Me and a mate at work were bored one day so we emailed every company we could think of with complaints
We got a variety of cvouchers and things but probably the most impressive was from Tyrells, a huge box full of a variety of their crisps.

Win.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:23, archived)

haha
A mate of mine once got a stone chip in his windscreen, he phoned all the "How am i driving" numbers and complained the lorry had flicked up the stone, he got it repaired for free.
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:25, archived)

It really is amazing what you get if you complain
A guy i knew got all his food free at mcdonalds, kfc, burger king etc because he knew precisely the health and safety laws regarding the legal serving temperature of food and what not.

It was a joy to see him in action.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:27, archived)

Currently i am tickling your mums cervix

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:09, archived)

Good morning folks.
I'm thinking about going to get a paper. It's a big day out for me today.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:13, archived)

I've just got up & am sitting in my pants
plans for the day are:
Shopping in Malaga & sightseeing the whores on the industrial estate
More shopping in Gibraltar
Coming home & sitting around in my pants a bit more
( broadsword, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:17, archived)

+ h
See how long it takes.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:19, archived)

Funnily enough I've had gastroenteritis for the last month so you aint far off the truth

( broadsword, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:21, archived)

:S

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:21, archived)

I got that last year
4 days of deciding whether to puke in the toilet and shit on the floor or vise versa. Good times
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:23, archived)

Sit on the toilet with the bin in your lap
/past experience
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:25, archived)

Fuck
For a reasonably intelligent person i can really let myself down at times.
I never thought of that, was puking in the bath next to toilet then scooping the lumps out :-(
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:28, archived)

Also, drink a can of coke
it will stop the pukes.
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:38, archived)

And provide precious sugar.
Flat coke if you can't take it fizzy.

/Mum.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:43, archived)

I didn't get the pukey bit
but it went on for 4 weeks, which was a bit much. Most of the time I couldn't even go downstairs to watch telly, as there is no toilet downstairs.
( broadsword, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:30, archived)

Could you not have brought the TV upstairs?
Or taken a bucket downstairs?
Or put a cork in?
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:37, archived)

WOOP WOOP WOOP
Hilarious strike-through opportunity right here!!!!!!!!
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:38, archived)

I paid an old Spanish man 200 euros to come to my flat
he told me to "drop your trousers and show me your bottom"
( broadsword, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:45, archived)

And you sure it wasn't Mongy just gringo'd up?

( magnum, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:59, archived)

Now you mention it, he did keep banging on about el bingo

( broadsword, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 11:04, archived)

pfft

( magnum, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 11:05, archived)

i'm trying to wash my trashy navel
farmers' market soon, woop woop
( spacefish bong!, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:39, archived)

Farmers markets do the best beef and stilton pies, ever
nyom nyom
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:49, archived)

this is true, we got one last week
this week i'm on a goose quest
( spacefish bong!, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 11:05, archived)

I love how farmers markets are full of the middle and upper classes
70 years ago it would be full of serfs purchasing food for their masters.
( magnum, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:52, archived)

you're right
i gotta get me some serfs
( spacefish bong!, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 11:04, archived)

Watching Saturday Kitchen
and looking for a car on eBay and Autotrader
( magnum, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:49, archived)

Getting ready to go shopping.
I need some heated rollers, Badger needs a guitar tuner.

Exciting times.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 11:33, archived)

practising the piano for a gig tonight
and it's not going well..
( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 12:09, archived)

MTVN HD!!!!
Ultimate fail hi-def music channel, currently showing low-def cartoons until 10:30!

/rants
( Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:31, archived)

what is wrong with
Cartoons in the morning?
( chuff monkey I AM him, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:34, archived)

I always watch Ben 10 on a Saturday morning
with my girls, whether they want to watch it or not.
( jenpots, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:37, archived)

are they not professionally upscaling them?
the difference between an upscaler costing thousands of pounds, and the cheapo job in a hd telly is quite noticeable.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:39, archived)

rape everything in a 50 mile radius
/ac
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:41, archived)

Saturday Morning Telly is rubbish nowadays
Bring back No 73. This BBC cookery programme is boring.
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:47, archived)

I liked the one where they shouted 'bogies'

( broadsword, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:19, archived)

BOGIES!

