QUESTIONHave you ever done something you've regretted in front of your in-laws?
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:55, archived)
You mean apart from boning their daughter in front of themand coming over the mother's knitting, then no.
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Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 19 May 2009, 17:56,
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Let her mum touch my massive errection when giving me tea whilst I was naked after fucking her daughter(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:57,
archived)
Your dick is so small and wartythat it looks like a yoda pez dispenser
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WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:58,
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Your dick is like ET's fingerit glows red when you're about to come
but only if a young boy is touching it.
When you jizz up his bum you murmer 'ouch'
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WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:59,
archived)
Your dick is so grey and twig like that midget witches fight over it as it would make a great wand for controlling spastics hungry for salt(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:02,
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When you were born you came out Downsbut your misguided gypsy parents hacked off all the lumpy bits and shaved your massive tongue.
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WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:04,
archived)
just because he is the love child of dave lee travis and suzi quatrodoesnt make him a bad person
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Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:06,
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You're so spasticated that you were hatched from an egg laid by a cushings, it took you 12 years to break out, using your giant, pencil-like chin as a shell breaking beak.You still hold the world record for gobbling your 'yolk of retardation' the fastest.
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Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:07,
archived)
Instead of birthing fluid, your mother's womb was filled with vinegarso that when you came out you looked like a pickled egg with hair.
Your flesh was white and rubbery and you smelled of sick.
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WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:10,
archived)
At birth you were donated to the National Rugby Association to help Johnny Wilkinson perfect his drop goals because your eyebrow clapping face made him doubt humanity so muchthat he'd punt your shirehorse's hoof of a head with all his might to try and kick the retardation out of you. He'd get angry at you because you'd grip the grass with your teeth that jutted out like a builder's tool belt full of spanners.
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Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:16,
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Doctors were baffled at why you didn't grow properlyuntil they examined you and found to their horror that your bones were made from yoghurt coated twiglets.
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WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:18,
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Every single one of your bodies organs has got a tiny mutant hand attached, the wrist is at 90 degrees to show how homosexual your body is.(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:24,
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Your mum used to let you lick cake mix from the bowl.And when I say 'bowl' I mean your Down's haircut, and you'd do it in one lick you freakish, wide tongued chin holder.
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Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:26,
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I love you both so much for this thread(
spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:29,
archived)
Your cock is so useless that when you get an 'errection' it flops out like a chameleon's tongue and will only attracked the shittest of insects due to its stickyness and smell of forna(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:04,
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You line your anal tract with sandpaper to rub away the protective sheaths of your bumloversso that you can get even more AIDS.
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WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:05,
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Your arse is so baggy from being elbowed to your liver that it looks like a bare knuckle boxers' fist after fighting 20 rounds with a skip lorry(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:09,
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you practice inserting such large objects up your man-fanny that your ring is so well developed that it looks like a Krispy Krememade of salami
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WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:15,
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The reason why Opera was invented was so people could make a noise that described your freakish, gnulled conker of a cock to the masses.(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:22,
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You are so spasticated that you sleep in the shape of a swatstika(
WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:25,
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shitting on their carpet was possibly not a good move.(
Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:58,
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WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN IN-LAWS AND OUTLAWSOUTLAWS ARE WANTED HAHAHAHAAFPASFADJGS
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Lightguy hail satan, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:00,
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stop stealing donkey gums jokesyou know he will want them back.
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Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:01,
archived)
i've seen that joke in various other places long before i even had the internet(
Lightguy hail satan, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:03,
archived)
I wrote all the wrong numbers in her sudoku book(
Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:00,
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lol there were three nines in a row lol(
Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:02,
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Luckily for me, I don't have any(
Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:00,
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and lucky for whoever would have to suffer marriage to youIt sounds like a horrible Islamic punishment.
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WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:03,
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You have been found guilty of murderYou must marry this pig.
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WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:03,
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I've been horribly horribly drunk in front of them, but they were drunker so it was ok.Badger has a habit of forgetting my parents are in the room. I've had to tell him off for twiddling with my nipples whilst watching telly a few times.
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Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 19 May 2009, 18:19,
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volume and contrast?or colour and brightness?
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Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:22,
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Obvious.(
BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:26,
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left the vaseline by the bed when they came visitingI believe i mentioned it here somewhere
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SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:36,
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Telling /talk about your sex life?That doesn't sound like you.
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:39, archived)
What in-laws?Your question sucks.
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Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Tue 19 May 2009, 18:41,
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b3tans in film pun threadWormulast Samurai
Wormulost in space
Being John Wormulus
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WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:33,
archived)
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BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:40,
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Ferris Baldmonkey's day off(
fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:41,
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Fenris Beullers day off(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:48,
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If you have to explain it then you failFailboy
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fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:45,
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Master of Turnander: The Far Side of the World(
Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 17:39,
archived)
A Quantum of Goatworrier(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:40,
archived)
Captain Corelli's Spangolin(
Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:40,
archived)
Disney's WorMulan(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:47,
archived)
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.(
BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:45,
archived)
matrix glued eelvolutions(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:45,
archived)
Titanic(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:46,
archived)
Red RocKes(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:46,
archived)
The What Did You Have For Breakfast Club(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:48,
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I Know What You Had For Dinner Last Summer(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:51,
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eermmmmm....errrrrrrrr...
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TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:58,
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TopUptheTea with Mussolini(
wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:40,
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JMG HAS NO JOBTell me more internet truths.
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Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:22,
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He supports Dinamo Bender(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:23,
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MoT has no job.(
Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 17:23,
archived)
Patrick Swayze is dead/might not be true
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Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:25,
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I read thathope it's not true
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fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:26,
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Someone else fathered my son*.Also this sent Woodside's idiot filter absolutely mental.
*For the benefit of internet idiots, this is entirely untrue.
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BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:25,
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What is this Idiot Filter of which you speak?(
Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:29,
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I wanna know too(
Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 17:31,
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I'm really Cher in a Donkey Gums disguise(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:25,
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Apparantly,only some shit is good for the garden.
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Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 19 May 2009, 17:26,
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I fall asleep on trains and wake up shouting and dribbling(
Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:27,
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I am a giant tortoiseaged 403
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Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:31,
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I have a lot of friends that work for the FCO,I can ask them for advice if you need it.
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:48, archived)
www.shopessentials.net/eshop/images/whittling.jpg
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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:01,
archived)
It's going to be a Dog on the back of Cat.www.louismagdakyartist.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/eagle001-basswood-woodsculpture-carrving-whittling-animal-eagle-louismagda.jpg
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Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:05,
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I *think* it was TuTT(
Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:49,
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She recently commented on my FAN CLUB PAGE.That's.. FAN CLUB PAGE.
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Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 17:01,
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WOOP TO THE MOTHERFUCKING WOOP(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:02,
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Whey's hoose is this, like?(
spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:48,
archived)
It'd be mainly break-ins with Baldmonkey.(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 16:50,
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It ain't half hot, Mum(
The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:48,
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Dole in the Wall(
The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:48,
archived)
I had an idea for a kid's show the other day,the purpose of which is to prevent the eventual transition into internet fatty.
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:48,
archived)
I'll send you a plot synopsis.Spacefish reckons I ought to write it as a book, and get rich like that J K Rowling bint or something.
(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:52,
archived)
superb!(
The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:52,
archived)
I'm a Bald Dole Homebody, Get Me Out Of Here!(
Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:49,
archived)
Shaggins an tha Toon(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:50,
archived)
JMGfor big brother voiceover geordie.
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Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:51,
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No Fat Ladies(
The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:52,
archived)
Question (of the weak) TimeCoronation Bald
Dolenders
Lots of repeats.
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Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:54,
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Michael Palin's Dole to Dole(
The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:55,
archived)
Airwolfbut the helicopter is up on bricks
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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:58,
archived)
Gateshead Revisited(
Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:00,
archived)
Auf Weidersehn, PET !(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:05,
archived)
Dole or no DoleWith a top prize of £64!!!
(
Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:08,
archived)
The Bald and the BeautifulStarring JMG and Handsome Gav.
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nick the greek, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:15,
archived)
There'd just be endless repeats.(
Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 17:17,
archived)
Name things only idiots believe to be trueIn other news, my knee/shin guards have been dispatched and shall be in my posession in time for my trip to AFAN.
That's AFAN in Wales.
Where I am going.
AFAN.
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Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:09,
archived)
Wales has any real say in its future(
Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:10,
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Shit myself have you ?(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:10,
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the other 50% of it being the exact opposite of the first half,hence the name?
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:11,
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do you normally plan your lols?do you have a LOLdiary?
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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:32,
archived)
a schedLOL.(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:40,
archived)
I have an alolm clolck(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:44,
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I had ROFLes (Waffles) for breakfast(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:45,
archived)
THis sounds like a Swedish village(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:46,
archived)
a day PMSLanner(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:44,
archived)
this sound slike something you use to organise your period(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:46,
archived)
ANYTHING that Dekionplexis ever posts.(
Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:15,
archived)
The towers were actually the planes and the towers disguised as planes flew into them,I saw all this through my telescope pointed upwards as the earth actually exists on the inside of a sphere.
Also the moon is a Jewish conspiracy.
