The soft exterior gives way to a juicy, sweet centre.
The stone does get in the way, but doesn't detract from the overall flavour.
Peach: 10 Druids out of 12.

Wotcher, b3ta. How are you and have you got any fruit reviews? Bonus points for reviewing someone gay for comedy purposes.
( Druid, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:35, archived)

Housework - 2 Druids out of a possible 25.
I'm bored.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:36, archived)

MOER JOB SHERCHES
BE A WRESTLER
( crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:42, archived)

It's in NORFOLK.

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:45, archived)

BE A WRESTLER WITH SIX TOES AND EYES TOO CLOSE TOGETHER.

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:46, archived)

i want this job
health and safety at the Royal Albert Hall
( crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:48, archived)

You should have gone for the Top Gear H & S stage job
CHB was too ill to make the interview for that one.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:50, archived)

gutted
can you imagine the fun!
( crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:52, archived)

It would only have been a matter of time before you twatted Clarkson though
So it's probably for the best. I suppose it might have helped if he'd told you about it, but he wasn't really thinking that straight at the time.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:58, archived)

Your slogan can be "Wicca'd Witch - She's Gonna Norfolk You Up!"

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:49, archived)

Cherries
Awesome fruit, the stones do get quite annoying though.
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:36, archived)

I have cherries too
Picked from my own tree. Sadly the blackbirds have nicked the rest so there are just lots of little stones hanging from stalks now.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:39, archived)

I have a punnet of cherries in the fridge
I may have to eat them this evening.
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:41, archived)

I'll have to move on to strawberries next
and we have a couple of raspberry canes to raid.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:43, archived)

You people, with your gardens
My garden looks like some sort of overgrown jungle. I filled my garden waste bin cutting the grass last week and I haven't even started on the shrubs & trees.
I don't think the previous tenants did anything to the garden in all the time they lived there.
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:44, archived)

Hack everything back this year
so next year it will come back in manageable form. Or it will die, in which case you don't want to be bothering with it because it's clearly too fussy.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:48, archived)

Exactly what I'm planning
There's this strange shrub with yellow flowers that has engulfed 1/4 the back garden
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:51, archived)

Does it have long thin branches growing upwards with bright yellow flowers?
If so, it's probably Forsythia, which is one of the first things to come into flower in the spring so you may want to try to hang on to that.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:55, archived)

Did a quick search
It's not that, I think it might be this stuff www.findmeplants.co.uk/plant-hypericum-2957.aspx
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:06, archived)

That's nice too
Says it's hardy. Hack away!
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:28, archived)

We have planted
Pumpkins, sunflowers, carrotts and parsnips this year, I always try tomatoes but fail. (mind you I'm the very same person who managed to kill a mint plant)
( Mrs Sp@m, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:57, archived)

I want a garden
:(
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:01, archived)

They don't like over watering.
It's s really good year for the garden here, everything's growing like crazy. I even have blackcurrants about a month earlier than normal.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:05, archived)

I ate my last peach yesterday
So I don't have one today :(
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:36, archived)

Looks about eight but has elegant internet skills and crucial JMG approval.
Moohala: A++ top fruit recommended would buy again
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:37, archived)

You get even more bonus points, 'cos I changed 'Moohalaa' for 'gay person'
at the last minute.
( Druid, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:42, archived)

no i have chocolate cake instead
lovely gooey chocolate icing

5 potential love handles out of 5
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:42, archived)

Dale Winton - Too orangey for crows
4/10
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:43, archived)

You should have seen the size of the crow my cat was just stalking
The crow would have kicked his ginger little ass
( Mrs Sp@m, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:51, archived)

I bought my weeks shopping today and it contained zero fruit.
Unless you count potatoes as fruit.

And if you do, you're a fruit idiot.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:45, archived)

Shopping fail

( Mrs Sp@m, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:49, archived)

Give us a break, I'm living like a pov. I spent £12 on EVERYTHING.

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:52, archived)

Thats quite a good shop actually for a week
And you are forgiven for not buying any due to money, I thought you were just being rubbish
( Mrs Sp@m, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:54, archived)

I may have to find vitamin pills in the pound shop, I'm sure my povdiet can't be giving me everything I need.

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:56, archived)

Eat Esme.

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:59, archived)

I already said I'd got potatoes.

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:01, archived)

Dragon fruit
1 Druids out of 12.

And the one is only because its pretty, the rest of it is bland fail.
( Mrs Sp@m, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:50, archived)

See also: Star fruit.

( Druid, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:55, archived)

Yes I agree.

( Mrs Sp@m, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:57, archived)

and
Physalis
( vladimir, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:58, archived)

Oh god yes.

( Druid, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:04, archived)

replying to a thread twenty minutes after it's been posted
0 Druids out of 12
( vladimir, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:55, archived)

Yeah, the board should move faster, to make sure there's no chance conversation can develop.

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:56, archived)

Have you been taking clever pills today? You sound a lot less
like a gibbering idiot than normal.
( Druid, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:59, archived)

You're horrible to me.

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:02, archived)

I love you really.

( Druid, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:05, archived)

Yeah, who comes here to talk?
( vladimir, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:00, archived)

Druid - likes mens bottoms, good at lurking and stalking, eyes too rapey
17 Blue Stars out of 44
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:58, archived)

I'm great at all these things.
You'd better not forget the Suffolk trip, it's the third time I've tried now and people will have to get hurt if they screw it up again.
Basically, Wicca will kill me.
( Druid, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:08, archived)

I haven't forgotten.
Also those soft southern shites always manage to fail coming to see us so FUCK THEM.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:19, archived)

I think pat butcher should do a jlo thing
and shorten her name in eastenders to "PatButch"

I think it would make the show a LOT more modern and help it appeal to a younger audience, plus more cool people like me could be into pat butcher more

what do you think about when you first wake up? other than how you'll ever gind somebody to put up with your fat fucking face
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:32, archived)

I've done a video on /links
I'm expecting four fat face jokes in the post tomorrow
(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:33, archived)

Oh cool, one already
Today is going to be AWESOME
(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:34, archived)

your face isn't so fat
but do a song that goes:


OOOH WHY IIIS MY FAAACCEE DOO FAAAATTT

WHY AAMM I SUCH AAA FUCKING FATFACE
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:34, archived)

GOD IT'S SUCH A RAT RACE
LIVING WITH A FAT FACE

And then JMG can do a dole solo
(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:36, archived)

A dolo

(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:36, archived)

I stopped thinking about that a long long time ago.
Being single rocks.
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:33, archived)

hey rich - you've seen pics of the real naked pat butcher and this poor copy isn't far off!
media.photobucket.com/image/pat%20butcher/benimpoverished/pat-butcher.jpg
nsfw
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:34, archived)

Normally wondering why I have to get up and can't stay in bed
Or what I will wear for the day.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:35, archived)

I prefer the idea of Pete Doherty doing the same thing and calling himseld Pedo
/not my gag, heard it somewhere
( rob, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:35, archived)

i already have found someone who will put up with my fat face.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:43, archived)

I'm dressed now.
ONe of the things I'm wearing is red.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:01, archived)

i have a red bra and pink pants.
/CLASHY BINKY.
( sleepybinky, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:02, archived)

Pic?

