if that's anything like peterotica, i'm in!!
Oh god, you should have seen this one hot chick.
She was totally Italian...
or maybe some kind of Spanish.
:D
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:36,
archived)
She was totally Italian...
or maybe some kind of Spanish.
:D
I knew a girl in London called "peter".
she was very sweet, but prone to outbursts of "for fuck's sake, no I'm not a man, it's just a name you cunts." every now and again.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:43,
archived)
yes, real girl.
A friend of mine was given the opportunity to check once.*
*yes, I know 'she' could have been a really convincing post-op, but if you'd gone to that much trouble I think you'd have changed your name too
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 16:15,
archived)
*yes, I know 'she' could have been a really convincing post-op, but if you'd gone to that much trouble I think you'd have changed your name too
On a pulley?
Not on a rope on said pulley?
/haven't pedented for aaaages blog
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:50,
archived)
/haven't pedented for aaaages blog
we have an apparatus for drying clothes in this country
it's called a pulley
stick your pedantry, cos you're WRONG!
edit: www.naturalcollection.com/images/newproducts/11099-00.jpg
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:51,
archived)
stick your pedantry, cos you're WRONG!
edit: www.naturalcollection.com/images/newproducts/11099-00.jpg
from the hair on your arms, I'm guessing you must be Italian...
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:43,
archived)
Gah! You are right.
I couldn't place where I got this from, but homer does a similar thing in the SImpsons.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:36,
archived)
hello operator?
give me the number for 911
ooh you little plagiarist!
=D
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:41,
archived)
ooh you little plagiarist!
=D
I suspect
that this happens, frequently
I'm not sure if it's worse than a guy phoning up the police because his wife didn't make his dinner though
hmm, maybe, it's not as bad
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:31,
archived)
I'm not sure if it's worse than a guy phoning up the police because his wife didn't make his dinner though
hmm, maybe, it's not as bad
Some bint somewhere, rang her mother to ask her to ring 999,
coz her (the bint's) house was on fire!!!!
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:33,
archived)
christ on a boat
that's agressively num
*9*9*9*
"your number is [number]"
"Service please?"
"FIRE!!!!"
"fire bridgade"
"OMG I'm on fucking fire!!"
is the normal course of events
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:34,
archived)
*9*9*9*
"your number is [number]"
"Service please?"
"FIRE!!!!"
"fire bridgade"
"OMG I'm on fucking fire!!"
is the normal course of events
My dad was a 999 operator for a bit.
He said most people are mentalists, and old ladies love to call and ask for the time.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:37,
archived)
haha!!
'emergencey services'
'will you be my friend?'
*dial tone*
darn.....
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:40,
archived)
'will you be my friend?'
*dial tone*
darn.....
some southern police force released a few tape recordings
was quite.. fuckery
but anyone who works with the public via the phone probably has endless stories of total and utter nutcases phoning pretty much on a daily/hourly/minutely basis
:D
world's full of nutters innit
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:40,
archived)
but anyone who works with the public via the phone probably has endless stories of total and utter nutcases phoning pretty much on a daily/hourly/minutely basis
:D
world's full of nutters innit
actually it is
for the most part
aside from the nutters who think they know better than everyone else
:)
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:44,
archived)
aside from the nutters who think they know better than everyone else
:)
there should be a special task force
charged with going round to these types of peoples houses and beating sense into them.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:34,
archived)
they probably turn up and over a nice cup of tea
beat the fucking shit out of them
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:36,
archived)
hello, yes, ambulance please
a man of the telly has fallen over, please send it directly to coronation street.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:32,
archived)
Yes. This.
"Hello 118118, can I have the number for a good directory enquiries service please?"
