Actual conversation:
The Woman: So, how much does it cost to join the library?
Me: Oh, it's nothing. Just turn up and join.
The Woman: Oh cool. And can you take the books out?
Me:...yes...
The Woman: How much do they cost?
Me:.....
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:44, archived)

is she a forrin?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:45, archived)

oh come on
I know some English people that would struggle with this concept.
( turb0t, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:47, archived)

Yes but if she's a forrin,
then she can be let off a bit, as librarys like ours aren't universal.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:48, archived)

Did you not know how much they cost?

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:45, archived)

.......

( Mrs Sp@m, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:46, archived)

- .. - ...

( spacefish bong!, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:47, archived)

How many times have you hit her since this incident?

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:47, archived)

Why not be pleased that someone might be discovering the joys of reading?
I mean, im assuming you are belittling her for not knowing how the local library works, right?
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:47, archived)

I mean, considering the state of local government funds, its surprising there isnt a fee for joining or taking books out

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:48, archived)

It's not just how the local library works.
It's how every public library in the country works. It's difficult to imagine how anyone could reach adulthood without acquiring this very basic piece of knowledge.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:49, archived)

I see.
And how much are they charging for this service?
( nick the greek, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:47, archived)

"... Get out you vile woman. You are obviously far too stupid to learn."

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:49, archived)

you should have told her that
she has to pay you, and only you, £1 for every book she would want to take out or read. You would be quids in.
( turb0t, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:49, archived)

I wish I had an amusing library related anecdote, I would totally tell it right now

( broadsword, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:49, archived)

£10 each
*does a runner with the loot*
( spacefish bong!, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:49, archived)

I just finished some lovely crusty rolls,
and then I sneezed...sending the cunting crumbs EVERYWHERE.
( Mr Gear the gay-maker, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:42, archived)

imagine if you did that in space eh?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:43, archived)

In space,
No one can hear you sneeze.
( Cawl, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:45, archived)

I bib my tunguh. :(

( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:44, archived)

Do you think that in order to know something, we must know how we know it?

( Comma, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:24, archived)

Don't know.

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:26, archived)

Stop asking us to do your homework for you.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:26, archived)

But it's really really interesting.

( Comma, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:27, archived)

I know it is,
and I have formed an idea already. If it wasn't for your homework I'd get into a discussion about it with you.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:28, archived)

erm
*brain pops*
( broadsword, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:27, archived)

Nope
That way you'd end up squarely up your own arsehole. Some things just aren't worth considering.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:27, archived)

or more importantly
if you were an astronaught would you do this woman, just to say you had sex in zero gravity
inapcache.boston.com/universal/site_graphics/blogs/bigpicture/shuttle_05_18/s20_5e006592.jpg
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:28, archived)

I would say yes.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:28, archived)

yes.

( GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:28, archived)

That man looks like Alistair McGowan doing Gary Lineker.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:29, archived)

pfft

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:42, archived)

You'd have to consider it
In the name of science of course.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:29, archived)

she looks quite nice in this pic
inapcache.boston.com/universal/site_graphics/blogs/bigpicture/shuttle_05_18/s10_18964503.jpg
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:30, archived)

OK then
As long as the other dudes wait outside.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:31, archived)

To be an astronaut (although Cosmonaut is a better word)
you have to be intelligent, fit and healthy and not be a socially inept retard.

I'd slip it up her.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:32, archived)

Hitler has a new moustache
and new haircut
( turb0t, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:33, archived)

ha ha

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:34, archived)

I've got to be honest
I'd probably do one of the blokes as well.
( nick the greek, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:32, archived)

Know you know to know, without the know to know know know?

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:28, archived)

Or know the know know, know the know know, know the know know, know know THERE'S NO LIMITS!

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:29, archived)

Speaking from personal experience
I find it difficult to understand and use something (most recently gears on a machine) unless I can visualise how it works, or why it does what it does.

But taking other examples, e.g. "we know that the Earth goes round the Sun", it's important to know how we know this, as it is proof that it happens. Otherwise you're just taking someone's word for it, surely?
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:28, archived)

That's really interesting.
I think it's important for there to be knowledge of how the Earth goes around the sun, but it isn't important for me to have that knowledge.
I think that I do know that the Earth goes around the sun, but I know it because someone told me, and that that person (or someone else further back in the chain) worked it out. And even if I didn't remember being told, I'd still know the fact, but that's a different matter.
Nobody would know it if nobody (including dead people) knew how it happens, but not everybody has to know how it happens for them to know.
( Comma, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:32, archived)

No, it's not especially important for you to know that the Earth goes round the Sun, for everyday life
but now that I know that fact, I couldn't imagine not knowing it. If that makes any sense.

Maybe it's like most people and computers. I don't know how binary, electrical processes within the computer chips, the most basic parts of a computer work, or really how an operating system translates all that. But I can use a computer.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:37, archived)

What are you talking about
the earth is flat, everybody knows this, and the sun rises from beneath it every morning, and sets down below it every evening.
( turb0t, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:40, archived)

And it's turtles all the way down.

( nick the greek, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:44, archived)

Soupy and George
My turtles may disagree with you,

They think the world is humans all the way down.

Eplains why they once tried climbing up my bf's trouser leg. "I WANT TO EXPLOOOORE"
(theneet began to cut her hair and long for balls, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:48, archived)

But if you're just taking someone's word for it,
you're only putting faith in others, and as such it constitutes a belief, rather than knowledge, even if it happens to be true as well.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:47, archived)

It's useful
but only essential if you're being asked to quote sources.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:30, archived)

I struggle with this
In my old job we had to work out a customers commission with a bit of algebra that was quite complicated and everyone who had less than half a braincell could do it because they were just following instructions on a piece of paper, however there were three of us who could never get it and all of us were the top three team performers and having the highest score in the interview maths test. It was because we wanted to know WHY and how it worked when all they would say to us was "just ignore it it just does"

I still can't do it to this day.
( Mrs Sp@m, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:34, archived)

If you can't prove what you think you know,
you don't really know it, you only think it. But of course it is possible to think anything at all without knowing why, whether it is true or not.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:44, archived)

its a long shot but
Trying to remember the name of a film I saw a LONG time ago.
Probably a late 70's film.
Main plot devise is criminal who has a gadget that when flashed into someone's eyes 'pauses' or 'freezes' them in the same spot for hours on end.
That's about as much as I can remember.
No it wasn't porn.
I thought it was called blink/er or flash but IMDB says no for those or similar

Edit: you guys rule, cheers!
(negative armadillo There never was much hope..just a fool's hope., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:12, archived)

Looker
uk.imdb.com/title/tt0082677/
( nick the greek, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:12, archived)

not very 70's

( turb0t, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:13, archived)

1981 was still a bit late 70s.
More early 80s but it's the only film I remember with that freezing gadget.
( nick the greek, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:14, archived)

yeah out by a couple of years
knew it was 'turn of the decadeish'
(negative armadillo There never was much hope..just a fool's hope., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:15, archived)

YES!
thank you!

