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# Interview with Richard Herring
Just been reading Richard Herring's book How Not To Grow Up and enjoying it immensely.

Then I figured as he appears quite an approachable person on twitter I'd ask him for an interview with you lot.

He's just said yes - so please add your questions here.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:31, archived)
# I'm not doing this again. I got ridiculed last time for making a spelling mistake.
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:32, archived)
# Daddy or chips?
And what is your favourite type of biscuit or cake?
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs ๐Ÿฆ‡ ↓ dn สŽษส sแด‰ษฅส‡ ↓๐Ÿฆ‡, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:33, archived)
# How did you survive all those years working with Stuart Lee
without punching the smug twat?
(I helped save b3ta! LP, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:33, archived)
# Does it depress you that all these questions are about Stuart Lee?
(_Felix 's school of dance and occult sciences, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:34, archived)
# Hahahaha
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha โ”( ห˜_ห˜)โ”Œ ส…(ฬโ—กโ—)สƒ, Sun 13 Jun 2010, 3:31, archived)
# Did you have a fish-related nickname at school?
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:34, archived)
# You're going to die in ten minutes. You have a fiver and you're in a Tesco Express
What do you do?
(I helped save b3ta! zoldergoose, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:34, archived)
# Spend most of it
shouting at the fucking self service checkout "UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE FUCKING BAGGING AREA??"
(I helped save b3ta! LP, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:35, archived)
# Are there any more episoides of Fist of Fun in the pipeline?
(benito vaselini no not that one, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:34, archived)
# What's in your pockets?
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:35, archived)
# Your Hitler 'tash experiment didn't work.
Would you consider trying to bring-back Swastika armbands next?
(I helped save b3ta! Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:36, archived)
# Which of your fists
is the most fun?
(I helped save b3ta! LP, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:36, archived)
# Share or shaft?
(I helped save b3ta! BleachedEgo draw a cdc then get back to your teen porn.Pricks, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:36, archived)
#
good ole kilroy
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 10:36, archived)
# Will people never learn about b3ta interviews?
(I helped save b3ta! barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:36, archived)
# I think I actually genuinely insulted the last one.
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha โ”( ห˜_ห˜)โ”Œ ส…(ฬโ—กโ—)สƒ, Sun 13 Jun 2010, 3:32, archived)
# In no more than 1000 words....
What happens in your book?
(I helped save b3ta! XLVII .uk, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:36, archived)
# Hahaha
(I helped save b3ta! BleachedEgo draw a cdc then get back to your teen porn.Pricks, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:38, archived)
# Would you rather have an intimate encounter with a mermaid whose top half is woman and bottom half fish, or vice versa?
(I helped save b3ta! zoldergoose, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:37, archived)
# Hahahahaha WUT?!
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:40, archived)
# The people need to know.
(I helped save b3ta! zoldergoose, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:42, archived)
# Hows his cock these days?
(I helped save b3ta! Eduard Khil's Haircut is lurking and liking on, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:37, archived)
# What's a deaf fish's favourite drink?
Herringade

Jokes aside, what is your favourite article of clothing that you own and why?
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:37, archived)
# How many times does your book reference Peter Pan and/or pixie dust?
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:38, archived)
# About the toothbrush tache...
...what were the best and worst responses to the muzzie from members of the general public?
(Sartori is moving to Canada, eh?, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:38, archived)
# Would you consider catching aids
just so the newspapers could have a funny headline?
(I helped save b3ta! Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:38, archived)
# Pffft!
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:41, archived)
# You crash on a desert island in the ocean. Nobody else is there and it's a very small island with no vegetation or anything like that.
At what point do you start drinking your piss? Right away, when it's fairly diluted, or do you risk wasting the first batch in the hope rescue is imminent, possibly opening the door to a stronger cocktail later on?
(I helped save b3ta! zoldergoose, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:39, archived)
# Why has this question never been asked before?
(I helped save b3ta! BleachedEgo draw a cdc then get back to your teen porn.Pricks, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:41, archived)
# I feel I must clarify there's no way to store the first batch, should it come to that.
You're going to have to lie on your back, open your mouth and take aim.
(I helped save b3ta! zoldergoose, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:41, archived)
# Would you catch a falling cat or sieze the opportunity for a volley?
(I helped save b3ta! Steerable_forehead Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration,don't fail me now, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:40, archived)
# Who would win in a fight, Patrick Stewart, or James Corden?
(I helped save b3ta! theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:42, archived)
# *glasses* "Make it sewn!"
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs ๐Ÿฆ‡ ↓ dn สŽษส sแด‰ษฅส‡ ↓๐Ÿฆ‡, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:44, archived)
# What is a fist of fun?
Obvious?
(I helped save b3ta! Sn0tters ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ด๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ช, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:43, archived)
# What's your favourite fish?