(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:34,
archived)
It's only Kellogg's in a different box.(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:10,
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I hate people that say thatthere's clearly a difference in taste, I prefer Kellogg's so I'll fucking eat Kellogg's you shit!
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SuperMatt, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:28,
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I don't like Kellogg's that much,although the worst cornflakes I've ever had the misfortune to try were Best Buy. Even the dog wouldn't eat them.
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:31,
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That girl who does MTV news is human and not some machine from the future. Where the future is entirely Irish and Friz faced.(
Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:11,
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Eurosceptic party, loosely organised across most of the EU except Britain.(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:14,
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That Max Clifford is any but a soul-sucking foul cunt-stain on the fabric of society.(
Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:11,
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Faked Moon LandingsIf you put a tooth in a bowl of Coke it will melt overnight.
(
Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:11,
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I'll never forget Dawn French's version of this which was"If you put a cow in a glass of milk, it wont be there in the morning"
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turb0t, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:16,
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That Jeremey Kyle is a helpful, intelligent good councellorwho speaks the truth,
(
Mrs Sp@m, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:11,
archived)
he does speak the truth, thoughit's the BLINDINGLY FUCKING OBVIOUS truth
e.g. "you need to get a job and pay for your bastard kids!"
*crowd get to their feet and all hail the new fuhrer!*
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:13, archived)
"You really need to stop putting Tennants on your cornflakesand learn that repeatedly punching your wife in the face is NOT foreplay, sunshine"
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Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:15,
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You eat cornflakes at the start of the day, though.(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:17,
archived)
"When you leave this studioare you going to help your kids get off the skag as soon as you get out of prison ? Are you going to help your 30 stone wife out of bed in the morning so she can walk to the shops to buy crisps, fags and cider ? Are you going to be a better person for this experience ?"
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Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:18,
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MY BROTHER WAS A DRUG ADDICTetc.
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spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:23,
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"You are going to have to learn that sleeping with a string of men, because your semi-literate boyfriend looked at your mumis NOT the secret to a lasting relationship."
"later in the show, we destroy a poor man/woman's life by telling the world that their relationship is a sham, because his/her partner is a lying, cheating slut - in our lie-detector test"
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:18, archived)
We asked Derek "Did you have sex with your brothers mumat a party while drunk ?" he said "no" and the polygraph showed he was lying.
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Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:20,
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We asked Chantelle "Have you had sexual relations with anyone else since you started seeing Peter"... she said no... she was telling the truthWe then realised she didn't understand, so we explained what sexual relations meant... and she shit herself - literally
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:24, archived)
We asked Brian"Did you set fire to Marys dog when you found out she'd let Terry finger her outside McDonalds" He said "Yes"
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Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:26,
archived)
I could do a show like that.And now for the DNA test Zoe. This man you call your father, the man who changed your nappy and bounced you on his knee is.....................................................................................................................NOT your real father.
Now man the fuck up and piss off. You go that way and you go that way.
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Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 19 May 2009, 16:34,
archived)
it just shows how shit some of western society is at common sense.(
Mrs Sp@m, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:16,
archived)
exactly...the fact that they went ON the show, displays a decided lack of that particular quality...
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:20, archived)
I plan to catch a cat on Saturdayand strap it to the back of my bike so it rubs against the tyres while I ride along.
I want to see if any of it is left at the end of the day.
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Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:13,
archived)
That's MY tax money they're spending!(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:13,
archived)
I think that might be true in your case.(
Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:17,
archived)
what are they spending my tax money on?(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:18,
archived)
Is there any to spend?(
Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:20,
archived)
yes,I'm not exempt from VAT.
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:22,
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I HATE people that think walking over 3 drains will give them bad luck.most of the time you see people jumping the last one in the street and it's actually just a cable access cover.
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Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:13,
archived)
I know a girl who's scared of walking on manholes and those kinds of things on the streetHer amble down the road involves a large amount of swerving, hopping past things and outright crossing the road when there's a dense thicket of drain covers.
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Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:13,
archived)
Eventually she'll get hit by the car when needlessly crossing overthus proving the theory of evolution weeding out the thickos
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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:15,
archived)
Ah she's nice reallyI love the Welsh, innit.
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Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:19,
archived)
me toobut only the non stabby-druggy-chavvy-chip-on-the-shoulder ones.
Cheeky cunts, my hobby pays their cunting dole.
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Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:23,
archived)
as a paranoid mentallist I do thisbut I make it less obvious and walk round them
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Mrs Sp@m, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:14,
archived)
We could never have babies together...I'm sorry(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:18,
archived)
most of the time you see people jumping the last one in the street and it's actually just a cable access cover
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:14,
archived)
My niece does that.To be fair to her, she is only 12.
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Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:14,
archived)
I am one of those people... mainly because it's become a pavlovian effect...I can't help meyself :(
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:15, archived)
Stop being a SILLY.tread on it. nothing will happen due to a result of this.
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:20,
archived)
people who honestly believe that anything at all is either good or bad luck,do they never stop to think to themselves, "hang on a minute, that's completely daft!"?
(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:15,
archived)
Yeah, but what if we're in an matrix style AI construct and things like a single magpie are the program's flags for bad eventseh?
(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:27,
archived)
ahhhhhhhhwell, at least there is no spoon, so we don't need to worry about whether the cornflakes are Kellogg's or not.
(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:30,
archived)
Imbibing alcohol is a pleasant, enjoyable pastime enjoyable alone, with friends or with strangers(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:14,
archived)
You can't live just on foreign food!(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:16,
archived)
Fiat currencies are a lie. Gold is real money.(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:17,
archived)
I hate fiat currencies.Carrying a load of hatchbacks in my wallet.
(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:19,
archived)
You a mountainbiker then GW?Haven't ridden Afan yet, but seeing as I'm heading to Wales in a few weeks I fancy giving it a go.
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:25, archived)
YesIt's good I was there in April.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:27,
archived)
What's the terrain like?Is it as hilly as Snowdonia? I'm taking someone along who's not used to teh hills.
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:29, archived)
It's similar to Coed Y Brenin if that's what you mean ?Rocky, armoured trails, more jumps than CYB, more technical I guess. Not as pretty as Snowdonia, more crack dens and litter.
The mountains in Snowdonia are bigge in general but the climbs at afan tend to be ONE BIG MASSIVE CUNT then generally downhill. CYB seems to be more up down up down up down up up up down down down.
Afan is more up up up up up up up up up up up down down down up down down down.
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Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:38,
archived)
Yep, I've ridden CYBI'm hoping to get Betws Y Coed in again, it's a fantastic trail for flattering the rider.
CYB I wasn't hugely impressed with... Last time I rode I was rewarded with technical climbs and fire road descents. WTF?
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:47, archived)
You rode it the wrong way round then(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:52,
archived)
NopeI rode the MBR run in June 2004. IIRC there were diversions for trail maintenence.
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:57, archived)
anti-aging creams will undo years of sunbathing and smoking and staying out late(
spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:25,
archived)
Not for youyou look like Lovejoy
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:30,
archived)
you look like Lovejoy's scrotum(
spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:38,
archived)
He has on occasion stood in as a scrotum double.(
Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:44,
archived)
Angry Scrotum #4.........................Goatworrier(
spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:47,
archived)
everyone knows it's spunk that can really do this,specifically mine.
(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:30,
archived)
oh I've got a good one,if you eat diet food as well as your normal food you'll lose weight.
you can stuff your face all day as usual, but if you have a slimfast before you go to bed, it undoes it.
(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:35,
archived)
spheres fly into your hair when using conditioner.(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:37,
archived)
your hair is somehow nourished by conditionerit's dead. really quite dead. not able to be nourished at all.
(
spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:41,
archived)
Eating slightly less cake is as effective as regular exercise(
Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:39,
archived)
eating twice as much low-calorie cake is as effective as exercise.(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:41,
archived)
Wearing tracksuits and trainers makes you look athleticdespite the tracksuit bottoms being a 40" waist
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:45,
archived)
of their children: "it's just puppy fat"(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:46,
archived)
are the knee guards to protect your knees while kneeling to knob nice new ewes?(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:31,
archived)
but if you tuck it correctly, it can make you look bigger(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:35,
archived)
like making your hands into fists with the knuckles just under your bicepsso that when you pose in a t-shirt with your arms folded it makes your muscles look ripping.
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:37,
archived)
I opt to put them down my trousersso I look like a massively endowed flid.
(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:39,
archived)
Everyone is interested in hearing about my babyBabies are wonderful beautiful adorable things that cannot be anything but loved. I am a better person for having one.
(
Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:40,
archived)
*rapturous applause*(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:42,
archived)
moreoverI should get special privileges and look down on other people because I managed to get pregnant.
(
spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:42,
archived)
Someone brought their child in today.The whole office, except for me, stopped working to go and goo at it. I am the only one in the office without kids. I do often get that 'well, you don't know until you have one' bollocks.
(
Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:46,
archived)
my boss came in with hisI was given one to hold for bloody ages. They're really dull when they're new.
(
spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:50,
archived)
"Speaking as a mother"Your opinion is entirely invalid unless you've had babies. You can't possibly understand my situation without having yourself had kids.
