Ok i need to admit this
I like the Lily allen song smile.

I know she is an outrages chav but i like this song.

What guilty pleasure songs are you ready to admit to
( Damion International - now taking orders., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:59, archived)

i like the whole album

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:00, archived)

This.
Especially Not Big.

It's great.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:04, archived)

she writes a pleasing pop song
its a shame shes an annoying twat.
She spent the whole night before her stint at the BigChill running about off her tits offering everyone cocaine and shouting OMG you're not from the papers are you? Then singing 3 songs the next day and fucking them up

IT WAS THE BIGCHILL LILY, NO-ONE CARED
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:06, archived)

She's only young.
I shall forgive her for being slightly irritating on the grounds that she is nowhere near as annoying as Peaches 'I have no discernable talent, so please smash my face repeatedly into the pavement until I scream' Geldof.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:08, archived)

*screams Geldof*

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:11, archived)

but it looks as though you do care about her behaviour.
she just hadn't cottoned on to that.
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:08, archived)

the only annoying things were her deliberately making a fuss trying to Make a news story
and an inadequate gig the next day, no-one cares that she was doing coke, she could've done coke and had a good time instead of making a big deal about it
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:14, archived)

Name me one person who has done coke without turning into a prick
I've yet to see it.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:16, archived)

me

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:20, archived)

I like the bum hole awl.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:04, archived)

hole awl
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:05, archived)

OWLS?
*looks furtively left and right*
*cowers*
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:07, archived)

IN A HOLE
IN THE DARK
WITH AN OWL
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:08, archived)

*does a Fenris*
*has to change pants*
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:17, archived)

"LDN" is better than Smile

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:05, archived)

I like lots of music
that other people deem unworthy, I am not ashamed.
( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:00, archived)

she isnt a chav. just if just faking it for some reason..
her family is fucking minted..
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:00, archived)

This
she's not a chav, the "Allens" are middle class and comfortable, though they're hardly uber-rich.

I like all the album other than where she's trying way to hard to big herself up as a street fighter.

I'd like to give her a good knobbing to see if she talks posh at the point of orgasm.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:02, archived)

pfft
its great shagging posh girls

cept instead of crabs you get lobsters.
( Damion International - now taking orders., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:04, archived)

Her dad was funy on C4 last night.
"They warmed to me when they discovered I was famous myself for being Lily's dad."

And I learnt a whole heap of new insults. Ape fucker.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:05, archived)

For me, his finest hour
was his delivery of the line
"If you want soft toilet paper, go to hotel Gayboy"
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:06, archived)

he's a fucking
muncher
( blinder back for good, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:07, archived)

"Wiggly cunt" was a particular highlight of mine

( Fergburger, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:22, archived)

they are not uber rich
but they have more cash than "middle class and comfortable"
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:06, archived)

I dont give a fuck really
They're closer to Peckham than Beckam.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:09, archived)

Fenris once said
Posh girls don't cum, they arrive.
( icklepeach *relurks*, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:09, archived)

I like all Girls Aloud songs.

( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:01, archived)

You saddo!

( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:03, archived)

*raises hand sheepishly*

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:05, archived)

Try listerning to Love machine by the arctic monkeys. Its brilliant.

( Damion International - now taking orders., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:05, archived)

I like them as well.

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:06, archived)

I like Undergound by Girls Aloud.
:(
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:02, archived)

Every time I hear her on the radio
I have to switch it over to Classical FM
( bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:03, archived)

I see a feller looking dapper
and he's sitting with a slapper
then I see it's a pimp and his crack-whore
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:04, archived)

A whole load of 80s synth stuff
And a lot of old heavy metal. I listen to what I want to listen to and don't give a toss, nor do I criticise others for their taste in music.
( Lord Gnome, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:05, archived)

Even people who only listen to Mr Blobby?

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:06, archived)

I wouldn't criticise it
But I would worry about their sanity. There again until I meet someone who only listens to Mr Blobby it remains a rhetorical question.
( Lord Gnome, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:07, archived)

But, but,
you answered it.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:08, archived)

Okay
Hypothetical situation in that case.

Happy now?
( Lord Gnome, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:10, archived)

*Doesn't answer*
.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:11, archived)

I like lots fo things that are not considered right or good by other people
and I DON'T CARE.

Lately I've discovered Susan Enan. Still waiting for the album to happen.
Others for this year will include:
Sarah Mclachlan
Kelly Clarkson
Lacuna Coil
Skye Sweetnam
Fefe Dobson
and
Nerina Pallot

Lilly Allen, while bland, is fun to listen to
( Dangermouse., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:06, archived)

I LIKE KATE BUSH
not just musically, but I'd like to do sex wees on her.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:07, archived)

This
but i like her music more
( Damion International - now taking orders., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:11, archived)

I like Nerina Pallot.
Since You've Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson is ace too. I also very like Michelle Branch's first album, Spirit Room. One of my favourites actually.
( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:07, archived)

Tesco/Al Fresco
WRONG
( blinder back for good, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:06, archived)

I like the Lily Allen stuff I've heard
I also like Justin whatever his name is, the enthusiastic yokel.

I miss out on who it's cool to dislike and who people get sick of in the UK, being abroad.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:06, archived)

That hairy fat cunt from the west country ?
He has no talent whatsoever and is only funny because you think "Hahahaha, look at that fat hairy cunt"
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:08, archived)

The only Justin I could think of was Timberlake.
But I reckon you're probably right though.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:10, archived)

Probably
he has a talent for singing like Tom Jones, it's quite uncanny. And he seems like a nice bloke enjoying himself, rather than a vacuous fame-hungry twat with dead eyes reciting whatever his agent things will appeal to his market segment.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:10, archived)

That is a fair comment
he does seem genuine and just interested in having a laugh and not beleiving he's the second coming of Elvis Presley.

He's still not funny, other than to laugh at.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:11, archived)

Who's the shit in Holland?

( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:08, archived)

Daphne Bunskoek
I keep telling you.

As far as comedians go, there's a guy called Hans Teeuwen, who is absolute comic genius when he's not having a breakdown. And possibly even funnier when he is.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:14, archived)

I think the Batman Forever soundtrack is one of the best movie soundtracks.
And I rather enjoyed Take That's latest album.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:08, archived)

Thing is
why does the fact that she is a chav somehow affect whether you like a song? Does it sound different?
( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:09, archived)

gwen stefani - hollaback girl
natasha bedingfield - these words
( The Incredible... accident free since, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:51, archived)

Naked ladies are lovely
Naked ladies are ace
Naked ladies are best of all
With their minges in your face
I like to look at ladies
when they're in the buff.
I might end up in hades
for wanking till I spuff.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:47, archived)

I Quite Like This!

( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:49, archived)

I was mostly naked last night.

( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:49, archived)

I was completely naked last night.
/I sleep naked blog
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:49, archived)

apart from your veruca sock
it's very fetching :)
( Ironman tetsuo Back once again with the renegade mastah!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:55, archived)

Did you have
a "New Hope" era Princess Leia hairdo and a thin film of wookie fat all over your body ?

Did you take photos ?