*looks up on IMDB*

Crichton film... no wonder it stuck in my brain
(negative armadillo There never was much hope..just a fool's hope., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:14, archived)

No worries.
I always liked that film but haven't seen it in a long long time.
( nick the greek, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:16, archived)

for some reason a lot of Crichton not available onb DVD
have been wanting to watch Coma again for ages, proper spooked me out as a kid
(negative armadillo There never was much hope..just a fool's hope., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:17, archived)

Yeah, that's another one I haven't seen in years too.
It seems to be put on the telly every now and again at 2am for some reason.
( nick the greek, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:18, archived)

watched Westworld again recently
also awesome.

They were always showing these kind of films on Videodrome on BBC2, used to be great, remember staying up to watch Escape From New York for the first time
(negative armadillo There never was much hope..just a fool's hope., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:26, archived)

They should make a sequel to Westworld
At the beginning of the film, i recall that there were other "worlds" that people could go to, and they should make a film about one of those alternate worlds. And as and extra twist, they could make it so that the robots don't go wrong and try to kill everybody.
( turb0t, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:31, archived)

you get to see a bit of medieval world at the start of the film
with awesome robot-wench norks

..ahem..
(negative armadillo There never was much hope..just a fool's hope., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:43, archived)

Hooker

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:13, archived)

who was in it ?

( turb0t, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:13, archived)

Booker T

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:13, archived)

Dunno
SPACE www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/05/hubbles_final_servicing_missio.html
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:13, archived)

awesome

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:17, archived)

I like the picture of those two guys giving the thumbs up sign
They've got the coolest job in the world and they look like akward scout masters.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:24, archived)

nice :D

( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:18, archived)

haha
has anyone been on /board recently?
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:14, archived)

you might want to warn people before directing them at board..
unless, you're the porn posting troll? :p
( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:14, archived)

Naughty Wormulus!

( thealternativefact, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:18, archived)

It's awesome
I'm amazed at how one troll can cause such massive outrage.
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:18, archived)

I think it's his massive pictures...

( thealternativefact, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:20, archived)

Aw fuck, you arsehole :P

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:18, archived)

Oh dear
Still, at least its not scat porn this time
( broadsword, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:21, archived)

You bastard
my boss sits behind me, and he can see big pictures on my screen :(
( turb0t, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:22, archived)

Podcast 13 is up.
baldmonkeystuff.blogspot.com/
I thought you'd all like to know.
If you didn't want to know, what would you like to know instead?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:40, archived)

Friday's euromillions numbers

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:41, archived)

LOL

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:43, archived)

I showed your kitten skittles to my friends
they liked it.

you should turn it into a game show.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:43, archived)

It's all over the show already.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:45, archived)

please

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:43, archived)

Why does your love hurt so much?

( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:43, archived)

Secret urethra rusty nail prank bummings.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:44, archived)

Lockjaw buggerist

( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:47, archived)

Am I in it?

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:43, archived)

Yes.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:44, archived)

My level of giving a shit has just increased.
BTW, I liked the one where you talked about me bleeding in the toilet bowl and it looking like I'd hacked apart a lamb. You dodged the dinosaur question, but it was very amusing regardless.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:47, archived)

How long will I be delayed coming back from Morecambe this evening?
If it's more than 12 minutes I get to jump ship early as I go over 6 hours before a break. Illegal innit.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:43, archived)

7 years.
You will meet a dark stranger, fall in love and go travelling before coming back from Morecambe this evening.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:45, archived)

Get right in!

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:45, archived)

The fog is lifting.
I can see more clearly.
The stranger is... Timmy Mallet.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:46, archived)

Ports/storms

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:47, archived)

And he's inviting me to watch.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:47, archived)

Sit iin the corner and keep your hand where I can see them
Do NOT look me in the eye
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:51, archived)

GJBM

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:44, archived)

WDTMW

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:45, archived)

YMISGAY

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:46, archived)

OISTYFE

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:46, archived)

This will be migrating to my mp3 player
THIS EVENING
( Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:45, archived)

MOTHER FUCKING PEGGLE AND BOOKWORM ON THE IPOD !
Do you realise what this means? Do you quite know how good this is to humanity?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:46, archived)

I got peggle last week
Zuma will be next.
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:46, archived)

oh no zuma too
:D
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:20, archived)

PEGGLE ON THE IPOD?
FUCK YES
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:06, archived)

*Does a super-secret peggle on ipod hand-shake*

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:10, archived)

YOU'RE UP
You wankstain bald monkey, baldmonkey.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 11:46, archived)

Who would win between me and you if we played a game of 'dick touch'?

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:47, archived)

What does it involve?

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:48, archived)

We have to go to a very busy party, only eye level room, standing.
take it in turns to see how many people we can touch our dicks onto, out of the fly. +bonus points for CEOs and MDs.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:50, archived)

I'm having a party that will be like that on sunday
I hope no one plays that.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:03, archived)

Also, this is my favourite post from me for today.
www.b3ta.com/talk/5574592
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:48, archived)

That was on my birthday too.

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:51, archived)

Well that ruins that post then, doesn't it...fucks sake...you just HAVE ruin things, don't you?

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:52, archived)

I'm just angry
that my posts here went unappreciated.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:02, archived)

genius

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:52, archived)

Do you think I can get away with having the M*A*S*H theme tune as my ringtone
considering where I work ?
or would it offend the surgeons.
( turb0t, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:49, archived)

What's the frequency, baldmonkey?

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:51, archived)

as usual.
it's playing in the background.

was my problem in it last week? maybe i'll listen to it when i get home.
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:53, archived)

bet you don't
you're a massive liar.
( jenpots, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:58, archived)

i may be massive, but i'm no liar!

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:02, archived)

Liar! Liar! Your bum's on fire!
Your hair sticks up like telephone wire!
( jenpots, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:04, archived)

will you still love me tomorrow?

( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Tue 19 May 2009, 11:59, archived)

How will you be celebrating your birthday?