(thediscokingpin, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:02, archived)

My knickers are red and they have podka dots on:)

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:03, archived)

*vomits until eyes bleed*

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:03, archived)

I'll have to check this statement for truth.
Brace yourself.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:04, archived)

nice contents
:D
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:05, archived)

I HATE YOU
YOU'RE OFF MY LIST
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:07, archived)

messageboard threads just don't get any better than that one
rob should have shut the site down after that, it's peaked and we're just never going to scale those heights again
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:07, archived)

I'm off to do the ironing next.
LOLOLOL! FUCK YEH!
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:15, archived)

Whatever happened to them anyway?
Did they flounce or just quietly disappear up each other's genitals?
( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:18, archived)

frankly I'm still turgid

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:19, archived)

diamond cutter?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:28, archived)

this is what that means to me
www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3yx4-Po1iw
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:30, archived)

i had some like that

( sleepybinky, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:09, archived)

mine are neon pink trunk boxers
as only summerpoofs are allowed haha
( moohalaa, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:20, archived)

were they real or vectored?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:29, archived)

I could pander, but I think I will thank you for my randomburn the other day!

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:03, archived)

yes, i'll do this too
i liked it and it had SO MANY tracks
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:04, archived)

:D only what fitted.

( sleepybinky, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)

i noticed NOT ONE BUT TWO
littlebigplanet tracks :)
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:15, archived)

really? the eepa-joppa one yes?

( sleepybinky, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:16, archived)

i dont remember what was on there

( sleepybinky, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:16, archived)

battles - atlas was on there
you listened to mine much?
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:20, archived)

i didn't know it by title but as soon as it started i recognised it
i think eepa-joppa is a good description, yes
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:19, archived)

yay you got it
i would apologise in case you dont like the music, but I LIKE IT and that's the point.
( sleepybinky, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)

I enjoyed a lot of tracks from it, very cool.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:12, archived)

well then that pleases me :D

( sleepybinky, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:14, archived)

i'm wearing a gingham posing pouch.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:41, archived)

Is it a book?
Oh, r-e-d
(thediscokingpin, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:02, archived)

You're not going out, only wearing that red jacket from Schindler's List again are you?

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:02, archived)

*genital mash funtiems*

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:14, archived)

is it a strawberry trifle?

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:02, archived)

*releases enraged bull*

( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:03, archived)

2 of the things i'm wearing are red
i win?
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:03, archived)

as long as one of the two is the arterial blood of all of your enemies
then, yeah, you win.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:17, archived)

well, you're still alive aren't you?
i guess i have failed

not really! ho ho ho. speaking of randomburns. you listened to mine yet?
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:21, archived)

Yes I have and it is very good thank you mister Paul.
I particularly like the Dan Sartain song muchly.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:25, archived)

he's fucking brilliant
i've met him and was a bit starstruck

get the album 'join dan sartain' or 'dan sartain vs the serpientes' for a less produced, more raw sound
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:29, archived)

I may do this, cheers
now, someone explain to me, there are more than 1000 songs on my iTunes. Why the living fuck when on "shuffle all" does Bombin' the L always come up in the first 10 songs? is it not actually random?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:31, archived)

Nothing I am wearing is red
I do have on pink and blue.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:05, archived)

gender confusion!

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:07, archived)

                  _________             
             _____/     o o \____---          
       _____/       o o    o  o o\__--          
   ___/            o  o  o    o   o  \__--                            
 _/              / o o  o   o   o   o  o\_--    
/    /         |/|/ /o o  o   o   o   o  o\_--  
|    |-------__/ / /|/o  o  o   o   o   o  o\--     
|    |          / / /|/ o  o  o   o   o  o  o\--  
\_    \         |  / /|/|/ o o  o   o  o  o o\---   
  \    |_        \  / / /|/ o  o  o   o o  o o\--   
  /      \       |   | / / |/ o  o  o  o o --\ \   
  |   |   |      |_nn|  /  / |/o  | |/   /    \ |     
  \__/ \__/               /  /\  / \/    |'O` '\    aDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!         
                               \   | \    \_ * *\   /                  
                               |   |  \_____\===/|      
                               |_nn|         |_nn|     

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:05, archived)

What the feck is that supposed to be?

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:06, archived)

It looks like the deformed dog in The Fly 2

( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:07, archived)

it's a manatee
duh
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)

With legs?

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)

i'm essentially basing my assessment on the fact that it said aDOOOOON
and we all know that is a manatee noise in DG-land
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:15, archived)

aDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!
meng meng meng
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:25, archived)

Looks like an Ankylosaurus to me.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:09, archived)

You're a manatee

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:22, archived)

no, i'm a manolith
and you're a mini T
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:23, archived)

IT'S WHAT EVER YOU WANT IT TO BE

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:12, archived)

THE MAGIC OF MAKE BELIEVE!

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:13, archived)

A deep-fried antagonism to anything high brow?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:14, archived)

ITS A FUCKING ANKYLOSAURUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:16, archived)

Dude. Your squareness is really harshing my internet buzz.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:17, archived)

Ankylosaurus.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:19, archived)

look, right. we're just not that into pokemon
try another forum!
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:24, archived)

Don't make me throw your randomburn like a frisbee!