Did you frot yourself into a delerium of abandonment with the leg of a chair ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:50, archived)

the last line qualifies as poetry
fancy a job as a laureate?
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:53, archived)

No, but give me a chair leg and a nudey INRBM
and I'll get to work.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:53, archived)

If by wookie you mean Gizmo, & by fat you mean spunk, & by body you mean face..
yes.
( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:58, archived)

And we didn't take photos.
This time.
( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:59, archived)

how romantic

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:00, archived)

I heard the local foxes doing it last night
they screamed like the children in your basement do

/editted to save poor Goaty's eyes
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:49, archived)

Dr and Michael J ?
Now that would be a case of a DJ getting a hand job he wont forget in a hurry.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:51, archived)

i wouldn't mind a go on that

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:52, archived)

unnerving to hear phrases then like
"sit on my face you ginger vixen, woof"
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:52, archived)

foxes
sound scary I once got up in the middle of the night because I though sombody was being murdered down out alley, it was 2 foxes fighting. I watched them for ages they didn't seem to care that I was there.
( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:52, archived)

FOXES FOXES FOXES YOU BASTARDS
What is this, 90nz0 Friday ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:53, archived)

*changes*
thankyou

/not having a good day today
( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:54, archived)

what have you changed?
EDIT: Oh, now you've changed it
( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:54, archived)

Oh the hilarity!
click.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:54, archived)

oh, as if you never make a mistake

( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:56, archived)

I am prefect and sew is mhie spulling
you cnut.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:56, archived)

*stands on beach*
*makes sweary gestures at ocean*
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:01, archived)

+ *gets wet feet*

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:03, archived)

I don't mind being corrected
I would rather learn the right way.
( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:57, archived)

that's cos you are lovely *hugs*
i only react like that because i read his post in a mean tone of voice.
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:00, archived)

foxes
not fox's
The fuckers scared the shit out of me when I was camping once, I've never heard a sound like it.
( Fergburger, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:53, archived)

it's changed
thankyou also.

why is everyone correcting me and not clairebare who I copied from, or did she get it right?
( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:56, archived)

No.
She got it wrong, too.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:56, archived)

I remember the first time I heard foxes doing it
I was ready to call the police because I thought some poor child was getting hacked and slashed to death.
( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:53, archived)

Peacocks make some frightening scream noises too

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:59, archived)

And of course
we all have herds of peacocks wandering around our streets at night, rifling through our bins and licking passers by.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:01, archived)

:)
*poshes it up, all over your face*
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:04, archived)

they do
they used to have free roaming peacocks at my friends house, I was scared of them.
( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:02, archived)

usually the shite that passes for poetry here makes me cringe
but thats pretty good :D

*click*
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:49, archived)

what like this?
The popular page smells of piss
It’s full of dull unexciting bits
Out of context drivel and that
Voted for by idiots mong and twats

Saying this is all fair and good
But to achieve this status is better than good
It’s a pat on the back a wee cheeky grin
A warm feeling inside like downing some gin

That’s me done, that’s my attempt
A llackluster effort you might agree
But it might just reassert my popularity.
( BindiBaji, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:55, archived)

see?
now that on the other hand was back to the usualy standard of drivel
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:00, archived)

This site thrives on drivel though.
b3ta without drivel wouldn't work.
( BindiBaji, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:04, archived)

it used to

( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:10, archived)

virtual man reads words
clicks button of approval
sits back satisfied
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:55, archived)

haha
ace
*click*
( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:49, archived)

Waste Of a MANs energy,
that's what the word woman means to me.

they tie you up, then let you down,
their little finger, you're wrapped around.

:P
i do like the nekid ones though
( Ironman tetsuo Back once again with the renegade mastah!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:54, archived)

Is this you coming out ?

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:55, archived)

but i haven't got a stitch to wear

( Ironman tetsuo Back once again with the renegade mastah!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:57, archived)

I have a problem
Twenty seven ducks are going to the pond. Five of them got lost, thirteen of them are staying home, nine of them are at the pond. Where are the rest of them?
( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:41, archived)

Shredded in a pancake
soaking in the Hoi-sin of your lies.

/Bill Bailey
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:42, archived)

in my tummeh!
(i'm hungry)
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:42, archived)

It looks sweeet in there...

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:44, archived)

wow
no new pictures in 30 minutes on /board
perhaps they ARE ready for an baldmonkey picture?
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:45, archived)

This needs a picture
Do you swell like a mallard?
( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:46, archived)

w m
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:47, archived)

is the Mallard swelling with pride
seeing his ducklings swimming majestically across the pond in Spring?
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:48, archived)

No
they expand when you cook them.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:49, archived)

*click*

( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:51, archived)

I think the great man
has actually caused them to question the validity of their output.

They've all stopped drawning spong eyes and animating Brian Blessed and just broken down and wept.

OH THE FUCKING HUMANITY !
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:48, archived)

They are all migrating to twitter to discuss
THEIR LACK OF TALENT
( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:49, archived)

oh come now, who's knees don't quivver in awe
on seeing another kitten with bad human teeth and spong eyes?

you are dead inside
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:50, archived)

Imagine
if it were a kitten with spong eyes and human teeth and it's ANIMATED so it walks past BRIAN BLESSED !
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:52, archived)

FP IT NOW!!!

( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:54, archived)

DUCKPUB
do your own mensa test dude. stop leeching the answers off us over a period of a few days.
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:42, archived)

Leaching surely?

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:44, archived)

No
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:46, archived)

Leeching and Leaching
Feltching and Fetching
You say tomato
( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:47, archived)

Telling the dog to go feltch could have
disastrous consequences.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:49, archived)

im sure he could find a specialist website for his perversion
and then the cunt would spend less time here as well...
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:51, archived)

Nope. sorry you are still wrong....
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:49, archived)

Apologies and takes humiliation like Saddam

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:56, archived)

Ding?

( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:01, archived)

going to the pond.

( icklepeach *relurks*, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:44, archived)

this

( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:45, archived)

one of it's legs is longer

[edit] and 5+13+9 = 27 ITYMF
( Dangermouse., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:44, archived)

hello ducky

( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:44, archived)

Hello sweetie

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:45, archived)

you are awful...

( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:47, archived)

How can a duck
be going to the pond and also be staying home at the same time?
(MSB Load universe into cannon. Aim at brain. Fire., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:44, archived)

That is the problem

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:45, archived)

it should say that 13 ducks are staying at home
not 13 of them.
( icklepeach *relurks*, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:45, archived)

Very much this
poorly-worded problem.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:49, archived)

where is a mouse
when it spins?
(Woodside lndustries full caps are *not* witty - they're shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:45, archived)

That makes twenty-seven
unless the implication is

a) the pond IS home
or
b) the thirteen staying home are not, by definition, going to the pond, so you are missing 13

but I say EAT THE FEATHERY AQUATIC FUCKERS
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:45, archived)

They went to market
No... That was the pigs...
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:45, archived)

going to the pond.

