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I'm going to have a shit and then go to the gym
I'm going to lift loads of really heave weights over and over again.

I'm growing big muscles, the kind you need to wrestle an Accord through the mean streets of Sussex.

Talk about food while I'm gone.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 12:06, archived)
quick and dirty
www.glastonbridge.co.uk/img/al-honda-00.jpg
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 12:07, archived)
Hahaha!
Nice!
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 12:08, archived)
This has got to be a record for indignant responses, no sooner had I corrected my typos than..
www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post422868
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 12:12, archived)
This one still has legs on it.
www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post422780
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 12:17, archived)
I like how Legless has lept into the fray here, defending the swots of QOTW from the nasty /talk bullies.
Thing is, that story will probably end up being Best Pathetic Lie Of The Week as the more timid souls on there will all click it.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 12:20, archived)
I like how he is the self appointed leader of QOTW.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 12:29, archived)
Cheers.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 12:36, archived)
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha
YOU GON' GET RAPED
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 12:21, archived)
I did 80 sit ups yesterday

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 12:12, archived)
Was it a deep burn?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 12:21, archived)
I watched anchorman the otherday
truth.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 12:28, archived)
You win the game
I watched Hotrod. It was enjoyable.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 12:36, archived)
I have lost a lot of weight since i stopped eating food.
I get dizzy spells and such but I reckon this water only diet will work.


*thud*
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 12:19, archived)
Oh...
Oh dear...

EDIT: OH GOD WRONG F**KING THREAD AGAIN WHY ME?!

Edit: I mean...oh lol, er. So, swine flu, whaddawegonnado?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:48, archived)
because you're a cunt?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:49, archived)
that's the first time a b3ta comment has made me cry :(

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:51, archived)
i'm so proud of myself,

i try and make at least one b3tan cry on a daily basis
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:52, archived)
It's usually yourself though.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 12:06, archived)
You'll be needing this
*passes skin-thickening ointment*
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:53, archived)
*Pins to the wall with his Honda Accord*
*Exacts vigilante karate justice*
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:50, archived)
with added chainsaw

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:51, archived)
Whoa there,
This one isn't a smack-head.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:51, archived)
How do we know that?
You can't be too careful these days.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:54, archived)
*rapes until they commit suicide*

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:52, archived)

JUSTICE!
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:57, archived)
I need a shit

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:52, archived)
Oh god I'm talking such shit here!

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:53, archived)
Breathe. Rub your feet whilst talking.
It helps me to be calm for some reason.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:54, archived)
Oh sweet monkey Jesus
QOTW about a Father defending his kid from bullying, commendable, good on him, what I would do, etc, but :

The very next LESSON, the dna waste was excluded. After "careful consideration" she was sent to a secure unit school where, two years later she was raped and eventually killed herself.

Result!

I've said it before.

Don't fuck with my daughters.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:28, archived)
Yep.
as I said 'Yes, I find it pleasing when the mentally ill are sexually assaulted and die as well.'


I'm probably wrong and it's all fantastic and hilarious or something.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:29, archived)
Someone thinks that it's karma,
what the fuck...
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:39, archived)
their sig is 'I'm the person your mother warned you about'
my mother often warns me about low-wattage wankers with something to prove.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:41, archived)
Does that include energy saving varieties?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 12:01, archived)
Up until the last few lines
it was quite good, a lot of teachers are a bit crap at dealing with bullying, but it's not always their fault, they have to work to a lot of stupid rules.

But then to be really pleased that she got raped and died. Mindboggling.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:43, archived)
I'd be shit at dealing with bullying if I had to remain hands-off at all times
to be fair, the poor teachers have a hard time even before you take into account dealing with stuff like that. Child psychology as well, it's all included in the remit of teaching, for some reason. Well, to a degree. Not something I can do.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:44, archived)
link please

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:31, archived)

www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post422780
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:32, archived)
I just hope that the rapist didn't get jizz stains in their Accord.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:35, archived)
I reckon they drove the Accord
right up her bullying cunt.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:37, archived)
Wheel spinning that 2.0gsi engine right on her cervix

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:40, archived)
Then using the remote interior release to open the boot lid. RIGHT INTO THE OVARY!

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:42, archived)
Then setting fire to it
so it blows up her arsehole.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:44, archived)
A real man
Always has a spare Honda, for exactly this reason.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:46, archived)
I have two
in case of multiple bullies
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:51, archived)
I've got seven.
One for each day of the week.
And a different page 3 girl to go in each one.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:52, archived)
Apparently, a little heroin dissolved in lemon juice will bring out even the most stubborn jizz stain

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:40, archived)
Especially when applied with
a deftly executed karate chop.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:43, archived)
who posted that?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:31, archived)
Captain Placid.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:32, archived)
Doubt it's true.
I mean who'd rape an ugly fat kid...
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:33, archived)
their uncle
or sexface
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:40, archived)
What the fuck

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:33, archived)
Very much this.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:44, archived)
:/

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:36, archived)
Yup
There I was, cheering him on when suddenly, 'oh...' :/

Twat
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:41, archived)
This

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:43, archived)
What the hell?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:41, archived)
link please
This needs HONDA JUSTICE
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:43, archived)
HONDAMAN
THE ACCORDINATOR
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:45, archived)
I'm talking some bollocks here on my phone interview.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:43, archived)
Don't accidentally say the
word "rape" to them.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:45, archived)
What are your hobbies ?
Rape.

Excuse me ?

Oh I only rape mentally ill bullies.

