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Fucking hell, internet, sort it out.
Let's have a little poll. Who from here that you haven't met would you like to have a pint with?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 22:54, archived)

Just for the record, I'm duty bound to say SSS so I get a sniff at tapping her mum up on one of her "vulnerable" times

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 22:55, archived)

Wahey
I reckon you me and Hankster should get together, so we can bitch about shit music and class snobbery for hours. It'd be like a threeway Billy Bragg competition
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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 22:59, archived)

I was a miner AND a docker
Beat that, drawing girl!
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:01, archived)

Err...
Raised by Tories in a nice house and a public school education. I'd only be there for the opposition
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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:03, archived)

I went to a public school too
But on a bursary and with second hand uniform on account of being skint and starving. I probably had rickets.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:05, archived)

I bet you totally got picked on by the kids whose dads had porsches
I remember being laughed at because I didn't have a horse. Still haven't got my head round that one
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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:07, archived)

Horseless cunt.

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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:08, archived)

It still hurts :(

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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:17, archived)

I am well aware that my name could betray me here
But I was in a class with people called Giles, Alton and an actual Tarquin. One bloke's surname was actually Bourgeois. I lived in a council house and my mum worked in a chippy. Fuck knows what my dad was up to, he was long gone.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:12, archived)

I knew a girl who ACTUALLY WANTED TO NAME HER CHILD TARQUIN
Despite being at a Convent, we all still took the piss
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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:20, archived)

I know a bloke, a teacher, who changed his name to Tarquin Badger
He is a tory.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:22, archived)

I'm deeply surprised

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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:28, archived)

~~surpri~~ arou
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mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:36, archived)

*rubs thighs*

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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:37, archived)

woah, woah, hang on, are you really a nun?

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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:22, archived)

Her full name is SugarSpunSisterMaryBernadetteTheresa

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mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:22, archived)

I'm totally a nun
and not a massive atheist like my online persona would have you believe.

Pesky keyboard, repent
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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:29, archived)

The point-of-contact staff at one of our biggest customers' head office are called Romyla and Cordelia.
Very ordinary surnames though.
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The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:43, archived)

You should still stab them

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:45, archived)

Horsed up twats.
To hell with them darling, you're far too good for them.
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Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:14, archived)

To be fair, I'm one of the few that didn't fuck up too massively
I WIN etc
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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:37, archived)

Another social event that I'm not invited to :(
Probably because I'm shit at posting things like what I promise to.
I've still got a box of tea sat here on the desk next to me ready to post!
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mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:15, archived)

OBVIOUSLY YOU!
I did forget about you, but you're lovely and all that :)
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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:16, archived)

You shit
At least I sent her some. You breaker of promises to ladies!
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:17, archived)

I'm a terrible, terrible man

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mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:19, archived)

I'm made of tears
BOGUS IS A REAL MAN etc

Seriously, it's just jolly nice of you to even consider it
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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:30, archived)

mns is a bit shit at posting things

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Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:33, archived)

Totally sending you a postcard too

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mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:34, archived)

I'll forgive him because he's ace

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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:35, archived)

I'll probably take it on holiday with me and enclose a lovely* postcard

* - definitions of lovely may vary by region
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mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:33, archived)

Are you holidaying in Skegness?

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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:36, archived)

COR! I can only dream!!
We're going to my favourite little village between Kirkcaldy and St Andrews.
This time on Saturday night, I shall be in the midst of an unregulated heavy drinking session with Edith Bowman's brother Alex, and Sparky Fraser.
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mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:39, archived)

GET IN
Sounds lovely. Enjoy it massively (and I hope Mini T enjoys the inevitable beach)
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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:41, archived)

He's a cunt in real life too
Punches cats and everything.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:34, archived)

You'll have to speak up, I was punching a cat in the face

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mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:35, archived)

Oh man, what a wanker
I bet you've never punched a cat in your life. MY HERO
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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:36, archived)

Come and sit here with me, darling
Let me tell you about the great war. It all started when the Bradford skins went to the Roxy in Leeds and the goths spilt a pernod and black.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:44, archived)

Double denim and Dexys abound

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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:49, archived)

You, Hankster, GmOS and MrA
Probably some others who I can't remember. I dunno, you're all shit etc.

I'd actually LOVE to go for cocktails with Amberl, TFD and the one from Bristol.
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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:02, archived)

I haven't washed my hair since meeting gmos.

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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:04, archived)

Understandably so

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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:08, archived)

I once had a lift off of GMoS in his actual car.
good times
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mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:17, archived)

:)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=INgXzChwipY
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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:31, archived)

I actually hugged GMoS once.
And he keeps promising to come to my house with his melodeon.
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Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:18, archived)

Make it happen. I want an invite.

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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:30, archived)

I'm going to ignore your question and fantasise that I have a time machine and can travel back and unmeet most of you.

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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:03, archived)

You're dying to meet me.
You fucking know you are.
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Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:05, archived)

I totally need to give you and him a massive hug.
Survival is not guaranteed.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:06, archived)

My hugs are pretty bone crushing too
BEWARE
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Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:09, archived)

It'll be like Randy Savage and Stephanie McMahon all over again.
I don't even know what this means
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:11, archived)

I'm totally Randy Savage.
WOOOOAAHH YEEEAAH!
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Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:15, archived)

This is true. You do give good hug.
In other news, HELLO!
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mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:17, archived)

I'm the fucking hug master.
Alright gorgeous?
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Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:19, archived)

Fed up of making lists and packing.
Want holiday start now. :(
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mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:23, archived)

This is possibly the sexiest mental image I have ever had.

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Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:18, archived)

He has a hand shake like an anaemic jelly, in common with all other Lancastrians

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:07, archived)

That was my penis.

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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:08, archived)

and that's where the phrase 'trying to nail a jelly to a wall' comes from

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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:15, archived)

HA HA
Look at spazzy five cocks!
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:16, archived)

Ahem

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mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:19, archived)

Hello there, Floppy hands

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:21, archived)

I'd quite like to meet hulk hogan or the whale from free willie
they've not psoted for a while though
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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:06, archived)

I like to think that you are a legless man knuckling about on a skateboard made from a piece of broken fence and your one legged sister's roller skate

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:09, archived)

I wish, I fell off my bike and now my knee has a booboo
but only if bent in a very specific way that I can't stop doing even though I know it hurts doing it
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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:11, archived)

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
machine
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CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:07, archived)

I'd like to meet him too.
A gal can dream.
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Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:10, archived)

I bet he stutters like a paedo priest

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:13, archived)

You.
Gonzo again.
Blue Star and Foldfive.
Noit.
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Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:20, archived)

:(
Totally not coming to see you when I'm in Scotland next week
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mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:22, archived)

OH FUCK.
AND THAT MNS, HE'S A LOVELY, SEXY MASTER OF TEA.
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Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:24, archived)

You don't want to drink with Noit
Notwithstanding his knob arms, he now has mong legs. And he's gone all fat. Also I had to suffer the ignominy of buying Blue Star and Folds Five a half each last weekend. In public. People I know may have seen me! As such, I deem them bummers of the lowest accord.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:25, archived)

He'll look a skinny runt next to me.

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Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:27, archived)

As would Wales

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:31, archived)

Harsh.

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Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:34, archived)

Actually yes, I'd love to meet Gonz
One of the genuinely lovely b3tans
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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:01, archived)

He's a lovely hairy dwarf
My favourite jew
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:13, archived)

HBLC, glued eel, Shambles and Flapjack

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mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:24, archived)

Why?

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:27, archived)

To educate HBLC in the ways of League.
To see if glued eel really is Jeremy Vine
And the other two seem nice erudite intelligent chaps, who could hold a decent conversation, and appreciate a fine ale or two.

Plus the fact that Flappers lives in Holland which we all know is full of loldrugs and mucky women
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mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:31, archived)

You may have noticed that me and you pretty much head the table of Wants in this thread

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:37, archived)

I watched a couple of League matches and quite enjoyed it.
All the way through I kept thinking ''they'd be accomplishing more playing Union'' though.
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Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:38, archived)

I fucking love you.

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Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:28, archived)

:(

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Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:29, archived)

Hurts bro, dunnit?
How far is St Andrews from you?
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mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:32, archived)

About 120 miles...

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Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:33, archived)

Fucks sake
Are you actually in fucking Norway or something?
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mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:36, archived)

I wish!

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Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:37, archived)

SugarSpun as she went to the college I work at

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h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:27, archived)

FUCK YEAH
I might come back for night classes so I can get in with you guys adn have a go on your banjo
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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:35, archived)

Already met Gilgamesh and GMoS at the same event, nothing's going to beat that.

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The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:46, archived)

I sat on a train with GMOS, who is lovely, and TuTT who is a vacuous spunk rag, for four hours

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:51, archived)

She takes a nice photo, like

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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:00, archived)

She does
But I felt like I'd been in the company of a slutty twelve year old, yet her dad has impeccable manners.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:15, archived)

See I'm a bit intrigued now
I'd always found her nice but a bit....something. Dunno.

Hmm.
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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:21, archived)

I'm not one to judge
But... you know...needy teenage something or other...
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:27, archived)

I thought as much

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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:30, archived)

*knuckle bump*

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:35, archived)

:)

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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:45, archived)

Tell you what though, I wish I could unmeet that gobby Heaton tart.
She has the dubious honour of being one of about three people I simply cannot tolerate.
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The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:08, archived)

Probably all of them.

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Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:01, archived)

Yo fredbotom

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:21, archived)

Adam Fielding
is watchn waterloo road wid a cuppa x
58 minutes ago via BlackBerry · Like ·
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mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:28, archived)

Oh boy!

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Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:28, archived)

ah man i was just about to start a really good thread, i'll leave it till next year now

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mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:29, archived)

hey grrr! what is your view on the audi r6 avant, estate natch, 6 speed?

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mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:31, archived)

if you mean RS6, then that's super sexy, estates give me a wide-on

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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:35, archived)

no i didn't, no offence, thanks tho

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mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:36, archived)

it appears i did, the audi website is confusing

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mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:39, archived)

Audis in general are fat banker's weekend chariots
but the big engined estates are what they excel at, all the way back to the first 200 Avant.
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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:40, archived)

it's only for living in and fishing, it will do till i get my van with the sliding front doors

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mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:43, archived)

This should suit, it's bivvy coloured
cgi.ebay.co.uk/BEDFORD-CF2-HAWSON-BODY-2-3L-DIESEL-V-RARE-AUTOMATIC-/300567340153?pt=UK_Commercial_Trucks&hash=item45fb35a479#ht_1826wt_1139
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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 21:05, archived)

that is stunning, i want that

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mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 21:07, archived)

me too

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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 21:16, archived)

On the off days, you could throw out bundles of newspapers like they do in films.

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Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 21:22, archived)

oh shit, you're talking about the Fisher Price Roller Skate Tubby Lardfucker bloatwagon
get to fuck mongy, that's well beyond my remit
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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:39, archived)

what about the S line 3.0 TDI quattro?

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mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:42, archived)

i only really like it because of this
www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gTUshlWFG0
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mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:53, archived)

don't turn this into a food thread, you tedious bellend

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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 21:00, archived)

hoisted by my own retard

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mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 21:01, archived)

I keep thinking of that occasionally.
Then feeling a bit annoyed, I can't actually purchase any.
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Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 21:28, archived)

ugh

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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:30, archived)

What what what?

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Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:34, archived)

I'm hungry but I can't be bothered to make myself anything

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CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:39, archived)

You could steal someone else's food.

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Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:42, archived)

But then I'd have to leave the house and it's raining

(

CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:45, archived)

i heard it said
that a man in this unfortunate situation can, in actual fact, pay a little over the odds for a meal to be delivered, by a different man, to his abode. it's called "food cooked by someone, for someone else, brought to the address of the second person, by someone else"
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:42, archived)

I can't be bothered to order anything.