( scott,, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:46, archived)

all the ducks are swimming in the water
la la la la laaa la
la la la la laaa la
( Ironman tetsuo Back once again with the renegade mastah!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:47, archived)

fal de rol de rol do

( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:48, archived)

oh god this

( Damion International - now taking orders., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:54, archived)

this

( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:48, archived)

Learning basic arithmetic

( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:50, archived)

Grr.
I have been 'in a queue' for 15 minutes now. My new phone came this morning. It was supposed to be this, but they sent me this instead. Now it sees that there customer service department either a) doesn't exist or b) doesn't answer the phone.
( mcdoof fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:36, archived)

What's the difference?

( davew27 hevosen kuva!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:36, archived)

You mean to say
you called a "Customer service" telephone number and waited for ages for poor service ?

This is such unusual, remarkable and interesting news that surely it is wasted here and should be on the front page of every newspaper in the land.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:37, archived)

And mobile phones are shit
anyone who constantly hankers after the latest handset is just a lavender scented nonce.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:38, archived)

I have the best phone ever
It's a Nokia 5110 which doesn't work!
( davew27 hevosen kuva!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:39, archived)

The best phone ever
is actually a naked, 19 year old Carrie Fisher, greased up with wookie fat.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:40, archived)

you make a convincing point

( Dangermouse., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:42, archived)

Just imagine her saying
"Only you could be so bold" as you spuff all over her croissant hair-do.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:43, archived)

bit harsh on the wookie tho..

( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:43, archived)

Wel I have just got off the phone with them,
and they are all Welsh. So that explains a lot.
( mcdoof fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:40, archived)

At least it arrived
They sent my new phone to the wrong address THREE fucking times.
Eventually the person at the wrong address gave up and signed for the phone. I had to drive 3 hours to go collect it.
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:37, archived)

Probably the customer service department
have accidentally all been given trouser presses instead of phones.
( Newington, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:38, archived)

presses snakes
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:38, archived)

I have a D900. It is nice.
I dislike most customer services, I have emailed the customer services for various people & never even received a response. What the FUCK is the point in putting on correspondence 'call us on blah blah blah, or email us at blah@blah' if they don't fucking reply?
( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:40, archived)

nice a phone
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:41, archived)

Yes, a nice phone.

( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:42, archived)

So far, I have found 3 to be the best for customer service.
T-Mobile are atrocious.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:41, archived)

Christ no, 3 are terrible
They didn't send my mate's phone to him, but then wouldn't let him cancel the account until he returned the phone, so billed him for a non-existent phone! He's still trying to get his money back.
I never had any problem with Orange.
( Fergburger, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:51, archived)

try this site
www.saynoto0870.com/

to find an alternative number
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:42, archived)

That is a brilliant site.
Submit it for the Top Tip :)
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:48, archived)

baldmonkey, baldmonkey
/talking on the net
baldmonkey, baldmonkey
short fat balding get
Loved by /talk, feard by /board
baldmonkey, baldmonkey, baldmonkey
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:29, archived)

NO!

(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:30, archived)

YES

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:31, archived)

BE GENTLE PLEASE

(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:34, archived)

hello bou!
how are you?
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:35, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/2444973
( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:35, archived)

MAYBE!

( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:34, archived)

You've done better.

( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:31, archived)

Could you do a
Haiku version?
( mazurka wants two's up on your mum., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:31, archived)

*smugs about a lot*
evrybody loves me!
I am so great!
All the ladies want my cock
they simply cannot wait.

baldmonkey IS SUPER!
together will his chums goatworrier and clairebare he will rule the WORLD!
baldmonkey's tri-clique ROXXORZ!
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:31, archived)

I go away and come back and find you are a hero on the /board

( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:32, archived)

JMG will be most upset.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:33, archived)

PAH!
My clique is way better than his clique.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:33, archived)

His clique
isnt even on the Internet.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:34, archived)

am i in your clique?

(Woodside lndustries full caps are *not* witty - they're shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:35, archived)

FUCK OFF AND DIE YOU PRESUMPTUOUS CUNT

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:35, archived)

Show him to the door, GW.
The door OF DEATH.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:36, archived)

DEATH and POO
that's what you get for presuming with us.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:38, archived)

*builds Death Star*

( davew27 hevosen kuva!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:33, archived)

Dont even go there
We already stole plans and loaded them into Claire.

She gets to sit in the back of a spacecraft going "bleep" while baldmonkey flies down your trench and shoots photon torpedoes right up your fucking exhaust port.

Cunt.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:34, archived)

You can be Chewwy.
[masticatable spunk joke]
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:35, archived)

he is chewy
i've already had a go


*BLEEP*
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:37, archived)

*solo hands*

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:38, archived)

*Kenobi beards*

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:39, archived)

oh dear, lumps in it?

( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:38, archived)

not so much feared
....
( bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:32, archived)

he'll be your new wife

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:32, archived)

The three of us are going to marry each other and live in a cave.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:33, archived)

sign me up
i've got nothing in the diary for the next 13 years
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:34, archived)

the board do not fear him
they make fun of him and secretly want his cock
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:33, archived)

The sound of wrenches cross the glade,
Good folk, lock up your goat and binky!
Beware the deadly flashing blade,
Unless you want to end up buggered!

baldmonkey! baldmonkey!
He rides a black strap-on!
baldmonkey! baldmonkey!
He's very bad indeed!

Black! His light of finest flesh!
Black! His codpiece made of prozac!
His mind is blacker than a vole!
His shaft is blacker than his helmet!

baldmonkey! baldmonkey!
With many an STD!
baldmonkey! baldmonkey!
You gorgeous little man!
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:33, archived)

i clicked this by the way

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:47, archived)

*fears*

( Ironman tetsuo Back once again with the renegade mastah!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:39, archived)

Aaargh! Aaargh! Aaargh! Aaaaaaaaaaargh! Aaarrrgghhharrghaaaaarrharrrrrghhheeeeeeaaaargh!
alswaiter.codedaemon.com/X/Novels/Books/planet.jpg

DO NOT WANT
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:29, archived)

I havent clicked on that
Is it cocks and fannies and sex ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:29, archived)

No.
It's Star Trek.

I don't know why.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:30, archived)

No.
SFW.

But terrifying and wrong.
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:30, archived)

You're gay...do you ever dream you have a penis?

(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:29, archived)

I'm not gay.

( Bob Todd whee, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:30, archived)

I thought you were gay?
But anyway, do you? I need to know that I'm normal.
(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:31, archived)

No, I don't.
I did dream that my fanny fell apart though, once. And on another occasion I dreamed it fell off.
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:35, archived)

Closet!!?

but how do you know?


/all just shades of gray
(jmaxi returned again on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:16, archived)

Just because she's fascinated by poo
doesnt mean she's gay.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:30, archived)

why are you posting from your other alter-ego?
/worries
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:31, archived)

It's still the same account. I just changed my name.
BLOGWHORING!
(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:32, archived)

from your posts i'm surmising
you're having 'an episode'
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:35, archived)

the penis thing? No. I think i'm okay
*checks pulse*
(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 12:22, archived)

Who were you before?

( Bob Todd whee, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:35, archived)

sorry about the name change. was boudicca.
( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:38, archived)

that's a whole lot of geekery right there.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:30, archived)

Glabrous, squamous, rugose scroti

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:23, archived)

O, what a panic's in thy breastie

( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:23, archived)

Burns?

( bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:27, archived)

Unit ?

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:27, archived)

don't
you'll tickle his Tam O'Shanter
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:28, archived)

Like a bastard.
*cranberry juices*



yes
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:29, archived)

arf arf
Thought so
( bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:31, archived)

What a way to describe goatsee.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:24, archived)

I think you'll find
that a certain dwarf loving pantshitter fits this bill far better.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:25, archived)

I was using PENRIS last night to cross things off a list.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:27, archived)

Did it do sex
with it's cousin pens in a really really flat pencil case ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:27, archived)

No.
But I came home the other day and it had made a lady pen dress up like a schoolboy and took it up the shitter.
The lady pen was crying and presumably slightly retarded.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:29, archived)

Did it then shit its pants
and put its back out trying to suck itself off ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:31, archived)

is that something about ball-sacks?

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:25, archived)

No
I'm totally fucking dyslexic and I was asking you to marry me.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:26, archived)

But wouldn't that make me the second wife?
i'm not having that
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:29, archived)

When I say "marry"
I mean more "Consent to living naked in my understairs cupboard and be used regularly for depraved sex involving yams, goats and Nerys Hughes."
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:32, archived)

Now what?

( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:26, archived)

I was going to start a new thread, but I can just as well put this on here.
I often dream that I have a penis.
(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:26, archived)

A great big chorded one.
What does it MEAN?
/agonizes
(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:27, archived)

(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:29, archived)

(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:30, archived)

it means you want a musical one
perhaps you are thinking of the wrong kind of organ
( Dangermouse., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:33, archived)

I have a glabrous chest.
My brother's pet lizard is squamous, and I don't know what Rugose Scroti means.


If it means I have big balls, I have that, too.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:26, archived)

Rugose
means wrinkly.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:27, archived)

Well, then I really do have rugose scroti

( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:28, archived)

Morning /talk
So, there I was looking at the word Capitulate in the Dictionary,
when it occured to me that we do not capitulate often enough

what stuff are you capitulating over at the moment?
( bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:14, archived)

HORSELADY GO POOPY UP MY BUM BUM.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:16, archived)

I capitulated over a tramp this morning

( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:16, archived)

*listens to the tap-tap-tapping of people logging onto Google for a definition of the word "Capitulate"*
Edit: No, I give up. What was the last thing I capitulated about?
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:16, archived)

Some people might use wikipedia or dictionary.com

( davew27 hevosen kuva!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:17, archived)

Google's quicker.

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:18, archived)

I google everything.
Including words I'm not sure how to spell, & conversions. I fucking love google.
( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:19, archived)

This^
I also use the translator a lot (I sometimes have to email Dutch people).
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:21, archived)

I never thought of that

( davew27 hevosen kuva!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:22, archived)

What's the quickest way to google conversions?
is there a better way than typing "how many inches are there in 1.5 metres"?
( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:32, archived)

1.5 metres in inches

( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:36, archived)

I think wikipedia is
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capitulation_%28surrender%29
( davew27 hevosen kuva!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:20, archived)

Hopefully Bilbo will be the first
as his sentence doesn't actually make sense to someone that speaks English
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:19, archived)

*googles*


:D
( bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:21, archived)

Move to France
you'll find your needs are met there.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:17, archived)

I capitulated to the fact that eventualy, one day, there will be a black female homosexual president of the united states.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:17, archived)

Arnold Shwarznegger
blacked up, in a dress with a minge in each hand.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:17, archived)

GTFH

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:18, archived)

I VILL LIK CRACK !

Muncha la beaver, baby !
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:20, archived)

I LOVE ZER VURRY MUV!

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:20, archived)

Arnie should've been in a movie as an undercover cop disguised as a Jamaican woman,
imagine the accent.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:22, archived)

in a movie as an undercover cop disguised as a Jamaican woman,
imagine the accent. advised to avoid acting as a career.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:23, archived)

I think Commando justifies his career.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:32, archived)

NEVAR!
*charges*
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:17, archived)

bilbo why did you delete the post that was here?

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:22, archived)

because I'm a tw*t and realised that I, in fatc, did not even get tje word in the correct context

:(
( bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:26, archived)

oh
i said "i dun knewd it alreddy, i am ar clavar"
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:27, archived)

mrs thor capitulated he lady bits to me.
i now have to buy her summat expensive.
( Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:22, archived)

Ha
More tokens for the cock-wash?
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:24, archived)

Nothing at all as far as I know

( davew27 hevosen kuva!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:25, archived)

The dogs of war don't negotiate
The dogs of war won't capitulate,
They will take and you will give,
And you must die so that they may live
( Dangermouse., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:26, archived)

On a more bizarre note
My wife has just made (and eaten) a marmalade and marmite bagel.

I vote we all vote for baldmonkey's picture on the main board where he must now post it. It would be even more bizarre if none of us answered his post and the boarders wondered how the fuck it got fp'd.
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:07, archived)

She clearly is Hitler in discuise.
I think the tash was the first clue, and the undieng hate for people with 'Retardation of the Ethical Origens' was my second clue.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:09, archived)

She's not pregnant any more
so you're morally in the clear to beat such behaviour out of her. Although my great-grandad used to eat kippers and strawberry jam.

I think we should leave /board fascists alone, poking retards is not a kind way to amuse oneself.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:09, archived)

You fucking liar.

( Malchick, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:13, archived)

Don't oppress me!

( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:14, archived)

1. Your wife is pregnant.
2. Yes.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:09, archived)

!
you spack!
( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:09, archived)

I shifted it by accdent.
Then ninja'd it.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:10, archived)

1. Has JC been visiting
2. And watch bm get naughty stepped. Again.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:10, archived)

As you are so evidently over informed on this
I hope you are going to pay the maintenance and the school fees.
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:11, archived)

Err. She must have got it from the toilet seat.

( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:13, archived)

stop perpetuating their hate for us!
and your wife's up the duff again, and it obviously wasn't you because you're not getting any
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:11, archived)

Bloody catfish

( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:12, archived)

damn, I just popped over there for a looky-see
and there's bloody goatse at the top of the page.

Now I have to go and scrub my eyes out with bleach.

Again.
( Dangermouse., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:17, archived)

but voting would only put it on the popular page
not on the front page.
( Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:23, archived)

Things don't get FP'd by b3tans clicking them.
A mod (or possibly a member of some separate core inquisitorial squad) has to like it.
( Newington, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:26, archived)

I just mugged some old cunt and ran off.
Then he got on the same bus as me so I followed him home and killed him.
LOL.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:05, archived)

You're a feral little monkey.

( s0WmVHAwZgpG, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:06, archived)

I'm a bus
and some mugging cunt got on me and killed someone.

He doesnt realise I gave him BUS SEAT AIDS though !


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:06, archived)

Double posting whore.

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:06, archived)

Hubble toasting pour.

( Malchick, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:08, archived)

LOLORZZZZZ !!!!

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:07, archived)

Pft

( Malchick, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:07, archived)

You made me do a nose-laugh

( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:08, archived)

pfft

( BindiBaji, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:10, archived)

As requested
a picture for badger
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:02, archived)

A Front Page and Globe winner

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:02, archived)

What make of camera do you use?

