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# help me pick a porn name.
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years ago i did some temp work filming porn and the guys i worked for emailed me asking if i wanted to shoot some more for them. needing cash and knowing it's hilarious, i said yes. i will get a credit on the tape (as all staff now have to be credited for age verification if it's legal), but i need a porn name to work with. please to assign me something crude yet refined.

in other sex news: he's in the mood.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:30, archived)
# MC Thunderpants
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:32, archived)
# if it were fart porn, yes.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:34, archived)
# How about 'PostBear'?
Or Lord Manley? ;)
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 16:34, archived)
# Porn name
I eat @ Arby's
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:34, archived)
# you do live up to your username, don't you?
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:35, archived)
# arf!
nice.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 18:17, archived)
# Marmaduke Rod
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:38, archived)
# Phill Cannes
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:39, archived)
# if i were female, i'd go with chloe aka.
but i'm not.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:53, archived)
# Hank Wangford
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:42, archived)
# ^
Win.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 21:02, archived)
# Yay
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 9:16, archived)
# Edward James Olmos
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:43, archived)
# this might just work.
it would be better if i were onscreen, then it would make sense of the pitted texture of my genitals.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:44, archived)
# He sleeps in a box of pineapples!
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:47, archived)
# Fisty McRimjob?
or Cock Plungington
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:46, archived)
# I don't know if you're implying you're going to be having sex in this porn or not
Fistmybutt letmepeeinyourmouth
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:48, archived)
# good god, no.
filming as in operating the videocam. i don't think my vileness would sell many dvds.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:51, archived)
# Dick Harden
(or Biggus Dickus if going for the classical/pythonesque route)
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:51, archived)
# Name of first pet
and the name of the first street you lived in.
this is how it is done.
/fact
Regards,

Tom Hazelgrove.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:53, archived)
# nah, that's a dated formula.
and i don't want to be 'puppy taunton'.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:54, archived)
# "Ze camera man" then.
fucked if I know,
All I have for inspiration right now is the lingering taste of ham, cheese and sundried tomatoe jaffles and a bottle of HP sauce sitting beside me.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:59, archived)
# h.p. soss it is!
i love tamarinds.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:06, archived)
# B.F. Lovecraft
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:24, archived)
# .
H P Lovesauce
(, Wed 5 Dec 2007, 9:55, archived)
# Rover ParkCliffeRoad?
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:55, archived)
# ...which would make mine:
Dippy Jockey.

Which is ace.

I prefer the "First pet, Mother's Maiden Name" method, though:

Dippy Van Cook.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:41, archived)
# In the first permutation
mine would be

Gobolino Arsenal

The Second would be

Gobolino Quinlan

Awesome!
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 18:35, archived)
# Apparently
i am Bobbie EarnHead.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 19:20, archived)
# I like mine too
Tisha Waves
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 0:29, archived)
# given my birth surname i feel it's fair play to bend the rules slightly
which gives me: silver cox!

not many of them to the pound, i think you'll agree.
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 3:40, archived)
# mine would be....
thumper rhymaun :)
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 5:57, archived)
# Tom Mendyk
aint my thing really!
(, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 10:27, archived)
# Periwinkle Buttmead

(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 9:10, archived)
# Moocher Peguara Court?
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 13:35, archived)
# Woody Ellington!
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 16:43, archived)
# Muffty Trevone !
:D
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 16:50, archived)
# That would make me
Cheesy Station....hmmm
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 19:48, archived)
# heh
I would be Spunky Towne
BWAHAHAHA
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 21:11, archived)
# Cool
I would be Blackie Plaistow
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 21:25, archived)
# No way...
Max Sport!
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 22:08, archived)
# Zebedee Cambridge (male)
Florence Cambridge (female)
(, Sun 2 Dec 2007, 1:32, archived)
# Admiral Walnut
no joke.
(, Wed 5 Dec 2007, 1:30, archived)
# Orson Drills
Jen-Luc Gotthard
Lickmore Bird,men
Buggerme Bruskly

Or check your local sex offender registry.

SOMEWHERE at SOME POINT your credit will make it into a college thesis paper.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:58, archived)
# orson drills ftw!
although rob manual would be hilarious ...
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 22:11, archived)
# Ringo Peircing
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 7:59, archived)
# Peter Dongshaft.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:00, archived)
# Meatus Meetass
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:01, archived)
# mister meatus would be good.
i might use that.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:05, archived)
# Lemmy Fuckyourass
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:05, archived)
# Boar Pest
/anagram
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:05, archived)
# i use rapebots elsewhere in the internet.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:07, archived)
# Breast Op
Bra Poets
Paste Bro
Pat Sober
A Sob Pert
?
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:08, archived)
# pfft...
Paste Bro ftw
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:09, archived)
# Cloey Ackadrip
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:07, archived)
# Third Eye Kind
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:08, archived)
# Jason Vorhese
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:11, archived)
# haha!
jason whore fees would be fun
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:15, archived)
# I like my idea
because it was fun to think about him hanging around the porn set of the video you were watching. Your wank would be so filled with uncertainty and excitement. You could be getting ready to come and all of a sudden he pops out from behind the camera and kills the stars. And it would be the ultimate cock block for him, to distribute this movie and keep all the people he doesn't have time to kill from successfully completing a sex act as well.