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:41,
archived)
haha!!
thats like that picture someone did of the board meeting where the boss is saying
'i want that report on my desk by 4.00'
and then he's reading a piece of paper saying desk: 4 legs, 3 drawers, brown
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:45,
archived)
'i want that report on my desk by 4.00'
and then he's reading a piece of paper saying desk: 4 legs, 3 drawers, brown
some say he was royalty
strange 19th century oddness
oh and I suddenly think of spring heeled jack
another villain
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:35,
archived)
oh and I suddenly think of spring heeled jack
another villain
aye
lasted quite a few years
family rapist tradition maybe?
that's a really odd one
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:42,
archived)
family rapist tradition maybe?
that's a really odd one
stephen fry's great great great uncle or something.
he told a story about he could leap backwards
onto the mantelpiece!
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:43,
archived)
onto the mantelpiece!
Never mind Hugh Grant
Chopin should have been played by Christopher Walken.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:40,
archived)
I thought you might've got the sarcasm!
You handsome devil,you
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:36,
archived)
He's always there whenever there's a large crowd.
Picking pockets most likely, the cheeky scoundrel.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:29,
archived)
Picking pockets most likely, the cheeky scoundrel.
Foly Huddering shuck!
I guess you've just masked a cock on the source?
woo!
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:26,
archived)
woo!
Oh my!
www.fanfiction.net/s/2828044/15/My_Immortal
“Enoby I love you!” he shouted sadly. “I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:27,
archived)
“Enoby I love you!” he shouted sadly. “I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!.
!?
“Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!” I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed.
What the blinketty flip?
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:30,
archived)
What the blinketty flip?
My favourite bit is
"don’t u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!"
Although I have absolutely no idea what it means.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:32,
archived)
Although I have absolutely no idea what it means.
It means:
"I am sure you would agree that these gentlemen are attractive - if you don't I will not be requiring your company any further!"
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:40,
archived)
Its obveeuslee,
part ov this tosh, news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6250184.stm iznt it
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 16:34,
archived)
do people deliberately spell that bad(ly thank you DG) as some sort of community type thing?
i fink it suks n u no it
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:32,
archived)
i'm all for evolution
but half of this shit couldn't be re-read by the writer themselves!!
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:42,
archived)
I bet they are fans of perl!
hahahahaaahahahhaaaa!
aaahh..aaahhhhhh. never mind
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:50,
archived)
aaahh..aaahhhhhh. never mind
I have a nasty feeling
that this is exactly how the sister in law writes.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:34,
archived)
damn i wish i hadn't read that.
i feel a bit stupider now.....
=)
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:36,
archived)
=)
the sad thing is
if you tried to create some really crap fanfic as a protest
it would be hailed as a triumph
:)
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:37,
archived)
it would be hailed as a triumph
:)
I have a feeling someone already did this
It was ages ago though
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:28,
archived)
I figured it would have bin dun.
The source anim was just begging for it.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:30,
archived)
...and in the latest crisis
Source: www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19689640/
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:04,
archived)
Source: www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19689640/
£50 per ounce
or nearest offer
(or three penny chews or pocket lint)
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:24,
archived)
(or three penny chews or pocket lint)
tut tut
that is much more a revival-revival lyric
you want something more like
If that is a coconut
I can barely imagine the tree
If that is a coconut
I can't barely imagine that tree
If you want my coconut milk baby
You gonna have to climb that big ol' trunk for meeeee
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:17,
archived)
you want something more like
If that is a coconut
I can barely imagine the tree
If that is a coconut
I can't barely imagine that tree
If you want my coconut milk baby
You gonna have to climb that big ol' trunk for meeeee
yeeeeeeeeeeeeee
hawww!
now I feel all patriotic
anyone got a spare C130? I need to chaingun a village
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:18,
archived)
now I feel all patriotic
anyone got a spare C130? I need to chaingun a village
I can't help feeling we have a very different take on ethnomusicology
;)
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:24,
archived)
it's nice
but it's just not the same
doesn't quite have that "large circling bastard of death" ring to it
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:30,
archived)
doesn't quite have that "large circling bastard of death" ring to it
hell no
more likely to have decent SAMs innit
we're trying to free the shit out of innocent peasants here because God tells us it's good!