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CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:44, archived)

post your card details and any dietary requirements
and i'm sure we can both eat well tonight
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:45, archived)

No ta.
I've put some crumpets on to cook.
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CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:48, archived)

Hungry again now. This is shit.
C'MON SCIENCE, WHERE'S MY MEAL-IN-A-PILL?
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CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 21:24, archived)

Noel Fielding is probably going through the dictionary to find obscure animals he can put into his next set to make it more zany

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magnum, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:42, archived)

I'm not sure what the badgers will think though
what with all the other animals in their house
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magnum, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:43, archived)

Simon Amstell completely reducing him by imitating him perfectly was one of the highlights of his time on Buzzcocks.

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mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:49, archived)

i had couple of pints of amstell in harold wood last week, it was alright

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mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:51, archived)

My heel hurts.
lol x
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mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:54, archived)

try having a couple of pints of amstell, please keep to the forefront of your mind at all times that i have no formal or informal medical knowledge and most of what i say can be treted as a work of fiction, or not, no offence

(

mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 21:00, archived)

Amen to that

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magnum, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:54, archived)

You can see it here magnum:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yaoiL5srGQ&feature=player_detailpage#t=282s

lol x
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mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:55, archived)

that's a highlight?
fucking hell, that show must be utterly dire
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 21:04, archived)

It used to be better.
I think it became a program where they invite someone on to just take the piss.
(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 21:28, archived)

I just liked watching Noel Fielding squirm as Amstell completely undid his act.

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mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 22:06, archived)

I love him dearly
"Fuck you, haircut, I'll blow you away with actual talent"
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SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 22:27, archived)

thank you
xXx
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magnum, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 21:04, archived)

Was that on this evening.
Well done Planearm
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Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 21:19, archived)

Wait, people still use a blackberry?
Bwahahaha
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postal ninja has Transmissible spongiform encephalopathies, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 22:04, archived)

Yeah, they seem to have taken off in this country, I guess its the hardware keypad.

(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 22:22, archived)

Their web browsers are the worst though.

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postal ninja has Transmissible spongiform encephalopathies, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 22:34, archived)

Oh they look shite, tiny screens.
No thanks, this is the year 2011.
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Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 22:37, archived)

Just who is he aiminfg that status at?
There's a kiss, it must be personal
(

SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 22:24, archived)

It's to everyone.
There's probably one about this Apprentice on there now, lemme just check man.
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mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 22:26, archived)

Adam Fielding
fire jim from the apprentice x
30 minutes ago via BlackBerry · Like ·
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 22:27, archived)

Jesus
See the x just makes him sound like a creepy uncle. And everyone on his facebook friends list is a potential prey.

I see why you keep him, around though. I have one of them, it's endless fun
(

SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 22:28, archived)

Robert Marsh
Can't believe that he is entering the talent comp tonight
4 hours ago via iPhone

Robert Marsh
Is off to the beach
Yesterday at 09:41 via iPhone

Robert Marsh
Is off to sunny dawlish for the week. :-)
Monday at 12:13 via iPhone

Robert Marsh
Has just watched the duke at 90. What an interesting program. Yeh he speaks his mind and says the wrong things, but who doesn't.
09 June at 22:00 via iPhone

Ugh
(

SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 22:31, archived)

I struggle to get through a day without needing to know what he's watching with a cuppa.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 22:31, archived)

Imagine if you didn't know where he was
Like if he'd gone to work without telling you. Or to make a cup of tea. Or the bathroom. How would you live?
(

SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 22:41, archived)

a blackberry like what?

(

Lightguy hail satan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 22:24, archived)

I hate the sound of laughter
What sounds do you hate?
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:34, archived)

You know the squeltching sound when you put your two fingers in'n'out of your bum fast enough and when it makes you fart afterwards.
That.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:39, archived)

:(

(

SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:59, archived)

it's alright, I'll wear ear plugs next time
so that you don't feel embarrassed
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:02, archived)

Aww, aren't you a sweetie

(

SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:04, archived)

I'm only joshing, I don't put my fingers up my bum.
I did work this out yesterday though *copy'n'paste*

Yet, the goverment can supply high range iPad 2s (£550 = 64gb Wifi model, or 32gb 3G one, the later coming with contracts that hasn't been mentioned... deffo 'iPad 2's as I've seen video/pictures of them). They say it'll save them £200kpa in printing costs. They bought 17 of them, so that means these 17 people use up around £12kpa in printing each. Let's round up the price of printing one page to 1p, which means they use up PER PERSON 1.2m pages per year (or 3300ish pages a day).
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:43, archived)

The cost of printing government briefs is much more than a penny a sheet.
And ministers do get hundreds of pages a day. Both of these facts are somewhat absurd in themselves but they do slightly change your arithmetic.
(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:55, archived)

George W Bush used to refuse to read any briefing documents longer than one A4 page.
All joking aside, that's not a bad idea for a man in the position he was in.
(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:57, archived)

Did they often add illustrations to make it simpler?

(

SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:59, archived)

Each of the maps he saw were printed 250miles to the left to make things more acreate.
Turns out they should have made them 350 miles.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:00, archived)

Hahahahaha

(

SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:01, archived)

An ex chief of staff was on radio four a week or so ago talking about filtering out dross for presidents
although I think he worked for Bush senior. He applied a strict "why are you showing me this shit?" rule.
(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:00, archived)

I've a lovely image of a White House staffer shuffling into the Oval Office with a smirk on his face and a turd in his hands.

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:03, archived)

10p a sheet sound better? I guess I also have worked it out to them working 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:59, archived)

Which would be common enough for ministers.

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:00, archived)

I prefer to shake hands when I meet someone for the first time, but each to his own

(

cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:08, archived)

Oh man, first proper laugh of the day.
Thanks pops.
(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 21:20, archived)

Keane.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:44, archived)

He's a rubbish football manager.

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:45, archived)

and his buttery-faced minstrelling gets right on my tits.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:46, archived)

His face has no edges.

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:37, archived)

I used to go to school with the bassist from Keane
he's a top chap, and when I heard he was bassisting for Keane I was surprised
(

magnum, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:24, archived)

Really?
That's Rice Oxley doo dad? His dad was my doctor when I was small.
(

RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:43, archived)

No
A guy called Jesse
(

magnum, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:48, archived)

pffft he doesn't count

(

RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:51, archived)

He's a fully paid up member

(

magnum, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:00, archived)

the thompson twins and any heavy metal that is not bon jovi's slippery when wet

(

mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:46, archived)

your inability to appreciate Extreme is an outrage

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:49, archived)

He should GET THE FUNK OUT, eh?

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:49, archived)

TOO FUCKING RIGHT!

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:51, archived)

i don't know what you two are going on about, so i'm leaving, FOREVER

(

mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:52, archived)

awwww, stay, and Play With Me
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:54, archived)

Don't leave Mongy, it would leave a Hole In My Heart, that could only be filled by you.

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:55, archived)

small children speaking French

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:47, archived)

zut alors!

(

mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:47, archived)

~~small children speaking~~
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:49, archived)

Dotmund.

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:50, archived)

i hope he breaks his neck

(

mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:53, archived)

The sound of the underground,
all that screeching and banging.
(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:50, archived)

glass bottle going in to a bin

(

CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:51, archived)

That's a great sound

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:52, archived)

Customer service employees threatening to arrest me.

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:51, archived)

stupid pricks whinging about how they don't understand the most basic of transactions

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:54, archived)

fauxe self righteous indignation

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:01, archived)

the sound of people murdering a foreign language

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:05, archived)

forks?

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:09, archived)

Say ler fee, Grrry.
Say ler fee.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:11, archived)

fucking hell
Ring of Fire is Del Boy
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:36, archived)

Was it an independant petrol station or a chain?

(

Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:11, archived)

BP

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:21, archived)

He can hold you until the police comes as he saw you attempting to commit a crime.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:47, archived)

you weren't there man

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 22:06, archived)

Negativity.
It should be all joy joy joy. Im even joyous about negativity!
(

Cleisthenes morning sickness is a bitch, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:57, archived)

But who killed Postman Pat?!

(

Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:04, archived)

bloodfarts

(

Lightguy hail satan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:58, archived)

menstrual blood farts?

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:18, archived)

you know the squeltching sound when you put your two fingers in'n'out of your bum fast enough and when it makes you fart afterwards but you have long sharp fingernails that cut up the side of your bumhole?
that
(

Lightguy hail satan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:23, archived)

i did not know that
When's your birthday, i'll get you some nail scissors. Or maybe some sort of glove to protect your fragile bott bott.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:27, archived)

Dermot O' Leary
I hear the theme tune to Terry and June when he speaks.
(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:03, archived)

He should fuck off, he's not Irish, he's from Colchester.

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:04, archived)

A man who's entire career is built on the ability to say something, anything, everything is "great"

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:08, archived)

to hear the lamentation of the women
oh, and the squealing of an old computer fan clogged with dust
(

cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:04, archived)

I hate the sound of BBC3
which is convenient because they've forgotten to turn it on

*watches an old topgear in silence*
(

CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:11, archived)

Sounds of the working \ underclasses
Their mobile phone music, Soaps and shit TV, stupid exhaust pipes, nasty accents, all that stuff.
(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:16, archived)

serves you right for buying a council house

(

Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:22, archived)

i dont like that gluggy sound wine makes when you pour it
god i hate it so much
(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:25, archived)

me neither
But only as it sets off the shakes from my D.T's
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:30, archived)

You prefer the glugging of white lightning and the crackling of a plastic bottle in a brown paper bag.

(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:33, archived)

do you miss it now it's gone?

(

RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:47, archived)

Your anal virginity?

(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:56, archived)

no, white lightning
gone from this world in 2009 don'tchaknow
(

RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:17, archived)

Fuuuuuuuuuu

(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:33, archived)

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:39, archived)

and then it splashes! oh gosh, I hate that

(

Lisette von Falcon, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:55, archived)

the way my wife chews
maybe it's other people too but I'm sure she does it more... "chewey"... I hate the sound it makes, and the thought of the mushiness going round someone elses mouth.

Makes me feel very violent and lashy outy!
(

RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:41, archived)

if i were you,
i'd make sure this doesn't show up as evidence in a court case if you're wife is found dead.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:47, archived)

that and the knife

(

RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:52, archived)

I hate listening to other people eat
any lunch meetings just set me on edge thinking about it
(

magnum, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:03, archived)

Squeaky dog toys

(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:51, archived)

The Sound of Silence.
It is audible.
(888777555, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:10, archived)

Silence
The absence of Sound.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:14, archived)

Go tell That
To Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel!
(888777555, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:15, archived)

learn what words mean

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:22, archived)

sage advice

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:23, archived)

My suggestion
was not entirely serious.
The Worst sound is that one that happens when you switch an old TV on. The high pitched whine.
(888777555, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:24, archived)

get a job and buy a new TV

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:26, archived)

my heart's not in this, can i tag someone else in?

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:26, archived)

I do have a New TV in my house.
I just used to have an older one.
(888777555, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:27, archived)

bragging on the internet?
i think you really do belong on QOTW.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:29, archived)

Well, not brand new.
2 years old.
Not really bragging you Joey, i suspect most people have the same.
(888777555, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:30, archived)

I have a tv that's older than you
I don't use it

more two hats facts later fans!
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:34, archived)

Wow WP....we are feeling agressive this evening
Keep it up...It's SEXY
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:27, archived)

polystyrene and wool

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:15, archived)

i liked X-Ray specs.
not everyone likes punk i suppose,
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:24, archived)

Dead.

(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:39, archived)

eyes

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:24, archived)

I'm sorry, but we have to go with what's on the card
and it's eyeLIDS...eyeLIDS.
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:26, archived)

and after you got through with your ropey Cricket Bat earlier,
cut-throat two hats.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:30, archived)

I don't make the rules...I just respect them

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:31, archived)

How's it going?

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:29, archived)

A variety of cuntstomers that I serve on a regular basis.

(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 21:21, archived)

now that we hate freefair as much as qotw
what else would you like to talk about?
(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:04, archived)

I heard that you like to talk about Freefair as he's underage.

