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Hello Fat Club.
BLIMEY THE FOOTBALL, EH?!
I've been run off my feet and have had little time for your moaning this Wednesday.
How's the football effecting you, then?
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:34, archived)

Not a jot!
Goldschlager on the other hand has been affecting me.
(misusscompiler No cornflakes? No eyes? No problem !, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:35, archived)

Is that the one people say cuts you to get the alcohol into your system quicker?
Lordy..
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:37, archived)

I'm not sure, but i hope not!
It's has shiny though. And I likes the shiny.
(misusscompiler No cornflakes? No eyes? No problem !, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:39, archived)

It apparently has tiny flakes of gold to make little cuts in the back of your throat!

(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:43, archived)

I thought the gold was for decoration
and let it all settle at the bottom before pouring it out.
(misusscompiler No cornflakes? No eyes? No problem !, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:45, archived)

Ah feck, I've been lied to.
www.snopes.com/food/ingredient/goldschlager.asp
(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:48, archived)

No Goldschlager for you now!

(misusscompiler No cornflakes? No eyes? No problem !, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:51, archived)

I'm going to go and read a book now. Goodnight Internet people!
Did your whiskey arrive yet?
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:53, archived)

Yes.
I poured a measure of Goldschlager into the Firewire port and hit 'Reply'
(misusscompiler No cornflakes? No eyes? No problem !, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:58, archived)

Yep,
got it, bleurgh filthy stuff!
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 23:01, archived)

I've just read about mixing it with Jager and peppermint schnapps.
Tomorrow I will find a pub that can do this!
(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:55, archived)

I have the Jagermiester, but not the Schnapps.
:(
(misusscompiler No cornflakes? No eyes? No problem !, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:58, archived)

Mix 'em together and dunk a Wrigleys chewing gum in there.

(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 27 May 2009, 23:00, archived)

I only have sugar free, and it's normal mint
:(
(misusscompiler No cornflakes? No eyes? No problem !, Wed 27 May 2009, 23:11, archived)

YOU'RE SO FUCKING AWKWARD!!!!

(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 27 May 2009, 23:19, archived)

I've just made a mini one.
It's awful!
(misusscompiler No cornflakes? No eyes? No problem !, Wed 27 May 2009, 23:22, archived)

With the chewing gum?
I do apologise, I'm not very good with cocktails.
(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 27 May 2009, 23:25, archived)

:(
So I fear!
(misusscompiler No cornflakes? No eyes? No problem !, Wed 27 May 2009, 23:55, archived)

I have just poured myself a large Jamesons
Lovely.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:41, archived)

I can take whiskey
pour some into your CD Rom and e-mail it on.
(misusscompiler No cornflakes? No eyes? No problem !, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:46, archived)

Ok,
I'll do that, should be arriving in you inbox any minute.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:47, archived)

I have a large mojito, but I think it needs more rum.
I got a taste for them at the cocktail bar yesterday.
(

The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Wed 27 May 2009, 23:04, archived)

has it really taken you that long
to drag your corpulent sweaty bulk from the TV to the keyboard to post a message about the worlds most inane sporting event?
Fucking hell.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:35, archived)

I can see you've taken it better than most.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:37, archived)

I'm pretty sure he's posted a few times since the Monaco Grand Prix

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:47, archived)

That was remarkably dull

(

broadsword, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:49, archived)

The football has pleased me

(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:35, archived)

Will it be the end of the season soon?

(

The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:35, archived)

Thats it now Mrs HB
all finished for about 12 weeks
(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:36, archived)

\o/

(

The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:39, archived)

HURRAH!!!

(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:43, archived)

fa cup yet

(

mongychops, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:54, archived)

Bollocks.
I'll find something to do that day.
(

The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Wed 27 May 2009, 23:04, archived)

It's affecting my bank balance.
Season ticket for next year.
(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:37, archived)

I'm all paid up.
JMG sanctions.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:37, archived)

You gonna be making any away games this year?
Been a while since Geordies have visited us Championship clubs!
(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:39, archived)

Probably.
I'm a gentle traveller.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:40, archived)

You are welcome here should Newcastle play Ipswich :)

(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 27 May 2009, 23:23, archived)

Must have saved you a fortune buying a first division ticket.

(

Cleisthenes morning sickness is a bitch, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:48, archived)

Tonight's match was the first entire match I've watched all season.
I was propositioned by a Manc who later rejected me on learning that my brother lives in Liverpool.
(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:38, archived)

OH LIMEY!
Always at it with the Mancunians!
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:39, archived)

RARELY.
I am making my first ever venture to The North in a couple of weeks. I'm well nervous.
(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:43, archived)

define "North"
I bet you're going to Birmingham or something
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:44, archived)

Leeds, Manchester, Liverpool, Carlisle, Edinbra.

(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:46, archived)

I strongly advise against going to Leeds
they still eat the dead there
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:54, archived)

The centre wants to be London so hard that it hurts, but all the other parts are still stuck in about 1980.

(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:55, archived)

i nearly got killed in leeds
after waiting for half an hour at some chip shop they handed me chips and green mush covered in gravy, i binned it, it kicked off
(

mongychops, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:58, archived)

ha ha ha ha ha

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 23:00, archived)

She's not.
Believe me, I've tried :(
(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:44, archived)

I didn't notice and/or was gin addled and/or was lurve blinded.
There's always next time.
(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:50, archived)

I NEVER TOUCHED HER YOUR HONOUR

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:40, archived)

As if I'd touch someone your age.

(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:42, archived)

Yeah, he doesn't even have a bus pass.
Tsh
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:50, archived)

And we all know that that's what I really go for.

(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:50, archived)

I had to wait an extra few minutes in Morrisons
lots of people buying packs of beer in front of me
(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:40, archived)

I was most dissapointed in such a poor game
Were you pleased or not?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:40, archived)

who won?
I left a bit after half time.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:42, archived)

I did, spangles.
I won.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:42, archived)

Yaaaay!
What a lovely cup you won! Good for keeping stuff in. Like WINE.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:43, archived)

YES.
I fully intend to drink booze from it and also wear it as a novelty hat. And half of a novelty bra.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:45, archived)

did anyone really expect Man U to turn over Barca?
I didn't and it's my job to expect that kind of thing

I'd be annoyed if we didn't have any silverware this season I suppose. Although a goal would have been nice.
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:42, archived)

Putting in a decent bit of attacking play would have been nice too

(Bazongaloid, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:44, archived)

they did, for a good 9 minutes of the first half
then Carrick started playing like he was utterly flustered, Park disappeared off radar entirely and Berbatov played his usual "too cool to kick the ball" game

it only livened up when Scholes started playing his masterful tackling game
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:49, archived)

*Firm handshakes*
Could be worse Buddy.
I thought it was noble of Taggart to say Barca are a better team.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:47, archived)

they played positive football for the whole 90 minutes and looked like they could have played another 90 without breaking sweat
Difficult to be disappointed really, this Man U side are not champions league winning material. Finalists yes, winners definitely not.
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:53, archived)

I did,
I've been banging on about it all week, but you generally ignore me.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:53, archived)

I generally ignore a lot of people
try to be more interesting, you may catch my attention for a second

good luck with that!
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:56, archived)

affecting, not effecting

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:45, archived)

Hold on. I'll be with you in a bit.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:47, archived)

ewe, not you

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:49, archived)

i'm not sure but i'm sure a barca player is called biscuits
i cheered him on
(

mongychops, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:56, archived)

They didn't deserve to be there, JMG, but they were bloody good.
Too many of Manchester United's players didn't turn up. Giggs was cack, Rooney was cack, Anderson was cack, Ronaldo was only there for the first 8 minutes or so - and then was cack; showing Messi to actually be the best player in the world. Oh, and Iniesta. He's good too.
(

Jobe, Wed 27 May 2009, 23:03, archived)

messi got bundled over by 2 players bounced up and tried to run with the ball, why the ref stopped it i don't know, but it shows what a player he is

(

mongychops, Wed 27 May 2009, 23:06, archived)

We like him.
We do not like Puyol. Writhing around in "agony" every chance he got. Although it did amuse me when Ronaldo got annoyed with him...

Hello, Mr Kettle? This is Mr Pot calling...
(

Jobe, Wed 27 May 2009, 23:08, archived)

Well, Ronaldo should have got two yellow cards for fouls on Puyol.
One for that dreadful 20 yard sliding tackle and the other one for the foul he actually got booked for.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 27 May 2009, 23:09, archived)

I agree.
And on Rooney, yes, he was probably played out of position, but he's played there against other teams and done ok - although Barca are a bit different to other teams. Think Sir Alex cocked up a bit.
(

Jobe, Wed 27 May 2009, 23:22, archived)

Rooney wasn't cack. He wasn't let into the game by the rest of manchester united. At one point, he got so frustrated that he tracked back 80 yards.
Rooney didn't do anything wrong.

Park didn't know what position he was supposed to be playing (Fergie's fault I think), and Carrick thought the only way to play football was the long ball method.

Vidic wasn't his usual self and Evra did fuck all. Ferdinand didn't mark a 5'5" Messi for his goal. That said, O'Shea didn't do much wrong.

And Scholes... that tackle was immense.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 27 May 2009, 23:08, archived)

i think park run his little south korean socks off
the passing was poor, that's about it really
(

mongychops, Wed 27 May 2009, 23:12, archived)

Park is an amazing player, he didn't stop trying that's true,
and normally he's a very good big game player. But I think Fergie wanted him to stay too deep to deal with the Barca attack and he got confused.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 27 May 2009, 23:15, archived)

i must say i was up the pub and only really interested in 'biscuits' but uniteds passing looked realy poor
the first few minutes i thought it would be a great game, but barca defended, held midfield and played the ball along the ground nicely, the mancs seemed to cross the ball to rooney on the left, and then had no passing game after that
(

mongychops, Wed 27 May 2009, 23:20, archived)

Oh Jarvis Cocker.
I'm watching MTV2 and it's the top 40 Britpop (terrible name for a music genre) anthems. I'm 16 again *sigh*

What music were you into at 16?
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:25, archived)

underground

(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:26, archived)

Scandinavian Black Metal
I can't believe Varg Vikernes is out of prison and living on a farm, with children. That's the end of my childhood :(
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:27, archived)

Is he really?
Fucking hell...
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:27, archived)

out on parole
after doing those few extra years for running away last time.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:29, archived)

Whatever was in the charts probably; The shamen, Happy Mondays, Blur, all things similar.
My taste got more defined as I got older.
(misusscompiler No cornflakes? No eyes? No problem !, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:27, archived)

I can't remember.
16 is where it all started to go wrong.
(

Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:28, archived)

Discovered boys eh?