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:02, archived)

Lime cordial.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:03, archived)

Which one?

( davew27 hevosen kuva!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:05, archived)

Dixonofdockgreen.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:05, archived)

Arf!

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:02, archived)

I can never fail to be amazed at how quick you produce these works of art

( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:03, archived)

Best thing ever.

( Malchick, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:03, archived)

you truely are a Prince among men
(that little purple fucker)
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:04, archived)

Oh fucking hell
that is funny.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:04, archived)

*wipes away tear*

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:04, archived)

From your japs eye?

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:05, archived)

He's been sneaking into our bedroom again hon.

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:06, archived)

Oh my god, it's gone all gangrenous.

( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:04, archived)

Hahaha, awsome.
/board that now !


(I think between all of us, we can get it FP'd)
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:05, archived)

Nah
FPs come from some sort of mod diktat button.
( Newington, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:06, archived)

Damn Nations of HELL !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:07, archived)

Not true
you just have to suck one of them off.

Or be Dave the Hat.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:07, archived)

A big shiny blue 'Approve' link, if memory serves me right

( s0WmVHAwZgpG, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:09, archived)

Arf!
*grins like a mong*
( King Ralph is drunk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:06, archived)

*waves to everyone reading this from the popular board*

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:07, archived)

Pffffffffffft.

( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:07, archived)

So...
I nip out to the shops to get some fags, and I see this little old man in a flap-cap sitting on the floor in tears, in the middle of the street. I ask him what's wrong and he says that he says some kids took his wallet and knocked him over. He asks me if I could give him some busfair, I surgest he goes to the police station (just up the road) and he says "I just want to get home". So I give him a couple of quid for the bus and he asks for my phone-number so he can return the money. I said "Here is my card, but don't worry about the money." and then after a bit of a talk I wait for him at the bus-stop as he is clearly scared. He inisists about the money and I say "At the end of the day, if someone helps me out if i'm in trouble, then that'll be all the repayment I could want.".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:56, archived)

WOW YOU'RE REALLY VIRTUOUS AND EVERYTHING.

( Malchick, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:57, archived)

Thing is, they're not going to, are they?
Also, why is the top hat significant?
( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:57, archived)

Still, two quid to feel good about myself all day, is a bit of a bargin.
I don't know why I wrote 'top hat', I ment one of those flap-hat thinggys.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:58, archived)

Mm-hmm.

( Newington, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:00, archived)

Top hats are rare enough that the fact is notable even as a piece of trivia.
But I get so many idiots mistaking my trilby for a top hat that the testimony may be unreliable.
( Newington, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:59, archived)

Really? What fools!
I have a trilby, I should wear it more often
( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:59, archived)

No you shouldn't.

( Malchick, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:00, archived)

You'd just be jealous because i'd be oozing manliness from every orifice

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:01, archived)

*falls over*

( Malchick, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:01, archived)

That's your fault
For being such a slut- and for knowing Moohaalaa.
( Lord Gnome, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:02, archived)

+ other men's

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:03, archived)

idiots
they are nothing alike
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:00, archived)

People like that should be sent to millinery academy.

( Newington, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:01, archived)

pfft

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:03, archived)

Tea. Nose.
You git.
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:05, archived)

Because only a gentleman wears a top hat
good god, King Kong vs Godzilla is the best movie EVER
( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:59, archived)

I prefer Kramer vs Kramer vs Mechagodzilla

( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:01, archived)

What the hell is Kramer?

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:02, archived)

*sighs*

( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:02, archived)

*wikis*
The guy off Seinfeld?
( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:04, archived)

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:05, archived)

*mutters*
www.imdb.com/title/tt0079417/
( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:05, archived)

Yes indeed
There was an episode where he had to battle his subconscious desire to start his own sit-com
( Lord Gnome, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:06, archived)

Fuck me...

( Malchick, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:06, archived)

Don't tempt me

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:07, archived)

( Malchick, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:03, archived)

The bloke from Signfield?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:04, archived)

I've never watched it to be fair

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:05, archived)

it IS a very famous film though

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:06, archived)

Heh.

( Newington, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:05, archived)

I like the fact that in the Japanese version, Godzilla wins, and in the American version, King Kong wins
even though it isn't true.
( Newington, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:01, archived)

I reckon he was a scam artist and just wanted money for special brew.
The fact that he didn't want to go to the police station is a bit of a giveaway.
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:58, archived)

I think it's about 50-50
and a lot of people don't want the hassle of the police immediately after they've been attacked, they want to get somewhere familiar where they feel safe.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:59, archived)

I probably wouldn't want to go to the police station.
It wouldn't help a jot.
( Newington, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:00, archived)

no, it doesn't
i practically got told to stop wasting police time when i reported my mugging
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:05, archived)

Did you get the fags though?

( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:58, archived)

*beats up some gayers*
I did.
( Malchick, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:03, archived)

That is mightily fine of you, good sir.
Well done.
( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:58, archived)

What if you are attacked by a mutant cheese round the next corner?

( davew27 hevosen kuva!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:59, archived)

someone buzzed our intercom a few weeks ago
and said he was my neighbour form the other block, said he's locked himself out of his flat, his girlfriends at work and his wallets in the flat. He needs to get to work and asks to borrow £7. He says he'll leave the cash in an envelope in our lobby.

I only had about £4 but needless to say i never saw that again.

i thought he looked a bit scruffy
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:59, archived)

I get a feeling you've copied this one from somewhere
it's all spelled right and there's no food involved.
( Dangermouse., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:59, archived)

who the fuck
put a floor in the middle of the street?
( Sexy Picard 2000, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:00, archived)

Arf!

( Bob Todd whee, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:05, archived)

Not enough people do this sort of thing these days.
I hope when I'm old, sat on the floor and crying, someone will help me out.

/serious blog
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:02, archived)

Yeah, that blokes always there.
I gave him busfair last week, the cheeky scamp.
( BindiBaji, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:04, archived)

I stole his wallet
HE'S OLD AND WILL DIE SOON ANYWAY.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:04, archived)

A guy I used to be mates with used to say that about his mum.
Even to her face, he would say it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:06, archived)

I have a dilema
Seriously.
I should be trying to solve a difficult problem between 2 disputants that is so complex I can barely lift my head. So I think it should be put to b3tans to decide the outcome of the case.
But this is unethical.
But I want to. You would love the details /hot gossip / sordid sex/ bitter rows / nasty people/ money/ use of weapons / drugs /scat porn / rubber wear and contract law.
But I can't. Not even the outline of the case.

there is my dilema. Whats yours?

Thank you for listening.
( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:50, archived)

do I buy house with my boss

( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:52, archived)

Which bit is the dilemma?

( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:52, archived)

Toss a coin.

( King Ralph is drunk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:52, archived)

SOLVE MY LIFE YOU FAT FUCK.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:52, archived)

I am not fat and happy to solve your life on *no win no fee* basis

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:53, archived)

Go on then.
You have until noon.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:54, archived)

On a scale of 1-10 list the elements of your life that make you most happy
What are your current goals?
What is the reality of your current situation?
Let us look at the options?
Let us turn to the What if question?
*Sets goals for week*
Time constrained
Gives reward.