(I helped save b3ta! Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:44, archived)
# Whar was it like playing ginger heartthrob Bill Weasly in "Harry Potter and the prisoner of Azkaban"
Wait a minute, I may have confused you with Richard Fish
(I helped save b3ta! LP, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:45, archived)
# Is it acceptable to court controversy as an alternative to being funny?

(I helped save b3ta! Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:47, archived)
# Surely you can do both
Frankie Boyle being the most obvious example. B3ta itself being a close second
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 15:46, archived)
# How often do people make "pickled Herring" jokes?
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs ๐Ÿฆ‡ ↓ dn สŽษส sแด‰ษฅส‡ ↓๐Ÿฆ‡, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:49, archived)
# Who is the sick man in this scenario?
Is it you, answering questions from b3ta, or is it me, munching down on a dismembered whore and polishing my crossbow?
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:49, archived)
# That depends
are you wearing a suit-and-tie?
(I helped save b3ta! LP, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:53, archived)
# suit
no tie
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:26, archived)
# It must be
dress-down-friday then
(I helped save b3ta! LP, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:35, archived)
# How much custard and why?
(I helped save b3ta! The Legendary Pink Dot survived yet another, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:51, archived)
# If Facebook sites or moaning emails don't work,
do you have any ideas what else can we do to save Radio 6 music?
(I helped save b3ta! Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:51, archived)
# ^ Thus
*sads* :(
(I helped save b3ta! Droog is too orangey for crows, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:17, archived)
# .
*Do you think that if you hadn't achieved the success early on in your career that you would ever have given up on comedy?
*Which comedian doing an advert has made your heart sink the most (if any)?
*If you could get back on TV or save 6 music, which would you choose?
*Who was the best comedian you have seen that never made it?
*Do you ever worry about running out of ideas?

(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:55, archived)
# What would you do with the moon on a stick?
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:56, archived)
# stick it on the moon
(I helped save b3ta! MontyyouterribleCUNT I gave Jeremy Kyle cancer, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:23, archived)
# If Holbein had done a painting of you, do you think it would have captured your likeness well enough for you to be offered around for marriage?
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:56, archived)
# would he
prefer to be attacked by one horse sized duck or one hundred duck sized horses?
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 15:56, archived)
# I would prefer to be attacked by 100 horse sized ducks.

It would sound much more impressive when I told people about it afterwards down the pub.
(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 13:45, archived)
# What question does nobody ever ask you that you wish they did,
and what is the answer?

Or alternatively, what can you get away with wearing the longest - the same undercrackers of the same socks?
(I helped save b3ta! ArghZombies No longer has a Leaky QUIM, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:02, archived)
# If prunes are dehydrated plums, where does prune juice come from?
(I helped save b3ta! dirtyscarab intends to live forever. So far, so good..., Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:02, archived)
# Maybe prune juice is in fact just plum juice
but they couldn't call it plum juice because it sounds too much like jizz
(I helped save b3ta! Droog is too orangey for crows, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:19, archived)
# What do you get if you mate a mint humbug with a hungry spider?
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:03, archived)
# Hello Richard
I shall be sad if 6 Music goes, as I enjoyed the funny bits on a Saturday morning.

What's the best heckle you've ever heard?

And what's the stupidest question anyone's ever asked you?
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:04, archived)
# Boring questions
Are you doing a new Edinburgh show this year? If so, what's the theme, when will you be touring with it and are you doing any previews?

Also, are you releasing a DVD or CD of Hitler Moustache, I saw it in Sheffield in February and want to watch it again and again until my eyeballs dry out.
(Squid Bunty, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:06, archived)
# Are you circumcised?
Or is your boy still wearing his hat?
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:09, archived)
# Given that evolution, by its nature, produces flaws in the 'design' of organisms,
and that, by winning a competition (in which the only skill required was to text 'PLAYGOD' to a premium rate number) you were given the opportunity to perfect the human form, how many extra limbs do you think you'd give people?
What other improvements would you make?
(I helped save b3ta! wheelybird mreee!, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:09, archived)
# My wife would like to know:
"Whether he still sometimes does Pliny and Histor voices to himself for a laugh," and "what does he think of Frankie Boyle?"

