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This is a rolls royce.

It has been in a crash.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sun 24 May 2009, 8:57, archived)

www.engadget.com/2007/09/07/vr-goggles-turn-the-real-world-into-ascii-art/
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sun 24 May 2009, 8:57, archived)

No it isn't and no it hasn't.

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:16, archived)

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sun 24 May 2009, 9:25, archived)

Ha ha?

(Flairy Kate, Sun 24 May 2009, 9:35, archived)

Careful BM, I got stepped for doing that.
Several hours after it had gone off the bottom of the page.

BEWARE THE SHIT MODS.
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 10:08, archived)

so is your mum.

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sun 24 May 2009, 9:50, archived)

I just tried to come up with a new equation for thermodynamics.
It didn't work.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:51, archived)

GOD IT'S QUIET HERE.

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sun 24 May 2009, 10:23, archived)

DOES ANYBODY WANT TO CHAT?

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sun 24 May 2009, 10:24, archived)

this is not a roll call at all.
who is still alive?
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:02, archived)

Jesus

(

wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:02, archived)

Alive and Fed
Sun shining, bird's singing, hangover free...
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:02, archived)

sounds too good to be true.
It's grey and cloudy here. :(
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:03, archived)

But it's winter in Oz
And always summer here
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:04, archived)

true.
I actually like winter though. Moving to the UK will still be a shock - the cold here apparently doesn't even come close!
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:06, archived)

Never a truer word spoken
I was in Glasgow at Christmas and froze my arse off!
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:07, archived)

I've never seen snow.
trufax.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:08, archived)

I've seen enough for a lifetime
Which is why I buggered off from Scotland 22 years ago
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:09, archived)

ahah fair enough.
I'm going to miss the sun. I'm moving at the end of nov next year - so pretty much go from *just* beginning to warm up here, to bloody cold!
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:11, archived)

You are perhaps fortunate..
In not having testicles to drop off in the winter
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:12, archived)

no - instead my boobs get to ache and have nowhere to retract into!

(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:13, archived)

I would't worry
You shall be swaddled under multiple layers of clothes with a high tog value and not notice anything in that department
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:14, archived)

gods above and below...
I really am going to freeze - I wear about 4 layers in winter here - I won't be able to move for the padding!
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:16, archived)

nip across to Poland
last time I went it reached minus 30
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:18, archived)

fuck me.
That's unheard of here. I think the coldest it's ever been where I am is -5. And that was last winter!
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:22, archived)

when I was about 4 years old I drew a picture of a snowman
and being 4 years old I proudly wrote the word SNO underneath it

then my brother corrected it by adding a T

the cunt
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:14, archived)

Bet it still has pride of place
On the family fridge
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:15, archived)

awwww.
that's a little bit pathetically cute that you're still upset all these years later.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:17, archived)

Gilga-clique ASSEMBLE!

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:08, archived)

get fucked.
I luff you really.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:10, archived)

Hello you!
I know how grumpy you can be at this time of the morning .....
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:10, archived)

not today mush, I'm wall to wall and treetop tall

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:11, archived)

big trees or little trees?
either way I'm fucked. I'm only large shrubbery height...
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:12, archived)

if there's one piece of music that captures my mood right now
it's this
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:17, archived)

They might be giants
Aceness abounds
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:19, archived)

that is briliant
and 7 shades of awesome.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:21, archived)

it's entertaining AND informative
one day all music wil be as good as TMBG
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:33, archived)

I'm balancing things out by listening to a really awful remix
of Moloko's The Time is Now.
(MooCow_Byter, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:34, archived)

^^^^^^^
I've tried all sorts of stuff, but somehow am completely unable to emulate this style, but then again, they have talent and I do not.
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:34, archived)

i bet you have talent in other areas though.
so don't stress.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:35, archived)

Not really
b3ta.com/links/318625
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:36, archived)

that's good!
what're you talking about? I like that. did you do the guitar?
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:42, archived)

Yes, but very slowly
And then treated and speeded back up
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:46, archived)

well I can't play at all
so you're already one up on me.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:50, archived)

Gilgamesh is actually
/talk's guitar hero...
Where I break it down, treat it and rebuild it he can do it in real time..
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:53, archived)

wow. Wish I could play guitar.
Or at least piano. I can only sing.
Well I used to play clarinet and sax but haven't in yonks.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:59, archived)

More...
Here
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 5:05, archived)

very nice

(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 5:13, archived)

I copied one of their guitar effects a while back
tempo-synced volume wobble on the guitars, they used to use it all the time, sounds ace

they went a bit shit after three albums though
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:37, archived)

Kitchen Sync?
Oooh, this looks like the berries..
www.kaosaudio.com/atom-splitter-dune-delay-2/
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:40, archived)

best not forget that.

(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:41, archived)

kitchen Syncubus

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:43, archived)

Lest we forget

(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:44, archived)

Bloody Hell
Behaviour most unbecoming
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:12, archived)

Hello
you degraded itinerant.
I am scared of football.
(

wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:17, archived)

Hull are going to lose, full stop
Brough are as good as gone, get a point against Villa and you're home and dry

or just watch Button walking the Monaco GP for your sporting jollies
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:21, archived)

or play with this, to really scare yourself
www.gilgamesh.zen.co.uk/predict.htm
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:40, archived)

I am also scared of Football
Especially today, cliffhanger ending in Scotland, even if it were being shown here I think I would be hiding behind the settee, peeking out at the TV as if the cybermen were still in the London Underground tunnels.
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:21, archived)

I am.
But I can't decide what to do today. I'm going to go to bed shortly, this much is certain.

But should I just sleep the whole day through, or get up, step out into the sunshine and go climbing? I just don't know. Yesterday was meant to be a rest day, but I climbed anyway. If I go again today my fingertips will end up red raw, my muscles shot and I won't be able to climb very hard on Monday. But it might rain Monday anyway.

Or maybe I should go and sit in the park and drink all day.
(MooCow_Byter, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:25, archived)

why not...
sleep all morning, and then drink in the park all afternoon?
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:26, archived)

Oh, I'll sleep all morning anyway.
By "day" I mean the time between about 1.30pm and whenever it gets dark.
(MooCow_Byter, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:29, archived)

then go drinking in the park.
sounds most sensible to me!
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:29, archived)

Or I could combine plans,
by sleeping all morning, then going to the crag with booze, getting drunk and climbing.

Falling off becomes much more likely but somewhat less painful after a few beers.
(MooCow_Byter, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:32, archived)

I like climbing..
it's fun.

I can't climb with beer in me though. hell.
I can't walk with beer in me.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:34, archived)

It is fun.
With beer in me, worries of the big hard ground fade away and I feel like I can pull on the tiniest of holds. Sadly things like balance, co-ordination and the ability to see these tiny holds vanish.

It's alcohol's ancient curse: the feeling of being superhuman while barely functioning at the level of a retarded toddler.
(MooCow_Byter, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:38, archived)

gotta love the harnesses!
My balance and coordination aren't brilliant at the most sober of times...
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 4:40, archived)

Crag?
Edinburgh?
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:35, archived)

Leeds.
By crag, I just mean a bunch of rocks that you can climb on.
(MooCow_Byter, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:40, archived)

Sorry
Sounded very much like an Edinburgh pastime, rock climbing with junkies
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:42, archived)

Haha.

(MooCow_Byter, Sun 24 May 2009, 4:45, archived)

I'm an hour and a half late.
I'm going to watch running man.
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sun 24 May 2009, 5:33, archived)

Must be a saturday night
next door is playing "lets shout at each other and slam doors a lot"

in about 15 minutes or so the police will arrive and arrest one of them.