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:04, archived)

yeah but then i delete those posts
basically there's a group of us talk about stuff like that on spent pages before they're archived
(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:06, archived)

well, i say 'group of us'
i really mean me and all my other accounts and personalities
(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:07, archived)

this is approaching mykeyboy levels of self-deprecation-in-the-hope-of-deflecting-future-insults
it didn't work for him, it won't work for you
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:09, archived)

I fully expect him to start going 'lol pedo' in his posts, like Friz used to do about his face.

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:16, archived)

it's the only possible conclusion
other than him just rolling with the punches until it blows over, like a normal adult would do
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:22, archived)

lol peado

(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:24, archived)

I'd like some travel tips for New Orleans, Alabama and Georgia.
And about Glastonbury, too. Poorly worded insults about middle class people attending a middle class event are also welcome.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:08, archived)

Due to Glastonbury being so vast, don't tie yourself down to see loads of bands.
As getting from one stage to another can take an age, it's best I found to pick a couple of stand out bands then just go for a wander and you'll see some really good stuff.
(

BindiBaji, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:12, archived)

I have a habit of just wandering around at festivals, ignoring my friends.
It's very much a case of 'Right, the tent's up. See you on Monday'. I've heard the site's absolutely massive. The flatmate is in a tizz because her boyfriend wants to spend the last night in 'The Field'. Don't know what that is, but planning to be there this far ahead sounds a bit weird...
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:26, archived)

Thats definitely the right way to do it.
'The Field' not sure of this, I know we waited for the sun to come up one morning on the hill by the stone circle. Was good fun, beer coat was needed though as it was chuffing cold.
(

BindiBaji, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:31, archived)

Go to Deanies in New Orleans.
www.deanies.com/

Gladys Knight's Chicken and Waffles in Atlanta.
www.gladysandron.net/
(

Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:13, archived)

Don't forget to constantly tweet about what a good time you're having!

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:14, archived)

I've taken substantial measures to avoid appearing like a dick.
For example, I shall not be facebooking or tweeting, nor will I be waving my iPhone about taking pictures and then posting them to instagram using 'cool' filters.
Instead I shall be taking an actual film camera.

Oh, wait...
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:22, archived)

The BBC coverage of Glastonbury was often unbearable to watch, due to the amount of times
Jo Whiley(especially)and the other presenters would say what a great year it is. Also how much fun they were having.
(

BindiBaji, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:23, archived)

I forgot it's impossible to tweet and have a good time at the same time.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:26, archived)

I only use Twitter to complain to companies.
It's quite effective.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:28, archived)

What would a BBC employee have to gain by publicly outing a company that you feel has done you wrong?

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:30, archived)

The same thing any other employee would have.
Swift, violent justice.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:32, archived)

�
(

mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:08, archived)

you want to talk about square shapes?

(

Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:11, archived)

I'm sorry, I don't know what your penguin graduated in either

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:13, archived)

god you lot are so rubbish.
honestly.
(

dotmund .co.uk, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:22, archived)

I'm thinking of erecting a small sign above every appliance in my house with the word 'Bat' in front of it.
eg. Bat oven. Bat kettle. Bat Television etc. That way, people will think I live in the BatCave. Will this fill the abysmal void in my life?
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:08, archived)

yes, yes it will

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:10, archived)

Batdildo will

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:10, archived)

Holy fuel theft!!!

(

Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:13, archived)

Hahahaha

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:17, archived)

To right, 86 fucking quid

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:18, archived)

Wholly devoid of intellect!

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:20, archived)

I can't take this I'm going.

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:22, archived)

I've changed my mind

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:22, archived)

Actaully, I don't get it?

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:23, archived)

Nah', he's trolling, no one is so fucking retarded _and_ able to drive not to know that a petrol station is a comercial retail premises.
I mean, sure, there are stupid people who drive all the time on the roads, they tend to have a lack of awareness or something... but this guy doesn't seem able to realise that you need to exchange money for petrol and it's theft to take something from somewhere without permision from the person who owns it.

He must be a troll, because no adult is that fucking stupid.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:29, archived)

I bet he parked up on the opposite side of his petrol cap and had to make the line stretch as well, the tit.

(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:31, archived)

I'm just going to go into the jewlers and get like a billion pounds worth of stuff and say I'll be back in 10 minutes.
And then tell the world that they're trying to arrest me, without powers of arrest, except citizan's arrest until the proper athorities come by, where I shall anounce to them in my best gandolf 'you shall not pass' voice yelling " TILL MONKEY KNOWS NOT HIS PLACE.... LET MY ~~PEOPLE~~ PETROL GO !!!"
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:34, archived)

what's this stealing petrol thing?

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:33, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7217347
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:35, archived)

much obliged

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:37, archived)

Ring of fire got all self rightous wrongly and I'm using it as an excuse to get self rightous myself.
let me have my fun.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:35, archived)

fuel never get anywhere with that attitude

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:44, archived)

I pity the fuel.

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 17:47, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/7217356
(

JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:35, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7217662
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:37, archived)

shevrunnn

(

moohalaa, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:25, archived)

Lovely stuff.

(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:19, archived)

Biff! Zing! Pow!

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:21, archived)

BLORT!
MINT!
(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:30, archived)

Why didn't the attendant just ask you to fill in an "inabilty to pay" form?
You just stick in all your details and return within 24 hours or they pass the details on to the police.
(

Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 17:36, archived)

How come I'm not on the popular page (apart from by being insulted by Lord Gnome)?
Time was you people respected me and my being the best person here. Time was I was all over the popular page. You people need to sort yourselves the fuck out.

I'm going home.
After I've reposted this because it got nudged along by runk.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:10, archived)

They're usually pity clicks to stop you killing yourself.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:13, archived)

I am going to click this repeatedly

(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:56, archived)

oh now:()

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:32, archived)

No but I tell you what will.
Wearing tweed jackets to work.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:12, archived)

How many times?
I can't afford tweed. It's some odd green cotton thing.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:12, archived)

nuh-uh

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:12, archived)

do you already have signs with the other part of the name,
like some sort of weirdo?
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:13, archived)

wait, stop, i read it again
i'm the moron
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:14, archived)

Only above the oven.
It says 'OVEN. WOMEN: DO NOT TOUCH'.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:15, archived)

i'm going to sneak in to your house and put the sign for the oven above the washing machine.
then you're fucked. soggy food and hot clothes, i'm an evil fucking genius. also, i will do it dressed as the original TV series joker and bring useless minions. so i can feel sexy.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:18, archived)

So on your cricket bat would it say 'Bat Bat' or 'Bat Cricket Bat'?

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:17, archived)

is a cricket bat an aplliance?
i guess i could apply it to the side of someones skull, at speed.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:20, archived)

It has an application...so yes, I suppose you could say a cricket bat was an appliance
*ahem*
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:24, archived)

ropey
but the panel says yes. Move on to the next round.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:26, archived)

YES!
*phones*

MUM...I GOT FROO!!!
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:28, archived)

you said 'erecting'

(

Lightguy hail satan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:24, archived)

pfft

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:29, archived)

only if you can open the garage door by tipping a bust to reveal a button

(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:38, archived)

~~tipping~~ squeezing
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:41, archived)

*vintage car horn noise*

(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:56, archived)

if frightguy doesn't mind me using his joke
ha ha ha, you said bust.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:45, archived)

SEE YOU IN COURT

(

Lightguy hail satan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:54, archived)

oooohhhhh
Can I be the one with the little wooden hammer? I feel sexy in a wig.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 17:00, archived)

No...Judges don't use gavels
*prepares for internet pounding*
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 17:05, archived)

Tyboy

(

cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:59, archived)

Warning
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1366413/World-Warcraft-Susie-Hampton-balloons-4-stone-getting-hooked.html
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:06, archived)

Girls? On the internet?
Tsk.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:08, archived)

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:10, archived)

Who claims it is more addictive than crack cocain?
Who said that daily mail, when did they say it and why did they say it.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:09, archived)

Shit! It's Boris Johnson in a wig!

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:09, archived)

oh god
oh god I don't understand. they don't even try and make a point about the story
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:10, archived)

Professional woman....recruitment consultant. Fuck off.
I'm gonna give that crack cocaine a go, the Mail told me it's safer than using a computer.
(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:17, archived)

What's your favourite sauce?

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:53, archived)

depends

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:54, archived)

If you were having a chip.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:57, archived)

I'm quite partial to Tartare sauce with chips
I've recently been introduced to having english mustard with chips..also good
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:57, archived)

You fucking ponce.

(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:58, archived)

YOU'RE A PONCE!
there...that's sorted that out
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:00, archived)

Oooof.
You didn't need to go that far Two Hats. I mean, you've really hurt me there and I don't think it was entirely justified. I don't really know what to say.
(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:01, archived)

Well I'm sorry it had to come to that
now let's shake hands and put all this behind us
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:02, archived)

Okay... okay.
I've forgiven you, but that doesn't mean I can forget so easily.
(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:05, archived)

I understand
I'll respect your personal boundaries until such time you can trust me
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:07, archived)

That's technically a yellow paste.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:59, archived)

You brought up the chips

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:59, archived)

I have an allergy.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:00, archived)

I'm sorry to hear that

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:01, archived)

Cold

(

broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:54, archived)

None.

(

JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:55, archived)

rocking or clothes

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:56, archived)

more like sauceradish

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:59, archived)

cuppa anna sauceradish more like

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:04, archived)

Tabasco

(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:57, archived)

BROWN

(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:58, archived)

RED

(

VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:03, archived)

OFF WHITE

(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:05, archived)

OFF WHITE SWIRLED WITH RED AND CRYING

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:08, archived)

1 & 2, though I'm not really a fan of gore films

(

broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:58, archived)

Duck
oo ooo oo ooo ooo ooo oo oo oo-oo Barbara Streisland
(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:01, archived)

sauce-age

(

VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:02, archived)

Banana ketchup is really good in burgers
And like every good sauce it doesn't actually taste like the thing that's in it
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:04, archived)

what colour is banana ketchup?

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:05, archived)

lellow
yellow
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:07, archived)

cor I wonder where the GB volley ball team keep their banana guards

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:26, archived)

I dunno...in some kind of holdall I guess, bu...
OH HANG ON! WOAH-HO-HOOO! THIS GUY! WATCH OUT FOR THIS GUY!
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:32, archived)

that's right, I made it sound like that keep bananas in their fannies but they put them in special containers to stop them getting bruised during a game of volleyball
I went there
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:37, archived)

thank you so much for clearing that up
i was lost.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:38, archived)

You sir, are HILARIOUS
;)
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:40, archived)

£4.99?
BUY A LUNCHBOX. it might even have Thomas the Tank Engine on it.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:27, archived)

what if the only thing you eat for lunch is a banana?

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:30, archived)

what if the only thing YOU eat for lunch is a banana?

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:33, archived)

Wow....you just blew my mind

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:34, archived)

the invoice is in the post

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:35, archived)

I don't see the point of having bananas at home anymore, everybody has mobile phones anyway

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:38, archived)

good point

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:40, archived)

i'm sorry
i really am
www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VHSqJINm7M&feature=related
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:44, archived)

re: Would do
There's nothing wrong with saying it.

I just hadn't heard/read it for YEARS.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:06, archived)

And I like mustard.

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:08, archived)

Heinz salad cream
and not that poncy low fat stuff either
(

Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:08, archived)

Not really sure you can have a manly salad cream.

(

JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:10, archived)

you can if it's on thick bread with corned beef

(

Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:11, archived)

I dunno I think if you work it out it still has an effeminacy of +1.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:12, archived)

what if I wash it down with a bottle of Buzzards Breath pale ale?

(

Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:18, archived)

It's still like fucking a bloke then kissing a woman after.

(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:23, archived)

Branston pickle.