( broadsword, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:19, archived)

Hahaha

( broadsword, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:19, archived)

I hate delivery men.
especially ones that refuse to take a fridge upstairs and instead leave it in the care of a 5 foot nothing girl on her own. Fantastic.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:47, archived)

what?
That is shit. You should've used your best winning smile.
( jenpots, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:48, archived)

I really tried.
he just refused. Hopefully me and my parents can get it upstairs. I'm currently watching it to make sure it doesn't get nicked. Fantastic.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:50, archived)

Sit on top of it with a carving knife in your hand
I bet no one tries to nick it then.
( jenpots, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:56, archived)

Poor spangles
How are you going to get it upstairs?

EDIT: Oh, you answered. Well they're still rubbish delivery men. A strongly worded letter may be required.
( in vino veritas, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:50, archived)

There will be one.
Ugh.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:52, archived)

Not to be annoying
but chances are he's not insured to take it up stairs. Did you tell them you'd need it taking up stairs when you ordered it?
( SuperMatt, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:01, archived)

On the plus side
now your fridge has arrived, you have no excuse for shirking my housewarming.
( SuperMatt, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 10:02, archived)

Yes.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:48, archived)

Morning Balders.

( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:55, archived)

I need a shit.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:56, archived)

Me too.
We must be like twins or something.
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:56, archived)

I have chosen to interpret that as
BLAH BLAH I HAVE AN HD TELLY AND AN EXPENSIVE SATELLITE/CABLE PACKAGE TOO.
( in vino veritas, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:49, archived)

Stick the radio on.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:55, archived)

MTV hasn't been good since... well since it started

( SuperMatt, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:58, archived)

I had a bad dream. Can I sleep in your bed? :(

( ArthurTheRat, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 8:21, archived)

Yes.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 8:21, archived)

SCORE!

( ArthurTheRat, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 8:29, archived)

Sorry bud
But you do smell something awful.
( SuperMatt, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 8:27, archived)

:(

( ArthurTheRat, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 8:29, archived)

Take your shoes off.

( Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 8:34, archived)

Never.

( ArthurTheRat, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 8:38, archived)

*hugs*
sure, it's huge.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 8:36, archived)

Yay!
*dives*
*makes it very uncomfortable for everyone else*
*both literally and figuratively*
( ArthurTheRat, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 8:44, archived)

as long as you make a wet patch

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:19, archived)

If you like, but my husband is still in it.

( Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:25, archived)

like he's bothered
hello sexy
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:27, archived)

that depends
how big are your hands?
( Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 9:31, archived)

Good morning boys and girls

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 7:27, archived)

Morning
It's pissy here, but I get to bake brownies today.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 7:28, archived)

Yey for brownies

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 7:36, archived)

I've never cooked them before
so it's a father/daughter culinary experiment. After scrambled eggs and bacon on toast and tea, of course.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 7:41, archived)

Hmm actually
would bacon brownies work?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 7:58, archived)

Hell yeah!
bacontoday.com/bacon-brownies/
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 8:04, archived)

It was lovely, if a little breezy a couple of hours ago
Now, it is pissing down, blowing a gale and darker than it was at 5 o clock.
Grim times.
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 7:44, archived)

My plants look happy
As happy as plants can look.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 7:46, archived)

Oh, good point! No garden watering for me today! WIN!

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 7:47, archived)

Every cloud has a rainy lining

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 7:50, archived)

It feels like dinnertime already :(
/been up since 5am
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 7:34, archived)

Ouch

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 7:36, archived)

nnnhhhhg
time to make my house smell like coffee and toast time
( chuff monkey I AM him, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 7:38, archived)

I have a spot on my tongue.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 8:13, archived)

Bloody hell, it's dead in here.
I am battling with stupid CSS issues. What are you doing RIGHT NOW?
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:04, archived)

Writing lyrics

( WHARRGARBL, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:05, archived)

sock porn

( RBX13 the cake is not a lie, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:05, archived)

Now that, Sir, is a fantastic idea.

( WHARRGARBL, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:07, archived)

Are they emo?

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:08, archived)

No.
They're about cocks.
( WHARRGARBL, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:10, archived)

Wonderful.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:13, archived)

Me too! Well, limericks.
I'm not sure whether the premise here is believable, though.