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:31, archived)

but they have spiky tails
not a tail-mounted pair of pendulous love-plums.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:18, archived)

ANKYLOSAURUS!!!!
thomas.thomlex.com/dinosaurs/ankylosaurus.jpg
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:19, archived)

simmer, son.
have you been at the sunny D again?

what are the ones with spiky tails that look like that called, then?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:22, archived)

I haven't a clue. I just remembered this one from reading Dinosaur magazines as a 6 year old and felt compelled to shout it.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:23, archived)

Lesser Pierced Bollocktailosaurus.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:23, archived)

Bollocktailosaurus ahoy!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)

It's the lesser Polkadot Bollocktailosaurus, no less.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:09, archived)

I've just rescued a bird my cat was 'playing' with.
It will probably die anyway, but at least it will die peacefully, outside my house.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:15, archived)

Pull its neck.
Then turn it into a lovely hat.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:16, archived)

It wasn't injured enough to warrant euthanasia.
My cat is sulking now.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:27, archived)

Pull the cat's neck and make an even nicer hat.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:29, archived)

FINGER GLOVE

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:17, archived)

build it an exoskeleton from lollypop sticks and elastic bands

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:22, archived)

Tie it to some string and swing it around to attract a falcon.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:24, archived)

None of the things I'm wearing is red.
Four of the things I'm wearing are blue so woo.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:18, archived)

none of the thing I'm wearing is red or blue.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:20, archived)

One of the things I am wearing is LINEN

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:23, archived)

cotton and METAL
and possibly some plastic

beat that, motherfuckers.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:28, archived)

Naked hang gliding?
Nice.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:32, archived)

naked tentbuilding
but close.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:35, archived)

I'm sat here in my pants
they are grey pants
you like that, don't you
( broadsword, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:22, archived)

I've put on my wizard's cloak and hat.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:24, archived)

Should I apply for this?
jobseekers.direct.gov.uk/detailjob.aspx?sessionid=b9e5026a-3eb1-4350-bc66-33c3e3b19c27&j=GOE/14848
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:32, archived)

yes
yes you should
( crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:40, archived)

E
J F
R S Q
B U M S
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:55, archived)

you terrible troll

( mongychops, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:57, archived)

I am distilled mischief wrapped up in a thin veneer of acceptable messageboard banter.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:58, archived)

         B U
        I H L
       G T B O
      G W W E V
     A R V V A E
    Y E R G H R M
   H R T B T E K E
  A I 5 6 F H E N N 
 T N N R H S R R O Q 
S R H S S W L P : B 3

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:58, archived)

h
ah
haha
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:03, archived)

my millinery is fantastically heterosexual, I'll have you know.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)

Nothing says you love the cunt quite like a pink gingham cockle hat.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)

This is absolute proof of my hat-based sexual preferences
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:15, archived)

Easy now. There are women present.
I heard at least one spontaneous womb combustion then.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:19, archived)

I bet you've made a suit of armour out of tinfoil and are waiting by the backdoor so you can go out to play
Only thing is your mum can't find the door keys and you're getting kicky...
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:59, archived)

I'm going to get dressed now.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:54, archived)

Like what?

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:55, archived)

Like totally.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:56, archived)

Like ohmygod...

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:57, archived)

Like I know!!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:04, archived)

like, what. ever!

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:06, archived)

baldmonkey,
should I have soup and bread for dinner or shall I have a sandwich
( Mrs Sp@m, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:55, archived)

have soup and sandwich
so its still the bread for dipping in the soup but with a filling
(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:58, archived)

Soup sarnie

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:58, archived)

i have just made spinach soup!

(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:58, archived)

Remember to put lots of eggs around your knees to disguise your catlegs.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:55, archived)

good for you young man, it's great to be dressed
i'm going to leave the internet now and do some travelling to west london, great times
( mongychops, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:56, archived)

WEST HOIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:58, archived)

Its possible to leave the internet for periods of time?
Someone should inform the forum more often
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:58, archived)

Right, Google has failed me.
Whenever I open up my Macbook, it always looks for the disk drive and a disc, resulting in a ridiculous noise. It's not like it's a major issue, but do you know of any way to stop it? 98% of the time, there's not a disc to look for, so it's pointless.

Nyer nyer Machead. What's your favourite icecream topping?
( Bats, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:54, archived)

Do MACs have a bootcheck in the bios?
I'm crap at computers.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:54, archived)

I wouldn't know how to get into it if it does.

( Bats, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:55, archived)

Try and bark at it like a pug. that should fix it.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:56, archived)

Keep it closed.
They're only interior decoration after all. Why would you want to open it?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:57, archived)

Mine does that too.
I quite like the little noise.
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:57, archived)

if it's anything like a PC BIOS then there'll be an option called "Floppy drive seek at boot" or some shit like that
however, it's probably nothing like a PC BIOS

stick a screwdriver in it and jiggle it around a bit
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:00, archived)

I have an eye test this afternoon.
Does anybody here know any of the answers?
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:27, archived)

Remember to lick the opticians face when they get in close to check out the backs of your eye balls.

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:29, archived)

Glasses go on the front of the eyeballs, Mykey.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:31, archived)

Is this your first visit to the opticians?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:40, archived)

No, I'm in an internet café.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:42, archived)

If it's your first time at the opticians, you have to fight.

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:48, archived)

Never hit a man with glasses, Mykey.
You get a better swing off a baseball bat.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:50, archived)

And if you have a metal bat, and hit them in just the right place, the bat makes a lovely ringing ping.
'Ning, Herr Doktor, orders?
( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:59, archived)

It's thing like this that make you no one's favourite b3tan, Dr P.

( Jobe, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:29, archived)

CRIKEY!
Now what then is his [Marx's] proof of the exploitative character of a clean capitalism? It consists in the observation that the factor prices, and in particular the wages paid to laborers by the capitalists, are lower than the output prices. The laborer, for instance, is paid a wage that represents consumption goods which can be produced in three days, but he actually works five days for his wage, and produces an output of consumption goods that exceeds what he receives as remuneration. The output of the two extra days -- the surplus value in Marxist terminology -- is appropriated by the capitalist. Hence, according to Marx, there is exploitation.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:31, archived)

Move up one rung on the ladder of greatness.

( Jobe, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:33, archived)

OH NOES!
It's a snake of mediocrity!
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:46, archived)

*descends*

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:46, archived)

i wanna be a favourite.

( sleepybinky, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:39, archived)

SOMEONE VALIDATE ME NOW PLEASE.

( sleepybinky, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:39, archived)

You are my favourite person in this subthread

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:40, archived)

yay :D

( sleepybinky, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:41, archived)

*eyes nervously in case someone elses posts here*

( sleepybinky, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:41, archived)

Who's your favourite?

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:52, archived)

i have a number of favourites.
you are amongst them.

you are HIGHER amongst them when you are nice to me, or funny.

GO ROCKET.
( sleepybinky, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:53, archived)

Not good enough, sorry
*humphs*
( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:02, archived)

FINE BY ME.
*goes to cut self in darkened room with extra running mascara*
( sleepybinky, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)

I just want to be TOP

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:13, archived)

I TOLD YOU HOW TO EARN IT.

( sleepybinky, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:14, archived)

FINE. SO I HAVE TO 'EARN' IT NOW?
*scribbles out 'sleepybinky' from top of my list*

NO NO, IT'S FINE.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:17, archived)

oh thank gawd
i thought i might have accidentally dropped you in that thread down there

i can't go through life as the man who killed binky!
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:45, archived)

haha no i had to leave my desk urgently to retrieve cake.
IT'S ALL OK.

