I just gave somebody completely the wrong directions by accident.
He was already on the correct road and I sent him somewhere else.

I feel silly now :(

When was the last time you ruined someone's day by accident?
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:37, archived)

Was it an Air France pilot?

( thealternativefact, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:38, archived)

have I missed a hilarious BBC news link?

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:38, archived)

Possibly
A whole plane has disappeared
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:39, archived)

Oh yeah.
I heard that on the news this morning actually.

I'm just not with it today, evidently.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:39, archived)

So not that hilarious, really.

( thealternativefact, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:39, archived)

You sure?!? I heard it was only the first 1/4 of it

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:40, archived)

THAT WAS THE BIT WITH THE FOOD

( thealternativefact, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:40, archived)

PUGS!
b3ta.com/board/9484332
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:41, archived)

NOT TRUE!
snot true :'(

Your dog's farts smell. Pugs farts smell of sherbet.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:44, archived)

That's why they are all of the wrong.
My dog's farts stink of shit like they are supposed to.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:45, archived)

Pugs are shitter than me.

( WHARRGARBL, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:10, archived)

I heard it was a plane full of kids and supermatt has them
TRUFAX
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:40, archived)

yep
www.b3ta.com/talk/6189493
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:39, archived)

Oh god I once got asked directions by an ambulance driver,
and I didn't know the way, I felt a bit guilty about that. Someone could have DIED.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:38, archived)

The ambulance driver should have been given a map

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:39, archived)

I'm surprised he didn't have one of those GPS thingummies,
it wasn't that long ago.
Although they do have a habit of sending you the stupid way, or into canals.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:40, archived)

Or maybe they weren't actually paramedics,
but people using the ambulance as a getaway vehicle for a robery.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:44, archived)

They were wearing wizards cloaks, now I come to think of it.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:45, archived)

Are you refering to that 'little incident'
at the playground yesterday?
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:39, archived)

I let a swinging door close behind me in a hospital once.
It slammed right into an elderly man and knocked him down, shattering his wrist.

I didn't see him. :(
( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:39, archived)

Well, I found out last night that I sort of ruined someone's relationship last year
after I told a girl that her 'boyfriend' of sorts had been asking me 'where are all the sluts?', when it turns out he wasn't her boyfriend at all, it was his mate. I'd got them confused. Oops.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:39, archived)

ha ha

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:40, archived)

Were you trying to break them up so you could be the 'get over diddle'?

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:41, archived)

No, but I think I did get my current girlfriend after I convinced her that her then boyfriend was a raging woofter.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:45, archived)

I'm going to steal your girlfriend.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:52, archived)

I believe the customary 'fight for the girl' tradition is
willy battles in a public shower.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:53, archived)

scrap that, I'm stealing your girlfriend's boyfriend.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:54, archived)

Did you know this because you were fucking him?

( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:04, archived)

I've given the wrong directions to people before, usually by complete accident
But about 20 years ago when I worked in a Homebase store, somebody asked me where the toilets were. I completely misunderstood their question, and I directed them to the aisle where the bathroom suites were on display.

I've also been witness to one of the trainee managers trying to fish out a stool from one of the display toilets.
( turb0t, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:40, archived)

Oh god,
are there actually real people who think the toilets on display are plumbed in?
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:42, archived)

And who don't mind the lack of cubicle.
Or paper.
( thealternativefact, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:43, archived)

Possibly the same people who think it's ok to leave used sanitary towels in changing rooms

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:44, archived)

We all know they're meant to go in your pockets.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:44, archived)

Naughty.

( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:46, archived)

We are recording tonight.
Can't say what. Secret.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:49, archived)

Who? What? Where? When? Why?
Can I watch?
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:52, archived)

see gaz

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:54, archived)

And you were reminded of this by the used sanitary towel comment?
Oh dear...
( thealternativefact, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:52, archived)

Pound says it's Yoko Ono

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:54, archived)

£2 says it's not John Lennon.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:59, archived)

Oh, I must get some new tyres for my car.

( turb0t, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:00, archived)

I got it.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:02, archived)

I /think/ I get it.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:06, archived)

I don't.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:10, archived)

here
www2.yokohama-online.com/gb/
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:11, archived)

Yes.
Yes I was.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:55, archived)

Hello, did the puppy explode?

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:09, archived)

I'm just clearing up the bits.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:12, archived)

Silly puppy.
He's lucky Biff didn't eat him for nicking his grub.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:12, archived)

or block the sinks with paper towels.
I can't believe this happens in the toilets of fancy bars.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:49, archived)

Ughhhh

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:05, archived)

the dog once found a used tampon in a bus shelter :(
fortunately, he dropped it without argument. who takes their tampon out at a bus shelter and leaves it behind, anyway?
( spacefish bong!, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:09, archived)

Well you can't have a sneaky finger until the bus arrives with a tampon in, can you.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:16, archived)

I'm guessing it was a child that did it.
or maybe a senile old cunt.
( turb0t, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:46, archived)

maybe that little girl who was on You've Been Framed,
who won a prize for being funny and cute.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:55, archived)

ha ha ha
*clicks*
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:48, archived)

People keep asking me for directions to places I've never heard of, and don't seem to believe me that I'm not from here.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:43, archived)

The thing is, I'd walked past the place he wanted to go to 3 times today.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:44, archived)

I get asked for directions for places that are very near where I live,
and I still don't know. I basically know the street I live on, and that's pretty much it.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:44, archived)

Yeah, this.
I don't know any street names. I grew up in the country, I'm shit at telling people how to get anywhere in towns.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:04, archived)

I don't know the estate at all,
other than how to get from my house to the main road and how to get to the park where I walk the dog.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:07, archived)

People are constantly asking me for directions
I think I'm starting too look a little too local.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:45, archived)

I did know somebody who was only able to give directions
providing there were pubs on the way that he could use as navigation references.
If going from A to B there were two possible routes, one of which was a straight road, 1 mile long but without any pubs on it, and the other route was a twisty turny route, with pubs on every corner, making your entire journey length 4 miles, he could only direct you the long way, via all the pubs.
( turb0t, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:59, archived)

My uncle is like that.
Handily, he lives in Dublin, so the pub route is often the quickest route also.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:06, archived)

Back in 1998
when I was a IT consultant for the Royal mail in Reading, I was given a load of servers to install in a post office in Swindon, and I was also given a post van to transport the computers in.
Neither myself, not the other person I was with knew exactly where the Swindon post office was. We stopped and asked for directions, to which the majority of responses were "No wonder our fucking post gets lost".
( turb0t, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:49, archived)

genuine lol

( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:55, archived)

haha

( thealternativefact, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:57, archived)

I never ruin anyone's day by accident

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:05, archived)

Lolololol

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:07, archived)

lololololololol
oh Esme, I'm a terrible person aren't I?
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:08, archived)

You are, I don't know how I put up with you.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:10, archived)

I sometimes think the internet was invented just so I could annoy and upset people

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:18, archived)

If it wasn't, it should have been.
It's like it was purpose built.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:22, archived)

I shot them up a bit with guns

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:07, archived)

I used the needle before they did and didn't realise I had AIDS.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:07, archived)

Some kid was wandeirng around in town
So I burnt his neck
( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:09, archived)

Knock knock.
Who is there?
Junkmail from so called "politicians". Tonnes of it. PolitiCUNTS more like.
Satire lol. Lolitics. The only election I'm voting in the the one with the hand gun ballot and the pikey candidates in town. GOOD BYE CRUEL TOP OF THE WORLD I MADE IT MA.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:59, archived)

ROFLRENDUM

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:00, archived)

OMGOCRACY !

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:06, archived)

MPSL

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:06, archived)

A/S/L ?