(

The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:28, archived)

Nope, that was at 14.

(

Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:29, archived)

: )

(

The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:30, archived)

remembering the not-so-salty taste of teenage jizz?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:33, archived)

Set my sights a bit higher
Teenage boys didn't have cars or motorbikes. Teenage girls however can get both really easily.
(

The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:35, archived)

Rock and metal.
Dad always had me listening to Queen, AC/DC and GnR since I was a toddler.
(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:28, archived)

Hip hop
& the beginnings of house music

/old
(

broadsword, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:28, archived)

Glam rock mostly.
And a bit of prog rock.
(

The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:28, archived)

Stuart Maconie coined the term 'Britpop' - true story there
At 16? Anything from Stone Roses, Inspiral Carpets, Carter USM, Smiths/Morrissey through to Guns n Roses, Iron Maiden, Half Man Half Biscuit, REM and Debbie Gibson
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:28, archived)

He might've
but you still need to read this

I *heart* this man
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:34, archived)

Oh lor...
Linkin Park, Greenday, Nirvana, Oasis, A, New Foud Glory, Finch, Blink 182.

My taste has got much better, honest!
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:28, archived)

I liked the same
When ever I think back to that time the lyrics i always think of are..

"there's a sandstorm running through my head, I've seen many colours but the only colour coming through is red, it's knocking me dead" or something like that
(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:31, archived)

I remember a few songs I loved but I can't remember either band anme or song title
There's the Greenday one video in a mental hospital (basketcase maybe?)
and then loved the video to Black hole sun.
(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:33, archived)

er, Deep Purple
sorry
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:31, archived)

you could at least have said Ritchie Blackmore
"since you've been gooooooooone..."
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:33, archived)

Rainbow were shitty commercial metal
Deep Purple were a bunch of sweaty noisy balls-to-the-wall rockers

Fuck off Jo Lynn Turner. And take Graham Bonnet with you. Cunt.
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:38, archived)

Metal of all kinds.

(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:32, archived)

Copper, tin, magnesium...

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:34, archived)

You've just lost the pun game.

(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:38, archived)

which means, in a way, we're all winners

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:42, archived)

I was going through my metal phase at the time - Iron Maiden especially
but dance music has always been my passion, since I was about 8 years old
(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:38, archived)

Not fucking Blink 182 or Limp Bizkit.
Which were what many of my contemporaries swore by.

I got into drum 'n' bass just to spite them.
(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:39, archived)

oh god I remember those days
My friends band got through to a semi final of a Battle of the Bands contest, his was the only band out of 6 that didn't play "All The Small Things"
(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:42, archived)

In every genre of music, there are a few nuggets of gold surrounded by tons of shit.
Except nu-metal, in which the nuggets are nothing but shit wrapped in gold-looking foil.
(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:50, archived)

Anyone in the Sheffield area have a pair of Julbo Sherpa mountain glasses they want to sell?
or similar mountain sunglasses/ glacier glasses?
(

shoddyback nice 2 B important, but more important 2 B nice, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:53, archived)

I can help

(

broadsword, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:54, archived)

Oh really?

(

shoddyback nice 2 B important, but more important 2 B nice, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:56, archived)

If by Sheffield you mean Marbella
& by Julbo Sherpa mountain glasses you mean cheap cigarettes

then yes
(

broadsword, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:00, archived)

_♥ βΓΘãDςωδΓD _♥
(

Lisette von Falcon, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:01, archived)

♥ ! ♥
(

broadsword, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:03, archived)

I bet she sends you photos of yoghurt dripping out the side of her mouth
and you both use it as a wank fantasy that you've done sex together
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:08, archived)

Like we do,
darling?
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:17, archived)

I fucking love it when you use those peach Danone's
with the chunky bits in
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:21, archived)

Sadly not.
Good luck on your quest.
(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:54, archived)

WAH WAH WAH

(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:54, archived)

this is you this is
www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0xtojWKGjQ

it gives me teh fear
(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:59, archived)

I have a Sherpa I want to sell

(

Lisette von Falcon, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:54, archived)

Is it the one with the 2.0 petrol engine?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:59, archived)

Leyland Daf lols

(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:05, archived)

lol they stilll make them in Poland in Lublin lol

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:06, archived)

Amazing!
We used to have an ex royal mail one in red on the farm I worked at. No tax or MOT, mainly got used for doing powerslides on the wet grass!
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:08, archived)

you can do that with
these as well

(That's what the LDV replaced)
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:09, archived)

Ace.
We also used to powerslide and J turn tractors. Surprisingly easy to do with independant rear breaks.

Some of the tractors had a hand throttle, a forward and back pedal on the right and independant breaks on the left.

Full speed forwards to full speed backwards in less than a second.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:15, archived)

that sounds mental
especially considering you're talking about 40" rims dawg
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:18, archived)

Holla!
Yeh, there was one John Deere we had that had 300bhp and rear wheels over 6 foot in diameter, good fun for terrorising othe road users!

We also used to take the weights off the front of the tractors, stick a heavy pallet on the back and see how far we could wheelie steering with the rear breaks.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:22, archived)

Not quite in the same league
but I used to drive a Fordson Super Dexter that had independent brakes. Excellent for cornering in the mud.
(

The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:28, archived)

Very true.
I have never driven a Fordson, we did have a 1968 Ford 4110 that was quite a giggle.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:30, archived)

Get down, Sherpa

(

broadsword, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:01, archived)

pffft
you can't keep them down
they'll climb up the curtains given half a chance
(

vladimir, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:05, archived)

yeah, but I'm not selling them you.

(

MrA, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:55, archived)

That's a no then isn't it?

(

shoddyback nice 2 B important, but more important 2 B nice, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:57, archived)

No, i just dont like the colour of your skin.

(

MrA, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:57, archived)

In other news, does anyone know a good youth hostel down in London?
I was going to go to the Globetrotter Inn again, but it was closed down due to noisiness. Bumsticks.
(LordMatthius http://www.justgiving.com/marathon-matt2009, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:55, archived)

riverghost runs one
*being helpful*
(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:56, archived)

Will I wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my liver out?
It's handy to check these things. That and the bed linen.
(LordMatthius http://www.justgiving.com/marathon-matt2009, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:59, archived)

No idea.
I just know he runs one, innit.
(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:00, archived)

If you ask nicely I'm sure he can accommodate your fetishes.

(

my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:01, archived)

Talk to riverghost, he runs one.
Rates are pretty reasonable apparently, but if it's next saturday it'll be full of b3tans.
(

my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:57, archived)

You mother's cunt.
:/
(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:58, archived)

Sorry,
already fully occupied.
(

my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:58, archived)

No room inn da inn.

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:59, archived)

I'm in Sheffield and I hardly ever use my Julbo Sherpa mountain glasses
make me an offer
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:56, archived)

£30?

(

shoddyback nice 2 B important, but more important 2 B nice, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:57, archived)

HAHAHAHA FOOLED YOU! I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE ANY JUMBO SHIRT MOUNTAIN GLASSES! AND I DON'T LIVE IN SHEFFIELD!
YOU FAT IDIOT! I MADE YOU LOOK SO STUPID!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:02, archived)

Awww
I feel rather silly now
(

shoddyback nice 2 B important, but more important 2 B nice, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:07, archived)

You should have replied to me.
27 mins to go on ebay.
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:10, archived)

Me! I have.

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:56, archived)

fuck off, you're just trying to start a price war to stop me selling my Julbo Sherpa mountain glasses for a good price

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:58, archived)

I'm trying to drive the price up for you!

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:04, archived)

They're mine and I want them back.
Don't go selling them on, you fuck.
(

FoldsFive, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:09, archived)

I wouldn't dream of it double F.
How would I get across the glacier on the way to work every day?
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:17, archived)

I haven't.
Damn, we fell at the first hurdle there.
(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 27 May 2009, 21:56, archived)

Have a proper look. You might find that you do. Most people do.

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:57, archived)

I'm sure I have never owned a pair of Julbo Sherpa mountain glasses.

(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:59, archived)

Ha, amazing!
Just looked in a cupboard and found a box labeled 'Julbo Sherpa mountain glasses'!

I don't live near Sheffield though. We've just twatted that second hurdle.
(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:00, archived)

Have a proper look. You might find that you do. Most people do.

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:20, archived)

YES!

oh wait, No.
(misusscompiler No cornflakes? No eyes? No problem !, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:57, archived)

WIKKIWIKKI WILDWILDWEST Jim West, Desperado

(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:57, archived)

I have.
£25
(

WHARRGARBL, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:58, archived)

Undercutting Gilgamesh by a fiver.
This'll get messy.
(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:02, archived)

Really?
I'm being rather naive in posting here but I want/need these now and I literally will march out my front door and get on me pushy and come round and buy them.
(

shoddyback nice 2 B important, but more important 2 B nice, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:05, archived)

Yeah.
Here's a picture of my son wearing them.

hani-akha.net/mpcd/photos/bamboo_glasses.jpg

Want my postcode?
(

WHARRGARBL, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:07, archived)

Hahaha
I'll pass ta, those are a little different to the ones I had in mind
(

shoddyback nice 2 B important, but more important 2 B nice, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:09, archived)

*grins*
Fair play to you for not throwing a paddy at us.
(

WHARRGARBL, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:15, archived)

I have read about this place
So I was prepared. I was just having a last ditch effort in finding me a pair
(

shoddyback nice 2 B important, but more important 2 B nice, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:22, archived)

you can buy mine
seriously, I've got two pairs and I never use them
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:30, archived)

why yes, actually a friend of mine is someone in the Nuneaton area who would like to swap their swing tennis set, specifically for a pair of Julbo Sherpa mountain glasses owned by someone in the Sheffield area. Can you find out if your friend wants a swing tennis set from someone in the Nuneaton area? If they don't it's no deal, I'm afraid.
(

vladimir, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:59, archived)

They are going to get ripped off.
A swing tennis set is worth at least two pairs of Julbo Sherpa mountain glasses last time I checked.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:00, archived)

Maybe, but these come in a velvet bag lined with Jade's pubes.

(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:09, archived)

Jade's pubes, rarer that hen's teeth these day!

(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:11, archived)

I harvested them myself.
Disguised as an embalmer.
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:11, archived)

Good work.
She is wiv da angles now. ALWAYS IN AR HARTS.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:16, archived)

Indeed. It was a worthwhile visit.
The rigamortis firmed up the norks quite nicely. The clunge was a bit lumpy though.
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:18, archived)

Captn you are a wrong 'un
I hear her clunge was always a bit lumpy. Dried on crust from the years of chav spluff it accommodated.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:20, archived)

I wondered what the smell was.
I just put it down to oozing bodily fluids.
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:23, archived)

Nope,
She was a veritable hairy spunk bomb.