This is the kind of porn storyline I could get into.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:22, archived)
# heh, i need to find an old style goalie mask.
damn, now i want to be in the stupid film.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:25, archived)
# You gotta use that
Jason Whore Fees = Genius
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:22, archived)
# i am tempted now.
thanks hanke and all who added input.

i'm off to bed now. 'night!
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:26, archived)
# Lance Spoogemonster
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:14, archived)
# Lance Von Spoogemeister
:D
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:16, archived)
# Karl Hungus
guess the film ?
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:14, archived)
# Samuel L Jackson
he's in everything
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:15, archived)
# Troy Sertent
Bent Ericsson
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:21, archived)
# Don Swank
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:24, archived)
# Roger Inferno
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:26, archived)
# Lance Miass.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:27, archived)
# Fellatio Nelson
Or 'Inspector Twat'
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:28, archived)
# Rob Manuel
Do it, I fucking dare you.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:51, archived)
# ^^
This, LOL!

Gob Manuel?
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:53, archived)
# I fully endorse this
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:56, archived)
# Oh, so very this ^^^
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 9:28, archived)
# This.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 10:09, archived)
# ^^
This on toast!
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 16:50, archived)
# This
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 17:16, archived)
# B3ta has spoken
There's no getting out of it.

"Ginger Fuhrer" would be good, too.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 17:35, archived)
# your decision has been made
you know what must be done.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 19:31, archived)
# Yes... This...
Rob will be delighted... almost like you're naming your first child after him... but seedier.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 22:45, archived)
# ^^ this!
hahaah
(, Sun 2 Dec 2007, 14:06, archived)
# Oh marvelous!
I always say good porn names should go one syllable - two syllable, and the first name for a man should be something unlikely but manly, like Brad or Jock, the second should have some hint of sexual or prowess suggestive pun about it, like Shagger or Harder, and it helps if the first and second name start with the same letter. Oh, and you can break the 'one syllable' rule if it ends in 'y' like Joey or Rocky.

Dirk Diggler (altho fictional) is still my fave male porn star name, but Jeff Stryker comes a close second.

For you, The Bear, hmmm, lets see...

Rocky Reamer, Chuck Balou (as in the bear), Brad Breaker, Hank Hursute, Grizzly Heman, Hugh J Bollocks, Chad Chunky, Growl Gonads, Zak Zemen, Bear Baiter, Girth Gargantuan...

I could go on.

Do let us know, (and bear in mind, we may refer to you as it from then on!) ;)
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:51, archived)
# True story
A girl I used to work with was called Leanne Irene Mary Peacock (or something close to that). So her credit card reads

L.I.M Peacock
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 8:59, archived)
# Balls
try QOTW
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 13:39, archived)
# it happened
I was there and everything
(, Sun 2 Dec 2007, 13:37, archived)
# Chuck Enlovre
Gorat Tse
Hank Gwell
Richard Polisher
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 9:03, archived)
# Stabba the Butt
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 9:12, archived)
# Spartacus Biggerstaff
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 9:25, archived)
# Mr Splashy Pants
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 9:53, archived)
# Ooh! Topical!
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 18:10, archived)
# BUCK NAKED
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 10:04, archived)
# Oh! Good one!
This one I like!

Mind, they have to be original, and if that hasn't been done yet...
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 10:15, archived)
# Actually I stole it from Seinfeld :/
It's George's chosen porn name
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 16:36, archived)
# and they stole it from Steve Purcell
it's in an old Sam n Max comic. Sam refers to himself as Buck Naked, Texas Ranger.
(, Mon 3 Dec 2007, 13:26, archived)
# Philip McCrevice
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 10:05, archived)
# Muhammad
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 13:37, archived)
# Chick Dicken
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 14:55, archived)
# There was a Victorian porn names thread on /talk a while back.
The best was "Jismbard Kingdom Brunel".
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 16:30, archived)
# Ahahahahahah!
I genuinely just lol'd! :D
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 16:38, archived)
# jism
lol x 2
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 16:51, archived)
# I am in tears.
This and Rob Manuel both have my vote.
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 2:33, archived)
# Brapp Sturgeon
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 16:37, archived)
# Dirk Yorkiebar
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 16:38, archived)
# Quincy Jets
Pierce Hymen
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 16:41, archived)
# Rob Manuel.
It sounds a bit porny and it'd give us all LOLZ.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 16:45, archived)
# Dick Hertz
from Holden
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 16:48, archived)
# Porn Names
There's a recipe for those...
Name of first Pet in childhood=first name
Street Name of your first childhood Home=Last name