I am seriously thinking of planting some drugs in their garden for next week.

have you noisy neighbours?
(

TBL I posted this on, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:27, archived)

no - not at all.
I live in the country. However when I lived in melbourne our neighbours constantly screamed abuse at each other. well fun listening to that at 3 am I can tell you!
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 2:29, archived)

My neighbour had a karaoke night.
:(
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:30, archived)

oh you poor man.
Have some love and fluff.
And a set of ear muffs.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 2:31, archived)

what you need is my patent ACME "karaoke killer"
its actually just an Uzi loaded with incendiary rounds, but very effective.
(

TBL I posted this on, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:33, archived)

I imagine it would be.
note to self: don't make TBL mad at me. /quivers
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 2:37, archived)

It's ok.
I went to the pub, and it seems to have ceased now. My plan was, that if it had still been ongoing come my return, to burst in and demand to sing JOURNEY! (you know the one)
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:34, archived)

....
no I dont know the one :S am I deficient somehow?
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 2:35, archived)

dun. DUN DUN DUN.

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:37, archived)

oh, fuck off won't you.

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:39, archived)

i'm watching reggie perrin on iplayer

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:40, archived)

You really are a horrible excuse for a human being.

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:41, archived)

ALSO:
That would explain the sudden slow down of the INTERNETS!
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:42, archived)

i'm not watching it because the internets is too slow,
i don't know where this leaves us :(
(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:45, archived)

It's still your fault somehow.
Are you bumming the internet?
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:46, archived)

it's working now.
martin clunes certainly makes it at least twice as good as the original.
(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:49, archived)

Martin Clunes?!
Enough said really.
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:53, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WID_VVvhJ0
(

TBL I posted this on, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:37, archived)

oh god.
/stuffs ears with cotton wool.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 2:39, archived)

what the hell is wrong with you?

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:41, archived)

ummmmmmmm
I've got badly repressed memories of my parents singing and dancing drunkenly to this song and then snogging in the lounge in front of me?

I don't know. :(
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 2:42, archived)

is your mum hot?

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:45, archived)

1000% YES!

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:40, archived)

This is Ireland.

Possibly NSFW.
(

Lord Gnome, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:42, archived)

I saw this for the first time the other day
thanks for the subtitles - I had trouble with the accents!
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 2:44, archived)

"Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world"
"Took the midnight train going anywhere"
"Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit"
"Took the midnight train going anywhere"

eh?
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:38, archived)

No, but my brother has noisy neighbours
He has (the beginnings of; not been there long) a nice garden etc., but no privacy/insulation against domestics next door & across the way.

I don't feel relaxed in his garden; I feel like I'm eavesdropping on ppl (who obviously don't care about broadcasting their woes to the world).
(

custard, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:31, archived)

let's pretend i do

(

scott,, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:32, archived)

brilliant!
super.... can I listen?
(

TBL I posted this on, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:34, archived)

probably

(

scott,, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:36, archived)

You could just go on BoB
And do a set.
(

Lord Gnome, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:39, archived)

Oh yes,
though my old neighbour was a wifebeater, this poor woman once barged hysterically into my house after her husband strangled her. The police were called and he was locked up, fortunately.

My next drugged neighbour played naff dance music at stupid hours, despite her two year old daughter living in the same house.

Now we have a lovely Asian family next door, who have been brill neighbours.
(

Major Turd for tonight only, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:32, archived)

On one side I have very quiet neighbours.
On the other side I have reasonably pleasant chavs. It's not really a problem apart from a few nights a year when they throw parties.
(

Lord Gnome, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:33, archived)

some fuckers down the street are shooting off fireworks
it would be merely annoying except that it scares my cats, and that pisses me off.

As much as I enjoy summer, it is the start of fireworks season, and I get sick of hearing that crap all night long.
(

Shiksa, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:33, archived)

You should be able to buy hemp seed from the pet food store, about £2 per kilo. Once you have been sowing that for a few months at least one of your problems should have gone away - or you just won't care any more.
(Benzyl, Sun 24 May 2009, 3:04, archived)

Rev James.
Best bitter yeah?

Also, isn't that SSG character a right cunt?
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:55, archived)

Yes.

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:56, archived)

What?

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:56, archived)

Yes to Rev James being awesome?
Or SSG being a cunt, or both?
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:57, archived)

Whatever MooCow Byter thinks.

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:58, archived)

Except SSG is not a cunt.
He's lovely.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:58, archived)

You've not lived with him.
Uncontrollable flatulence.
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:00, archived)

I bet he is a great shag all the same.

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 24 May 2009, 2:02, archived)

He's ok.
A bit aggressive though.
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:09, archived)

relentless

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:10, archived)

You have failed me for the last time, Doveston.
/Vader voice
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:13, archived)

Fuckin' hell Dave.
I poured vinegar in his drink, what more do you want?
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:14, archived)

Oh, he just didn't notice then?
My mistake. Carry on.
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:15, archived)

I wee in the washing machine when he does his laundry too.

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:18, archived)

he's lying.
he tried to do it, then said that you told him to when i managed to stop him with my powerful arms.
at which point he done a wee in the washing machine.
(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:21, archived)

I KNEW IT.
YOU HAVE FAILED ME DOVESTON.
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:24, archived)

He lies.
Plus, he just went to bed, I think I'll go wipe my bum with his clothes now.
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:26, archived)

Please do.

(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:30, archived)

Gambling man eh?

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:10, archived)

I was just agreeing with MrA.

(MooCow_Byter, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:00, archived)

Yes.

(MooCow_Byter, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:56, archived)

Quite.

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:57, archived)

yes

(

MrA, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:56, archived)

Are you pissed you cunt?

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:57, archived)

of cause
sober on b3ta at 1:58am must be a fucking horrid experience. you flange mould
(

MrA, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:58, archived)

good night all
pro tip: wanking into a sock leaves a crusty sock and the smell of cum. The best way to avoid this probelm is to wank into a bit of bog roll, in the morning you can flush away the cum and the smell of shame. Your mother will never know.

Regards,
MrA
(

MrA, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:02, archived)

I heard if you wash the cummy sock with your mum's knickers she might get pregnant

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:06, archived)

he certainly seems to try to be lolcontroversial
but he is a fan of the cricket, so i'd never hear a bad word against him
i'm basking in a Francois du Plessis wonderland at the moment
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:00, archived)

I can't take this

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:01, archived)

113no off of 75
*removes headgear*
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:03, archived)

Cricket fan eh?
SSG and I both support Glamorgan, from opposite ends of the stadium.
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:02, archived)

the two best sides of the stadium.

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:04, archived)

If we can beat Hampshire, then I reckon it'll be Sussex at Lords
Where we will fail to live up to expectations :(
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:06, archived)

I prefer your arse.
as in a bitter your arse.
as in, bumsex.
(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:02, archived)

Rev James and I agree.
You're a cunt.
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:03, archived)

He said he likes me best

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:07, archived)

I'm at work and very angry
our student seems capable of texting me when something important breaks, but incapable of texting me to tell me he worked out it's not broken and he's just a retard
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:05, archived)

It's probably SSG's fault.

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:07, archived)

whenever i'm angry i think of meerkats

(

scott,, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:09, archived)

Don't you think
that Edwin Van Der Sar looks like a meerkat?
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:10, archived)

Meerkats are very alert
I wonder if you could train a good goalie meerkat by hurling footballs at a troupe
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:12, archived)

It's an experiment I've often considered.
Fancy coming on a trip with me to Bristol zoo?
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:14, archived)

DO NOT FALL FOR THIS IT IS A SCAM.
I went to Bristol Zoo with The Doveston and it did not end well.
(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:15, archived)

They wouldn't let you back out?