:D
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:48,
archived)
we're trying to free the shit out of innocent peasants here because God tells us it's good!
:D
Has God been talking to you again?
What have we told you about staying on the damn meds?!!
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:57,
archived)
what really happened was those wacky student disconnected it for a laugh.
arf!
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:11,
archived)
*resists temptation to say what a corny pun that is*
Edit: bad timing.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:58,
archived)
Yeah, SCYTHE got a weak stomach...
I'll just LEAF it for now, I need a CROP.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:11,
archived)
That pun
did seem like it was COBbled together a bit too quickly.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:59,
archived)
That
was oats so painful.
...'ll just sit over in the corner quietly then.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:04,
archived)
...'ll just sit over in the corner quietly then.
Good god man
your on fucking fire this week!
where's your Hummus stash?
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:59,
archived)
where's your Hummus stash?
I steal them all
from other b3tans profiles. No-ones twigged yet.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:00,
archived)
they asked me if I wanted to confirm that they were STILL best of all the animals in an article
but they wouldn't pay more than a bag of oats and 2 sugarlumps, so I got off my horse, drank my milk, and walked off into the sunset
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:04,
archived)
‘We can only assume that architecture is not as high a priority as other arts projects,
... it's like they're in my office
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:09,
archived)
Arf!
yeah, i'll get round to designing it after i've done this political satire of gordon brown woth a CDC.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:14,
archived)
*resists spanging*
Cheddar is traditionally packaged in black wax or damp cloth
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:54,
archived)
you said cheedar and damp in the same sentence....
its too much for one man too take
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:56,
archived)
hahaha, yes, I know
*hangs head in shame, but awaits the inevitable 'gaz' from ZOO*
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:55,
archived)
haven't heard anything back yet, no
but did send them courtesy email saying thanks, but no thanks.
- and roughly the reason why
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:58,
archived)
- and roughly the reason why
and shame on me
for posting this here but I reckon most people wouldn't want it in a new thread :
Blog & Archive
/Hutton Report
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:56,
archived)
Blog & Archive
/Hutton Report
That'll be next to the 'self help' section in most bookshops. In the section entitled 'self-love'
/and is it autographed?
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:57,
archived)
compared to some of the crap posted on here
That's a very modest view.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:37,
archived)
WHAT!? WHAT!?
I wouldn't contrive some awful pun where cars are hanging off a tree!? WOULD I!??
could be . . .
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:53,
archived)
could be . . .
Sorted.
Just changed my address and stuff on Paypal and because I deleted a card, it cancelled all my subscriptions.
Bah.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 15:55,
archived)
Bah.
Yeah
Talking about it earlier (in conjuction with newborns) probably influenced it. A lot.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:38,
archived)
*gasps for breath*
That, Mr. Wheelybird, is utterly genius. Sinister, and amusing. My favourite combination.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:46,
archived)
shouldn't it be a fly with no wings?
or is that why he's getting a well deserved spang? :)
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:38,
archived)
Umm, yes, that's why...
...Fucksocks. >< It was meant to be wings.
But we'll pretend HE'S the tard and that's why he's being spanged.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:40,
archived)
But we'll pretend HE'S the tard and that's why he's being spanged.
Heh!
It reminds me of this:
EDIT: Mainly coz it's 2 heads, I guess...
/unrelated pearoast blog
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:39,
archived)
EDIT: Mainly coz it's 2 heads, I guess...
/unrelated pearoast blog
Just to feed Micto's addiction!
Have been lurking too much, must do less work and more b3ta!
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:34,
archived)
Have been lurking too much, must do less work and more b3ta!
It moves!
There are more fish films here if that kinda thing floats your boat!
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:43,
archived)
It would
I tried making something for the challenge, but then I realised there was no way to flip or resize pieces of paper. Or undo.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:33,
archived)
I don't know why
but I really love that.