Welcome on board !
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:45, archived)
Hmmm, I'm afraid we're looking for a bit more than that, Esme.
Would you consider murder?
You would?
Excellent, when can you start?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:54, archived)
Say it on purpose
While winking
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:46, archived)
Arggghhh

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:49, archived)
GOALS TARGETS ARGHHH

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:54, archived)
It's a well known fact that /talk is fond of eggs and football.
Here's a link about both.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:21, archived)
ALIEN EGGS OMG !!!!!!!!
WE NEED SIGOURNEY WEAVER !!!!!!!!
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:22, archived)
Ha, that's great.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:23, archived)
I've fallen foul of the exploding microwave poached egg before.
Poor devil.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:23, archived)
Footballing: The profession for the Fast Spastic

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:23, archived)
*snort*

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:26, archived)
Reminds me of a phrase Charlie and I share
'Table Football doth makes spastics of us all'
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:27, archived)
We normally say it to crippled people that we DEFEAT

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:28, archived)
what's large and small at the same time?
a big egg
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:23, archived)
how can I apply for a job at the The British Egg Information Service

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:24, archived)
Turn up and get laid

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:29, archived)
BLAM

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:25, archived)
He should have poached them like a normal person, then.
I use that clingfilm trick that was in the newsletter ages ago.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:25, archived)
The one that gives you cancer?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:27, archived)
I smoke, I go outside where cars and sunshine abound, and plan on eating all sorts of food in my life.
Chances are something out of all that will give me cancer. So fuck it, I will have a nice poached egg.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:28, archived)
Wait, what?
Nobody told me of this risk.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:28, archived)

www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post422792
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:15, archived)
Accords: putting the fear in smack heads since the late 80's

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:16, archived)
Does this count as bullying?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:18, archived)
I am defeating a bully with a Honda Accord
My life is now AWESOME!
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:18, archived)
you've made the original poster commit suicide with your bullying
www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/bronx/2009/05/14/2009-05-14_wrongway_driver_killed_in_headon_car_crash_on_fdr_.html
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:20, archived)
I hear Rorshach drives an Accord in the new Watchmen film

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:21, archived)
mind pissage

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:22, archived)
I'm going to paint the front of my HONDA ACCORD
to look like Rorschach's face.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:22, archived)
Oh you cunt

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:22, archived)
I love you you thin lipped cunt.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:18, archived)
*gasps in fear*

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:18, archived)
*'pins' you*

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:19, archived)
You're not supposed to be afraid
you're supposed to get a wide on.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:20, archived)
the Accord might disappear up me then
that wouldn't be good
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:32, archived)
*rolls eyes*

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:20, archived)
*Fears*
*Scuttles off back to crack den and awaits vigilante justice*
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:21, archived)
Look upon my wheels ye mighty, and DISPAIR !
static.taume.com/image/1991-Honda-Accord-Wagon.jpg
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:09, archived)
How very 80s.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:10, archived)
GO TO YOUR FUCKING EXAM YOU BLUNDERING IDIOT.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:11, archived)
You fucking mong
"1991 Honda Accord"
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:11, archived)
I was commenting more on the photo than the car.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:11, archived)
So the photo was taken in the 80's
of a 1991 car ?

you fucking mong.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:13, archived)
I never said it was taken in the 80s.
I said it had an 80s style.


MMMMNGGH.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:15, archived)
I'm going to bed.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:11, archived)
SPAM
www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post422751
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:46, archived)
I didn't really think mine deserved a new thread.
www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post422745
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:47, archived)
Yours wins.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:48, archived)
No it doesnt
fuck off, stop bullying me man

*works out*
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:49, archived)
Piston is pandering
www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post422650
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:53, archived)
It's not pandering
if she actually has sex with you
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:56, archived)
So, like I said.
Piston is pandering.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:58, archived)
He he he he
Number one super guy
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:49, archived)
Not enough lies.
Sorely missing aspergers.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:49, archived)
*dons red dressing gown*
I'll set spot the police cat on you...
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:50, archived)
You can try,
But I'm a black-belt in ju-karate-jitsu.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:51, archived)
Are you sure you don't mean
origami?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:57, archived)
I'm not allowed paper, it's too dangerous.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:59, archived)
I'm so pleased that by a stroke of happy irony
my true story will win QotW
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:50, archived)
Win ?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:51, archived)
That's the aim of the game isn't it?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:52, archived)
haha!
bentley's gonna sort you out
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:51, archived)
better spam
www.lexaloffle.com/webgames/catcatwatermelon/
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:50, archived)
that is really a lovely well-executed game

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:20, archived)
The humble Honda Accord
The the chosen ride of renegade karate masters worldwide.

Nicely done though!
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:52, archived)
QOTW'er arrested
www.summitdaily.com/article/20090513/NEWS/905139958/1078&ParentProfile=1055
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:31, archived)
I'm eating soup and I don't even feel ill.
This is how wacky my life has become.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:33, archived)
Is it otter and pie soup ?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:34, archived)
I had hotdogs the other day.
I wasn't even at the cinema or a bbq.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:34, archived)
Before or after you sucked a clean cock, which you undeniably admitted to.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:35, archived)
Hotdogs was a euphemism (even)

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:37, archived)
A euphanism eh.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:38, archived)
lol a large instrument you blow on.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:38, archived)
I thought that was a tuba

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:40, archived)
your mum's a tuba

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:42, archived)
pwnt

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:43, archived)
Love it,

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:34, archived)
he saw a girl with the ‘swine flu’ and attempted to eliminate her by grabbing her throat

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:36, archived)
I find that if you're on a crowded bus
sneezing, coughing and muttering something on the phone about Mexico really helps to give you a bit more space
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:38, archived)
aw
the world really is full of loons.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:34, archived)
I love the guys attitude towards people with swine flu
throttle some sense into the bastards !
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:35, archived)

www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post421463
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:34, archived)
I vote this
for being the most mental QOTW answer yet :

... so when I was in Year 5, when the nasty girl in our class started shoving me out of the way in the cloak room, I punched her so hard in the mouth that her teeth bled and nearly fell out.

I might sound like the mean one here, but she really deserved it.

She cried and the headmaster came in, but being a very traditional schoolmaster-ish kind of guy, he listened to both our stories and ruled in my favour. Not only was she on liquids for a week, but she also got detention.