(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:16, archived)

It was one hell of a sexy affair.
Meerkats, antelopes and semen everywhere.
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:19, archived)

Does this cheer you
or finely hone your rage?
(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:10, archived)

no effect really
to be honest, i think of meerkats nearly all the time.
(

scott,, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:11, archived)

I'm so angry I think they're going to need hats

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:10, archived)

never had it.
I'm a fan of Toohey's if anything.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 2:14, archived)

What is this Toohey's you speak of.
Where can I purchase it?
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:21, archived)

it is an australian bitter
so I'm guessing Australia. And New Zealand. And most likely those chain aussie pubs you apparently have over in the Yewkay.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 2:22, archived)

There's a Billabongs not far from where I live.
The closest thing they serve to an Australian drink though is Fosters, which I've been told isn't remotely Australian, by some Australians.
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:25, archived)

Hmm well it's very well known here, fosters,
but I'm not quite sure it's actually australian.
If you want Aussie beer - VB, Crown Lager, Red Duck and Cascade are what you want. Though you'll have a lot of trouble getting your hands on Red Duck - it's only a very small brewery (and less then two hours away from my house - yaaay!).
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 2:28, archived)

ahhh, now VB I've tasted.
At an Autralia day party this year. We also ate Kangaroo and Crocodile, mighty tasty stuff.
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:32, archived)

bleargh
I've tried roo - not my thing - and not really keen on the idea of crodiddles. I'll stick to my tofu.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 2:35, archived)

lol the real hustle
what a crock of shit
(JoePesky, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:32, archived)

Lunch Porn
randomn.es/images/7dd8cfa5c542ccb585c54ead1e4a6352.jpg
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:33, archived)

This board needs some good gay porn.
Do you have some good links?
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:35, archived)

No, just Darth Vader trying to filter sea water with a domestic water filter.
randomn.es/images/597868f700a3cbf372d94785ee45397d.jpg
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:41, archived)

GAMBLE!
!!!!!
(

MrA, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:45, archived)

Better
randomn.es/images/be2452194d43940a61f83204bcc645d0.jpg
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:48, archived)

hahah
this is why 4chan is way better than b3ta
(

MrA, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:53, archived)

b3ta.belm.co.uk/tsunami
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:33, archived)

you need /links

(JoePesky, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:37, archived)

img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/captain_tink/JMGsfault-furries.jpg
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:38, archived)

I love you JMG.
You're my best friend you are. I fucking love you you cunt.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:39, archived)

Another swooping victory.
I best get to bed.
I'm incredibly attractive and stressed.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:40, archived)

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Bed with JMG.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:43, archived)

1-1
i'll break out my 1991 ZDS toon scarf
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:48, archived)

/links
once again i'd never trust a link from you. gay porn etc....
(JoePesky, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:41, archived)

Lemons.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:41, archived)

lemon entry

(JoePesky, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:43, archived)

Gay porn?
Where?
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:42, archived)

I wondering when JMG has ever posted gay porn.

(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:42, archived)

He should.
It'd be the best agy porn on the internet.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:44, archived)

i bet
he has a second head that hates his LOL. but i'm toon army ....
(JoePesky, Sun 24 May 2009, 2:04, archived)

your mum
yeah. I had her.
(

MrA, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:35, archived)

i only like kids shows set in space

(

scott,, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:35, archived)

Congratulations
You've just opened yourself up to a shit-tsunami of piss-taking. I can offer relevant counselling services should you so choose.
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:36, archived)

Fuck off you cunt.
He's just starting pleasant conversation.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:37, archived)

no

(JoePesky, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:37, archived)

Haha
Viiiiiiiiirgin
(

moohalaa, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:41, archived)

Yeah
too fucking right. Cunts.
(

wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:38, archived)

YES!

(JoePesky, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:46, archived)

it's funny
how can anyone take someones elses luggage ESPECIALLY a teddy bear 'cos no one uses kids toys to smuggle............
(JoePesky, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:51, archived)

Just so you all know,
I've been to a barbecue at the boss' house and I am pissed. Good evening folks.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:22, archived)

GAMBLE!

(

MrA, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:24, archived)

I had eight losers today.

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:26, archived)

morning

(

executiverocker only wears C&A, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:25, archived)

Hullo
I've had a barbeque with the boyfriend and it's been lovely. Not pissed though.
(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:26, archived)

I've been playing Rock Band.
It's been ace.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:28, archived)

We were going to go to Earlsdon to get a cab but one turned up to deposit passengers right outside so we nabbed that one.
Good times.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:30, archived)

I've been at work all day
Now I'm in bed being hungry. Good times :(
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:31, archived)

people talk to you more when you have a beard

(

scott,, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:29, archived)

People talked to me tonight and it was lovely.
I do not have a beard. Beards are for when I am too lazy to shave. Beards are not good.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:31, archived)

i don't like having a beard, but it's literally the only way to get a conversation these days
i mean, who the fuck talks to people without beards?
(

scott,, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:33, archived)

Yeah, but that's mainly shouting 'Jesus', 'Go back where you came from' and 'John Lennon'. Innocuous yet stupid at the same time.
(Benzyl, Sun 24 May 2009, 3:09, archived)

Good evening
I have not had any barbecues yet this year and none are in the offing.

I am alarmingly sober.
(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:29, archived)

I thought I was OK until I got home and now I'm struggling with my own fucking stairs.
Typing is surprisingly lucid with minimal backspace action. The bloody mary chicken was good.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:33, archived)

Ooh vodka and tomatoes sound like they'd go beautifully with chicken
I think I should try to make it.
(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:35, archived)

I went to a barbecue at the boss's house once.
Got severely rat-arsed and punched him out.

Lost my job shortly afterwards for some reason.

Happy Days.
(

Lord Gnome, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:31, archived)

Serves you right.
The boss should not be punched.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:34, archived)

Kids shows set in space
(i.e. Button Moon and The Clangers)

GO!
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:51, archived)

Button moon

(

MrA, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:52, archived)

Kids say the funniest things, don't you think?
One of the funniest is "No Daddy! No!".
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:53, archived)

TJ:
A piece of writing I've done has appeared on a website that I didn't give permission for it to be on.

Is this a copyright issue?
(

WHARRGARBL, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:11, archived)

Yes

(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:12, archived)

Thanks.

(

WHARRGARBL, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:14, archived)

Yes!!

(

MrA, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:12, archived)

Thank You.

(

WHARRGARBL, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:14, archived)

more of a quality control issue

(

scott,, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:12, archived)

pfft :-)

(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:14, archived)

Thank You

(

wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:15, archived)

The Clangers

(

MrA, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:52, archived)

Nah.

(

Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:52, archived)

Does Pigs in Space count?
Favourite Muppet Show sketch.

EDIT: And e.g. not i.e.?
(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:52, archived)

I bought Muppets Take Manhattan on DVD this morning
Mini T wants to be Animal :)
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:54, archived)

Haha
I can imagine her on the drums!
(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:56, archived)

Too early for eggs right now, thanks.

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:55, archived)

FUNEX?

(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:55, archived)

Shut up.