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)

Age, Sex, Electorate.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:09, archived)

The Internot
needs your opinion on Lady Gaga

We discussed her at lenght and breadth last week but you were offline receiving help for your mentalness or something
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:12, archived)

She's shit.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:12, archived)

As in "actually made of"
Like she's some sort of homunc-poo-lus ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:14, archived)

Yeah, basically.
With a bucket of ming thrown in.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:14, archived)

I find her very difficult to read
I suspect she's good at gambling with cards.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:14, archived)

Oh.
I don't really know who she is.
I am too busy listening to Dancehall music to investigate.
Can you give me a summary of each side of the argument?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:13, archived)

Some people think she is shit and ugly
some people think she is shit.

Dancehall ? Explain yourself.

I bought a Trojan "box set" of about 50 MP3's off iTunes for about £3, this pleased me.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:15, archived)

Reggae
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cnw1nAVTmKY&feature=PlayList&p=3A15EB2D9339024B&index=0
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:21, archived)

This is her:
www.femalefirst.co.uk/lifestyle-fashion/stylebeauty/Lady+GaGa-8703.html
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:15, archived)

HEAR YE! HEAR YE! baldmonkey speaks his truth:
Meh.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:22, archived)

I like all those flyers
I like to count in how many ways they have the total opposite opinion as I do.

It's a lot.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:00, archived)

Especially Mark "I went to Afghanistan" Lancaster

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:01, archived)

The libdem one says they help with local problems. Stupid cunts didn't help me when I asked.
I've written FUCK OFF on it and sent it to the freepost address. That'll teach them. ANARCHY IN THE ROYAL MAIL. Fight the power, brethren. MOFO! Mo' recession, mo' shorter skirts.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:03, archived)

you can't be mean to the Libdems
that's like kicking a cripple.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:06, archived)

They totally PWN the local council.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:07, archived)

cool stuff, bye

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:01, archived)

I know, waste of fucking paper.
I don't think I'll bother voting here, anyway.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:03, archived)

It's the first time since I turned 18, I actually want to vote.
Things are so fucked up I want to have my say. I have to read up on all the parties first though. I wish there was some way to do that without propaganda and rhetoric.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:05, archived)

I refuse to vote without understanding what I am voting for.
Where is RJ when you need him?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:06, archived)

Congratulations on being better than the nearly all the voting public.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:07, archived)

Or I might just vote BNP because they aren't racist. They have a paki in their leaflet and everything.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)

Vote Nazi

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:09, archived)

Totally unracist dude.
It says in big letters "IT'S NOT THE NIGGERS WE MIND..."
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:09, archived)

...AT LEAST NOT THE ONES WHOS PARENTS WERE BORN HERE

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)

No
they hate them too. There was an interview with Nick Griffin Amourous Badger posted on links a couple of weeks back.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:23, archived)

You're voting for a man (or a lady)
to go to London and mumble at some other men and ladies and sometimes go on the telly.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)

Actually, this.
I can't be bothered reading up on it here and at home aswell.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)

How fucked up are things Mr B ?
How ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:06, archived)

Twenty.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:06, archived)

We should start our own party? What do YOU PEOPLE want to be in charge of?
I'm going to be Minster for Bewbies & Transport.

Everyone has to travel on Cockerel now. If you're a girl, show me your bewbies.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)

Drinking, smoking, shouting, swearing and animal welfare.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)

You're going to make animals smoke, drink and fight?!? SWEET!

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)

NO.
I have dibs on animal welfare, religion, vice and crime.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:11, archived)

No fucking way are you allowed have animal welfare.
You'll only eat them all.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:12, archived)

I'd smash the fucking horses faces in.
Cunts.
I FUCKING HATE YTHEM.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:14, archived)

The best thing to smash a horses face in
is a dolphin shovel.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:15, archived)

Or an iron bar.
A horse walks into a bar, and he says ow. It was an iron bar. The barman says "why the long face?" the horse says, "I just walked into an iron bar."
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:21, archived)

*does tiny queef of joy*
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:28, archived)

I want to be Minister for PUNISHMENT
Then I can have people who annoy me killed.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)

Can I be your deputy?

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:09, archived)

Yes
All deputies must do topless boobie dances at short notice however.

If you kill a few people and your boobies are all covered in the blood of your vanquished enemies, all the better.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)

Cool.
I do love a bit of blood shed.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:13, archived)

Me too.
I'm going to get one at Homebase.
( thealternativefact, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:14, archived)

lolololol

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:16, archived)

International Development
Or Secratary of State
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)

I'd quite like to be in charge of education and children (in a non-noncy way)
Instead of SATS, I'd introduce maturity tests.
( WHARRGARBL, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:12, archived)

I'd have totally failed.
I probably still would.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:13, archived)

They wouldn't be incredibly difficult.
It'd just be common sense for the most part, with a few extra things.
( WHARRGARBL, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:14, archived)

Yeah,
I'd totally fail.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:15, archived)

Kids that act mature only makes them even more immaute.
Act like a kid when you're a kid and a grown up kid when you're an adult.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:15, archived)

Yeah that annoys me a bit when adults tell kids off for being immature.
"Stop acting like a child!"
"But I AM a child!"

But there's childish and there's childish. In some ways, I wish people wouldn't grow up so much.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:16, archived)

Whatever allows me to most effectively abuse my position and get loads of freebies and that.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:17, archived)

Can I be Minister for Sexy Parties?

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:38, archived)

Being in the position of having met a number of candidates, and in one case, Nick Clegg, I've decided not to vote.

( WHARRGARBL, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:09, archived)

Mumumumumah !
met OMG BUMMED !
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:11, archived)

DUDE!
YOU PWNED THE N00B!
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:12, archived)

I like Nick Clegg,

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:12, archived)

Nick +at
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:12, archived)

I bet the fucking tax payer
paid for all that shit too.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:13, archived)

Yeah. He's a dick.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:15, archived)

It's Mykey, isn't it?
"MY TAXES!"
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:20, archived)

Shut it, jobfail

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:25, archived)

baiting win

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:26, archived)

Anyone who thinks what happens to their taxes isn't important is a bigger dick than Mykey ever appears to be.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:26, archived)

Either that or they dont pay them
Or they have more money than sense
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:30, archived)

STUPID TAX!

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:30, archived)

progressive taxation ought to ensure that it is only people with more money than sense
who significantly have to pay it. Unfortunately, we've ended up in the absurd position that even someone who works part time on minimum wage gets stung by income tax. And then get some of it back in the form of benefits, if they're lucky.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:37, archived)

It's important what the government spends its revenue on,
it's not so important that such revenue is in any meaningful sense "mine", or exactly how much of it passed through my hands at some point.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:33, archived)

That's about the most meaningless arguement I've seen on here.
And I've been here for a good few of Bou's.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:46, archived)

You're obviously missing some important point here.
Maybe the one about how the value of a person's political opinions isn't proportional to how much tax they pay.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:48, archived)

I can't decide if Underworld Evolution is better than Resident Evil Apocalypse
or to what degree either film is inferior to Matrix Revolutions

I need to think about this one
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:23, archived)

Let's strap some people into Clockwork Orange style chairs and make them watch all three on a loop for a week and see what they think.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:25, archived)

yes
and Star Wars Episode I
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:26, archived)

Yes.
All at once.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:27, archived)

would you rather be mentally or physically disabled?
i think i'd rather be mentally disabled as although i would be maybe a retard i would hope with proper care i wouldn't be unplesent to look at like a spastic
( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:18, archived)

Both.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:20, archived)

Threadjack
A plane's gone missing over the atlantic,
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/8076848.stm
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:55, archived)

Anything that means I don't have to wear a nappy
I'm not wearing a nappy.
( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:20, archived)

hmmm, do you connect the wearing of nappies with some kind of abuse? possibly sexually carried out by a close family friend when you were a toddler? hmmm

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:22, archived)

Mummy made me wear them until I was 15
NO MUMMY I DON'T WANT TO BREAST FEED I'M A GROWNUP NOW
( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:23, archived)

/Comma

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:29, archived)

/Colon
What are we doing now?
( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:32, archived)

Physically, I reckon.
I could've been both.