So I would be Cindy Kildare

What's your porn name using this rather bland method?
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 16:51, archived)
# name
I thought the formula was name of first pet followed by mothers maiden name, mine is Jerry King,
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 17:02, archived)
# ...
Titch Vicarage

Score, I think.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 17:44, archived)
# Chico Leese
which kinda works, though disturbingly it means me and my sister have the same porn name...
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 0:13, archived)
# Sven Eleveninch
Go for the old russian charm? ;-)
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 16:55, archived)
# Formula
is name of first pet's name followed by mothers maiden name, mine is Jerry King, which does sound like a porn name to me
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 16:59, archived)
#
knob manuel

quentin smoothly

ray pugh

david hasselspoff

ivor biggun

eric tumpenetrator
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 16:59, archived)
# Hue G Rection
Using the tried and tested method of pets and maiden names, my own porn name is 'Major Wood'. Appropriate to the industry and very distinguished - even if I do say so myself.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 17:02, archived)
# Sod your name!
I want friends who casually ask me to film porn!
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 17:03, archived)
# My suggestion
Cecil Gurkensticks.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 17:06, archived)
# Stolen from a poor american sit com
Mustapha Bindun, but may I suggest Joe Stalin...
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 17:07, archived)
# Ooh
And can I suggest Mustapha Bindun?
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 17:46, archived)
# Harry Hunter?
aliteration - check
surname rhymes with rude word for ladybits - check
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 17:08, archived)
# How about Stu Kaka
or Gus Tardchucker
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 17:22, archived)
# Buck Fitch
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 17:36, archived)
# crude yet refined...
Queen Elizabeth Vagina?
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 17:38, archived)
# postman pat
manpat post
MANPOST!
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 17:39, archived)
# Erm
Chock Nurris
Andrew Quimbatter
HRH The Queen Mother's Corpse
The Artist Formerly Known as <deleted on legal advice>
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 17:40, archived)
# Brian Peppers
.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 17:44, archived)
# Cleo Toris
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 17:49, archived)
# Mort the Ostrich
I won't charge royalties.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 17:55, archived)
# Jonny Wad
should be your name
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 18:05, archived)
# Busta Hymen
but don't suppose porn actresses have intact hymens
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 18:08, archived)
# Dave?
Best keep it simple
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 18:09, archived)
# Mohammed Laydees
(get it, Mo hammered Ladies?!?!?)
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 18:09, archived)
# Prince...
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 18:09, archived)
# Roger More?
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 18:18, archived)
# Wetwang Whiteley
(it's not in use anymore)
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 18:18, archived)
# Mucky Lenscap III
or how about 'I get paid to do this' :)
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 18:19, archived)
# Flopsy pocock
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 18:33, archived)
# lothario jones
hugh manley-richard
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 19:03, archived)
# Seymour Pussy
Cool as f*ck!
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 19:14, archived)
# Doktor Quim
It's important that you spell doktor with a k.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 19:16, archived)
# Richard Staines
Got to be done
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 19:37, archived)
# I think you should go with
Beef Dingleberry or Sir Lengthalot
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 19:36, archived)
# Teddy Fuckspin
ftw
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 19:38, archived)
# Rape Bear
Google it :)
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 19:41, archived)
# Sargeant
Stiffy
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 19:45, archived)
# Christopher Bigguns
Or what about J'Anus Dick-in-Son
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 19:46, archived)
# Dee Agostini.
And you have a website to go with it
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 19:53, archived)
# Fabio Cockrockington
is a great name to put onto GNER tickets:
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 20:01, archived)
# mmm..
magenta jizzard
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 20:36, archived)
# Mr Splashypants.
(you'd be famous before you started!
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 20:37, archived)
# Arf. And,
This.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 20:47, archived)
# Yes! Yes!
Yes, yes and yes again!
(, Mon 3 Dec 2007, 23:31, archived)
# Wilma Fingerdeaux!
My fave!