Cheers.
(I helped save b3ta! wheelybird mreee!, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:10, archived)
# After bravely wearing that Hitler moustache...
...how about upping the ante and living as Katie Price for a year?
(I helped save b3ta! Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:13, archived)
# Have you considered writing self help books?
as that would be a Richard Herring aid.
(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:14, archived)
# You often talk about the art of comedy itself
How much of other people's comedy do you watch/listen to in a week? Do you go out of your way to study what other comedians are doing, even if they're rubbish?
(gpoulton, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:16, archived)
# Can I stop considering the lilly now?
its been years and its done me no bloody good at all.
(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:17, archived)
# How do you like your eggs?
(I helped save b3ta! Christian's Bolt and Ski, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:20, archived)
# Ha ha!
You said "egg"!
(I helped save b3ta! wheelybird mreee!, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:23, archived)
# Quiet tiny wheelybird.
(I helped save b3ta! Christian's Bolt and Ski, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:34, archived)
# when are you making a new series of Time Gentlemen Please?
you bean-faced freak
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:23, archived)
# i genuinely liked time gentlemen please
though i suppose it's too late to bring it back
(I helped save b3ta! plentyofants more ghee, vicar?, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 9:56, archived)
# Would you rather eat a cake that looks and tastes exactly like dog shit
or eat a dog shit that looks and tastes exactly like cake?
(I helped save b3ta! Droog is too orangey for crows, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:23, archived)
# or simply eat normal dog shit?
(I helped save b3ta! wheelybird mreee!, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:23, archived)
# Several...
1. Are you wearing that big floppy fringe to hide a receding hariline, or does your mum still take you to the barbers?

2. What's your opinion on the chances of the Lib-Con coalition government lasting more than a year?

3. Which comedian on the circuit pissed you off the most backstage? (Gory details required, vague identification permitted, though my money's on Ian Cognito - very funny, but with an ego more fragile than antique Venetian glass. I've seen him three times in venues in London, Bristol and Swindon - yeah, I know - and every time he let a different pissed heckler get to him so much he flounced offstage halfway through his set.)

4. What is the "proper job" your folks secretly hope you'll still get?

That'll do for now
(I helped save b3ta! shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:26, archived)
# Seeing as you have two successful ones on the go do you have any further plans to play with the medium of the podcast?
Or perhaps any other new media format. I did buy The Best of Earth, Wind and Fire (and water) by the way.
(I helped save b3ta! Christian's Bolt and Ski, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:27, archived)
# who the fuck is letting michael bay remake and fuck up
loads of films i love, and how do i stop him? And will you help me?
(I helped save b3ta! null and void, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:31, archived)
# Have you
ever pulled a pint in your life? (please rant about Time Gentleman Please)
(835Rocks, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:34, archived)
# What is your opinion
on the plight of poor villages in South Africa, ignored and left destitute while multi-million pound stadiums are built by corrupt construction cartels?
(goat thinks you're shit, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:35, archived)
# I'm sorry but I don't know who you are!
Who are you?
(asciifaceofbob bob bob bob bob bob bob bob, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:38, archived)
# Oh god yes
Stewart Lee is a knobber.
(I helped save b3ta! WOLF .™, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:38, archived)
# Is your mum still worth a go?
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:45, archived)
# is slapstick dead?
is it?
(I helped save b3ta! revmoola was thinking about a software problem, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:47, archived)
# F*ck Me I'm 40
During one of your 'F*ck Me I'm 40' shows at Edinburgh a couple of years ago, myself and two friends were in the front row and placed a pair of Tunnock's Tea Cakes on a t-shirt on stage.

You moved the Tunnock's Tea Cakes during the show as the t-shirt was a prop. Were you more concerned about losing momentum? Or do you not like Tunnock's Tea Cakes?

In short. Do you like Tunnock's Tea Cakes (I'm more of a Caramel Wafer man myself).