And it's got what appears to be a boss-eyed stretchy me on it.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:32,
archived)
And it's got what appears to be a boss-eyed stretchy me on it.
way too many hours to create....
.....................................THANK YOU B3TANS!
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:37,
archived)
ha ha ha......very subtle....
....i'm going back to photoshop.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:43,
archived)
*spangs into middle of next week*
*has 9 days to allow pun gland to recover*
*loves yer really*
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:24,
archived)
*loves yer really*
Arf :) Expert gaming punnage!
*awaits Rainbow Isla St.Clair and Robert Kilroy-Silkworm*
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:24,
archived)
It's Dave. One strongly suspects he needs little encouragement.
:EDIT: Ayrton Centipede?
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:25,
archived)
Hahaha!
I gave that idea to Giant Squid for his Wesley Snipes pun archive . . .
Ralph and Michael Shoe Macca
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:29,
archived)
Ralph and Michael Shoe Macca
Very nice indeed :)
Now I've got a little more time on my hands I'm cracking on with my "Terminator" pixelmash. I'd missed doing them :)
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:30,
archived)
Braw!
I assume you have a 'post straight to front page' button like Monkeon?
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:32,
archived)
Heh, my days of Front Pages appear to be far behind me now :)
Still, I mustn't grumble. I did well out of those pixelmashes.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:33,
archived)
Desperation?
Does that mean you're... *gasps* running out of puns?
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:27,
archived)
You spanged me!
You bastard, you spanged me!
Last huggle you're getting out of me...
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:28,
archived)
Last huggle you're getting out of me...
This is what stops me from spanging back...
You're far to valuable as Satan's Little Helper to spang.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:30,
archived)
Indeed you do... here you go, fresh from Paint, Satan's own picture software.
( , Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:34, archived)
( , Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:34, archived)
It lets you do two things at once... watch
*uses tail for mundane task without thinking about it*
*accidentally pops tail in toaster while showing off*
OUCH!
Just be careful with it eh?
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:42,
archived)
*accidentally pops tail in toaster while showing off*
OUCH!
Just be careful with it eh?
It's not size, it's technique. It's all in the wrist action.
What do you think of these?
And this week we have a rather useful prize for those who want their loved ones to rest in peace instead of turning in their graves – a jar of decaffeinated coffin.
The prize this week is ideal for the owner of a medieval theme pub who needs to make occasional repairs. It’s this set of adjustable wenches.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:15,
archived)
And this week we have a rather useful prize for those who want their loved ones to rest in peace instead of turning in their graves – a jar of decaffeinated coffin.
The prize this week is ideal for the owner of a medieval theme pub who needs to make occasional repairs. It’s this set of adjustable wenches.
wenches all the way
or how about:
This week's prize is just thing to keep any famous soul singer steady on his feet while visiting the Bathroom...
It's this delightful Lou Rawls Holder
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:19,
archived)
This week's prize is just thing to keep any famous soul singer steady on his feet while visiting the Bathroom...
It's this delightful Lou Rawls Holder
:O I did some bar wenching. Proper wenching it was too, I was at a medieval fayre thing pouring out horns of mead.
In a DRESS.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:20,
archived)
There's one of me from behind somewhere, laughing.
Needless to say I was enjoying a bit of mead myself.
I'll try and find it when I get home.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:21,
archived)
I'll try and find it when I get home.
haha
Don't fuck with the gummis.. I can see a CGI monstrosity in the making!
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:07,
archived)
A shapeshifting monster bear?
It changes size from fifteen to eighteen foot regularly in the reviews.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:17,
archived)
It probably depends
on whether you watch it on screen 1 or screen 2.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:22,
archived)
...bouncing here and there and everywhere
high adventure that's beyond compare...
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:13,
archived)
jings and help ma boab!
i dunno if i have the hummus for it..!
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:07,
archived)
Haha!