Recently I heard that she's now a member of the labour party.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:37, archived)
Was that posted by Pickle Fairy?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:41, archived)
Well, she's clearly not shown in the best light there

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:47, archived)
In response to your reply
I witnessed a kid do something similar in school, but everybody DID kiss his arse afterwards.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:37, archived)
That's WHY you can tell that the QOTW story is a lie.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:41, archived)
I don't want to sound too confident but I'm fairly certain I've won the QOTW.
www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post422745
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:44, archived)
Awsome
Needs more Honda Accord though.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:34, archived)
My local news is boring in comparison.
www.bournemouthecho.co.uk/news/4370245.SWAN_S_NEST_WRECKED_BY_VANDALS/
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:35, archived)
Ooh. I remember my mum telling me about being evacuated. MAJOR ALERT.
www.bournemouthecho.co.uk/search/4221422.Explosive_shell_fear_triggers_major_alert_in_Parkstone/
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:37, archived)
Local news sub thread
www.miltonkeynes.co.uk/news/Cow-rescued-from-Whaddon-pool.5264445.jp
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:41, archived)
Which also reminds me of me cousins when they were toddlers
They came belting down the stares shouting "MUM MUM WE'VE FOUND A BOMB!" to all the assembled family. It was, of course, her enormous dildo.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:42, archived)
hahahahaaa!
that's a great story. i bet it becomes an urban legend
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:48, archived)
Shush

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:49, archived)
To be honest
Swans are cunts. They get what they deserve.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:40, archived)
THREADJACK:
any of our dutch friends here? i need some expert help on whether asbestos gaskets are banned in your country.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:41, archived)
Flapface was lurking earlier.
Hello love. :)
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:43, archived)
i hope he's still here
i'm getting some awesome google results with regard to legislation but also seem to find sales brochures too.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:45, archived)
Everything is legal in the Netherlands!
Asbestos is only banned there if you powder it and make a whore snort it off another ones arsecrack.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:44, archived)
Try Annex 1 of Directive 76/769/EEC on dangerous substances and preparations.
From January 1, 2005, the introduction of new applications of asbestos cement materials, friction products, seals and gaskets is prohibited.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:53, archived)
i've read through that
it's whether the dutch still import and export asbestos gaskets or would have put them on an american ship when they were in dock.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:57, archived)
Ah.
I'm not even sure if import/export isn't still legal. That's the limit of my help, I'm afraid.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 11:01, archived)
he can come to my pub

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:44, archived)
it seems that that man may have some form of mental health problem, but as i have no formal or informal traing in mental health issuses i may well be far of the mark, no offence
smart
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:45, archived)

YES!
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:19, archived)
I hate you tube links during the day

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:20, archived)
Oooh Debbie Gibson

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:20, archived)
She's not jailbait any more Bogus.
:(
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:21, archived)
I'm still going to knock one out now

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:22, archived)
Have her in one window..
..and Tiffany in the other whilst you bang it out.

NSFW.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:26, archived)
Funny looking woman
Cracking tits
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:28, archived)
Natural redhead too.
Fancy that.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:29, archived)

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple."
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:21, archived)

PUGFIT
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:21, archived)
perve

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:22, archived)
There was a pug being walked yesterday, by my house.
I thought of you, and then carried on nomming my fried egg sandwich.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:22, archived)
D: why didn't you call me? I would have drove...

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:30, archived)
I haven't got your number.
I've got several b3tans numbers without names though. Bloody bashes. Bloody getting drunk.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:31, archived)
I went to a party on Wednesday and there was a pug and a sausage dog there.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:23, archived)
Why is there not
a youtube clip of them having sex while you poledance in the background ?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:27, archived)
D: why didn't you call me? I would have drove...

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:29, archived)
I was reading the bash street kids and there was a plug.
I thought of cher.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:25, archived)
get da motha fuckin big shit out my motha fuckin ocean

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:22, archived)
i don't click on youtube links, i'm sure many others do and enjoy them alot, it's just not for me, no offence
smashing
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:23, archived)
are you still doing this?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:37, archived)

stalinvsmartians.com/en/
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:24, archived)
That is the most amazingly shit thing I have ever seen.
Even if there was Debbie Gibson tentacle rape in the climactic scene it could not be redeemed in my eyes.

The animation looks like the opening credits of Balamory.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:24, archived)
How can you say that
when there is a scene when a shark eats a plane. While it's flying. That is the coolest thing ever.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:25, archived)
It's just so scientifically inaccurate
I dont know where to start.

I mean, how high is the plane flying ? 30,000 feet ? WTF D00D !
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:28, archived)
But it's a MEGA SHARK
and therefore exempt from regular science. only MEGA SCIENCE would apply and in MEGA SCIENCE a shark can jump out of the sea and eat a plane that's in flight.

It also allows an octopus to pull down an oil platform.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:29, archived)
Dont even get me started on the "octogay"
I mean what does it eat ?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:32, archived)
ym

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:33, archived)
This is so shit I'm going to ask my own question:
Can anyone recommend some good Nintendo DS games?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:31, archived)
Jesus can
I'll pray for you.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:33, archived)
yes
all the castlevania games, mario kart ds, legend of zelda - phantom hourglass, metroid prime hunters, new super mario bros., yoshi's island ds, chrono trigger, final fantasy iii and iv, advance wars: dual strike, kirby: squak squad, the phoenix wright series, pokemon diamond/pearl/platinum
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:34, archived)
Got Mariokart, New Super Mario Bros., Pokemon Diamond and Chrono Trigger.
I'm not really looking for retro stuff though.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:35, archived)
metroid prime hunters is a first person shooter dealio

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:39, archived)
Okay, thanks for the list, I'll look into some of those.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:40, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPvmIxu-LSA
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:32, archived)
double yes!
www.watch-movies-links.net/movies/mega_shark_vs_giant_octopus/
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:33, archived)
What part of the Bible
do you most wish was true ?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:58, archived)
I've not read most of it
turning water into wine would be good though.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:00, archived)
I've turned wine into water on a number of occasions.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:01, archived)
The bit where Moses parted his hair and then set his pubes on fire.
It just got misunderstood and blown out of proportion, that's all.