?simple version
( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:57, archived)

*attacks post with flamethrower*
What makes me happy: Attacking things with flamethrowers
( davew27 hevosen kuva!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:00, archived)

Which model?
And aon a scale of 1 -10 could you do this more effectively if you pumped up the pressure?
( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:04, archived)

Would have to be a M2A1-7

( davew27 hevosen kuva!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:10, archived)

No fee: 1/3
Fee: 200-1
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:57, archived)

Puts £300 on No Fee
Puts £20 on Fee.

WINS.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:00, archived)

Winnar
Doubles this and backs TM to win
( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:00, archived)

Why is it unethical?

( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:52, archived)

Professional oaths I guess
Client confidentiality and all that.
( Lord Gnome, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:59, archived)

Make a note
and you can tell us all the details when it's over and no longer sub judice
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:53, archived)

ask Damion :)

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:53, archived)

whats a dimella?
/jackiey goody
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:53, archived)

I've only seen one episode of th ebig brother thingy
just after she left. What a revolting person
( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:54, archived)

No, she's just a bit fick, which aint her fault probably.

( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:56, archived)

It's not the fact that she's a durnoid that I really object to,
it's the fact that she's famous and a 'celebrity' for being an ugly durnoid. Like Johnny Vegas.
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:59, archived)

Except Johnny Vegas is a stand-up comedian
who's talented enough to get noticed and who has worked to get where he is, whether you find him funny or not.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:02, archived)

I could quite happily shoot her fat gurning face.

( Bob Todd whee, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:57, archived)

never trust a person
with too many vowels in their first name
( blinder back for good, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:55, archived)

Never trust a person whose name is also a verb
Mark, Russell (sort of), Roger, etc.,
( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:56, archived)

Neil

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:58, archived)

Dick

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:58, archived)

Gaye
Rob
Sue
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:01, archived)

Bob
Jack
Pat

Past tense:
Doug
Drew
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:04, archived)

Jimmy
Bob
Phil
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:03, archived)

It's more the superfluous 'y' that annoys me
Having not seen one second of this year's CBB
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:56, archived)

yes beeeeeeeeeeeeeeert
Russell's coming on Tuesday too

woo
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:56, archived)

tsk
you have outed me
( blinder back for good, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:59, archived)

She needs the vowels because she can't prounce her Ts.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:57, archived)

Change their names around
we'll never guess. Or think up an analogous situation.

My dilemma is whether to go to lunch five minutes early or five minutes late.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:54, archived)

I was just about to suggest this.

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:55, archived)

There's person number one, Chu--I mean, Buck.
He's been having a dispute with...Fusan.

/stealing bits from House
( Malchick, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:56, archived)

Oi! I need that joist!

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:57, archived)

*jousts*

( Malchick, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:58, archived)

do it
DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!

change the names to protect the tossers
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:54, archived)

I'm bored
We have local radio on in the office, and the annoying DJ wants people to send stuff in, email forwards, and amusing attachments.

Anyone got anything vaguely amusing? send it to daryl at hallamfm.co.uk
( icklepeach *relurks*, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:46, archived)

Is it Daryl Denham?
He funny.

My mum nearly shagged a DJ at Hallam years ago, he offered her a trip in a hot air balloon with Right Said Fred.
( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:47, archived)

...if she didn't

( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:48, archived)

Pfft

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:50, archived)

he probably is quite funny
but all you get is adverts and jingles. he says about 4 sentences an hour.
( icklepeach *relurks*, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:48, archived)

He did a show called Daryl Denham's Unshaven Haven
on Emap stations after the chart show on a Sunday for about 3 weeks. It was fucking funny & god knows how it was allowed on the radio at that time - it was supposed to run for 6 weeks but they had to take it off air. I might email him & see if he can point me towards some recordings.
( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:50, archived)

How very profoundly Local Radio.

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:49, archived)

"HELLO? IS THAT JIM?
JIM, I'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS. YOUR DAD'S DEAD!"
Jim: "Oh no, that's...that's awful...wh...how? When?"
"NOT REALLY! IT'S A WIND UP!"
"Oh! Ha ha ha ha! Who is this really?"
"DAVE CUNT FROM SHIT FM!"

/some stand I saw a while back
( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:50, archived)

*writes down in book*

( Malchick, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:50, archived)

ha!
local radio is one of my bug bears of living in a small town

fucking ocean fm

i much prefer pirate house/techno/drum&bass radio, even if most of it is shouty adverts for club nights
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:50, archived)

I mostly listen to Radio 1 if I have the radio on.
I used to be a groupie for the local radio station when I was about 12-15 & listening to local radio brings it all back.
*shudders*
( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:53, archived)

a local radio groupie?

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:55, archived)

Yes, it's very sad.
Me & a friend used to go & hang out at the studios a lot & sit about with the DJs while they did their shows, & go to all the roadshows & make them cakes & shit. Oh & snogged them.
Very sad.
( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:01, archived)

rinsin'

( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:54, archived)

Send him the link to my webcomic.
Today's strip stars Hugh Laurie.

/Is a spammy whore but you love it really
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:49, archived)

That's a fairly excellent impression of House.

( Malchick, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:52, archived)

Send him a link to /talk

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:50, archived)

This

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:52, archived)

Fuck no, that Mills cunt was bad enough

( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:55, archived)

You know what's offensive. I'll tell you what's offensive.
When someone asks you to draw a picture of them and you do and they don't even put it in their profile. That's offensive.
*very sulks*
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:52, archived)

Do one of me.
I'll put it in my profile.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:53, archived)

I quote from your profile;
"i don't normally put other people's pictures in my profile "

And where is the certificate I did for you? That's not in there. Even though you did abandon your religious cult shortly after I did it, it's no excuse though.
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:56, archived)

Yeah, but I AM BALDMONKEY.
Sdifrint
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:02, archived)

I have Uptown Girl in my head and broken glass all over the floor.
These facts are unrelated.
( Malchick, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:45, archived)

If only it were the other way round.
Morning!
( Newington, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:46, archived)

Holy shit!
Robin Johnson's post gave me a bonk on.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:47, archived)

I had an Upturned Girl once.
I could perform cunnilingus without crouching.*






*may contain lies
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:48, archived)

Unless you're a midget
or she was eight feet tall, this is certainly lies
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:50, archived)

Not if you got her in Tombstone Piledriver position.

( Malchick, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:53, archived)

I win today's 'utterly odd' dream prize.
I was at some sort of a party in a big house with lots of floors. For some reason, I was accompanied by 'my girlfriend', who was a girl (called Liz) that I went to school with that I entirely didn't fancy, primarily because she was a stick-insect tennis player and very 'straight'.

After an evening of fast-forwarded jollity, we all went to sleep, by which time it was definitely the Hood-Butters' house (although the HBs did not appear). All the visitors were going to sleep under a large tent flysheet in a large open room (some of them under the middle, so were just lumps under it). After some predictable subtle and muffled filthiness, I rolled over and Liz had turned into INRBM...

For some reason, I then got up and went to the kitchen of this house, where my friend Russ from Exeter was, and we discussed sausages. I then went out and wandered about the garden, which was a large open part of Epping Forest called High Beach, and then thought I'd go home.