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:52, archived)

Did you see this wonderous show of upset and Internet Real Man, the other night?
www.b3ta.com/board/9458050
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:58, archived)

did oo get picked on :( :( :( :(
sorry uncle gobbo wasn't there to help!
(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:00, archived)

interesting fact:
that guy is shorter than me.
(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:01, archived)

but i have never done an iq test,
so he's deffo more smarts than i.
(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:02, archived)

But what about his IQ?
WELL? When did you last check your IQ? EH? EH?

If he hadn't omgignored, I was going to accuse him of having a tiny cock, just to see if we could have the measurements of that too.
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:02, archived)

i actually have a very small willy.
but a "really beautiful" - TFD
girlfriend, so I don't know where that leaves me.
(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:03, archived)

Well with stats like that, I am astonished he is not a millionaire.

(

executiverocker only wears C&A, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:24, archived)

Educating Marmalade

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:53, archived)

She was my first crush
/true story
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:53, archived)

I think I had a thing for Toni Arthur in Playaway when I was very little
Marmalade is dead now :(
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:55, archived)

sad times

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:19, archived)

Ewoks
Space Vets
Bravestar
Firefly

Erm... Stargate SG1/Atlantis/Universe

Star Trek (Animated)

/Edit

Christ I don't half know some irrelevant shite. You might as well download my into some kind of fiendishly boring pub quiz machine.
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 24 May 2009, 0:53, archived)

It is irrelevant as I'd argue that Firefly was not a kids show.

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:57, archived)

I dunno
It looks like a kid's show to me.
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 24 May 2009, 0:59, archived)

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:04, archived)

Well, its made by an American, and has guns in it
Must be a kids show.
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:06, archived)

I hope this is going be included in your stand up act.

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:08, archived)

Nah.

(

jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:12, archived)

The Clangers

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:53, archived)

I don't know
I just don't know.
(

wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:53, archived)

i know some, but i'm keeping them to myself

(

scott,, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:56, archived)

Damn you.

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:57, archived)

Oh please
Gaz me one.
(

wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:58, archived)

sorry, you would only use the knowledge for evil

(

scott,, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:59, archived)

ULYSSEEESSS!

(

DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:00, archived)

Oh Christ I forgot about that one.

(

jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:08, archived)

I loved that show
Yay!
(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:10, archived)

Tales from the Riverbank

(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:04, archived)

The mother fucking Jetsons

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:08, archived)

Fuck yeah

(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:11, archived)

That was Earth though weren't it?
Just in the future?
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:18, archived)

2001: A Space Odyssey

(

Lightguy hail satan, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:12, archived)

Superted.

(__, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:13, archived)

Star Trek.

(

Lord Gnome, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:22, archived)

I found out today that one shouldn't wear knickers underneath cycling shorts
because it apparently encourages chafing.

This has discouraged me from buying second hand cycling shorts on eBay for my spinning class.

What useful information have you found out?
(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:40, archived)

that you can buy second hand cycling shorts on ebay

(

scott,, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:41, archived)

*shudders*
Second hand bum sweat?
(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:48, archived)

Just a half, ta

(

wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:49, archived)

No thanks, I'm trying to give up

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:50, archived)

it's so moreish

(

scott,, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:51, archived)

You can get second hand vibrators on ebay
:(
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:51, archived)

I don't wear underpants when I go out on my rides....
imagine that. It'd be horrible if you did, it'd get all damp and horrid when you got into the hard training part. Today I learnt that Plant pots are expensive.
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:42, archived)

I shall have to refrain from imagining that
until my spinning class has made me much fitter than I currently am.

I fear the increased blood pressure and heart rate would have serious negative effects.
(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:44, archived)

I'm one of those terrible baggy shorts lot.
I find it protects against skin loss and brambles mroe effectively.
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:45, archived)

if I wasn't mostly a roady I'd wear baggies, I don't know something about being a roadie means that I can't wear anything else but lycra :(

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:48, archived)

roady roadie roady roadie
I RIDE MAINLY ON ROADS, AND HAVE THE OCCASIONAL WEEKEND ON TRAILS ON A HIRED BICYCLE
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:49, archived)

I am mildly disappointed at this news of roadie-ness.
Though I haven't been on my bike for a long time now and envy you despite you being a DIRTY ROADIE.
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:51, archived)

the last time I rode a bike was last weekend and it was on the trails at Coed-y-brenin, I hope this calms you down.

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:52, archived)

*gets stabby*
If you get the chance, head to Snowdonia and try out the relatively new Penmachno trails.
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:55, archived)

oh god
I think you have sorted me out for wanking material for about a month. Thanks Grandma!
(

MrA, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:45, archived)

I think I need a little lie down.

(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sun 24 May 2009, 0:46, archived)

Oh my!

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:48, archived)

Trying to mediate between a mother and her daughter will always result in being seen as the biggest bastard that ever walked the earth
Learn from me. Hello.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:43, archived)

*takes note*

(

Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:45, archived)

Today has been, or rather yesterday was, Olympic Bitch Trials
I got the short straw and ended up being a referee. My conclusion - fuck off and grow up, the pair of you. Thank you, ta.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:47, archived)

Hello, does your missus still need me?
Also, best NEVER to get between the two. It always ends badly.
(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sun 24 May 2009, 0:47, archived)

Oh knackers, forgot about that
I'll let you know when she starts being human again.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:48, archived)

Hello BO!
I shall warn Mr Veritas of this. He is most likely to be mediating between me and my mother or me and my daughter.

Or all three of us for maximum bastard points.
(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:47, archived)

Quarter past twelve last night
Both of them crying down the phone at me. Fucks sake!
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:49, archived)

Oh dear
*supportive hugs*
(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:51, archived)

Now I'm looking for a sub to go to The Specials with me as I'm not having her scowl at me for two hours while I try and skank my tits off tomorrow

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:52, archived)

I feel your pain
Anyone here like Blur?
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 24 May 2009, 0:54, archived)

Haven't you found anyone to go with yet?

(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:59, archived)

Nope.
The only people so far who have expressed an interest is the dullest man alive who looks like Herr Lipp and a fat, emotionally needy woman whom I went to school with.
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:00, archived)

Close friends of yours then?
Why not consider who'd be most fun to go with and ask them especially?

Even if someone did want to go they might not feel comfortable asking you, especially as you've not made it clear how much money you're expecting for the ticket.
(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:04, archived)

I'm not actually expecting any
One guy from here offered me drugs, but I'm avoiding weed these days on the grounds it turns me into a gibbering idiot.
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:07, archived)

Does it?
How can you tell? Roffle, etc.
(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:12, archived)

From what I have been told by caring and concerned individuals.
And rather horrible flashbacks.
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:13, archived)

~~avoiding weed these days on the grounds it turns me into~~
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:13, archived)

Uh-huh.
I didn't realise strikethroughs were still considered amusing.
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:15, archived)

Brilliant.
So now you're completely devoid of humour too?
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:16, archived)

No, just suffering from a case of terminal bewilderment, I think.

(

jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:18, archived)

So, only you expressed interest?
I'm confused, you made it sound like you meant there was someone else with that title.
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 1:09, archived)

I don't resemble Herr Lipp
Do keep up.
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:12, archived)

When and where?

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:55, archived)

Leeds about tea time

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:56, archived)

NOTHING FROM THIS THREAD I CAN TELL YOU THAT MUCH!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111111111111111

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:48, archived)

That I am no longer considered "immediate family" to my immediate family.

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:50, archived)

since you had your stroke?

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:50, archived)

Have K and LMT disowned you?
:(
(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:54, archived)

No.

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:56, archived)

Are your parents dead?