And on the eight hundred and fifty first day, god created that shuddery thing you sometimes do after taking a piss.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:04,
archived)
And on the 852nd
He created that way you jerk just as you're dozing off
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:05,
archived)
the piss shiver.
a friend of mine has a good theory behind the piss shiver.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:10,
archived)
Apparently
on the 1,460,078th day he got around to making Jesus.
Too late for compo though. *shrugs*
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:12,
archived)
Too late for compo though. *shrugs*
That's that sorted then.
I thought I was broken for a minute there.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:20,
archived)
God loves sitting in a cardboard box.
That's a SCIENTIFIC FACT!
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:04,
archived)
That's a SCIENTIFIC FACT!
on the 251st day,
god creates the bacon sandwich.
5 minutes later, god creates nyom nyom nyom tasty munchy sound.
: )
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:18,
archived)
5 minutes later, god creates nyom nyom nyom tasty munchy sound.
: )
speaking of sandwiches
I just got some funny stares a few minutes ago, when i went to get some snacks for the office.
I like marmite sandwiches, however, to save time and for reliability, i get a tub of butter (well, low fat spread stuff), and a jar of marmite, then mix them up together in a container.
This gives me a tub of marmite spread that works straight from the fridge, and is always the strength I like. Does everyone else thinks this is weird?
*Hides in the corner with marmite sandwiches*
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:17,
archived)
I like marmite sandwiches, however, to save time and for reliability, i get a tub of butter (well, low fat spread stuff), and a jar of marmite, then mix them up together in a container.
This gives me a tub of marmite spread that works straight from the fridge, and is always the strength I like. Does everyone else thinks this is weird?
*Hides in the corner with marmite sandwiches*
About as weird as mixing ketchup and brown sauce.
It's not weird, but it's certainly not normal.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:19,
archived)
Everyone has a 'thing' that other find irrational...
I like Weetabix with butter....
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:22,
archived)
time saving
is always good.
tv's nigella lawson (the curvy cook lady) whisks butter and marmite together too.
you are not alone.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:21,
archived)
tv's nigella lawson (the curvy cook lady) whisks butter and marmite together too.
you are not alone.
:)
And on the 28th day, God threw a massive party which nobody came to.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:20,
archived)
He really should have invented guests before inventing parties...
He was setting himself up for a fall.
Poor God.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:24,
archived)
Poor God.
but on the 6th day,
god created adam and eve. surely?
they'd be guests.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:27,
archived)
they'd be guests.
They didn't turn up
Eve said she had a headache and Adam was in a bit of a mood....
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:28,
archived)
how sad :'(
i would've gone to god's party, had i been invited.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:29,
archived)
As would I...
But I wasn't invited...
Soemthing about starting a rebellion in Heaven or something like that.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:32,
archived)
Soemthing about starting a rebellion in Heaven or something like that.
BIG!
It took ages to work that out.
Clicking here makes me happy. Try it!
Arf!
TJ: Since when did they start asking?
Zoo magazine
We here at ZOO have seen your work csi.jpg on B3ta.com. We would like to publish it in next week's issue of the magazine, in our "YOU'VE GOT SPAM!" section.
We are sorry, but we don't pay fees for reproduction of your work in the magazine, but we will of course publish any credit you so desire.
Please confirm that you are the originator of this work and let us know by return email if this is all okay with you.
Please email [email protected] and make the subject heading SPAM. If we don't hear from you, we won't publish.
Many thanks,
ZOO
(YOU'VE GOT SPAM, Tue 10 Jul, 12:05, ignore, delete, archive, reply)
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:48,
archived)
Zoo magazine
We here at ZOO have seen your work csi.jpg on B3ta.com. We would like to publish it in next week's issue of the magazine, in our "YOU'VE GOT SPAM!" section.
We are sorry, but we don't pay fees for reproduction of your work in the magazine, but we will of course publish any credit you so desire.
Please confirm that you are the originator of this work and let us know by return email if this is all okay with you.
