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# what a top image
shame to just toap it.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:23, archived)
# you're a moron
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:23, archived)
# yaya
unf ogledy
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:23, archived)
# Fuck off, that's nasty.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:24, archived)
# OH NO NOT NASTY THINGS ON B3TA
*writes letters to MP*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:26, archived)
# From the person who made a picture of Diana saying
"My Vagina is unclean. Please fist my dead vagina"

I feel like I've won an award.


EDIT: They loved the picture so much they put it on their profile for all to see.

A poor woman tragically killed, leaving two children motherless. An image calling all to fist that dead corpse is displayed proud.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:28, archived)
# That was Dekionplexis you fucking arse.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:30, archived)
# No
it was definitely Diana
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:34, archived)
# Hahahahahahah
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:49, archived)
#


b3ta's servers are in americaland..that's probably why
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:24, archived)
# To be honest the stink that just kicked up was well worth it.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:39, archived)
# Today
is an odd day

I wish I could fast forward it to find some good bits
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:24, archived)
# is it tuesday?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:27, archived)
# yes
Chewsday, chewies day, jewsday



(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:32, archived)
# b3ta appreciates the irony inherent in british "summer" time
and ignores it accordingly

either that or they need to kick the clock hamster
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:25, archived)
# Yeah... its a strange thing isn't it?
By default, the UK is on GMT+0, simply because the UK is where Grenwich is... so far, so sensible.

When it comes round to the summer, for some reason we go onto BST (GTM+1). We call this daylight savings.

But the time of year which we want to save daylight in is during the winter. So that suggests that GMT+0 is our daylight saving time, and BST is our default time.

So...
which joker set Grenwich Mean Time to be an hour out from the actual default time in Grenwich? Amatures.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:53, archived)
# Could you possibly just demote youself to a sitdown comic.
Or better still. A sit down, shut up.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:28, archived)
# You raedy to be fucked, egg?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:15, archived)
# Jesus!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:15, archived)
# MARK IT EIGHT
woo
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:15, archived)
# OVER THE LINE
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:17, archived)
# Smoky, you are about to enter a whole new world of pain.
I love that film in a thousand tiny ways.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:20, archived)
# this isn't nam, there are rules

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:21, archived)
# "jeezus christ, calm the fuck down"
"I am calm"
"no you're fucking not"
"calmer than you"
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:23, archived)
# He has mental issues.

You mean besides being a pacifist?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:26, archived)
# Donnie, you're like a child who has walked into a movie theatre half way trough and demands to be told whats going on
you are out of league, donnie, you have no frame of reference, so shut the fuck up
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:29, archived)
# Me too
Introduced Lady S to it, and she didn't 'get it'.

She thinks it's a boys film...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:21, archived)
# LEAVE HER NOW

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:22, archived)
# What?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:22, archived)
# divorce in the offing?
even my kids love this - and the music too

'not the creedance tapes..'
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:22, archived)
# I fucking hate the Eagles, man!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:27, archived)
# Not married just yet
could be a deal breaker
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:38, archived)
# WHAT
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:26, archived)
# Mark it zero, Dude.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:17, archived)
# Wants
the egg, that is.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:16, archived)
# your a lebowksi
im a lebowski
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:16, archived)
# Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
Woo!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:16, archived)
# I WANT A CREME EGG OF THAT SIZE!
:D
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:16, archived)
# A friend of mine made me one once
I didn't sleep for a week.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:18, archived)
# Poor ickle Raindance
tewwified of big giant egg.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:19, archived)
# A giant egg full of soggy, granulated sugar!
Even after I put it in the fridge I was still scared.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:24, archived)
# do you mean it wasn't just the insides of lots of creme eggs scooped out and put into a larger egg,
but someone had actually tried to re-create the goo?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:26, archived)
# Yes, yes they did.
It didn't turn out as expected.

Edit: It looks worse than I remember
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:30, archived)
# oh my god....
makes my teeth hurt, and my pancreas shrivel up just thinking about that....
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:54, archived)
# I wouldn't be able to finish one tbh. I doubt I'd sleep after atempting it either
I'd try, though
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:19, archived)
# did it give you nightmares?
was it full of bats?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:19, archived)
# the guy's a fruit
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:17, archived)
# Gayboy Tony was gay?
I thought he was just really friendly!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:25, archived)
# I like to plunge my nuts in them
then suck them out with a narrow straw
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:17, archived)
# I might have to sit down.
I am already sat down.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:18, archived)
# Hahaha
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:25, archived)
# You Dutch and your silly ways!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:21, archived)
# Especially for you
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:23, archived)
# No sound at work, will save for later
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:28, archived)
# Orally
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:17, archived)
# Boris Baker...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:13, archived)
# Very nicely shopped
ugly face, but nicely shopped sir :).
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:14, archived)
# Ta Floppy!
:D
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:18, archived)
# Hahahaha
The first Doctor to blow his own bollocks off with a sonic screwriver.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:14, archived)
# haha
i think boris is secretly an evil... well, not a genius obviously, still a shambling, borderline retard, but an evil one
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:18, archived)
# He lacks the intelligence to be evil
He just listens to the people who told him what to do at school.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:33, archived)
# That hair suits him

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:15, archived)
# Go on then...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:16, archived)
# nicely done
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:15, archived)
# hahahahah, top shop'!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:15, archived)
# Marvellous!
I for one welcome our bumbling timelord saviour.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:17, archived)
# It really does suit him
That scarf makes me laugh. I bet his granny made it for him.
Nicely 'shopped!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:23, archived)
# Ta Flowerpot!
:D
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:34, archived)
# Hooray!
:D
How do Ninj...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:34, archived)
# & just to keep it going for a little time longer.....
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:11, archived)
# In a new thread - Nice!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:11, archived)
# Why
does this not animate?

Edit: Also, why the fuck is it compo'd?!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:12, archived)
# In a new thread.
How fantastic.

Edit have this from last week just for a little variety in this thread.

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:12, archived)
# What I said up there ^
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:13, archived)
# with added mindpiss
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:15, archived)
# ITOAP
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:12, archived)
# No
just no
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:12, archived)
# Yeah, because what's better than a glass of bloody ejaculate?
A bucket of it with a turd floating in the middle.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:13, archived)
# You have been weighed
You have been found fail.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:13, archived)
# I take it you have more fingers than braincells?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:13, archived)
# Yes
He has one finger.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:14, archived)
# Hahaha!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:27, archived)
# Smells like fail
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:14, archived)
# please note that photoshop's
"save as shit" feature was disposed of in the later versions
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:14, archived)
# YOU ENTERED A WORLD OF FAIL
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:14, archived)
# Dear Mr Darwin
I found evidence that evolution is regressing

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:15, archived)
# Fuck off
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:16, archived)
# Please don't do that again.
1. Use the generator
2. Post it in the existing thread
3. Don't compress it to fuck
4. Don't do any of the above because it'll make a shit bandwaggon.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:19, archived)
# Well I liked it.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:34, archived)
# I LOVE YOU . . . YOU LUVV MEE!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:04, archived)
# I don't, I only love with an O-V-E.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:04, archived)
# Raaaaargh
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:05, archived)
# I'll have YOU, for my TEA! Then I'll eat your FAM-I-LEE!!!!
Love it!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:14, archived)
# BARNEY DIE BARNEY DIE BARNEY DIE BARNEY DIE BARNEY DIE BARNEY DIE BARNEY DIE BARNEY DIE BARNEY DIE BARNEY DIE BARNEY DIE BARNEY DIE
*bad acid comedown blog*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:05, archived)
# He's Evil of the purest form.
We know he can never die....
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:12, archived)
# Try coming down off acid
In a freezing student flat, with no gear and the only thing on New Year's Day at 4am is fucking Barney.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:15, archived)
# needs more teletubbies
WOO!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:05, archived)
# hahahhaha, this needs a 70's porn flick soundtrack
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:06, archived)
# there's a genre of music in my windows media player
called porn groove
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:08, archived)
# well, I guess that's better than having "Paedo Trance" or "Drum and BDSM"
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:11, archived)
# Attack of the 50ft Magenta Dinosaur!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:11, archived)
# LOCK HIM UP!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:26, archived)
# and i ask you, my brothers and sisters, who is the true animal?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:02, archived)
# Its the balloon isn't it?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:03, archived)
# Is it that chap that's in the band we played with? He looked like Bluto.
Either him or Zebras.

