Hello, JMG etc.
Who'd like to unleash some chubby rage?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 20:58, archived)

There's an advert of milkybars on my TV.
This somehow a plot by you to make me fat so you can mock me.
( WHARRGARBL, Mon 25 May 2009, 20:59, archived)

I used to have white blonde hair as a child.
I used to get called The Milky Bar Kid at school.
I didn't wear glasses, as you can quite imagine, I took it all in good spirits and was a hoot and a riot with the women.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 21:01, archived)

*raptuous applause*

( WHARRGARBL, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:03, archived)

We're considering changing the name of "Newcastle United" to "Your Cup Final" for next season.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 21:04, archived)

How about "Champions Elect if we play our cards right"

( WHARRGARBL, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:21, archived)

I don't know who's going to be left to field in the first eleven..
:(
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 21:35, archived)

Back Shola for top scorer

( nick the greek, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:39, archived)

As much as I've backed The Fenham Eusebio over the years, I feel his time may have come.
Should cost-cutting come in to serious effect in order to keep others, Shola must be sacrificed.
Not physically. Just, sold.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 21:41, archived)

Nobody will buy him.
He'll be a decent championship player.
( nick the greek, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:42, archived)

He was awful on loan at Stoke!
Oh I just hope we can bounce straight back up.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 21:43, archived)

That's true.
I'm not so hopeful.
( nick the greek, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:46, archived)

Women as a child?
You were a quick learner.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:40, archived)

THANK FUCK
The internet was getting dull without you here
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:01, archived)

There's nothing quite like a bit of JMG late on a Bank Holiday.
/talk was no doubt moments away from a post about your favourite Middle Eastern nation, or something.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 21:03, archived)

A most excellent time to grace the internet with your presence
How has your bank holiday been so far?
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:04, archived)

Mainly hungover.
Then it all became better around 11am.

Since then I have watched the FOOTBALL and debated THEORIES with fellow Geordies.
I was correct throughout.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 21:06, archived)

Excellent news JMG

( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:06, archived)

You weren't correct when you said you thought Newcastle were going to stay up.
You weren't correct about that, JMG, peace be upon him.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:18, archived)

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE

( ArthurTheRat, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:01, archived)

RED RUCKUS!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 21:04, archived)

COPPER KERFUFFLE!

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 25 May 2009, 21:16, archived)

worst day of my life was going from a 36" waist to a 38" :(

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:02, archived)

*25 inch waist smugs*

( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:04, archived)

My awesomely massive biceps are almost as big as that.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:11, archived)

so are mine

( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:14, archived)

*Firm handshakes*

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 21:05, archived)

I have just had to buy some 34" jeans rather than my normal 32"
Time to hit the squash court hard!
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:07, archived)

not from the 4th storey I hope

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:09, archived)

I'm 32"
which is good I guess.
( GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:28, archived)

during the fomative years the brain is a vunerable organ
the abuse of the brain during this time is going to leave scars on the recognition of life, so the two fingers i show to you today as a sign of fuck off, you probably take as the two fingers your step dad shoved up your arse
( mongychops, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:04, archived)

angrycompguy.livejournal.com/
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:05, archived)

OH INTERNET MAN!
:(
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 21:07, archived)

Needs more anger

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:08, archived)

I bet they don't go through with it.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 May 2009, 22:22, archived)

I'm feeling rather chubby this evening JMG
which is odd because I've been to the gym today and eaten lots of fruit. I was feeling rather trim and smug this afternoon. but now? Bleurgh.
( TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:14, archived)

I recommend STAR JUMPS.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 21:18, archived)

top advice petal!

( TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:21, archived)

What's JMGs advice for fat people who wish to keep cool in today's heat?

( SuperMatt, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:19, archived)

You simply don't stand a chance, fatty.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:21, archived)

This question was for the internet champion
You have insulted me with your interruptions.
( SuperMatt, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:25, archived)

Mike couldn't insult a fly
he's too funny for that.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:29, archived)

He'd be all like HEY FLY BUZZ OFF YEAH
and then al would get on his knees and it would be great
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:31, archived)

Great like a big cornish pasty

(Bazongaloid, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:33, archived)

You talking to me?

( thealternativefact, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:33, archived)

MY PIE SISTER

( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:34, archived)

IT WAS PIE HEAVEN

( thealternativefact, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:35, archived)

I have no pie
I had steak. I didn't put it in a curry though.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:37, archived)

oooOOOooo
Steak? How the rich live.
( thealternativefact, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:42, archived)

It's true
we do live that much better than the likes of you. I also hung a picture on the wall.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:45, archived)

How long do you like your steak boiled for?

( nick the greek, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:45, archived)

an hour at least
two if at all possible.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:47, archived)

Today is my first full day as a 26 year old.
I still have all my hair.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:27, archived)

A week ago I gave up smoking.
A week and a year ago I gave up drinking.

The not smoking thing isn't bothering me but tonight I could really do with going for a pint. Fucking cunt.
( CowJam, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:39, archived)

I hear you.
I skimmed the edge of the Bigg Market last night. Usually not my place.
Too many tight-sweaters for my liking.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 21:43, archived)

I used to work in Fleet Street
which is on the lane between Revolution and the Bigg Market. I love the pub to bits but by god I've had my lifetimes worth of the bigg market crowd.
( CowJam, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:47, archived)

Fleet street, is a heaving flesh pit on a saturday night.
It's quite nice during the day though.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:52, archived)

Yup.
I can't imagine working there now, I think I'd die.
( CowJam, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:53, archived)

What are you giving up next year?

( thealternativefact, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:43, archived)

Not sure.
Sleeping or being poor. Or possibly being angry, I'm angry far too much these days. I can't help but think a couple of pints would chill me the fuck out.
( CowJam, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:49, archived)

I wash geocaching beside St James' park today, there was a photographer from the chronicle taking pictures.
I has an awesome power as you walk by that place.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:39, archived)

Alright I'm going to require some help with this.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 21:44, archived)

Basically using gps to find a log book people have hidden.
It's great exercise, I walked 3.2 miles because of it.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:49, archived)

You know what strikes me as an odd adjective?
'Fun-loving'.
I mean, it's not like you've ever met anyone who hated fun.
also what's up with airline food
( ArthurTheRat, Mon 25 May 2009, 20:23, archived)

*bassline*

( Lightguy hail satan, Mon 25 May 2009, 20:23, archived)

suprise-loving
hate-loving
revenge-loving?
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Mon 25 May 2009, 20:25, archived)

The weather is gone poo and muggy.
How disappointing.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 May 2009, 20:25, archived)

We have just had a thunderstorm here.
Has cleared the air nicely.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 20:46, archived)

There's one heading for here, I'd say.
We need one.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 May 2009, 20:47, archived)

We had beautiful weather all arvo till about 5.
It then rained till about an hour ago. The air feels all fresh and clean.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 20:49, archived)

Yeah it was lovely here too.
Gone all dark and rubbish now.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 May 2009, 20:56, archived)

I caught some sun yesterday and today
I'm a bit pink
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 25 May 2009, 20:53, archived)

I hope you had cream on.
I got a mini bit on my face on Saturday, but I had sun cream on, so it's gone again.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 May 2009, 20:54, archived)

I didn't :(
I was hiding behind the missus last night while the sun went down behind Leeds infirmary
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 25 May 2009, 20:56, archived)

Airline food.
I found yesterday that if you pretend to sleep when they're handing out the meals, then go begging for food an hour later they'll give you the best they can find...