Please email [email protected] and make the subject heading SPAM. If we don't hear from you, we won't publish.
Many thanks,
ZOO
(YOU'VE GOT SPAM, Tue 10 Jul, 12:05, ignore, delete, archive, reply)
Since they said they would in a national paper
Edit: this ^
They DO pay fees, they just don't want to
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:49,
archived)
Edit: this ^
They DO pay fees, they just don't want to
I was expecting "If we don't hear from you, we'll publish anyway."
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:50,
archived)
no fees?
tell them where to go. No jobbing features writer works pro bono, neither do you.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:50,
archived)
yes! you got one as well!
I got two of them this morning. be careful, if you say 'yes' they have ALL
rights over that image for it's use I think.
Although he 'non-fee' thing is still debatable, particularly if
the image used is the 'reader winner' which qualifies for the assocaited prize
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:50,
archived)
rights over that image for it's use I think.
Although he 'non-fee' thing is still debatable, particularly if
the image used is the 'reader winner' which qualifies for the assocaited prize
Not legally, no.
"We would like to publish it in next week's issue of the magazine, in our "YOU'VE GOT SPAM!" section." If they use it in any other way, for example on the listing page for the section, then you haven't agreed to that.
The best answer would be to request a written contract detailing precisely the terms of use. That'd piss 'em off.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:53,
archived)
The best answer would be to request a written contract detailing precisely the terms of use. That'd piss 'em off.
be sure to stipulate
that they enuncliate the image preprior to each usage
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:54,
archived)
they will also then demand a full contract with creator to ensure that ALL work is under their ownership
they have done it in the past. you need to ensure that ALL work
is from toally copright free sources, or basically you're making the rope for your own hanging if
someone then complains about a source image being used in the magazine,
unless it falls under 'fair usage' policy, such as parody, but it's a fine line
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:55,
archived)
is from toally copright free sources, or basically you're making the rope for your own hanging if
someone then complains about a source image being used in the magazine,
unless it falls under 'fair usage' policy, such as parody, but it's a fine line
Very true.
Legal stuff sucks and my lawyer charges £300 an hour to write contracts. Ho hum.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:56,
archived)
my lawyer charges £300 an hour to write photocopy contracts. Ho hum.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:59,
archived)
PROFIT!
indeed, in the case of many b3ta images, probably best to say 'no' to cover your own backs
After all, they had their chance to do this right months ago, and they're still trying to pull the wool over our eyes in being all nice about it now in these messages.
They DO pay, they just need to accept that they should make the offer. They pay 'journos' to write content for the other pages,
so they should make token gestures to people they want in the spam section,
something suggested - along with the setting up a b3ta account and asking b3tans - MONTHS ago -
probably around xmas time.
they obviously still value the 'spam' page as they are now doing this, so it's maybe time to stick to our guns on the issue, and insist on some form of payment.
the spam section keeps the sponsors interested in supplying prizes, and help towards keeping sponsor interest in the magazine
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:59,
archived)
They DO pay, they just need to accept that they should make the offer. They pay 'journos' to write content for the other pages,
so they should make token gestures to people they want in the spam section,
something suggested - along with the setting up a b3ta account and asking b3tans - MONTHS ago -
probably around xmas time.
they obviously still value the 'spam' page as they are now doing this, so it's maybe time to stick to our guns on the issue, and insist on some form of payment.
the spam section keeps the sponsors interested in supplying prizes, and help towards keeping sponsor interest in the magazine
I can sound legal ish
'Keep your hands off my stuff you bastards!'
That do?
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:59,
archived)
That do?
I love it when you talk legally,
now say something about mature cheddar
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:01,
archived)
You have every
right to demand that they pay you for your work, as they've described it.