Edit: he looks a bit like a young Mr Mackie.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:03, archived)
# Looked like Bluto?
Was a drummer then?:P
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:04, archived)
# Nope.
Bluto crossed with Rob Flynn. Rather foxy, he was. Shame his band are so poor (that and they covered the first 30 seconds of Freebird, the cunts).
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:05, archived)
# Yes
I know you prefer your birds incarcerated.:P
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:09, archived)
# That guy from the muppets
woo
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:04, archived)
#
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:04, archived)
# Is it Admiral Adama?
Whoever he is.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:04, archived)
# The animal, or the animal who follows him?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:08, archived)
# We already covered this.
It's Richard Branson.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:10, archived)
# post that face again
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:14, archived)
#
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:17, archived)
# AGAIN, AT 100X ZOOM
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:18, archived)
# Hahahahaha
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:21, archived)
# i can't help but imagining that this dragon has a really girly laugh and breathes fire when he sneezes
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:25, archived)
# Hahaha yeah, probably.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:27, archived)
# Properly rubbish:


Click to make your own
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:45, archived)
# but i don't want to
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:46, archived)
# Don't argue
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:03, archived)
#
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:46, archived)
#
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:47, archived)
#

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:47, archived)
#
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:48, archived)
#
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:49, archived)
#
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:50, archived)
#

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:51, archived)
#
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:10, archived)
# .

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:16, archived)
# What the hell is all this shit then?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:52, archived)
# its TOAPARY!
...click the image to make your own...
BUMFACE
I made a label at work that says "BUMFACE" what should i stick it on?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:53, archived)
# your bum
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:54, archived)
# your face
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:56, archived)
# decisions
decisions
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:57, archived)
#
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:57, archived)
# TEXT ON PLANTS IN A REGULAR YARD
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:15, archived)
# You have to Adama it!

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:53, archived)
#
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:54, archived)
#


OAP

I see a flaw!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:59, archived)
# i thought you'd have a crack
with your boner for TOAP!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 16:05, archived)
#

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:08, archived)
# Aha!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:48, archived)
# ???

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:48, archived)
# the easy way to TOAP
TEA TEA TEA BACON TEA TEA TEA TEA TEA - what's next?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:49, archived)
#
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:51, archived)
# GO TOAPGOAT GO!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:52, archived)
# GOAT!

SUPER GOAT!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:52, archived)
# The TOAP is strong in this one
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:52, archived)
# She has a great face for an accordionist.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:52, archived)
# Best part of the image, don't you think?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:55, archived)
# *nods heartily*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:57, archived)
# O hai Toapgoat
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:57, archived)
#

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:53, archived)
# earwhisk ftw
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:55, archived)
# Whiskock
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:58, archived)
# TOAPiary
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:58, archived)
# ...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:59, archived)
#
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:00, archived)
# ...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:00, archived)
# lol!
:D its been good today
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:01, archived)
# Hahaha
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:13, archived)
#
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:01, archived)
# Pffft
Let the feline go next, doctor!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:04, archived)
# I had to filename
it didnt help
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:05, archived)
# It's the survival of the fittest
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:08, archived)
# This deserves...

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:02, archived)
# FUCKING HELL
someone post something else, this is boring.
edit: ta Tom.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:03, archived)
# pffft
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:03, archived)
# oh go on then


(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:05, archived)
# * unsubscribe

* Does not want to witness 15 pages of these posts!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:05, archived)
#

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:28, archived)
# Toast in web nightmare help please kthanxbie

My web host it would seem despite all assurances is losing my Emails, people are sending me work requests that I never get.
Can someone recommend a really good and reliable host?
I need stability, guaranteed Email and if possible decent bandwidth so that I can start hosting my animations again.
Fingers crossed some top Internet bod is reading this and can offer me the best hosting in the world in exchange for a nice HappyToast picture or even advert :D
Anyone got a rock solid suggestion? I kind of need to decide within the next 24 hours.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:20, archived)
# I use Easily. s'ok I suppose
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:22, archived)
# Nice :)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:22, archived)
# No, I'm technically retarded (as in retarded vis-a-vis technology, bastards)
but I hope you get it all sorted.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:23, archived)
# I've always used these guys:
www.doteasy.com/

never had a problem with them.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:23, archived)
# My hosting's pretty good, but I don't know what it's called or anything,
I met a local guy who gave me some for free, so I don't know the cost either.

He is a b3ta lurker, though, so maybe he's reading this now?
He's seen your work before, anyway, so he knows who you are.

I could give you his email if you like?

I have a free gold account with unlimited bandwidth etc.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:24, archived)
# I use Averdata in the US
www.averdata.net

never had a problem in 8-ish years
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:25, archived)
# Aargg!
I've already done my draw off pictures.

Now I've gotta wait over 24 hours to post the fucker. Aaaaaaaaaaargh the waiting is already killing me!

Also, its a pity its totally shit; over 24 hours waiting just to post something thats shit. Eugh.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:25, archived)
# this is also why it should be announced on the day
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:27, archived)
# No, no
Now I have the time/opportunity to make one this evening :)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:30, archived)
# You will be even more pissed off.
When I use the couple of hundred proxies I have saved to rig the poll and change the winner to whatever I want it to be.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:46, archived)
# Oh you and your poxies:P
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:03, archived)
# Ah!
So thats why all the open proxies that I tried didn't work? You'd already used them, you git! =P
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:58, archived)
# I use zen
only basic stuff but service and reliability are great.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:26, archived)
# I use
SliceHost for webs and GMail for email.

SliceHost is dollars only but is pretty sturdy and they're good at maintenance type stuff.

GMail, well say what you like but it's only busted once and they're unlikely to lose emails, plus their spam filtering is pretty good. You can link it to your domain, with A records or some technical shit like that.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:29, archived)
# Mythic Beasts have a good reputation
www.mythic-beasts.com/
(This is a 2nd-hand recommendation -- I don't use any such services myself. But if I wanted to, I'd try there first.)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:30, archived)
# We use
dreamhost.com for a society - seems pretty stable. I'm using UUUQ for image hosting because it's free but it's not 100% reliable.
(I use blueyonder and gmail for my own email)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:33, archived)
# I'm switching to these
kimsufi.co.uk/

on the 1st of next month but that's so I can shift lots of data really fast. I've not looked into the site hosting and if you want tools then you'd have to research them.
I'm going on a number of recommendations from people using them so have no concerns about reliability. Best thing for me is that it's twice the last package I had for half the money.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:34, archived)
# haku.co.uk is hosted with Fasthosts and I don't have any real problems with it
but my friend who's in the business of designing & maintaining websites reccomends names.co.uk as that's what he uses for all his clients (he's pretty much ditched fasthosts for names.co.uk)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:34, archived)
# Blimey, how ironic
I just sent you pictures of Jerry the fluffy Red Panda from the press photocall this morning, I hope you get them :(
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:31, archived)
# Internet Africa (MWEB) are the business
Like all South African ISPs, you are heavily capped, they shape P2P and charge the earth.
But they are the biggest ISP and have lots of staff. The helpdesk shuts at 10pm during the week and 8pm at weekends but hey, you should be in bed after those times anyway and it's good of them to think of their customers' health.
They charge the earth for this wonderful service and their traffic is routed via the far east, some God-forsaken hole in a dodgy part of the USA and then back via Timbuktu.
It's great!