/meningitis lolz
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:21, archived)

i kinda like having control over my limbs

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:23, archived)

being orish
would anyone had noticed?
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:25, archived)

A ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha

yeah great
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:31, archived)

Wow, I totally didn't see that coming.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:43, archived)

Is that becuase you're irish too?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:47, archived)

I think mentally, as your life will be easier
you will have a carer to wipe your arse who you can embarass in public places. The pressures of everyday life will mean nothing to you.

If you're physically disabled, you will know that people find you disgusting to look at and you will have to visit prostitutes.
( Malaka omdz, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:23, archived)

mental high fives
oops missed
( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:24, archived)

Physically,
I don't want to be seen as a mental.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:25, archived)

Oh dear...

( thealternativefact, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:26, archived)

i'd like to have four wheels and fly

( spacefish bong!, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:25, archived)

you want to be a chinook?

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:26, archived)

hell yes
imagine my prowess with the ladies if i had that much lift
( spacefish bong!, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:29, archived)

dunno
not really sure which one of the two out of ant`n` dec I would want to be either.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:26, archived)

be do
( Malaka omdz, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:27, archived)

This post discriminates against Gonzo for not having a choice in either:(

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:29, archived)

He'll think of himself as a double winner.

( thealternativefact, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:31, archived)

physical
because then I could sign up for all the crazy experimantal cyborg surgery there is.

I wouldn't mind signing up for crazy experimantal brain surgery, but if I was a mental I wouldn't be able to give consent
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:32, archived)

phrase it differently, Gonzo or Stephen Hawking
yeah, exactly

want to reconsider there mongy?
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:33, archived)

i'm not sure hawking is that clever i think he just has good software in that voice thing he uses
and he gets beat up by his missus
( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:39, archived)

Physically
but a really minor one, like a bigger than average little toe or something.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:34, archived)

no, no, i mean proper spastic, arms and legs all twisted and flying about

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:35, archived)

what level of mental disability are we talking?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:36, archived)

massive retard

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:37, archived)

Probably physical then,
I wouldn't like to be stupid.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:38, archived)

Susan Boyle

(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:37, archived)

Shit no - my hair's bad enough.

( thealternativefact, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:43, archived)

Mentally.
'cos then I probably wouldn't know about it. I'd like to be proper mental, have absolutely no inhibitions and do whatever the fuck I wanted.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:44, archived)

that's you after a drink isn't it?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:48, archived)

I would like to be beautiful on the outside and all FREAKYDEE AHEEEN! as soon as I opened my mouth
So no change really...
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:54, archived)

Eddie Izzard is shit,
discuss:
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:44, archived)

No, he's not.
I clicked this by mistake :(
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:44, archived)

he's a shit actor,
you must admit that?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:47, archived)

I've only seen him in Mystery men.
Maybe one other film but I can't remember what it was.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:47, archived)

i saw him in circus and it made me laugh.
i like circus.
( sleepybinky, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:48, archived)

in fact I SHALL WATCH IT AGAIN.

( sleepybinky, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:48, archived)

I have his DVD "Circle".
The extra gig he does in French is better than the actual main feature.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:50, archived)

great film

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:48, archived)

he was also in My super ex girlfriend.
That's what it was.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:49, archived)

I thought he was alright in Velvet Goldmine

( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:52, archived)

I like that film a lot.

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:53, archived)

I, too, like that film a lot
Let's never fight again
( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:55, archived)

Ocean's Twelve
the cunt
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:17, archived)

I think he's a fine actor.
I didn't think he'd be good. He's got better.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:49, archived)

You sure?
/throws in `the avengers`

utterly dire film.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:16, archived)

I used to think he was cool
He changed, man, he changed.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:44, archived)

no he isn't. he has declined in quality but due to the early work, i don't think i'll ever think of him as shit
lee evans though, don't like him much.
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:46, archived)

He looks like norman wisdom
I hate him and norman wisdom equally
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:46, archived)

I watched Izzard - Sexie the other night
The first comedy DVD I've switched off halfway through.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:47, archived)

bad choice. the weakest of all his shows

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:48, archived)

I got given it
It has devalued my friendship with the gift-giver.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:52, archived)

oh dear.
that's never good. :S
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:54, archived)

I don't like Lee Evans either.
I've not been to see any comedy in ages. Still, Ed Byrne in November. WOO. I think...
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:47, archived)

He was great.
I saw his Sexie tour and it was hilarious. But I was pissed. Watching it back on DVD it was rubbish.

According to a mate of mine who has seen his new show, he's getting back on track
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:46, archived)

i think he used to be good, the dvd of sexie WAS rather rubbish
and in general i am more of a bill bailey fiend now.
( sleepybinky, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:47, archived)

good choice, right there
it's SO EXPENSIVE to see him nowadays though

i've been enjoying tim minchin recently
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:48, archived)

I SAW BILL BAILEY IN CARDIFF LAST YEAR

( sleepybinky, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:48, archived)

I SAW HIM AT LATITUDE LAST YEAR
AND AT THE ALBERT HALL
depends if you mean saw as in saw a show of his or saw him a few feet away
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:07, archived)

controversial
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:49, archived)

oh you can totally say that.
i thought part troll was hilarious & i like my cosmic jam & bewidlerness dvds. the show i saw live, tinselworm, less so...
( sleepybinky, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:50, archived)

The last thing he did, Guide to Orcestra was wicked :)

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:52, archived)

it really was
that's what i saw at the albert hall.

bloody good stuff.
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:07, archived)

Nah he's very very good :)
Why is he shit? Intelligent, good material, some later stuff hit and miss but that goes for most people. Plus he likes pugs*.

*probably.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:46, archived)

A bit too lol wacky for my taste,
I don't belive in his improvisational style.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:48, archived)

You look like you like a bit of Bernard Manning whilst eating some Bernard Matthews.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:49, archived)

Whilst arm wrestling yourself.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:49, archived)

That's pencilled in for wednesday.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:52, archived)

Last time someone told me to 'pencil it in' I ended up walking all wonky for a week.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:53, archived)

and your piss went everywhere

( Malaka omdz, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:54, archived)

It does anyway, my rule is : Only piss if you've got an errection
people are always impressed with me doing cartwheels at the urinals, giving a shower party.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:57, archived)

Is that a golden rule?

( Malaka omdz, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:02, archived)

My rule of thumb is something completely different...