I could easily say to a builder - "I'm sorry, but I don't pay fees for you building my conservatory" :)
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:09,
archived)
I could easily say to a builder - "I'm sorry, but I don't pay fees for you building my conservatory" :)
exactly.
they're just trying to say 'look, we're not paying, and if we don't use yours, which we like, we'll find some other poor sap to get some images from who doesn't mind their work in print for nowt'
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:13,
archived)
tell them you need paying
what are you? their photoshopping bitch?
do their 'journalists' work for free?
that's what i told 'em...
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:50,
archived)
do their 'journalists' work for free?
that's what i told 'em...
"We are sorry, but we don't pay fees "
bullshit!...if they have enough money to give away prizes to the dickheads who sent in the other pictures, then they can pay you or give you some other compensation
CUNTS!!
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:51,
archived)
bullshit!...if they have enough money to give away prizes to the dickheads who sent in the other pictures, then they can pay you or give you some other compensation
CUNTS!!
the prizes aren't paid for by them, they are sent in directly from sponsors
emap act as the 'middle man'. Zoo promote sony , etc, or the big film/computer company, and in return they
offer some merchandise as a sponsor prize, emap take the images and pass off the prize to the sponsor to deal with
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:53,
archived)
offer some merchandise as a sponsor prize, emap take the images and pass off the prize to the sponsor to deal with
the amount of magazines they sell, they can spare a few quid either way
FUCKING CUNTS!!!
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:54,
archived)
FUCKING CUNTS!!!
well you should!
Because the more people that give away free stuff, the less likely people who need to sell to earn a living will be able to. I wouldn't mind if it was a free magazine but it's not - it's £1.40 a copy. They don't work for nothing why should we?
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:11,
archived)
Actually
I do 90% of my posts at work, so technically I am getting paid ;)
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:15,
archived)
"any credit you so desire"?
Try asking them to publish the credit as 'Zoo are a bunch of image-stealing c*nts'
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:19,
archived)
my mum went to school with Patrick Stewart
she fancied his brother
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:57,
archived)
good point
apparently he was a geeky looking kid with sticky out ears and jam-jar-bottom specs, whereas Trevor (I think was the brother's name) was lush.
*shrugs*
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:00,
archived)
*shrugs*
Yes.
I saw this reported on that Channel 4 documentary. I think it goes to show how well our prison system works.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:45,
archived)
very nice, even the spackstar is lovely.
I like the powerlines the best.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:44,
archived)
Is that a horn under that hoodie or are you just pleased to see me?
This isvery good. I wish I had skill like this.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:47,
archived)
it's a fairly likely bindun.
It tends to be, that since the site has been around since the beginning of civilization* and since your pun is fairly obvious, that it's probably been done.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:47,
archived)
my work is done*******
* - exaggeration
*******- forgot the counter asterisk.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:53,
archived)
*******- forgot the counter asterisk.
oh right
does that keep it smelling fresher?
I wonder if there could be a newsletter challenge in here somewhere...
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:38,
archived)
I wonder if there could be a newsletter challenge in here somewhere...
It never smells fresh.
It always smells of wee.
I'm not keeping my wee in the fridge, before you start.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:39,
archived)
I'm not keeping my wee in the fridge, before you start.
I once kept a litre of piss in a bottle in my wardrobe for a year
it gew some marvellous crystals but I didn't have the guts to open it up for a sniff.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:41,
archived)
To keep it cold obviously.
Dream ones can be the weirdest, this is my dream one.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:40,
archived)
Thats a rather sexy fridge
I should know, I have a smaller version in black by Smeg.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:39,
archived)
No, I 'think' you'll find that I'm Spartacus... and so is my wife.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:33,
archived)
I wasn't nawty stepped TODAY
it was aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages ago
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:35,
archived)
I know
but I liked the rhyme.
How about
Hey Hey TGA
How many times have you been asked today?
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:36,
archived)
How about
Hey Hey TGA
How many times have you been asked today?
Well yes
but it's also to the tune of the old Vietnam anti-war song.
"Hey Hey LBJ... how many kids did you kill today?"