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:31, archived)
# Can't disagree...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:57, archived)
# I saw that. ¬_¬
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:58, archived)
#
lulz!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:09, archived)
# :D

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:18, archived)
# "Flobadob"
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:19, archived)
# Does not want (and that was last weeks compo)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:19, archived)
# *clamps hand over mouth before puking*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:19, archived)
# YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!
You'll get vomfingers....
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:21, archived)
# It's the showerhead effect.
I am the king of covering everything both in and out of sight.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:23, archived)
# do it just righ that way, and your vomit can shoot out in multipe jets for metres....
you can get quite a few select people in a crowd with pin-point precision
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:25, archived)
# :D

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:29, archived)
# *TOP LUNCH OF THE DAY AWARD*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:31, archived)
# ...thanks for that
*vomits up lunch*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:32, archived)
# *eats Steve's lunch*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:33, archived)
# ugh... reminds me of Jackass - the puke omlette....
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:35, archived)
# DUDE!!!
I just ate two twirls I do not need to see that!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:32, archived)
# I love mint Aero
almost as much as thread deleters
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:59, archived)
# i broke
the link

:(
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:17, archived)
# I forgive you
seeing as you made me look at a mint Aero
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:18, archived)
#
thank you! what should I do next time, wise one?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:38, archived)
# Aero's shit.
I ate a whole easter egg yesterday. Mainly because I couldn't be bothered to wash up a cup.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:59, archived)
# hahaha what?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:00, archived)
# I wanted chocolate too. I probably could have been arsed.
It came with a cup. I should have said that, probably.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:00, archived)
# ha ha
kind of integral to the story
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:02, archived)
# I get it
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:04, archived)
# now I understand
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:06, archived)
# it'd be quite nice though.
Well, coffee would. If it didn't melt through the egg.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:08, archived)
# Use a coconut instead, that's pretty much a hairy easter egg.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:10, archived)
# That's not a shit idea.
Although coffee and coconut sounds awful.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:12, archived)
# You'd have to put lemonade in it or something.
Or alternatively vodka or something alcoholic if you prefer.

Actually an ice cream float with lemonade in a coconut would be pretty fucking nice.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:15, archived)
# I think I might be agreeing with you.
I've had a cocktail in a coconut before. It was fairly unwieldy for a drink.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:17, archived)
# Oh wow! That's an excellent plan
Ice Cream/Cream Soda Float Coconut ahoy!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:18, archived)
# Actually, better though probably unfeasible plan.
Lop the top off, then hollow out the middle of a pineapple. Add lemonade and/or alcohol.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:22, archived)
# Ow.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:23, archived)
# Don't you drink your tea in an easter egg?
DON'T YOU?!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:01, archived)
# The pair of you have 45/50 years between you.
You must have encountered easter eggs with mugs.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:02, archived)
# poor Jeru - only 8 years old
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:05, archived)
# I have no idea how old you are.
I keep thinking you're a couple of years older than me, then you say you're not, you're.... blah, and I don't pay attention to the important bit.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:06, archived)
# Yeah you always see 'em down the taxi rank, drinking weak tea and saying how much better eggs were in their day.
Bloody dark chocolate eggs, coming over here, with their high cocoa content.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:06, archived)
# I see that Nestle are doing 'green' Easter eggs
with minimal packaging and a big notice saying LESS PACKAGING on it

although Tesco has stacked them next to the other Nestle eggs with packaging the size of fucking Mordor
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:10, archived)
# The only good thing about Easter is Terry's chocolate oranges.
Pretty much all the other stuff you get fuck all actual chocolate and one mini mars bar or something. They think they can fool us with their hollow eggs, I SHALL NOT BE FOISTED SO EASILY!!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:13, archived)
# you get a cup and quite a few mini creme eggs with the creme egg one.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:14, archived)
# The only acceptable purpose I can see for the cup is breaking the egg open, but that's largely superflous to a fist.
Also aren't the mini creme eggs all rubbish and mixed up, much like those mini scotch eggs you get?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:20, archived)
# When you say mixed up, with what?
Mine were mixed up with othere creme eggs, so I wasn't too upset.

Their middles are too orange though, there needs to be more white.

The reason for cups is that they are useful if you live with a clumsy oaf such as myself.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:21, archived)
# Exactly, much like mini scotch eggs they are just a vague orangey mess.
Though those mini scotch eggs with the ham in too are quite nice.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:25, archived)
# The little baconny ones?
Yes. Cutting them in half and putting them on pizza is disgusting but rather nice.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:26, archived)
# What a gourmet!
Do you then deep fry the pizza?

Actually despite the fact I used to think ham and pineapple pizzas were the stupidest thing in the history of man I've started actually eating the pineapple now. It's still not particularly classy though.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:29, archived)
# you fucking disappoint me
that pizza is the single greatest atrocity the hawaiians have ever purpetrated on man kind
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:30, archived)
# Well they don't have a serious enough military or naval fleet to crush our cities
so they set out try to slowly discredit and undermind our culture.

Also I'm sorry but as an Italian I can tell you two things:
One, pretty much every pizza variation you get over here isn't as classy as a plain margarita which has just come out of a stone oven, and two in Italy you can buy pizzas with chips on.

FUCKING CHIPS!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:36, archived)
# i'm asking the missus about this...
you're right the best pizza i've ever had was a margarita baked in a proper stone oven. but i judge english pizzas, italian pizzas and american pizzas by entirely different standards.they're impossible to compare
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:43, archived)
# Well this is the tiny southern italian village where my father comes, which has a non-existant tourist industry because it's in the middle of the mountains.
So that means the Italians actually eat that shit. I also remember absolutely years back when everyone decided to get massive pizzas instead of cooking that someone ordered one with stilton and tuna on. IN FUCKING ITALY!

Admittedly it was probably actually Gorgonzola and my parents were trying to persuade me to eat by saying it was stilton.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:49, archived)
# Only when I'm on a diet.
There aren't that many classy foods about, certainly not where pizza's concerned. Or at least, not once they've been mashed into a paste with saliva.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:31, archived)
# you get your food pre-chewed? how decadent
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:34, archived)
# It's a new adult baby niche.
Adult Baby Starling.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:35, archived)
# i'm allergic to cocoa so easter is great for me
from my perspective its a die when everyone eats toxic brown ovoids, because a hippy got nailed to a tree. worst holiday of the year.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:20, archived)
# New Year's Eve as someone who doesn't drink, fucking beat that.
Actually pretty much every day of pitiful misible life as someone who doesn't drink......
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:26, archived)
# are you allergic to alcohol or just an abstainer?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:29, archived)
# Abstainer I suppose.
Just never seen the point, a hallmark of my crushing social ineptitude and isolation really.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:39, archived)
# Top tip for you then
Go to Hotel Chocolat.
Get an egg from them and you will note that its shell is almost a centimeter thick or so.
They're real bastards to break up, but so damn thick.

Also, expensive.
Really, really, expensive for a chocolate egg (one with extra choccies with it costs about £20).
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:49, archived)
# 'mugs' - they're usually called 'parents'
*relurks*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:14, archived)
# That's a good point
she might get me an egg this year. She's not seemed to notice I've grown up and moved out. RESULT.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:16, archived)
# ^this
Daddy - look there are 39 of these overpriced Barbie miniature dolly wolly little sets with bits so small that you never see them again and most likely go up the hoover to collect at £5.99 each
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:17, archived)
# tell your kids
they're muslim
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:19, archived)
# + during April.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:19, archived)
# damn that's good
and we can convert to Jevvies just before Xmas! (that's a double V BTW)

TOP WORK PROF!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:20, archived)
# or just tell them you're a communist and that private property is theft
it would be a crime against your conscience to tacitly support the corrupt system
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:26, archived)
# tea is best drunk through a Cadbury's Spira
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:12, archived)
# I miss spiras
They're like the A-team, you need to know where you can find them.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:30, archived)
# Bravo, every night at 5PM
Spiras, I haven't got a clue
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:33, archived)
# haha.
That's some nonsense right there.