gguuuuuh, hungover. Someone make me teas and bacons...
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:00, archived)
cup of bacon and a tea sandwich?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:02, archived)
Tea
made with liquid bacon fat instead of milk.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:03, archived)
How about a compromise and we use pig's milk?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:08, archived)
You can't milk a pig.
Fact.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:10, archived)
no...
YOU can't milk a pig
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:10, archived)
You can try,
But it'll fucking kill you.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:11, archived)
And you'll get worms.
Also a fact.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:12, archived)
Who said anything about a pig?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:10, archived)

         _.-'~~~~~~`-._
/ || \
/ || \
| || |
| _______||_______ |
|/ ----- \/ ----- \|
/ ( ) ( ) \
/ \ ----- () ----- / \
/ \ /||\ / \ _____ They go through bone like butter.
/ \ /||||\ / \
/ \ /||||||\ / \
/_ \o========o/ _\
`--...__|`-._ _.-'|__...--'
| `' |

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:12, archived)
No sugar,
I'm sweet enough already.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:13, archived)
Yeah you can. Where do you think goats milk comes from.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:12, archived)
I've never thought of that...
Where does sheep-cheese come from then?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:14, archived)
Dog tits.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:16, archived)
... And suddenly the world makes sense again.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:17, archived)
Piglets manage.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:14, archived)
Yeah,
But if you try suckling on it's pig-tit, it won't be happy.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:15, archived)
Unless you're also a piglet?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:18, archived)

*heats frying pan*
*gets kettle*
*fills kettle with water*
*knocks over kettle onto cooker*
*flames boom up*
*in a panic, I try to waft the flames out with the bacon*
*its no good, I'll try and cook the bacon anyway*
*Argh. So much fire*
*there's water in the pan so I'll just chuck the teabags in as well*
*pours entire contents into a mug*

There you go. Do you mind cleaning up the kitchen afterwards? I'm going to lie down.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:04, archived)
*Chugs*
That tasted FREAKING AMAZING! amazingly tasted of shit.

I won't clean up, but I'll do an impression of Henry Winkler with a Henry vacuum cleaner.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:11, archived)
awww DG
I'll make you some frankfurters.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:16, archived)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
I almost caved in at the weekend, I'VE BEEN A GOOD BOY :(
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:17, archived)
Keep at it man!
Don't fall off the wagon into a DELICIOUS PILE OF FRANKIES
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:24, archived)
Naked chicks marching about not giving a shit

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:01, archived)
this
www.youtube.com/watch?v=bar3GOzDNzg
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:01, archived)
this is actually brilliant
i hope you've watched it
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:07, archived)
It is indeed

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:15, archived)
Manna and honey.
Or FIRE AND BRIMSTONE.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:01, archived)
Apples gave me knowledge.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:02, archived)
This:
"And he found a new jawbone of an ass, and put forth his hand, and took it, and slew a thousand men therewith."

A thousand people? With a donkey-gum?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:02, archived)
*cough*
"You Ethiopians will also be slaughtered by my sword," says the LORD. And the LORD will strike the lands of the north with his fist. He will destroy Assyria and make its great capital, Nineveh, a desolate wasteland, parched like a desert. The city that once was so proud will become a pasture for sheep and cattle. All sorts of wild animals will settle there. Owls of many kinds will live among the ruins of its palaces, hooting from the gaping windows."

Dead Africans and hooting owls really pump my nads.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:06, archived)
Hmmm...
[God hating Africans/AIDS reference/tired sigh]

I do worry about fundamentalists. Them and owls.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:09, archived)
It is their beady eyes
and the ability to almost completely revolve their head I don't trust. Fundamentalists that is.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:11, archived)
nice Breakfast Club Reference there.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:12, archived)
Using me as a weapon you could slay 1000 men.
Gayly
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:19, archived)
You're pretty skinny,
Maybe we could make a giant crossbow and fire you at 'em?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:22, archived)
Where Satan and God have a bet to see whether Job would turn bad if they did loads of horrible things to him.
I bet they got the idea from the Dan Ackroyd part of Trading Places.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:03, archived)
Personally
I'd like to see Noahs Ark. Full of two of every animal.

Just for the spectacle.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:03, archived)
It'd be the BEST zoo in the world.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:11, archived)
I'd just like to see Noah
being chased around the place by an agry gorilla while his sons are trying to stop the Lions eating the antelopes.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:12, archived)
some of the old war ones.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:04, archived)
Years at a church school means the bible was drummed into me.
As a kid though I always liked the story of Balaam's ass. Just cos it had a talking donkey in it.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:06, archived)
I prefer the tale of Marys cunt

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:07, archived)
Immaculate conception my arse!
I heard she bloody loved it when God gave her a good seeing to!
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:09, archived)
I heard he did her up the shitter

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:09, archived)
Which version is that in?
It isn't in the King James....
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:13, archived)
It's in the "Little boys Catholic bible stories"

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:14, archived)
"Sure, and young Eammon
would you not like to know more about what Mary felt when the Lord visited her ?"

"No father"

"Oh go-waaaan !"
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:15, archived)
Leads me into the joke...
How do you know a catholic priest is a paedophile?

He is Catholic and he is a priest.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:18, archived)
The bit where babies were dashed against the rocks.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:07, archived)
Only because it gives you the horn

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:10, archived)

Samaria shall become desolate; for she hath rebelled against her God: they shall fall by the sword: their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with child shall be ripped up.

I think this was before Jesus got God into Marijuana though
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:10, archived)
Ezekiel 23:20
she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:10, archived)
Her lovers spunked horses?
Sounds like a furries dream.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:11, archived)
spunked like horses rather than actual horses

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:13, archived)
Yeah
it means they had massive cocks and spunked like a racehorse pissing.

You have to wonder what the fuck God was trying to teach us putting this sort of FILTH where kids could read it.