*Stewart Lee is as ace as Richard Herring.
(perfectrhys come find me on PS3., Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:50, archived)
# Does reading make one old? If so, can I safely read your book without losing my immaturity?
On a less serious note, would you please distill Castigliano's theorem down to ten words or less.
(I helped save b3ta! cowcat Bituminous squeegee, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 17:00, archived)
# A friend of mine is convinced that he had the same driving instructor as you
because of that sketch you did about 15 years ago, "What...can't you even DRIVE?!" and we live near Cheddar.

I don't have a question for you, I just want to point out that he mentions this every time we see you on TV or your name is said...Every. Sodding. Time.

If he tells me one more time i'll probably kill him.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 17:19, archived)
#
If the only way Andrew Collins would let you bum him was if he bummed you first, would you let him?
(McDingo, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 17:47, archived)
# Give me try at an open spot at one of your London gigs.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmReUnpG6Xg

If I go to comedy death its only for 5 mins.

thanks
(waxdart hello., Fri 11 Jun 2010, 17:55, archived)
# When can we expect a new series of This Morning With Richard Not Judy?
If you had to bum an animal, what kind of animal would it be and why?
(I helped save b3ta! Noit happy baby orangutan, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 17:58, archived)
# Can I have a free book?
Please....
(Dante licked your nipple on, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 18:07, archived)
# You're resurrecting Christ on a Bike for this year's fringe
Could the world be ready to see your Talking Cock on stage again?
(EnemyBiscuits, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 18:09, archived)
# I've heard that Kirsty on The Wright Stuff smells like mouldy beetroot. Is this true?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Propps, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 18:29, archived)
# Would you...
rather bum Andrew Collins or be wanked off by a tortoise with tin panda hands and a wound in it's shell?
(Charlietron Still can't think of anything witty to put here, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 20:02, archived)
# are you glad to perform in a comedy
world which increasingly rewards shitbags with context-poor offensive material, and writes off the over 40s for anything more than light entertainment?
Basically, would you like Richard Herring's Bigger Comedy Vehicle?
(Dinsdale v Spiny Norman, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 21:00, archived)
# I applauded your attempts to 'reclaim' the Hitler moustache by growing one yourself.
Have you considered doing the same for the Peter Sutcliffe beard, 'fro and sideburns combo?

I think you'd look badass!
(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 21:52, archived)
# Is that
Bruce Springsteen?
(hnnrs, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 18:43, archived)
# Are there any comedians you particularly admire on the circuit nowadays?
Which up-and-coming talents should I look out for?
(urker, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 22:17, archived)
# I too feel like the Hitler 'tash should be given back to the people...
but as a ginger I can't rock the Hitsashโ„ข as I'd look like I've sneezed fire, question is: do you feel like you've succeeded in changing public opinion on the Adolf face adornment?
(I helped save b3ta! busy phil is still bloody busy, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 22:26, archived)
# Animal Fight
You encounter a badger fighting two stoats in a glade in a forest which you are walking through, who wins?
(Hagis, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 22:47, archived)
# I'm putting the kettle on...
What can I get you?
(Ukulele Kris from up t'north, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 22:53, archived)
# I'm guessing
a Nero coffee
(Whatsit, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 23:02, archived)
# Where
is the curious orange?
(chuckle_h0und You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 23:48, archived)
# Who is Virgilio Anderson?
(trickyric, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 0:32, archived)
# Arrange you comedy creations in the order in which you would like to bum them
i.e. Tiny Andrew Collings, Curious Orange, The tortoise with a wound, Rod Hull
(trickyric, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 0:38, archived)
# Did you really spend 3 days learning all those names from the Book of Genesis?
Do you still remember them all?
(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 0:54, archived)
# where have you hidden the bodies?
(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 1:50, archived)
# If you had a time machine, a ribbed durex, and a roofie if all else fails... which historical figure would you go and give a good seeing to and why?
Points lost for being obvious and becoming your own grandfather.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 2:04, archived)
# Is wanting to fuck your own grandmother an obvious choice?
Can't say it would be my first answer to that question...
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 15:33, archived)
# Would your first answer be go back in time to when you were 4 years old and have sex with yourself?
(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 18:03, archived)
# Tell us a joke then.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 2:05, archived)
# Actually, stop answering our rubbish questions and answer one of your own.
Whatever you like, go crazy.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 2:07, archived)
# Which is the largest wild animal you confidently think you could beat in a fight over scraps of food?
Keeping in mind that in this scenario civilisation has collapsed and you're fighting for your very survival. And yes, you are allowed to use a makeshift weapon.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 2:11, archived)
# Out of everything, what is your favourite?
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 2:15, archived)
# Out of everything else, what is your worst?
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 2:15, archived)
# You have just beaten a man to death with a chair for nicking your packet of Skips.
How do you dispose of the body?
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 2:20, archived)
# ARGH!
I was going to ask about post-murder body disposal.
(theremin put the lotion in the basket on, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 3:11, archived)
# Let's hear you swear. Give it everything you've got and none of this pansy "you fucking cunt" business.
I want the air to be dyed blue you fetid, arse wrangling, aids ridden, jesus loves you, cockitch.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 3:51, archived)
# Legs, tits or arse?
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 3:54, archived)
# What was the biggest mistake you've ever made?
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 3:55, archived)
# I'm a forrin, who are you?
(I helped save b3ta! fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 5:53, archived)
# Would you rather have a dog barking up your arsehole for half an hour
or an old man whistling into your mouth for an hour?