I think it wasn't the cancer that killed her, it was too much jizz.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:27, archived)

How odd.
I'm in Sheffield and have a pair I was just about to put on ebay.
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:01, archived)

Really?
I feel I'm setting myself up for a fall with you talk guys!
(

shoddyback nice 2 B important, but more important 2 B nice, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:12, archived)

What ever gives you that idea?

(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 27 May 2009, 22:15, archived)

www.soovle.com/
(

Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:01, archived)

I've got a million pairs of the fucking things.
My house is made from them
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:02, archived)

The problem with a house made of glass
is everyone can see when you scratch your arse
(

broadsword, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:08, archived)

and more....

(misusscompiler No cornflakes? No eyes? No problem !, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:11, archived)

Do I?
Why, my good man, I have every colour of the rainbow!
(

The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:09, archived)

I live in the Himalayas
and have a pair of South Yorkshire Grime-o-matic Pit Goggles. Would they help?
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:13, archived)

Are those the ones that come in a gift pack
With a whippet, a flat cap and a pint of mild?
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:17, archived)

Yes
I've kept the original chip in perfect condition, it still sits perfectly on your shoulder wherever you go.
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:19, archived)

Brilliant.
I'll take them! How does, three racing pigeons and a whippet cage sound in exchange?
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:24, archived)

It depends what condition the rose tinting is in.

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:19, archived)

I'm being nice now because you haven't had a spack at anyone for taking the piss
www.rawoutdoors.co.uk/Models.aspx?PartnerID=1&ModelID=2307
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:23, archived)

Ta, I will be buying some
but I'm not going to be home from 7am tomorrow morning. So owt off a website is going to be a bit late for when I ideally want them, which is now unfortunately.
(

shoddyback nice 2 B important, but more important 2 B nice, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:28, archived)

Why are you such a spastic?
You realise you're wasting your life, right?

How long have you been sitting there?

Me, about three hours between pissing.
(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:49, archived)

About an hour and a half
But i'm sort of pottering around too tidying up.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:51, archived)

That's alright then.

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:52, archived)

Twenty minutes.
Not long enough to leave an arse print in my chair.
(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 27 May 2009, 21:52, archived)

This is acceptable, drink, yes, drink.

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:53, archived)

Quite a while.
I'm resting in preparation for having my gait analysed tomorrow morning.
(

my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:53, archived)

Yes, gates are complex.

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:55, archived)

BLIMEY etc

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:38, archived)

Quite.

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 21:40, archived)

Feck off with your football.

(

Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:40, archived)

I agree, no service from midfield

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:41, archived)

Hello spamhead.

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:40, archived)

Never mind man u fans
LOL
(

crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:41, archived)

Barcelona thoroughly deserved the win, United were totally rattled by the first goal
when their game plan fell apart they didn't have a Plan B other than straight passes from defence, Barca were positive from the first whistle to the end
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:44, archived)

And when man u started getting towards the final whistle
They started getting un necessarily viscious
And ronaldo is just a cock - always assumes he's right.
(

crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:48, archived)

Tears of olive oil, Jude. Tears of olive oil.

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:49, archived)

yes, other teams NEVER do that
it just never happens
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:52, archived)

Some of themdo
ronaldo is just too arrogant
(

crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:55, archived)

Indeed

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:41, archived)

Crikey.

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 21:42, archived)

someone should probably post a sympathy reply in Karl's thread

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:45, archived)

I am both happy and annoyed by THE FOOTBALL.

(

WHARRGARBL, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:41, archived)

I am pleased with the football.
That is all.
(

Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:42, archived)

He's got a foot like a traction engine

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:43, archived)

That was liquid football.

(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 27 May 2009, 21:44, archived)

Snap!

(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:44, archived)

I think you win by having an exclamation mark!

(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 27 May 2009, 21:45, archived)

Ha! Great minds etc.

(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:45, archived)

He's got football pie
all down his shirt
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:45, archived)

That was liquid football!

(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:44, archived)

BALL BALL BALL

(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:44, archived)

Footie, footie, footie

(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:45, archived)

LIQUIDIZER FOOTBALL
(

vladimir, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:45, archived)

*Alan Partridge quote from The Day Today*

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:46, archived)

hah, brilliant

(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:50, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=MusyO7J2inM
(

magnum, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:49, archived)

The locals are going a bit doolally
with fireworks & shouting & horns a honking.

Someone should tell these dego fuckwits that we are nowhere near Barcelona.
(

broadsword, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:53, archived)

it doesn't stop the man u fans not living near Manchester

(

crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:57, archived)

as a Man U fan from Manchester
I hate those cunts more than any other people on earth

except scousers
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:00, archived)

THE FOOTBALL
Come on, let's talk.

Man Utd were woeful, weren't they?
(

WHARRGARBL, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:38, archived)

yes
(

vladimir, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:46, archived)

Good man, there

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:53, archived)

What, in your opinion, constitutes a piss up?
The Boyfriend, determined to improve his organisational skills, is planning a piss up in a brewery. He has a list of potential breweries (that do tasting or have bars) but is now unsure what exactly would count as a successful piss up. He is tentatively defining it as at least five people drinking at least four pints each.

Any thoughts?
(w0rmwood pearl, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:25, archived)

haha United are getting raped.

(

MrA, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:27, archived)

there is someone in the way
"sit down love"
ha ha ha
(

vladimir, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:32, archived)

When I was in the pub the tv lost signal for a couple minutes
It was quite amusing to see lots of people watching suddenly rush out the door to another pub.
(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:34, archived)

they probably heard about the celebratory 10% off at a nearby tapas bar
(

vladimir, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:36, archived)

I think maybe I shall wander down town now
all the man utd fans will be going home.
(

TBL I posted this on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:38, archived)

I can recommend this place*:
www.westbeer.com/

Tours and nice food.

*not my own brewery.
(misusscompiler No cornflakes? No eyes? No problem !, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:27, archived)

A piss up is not an exact science.
Sore heads in the morning are obligatory. A girl in tears at the end of the evening is always an indicator of a good night out too.

Edit: I would reccomend Shepherd Neame's Brewery tour, very good. Beer and cheese afterwards too.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:27, archived)

and half a kebab on your clothing.

(

TBL I posted this on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:28, archived)

I WILL MAKE IT SCIENCE.
Look. They're drinking from test tubes.
(

Cae1, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:29, archived)

Fail.
Not enough volume of beer is held in a test tube.

500ml conical flask. That is more like it!
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:30, archived)

Fucking HUGE test tubes.

(

Cae1, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:30, archived)

Maybe just drinking beer with lab coats on would be sciency enough?

(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:34, archived)

You might have to do something.
Like measure how temperature effects the taste.
You must test this thoroughly by drinking it 3 different times at each temprature.
(

Cae1, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:37, archived)

Create a double blind testing, repeated three times.
And each time you must drink three pints 'just to be sure'.

The data collected then must be entered into SPSS and given a repeated measures ANOVA tests at the 0.05 level of significance to see what temperature is best.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:41, archived)

How can you do double blind testing with temperature of a drink?

(

my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:44, archived)

I'm not sure.
Maybe if the barman didn't know the temperature and the drinker didn't either?
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:47, archived)

You could probably blind the bartender,
but you'd struggle to stop someone knowing what the temperature of their drink is.
(

my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:49, archived)

That is true.
Maybe if there were only a couple of degrees in it they might not be able to tell.

Bad science.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:50, archived)

SHUT UP AND DRINK

(

Cae1, Wed 27 May 2009, 22:08, archived)

When I last saw Orange Goblin they gave out test tubes full of jagermeister to the crowd.
Nice touch.
(

my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:30, archived)

I feel a bit apprihensive when drinking from test tubes.
They're what science is done in.
(

Cae1, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:32, archived)

Yep, that was on the list :)

(w0rmwood pearl, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:30, archived)

Well worth doing.
Faversham is a pretty place and full of pubs too. If you need a guided tour of the pubs, i'm more than happy to oblige!
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:32, archived)

4 pints?
that's a refreshing beverage intake.

8 pints is more like it.
(

TBL I posted this on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:27, archived)

My school took us on a trip to a brewery, coinciding neatly with when the free bar was closed.
They failed to organise a piss up in a brewery.
I'd say the important thing is that everyone/the majority get pissed, which would depend on individual tolerances.
(

my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:28, archived)

A glass of sherry with some crackers and cheese.

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:28, archived)

i've seen such things advertised
clan fish had some nice cider at a cider farm in cornwall last time we were there
(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:28, archived)

what does the clan fish tartan look like?

(misusscompiler No cornflakes? No eyes? No problem !, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:29, archived)

silver, with neon green and yellow lines
sporting a rave whistle on the sporran
(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:37, archived)

Techno tartan!
Boom boom BOOMBOOMBOOM
(misusscompiler No cornflakes? No eyes? No problem !, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:48, archived)

Four pints? Thats barely an aperitif.

(

FoldsFive, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:28, archived)

Not making too much fuss over it
Having booze and fun is all that counts.
(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:29, archived)

If the five people were complete cunts, it would probably be shit
regardless of how much beer was consumed.

Tell him to man up, ARRANGE it (not organise it - organised fun is usually inherently shit) and enjoy it himself.
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:29, archived)

i have six to go, but i shall be careful posting them as i gets in twubble

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:32, archived)

Wise words :)

(w0rmwood pearl, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:34, archived)

Not about that
no, sorry.
(

magnum, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:30, archived)

piss-ups transcend the idea of definitions.
you either have one or you don't.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:30, archived)

Like erections

(

magnum, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:31, archived)

It's any event which involves me, gin, and losing the power of speech.

(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 27 May 2009, 21:31, archived)

Well
follow these instructions
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:34, archived)

I bloody love Adam and Joe.

(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:35, archived)

Me too.
We've been emailing and texting in for the 'songs you sing in everyday life' thing. Ours is ace but they haven't even read it out.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:37, archived)

Black Squadron?

(

magnum, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:37, archived)

YES

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:39, archived)

I have for the last 3 or 4 weeks
due to the neighbour cutting his grass at 8:30, waking up at stupid o'clock due to stress, and then having to look after my niece. I always feel a bit guilty when I hear the black squadron messages on listen again, I should have been there.
(

magnum, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:41, archived)

Yes.
I'm Elite Black Squadron.

I got to meet them at Camden!

Edit: STEPHEN!
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:42, archived)

JUST COMING
We did that at a film the other night. A woman said 'Etienne!' and he replied with 'Coming!' We laughed.