If you wrote that in a Tomas the Tank Engine book "...and the steam came out of Tomas's pipe like a randy stallions cum" the Christians would be burning it quicker than you could blink.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:17, archived)
I can just see some old dude
in the desert, writing that shit down with a quill in one hand and the other bashing away at his cock.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:12, archived)
Sandy

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:13, archived)
Or the bit where God tells Abraham to kill his son, just for a laugh.
That God, eh? What a japester!
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:10, archived)
I liked this part where he placed all those bits of contradictory evidence to the bible
just to test out faith, the cad.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:13, archived)
The bit where Neo says 'Why do my eyes hurt' and Morpheus says 'I poked them with my cock LOL'.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:10, archived)
The bit where someone loves me :(

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:11, archived)
They took that bit out
because it was fucking shit.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:13, archived)
I wish the plagues on Egypt happened again.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:14, archived)
yeah
fuckng pyramiddy, walking sideways cunts.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:16, archived)
John 11:35
I think of that every time I come here
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:14, archived)

here
LOL
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:17, archived)
i like the bit where jesus does a skid and kills a kid, then unlucky for him chops off his willy with a dusbin lid, only kidding, no offence, forum banter
great
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:14, archived)
you're losing your facade

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:18, archived)
leave him alone, he's happily insisting on himself

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:23, archived)
I havn't been able to type words here for a while because of multiple web filters at work.
I have finally managed to bypass them all...yay

Summarize the last few months for me in no more then 10 words..
or just call me names.
Abuse makes me moist.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:27, archived)
shit

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:28, archived)
happens..

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:34, archived)
Monotonous repetative bullshit.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:28, archived)
Wobbling
Racism
Sexface
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:28, archived)
Same old same old
You cunt
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:28, archived)
descriptive AND abusive
like it
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:29, archived)
that sounds like a lot of effort

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:28, archived)
just take your time
and try not to strain anything..
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:35, archived)
Hello.
I may be popping in to see you next week.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:28, archived)
herro.
hold on, i just noticed your message..
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:31, archived)
Are you still in that shop in Chesterton?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:35, archived)
indeed. check your gaz

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:37, archived)
I did. They are all dead.
Oh wait.... gaZ...
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:46, archived)
Bashes
Spong in UK fails to meet most b3tards
Lunch threads
Wobbling
JMG
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:28, archived)
You didn't fail to meet me :)

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:47, archived)
Nor me

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:53, archived)
she didn't even TRY to meet me

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:54, archived)
2009

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:29, archived)
Abuse
Impotent rage
Bullying
Impotent rage
Derision
Impotent rage
Attention seeking
Impotent rage
JMG
Impotent rage
Showing off
Impotent rage
Pooing
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:30, archived)

Monster cavewoman knockers. SFW

/relurks

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:30, archived)
Dude your eye is poor
did you not notice also the GARGANTUAN cavewoman vulva ?

Or are you more into fattening yourself up on milky goodness than having sex ?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:32, archived)
phwoar!
That's what I look like when I lie on my back.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:36, archived)
It looks like a plucked chicken with tits

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:39, archived)
plucked tits with chicken?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:40, archived)
I don't know what that would look like

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:41, archived)
I saw that in the paper
35,000 years! If I'm honest I didn't know we'd been around for that long. Humans, not ladies with massive caveman knockers.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:40, archived)
don't belive the liberal media,
trying to destroy god fearing folk
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:48, archived)
if you think about it, it's not that long in terms of the age of the entire planet
but I still thought "35,000 years? That's aaaages."
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:55, archived)
trust the gemans to invent porn

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:47, archived)

Oh from the first that the line got drawn.
It was poison in the land it was on.
One red thread through the middle of a song.
My only one, my only one.

I can remember the age that I was
but not that story that pumped in my blood.
When you were the saviour
and I was the taker of...
Oh where I was.

Oh but man oh man you can do what you want.
Oh man oh man you can do what you want.
The only line that is true is the line you're from.

I have to say there was a mile or two.
I had the itch to fly and I flew.
Now at best we would make our dreams
with something used.
With something used.

And from the minute that the line got drawn.
I couldn't see straight to you for nothing.
Now me, I'm the poison in one.
Yeah I'm the one.
I am the...

Oh but man oh man you can do what you want.
Oh man oh man you can do what you want.
The only line that is true is the line that you're...

Oh man oh man you can do what you want.
Oh man oh man you can do what you want.
The only line that is true is the line you're from.
The only line that is true is the line you're from.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:30, archived)
Well this got pretty queer pretty fast.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:32, archived)
I read that as
"OMG I'M GAY"
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:32, archived)
I got bored.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:33, archived)
Bored of fannies.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:33, archived)
Your mums ruined them all for me.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:34, archived)
You can try sucking my dad's dick.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:36, archived)
Has he washed it after taking it out of your ass?
If not,I'll not bother.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:38, archived)
So what you're saying is you suck clean dicks.
Just clearing this up right here.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:40, archived)
No.
I'm saying you fuck your da.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:42, archived)
You also said you'd suck a clean dick.
I've screenshotted it.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:44, archived)
I never said I would if it was clean.
Just that I wouldn't bother sucking it if he hadn't.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:46, archived)
You're really not helping your case.
It doesn't matter much anyway because here's the damning evidence.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:47, archived)
BOOMSHANKA

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:31, archived)
fo'real

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:32, archived)
May the seed of your loin
grow fruitful in the belly of your woman.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:33, archived)
I tried watching it again recently
it wasn't funny
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:36, archived)
Have you been watching series 2 of the news?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:41, archived)
no, the plots are getting too far-fetched now
global warming indeed
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:42, archived)
Of course not
you're not an adolescent boy anymore.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:43, archived)
I'm officially rough trade

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:46, archived)
Dear fascist Bully Boy
Give me some money, you bastard
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:39, archived)
Feb,Mar,Apr

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:35, archived)
Hello blue namer.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:37, archived)
Hello
My profile isn't really worth anyone looking at it :(
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:41, archived)
That's the spirit blue namer.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:42, archived)
That's an anagram of:
A Barf Perm
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:37, archived)
Birthday

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:35, archived)
Ooooh
Is it skankathon tonight?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:39, archived)
Yes.
Yes it is. It'll be kick ass awesome.