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:58, archived)

During his lifetime, Cosimo acquired a reputation for eccentricity—a reputation enhanced and exaggerated by later commentators. Reportedly, he was frightened of thunderstorms, and so pyrophobic that he rarely cooked his food; he lived largely on hard-boiled eggs, which he prepared 50 at a time while boiling glue for his artworks. He also resisted any cleaning of his studio, or trimming of the fruit trees of his orchard; he lived, wrote Vasari, "more like a beast than a man."
(

wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:50, archived)

That when in B&Q looking for materials from which to construct a cage to keep birds off your peas
It is best to ask someone with a braincell or two to rub together when trying to locate what you need.
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 24 May 2009, 0:52, archived)

Top tip there Jim

(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:55, archived)

Aye
They were so lacking in intelligence I think it was catching.

*Considers applying for Big Brother*
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 24 May 2009, 0:56, archived)

The easiest way to attract one of the orange dungarees is to start stuffing power tools into your pockets
When someone arrives, you can take them out and ask a question. They usually send one of the most knowledgable ones.
On the plus side, if they don't catch you, can you get me a Bosch GBH24VRE 24V SDS Hammer Drill?
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:59, archived)

Sorry dude
I was only after a hammer and some wire staples.
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 24 May 2009, 1:03, archived)

Your Mum.
Discuss - the pros and cons.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 0:37, archived)

Pro: She's up to date with music, unlike most parents
Cons: She tends to get upset at little things.
(__, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:38, archived)

jeremy beadle's hand and suchlike?

(

Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:39, archived)

pro and con
she is dead
(

executiverocker only wears C&A, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:38, archived)

i'd still do her

(

scott,, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:39, archived)

PHWOAR

(

executiverocker only wears C&A, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:48, archived)

Here's your mum
randomn.es/images/6a8c80d8feb2576128a76065a3b3818b.jpg
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:38, archived)

phwoar

(

Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:39, archived)

where did you get that?!
I burned it!
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 0:40, archived)

roast dinner -v- blathering

(

Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:38, archived)

She means well
She goes on and on and on and on

Standard mum pros and cons
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sun 24 May 2009, 0:39, archived)

she's ace, down to earth and all that.

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:40, archived)

She's a lesbian.
You decide either way.
(

Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:42, archived)

She's very loving and caring
but lives too far away which encourages over-parenting when I do see her.
(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:42, archived)

What about yours?
(Mine is 83, having health problems but still more active than most 50 year olds I know, likes scotch, and has more friends than anyone I know. She has a boy friend now. I'm not sure whether or not I should give him a talking to in order to make sure his intentions are honerable).
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:57, archived)

I was on a stag do last night
dressed up as a geordie lass. Some bloke fucked me and didn't even notice I had a cock. Drunken sod.
(

CowJam, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:24, archived)

Was he any good?

(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:25, archived)

Baby wipes are good for getting fake tan stains off, so I've heard

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:25, archived)

JMG should say something now

(__, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:26, archived)

oe

LOL!
(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:27, archived)

OHH MY DARLING DAVID!
:(
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sun 24 May 2009, 0:28, archived)

It's ok, I am giving Club Fat false hope that a non-fatty supports their cause.

(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:29, archived)

I endorse this luring of the "best make that a supersize, there's a recession on" type.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sun 24 May 2009, 0:31, archived)

Cor

(

wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:27, archived)

Fuck off back to qotw.
_{_{Now replied to the right message.}}
(

Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:28, archived)

That man went on to die of AIDS

(

Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:30, archived)

oh man i'm feeling quite drunk

(

scott,, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:30, archived)

Online?

(

Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:33, archived)

fuck online
i'm all about the real world these days
(

scott,, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:36, archived)

*lends magnifying glass*

(

Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:31, archived)

You're on fire.

(

Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:32, archived)

my gosh i fucked a hot blonde last night
a geordie too

win

that is all
(

SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:13, archived)

IS THIS ME?

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sun 24 May 2009, 0:14, archived)

herdie girls are fucking win jmg
WIN
(

SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:17, archived)

You didn't need to say "that is all"
We are all used to you posting this kind of thing, and then fucking off.
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:15, archived)

Don't you think it makes it more amusing
like when Druid has snakey joke time (posting jokes with a snake-related pun)?
(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:17, archived)

Having considered this for a couple of minutes,
I'm going to have to say...no. No, it doesn't.
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:20, archived)

FINE

(

in vino veritas, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:26, archived)

£200
DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT £200.
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:28, archived)

Good for you.

(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:19, archived)

My left nostril has now been blocked for 25 hours
What minor nagging body problems have you had today?
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:30, archived)

Over clipped finger nail.

(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:31, archived)

ouch.

(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:34, archived)

Rub it with a lemon!
It cures it, honest!
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:39, archived)

This sounds like it might work.
In dense world.
(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:40, archived)

Do not (and I can't stress or repeat this enough), DO NOT eat salt and vinegar McCoys now.
Not without wearing gloves.
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:43, archived)

It's ok.
It's not open, just uncomfortable when I catch it.
(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:59, archived)

Are salt and vinegar Walkers OK?
How about Seabrooks?
(

in vino veritas, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:00, archived)

Walkers no. Seabrook yes.
It will be painful, but they are the finest crisps in the land after all.
K bought some from Booths this morning. I'm showing admirable restraint.
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:05, archived)

I expect my discussion of their crisp waviness
and their delectable savoury taste isn't helping your resolve.
(

in vino veritas, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:09, archived)

Hmm, they would be better than one of the 2 bags of Mr Porky piglumps that are also in the pantry downstairs.

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:12, archived)

Are you mental?
Nothing is better than pork scratchings. Except snogging.
(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:15, archived)

What if…
You were snogging someone in a pub- and they turned out to have a pork scratching in their mouth at the time?
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:19, archived)

I'd ask them to marry me right there and then.

(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:20, archived)

You may be a generation apart from me
But you are a lady with the principles I hold dearly.
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:24, archived)

Limey Treat is a top bird!

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:28, archived)

That's going straight on my CV.

(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:31, archived)

No need for the internet knight appearance
I wasn't being nasty to her- at least I don't think I was.
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:31, archived)

pfft! Mr Touchy! No internet white knighting here
i was agreeing with you
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:32, archived)

Fair enough
Without being all sentimental and that- she's one of the b3tards I like.

There again, I'm just a fluffy big pussycat and love all of you.
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:35, archived)

Awww! C'mere!
*playfully ruffles your hair with fist in a manly japery way*
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:36, archived)

My head is totally shaved.
Exactly what hair is that you are trying to ruffle?
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:40, archived)

erm, erm, erm
It wasn't even me!
A bigger boy did it and ran away
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:41, archived)

Oh
I hoped you were referring to my moustache.

It has taken me 3 months to grow so far and would probably look best under a Pickelhaube.

Or with a welder's torch in my hand in the ship-yards of Gdansk.
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:45, archived)

I can't say anything when it comes to facial hair
I'm shit at facial hair (see profile for further clarification).
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:47, archived)

I'm a hairy bastard
I'm also 40 in three weeks and this is my first attempt at a moustache (on its own) since I was 18. It's starting to look like this. It's at the stage that I can part and wax it. I'm aiming towards this.

Only darker and more ginger.
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:54, archived)

Oh stop it. I'm blushing.
thanks :)
(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:38, archived)

do you prefer the hard crunchy ones
or the soft fatty ones?
(

Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:33, archived)

Snogs or pig lumps?

(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:37, archived)

er snogs
no, pig lumps
(

Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:42, archived)

*snoglumps*
or something. That sounded better in my head.
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:44, archived)

Lumpsnogs.
*pusa's it*
(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:45, archived)

Seabrooks make reasonable crisps.
If you prefer good crisps, then look for "Tayto."
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:15, archived)

Northern Ireland or ROI version?