( without the further qualification ^^)

I've just had 4 bacon butties with lashings of brown sauce. Mainly because I could not be bothered eating rabbit food :)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:02, archived)
# I had bacon last night.
It went

toast
tea
tea
tea
easter egg
tea
tea
tea
tea
tea
bacon sandwich
tea


There might be a couple of missing teas.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:04, archived)
# You are a really shit jew!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:07, archived)
# I could count the number of
cups of tea I have had this year on your penis.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:08, archived)
# I've gone off coffee all of a sudden, makes me feel sick.
I'm not pregnant.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:09, archived)
# I'm having coffee now.
It was that or wine. I'd really like a wine but I have to drive to London this evening.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:11, archived)
# I have just finished my 6th tea of the day
and am not allowed a seventh until four o'clock, as I'm bored of weeing now.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:11, archived)
# There is a worrying amount
of lunch talk going on. Oh fuck, I didn't get transported to /talk when I wasn't looking?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:14, archived)
# Well all hell hasn't broken loose, so I'd say no.
Chocolate talk is good. Chocolate's lovely.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:15, archived)
# *blech*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:18, archived)
# I'll have all your chocolate and cigarettes
and you can have all my...

all my....


italians. And... pocket watches.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:19, archived)
# hah, i guess i'll have to have your coffee
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:33, archived)
# For now, yes.
I'll cry if I don't love it again soon.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:34, archived)
# Get yourself
on the Mars panel.
I get sent free chocolates in the post and all I have to do is eat them and tick some multiple choice boxes on t'internet.

I had a new version of Maltesers last week. I suspect they are attempting to make them cheaper ( to them, not to us ) because hardly a one of them was round and 3 of them had nearly no chocolate on them. Which of course I told them, in their little comments box. After I had eaten them. All.

www.mars-panel.com
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:19, archived)
# This is awesome, thankyou.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:22, archived)
# heheh
this may be the only advantage of living in Slough - Mars staff are always in the high street giving away their new products
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:24, archived)
# *signed up*
*sits by letterbox awaiting free mars bars*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:41, archived)
# *hugs*
guess who's special day it is today? it's mine!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:06, archived)
# *hug* happy birthday, petalkins.
In my absense has lunch been any more sorted? I bought a dress for it and everything.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:07, archived)
# not yet, i'm horribly disorganised still
does it need to be on a weekend for you?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:15, archived)
# Afraid so, pet
Clients and that.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:17, archived)
# hmm... lets see then... the 11th would probably be the best day for me as i'm only about for that weekend
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:22, archived)
# I shall poke the futtock and see what he says.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:23, archived)
# groovy :)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:28, archived)
# you work for Nestle, then?
(Mint Aeros do have a very high NYOM-factor)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:00, archived)
# Topics have a +10 nom factor
but they are unreasonably expensive
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:02, archived)
# wispa>topic
there, I've said it
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:05, archived)
# caramel wispa>all chocolate
shame they haven't existed since 1997
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:06, archived)
# they laughed at the idea of whispa gold
now look at them - caramel all over their faces

:)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:07, archived)
# Ripple trumps all comers
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:07, archived)
# Galaxy. Nothing special, just galaxy.
Nom.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:10, archived)
# see
many a happy time has been had comparing Ripples to normal Galaxy

and always the same 'needs more testing' conclusion
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:12, archived)
# I like the shape of galaxy now
it's very sensuous, in that non-pervy food way.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:12, archived)
# oh yes, it's gone all curvy
noms
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:13, archived)
# Good for those who let it melt rather than chewing.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:15, archived)
# Stoat's Proidge bar with raspberries
or a pint of something.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:06, archived)
# Twirls are up there too
I think a trip to the vending machines is in order...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:05, archived)
# TWIRLS!
tastiest of the vending machine offerings.
Bite both ends off and suck tea/coffee through them. then enjoy the lully melty twirly goodness...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:07, archived)
#
its true.. but there is definitely something about mint aeros. especially with coffee
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:08, archived)
# smoking goes better
with coffee
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:12, archived)
#
agreed
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:19, archived)
# TWIRL UPDATE: Double fucking vend!
Today is a good day.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:13, archived)
# *jealouses*
:D
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:15, archived)
# Haha!
Your 'git' was justified, it sounded a lot like I was boasting.

Which I guess I was.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:26, archived)
# SCORE!
That is indeed much win.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:15, archived)
# result
I remember once, when I used to work in an office, the girl that fills up the vending machine forgot to shut the front properly

amazingly, all the food 'fell out', except the fruit
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:15, archived)
# ha ha ha
:)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:17, archived)
# The stewards at university always make sure you can't get a double vend
the grumpy cunts
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:19, archived)
# See, our machines are great
The coil only stops when the product cuts a laser at the bottom so there's no chance of missing out.

Double vends are pretty rare though hence the wild celebration in my office right now!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:22, archived)
# The best is when you get a triple vend
when a double vend, knocks something else off on its way down,
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:29, archived)
# *high fives*
fucking score!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:15, archived)
# Double fucking vend?
I had a triple fucking vend once.

Had to resign after that, as my raison d'etre had gone.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:24, archived)
# That's only happened to me with crisps.
I could eat three chocolate bars but not three bags of crisps :(
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:28, archived)
# Well I kept the third as a trophy,
so I'll swap it for your uneaten bag of crisps?

It was about 7 years ago so can't vouch for its condition.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:32, archived)
# That's cool
Chocolate lasts forever it just goes a bit white. You like Thai sweet chilli Sensations?

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:35, archived)
# Hmm, well I did
but then overindulged as they were the machine's best crisp option. Eating a pack every day caused them to totally lose their appeal.

So in summary ... no.

But yeah I agree on the chocolate thing - quite a common occurence for me to be eating easter egg chocolate after christmas.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:00, archived)
# can't beat a Gold bar
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:09, archived)
# I know it's a relatively soft metal, but it still can't be that good for your teeth...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:12, archived)
# Gold would be better than this shit
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:19, archived)
# hahah
I was listening to this: www.last.fm/music/Sagor%2B%2526%2BSwing/_/Bora+Bora at the same time, perfect accompaniment
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:22, archived)
# I prefer caramac
Same milky caramelly taste but without the bisuityness

Ridiculously expensive for the amount of chocolate you get though.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:21, archived)
# I'm kind of sick of chocolate at the moment
... not sure why.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:04, archived)
# My girlfriend told me yesterday that I am too thin because I always buy chocolate with holes in
This may well be true.
I am obviously ruining my appetite by filling up on holes.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:08, archived)
# Just tell her you don't eat the holes
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:10, archived)
# pft...
rednecksexytimelols
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:13, archived)
#
it's better for you, your system is getting more oxygen.

like with cigarettes
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:12, archived)
# That sounds like something Gillian McKeith would say
'The oxygen will pass into the bowels and allow the green vegetables you have eaten to photosynthesise more effectively'.

Stupid bitch
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:14, archived)
#
she'd be right. it's black pudding - it's bad for you because your brain can't tell which is your blood and which is the pigs so it just stops caring
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:16, archived)
# Hahahaha
I only eat fresh blood anyway
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:18, archived)
# Swiss chocolate?
or chocolate that the mice have been at first?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:12, archived)
# Hhhmmphhhh...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:57, archived)
# yes
he needs some Buzzcocks - bore-dum bore....dum!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:58, archived)
# or..

PUT A DONK ON IT!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:20, archived)
# He's flicking WITHOUT PICKING! What madness is this!?!!
top stuff, sir :D
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:59, archived)
# Fanks Shtevie
:D
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:01, archived)
# :D
I was starting to worry about you.

Have you been doing some work or something?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:00, archived)
# Yep...
....sorry, I'll be popping back now and then though :)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:01, archived)
# QUIT YOUR JOB LOSER!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:03, archived)
# Here have a Sioux Pollard...


(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:12, archived)
# Seen and raised

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:15, archived)
# Ha ha ha!
Fucking win :D
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:17, archived)
# haha
nice
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:09, archived)
# awesome
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:16, archived)
# this is sublime mate!
:D *clicks
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:32, archived)
# Thanks OP!
:)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:41, archived)
[challenge entry] We're going to need a smaller actor...