(
Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:47,
archived)
Replace the phrase "speaking as a mother" with"Having had my brain removed". It makes what they're about to say so much more appropriate.
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:49,
archived)
if anything,your opinions become instantly less valid once you acquire cause for an enormous emotional prejudice.
(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:50,
archived)
buying little plastic blanks to put in your electrical socketswill make the house safer for your children.
(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:44,
archived)
Which b3ta bird works at the Passport office? Anyone know?I need to find out if I can squeeze a favour (lol that sounds dodgy, just need to ask a question)
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:44,
archived)
In the time it took me to post last I've made it from OFFICE ONE to OFFICE TWO at a completely new location.Who'd like to play on this OFFLINE truth, thus turning it in to hillarious INTERNET FACT?
(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 16:01,
archived)
Office One is a McDonalds drive-thru on a seedy industrial estateOffice Two is a Brewsters restaurant where you dress up as the bear and amuse kids whilst they eat their reheated frozen meals.
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:02,
archived)
Employed, motherless and liberally covered in hairit's the only plausible truth
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:07,
archived)
some kid burnt his... Oh, wrong bear(
The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:09,
archived)
PteryFATctyla lizard that should have been able to fly, but played too much WoW
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:02,
archived)
I'm in the mooooooood for dancinI feel like dancin
OoooOo I'm givin it all tonight
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:04,
archived)
oh... urm wellif you're asking I guess I could get out my flares.
(
GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:05,
archived)
Distress flarestrousers that burst into multicoloured light when you take them off in front of a Lady.
IN REAL LIFE.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:06,
archived)
Social Welfare office to sign on, and post office to pick up the dole money?(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:03,
archived)
Are those the names you give to your Mum's basement and the downstairs toilet?LOLMUMDOLEBALD
(
Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:03,
archived)
Your bald mum claims the dole repetetivelywhile you live in a pool of your own vomit in Les Dennis's back yard.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:05,
archived)
You moved from the slightly semen stained wheely chair (with one wheel missing) next to your PC in the bedroomto the mystical lands of JMGland where you are King and all your subjects bow down before you and offer you a free go on a variety of lovely ladies, some of whom have staples in their cleavage. JMGland is located under the duvet covers in your bedroom but it's a completely new location. Thank god the X-Box controllers are wireless.
(
Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:05,
archived)
one Dole Office to another Dole Office. PLAYING THE SYSTEM!!JMG IS A BENEFIT CHEAT.
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:05,
archived)
Offline, I was confided in an online problem!Get this. Hotmail has been blocking emails from some hospitals, which they flag as 'nuisance emailers', thus meaning the hospitals are unable to send emails to people to update them on their relatives conditions.
(
Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:06,
archived)
I'd wondered about that.I tried emailing my friend's hotmail yesterday and it bounced back.
(
Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:08,
archived)
But I managed to email two other hotmail addresses fine.Hmmmmm...
(
Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:09,
archived)
How strangeIt's blocking the hospital's IP address completely, so no hotmail accounts can receive the emails.
(
Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:15,
archived)
I only got one bounce back to me.That was a .co.uk one, the others were .com
(
Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:27,
archived)
I like HotmailI enjoy the unpredictability of its spam filter. Will it filter the email from work or will it let it through? I just never know! Oh the excitement.
(
Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:10,
archived)
Serves people right for using shitty hotmail.(
Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:11,
archived)
(this is my unofficial opinion on the matter)(
Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:12,
archived)
I am posting this in the subject line while I sit hereand now I'm sitting over here typing in the message box.
(
Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 19 May 2009, 16:07,
archived)
Me....................to...............................forth..............too, I like.......jump back and
(
Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:10,
archived)
JMG JMG JMG JMG JMG JMG(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:10,
archived)
Stop trying to test the faith of idiotic christians.(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:51,
archived)
Me tooThe world is only 18 months old and was made by a big fairy with a beard.
The beardy fairy made the world and lots of little pixies to help him but one pixie was a cunt and fucked off to the world to have a wank and spoil things. The beardy fairy sent his son down to tell everyone not to listen to the wank pixie and be good and nice but the joos killed him with hammers.
The ends
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:54,
archived)
Only because you don't believe in he word of our Lord and SaviourAnd you will not be ready come the day of rapture, which is fast approaching.
OH SAVE ME LORD
(
Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:54,
archived)
How will I save you all from yourselves if I leave you to your SINFUL WAYS?OH LORD, SAVE THIS LOWLY SINNER, BRING HIM TO THY TABLE AND FEED HIM OF THE FRUITS OF THY LOINS
(
Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:56,
archived)
Stick your bible up your cuntyour mother sacks cooks in Hull.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:57,
archived)
The Belgrano should not have been sunk.(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:55,
archived)
Was this becuase it was sailing away from the british troops and was probably outside the exclusion zoneor becuase it was made of candyfloss and filled with kittens?
(
WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:56,
archived)
This is despite the Argentinian Government and the Captain of the vessel both admitting that the attack was justified.(
WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:00,
archived)
Did Doris Stokes reveal thisvia ouija board ?
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:01,
archived)
It was in the paperswww.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/belgrano-ordered-to-attack-british-ships-on-day-before-sinking-secret-report-reveals-577867.html
Terrible conspiracy!
(
WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:01,
archived)
Those poor boy scoutsThey were only out sight seeing, armed with hundreds of torpedos and tens of thousands of rounds of ammunition.
:(
(
Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:57,
archived)
To be honest, trade unions are counter productiveAnd Thatcher only did what she had to so their power would be broken and the corrupt unions could be dismantled.
(
Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:02,
archived)
But Theoban, what will ill informed students and wannnabe lefties moan about now the truth is out?WHAT?
(
Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:06,
archived)
Well, the fact she used to feed on babies' souls is pretty rank(
Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:07,
archived)
invent a dinosaur, cunt(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:52,
archived)
Why didn't you answer my question back then?(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:54,
archived)
margaret thatcher rex.(
Devil Duck: ( ' )< and his cunning stunts, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:52,
archived)
Luminosaurus.It glows. You can buy plastic models of it, that don't glow.
(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:51,
archived)
If I had a company that sold fake afro hair and wanted a catchy nameI'd call it "coon wig"
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:55,
archived)
One that's just a giant eye on legsSee-he-saurus
(
Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:52,
archived)
DrunkosaurusTongue lolling out, little pink elephants flying 'round its head.
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:54, archived)
Velocicraptorit could shit at 100mph.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:56,
archived)
Jigsaurus.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:59,
archived)
Twatosaur.It'd look JUST LIKE ME.
(
Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:53,
archived)
Wankylosauruscould defend itself by whacking predators with a big lump of dried spunk on the end of its tail.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:56,
archived)
the points of its massive rotating Reuleaux triangle.
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:59,
archived)
Fullsusasauruscould really go downhill quickly but took ages to climb back up again.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:58,
archived)
CuntinthefuckodonAn unremarkable reptile discovered by a very, very immature paeleontologist.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:00,
archived)
haha.hardtailosaurus had strange undercarriage which often caused testicular bruising.
(
GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:00,
archived)
This is the most violent book I've ever readStevie, it's a cheese grater dude !
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:59,
archived)
b3tasaurus.A fat lazy cunt that eats pies and moans, stopping occasionally for a wank and a fag.
(
Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 19 May 2009, 16:00,
archived)
Tierannosauras Racksthe dinosaur of smart appearance
(
The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 19 May 2009, 16:10,
archived)
It's baldmonkey's birthday tomorrow.How should we, the internet, celebrate this?
And should we invite him?
(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:42,
archived)
unplug our pc's and go offline for 24 hours(
Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:43,
archived)
It shouldn't take that long to organise a party.(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:44,
archived)
I dont think we should celebrate it as a communityI may wank onto a kitten, but this will be a private celebration.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:43,
archived)
Thisbut smear them in marmite so they look like tramps anus holes.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:44,
archived)
He shares his birthday with one my most awesome friends.(
Mrs Sp@m, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:44,
archived)
She's sleeping with your husband behind your back.(
Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:45,
archived)
We should all get drunk and force him to socialise with his unnatural, permenantly sober state.The disgusting freak.
(
Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:44,
archived)
I do not beleive that baldmonkeywould be an entertaining or enjoyable drunk.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:45,
archived)
I found him most entertaining and enjoyable(
Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:45,
archived)
Fibs.Facing reality is what makes people go mental.
(
thealternativefact, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:47,
archived)
I'm going to kick a cockerel in the cock and do the DG cowboy flip flop coco pop dance(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:44,
archived)
I might go out for a Chineseto celebrate the birth of baldmonkey, our Saviour.
(
Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:44,
archived)
Lets all say a prayer to the little baby baldmonkey.(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:48,
archived)
Send a note to his house whilst he's at the carvery, saying"55 Pound food order for Chinese. Attempted Delivery 20:35, no answer from occupant. Food destroyed."
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:44,
archived)
+Delivery man sent to forced labour camp.(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:45,
archived)
:(I'm going for a poop.
(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:44,
archived)
I am imagining your baldy headgoing red and veiny as you strain one out
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:45,
archived)
Well the pennants are upAnd I heard Bryan Ferry is planning to do a gig from the top of Nelson's Column.
Should be alright, like.