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:05, archived)

where the mods are for /board at the mo

( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:06, archived)

Eggy
Cup
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:40, archived)

cock...T....Tues....t....t
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:42, archived)

Woop woop woop

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:45, archived)

YES !
Now THIS is a Wormulus Meme a man like me, a simple man, can get behind.

But first, you'll have to explain it to me, what is this Eggy cup?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:45, archived)

We're justified and we're ancient
and we drive an Ice Cream Van.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:05, archived)

I can't really claim to be in my early 20's from Sunday
That makes me ancient.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:06, archived)

LOL THE LUDICROUS MISGUIDED OPINIONS OF YOUTH
You're young till you're old.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:07, archived)

But I thought you were 36ish?
;P
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:07, archived)

If only I could turn back time.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

You haven't had sex in so long you've got dust on your willy.
'Nobwebs' if you will...
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:11, archived)

If only that weren't true

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

It's ok bud.
I've had Bob Hoskins, think how I feel. He thumb fucked me, whilst saying "Yit's Good Ta Tawwk!"
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:15, archived)

I bet he gave you a stubble rub with his hairy chin on the back of your neck
and you squirmed like a bookish schoolgirl being kissed by a bully.
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:16, archived)

He tugged my pigtails and you watched and got a soft-on

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:20, archived)

images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/thumb/d/dd/EpicObjection.jpg/800px-EpicObjection.jpg
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:38, archived)

pfft :D

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:40, archived)

If you were a muslim, would you be a Sunni (sunny) or Shia (Chair) ?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:24, archived)

I would be a chair that faces east at all times.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:27, archived)

I'm in my mid-20's
and I haven't achieved anything of note in my life.
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:08, archived)

Ditto,

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

Late twenties here
Nowt achieved. GO UNDER-ACHIEVERS
( Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:10, archived)

30
and a slacking waster.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:11, archived)

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:10, archived)

+ DDDDDDDGGGEEEEEEEEEEEE who would like some?

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

I'd LOVE some
THANK YOU
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:14, archived)

*bends over*
reach into the fudge ove then
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:16, archived)

Anal [Mining]
Anal [Find Fudge]
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:17, archived)

This is one of my favourite memes.

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:18, archived)

Twisting my words
you fudge munching bastards
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:17, archived)

Your fudge, It's soft and got nuts in it
MY nuts.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:22, archived)

You wish
If only I had a nut allergy
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:26, archived)

SSHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIi
ver my timbers, i wouldn't say no
( spacefish bong!, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:14, archived)

Who does in their 20's ?
Other than Charlemagne and William Pitt the Younger.

Both of whom were cunts in any case.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:10, archived)

Actually I was just saying it to make him feel even worse.

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:13, archived)

VAGINA

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:37, archived)

I scratched my nose and now it's bleeding

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:06, archived)

I punched my mum and now she's weeing

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:08, archived)

I punched my mum once
She had fair warning
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:10, archived)

You cunt
you just flooded Africa
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:16, archived)

It's ok. Your mum's patted together by a muddy spastic house is fine. Well, I say fine, even the poor Afican kids laugh at her house & face that looks like a overused tennis shoe

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:18, archived)

She may look like an overused tennis shoe
but don't you dare say a word about her house. Three mongs died assembling it from their own faeces.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:20, archived)

assfixiation from where your mum dived on them, trying to gobble the goodness from their nutty trouncheons
you won't win. I'm the world's sickest fuck ;P
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:25, archived)

I challenge thee to a duel
beckyjsbx.mybrute.com

Your mum can't play, cos she'd suck all the other contenders up into her windsock vag
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:27, archived)

Your mum's cunt is so massive that if you shouted into it, the echo that comes out 15 minutes later would sound like Frankie Howerd doing a sneeze from bouncing around her deformed, Frankenstein's monster of a cervix.
Rocky Once went 12 rounds with her clit and lost. It's so hairy that when you were born you had 3rd degree burns all over your body. Her womb is lined with 70's indian restaurant wallpaper.

;P
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:35, archived)

Her Mum's clit is like a gorilla's fist holding a cock.

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:38, archived)

I like how deep and sick we go with the 'YM' thing.
Sometimes I wish I wrote down some of the shit we've said to each other :)
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:39, archived)

It was of the moment
If we wrote it down it would just end up like the baldmonkey podcast.
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:44, archived)

Your mum's face is so nasty, the doctor slapped her twice when you were born
Her cankles are so sludgey that dwarves get stuck in the folds and are there right now, screaming for mercy they know they'll never receive. Her feet are so putrid, the pavement cracks beneath her, most people think it's her astounding weight, but it's the godawful smell that does it really. Her nipples are so hairy, there's long forgotten explorers in there, rooting through the vegetation. She never was so hot on personal hygiene afterall, but don't worry, they eat each time she does, her shovelling technique for food isn't quite perfected yet, so she's classed as a dropper. Her hair, well Italians have mistaken it for spaghetti more than once and tried to boil her head to get at it. That might account for her nose, but I still say there's no excuse for the rest of her face. And her flange, dear me her tumescent rotting fuckhole...If you can imagine a smell more rancid, that spirals up from her gargantuan cunt and chokes innocent passers by with it's withering gasses, I wouldn't like to bear witness. Nothing compares to her flaps.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:44, archived)

*claps* EPIC!

I was actually smacked twice when born because I wasn't crying hard enough :(
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:52, archived)

wins

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:59, archived)

p.s. I don't have one those mybrute thingys :S

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:37, archived)

sign up and get one
they're awfully fun :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:44, archived)

I already play the grownup version of Warcraft. I'm already sad enough...

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:55, archived)

Oh dear
That's three relatively normal guys I know now that play that thing. Oh the humanity
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:59, archived)

Ice Cream Vans are just propagandist tools of the New World Order
They scurry about playing tunes and giving soporifics to the huddled masses, keeping them in line and doped up so they don't see the TRUTH
( Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:08, archived)

but a perfect way to blow up children

(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Tue 19 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

Only an agent of the Illuminati would think such a thing
LIZARD MAN! LIZARD MAN!
( Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:13, archived)

MAKE MINE A 99

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

filthy sod

(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Tue 19 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

MAKE MINE A 23

( spacefish bong!, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

We're justified and we're ancient
with still no master plan?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

ANCIENTS of Mu Mu
ANCIENTS of Mu Mu
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:11, archived)

That one was with Tammy Wynette too, wasn't it?
"they called me up in Tenessee, saying 'Tammy, stand by your man'"

or something.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:15, archived)

Stand by the JAMMS

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:21, archived)

I can't really remember.
I didn't listen to them that much. 3am Eternal was OK.