(

Noit happy baby orangutan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:16, archived)

nuoc mam Phan Thiet

(

cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:21, archived)

Hi rnuk.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:35, archived)

what's the best sauce to keep in a serbian cigarette tin?
I think ketchup would leak out, maybe something more viscous like a chutney. nuoc mam phan thiet isn't on my list
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:45, archived)

i like Pizza sauce
also, it says waaaaayyyy down there that i win. i would have pointed it out earlier but i was busy having a strange mans hands in my mouth.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:22, archived)

I can thoroughly recommend home-made horseradish sauce to the board. I love horseradish sauces
(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:26, archived)

I don't really know.
I quite like Hoi Sin sauce. And Chinese curry sauce. And Korma sauce. And ketchup and mustard in a hot dog is ace.

I don't think I can choose a favourite sauce. Sorry , mike woz ere.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:26, archived)

Gravy is nice with chips.
But usually I just eat chips with salt and vinegar.
I like garlic sauce with steak. But I'd rather have the steak without sauce. Steak is ace already. It doesn't need a sauce. Or cooking.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:28, archived)

I know I've already said it, but I don't feel I can stress this too much:
I don't think I can choose a favourite sauce. Sorry, mike woz ere.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:29, archived)

fucking useless

(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:33, archived)

I wasn't mad keen on that reggae reggae sauce from dragon's den.
So I suppose I can at least rule that out.
Horseradish sauce is alright too. In a sandwich or something.
I can't stand mint sauce though.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:36, archived)

"Welcome to Dagon's Den."
"Hello, my name is BE-DINGIR-DINGIR, and I want £50000 for 30% of my business. Or I'll bring a flood to drown you all and turn you into fish people."
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:40, archived)

That's redickerlous
And thats whay am oot
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:41, archived)

"Hello, my name is Cthulhu and I want some ciggies."

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:44, archived)

"A center of the Deep Ones' power in Innsmouth is the Esoteric Order of Dagon, ostensibly a Masonic-style fraternal order.
And for that reason I'm out."
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:46, archived)

haha
Yu shld ryte a buuk
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:47, archived)

woah woah...slow down there mister
You'll have a funny turn
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:29, archived)

baldmonkey... "funny"?
not likely.
He's an unfunny fat mess.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:32, archived)

*bodyslams*

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:33, archived)

I'm not a huge fan of steak, I get bored halfway through eating them

condiments help me through these dificult times
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:46, archived)

My tastes are different to yours.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:49, archived)

Barbecue.

(

Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:28, archived)

FANCY SAUCE

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:29, archived)

WOAH!
Brown, red and salad creme all mixed together?????!!!!
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:31, archived)

C N
(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:31, archived)

It's more a consomme than a sauce

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:33, archived)

~~AUCE~~
ORES
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:34, archived)

I've been reading that over and over again, going 'fancy saune? wat?'
(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:36, archived)

STOP BULLYING BLUE STAR FOR ALWAYS BEING ON THE BLOB.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:37, archived)

Tomato.
Though bearnaise is up there somewhere.
(

Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:40, archived)

[complicated strike through which cunningly twists your words into an admission that a bear called tom is up you. somewhere]

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:43, archived)

i'm in love with a feeling
have fun with that
(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:52, archived)

I don't think anyone's had fun with this MW, sad times
(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:27, archived)

While Ring of Fire settles down to a pleasant afternoon of butthurting
I'd like to move swiftly on and ask how everyone's wednesday afternoon is going.

So....how's things?
(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:55, archived)

things are the same, which is to say, shit

(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:59, archived)

woah woah I don't think you can talk butthurt

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:59, archived)

On the contrary
Being exposed to a high level and quantity of butthurt, I can recognise it easily, no?
(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:00, archived)

no need to get so butthurted over it, jesus

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:02, archived)

And in fairness, as much shit as you may get, you seem to have developed the /talker's knack of just comming back here each day and getting on with it..

(

Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:03, archived)

jesus that's a bit harsh, comparing him to mortal wombat like that

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:05, archived)

Woah, I think he just did
Take it back Spider :(
(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:05, archived)

I was actually thinking of F**z, seeing as he got somewhat accepted.
That was a level of viciousness I don't like to see in you gluey, you're better than that. :-(
(

Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:07, archived)

woah woah I didn't say frisbee was a paedophile spider stop putting your words in my mouth

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:11, archived)

God gluey!
I can't believe you said that Frisbee was a child molesting arachnid who loves putting things in children's mouths!
(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:16, archived)

I'm at a complete loss, I would never insinuate frisbee dressed up as a spider with eight arms with willies on the end and put eight willies in eight eight year old children's mouths at once
I just don't do that sort of thing, just ask riviera
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:19, archived)

I'm shocked and appalled at this revelation that the b3ta user Frisbee QC travels down to the Riviera in his octococked costume
with the intention of forcing prepubescent children to taste his arachnoid pubes.
(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:23, archived)

Oh god what is happening

(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:23, archived)

... is what those innocent kiddies say as you stuff them with your long spidery cock arms.

(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:25, archived)

apparently some guy who likes frisbee also likes to put on a crotchless tarantula costume with eight giant dick arms and try and wrestle with children
at a face painting stall on the french riviera, particularly the really hairy children painted to look like t rexes
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:28, archived)

As I was going to St Ives
I met a man dressed as a spider with eight eyes
Each of his eight arms had a willy on the end
He was putting each willy in the mouth of an eight year old friend
One for each one, that's eight eight year olds together
I think people like him should be locked up forever
Eyes, arms, willies, friends
How many were going to St Ives? - TRANSMISSION ENDS -
(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:30, archived)

AIEHOIEH

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:42, archived)

s
s
d
d
r
r
s
s
(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:45, archived)

He is
B - Batshit mental. He is
A - A mentalist. He is ment
L - He is
D - formed. He is
M - Mental. He is OOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooo. He is
NKEY
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:48, archived)

I'm barely awake a half hour, been bombed since 20 minutes ago,
Am reading Hammer Of The Gods (Led Zep biography) and got very little planned outside of some Vice City later.

Yourself?
(

Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:00, archived)

the bit where they get the scale wrong and stonehenge is all tiny is hilarious
(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:02, archived)

Hahaha

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:04, archived)

I'm only 18 pages in, shurrp please.
Jimmy's just got a bloke to make him a fuzz box and reminded me why I jumped on the internet in the first place.
(

Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:09, archived)

I am ticking over nicely.
The missus is buggering off to rome for a long weekend. I expect to be replaced with either a young italian, a chunk of architecture or a large amount of gelato.
(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:02, archived)

Not so bad thanks Frisbummer.
I would like to think of something really fun to do on my own on this grey day... but I'm a bit stuck for ideas.
(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:02, archived)

I have some debt recovery letters that need that little bit of 'oomph' put into them, if you're interested.

(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:03, archived)

make the address for return correspondence Marshelsea
(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:06, archived)

Suck your own legal cock shitbeak.

(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:06, archived)

offer to enter them in a prize draw that will write off all their outstanding payments if they reply within 14 days
(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:06, archived)

include some top money-saving tips like, turn the heating down, spend the winter in a cupboard
(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:07, archived)

try to get an acrostic in somehow, like
L
O
L
P
O
O
R
(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:08, archived)

come on frisbee qc, you've had nearly fifteen minutes, you've got nothing
(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:24, archived)

it's very cumbersome, it takes a lot of time and vaseline to get into the spider costume

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:42, archived)

The answer is ALWAYS "Wank yourself into a stupor".
Hello lovely lady, how has the past few days treated you?
(

Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:05, archived)

Um, how about no.
The last few days have been alright. I've handed in my MA dissertation which was pretty awesome but now I feel all anti-climactic and I want to be having super fun celebratory holiday times but everyone else has full time jobs and horrible selfish things like that.
(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:08, archived)

see how many revolutions you can spin on your chair for

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:05, archived)

BUT I AM SAT ON A FUTON

(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:08, archived)

don't try it then, the centrifutal force will make your nose bleed
(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:11, archived)

PUT WHEELS ON IT, AND MAKE IT A SCOOTON

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:12, archived)

Then try harder.

(

JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:12, archived)

Stop pressuring me Jacktion!

(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:15, archived)

Needs more question marks?
I wasn't honestly trying to? Steal petrol?
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:05, archived)

maybe he lives in australia

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:07, archived)

?????????????????????????????????????R???I?N???G???????????O??F?????????????????????F??I????R??E???????????????????????????????????????
????I???S?????????????????A????????????????????????????????S????P??A????S??T???I???C????????????????????????????
(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:14, archived)

Seriously though, what's wrong with saying would do.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:31, archived)

I've got a black eye but I also have a new t-shirt. These two equal things out to an ''okay'' I think
I was quite enjoying the dick down there getting made to look like a dick though.
(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:07, archived)

Alright sexy chops?

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:12, archived)

Alright love. I see you're going to heaven, you lucky lady, you.

(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:31, archived)

I well am.
I'm a good samaritan and all that.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:39, archived)

What did you do?
I handed a wallet in to the police that I found on saturday night. Karma hasn't repaid me yet. Getting a bit impatient now.
(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:45, archived)

did you get into a fight over the t-shirt?

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:13, archived)

Aye, TK MAX sale, 10% off. Was mayhem.

(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:32, archived)

Fine I suppose. Why?

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:10, archived)

It's all cool
I'm spare at work, nowt to do, might go to my mate's house in a bit.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:18, archived)

Happy Toast is kind of ruining my first foray onto the main board in about a year.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:24, archived)

What a fucking rotter
I've clicked yours out of spite.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:30, archived)

Aww cheers lol x

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:39, archived)

Butt Hurting!
I'm better than everyone on /talk. More successful, richer, happier, everything.
(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:29, archived)

Oh I'm sorry
Yeah, you're definitely not butthurting.
(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:30, archived)

Don't know why your bothering with me, you've got people comparing you to MW up there

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:41, archived)

So rich? you don't have? to pay for? petrol?

(

JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:32, archived)

Look the typos aren't my fault, I was recently diagnosed with the big C
dyslexia
(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:37, archived)

~~was recently diagnosed with the big C dyslexia~~ am a screaming retard trying to look cool in front of people whom I've already exposed myself as an archetypal QFTWer to.
(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:41, archived)

Don't debase yourself, I'm not worth it.

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:10, archived)

and less easy to annoy, you forgot less easy to annoy
(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:32, archived)

yeah and that

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:34, archived)

Is there no end to Bald Monkey threads?
The slightly freaky looking til monkey at my local petrol station just threatened to arrest me? When was the last time you tried to overstep your authority?
(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:31, archived)

BOW DOWN TO ME LOWER CLASS OF JOB PERSON ! FOR DON'T YOU KNOW, I AM A GREAT MAN, WITH A JOB THAT IS ABOVE YOURS.
FEAR ME AS I MENTION MY TAX BRACKET, I LAUGH AT YOUR N.I PAYMENTS, MINION.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:32, archived)

That's spooky. Where you there?

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:35, archived)

I bet the 'til monkey' can spell.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:37, archived)

don't your bore yourself with comments like that?

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:38, archived)

Yeah I should just post shit stories about my life and how I look down on other people while actually being in the wrong.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:38, archived)

How was I wrong?
I'd paid 10 minutes later?
(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:40, archived)

You left? your wallet in the? car and went? to buy petrol without money.
Sounds like? the thing a spastic? would do.
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:41, archived)

Whatever. I was very apologetic to start with, but I did laugh a bit when he started making threats and demanding I leave the car at the pump and walk home.

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:46, archived)

I'd like to meet this guy and shake his hand.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:46, archived)

You should, you'd get on famously!

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:53, archived)

Yeah we both think you're a cunt so that's one thing we have in common I guess.
Maybe we could go down the pub, order a drink, drink it and then tell the bar monkey? we've forgot our wallets.
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:55, archived)

by law
you actually have 24 hours to return and pay for the petrol in an instance like this.
(Unstable-Dan looks like that bloke out of Scream, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:50, archived)

Fucking hell mike,
would do. I haven't heard that for YEARS.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:54, archived)

My seething rage got the better of me.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:57, archived)

You were very wrong, my boy.
Just take it up the arse and deal with it. Maybe this'll blow over by the end of the week.
(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:42, archived)

Ahahaha.
Aww, are you some type of lawyer or something?
(

Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:55, archived)

lol x

(

JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:38, archived)

Why did he threaten to arrest you?