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:03, archived)

you don't believe in it?
it's right there on film!
( Malaka omdz, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:49, archived)

I don't believe he's improvising,
I think it's all rehearsed.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:57, archived)

Well yeah, i reckon if you watched the same show two nights in a row they would be near-identical
but you only watch it once, see? So it's like for real.
( Malaka omdz, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:06, archived)

i like him
each to their own though. sorry, no offence, forum banter (SNOFB)
( spacefish bong!, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:47, archived)

i'm not sure snofb will make up for any offence, or not, i'm no one to judge, not really my place, snofb

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:03, archived)

i'm turning the internet against itself
snofb
( spacefish bong!, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:23, archived)

He previewed his new tour down here in a small venue.
I managed to get the last ticket on sale and he was brilliant.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:47, archived)

I don't think so
I reckon you're probably shit
( Malaka omdz, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:47, archived)

I greatly enjoyed his earlier stuff but I found is later stuff to not be as good*
*excerpt from 'Theobans book of controversial opinions'
( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:48, archived)

I really really like Josie Long at the moment. And Isy Suttie.
And I'm going to see Richard Herring tomorrow.
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:48, archived)

I hear throwing a fish on the stage gets a good reception.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:59, archived)

fish aerial
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:01, archived)

/googles.
/feels young
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:48, archived)

you like that feeling do you?
WELL IT WONT LAST
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:49, archived)

I'm not saying I enjoy it.
I just feel a bit out of the loop sometimes.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:51, archived)

better than you
:p
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:53, archived)

My post is five words long,
and has started conversations and noone has called me a cunt,

that's how you should post.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:56, archived)

you're a cunt with a pipe

( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:39, archived)

I think he is quite good for a tranny downser.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:56, archived)

he's a lovely chap, he's bought me a drink :)
and I like his stand up
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:10, archived)

Trannies are nice to each other

( Malaka omdz, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:12, archived)

*straightens stocking seam and fucks off*

( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:13, archived)

Pretty good
in Mystery Men. www.imdb.com/title/tt0132347/
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 11:15, archived)

So anyway, to push that shite down the page,
What's everyone's favourite toaster setting? I like 4.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:43, archived)

5.
Pushing it to the MAX!
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:44, archived)

I put mine between 2 and 3
It's right by my computer so I have hot toast anytime I want. I just need to convert my chair into a toilet and then I'll never have to get up.
( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:44, archived)

3. And then BUTTER ON IMMEDIATELY.
So it melts in with the toast.
( __, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:44, archived)

I like 3

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:44, archived)

2 x 2.5

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:44, archived)

I put it in for 20 seconds then take it out and have nomalicious warm bread

( Cae1, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:44, archived)

I'm a toast fiddler
I pop it up and down regardless of setting, to check then forget and burn it
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:45, archived)

me too,

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:46, archived)

this reminds me of an eddie izzard joke

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:47, archived)

this one goes up to 11

( spacefish bong!, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:45, archived)

i twist it to between 4 and 5

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:46, archived)

I used to live with a fucking idiot
who always turned the toaster to max, and then sat there cancelling it every so often to check.

She couldn't understand that the highest setting was only on for longer, not higher temperature

I always burned my toast because of her
( Malaka omdz, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:47, archived)

my toaster is on a low setting and i put everything in twice.

( sleepybinky, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:47, archived)

5 and then 3
my toaster is shit
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:54, archived)

I have a four slice toaster
Half of it is set to 4 and the other half to 3.
( Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:59, archived)

the following is a leaked transcript of a telephone conversation between two leading MPs whose names rhyme with "down" and "bananafacecameron"

HEY YOU!

eh?

WHAT YOU GONNA DO?

what?

WHAT YOU GONNA DO WITH ALL THAT JUNK?

what junk?

ALL THAT JUNK INSIDE THAT TRUNK

what trunk?

THAT TRUNK RIGHT THERE ON THE STAIR

um, do I know you?

THAT LITTLE TRUNK WITH CLOGS ON

look, just go away will you

CLOGS ON HIS JUNK

fuck off

DUE TO CONCERNS ABOUT THE QUALITY OF THIS POST, IT HAS BEEN REPLACED WITH AN EDDIE IZZARD SKETCH. THE MANAGEMENT WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGISE FOR ANY INCONTINENCE THIS MAY HAVE CAUSED

Yes, so I was going to be in the army when I was a kid. Yes. I say that, and people go, “Oh, yeah, yeah!” No, I was, I was going to be in the army when I was a kid. ‘Cause if you're a transvestite, you're actually a male tomboy, that's where the sexuality is. Yeah, it's not drag queen, no; gay men have got that covered. This is male tomboy, and people do get that mixed up, they put transvestite there - no no no no! Little bit of a crowbar separation, thank you! And gay men, I think, would agree. It's male lesbian, that's really where it is, ok? Because… it's true! ‘Cause most transvestites fancy girls, fancy women. So that's where it is. So it’s “running, jumping, climbing trees, putting on makeup when you're up there.” That's where it is!

I used to keep my makeup in a squirrel hole, up the tree. The squirrel would keep makeup on one side, and he'd keep nuts on the other side. And sometimes I'd get up that tree, and that squirrel would be covered in makeup! ( mimes squirrel putting on makeup ) "La la, la la… Oh! ( mimes squirrel eating ) What?! Fuck off!" He seemed to say. And squirrels always eat nuts with two hands, always two hands, and occasionally, they stop and go ( gasps ), as if they're going, "Did I leave the gas on? No! I'm a fucking squirrel!" And occasionally they go, "Fucking nuts! Fed up with them always. I long for a grapefruit."

Yeah. So that's very much like the army-- the running, jumping, climbing trees is, not the squirrel bit-- the trees bit. And I was! I loved the army stuff, which is the running, jumping, standing still, “Found you,” ah-ah, flag, “Look,” hat, you know. Bang! I liked all that stuff, the gun thing… I liked blowing up milk bottles. You know, kill the milk bottles. Boom! Explode milk bottles. Yes. It seems fun - there's this thing of power in you hands. There's all this National Rifle Association and everyone in America is - I mean, 13 year olds keep going out and they get hold of weapons from their grandfather's arsenal! "I'll borrow the Howitzer, the M16 machine gun, the Uzi…" What the fuck's the grandfather doing?! This kid down in Arkansas just helped himself to a ton of military weapons, and went and blew away his school!

And the National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, people do,” but I think the gun helps, you know? I think it helps. I just think just standing there going, "Bang!" That's not going to kill too many people, is it? You'd have to be really dodgy on the heart to have that… ( imitates gunfire noises ) I think they should just try that, you know.

But yeah, shooting clay pigeons, I think, yeah, go for that. Shooting clay pigeons, they’re fuckers! Come round your house, whiz through ( fly-by noises ) They do nothing, they don't even eat flies! You know? Spiders eat flies, so they're all right, keep them, you know? Flies don't eat fuckall, so kill 'em! And clay pigeons - everyone shoots them in the air. Wait 'til they land! Then go up to the clay pigeon... ( shoots ) Much easier.

Yeah. So! I didn't join the army, as you might have noticed... Yeah, ‘cause there's not much makeup in the army, is there? No? They only have that night-time look, and that's a bit slapdash, isn't it? And they look a mess! So you can't join, even though the American armed forces have a distinct policy of "don't ask, don't tell" towards the alternative sexualities. If you're a bloke wearing a lot of makeup, you know… I don't think they need to ask, really! And so you can't join, they go, "No, no, you can't.It's the wrong shade of lipstick for the Army, I'm afraid..." And they're missing a huge opportunity here, ‘cause we all know one of the main elements of attack is the element of surprise, and so what could be more surprising than the 1st Battalion Transvestite Brigade? Airborne wing! The airborne wing parachuting into dangerous areas with fantastic makeup! And a fantastic gun! And the opposing forces going, "Fucking ‘ell, look at these guys! Look at that! They’ve got guns. They've got guns! Jesus, they've got guns!" Ah, bugger. I was so surprised! Were you surprised? I was surprised.