The only problem with this being that I couldn't get home because my new house was in Edinburgh, and the night buses only came *from* there, didn't go *to* it. So, in a piece of magnificent surrealism, I got on a bus backwards and it took me home.

I was then sat in my living room watching TV when I heard a police type radio saying 'he's definitely in there'; I looked around the curtain and Russ was over the other side of the road with a huge zoom lens: and then the alarm on my mobile went off downstairs and I woke up, which was almost a shame :)
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:32, archived)

Biggar!!
/board
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:33, archived)

I dreamt that i was eating a marshmallow
and when I woke up, the giant marshmallow I was keeping beside my bed was gone.
( FoldsFive, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:33, archived)

Blame Tara :)

( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:41, archived)

This.

( Malchick, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:46, archived)

You're up against baldmonkey, remember.

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:33, archived)

^ That was my dream, by the way

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:34, archived)

Ew :(

( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:35, archived)

Hello, He Who Pulled the Sword from the Norks.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:44, archived)

pfft
you're a brave man
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:36, archived)

Arf!

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:36, archived)

Crikey.

( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:45, archived)

*licks finger*

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:47, archived)

Pah,
I've had odder.

I think yours does win for today, though.
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:34, archived)

You could at least have had the decency to make up a bit about riding around on naked women.
I don't remember my dreams. I often fight a lot in them, though. I know this because my wife wakes me up afraid that I am going to kill her.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:35, archived)

I was too tired to dream
but I had a few fantasies about shagging lovely ladies I've met before I nodded off if that helps.

Just did normal nudey cunny sex though, nothing odd like you, you fucking freak.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:36, archived)

:)
Saddles and chocolate sauce FTW.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:37, archived)

I cant be arsed with all that
Fuck them up the cunt, then go back to sleep.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:37, archived)

Pervert.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:42, archived)

your wife deserves a medal

( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:36, archived)

She's already got one.
Oh wait, you said "medal."
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:37, archived)

meaal
mebal
mecal
meeal
mefal
megal
mehal
meial
mejal
mekal
melal
memal
menal
meoal
mepal
meqal
meral
mesal
metal?
meual
meval
mewal
mexal
meyal
mezal

Nope.
You've lost me.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:39, archived)

Good effort.
Click!
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:41, archived)

You know what
All of those look like they might be real words in some language or other


Yay! I've been here 1 year, have 860 posts on /board, 86 posts on /talk and 8.6 posts on /links
(davew2.7 what?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:42, archived)

Don't post anymore.
You'll ruin it.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:43, archived)

I'll go back to my normal account now

(davew2.7 what?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:44, archived)

Jiggley wiggley wanky woo!
inscoonet - a kind of jew!
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:43, archived)

meal?

( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:43, archived)

mechal
meshal
methal
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:44, archived)

Don't worry.
I fucked up again.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:44, archived)

MENTAL?!
Is it "mental"?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:45, archived)

Unless his wife has got a mental,
no.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:46, archived)

No. See my wife has a "mental"; me, because I am all like "woo! I'm mad me".
It's quite clever really.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:47, archived)

mescal?

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:49, archived)

Yes please.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:50, archived)

Exactly. She HAS a mental i.e. a mental episode,
She hasn't GOT a mental i.e. a spacker.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:50, archived)

I'm mad me. WOO!

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:55, archived)

Yep.
She's great.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:37, archived)

If she had been a fat lesbian hockey player it would have been ok?

"I entirely didn't fancy, primarily because she was a stick-insect tennis player and very 'straight'."
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:39, archived)

He may be referring to
Her physical profile.
( Lord Gnome, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:39, archived)

At school, she was entirely boring
which coming from me isn't bad going :)
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:40, archived)

I would consider it to be odder
If a dream seemed like regular normality, though I have dreamt about being at work and wanted to charge them overtime.
( Lord Gnome, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:39, archived)

It did seem like normality
...apart from the bus bit and the weird teleporting bit.
But saying that, when I've had a few pints I tend to forget exactly how I got somewhere anyway :)
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:45, archived)

I have (very sadly) dreamt about sitting on a sofa with my laptop posting on here.
That was the entire dream.
( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:46, archived)

Was that the night that you kept saying "Penis"
Over and over again?

Hate to tell you, but that wasn't a dream.
( Lord Gnome, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:01, archived)

I preferred INRBM's dream

( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:42, archived)

You bought beer.
Rosie attacked me.
There was a bar tab of something in the region of £320.
I was accosted by a black man with a knife in a tube station.
I met the Cosbys.
( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:44, archived)

weird.
Eddie Murphy's Bill Cosby impression is wonderful.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:45, archived)

I'm glad to see that my Astrally-Travelling self
behaved like a gentleman.


For a change.

[edit: I just remembered that I woke up this morning reciting Latin conjugations and declensions. I may need to get out more.]
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:47, archived)

I was especially proud when I had a dream entirely in Spanish.
But Latin is much cooler. I would like to learn Latin.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:51, archived)

I appear to be learning Latin
as part of my incredibly-slow attempt at learning Gaidhlig.

Latin is easy.
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:53, archived)

At least you weren't honking like a goose.

( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:51, archived)

Was that to scare the nasty black man,
or to get away without paying the tab?
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:55, archived)

To wake me up, mostly
:)
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 11:00, archived)

I had a dream about testing a printer cable once
it was really very exciting.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:45, archived)

I dreamt about Chinese food.

( Newington, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:49, archived)

Awaits "Sum Yun Gai" replies ...

( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:51, archived)

Please describe your life so far in 6 words
(will file for future stalking and masturbation purposes).
( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:23, archived)

bit of a mess, never mind.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:24, archived)

has fun, spends lots, in debt

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:25, archived)

My life so far is quite
Fuck it. Run out.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:25, archived)

Involves riding naked women around town
there you go
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:28, archived)

thankyou and disturbing

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:29, archived)

that's him, not me

( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:31, archived)

Awake. Eat. Work. Relax. Wank. Sleep.

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:25, archived)

Plenitude, borborygmus, hypertrophy, ullage, dystopia, candelabra.

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:25, archived)

I love that noise!

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:27, archived)

I'd need a dcitionary to lead your life

( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:28, archived)

pfft
yes!
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:29, archived)

It's worth carrying one around
I promise.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:30, archived)

Because it makes a fantastic excuse for why your trousers keep falling down (coincidently in front of women)?
"Sorry my dear, my dictionary weighs them down a bit."
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:34, archived)

It's better than "Oops, my hips shrank when I saw your face"

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:35, archived)

Shit, did I really do that?
( icklepeach *relurks*, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:27, archived)

yes you did now enjoy it

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:28, archived)

enjoy eat
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:34, archived)

Toilet trained monkey works on computers

( mookay immune to icons since, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:28, archived)

Wish I had a different job

(monkeypaws maybe I shouldn't..... Oh fuck, too late, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:28, archived)

discovered internet,
lost grip on reality.
( icklepeach *relurks*, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:28, archived)

They say I've unfulfilled potential. WRONG.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:29, archived)

Who is they?