(
Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:45,
archived)
Isn't he a bit fucking old for that sort of thing ?(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:46,
archived)
He's such a fan of baldmonkey that he's come out of retirementA million red foxes are going to form a giant fox pyramid for Bryan Ferry to walk up to the top, and then his son is going to shoot them all in celebration.
(
Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:47,
archived)
He's nothing but a big posh cunt who was "avant garde" about 100 years ago(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:49,
archived)
See, I made the same joke as Dr. Preference belowAren't I clever.
(
Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:51,
archived)
All of themthey are all too old and should fucking die now.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:51,
archived)
Guess what my parent-in-laws got me for my birthday (which is tommorow).In fact, don't guess, I'll tell you; two magazines and the local paper. This is because they got me a WHSmith voucher, possibly the worst present ever.
Still, better than what I got off my scum brother-in-law. A card with pictures of wine all over it. I don't even drink. No present. If we did they to them, they'd kick up an almighty fuss. Fucking scum cunts.
The nice brother-in-law is coming around tonight. They asked what I wanted. I said any Marx Brothers DVD. Last time they asked what I wanted I said an HMV voucher. They got me a fucking useless Lovefilm voucher. I expect a DVD of Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps from them tonight.
I hate birthdays. You have to be grateful for shit from shit people. Forum banter no offence.
(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:26,
archived)
It's my birthday on SundayI expect crap gifts that I couldn't give a shit about
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:28, archived)
Cunts. All of them.(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:28,
archived)
Although some people said that there'd be "a suprise"which I'm sure will be some hilarious way of taking the piss out of me for their enjoyment, rather than something I actually want.
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:29, archived)
People are pricks.I hate birthdays.
Fuck everything.
I wish I was dead.
(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:30,
archived)
It's not until tomorrow.(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:31,
archived)
My wife and parents are taking me for a surprise meal at a carvery tomorrow night.I don't like carveries.
They do.
I like chinese.
Everyone knows this.
(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:32,
archived)
Maybe they're making you think you're going to a carvery, but actually they'll take you to a chinese.And then not let you order the duck.
(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:34,
archived)
Turn up to the carvery like you're in Tianemen Square during the student protests.Lay down in front of cars trying to get in to the car park, etc.
(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:34,
archived)
I just might.(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:35,
archived)
Insist on eating your carvery food with chopsticks.(
thealternativefact, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:35,
archived)
I might fake illness.(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:35,
archived)
Or run away to North Londonand I'll buy you some Chinese food. The place up the road is lovely.
(
thealternativefact, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:36,
archived)
Deal.Can I have sex with you too.
(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:37,
archived)
That's what I really want.Chinese food and some dirty sex.
I'll get a carvery and a wank when the wife's nodded off instead.
(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:38,
archived)
I was happy until my birthday came along.(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:38,
archived)
I've updated my fan club page.This has NOTHING to do with your PODCAST.
(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:31,
archived)
I am a tacit supporter of your fan club and commend it.(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:32,
archived)
Yeah,this reminds me far too much of most of my childhood.
(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:28,
archived)
All the best people have their birthdays this week(
spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:28,
archived)
And Red Rocket.(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:28,
archived)
Gone to buy a fence.I hear he doesn't have one.
HAHAHAHA
(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:29,
archived)
I do not like receiving presents.I would like to thank all of b3ta for not getting me birthday presents last year.
And I would like to thank baldmonkey for not lying about eggs this time.
(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:29,
archived)
For my flatmates birthday a week ago,I got him a tomato plant. Because he eats a lot of tomatoes.
(
WHARRGARBL, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:30,
archived)
I heard about my own surprise party the office were planning for meI categorically stated that no celebration of this event should be held, and that I would take the day off work if necessary.
Based on the amount of tears this caused, I now know that 3.6 women in the office fancy me, and possibly one bloke if he doesn't have hay fever instead.
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:30,
archived)
Wankers.Fucking cock end tip nibblers.
(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:31,
archived)
You're going to be hit by a bus tonight.(
Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:30,
archived)
I dont expect presents from family on my birthdayThere's a girl at work who bitches about such things like its her god-given right to get expensive things given to her.
Dont turn into the girl at my work balders:(
(
Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:31,
archived)
I'd rather they didn't bother.But all of them would behave like complete fucking cunts if they received similar treatment.
(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:34,
archived)
I got tonnes of cool stuff for my birthday.People mustn't like you very much, you shit.
(
Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:32,
archived)
Maybe he just doesn't bang on about it for three months before the event.(, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:33, archived)
Maybe he should.He might get cool stuff then.
(
Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:34,
archived)
I ALWAYS just ask for money.simple, no shit presents.
I don't like birthdays much. I love attention but undeserved attention makes me feel really awkward.
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:33,
archived)
I deserve attention.My wife and parents got me stuff I wanted. But that's because I went out and bought it for them.
(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:35,
archived)
I only ever want easy stuff.My family write lists and we get whatever is on there.
All of the things I like I can't trust people to get. If I say 'An Xbox Game' I'll get a shit one, same goes for 'Martial Arts DVD'
One girlfriend bought me martial arts DVDs as presents as I was buying her designer goods. They were all ones that I had on display in my bedroom too. I basically got backup copies of my DVD collection...
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:42,
archived)
If I ask my parents for anything specific,there are only two possible outcomes:
1. they'll find some cheap and nasty imitation of what I asked for that they are convinced is "the exact same" and that you're only paying for the brand name,
2. they'll not manage to find it on sale anywhere so instead get me something completely irrelevant to everything in the entire world. Like a battery-powered perpetual motion machine or some thermal mittens from Hawkshead, and then deny that I ever said I don't like Hawkshead.
(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:49,
archived)
I always get money,I don't ask for it I just get it anyway out of habit. My Nanna makes me feel kind of guilty every time, because she always demands to know what I've spent my money on, and I haven't spent it on anything because I don't want anything and I'd rather just keep the money just in case I need it some day.
(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:45,
archived)
Burn all your Podcasts on a DVD for them for christmasThat'll learn them
(
Gooch Is neither here nor there, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:35,
archived)
I think I will.I fucking will.
And I'll glue it into their DVD players.
(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:36,
archived)
I'm never fussed if people get me stuff for my birthdayAll I usually do is throw a party and let people mess up my flat and be sick in the corners. I'm nice, me.
(
Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:35,
archived)
That's what I'm doingalthough it's my housemates flat not mine.
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:36, archived)
It's the hypocrisy that pisses me off.(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:36,
archived)
Yeah, it would annoy me if people had strops about wanting fantastic giftsBut couldn't be arsed putting the same amount of care and attention into giving gifts.
I just get around this by forgetting everyone's birthdays.
(
Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:38,
archived)
I'm all for this.(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:39,
archived)
It's much easier to annihilate your entire circle of friendsso that you don't have any birthdays to forget
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:41,
archived)
Oh I'm on this path as wellWon't be long now until they abandon me. And let's face it, they should.
(
Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:42,
archived)
Suck an aviary.(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:39,
archived)
Snap yourself out of it man, cheer up.(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:44,
archived)
Refuse to get out of bedif they start moaning or whinging, call them selfish bastards who want to celebrate for their own reasons rather than because of you. Then punch them.
(
Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:40,
archived)
Hah!I know exactly how you feel. I always end up getting THE most generic brthday/Christmas gifts from the family (Lynx box-sets for fucks sakes. And socks.). Its as though no-one has bothered to pay any attention at all to anything that interests me, but if I do the same back, I never hear the end of it. And fuck 'the thought that counts', I know they pick things up at the pound shop or chemists because they feel they have to give something.
It's all very petty I suppose, but yeah. It annoys the piss out of me.
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:52, archived)
did you even get a birthday shag?(
Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:42,
archived)
JMG reporting in. Over.In this thread we should all be in the army. Over.
(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:04,
archived)
Unable to identify Will, over.Will fire at fattest person I see, roger.
(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:05,
archived)
Receiving your top secret messages via Gaz. Roger.(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:07,
archived)
Jammy, jammy."roger" would only be used to confirm that you had understood a series of instructions, not when you are issuing them, as you are here
I blame JMG.
And while we're at it, "over and out" is a contradiction in that it offers two conflicting instructions. "out" is how you finish a radio conversation. "over" requests a response.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:10,
archived)
I've never been much of an army bloke, I'll be honest.A friend is HEAD OF THE RAF, but that's as close as I get.
(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:11,
archived)
It's nothing to do with the forces, as it goesit's standard VHF radio protocol. The forces just happen to use it.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:12,
archived)
I head five mayday and several pan calls at the weekend but I was too far away to get involved/sailing in a force 8 blog
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:29,
archived)
10-4 JMG,blowing doors down now.
MOVE MOVE MOVE
Kill those Iranian Bastards.
(
Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:05,
archived)
Only if I can be an officer typenot involved in the fighting but getting sucked off by pretty young privates far behind the front line.
I'll send out jolly missives to the cannon fodder telling them how proud we all are of them and their deaths etc.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:06,
archived)
That better be BIRDS you're on about.We'll have none of THAT in OUR army!