/hello Miss. How's tricks and that?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:24, archived)

I wasn't a massive fan, truth be told.
FF likes them.

Meh, I'm alright. Not particularly great but then not as shit as some. irldramaoffline etc.

How are you, lovely?
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:26, archived)

I have a sore foot.

( GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:14, archived)

If mine was that long
it'd be sore too.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:26, archived)

We have the creepiest ice cream van by us
the jingle is polyphonic rather than the traditional bell sound, and is a nightmarish rendition of "girls and boys go out to play" played in a minor key
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Tue 19 May 2009, 11:17, archived)

Girls and boys go out to play
on a busy motorway.
( turb0t, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:33, archived)

Turn up the strobe

( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:24, archived)

MASTICATE

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:29, archived)

BENIGN DICTATORSHIP
who is with me ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:53, archived)

The unwashed.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:53, archived)

I prefer a Theocracy
Let's get religion, guys.
( Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:54, archived)

Fuck you. I say Demarchy!
A lottery for who runs the show.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:57, archived)

MONGARCHY
LET THE DOWNSERS RUN THE COUNTRY !!!!

LET NO TONGUE BE HIDDEN, LET NO WINDOW GO UNLICKED !

FREE ICE CREAM AND BALOONS FOR ALL !
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:59, archived)

Theocracy!
GLORY BE TO THE LORD
( Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:00, archived)

BAN THEOCRACY

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:57, archived)

Who'd be the dictator though? I think we should vote.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:55, archived)

VOTE SPANGOLIN

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:57, archived)

I WANT SOMEONE I CAN SEE WHEN BEHIND A PODIUM.
VOTE DG!!! *fonz thumbs*
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:58, archived)

"DO YOU BELIEEEEEEEEEEEVE IN CHANGE?"

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:00, archived)

CHANGE LIFE AFTER LOVE
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:02, archived)

I PUSH MY ANCIENT MUMMIFIED MINGE ON YOUR FACES LIKE I'M STRADDLING A BATTLESHIP

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:04, archived)

And then queef so hard
your stomach inflates like a balloon.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:04, archived)

OR DIE

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:59, archived)

ROUND UP ALL THE SPONGERS AND MAKE THEM BUILD ROADS AND RAILWAYS

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:55, archived)

Send all the foreigners home
and make the fat, lazy, non-working class run around in huge plastic balls like hamsters to generate electricity.

electricity reality tv
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:57, archived)

YEAH ! BUILD BRIDGES BETWEEN COMMUNITTIES, ROADS (maps) OF PEACE AND RAILWAY SOLLUTIONS !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:58, archived)

Fucking feudalism's where it's at
I want some serfs, damnit.
( Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:01, archived)

i haven't seen a decent spong in ages
round up all the gnopsers
( spacefish bong!, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:13, archived)

Can you make it a bit less benign
and a little more malignant?
Ta.
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:55, archived)

why not
WHY NOT?
( GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:56, archived)

I'd like a metastatic garibaldi

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:56, archived)

metastatic garibaldi wank
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:57, archived)

Not beein' funny or nuffin', know what I mean? But we're already in one, innit.
Know what I mean, I didn't voat for brahwn, donno anyone else who did, innit, already in a dictatorship, faakin' 'ell, wouldn't 'appen in Thature's day.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:57, archived)

SHE ONLY TRIED TO DO WHAT WAS BEST FOR BRITAIN - TOUGH TIMES REQUIRE TOUGH MEASURES
I DON'T SEE BROWN'S DEBT HELPING US OUT OF THIS ECONOMIC FUCKUP!!!!!!
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:59, archived)

Finally someone talking sense on here.

(MooCow_Byter, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:58, archived)

A government like in Starship Troopers FTW

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:59, archived)

YOU ARE PROBABLY NOT JOKING

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:00, archived)

He would allow right wing fat tories
to eat the babies of the so called Liberal intelligensia.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:01, archived)

LET THEM DINE ON THE JEW EGGS

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:03, archived)

Send them off to the chambers
in a jew-jew train
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:06, archived)

Militaristic Facism?
Quelle surprise.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:06, archived)

I'm with you.
I wanna be Minister For Justice.
( Cawl, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:01, archived)

And Chief Of Police Cars.
( Cawl, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:02, archived)

Right, lets have a good old fashioned argument,
Expenses, how would you fix the system?

How about having a halls of residence for MP's and scrapping their second home allowance?
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:33, archived)

I made something crap...
The Magenta Accord of Internet Justice!

link to orignal photo.
www.kris.1000lecie.pl/accordpics/Honda%20Accord%20Type%20R.jpg
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:34, archived)

Is that going to chase down the speaker of the house?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:35, archived)

it will bring down anyone who need punished.
Aided by a driver with appropriate driving and ninja skills of course.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:36, archived)

DOES ANYONE HAVE A LINK TO A SCREENSHOT OF THE ORIGINAL POST?

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:46, archived)

Nobody got one.

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

awesome

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:35, archived)

Needs a cdc dangling from the mirror

( broadsword, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:41, archived)

But I tinted the windows to near black!
All the best justicemobiles have tinted windows.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:42, archived)

YES!
Fine work, good Sir.
( Cawl, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:47, archived)

I read that as "Magna-Carter (magenta-car'tar) of Internet Justice".
And thought that was a great pun that you did a car.

But then I re-read it and realised you missed that one. =(((
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:47, archived)

I should point out here that I don't know what the Magna Carter is.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:49, archived)

It's like the Constitution of the US
But we abandoned most of it
( Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:52, archived)

Just like the US constitution, then!
ZING.
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:56, archived)

Eh?
I'm guessing meme.
(thediscokingpin, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:52, archived)

meme indeed.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:52, archived)

I made this once
this
( GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:54, archived)

You could increase MP's wages in line with everyone elses.

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:34, archived)

The allowance could be refined into a reimbursement scheme, provable on receipts or smiliar.

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:35, archived)

They had to hand in their recipts to the fee's office
it didn't work
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:36, archived)

The allowance could be means assessed.

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:36, archived)

I'm just throwing out ideas to get the argument going.

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:37, archived)

I vote for you sucking all of them off
or licking the fannies of the "blair babes" and this would be in lieu of any expense claims.

Their basic salary would be put in line with that of nurses, but only on a pro-rata basis. If they worked fewer hours than a nurse, they'd get less money.

Those who came from privieledge backgrounds would be force fed raw dogmeat just to fucking teach them a lesson.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:40, archived)

Personally my only real concern is that whatever system we have allows access to politics for people on low incomes.