Yay for not getting economy class fuds!
( Troo Troo Barney McGrew, Mon 25 May 2009, 20:26, archived)

ask for nut allergy food
they really make an effort
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Mon 25 May 2009, 20:35, archived)

O, rly?
I shall have to remember that one :D
( Troo Troo Barney McGrew, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:28, archived)

I hate fun, in all its forms
...

That's about it really

.......*wanders off*
( Theoban What of it, Mon 25 May 2009, 20:29, archived)

Oh great.
Lunch is going to be a blast.
( thealternativefact, Mon 25 May 2009, 20:43, archived)

there is no such thing as fun for all the family

( mongychops, Mon 25 May 2009, 20:33, archived)

waterslide?

(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Mon 25 May 2009, 20:36, archived)

Deep, man

( ArthurTheRat, Mon 25 May 2009, 20:39, archived)

Except bivvies.

( nick the greek, Mon 25 May 2009, 20:41, archived)

and sitcom quizzes

( nick the greek, Mon 25 May 2009, 20:42, archived)

Fun loving is one of those hidden meanings like bubbly.
Fun loving means you are probably dull as fuck. Bubbly means you are fat, annoying and possibly stupid.

Not that i'm a cynic, i'm fun loving(criminal).
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 20:45, archived)

Fun loving = irresponsible.
The sort of person you wouldn't trust to post an important letter for you.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 25 May 2009, 20:49, archived)

In that case.
Is the Royal Mail fun loving? They have made a pretty good job of losing my important letters recently!
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 20:51, archived)

Rowland Hill would be spinning in his grave.
CHB's father sent his great-grandson a birthday card with a bit of money in it (silly I know, but he's in his eighties and remembers when you could actually do that sort of thing) and of course it went missing.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 25 May 2009, 21:01, archived)

Sad but true
Grrr! Society these days!
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:02, archived)

this
also:

Cuddly = morbidly obese
animal lover = desperate for children
down to earth = retarded
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Mon 25 May 2009, 20:57, archived)

I have never had a foray into personal ads.
Some of them do make me laugh when I read the paper sometimes, the obviously woeful inaccuracy.

You like sport but claim to be cuddly build? Hmmm I think not.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:06, archived)

Ah, so fun loving = manchild?

( ArthurTheRat, Mon 25 May 2009, 21:01, archived)

See if you can guess how great I am.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:45, archived)

This great.
*Spreads arms*
( Mu Dinofiddler, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:46, archived)

arms legs.
( Devil Duck: ( ' )< and his cunning stunts, Mon 25 May 2009, 19:05, archived)

arms legs rumours
( vladimir, Mon 25 May 2009, 19:09, archived)

arms legs rumours and jams.
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 25 May 2009, 19:13, archived)

arms shoulders knees and toes knees and toes.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 May 2009, 19:17, archived)

and eyes

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 25 May 2009, 19:19, archived)

and ears

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 25 May 2009, 19:19, archived)

and nose

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 25 May 2009, 19:19, archived)

and maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaff

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 25 May 2009, 19:20, archived)

Out loud, try and sing this song
whilst touching a body part different to that which you're saying.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 25 May 2009, 19:41, archived)

Probably about eight
Maybe eight and a half
( SuperMatt, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:47, archived)

<-------------->
^this much
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:49, archived)

Twelvety?

( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:50, archived)

I'm spoiling my ballot

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:55, archived)

I'm going for an optimistic 2

( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:56, archived)

On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd say.. an 11.
/Automan
(google it, philistines)
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 25 May 2009, 18:58, archived)

On a scale of 1 to 2, I would give him one.
Fnarr, fnarr.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 19:05, archived)

I sadly would fail at guessing greatness of this magnitude.

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:59, archived)

on a scale of 1 to 10 i'd give you a fuck you

( Lightguy hail satan, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:59, archived)

You are fucking shit, baldmonkey.

( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Mon 25 May 2009, 19:07, archived)

OR SHOULD I SAY BALDCUNTY!

( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Mon 25 May 2009, 19:07, archived)

Negative temperatures on the thermodynamic scale aren't colder than absolute zero,
infact they are infinitely hotter.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 19:10, archived)

Absolute zero is the total number of baldmonkey's friends.

( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Mon 25 May 2009, 19:10, archived)

I'm going to subjectively bully him for the rest of the day.

( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Mon 25 May 2009, 19:12, archived)

Sciencelols

( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 19:13, archived)

I'm 100% sciencelolicious.
I need to get 70% + in the two exams I have left at least.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 19:16, archived)

Or what?

( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Mon 25 May 2009, 19:21, archived)

Or I do a massive sadface and can't do what I want with my life.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 19:22, archived)

What do you need a first to do?
Or is this to build you up to a 2:1?
( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Mon 25 May 2009, 19:24, archived)

for the 2:1
I'm just below it. A first in these exams will put me on it.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 19:34, archived)

Ah right.
I did pretty shit in my first and second years but managed to pull it up when I put the work in in the final year.
I also managed to blag my way up a grade boundary in a viva type thing somehow.
( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Mon 25 May 2009, 19:38, archived)

Yeah.
I'm on the viva mark right now, so so long as I get 57% in the exams I'll be fine, but I don't want the viva.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 19:42, archived)

They fire him out of a space cannon into the sun.

( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Mon 25 May 2009, 19:23, archived)

This is what they do to all science graduates who get less than a 2:1
Edit: Good luck with those exams, I only have one left- next friday. I have 68 for the coursework and it is weighted 50/50, i'm not too panicked yet.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 19:25, archived)

This is the kind of encouragement universities need more of.

( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Mon 25 May 2009, 19:25, archived)

everyone should watch come dine with me

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 25 May 2009, 19:27, archived)

watch dine
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 25 May 2009, 19:42, archived)

better than friz, not as good as anyone whose name begins with "j"

( spacefish bong!, Mon 25 May 2009, 19:42, archived)

as long as you spelt grate wrong
i'd say stinky
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Mon 25 May 2009, 20:26, archived)

I'm back from Leeds.
I enjoyed my rubbish festival with rubbish bands.

How was your Sunday?

Also, blimey, the FOOTBALL. Today's, that is.
( WHARRGARBL, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:40, archived)

TV in the garden,
Monaco GP and final score

Plus Fruit Cider = win.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:42, archived)

I always suspected
and /ac, imagine that.
( jenpots, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:43, archived)

You always suspected what?

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:45, archived)

That you're a .... you know..... one of 'em, you know what I mean, you get me?
One of those "OHHH, LOOK AT ME, I AM A MALE WHO ENGAGES IN SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH OTHER MALES OF THE SAME OR SIMILAR SPECIES".
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:07, archived)

Oh.
How did she reach that conclusion?
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 18:08, archived)

fruit cider.
either that or she walked in on you hanging out of your boyfriend.
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:17, archived)

Fruit cider isn't gay.
It's the perfect summer drink.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 18:24, archived)

+ for girls and queers

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:26, archived)

Maybe I'm a girl.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 18:35, archived)

I don't think I was supposed to tell you but I was invited to a MySpace party at your flat while you're away.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 18:18, archived)

just found out my racist joke telling mp is to stand down
ripped up a shitty laminate floor in my sisters house.
Pumped the tires up on my bike.

I didnt watch the FOOTBALL.

edit: Oh you asked about yesterday. I have no idea what I did yesterday.
( MrA, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:42, archived)

HAVE WE DISCUSSED SSG RUNNING FOR ELECTION YET?