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:39,
archived)
"Hey Hey LBJ... how many kids did you kill today?"
I can't help feeling that you may have mushed your size 13 down on the rest of my innocence.
I didn't know that was a song before. :-( And I hum it sometimes.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:41,
archived)
:-(
less innocent.
I don't think you appreciate how little I had of it to begin with....
was I right by the way? 13?
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:43,
archived)
I don't think you appreciate how little I had of it to begin with....
was I right by the way? 13?
Haha!
That's another one for my list.
Do you know I once told a friend of mine exactly how long he was erect without ever having seen it?
I think that was a fluke though.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:49,
archived)
Do you know I once told a friend of mine exactly how long he was erect without ever having seen it?
I think that was a fluke though.
sadly, it's an old problem, and the Doctor says nothing can be done for it :(
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:38,
archived)
I'm Brian and so's my wife!
EDIT: Mindpissed by TGA. I may as well ahve written mindpiss before I posted the first time...
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:33,
archived)
I may be new to posting on /board
but from what i read you seem to get it a lot! :)
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:39,
archived)
Not at all....
But like all female B3tans you have a bounteous choice before you, and make of it as you please.
That was a bit wordy wasn't it....
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:46,
archived)
That was a bit wordy wasn't it....
*jumps in air and goes OW!*
*turns round and GLOMPS*
lo mr broon!
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:38,
archived)
lo mr broon!
Is it Eyeballdamejudidenchtreeinacircledrawingpinamerica?
/obvious and waaaaaaaay too slow
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:36,
archived)
/obvious and waaaaaaaay too slow
Saddly
I fave fallen for it's tart charms. I haven't actually bought it yet, but planning to.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:31,
archived)
Do I need animated menus in my life?
Or shall I stick with XP?
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:31,
archived)
Microsoft have
decided that, if you don't have animated menus in your life, then you're obsolete and you'll be
anihillated in the Great Microsoft Purge of 2014 where giant robotic Bill Gateses(patent pending) will roam the
land destroying the nonbelievers with their Laser Eyes(patent pending)
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:40,
archived)
anihillated in the Great Microsoft Purge of 2014 where giant robotic Bill Gateses(patent pending) will roam the
land destroying the nonbelievers with their Laser Eyes(patent pending)
I'm not upgrading
from win2k for the forseeable future.
I have found not one reason to so far...
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 14:12,
archived)
I have found not one reason to so far...
That's not true
it also runs fuckabunchashituptoo.bat as a background process
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:32,
archived)
Hang on! You're not allowed
to know about batch files, you're a girl!
*spanks*
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:35,
archived)
*spanks*
I'm an MCSE+I and all sorts
so tie me up with a length of cat5 and spank me harder!!!!!!!
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:40,
archived)
*dashes to the computer shop to buy some cat5*
*ties up*
*plays xbox 360 for a few hours*
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:44,
archived)
*plays xbox 360 for a few hours*
this^ plus hardware/software incompatiblity frustration.
also: the new search system is RUBBISH at finding stuff on a network.
/replacing 30 work PCs blog
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:47,
archived)
/replacing 30 work PCs blog
I refuse to acknowledge vista at all.
I'm not paying hundreds just so my desktop can have a sexy new frock.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:33,
archived)
But you pay hundreds so you can get a sexy new frock.
Your PC feels all unworthy and sad now.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:35,
archived)
It shouldn't
it got a new wallpaper yesterday. It's all pretty.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:38,
archived)
I was thinking of useing good old windows 98 theme
I just use the chrome one at the moment.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:41,
archived)
Haha!
Was watching this the other day.
It's like vista, except sexier.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:34,
archived)
It's like vista, except sexier.
oooh more features
that I'll turn off after 5 minutes because they get in the way
tis pretty though
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:37,
archived)
tis pretty though
There's this thing that's just like vista but a lot better
It's called Mac OSX.
( ,
Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:47,
archived)
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