Anyway, so yes, sooo… Also, if you're a transvestite, you get lumped into that weirdo grouping, you know? When I was in New York, there was a guy in the Bronx whowas living in a cave…like you do, and he was coming out and shooting at geese and… ( chuckles ) a lot of weird things going on with this guy; and the police picked him up and they found a collection of women's shoes, and they thought, "Maybe he's a transvestite.” And if he is, he's a fucking weirdo transvestite! I'm much more in the executive transvestite area. Travel the world, yes, it's much more executive. Like J. Edgar Hoover, what a fuckhead he was! They found out when he died that he was a transvestite, and they go, "Well, that explains his weird behavior!" Yeah, fucking weirdo transvestite! ( pointing to himself )Executive transvestite. It's a lot wider community, more wide than you'd think…
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:08, archived)

please make smaller and/or better

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:09, archived)

*clacks*

( SuperMatt, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:10, archived)

*CLOCKS*

( sleepybinky, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:13, archived)

*clunk, click*

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:15, archived)

This robot sex is HOT!

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:16, archived)

oh yeah,
ALSO: efficient
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:17, archived)

*CRONKS*

( RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:22, archived)

oh let's not dredge that up, rr.
bad times :(

dvd extra: alternate ending. hello how're you? haven't seen you here in a while
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:29, archived)

I am fine thank you. Busy busy busy,
Just passing through, though I shall on again properly soon I should imagine.

Hope all's good. Love to Sheila and the kids.
Yours,
RR

p.s. has that rash cleared up yet?
( RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:41, archived)

cheery-bye
p.s no, it's gotten much worse. it spreads to anything i touch. ANYTHING.
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:43, archived)

*TWONKS*

( sleepybinky, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:31, archived)

*tweeks*

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:33, archived)

*eeks*

( sleepybinky, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:34, archived)

Ah but
can you do this?
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:35, archived)

PREFERABLY BOTH

( sleepybinky, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:13, archived)

morning binky!

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:16, archived)

HELLO BEARDY PAUL.

( sleepybinky, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:31, archived)

how be ye?

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:39, archived)

I BE NOT A PIRATE.
i am well and VERY HAPPY today YEAH
( sleepybinky, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:48, archived)

k

HEY YOU!

eh?

WHAT YOU GONNA DO?

what?

WHAT YOU GONNA DO WITH ALL THAT JUNK?

what junk?

ALL THAT JUNK INSIDE THAT TRUNK

what trunk?

THAT TRUNK RIGHT THERE ON THE STAIR

um, do I know you?

THAT LITTLE TRUNK WITH CLOGS ON

look, just go away will you

CLOGS ON HIS JUNK

fuck off
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:19, archived)

Biggar
EDIT: Better.

*laughs at sketch*

Also I am laughing at Eddie Izzard talking sign language to monkeys.

*gesticulates* I WANT A FUCKING BANANA
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:09, archived)

oh, the shame he's broughton himself

( spacefish bong!, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:11, archived)

typical,

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:31, archived)

Your face is typical
BRB LOL
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:39, archived)

so yeah, it's a nice sunny day isn't it

( GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:10, archived)

It is
I wish I had an outdoorsy job. But only when it's nice like today. If it's cold I want an indoorsy job.
( SuperMatt, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:11, archived)

it is, gmos. it is.
it makes me wish i wasn't doing a 12 hour shift
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:12, archived)

yep
it was a lovely weekend as well, which was nice.
( Batsgirl, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:14, archived)

I didn't like that bit when it rained blood and huge dead black birds.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:23, archived)

racist

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:25, archived)

It's not racist if they're dead.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:30, archived)

If you have lots of them in your area it's a great prank to cover your friend's car roof in breaded chicken
they'll make a terrible mess of it
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:43, archived)

slightly uncomfortable with this post right now

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:44, archived)

No, that was you making something up. You're a liar.
Hey! Everyone! He's a liar....fucking liar.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:10, archived)

i'm upset now, dg.
why would he lie on the internet? what could he possibly stand to gain?
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:16, archived)

I've got no idea :(
I feel like...I dunno, like Jesus doesn't exist or something, you knowwhatImean?
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:17, archived)

i think we'll pull through this
but it will take time. as a precaution, i'm cancelling the 'everything is ok' picnic :(
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:18, archived)

I'm hiding under my bed until Friday.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:25, archived)

sensible
*sigh* i just wish these things weren't necessary
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:32, archived)

I know. I don't even have any food. I'll have to just eat dust bunnies. It's too dangerous to venture out.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:33, archived)

if you've taken your computer with you under the bed, you can order pizza

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:41, archived)

Sorry to butt in
but cheers for my randomburn Paul. Got it last week, some class tracks on it.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:42, archived)

no problem!
i've still only received one!
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:44, archived)

YOU!
www.b3ta.com/links/Dramatic_Pug

Have you seen this yet?
( Mrs Sp@m, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:36, archived)

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:37, archived)

I want him
NOW!
( Mrs Sp@m, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:37, archived)

NO!
MINE.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:40, archived)

ahaha
that's pretty good. shoddy camera work though.
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:42, archived)

This is the best post on b3ta ever
I give it 9 Theobans out of 10
( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:11, archived)

you know what, you could delete this thread and no one would care

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:11, archived)

Oh hai Frank.
*high fives*
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:12, archived)

lololbzzz etc
not long now

*fives*
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:13, archived)

Woo!
How is your shiny new pootah?
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:16, archived)

I'm bored of it, I might smash it up

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:17, archived)

Cool, use a lump hammer.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:22, archived)

Twat

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:11, archived)

Flange

( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:18, archived)

Prick

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:11, archived)

YEAH

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:12, archived)

NO

( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:18, archived)

Wang

( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:18, archived)

DOUBLE IRISH INSULTS

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:12, archived)

THE BEST KIND

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:17, archived)

MORNING SHOUTY :) HOW ARE YOU?
I WANT TO BLOW A RASPBERRY ON YOUR UNDER-BOOB.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:19, archived)

I AM OKAY THANKS
A BIT HUNGRY
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:22, archived)

HAVE SOME SHOUT ON TOAST

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:23, archived)

Funny that.
I was thinks along the same lines.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:12, archived)

on it's own number 9
only kidding b3ta bingo will resume on the 13th of may(i mean june), please feel free to gaz for a bingo card nearer the time, eyes down from 8pm, good luck, top prizes
( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:13, archived)

next year?
remind me nearer the time eh?
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:14, archived)

oops, i went a bit mad there i meant the 13th of june, 2 weeks time

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:15, archived)

What prizes?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!!???!?!!!?!?!!??!?!!?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!??
I could do with the prize of more exclamation & question marks, as I appear to have used all mine up...
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:16, archived)

well vlad won this weeks bingo but strangely didn't want his prize so someone will get that, top prize

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:17, archived)

aw man, I hope it's a bum punch...I want to win :(

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:24, archived)

i feel the flaw in me giving prizes out is that nobody wants me to have their home address, this bemuses me some what, i'm a nice person

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:26, archived)

You can leave it on some steps at Piccadilly and I'll slink past and gobble at it with glee

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:31, archived)

i can't do that, it's a nail bomb
only joking, great prizes
( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:34, archived)

aw:(((((

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:16, archived)

don't tell me you will be away from your pc on saturday the 13th of june at 8pm and will miss the bingo?
say it aint so
( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:19, archived)

I will be here, I have no life.
But it is a long way away:(
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:22, archived)

i can only run it every 2 weeks, that is the flaw in b3ta dull thread bingo, but it makes it even more exciting, or not, no offence
great bingo
( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:25, archived)

Cool, cool.
I shall make a note of it in my diary.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:26, archived)

i'm hoping for a larger uptake this time and someone to moan and whinge about it more

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:28, archived)

I'm trying to make Noit join in.
I don't see how anyone could moan about it, apart from not getting their numbers.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:30, archived)

someone is bound to feel it is beneath them and from their high ground belittle the players
Druid nearly did but he just managed to stop himself taking the internet too srrs intime
( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:31, archived)

*frowns*
but i don't like it!
*stamps foot*
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:31, archived)

it really is the end of forum life as we know it
viva the bingo revolution
( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:35, archived)

What convinced you that was even slightly amusing?