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:30, archived)

We'll never know. I ran out of words.
School, college, university, parents, friends, relatives, colleagues, bosses.
I've had it all my life due to an ability to exude an air of intelligence without actually having any. Everyone assumes I could do great things if I weren't so lazy. But I couldn't. And I am very lazy anyway, so even if I could I wouldn't.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:32, archived)

I do Life Coaching
we can and should HELP you
( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:37, archived)

OKAY!

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:41, archived)

Speaks to other wankers on internet.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:30, archived)

could do better
should try harder.
( icklepeach *relurks*, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:30, archived)

I suggest:
Only needs flat head for perfection
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:31, archived)

Pfft.

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:37, archived)

*blushes*
stop it

*goes sandal hunting*
( icklepeach *relurks*, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:42, archived)

good rubbish good messy noncomittal decision

( BindiBaji, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:30, archived)

Born in 1971. Haven't died yet.

( FoldsFive, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:30, archived)

Arf!

( Bob Todd whee, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:33, archived)

Underacheiving, lazy, obsessive, funny, happy, cautious
If I could have had seven I'd had "upthewrongun"
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:30, archived)

Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, deluded.

( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:34, archived)

Geeky hated it.
Geeky loved it.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:36, archived)

machine. Invented the world's first time

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:41, archived)

I think it's actually something like
Machine. Surprisingly, I invented a time
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:43, archived)

I have been having a recurring dream all this week about putting a saddle on a naked sexy lady and riding her around the city center.
Anyone good at interpretting dreams?
What does this mean?
In case it helps, at one point we end up showered in warm blood but I'm not sure where it comes from.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:17, archived)

You want to move to Coventry.
.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:17, archived)

I'm pretty sure I don't.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:18, archived)

Arf!

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:19, archived)

Destroy Coventry it means

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:19, archived)

You're welcome to.
Give me prior warning so I can make sure I'm out at the time though.
( FoldsFive, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:23, archived)

It is famous for its naked sexy ladies riding round the city centre.
And ocassionally some blood gets spilt.

Face it, you're coming to live in Coventry.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:21, archived)

It means that
You have spent too much time looking at Equus sites.
( Lord Gnome, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:18, archived)

I'm almost certain I don't want to search for that.
Care to elaborate?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:18, archived)

I believe it's a sexual fetish
For those who misunderstand what "horse-play" is supposed to mean.

[Edit] Like this one.

Not really NSFW as it's only words, but you wouldn't want anyone to read it over your shoulder and there's a good chance that it will hit the company firewall.
( Lord Gnome, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:19, archived)

Ah. I see.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:20, archived)

Since you're not going to click it
I'll quote some of the introduction- that should give you an idea of what it's all about.

"In addition, this magazine is a forum for men and women who are linked together by the desire to use human ponies as an expression of erotic pleasure. Having one partner assume the role of a human pony while the other partner assumes the role of trainer, rider or handler and controls the role playing scenario of this highly erotic activity, can be a very exciting part of this fetish."

See- I was right.
( Lord Gnome, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:23, archived)

*licks salt*

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:24, archived)

*Rubs fetlocks*

( Lord Gnome, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:27, archived)

NSFW unsurprisingly
www.bodyjewelleryshop.com/online_store/manline_silicone_butt_plug_with_horse_tail_whip_9002598.cfm
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:26, archived)

Not going to click. But all the same HA!

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:27, archived)

Also NSFW
( Lord Gnome, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:28, archived)

don't eat so much cheese before bed.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:19, archived)

I think it was you.
But attractive.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:19, archived)

bloody cheek.
you couldn't ride me anyway, I'm too small. But at least that is one use for my pony tail butt plug.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:20, archived)

Nyuk nyuk.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:24, archived)

You are a sick man
Horses are for riding naked, not ladies
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:19, archived)

It means that your life is in flux
and you need to get in touch with your anima, your creative core.

Try to actualise your desires, and be honest with those around you; the burden of deceit is weighing on your conscience.

Also, stop touching your bottom when you wank.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:20, archived)

He doesn't actually touch his bottom though.
To use a basketball phrase, "nothing but net."
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:22, archived)

You're a vampire and you want to rape Lady Godiva

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:20, archived)

its me isn't it
you can say, i'm immune now anyway
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:21, archived)

No.
She had a penis.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:23, archived)

and i don't?
HOW DARE YOU!
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:24, archived)

My mistake.
Yes it was you.
But with Goatworrier's face.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:26, archived)

double sexeh!

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:30, archived)

Are you American?

( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:22, archived)

Oooooooh - cuss!

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:22, archived)

it means you want to
put a saddle on a naked sexy lady and ride her around the city center.
( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:23, archived)

You haven't got enough zinc in your diet.
and you also love period sex.
( BindiBaji, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:34, archived)

Girl, I'm gonna make you sweat, sweat 'til you can't sweat no more.
How would you plan to dehydrate me to the point that my physical systems collapse?
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:15, archived)

drill holes in you

( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:15, archived)

dunno
what's your favourite animal?
( blinder back for good, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:16, archived)

Tiger or platypus
depends what you're judging on.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:17, archived)

Lock you inside a sauna.

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:16, archived)

By stabbing those inflatable cups from Tank Girl
into your chest

Morning
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:16, archived)

hahahaha

( icklepeach *relurks*, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:16, archived)

ning and seems the answer to your prayers

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:17, archived)

What?
You're typing in code again aren't you?
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:18, archived)

yes the codez has come and man flu

( tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:20, archived)

Explain
I read the comic once, but it didn't inspire me to see the film.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:18, archived)

The film was worthwhile
just because of Ice T as a mutherfuckin kangaroo baby :)

But the bad guy (Malcolm McDowell) in it has these collapsible containers that you stab into people and it sucks all their moisture out.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:22, archived)

By force feeding you
About 5 kilos of salt- or more if necessary.
( Lord Gnome, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:17, archived)

Inject you with brine.

( BindiBaji, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:17, archived)

Freeze drying

( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:17, archived)

persuade my sister 'bert
to dance naked for you til you spluff air.
( icklepeach *relurks*, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:17, archived)

And a late entry scorches way into the lead!

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:18, archived)

How is Albert?
Sex change went OK?
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:18, archived)

I had my money on Englebert, myself.
But Albert would work just as well.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:20, archived)

not albert
wilberticus
( icklepeach *relurks*, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:23, archived)

continuous porn watching.
you'd be like a dry husk, I'm sure.

ooh. My spacky jabbing at keys just opened something called a DOM Inspector. Kinky.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:18, archived)

DO BU
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:20, archived)

Meh,
there's only so much porn in the world, and there's an awful lot of me.

Goodness, you have Alternative Lifestyle Fingers.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:21, archived)

I keep pressing buttons that say Submit.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:23, archived)

Hahahahaha

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:24, archived)

put you in a massive freeze dryer
desecate you and pop you in packets that say 'just add water'

et voila, your very own mini Flapjack in your own kitchen
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:19, archived)

I'm like a hologram
however much you slice me up, you just end up with several smaller Flapjacks.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:22, archived)

this is what i'm hoping
there's far too much of you to finish in one go at the moment and dismemberment plays havoc with the shag pile
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 10:24, archived)