*licks beard*
a good week?
( sleepybinky, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:52, archived)

how good can a bink-free week be?
I WANT TO BE HIGHER UP THE LIST THAN RR

no, it was pretty good thanks. i trust you had a most excellent time?
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:14, archived)

it was sweet. i had a lot of wine and some smokes, saw some music, sat in the sun, sat in the shade, ate tasty food, passed out in a tent, and played in mud.
WHAT MORE COULD A BINKY WANT?
( sleepybinky, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:15, archived)

wheeee!
i'm looking forward to my festival funtimes immensely

16 days to go!
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:26, archived)

       A
   D   H   D
 T   W   A   T
F U C K - S O C K S
WANKYBOOLOCKSHITITS
  MADE   IN    ENGLAND
    YOUFUCKINGBLINDBASTARD
       IBETYOUTRYTOSEEWHATTHISSAYSTOO

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:29, archived)

OPTASTIC!

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:35, archived)

It's pie shaped!

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:39, archived)

it is?

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:44, archived)

In the sense that one can make a pie in any shape one chooses.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:45, archived)

dude, far out

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:46, archived)

In fact everything is pie shaped, except King Zog II of Albania and Paul Ince.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:47, archived)

they're pie shaped twice

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:48, archived)

Pie. Yes.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:46, archived)

E, F, P, T, O, Z, L, P, E, D, P, E, C, F, D, E, D, F, C, Z, P

( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:30, archived)

Down
Up
Left
Left
A
Right
Down
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:31, archived)

mortal kombat, innit?

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:32, archived)

Fatalities are frowned upon in Specsavers.

( FoldsFive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:33, archived)

Liu Kang wins...
OPTOMETRY
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:36, archived)

lmao

( mongychops, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:31, archived)

one on the left and another on the right

( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:31, archived)

Careful they don't trick you and give you the cryptic one as opposed to the quick eye test.
That really confused me.
A typical lunchtime request? (5) - I 1 M N X
( FoldsFive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:31, archived)

A pint.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:33, archived)

what's the I1MNX bit about?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:38, archived)

it means you like one in the front and two in the back

( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:40, archived)

I want ham and eggs

( FoldsFive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:42, archived)

wow, i haven't seen any of those for aaaaages
I8AB4T
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:45, archived)

FUNEX?
SVFX.
FUNEM?
9.
IFCDM.
VFN10EM.
( ArthurTheRat, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:40, archived)

exactly

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:49, archived)

just remember to show you're working

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:31, archived)

Then the dole won't pay for my glasses.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:32, archived)

tippex in the holes

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:33, archived)

*newspaper cartoon titter*

( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:33, archived)

CAN DULL
happy day
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:37, archived)

Thanking you good sir.
*tips hat*
( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:53, archived)

         (
         )\
         {_}
        .-;-.
       |'-=-'|
       |happy|
       |b3ta |
       | day |
       |T.G.B|
       '.___.'

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:38, archived)

YES!
Thank you. I didn't notice this before.
( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:52, archived)

Tell them you can't read.

( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:31, archived)

I can't read this post.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:35, archived)

'Cancer of the eye'

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:32, archived)

I was just about to wish you a happy day and then you did this to me.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:36, archived)

King Zog II of Albnania
and Paul Ince
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:33, archived)

Name the only two people never to have been married to Ulrika Johnson.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:34, archived)

Is this only important people
I've never been married to Ulrika Johnson
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:35, archived)

or so you THINK.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:36, archived)

So, I HAVE been married to Ulrikakakakakakaka?

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:37, archived)

everyone has

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:39, archived)

Except King Zog II of Albnania and Paul Ince.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:41, archived)

they've married her twice

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:45, archived)

She once gave me a tit wank.
Thing is though, we weren't even in the same room.
That put me right off.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:53, archived)

That's what you think.
Science has proved that the average person spends on third of their time asleep, completely unaware of what goes on around them. This is more than enough ttime for Ulrika Johnson to creep into your room, marry you, sell her story to Hello claiming it will last forever, get divorced, creep back out of your room and not quite accuse John Leslie of rape.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:38, archived)

I reckon Incey probably at least gave Collymore's custard a stir up there.
But you're probably right about the not marrying her thing
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:36, archived)

get out of my profile you filthy profile looker-atter you

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:46, archived)

EXCITING
www.b3ta.cr3ation.co.uk/data/gif/excitement.gif
(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:33, archived)

If it's a woman optician complement her choice of perfume
It really works! - She knocked a full dioptre off my left eye prescription!
Result.

I remember doing it because it was about the same time I started to notice that newspapers were starting to lower their print quality, making them harder to read.
(thediscokingpin, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:37, archived)

F E C K
A R S E
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:38, archived)

O'RACIST!

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:39, archived)

Yes easy peasy
Lens 1, Lens 1, Lens 2, Lens 4, Lens 1
( M o D, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:38, archived)

Get a bigger errection the stronger the lense they put in
also, coz it took me so long to type - Previous thread answer. www.b3ta.com/talk/6264711
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:40, archived)

LISTFAIL!

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:42, archived)

I don't even know what you look like! you could look like my mum a bit!
Plus the list is people that have sent me mander gazzes.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:47, archived)

:'(

(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:43, archived)

Go back to being old Friz and you'd be at the top.
None of this memememe stuff anymore, just the funny shit :)
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:48, archived)

NOTED

(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:04, archived)

*saunters about in cool shades*

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:54, archived)

If you were a Power Ranger you'd be the White Ranger, Tommy
I'd be the Yellow Ranger, because she was oriental and I wanted to fuck her in the lycra.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:56, archived)

*summons falconzord*

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:00, archived)

*gunsword flipout summons embarrassment through spandex Broom-On*

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:04, archived)

oh criminy
i remember that episode

that was when power rangers jumped the shark
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:15, archived)

+zord

( FoldsFive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:25, archived)

haha, nice!

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:28, archived)

DO I MEAN NOTHING?

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:28, archived)

???
You're on there you silly

kneeew I would forget someone important, and a girl too :S
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:34, archived)

In a TFS/Az sandwich!

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:37, archived)

I read that last bit as Auschwitz
:(
(thediscokingpin, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:43, archived)

Cor! Saucy!

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:43, archived)

bleurg, i'm sandwiched with wormulus

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:50, archived)

Haha :D

Police Dog is by himself. Poor Police Dog :'(
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:53, archived)

Whenever he says "eye"
respond with "aye captain" very quickly.
that'll be hilarious
(PsychoChomp, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:37, archived)

Tell me your favourite b3tan.
Yes, this is your chance to brown nose.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:02, archived)

Scrambled Edd

(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:03, archived)

D:

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:07, archived)

Now unbutton his shirt
Slowly now...
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:08, archived)

Not you

(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:11, archived)

I know not me.
That's why I D:'d
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:12, archived)

Oh right
Sorry.