And why?
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 10:00, archived)
# You're looking good. Have you lost weight?
(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 11:01, archived)
# Did you and Stewart Lee make a pact in the late nineties
whereby he'd spend ten years honing a few hours' material and you'd publish everything you thought of, unedited?
(I helped save b3ta! Zuowan, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 12:11, archived)
#
Nail. Head. Thwack.
(jcloth has brought da ruckus, Wed 16 Jun 2010, 10:04, archived)
# When did you realise...
toothbrush moustaches are not, in and of themselves, hilarious, nor are they a touchstone for related hilarity; and how many months did you have to keep wearing one because you needed the publicity?
(Pie of Meat ___°¬¯O¯____\o/_____/\_,____Y¯¯Y, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 12:13, archived)
# Who does your hair? It's lovely!
(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 13:24, archived)
# AIOTM!
Since one of the hooks of your podcast is that nobody tells you what you can or can't do, would you let the BBC put it on TV if they asked? I hear that all you want is to be let back on the telly.
(kithkill, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 14:20, archived)
# Also
Would you do TV's Emma Kennedy? I would.
(kithkill, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 14:21, archived)
# Will you sign my tits for me?
(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 14:33, archived)
# Bollocks!
I've got loads of good jokes.

Discuss.
(I helped save b3ta! stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 14:38, archived)
# Julia Sawahla
Well, does she?
(I helped save b3ta! stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 14:42, archived)
# What did you think of Chris Morris' film, Four Lions?
And do you have plans to emulate any more despotic facial hair?

(gleam has been selling these fine leather jackets since, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 14:42, archived)
# Some ink has leached into my brand-new vinyl floor
from a Tesco carrier bag. Now I have "100% biodegradeable" stamped onto my kitchen decks in mirror writing. How do I remove the offending stain?
(KeenBean objects to this comma, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 14:47, archived)
# Napalm.
Lots and lots of napalm.
(Smelch God says I'm a Pirate now. Yarr!, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 15:03, archived)
# I've tried a mixture of ammonia and bleach
that should work, right?
(KeenBean objects to this comma, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 15:09, archived)
# wait, and it will degrade by itself
in a couple of years, maybe
(I helped save b3ta! plentyofants more ghee, vicar?, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 10:03, archived)
# Will you also sign my penis?
(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 15:03, archived)
# If you could invite 5 famous people, living or dead, to a massive drug-fueled orgy
Who would you choose and why?

Oh, and there's got to be an equal amount of males and females present.
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 15:16, archived)
# Do you think nationalism and the idea of nationhood can ever be a good thing?
Or will it always spawn people like the BNP and Hitler?
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 15:19, archived)
# Who is funnier - you or Stewart Lee?
Also, please provide detailed proof of your answer
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 15:22, archived)
# What's the best heckle you've ever had?
And how did you respond?
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 15:24, archived)
# Its got to be the famous...
'I'm a bus driver' one.
(Code of Post lives at the moment in time that is..., Sun 13 Jun 2010, 0:20, archived)
# Favourite moment of your life so far?
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 15:25, archived)
# Are there any fellow comedians you find to be terminally unfunny?
To the point where you feel amazed they've made it beyond their first gig?