(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:33, archived)

forgot my wallet, said I'd be back in ten minutes to pay, refused to leave my car and walk.

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:37, archived)

You sound like a fucking dick.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:38, archived)

Yep.

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:39, archived)

That was a little silly.

(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:41, archived)

Yep, but not illegal.

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:42, archived)

Actually the cashier was in the right to think that you were making off without paying.
Something that is a common occurrence at petrol stations.
For you to take umbrage at someone who thought that it was going to happen makes you look a bit like an idiot, even before the rampant question-mark usage and bad spelling
(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:43, archived)

NO INTENTION
intention to permanently deprive, go to the back of the office
(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:48, archived)

No intention from whose point of view? The cashier's?
Remember it was the prevention of the crime that the cashier was concerned about.
To prevent the crime it would be unreasonable to try to identify intention. The cashier was faced with a set of facts that led to previous crimes and so acted accordingly.
(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:53, archived)

I knew you wouldn't be able to resist. It truly is the career for you
(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:57, archived)

Goddammit!

(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:59, archived)

Sound plausible but what he does does and says is irrelevant .
I thinks he was just using it as an excuse to get some payback on the shitty customers he deals with day in day out.
(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:13, archived)

Congratulations on joining the Shitty-Customer Club, dickhead

(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:25, archived)

I think your only calling me a dickhead to try and look cool in front of the big boys

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:33, archived)

No he wasn't, I paid. He overplayed his hand by going into supercop mode.

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:51, archived)

Wait a sec, you went into a shop, forgot your wallet, tried to walk out with the goods saying you'll pay later, and then decided _he_ was the prick?
What fucking world are you living in?
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:53, archived)

shop...goods...what the fuck are you talking about.
it's a tank of fuel, not a bottle of WKD stuffed down my tracksuit.
(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:55, archived)

Ahahahahaha
D
N
I
W
(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:58, archived)

If that confuses you so much just change 'shop' for 'petrol station' and 'goods' for 'petrol.'

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:00, archived)

Ok, you went to a retail comercial premises and obtained the item they were selling... upon reaching the point of financial transaction it happened to be that you forgot your means of purchasing their goods.
It was then, upon realising your mistake, you wanted to take the goods away from the retail premises with promise of full payment upon your return. Something which the person in charge of the buisneses did not agree with and threatened should you remove the goods from their property you shall face legal athorities for theft, and as such, he is the one in the wrong?
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:01, archived)

...retail commercial premises....what's wrong with you?
I went to a garage and filled up, I'd forgotten my wallet. Due to the unique nature of unconfined highly flammable liquids I couldn't give the cunting stuff back, so I told them I was going to get my wallet and did so.

HE threatened to arrest me himself. Not phone the Police, do it himself. I laughed alot.
(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:24, archived)

Being that much of an ignoramus should really be illegal.
I bet the til monkey was thinking: 'What a fucking ignoramus. I bet he continually uses question marks incorrectly.' Still, you've had the last laugh here by telling everyone how fucking stupid you are.
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:46, archived)

Question mark?

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:34, archived)

Has anybody seen all of my question marks. I seem to have misplaced them somewhere.

(

JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:35, archived)

I may have some spare ones

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:42, archived)

I think someone who is the fill-and-run type would also be highly likely to do other kinds of thieving too, perhaps we should arrange an identity parade
(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:43, archived)

just delete it all?
it's not going well for you and we all prefer Baldmonkey? off out now? bye? Love you?
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:42, archived)

fuck you

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:47, archived)

taking the internet seriously? bad day at the office? that secretary you like not laugh at your joke?
fuck me?
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:50, archived)

You win

(

Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:59, archived)

Raiders of the Londis

(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:44, archived)

Taking Private Property

(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:46, archived)

Ocean's 11idl

(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:47, archived)

An Englishman Went To A Petrol Station And Came Out Looking Like A Cunt

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:47, archived)

Hahahaha

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:52, archived)

that was me earlier!

(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:53, archived)

Tell you what?
Fuck off? back? to qftw?
(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:44, archived)

His profile counter matches.
Nice call.
(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:47, archived)

It is well within my remit to have people arrested
I like doing it.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:48, archived)

It's the only thing that brings you joy as you shuffle closer to the coffin.

(

Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:57, archived)

Well that was really quite uncalled for

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:59, archived)

Yeah, that was harsh, sorry dude.
I owe you a pint to make up for that.

_{(This is me saying I would like to go for drinks with you in the future)}
(

Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:02, archived)

No winkie touching
I'm very exclusive.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:08, archived)

Were you drinking driving again, as well as stealing fuel?

(

Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:53, archived)

Fuck your food thread, I'd like to hear about Baldmonkey's latest exploits.

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:55, archived)

lol x

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:58, archived)

baldmonkey isn't having any exploits today.

(

JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:58, archived)

please can he come out mrs baldmonkey please we'll only go down the park and no where else

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:00, archived)

definitely no exploring the abandoned mine or the condemned derelict building at all

(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:03, archived)

No. He's colouring in homework to do for night school.
/Wife
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:32, archived)

a school where you learn about night?

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:37, archived)

No.
Geography.
And I've booted her out. So it doesn't happen again.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:46, archived)

It's probably for the best

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:48, archived)

Frisbee QC will teach you all about geography
Apparently he's as good as any other Geography teacher
(

RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:59, archived)

You are clearly not good at listening
As I already said that I was rubbish at the geography :|
(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:01, archived)

You're still the bigger idiot here, overall.
Alright internet.
(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:03, archived)

Oh alright, seeing as nobody else here is.
Alright, BD. How is the move going?
(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:25, archived)

Done. We've no internet at home yet though, I'm having to use my university's network.

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:31, archived)

exactly
You clearly aren't reading the subtle inference that I'm utterly failing to make...
(

RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:10, archived)

Shush, I'm eating
I can only read subject lines. The rest gets blurry
(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:20, archived)

he wanted some medium thick chips

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:59, archived)

I would like to hear about exnoits, have you previously been noit but are not noit now? tell us about it here
(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:00, archived)

i was a noit for 2 years, god it was humiliating

(

Lightguy hail satan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:45, archived)

I was only a noit for a few months but the tiny nob arms made day to day life very difficult.

(

JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:49, archived)

I was once in a noit, does that count?

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:04, archived)

noit really

(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:07, archived)

I have no recollection of ever being a noit, nor have I even been in contact or close proximity to one.
What am I missing?
(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:28, archived)

my legs hurt

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:00, archived)

get new ones

(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:37, archived)

I can't afford that on my salary
Can I rent?
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:39, archived)

Apparently if you jump and shoot at the same time
he can't hit you.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:01, archived)

you just need to shoot it until it's dead

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:01, archived)

aahhh...I thought it was jump THEN shoot...

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:01, archived)

no wonder your legs hurt

(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:02, archived)

jesus christ...I'll get it right one day

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:02, archived)

jesus doesn't mind if you get it wrong, don't put yourself under so much pressure
(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:05, archived)

*breathes*
ok...I feel better now...thank you
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:10, archived)

Yay me
another one of my submissions is on speak you're branes.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:12, archived)

Stuff that.
I've had three of my COMEX on setup beat puke. AND I've been drawn by THEOBAN on there.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:23, archived)

I've only had one of mine on there
mainly because I've only done one. I can't draw :/
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:26, archived)

Nevermind.
I still care for you.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:27, archived)

thanks bm
you're the greatest
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:33, archived)

So are you.
In a way.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:35, archived)

I've not done any exploits lately.
Sorry.
Been busy trying to get LA Noire one-hundred-percented
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:24, archived)

Also watched To Have and Have Not.
Good film.
And Key Largo.
I'm eating super noodles now.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:30, archived)

what variety of noodles please?

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:39, archived)

chicken

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:41, archived)

interesting

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:42, archived)

I've only got 8 golden films left to get.
Then I'll start redoing missions to get valorious in them all.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:40, archived)

I keep hearing about that game...I really ought to get an Xbox

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:40, archived)

ps3 for me please thanks

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:43, archived)

eether or eyether
just the small matter of the bill
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:44, archived)

I want to hear about how dr preference's joke writing is going, why has he not got stuck yet and asked the board for help

(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:08, archived)

Scone with the Wind

(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:12, archived)

Icing Station Zebra

(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:13, archived)

Das Biscuit

(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:14, archived)

Anyone possibly interested in taking two Dylan Moran tickets for Sheffield on the 2nd of July off of myhands?

(

RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:15, archived)

The Hunt for Redcurrant Jam is Over

(

vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:16, archived)

comb / shoe / egg
etc.
(

RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:17, archived)

The Daily Shoe (Show)

(

JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:25, archived)

Last night I made Marmite & cheese & beans on toast for wifey
and cut the toast into a big heart shape.

When did you last make someone else feel nauseous?
(

RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:10, archived)

Just now.
Talking about Andy writhing about in his own filth tugging away at his withered nub.
You don't know Andy. He's a fat prick.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:12, archived)

Thinking about it now, every Andy I've ever met is either an idiot, a prick or both

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:29, archived)

My brother is the exception to this observation.

(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:30, archived)

It is possible that I've met your brother
But if I haven't then my rule still stands
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:32, archived)

For a long time this was true of all Pauls I'd met.
Not anymore. There's one in my office I like. And some on here.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:32, archived)

My sister named her son Adam because she's never met a bad one

(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:33, archived)

She doesn't post on here, then.

(

JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:35, archived)

Nah, it's not her sort of thing
She's flaky, self-obssessed, flighty..

hang on....
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:37, archived)

there is an andy here who always calls me love, sweetheart, or darling.

(

sleepybinky, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:51, archived)

o.O

(

the secret thingy .. Thanks for that, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:00, archived)

once i picked up my male colleague's phone and before realising it was me he was all "mate, pal" and so forth.
IT MUST JUST BE ME*

*girls
(

sleepybinky, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:24, archived)

I gave my students their first set of shuttle-runs last week
At the end some were foetally-positioned and some were threatening to blow chunks.

It satisfied me muchly.
(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:13, archived)

do you teach Geography too?

(

RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:13, archived)

I do not.
I'm rubbish at it.
(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:15, archived)

This is how geography works, from a londoner.
You've got south of the thames, north of the thames and outside the M25.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:16, archived)

I went to london the weekend before last.
I have to say, I didn't really like it.
(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:18, archived)

Hell yeah
Above Thames - North
Below Thames - South

I grew up in Hastings: Southener
I live in Birmingham: Scottish
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RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:19, archived)

That's slightly simpler than Dublin Geography, which has Northside, Southside, Gangland and Bog.

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Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:24, archived)

specatacles, testicles, wallet, watch
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vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:25, archived)

the father, the son and into the hole he goes

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RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:28, archived)

tinker, tailor, solider, plumber
[insert non-existing link to Tim Nice But Dim bookshop sketch on youtube here, the one where he's trying to buy a copy of the Yellow Pages. "Bloody good read!"]
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RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:41, archived)

Oh boy, food thread.

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JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:13, archived)

Hello, Jack Action.
I hope you are well today.
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baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:14, archived)

Morning, baldmonkey. I am well, thank you.
How are you?
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JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:17, archived)

I am tired.
and excited about potentially moving house soon. Thank you.
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baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:28, archived)

are they giving you a full change of identity too this time or are you having to make your own arrangements again?
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vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:30, archived)

Nothing was proven.
No further comment.
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baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:35, archived)

Nothing ever is proven, only disproven
except that I'm a VERY attractive creature
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:45, archived)

except of course when you consider proven to mean tested and not guaranteed.

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sleepybinky, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:57, archived)

Or you misread it as PR oven
and assume it's some sort of "think tank" for people in public relations.
In which case, some things are PR oven. PR ovens, for example.
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baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:00, archived)

this is what I meant

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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:07, archived)

Hello, Jack Action.
I hope you are well today, more than baldmonkey.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:15, archived)

Good morning, Pinckas Ben Nochkan. I am indeed well, thank you. All the more well for you asking me.
And yourself?
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JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:18, archived)

I am doing good thanks, I had my treatment at the hospital yesterday which means I'm working from home today.
I feel so much better after having it.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:46, archived)

Hello, Gonzo.
I hope that you are well. But not as well as Jack Action.
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baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:29, archived)

I hope you're more well than gonz since he's posted and run.