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:53, archived)
# Hahahahaha
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:54, archived)
# hahaha
Yoke?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:54, archived)
# Ha ha ha ha!
That Bungle!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:54, archived)
# hehe

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:55, archived)
# hahahhaha!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:56, archived)
# Ha ha ha!
You really are starting to get on my nerves with your immmense fucking humour!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:57, archived)
# well Sir
you've done it again...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:58, archived)
# Noice!
Also means I can pea-roast this




Also, old as shit but funny as hell....
www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5GC2PdUH4Q
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:17, archived)
# that first image was from my site!
remember capturing that image using my old TV card YEARS ago for my site

www.widdy.demon.co.uk/rainbow/main.htm

think you have to use that website that allows you to see old web pages to view it now...cant remember the link.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2009, 12:00, archived)
# someone had to
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:48, archived)
# she's fucking lovely
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:49, archived)
# She is.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:49, archived)
# she's gorgeous
she's sexy
she's clever
she playes the piano
she sings
she knows Naomi Lenoir
what's not to like!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:51, archived)
# Piano, you say?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:51, archived)
# She's brown?
RACISTLOLS!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:52, archived)
# She can't cook
SEXISTLOLS!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:53, archived)
# She is unstable for 1 week of the month!
SEXISTLOLS Win :D
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:54, archived)
# THAT FONT.
GAME OVER, MAN. GAME OVER.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:53, archived)
# She also knows how to play aerodynamic on piano :D
she is D-REEM-E
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:54, archived)
#
piano meat-flute
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:21, archived)
# GREAT BODY IMPRSSIVELY SHON BY MAILEEN KLARS

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:50, archived)
# Her back looks very shopped in that advert.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:50, archived)
# it's actually my back
i waxed it special
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:51, archived)
# Phwoar.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:53, archived)
# ANPANTEN
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:50, archived)
# i fucking hate that advert
they wanted to say NICE TITS TOO so badly but it doesn't have anything to do with hair
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:51, archived)
# She is
annoyingly. Clever/talented people should be ugly. Bitch. I shall jealous all over her face.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:50, archived)
# PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS IN LOTS MORE DETAIL
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:51, archived)
# Hot spurts of envy dripping off that perfect wee nosey of hers.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:54, archived)
# back in a mo!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:56, archived)
# I know a girl who doesn't find her attractive.
I mental'd all over her.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:52, archived)
# Oh I wouldn't, don't get me wrong
she's a bit thin and innocent for my liking. But I do think she's a very pretty little thing.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:53, archived)
# I meant, at all.
I was all "HOW!?"
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:54, archived)
# That's putting it mildly
I do admire an intelligent, talented, good-looking woman who isn't ashamed to stand around in her pants for money
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:51, archived)
# If I looked like her in my pants
I'd be doing it too. Why write a book for 200 grand when you can flash some groin for the same?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:51, archived)
# What I don't get
is when thick people stand around in their pants for money, they get abused for being thick people who can only stand around in their pants for money.

It's all they've got...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:54, archived)
# Perfectly reasonable way of earning money.
If I wasn't under qualified I'd be doing it. Plus the world needs more naked people.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:56, archived)
# *agrees*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:51, archived)
# Who is?
she?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:52, archived)
# she's the clever one out of Hear'Say
I love Hear'Say
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:53, archived)
# Pure and Simple
is a WONDERFUL pop song and I'll defend it to my grave
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:05, archived)
# \o/
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:13, archived)
# So she is a member of a popular musical group then?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:17, archived)
# she's a little bit too clean and bright for my liking
but she's dead pretty and can play the piano

Universal truth #57: woman + musical instrument = x5 sexiness
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:52, archived)
# Do they have to be any good at the musical instrument?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:52, archived)
# grade 8 skin flute

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:54, archived)
# Oi!
You ruined my joke =(

Ha ha. Great filthy minds and all that
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:56, archived)
# I heard
she plays a mean skin flute...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:54, archived)
# FUCK YOU!
hahahahahaa
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:55, archived)
# saxphone is good
cf The Zutons
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:55, archived)
# Cor yes!
Abi Harding FTMFW!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:57, archived)
# Abi(g) Hardon more like
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:59, archived)
# LOL!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:00, archived)
# *grumbles*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:58, archived)
# The Pink Picalo?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:56, archived)
# nope
although being good brings them into a whole new band of sexiness... at which point it gets complicated because a) there such a thing as being so sexy it's unattractive and b) no one likes a show off and c) being too good may be intimidating... which might be sexy again.

It's VERY complicated.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:56, archived)
# "if she can hit a triangle without missing it, that's good enough for me"
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:55, archived)
# you're just discriminating against
the mentally less well off!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:58, archived)
# Her and Sheryl Cole in a marmite sandwhich
*sexy-asplodes*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:57, archived)
# She does look unusually delighted, doesn't she...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:49, archived)
# she would so get it
she might even get it twice before the taxi arrives
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:49, archived)
# i honestly have no idea who that is
Hello b3ta :D
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:52, archived)
#
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:54, archived)
# oh well now i know...
but now i need to google "hear say" or whatever that was
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:57, archived)
# ...nope still non the wiser
oh well
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:57, archived)
# they only had one good song
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:00, archived)
# Would!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:21, archived)
# "Waaaark!"

- Powerful words from Kjeldsen,
and something for his fellow golfers to take into account for the next game.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:33, archived)
# He just done a shit in the seventeenth hole
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:36, archived)
# Hahaha
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:36, archived)
# he done a turd in the third
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:43, archived)
# That is quite clearly the foot of a water bound bird
such as a dick or a goose.

No water bound bird makes a Caw Caw sound. You fail!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:36, archived)
# FUCK YOU
encarta.msn.com/media_461516569_761561510_-1_1/flamingo.html
Flamingo noises.
How do I even spell that noise?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:37, archived)
# I don;'t know.
But you should definitely put a donk on it.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:43, archived)
# ghaaak whaaaaak
No, I can't do it. Damn.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:47, archived)
# What does that mean?
*googles*

*despairs*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:48, archived)
# PUT A DONK ON IT!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:50, archived)
# like i said
*despairs*

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:50, archived)
# No!
They are all the future of music!

Along with Afrikan Boy!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4kBcm-ls8Y
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:53, archived)
# ...
...oh dear
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:00, archived)
# Bloody encarta, bankrupting encyclopaedia Britannica
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:44, archived)
# Wow...I remember getting an Encarta CD-ROM with my first win95 pc.
Haven't heard of them since.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:47, archived)
# ^Exactly this.
Edit: Actually I think it might have been '98 for me, too.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:48, archived)
# Aye,
I had Encarta 98. So advanced at the time :D
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:48, archived)
# My dick isn't water bound
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:42, archived)
# "DUCK!"
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:36, archived)
# Cricket.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:38, archived)
# I don't like cricket
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:38, archived)
# Oh no!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:38, archived)
# I would have continued
but everyone else beat me to it

It's the Monday Afternoon B3ta Sing-Along!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:43, archived)
# There was a time, many moons ago,.
where myself and Archie recited the whole of Magic Dance by David Bowie in Brian text. Those were the days. No ClanSoul at all ;)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:51, archived)
# I love it
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:38, archived)
# Oh Yeah!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:39, archived)
# It's shit.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:39, archived)
# get out
*points towards France*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:40, archived)
# This^^^^
Cricket is the 3rd best sport of all time after Curling and Fencing.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:41, archived)
# Curling is only good if you use monkeys.
Fencing is ok.
Cricket = Shit.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:42, archived)
# Wrong!
Dry stone walling is the best sport ever!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:42, archived)
# they do that in France too
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:42, archived)
# they play cricket there too
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:41, archived)
# ^trufax
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:42, archived)
# Badly
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:43, archived)
# They invented it acording to Lord Stephen of Fry
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:47, archived)
# I've been to France before.
I didn't like it.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:41, archived)
# !
France is fucking awesome! for all sorts of reasons (food, people, wine, people, wine, government, women, wine and wine).