And be honest - it's not like they're gonna read this interview.
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 15:30, archived)
# If you could go back in time and have the starring role in any film you wanted
Which would you choose and why?

(For the sake of the question, I'm assuming you aren't an atrocious actor. Let's say you could pull it off, regardless of the role - though "Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct" may be pushing it a bit)
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 15:37, archived)
# Oi, I did the time travel question already.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 22:25, archived)
# Last question
What disgusts you most about modern society? (apart from 'Patronising questions from random internet users', of course)
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 15:39, archived)
# From all your many years...
Sampling milk, what was your favourite variety, and why?
(I helped save b3ta! starsnip, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 18:10, archived)
# What's the best thing about presenting Saturday Kitchen?
(Don't tell him Pike i'll probably just stay in, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 18:19, archived)
# There is a video of you on youtube with some pissed bloke heckling you
I have always been curious when you replied to him "I had to tell you the date earlier." What was the context of that remark?
(I helped save b3ta! Jahled Three shades of black, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 18:49, archived)
# So, Mr Herring, why should we give you the job?
What do you think you could contribute to this company?
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 22:24, archived)
# So, tell us about the last time you got utterly smashed.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 22:25, archived)
# Are
you looking at my bird?
(I helped save b3ta! Larry Death Anger Pain Fear Aggression, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 22:36, archived)
# As a result of this interview would you consider going on b3ta.com
A, never ever ever. It's just like any other place where my sad fans are to be found. No.
B, I might pop round for a look.
C, some.
D, Some more. I think I've found a collective (predominantly) brotherhood that even the freemasons has to look upon with jealous eyes.

(I helped save b3ta! Christian's Bolt and Ski, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 22:51, archived)
# CNPS
You claim to have completed CNPS, but I have been stuck on 156 for quite some time, and have come to believe that this number doesn't exist. Are you sure you did it?
(pinefresh, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 23:17, archived)
# I have been listening to you for years on the radio
Would you like to come round and have a cuppa as a way of me saying ta for all the laughs?

Actually, when was your first Radio show, it feels like years ago or have I just become really old and sad?




Finally, when murdering prostitutes, do you prefer to use a hefty lump hammer or strangulation with their own under garments?
(I helped save b3ta! Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 23:19, archived)
# Fist Of Fun
what happened to the girl on the show titles? - she'd probably be over 30 by now
(Zuffle farts silently in lifts then leaves the warm aroma, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 23:25, archived)
# Since previous interviewee...
Kunt, from Kunt and the Gang, wrote a song about using his Arsehole as a Cunt, I would like to ask you, is there a part of your body that you would willingly offer up to serve the purpose of another, and if so, which body part would it be?
(Code of Post lives at the moment in time that is..., Sun 13 Jun 2010, 0:16, archived)
# What's the eighth-least funny joke you've ever told?
(I helped save b3ta! ejlflop errrrrgs. Regularly., Sun 13 Jun 2010, 0:51, archived)
# What...
What was it like working with the late Rod Hull?
(Lip Up Fatty Fatty Reggae still loves BBQ food on, Sun 13 Jun 2010, 13:04, archived)
# If you had an unlimited budget, the choice of any actors/comedians/musicians etc. in the world
What would be your ideal film, TV show or whatever you'd like to make?


(Also if you had to adapt one Jane Austin book into a pornographic film, which one and why?)
(I helped save b3ta! sepang 's favourite day is, Sun 13 Jun 2010, 13:30, archived)
# i once saw rob newman on telly saying he'd been heckled in his own living room by someone walking past his house
where's the oddest/worst place you've been heckled?

do you plan on getting a hairstyle at any point?

you once sent me a refresher bar in the post, what's the best confectionary that you've received by royal mail?
(I helped save b3ta! mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Sun 13 Jun 2010, 16:27, archived)
# are you still mates with simon munnery?
or,were you ever mates with simon munnery?
(I helped save b3ta! mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Sun 13 Jun 2010, 16:28, archived)
# How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
(I helped save b3ta! St. Defenestration The REAL one, Sun 13 Jun 2010, 17:53, archived)
# Cumkins on aiotima -- was that really a misspoken attempt to say pumpkin
... or are you that depraved that you knew what it meant and stuck it in anyway?