But... you are one of six people I'm a "fan" of on b3ta!

That must count for SOMETHING
(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:14, archived)

The other five are all JMG, or something

(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:15, archived)

Depends. Who are the other four?

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:15, archived)

Six minus one is five, my dear
Scrambled Edd
The Neville
Sheep!
rob
doctor dyslexia
(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:16, archived)

I guessed Scrambled Edd was one of the six, darling.
Which left 4 unknowns.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:18, archived)

OH SHIT
YOU'RE LIKE



MATHS MAN
(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:21, archived)

I'm not a lover, I'm not a hater.
I'm a fucking calculator.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:24, archived)

I'm not a hater, I'm not a lover
I am fucking your mother
(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:25, archived)

My favourite b3tans are
TFS - cr3 - and a few regulars at the b45hs.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:04, archived)

You arent allowed more than one.
That's the law.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:04, archived)

fannygunk

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:10, archived)

Sp@m
She has very soft hands
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:04, archived)

A delicate, downy hair?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:06, archived)

Like a little monkey

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:06, archived)

awwwwww ta!
You're mine too
( Mrs Sp@m, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:15, archived)

and glued eel
He really cracks me up with his nonsense.
( Mrs Sp@m, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:16, archived)

Woah!
No backtracking, girl! It's me or it isn't!
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:17, archived)

oh hush I have enough love for everyone

( Mrs Sp@m, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:20, archived)

I only made it up anyway
I think you're rubbish.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:24, archived)

no, there are loads that i like. i'm not ranking them.

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:05, archived)

You would if you were Jonathon Ross.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:18, archived)

no way could i pick just one, all 80.000 forum users are wonderfull in my eyes, great forum
great times
( mongychops, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:06, archived)

brown nose!

(dildogaggins is trying to lick ones elbow!, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:06, archived)

me
not you!
(dildogaggins is trying to lick ones elbow!, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:06, archived)

youre all cunts

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:10, archived)

YES, WE ARE ALL CUNTS

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:52, archived)

Too hard to say.
I like Spangolin and Red Rocket from when I met them IRL.
Flapjack, Donkey Gums and glued eel are very funny /talkers.
Scrambled Edd (Eddsworld) and madridiot are very talented and funny animators.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:10, archived)

WOVE YOO TWO EDIY

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:25, archived)

igor.
No contest.
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:10, archived)

haven't heard from igor in a while
he must be busy
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:15, archived)

Indeed.
I had to fetch my own cape this morning.
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:19, archived)

throwing switches and the like

( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:37, archived)

it's a tough life
but he never complains
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:44, archived)

You, Mykey.
It's you.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:12, archived)

FUCKING TEASE

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:24, archived)

Spacefish
Always Spacefish. He completes me.
(thediscokingpin, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:15, archived)

The Gay Shift and Gilgamesh

( hanke murphy, I'm a mess, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:15, archived)

ONLINE VALIDATION!
TIME FOR SOME VIGOROUS MASTURBATION!
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:24, archived)

Cuffbert.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:15, archived)

sack of bricks, canal, sorted

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:20, archived)

Cuffbert - Done.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:21, archived)

we'd have to cement over the canal. to make sure
then build a shopping centre on it
then knock that down with a wrecking ball
then set the whole mess on fire
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:49, archived)

I love you all equally. Ish.

( Jobe, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:15, archived)

but me more than the others, right?
that's what you said. you said you'd love me if I did that.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:20, archived)

He lied
Now you have to live with the shame. Sorry.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:21, archived)

Jobe doesn't lie.
I won't hear of it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:22, archived)

You did it well, I'll give you that.

( Jobe, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:28, archived)

hmmm....
bloke: Bud
not-bloke: Blue Star
(likeajackhammer, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:16, archived)

bollocks to everything and everyone

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:18, archived)

"And bollocks on and all!" said Tiny Tim.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:18, archived)

you dropped this
"e"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:22, archived)

*dances like a twat*
*chews constantly*
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:25, archived)

*loves you all*

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:26, archived)

good bollocks or bad bollocks?
It makes the difference.
(thediscokingpin, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:18, archived)

COW BOLLOCKS

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:20, archived)

Blue Star.

( FoldsFive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:18, archived)

dawwwwwww

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:19, archived)

Yeah. like she wouldn't murder me in my sleep if I didn't say it.

( FoldsFive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:20, archived)

I don't think she'd kill you in your sleep
she'd want to see the pleading look in your eyes as the knife went in.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:25, archived)

you'd have said it anyway, you softie
don't worry though, i know it's actually me
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:41, archived)

FF and Tara up a tree!
G-E-T-T-I-N-G M-A-R-R-I-E-D!
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:19, archived)

It must have been a very small tree to get Tara up there.
She'd struggle with a bonsai without a leg up.
( FoldsFive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:20, archived)

All she'd have to do is sit on an acorn and wait.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:22, archived)

She's standing behind you, isn't she?
She saw you write "spango-" and you immediately felt those burning eyes on your back.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:21, archived)

Busted.

( FoldsFive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:22, archived)

Busted are on b3ta?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:23, archived)

Yes, with their hit
"Thats what you're on ignore for".
( FoldsFive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:25, archived)

arf.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:26, archived)

I have several
The Captain
cr3
spangolin

Plus others, but I'm not going to list them all
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:18, archived)

I dunno
You're all a bit rubbish really.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:19, archived)

I'm shocked and appalled by this attitude.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:20, archived)

What if I said it was you?

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:21, archived)

I'd demand proof.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:22, archived)

If he was all a bit rubbish?
He's probably be offended and confused
(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:22, archived)

MoT

( WHARRGARBL, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:20, archived)

They know who they are.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:22, archived)

That's right, we do.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:23, archived)

You're my No.1

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:26, archived)

I think you're swell too.

(thediscokingpin, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:25, archived)

You're my No.1

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:26, archived)

Yus!

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:29, archived)

You're a No.2

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:31, archived)

You're a whore, Double R

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:31, archived)

You love it.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:32, archived)

MEEEEEEE

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:36, archived)

And you are?

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:45, archived)

D: D: D:

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:47, archived)

Only kidding.
I love your pixels.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:48, archived)

come to the CHuB bash!