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:48, archived)

They don't deserve the vote,
because they're not trying hard enough.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:51, archived)

This
Is spot on.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 19 May 2009, 11:04, archived)

Giving yourself a payrise is not a good political move.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:35, archived)

5.35 an hour?

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:35, archived)

this is a good idea...
because then they are in one place... reducing costs to terrorists!
(likeajackhammer, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:35, archived)

Also reducing costs for their protection

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:37, archived)

I dont care
We are talking a few million, its peanuts in the grand scheme of things.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:35, archived)

Well a benifit fraudster could only make about £15k at most

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:37, archived)

I suspect we have vastly more benefit fraudsters than we do MP's

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:41, archived)

and?
has it not crossed your mind that these people are in a position of authority and therefore are more culpable than the proles who cheat the benefit system?

I bet you were fucking furious about it when it was just Labour who were in the firing line.
(likeajackhammer, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:00, archived)

I should be paid a lot of money to go through every MPs expense claims
And I'm allowed to deny any I think are taking the piss. Furthermore, I'm allowed to cut the MP for each cheeky claim.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:36, archived)

Lembit Opik's in for a slicing, then...

( thealternativefact, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:41, archived)

pfft :)

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:48, archived)

You get to look them in the eye, and say "Are you kiddin' me?", and if they look away or blush, it gets disallowed.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:50, archived)

We should make them all stand on the windowsill naked until they understand their faults
Like the chastised son of a freemason.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:37, archived)

personal experience.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:38, archived)

I know a bloke called Jez who did

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:39, archived)

I wouldn't.
I'd let people know how they can use the system to their advantage...

www.hotukdeals.com/item/403577/wash-your-uniform-at-home-then-clai/
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:38, archived)

I don't wear a uniform,
I have what's known as a "proper job"
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:39, archived)

Well done

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:45, archived)

hello, I'm Ruari,
I'm pretentious
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:46, archived)

You cannot defeat Sebastian

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:49, archived)

People can at least pronounce your name

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:49, archived)

The lady who washes my clothes for me writes is as
'Sabastion' on my ticket.
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:50, archived)

ym can't spell your name?
ludicrous!
( thealternativefact, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:52, archived)

I've been called Roo-R-eE
by every supply teacher/cold caller/job interviewer etc since I can remember.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:52, archived)

Pronounced Rory?
Do you own a cravat? If not then I'm afraid Sebastian wins.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:52, archived)

It's meant to be pronouced like brewery without the b
but most people call me Rory.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:53, archived)

Most odd

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:00, archived)

That name is the sound a Down's Lion makes :(

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:53, archived)

Concurs

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:01, archived)

this online bullying must stop.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:03, archived)

I keep meaning to do this
I could get £600 by the look of it.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:45, archived)

Grace and favour accommodation
in London for all who live more than 80 miles from Westminster.

Basic salary of £100k and no expenses.

Jolly good kick up the cunt, once a year, off a gang of angry taxpayers, just to remind them who they actually work for.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:38, archived)

So they get a pay rise of 35k a year?
Mind you, they were raking it in with expenses (some of them anyway).
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:39, archived)

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THOSE PEOPLE THAT RUN THAT THING EARN?

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:50, archived)

They need a rise of 35K a year
you get about what they get now as a 23 year old medical school graduate
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:52, archived)

Put them all into Buckingham Palace as lodgers
The Queen could do with the rent
( CanonCaliber A big bore, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:38, archived)

Will it have a moat?
Moats are important.
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:38, archived)

Scrap parliament
Select 100 individuals at random from British citizens, let them run the country for 4 years at a time. For that time they'll live in halls of residence and have their food and clothing provided to them (like prisoners). Their families will receive a modest salary.
( Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:38, archived)

Silly idea

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:41, archived)

Do we get to vote them off once a fortnight or so?
And each time someone is voted off, they're shot. At the end we're left with one person, and they get to become a Lord.

All the old House of Lords also having been shot.
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:42, archived)

Needs more guillotines
The least popular member is guillotined every second week. Except for bank holidays.
( Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:43, archived)

No, that's a shit idea.
Just for that, I'm going to have you shot.
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:45, archived)

Not again
I only just pushed out the last bullet
( Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:45, archived)

Why not declare Year Zero while we're at it?

( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:42, archived)

Out with the tyranny of the Gregorian calendar
Bring in lunar months, 13 months of 28 days, that'll solve society's ills.
( Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:44, archived)

People wearing glasses
are giving me an itchy trigger finger.
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:46, archived)

Dear god!

(thediscokingpin, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:43, archived)

Give them packed lunches and ban spanking

Thing is though, we'll increase their wages and it will probably add up to more than what they were claiming in the first place.

It still amazes me that people are like "WHAT?!? MPs being dishonest?!?!" It's what they do for a living, they are going to claim more than what they deserve because of their over inflated view of self worth.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:40, archived)

If I had an expenses account I'd abuse it for all it's worth
I'd be claiming every damn thing on it.
( Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:41, archived)

What? You haven't got an expenses account?
*reconsiders lunch*
( thealternativefact, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:44, archived)

But they give me meal vouchers
MEAL VOUCHERS
( Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:45, archived)

*stops cancelling train ticket*
OK then ;)
( thealternativefact, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:46, archived)

Own business; tax deductable
THAT is the way of the future.
I get money off my tax bill allowed for my lunch every day.
(thediscokingpin, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:46, archived)

expenses account child

claiming interfering with
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:01, archived)

I wouldn't trust anyone who didn't try and rob me a little bit.

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:51, archived)

Bloody hell
I live in an overdraft, I've no idea how to fix any of that shit.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:41, archived)

have a stab at it, you wont do any worse than
the rest of the people here.
(thediscokingpin, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:44, archived)

MOOOOORNING!!

We can fix it by having over 10,000 happy sniffly pugs through out the HoP and ever MP has to carry one at all times. They must all have rollnecks or capes.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:51, archived)

HELLOOOOOOO!
I'd like a pug-based parliament. Carrying one under your arm means you can do no wrong!
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:54, archived)

Higher salary,
no expenses, bar travel and substinance for official business in line with normal business practise, Crown owned flats in easy commuting distance of parliment.
(thediscokingpin, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:41, archived)

Time to return to a ruling monarchy
with head chopping and all that shit.
*remembers it's Charles next*
( thealternativefact, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:43, archived)

let's make being a politician like jury service
so it's not a job, but just something you have to do for a few weeks and it's a bit dull.