You know that song Ghost Town? It's about Coventry. OH EM GEE
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:40, archived)
FUCKING HELL!
I'm proper looking forward to seeing them. I've been getting all school disco, watching old videos on youtube and that.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:42, archived)

about Coventry Craggy Island's national anthem
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:52, archived)

Craggy Island Ireland
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:57, archived)
same thing, surely?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:07, archived)
PAIN

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:36, archived)
chocolate or buttery?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:39, archived)
ALMOND PAIN MOTHERFUCKER

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:41, archived)
I JUST GOT WHAT YOU WERE SAYING AND FEEL A BIT STUPID NOW
I SHOULD PROBABLY STOP TALKING IN CAPS AND ATTRACTING ATTENTION TO IT.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:43, archived)
Just noticing this error right here.
Was drawn to the caps.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:52, archived)
I'M EXTRA THICK BECAUSE I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT HE MEANT
OH NO

ALSO, HELLO UTOL
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:53, archived)
Hello ruh huh cuh paul,
what a Friday we find ourselves in eh?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:00, archived)
i know
it's so different to every other friday that i'm starting to think it's a tuesday in disguise
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:06, archived)
i'm not sure my personal opinion on this forum is worth much, sorry, no offence
smart
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:38, archived)
insisting

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:39, archived)
forum banter
great
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:43, archived)
Had i wanted your opinion..
..I would have pulled my cock from your mouth.
;)
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:42, archived)
wink means no offence mongy.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:43, archived)
i presumed as much, although the use of a semi-colon and a closed bracket could really be anything, i find no offence is easier for forum users to accept, no offence tho
nice
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:47, archived)
It was supposed to be a diagram of me pulling my cock from your mouth..

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:05, archived)
Tedium
Tedium
Christmas
Tedium
bivvy
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:44, archived)
did you see the story relating to tiny water melons? i'm sure you have, sorry for wasting your time, no offence, great
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/5317981/Micro-melons-20-times-smaller-than-regular-size.html
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:52, archived)
i prefer big melons
loltits
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 10:10, archived)
THEN I'm going to the corner shop.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:04, archived)
Dude, you should like totally go and get a CURLY WURLY
In your Honda Accord.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:05, archived)
And if you see any skagheads on the way, you're legally allowed to run them over.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:05, archived)
He appeears to have deleted that story.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:08, archived)
GUTTED.
Well, it's up to us to keep its spirit alive.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:09, archived)
Hehe! I know him IRL
He's actually a sound bloke. I've known him for years.
We went to the same playschool, primary school and secondary school until I moved schools.
I've heard the anecdote in the pub and it sounded better than when I read it on here!
I was dismayed when I got to the bottom of the post and saw his name!
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:10, archived)
That story makes him sound like a right nob.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:11, archived)
Yeah, it does.
He's really not though.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:11, archived)
How does he find the Honda Accord's fuel economy?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:12, archived)
I dunno, he's got a different car now.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:12, archived)
Couldn't get the needle marks out of the paintwork?
Or did some smaller boys nick it?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:13, archived)
pfft!

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:14, archived)
Have you ever tried to get junkie dents out of your bonnet after pinning a semi comatose shadow of a human up against a wall?
No? Well shut the fuck up man. You've got NO IDEA what it's like.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:15, archived)
Who are talking ill of so I can join in pls?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:19, archived)
he's deleted the story

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:22, archived)
Some chap on QOTW..
..who was bullied by, and I quote "one of the "cocks of the year" from the year below.....", who, upon discovering that his tormentor was now a drug addict, tried to run him over in a Honda Accord.

The story has now been deleted.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:23, archived)
Did you step to that shit?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:24, archived)
Why do you think he deleted it?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:25, archived)
fo'sho

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:26, archived)
Maybe he realised
that he sounded like a cock, or maybe he got bullied by nasty people from the /talk board.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:26, archived)
lol he could write a story about that lol.
fo'real
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:27, archived)
Oh come on now..
..statistically, it's impossible that we were ALL in the year below him at school.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:28, archived)
Well, I don't know I recently discovered
that a lot of people here are younger than me, and I'm sure at least one person here must be on heroin.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:29, archived)
lol that bitch from harry potter lol?
fo'shiz
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:31, archived)
I may have linked it for the benefit of /talk users, yes.
www.b3ta.com/talk/6146507
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:26, archived)
represented

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:27, archived)
jesus h christ.
I've not heard anything about the fabled Curly Wurly since I was a wee lass!
They're tops. I agree. Buy one of them.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:07, archived)
At the moment, my favourite chocco combo from the shop over the road is a curly wurly AND a FREDDO.
Double my pleasure and only 35p? Oh, yes.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:09, archived)
but a finger of fudge is just enough to give your kids a treat.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:10, archived)
I have no kids. I'm a man godammit.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:11, archived)
you can still treat other people's children to your fudge

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:28, archived)
Top chocolating RR!

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:11, archived)
*BIG TENS*
*gets chocolate all over your hands*

*hopes that it is chocolate*
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:14, archived)
I have an Irn Bru flavour Wham bar for later.
It's all go here!
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:21, archived)
Hedonist!

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:12, archived)
I'm living the dream.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:13, archived)
I have a boost and ginger beer
it's Friday after all.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:14, archived)
Reach for the sky!