(

in vino veritas, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:17, archived)

Either's good
Personally I sway towards Tandragee Castle.
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:19, archived)

Personally
I'm a Red Rock or Smiths girl.

chippie chippie chippie!
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:26, archived)

You're a dirty forriner
With a Monty Python quotation in their sig to boot.

You don't count.
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:29, archived)

Excuse me. The only thing dirty about me is my mind
I'm very clean thank you - shower twice daily, wash my hands after toilet business and/or getting off.

/gives a great sloppy kiss on the cheek
You're the first person who's picked that quote!
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:33, archived)

Matches, matches?

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:36, archived)

/beams
"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:39, archived)

I am no longer infected

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:40, archived)

that's what they all say

(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:43, archived)

It's just a heat rash

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:45, archived)

And I'm the queen of England.

(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:55, archived)

I'll have to check you to make sure.
Apparently the Queen- God Bless Her- has Swann Hunter tattooed under her breasts. "Swann" under her right tit and "Hunter" under her left one.

Most people don't know that, but I met a man down the pub the other night who apparently is an old friend of Prince Philip and who served with him in the navy during WWII. Seems that Phil had a naughty photo of his new wife showing off her tattoos that he spread around to motivate the troops.
(

Lord Gnome, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:01, archived)

bugger off
My tits are for one man's eyes only - not yours.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 0:07, archived)

Used to be that there was an unwritten rule on /talk
That you never referenced Monty Python.

Seems to have gone away now.

/Still appreciates a sloppy kiss- even if it is from the other side of the world.
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:39, archived)

well I'm stubborn.
:) So I'd've referenced it anyways.

Or the Young Ones. Fuck I love the Young Ones.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:47, archived)

You killed a hippy!

(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:48, archived)

HA HA! MISSED BOTH MY LEGS!

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:51, archived)

It's a telescope with a mouse in it

(

Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:54, archived)

"don't look at me - I'm irrelevant!"

(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:56, archived)

Number 5
The larch.
(

Lord Gnome, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:02, archived)

Never be rude...

(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:09, archived)

CANDLE!
/first
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 24 May 2009, 0:01, archived)

Nobody wanted the first chick pea Neil.

(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:53, archived)

"it's risotto!"
"No it's not it's snow isn't it?"
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:54, archived)

Yep! The Tayto Cheese and Onion ones I had in Dublin were terrific
see also: Ruffles Cream Cheese and Chives from that America
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:30, archived)

cut to the quick

(

Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:53, archived)

I wish to speak on behalf of most, and say "obesity".

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:31, archived)

JMG.. it sounds like you're obese
This can't be right.
(__, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:37, archived)

"MOST". Not all.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:38, archived)

how long before that anti-chaffing cream
is advertised in the newsletter?

It's the same demographic after all.
(

CowJam, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:46, archived)

I'd be very much :(

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:48, archived)

Anti-chaffing cream for those too lazy to bother with a healthier diet and a bit of exercise.

(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:03, archived)

Are you nervous?
I see Boro, West Brom and Hull going down, and the Magpies finishing a point ahead of the Maccems.
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:52, archived)

GOD I'm already on the edge of my seat.
:(
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:54, archived)

WBA are already down
No way are Hull going to beat Man Utd, nor Boro beat West Ham.

Chances are that Newcastle will beat Villa and Sunderland lose to Chelsea.
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:58, archived)

I think a draw will keep us up.
I hope the BBC old pal's act comes in to play, at Villa Park.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:05, archived)

I said exactly this to my dad at lunchtime.
Martin and Alan have shared enough sofa time to ensure a 1-1 nailed on.
That's where the milknosugar pounds are going tomorrow.
Hull to get narrowly beat 2-1, and Chelsea to wallop S**der**nd
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:09, archived)

This would be fine.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:10, archived)

I like Sunderland
They have a nice stadium and a pretty stripy outfit.

/girl's view on football
(

in vino veritas, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:14, archived)

Careful now.
That kind of talk, online, can get a girl ex-Jamunicated
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:34, archived)

You won't get a draw- I think.
Villa have the poorest recent record in the Premiership after Hull. You should beat them easily.
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:13, archived)

I've had a headache
since Tuesday night.

It's now Sunday morning.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:32, archived)

Have you tried trepanning?

(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:33, archived)

tre-whatting?

(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:35, archived)

You drill a hole in your head, to let the bad spirits out of your head.
Very popular in the middle ages.
(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:36, archived)

if it stops my headache
I'll do it.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:38, archived)

*hugs and head massage*
And a shitload of opiate painkillers.
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:38, archived)

Could verily go some opiates
right about now. And some hugs. And head massages.

So thanks. :)
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:39, archived)

Head messages
are severely under prescibed.

Not yet known a lady that doesn't dig the head massage!

don't know many ladies...
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:45, archived)

head massages are a godsend.

maybe you need to go out and meet some then?
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:48, archived)

They're actually a banana send, well, at least when I give them.
Nah, I know enough, really... it's just they keep on ending up in the giant freezer in the cellar
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:50, archived)

ohh right.
So - Steak at yours next saturday then??
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:57, archived)

Leg or breast?

(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:58, archived)

Not sure.
you pick - I'm a vegetarian - this is my first time eating meat in a long while (fnarr)
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:06, archived)

You want to eat my pik?
Well, I can't really blame you.

(May help if you know some Dutch)
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:24, archived)

The only Dutch I know is from watching illegal videos in the 1980s
"Neuk mij"

Whatever that means.
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:26, archived)

It's also how I learned German.
"Ich will dich in den Arsch fricken" has got me more places than I could ever have imagined.
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:28, archived)

The Blue Oyster bar?

(

Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:45, archived)

Fuck me. Or 'screw me' which is more literal I think

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:40, archived)

I know a very very little
I get by with translators (have family).

Aye I'll eat your pik - as long as it's not the third leg.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:29, archived)

eleventh finger, maybe?

(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:47, archived)

too small to be a finger
looks more like a pinky toe.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:50, archived)

It's not my fault
mummy took thalidomide.

You're mean to me!
(Thalidomide for the fingers, the cock just happens to be tiny, too)
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:58, archived)

I figured.
And no I'm not. I never said it was *yours*.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 0:03, archived)

Is there something you'd like to tell the internet now?
"Miss" Cat?
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sun 24 May 2009, 0:05, archived)

nae
I just assumed you were getting the meat from your freezer is all.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 0:11, archived)

oh, but that's only girls!
I thought you wanted my pik... :(

What I do is I knock 'em off, stick 'em in the freezer, wait 3-36 months, then I take them out and put them in a nice room temperature room to thaw out before burying them in a shallow grave somewhere in the forest, thus throwing the forensics out by a year or two.

The most stressful part of the thawing stage, when I take them to the freezer I'm still pumped, but the thawing and burying is when I get most scared about being found out...

Actually, reminds me of a story. Some man saw a dead dog on the road, so he took it, put it in the freezer, took out a pet insurance policy on the dog then took the cadaver to the vet. The silly fool didn't let it defrost fully, though, so he was uncovered. But really, who sees a dead dog and thinks insurance fraud?
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sun 24 May 2009, 0:16, archived)

.....
I'm lost for words.

/facepalms.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 0:27, archived)

I know!
The dog was just lying by the side of the road and everything!
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sun 24 May 2009, 0:31, archived)

I've had a heartache
since 1997

(not really, before you all gush with concern)
(

CowJam, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:47, archived)

have a bandaid and a bottle of whisky.