/pulling ideas out of his arse. Ooh, clag nuts.
( rob, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:44, archived)

:(

(thediscokingpin, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:46, archived)

If that was the case
Jade Goody would have probably had a state funeral.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:49, archived)

Fuck you

( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:50, archived)

Personally I vote for getting rid of the lot of them
& bringing in Parliamentary Hippies
( broadsword, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:48, archived)

Emintile Cheese on Nachos, with lots of dips and jellopinos.
That'll sort that shit out.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:54, archived)

& eggy cup for puddy wudds

( broadsword, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:56, archived)

Au'righ' ?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:08, archived)

I'm ok
I was looking forward to bullying lion-cake about politics.
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

The politics is buzzing up here.
Any minuite now someone's eaither going to invaid someone, or The Euro is going to "Sort It Out, Mate".

But to be honest, I'm getting all of my news from people who are getting their news from people who looked over the shoulder of someone who might have been on BBC News website.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:11, archived)

END COMRADE BROWN'S SOCIALIST DEATH-PARADISE
WE ARE PAYING OUR TAXES TO FAT PEOPLE
PEOPLE ON BENEFITS SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO GET FAT, OTHERWISE HOW CAN WE EXPECT THEM TO WORK!!!!!!!
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:12, archived)

Death to all people not doing handstands at lunchtime
No money without hair
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:14, archived)

DISGUSTING MPS SPENDING MY MONEY
ONLY RICH PEOPLE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO BE MPS!!!!!
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:21, archived)

Only people who don't want to be MPs should be allowed to be.
Generally, anyone that actively desires power is too corrupt and morally bankrupt to have it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:24, archived)

So, Prime Minister of Britain, will you be attending the International Conference?
Nah. Can't be arsed.
( thealternativefact, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:26, archived)

EXACTLY.
All these conferences are a waste of fucking time, anyway.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:31, archived)

*Looks at the buffet menu first*

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:31, archived)

These days
I get the important breaking news from Sickipedia.
( fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:15, archived)

I get all my news from the Daily Mash
I figure if it's worth being satiricial about, it's probably worth checking up on.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:19, archived)

I'll have to check it

( fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:26, archived)

www.thedailymash.co.uk
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:32, archived)

I'd pay to see you bully a lion

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:11, archived)

I'd poke it with a stick through the bars of its cage

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:13, archived)

and cry when it roared at me.

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:13, archived)

mmmmmmm..... lion bars....
/homer
(likeajackhammer, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:14, archived)

no it hangs to the left
perculiar
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Tue 19 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

I thought you deserted us for off topic,
traitor
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:12, archived)

Nah', it's just I've had an OFFLINE life lately.
And every time I go to look on here, it's some twat attention seeking or someone being all edgy and cool (wow, arn't they just like House, House is Soo cool.), and that's all getting a bit yawn.

Plus, they've got Threaded Replys AND pictures, so they win on that account.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:17, archived)

But they've got no 'lol funny thing said roffle' there though...

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:21, archived)

p.s. hello all

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:33, archived)

Welcome back Gonz
How's That Cyprus?
( Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:21, archived)

It's fantastic =D
I woke up this morning, went for a swim, the went for a walk with my camera, and am now up in the bar at the top with a nice cold glass of water and internets !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:28, archived)

And there is some cracking euro-pop on the radio of some guy ripping off Bomfunk MCs.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:29, archived)

Blimey
Time to jack this shit in, head somewhere sunnier. Or just more idyllic.
( Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:30, archived)

I like the mix of London and Cyprus.
Their is such a huge contrast, but it works well. It's all Shabby Chique here.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:31, archived)

It seems to me...
... that the unprecedented vitriol of the attacks on Speaker Martin are a shameful effort by MPs to shift media focus from themselves.

Proof, if proof were needed, that MPs are the last people who should be in charge.
( lion-cake Bad lion-cake, bad., Tue 19 May 2009, 9:59, archived)

Who would you like to see 'in charge'?

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:02, archived)

the civil service of course!

( spacefish bong!, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:06, archived)

Rubbish
what we need is a hereditary peerage.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:07, archived)

Me
obviously.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:06, archived)

*votes*

(likeajackhammer, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:17, archived)

The Army
*goosesteps*
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:08, archived)

rge ins
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:08, archived)

the speaker that tried to keep out the financial details of the MP scum for 3 yrs?
first of all the tory's won't want it to happen as it'll mean a labour replacement
labour won't be happy because it shows them up

i don't see your point
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Tue 19 May 2009, 10:05, archived)

Have you seen my winky?

( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:05, archived)

Let us elect a conch shell to be in charge.
Oooh great Conch Shell! What be thy bidding?

...

He says I can fuck your girlfriend.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:08, archived)

big cats for all
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:11, archived)

I quite like Martin Spencer's book "Spin".
He was a political person.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

I propose...
... A system of national and local plebicites, using the phone voting system as used in 'The X Factor'. Mistakes of the sort which left California with power cuts WILL be made at first.
( lion-cake Bad lion-cake, bad., Tue 19 May 2009, 10:11, archived)

"at first?"
you do understand why California ended up with no power, right?

cede control to local authorities and within 12 months we'd be living in caves eating moss and burning money to stay warm.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:23, archived)

...but in the end...
... people will learn that stupid decisions ('lets lower electricity prices to the consumer') have consequences.
( lion-cake Bad lion-cake, bad., Tue 19 May 2009, 10:17, archived)

No, people never learn anything.
This should be one of the first things that people learn, but as I've just mentioned, they never do.
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:28, archived)

Never mind that!
Today is very special.
Does nobody know what day it is today?
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:27, archived)

lvl 28 now,

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:28, archived)

My condolences

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:31, archived)

as the blood poured from his beak.

( GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:28, archived)

It's a special day today Gmos
very special
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:31, archived)

COCK CHRISTMAS

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:32, archived)

GETTING THERE!

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:33, archived)

it's ten days til my birthday-day
?
( GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:34, archived)

wahey!

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:45, archived)

I dunno
The day Anne Boleyn was killified?
(theneet began to cut her hair and long for balls, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:36, archived)

What are the ten commandments of /talk ?
If you cant think of ten, less is acceptable.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:26, archived)

1. thou shalt not go outside.

( GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:27, archived)

1. fuck off
2. see 1
3. see 1
4. see 1
5. see 1
6. see 1
7. see 1
8. see 1
9. see 1
10. see 1
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:27, archived)

though shalt not LOL

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:27, archived)

Thou shalt use apostrophes correctly.
Thou shalt not use "lolspeak", except ironically.
Thou really ought to learn what a count noun is.
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Tue 19 May 2009, 9:32, archived)

i'm surprised you didn't pick him up on the word "less" too :P

( spacefish bong!, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:52, archived)

JMG is the Lord your God
There shall have no other gods before JMG
You shall not make for yourself a false JMG idol
You shall not make wrongful use of the name of JMG
Remember the Signing on day and keep it dole-y
Honour your Mum
You shall not murder, unless with a Honda Accord
You shall not commit adultery, unless posting on QOTW
You shall not steal, unless posting on QOTW
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour, unless posting on QOTW
You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, unless posting on QOTW
You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbour, unless posting on QOTW

/it falls away a bit at the end with too many QOTW references, but as a part-time /talker I was struggling to make the last few fit /talk directly
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:37, archived)

number 9
posting on QOTW Sexface.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:53, archived)

I'm presently listening to The Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefani.
It's all I can do to stop myself from doing the woo hoo bits on a packed bus. It's quite a good sing a long bit, but my favourite sing a long bit of a song is the la la la la la bit of The Beautiful Ones by Suede. What's your favourite sing a long bit of a song? If you don't care, there's no alternative question. Sorry about that.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:06, archived)

Hey Jude's a classic.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:09, archived)

+ Boring.
Opinionlolz
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:11, archived)

Says the Elbow fan.

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:12, archived)

OMG I NO RITE.

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:13, archived)

IN OTHER MUSICAL TASTE NEWS
WORMULUS' TICKET FOR JEFF WAYNE'S MUSICAL VERSION OF THE WAR OF THE WORLDS ARRIVED IN THE POST YESTERDAY.

IT IS OFFICIAL - I AM FRONT ROW CENTRE.
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:15, archived)

The ability to recite every lyric and spoken word part from that album is testament to my autistic ability.

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:15, archived)

I reckon at a push, I could probably sing the whole thing from start to finish with a very low margic of error.

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:16, archived)

this includes all the music

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:16, archived)

not just the bits with singing in.

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:16, archived)

If I take you to Vegas will you win me lots of money on blackjack?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:19, archived)

No, but I know someone who could.

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:20, archived)

bless
that must be a horrible affliction
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Tue 19 May 2009, 9:19, archived)

Some people are quite envious of my curse
Let me tell you, you'll never be lonely if you have the script to short circuit 2 in your mind forever.
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:21, archived)

no i meant the fact
that you listen to that crap
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Tue 19 May 2009, 9:22, archived)

never always
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:25, archived)

LOLZ

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:15, archived)

oh alright then how about Danny Boy,

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:13, archived)

Twist and Shout
is better
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:11, archived)

The "Yipee-Ky-Yay" bit from the Die Hard song by Guyz Nite (youtube search for it)
or the long stretch in one breath from Foo Fighters "Monkey Wrench" starting with "One last thing before I quit..."

Also the section from "The Ultimate Showdown Of Ultimate Destiny" from "Gandalf The Grey" to "Hulk Hogan".
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:11, archived)

Aw man.
I've not heard the ultimate showdown for yonks. That Foos one is great too.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:13, archived)

gandalf the grey and gandalf the white
monty python and the holy grail's black knight.
benito mussolini and the blue meanie, cowboy curtis and jambi the genie,
robocop, terminator, captain kirk, darth vader,
lo pan, superman, every single power ranger,
bill s preston, theodore logan,
spock, the rock, doc ock and hulk hogan?

/from memory so maybe wrong
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:19, archived)

Antimony, Arsenic, Aluminium, Selinium etc
/actually knows all the words
and the words to the Gilbert & Sullivan original.
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:22, archived)

repeating player player player
on feeders buck rogers track
(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:11, archived)

F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F F FREESTYLER

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:12, archived)

I think Smack my Bitch up
is a great sing-a-long
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:12, archived)

*breaksdown doing my crap breakdancing moves*

(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:12, archived)

See now there's a tune that's right up there with 'Jailbreak' in the 'pointlessly stupid lyric' stakes.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:12, archived)

indeed,
im trying to think of the most stupid lyrics
(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:13, archived)

Rock DJ?

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:14, archived)

Life by Des Ree

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:15, archived)

by robbie williams?
your winning so far
(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:20, archived)

Now I have to listen to Thin Lizzy
you fucker.
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:14, archived)

Everybody wins here.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:18, archived)

Emerald has stupider lyrics
as does Sitamoia or however the fuck it's spelt.
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:19, archived)

that song really annoys me
and I have no idea why.
I really like feeder as well.
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:16, archived)

Cider?
From a fucking lemon?
In Devon?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:19, archived)

Probably this.

(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:22, archived)

is that similar to lager lager lager
born slippy?
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Tue 19 May 2009, 9:21, archived)

Listening to Fu Manchu's cover of Godzilla,
God I love this music.
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:15, archived)

i quite like the la la la bit too
but i find the 'WiseBlood' loop pretty catchy too
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Tue 19 May 2009, 9:18, archived)

I really dislike her strongly,
you have caused me PAIN.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:22, archived)

everything causes you PAIN

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:29, archived)

I like singing to Banking on a Myth by Andrew Bird
in fact most Andrew Bird stuff I like singing along to.
( GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:25, archived)

Anything from Aphex Twin's selected ambient works.
/ac
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:27, archived)

those polish cunts with their jackhammer.. meet up 1/2 hour before they need to start work
for a chat
i'm getting myself a polish wife.. maybe she could clean up this gaff

what industrious being would you have?
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Tue 19 May 2009, 8:00, archived)

9/11

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:03, archived)

the 9th of november?
i don't understand :(
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Tue 19 May 2009, 8:05, archived)

IK Brunel

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:05, archived)

This morning I feel like ... a bridge!
*clicks fingers*
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:12, archived)

pffft
that's very silly
( TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:13, archived)

I recommend Joseph Bazalgette
to control the torrents of shit flowing from your general vacinity.
( thiswasmyclone, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:17, archived)

Heston Blumenthal would be nice to keep about the place.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 19 May 2009, 8:07, archived)

Save money by giving Baldmonkey a key to your flat

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:10, archived)

You'd need to keep him folded out of the way somewhere when he wasn't being used though.
He's a bit bulky and not too attractive. Like most high quality kitchen equipment.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:11, archived)

I'd have him with a floor tile on his head
so he could retract into a recess.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:17, archived)

I'd clone myself
So I could stay at home and go to the pub early.
*Edit* Ooops, I already am doing that anyway.
( fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:10, archived)

Bloody workshy!
*mumbles*
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:11, archived)

Started at 4:30am this morning,
2:15pm now so I reckon I've done my day...as you probably know my employer gets their pound of flesh out of the workforce.
( fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:13, archived)