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:21, archived)

my brain
but I concede that it has lied to me in the past
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:27, archived)

I'd suggested finding a massive knife and plunging it into said brain.
Teach it a lesson.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:44, archived)

So wow thats a neato what now right.

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:23, archived)

Blimey! Susan Boyle 'ey?
I wonder how many b3tans have been in the funny farm?

b3ta.com/board/9483719
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:39, archived)

MAKE IT STOP

( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:40, archived)

I NO
Cross posting right.
( GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:06, archived)

not me, that's for sure

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:41, archived)

GAH!
Morning all :)

Was good seeing some of you lot at the bash, I hope I didn't break too many hearts. Also Wormulus lost an arm wrestle to a girl, not a chubber but quite a fit one too.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:42, archived)

Was that the same girl you refused to arm wrestle?
I think it was
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:43, archived)

Hahah no because arm wrestling when down the pub is for spastics who need to prove their masculinity because they've got tiny tiny cocks.
I already told you this last night!

You felt the need to try and arm wrestle me because you felt threatened by me. I don't feel threatened by anyone so don't need to as I'm fucking cool and don't try and woo girls with kababs ;)
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:46, archived)

yeah yeah,
something about Cher.

edit: what becky said
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:50, archived)

;P
EDIT: You want to sit on my lap?!? eeeeeeeerrrgggh
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:51, archived)

Bah, I'd have sat in your lap instead of perching on the chair arm
only I thought you'd break as your mum didn't see fit to provide you with manly muscles and bones when she shit you out.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:54, archived)

zing

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:58, archived)

You were just implementing your mum's house rules that's all, I understand.

Rule 1: NO SPASTICS ON THE FABRIC
Rule 2: NO CUNT GUSHING ON THE NICE BOYS
Rule 3: NO LIFTING AND BITING BARRELS IN THE GARDEN WHEN WE HAVE GUESTS
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:59, archived)

Must stop laughing at cuntgushing
I'm a respectable laydee doncha know. Oh wait...
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:00, archived)

GET BACK IN THE GARDEN

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:03, archived)

Cant, I have an interview to screw up now.
I'll be back in the garden later, manacled to the barrels. Promise
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:03, archived)

Okie dokey then.

Just remember to not bonk the phone on your head to answer questions morse code style and try and answer with your head mouth.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:06, archived)

good luck

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:14, archived)

didn't meet me though, didja?
can't have been that good
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:49, archived)

I needed you THERE :'(

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:51, archived)

you going to the hood-butter one?
i might be THERE
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:55, archived)

I will be indeed :)

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:00, archived)

i will shake your hand manfully
but i won't kiss you, sorry
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:05, archived)

it was good to see you again.

( GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:01, archived)

You too again bro :)
I felt like a child on Santa Claus' knee. Only santa had grabby hands.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:07, archived)

sorry :(

( GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:10, archived)

I enjoyed it :)

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:12, archived)

I've not
Been in the hospital for LOLMENTAL hilarity but that's a few years ago now
( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:42, archived)

It wouldn't be surprising if I ended up in one.
I think there is something wrong with my brain.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:42, archived)

Me too!
It must be this over thinking we've been discussing lately.
( Mrs Sp@m, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:59, archived)

I don't think you will.
And from what I've seen of you - you're lovely. :)
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:12, archived)

I've never been an in-patient (aka living in hospital/under supervision)
but I've been an out-patient for nearly 20 years.

I should be grateful that things have never got that bad.
( custard, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:46, archived)

someone here did. can't remember who.
they took some pictures, they were in the newsletter
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:48, archived)

haha, what a prick
www.b3ta.com/newsletter/issue359/
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:51, archived)

oh, it was HIM
i hate him, he's such a bellend
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:57, archived)

i find he insists upon himself

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:02, archived)

Shallow and pedantic?

( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:03, archived)

i feel it has no real substance

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:04, archived)

This explains a lot

( Frisbee OG wanker, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:07, archived)

i've never wondered that, as i don't care enough

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:52, archived)

Also I've never been inside as I'm too happy all the time :)

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:52, archived)

you've never been inside a building or any kind?
do you live in the woods? i bet you live in the woods.
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:59, archived)

He hides under piles of leaves and jumps out at passing joggers
Waving his button mushroom penis at them and meowing like an angry cat
( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:00, archived)

hehehe you've been WATCHING me :D

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:08, archived)

Purple teapot I is well mental and so R mi mates
RANDOM!
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:54, archived)

I think I would need
to have a bit of a "rest" if I'd had the last couple of months that she's had.
( Batsgirl, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:03, archived)

i suspect she will go totally loopy, take a bunch of acid, and record the greatest psychedelic album in thirty years
i wonder if the bookies will give me good odds on that
( spacefish bong!, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 10:09, archived)

MOTHER OF CHRIST THIS IS SO CUNTING EARLY. Hello various talk members. Plans for the day? List form, please

( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:49, archived)

Recording a Richardless podcast.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:50, archived)

I got my old record player out of the loft yesterday and tried my hand at scratching.
It sounded awful. But I did enjoy listening to my LP of the Un Homme Et Une Femme soundtrack.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:52, archived)

SHIT UP A HORSE.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:53, archived)

SHOOT UP A HEARSE

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:15, archived)

SHOUT TIL YOU'RE HOARSE

( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:25, archived)

SLATE TILE A HOUSE

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:29, archived)

SHIT TAIL ON HORSE

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:38, archived)

record his contribution by editing together things he has said in other podcasts

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:03, archived)

Crimping.
*crimps*
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:51, archived)

Complete journey to work,
go to work, day dream til 5, go home, drink vodka in the sunshine whilst topping up my sunburn.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:51, archived)

work
wank
work
wank
work.....
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:51, archived)

Get littlest spam up
have breakfast
do washing
hang washing out
fold and put away repeat x 5
go to work
come home
have tea
bathe children and self
Bed
( Mrs Sp@m, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:52, archived)

HOLY CRAP
I've just weighed myself and as of today I have now lost exactly TWO STONES!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYY!

But why can't I tell yet :(
( Mrs Sp@m, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:53, archived)

Count your limbs.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:55, archived)

1...2...3..4...
SHIT! What the fuck is that extra arm doing growing out my side
( Mrs Sp@m, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:02, archived)

Well done!
You'll be able to tell. I'm sure people who haven't seen you for a while will be able to tell.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:55, archived)

Come to think of it my other mother in law did say I looked well the other week
I usually took that to mean you've added a few pounds though.
( Mrs Sp@m, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:58, archived)

Congratulations :)
I'm sure other people can tell. I'm also sure you have clothes that are now looser.
( Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:55, archived)

Well I've just been a got THE jeans out
I can fasten them now but I need to lose a few more pounds before I can wear them without a muffin top.
( Mrs Sp@m, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:59, archived)

Shower, dress
Get my children dressed
Drop syz and our son to the barber
Take daughter to the park
Meet syz and son there after they have been groomed
come home for lunch
Drop son to school then watch a coach take him away on a residential trip
Take daughter to cinema
Watch Hannah Montana movie
Come home
Make and serve tea
Pack syz and daughter off to scouting activities
Get a bit misty-eyed at my son being away.
( Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:54, archived)

Awww I dread the day my boys go on their first residentials
I won't worry about the older one as much as the younger one because he's an absolute pansy without his mummy.

He'll have a great time though.
( Mrs Sp@m, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:01, archived)

EVERYBODY LOVES LISTS

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:54, archived)

TELL ME YOUR FAVOURITE LISTS

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:55, archived)

I quite liked Oskar Schindler's one.