(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:57, archived)

headache.

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:32, archived)

*hugs*

(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:37, archived)

*despairs*

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:44, archived)

Aw, don't despair!
I don't have my spanner anywhere near me.
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:04, archived)

I'm all achy.
I had a heavy sesh of pick-up AMERICAN FOOTBALL yesterday.
HUT HUT HIKE
(

ArthurTheRat, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:32, archived)

A while since you played?

(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:33, archived)

Well really it was just the NFL equivalent of a kickabout.
I still ache though.
(

ArthurTheRat, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:34, archived)

Give it a couple of days playing.
It'll be better.
(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:38, archived)

back knack

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:32, archived)

98.5% of the people here have your left nostril blocked too

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:34, archived)

Mmm
sexy left nostril action!
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:36, archived)

Just general madness.
I am off to bed.
(

Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:36, archived)

Kill them with hammers.

(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:38, archived)

STOP!...

(

Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:04, archived)

I WANT IRISH CUDDLES PLZ

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:45, archived)

*CUDDLES o'TOPLESS!*

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:46, archived)

hurrah!

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:51, archived)

R'oFL!
..and other gags along these lines.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:56, archived)

I've felt very tired all day
despite getting about 10 hours sleep last night and have done no physical exercise for about a week.
(

magnum, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:46, archived)

In that case
it's the not doing physical exercise.

Go out for a small jog tomorrow, you'll feel so much better a couple hours after.
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:48, archived)

When I say week, I mean about 8 years

(

magnum, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:49, archived)

Uh, yeah, well
...go out for a jog tomorrow... and bring a spittoon.
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:52, archived)

itchy head

(

Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:50, archived)

Had a fat lump on my cock for 10 years.
Maybe I'll get round to divorcing her one day.
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:51, archived)

At least it's been on your cock
and not round your throat.
(

Scary Mary The D'oh Fairy, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:34, archived)

I've been casting my face
A most sensory depriving experience
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:56, archived)

Have you been casting it in a block of pure cocaine?

(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:59, archived)

In plaster
pure cocaine would be good though ;)

www.b3tards.com/u/7b41e002d43ddf38cb64/img_2230vb.jpg
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:01, archived)

That's damned cool.
As Reptilian Banana points out- reminds me of the death masks at Mme Tusseaud's.
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:04, archived)

sexy sensory deprivation?

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:00, archived)

Always
How is the lady with the fuck me dress then?
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:01, archived)

Speshul! I'm in the ASOS magazine. I is all famous and that!
still hoping to get a job in London over the summer. fuck the logistics of it, i'll worry about that later.
are you still tender and bruised?
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:12, archived)

oooooooooooOOOOOooooo
Go you! This guy has agreed to meet me on friday about taking me on so it's all happy. What plans you got for summer?
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:15, archived)

the Rankin live thing wants volunteers to work at the exhibition
so that'd be good experience. but if i dont get that then i'll just slowly go mad working at the home office.
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:21, archived)

Go to office angels
If you can type, answer a phone and not dribble over the keyboard then you can get £8 an hour on reception.
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:23, archived)

other people in my office are with office angels
they don't get paid full overtime for working overtime. and I'm scared of phones. *idiot*
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:33, archived)

Argh!
It looks like a death mask!

Pretty funky though, good overall coverage. Did you leave holes in the nostrils or did you manage to hold your breath for long enough?

Sensory deprivation can be quite fun. Other times terrifying.
Vision and hearing I find quite enjoyable to play with.
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:02, archived)

I had some rather fetching straws in my nose
I had to fill the holes in with alginate before the plaster went in, then carve them out proper later.
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:03, archived)

Oh, that sounds like fun!
I've never done a face casting; I think I'd go insane and start clawing at it before it set.

Though I must say I think my nose would come out most lovely.
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:05, archived)

It's a bit unpleasant TBH
But it's for an art project wot I is doing so suffering is par for the course. :P
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:13, archived)

Can someone tell me what it's like living in Manchester without throwing a hissy fit and trying to make me swear never to live there?

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:00, archived)

Yes
Ask Gilgamesh. I think he lives there.
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:02, archived)

I think he'd violate my conditions.

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:03, archived)

i've been to manchester and it seems pretty much like any city
a bit of a dump in places, and very expensive in the nice parts. standard northerners too.
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:03, archived)

I just looked at the form my referee would have to fill in.
He has to judge my mental capacity :(
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:04, archived)

That seems over the top.
Have they had many headcases applying?
(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:08, archived)

not "mental" capacity, just my mental capacity. You know, like, how good I am at learning shit.

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:09, archived)

Learning shit.
Are you doing a sewerage degree?
(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:16, archived)

no but there's a plan

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 23 May 2009, 23:16, archived)

I hope you tapped your nose whilst typing that.

(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:55, archived)

I enjoyed living in Manchester
It's a vibrant city with loads of great restaurants and stuff to do. Very good for music and theatre.

Good transport links to the rest of the country too.
(

in vino veritas, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:12, archived)

i smell pretty bad, yo
here, have a whiff *wafts*
(

spacefish bong!, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:01, archived)

Garlic burps

(

Scary Mary The D'oh Fairy, Sat 23 May 2009, 23:32, archived)

Hello the gunted!
JMG here.
I've spent the day on the ROFL in Durham.

Who'd like to thunder their keyboards with fist pounding praise?
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:16, archived)

I turned the hot water on so I can have a bath and an early night.
Sunderland has been doing his washing up. Instead of filling the sink up, he's left the hot tap on for about 20 minutes now. :(
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:17, archived)

It's better than taking it down to the river I guess.
Small steps...small steps
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:19, archived)

He's not used to running water.
Tell him to plug the toaster in and wash that.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:20, archived)

I've been doing Offline Things.
It's been very enjoyable.
(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:21, archived)

*offline things fives!*

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:22, archived)

There was this student looking bird who looked just like you.
I was all like WTF, but then it turned out it wasn't you and I was like :(

If it was you I'd have said hello and such.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:24, archived)

I've spent the day doing manly household things, offline.
Mowing the lawn, gardening, planting out some vegetables, cleaning up some grout in the bathroom.
It's been all go here.
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:21, archived)

*Firm handshakes in a shed*

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:24, archived)

JMG I'm perplexed. I just got a text on my old phone from a number I don't have saved in my phone.
it says "Bum to you. You big smelly gay man. I hope you got wee on your shoe. And I hope someone saw you do it."
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:22, archived)

Not me. Sounds a bit Malchick to me.
Or a wrong number.
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:23, archived)

i've got a number in my phone for him though
unless he got a new phone :/
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:27, archived)

Hmmm. He did get a new phone a bit back
I got a similarly random one off him when he changed his number.
The last 2 digits of his current one are 99
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:30, archived)

that'll be him then
mystery solved!
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:34, archived)

I don't know you very well but from what I do know, it definitely sounds like you were the intended recipient of that text.

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:23, archived)

pffffft

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:27, archived)

Have you ever been a smelly gay man.
If not, ignoring it might be an idea.

Or you could post the number on here, for laughs and the like.
(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:24, archived)

it's my old phone, which has no credit on it, so I can't text back anyway
and I'm not gonna text them on my new phone in case it's someone shit that I don't wanna share my number with.
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:28, archived)

This is a good idea.