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:43, archived)

NO. AND WHO THE HELL IS SSG?

( MrA, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:44, archived)

Splendid
Also in Leeds with more grooviness and hiding behind my missus to keep the sun off.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:43, archived)

My Sunday was good.
It involved rocks and ropes and being scared and having fun.

AND IT'S NOT EVEN OVER YET.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:44, archived)

i made a nice sunday lunch for peeps
and made some flashy lighty circuits because i could
( spacefish bong!, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:54, archived)

I was just in an Indian Restaurant and Justin Long was in there
I recognised him, but he didn't recognise me. What a cunt.
( SuperMatt, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:57, archived)

I wouldn't recognise him,
but I'd recognise you, if that helps.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:59, archived)

I couldn't remember his name
All I knew was that I'd seen him in a TV show called Ed.
( SuperMatt, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:02, archived)

www.globalhumbug.com/hosted/matt.jpg
( moohalaa, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:00, archived)

WHY DIDN'T HE RECOGNISE ME?
Also, I accidentally clicked "I like this!" which means it'll be on the popular page now :(
( SuperMatt, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:01, archived)

Don't invite him to your next premier,
that'll teach him.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:08, archived)

He'll kill himself.

( thealternativefact, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:14, archived)

It's only fair
HELLO CLENDRIX LADY. I'M IN NEW FLAT YES!
( SuperMatt, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:19, archived)

Hurrah!
Glad it's all done. I look forward to a nice cup of tea soon :)
( thealternativefact, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:21, archived)

Assuming the other one manages to find her kettle

( SuperMatt, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:23, archived)

Tell her to put her best efforts into it.
I'm not bringing round homemade cake only to find there's no tea.
( thealternativefact, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:25, archived)

why is justin long?

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:23, archived)

Because Clare Short.

( WHARRGARBL, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:24, archived)

had to google him
/now knows
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:45, archived)

My sunday was good. It largely involved wandering around birmingham looking for shrimp paste.
Saturday was better, and involved wandering around in the countryside.
( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:59, archived)

i was a bit ill. and for a change i was a bit grumpy. lolololol

( TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:05, archived)

i really disapprove of allowing robots to play in the human leagues
their piston powered legs give them an unfair advantage
( Lightguy hail satan, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:16, archived)

Sunday was spent at 2 car boot sales
then sleep and then work.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 25 May 2009, 18:24, archived)

Hello cyber hard men. JMG here.
How's the internet?
Have we got a concentrated hate figure today, or is the moaning more sporadic?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

I'm quite cheery thanks JMG
I've done some packing and I'm looking up ways to customise and cut up a big t-shirt.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:13, archived)

cut holes in the nipples
that should turn a few heads
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:16, archived)

cor!

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:18, archived)

I endorse a move towards making it some form of hat.
Hats are very important.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:17, archived)

because your otherwhise bald head would get cold easily!

( moohalaa, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:19, archived)

YOU QUEEN OF THE NILE!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:21, archived)

no idea
I've just wandered on.
( jenpots, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:14, archived)

how long until you wander off?

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:15, archived)

fuck. off.

( jenpots, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:25, archived)

:(
*pulls your pigtails*
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:26, archived)

me too
i'm considering going to the shop to buy some booze though
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:16, archived)

I've had enough booze this weekend
I made b3tans drink my Dad's ale.

I'm nice like that.
( jenpots, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:25, archived)

It is good booze
I need no convincing
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:28, archived)

It was :oD

( jenpots, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:28, archived)

When I get off these drugs I will have a session at The Albert and get thoroughly reacquainted

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:34, archived)

Peckers Peril tastes lovely
but is very strong.
( jenpots, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:42, archived)

I shall seek it out

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:45, archived)

Sunderland for me,
as usual.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:14, archived)

Fill him in.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:17, archived)

He's gay...
you don't mean like that do you?
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:18, archived)

Not at all.
It's hardly fair to beat up a fruit. But in this case he deserves it.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:22, archived)

Blimey, the football eh?
Electricity AND premiership football all in the same calendar year?
Things are looking up for the Dingles!
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:15, archived)

GO BURNLEY!

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:29, archived)

I'm personally hating Sheffield Utd, - because they've lost me a fuckload of money today. However, I hardly think /talk is the place to be discussing soccer (or any other sports) so I shall quit moaning about it.
( C, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:15, archived)

Only an idiot would have bet on Sheffield United though.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:16, archived)

Well, why the fuck weren't you there telling me this 10 hours ago when I bet the price of my new remote control on the useless bunch of northern twats.
( C, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:18, archived)

You didn't ask.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:18, archived)

Oh yes, that'd be why - next time I'll try to remember to consult you beforehand.
( C, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:20, archived)

I'm very knowledgeable.
Just ask JMG.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:26, archived)

I've just been for a lovely 8oz sirloin accompanied by 3 or 4 pints of lager
in a beer garden building up my tan :)
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:16, archived)

This is good work.
Meat, sun and beer. What bank holidays were invented for.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:16, archived)

i wanted to go out but wife convinced me that it would be busy everywhere :(

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:17, archived)

it was busy
it took about 45 mins for our food to come. This was followed by a nice walk along the prom
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:18, archived)

With 8 days left, I have lost the will to live.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:16, archived)

HO'WAY MAN PET!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:18, archived)

*chesty cuddles for yesterday*

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:22, archived)

Women were crying, LT.
Not me though.
Thump of the chest and all that, and I was back in form.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:23, archived)

i've been exercising loads today

( TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:18, archived)

Have you been LUNGING?
*Dampens brow*
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:23, archived)

occasionally...

( TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:54, archived)

gordon strachan has resigned, which is what i wanted.
i don't suppose you have an opinion JMG ?
( connor, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:19, archived)

He's on his back to the 80's to manage Sunderland.
The land time forgot.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:23, archived)

Stand back web ladies
I'll biff this rotter!
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:24, archived)

img196.imageshack.us/img196/8176/illcommentonthatjmgrema.jpg
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:26, archived)

Oh yes JMG, Burnley!
This is the first time !'ve been happy about the football.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:37, archived)

*Firm handshakes*
Football is excellent.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:40, archived)

I think I might be in a state of near shock
I can't concentrate on anything, have a buzzing headache and I feel like I'm about to be sick all the time.

I blame my extensive sunburn.
( WormuIus, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:06, archived)

Go have a lie down with a cool moist towel over your face.
Spastic.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:07, archived)

I didn't get any sun burn at all yesterday
despite being out in the sun all day.

I pretty much used a whole bottle of sun cream though
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:07, archived)

Also, in future, the best thing to do about sunburn is as soon as you notice it happening, do whatever you can to cool your skin.
Sit in the shade, cover yourself in cold water. Anything.

The heat stays in your skin otherwise and continues to burn you. If you sort it out quickly you can stop it before it burns properly.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

Drink some water and go to bed.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 25 May 2009, 17:07, archived)

I'm currently utterly relaxed and pampered.
*sips on iced tonic in the dusk sun*
( moohalaa, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:08, archived)

drama queen.

( TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:08, archived)

Pfffft.

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:08, archived)

Rehydrate and hide
Also spastic
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:08, archived)

Nobody likes a Weather Whinge.™
Just be better prepared when you go outside next time.
( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:09, archived)

The best cream for sunburn is deep heat

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:10, archived)

arf!