AIOTIMA is really fucking puerile. But I've occasionally seen you on't telly, and heard you on 6Music of late. Is the likes of cumkin jokes and slagging beeb commissioning editors off actually just what the BBC wants to hear?
(I helped save b3ta! drunkenoaf, Sun 13 Jun 2010, 18:08, archived)
# Have you ever hugged a farm animal?
Would you recommend it to others?
(goat thinks you're shit, Sun 13 Jun 2010, 18:43, archived)
# Are Adam's & Joe's shoes hard to fill?
(I helped save b3ta! Hitler's Barber Soylent Green is high in saturated fat, Sun 13 Jun 2010, 20:13, archived)
# What DOES your mother think?
(goat thinks you're shit, Sun 13 Jun 2010, 22:19, archived)
# Do you live by a 'rule(s)'?
If so, what is it/them?
(I helped save b3ta! Lord Keeps meaning to procrastinate., Sun 13 Jun 2010, 22:46, archived)
# My question is will his edinburgh show be anything like a charley chuck performance?
And will he let me buy him a beer after said show?
(McDazzle Knows not what he does, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 0:22, archived)
# Do you think of yourself as a pelagic comedian...
... or more of a bottom feeder?
(I helped save b3ta! writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 1:46, archived)
# An Actual serious question.
As a fan with extremely poor vision (and therefore a huge fan of your shows, but sadly cannot read your book) Where do you get off on charging for your Audio Book Chapter by Chapter?
I assume you personally had little to do with this setup, but have you sold enough of your soul into the deal that you have no say over such things?

To see what I'm talking about see here - bit.ly/bS2Bz0

What are your feelings on this trend and shaking down of your near blind and blind fans? We already pay more than the seeing lot for an Audiobook. What's the deal?

P.S. If you pick my question for him, feel free to shorten it to something more bitesize while keeping the bite :)
(I helped save b3ta! Anal_Volley_Net, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 2:06, archived)
# "Given that one of the main driving forces
behind AIOTM (AIOTM!) and TWTTIN (TWTTIN!) - oh, and not forgetting TMWRNJ - is/was the unrequited sexual tension betwixt yourself and Emma Kennedy, will we ever see yourself get up to some dirty man-love with Andrew Collins (or failing that, perhaps Tiny Andrew Collings)? It would add even more appeal to the already fantastic Collings & Herrin podcast."

Herring's a downright geeeeeenius - this will be one of the landmark B3ta interviews. Top celebrity-wrangling, mighty Ginger Fuhrer! \o/
(I helped save b3ta! kitaro is all, like, "Nifty Biscuits" 'n that..., Mon 14 Jun 2010, 2:10, archived)
# How scared are you leaving a gig after you've dealt with a complete bellend of a heckler?
Obviously adrenaline, the raised position of the stage and microphone go a long way to empowering a comedian in to belittling a disruptive, drunken voice from the crowd. But when you come down after the show and have to leave, often in to the dark night via a stage door down a creepy alleyway... on a scale of 1 - 10 (10 being an uncontrollable slurry running down your inner jeans) how worried are you that the heckler really couldn't see the funny side (and wanted to prove that stabbing wasn't a laughing matter)?
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 8:35, archived)
# Also:
You wrote "Talking Cock". Firstly, why the hell haven't more people read it? Secondly, if I had a talking cock, I'd want a knob gag - Do you have one?
(nordelius, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 9:42, archived)
# 1. do you still hate patrick marber, or is that all water under the bridge now?
2. given that you now work with andrew collins, will 6music be forcing stewart lee to work with stuart maconie?
3. after seeing your edinburgh show in about 1994, i became mildly obsessed* with sally phillips for several years. i went off her in the end, though. sorry, that wasn't really a question

* not in an actual stalkery way, you understand. just that my spotty, teenage self thought she was lovely.
(I helped save b3ta! plentyofants more ghee, vicar?, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 10:19, archived)
# What's it like having a misleading clue named after you?
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha โ”( ห˜_ห˜)โ”Œ ส…(ฬโ—กโ—)สƒ, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 12:22, archived)
# The businessman, in his suit and tie
is in some ways an authority figure and in charge of various bits-and-bobs. You don't want to grow up, so ... where does this leave you if a spanking is called for?
(MsZuzu, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 13:58, archived)
# why didn't I get my question together in time?
i should probably know the answer to this
(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 13:12, archived)