I guess that's a laaadeeeee's name. I do favor Buck Naked, I can't remember who suggested it.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 20:41, archived)
# Go Foreign
Juan Nafahq
Louvre Lacoque
Heidi Bishop
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 20:42, archived)
# Dink Bonkus
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 20:47, archived)
# Cole Coolbody?
Ricky Boombuns, Jezz Torrent (a la vice city), Hugo von Stafframmer.... nah i suck at these
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 20:54, archived)
# Iona Klitt or Skip Foreplay
Dewmie Moore
Oliver Clozoff
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 21:12, archived)
# Hugh Jackman.
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 22:01, archived)
# "Crude yet refined?"
Dr. Rupert Clunge
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 22:28, archived)
# Call yourself
Thundersausage the Conquerer
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 22:37, archived)
# Chunk Hardshaft
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 22:39, archived)
# Errmmm....
Garth Girth ?
(, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 23:40, archived)
# Brazen Thrust
Shunt Wilder
Crank Snapper
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 0:08, archived)
# Pedestrian Sanchos
Randy Tangent
Aaron Jumper
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 0:10, archived)
# Phil McCock
It's the only one I can think of right now.
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 1:00, archived)
# Porn Name
Dick Insider
Yank McGroyn
Stan Ding-Hampton
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 4:43, archived)
# cunt-master kev
or,,

lick-master luke

tit-master terry

jizz-master john

sex-master steve

etc...
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 5:17, archived)
# :)
boob-master bob

twat-master tom

arse-master andy

clit-master clayton

dick-master dave

fuck-master frank

muff-master mike

prick-master pat

vag-master vince

wank-master wayne

(ok, so maybe that last one is not so good)
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 5:25, archived)
# Feel free to use mine as I probably never will. Horatio Gurley
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 7:07, archived)
# porntastic
Longrod Von Hugendong
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 10:23, archived)
# I has to have a chicken.
Cleo Toris? Buck Naked? No subtlety!

Foghorn Leghorn! El Gallo! Peter DeGallo! You can't have mine!
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 10:38, archived)
# Rod Hull
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 12:28, archived)
# Rod Stroker
(, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 23:54, archived)
# Commander Tits,
King Explosion,
Lord Majestic,
Sebastian Faggot,
Pissy John Hamster,
Claw,
Celibate Rapist,
Sexy Shit Man,
Cock of Glee,
Poofish McDanger,
Ruggedo Von Manly
(actually, you can't have that last one, it's staying my intellectual property)
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 13:25, archived)
# Lord Manley of Venn
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 14:37, archived)
# Chad Hungwell........
……was the name of my geography teacher?
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 16:57, archived)
# How about
Ham Toucher?
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 17:32, archived)
# Captain Spuff
Max Strap
(, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 21:27, archived)
# Easy Peasy!
Bruce Stallion


!!!!!
(, Sun 2 Dec 2007, 0:01, archived)
# porn name
Dirk Baldwin is such a horrible name... but not crude. How about Cum Hither?
Roger Well
Bang-bang Lipsmack
Slinky Fucknut
(, Sun 2 Dec 2007, 2:11, archived)
# Glint
As in "Glint Thrust"

Or Glint someone.
(, Sun 2 Dec 2007, 3:39, archived)
# Mr. Goodwang
If anyone asks, your first name is Harvey.
(, Sun 2 Dec 2007, 4:45, archived)
# Pat Mycock
Lawrence of a Labia
Mike Hunt (obviously)
(, Sun 2 Dec 2007, 20:29, archived)
# Jonny Thrustwood
Or

Mohammed Al Mingeburgular just to be topical.
(, Mon 3 Dec 2007, 9:35, archived)
# There is only one choice, and that choice is Lambchop Mugabe.
(, Mon 3 Dec 2007, 10:41, archived)
# THIS!!
Brilliant.
(, Thu 6 Dec 2007, 8:58, archived)
# mr splashy pants?
surely.
(, Mon 3 Dec 2007, 13:26, archived)
# John Thomas?
Peter Nile? (P. Nile)
Paco Lotte?
Biggy Smalls?
(, Mon 3 Dec 2007, 15:45, archived)
# "
felchy macfelchme
(, Mon 3 Dec 2007, 18:19, archived)
# Mr Splashy Pants
i find it amazing that in the same newsletter we're attempting to name both a whale and a porn videographer. two birds, one stone. go with Mr Splashy Pants. this way you can say you were named after a sperm whale.
(, Mon 3 Dec 2007, 18:39, archived)
# name?
Schlongy McSchlong-Schlong
(, Mon 3 Dec 2007, 20:35, archived)
# P.B. Koos...
or Mos Zibbi

(koos is arabic for cunt and mos zibbi means suck my dick)
(, Mon 3 Dec 2007, 23:04, archived)
#
how about STIFFY POKIN
(, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 13:06, archived)
# If you were the navy type
Seaman Staines
Seaman Shooter
Seaman Swallows........
or just keep it simple with
"Bob the camera man"
(, Wed 5 Dec 2007, 1:25, archived)
# Chunderbunny Thunderfuck
(, Wed 5 Dec 2007, 17:17, archived)
# how about.. ..
Studley Mcmuffin

Tex Soy

Trevor Nyanal
(, Thu 6 Dec 2007, 0:37, archived)