(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:07,
archived)
SEXISM !of course it's birds, birds are important in the modern army. Food needs cooking, blood needs to be washed off the uniforms, and this cock isn't going to suck itself !
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:08,
archived)
I expect there will be a strict fitness regime in this army?(
Major Turd for tonight only, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:14,
archived)
Oh yes. The birds must be incredibly fit.(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:16,
archived)
Raaaa-ther!(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:20,
archived)
they're sending in the hondas, sirwe're done for
(
spacefish bong!, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:19,
archived)
bang bang! bang! ratatatatata! pheeeeew, ting ting BOOM!(
Lightguy hail satan, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:06,
archived)
I'm making a list JMG.It's very exciting.
(
mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:06,
archived)
YOUR CUP OF TEA NEEDS YOU!*Points*
(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:09,
archived)
Good luck with the avoidance of stones, with this.(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:13,
archived)
*gets sunstroke**sues the MOD*
(
Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:06,
archived)
I don't know but I've been toldI don't know but I've been told
Jammy's words are cut from gold
Jammy's words are cut from gold
SOUND OFF
1,2
SOUND ON
3,4
(
GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:07,
archived)
*Punches the clouds. Taking out several Germans*(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:08,
archived)
He was too busy putting his finger up a young jews bottom no doubtthis sort of moral turpitude is what will lose fritz the war !
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:10,
archived)
If we'd have been in World War two we'd have been in Paris most nights and in some kind of sexy tussle mit das lady hun during the day.(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:11,
archived)
basically sexy vixen night parties and daytime shooty wins(
GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:14,
archived)
Everybody goes on about how shite it was during the war.They clearly never had a crack at it, our way.
(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:17,
archived)
I dont know but its been saidJay Emm Gee shoots fatties dead
I dont know but it's been heard
On their corpse he'll lay a turd
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:10,
archived)
Well I don't know what's for lunch todayIt's Jay Emm Gee not Gee Emm Jay
We all know who is to blame
Gee Emm Jay is not his name
(
Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:13,
archived)
I DON'T KNOW BUT I'VE BEEN TOLDJMG IS BALD AND DOLE
(
spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:15,
archived)
B3ta Army Ration Packs for a day is just full of Wotsits, pies and a mobile internet dongleChoc(olate)s Away!
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:07,
archived)
Now this is top banter, right here.*Instant promotion*
(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:09,
archived)
*salutes and crys a bit*Stiff upper lips Gums...*sniff* pull it together...hhuuuuu
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:19,
archived)
dongle!dongledongledongle.
(
spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:13,
archived)
I bet you sing that when you see Paul in the morning ;D*pitty patty patpat*
hooohoooohoooo!
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:20,
archived)
It's trueI poke him and sing it.
(
spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:25,
archived)
JMG is not bald, his head just grows faster than his hair.(
mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:10,
archived)
JMG isn't on the dolethe Government pay him protection money.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:11,
archived)
JMG doesnt live at his mumshe lives at your mums, for shexshy tiemsh
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:12,
archived)
JMG doesn't repeat himself.What you are experiencing is deja vu.
(
mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:13,
archived)
JMG isn't a poofterhe's just so sexy, straight men fancy him.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:14,
archived)
I'll be the political wing and refuse to condemn the activities of JMG which are a legitimate response to the situation.(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:18,
archived)
I HAVE IN MY HAND A PEICE OF PAPER(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:19,
archived)
Hubare does a TREMENDOUS Gerry Adams impression which I'm sure he's doing ALL THE TIME over in Belfast.(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:20,
archived)
Or the Reverand lad nobody likes.One of the two.
(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:21,
archived)
They wouldn't recognise that as an impersonation.In Belfast that's just talking.
(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:21,
archived)
We'll be the shiniest army ever.Especially with my head etc.
(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:22,
archived)
DONKEY GUMS - WE HAVE RODEO ON OUR TAIL!I CAN'T SHAKE HIM!
I CAN'T SHAKE HIM!
MISSILE LOCK!
DONKEY GUMS!
DONKEY GUMS! -
GUMS IS DOWN - MAN DOWN REPEAT MAN DOWN
bepbeepbeepbeepBEEPBEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEP
NOOOOOOOOOOOO-BOOM
(
WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:20,
archived)
I'M HIT! I'M HIT!I'VE GOTTA EJECT
COME ON GUMS, YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT
whhhhhhhoooooooOOOOOOsssshHHHHH
(
WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:21,
archived)
I've just jettisoned my payload all over the keyboard.(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:24,
archived)
Why do we never hear of these"gender benders" any more ?
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:55,
archived)
Imagine a transformer robotthat could go from being a Honda Accord, to being a bigger, Honda Accord.
And both of them could shoot lasers out of their headlamps !
THERE WOULDNT BE A SINGLE BULLY LEFT ALIVE !
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:59,
archived)
who'd be able to bully in such a beautiful world...THAT IS TRULY THE SOCIETY WE MUST STRIVE FOR.
(
GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:01,
archived)
TransHondas, They're much better than you know!TransHondas, Kill bullies from the year below!
(
Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:03,
archived)
TansHondasLiars on the net.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:05,
archived)
I don't know,but why are all cases and bags for netbooks seriously shit?
(
Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 14:57,
archived)
You've been browsingwww.scatcases.com havent you ?
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:01,
archived)
Yeah,am I doing it wrong?
(
Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:01,
archived)
Trywww.notebookcasesmadeoffuckingcheeseyoucunt.com
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:02,
archived)
Didn't work.Any sensible suggestions or am I going to have to burn an effigy of you?
(
Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 15:05,
archived)
They've now been accepted as valid members of societyPeople accept their ways, and welcome them openly.
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:59, archived)
www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2434689.ece
(
mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:59,
archived)
"I married a mental""Mostly because I are a mental too"
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:00,
archived)
I read an article in the paper only todayabout a man who got married in a suit then attended his reception in a dress.
(
spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:03,
archived)
I would have left in disgustbut not before snatching back my wedding gift and doing a shit on the cake.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:04,
archived)
Funny you should mentionI just had walked across to another office and noticed we have a transgendered nurse. She's very tall and manly looking. I've not spoken to her yet.
(
Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:05,
archived)
grab her cockand say "Fuck me what a big, veiny clit"
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:07,
archived)
Do extra nipples just appear or are you born with them?I swear I've had two or three pop up recently.
What's grown on you?
(
ArthurTheRat, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:40,
archived)
That's called an 'errection'Go to the doctor for some willy weights.
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:41,
archived)
Hey guys Eddache doesn't even know what a docto is!(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:46,
archived)
AHAHAHAHAwhat a benny
let's tell that girl he fancies
(
manolith hooray for me, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:47,
archived)
Nolet's just all have sex with her so that when he goes to have sex with her, it's all full of spunky goo and all baggy and that
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:51,
archived)
*goes in for a secret one after everyone is done because that's how I like them*(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:54,
archived)
I'm shagging every girl I meet to make sure that whoever he puts his end in, it'll always have my spunk grafitti in it......a scrawling and jittery 'GMOS'
(
GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:55,
archived)
I'm doing something similarbut more because I enjoy it than for any sort of nastiness against my fellow man.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:56,
archived)
NoooooooOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!!!(
Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:53,
archived)
Sounds like cancer dudeShame I never got to meet you in person, you seemed like a ginger cunt.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:41,
archived)
By that I mean I've grown to like it,not any kind of gross mutation like yours.
(
Major Turd for tonight only, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:43,
archived)
I haven't tried that yet,if it's so addictive then I'll give it a miss.
(
Major Turd for tonight only, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:49,
archived)
smallpox my dear, smallpoxyou're born with all the nipple you're ever going to have
unless you're lorne gree or ed gein
(
VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:42,
archived)
Mould.(
Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 14:42,
archived)
It looks like some kind of lichen.(
The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:43,
archived)
Gorgeous ginger hair.And freckles. Though they don't really grow, they appear.
(
Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:43,
archived)
Working in this new officePlentiful biscuits, lazy relaxed managers. If I were being paid more it'd be almost bearable.
(
TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:51,
archived)
That inbetweeners program.I'm compiling a list of b3ta fails as well, I don't know if anyone has any particularly good ones.
(
mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:51,
archived)
What do you mean by b3ta fails?People on b3ta who are failures or failure of b3ta or something else.
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:52, archived)
There's a list in my profile.(
mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:54,
archived)
www.b3ta.com/talk/3610802
(
mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:04,
archived)
HAIRwell, it's getting longer and I'm not cutting it.
(
spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:52,
archived)
WE ARE JMGS IF YOU PLEASE(
SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:37,
archived)
img32.imageshack.us/img32/5473/killerabs.jpg
(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 14:39,
archived)
JMGSPENDING YOUR TAXES IN DOLE FORM, ON FILLING HIS MUMS SPARE BEDROOM WITH WOW-ENABLED PCS
*Internet sad face*
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:41,
archived)
JMG JMG JMG JMG JMG JMGcheck your GAZ but dont tell the other cunts. Online.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:42,
archived)
A gay brothel that serves snacks"Cock and Roll"
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:39,
archived)
It's dawned on me this week that I am a bit of a mentalistI think about everything far too much, really stupid things like I'll be walking down the road and I'll wonder how many bugs that I can't see am I squashing with my big clompy shoes, and do they have families, and do animals feel love like we do and mourn others. I also can't just wake up and go out, I have to think every situation through and prepare for it, like if some friends called and invited us to their house. I'd have to know what kind of house is it, will there be anything the kids might break, is there a raod outside their house that kids might run into what are the alternative routes if we get diverted should we eat before we go or will there be food there, I'd have to tell someone where I am going and how they can reach me if they need me in an emergency. All this could go through my head in about 10 seconds flat and it will continue until the event is over.