Also - after giving birth the state provides women with a) hired help like a nanny who does housework etc b) state imposed pelvic floor exercises.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:44, archived)
# that would explain the lower proportion of gunts in france compared to the UK
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:46, archived)
# on the other hand
chiropractic is in the same league as black magic

and no fucker can ever use their indicators properly
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:46, archived)
# Anything that involves hitting a ball
isn't worth watching
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:41, archived)
# that leaves darts
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:41, archived)
# Swimming, Trampolining...
Trampolining is only good if you take part.
Unless someone breaks their neck, then it's fucking great.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:43, archived)
# Horse Riding for you then
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:45, archived)
# No.
Just, no.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:46, archived)
# trampolining is not a sport
I refuse to accept this.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:47, archived)
# It is if you cross it with darts.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:48, archived)
# where is there a pub with the
ceiling height to allow this to happen?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:50, archived)
# France
probably
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:52, archived)
# My local has very high ceilings.
Also, The White Elephant in Northampton.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:05, archived)
# Does that include wrestling?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:43, archived)
# Definately.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:45, archived)
# Golf is a 'game' for wankers
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:38, archived)
# "hitting a ball, then walking after it, then hitting it some more"
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:39, archived)
# "sometimes picking up the ball and putting it in your pocket"
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:39, archived)
# holy fuck! its rudolf hess
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:42, archived)
# ...now showing on BBC Three
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:43, archived)
# Hahaha, shortly followed by
'This Isn't My House!' and 'Young People Are All Thick, Right?' (a shocking documentary about the head of programming for BBC3)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:45, archived)
# heheheh
my new brother in law writes comedy for the BBC

he doesn't think Allo Allo is funny
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:47, archived)
# Not even the Gendarme?!
Whats-her-face's face cracks me up every time.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:49, archived)
# the tiny one that looks like the Moog?
it's the Germans that get me

Germans always make me laugh
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:50, archived)
# Aye :D
I love the gendarme so much. SO much.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:51, archived)
# That gives me an idea....
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:50, archived)
# hahaha
that was much more dismissive than I was expecting
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:51, archived)
# This
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:52, archived)
# Haha no it's Sheen.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:43, archived)
#
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:32, archived)
# HALF LIVES DO NOT WORK LIKE THAT
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:35, archived)
# QUARTER LIFE: HALFWAY TO DESTRUCTION
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:36, archived)
# She is doing a great job though
I love the home office and everything that they do and it's because she's so good at her job.

THE HOME OFFICE FUCKING RULES MAN!!! IF THEY RELEASED AN ALBUM I WOULD BUY IT ON CASSETTE!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:36, archived)
# HOME OFFICE - Greates hits
Is out now!

£99999.99
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:38, archived)
# Ha ha ha!
Yeah man, Home Offfice Rulez!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:38, archived)
# I have a whole load of Home Office stuff on CD
/secret agent blog
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:38, archived)
# Secret agent man, secret agent man
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:39, archived)
# HELLO
*afterninglesmooshings*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:42, archived)
# Hi chapply :)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:43, archived)
# how are ya pet lamb?
we've missed you
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:48, archived)
# I'm a wee bit ill
but okidoki. I was off on holiday last week- just home.

Awww.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:49, archived)
# *hugs and magic rubs all better*
I hope your holiday was awesome-o
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:53, archived)
# I've got a big radioactive sphere from China. wanna swap?
:D
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:42, archived)
#
secret agent Chiltern Railways lost property office
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:56, archived)
# some real munter
was talking about this on BBC this morning. She was saying how awful it was that JS's husband had done this.

As if her husband would ever do such a thing! I reckon even her dildo would imagine she was someone else
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:36, archived)
# I have a theory...
That the porn was delibrately added to expenses as it makes a better story, and diverts attention from the fact that she was claiming her pay TV on expenses.

What she was watching is irrelevant.

AND ANOTHER THING

If they were getting Oceans 13 on pay-per-view that must have been over a year ago... so why's it only come out now (oo-er!)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:40, archived)
# ha ha
person in "has bought porn" shocker

... they probably watched it together and then tried to recreate it... it's a beautiful thing and Jacqui has nothing to be ashamed of... she's a very sensual woman
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:40, archived)
# she tried it but didn't enjoy it
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:41, archived)
# that's cos they watched Wrestlemania 87 by mistake
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:43, archived)
# *piledrives*
mmmmmmmm - you like that don't you you slag!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:46, archived)
# Oooh...
the thought of Jacqui Smith calling me a slag

*spluffs*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:47, archived)
# Royal RUmble 92 FTW1!1!!!!
Yokozuna Win :D
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:47, archived)
# I refuse to have my attention diverted from how shit she is
by how horny her husband is.

I'd be fucking horny and frustrated if my cock socket looked like that. That or mid-divorce due to cheating.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:38, archived)
# I'd rather that than Blears
I bet hers is like two bricks stuck together
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:39, archived)
# Stale crusty roll with a hole poked in it
I bet.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:40, archived)
# or like an old chamois leather you find in a bucket in the garage that you forgot to wring out after using it last summer
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:41, archived)
# thanks for that
*puts mayonnaise back in fridge*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:42, archived)
# *round of applause*
I'll leave my fish skin analogy out of this, I think. Save it for later.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:43, archived)
# and the slugs have been at it.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:43, archived)
# that is a really nasty image... I may well be seeing my lunch again...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:43, archived)
# best not to mention alsation's gums then
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:49, archived)
# And the award for 'Alliteration in a sexual context' goes to CAPAIN WOW for 'cock socket'!
how's the new job going Wowser?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:40, archived)
# It's not, yet
I thought it would be, but here I am doing the same old sheyite. You?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:41, archived)
# meh!
I'm just getting back into things after relaxing a little round about October. Deadlines schmedlines
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:44, archived)
# I want a new job. I don't want this new one.
It's not different enough. Ugh.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:46, archived)
# is that alliteration?
I have never understood alliteration.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:43, archived)
# Don't split hairs
he's recognised my smashingness.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:46, archived)
# every day thorugh my binoculars baby!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:47, archived)
# \o/
You're welcome for Saturday then.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:48, archived)
# probably assonance rather than alliteration
but who cares... 'cock socket' is a fitting phrase for a fanny!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:51, archived)
# I thought it was the 'how horny her hustband is' bit
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:51, archived)
#

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:38, archived)
# SCRUBBERS!
W&I ftw
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:39, archived)
# I want to know what the films were
Bankok chickboys i reckon
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:40, archived)
# Nazi Sofa-faced Slags IV
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:44, archived)
# Once again
the daily mailers are up in arms with faux indignation.

Think on this. Virgin bills are pretty much lumped together for all services now to keep costs down.
I doubt whatever unpaid 'researcher' that is being used as a secretary gave a moments consideration when submitting bills for expenses.
If her husband had decided to get a Batman film from box office instead of 'old sluts 3' then nobody would have been any the wiser and the expenses would have been paid, no doubt as the were every month previous for her and every other MP using the same services.

The guy had a five knuckle shuffle over some crap porn. Big deal.
Somebody tried to get as much as they could from an expense claim? Big deal also.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:50, archived)
# um...
"I doubt whatever unpaid 'researcher' that is being used as a secretary gave a moments consideration when submitting bills for expenses."

That'll be her husband who is paid £40,000 a year out of expenses to check these kind of things...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:53, archived)
# Oh please.
We all know how to use and abuse interns to do the jobs we are supposed to be doing.

Euro MP's will be claiming £1M in expenses next year before salary and people get upset over a £5 wankfest? It's hypocritical. Everyone tries to get as much as they can for as little effort. It's human nature.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:58, archived)
# The fact it was porn is irrelevant
The public is narked because it's come off the back of her housing allowance claim that is currently being investigated, and she's the fucking home secretary.

She is is one of the main people responsuible for telling people how to live their lives.

It's classic "do as I say, not as I do" and the public are sick to death of being preached to about morality by people who have all the morality of a criminal.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:16, archived)
# I don't have an issue with it really.
I think it's pretty much the same as VAT returns. I claim absolutely everything I possibly can including her hair and makeup against business expenses and some of it is accepted and some not. Nobody bats an eye that I claim for some things that will never be accepted ( although my accountant and I often have a wry smile at each other as if to say " I can't believe we just put THAT on there" )

Expenses should be the same. Claim for everything you can and then somebody decides what's in and what's out. That's how it works when I get expense claims in during jobs.

The uproar should not be about who claimed it, but whoever passed it if indeed, they did.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:28, archived)
# I'm not a Daily Mailer
but I would like to know how that Virgin Media can be classed as a Palimentary Expense, regardless of whether it was used to watch Corrie or Big Jugs TV. Telephone and internet I can understand but TV? She earns enough - why can't she pay for it herself?

and the big deal is that the money to pay for these services and expenses doesn't come from a company's profit margin - it comes from taxation of Joe Public. If somebody working for a PLC was taking the piss with their expense claims they'd be fired.

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:00, archived)
# The claim was for internet.
but as I said. Virginmedia are lumping the billing for all services together.