A mute man from Bognor Regis
Shagged a fat girl whose chuff was mischievous
Due to eating in bed
And giving mutual head
He'd lost both his tongue and his penis
(MooCow_Byter, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:13, archived)

Sounds perfectly believable to me
I've been to Bognor

*shudders*
( broadsword, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:21, archived)

I might publish a collection.
"Watch Out, This One's Got Teeth" - an anthology of harrowing poetry about vagina dentata and its victims.
(MooCow_Byter, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:22, archived)

I'd buy it

( broadsword, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:27, archived)

Agh.
You keep posting just before I give up and reply to myself.
(MooCow_Byter, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:27, archived)

All profits go to Grieving Groins,
a support charity for those who've lost a body part to the insatiable hunger and sharp teeth of a woman's angry minge.
(MooCow_Byter, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:27, archived)

I'm sitting in my pants thinking about cunt teeth related lymerics

( broadsword, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:05, archived)

fuck all fucker

( scott,, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:08, archived)

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:10, archived)

Drinking cider,
definitely not drinking piss.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:09, archived)

I had a great cider earlier.
www.three-choirs-shop.co.uk/shopexd.asp?id=131
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:13, archived)

I found some alcoholic ginger beer,
it's fucking lovely.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:17, archived)

I like ginger beer with vodka
actually, I like a lot of drinks with vodka.

*pines for booze*
( broadsword, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:19, archived)

It's also nice with tuaca,
not sure if tuaca has found it's way out of Brighton yet though.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:27, archived)

I've heard of that before
would like to give it a try
( broadsword, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:36, archived)

It's quite weak for a spirit (20% I think)
so it's easy to drink neat, not always a good trait mind.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:40, archived)

I'm going to bed.
I'm one tired son of a gun.
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:11, archived)

css is a piece of piss
get your self over to zen garden
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:11, archived)

I know it is.
This is a slightly unusual problem. The text content of a DIV is ignoring the padding applied by the style attached to it. It's only doing it on one DIV - all the others work fine. I can't find the difference :-( But then, I have been at the cider, and not slept much.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:15, archived)

I thought the text content of a div was mnnnnmphhh

( broadsword, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:17, archived)

use the DOM to pick out that div
give it zero on padding margins then stick a div inside it

though best to call div * 0

straight off.. this might not make sense bit wankered myself..
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:20, archived)

programming sounds into an old Juno 106
and saving them on a cassette.

oh yes.

modern technology.

(I am ashully doing this)
( TBL I posted this on, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:18, archived)

Think I used one of them in a studio years ago
is that the one that makes the hoover noises?
( broadsword, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:20, archived)

more or less yes
we use it for pads and strings. lush as fuck they are.

edit:

www.flitemedia.com/images/studio/roland-juno106.jpg

one of them
( TBL I posted this on, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:22, archived)

Linky doesn't work but I know the synth you mean

( broadsword, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:26, archived)

workys for me?
anyway yes I love the old thing. I am also trying to coax some life back into my mates Polymoog.
( TBL I posted this on, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:27, archived)

stick "?1234" on the end and hit enter.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:29, archived)

Cunning

( broadsword, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:37, archived)

'kin ell that is brilliant
i have poloroiads of moog settings we used.. weird times
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:23, archived)

heh
I thought I was the only sad git who took photos of settings on old synths like our ARP AXXE :-)
( TBL I posted this on, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:25, archived)

haha
i did the ARP as well.. usefull when you're off your tits in a live environment
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:30, archived)

happy days
getting blocked on cheap cider/beer and playing shite Brian Eno/mike Oldfield style musics while drugged up hippys thought we were the next hawkwind :-)
( TBL I posted this on, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:33, archived)

well not exactly.. we were playing dead by dawn
and vfm (value for money) but loved the potential.. there's probably still more
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:43, archived)

BORED
Drinking scotch and watching some Apprentice spin off guff.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:24, archived)

a spin off?
christ no.

what next, "big brothers apprentice cash in the car boot sale specials" ?
( TBL I posted this on, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:29, archived)

I'm feeling quite dizzy.
I'm not convinced it's the cider either.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:30, archived)

*spins you round*

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:48, archived)

LIke a whirlpool?

( Lord Gnome, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:49, archived)

No.
Like a record, baby
Right round round round
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 2:52, archived)

I am desperately trying to sober up
I may as well skip sleep tonight and try to make up for it tomorrow. My body clock is WEIRD.
( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 5:35, archived)

recovering
drinking a litre of prune juice was a bad idea
(glenbo, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 5:58, archived)