/location joke
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:44, archived)

Nice!
I have one of the Stephen! T shirts they gave out. I get Stephens! everywhere I go!
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:49, archived)

Four pints is barely a start.
I've got GIN tonight.
(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:35, archived)

I drank an awful lot of Bombay Sapphire last weekend.
It was a bad idea, one of the savagest hangovers I have ever had ensued.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:36, archived)

Gin hangovers are evil.
As are Stella ones. I'm not sure which is worse.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:39, archived)

I don't get hangovers on Gin.
This is GOOD
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:41, archived)

I'm fixing a PC for an old lady friend
and she has loads and loads of porn on it. (and wants to keep it)

ladies of b3ta, do you download porn?

those that don't care (or are not ladies) any plans for the weekend?
(

TBL I posted this on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:08, archived)

Why download it when you can watch it for free online.

(

Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:09, archived)

Exactly this

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:09, archived)

She tells me its a much better quality picture
downloaded.
(

TBL I posted this on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:11, archived)

you can see the creamy smear of knobcheese around the brim when it's downloaded

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:12, archived)

I've considered it many times but my dads always updating something or other or putting a new program on
so I am petrified he might see something - got that sounds so pathetic doesn't it.
(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:12, archived)

You could always put it somewhere password-protected
Preferably a password you can type one-handed.
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:15, archived)

"hngggh"
no-one will ever guess the three g's
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:18, archived)

hidden files in a sneaky folder are your friend, Mrs Sp@m

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:25, archived)

cos you save bandwidth
durrr
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:11, archived)

No
I stream. Silly.
(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:09, archived)

filth

(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:14, archived)

They download vectors of pants.

(

Zuowan, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:09, archived)

I'm going to go to London and get drunk with b3tans.
Then I'm going to round off the weekend by feeling hungover.
(

my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:10, archived)

I take it there be a bash thingy on then?
I must go to one some time when I find myself over there on the old mainland
(

TBL I posted this on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:12, archived)

Nothing for the weekend
but I am going to see Derren Brown tomorrow night. I don't think I have been quite this excited since the last time I saw him live.
(

magnum, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:11, archived)

Gah, jealous

(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:11, archived)

You should be
His last show was the best thing I have ever witnessed
(

magnum, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:14, archived)

He makes my head go 'splodey
I want to know how he does all that subliminal stuff. How useful would it be in day to day life!
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:19, archived)

You don't want to know how he does it all
as then it ruins the magic of it.
(

magnum, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:22, archived)

That is true.
A mate of mine who is a professional magician once said to me about magic:

'For those who want to believe, no explanation is necessary, for those who do not, none will suffice'
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:25, archived)

Are you sure he's not a vicar?

(

magnum, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:27, archived)

I had never thought about it that way.
It makes sense applied to both things though!
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:29, archived)

I have my last exam on Friday.
I am then going to get very drunk. I want to go to the bash but I have work the next day so would have to catch the last train home, this is not practical.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:12, archived)

trains + booze do not mix
fact
(

TBL I posted this on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:13, archived)

Indeed.
The last train is at 12.20 which arrives where I live at 1.45am it is then a 30 minute walk from the station to my house.

I am then driving my bosses company car from 7.45 the next morning. Not a good idea.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:15, archived)

No. I read erotica.
Offline.
(

Lisette von Falcon, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:17, archived)

To passers-by.
Well, more "at" than "to".

And more "scream" than "read".
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:17, archived)

MISTER CUMBERNAULD SLIPPED HIS HOT COCK INTO MY BISCUIT TIN
I COULD SEE STEAM RISING OFF OF IT AS HE PASSIONATELY CHRISTENED MY JAMMY DODGERS. WHERE ARE YOU GOING? COME BACK. SEDUCTIVELY, I REMOVED A PARTICULARLY-TARNISHED BOURBON FROM THE TIN, AND RAN IT ALONG MY FOREHEAD. HEY! I WAS TELLING YOU A STORY
(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:26, archived)

Oh sweet mercy
I just snorted hot tea into my sinuses.
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:27, archived)

would you mind if i used that line in one of my stories?

(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:29, archived)

I used to write that under a female pseudonym
tru story

(not published, online, literotica, etc)
(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:20, archived)

wimminz haz vaginnaz

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:18, archived)

I don't care and I'm not a lady.
I don't know what I'm doing at the weekend. I might get my hair cut. With hilarious consequences.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:19, archived)

ah I long for the days when I could consider getting my hair "cut"
a trip down to Peter Marks in Dundalk for a "proper" haircut. nowadays its a "No 1 all over" 5 minutes in the chair experience.
(

TBL I posted this on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:22, archived)

Oh come on it can't be that bad!
My friend Joe normally cuts mine, I buy him a couple of pints and he doesn't charge me the £35 he would do in the salon he works in.

However once I made the mistake of buying him a couple of beers before he cut my hair. Hilarious consequenses.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:23, archived)

It's taken my ages to grow my hair.
It'll be more 'getting it styled' than getting it cut. I bemoaned how boring my hair was this morning to FF and he laughed and said 'How can it be boring? It's orange!' Which is true.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:25, archived)

Naturally orange ?
Or dyed?
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:26, archived)

GINNER

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:28, archived)

Ginner!
Well done, not enough people are proud of being a bit ginge!

My beard goes a taseful shade of rust in the summer sun.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:32, archived)

Who chooses to be ginger?

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 21:29, archived)

Plenty of people
so FUCK RIGHT OFF
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:31, archived)

I don't download it, what's the point?
It's there to stream when I need it.
(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 27 May 2009, 21:21, archived)

I'm going aboozing on Friday
but I haven't decided whether to start at 12pm, 3pm or 7pm.
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:21, archived)

12pm, home for a nap, back out at 7pm
Sorted.
(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:22, archived)

There is a do on at a bar that is closing for the last time on Friday
which my dad helped build. That is between 12 and 2. I'm fucked if I'm going back to work after that, so I'll have to wait until more people from work come out at 3pm and then stay out until everyone else arrives at 7pm.
I may end up broken
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:27, archived)

Well done on my quiz

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:29, archived)

O HAI!
I considered cheating by using the /talk search facility-doo-dah but couldn't be arsed! It was a toss up between a-ha and Shaky :)
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:31, archived)

No cheating :(

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:36, archived)

I like to think
that "aboozing" is your comedic pet name for "abusing".
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:23, archived)

Hello! Are you my liver?

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:31, archived)

A long time ago
but not now. Dosn't float my boat.
(misusscompiler No cornflakes? No eyes? No problem !, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:22, archived)

I just fixed my own.
It annoys me to think that if i'd known my parents hadn't changed the router password from default, I would have been able to internet from my room three days ago.
(

Cae1, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:24, archived)

I think one of Malchick's housemates has been at
his Xbox 360 avatar again.

Who here has seen Malchick's bumcrack?
(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:04, archived)

not me but I would like to

(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:05, archived)

You must be one of the few people who's met him
and not seen his Bleavage.
(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:09, archived)

Ha ha ha
I'd forgotten that. I've seen his bumcrack far too many times than I care to.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:05, archived)

Who the fuck is malchick
and why should I give a shit?
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:05, archived)

He's ace
and you just should, you fucking misery.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:06, archived)

I'm allowed to be miserable
especially today
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:06, archived)

Happy birthday
you shit
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:07, archived)

yeah whatever

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:08, archived)

FUCK YOU THEN

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:09, archived)

MY COCK IS ABOUT THREE KILOMETRES TOO SHORT
otherwise I would.

I rent out my urethra to GAZPROM to form part of the Russian-Baltic gas pipeline to Germany
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:10, archived)

SEXEH

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:13, archived)

He's like you, only much better.
Actually, he's nothing like you.
(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:07, archived)

poor bastard

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:09, archived)

You mean he isn't a black man who loves chicken?
*sadface*
(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:09, archived)

According to my computer
I have 742 messages in my phone's inbox.
(

Pew Pew Pew! Lasers! wannabe Gong Farmer, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:40, archived)

Who's your favourite Jewish breakdancer?

(

well, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:41, archived)

The jewish bloke from the sopranos
Who takes a real beating from Paulie and still tells them to go fuck themselves
(

Pew Pew Pew! Lasers! wannabe Gong Farmer, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:43, archived)

That was Goodfellas.

(

Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:44, archived)

And he got shot.

(

Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:44, archived)

His favourite jew is a dead jew.
I can't believe the racism here today.
(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:52, archived)

I watched a well arty film yesterday
which had undertones of racism and was well good innit. Nobel prize winner and shit.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:56, archived)

for rabies?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:54, archived)

Maybe
but in season 2 they kicked the crap out of a Jewish bloke. He told them some story about Jews resisting millions of Romans ages ago, and where were teh Romans now - and Tony said "you're looking at them, arsehole"
(

Pew Pew Pew! Lasers! wannabe Gong Farmer, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:54, archived)

Isn't that that bit from the film with Christian Slater and that other bird
where Dennis Hopper tells the story about why Sicilians or Maltans or whoever have black hair, and it's cos their mums were all raped by Africans?
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:58, archived)

True Romance

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:59, archived)

Im well good at this sweet-talking lark

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:06, archived)

wow, REALLY? that's GREAT!

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:41, archived)

~~my computer~~ Ziggy
~~2 messags in my phone's inbox~~ % chance of being a complete gaylord
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:41, archived)

Haha!

(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:43, archived)

Great, thanks, yeah.

(

Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:43, archived)

fucking facinating

(

Lightguy hail satan, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:43, archived)

Tell me more.

(

Zuowan, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:44, archived)

bhangra, motherfucker
spotify:track:73rh0oW7dTzmG7bXs1Xqky
(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:44, archived)

I have 795 at the moment.
What do I win?
(

my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:45, archived)

a sperming

(

Lightguy hail satan, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:48, archived)

Hurrah!

(

my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:49, archived)

what happens is we wrap you up tight in cling film, then make you climb up a water slide to reach a grapefruit at the top

(

Lightguy hail satan, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:52, archived)

here's something to reply to
Who's your favourite Jewish breakdancer?
(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:29, archived)

LOLWACKY
and OMGRAGEOUSNESS ahoy
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:31, archived)

Do you like Doritos?

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:32, archived)

Why?
Are you going to crudely shop me and some doritos onto porn and get yourself naughty stepped again?
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:33, archived)

Might do.

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:33, archived)

As I know nothing of Judaism or breakdancing
I'm going to ask how you liked my R.B.

How did you like my R.B.?
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:33, archived)

you are

(

Lightguy hail satan, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:31, archived)

It's Wednesday today, but not for long.

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:33, archived)

It's also my birthday
which means Wednesdays are for cunts
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:33, archived)

Cancer cake for you my lad.