So b3tan psychologists can you teach me how to stop my mind from driving me mad with such rubbish I mentioned before? Does anyone else think like this or is it just me?
And I don't want a lobotomy nor do I want to hit myself with hammers.
(
Mrs Sp@m, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:08,
archived)
You are "whacky"with a hint of "Zany"
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:08,
archived)
img17.imageshack.us/img17/6500/jmgsfault2.jpg
(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 14:08,
archived)
If only you werent so baldyou could comfort the children with your hair !
DOLE.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:18,
archived)
i2.photobucket.com/albums/y33/rhcpaul/jmgsonline.jpg
(
manolith hooray for me, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:29,
archived)
JMG upsets an OMGIRL !!!!!www.crunchgear.com/wp-content/photos/disaster.jpg
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:10,
archived)
I am going climbing tonight and then going to pub quizthat's nice isn't it.
(
GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:10,
archived)
I think you should take the first round from halfway up a wall.(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 14:10,
archived)
I arrive with wet hair and a gaze which could arouse mo mowlem(
GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:12,
archived)
I would suggestthat within 3 seconds, it would be Mo who had wet hair.
Not on her head either !
On her fanny.
From being all turned on up the fanny gash and that.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:13,
archived)
hah, a joke about moisture and arousal, most profound.*triumphant cheers*
I want to go to Afan.
(
GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:15,
archived)
Snuggle yourself firmly between my buttocksand stow away, like an innocent cabin boy, on my trip this weekend.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:17,
archived)
I'll climb out when you have the post/pre ride cup of coffee(
GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:19,
archived)
which route will you take? how many ropes are you taking?will you eat before you go or after? If you abseil and hang upside down after you eat or drink why doesn't the food just fall out of you? After you get home what will you do? Go to bed and read? Have a shower? etc. etc. etc. etc.
(
Mrs Sp@m, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:12,
archived)
the weather has suggested it'll be an indoor session, I'm going to do just bouldering so ropes aren't needed, I'll probably stick to around 6a-6b british technical.After an hour and a half I'll have a shower at the centre and drive to the pub quiz where I will buy a drink, talk to my cohorts and arouse Mo Mowlem.
(
GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:14,
archived)
My climbing methodis to lie face down at the foot of a cliff and imagine Hazel blears dressed as Jimmy Krankee, looking doe-eyed over her shoulder at me and licking her nose.
This then gives me an erection and I find myself pogoed to the top of the cliff.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:16,
archived)
that's called "Dynamic Crotch Slap"it's a common technique for 7B boulder problems
(
GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:18,
archived)
excellent report!I would love to go abseiling again, last time I went I was 14 and abseiled down the back of a waterfall in the lakes (granted this had all sorts of safety grips and stuff but it was still fun) and then I was made to sit down on the rock face and wrap my legs around the rope and then lie back so I was hanging upside down with my arms out at each side like an upside-down crucifix.
THAT WAS AWESOME!
(
Mrs Sp@m, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:24,
archived)
i'm combining tonight and thursday's exerciseinto one evening
gonna run (either 6 or 8 miles) then go to play badminton. lawks a mercy.
also, pub quiz tomorrow. MUSIC pub quiz tomorrow.
(
manolith hooray for me, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:13,
archived)
i think like thati'm pretty sure it's normal for anyone with any imagination, but you think it isn't because you're the only one that hears the thoughts
(
spacefish bong!, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:10,
archived)
that or this whole place is a construct designed to probe my mental stateand none of you are real. questions like that could be little mental probes and a team of scientists record the results and go "ha! how primitive" and stuff
(
spacefish bong!, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:12,
archived)
HAhahahahaha you SO think like me.about that lolmental icon we mentioned the other day.... now just to persuade cr3 I think.
(
Mrs Sp@m, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:14,
archived)
See a brain DoctorYour brain has become damaged and needs to be fixed.
(
WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:11,
archived)
Sometimes it is a small dent which can be buffed out.Other times drugs will be required to cure your sick brain.
(
WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:12,
archived)
Many people have dended and damaged brainsIt is no longer the barrier to a healthy, productive life that it used to be.
(
WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:13,
archived)
Is it "REPLY TO THYSELF TUESDAY" again ?(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:14,
archived)
Everyone has their own mentals.I wouldn't post mine on here though.
*hugs*
(
Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:14,
archived)
Being a shorty isn't a brain disease, it's a physical disability silly :)(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:26,
archived)
Sometimes I think they based Elliot Reed from Scrubs on me.(
Mrs Sp@m, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:26,
archived)
I don't watch Scrubs.I have done. It's alright. Not great. This is why I don't watch it.
*awaits bile and hatred*
(
Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:31,
archived)
I don't do mentals anymoreI used to, when I was doing book keeping for money, get horribly obsessive about my own money. Every penny had to be accounted for. Now I just spunk as much cash on as much crap as I can get my hands on.
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:17, archived)
I can't stop thinking either,but not in the same way you can't. I think constantly about stuff that has no relevance whatsoever to my current situation.
(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:23,
archived)
Oh I do this a lot too when I have nothing else to at that moment to think about.(
Mrs Sp@m, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:25,
archived)
My mum says I think too much.I say everyone else doesn't think nearly enough.
(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:31,
archived)
you know what I think I agreeI also have this horrible ability to be able to put myself in other peoples shoes quite easily and imagine what their emotions are.
(
Mrs Sp@m, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:33,
archived)
that's a useful skill called empathy(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:35,
archived)
Its not very nice all the time thoughI think it leads to more unnecessary thinking, but about deep things.
(
Mrs Sp@m, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:38,
archived)
you don't know how deep it goes.a man told me that in my dream last night. "you think you're being deep thinking about the nature of reality," quoth he, "but you're just scratching the surface. Start thinking about the nature of symbols... it's like a rabbit warren."
Something like that.
(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:43,
archived)
Are you sure you don't want a lobotomy?I have an ice pick handy.
(
Mu Dinofiddler, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:25,
archived)
You need to learn to take risksGo skydiving/ bungee jumping. Don't tell anyone.
I've done lots of loopy things that know one knows about, it's nice to keep that to yourself. Keeps you grounded and knowing what life is all about.
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:29,
archived)
I like the sound of this.More than anything I want to go Tornado chasing but that's not cheap.
(
Mrs Sp@m, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:31,
archived)
just throw yourself down the stairs every now and then like I do.(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:33,
archived)
I did it on a bus once,the driver didn't know what to think
(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:36,
archived)
just keep washing your handsand you;ll be fine
(
VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:36,
archived)
I just smashed a greenfly because it was on my eyebrow.(
Major Turd for tonight only, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:40,
archived)
does thinking about these things make you anxious/stressed or stop you from doing whatever it is you normally do?(
custard, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:40,
archived)
Does anyone know how to raise the strings on a Squier Jazz bass?Google's not helping.
If not, what's your favourtie bass line?
(
the_rhyme_minister has a little bit of gold and a pager, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:05,
archived)
img218.imageshack.us/img218/6546/jmgsfault3.jpg
(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 14:06,
archived)
I was hoping for the MONGMILF again(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:07,
archived)
Friz made that.www.b3tards.com/u/bad7436b035054876c55/jmgblame.jpg
(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 14:07,
archived)
WOOP WOOP TO HIMhas he got her phone number ?
Or is that his mum with his baby sis ?
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:08,
archived)
And yet, I'm entirely satisfied by this response.(
the_rhyme_minister has a little bit of gold and a pager, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:07,
archived)
You're the typewho bums a hyena on the first date.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:07,
archived)
Lift the bass above your headThat should do it.
(
Gooch Is neither here nor there, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:08,
archived)
On the bridge there are tiny tiny allan key bolts on the struts that hold the strings (got springs on the screws)Screw those and it will rase the strings.
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:08,
archived)
Can you go too far?I don't want to break it.
(
the_rhyme_minister has a little bit of gold and a pager, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:09,
archived)
Nah, don't be silly, it's only a screw.www.b3ta.cr3ation.co.uk/data/jpg/8656.bridge.jpg
You can adjust the truss rod if the neck is bowing outwards but do that by quarter turns clockwise but that's only in drastic cases of fret buzz.
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:13,
archived)
Awesome thanks.Now I just need to get a hex key small enough.
Also, should all the strings be at the same height or staggered and if so, which way?