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:59, archived)

i liked that one that had all the items

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:08, archived)

*tilts over to one side*

( Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:56, archived)

I read that as tits
:(
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:58, archived)

If you like

( Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:01, archived)

chop chop busy busy work work bang bang

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:55, archived)

WHOOP WHOOP

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:57, archived)

hello blamdonkey
I think I pretty much hate all lesbians

except the ones that do porn, obviously
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:04, archived)

i don't even recognise the concept of lesbians, i think they are just making it all up

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:12, archived)

Yallreet guv?

( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:02, archived)

I TOTALLY HAVE A PROPER COMPUTER WITH ROM AND MEGABYTES AND DRIVE DISKS AND ALL THAT STUFF YES
hello
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:05, archived)

About time. Anything else new?

( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:09, archived)

I just shaved my pubes but you probably don't want to know that

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:11, archived)

chop chop master onion

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:05, archived)

Moaning that I am not out in the sun
Grr.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:57, archived)

Severe panic
Exam
Mild panic
Sleep
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:57, archived)

Work
Go home
Do some washing
Do some ironing
May play frisbee in the park if people are up for it
If not I may just read my book in the park.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:08, archived)

Work
Home
Work
Home
Work
Home
Work
Home
Work
Home
Weekend

There you go, plans for the week instead.
( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:09, archived)

B
i
n
g
o
( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:09, archived)

n v
g v
o y
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:11, archived)

if only it was bivvy time, if only

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:13, archived)

work for 11 more hours
go home
watch transformers
go to bed
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:13, archived)

I am waiting in all day for a repairman.
It's lovely out and i'd kindof like to go for a cycle but as well as the repairman i'm expecting a delivery so I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DOOOO.
( Cae1, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:33, archived)

other than fish fingers for breakfast.

( Cae1, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:34, archived)

JUST SAY NO!
EDIT: I actually suggest danger-wanking.
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:37, archived)

Weeping, watching season 5 of House, weeping, cooking dinner, desperately trying to sleep.
I case you hadn't guessed, Baroness did not sleep well last night.

In the microseconds of sleep I had, I dreamt about people breaking into my house to kill my imaginary unborn baby. GOOD TIMES.
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:36, archived)

pie
gardening
maths
bike ride
more maths, possibly some programming
pub
folk music

in that order
( spacefish bong!, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 9:43, archived)

Goooooood morning punters
Life's grand. Went to see Dave Spikey last night, many lols. And now I'm sat in a posh hotel room watching a naked lady apply oils about her person, then it's rape the breakfast menu time. Hello, nice out innit?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:19, archived)

Get you
you posh cunt,
( Mrs Sp@m, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:20, archived)

That's what is in the room with him

( fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:21, archived)

Nah.
It'll be the usual 11p hooker and a donar kebab.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:50, archived)

you
you in my
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:22, archived)

You still can't be my bird

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:22, archived)

I assume she let you regain your brown wings
What with you having splashed out on a hotel?
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:21, archived)

I assume he means he's watching porn

( SuperMatt, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:22, archived)

Flying high as Wing Commander

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:24, archived)

He's coming to Aberdeen.
They've booked a flatbed to get him out afterwards cos of all the fat he'll gain breathing the lard-heavy air up here.
I want a nice breakfast but can't be arsed walking to the shop with Tegan.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:21, archived)

ABERDEEN

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:22, archived)

Just send her out on her own

( SuperMatt, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:22, archived)

Yeah. You fucking wish it was that easy.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:23, archived)

Thats exactly what you'd like isnt it....

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:23, archived)

AaaaaaAaaAbeeeeeeeeerdeeeeeeeeeeen

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:25, archived)

Thats the sort of thing

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:28, archived)

With that attitude you'll quickly rise through the ranks of the more popular trol... I mean, users.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:29, archived)

that's it! i'm done
no more night shifts, no more weekend,s no more job i hate
it's sunny and the birds are singing.
i'm gonna go get plastered and join em.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 6:56, archived)

I declare a day of celebrations then!

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 6:59, archived)

I dont like celebrations
I like big bags of maltesers instead.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 7:25, archived)

maltesers are cunt
you put one in your mouth thinking oh wow, this is a nice chocolate thing then you bite into it and SURPRISE, IT'S A FUCKING HORRIBLE DRY BISCUITY PIECE OF CRAP

fuck off maltesers
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 7:31, archived)

I Like them.
so ner ner ne ner ner.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 7:32, archived)

no you don't
trust me on this
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 7:45, archived)

does someone give you a biscuit every time you tell us this?

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 7:17, archived)

I'm going to buy a massive rucksack and a coffee grinder today.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 7:46, archived)

no you're not

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 7:57, archived)

Awesome
I'm listening to The Germs. I quite like them. I really wish I was born in the 80's sometimes.
( hanke murphy, I'm a mess, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:01, archived)

Yer dugs got tits.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:03, archived)

ABERDEEN

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:05, archived)

MURDER CITY
When they announced the dead guys name I thought it was a famous playwriter....
( fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:14, archived)

I swear i didnt do it

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:20, archived)

*some kind of hilarious fat comment*

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:15, archived)

*jumps on bandwagon to be popular*

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:15, archived)

*watches bandwagon collapse due to LOLFAT*

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 8:19, archived)

Mnnngh.
Hello, /talk.

I've taken the wrong loldrugs through my own stupidity, and I can't sleep.

My choices are either:
A) Defrost bacon, cook bacon.

or ii) Go to the 24 hour pool club-type place that will sell me a bacon sandwich. There seems to be lots of these in Bournemouth.

I am torn.
( gone, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 4:44, archived)

Either way, sounds like bacon
Only question is whether you want to play pool or not...
(blinkin the merrily misanthropic IT gremlin, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 4:59, archived)

hello new person
did we do that already?

anyway, hello etc
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 5:39, archived)

Yes
Though I'm not technically new... Been lurking for a while now. I had revealed myself earlier to be an American easily influenced by foreign mannerisms (read B3ta enough that my internal monologue is spouting off random colloquialisms without warning).

Hellos etc are still welcome however :)
(blinkin the merrily misanthropic IT gremlin, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 6:12, archived)

if you've made fewer than 50,000 posts then you're a n00b here
that's the rules
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 6:28, archived)

Only another 40ish years to go at my current rate then.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 6:49, archived)

28 years for me
if only life would stop getting in the way.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 6:52, archived)

That's postism that is!
How in fuck am I supposed to have a 50k post count? Oh well, from the look of things /talk isn't a bad place to start!
(blinkin the merrily misanthropic IT gremlin, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 7:11, archived)

I'm on the edge of my seat here, I NEED TO KNOW!!
WHERE IS YOUR BACON COMING FROM?

CHRIST, THE SUSPENSE IS UNBEARABLE
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 5:01, archived)

All hail Bacon

(blinkin the merrily misanthropic IT gremlin, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 5:04, archived)

I'M ASKING YOU.
Help me, my bacon saviour.

You're my only hope.
( gone, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 5:25, archived)

I DON'T KNOW, I JUST CAN'T TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR A DECISION LIKE THAT

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 5:31, archived)

BUT HOW WILL I GET BACON?!
:(

[Closed caption: Unhappy smiley face]
( gone, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 5:36, archived)

I'll level with you dude, I don't care how you get bacon or even if you get bacon

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 5:37, archived)

Thanks.
I appreciate the fact you realise it's a problem for me, and I'm taking steps to recover from it.
( gone, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 5:39, archived)

Also, I don't really want any fucking bacon now.
Which is a bit of a cunt, all told.
( gone, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 5:40, archived)

Bacon is always the answer

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 5:50, archived)

he's right. bacon IS the answer
all hail bacon.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 6:12, archived)

I just had a huge portion of Roast Pork, Sauted Potatoes, Spring Onions and BEANS
Crackling an' all for lunch. (Cooked it in the microwave and let the smell waft around the office much to the annoyance of my predominately Muslim workforce) *Winner*
( fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 6:31, archived)

nice
i was offending vegetarians with my evil bacon farts earlier.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 6:39, archived)

The mix of pork and beans
Is brewing quite nicely for later thank you!
( fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 6:45, archived)

Veges I can live with
its the overpowering self righteousness of Vegans that get right up my nose.