( jenpots, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:11, archived)

it's also a highly effective intimate salve for those winter days
like a sip from a hip flask for your genitals
( moohalaa, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:11, archived)

I'd veer towards Fiery Jack

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:11, archived)

no no
honey and sand
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

And bees

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:16, archived)

go and have a drink of water
take some ibuprofen and go to sleep. And put some suncream on next time, you pale nancy.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

So, i've been watching that 'Embarassing Illnesses' show on the tellybox

If you were to be on it, what horrid, diseased part of your body would you be showing off?
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:50, archived)

Mine would be my awesome bowels

( Mrs Sp@m, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:51, archived)

*Parp*

( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 25 May 2009, 15:51, archived)

They shoved a speculum up an 18 year old girls bottom last week
It made me think of Mongy.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:52, archived)

Shhh!
Don't tell SickRik, it will give him the horn.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:55, archived)

It is a pretty sexy image.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 16:05, archived)

I imagine it's like having bum sex with a robot

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:29, archived)

Exactly like it.
Mmmm, metalic.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:31, archived)

Speculums drive the fear of god into all women.
Men don't understand.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:36, archived)

Nope, we don't.
Generally we have no wish to find out (i'm sure there are some s&m types who enjoy a good speculuming).
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:38, archived)

Those filthy brutes just love to be swabbed.

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:40, archived)

I'm sure they do.
If something exists, someone somewhere will get off on it!
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:43, archived)

all you have to do is lie back and think of cylons/ T-1000/ bender/ twiki from buck rogers

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:40, archived)

*mingecringe*

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:42, archived)

With Doctor Theopolis spitting in your mouth

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:44, archived)

What an amazing expression.
I'm guessing it is like a toecurl but relating to sexy embarrasment?
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

It's like a sort of frontal clenching in disgust.
Most women experience this when they see Piston Broke.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:46, archived)

I am not female and I have never met PistonBroke.
I'll never get to experience a mingecringe.

There must be a male version but i'm spectacularly failing to think of anything funny that rhymes.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:48, archived)

"frontal clenching" really is the only way to describe it

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

Well, I have learned something today.
Thank you!

How about 'willy wince' or 'cock cower' for men?
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

I imagine
*wilt* would cover it, for men.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:54, archived)

Ok, next time I see a particulary hideous specimin.
I will be thinking of willy wilts and mingecringes.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

NSFW
Performance art
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:42, archived)

blimey.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:44, archived)

Aceness.
More performance art also NSFW, possibly NSFA

foodforanimals.com/aurora/orlan4.jpg
enculturation.gmu.edu/1_2/calvin/orlan.htm
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

I thought she was cleaning her ear out with a stick in that first photo

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:46, archived)

Nope!
That's a scalpel stuck in her face.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:48, archived)

Orlan is a proper twat.
/opinionlols
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:46, archived)

I've met her and I think she's pretty ace.
A bit mad of course but I actually think her art is very funny and interesting.
/different opinion lols
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:47, archived)

I'm not looking forward to Speculum O Clock.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:44, archived)

It's horrid.
But obviously everyone is different. It mightn't be too bad for you. My cervix goes off to the right. The nurse found these directions very helpful.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

pfft
I hope you drew them a helpful map.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

True fact here
Fanny nurses can't find Ms Official's cervix. Now, I'm no fannyologist, but I'm fairly certain it's there.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

I have a really odd mental image now
involving torches and those long up-to-the-elbow gloves.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:55, archived)

That's more or less what happens
She had 'A Scare' some time ago and has to have regular colposcopy. Every time it's a new person gaping up her fanny they get lost. She'll be thrilled I told the internet this.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

Have you ever been for a smear?

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

nope
doctors really discourage it until you're 25, now.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

I was so annoyed when they changed it.
I had to go through mine at 21.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

errrk

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

Really? I had mine a year ago and I'm only just 22.
I have a semi embarrassing smear test lols story but I don't know if I should share.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

how weird
I've asked every time I've been to the doctors, just to make sure, but they keep saying Nooooo. Apparently they are coming back with lots of abnormal results (and having to do unnecessary Further Investigation) when it is just the girlparts developing naturally.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

did everything evert?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:57, archived)

Well I was lying there, ready for my smear
the nurse got the speculum up me and then turned away to get the swabs. While her back was turned the speculum shot out of me, landing neatly on a book shelf on the other side of the room.

The nurse had to stop for a bit, she laughed so much she cried.

/smear lols blog
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:00, archived)

Men in Thailand pay lots of money to see stuff like that.

( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:02, archived)

fantastic muscles, Miss FD
*handshakes*
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:03, archived)

*grins awkwardly*
*shakes your hand back*

I didn't even clench though, it's just pinged out.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:06, archived)

maybe your vageen is possessed.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:13, archived)

you're not kidding anyone,
your fanny is dinsauresque.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 25 May 2009, 23:21, archived)

"We're in luck! This image was made at the tail end of my bleeding time, so if you look closely, you can see a little drop of menstrual blood making its debut at the opening in the center of the cervix, which is called the os. It sure is a magical place".

:( how is that "in luck"

*massive sadface*
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

^This

( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:46, archived)

like OS X?

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

I'm pronouncing it like "Oz".
I'm not sure if I am going to link this to Oz the TV show or the Land of Oz.

One's a magical place, one's where people get shivved. I'm not sure which is the most accurate metaphor.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

I hope I don't hanve monkeys flying out of mine, is all I'm saying.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

Not again at any rate.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:24, archived)

I think it is pronounced 'oss'
I study bones and stuff and generally 'os' means opening as in 'os coxae' the hip bones that have a hole at the bottom.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:57, archived)

Pah. I study physics
and has such knows no information about the female body at all
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

Physics is a real man's science anyway!

( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 17:00, archived)

my arm-o-wangs

( spacefish bong!, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:52, archived)

I don't understand that programme.
At what point do you think 'I have this hideous affliction that i'm so embarrased about I can't go to see my GP, so i'll show everyone on telly instead'?

Obviously i'm perfect but if I had to have something....

Ricketts. Not enough people have ricketts these days.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:52, archived)

Because they'll pay for a 5k breast reduction operation that would otherwise take five years for on the NHS

( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:11, archived)

That is a fair point.

( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:20, archived)

This.
I mean, look at it. Srsly.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:53, archived)

Nothing
I'm fucking gorgeous, and there's nothing wrong with me.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:53, archived)

And employed yes?

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:33, archived)

I'm 100% healthy.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 15:59, archived)

Are you skiving?
I wouldn't want to show any of it, especially if it was all diseased.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:00, archived)

Never.

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:10, archived)

ermmmm probably my brain

( TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:17, archived)

probably if you had one
/internet bullying.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 16:18, archived)

I judge this bullying to be 3.5/5

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:24, archived)

Can I have some more feeback please?
How would I get to 5/5?
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 16:34, archived)

Try harder
You faaahkin 'orrible caaant!
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:36, archived)

I have a terrible case of egg bind

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:29, archived)

My penis is properly massive and that

(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:39, archived)

not really it's tiny

(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:39, archived)

not really it's size is not unusual at all.
I don't know why I keep talking about it.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:40, archived)

is your embarrassing illness a rapidly and continuously inflating and deflating penis?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:41, archived)

that's more of a hobby than an illness.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:42, archived)

Right then
there have been many messages about the new b3ta book group, so I shall post a calendar item shortly.
First book is my shout, so it's "Catch-22" by Joseph Heller. I think it's ace.
Anyone who wants to, get on board - anyone else, bugger off.
Cheers

edit: calendar event www.b3ta.com/calendar/event/19630
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:27, archived)

i found it insisted upon itself

( mongychops, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:28, archived)

It's unavoidable
and, more importantly, bloody funny.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:29, archived)

The walls! The walls!
Push back the walls!
(The Soldier Who Sees Everything Twice, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:31, archived)

Good name, there.

( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:33, archived)

I've waited two years to use it
in some kind of relevent context
(The Soldier Who Sees Everything Twice, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:35, archived)

I'll buy you some eggs from Malta.

( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:36, archived)

No, I'll sell you the eggs from Malta

(The Soldier Who Sees Everything Twice, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:38, archived)

I'll want those at 4c

( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:40, archived)

What?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:28, archived)

For those that don't know
I'm organising a book group on here.
There had been much agreement and anticipation, and if you'd like in you're welcome.
That is all.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:31, archived)

Have you got anything light to read?
*sets up for the Airplane! gag...*
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:29, archived)

Osram 60W

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:10, archived)

***ON FILM4 LATER.***

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 25 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

Good choice.
It's about 30 years since I read that one. It would be interesting to see if my perception of it has changed.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 25 May 2009, 15:30, archived)

I'll just watch the film.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:31, archived)

the film is shit

(The Soldier Who Sees Everything Twice, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:32, archived)

The book must be too then.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:32, archived)

the book is excellent
it's not a story you can film, really
(The Soldier Who Sees Everything Twice, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:34, archived)

It's quite good, I think
but I'd hate to force my opinion on you.
Why not read it for yourself, and form your own?
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:34, archived)

Well it's just that the film is shit so the book must be shit.
It's how it works.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:36, archived)

This is a statement I strongly disagree with.

( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:37, archived)

I don't make the rules.
It's just how it works.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:41, archived)

how long do we get to read it?
It's on my 'to read' list.

In other news I've been making cakes (four of them, for four different birthdays today).
( CowJam, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:31, archived)

I shall put an entry in the calendar
for two weeks' time.
I think that should be sufficient, but I'm open to suggestions.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:35, archived)

cool
I'm up for that
( CowJam, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:38, archived)

I'd like to join in but I don't want to read that.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 15:33, archived)

What do you want to read?
You don't have to read it, but if you'd like to suggest something we'll read that next.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:38, archived)

I don't know.
I'd only do it to have my reading horizons broadened. I wouldn't like to suggest something myself.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 15:40, archived)

Here's the deal
if anyone suggests something you'd like to read, we'd like your thoughts on it.
If you don't want to read it, then don't.
This is what the book group is for.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:42, archived)

It is indeed ace.
Which one next?
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:35, archived)

Money to Burn
by Ricardo Piglia
(The Soldier Who Sees Everything Twice, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:40, archived)

Noted
right, that's on the list
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:43, archived)

No idea
I'm flying by the seat of my pants here, but I'd probably say that enough people will suggest things over the next two weeks to get a pretty good list.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:40, archived)

I'm in
I also have a copy already. Thus saving me the effort of going to the library.

My suggestion for the future is Hanif Kureshi's 'Budda of Suburbia'
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:46, archived)

No, I want spot goes to the beach or I'm out.

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:47, archived)

I mentioned 'The Very Hungry Catapillar' earlier.
Would that do?
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:50, archived)

okie doke
I got book tokens for my birthday too, so yay :)
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:47, archived)

i'm not sure i understand what a book club is
do you read a book and then talk about it? on- or offline? i might be interested, but i'm hung over and new ideas are scaring me
( spacefish bong!, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:48, archived)

Oh no you don't talk about it.
In fact, the first rule of book club is; you do not talk about book club.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:49, archived)

Basically, yeah
someone suggests some reading material, you read it, say if and why you liked it (or not) and suggest something else. I think.
Be lovely to have you on board, anyway.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:50, archived)

cool
and robin "twinned with newington" johnson has kindly left a copy behind that i can read. count me in!
( spacefish bong!, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:51, archived)

Excellent news!

( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:52, archived)

I've recently read that, and it was very enjoyable, funny too.
So I sought after the film. A bit of a miss if you ask me, not how I pictured Yossarian at all.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 25 May 2009, 16:06, archived)

I am recording a podcast tonight.
Please can I have your problems for dear baldmonkey.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 25 May 2009, 14:40, archived)

I am narcissistic
Look at how much I love myself...

I don't think I can find any more love from anyone else, am I thus subjected to a life of loneliness and egowankery?
( GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 25 May 2009, 14:43, archived)

Dear baldmonkey,
Can I get your podcast from iTunes? I have almost run out of ways to procrastinate.

Yours ever,

Frances
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 25 May 2009, 14:44, archived)

YES.
Search for baldmonkey in itunes store.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:26, archived)

No.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 14:44, archived)

I wanted to be an astronaut or a bear when I grew up
I have achieved neither of these things and it grates upon me. Should I continue to pursue my dream, what can I rededicate my life to at such a late stage?
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 25 May 2009, 14:47, archived)

BEARS IN SPAAAACCCCEEEE

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 14:47, archived)

STOP TAUNTING ME WITH DISTANT DREAMS OF GLORY

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 25 May 2009, 14:48, archived)

christ man, even tortoises have been to space

( mongychops, Mon 25 May 2009, 14:55, archived)

dr baldmonkey
i have to go out in the sun in a minute and i'm worried i might get a tan
not necessarily a bad thing.. only i have a shaggy beard that i will be shaving off either tonight or tomorrow morning
will i get a two toned face?
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Mon 25 May 2009, 14:47, archived)

apply sun block to everywhere on your face and neck
then shave off the beard

and tan yourself to manlyness
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 25 May 2009, 14:49, archived)

Or use fake tan after shaving to evn things up.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 25 May 2009, 14:56, archived)

yeah.. that would definetly work
do they do lobster fake tan?
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Mon 25 May 2009, 15:11, archived)

p.s. i'll be sweating like a rapist in a kindergarten due to playing footy
so sun block won't work
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Mon 25 May 2009, 15:09, archived)

dear baldmonkey
it seems i was born on the cusp of aquarius and pieces and as such never know which star sign to belive in the papers, both seem strangely vague and could fit into most peoples lives, but i hate the fact i have to read 2 horoscopes, should i go up the pub?

dave
( mongychops, Mon 25 May 2009, 14:49, archived)

All the best people are pisces.
Stick with us.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 25 May 2009, 14:57, archived)

You aren't another one on 19 February are you? There are three of us on here already.
I solved that one by never reading horoscopes.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 25 May 2009, 14:57, archived)

yes i am
and i will go to the pub, ta
( mongychops, Mon 25 May 2009, 14:58, archived)

Good thinking
I'll be spending tomorrow afternoon in the pub.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 25 May 2009, 15:00, archived)

Dear baldmonkey
I have now finished my main coursework for this year. What shall I do now?
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 25 May 2009, 14:54, archived)

Get a head start on next year's.
Or bake a cake.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 25 May 2009, 14:57, archived)

I could do a cake.
I've got bowl of duck eggs in the fridge that want using up.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 25 May 2009, 14:59, archived)

Join my book group
and suggest something to read.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:01, archived)

Dear Baldmonkey
Nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger.
(__, Mon 25 May 2009, 14:57, archived)

Dear baldmonkey
I need a wee.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 25 May 2009, 14:58, archived)