(
the_rhyme_minister has a little bit of gold and a pager, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:15,
archived)
All the same height.But it all depends on personal preference. As long as there is no fret buzz it doesn't matter. Some people like high action (me) and some like them quite close to the fret board (slap bassists)
Just make sure that the string saddles at the bridge are in this position in this picture (e string further back etc) This is to compensate for thicker strings not making buz
www.electricguitarsource.com/images-Fender/fender-deluxe-jazz-bass.jpg
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:22,
archived)
i fail to see how this relates to pugs or haircut burping(
manolith hooray for me, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:11,
archived)
EYENOSE!! I'm so helpful when it comes to bass bollocks.*swings low*
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:14,
archived)
I want a can of Coca ColaShould I ?
Could I ?
Should I just do it and fuck the health/dental problems ?
If only JMG were here...
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:49,
archived)
I saw thatanyone who drinks 2 litres of anything (other than water) a day is a fucking idiot and should be culled.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:52,
archived)
What about the ROFL on here who like to drink then tell the internet they've had a drink?(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:53,
archived)
I JUST HAD A SANDWICHOMG THERE IS AN CRUMB ON MY KB ROFL !
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:54,
archived)
EAT ANYTHING IN IT'S WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:55,
archived)
LOL ROFLI TRIED TO EAT THE CRUMB AND I SWALLOED MIE MAUS LOL ROFL
ANYONE ON MSN, I FEEL TEARFUL AND NEED VALIDATION ?
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:57,
archived)
I GAZZED YOU ABOUT SOME FATTIES ON GAZCHECK YOUR GAZ BUT DONT TELL ANY OF THESE CUNTS I GAZZED YOU.
ON GAZ.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:58,
archived)
I RECEIVED YOUR SECRET CLUB GAZ AND I MUST SAY IT IS ROFL AND GAZ.(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 14:00,
archived)
what about beer?you haven't thought that through, have you?
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:57,
archived)
Beer isnt a drinkIt's medicine.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:59,
archived)
Exactly! I was just thinking thatwell said
(
Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:11,
archived)
one can of coke isn't going to do much damage, it's in vast quantities it becomes an issue.(
GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:50,
archived)
When I say "can"I mean "vat"
I am a mouth breathing, waddling, perma-browsing American.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:50,
archived)
Then the harm's already been doneenjoy your pityful life whilst you can and drink a coke, the only thing that makes you slightly less suicidal.
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:52, archived)
at least the wobbly leg bones will provide a bit of absorption over the exciting downhills(
GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:56,
archived)
I have oneand I have a quorn chicken burger in a poppy seed roll with HP.
I am the queen of shit food lately.
(
Mrs Sp@m, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:51,
archived)
Fajitas can be healthy thoughgrilled chicken, veg like peppers onions tomato wholemeal wraps.
(
Mrs Sp@m, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:54,
archived)
He just cooks it by squeezing it between his salty, sweaty hands whilst sitting next to a girl on the bus.(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:57,
archived)
It can't be quorn AND chicken at the same timenow can it?
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:56,
archived)
I'd suggestthat unless the quorn was at some point previously seen to be feathered and flapping around a farmyard clucking, you can't even call it that ;)
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:00,
archived)
You should get Cherry Coke and drink it whilst thinking about Stevie Hawkins doing wheelies.(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:53,
archived)
It so secret it actually maintains the illusion of minging artificial metally taste in your mouth(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:55,
archived)
I agree with both of these thingsI may email Stephen H and invite him to come to Afan with me on Saturday. I want to see him cane the energy trail, manualling the rock gardens in his wheelchair while shouting "SPELL CAT. SEE AYE TEE. CAT" in his special way.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:56,
archived)
See, he thinks all this black hole shit makes him coolbut untill I see that drooly cunt clear a 7ft tabletop, he has nothing but my disdain...
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:00,
archived)
It's really fucking hard to cross-up a wheelchair.they are gnarly on north shore though.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:02,
archived)
I did that by accident a while ago.Am I cooler than the Steve-o now?
(
GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:02,
archived)
Yes but not because of thatDid you actually clear a 7 foot table top or did you roll over one ? Rolling over one is easy, even for a gay like Moohaalaa who would probably giggle and blush when doing so.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:06,
archived)
no, I went up in the air, and landed on the down side whilst yelling 'FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK'I was chasing a friend who does that sort of thing as his main sport.
I didn't see that coming because he was in front of me and by the time I'd seen it, I was flying over it, I hit on my front wheel but managed to hold it and rolled down the other side and slowed down a little.
(
GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:08,
archived)
Then I am impressedI've cleared small ones, 3 foot ish, but never a big one, they give me the fear.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:09,
archived)
as I say I didn't really have the opportunity to think about it. I wouldn't do it again.I'm happy speeding down after my mates until I fall off and fly into the undergrowth, at which point I tend to slow down and think more about MY ability.
(
GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:12,
archived)
have some fresh organic orange juice instead.you'll feel much better for it.
(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:54,
archived)
but that's boring sometimes.I love fresh orange but when I drink it I feel like it's rotting my stomach.
(
Mrs Sp@m, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:55,
archived)
I would like to point out also that although coke is far worse for rotting the stomachI cannot feel the effects like I can with OJ
(
Mrs Sp@m, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:56,
archived)
you know it has to come from the fruit orangeand not just from a bottle of something orange you found under the sink?
(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:57,
archived)
oh right is that one of those circle things in that basket in my kitchenI just thought they were fancy tennis balls.
(
Mrs Sp@m, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:59,
archived)
and you know that blue circle flour you use for baking?that's not actually flour.
(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:04,
archived)
That's just as bad for your teeth.MMM, sugary acid.
(
Mu Dinofiddler, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:59,
archived)
yeah but it's not as bad for everything else.anyway it probably isn't. phosphoric acid is stronger than citric acid.
(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:02,
archived)
it's not even just the strengthcitric acid is pretty useless at dissolving minerals. Being organic and that. So does more or less bugger all to teeth.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:05,
archived)
No.Citric acid is the most erosive acid found in soft drinks and is the predominant acid in non-cola drinks
(
Mu Dinofiddler, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:09,
archived)
"The erosive potential of colas is 10 times that of fruit juices in just the first three minutes of drinking, a study last year showed"it seems to contradict itself.
(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:16,
archived)
Yeah, I just actually read the thing after ctrl f-ing for citric acid.(
Mu Dinofiddler, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:19,
archived)
I think it's trying to slate non-cola fizzy drinks -sprite and that kind of thing that don't contain phosphoric acid but do have citric acid added as a flavour enhancer - for being bad for teeth. I don't think it's suggesting natural fruit juices are bad for teeth. But they've got confused with the scientific reasoning behind the actual results and applied their own primary school chemistry logic
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:28,
archived)
that's the press completely misunderstading the scientific dataI'd suggest reading the original paper.
that "citric acid" statement is based on pH, not the power to erode enamel. If you notice, they point out that cola removes about 5% of enamel wheras other drinks were closer to 1.5%
ie, less erosive. Shit journalism. Citric acid may well have a lower pH than phosphoric acid. That makes fuck all difference to what happens to calcium salts (the most important bit of enamel) upon exposure.
Give I use phosphoric acid to strip limescale (calcium salt) from the inside of stainless steel fermenters, I think it's probably more harmful to teeth than a bit of orange juice, really.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:17,
archived)
it's not, really. At all in fact.it's the type of acid that's the issue.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:03,
archived)
no it's not.organic vs mineral, weak vs strong acids. And even then, mechanisms of attack matter.
HF, HCL and H2SO4 all have effectively the same pH at similar N values.
only one out of the three would I be comfortable having on my hand. H2S04 is an excellent reducer, so will take organic stuff back to carbon in seconds. HF on the other hand will go through glass but will leave some organic stuff untouched, which is why you can keep it in plastic bottles.
horses for courses, citric acid will barely touch tooth enamel, phosphoric will strip it pretty quickly.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:10,
archived)
I have done.it's rubbish. Being on the internet doesn't make it true. Some idiot journalist has misunderstood a peice of scientific research and therefore misrepresented the results. And as MGT points out, even a non-scientist can see the article contradicts itself several times , it's obviously retard journalism for the ADHD "OMG like EVERYTHING causes cancer" generation
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:21,
archived)
Good thinking! I'm going to drink some Sunny D. thanks for the advice.(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:01,
archived)
counteract the sugar with some meat(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:55,
archived)
Yes.Drink it through a straw, it's better for your teeth.
(
Major Turd for tonight only, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:56,
archived)
I usually drinkfrom the skulls of my vanquished foes.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:57,
archived)
It's truemy mouth is like a sideways-opening toothy fanny.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:00,
archived)
Cherry coke wins.Chug a fuck load of that for laughs.
(
Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:01,
archived)
THREE fried eggs. THREE slices of toast. A little bit of cheese and mayo and ketchup.I'm bored of training kittens properly. I've taken to squirting them with a water pistol whenever they are getting on my tits. Which is all the time. I hate cats.