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:35, archived)

You put yeast and flour and egg into a bowl
and watch it develop a malignant cyst until the candles go out?
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:37, archived)

No.
You throat-fuck your mother blindfolded and cum over your dad's stomach.
(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:38, archived)

but which one of us wears the blindfold?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:39, archived)

THE CAKE, YOU DUMB SHEPHERD!

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:39, archived)

my mother is a cake?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:42, archived)

well observed sherlock

(

Lightguy hail satan, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:34, archived)

how random

(

well, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:33, archived)

i'm bored now, you do the rest

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:34, archived)

right, i'm off

(

well, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:34, archived)

I'm still on my 100% record. 4 of the 5 bets I've put on have lost already.
Against the odds. If Ronaldo scores, it'll be the first money I've ever won gambling on sport. So he won't, and it'll be a 100% losing record on horses, dogs and football. I'm amazing.
(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:34, archived)

just go to a casino, get 20quids worth of chips
and bet five quid each on the 1-12 and 25-36 sections of the roulette table, twice. That'll break your losing streak.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:40, archived)

I don't count casinos, mind you I've never come out of one up.
It's incredible how my bets come out. Out of 11 races with 6 dogs in each race, I lost every time. I even placed bets on more than one dog most times. I bet I could make a fortune if I teamed up with a mate who bet on the opposite with ten times as much and shared the winnings.
(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:47, archived)

See, by saying Jewish you are both zany and a bit risque!
Pure comedy gold right there.

Awesome.
(

Cleisthenes morning sickness is a bitch, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:40, archived)

Lionel Blair

(

Zuowan, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:40, archived)

*head in hands*
b3ta.com/questions/impulsebuys/post427590
Apparently it's okay because it's a vector.

What has made you facepalm today?
(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:53, archived)

Oh fucking hell.
/ac
(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:54, archived)

I think you'll find that she just subverted your expectations.
You just don't get the joke.
(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:56, archived)

QOTW is a joke.

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:57, archived)

But not a funny one.

(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:59, archived)

Well no, this is b3ta after all.

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:59, archived)

Apparently they are being ironic.

(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 27 May 2009, 20:25, archived)

I LOVE HIM
www.b3ta.com/questions/impulsebuys/post432625
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:28, archived)

Friz made me giggle.

(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 27 May 2009, 20:31, archived)

Apparently it's strange you hate qotw but still like to trawl through looking for something to disparage.
Leave us to our un-ironic posts and just waffle amongst yourselves.

What did you have for lunch btw.
(

girlinthehole, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:07, archived)

Seriously though, what made her think that was a good idea?
'LOOK AT ME, I'M A GIRL ON THE INTERNET.'
(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:56, archived)

I might post pictures of my cock all over /board.

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:56, archived)

Then again, I won't.

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:56, archived)

yeah, we've had enough baby photos

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:02, archived)

Oh you terrible cunt.

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:08, archived)

I'm not sure whether I'm suggesting you have a baby dick,
or your baby is a dick,
or you use your baby like a dick during sex

and I'm unsure where these fall on the line for talking about other people's children, so sorry.
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:11, archived)

haha
barca!
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Wed 27 May 2009, 19:55, archived)

I'm going to the pub quiz in half an hour.
On this momentous day for English pride, what do you think the score will be? We have Stella the dentist on our team tonight if that's any help for you.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:57, archived)

english pride is pushing it a bit
most people i know have no interest in the scum winning.. the jammy bastards probably will though
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Wed 27 May 2009, 20:06, archived)

What on earth are you blithering on about?

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:07, archived)

Football.
Man U - Barca.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:08, archived)

Eh?
This is A1 quality satire. Pay attention
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:10, archived)

has anyone else lost the time and score on the screen?

(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:14, archived)

It appears to be 1-1 in the manky minge v scabby cocks game on channel 4

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:17, archived)

She didn't even wear matching undies!
I, for one, am OUTRAGED TFD
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:56, archived)

ME TOO!
I fully expect any self-respecting woman who wishes to post semi-nude pictures of herself to a load of sweaty internet types just to win QOTW would at least have the good taste to coordinate.
(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:57, archived)

I NO!
And this is precisely why I'd never flash my undies on the internets. They don't match. Ever.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:58, archived)

I thought you only had one pair,
that you turn inside out when you absolutely have to.
(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:59, archived)

I might be manly
but I'm not THAT manly
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:59, archived)

This is why, my dear Blue Star, you are a respected internet lady.

(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:00, archived)

Aw shucks.
Thanks, lady.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:01, archived)

since when did women have self-respect?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:03, archived)

I normally give them a little in their own account
with a card and cheque book and everything

it makes them feel like real people
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:09, archived)

Independent lady!
(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:14, archived)

she looks like she's using her superior female clenching skills to open it

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:17, archived)

Age normally does it.
When you realise you've survived, and you stop worrying too much about how you look, it just happens on its own.
(

The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Wed 27 May 2009, 20:24, archived)

What am I meant to care about here?

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:57, archived)

She's planning a terrorist attack on London last January.

(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:58, archived)

I thought it was this June?

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:58, archived)

Don't ask me, pal.
You're the one who pulls these predictions out of your arse.
(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:00, archived)

So, you're saying it isn't June?

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:00, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6178298
(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:02, archived)

Might be August.

(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:05, archived)

I wonder what the reaction would be like if one of this lot were knobbing her?

(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:57, archived)

I can hear the internet doing a little cry.

(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:57, archived)

I wish I had a gun.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:57, archived)

I wish I had a bun.

(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:01, archived)

I wish I had your mum.

(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:02, archived)

I wish I had fun with your mum's bum.

(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:03, archived)

You must be the only one who's not cum on her fundrums.

(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:10, archived)

Having to use Google to find out where a fuel filter on a car was
and the Yahoo Answer was "underneath the car next to the petrol tank stupid."

It made me :(
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:58, archived)

*sadface*

(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:58, archived)

That's nothing.
I can't find the radiator in mine.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:59, archived)

follow the copper pipes from the boiler

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:03, archived)

Seriously.
Can't find it.
Given in looking.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:03, archived)

use divining sticks

(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Wed 27 May 2009, 20:09, archived)

Using the internet to find out how to get better on Halo 2 used to be fun.

(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:01, archived)

EAT THE DISK FAT MAN
EAT MY MEAT
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:12, archived)

that's just awful
really really awful, it's the worst thing that i've ever seen on the internet, whichever party is responsible should be throughly ashamed
(

well, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:59, archived)

I bet she doesn't even go to the right b4shes.

(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:04, archived)

TUTT is going to be FURIOUS

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:01, archived)

y'what?

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:27, archived)

You get jealous of other girls posting photos of themselves online, DUH.

(

Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:28, archived)

oh right, yes.

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:30, archived)

In his fetid little imagination, the internet it full of pictures of your tits.
He can but dream, though he'll loudly declare he has no need of any other breasts because he has Mrs Mykeyboy's.

I bet you refused to show them to him on webcam and he's got himself into a sulk.
(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 27 May 2009, 20:30, archived)

I'm sorry, can you show me where TUTT has said she'll show people her underwear to win QOTW?

(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 27 May 2009, 20:28, archived)

It looks a lot like I think cr3 looks like, I think I've seen photos of cr3
not in underwear though
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:02, archived)

I've met him
I'm sure I'd have remembered the bumps.
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:12, archived)

if you meet him again
I think you should double check.

The standard method for this is the face first-rapid schnuzzle IIRC
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:15, archived)

He will get the full Flapjack blblblblbl treatment.

(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:16, archived)

Cor!

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:23, archived)

he's got smashing tits, it's true

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:26, archived)

Looking forward to meeting each and everyone of you on Saturday

(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:02, archived)

*SNE*

(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:03, archived)

Go fuck yourself

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:04, archived)

Show us your tits
And I'll come to say hello
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:09, archived)

You're hot.
Ignore these dullards, they don't get out much.
(

(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:15, archived)

Bollocks
I signed up to that.

I don't understand why.
(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:18, archived)

you're lucky I'm not going then

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:27, archived)

Me too

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:29, archived)

*does a little cry*

(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 27 May 2009, 20:34, archived)

Yes, and I look forward to repeating my opinion to your face.
Then perhaps you will appreciate that just because I think what you did was a pathetic and blatant attempt to bolster your own self esteem by getting a load of sweaty internet Dave's to pander to you, doesn;t mean I am a coward or indeed a horrible person.
(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 27 May 2009, 20:34, archived)

Mictoboy has made hundreds of vectors of women in various states of undress.
Are you planning on hunting down the models from all his source pics?
Also, I resent your choice of 'Dave', although sweaty is a fair description.
(

my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:41, archived)

It may mean you're not a coward
but it's certainly not the sort of thing I would consider very nice, and it does show that you appear to take the internet very seriously.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:43, archived)

Shit, a woman got some attention from people on the internet.
What a disaster.
(

my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:06, archived)

B3tans get riled at and are scared by typically feminine behaviour.
In other news: sky rumoured to be "blue".
(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:22, archived)

typically feminine behaviour?

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:31, archived)

You never see a bloke getting his knob out for the public to view.
Unless he's a flasher, of course.

Having said that, this is a very poor analogy; there aren't any non-genital parts of the male anatomy that are considered lewd.
(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:34, archived)

Really?
The only other person I know who tried to spam b3tans with this sort of thing had terrible problems with her own self-image and ended up feeling very stupid.
(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 27 May 2009, 20:36, archived)

what?

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:36, archived)

Apparently blokes don't get their genitalia out.
Which is news to me. I've seen more cocks and arses on a night out in Sudbury than I could shake a shitty stick out. Men LOVE to expose their bums.
(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 27 May 2009, 20:38, archived)

It's still not typically feminine behaviour.
It's just the minority who stand out because they have their tits out.
(

Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:40, archived)

There's a difference between typically feminine as in typical behaviour for women,
and typically feminine as opposed to typically masculine.
I'm not sure which one he meant though.
(

my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 27 May 2009, 20:42, archived)

Apparently so...
QUICK TUTT, TO THE VECTORING MACHINE.
(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 27 May 2009, 20:35, archived)

I t seems that people
are just laying into her. If it's not hurting you/whoever then where's the harm?
(misusscompiler No cornflakes? No eyes? No problem !, Wed 27 May 2009, 21:26, archived)

probs dun, but meh
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/8070252.stm

What the deuce?
(

Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:21, archived)

I like the word "marmoset".

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:22, archived)

makes me think of boobs.

(

Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:23, archived)

how about "baboons"?

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:25, archived)

boobs

(

Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:26, archived)

"gibbon"?