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JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:36, archived)

Gonzo is a good bloke.
But, yeah, I hope I'm better than him too. That'll teach him.
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baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:42, archived)

Sorry, I went to buy some food from the cafe, I won't bore you with the details, but I had 87 chips, 128 baked beens, 1 saussage and 5 squerts of salad cream.
It cost £2.50, of which my change was a five pound note, two pound coins, two twentys and a ten. It took 4 minutes approxmantly to make and is about 20 yards from my house.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:46, archived)

£2.50 for sausage chips and beans? That's not bad

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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:50, archived)

I'm very pleased with the value.

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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:06, archived)

I wish I had sausage chips and beans for £2.50.
Unforunately I don't.
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baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:52, archived)

Still, you have a wife and kids who love you very much.... swings'n'round-a-bouts.

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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:06, archived)

I might have to go rethink my life.

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baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:22, archived)

~~life~~ dinner
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:32, archived)

oh man did you salt pepper and vinegar it? how many shakes?

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sleepybinky, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:58, archived)

No salt, so there was no shaking of the salt mill. There also wasn't any pepper, which also means there wasn't any shaking of a pepper mill.
I decided to not put vinegar on it on account of the salad cream, so there wasn't any vinegar shaking.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:07, archived)

fat chips or thin chips?

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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:22, archived)

I hope they are sort of middle sized chips.
Or fat ones.
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baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:23, archived)

Thin, americans would call them 'fries'.

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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:57, archived)

food is good
your name reminds me of this guy, not specifically sure why but it always has... en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Jack Is it a good likeness?
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RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:17, archived)

Spot on.

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JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:19, archived)

I cut off a mole and gave it to a friend

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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:19, archived)

I assume you are referring to severing communication and funding channels to a spy?

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RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:32, archived)

you do?

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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:32, archived)

no i don't
it's fairly obvious what you're referring to, TBH.

Just trying to stimulate conversation, innit?
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RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:38, archived)

*gibbers*
the weather is horrid today...dark clouds and too warm...MUGGY!!! MUGGY!!MUGGY!!! MUGGY!!MUGGY!!! MUGGY!!MUGGY!!! MUGGY!!MUGGY!!! MUGGY!!
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:42, archived)

looks like rain on friday
bit fucked up when I *hope* it rains so I don't have to go to watch the cricket with the tickets i've already paid for...
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RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:43, archived)

Nah, I love the rain
I don't do too well in the heat, so I prefer it cold and damp. So to speak.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:44, archived)

I refuse to dislike heat
I'd rather a nice spring day and all that, but I'd rather X a Y than complain about it being too hot. At least, if I'm outside and it's light. Not applicable to shitty air con in office blocks.
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RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:46, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=J08goEJbkqA&feature=related
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vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:38, archived)

this is beyond my vomit and not relevant to my intestines
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vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:20, archived)

this deserves attention
*ATTENTIONS*
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:43, archived)

I feel like marching on the spot in an agressive manner.
I won't because that would be silly. But I want to.
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baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:47, archived)

Perhaps
this will help
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:49, archived)

I think this will help too
www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJKythlXAIY
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vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:08, archived)

All the time.

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Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:08, archived)

alright blue star

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JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:11, archived)

Alright gorgeous?
How's the seaside?
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Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:13, archived)

Windy and grey. I've just been looking at holidays for a customer to Disneyland and it's making me want to go back.

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JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:17, archived)

I love the seaside
especially when it's cold and grey. We went to Scarborough in the snow once. It was brilliant.

Have you been to Disneyland? You haven't mentioned it much....
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Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:19, archived)

It's been quite warm around here lately. Especially in the evenings.
I have indeed. I stayed at the Newport Bay Hotel and it was free.
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JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:24, archived)

When I was ill a few years ago and I sneezed and then I had a sort of giant snot bubble that I could deflate and inflate by breathing through my nose.

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mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:27, archived)

Oh and incase anyone wants to know what Adam Fielding's been up to in the last 24 hours, here's a quick run down.
Adam Fielding
the worlds all about injunctions at the moment lmao x
22 hours ago via BlackBerry · Like ·

Adam Fielding
bit of jezza in the afternoon go on thn x
22 hours ago via BlackBerry · Like ·

Adam Fielding
can't beat sitting in the garden catchn sum sun- bliss x
19 hours ago via BlackBerry · Like ·

Adam Fielding
wishes he had money to be in a beer garden lmao x
19 hours ago via BlackBerry · Like ·

Adam Fielding
poor janine on good old eastenders x
15 hours ago via BlackBerry · Like ·

Adam Fielding
family guy brilliant x
14 hours ago via BlackBerry · Like ·

Adam Fielding
didn't realise its that time- pillow is calling night all x
10 hours ago via BlackBerry · Like ·

Adam Fielding
wow how early am I up bk to bed me thinks x
4 hours ago via BlackBerry · Like ·

Adam Fielding
is deciding to go a day at not updating hes status, o whoops lol x
21 minutes ago via BlackBerry · Like ·
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mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:29, archived)

Ta.

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baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:31, archived)

Who the fuck is that prick?

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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:31, archived)

and he laughs his arse off too often and at things that aren't funny

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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:33, archived)

Adam Fielding sounds like a cunt.

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JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:32, archived)

lol x

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Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:39, archived)

It's my new catchphrase for when I accidentally say something utterly mundane that no-one gives a shit about.
lol x
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mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:45, archived)

Adam Fielding
where's the sun gone from yesterday boooo x
3 minutes ago via BlackBerry · Like ·
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mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:46, archived)

Henry Fielding
writer's block, fucksocks :((( x
240 years ago via BlackBerry · Like ·

Henry Fielding
just going down to covent garden me thinks x
240 years ago via BlackBerry · Like ·

Henry Fielding
think I'll call him something Jones x
240 years ago via BlackBerry · Like ·

Henry Fielding
I've got it, Tom! Tom Jones, LOL x
240 years ago via BlackBerry · Like ·
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vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:09, archived)

Hello fun seekers
I watched a thing about war crimes in Sri Lanka last night in which I saw a child's face hanging off and various people get dead. I had dreams about making cakes. I love a bit of Wednesday, me. Reminds me of my old giro day. Hello.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:41, archived)

Hello
Trains am be fscked at Watford Junction. Day at home. Hurrah...
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RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:42, archived)

Stupid south
Never does anything right.

Edit/ Signalling problems eh? I bet it's copper thievery again.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:44, archived)

No info about it, would've thought word would have got out if it were
Just "signalling problems".

Anyway, taxi home and infront of the telly with a vpn. much more civilized.
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RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:50, archived)

Visible Perky Nipple?

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broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:56, archived)

violent pornography needle?

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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:59, archived)

Vintage Penis Nibble?

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broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:01, archived)

Vitrified Pink Newt?

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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:03, archived)

virtual private network duhhh

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sleepybinky, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:16, archived)

Vigorous Puppy Nibbling.

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JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:25, archived)

Hello, I have to go and spend today in a room writing jokes and a business plan.

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Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:46, archived)

I find those two things are usually interchangeable

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RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:47, archived)

You'll need and English chap and a Scot, possibly a Welsh too

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:48, archived)

Anytime I try that we always end up just going to a pub instead.

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Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:51, archived)

you'll need a drumkit

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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:52, archived)

be sure to crowdsource some ideas from the board when you get a bit stuck, we're all rooting for you, dr preference, go for it
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vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:08, archived)

You will fail both of those tasks.

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JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:12, archived)

i got the keys to my new house yesterday
Today will be a girly day of colour swatches, carpet samples, paint, and a big gruff builder digging out the patio in the rear.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:49, archived)

Moving house is shit and exciting in equal measure
I've been here just over two years and I just about feel settled. Wait. Are you a girl?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:51, archived)

Finally buying a house was a great feeling
although apparently the rest of europe just happily rents and we shouldn't actually give a shit about buying...
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RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:53, archived)

i'd rent forever
If we had the freedom to decorate, or have pets, or actually treat it like my own home. English landlords are too strict to allow a vibrant rental market. That and now I own something MASSIVE.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:57, archived)

My landlord's ace
He only lives over the road and I think I've seen him three times. He leaves me to look after the place, except the time I got a leaky roof, I'm no good at that stuff.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:59, archived)

maybe its the south
But all the landlords I've had are so right-assed and strict, some wouldn't even let us put pictures up in fear of damaging walls.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:02, archived)

I think mine's just too busy to be arsed.
It's quite touristy here and he has a full B&B to run most of the year.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:06, archived)

YO.
I sorted that "thing".

itd better be good, is all.
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sleepybinky, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:22, archived)

Our best landlord said
"would you mind only paying me £400 a month, as it's with a better agency?" after we'd agreed to pay £450 with a posher one... Good old Bal.

We were great tennants, but mostly our landlords had noooo idea what to expect from tennants and thought we were bad.

two years hassle free tenenancy plus a few carpet stains and kitchen counter burns = good tennants
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RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:13, archived)

I cleaned the carpets

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:15, archived)

well obviously
You're civilised. Not all stains come out though. Blue poster paint in this instance.

All counted for shit when our final landlady tried to defraud us by making out invoices for work that wasn't done. We got our deposit back pretty quickly when we explained what she was doing wasn't exactly legal.
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RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:33, archived)

no
But I feel any day that involves "colour palett" moves me closer to my feminine side. Or just makes me a bit gay. Would be doing the manly gruff building myself if I didn't still have a buggered leg.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:55, archived)

I shall tailor my replies appropriately

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:57, archived)

That's why
I built a wooden playhouse last year instead of picking carpets.
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RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:57, archived)

We moved in nearly 2 years ago
with big plans of decorating... oh how we laughed.
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RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:51, archived)

I was gonna watch that
but ended up losing the pub quiz instead
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Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:51, archived)

At the Albany?
Only went in there once, nearly lost teeth.
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RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:55, archived)

Yeah.
It used to be ace then it got taken over by one prick after another. It's recently been taken over by people who are lovely, artsy musician types. We've been there more since they took over than we ever did when the scumbags had it. It's very friendly and welcoming.
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Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:59, archived)

Oh nice
I just remember some chav inviting himself into our pool game and waving the cue around.

Maybe I'll start appearing there are wondering if you're there too. That would not be weird.
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RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:03, archived)

Yeah.
I wouldn't even never leave the house again if you were to do that.
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Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:07, archived)

That's OK
As long as you keep putting your bins out on time. I need to keep my collection up to date.
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RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:10, archived)

You lost?
Oh man, I'm not sure I can associate with the likes of you any more. You have my condolences. What did you get wrong so I can tell you that you would have won had I been there?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:55, archived)

Hey
the music round is mine. I beat that shit good and proper.
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Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:01, archived)

I' m a bit tired still.
I've been tired for weeks now. Different reasons, but I haven't slept properly in ages.
I don't feel very okay.
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baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:05, archived)

Oh dear
Stop worrying, drink Dr Stewart's valerian tea at night and sleep when you are tired, your body has all the answers you need. Listen to it.
Consultation over. £300 please.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:10, archived)

Dr Stuart's valerian tea is mega.