Even so any MP will be claiming TV expenses as a legitimate expense. I'd be quite annoyed if MPs were not using all available media to keep abreast of world events.

My point is that expense fiddling is rife. It's never been any different in parliament ( regardless of party affiliation. Joe Public paid for the conservative's whores in the early 80s ) and being angry today because something made the news is pointless if you were not angry about it when it wasn't in the news.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:07, archived)
# I agree with you - fiddling expenses is rife
but when the said expenses comes from general taxation you can understand why people would be upset, regardless of whichever bunch if inept tossers are in charge at the time. We're in recession; people are losing their jobs left right and centre so people will be upset about the whole affair.

I dare say the Tories put in some mad claims back when they were in charge (I seem to remember a Tory MP putting wallpaper costing £5000 a roll on his expenses back in the early 90s)

All MP expenses need to be audited every year and any irregularity investigated by an independant body.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:18, archived)
# YAY, it's make dogs look silly -monday!!!!!!!!!!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:30, archived)
# Aww, looks like he's wired to blow up!
His eyepatch is going to fall off anyway though.

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:32, archived)
# Ah, dogthrottling. A wonderful way to spend a saturday.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:33, archived)
# More like a grade A chin/cheek-rub :D

'lo Miss!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:34, archived)
# Yo.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:35, archived)
# the hand looks ready to choke him....
do it!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:34, archived)
# It's odd that I've posted this quite a few times since it was first made, way back
yet this is the first time anyone has said that...and now it's mindpissed?!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:36, archived)
# sorry i just got caught up in the mob mentality
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:38, archived)
# CHOKE THE DOG
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:37, archived)
# COOK YOUR OWN DOG
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:39, archived)
# NOBODY SHOULD BE MADE TO COOK THEIR OWN DOG
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:40, archived)
# It's legal (if you first choke them)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:41, archived)
# Dogs should be raw, and LIVING
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:42, archived)
# this dog has dignity
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:33, archived)
# Why was I not informed?
Fires secretary
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:33, archived)
# Ver' nice.
Coming soon: Make Dogs Look Silly Tuesday.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:34, archived)
# He's gonna do it maaaaan....he's gonna blow!
[edit] how about paintball Owels day!


(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:37, archived)
#


CFB
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:18, archived)
# Why did I manage to post a comment first after your post?
Why How
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:20, archived)
# "do NOT go out there without an umbrella"
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:20, archived)
# Slippery Metal Steps
BTW does anyone have the reciepe for Napalm?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:21, archived)
# Yes.
1. Buy some ready-made napalm.
2. Profit.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:22, archived)
# :(
Needs to be home-made
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:24, archived)
#
1. Buy some home-made napalm
2. Profit
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:29, archived)
# napalm
low octane petrol + benzene + polystyrene (usually a styrofoam cup). Skip the microwave part though!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:30, archived)
# "Slippery Metal Steps" sounds like a great name for a prog metal band.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:22, archived)
# Lolz!
Maybe they could burn down my Letting Agents for me!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:23, archived)
# Much the same as marzipan but without the sugar.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:23, archived)
# mmm
I think its styofoam and petrol

mix


place in microwave

run
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:24, archived)
# nice!
That seems to ring a few bells!!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:25, archived)
# add something to make it sticky
thatll help

some phosphorous will make it brighter and some manganese will give it some colour

have fun and remember safety first, and make it in a neighbours shed so yours wont burn down
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:28, archived)
# Buy a napalm death CD
scribble out the word death

Profit
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:26, archived)
# Someone once told me you needed frozen orange juice and butter.
Never mind napalm, just chuck thermite and lit matches at people.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:27, archived)
# Thats what they say on fight club
because they weren't allowed to say the proper recipe
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:33, archived)
# Ahhh.
Oh well.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:35, archived)
# no that was a line in the film Fart Club
with bradd pittt i think

you need to make the petrol thciker thats the secret.

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:33, archived)
# microwave day-old pizza on high for 10 mins. It seems to have the same properties as napalm.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:30, archived)
# Marzipan and Nesquik I think
But it's not the ingediants, it's the ratio.

1% out either way and you end up with concentrated ennui
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:38, archived)
# You look tired she said,
you always look tired she said!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCqfVqFi0hs
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:23, archived)
# :D
I've been trying to think of things for a plot for you over the weekend ... I'll try and gaz you something this week

:)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:30, archived)
# Badger monkeys
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:31, archived)
# tee-hee
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:31, archived)
# *Office chuckle*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:32, archived)
# Hahahahahaha
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:33, archived)
# Humm no can see...
is b3tards on the blink?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:32, archived)
# This took me many years of research, living in the wild.

Click for bigger and 200+ more doofers
.

I hope you appreciate the sacrifice I made for this knowledge.

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:15, archived)
# this is both wonderful
and a proven fact of science nature.

THIS KNOWLEDGE COULD SAVE THE WORLD
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:17, archived)
# and/or kill many bears
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:17, archived)
#

(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:17, archived)
# Ha ha ha ha!
It's a shame that pandas often often disguse themselves in hospital waste and as such are routinely incinerated.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:18, archived)
# will they ever learn
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:23, archived)
# It's the smell of cack-filled pyjamas.
They can't get enough of it.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:27, archived)
# A fitting tribute to all those bears who lost their lives in WW2
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:18, archived)
# Arf!
You should have just watched Into the Wild.

In fact, don't bother, it was really annoying. Soundtrack was good though.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:19, archived)
# It came out after I left on my expedition.
That's staggered worldwide release schedules for you. If I had a pound for every time I've gone exploring the wilderness only to find that a film was released of the same adventure just after I'd gone... Err... Yes.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:21, archived)
# Ha ha ha
Next up, Matazone makes a list of the jews in the world....
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:23, archived)
# You mean someone's already put one together?
Oy vey!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:31, archived)
# I have an idea!
What you wanna do, is organise a race to Monte Carlo!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:37, archived)
# Mrs S keeps wanting me to see that
even though she has already told me virtually every second of it.

It sounds fucking annoying
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:25, archived)
# It was so fucking annoying you wouldn't believe.
A friend of mine was going on and on at me about it going, OOooh! It is so tragic. I told her to fuck off and then she carried on and on and on so I watched it. It isn't tragic at all, it is pathetic. Some rich kid fucks off to the wilderness with no fiucking preparation whatsoever. Darwinian in its ending!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:29, archived)
# ....aaand NOW I want to see it :D
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:33, archived)
# I'm glad to see that we share this opinion
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:38, archived)
# Seriously,
what is the problem with women? It isn't fucking tragic in the slightest. If some cunt tried to fly to the moon by strapping some canisters of flammable liquid to his legs and lighting them, then proceeded to blow himself up, it would not be tragic. It would be fucking stupid. Still, it does have a good soundtrack ;)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:40, archived)
#

Tune in next week for 'Cat remains in box'!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:10, archived)
# Hah! excellent
Cats really can't resist dangly things. Unless someone thinks they would like to play with it/is watching.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:11, archived)
# *hides dangly things*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:14, archived)
# *puts pants on*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:15, archived)
# I've seen a cat go for this very example
It wasn't pretty, however you look at it!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:18, archived)
# You haven't lived
until you've had a cat hanging from your nipple, I can tell you. But you do wish you were dead for a little while.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:20, archived)
# This made me laugh out loud
and then have to read it to my boyfriend to explain the sudden giggles
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:26, archived)
# That's just wrong.
Silly cat, you do not belong on nipple.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:32, archived)
# :D
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:11, archived)
# :D
this is most gleesome!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:11, archived)
# nice work jeru in space!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:12, archived)
# hegemony here:
Curiosity kills cat.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:12, archived)
# *imagines 80s whiteboy soulpop wank*
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:13, archived)
# That's a distrubing mental image
Pass the salt. So I can make myself puke.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:15, archived)
# Ha ha ha ha!
This is excellent!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:13, archived)
# pfft!
but also: nooooooooooooooooo!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:14, archived)
# hahahahahha! poor cat in space......
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:17, archived)
# this is a new kind of Woo that makes all other old kinds of Woo
look dated!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:17, archived)
# Well...
... he was told to relax. So he's no longer under pressure...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:44, archived)
# This is so beautiful that I wept.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:47, archived)
# this is my favourite thing ever!
have a host of *clicks*