(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:30, archived)

I'm not the world's GREATEST detective. But I'd stay well clear of that business good T.
We don't want you getting yourself embroiled in FRUIT issues.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:25, archived)

I'm sometimes a lady-fruit
but I don't think that really counts as being a fruit, does it?
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:29, archived)

*Dampens brow*
I'll require photographic evidence and a ham and cucumber sandwich.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:30, archived)

/talking at the pub JMG.
That's how dull it is tonight.
(

Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:22, archived)

Internet whilst at the pub?
You need better friends.
(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:26, archived)

Pick a fight.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:26, archived)

Durham? That was brave. It's all hill.
Especially if you went by train.
(

CowJam, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:25, archived)

Train. Yes.
I can handle hills quite well.
Even when hammered.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:26, archived)

I'd like to gently tap the keys in prder to get my thoughts down on the screen.

(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:25, archived)

Friz sucks cock
What can i cook with button mushrooms?
(

Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:08, archived)

Bacon
Eggs
(

magnum, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:08, archived)

Do you want a snack or a meal?
Snack - cheese and garlic mushroom toastie
Meal - thick smoked bacon, eggs, decent quality sausages, black pudding, haggis, toast, beans
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:11, archived)

I hate thick bacon.
:(
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:22, archived)

BACONIST! I have no such bacon prejudices.
I prefer dry cured though, to the pumped-full-of-water supermarket shite
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:25, archived)

Sild

(

Scary Mary The D'oh Fairy, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:12, archived)

I *heart* sild
but have never tried it with mushrooms.
*makes note*
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:14, archived)

Nothing.
Button mushrooms are a crap for cooking with. You need something that's a good heat source (like an oven or a hexi burner), and something hard that conducts heat but doesn't burn or melt easily (like a pan).

Believe it or not /talk, once there was a very pretty girl who was keen on me, and did things like put her number in my phone when I wasn't looking and all I did was snog her a couple of times BECAUSE I'M A RETARD. And now, about ten years later, it's suddenly come back to me what a numbnuts I am when it comes to love. Or even just getting it on.

The number of girls I didn't shag when I had the opportunity is shocking, and they all haunt me.
(

CowJam, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:12, archived)

Have you still got her number?
Give her a call
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:13, archived)

No.
And I can't remember her surname, so I can't even facebook her.

Flo, who started Newcastle Uni in 1999, is hardly likely to be reading this. And anyway she's probably gone fat by now*.

*actually, she probably hasn't. Didn't seem the type.
(

CowJam, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:23, archived)

Worth a shot
www.ncl.ac.uk/alumni/
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:26, archived)

not really worth it
*bookmarks anyway*
(

CowJam, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:45, archived)

She's had loads of kids.
And is now working as a bicycle storage rack.
(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:29, archived)

hah!
Hopefully :)
(

CowJam, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:48, archived)

Everyone has a The One That Got Away though, don't fret.
I know I do. But I also have a The One You Always Go Back To but I am doing really well at not going back at the moment.
(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:16, archived)

It's not one, it's loads.
Occasionally I get to thinking "man, I was stupid. At least I know better now" and that's the queue for some lovely lass to come on to me and me to not realise and not sleep with her, then there's another one on the list.
(

CowJam, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:22, archived)

Hello Fran! I thought you were...
I mean, have I missed offline drama?
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:24, archived)

Easty's a cunt
So, what mundane question would you like to answer in this thread now?
(__, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:00, archived)

what mundane question would YOU like to answer in this thread now?

(

Lightguy hail satan, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:01, archived)

Houndstooth
or Paisley?
(

Scary Mary The D'oh Fairy, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:03, archived)

...
No luck here
(

lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:05, archived)

I'd like some suggestions about what I could spend tomorrow doing.

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:07, archived)

Drink tea and touch yourself

(

Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:08, archived)

Fairweather v St Marylebone Property Co. Ltd. [1963]

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:09, archived)

You're back.
How was the holiday?
(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:22, archived)

Pay attention to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

(

ArthurTheRat, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:58, archived)

no

(

Lightguy hail satan, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:59, archived)

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:00, archived)

Hello Erasty

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:03, archived)

Done.

(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 22:21, archived)

I am so bored.
So, so, so very bored.

*cries*
(

diffy maybs, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:07, archived)

hark at you with your emotions.

(

lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:09, archived)

WAH WAH WAH
I DON'T FIND ANYTHING IN MY CURRENT VICINITY INTERESTING. WAH.

PLEASE INTERNETS, KILL A WOODLAND CREATURE IN AN AMUSING FASHION.

WAH WAH WAH.
(

lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:10, archived)

Iggy Pop did it better.

(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:12, archived)

I have no idea what you're on about.

*cries*
(

diffy maybs, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:12, archived)

*something about swiftcover.com*

(

lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:18, archived)

It was meant as a reference to "I'm so fucking alone"
Except I've either got the name wrong, or else references to it are pretty scarce.
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:27, archived)

What the fuck is my mate doing in Coronation Street

(__, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:12, archived)

Laughing and pointing at you.

(

lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:14, archived)

It was all very odd

(__, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:15, archived)

Paid work?

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:14, archived)

She kept very quiet about it

(__, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:16, archived)

For very good reasons
THE TIMES LIST OF WORST JOBS 2009:

13: 'VILLAGE RAPIST'
14: 'EXTRA IN CORRIE'
15: 'CATHOLIC PRIEST'
(

lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:19, archived)

She had THREE ENTIRE LINES

(__, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:32, archived)

Do beg your pardon
7: Licking Sellafield Clean
8: Bit-part in Corrie
9: Artificially inseminating cats
(

lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:36, archived)

Getting a paying part.

(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:15, archived)

So we must now assume one of the following:
You already knew that she was in Coronation Street and this comment is a fake shocked one just to gather attention, or
You regularly watch Coronation Street.
Or both.
Or neither.
(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:22, archived)

I was told this afternoon, and looked for it on YouTube

(__, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:32, archived)

shooting lightning from their hands at scared and confused northerners

(

Lightguy hail satan, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:30, archived)

I'd watch that

(__, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:32, archived)

Hayley?

(

The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:57, archived)

Fucking hell
I thought you were dead
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:13, archived)

i've got a headache

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:14, archived)

I just cracked one out over that picture of you with your baps out.

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:22, archived)

ducks do it for you
do they?
(

Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Sat 23 May 2009, 21:25, archived)

I scared a duck today.
It was nesting, hidden in a bush, and I climbed up close to its nest and it flew away. Stupid duck. I could have stolen all its eggs.

Unless maybe that's what it wanted me to do. Perhaps if I'd stolen the eggs and taken them home they'd have hatched during the night and the baby ducks would have come out and killed and eaten me and stolen my loose change.
(MooCow_Byter, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:42, archived)

it was a bad mother duck
it will be on the jeremy springer show next week
(

Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Sat 23 May 2009, 22:03, archived)

I just cracked one out over your arse
And you still didn't have the common fucking decency to thank me.
(

Lord Gnome, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:25, archived)

me too!

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:32, archived)

*falls off chair*

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:46, archived)

is it that big? cor!

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:58, archived)

It could be worse.
A man has just cut his hand off on Casualty.
Think on.
(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:14, archived)

I don't even have TV to moan there's nothing on to entertain me.
So bored.
(

diffy maybs, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:15, archived)

I fell down a hill today.
It was all very boring.
(

lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:16, archived)

What in the fuck
has Mickey Rourke done to himself?

Step away from the lip fillers.
(

Scary Mary The D'oh Fairy, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:21, archived)

He looked pretty fucked up before The Wrestler.
Give it 10 years, he'll be in the remake of The Elephant Man.
(

lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Sat 23 May 2009, 21:22, archived)

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