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:50, archived)

Police Dog
and no order of awesomeness:

the CHBs - Awesome, funny and genuine
Eddache - fucking funny
Supermatt - good drinks stand
Gonz - gentle spastic
Cr3 - uber nice dude
Spango - rare funny girl
Cap Wow - fellow bassist
Wormulus - unaware of his Autism
Rhcpaul - my body guard
TFS - feeds me, gets me drunk and top bloke
Lime - she is amazing and beautiful and she's got a 2:1
Az - deep voiced BUB BUB BUB BUB BUB
Lizzy - cracking knockers
Mooey - cracking knockers
Red Rocket - funny dude
Glued Eel - funniest board member
Jobe - He's got a cheeky face
Easty - little ginger monkey
Shouty O'Potatoes and her whoooped boyfriend - she scares me in the best possible way and Noit grow some nuts and twist her nips if she disses you
FF & Bluestar - he's funny and she's short. Both awesome.

etc
and everyone else I've met in real life - you're all cool. apart from you. If I've missed anyone out let me know and I will judge you.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:32, archived)

Yay! Namecheck!
At first glance I thought you were referring to me and BS with Shouty O'Potatoes and her whooped boyfriend ;)
( FoldsFive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:36, archived)

haha, Blue Star is the Mincredible Sulk :)

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:38, archived)

i'm going to DEMAND that she uses this as her sig

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:54, archived)

now i just need to get you to like me enough to get my name right and we're SET!

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:39, archived)

t'was a typo Rhcjames :)

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:42, archived)

s'alright then
that's a pretty cool list to be on
you clearly have taste
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:43, archived)

Me?

(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:43, archived)

I left you off on purpose coz I knew it would hurt you to THE CORE Frizzle pants ;P
Friz: - Top guy, loves the attention, face like a giant's frisbee.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:45, archived)

DAMN STRIGHT

(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:47, archived)

VALIDATION, ONLINE!
I'm so printing this out and framing it.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:44, archived)

:D

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:53, archived)

TFS/D.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:35, archived)

                                             _     ____  _
                                            | |   |__  /| |_  ____ 
                       .    |     .         | |__   / / |  _|| _  |
                        \   |    /          | __ \ _\ \ | |_ ||_| |
                    `.   \  '   /   .'      |____/|___| |___||____|.
                      `. .-*""*-. .'       _     _  ___  _  ___      ___ __
                  "*-._ /.*"  "*.\ _.-*"   \ \/\/ /|__  /_\  |  |__||__ |__|
                       : -o-  -o- ; ____    \_/\_/ |___/   \ |  |  ||___|  \
                  """"':    ..    ;          _   _  _  ___  ___
                  _.-*" \ `.__.' / "*-._    | | | \| ||  _|| _ |
                      .' `-.__.-' `.        | | | |\ || |_ ||_||
                    .'   /   .  \   `.      |_| |_||_||_|  |___|
                        /    |   \      
                       '     |    `     
                               ___ \ ___    ___       ___            ___
        \.  -   -  .         |  |   |__    |__  |  | |    | / | |\ ||  _  
       '          _ , -`.    |  |   ___|   |    |__| |___ | \ | | \||___|
     '        _,'     _,'                         __   ___
    '      ,-'      _/                      |__| |  |   | 
   '    ,-' \     _/                        |  | |__|   |
  '   ,'     \  _'
  '  '       _\'
  ' ,    _,-'  \     _________  
  \,_,--'       \    \\_______\     DON’T FORGET TO USE FACTOR TEN GAZILLION
                 \    \\+=+=+=+\
                  \    \\=+=+=+=\                 SUN CREAM YOU FAT WONBBLY CUNTS
                   \    \\+=+=+=+\
                    \    \\=+=+=+=\________                AND LAY OFF THE PIES, LARDY!
                     \    \\+=+=+=+____----))
                      \    \`---------.)))\\
                       \   ||+=+=+=+=+=\\ /\\            WEATHER ADVICE FOR b3TA
                        \  ||___________\\/ \\           SPONSORED BY HOOD-BUTTER
                         \ ||------------\\                  INDUSTRIES Plc 
                          \||             \\    BRINGING IT TO YOU, RIGHT IN YOUR FAT FACE

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:05, archived)

*WONBBLES*

also, i have the afternoon off so fuck you, workers!
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:06, archived)

I HOPE IT RAINS BEES

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:17, archived)

I HOPE IT HAILS WASPS RIGHT ON YOUR FACE

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:19, archived)

THEY'D BETTER NOT DAMAGE MY JAM BEARD AND MOUSTACHE

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:20, archived)

THEY'LL LICK IT THE FUCK RIGHT OFF
WITH THEIR TINY WASP TONGUES
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:25, archived)

AS NEAR THE TOP AS POSSIBLE!

(likeajackhammer, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:35, archived)

WHY?
HAVE YOU GOT SOMETHING OF GROUND-SHATTERING IMPORTANCE TO SAY?
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:36, archived)

I can't believe you just asked this on /talk

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:37, archived)

hey, there's always a first time for everything

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:57, archived)

I DO.
I'M BACK, BABY.
( sleepybinky, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:45, archived)

Did you have a good time?
More importantly, did you wear the cathat?
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:48, archived)

i find this whole furry/peado thing causes me great offence, could we leave our sick sexual fantasys to one side and keep the board free from nonce behavior
no offence
( mongychops, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:51, archived)

offe
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:54, archived)

BINKY!
*grabs and throws up in the air*
*catches... just*
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:53, archived)

I am feeling very fat and pasty
and spotty.
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:06, archived)

Bitch

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:07, archived)

o.a.t is 24.6 in ec4 at the moment
phew what a scorcher eh? aircon is needed
( mongychops, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:09, archived)

ec4 eh?
you are suspiciously near me.

And yes aircon is needed, there is only one room on my floor with aircon, the Deans office. Some animals are more equal than others eh?
(Goatse not a comedy account, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:39, archived)

i suggest sitting in your pants till they install aircon for all
not that i have any aircon myself
( mongychops, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:03, archived)

WEATHER.