:D

ALSO, its too late to jinx it but why this is not FP's is a fuckin mystery to me...
(, Tue 31 Mar 2009, 16:27, archived)
# couldn't resist a bad 'shop job
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:01, archived)
# Arf!
I was fearing a Natasha Richardson joke there for a second....
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:01, archived)
# That makes 243 of us.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:26, archived)
# me no understand
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:02, archived)
# The Namco game, Tekken
Just change a few letters and...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:03, archived)
# EKTENK!
of cooooooourse!



eh?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:04, archived)
# Now it's me how doesn't understand
:D
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:05, archived)
#
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:07, archived)
# Well done on your frontpage image, barry!
I had my fingers crossed for you... you deserved it :)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:09, archived)
# *dances*
One FP per 9,400 posts - Guaranteed!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:10, archived)
# 9,400?
You lucky bastard!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:12, archived)
# Just call me monkeon...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:15, archived)
# ..although that image is stopping me winning the compo. Curses!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:16, archived)
# :D
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:21, archived)
# ahhh thankyou
I love IMDB's rollover spoilers

Stepfather/Binoculars
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:10, archived)
# We watched that last night, oddly enough
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:02, archived)
# any good?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:02, archived)
# Pissage of the highest order :D
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:03, archived)
# Not really
Very enjoyable bollocks is how I would describe it.

If you enjoy 24 because of all the hard man/trained soldier stuff you'll love Taken, if you enjoy 24 because of the smarts, you'll probably hate it.
It was like Jack Bauer with his overshadowing love of his daughter, but if he didn't give a shit about morals, and if you took away the intellect of what he could realistically do*.

*Not that I'm claiming 24 is actually totally possible, just that they often do a good job of suspending disbelief
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:10, archived)
# Bah,
never really liked the idea of 24 really. I'll give it a miss :)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:13, archived)
# I'm really not an action film fan
nor a big buyer into the kudos given to soldiers...but 24 is possibly one of my favourite things ever.

I was left reeling after the first episode I ever saw, one of the best bits of tv in existence...and this is from someone who really doesn't like/watch many tv shows at all.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:17, archived)
#
I love 24 and I was surprised by how good taken was. It runs along very similar lines as 24, but Liam Neeson would whoop Jack Bauers butt when it comes to imaginative torture techniques.

Definitely worth a watch at least once, I liked it for it's no nonsense approach to getting the job done.

A good example, he's on a boat, guards are looking for him, one peers through the glass porthole in a door, to be greeted with a bullet between the eyes. In 24 it would have involved an elaborate fight sequence. It was raw agression!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:33, archived)
# Saw it last week
not bad - plenty dont like it because of the obvious theme/racism but its just an action film..

Neeson is quite good in it too

/contains no ref to skiing
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:07, archived)
# I thought Neeson did an excellent job of playing that character
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:13, archived)
# Any good?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:03, archived)
# Not a bad film as it goes.
At least I think so. It was last summer when I saw it and there has been a lot of beer since then.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:06, archived)
# Pfft!
I watched Paul Blart Mall Cop the other day and enjoyed it, so I think I will pretty much enjoy anything anyway ;)
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:08, archived)
# Christ.
I was unable to watch that through to the end and have not had the desire to go back to it.

I watched "The Echelon Conspiaracy" ( aka 'the gift' ) the other night.

I wish I'd have been murdered instead.
Did someone not tell those guys that your entire story was done last summer in "Eagle Eye" and that version was only passable?
empty script supported by b list actors with a couple of cameos to prop it up. Implausable characters reacting totally unnatural to extremely impossible situations.

I can't say it's the worst film I have seen this year because I've seen Far Cry and Fire from Below but damn, it's close.

A film I really enjoyed last week was "Faintheart". Good old British comedy with a high dose of geekery.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:15, archived)
# I am a real sucker for shit comedies.
Not heard of fanitheart, I'll check it out.

I really hope Edgar Wright makes another films soon with Pegg and Frost.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:18, archived)
# Pegg and frost are
busy on Tintin I think.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:22, archived)
# I just read up on that.
Directed by Spielberg, and written by Joe Cornish.

That is gonna fucking well rock!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:26, archived)
# I saw Far Cry too..... Christ almighty that was bad....
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:27, archived)
# hehehehehhe! brill :D
hmmm... I may have to dig out Tekken 2 later on...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:02, archived)
# I preferred Tekken 3.
I unlocked everything in that game, every pre-rendered cutscene, every alternative costume.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:05, archived)
# I only ever played as Yoshimitsu or Law... Very occasionally Kazuya. Never bothered with the rest....
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:06, archived)
# Nina Williams FTMFW!
Chain limb breaks.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:08, archived)
# That was a good game
I was unbeatable as the kickboxing guy on that, whose name I now forget

Then there was Goldeneye as well, a mate of mine at uni got every single cheat you could
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:07, archived)
# You mean Hwoarang?
The only guy ever named after the noise made when you expectorate.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:09, archived)
# I preferred Baek-a-cake personally.
I've called him that for so long I can't actually remember his real name now.

Also Gun Jack from Tekken 2 was pretty awesome.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:12, archived)
# thats the one!
then my flatmate learnt how to counter, and it all became less fun :(
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:15, archived)
# Goldeneye is still one of the best FPS out there...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:10, archived)
# This^^^^
It was the only time I actually wanted to buy a console based on one game!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:14, archived)
# I grabbed a gamecube on the same principle - rogue squadron 2
i still pay it now, to be honest
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:16, archived)
# Were you like me and watched the Gon end sequence again and again for HOURS AND HOURS!
Also Tekken Ball was the best thing ever, sucks they didn't include it in the later ones.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:08, archived)
# YES.
I still frighten my kids by shouting "THE KING OF IRON FIST TOURNAMENT" when they least expect it.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:10, archived)
# Fuck I love making random noises from old games.
I remember making the hilarious fighting noises Sub Zero and Liu Kang make in Mortal Kombat Shaolin Monks at my nieces all the time.

Incidentally that game has the best and unintentionally hilarious opening sequences ever.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:17, archived)
# Heh heh
I still regularly shout 'CHICKEN' in a deep growly voice when we have chicken based meals.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:20, archived)
# Haha fuck I forgot about that.
I think the best ridiculous quotes must be Yoshimitsu in Soul Calibur 3, I mean the fuck was up with his voice?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:30, archived)
# I never played that.
His camp 'MMMmmmmmm!' noise always makes me laugh. Like Kenneth Williams in a chimney with a lemon stuck up his arse.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:38, archived)
# Tekken 3 onward, same thing
although I have lost all enthusiasm for Tekken 6, despite its having Bryan Fury firing a shotgun as a finishing move
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:09, archived)
# I have Tekken Tag for the PS2
since my PS ONE carked it. It's not the same. Bryan Fury is ace, though.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:11, archived)
# is it about Bryan Ferry's Hulk-like alter ego?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:13, archived)
# Me and my mates loved tag
pisses me off that they've ommitted the option ever since
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:14, archived)
# Bryan was always my favourite.
Let's face it, you can't go far wrong with zombie punks, can you?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:13, archived)
# Tekken for your midafternoon draw-off!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:13, archived)
# ^this
Although nobody else would have a clue who anyone was.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:15, archived)
# it's about time I redrew them all again
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:26, archived)
# I've not even seen Tekken 6 yet...
Dead or Alive 2 on PS2 was excellent... Jann Lee was awesome.. "Waaah-taaaaah!"
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:13, archived)
# I loved Tekken 3
on the PS2. ( Tekken 2 on the PSone wasn't it )
It was the only console game that when I picked up the controller I was confident that someone was getting a new hole tearing and that it would not be me for a change.
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:09, archived)
# Tekken was shit.
Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter FTW!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:10, archived)
# Tekken is easily the best 3d fighter
SF the best 2d

Mortal Kombat much as I love it was always just about the finishing moves
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:15, archived)
# Aye,
it was the finishing moves that made it so great :D
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:20, archived)
# my mothers cousins son,is married to liam nessons daughter
(, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:10, archived)

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