Dear Baldmonkey,
I've just been gazzed by a random /talker who I fear may have got the wrong ides about me. I'd given them a shout to say hi, and now I feel I may have been a bit too over-friendly. One feels so terrible in these difficult social situations.
I'd like your advice, and also a plug for the b3ta book group I'm trying to set up.
Can you help?
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:01, archived)

If you're not interested, just tell me.
It's my nose, isn't it? *sobs*
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:01, archived)

Your nose is gorgeous
it's your saggy arse that put me off.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:02, archived)

Are you doing a b3ta book group?
I'm in for that.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 25 May 2009, 15:02, archived)

Excellent!
I shall add you to the list.
Fuck knows how I'll organise it, but I'll work something out.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:03, archived)

It'd be handy to know what sort of books you're aiming for.
Sci-fi, classics, modern, non-fiction etc. Have you had any suggestions so far?
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 25 May 2009, 15:06, archived)

None
I'm going to keep the suggestion list as broad as possible - basically, anything you would like to read, or have read and would like to talk about.
All recommendations welcomed.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:08, archived)

How about a theme a month?
That would make the choice easier.
First month - One from Spangles' book pile.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 25 May 2009, 15:27, archived)

This is a sound idea
I shall promptly nick it, and claim the credit.
Cheers
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:28, archived)

I'd be up for a book group
if we can read one from my upcoming book pile first :P
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:04, archived)

Gaz me with suggestions
I've done this idea as a drunken inspiration that I'm going to follow through with, and I need all the help I can get. Seems like a popular idea, though.
I shall be delighted to include you, dear Spangles.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:07, archived)

gazzing now.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:07, archived)

as someone who can't read i find this idea to cause great offence

( mongychops, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:09, archived)

If you can't read
what the fuck are you doing on a text-based internet forum?
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:17, archived)

He has a braille screen.

( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 25 May 2009, 15:20, archived)

Sounds dotty to me

( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:24, archived)

Also, I'm just finishing reading The Glass Bead Game
by Herman Hesse. It's odd, and possibly great.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:05, archived)

I started Siddartha by him a while ago
it was really gay.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:07, archived)

That one doesn't appeal
although I suspect you'd like Steppenwolf if I had to recommend a book of his. It's all a bit pre-hippy hippy, mind.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:11, archived)

I shall add it to my list
but if I don't get a move on with reading them soon I won't be able to reach the top of the pile :)
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:14, archived)

As long as it's not one of those that disappoints on the last page.
I hate the ones that build up a really good story and then suddenly realise they've got to finish and rush through the last bit.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 25 May 2009, 15:08, archived)

Me too
The Discovery of Heaven is a fantastic book, and then the last-but-one chapter feels like a rush job, and then the final chapter has a great twist that leaves you unsure whether it actually makes up for the disappointment of the chapter before.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:12, archived)

GET IN
are you applying for book club inclusion?
We'd love to have you involved.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:09, archived)

Go on then
although my access to books in English is restricted, as is my access to time.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:13, archived)

I shall include you
don't worry, it's not compulsory, although there will be prizes for outstanding effort.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:19, archived)

Dear baldmonkey
i imagine gay sex is like trying to push out a reluctant poo.

What does gay sex feel like to you?
( Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 25 May 2009, 15:07, archived)

Dear baldmonkey
I'm wearing bright pink socks and red shoes. Should I go and change footwear, and if so, which?
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 25 May 2009, 15:09, archived)

is the old saying 'red shoes = no knickers' true?

( mongychops, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:11, archived)

No, not in this case.
I did get dressed without thinking this morning, but not that thoughtlessly. I used to go commando when I was younger and wearing very tight dresses, but sadly no longer.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 25 May 2009, 15:16, archived)

Dear Baldmonkey,
Back in january, I lent a mate £100 who was going through a bit of a rough patch with his family (wife and 3 kids)
Wife has severe anorexia, and wasn't able to continue her job, and he has a full time job as a teacher. All 3 kids are 7 or younger
I was told I would get the money back in March, when they got back from a 'much needed and pre-booked' Holiday to Eurodisney. In the time since March though, his mother in law has now developed terminal lung cancer, and the father in law also had a cancer scare last month. The wife in all of this has also been hospitalized recently due to the anorexia, levaing my mate with a full time teaching job (albeit extensive paid leave) and 3 kids to look after. She is now out of hospital and has a part time job at.. wait for it... Macdonalds. My question is this: How much of a c*nt will I look if I ask for the £100 back now, which he assured me would be mine back in March? It's The Present Mrs. Architect's Birthday shortly, and I'd like that £100 to put towards a nice long weekend away for the two of us, as we could do with a holiday too.
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:15, archived)

I wouldn't ask for it back just yet, to be honest
as a rule, if I lend money to friends I don't expect it back.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:16, archived)

In other words, I'll look a HUGE C*nt then.
/as a rule, I don't lend money to mates or otherwise, but given the fact there were 3 young chiddlers to support in all of this, I felt obliged to help
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:17, archived)

yup.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:18, archived)

I must admit
I tend to think, would I rather have the money or the friendship? That is normally the decider.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 25 May 2009, 15:26, archived)

Ask for it back. See if he could do it in 2 x £50.
At least his food bills won't be that high.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 25 May 2009, 15:18, archived)

*stifled guffaw*
I was tempted to gently bring up the subject in conversation. I haven't seen him lately, and he hasn't mentioned it.
I didn't want to sound like a patronising bastard with phrases such as 'I'll take £20 a week etc or variations thereof.
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:20, archived)

*snort*

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:21, archived)

I think my next music video would just feature chesty women on trampolines.
What role will YOU play in my new found musical greatness?


/edit
I'm going to now go shout at Sky Sports News for an hour.
Another insight.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 13:11, archived)

I think I'll keep out of this one, as I have nothing of any worth to contribute.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:12, archived)

great, no offence
good times
( spacefish bong!, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:38, archived)

I didn't want to cause a stir by maybe saying something that could possibly offend.
Sorry, no offence.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:44, archived)

IT would be good if the chesty women on the trampolines were playing the instruments while bouncing
I'd like to be an aerial trombone
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:13, archived)

the physics of tromboning on a trampoline
could be quite dangerous
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Mon 25 May 2009, 13:16, archived)

hangon he said women
freak
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Mon 25 May 2009, 13:17, archived)

I'll provide an embarassing whiteboy rap whilst dressed up in a garish shellsuit

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:13, archived)

Hurray!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 13:14, archived)

if the trampolines are transparent
i'll do the upskirt videoing
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Mon 25 May 2009, 13:14, archived)

Lordy!!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 13:14, archived)

nearly great
but would it contain this?
( chuff monkey I AM him, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:19, archived)

Splendid find!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 13:21, archived)

Cowbell operator

( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:19, archived)

*Firm handshakes all round*

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 13:21, archived)

i'd do special effects
by which i mean i'll genie aload of swan vestas
( mongychops, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:20, archived)

This is exactly the kind of budget cut ways we'll look to exploit middle England.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 13:22, archived)

how chesty are we talking about here?
I don't like women with boobs so big they are polishing their shoes, or look like they should be in anime pornography - they just look stupid
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Mon 25 May 2009, 13:23, archived)

There should be scale from "A good handful" to "BLIMEY PET!".
The greatest scale I believe we can ever build as a race.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 13:24, archived)

the Nork-ometer
I like it!
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Mon 25 May 2009, 13:30, archived)

at the end of every concert i'll run up to you and give you a high five so manly it causes a sonic boom

( Lightguy hail satan, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:25, archived)

10 minute outro, high five, sexy party!
ALWAYS THE ITINERARY!
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 13:27, archived)

I'd do your promotion but I get the impression that would be unnecessary.
Afternoon and football commiserations, Jammers.
( FoldsFive, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:27, archived)

Blimey Double F.
I see we're already favourites for the title.
A lot can and will have to change, though.