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:16, archived)
Will you tell us when you bored of this too?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:05, archived)
I'll make some dinner when I get bored of that.
You can all help me decide what to make.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:06, archived)
Why are threads like this left alone
but LOLRANDOM threads by people over the 50,000 user mark are mercilessly shot down?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:08, archived)
Oh, and get me a packet of Malteasers.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:08, archived)
Hey, I'm just joining in.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:08, archived)
If I think about the internet and half of the meaningless gobshites in it like a primary school
it all makes a bit more sense.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:12, archived)
Badger's being satirical

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:13, archived)
There is a very thin line between satire and actually just posting what you are doing

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:25, archived)
i think it is good to support local shops
but this in no way a slight towards multi-national companies who i feel also deserve praise, no offence, cool
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:09, archived)
OK so...
I just heard on the radio about a shop in Colchester where someone affixed a professionally made sign to the window, which caused quite a stir. It read, "We would rather do business with gangsters, and terrorists than serve a single British soldier. Al Qaeda sympathisers welcome." Well freedom of speech and all that is a good thing but this was a funeral parlour.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:11, archived)
That's top real-life trolling right there.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:13, archived)
Should I feel dirty for smiling at that?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:18, archived)
It's clearly been done by an actual Colchester resident.
You tell from the diplomatic and tolerant approach to it's considerate, polite and well-mannered military personenel stationed there.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:20, archived)
Oh. They have the military in Colchester now?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:23, archived)
It's a bit
"I think people who disagree with me should die"
but it's also witty, so you can let them off.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:21, archived)
I'M WEARING A SHIRT
everything is wrong
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:26, archived)
So yeah, I'm totally going to the garden centre today, what should I buy?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:44, archived)
shrubbery

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:44, archived)
Had people stopped paying you attention?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:45, archived)
As you get out of breath scrolling down the page
www.b3ta.com/talk/6150140
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:47, archived)


(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:49, archived)
Need your inhaler?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:49, archived)
LOLfat

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:53, archived)
Oh so you're adopting Mykey's ineffectual deflection, eh?
Nice one.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:03, archived)
I like how he gets the hump about being called fat all the time
because he NEVER repeats the same thing endlessly about anyone.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:10, archived)
Posts from over a year ago...
At least use something recent in your argument!
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:20, archived)
It's not recent so it didn't happen?
Do fuck off.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:50, archived)
Ha.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:22, archived)
A shed

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:45, archived)
A lottery ticket.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:46, archived)
decking and a shed

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:47, archived)
An axe and some cherry blossom trees
and summat else. I don't know.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:47, archived)
A big bag of lime and a shovel.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:48, archived)
a radiator or some woodworking equipment or something like that
:P
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:50, archived)
You should like totally buy a statue of a dog licking a cat

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:51, archived)
i would have no idea what you require from the garden centre and as such am in no position to offer any advice to you on purchaces, sorry about that, no offence
great
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:52, archived)
Their most expensive garden.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:01, archived)
A little cactus or a glowy pink fibonacci plant.
That's what I bought last week. Also seeds. Blue poppies, lavender and some weird origami looking flowers.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:02, archived)
A cherub fountain where the water comes out of its COCK

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:02, archived)
a fresh front lawn

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:02, archived)
Venus Fly trap
I used to have one on my desk at work, If you feed them McDonalds they die.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:04, archived)
So, if you won the lottery this weekend
What would you buy first?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:41, archived)
Driving lessons
posh dentist
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:41, archived)
although probably a ticket to london to pick up the money
and a pint
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:42, archived)
Pretty car

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:42, archived)
I'd buy millions of lottery tickets and try and be the first to win twice in a row.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:42, archived)
Some toenails
I have a pretty good knack for losing them at the moment. Hello.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:43, archived)
leprosy

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:44, archived)
More likely stupidity.
Or my feet are door frame magnets.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:45, archived)
You'd only paint them
You mincing mary-queen.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:54, archived)
I'd make them look like little cherries

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:56, archived)
A gastric bypass operation.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:44, archived)
'cos y'know, i'm fat and that.
ZOMG
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:46, archived)
fatty fatty fat fat
Hello
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:46, archived)
Alright, you filthy old leper?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:49, archived)
Aye, not bad
I'm doing it wrong today. I can hear blood pumping like a bastard in my ears so I drank a pint of insanity coffee, now I can feel it too.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:52, archived)
I'm going to assume you're hot until this gets proved otherwise.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:46, archived)
Oh well yeah I like totally am.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:51, archived)
that's totally awesome

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:52, archived)
pay off mortgage

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:46, archived)
That's something sensible that you could put off,
you'd first have to buy a ex soviet tank or something.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:47, archived)
Original Mk1 GT40

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:50, archived)
a pub
i'd phone up everyone i'd ever met, and say "i've just bought a pub, come round and help me drink it dry"

that would be my number one priority
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:53, archived)
Would there be scampi fries?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:54, archived)
nah
we'd have to go out roaring drunk and buy a kebab shop later
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:56, archived)
or you could ring up dominoes
and not even go for one of the offers.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:58, archived)
Ooooh
Yes.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:05, archived)
Well, I'm changing my answer to this

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:56, archived)
That's a great idea.
Can I come?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:10, archived)
A plane ticket.
:)
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 9:06, archived)
Morning poo.
An all-time great Brown trout.
Firm consistency, perfectly shaped, good size, minimal odour and wiping.

Only marred by the lack of newspapers to read in the upstairs Bog.

9.5/10
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:45, archived)
good to hear.
just please tell me it's not the Daily Mail that you read in the loo?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:47, archived)
There's nothing to read in the Upstairs Bog

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:49, archived)
You tell the thicko mash-faced baby scarer,

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:52, archived)
record breaker

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:53, archived)
also
Upstairs Bog Daily Mail
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:17, archived)
I HATE EVERYONE.
BOO TO YOU ALL.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:47, archived)
you do not hate everyone
it just feels like you do.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:48, archived)
I LOVE EVERYONE
YAY FOR YOU ALL
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:49, archived)
Hello Baldmonkey, I've done something very dull, have you been to the garden centre today?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:50, archived)
Not yet.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:51, archived)
podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:51, archived)
Have you been the the center of the garden center?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:52, archived)
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:53, archived)
nice innit

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:54, archived)
no
i hate it
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:54, archived)
back to hating things again eh
how fickle
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:55, archived)
no wonder its started pissing it down.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:50, archived)
I'm fairly certain my shit has been completely transformed into gas.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:06, archived)
do you have papers in the downstairs bog?
or is it just books. is your spacky missus going to work today?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:07, archived)
Hello lady!