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:09, archived)

it's the new craze that's sweeping the nation, never before have we seen such an outbreak of weather
still never mind that, what's for lunch?
( mongychops, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:15, archived)

lunch?
are you asking me out? i dont date.
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:16, archived)

good lord no, that is not how i roll
i was just asking what foodstuffs you would be consuming at lunch time
( mongychops, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:17, archived)

my mummy made me a little chikkin sammmywiggle with love and huggles
how many pints will you be consuming at lunch time
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:20, archived)

nyom nyom
i have no idea what the day holds for me yet
( mongychops, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:22, archived)

of course

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:24, archived)

i now know what the day holds, i'm less than thrilled by the prospect, it involves work
:((((((((
( mongychops, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:31, archived)

thats karma for early knock off yesterday
gutted
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:37, archived)

I saw some cracking karma in action at the weekend
Someone jumped the queue at a petrol station when people were waiting to let some old lady move her car, he blocked in this old lady and on the way back to his car dropped and broke his glasses.
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:42, archived)

i bet they werent even his
i bet he ripped them off some old cunts face and then pissed on his shopping
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:58, archived)

ballsacks, i was very busy yesterday

( mongychops, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:49, archived)

+ in the pub

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:57, archived)

24 under par at bayhill, and a hole in one, great times

( mongychops, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:59, archived)

hot weather is cunt
fuck off hot weather
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:10, archived)

I should like to point out that this is my policy also
I'm all about meteorological mediocrity
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:11, archived)

It's a bit drizzly

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:10, archived)

I hear that happens when you get older.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:13, archived)

youd know

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:14, archived)

he's well old
frankly it's disgusting
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:16, archived)

hes practically dead

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:20, archived)

*CHECKS HOURGLASS*

STILL SOME TIME TO GO YET. NOT FAR OFF NOW, THOUGH.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:31, archived)

*runs out crying*
I HATE YOU ALL
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:33, archived)

runs?
bit optimistic, innit grandad?
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:35, archived)

Hush up trollop.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:21, archived)

Convenes are the way forward

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:14, archived)

I'm not fat.
I'm pregnant. you insensitive bastard.
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:10, archived)

You will only give birth to a pie.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:11, archived)

I'm going to call it Chicknmushroom

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:12, archived)

Also - not much need for suncream as I'm part ramajan raghead!

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:13, archived)

I was born black but I got better.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:16, archived)

I HAVE RAIN

( WHARRGARBL, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:10, archived)

That sun has paedo eyes.

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:11, archived)

Well spotted.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:14, archived)

I might sit in the garden later. After I've done some cleaning.

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:11, archived)

I bought some citronella candles to keep the outside out there
Nasty flying outside. Plus my celtic complexion needs protection from the elements. I like inside better.

*pales*
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:17, archived)

My celtic complexion quite likes the sunshine.
I don't like the flying outside so much.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:18, archived)

if you want rid of flying insects i can recomend deet, 95% jungle formula deet
just don't put it on your hands and scratch your balls, it burns like fire down there
( mongychops, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:20, archived)

Do they do it in several delicious flavours?

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:22, archived)

mind you
it's fuck all good in the actual jungle.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:54, archived)

it's pissing it down here CHB

( Mrs Sp@m, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:11, archived)

Blimey!
It's hotter than a camel's fart here.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:13, archived)

I am sulking about it on facebook

( Mrs Sp@m, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:18, archived)

I'm hoping for a massive storm sometime soon
A storm the likes of which this world has never seen before. Then we can all ride the mighty Shai-Hulud whilst worshiping the Kwisatz Haderach
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:15, archived)

I agree.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:19, archived)

we do seem overdue
for a big crashy bangy storm
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:22, archived)

They are great to watch out here in the Fens.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:23, archived)

people survive getting hit by lightning, right?
do you think if i go and wave a big metal pole around in a storm, i might get superpowers?
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:26, archived)

BURNT FACE MAN

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:28, archived)

he can fly, that'd do me

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:35, archived)

So are traffic lights

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:26, archived)

i bet they still point at planes
up there
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:36, archived)

There are lots of low flying USAF planes today.
Has there been a new war announced? I missed the news on Radio 4 this morning.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:41, archived)

There were a few tear arsing up the Ribble Valley yesterday
Some kind of exercise I reckon. Or a war.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:57, archived)

gods dammit

( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:29, archived)

Helpful tip:
If you keep cut lillies, make sure to have a roll of sticky tape in the drawer. The pollen stains like a bitch, but if you find it before it's been trod into carpets or rubbed into curtains, a patch of sticky tape can help lift it away.

I would like to know some helpful tips from yourselves.
( Bats, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 7:54, archived)

consider the lilly

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 7:55, archived)

you shower of cunts

( hanke murphy, I'm a mess, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:09, archived)

I beg your pardon
I do not have big lips!
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:12, archived)

I'll give YOU a helpful tip.

( ArthurTheRat, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 7:59, archived)

Pressing your tongue to the roof of your mouth can help soothe an ice-cream headache.

( ArthurTheRat, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:00, archived)

After chopping garlic,
the theory is to rub your hands on stainless steel and run them under cold water to lessen the after-garlic smell.
( Bats, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:06, archived)

make sure said stainless steel is not a knife

( ArthurTheRat, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:09, archived)

This can also help stop you from crying when your upset.

( Mrs Sp@m, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:18, archived)

Also do this when having your photo taken as it pulls the skin under your chin tight,
obviously some users are too far gone for this to be of use.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:21, archived)

Wow. It has many uses.

( ArthurTheRat, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:38, archived)

It's also important in some forms of meditation
something to do with aligning your chi meridians.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:43, archived)

*kicks you up the chakras*

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:49, archived)

my chin is thatched
so this is no use to me

more relevant tips please!
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:42, archived)

Use your onions when they start to sprout.
Use the green bits like you'd use the chives.
( Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:38, archived)

This is, although not the most effective, a way of equilising pressure in your ears when flying or diving.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:42, archived)

too shocking and too early for such filth

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:06, archived)

TableAdapters in the .NET Framework do not support the mySQL LIMIT clause if you're using the version 5.2 connector

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:07, archived)

That sounds fairly annoying.
Is it a bug?
( Bats, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:08, archived)

no, it's just shitty open-source communist code

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:09, archived)

you are clever

( mongychops, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:02, archived)

never push your granny when shes shaving

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:07, archived)

Can you push her off the bus?

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:42, archived)

no. and never when shes blowing grandad

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:52, archived)

Grim times, Rose. Grim times.
In other news - you've been to Holmfirth haven't you? How would you rate its hilliness and B&B availability? I may have to stay there one night and I don't want to have to climb up mountains after a night of beer and singing.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:00, archived)

yer but it was just a day thing, i stopped with a mate in huddersfield
all of fucking yorkshire is hills innit? tons of undesirable fucking huge lots of walking hills and hills of it. motherfucker.

try norfolk.
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:05, archived)

The Buzzcocks aren't playing in Norfolk though

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:09, archived)

Ah yes...
...a lesson learned the hard way, I'm afraid.
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:53, archived)

alright apathyman

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:58, archived)

is it a bird? is it a plane?!
ah who gives a shit
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:01, archived)

holding your nose as you swallow something awful makes the taste dissappear
good for when taking bad medicine.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:08, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6264463
( vladimir, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:12, archived)

A bakers window makes a perfect home for wasps.