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:27, archived)

a hairy mammal, much like a monkey.

(

Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:27, archived)

A tit monkey?

(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:38, archived)

SickRik

(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 27 May 2009, 19:50, archived)

Would you rather it was glowing underage children?
Who am I kidding, of course you would.

NONCE!
(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:22, archived)

Uhuh.

(

Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:23, archived)

:-D

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:43, archived)

haha, that's never going to die is it? :-)

(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:34, archived)

Not on my watch.

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:38, archived)

Oh yeah, I forgot that Jenk was a nonce. Thanks for reminding me.
NONCE
(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:41, archived)

it's a good way to observe how genetic changes are passed down in families where one of the parents has a significant mutation
it's also a good mutation to use as it doesn't harm the animal in any way and doesn't appear unless the animal is exposed to UV light, where it's easily observed
(

Lightguy hail satan, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:24, archived)

I didn't think it was comparable like that?

(

Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:26, archived)

yes it is
the only difference between this and a mutation that prevents parkinson's disease (assuming both are dominant traits with the same number of genes involved the activation) is that this is easily observed
(

Lightguy hail satan, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:36, archived)

Can you imagine them at a rave.
Under the UV lights!
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:24, archived)

Yes!
Glowing monkeys at a rave!
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:25, archived)

that would be a serious trip
and those not tripping would be accusing mates of spiking drinks.
(

Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:26, archived)

Glowing rave monkeys FTW!

(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:28, archived)

Glowing rave monkeys WITH PARKINSONS

(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:50, archived)

I had soup for lunch

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:27, archived)

pie and chips here.

(

Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:28, archived)

crispy pork stir fry here.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:28, archived)

on the BBC website it says that people who diet should have soup
because it keeps you fuller for longer
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:28, archived)

I read that.
Interesting stuff.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:29, archived)

a girl in my office read the article
then told the bloke sat next to her that you should have water with food cause it keeps you fuller for longer *sigh*
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:32, archived)

This is like what happens when my dad reads science articles.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:35, archived)

I had pie and chips because it tastes ace.

(

Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:29, archived)

Did you blend it?

(

my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:34, archived)

I read that as well, but had no soup

(

The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:31, archived)

the soups in the canteen at work are generally really nice
and they have croutons and little buns and melted butter yum yum
I've had soup for lunch a lot lately, but today the bbc has told me that it's good. *smugs*
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:34, archived)

I used to have soup once a week.
Maybe we should go back to that.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:35, archived)

fo' sho' mo' fo'

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:38, archived)

Mostly because it's cheap.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:38, archived)

I was making soup a few times a week, but I kept burning it when I fell asleep and left it on the hob for four hours at a time.
I need a timer controlled gas hob. Is there such a thing?
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:42, archived)

how about a slow cooker?
or just dont fall asleep while cooking?
or just have it on a lower setting?
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:43, archived)

It was on low :-(
I've done it four times so far. It ruins the saucepan every time too.

The soup is awesome when I stay awake though.
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:47, archived)

and tasty.

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:42, archived)

make your monkey come out green
come on, i only want it if it's green

shit your leg off
(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:35, archived)

I'm all for glowing monkeys.
It's the future today.
(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:39, archived)

Whack my bonobo!

(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:39, archived)

cackle my gladys

(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:41, archived)

make it greeeeen
come on make it greeeen
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:50, archived)

Invaluable for finding bananas in the dark, of course.

(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:43, archived)

cool

(

crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:45, archived)

AWESOME

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:47, archived)

Are you watching the football?
It looks good so far.
(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:50, archived)

I wasn't.
I was going to listen again to Garvey's show.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:51, archived)

But I can listen again to that afterwards.
He's upstairs video gaming so I'm watching it now and drinking beer. I'm so manly it HURTS. I'm even wearing a VEST.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:52, archived)

Well my gambling run continues.
*tears up first goalscorer ticket*

Also, if Man U don't score this half, I can tear up two more tickets.
(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:56, archived)

I fancied having a bet to make the game this evening more exciting,
and to double my failed amount spent on football betting to £20. It's amazing.
The site has odds for everything from which side will kick off to how many minutes added time there'll be and how many first half corners. Mad.

Do you bet or gamble on owt?
(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:10, archived)

just think
for twenty quid, you could have gone to see nickelback
(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:11, archived)

I'd rather put £20 on my getting Bigleyed by a low flying helicopter.

(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:16, archived)

*cricket applause*

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:18, archived)

I'm serious.

(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:40, archived)

Bookies in "will take your money for any kind of bet" shocker.

(

Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:11, archived)

My job is researching what we'll do next.
Live Monkey Knife Fights have been our most requested event since some cocky sod put a script on our suggestions page.
(

lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:15, archived)

those poor monkeys :(

(

Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:16, archived)

and by "we" I assume you work for a bookie?

(

Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:16, archived)

yup.
If either team Man Utd or Barca win in 90 minutes, we stand to lose money either way, hence why you can bet on all sorts of sodding things
(

lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:23, archived)

the man ure love in on the radio has been truley
nauseating
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Wed 27 May 2009, 19:44, archived)

~~script~~ angry monkey
(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:16, archived)

~~angry~~ infinte number of
+s
~~Live Monkey Knife Fights have~~ Shakespear has
(

Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:17, archived)

£50 for Lordi winning Eurovision a few years ago :D

(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:19, archived)

All the time.
But if you mean with actual money, no.
(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:11, archived)

Not really, but I did just have a go at this:
www.dominos-bgt.com/

Either nothing happens, or I get ten grand. Safe bet.
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:12, archived)

freshly-ground ant and dec
i'd buy that pizza
(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:16, archived)

and then just throw it away?

(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:32, archived)

i'd try it first
just to see
(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:36, archived)

I lost a tenner on who in the office would get pregnant next
Ania the French/English/Polish translator! What a rank outsider!
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:13, archived)

how rank are we talking here?

(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:17, archived)

she speaks French

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:18, archived)

rear admiral

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:19, archived)

Sometimes I go past the bookies
and there's a poster in the window advertising "Newcastle Vs Arsenal 3-1 £10 wins you £160" or some such thing, and I catch myself thinking "wow that sounds like a really good deal".
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:14, archived)

Find me a building society that can match that return in a month, never mind overnight.
Tax free too.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 19:25, archived)

these bookies must be mugs or something.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:26, archived)

My local Coventry Building Society is a Ladbrokes now.
Who needs mortgages - we're all rolling in cash.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 19:28, archived)

I tried to do a bit of rugby gambling a while ago
My thirty years of knowledge and experience counted for nothing when faced with a Bradford side made of crying mongs. So I packed it in as a career choice only £15 the worse off.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:16, archived)

used to play a bit of bingo but it's just a big waste of time and money and is for chavs

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:18, archived)

I have never understood the allure of bingo!

(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:20, archived)

It's like Sudoku
only you're never sure which numbers you need
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:27, archived)

I like that analogy.

(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:29, archived)

You calling my nan a chav?

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:23, archived)

I mean online bingo
IRL bingo is sociable and funny at the very least
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:35, archived)

The only time I ever bet
Is on how long the managing directors speech will be at the Christmas do.

Quid each, there is usually about £400 up for grabs!
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:18, archived)

I like that sort of thing.

(

Druid, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:37, archived)

I bet with my Dad on loads of things but it's never sport.

(

Lisette von Falcon, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:19, archived)

FOOTBALL
Whadyah think?
(

Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:08, archived)

Barcelona
Unfortunately
(pharmatron Death or Scunthorpe? CHOOSE!!, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:09, archived)

be a good night in manchester tonight if they win

(

Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:12, archived)

Thinking and Football are mutually exclusive

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:09, archived)

Italians stabbing people in the arse.

(

Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:09, archived)

It's a bit shit, but keeps the lower classes off the streets for a few hours a week during the season.
(

C, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:10, archived)

haha
winner
(

Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:11, archived)

well brian
i kicked the ball and there it was in the back of the net
(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:11, archived)

3 - 2 Man Utd.
2 - 2 normal time, Ronaldo to score a "wonder goal" in extra time. Possible red card for Iniesta or O'Shea.
(

WHARRGARBL, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:12, archived)

Barca 3-1

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:12, archived)

i hope so
*crosses all my bits*
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Wed 27 May 2009, 19:46, archived)

I think the necessity of the offside rule demonstrates it is a fundamentally flawed concept.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:13, archived)

s'boring

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:17, archived)

Ebay is rubbish!
I posted an item this afternoon but you can't find it on ebay through the search. This is the item
cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=220422841747
so it can be seen there - Is it just me being thick, or can you find it through the search ?
(

lafleur likes cheese, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:48, archived)

Why the hell would anyone want to buy that?

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:49, archived)

They're great
I wish I could go :(
(

lafleur likes cheese, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:49, archived)

You're a massive opinion fail :(

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:50, archived)

maybe so
but any clues to why it's not appearing in the search?
(

lafleur likes cheese, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:55, archived)

Your item was removed
for having disgustingly long tramp nails in your photo that make you look like you need help bathing yourself, you unhygenic shit-smeared spastic. I bet you have weeping sores around your anus from infected scratches you gave yourself when wiping your arse, and you're selling these tickets to pay for the medical treatment.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:59, archived)

eeek!
You're right - I must remember to bath more often or perhaps not bash my finger with a hammer too often :P
(

lafleur likes cheese, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:00, archived)

give it a few more hours
eBay can be a bit slow
(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 27 May 2009, 19:00, archived)

You may be able to get some tickets on ebay.

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:50, archived)

haha very good.