Shut up shut up shut up , if it is so bloody good why is it you look so fucking ill and pasty...fuck off!

/rant over.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 6:46, archived)

Too early for a BBC post?
news.bbc.co.uk/1/low/uk/8076413.stm

loffle

Didn't take long.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:33, archived)

i want to throat fuck her future sister

( (|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:40, archived)

only a matter of time
before the media hound her to death.
exploiting ungly fat tards... well lets face it they had to replace jade goody somehow.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:44, archived)

pikeytards at your workplace...
were they ever arrested last night?
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:54, archived)

haha yeah they caught 2 males.. that's all they said
i originally heard they put in a window but it was a fire door.
retards
i mean there's people all over the place here! security patrol the perimeters half-hourly, and internal patrols hourly. you'd have to be a grade a mong to think you'd get anything.. wait..
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 3:10, archived)

rehab, my battle with depression/babycham/fame, my secret affair with the gasman
stay tuned for more of these stories as they try and sustain her celebrity
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:44, archived)

You just know The Sun is going to do a 2 page spread revealing her all night orgies with Gordon Brown.
Oh dear, I just disgusted myself.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:52, archived)

like one bulldog licking custard off the face of another

( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:54, archived)

this made me chuckle
www.blogcdn.com/www.tmz.com/media/2009/04/0430_susan_jack_spl97123_004_splash.jpg
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 3:14, archived)

It's always too late for a bbc post.
I don't get why people post them on here all the time.. I mean, I CAN TYPE BBC.CO.UK TOO. but it's early morning and it's slow so its all good..
( Cae1, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 3:36, archived)

Candles.
Gay?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:57, archived)

Oh for sure.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:58, archived)

Oh and, JMG's Fault:
www.vivapixel.com/media/4422800421/me_1242747590_losing.jpg
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:59, archived)

Get in!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:00, archived)

my girlfriend has stumbled in drunk
and passed out on the sofa.
what should i do?
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:12, archived)

Help her into bed.
Failing that, some kind of blanket.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:15, archived)

sensible and done.
i also shat in a pillow and left it near her.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:28, archived)

Stuff a condom filled with soft cheese up her arse.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:16, archived)

How would you get soft cheese up there?

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:18, archived)

It's a mystery.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:24, archived)

felch out the nigger come from her rectum

( (|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:38, archived)

It depends how many inches up another man's arse they are.
Daddy says it's only gay if you go past 3 inches.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:58, archived)

depends on the candle
scented = gay
normal light providing ones = not gay
( TBL I posted this on, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:58, archived)

I use scented candles but only to mask the smell of gay sex.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:01, archived)

Double negative there

( Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:02, archived)

I rest my case

( TBL I posted this on, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:02, archived)

In a powercut?

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:58, archived)

A real man would smell his way through the darkness.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:59, archived)

I was going to post something very similar to that.
*pisses on your head*
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:00, archived)

You can smell electricity?

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:00, archived)

This makes no sense.
It was nice of you to contribute though.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:02, archived)

As in fusebox.
But still.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:06, archived)

I really don't think it matters whether you can find the fusebox or not in a powercut.
I'm no electrician though.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:08, archived)

This is troubling.
How can you charge those poor householders for electrical work, you are worse than a cowboy.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:17, archived)

Yes,
or Jewish.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:59, archived)

Gay, until the power goes off.
Or this simple formula: scented = gay
( Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:59, archived)

light

( (|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:02, archived)

in another 5 hours i am free from this hell-hole
fucking a :D swapping network engineering for graphic design- muthafuckin WIN.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:51, archived)

Nobody cares :-(

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:51, archived)

I am going to care on behalf of the internet.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:54, archived)

i do
so does my mum. so that's two people more than are impressed by your faux-sarcastic demeanour hiding an introverted social outcast.
thankyou for playing.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:54, archived)

bad choice.
I no am no longer caring, online.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:55, archived)

Sarcasm?
WHERE?
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:55, archived)

Faux-sarcasm.
I think he just wanted to use the word faux.

WELL FAUX YOU YOU COUNT.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:57, archived)

he's hiding that?
really?
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:55, archived)

either that or he's got a train set under there.
or something
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:57, archived)

www.vivapixel.com/viewBookmark/1182
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:55, archived)

Better:
www.vivapixel.com/viewBookmark/1260
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:56, archived)

www.vivapixel.com/viewBookmark/1187
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:57, archived)

Love it.
www.vivapixel.com/viewBookmark/1189
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:58, archived)

things were better in the old days.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:02, archived)

Indifferent right here.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:52, archived)

Good to hear.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:52, archived)

Do you enjoy comics?

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:52, archived)

Who doesn't.
Some of those stand up routines are very funny.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:53, archived)

in moderation
like crystal meth and asian hookers
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:53, archived)

OH DEAR etc.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:54, archived)

Self employed?

( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:52, archived)

nope
wage slave, but no more night shifts!
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:55, archived)

other people have lost varying amounts of weight.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:53, archived)

i think i've found it
if anyone wants theirs back, gaz me, i'll post you a couple pints.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:01, archived)

what hell hole
want a bong hit'?
( (|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:53, archived)

oh FUCK yeah
network engineering for a major telco called... table and fireless?

pass that motherfucker over here!
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:55, archived)

i love youm, amry jane
amree jayne
( (|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:56, archived)

I'm going back out on the road in a few weeks
back to the old sound engineering and lighting/laser programming that I did for years and got fucked off with. Change of career into IT and computer hardware engineering just bored me to tears so fuck it - back to the booze and late nights.
( TBL I posted this on, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:54, archived)

fascinating

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:56, archived)

Have you considered a career being Professionally Fat?

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:57, archived)

done that
did roadie for 5 years and got very fat
( TBL I posted this on, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:59, archived)

It's compulsory for a roadie to be fat.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:02, archived)

that's about where i am
some muppet offered me £30k to sit in a NOC and wait for shit to go wrong... after 3 years i'm about ready to go postal.
so i got out
best thing i ever did.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:00, archived)

I started playing poker with 55c
I have $1.87 now.

This is almost as interesting as your post.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:57, archived)

What will you do, with your £1.25

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:00, archived)

I'm thinking of buying a new mug.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:02, archived)

Make that $3.33 BOO YEAH!
TWO MUGS!
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:04, archived)

I hope it has a witty slightly cheesy joke on them.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 2:07, archived)

Pick three b3tans you'd take to war.
Not to your birthday at McDonald's, war.
You'd want to win, too.

I don't want you picking three that'll help you slack off and eat chips.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:44, archived)

Bou
and another two.
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:45, archived)

Are you using her as a battering ram?
:(
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:46, archived)

Psychological warfare

( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:46, archived)

JMG, GMoS and Aardvark.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:46, archived)

This war would be over by lunch.
Which we'd skip. To help with the rebuilding effort.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:47, archived)

I'd pick 3 trolls
and get them to wear backpacks and run into airports. everybody knows terrorism wins**












**allegedly
( TBL I posted this on, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:47, archived)

J
M, and G
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:47, archived)