( FoldsFive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:13, archived)

injecting radioactive plant hormones into a chihuahua's skull may result in the formation of a bad-tempered petunia/chihuahua hybrid

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:16, archived)

Can I have one of these please
it sounds ace.
( Mrs Sp@m, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:29, archived)

best-smelling dog eggs in the animal kingdom

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:31, archived)

Are they dog egg blue?

( Mrs Sp@m, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:32, archived)

hey, band name

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:33, archived)

when signing up for b3ta, do not choose a username you have previously used anywhere else on the internet

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:25, archived)

This is a very, very sound piece of advice.

( Bats, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:34, archived)

Hahaha
Someone send this in to Woman's Realm.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:34, archived)

Really?
Oh...fuck.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:02, archived)

*googles*
oh god. oh fucking hell. you're a SICK MAN!
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:05, archived)

It is important and necessary to remember that DIY haircuts with the kitchen scissors at 7am whilst drunk are not a good idea
Remember this, kids.
( Theoban What of it, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:34, archived)

If the perforations on your two-ply loo paper don't align
unroll the top ply by one turn. As if by magic,the perforations will align.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:40, archived)

Oh flapjack you're far too domesticated.

( Mrs Sp@m, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:44, archived)

If you have unrolled the top ply of your loo roll to align the perforations with the second ply,
don't forget about this and then wipe your arse with a single ply. This is likely to prove structurally insufficient and may result in brownfinger.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:41, archived)

Not shaking your hand.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:50, archived)

As long as it doesn't stop you rimming me on a daily basis
I don't much care.

That goes for all of you.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:52, archived)

Of course not
How else would I maintain this fantastic Dirty Sanchez.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:53, archived)

add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange and pretend you're laughing at it

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:41, archived)

Guys I cannot stress this enough
Put the rubbish in a binbag and then put it in the bin. Don't just throw it out the window onto the street.
( Theoban What of it, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:45, archived)

Gay
I just chuck various peelings out of the window for the rats
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:47, archived)

I did that but then the rats got organised and overthrew me
I now live outside their window catching their rubbish they toss out
( Theoban What of it, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:49, archived)

You fail at food chain

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:51, archived)

I solve all my problems with cillit bang
I'm afraid I'm no help.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:48, archived)

I am a flash spray with bleach girl.

( Mrs Sp@m, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:49, archived)

i solve mine with a similar product
kitchen gun!
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:53, archived)

You just like shouting at everything until it's clean really

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:03, archived)

If someone looks like he's going to thump you
or you think he is, but he's hiding it well, then thump him first. Right in the face. You can't take chances.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:50, archived)

I read this true story (even if it's not true, I still found it funny)
Bloke in a club suddenly feels like he's going to vomit. He rushes into the men's loos and kicks open the only available cubicle. After vomiting his guts up, he notices there was a guy that was having a shit at the time. The bloke's quick fire brain whirs away and figures that if he had been in the other guy's position and had been vomited on whilst having a shit, he'd be kicking that guy's arse now. So, to stop him from doing so, the bloke punches him square in the face and runs off.

So, there was this poor guy was just trying to have a shit in peace and he gets vomited on with a punch in the face for his troubles.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:57, archived)

I've seen this on QOTW at least once
edit: BAM
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:59, archived)

He probably read it from FHM too
EDIT: Ah, that's probably where I got the story from. I still liked it.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:01, archived)

BAM AGAIN
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:07, archived)

Maybe it was from FHM.
Oh I don't know Gilgamesh. I just don't know.
Nothing seems real anymore.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:10, archived)

Haha

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:00, archived)

Or wait until he's not expecting it
and hit him with a metal bar.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:58, archived)

or start crying and screaming that you're a haemophiliac and when he turns away in disgust
kick him in the back
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:03, archived)

Cutting the stamen off lillies before they drop the pollen is easier :)

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:02, archived)

well, if we're going for the easiest option
don't buy them in the first place
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:06, archived)

That's also the cheapest option

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:10, archived)

Never sit on your elbow when you've got your finger up your arse.

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:02, archived)

Clean your loo with coca cola
Use baking powder mixed into a paste with water instead of Jif
White vinegar added to your wash in the rinse cycle will soften your towels
I have a whole book of these, I could go on all night
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:06, archived)

but it's day

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:07, archived)

decant your cocaine from it's paper wrap into a small glass vial, this will stop it clumping in theis hot weather
phew what a scorcher eh? lucky those who have aircon
( mongychops, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:07, archived)

Rick Astley isn't dead
www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-288020

Neither is Jeff Goldblum

www.digitalspy.co.uk/showbiz/a162681/jeff-goldblum-i-am-alive-and-well.html

TUESDAY IS NEWSDAY
(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 6:48, archived)

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/8125439.stm
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 6:53, archived)

Don't click, guys, it's tubgirl

(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 7:15, archived)

haha
"Efforts to lure the kittens out with food have failed."
If /talk got into a combine harvester, that would work
( vladimir, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 7:25, archived)

I hear Lil Wayne's in rude health too

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 7:23, archived)

All these fake celeb deaths
I'm beginning to think SSG is still alive
(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 7:23, archived)

peace be upon him

( ArthurTheRat, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 7:50, archived)

the beastie boys are ill though :(

( spacefish bong!, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 7:29, archived)

Roots manuva has kicked the cack

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 7:40, archived)

if today is newsday, then you would make a awful newscaster
no matter what the story, the screen would only be able to show your entire face...and it would be even worse in HD.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 7:55, archived)

Wait, hang on

(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:03, archived)

I might be completely wrong here

(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:03, archived)

But are you suggesting I have a fat face?

(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:03, archived)

me?
would I suggest that your face was used as a test bed for the nasa moon landings?...no I would not.

I was told by others.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:07, archived)

I'm still here, you know..
No doubt this can become the waling wall for those getting up early for another day at work.
I don't wish to rub it in or anything but I have as long off as I like this week, as I'm in COMPLETE CONTROL of everything.


That's: JMG, Joyus, Internet and Pomp.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 5:27, archived)

I'm here, too.
Freaked out now. I shouldn't listen to Dave Trouser:(
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 5:28, archived)

We're probably about to run off with each other.
I suggest packing Noit. Oh how I wish I could run off with Noit.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 5:30, archived)

I think we'd make an excellent crime fighting force.
A new Dempsey and Makepeace.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 5:30, archived)

Dempsey and JMG's Fault.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 5:30, archived)

Well, he'll be on his own from Thursday onwards.
Now's your chance.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 5:30, archived)

INTERNET SMASH AND GRAB!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 5:31, archived)

The poor bird who's been calling me for the past hour hasn't stopped.
I fear she may actually need some kind of medical attention.
I'm just going to leave it. Nature is the best way to handle most things and all that. We'll all be stronger left alone.

I best be off. No fat birds etc.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 5:33, archived)