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:54, archived)

I imagine so that they could go see Nikelback plus special guests The 02, London Doors 18.30pm Thursday 28th May 2009

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:50, archived)

OR maybe someone could buy them and post them to someone they really hate

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:56, archived)

I might buy them and rip them up

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:11, archived)

eBay must have initiated a Quality Control filter
that stops people selling tickets for shit bands
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:52, archived)

*votes for Grrrmachine in EU elections*

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:53, archived)

my policies also including making everyone learn Icelandic
and Regional Development Funds for a rollercoaster the size of Lichtenstein
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:56, archived)

I'm not going to search ebay for your item for you

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:55, archived)

fine!
I'll not be making you coffee or tea in the future :(
(

lafleur likes cheese, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:59, archived)

Sometimes the items take ages to turn up in the search.
I'm talking hours.
(

WHARRGARBL, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:56, archived)

thank you
for the realistic answer, Meh, I'll go if I have to
(

lafleur likes cheese, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:58, archived)

make sure you wrap up warm in
an explosive jacket.. the less nickleback fans walking around the better
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Wed 27 May 2009, 19:02, archived)

To quote: pages.ebay.co.uk/help/search/questions/wheres-my-item.html

"listings are generally searchable within 24 hours"

Also, don't accept Paypal if you're allowing people to collect the items - you're very likely to get ripped off.
(

C, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:59, archived)

Can only do Paypal with 24 hour listings
Ripped off - eeeek!
(

lafleur likes cheese, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:03, archived)

Well, unless you can provide proof of tracked postage anyone can pay by Paypal then say they never received the item and they'll have the dosh back off you before you can say "scam". By which time the scrote that collected the ticket will have gone and touted them outside the gig for 50% more than he "paid" you for them.
(

C, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:07, archived)

Thanks
Don't think they're going to go as they're not coming up in the search anyway
(

lafleur likes cheese, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:10, archived)

I never allow collection
as I don't want some knuckledragger turning up with half the necessary cash with the intention of haggling the price down, like someone did when I was selling my Wii
(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 27 May 2009, 19:03, archived)

Also, although I'm not 100% sure, because you've spelled Nickelback differently in the title and description it may have to be checked by a human to make sure you're not keyword spamming..
(

C, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:03, archived)

Nickelback are fucking terrible.
Shut up and fuck off.
(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:59, archived)

i searched for nickelback, but can't see your item
i can't be bothered being sarcastic, please imagine i just said something unpleasant about your taste in music and respond angrily
(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:06, archived)

I've never been so insulted in all my life
:)
(

lafleur likes cheese, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:09, archived)

thank you
*writes cheque*
(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:12, archived)

Ebay is rubbish!
I posted an item this afternoon but you can't find it on ebay through the search. This is the item
cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=220422841747
~~so it can be seen there - Is it just me being thick, or can you find it through the search ?~~
I'll just place this advert for my auction here.
(

Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:07, archived)

NONCE!

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:08, archived)

haha, shit band
Shit. Band.
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:08, archived)

Shit.
Band.
(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:09, archived)

I have simply forgotten to register my vote. What a mong.
Who are you voting for on June 4th? If you can't, who WOULD you vote for?
(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:27, archived)

Freezing of the electoral roll as it stands on 27th May 2009.

Nifty editing there.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:28, archived)

I am of the old school and believe my voting choices are private*

*I haven't got a shitting clue
(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:29, archived)

The person who looks least like a triple-chinned bespectacled militant Catholic potato

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:29, archived)

Are foreigners allowed to stand for election in Poland?

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:30, archived)

You can be born outside Poland
but you have to become a Polish citizen, which is a bit like paying an agency to make you die of cancer.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:32, archived)

Can you become a polish citizen if you don't look like a triple-chinned bespectacled militant Catholic potato and refuse plastic surgery?

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:33, archived)

Yes
but then you lose all your rights to make the sweeping xenophobic generalisations that having a British passport gives. Your list of demeaning targets is reduced to Ukraine, a small island somewhere in Polynesia (probably Vanatu) and, of course, France.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:36, archived)

I don't know
but a leaflet I've got here seems to imply you can't vote for anybody, but you have to choose a bunch of six people by their party.
That sucks.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:29, archived)

Sort of.
Parties can enter up to six candidates (or however many seats there are in the constituency) and you vote by party. The seats are then allocated roughly according to the proportion of the vote each party receives. There is nothing to stop an individual standing as a one-man party.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:32, archived)

I don't want to vote for a party,
I want to vote for my representative. I hate parties. And I'll cry if I want to.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:33, archived)

Enter yourself.
Vote for yourself. Don't come crying to me if your neighbours don't think you're all that great.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:34, archived)

No way would I vote for myself.
I don't think I'm all that great, either.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:35, archived)

Sorry, back to this one.
All the elected MEPs will be your representative, and just hold your hand over the candidate list so that you can only see the 1st choice candidate for each party - then it will be just like a normal election.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:44, archived)

yeah except not really,
that's like playing pretend. Actually it's one of the worst bits, if the major parties are practically guaranteed to get at least one seat, it means their first choice of candidate will definitely get into parliament, which effectively means the party appointed them and the entire election was pretty much irrelevant. The battle is only really fought over candidates #3 and up.

I just think this sort of PR is stupid rubbish. STV is alright, although unfortunately it seems to be a bit beyond a lot of people.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:47, archived)

Right then, use two hands or a craftily cut piece of paper to cover the two certainties and all bar the first remaining choice
on each party's candidate list.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:49, archived)

Reduced Council Tax If Your Soft Furnishings Are FABULOUS Party

(

moohalaa, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:29, archived)

clickin dis

(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:32, archived)

Lib Dems.
If we can retain all our seats and gain four more then Bristol will have a Lib Dem council!
(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:29, archived)

They seem really good
It's a tossup for me between them or the BNP (LOLRACISM). Mainly because of the EU stance costing us a lot of money, and their education policies.
(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:33, archived)

This may be the first time any political party has been described as looking "really good"

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:35, archived)

For any tiny bit of good the BNP does, there are a trillion bad things they do.

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:37, archived)

Name a party that doesn't do that
I think making Britain seperate from the EU would be a good start though.

During a recession, the idea that companies should employ British people as opposed to 'cheap foreign labour' appeals to me at the minute.
Normally, I'd say it's anybody's choice, but right now, there are tonns of us that are fucked.
(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:43, archived)

what,
the minimum wage applies to everybody. "Cheap foreign labour" is usually when it's outsourced to India.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:44, archived)

No no, using illegal immigrants for your work force and paying them less than minimum wage is legal under the current Labour government.

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:46, archived)

illegal immigration is legal?
what?
It's not legal to employ illegal immigrants on ANY wage.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:47, archived)

You didn't understand my post.
I was being sarcastic.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:48, archived)

I erred on the side of caution.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:49, archived)

... surely caution would put you on the side of not thinking I'm a complete moron.
~~surely~~ hopefully
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:51, archived)

I thought the cautious line here
would be to make that point as clear as possible, for a certain individual.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:53, archived)

That's the ridiculously optimistic line.

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:55, archived)

I shouldn't worry, he's shit.

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:51, archived)

Did you not see the headlines?
They made me laugh
(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:51, archived)

Any particular paper?
Yes, sometimes newspaper headlines can be very funny. Often because they are the completely deranged rantings of a madman with a grudge, with all the grammar taken out.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:54, archived)

Could have been either the Daily Express
Or some London paper.

It was purely the headline. I don't bother reading those.
(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:56, archived)

Jesus

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:57, archived)

This is certainly true in theory.
In practise, there are a number of unscrupulous employers and agencies who deliberately hire workers with a poor grasp of English so that they can exploit them, paying them less than the minimum, or even charge them for work. These are usually big (multi-)national companies, e.g. Dominos.

Personally I'd prefer tigher auditing and tougher penalties, but like any other prohibitive law, it would still be circumvented; some poor bastards with no crime other than some dodgy book-keeping would get whacked with the full punishment while the real criminals would still flout the law with bare-faced cheek, because they can afford to hire the best lawyers.
(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:53, archived)

Yeah someone will always break the rules
even if it was the BNP who had made the rules.

Anyway I reckon it's all the immigrants leaving that's crashed our economy in the first place.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:56, archived)

But it's only poor people who are affected by that.

(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:44, archived)

Pretty much every party in the UK has policies that overall do more good than bad
even if it's 51/49 one way.

the BNP is about 1/99.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:44, archived)

Are you joking?

(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:38, archived)

This clash of minds should be well worth watching.
*gets popcorn*
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:38, archived)

Has any other party taken a hard line stance on France receiving
20% fucking percent of the ENTIRE budget of the EU? TWENTY PERCENT! Of money that's meant to be distributed between 27 states? Do you see that? TWENTY FUCKING PERCENT. That's worth some casual racism.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:44, archived)

i believe you are forgetting the rebate the UK gets
1.2.3.13/bmi/newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/41065000/gif/_41065272_net_pay_gra203.gif
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Wed 27 May 2009, 18:54, archived)

Really, it's not lolracism.
It's just plain old racism.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:38, archived)

The (LOLRACISM) bit was because people think I'm a racist
Therefore would vote BNP on those grounds.
(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:40, archived)

If you vote BNP, people will think you are a racist, confirmed.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:01, archived)

~~people will think~~ ~~, confirmed~~ lunatic, and you should be jailed for your own good
(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:03, archived)

Knuckle-dragging Nazi cunts or wishy-washy North London cognoscenti.
Interesting choice.
(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:43, archived)

There's no-one worth voting for and I'm (potentially) moving out of the area in June,
so I see no point
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:31, archived)

You're moving out of Europe?

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:32, archived)

I was under the impression that it was local elections too

(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:34, archived)

me too

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:35, archived)

In some areas.
Possibly in MoT's area. Even if he doesn't want to lumber the people left behind once he has vamooshed with his preference he could still spend a couple of minutes putting a cross in a box for the European election.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:36, archived)

I have an exam on the 5th.
I'll be busy.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:37, archived)

Neither of the big parties.
Therefore, I may as well not bother.
(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:32, archived)

PR for the European Parliament, so you may as well bother.

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:35, archived)

Well I'm all for removing Britain from the constraints of the EU
Again, financial reasons. But there's also a bit of the old "he commited a crime in Greece, you MUST send him to Greece for trial. Now. Sod the evidence."
(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:37, archived)

The evidence presumably comes up during the trial.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:38, archived)

Everyone knows there's no such thing as justice and democracy beyond Dover.
Filthy foreigners. Bunch of xenophobic savages.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:40, archived)

He's British so he's ON OUR SIDE
and its our duty to look out for our own. Hands off. He may be a filthy murderer, but he's OUR filthy murderer and we love him.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:43, archived)

Well, with evidence, then there's no dispute, is there?
I'm sure evidence would be presented in the case of applying for extradition
(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:48, archived)

Yeah, why even have a trial at all, if there's evidence?
I mean, if they got arrested, they must have done something.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:49, archived)

Erm
A lot of people would disagree with that.
(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:53, archived)

I was hoping even you would.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:04, archived)

haha
are you drunk?
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Wed 27 May 2009, 18:59, archived)

actual story here,
an ignorant workmate of a friend when she got her jury citation through actually said as much. Jury trials for great British justice.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:05, archived)

it's just a PR stunt if you ask me

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:40, archived)

why not? you don't get a prize for guessing who's going to win
might as well vote for who you like. if nothing else, it cheers them up
(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:42, archived)

i want to vote for the jury team
but i don't actually like any of them
(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:34, archived)

I'm putting my X next to the S Club Party

(

magnum, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:35, archived)

Apparently there isnt a part that even remotely resembles them

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:36, archived)

and the Get Rid of Magnum's Mouth Ulcers Party

(

magnum, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:37, archived)

salt, and a stick to bite down on

(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 27 May 2009, 19:06, archived)

I ripped up my voting card and threw it in the bin
/apathy blog
(

Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:35, archived)

apathy would have just left it on the doormat to rot
I bet you don't rip up all your other junk mail
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:37, archived)

I LOVE readers digest stuff
keeps me entertained for hours
(

Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:40, archived)

Yeah, that's apathy.
Ripping up the card before you threw it away.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:37, archived)

That'll show 'em
They'll be rueing the day they lost your vote! RUE IT HARD they will
(

Theoban What of it, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:38, archived)

Whoever's the best
They get my vote
(

Theoban What of it, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:36, archived)

That's a vote in the bag for good ol' MoT then.