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Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:12, archived)

Oops
I did a spellwrong
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:14, archived)

It's more the yobs outside, my children being ill, my back/neck/knee hurting and I don't know why, the house exploding.
That sort of thing.
Tea ain't gonna cut it.
When we move building in a fortnight I'll be right outside the CEO's office.
I'm thinking of bugging his office so I can blackmail my way out of inevitable dismissal.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:22, archived)

Arses
Cunts outside can be proper shit. I'd normally recommend a stern word but you'd probably get stabbed up or something. Call the rozzers persistently and exaggerate.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:25, archived)

It's not a frequent thing. It just feels like the world is conspiring to make me unwell.
A couple of weeks ago it was a house party with some cunt doing kareoke in his garden so loud we couldn't sleep three streets away.
Police wouldn't do anything.
Went for a walk and found what house it was though. One night when I'm not being allowed to sleep for another reason I'll shit through their letterbox.
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baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:28, archived)

Fuck that, call 999, say his house is on fire, or call his house when he's out and tell his missus or children that he's dead.
lol
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:33, archived)

In the real world, I'll probably just ring his doorbell at 4am and run away.
And I run like a girl.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:34, archived)

rope between the door handle of his house
and the house opposite, persuade one of the kids to help and ring both bells at the same time. classic
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:37, archived)

I vote for this

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:38, archived)

*prances*
I'm not going to be at all waki today.
Or start any new threads.
And that's a promise.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:39, archived)

Hmm
I don't like the sound of this
(

Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:44, archived)

I'm trying to calm the fuck down.
I read some of my posts last night and I am a prick.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:01, archived)

nonsense
wanna chat?
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:09, archived)

fine

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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:25, archived)

Does it contain real vales?

(

broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:14, archived)

I'm not well either
being made redundant and no job to move into and money running out and doubled my mad pill dosage

I'll end up killing other people then myself in a hilarious rom com starring Hugh Grant as me
(

moohalaa, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:26, archived)

Paul Gascoine can play me
bringing you KFC and a mandolin.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:29, archived)

That would be quite some Method he'd have to employ

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:30, archived)

oh er... oh i say oh fuckity fuck i've er... killed some er oh oh er fuckity fuck people
*dry humps large mouthed american*
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:35, archived)

morning
my new mattress should be arriving today - see what all this "memory foam malarky" is all about.
(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:19, archived)

it remembers everything about you
And reports back to the government.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:21, archived)

I bought a 5cm foam mattress topper rather than the full thing due to being a tight bastard
They don't half stink for a bit, but it was such a good buy. Really comfy, if a little warm. *olds*
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:23, archived)

*comfy bed fives*
I was going to get a topper for that very reason but the full mattress was only £100 so we saved up a bit more and bought the whole thing
(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:28, archived)

memory foam can be a real cnut
Very erm... marmitey

You either love it or hate it.
(

RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:32, archived)

I watched Ace Of Cakes last night and then made some cakes.

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JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:19, archived)

Do they do baking on that show or just brag about it?

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:26, archived)

A little bit of both.

(

JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:34, archived)

I dreamt I was in some sort of biology class
and I cut the nose and lips off two people and sewed the opposite ones on to each other as 'disguises'.

I kept shouting for a haemostat but they wouldn't give me one. Then I woke up. The end.
(

moohalaa, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:24, archived)

What happened next?

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:27, archived)

my money is on "got up and had a shit"

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RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:34, archived)

My money's on Kyle being involved

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:37, archived)

My main tactic for lasting longer
has always been to think "Bruce Forsythe squatting on a glass table", but I'm not thinking about letting him retire gracefully and replacing him with Kyle.
(

RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:58, archived)

Good Morning Bogus.
I had the misfortune of watching a program on HMRC pulling the darkies aside for smuggling ganje.
I am finding that all the officers also being middle-aged Daily Mail readers is becoming less of a coincidence the more I watch it.

Then I had a dream that I was smuggling drugs. It wasn't nice.
(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:47, archived)

To be fair to our put upon customs officials
They have very stressful jobs, a side effect of which is massive racism. We should show some more understanding.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:50, archived)

Personally I blame the Jews.
None of this would have happened if it wasn't for them.
(

Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:06, archived)

Why are you asleep?

(

Zuowan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 6:18, archived)

It's lunch induced zeds

(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 6:42, archived)

I quite liked taking siestas when I was living in the tropics.
No need for that kind of thing here.
(

Zuowan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 6:56, archived)

It's a pleasant 32 degrees here today
And lunch was lorne sausage sandwiches with fried onions and a can of Irn Bru. My dietary hints to the Indonesian community are however, for the most part, being ignored.
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 6:59, archived)

I must find a job somewhere with nice weather at some point.
What's Indonesian food like? Fried rice with prawns, I'm guessing.
(

Zuowan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 7:15, archived)

Fried Rice with everything
They're well into frying everything and then chucking SAMBAL (Chilli Sauce of lethal Scoville rating)
Loads of fruits, coconut sweets, nut sauces, satays. You name it, they scoff it. Bit like China with Palm Tree's really.
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 7:18, archived)

Sounds ok, but reckon I'd get bored with it.
The food, that is, not the sun or the terrorism.
(

Zuowan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:09, archived)

Very cosmopolitan as well
Probably a greater choice of eateries and booseries than Beijing!
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:21, archived)

On a down side..there are troubles and security issues here.
Tomorrow, a known terrorist sympathiser is to be sentenced for his part in allegedly funding a terror training camp.

There are claims that 36 bombs will be detonated as the gavel hits the judges desk!

This week they also arrested about 15 people who were in possession of cyanide who were to infiltrate police canteens nationwide to poison the Cops.

Lovely place
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 7:23, archived)

I blame British Imperialism.

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:30, archived)

The Dutch are the culprits
Most Indonesians would have preferred to have been colonised by the British as they feel that they would have a better legal system and be better prepared to trade in today's world by being able to speak English.
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:33, archived)

I know.
I just like blaming British Imperialism.
(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:35, archived)

I knew you would say that!
a/c
(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:52, archived)

I'm rushing out the front door now
like some sort of linguistic superhero, hell bent on stopping foreigners saying "Last weekend I meet wif friend".
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 7:17, archived)

Best of luck on your mission

(

fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 7:24, archived)

zzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzz
(

FIEND, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 7:29, archived)

i would love to be asleep right now.

(

sleepybinky, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:30, archived)

sadly, not right here right now.

(

sleepybinky, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:30, archived)

Drink lots of vodka.

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:35, archived)

Time for a new thread.
I'm awake (obviously) despite my efforts. What are your methods for getting to sleep?
(

Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:25, archived)

I count Aardvarks.

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:28, archived)

ONE Aardvark! Ah ah ah! TWO Aardvarks! Ah ah ah!

(

Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:28, archived)

replying up here!
No celebration bar getting through the exam I revised wrongly for. Friends took me out to congratulate me. Final exam Friday. What are you still doing up?
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:31, archived)

Final exam! Woo!!
I dunno why I am still awake. No work tomorrow, and good films on, just me dad visiting in the afternoon. I think. I not heard from him for ages. So if that doesn't work out then I have nowt to do.
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:33, archived)

Just a relaxing day then
what films?
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:40, archived)

I caught up on Neighbours (yes neighbours)
then watched The Game and just finishing American History X.
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:43, archived)

Oh god
I forgot how depressing this film is....
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:56, archived)

It's good though
Edward Norton is an ace actor
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:58, archived)

He is...
I have moved onto Angry Boys for some light relief.
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:02, archived)

What's that about?

(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:05, archived)

Some girls who are in a very good mood.

(

Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:06, archived)

I was assuming it was like Snog, Marry and Avoid

(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:06, archived)

I'm waiting for an episode of that where they replace POD with HAL9000.

(

Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:08, archived)

'I can't let you wear that Dave'

(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:12, archived)

This gets a *click* from me.

(

Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:15, archived)

Cheers
I take it the sleep is not going well then
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:20, archived)

I've stopped trying
and have poured another glass and rolled a cigarette.
(

Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:21, archived)

This is the right attitude
I really wanted a cigarette earlier.
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:27, archived)

I'll roll one for you too, then.
Probably smoke it for you, too.
(

Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:28, archived)

Enjoy it
Been a good evening?
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:33, archived)

Not too bad!
A quiet one really, with films and internet and a nice drink or two (or three now, I've lost count). Have you had fun?
(

Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:36, archived)

Sounds nice
I have thanks. Went for dinner and a few drinks then we went and danced to some bad music. Cheered me up
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:39, archived)

Aw, did you need cheering up?
Sounds like the kind of evening that would do it.
(

Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:42, archived)

The stupid revision mistake
but yup did the trick. And any lingering is being cleared up by Brasseye. Busy day tomorrow?
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:53, archived)

Fairly, yes.
In fact I should try sleeping again now that the cigarette and drink are gone.
Night night, lovely.
(

Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:56, archived)

Night, sleep well

(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:58, archived)

Its a mockumentary
with the guy from Summer Heights High. Not seen it before.
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:08, archived)

I've seen it on bbciplayer
not watched yet though. I've watched some bad stuff recently though
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:21, archived)

What I saw was funny
some mates said I should watch it and I trust their judgement.
Have you been watching Glee again?
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:25, archived)

That programme gives me rage
pure pure shit.
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:26, archived)

Oh it's AMAZING
it reinforces all that is good about being a teenager, full of angst and insecurity and how you can overcome those issues with the power of SONG!
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:35, archived)

Or some shit..
I'm off to bed. I feel the need for at least 4 hours sleep tonight.
NIGHT!
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:36, archived)

Sleep well!

(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:37, archived)

I will!
Night all. kiss kiss.xx
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:46, archived)

Night night Herby Taxi Thingy.

(

Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:47, archived)

Haha
and the neat cast each of who tick one box. And the songs are shit
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:36, archived)

Insomniac here
but I am told that this works very well. Lying still and focusing on relaxing from toes upwards, each inch seperately. It's not so much the relaxing, as being bored shitless that'll send you to sleep
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:32, archived)

I don't know why, but I initially read that as 'relaxing from bees upwards'.
*checks alcohol content of whisky bottle*
(

Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:34, archived)

maybe she's Covered in beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:36, archived)

I like my women like I like my coffee
in a plastic cup
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:39, archived)

Never put a sock in a toaster.

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:42, archived)

Hello, we're murderers.
Twix please.
(

Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:45, archived)

Went and rang bell with new batteries,
but cat put his paw on bell so it only made a thunk noise. Then cat rang his own bell. I ate food.
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:49, archived)

What is it? I'm arranging matches

(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:59, archived)

Zingelbert Bembledack!
Yingybert Dambleban! Zangelbert Bingledack! Wingelbert Humptyback! Slut Bunwalla!
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:19, archived)

That bit always reminds me
of Rowan Atkinson's Headmaster sketch
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:20, archived)

This one?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiWJWLCoH2M
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:28, archived)

That's the one

(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:36, archived)

Orifice.....

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:42, archived)

Smoke weed until sleepiness claims me.

(

Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:45, archived)

Not really much of a weed smoker these days
but pass the joint and I'll take a hit.
(

Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:45, archived)

Good plan...
Is it working?
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:49, archived)

Apparently so...

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:23, archived)

i imagine my bed is actually a ROBOT BED with wheels and long robot arms and also it's SOUND PROOF then i close my eyes real tight and pretend my bed is going around and doing all the jobs that need doing at home, ironing shirts, hoovering the floor
WHILE I AM RELAXING!! THEN the bed goes to where i work and starts DOING MY JOB! AND I'M TOTALLY RELAXED AND GOING TO SLEEP! EXCELLENT!!
(

Lightguy hail satan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:33, archived)

I'm scared now.
Help.
(

Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:36, archived)

magic bed will protect you! it's bulletproof

(

Lightguy hail satan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:38, archived)

Who in the hell
irons their shirts?
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:40, archived)

People with nothing better to do.

(

Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:41, archived)

ROBOT BEDS

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:44, archived)

the bed doesn't have to go to work, it can fly off into space, or go to the bottom of the ocean

(

Lightguy hail satan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:49, archived)

Tylenol PM.
Masturbation works too.
(

postal ninja has Transmissible spongiform encephalopathies, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:49, archived)

Does the Tylenol function as lube?

(

Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:50, archived)

Exactly.
Getting stuck in the bottle is another story.
(

postal ninja has Transmissible spongiform encephalopathies, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:57, archived)

Having a regular work schedule seems to do the trick.

(

Zuowan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 3:54, archived)

If only I could spin dash in real life

(

the RAND corporation a.k.a. Kevin Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:51, archived)

Dash wouldn't like that.