I'm PRO-Shearer.
Handsome Gav is not.
There were some heated debates held last night. Offline.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 13:29, archived)

I'm afeared that you'll struggle JMG.
You have an incompetent board, legions of overpaid players on silly contracts and an unresolved managerial situation.

I predict a mid-table season.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:37, archived)

look how well charlton coped with the drop

( mongychops, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:45, archived)

And Leeds.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:46, archived)

And Southampton

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:46, archived)

And Norwich

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:46, archived)

And Reading next season.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:47, archived)

Now Coppell's gone
I have to admit it's more than likely.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 15:05, archived)

and Leicester.
Oh.
( FoldsFive, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:47, archived)

;(

( WormuIus, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:53, archived)

You'll have to defeat the mighty Foxes Jammy ;)

( WormuIus, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:52, archived)

i'm looking forward to charlton v millwall and the away game at the gills, great times

( mongychops, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:54, archived)

At first being in League One is horrible
but looking back it feels much better.
( WormuIus, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:57, archived)

Charlton will do fine

( WormuIus, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:58, archived)

They'll do better than Norwich and Southampton.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:58, archived)

Dirty dirty Saints will be the next Leeds

( WormuIus, Mon 25 May 2009, 14:02, archived)

being old i remember being in the old 3rd division supporting charlton
no a new thing for me
( mongychops, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:58, archived)

Doesn't matter how old i am
This was a new thing for the club.
Lowest Ever Finish
:(
( WormuIus, Mon 25 May 2009, 14:03, archived)

I'll do the bacon sandwiches to keep everyone's strength up
That's what I normally do when music related shenanigans are going on here.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 25 May 2009, 13:30, archived)

*Applause. Tear in the eye*
Wonderful womaning, here!
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 13:30, archived)

awesome wifery

( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Mon 25 May 2009, 13:31, archived)

i'll be referee for the orchestra
like a conductor, but more manly. i would operate by blowing a whistle and pointing accusatively at musicians

trombonists would be on permanent yellow card
( spacefish bong!, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:37, archived)

you trombonerist

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 25 May 2009, 14:34, archived)

I'll control the foam machine.

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:52, archived)

I'll be your PR man.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 14:32, archived)

What the hell am I supposed to be voting
for on the 4th? I've been told I must make a decision on something! I need clarification. So far, I've narrowed it down to 4 possibilities...

a) Voting for my representative in the world of tea, to pick out the finest teabags for me to purchase
b) Voting to not have the BNP in power in any form, and to banish them to a small lead box at the bottom of the ocean
c) Voting to be allowed to fight for my right to party
d) Voting to allow my shed to be fitted with rocket-boosters to launch it to the moon, Wallace and Gromit style

I NEED ANSWERS. I AM SCARED AND AROUSED CONFUSED
( The Neville What what what, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:47, archived)

e) Voting for the right to have your todger nailed to a table shoudl you wish.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:48, archived)

Well, it's nice to have the option
Verily
( The Neville What what what, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:50, archived)

I always thought it would be a good idea
that you could use your vote negatively if you didn't want to vote for anyone.
( chuff monkey I AM him, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:51, archived)

it's called a spoiled vote
just tick more than one box
draw a spuffing cock and slip it in the box
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Mon 25 May 2009, 12:59, archived)

but if you just spoil your vote
then the tories/bnp/natural law party will never get a negative result
and then i can never do the nelson laugh.
( chuff monkey I AM him, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:07, archived)

it was YOUR idea
you could always go round to their house and stab them in a negative fashion
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Mon 25 May 2009, 13:11, archived)

Put ticks everywhere except inside the boxes
And then write on the sheet, "I'm sorry, I got terribly confused and my brain spacked a bit"
( The Neville What what what, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:00, archived)

I vote for option d.

( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:51, archived)

I like option C the best

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:54, archived)

option c covers all the others
provided they can be achieved in party format
( spacefish bong!, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:35, archived)

Vote for the nice Liberal Democrats in the EU elections and the Greens in local council elections if you have them next week too.
Simples.
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 25 May 2009, 12:54, archived)

Sounds like a plan

( The Neville What what what, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:55, archived)

Well, it is a plan.
Not a very good one, but it's a plan.
( magnum, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:57, archived)

i'm doing it the other way around

(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Mon 25 May 2009, 13:00, archived)

It's all a gubmnt conspiracy to get you fingerprints
I'd burn them off on an upturned iron before going
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:01, archived)

Why don't you give your ballot paper to someone less retarded.

( WormuIus, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:02, archived)

i'm going to vote for myself
sounds like a cushy job and i get all my utilities paid for
and mortgage
and food
sweet
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Mon 25 May 2009, 13:02, archived)

Political satire at it's best
watch out Bremner!
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:05, archived)

if it wasn't for the johns
that program would be unbearable
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Mon 25 May 2009, 13:10, archived)

Whatever you do, don't vote outside the top two parties
It'll be a waste of a vote, innit. Everyone else is going to think like that and vote one of them so you should be doing the same.
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Mon 25 May 2009, 13:11, archived)

What's the origin of all this Honda Accord tomfoolery?
Come on people, I need answers on this one.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:33, archived)

no idea
I have a Chupa Chup.
( jenpots, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:34, archived)

That's a very good answer, if in no way a helpful one.
4/5 would read again.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:35, archived)

A+++++++++!!!!!
Would read reply again.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:37, archived)

have am

pa bby
p b
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 12:41, archived)

dali designed the logo
/fuckfactoid of the day
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Mon 25 May 2009, 12:44, archived)

He did loads of commercial work which the art world hated him for.
I'm lead to believe.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:46, archived)

well breton did say he'd do anything for money "Avida Dollars" and all that
he did the chupa thing as a favour to an old school friend..
i know he did the castros' favourite cigar (forget its name yellow/black squares) logo but i can't think of anything else
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Mon 25 May 2009, 12:57, archived)

Meh something on QOTW
I don't pay much attention to them.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:35, archived)

Yeah, they're scum.
Coming over here, fucking off back to there.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:36, archived)

Some kind of qotw answer.
About driving a car through a house or something.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:36, archived)

That's typical QOTW behaviour.
Can't tell the difference between a road and a house.
Or the difference between Aspergers and just being a cunt.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:37, archived)

Japan.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 25 May 2009, 12:37, archived)

Your head.
In shame.
Hang it.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:38, archived)

haha
but really.. yellow card
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Mon 25 May 2009, 12:45, archived)

As it's a meme that I didn't play a part in creating, I'm going to get huffy and call it shit.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:38, archived)

An entirely reasonable response.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:39, archived)

Frank though my laziness over question marks.
Was somehow a meme.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:40, archived)

?
??
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 25 May 2009, 12:41, archived)

I'm getting better.
I always look at my thumb and remember.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:45, archived)

The overuse of the word meme is one of the worst memes ever.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:42, archived)

E_t =\tfrac{1}{2} mv^2

( chuff monkey I AM him, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:44, archived)

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is The Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you using my HONDA ACCORD.
( mongychops, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:45, archived)

God came down and deflected the bullets.
I don't care what you you say, that shit was an EXTENDED WARRANTY
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:47, archived)

Yea, though I walk through
the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy TWIN AIRBAGS and thy POWER ASSISTED STEERING they comfort me
( The Neville What what what, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:49, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/6155106
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 25 May 2009, 12:46, archived)

What in the whatty-fuck?
I would say the origin is f(x) = y²z + 3w
( The Neville What what what, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:47, archived)

It was a QOTW answer.
In which an internet toughguy got bullied by a 'kid in the year below', saw him several years later, during which time he had become a 'smack head'. The 'smack head' was pinned to the wall by toughguy's Honda Accord and had seven shades of shit beaten out of him with his 'karate skills'.