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:38, archived)

Each one of my votes is worth six of a normal person's vote

(

Theoban What of it, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:40, archived)

Who do you think is the best?

(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:39, archived)

MoT is winning this early race
He's 10 points ahead in the opinion polls
(

Theoban What of it, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:41, archived)

dunno, the only leaflets we've had were from the BNP
we got a Christmas card from the Tories though :/
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:45, archived)

We had leaflets from Labour, addressing me as "Comrade"
ffs
(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:59, archived)

I've just bought one of those chips for your car that promises to boost the engine power and stuff
What career would YOU be on a council-estate based soap opera?
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:43, archived)

I'd stack shelves in the local Spar

(

minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:44, archived)

Godfather.

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 17:44, archived)

I'd go round sortin' out stuff wiv Grant.

(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 27 May 2009, 17:46, archived)

Just you remember exactly who's in charge here.

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 17:47, archived)

This is my manor sanshine. Got it?
*puts away shootah"
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 27 May 2009, 17:48, archived)

*Shoots kneecaps*
Fucking kids. All fucking mouth. No fucking repect.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 17:52, archived)

go reach
~~sortin' out stuff~~
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:06, archived)

I'd work in the Rover's Return, naturally.

(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 27 May 2009, 17:47, archived)

dunno, some kind of council estate-based sarcastic superhero

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:47, archived)

Fag-smoking pucker-mouthed bitch with cheap jewellery

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:54, archived)

that's not going to save the estate from the hordes of invading zombie chihuahuas

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:01, archived)

How do those chips work ?
Variable engine mapping or 20 mins in deep fat fryer ?
(Kebabo Calling all cars, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:48, archived)

Improved map
and 20% fewer saturated fats
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:54, archived)

Madam.
I'd not mind being a madam IRL as long as it was one of those legal ranches in Nevada or something.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:49, archived)

Only if I can be Dolly Parton in 'The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas'.

(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 27 May 2009, 17:55, archived)

You most certainly can!

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:56, archived)

I'd be the hilariously misunderstood young person.
I'd be stereotyped to hell, whilst not actually representing young people in any way. I'd also not have a job, yet still be able to afford to change my style (and entire wardrobe) about once a month.
(

WHARRGARBL, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:49, archived)

I'd just like to be the Tramp on the Bench please.
I love Special Brew, me.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:51, archived)

There's a new tramp fuel in town
which comes in a green plastic bottle shaped like it should contain cognac, only it contains some 10% lager simply called STRONG.

The communal area of my estate appears to have sprouted green plastic mushrooms.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:55, archived)

I'd be the owner of the local nightclub

(

SuperMatt, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:55, archived)

But it'd change hands after 3 episodes

(

SuperMatt, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:55, archived)

~~night~~ youth
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:06, archived)

The slapper who all the guys sleep wiv innit

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:58, archived)

FACKIN' LEAVE IT MICK! HE AIN'T WORTH eeIT!

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:59, archived)

I'd be the one to score prescription drugs from.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:59, archived)

The chemist?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:00, archived)

I'd be the old paedophile who keeps hawks

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:04, archived)

I'd be the man who can only see clowns and walks on his hands when doing plopsies.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:04, archived)

career is a dirty word to me

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:06, archived)

It's a soap opera. You can be anything you want.
Go on, choose something.

Can I change my answer to astronaut?
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:10, archived)

ok as long as the scriptwriters promise never to promote me or anything.
hmm I don't know what I want. I don't want anything. Whatever.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:13, archived)

Is this because you're Biff Tannen
and you keep careering into piles of manure?
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:15, archived)

I've no idea what that means.
Mykeyboy will now make some comment about people who don't have a telly going on about it all the time.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:16, archived)

I've no idea what that means.
Mykeyboy will now make some comment about people who don't have a telly going on about it all the time. Moongirl does not understand your popular culture reference
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:17, archived)

Yes, that.
Thank you.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:17, archived)

You're like Bones.

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:18, archived)

Them dry bones.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:19, archived)

Fat, unemployed, bald geordie.
I'd probably say i'm internet famous alot.
(

Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:06, archived)

Chippy/Kebab/pizza shop owner.
Or the friendly policeman who everyone respects.
(

Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:10, archived)

Chippy/Kebab/pizza shop owner.
Or the friendly policeman who everyone respects Toadfish
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:16, archived)

Chippy/Kebab/pizza shop owner.
Or the friendly policeman who everyone respects Toadfish Guffbeak
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:16, archived)

:(

(

Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:26, archived)

I'd be the vomit on the flat part of the slide at the bottom

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:10, archived)

Mike.
The rapist.
(

magnum, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:11, archived)

You're going to have to somehow outshine Dave the Rapist or your contract isn't going to be renewed.
How are you going to do it, quantity or quality?
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 18:12, archived)

I'd like to think that one of my victim's brothers find out it was me and we have a big show down by the power station
possibly with some sort of car chase and maybe with a fight scene.
(

magnum, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:18, archived)

I'd be Killbot
I'd work behind a bar and when a slightly heated argument broke out over an ex boyfriend I WOULD OBLITERATE ALL HUMANS!
(

Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:16, archived)

I'd have to be the gossip loving hairdresser

(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:25, archived)

Container driver.

(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:29, archived)

Containers don't have wheels.

(

magnum, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:31, archived)

No, that's why they're loaded onto articulated vehicles.
For those with b3tan intelligence: these DO have wheels.
(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:34, archived)

So you're a lorry driver then?

(

magnum, Wed 27 May 2009, 18:34, archived)

More of this sort of thing
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8069686.stm

Those crazy chinks !
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:47, archived)

lol I've seen that before,
in other news I have a headache.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:48, archived)

Best way to cure a headache
is to give me £5,000
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

I don't have £5000
but I do get paid tomorrow, so I think I'll have to live with it.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

You wouldnt have got any headache releif from giving me £5,000
I would have just got some new forks for my bike, a new iPod and some other shit.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

I've never owned an iPod,
I think I never will.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:54, archived)

do you wear a special hat with that written on it?

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:58, archived)

He has it as the screensaver on his iPod

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

no but that's something I should get,
it'd make me seem interesting and edgy
(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

then everyone would love me.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:00, archived)

Let's not get carried away here.

(

thealternativefact, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:01, archived)

Buy me something

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:54, archived)

Boo.
Headaches are pretty crappy.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

stupid head with it's painfulness and shit.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

slam your fingers in the door, you'll forget about your headache then
/Dad comedy medical advice blog
(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 27 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

Pfft

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:48, archived)

OMFG
Dat iz well GC innit
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

I dont give a fuck
*doesnt give a fuck*
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

*confirms lack of fuck giving*
*retreats*
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:55, archived)

yeah, great.

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:55, archived)

needs more cats in cages

(likeajackhammer, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

get out of my city

(

minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:23, archived)

Golly

(

wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:57, archived)

needs more rats in rages.

(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:00, archived)

needs more bats in vages

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:02, archived)

Needs more nats in badges

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:20, archived)

This quite funny too
www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_jBFbCCleY
(Kebabo Calling all cars, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:35, archived)

lolol

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:37, archived)

TJ: Is there some easy way to tell how old a PC is?
Don't say look at the receipt - it's long gone.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 17:35, archived)

check the modified date of a the system files?
some might not have been changed since installation. that said, installation date is not necessarily related to the age of the pc.
(

minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:38, archived)

I just went into C:/WIndows and there's a load of folders modified in December 2005, which sounds about right.
I'm going to go with that. Thank you.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 17:43, archived)

Turn it on
look at the white BIOS text that loads up.

If it loads too quick, hit the restart button and hammer the DEL key frantically.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:38, archived)

Can you Pause/Break it as well?

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:42, archived)

I'll try to remeember to have a look when I next turn it on.
Thank you.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 27 May 2009, 17:43, archived)

cut the hard drive in half and count the platters
one for every year
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:39, archived)

I am appearing in an amature dramatics play tonight.
It's my first time on stage since I was in the scout gang show at the age of about 11. It is fvcking scary.

Advice please.

Ta.
(Stripes, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:42, archived)

Don't fuck it up
Mummy will be so disappointed in you.
(

Theoban What of it, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:43, archived)

learn to spell

(

WormuIus, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:44, archived)

This skill will serve you well in life.

(

WormuIus, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

Stand about on stage swearing a lot.
You might get a government grant for New Performance Art.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:44, archived)

But could Wormy cope with the competition? Or would he just shit himself?
That was one of your installations, right Wormy?
(

The Teviot Moose major 5th., Wed 27 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

You are incorrect
PHILISTINE
(

WormuIus, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:00, archived)

Fucking SCOUTS?
Scouts + Amateur Dramatics = Raving Bumlordings.
(

Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:44, archived)

Don't piss yourself on stage
unless it's part of your act, of course.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

be more attractive than you currently are.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

Photos

(

WormuIus, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

nah just guessing

(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:48, archived)

Enjoy it
And if you fuck up, try not to let on that you've fucked up.
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:46, archived)

Break a leg
either one will do
(

CanonCaliber A big bore, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:47, archived)

Being on stage is fucking dead easy

Just chill out and have fun.

if you fuck up a line just say 'line' and don't sweat it. don't dither asking and get prompted. People will respect you more if you do so.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:47, archived)

Stay at home and pretend to be poorly
I did that when I was meant to be in a laugh a minute lolathon about the Spanish civil war. I was a Russian bureaucrat, except I wasn't.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:48, archived)

Imagine everyone can see you naked

(

Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

Don't put your Daughter on the stage, Mrs. McCann
good luck, break a leg and all that
(

The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

take comfort that you can't be any worse than I was
when I was made to dress up as Roy Orbison at First School, given a full sized acoustic guitar that was bigger than I was, and made to mime "Pretty Woman"
(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 27 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

To summarise:

get naked;
swear a lot;
piss myself;
break my legs; and
bum someone.

Will do, thanks! It will be quite a show…
(Stripes, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

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