(

postal ninja has Transmissible spongiform encephalopathies, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:52, archived)

I want to move things with my mind.
Time travel would be nice.
(

postal ninja has Transmissible spongiform encephalopathies, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:53, archived)

INVISIBILITY!

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:54, archived)

God has that one already.
You can't steal it.
(

postal ninja has Transmissible spongiform encephalopathies, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 1:48, archived)

He can't have everything!
he has invincibility already! It's only a few letters difference. I'm sure he wont notice.
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:01, archived)

I'd go back in time and have sex with my mother before she gave birth to me.
It's not incest then is it?
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:54, archived)

i think this was covered in a film i saw once
i don't remember how it ended, but i don't think it was for the best.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:56, archived)

Did he end up being his own Dad?

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:57, archived)

something about a paradox
if i were you, i'd just shag your sister and ask her to wear your mums old dress from the fifties. save yourself the continuum nightmare.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:58, archived)

QUICK, CHANGE CHANNELS
the getaway is on, to lower your expectations of movies. dumb fun.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:54, archived)

Ahh
his pre Jack Donaghy days, before he became my perfect man.
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:57, archived)

Michael Madsen is your perfect man?
he has an ugly charm i suppose
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:59, archived)

I was talking about Kim Basinger.

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 1:01, archived)

No.
I'm off for this tab then I'm off to bed.
(

CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 1:00, archived)

sleep well
jammy cow
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 1:01, archived)

Night night Jammy!
Sleep tight.
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 1:01, archived)

Has anyone done a Badger / Wicca joke on this yet?
www.sickidates.com/
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:57, archived)

is the fat one having a stroke?
and not the sexy kind.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 1:00, archived)

I have turned over to American History X
way more fun.
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 1:11, archived)

hadn't spotted that
i'm with you
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 1:13, archived)

Best Edward Norton film.
I like Fight club too, and The Score. I love a heist movie.
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 1:19, archived)

i enjoyed death to smoochie
despite it's poor reviews
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 1:23, archived)

It does look terrible.
Is it good then?
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 1:25, archived)

i enjoyed it
it's not going to change your idea of comedy, but it's god some good jokes, and some nice acting. I have to admit that for some reason i have a love of Danny De'Vito that isn't healthy.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 1:47, archived)

Do you want to mother him coz he is so little?
Do you?
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:02, archived)

I'm going to go to bed
to dream of his tiny little shoes
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:12, archived)

Night night!

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:18, archived)

Freak

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:19, archived)

alright HATD
still around?
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:16, archived)

hey up!
Yep! How are you sugartits?
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:18, archived)

Good thanks
been out dancing. How are you?
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:24, archived)

Disco dancing?
and prancing? YES! Groovy...
I'm good, watching films and listening to a dog snoring.
Were you celebrating?
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 2:27, archived)

The finger of going over your overdraft
*points*
(wimbley is feeling hungover, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 1:05, archived)

it'd make getting through those loop-de-loops on the m6 a lot easier

(

Lightguy hail satan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 1:05, archived)

I don't think
Mrs.Incredible would let you get away with that.
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 1:09, archived)

Evening /talk
I don't particularly have anything to say but I thought we could do with a new thread. Tell me something interesting?
(

CowJam, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 23:56, archived)

Get the rockstar pass loads of LA Noire dlc for 800 points.
Suits and 6 cases I think, oh and a powerful gun.
(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:00, archived)

Now or should I wait til I've completed it?

(

CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:30, archived)

Get it now, you don't need to download the dlc straight away,
You can get it later on throught the marketplace link when you've got the game loaded, it's just really cheap right now, till the 21st I think.
(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:36, archived)

Will do
ta
(

CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:40, archived)

that film The Game is on
i'd forgotten it was quite good. Also I've been spoilt by the internet as the adverts make me angry watching a film on ITV.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:00, archived)

A tip might be, don't watch them on itv.

(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:00, archived)

you never just see a film is on
and think, ooooh, i'll watch that? then it turns out to be ITV, and i know i could go online and find it without adverts, and in fact i may even have it on DVD, but you know, when it's on...
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:05, archived)

Yeah, get yourself a + box then live pause for a bit, then watch it and skip the ad breaks.

(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:10, archived)

Excellent
i think i will
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:13, archived)

Good plan.I always try and forward through live programs I've not paused.
Like a dafty.
(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:26, archived)

there needs to be some sort of system
for calculating the optimum pause time to film length and advert frequency ratio, so you never wait longer than you have to, to start enjoyment of the flick.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:31, archived)

Yeah, movies on TV are far better than movies on DVD

(

CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:31, archived)

saves the horrible hassle of deciding on a movie you want to watch
thanks TV, for taking away the hard task of walking to the DVD shelf and selecting a title.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:34, archived)

I watched the Mummy Returns earlier
hence why I'm late to the party with The Game
(

CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:35, archived)

I like adverts.
They let me go for a piss or a smoke. I'm watching it too now.

I don't have to be in work til half ten.
(

CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:31, archived)

i can piss and still see the tv thanks to downstairs toilets and mirrors.
it makes the lady angry though, so i can only do it when she's gone to bed. smoking indoors is allowed if i'm by the window in the living room and it's not just a vanilla roll.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:32, archived)

I don't like smoking in doors, it freaks me out a bit

(

CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:33, archived)

i don't like smoking ciggarettes indoors
but the more mellow of items needs a comfy seat that the English weather can't always provide.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:38, archived)

Ah.
I rarely smoke that and nobody in Wigan has offered me it so I haven't. In which case I'd consider using the conservatory for the purpose.
(

CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:43, archived)

I am naughtily smoking inside..
I should go outside but that involves getting off my ass.
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:38, archived)

It felt a bit odd smoking inside your house.
Each to their own, I'm not saying people shouldn't, just that I generally don't.
(

CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:42, archived)

I never used too
I'm at a mates anyway. I am trying to be good and go out..but really, can't be chuffed.
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:48, archived)

If you're ever up my way I'll let you smoke in the conservatory
what with you being a lady and everything.

Speaking of smoking, I just rolled myself one then went for a piss before stepping outside. I sneezed while pissing and lost my tab down the bog :(
(

CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:57, archived)

HAHAHHAHA!
And thanks..*curtseys*
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 1:03, archived)

I recently tinted my car windows.
I think we went over this.
Somebody probably got mad.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:00, archived)

Was it the police, I thought they hated tinted windows.

(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:02, archived)

The back three windows are fair game.
I'm deflecting sunlight away. Much like a b3tan.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:02, archived)

fair enough.

(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:09, archived)

The worlds longest laundry chute can be found at the Shanghai Grand Hyatt Hotel.

(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:00, archived)

That's the kind of shit we need to test out.
With people.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:03, archived)

Fancy a Shanghai roadtrip with your new tints? Not this weekend though, I've got a lot on.

(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:05, archived)

Well this is the last time I invite someone to come down and pick me up in their own car then drive to Shanghai to see if the Grand Hyatt really does have the worlds longest laundry chute.

(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:35, archived)

AWWWWWWWW MAN!
:(
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 1:09, archived)

Evening Jammy!
You feel better? I'm watching The Game. I have to... every time it's on.
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Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:04, archived)

YAY
me too, see above
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:06, archived)

It must be the meelionth time.
It's chuffing ace!
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Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:11, archived)

love it
haven't seen it in yonks.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:13, archived)

For some reason saying 'The Game'
on fuckbook has upset some people.
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Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:18, archived)

that's because they are still at school i assume
i won't explain the rules of the game, as it will only upset me
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:25, archived)

Still a bit ill but better than I was.
I'm watching the game too :D
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CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:32, archived)

Oh good...!
You know they had an different ending planned for the movie, but changed it?
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Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:37, archived)

what was the alternative ending?

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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:38, archived)

No I didn't
What was the planned ending?
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CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:40, archived)

The fall at the end...
then fade to black...would leave you wondering..
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Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:47, archived)

I'm not sure that'd've worked as well

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CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 1:00, archived)

It would have been good
as you have wondered if it was all fake and a game, or just him being a mental.
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Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 1:03, archived)

a dead teenage mutant ninja turtle was found in a back alley of downtown los angeles in 1996

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Lightguy hail satan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:04, archived)

Mansa Musa spent so much gold when he visited Mecca that it was devalued for the next decade.

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mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:05, archived)

in the olden days radiators used to be filled with human blood, or sheep blood in poorer homes. hence the term "bleeding" the radiator

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Lightguy hail satan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:08, archived)

I like this

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CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:32, archived)

the very first Monarchs Christmas Speech
was written by Rudyard Kipling. He was a Freemason.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:09, archived)

Really?

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CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:32, archived)

which piece are you incredulous of
i don't want to incite the tinfoil hat brigade
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:36, archived)

The Kipling bit.
I don't know if you're being serious or not and I can't be fucked googling.
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CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:38, archived)

he was a Freemason
freemasonry.bcy.ca/biography/kipling_r/kipling_r.html
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:39, archived)

Yes
but did he write the first speech?
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CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:41, archived)

yup, 1932 it was

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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:42, archived)

awesome

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CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:43, archived)

i guess i'm still new enough
that i find it hard to judge when a thread is going the route of the actual question posed or the route of Hilarious japes.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:46, archived)

I do too
and I started the fucking thing.

My rule of thumb is that if I don't know the answer or have a suitable truthful response I'll make something up
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CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 1:01, archived)

there are some interesting references to freemasonry in his work
but he soon fell out with it as nonsense and went back to being just a straight up lover of the empire. God save the King.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:41, archived)

fibre optic broadband was invented by sonic the hedgehog

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Lightguy hail satan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:12, archived)

If you pick your nose hard enough
you will eventually find gold.
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Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:14, archived)

If we all pull together, we'll have a white christmas.

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Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:18, archived)

You know what thought did?
Followed a muck cart, thought it were a wedding.
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Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:21, archived)

How else do you think I afford to live alone?

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CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:33, archived)

Fuck!
God knows I try to find it, but it never happens.
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Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:53, archived)

I eat my bogies
then I shit out gold nuggets. It does my ringpiece no good but my bank manager loves it.
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CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:55, archived)

King Crimson
was he original name of King George V. His PR men felt it was too racy for the discerning 1900's Englander.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:16, archived)

the beans in bean bags are actually spider eggs, millions of them

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Lightguy hail satan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:19, archived)

I'm glad I don't have a bean bag

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CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:34, archived)

The phrase, 'everything but the kitchen sink' refers to the the Wolrd War II bombing raids on Coventry during which an eerily high number of houses were completely decimated, yet their kitchen sinks remained intact.

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mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:21, archived)

Those sinks must have be made of sturdy stuff.

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Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:23, archived)

that's because they were from Belfast
anything Orbital will make a song about is destined to survive even atomic warfare.
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Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:24, archived)

The Indiana Jones theme was actually written and performed by Harrison Ford
he played every instrument
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h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:22, archived)

The phrase 'pardon my french' was a common saying of Lord Lucan, who collected mentally ill French people and constantly had to apologise for their behaviour.

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mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:28, archived)

I really like this

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CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:35, archived)

Hahahaha, I do like this one.

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Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:37, archived)

The rain in Spain falls mainly
on Brits abroad in a desperate attempt to keep them away.
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Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:33, archived)

I can understand that.
My aunt and uncle moved out to Spain. Before they left I pirated them a "learn spanish" set of CDs which they didn't bother listening to.

Within a month they were complaining that nobody spoke English where they lived (in Spain) so they sold their house and moved to an ex-pat enclave, losing shitloads in the process. Bunch of fucking idiots.

If I was ruler of the world you'd only be allowed to move somewhere if you spoke the local language.
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CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:37, archived)

Eating a full English
at The British Bulldog caff every morning. Nice one.
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Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:52, archived)

Since toast always lands butter side down and cats always land on their feet, if you strap some toast to the soles of a cats feet with the butter facing upwards, you get sectioned.

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mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:40, archived)

Interesting..

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Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:50, archived)

I don't know anything interesting, I'm American, remember?
/AC
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postal ninja has Transmissible spongiform encephalopathies, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 0:42, archived)

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