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:23, archived)
*snuffles*
yo yo yo
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:39, archived)
It must be Good Poo Friday, Badger
I can report that a similarly satisfying cable has been laid here. Reading material this morning consisted of the Screwfix Direct catalogue.
Firm but not too firm, almost odourless and an ace drawn on the first wipe.
I have that nice post-poo feeling, and am ready for f**d.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:15, archived)
HELLO EVERYONE
I've not been to sleep yet. Humph, really starting to feel tired now.

Hello Badger and Badger's poo.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:21, archived)
Yay!
Winter is here! It's bucketing down at the moment (has been for two days) and is about 11 degrees!
Time for heating and the trusty flannel bedsheets to come out.

How's your day so far poppets?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:44, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6150117
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:46, archived)
Yeah, that's a sympathy reply.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:47, archived)
terribly sympathetic
I can feel the fluff just oozing from you all the way here in Aus.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:48, archived)
+n

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:54, archived)
It's banging it down here as well
It's folded my tomato plants.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:49, archived)
poor tomato plants
Put a tarp over them? Or an Umbrella? my dad does that..

... but then my dad is a little odd.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:50, archived)
I'm an odd dad
You can ask her.

I've never kept tomatos before, hence I'm automatically shit.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:53, archived)
doesn't matter if you're
a little bit odd. You love your kid and that's all that matters.

As an aside tomatoes grow really well against a wall that gets some sunlight (a few hours a day) but not too much. And a sunshade cloth stretched above them will let water through, stop them getting burnt and will help keep them from folding when it buckets
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:59, archived)
VC:
Saving tomatos, online.

I mean, ta!
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:03, archived)
/sweeps in in red lyrca
Never fear - VC is here!
Now bring me that tomato!

did I mention props for them to grow against, like a lattice or somesuch?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:05, archived)
Mrs Kindly Landlady
said she has some canes for me. Then she'll give me something to help keep tomatos upright.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:07, archived)
Awesome
now this stuff is the kind of stuff I mean.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:09, archived)
My eyes!

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:10, archived)
Yeah I know it's terrible on the eyes
BUT it does a bloody good job.
Don't get more then 40% for your toms or they won't get enough sunlight.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:13, archived)
I've decided.
I'm going to spend a dat posting BGN, just to see what they get out of it.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:56, archived)
I'm out of the loop
but if it stands for Big Gay Noel, I'm ok with it.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:57, archived)
In the loop now
KKKHHHHHHHH.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:01, archived)
Excellent so far
It being Friday and all
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:58, archived)
As much as I love fridays
I also work friday nights.
Will be a long one I think...
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:00, archived)
That sucks donkey balls

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:10, archived)
Better than sucking donkey gums
apparently.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:12, archived)
I can neither confirm nor deny this
Although his Cher looks might excite a niche audience
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:14, archived)
yup but it's good pay
so I'll put up with it. It's what's paying for moving to the UK.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:13, archived)
I see
Why is it our countries seem to swap people so much?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:14, archived)
probably cos Aus is so isolated
and England is cold - so we swap. Some of you guys think travelling four or five hours by car to be a long journey. it's not. it really isn't. In six hours I can be on the other side of my state, or over the border - past adelaide and heading towards the Flinders Ranges.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:23, archived)
In six hours i wouldnt even be back in my home town from here.
Its not especially long
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:35, archived)
I like travelling.
I think the longest time I've travelled in a car was from Eucla to the other side of the Nullabour Plains. was about 14 hours. left at 8, got in at 10pm.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 8:39, archived)
I don't care about general malaise.
What do you not give a shit about this fine morning?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 6:35, archived)
Harry Potter.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 6:39, archived)
I'd give that Watson woman a thump up the knickers though
she'd be expelliarmusing my polyjuice potion for a fortnight I can tell you
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 6:41, archived)
My trump smells like a burnt match.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 6:44, archived)
Nah, just the look of her sends me the cockus witherus spell.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 6:45, archived)
I'd actually quite like to punch that ginger kid too
I should probably write a fanfic
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 6:48, archived)
I hear slash is a lovely community
you'd be one of many to give your 11 pence worth:

"Results 1 - 10 of about 514,000 for harry potter fan fic.'
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 6:57, archived)
who said anything about Harry Potter fanfic?
I meant Easty
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 6:58, archived)
lololol

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:01, archived)
roflmao

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:02, archived)
etc

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:02, archived)
What does that one stand for?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:09, archived)
excruciating tit cramp

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:11, archived)
SickRik

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 6:39, archived)
I concur.
He is rather dull.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 6:45, archived)
The bloody weather
talk about miserable...all grey and bleurgh.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:08, archived)
Sexface
Sick Rik without the redeeming features.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:14, archived)
what the hell is hawk the slayer wednesday?
I like hawk the slayer.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:15, archived)
HAWK THE SLAYER'S RUBBISH

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:16, archived)
bah and tischs
its utterly fantastic.

Infact I may watch it this very afternoon after I have slept just for spite.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:18, archived)
it's no Red Sonja, that's for damn sure

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:23, archived)
I am desperatly trying to think of one good thing about red sonja and cannot think of anything
even the lesbian sideline was poor.

not enough tits!
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:25, archived)
I'd just like to say this.
'Leeds United? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA'
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:28, archived)
serves 'em right, knuckle-dragging yorkist neanderthals

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:33, archived)
Playing Norwich next season in the third division?
HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:35, archived)
I've got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one
This sore throat is one of them. Hello FD, I hope this morning finds you fantastic?
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:36, archived)
I feel sick
cure me
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 6:18, archived)
What kind of sick are you?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 6:19, archived)
General malaise

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 6:32, archived)
Then I prescribe a course of
MAN THE FUCK UP
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 6:34, archived)
Here take one of these.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 6:20, archived)
Did you take it?

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 6:21, archived)
It was my penis.

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 6:30, archived)
I had that cup of coffee, it was ok

(, Fri 15 May 2009, 6:32, archived)
you know those old whaling ships with the big harpoon shizzle on the front for harpooning whales and shit?
I reckon those would be great for hunting dolphins
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 6:24, archived)
*raises an eyebrow*
I hope you feel less sick soon.
(, Fri 15 May 2009, 7:28, archived)

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