Thats why we moved as far away from them as we could
the terrible bullies

Many redundancies with your lot then?
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:21, archived)

Only in the USA
And, er Venezuela where Chavez took over the business (about $800 millions worth). I appear to be very safe as I was allocated stock last week *wins*

What about your mob?
( fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:25, archived)

Theres talk of a few boats being laid up
And somewhere less than 100 uk staff maybe for the chop. Which actually isnt that many i suppose. I should be alright though:)
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:35, archived)

Hope so..
I don't think we have seen the worst yet even though the Oil price is creeping up again.
( fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:37, archived)

What is it, 56 dollars?
Thats rubbish, i think we are needing a minimum of 65-80 to make it worthwhile... preferably a billion dollars a barrel:)
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:40, archived)

$65 a barrel
Would do me fine, seem's to be the preferred number around here.
( fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:43, archived)

I did that once

( thiswasmyclone, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:18, archived)

I'd have a team of worker ants to deliver Razzle to my wank shed.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:12, archived)

Clickety Click

( fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:14, archived)

after careful consideration I've decided on ym

( TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:30, archived)

i'm sure she'd love you too
but in a more violent way
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Tue 19 May 2009, 8:39, archived)

I would have a racist to do my cleaning for me.

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:42, archived)

What colour would they be?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:46, archived)

The colour of their skin is irrelevant.
It would only be important that they were racist.
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:53, archived)

I can recommend getting a polish wife
it seems that polish women always speak many dB louder than the average person in a general conversation though.
But what you want to do is shout korwa at the cunts(pizda) with the jackhammer, and when you say it, make sure you roll your 'r' as long as you can, as this will imply you are more angry.
( turb0t, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:52, archived)

She will also want you to get Cyfra+ polish satelite TV
which is good, because their decoder allows you to get free porn.
( turb0t, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:56, archived)

Final Score 249
Boomshine
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:53, archived)

I'd string Michael Winner up in the corner of the office
Then boot the prick in the bollocks everytime i walk past.
Ill give him "Calm down dear"
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:53, archived)

I got stuck on level 12 >:(
bored.com/boomshine/index.htm

Oh and good morning, I suppose.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 19 May 2009, 6:47, archived)

*solitary party popper*
has this come to the UK today?
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 19 May 2009, 7:01, archived)

We have that over here
But I didn't know those sick fucks called it Salo
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 19 May 2009, 7:07, archived)

Morning.

( WHARRGARBL, Tue 19 May 2009, 7:04, archived)

Gay. I did Level 12 on the second attempt
Level 11 took aeons though
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 19 May 2009, 7:05, archived)

Morning.
My most difficult exam is today. I'm reet nervous.
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 19 May 2009, 7:59, archived)

JMG here.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 3:11, archived)

The internet told me to write fanfic. So I did.
elpistachio.livejournal.com/726.html
( Cae1, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:12, archived)

You better love it. I poured my HEART AND SOUL into this business.
And if it doesn't work, then the kids are just going to have to go without brioche for ANOTHER WEEK.
( Cae1, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:14, archived)

TL:DR

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:17, archived)

You have failed me yet again Gilgamesssshhhh...
*dramatic death*
( Cae1, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:18, archived)

I can't read Times New Roman, it reminds me of Geocities in about 1998
Verdana or GTFO
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:19, archived)

and some line breaks would be nice
pretend you're on qotw
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:23, archived)

I'll do it another time. Now is sleep for palaeo exam is tomorrow

( Cae1, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:24, archived)

tried. failed.

( Cae1, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:24, archived)

Verdana = WIN!
Best font, hands down.

Now I'm off to work! :(
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Tue 19 May 2009, 7:18, archived)

fool verdana only works at 10px
above that you need arial or gasp helvetica
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Tue 19 May 2009, 7:43, archived)

haha
how queer
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Tue 19 May 2009, 3:40, archived)

WILL THERE BE A CUNTING PART TWO YOU TWAT
 
FUCKING GORDON SHITHOLE BASTARD RAMSEY IS ONE OF MY VERY FUCKING FAVOURITE TELEVISION CUNTS
( Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:44, archived)

Why yes, yes there will be

( Cae1, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:51, archived)

excellent
I often hear his voice in my kitchen

usually saying WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? YOU'RE GOING TO FUCKING KILL SOMEONE
( Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Tue 19 May 2009, 4:52, archived)

JMG CAN YOU RECALL ANY FLOUNCES?

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:13, archived)

MEAT! OMG! MEAT! I LOVE MEAT!
randomn.es/images/5718170861e41a874292ce400bbf4aa7.jpg
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:14, archived)

aaahahhhhhahhhahhhhahhah that is awesome

( Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:24, archived)

I usually forget exact phrases.
Unless they stick out for their absolute stupidity.
98.5% of you folk have me on block, for example.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 3:15, archived)

Bob Todd and the Jam Rags
would be a great band name but I'm pretty sure she flounced over the piss-takery
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:29, archived)

also
b3ta.com/talk/3821330
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:33, archived)

He's a WEB DESIGNER you know.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:37, archived)

after I posted this ...
www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/10642/1242700779/roffle.gif
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:40, archived)

Right
I'm off to bed
Have a slice of history -
www.b3ta.com/talk/4702535#post4702563
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:46, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/4146072
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:39, archived)

seriously, sometimes my pockets are just stuffed with used sanitary towels but I'd never mention it on the internet

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:43, archived)

When I go abroad I sometimes pop shitty toilet paper in my pockets if the bin is full.
I'd never confess this to anyone though.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:43, archived)

wow!
that is pretty revolting
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Tue 19 May 2009, 3:46, archived)

The cherry on top is "I bet you change your pants every day too".
www.b3ta.com/talk/4146153
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:48, archived)

I missed that first time round thinking she was trying to qualify putting them in her pocket because she changed her pants every day.
That's fucked up.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:52, archived)

Yeah but you have shitty pockets.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:53, archived)

It's not like I don't wash my jeans once a month.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:54, archived)

i'm guessing she was
a pikey
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Tue 19 May 2009, 4:26, archived)

Just remembered this too:
www.b3ta.com/talk/5432991#post5432994
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:50, archived)

respect the master
www.b3ta.com/talk/1911424
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:56, archived)

ahhhahhhhahha fucking classic
 
look at you all freaking out over a little menses
warm, delicious menses
( Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Tue 19 May 2009, 4:31, archived)

You back yet?

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:11, archived)

yeah, couldn't find a towel

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 19 May 2009, 3:15, archived)