(
baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:58,
archived)
I'd love to see you front "Animal Hospital" for JMGTV.(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:58,
archived)
You could wrestle a bear during the end credits.(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:02,
archived)
I met a man in the pub once who said he punched a badger.(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:03,
archived)
Badger is sometimes used a slang term for homosexualianists.(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:07,
archived)
I heard they can smell bum up to a kilometer away,and you can stop them only with a firm punch to the nose or gouging their eyes, or a harpoon gun
(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:12,
archived)
Someone once told me they nurture their young in pouches on their chests(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:19,
archived)
It's political correctness developing full blown schizophrenia.(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:21,
archived)
I saw one in the street one nightIt was weaving a small ceremonial Squirrel figurine out of a hedgehog.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:21,
archived)
homophobe(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:30,
archived)
phoblerone(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:48,
archived)
I've had a drunken debate with a vet about my ability to take on a badger.He said it will rip me to pieces. I'll prove him wrong some day.
(
Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:08,
archived)
My reply looks really fucking dodgy after what Dr P has put above.(
Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:09,
archived)
I've heard they're vicious.This guy reckoned he'd bumped into one in his van or something, but it was only stunned, so he picked it up by the scruff of its neck, slapped it a few times, and sent it on its way. He also said he'd killed an Alsation that went for him one time. Or something.
(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:12,
archived)
That sounds likeyou've been to a QOTW bash.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:22,
archived)
honey badgers are tough little bastardswww.b3ta.com/links/The_Honey_Badger
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:34, archived)
Animalised Hospital?"Hello! I'm baldmonkey and I'm here at Great Ormond Street hospital to cheer up the kiddies! I poured black paint down the sides of the building to makeit look like a tiger, complete with razor sharp teeth around the doorway and to make it really feel like we're inside a hospital-shaped tiger, I've been stapling the carcasses of buffalos all over the place. Lots of blood all over the floor looking really grrrrrreat! OI TIMMY! STOP FUCKING CRYING AND HELP UNCLE BALDERS WITH DECAPITATED BOAR!"
(
Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:13,
archived)
Call him whatever you want, he has no head!(
Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:41,
archived)
Most of the work in front of the camera.Midget wrestling.
Paint-balling the blind.
Etc.
(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:09,
archived)
GMoS would require a female co-anchor.We're VERY PC here at JMGTV.
We make it especially clear that we employ Moohalaa, a well known queer.
(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:22,
archived)
Somebody's going to have to hold the women off of GMoS...an anti-fluffer, if you will?
(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:24,
archived)
I think I would fail at thissince I would interfere with the women in an inappropriate manner and bring shame upon the house of JMG.
JMG JMG JMG JMG !
DOLEing out baldness with repetition ! WOOP WOOP !
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:29,
archived)
I've spoiled MANY the dinner party with my bald antics.(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:45,
archived)
Be fair thoughif you had hair, you would break free from the confines of your mums spare room and RULE THE WORLD.
Fatties would worship you as a god.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:46,
archived)
I'd cheer up the kids with put down hamsters by flapping my 'wobble board' at themsaaaaaadly hedidn'tmakeitthroughthe niiiiiiiiight Umm Shakaa HUUNE Shakaa HUUNE Shakaa HUUNE *wabble wibble wobble* stroke it...
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:03,
archived)
HOW we don't win more International Emmys I'll never know.(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:09,
archived)
Likewise.I heard Phil Collins is a big fan.
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:13,
archived)
Ha ha ha ha ha(
Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:28,
archived)
I have an irrational hatred of cat-owners...well... it is rational, they are selfish cunts
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:03, archived)
Are you still planning to come over here and steal our jobs?(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:08,
archived)
So.. you do like eggs then?(
Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:03,
archived)
You! You would like this:www.toplessrobot.com/2009/05/lego_continues_to_be_awesome_as_hell.php
I hope you get the reference.
Back to training for me...
(
Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:41,
archived)
Fried eggs, cheese, mayo and ketchup?Oh, baldmonkey, you make me feel ill.
(
Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:06,
archived)
HOW IS IT ONLY ONE O'CLOCK?(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:06,
archived)
THE CLOCKSIT'S ALL WRONG
(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:10,
archived)
oh and that's fine with you is it eh?just as I thought.
(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:11,
archived)
I've been advocating this position for years.Even when it was neither popular nor profitable to do so.
(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:14,
archived)
It's a good thing for meI have got so little done today.
(
Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:11,
archived)
hurry up then or you'll miss it(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:29,
archived)
Water pistols work well on them.(
Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:09,
archived)
Ye staters are a soft bunch, and no mistake.
(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:10,
archived)
That's why I wee on my various women when they get out of line.Don't get outta line Esme. You'll get a solid yellow cable of telling off if you're not careful...
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:14,
archived)
I find they don't have enough weight for a good pistol whipping(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:19,
archived)
We used to use an old flash cleaning bottle filled with water for the same purposeOne time i caught the kitten pissing on the floor and grabbed the bottle, only after about the 3rd dousing I noticed i had picked up the actual flash kitchen cleaner. Seemed to do the trick though.
(
Gooch Is neither here nor there, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:12,
archived)
This is why you are fatand slovenly.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:20,
archived)
GW & WORMULUSCONQUERING FAT MENTALS SINCE HALF PAST 1 !
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:38,
archived)
I'm going to have vegetable rice and some chicken for dinner.(
Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:20,
archived)
I had vegetable soup for my lunchIt were braw!
(
TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:25,
archived)
I dun an exam.Then I dun crying afterwards.
:(
(
LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:38,
archived)
You should be beaten up for this sort of pansiness(Wo)Man the fuck up.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:39,
archived)
I hope you spent several months preparing for the crying.(
Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:40,
archived)
Oh I've spent a lifetime crying at things I can't change.I'm well practised.
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LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:43,
archived)
proper "brain food"all the liberal intelligensia dine solely on the output of the Colonels charnel house.
(
Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:48,
archived)
Watched the final two episodes from season seven of 24 last night.BLIMEY that's good TV.
Who'd like to make a cutting remark?
It's around lunchtime, surely you're all reaching your moaning peak?
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Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:49,
archived)
Was it a stonkerI think this has possibly been the best series since the first.
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:52, archived)
Season 5 ranks highly up there for me(
The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:53,
archived)
Logan was the 'big bad'Tony 'died'
Edgar bounced
(
The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:54,
archived)
Carey and Mr. Big get MARRIED but then he fucks it up and she goes shoe shopping for her nose.(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:51,
archived)
Lost is guff!it's the televisual equivalent of answering a question with another question...
if it was an actual conversation, I'd have slapped someone by now
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:50, archived)
Lost was also brilliant.INTERNET FALLOUT.
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Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:51,
archived)
could you have a word with the writersyour awesomeness might persuade them to bring the real Locke back
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The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:54,
archived)
Speaking of 'appalling miscariages of justice' HERE'S JMG!(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:50,
archived)
I fought the law and the law used backhanded tactics and slurs to reach an equal with me.(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:51,
archived)
And them beat you with their riot shields.(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:53,
archived)
It's nearly down here, JMGI shall enjoy watching them tonight
(
The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:50,
archived)
*Firm handshakes and handguns*(
Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:52,
archived)
JMG, I feel we've been at loggerheads recently.Shall we start over?
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Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:54,
archived)
GB = gayboy?(
Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:55,
archived)
I'd shake your hand but I'm afraid you could slay me in a heartbeat.What I'll do is send my best regards by telegram.
TOPLESS TELEGRAM.
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Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:58,
archived)
I bought ALL the Battlestar Galacticas at the weekend.I almost had a nerd-gasm when I saw it on sale :3
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spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:56,
archived)
Where was it on sale?I'm tempted to wait until it's out on BluRay
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:57, archived)
you should,it's one of my all time favorite shows.
Everyone I've forced to watch it has enjoyed it. Even those who seriously hated the very idea of it.
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:59, archived)
I don't really watch TV, is that an acceptable answer?(
GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:01,
archived)
yes of courseI'm not going to force you, I'm just recommending strongly.
(, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:05, archived)
I saw one episode.It was a bit grim. I hope the rest is less grim. I suspect Series 4 is not the right place to start, really.
(
Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:04,
archived)
ok.I did like the way it was made. It looks right. I was a fan of the original and they could so easily have ruined it, but they didn't. It was just a tad dark for my liking, I'm really not into this latest craze of TV programmes being really dark.
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:09,
archived)
I was naughty stepped for pushing porn down the board whilst the mods wanked themselves offThis is the most appalling miscariage of justice I have ever seen on b3ta ever.
THERE ISN'T EVEN A FUCKING RULE AGAINST POSTING TEXT ON THE MAIN BOARD.
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WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:48,
archived)
I DEMAND A FUCKING APOLOGY YOU BUNCH OF FUCKING CUNTS.I only posted the text there becuase I like the site and wanted to help.
I even gazzed a mod to tell them about the problem.
(
WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:49,
archived)
Oh Wormulus.:(
I am sad to hear your excellent work is protecting our eyes went punished.
:(
Link to it.
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Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:49,
archived)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9456251My first ever naughty step.
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WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:51,
archived)
OH WORMULUS!You terrible bully.
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Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:52,
archived)
no you didntsomebody else had already pushed it down with a picture of a large pussy.
Anyway, who naughty stepped you , and what was your punishment?
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turb0t, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:50,
archived)
many sympathiesseems a bit odd, eh...
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revmoola was thinking about a software problem, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:52,
archived)
Does this mean we can start some form of campaign?Trolls For Justice?
We can all dress as JMG and scale moderately tall curbs.
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Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:52,
archived)
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