It has been deleted now though.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:49, archived)

Seventh Front Page, fuckers
How shall I celebrate?
(__, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:20, archived)

By being an attention whore, no doubt.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:21, archived)

ME!

(__, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:21, archived)

I'm just to going to leave this here an wait
www.b3ta.com/questions/impulsebuys/post430299
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:52, archived)

His sister is pissed off with him, for some reason.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:54, archived)

'Have you spoke to mum recently?'
'No I haven't. Cheers'
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:55, archived)

Sorry, Hair Pot's sister.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:57, archived)

Have I missed some kind of drama?

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:39, archived)

pfft

( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:22, archived)

Wait, what, Friz loves the attention now?

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:36, archived)

Kill yourself

(__, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:21, archived)

Second!

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:24, archived)

Execution!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 11:21, archived)

Hello JMG,
Have you considered cricket yet? You should check your FB group etc...
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:25, archived)

I have POSTED on my FAN CLUB PAGE on the internet.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 25 May 2009, 11:36, archived)

Morning. We were talking about the football yesterday, I commented that Alan Shearer looks
like a Wii Mii, or an XBox Avatar.

I was right.
( Druid, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:40, archived)

Bloody hell, you're right
he looks just like one!

Now put a wii mii up for comparison.
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Mon 25 May 2009, 11:52, archived)

I don't have a Wii :(

( Druid, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:54, archived)

I've had a wee.

( jenpots, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:55, archived)

I hope you washed your hands.

( Druid, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:00, archived)

no

( jenpots, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:04, archived)

Duff clearly has some sort of congenital deformity

( WormuIus, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:53, archived)

Which means mine has disappeared.
Ah well...
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 25 May 2009, 11:21, archived)

Yours was pretty shit though

(__, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:23, archived)

Forum banter, etc

(__, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:24, archived)

No it wasn't. IT WAS FUCKING ART YOU CUNT!

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 25 May 2009, 11:24, archived)

:D

(__, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:26, archived)

go for a walk.

( GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:22, archived)

I've walked two miles today already!

(__, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:23, archived)

fridge, desk. fridge, desk

( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:24, archived)

Hahaha

(__, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:26, archived)

hahaha, that's really good
not that i've bothered to look at it, but well done, or not, i don't give a fuck
( mongychops, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:22, archived)

Have a barbecue.
( C, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:23, archived)

Write a song about it
or something
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:23, archived)

Furiously wanking into a sock

( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:23, archived)

Rape a housemate

( moohalaa, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:24, archived)

suicide

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 11:31, archived)

By inventing a unique piece of contemporary dance.
Thats how I celebrate.
( FoldsFive, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:39, archived)

No you don't, you touch up stoats you dirty bugger.

( Druid, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:41, archived)

Thats only been the theme of nine of my contemporary dance pieces, you fuck.

( FoldsFive, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:04, archived)

It's quite good this one.
Well done.
( WormuIus, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:45, archived)

Explode

( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:10, archived)

And they say in-jokes are never front paged.

( Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 25 May 2009, 12:12, archived)

I don't get it.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 25 May 2009, 12:16, archived)

Something to do with Oscar Wilde
and Twitter.
Stephen Fry would fucking lap it up, the big gay man.
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:26, archived)

Bank holiday poo.
Weel formed large turd with a pleasing colour and no splashback.
Minimal odour and low wipeage.

9.8/10
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:10, archived)

I have just spent this glorious day cleaning the toilet
and hoovering.

Rock and/or roll.
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

Weel formed

( WormuIus, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

I'm affecting a caledonian accent so as to be inclusive.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

the fish are starting to spawn at my club lakes, dirty buggers
means no fishing for me for nearly a month, ballbags
( mongychops, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

What's your Top Tip for making sure that your bivvy does not develop mildew in this period of non-use?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:14, archived)

I always leave my tents out for a day in the sun before they get packed away.
Also if you spray it with a mildly salty water and let it dry it stops any bacterial growth.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:16, archived)

it always goes away dry normally, or if wet i will dry it when i get home, to be honest mildew on an aqua m3 would be rare, it beads to well

( mongychops, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:18, archived)

I'm no expert on Bivvies as such, but I know a fair bit about tents in general and I'd recommend storing it in the loft, fully erect.
( C, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:18, archived)

right now I'm fully erect

( GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:19, archived)

Are you also in a loft? if so, there's a fair chance that you're one of my tents.
( C, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:21, archived)

I think that all I can say to that is....
...this
( GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

Massive lauch of hot fizzy gravy
pushed out by an explosive pocket of gas. Sweetcorn unharmed and still floating. Smell = 10/10 (fruity yet shyte flavoured)
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 25 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

Man alive!
What have you been eating!?
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:14, archived)

Sweetcorn in fizzy gravy.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 25 May 2009, 11:16, archived)

But of course.
How stupid of me.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:16, archived)

hahahahahah

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 May 2009, 12:44, archived)

I really like golf at the minute.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:16, archived)

I'm getting a bit excited about golf.
I have never been but i'm booked in for half a dozen lessons over the summer.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:17, archived)

To play or to watch?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:17, archived)

To play.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:25, archived)

i shot -25 at tahoe the other week

( mongychops, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:19, archived)

Good work.
I'm not looking forward to my bank holiday poo, it's going to be beery.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:17, archived)

Tarry and black,
sticky, maximum wipage and insipid smelling.

very much like rancid treacle and chocolate mousse.
( chef losing more hair on a daily basis since, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:17, archived)

Too much Guinness?
It sounds like a Guinness shit to me.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:18, archived)

guinness

( chef losing more hair on a daily basis since, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:19, archived)

A good drink, but too heavy for me to session on.
Can manage four or five, after that i'm just too full of the black stuff.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:24, archived)

I'm having a cup of cheapo lidl gold blend coffee.
It tastes the same as Nescafé gold blend.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:20, archived)

I love coffee, but I can't stand instant
The double edged sword that is having an espresso machine, I get to have nice coffee, but I am a trembling caffiene fiend quite a lot of the time.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:23, archived)

I do like my nice decent coffee, but I can't be fucked making it most of the time.
I've got used to necking loads of it to stay awake on 13 hour night shifts with up to 15 patients to look after.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:27, archived)

Fair enough!
It is a bit of a hassle to make but as i'm supposed to be revbising it is an excellent distraction. I make do with instant at work, as I usually don't have time to have anything else.

13 hour night shifts, I would need something stronger than coffee!
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:29, archived)

I'm leaving that job, thank fuck, no more night shifts!
Until I go to a new practice, no doubt.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:35, archived)

What is it that you do?
By 'practice' I guess it is either people or animals?
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:38, archived)

Bank Holliday laziness!
What are you planning on doing today?

Me? Breakfast at the local greasy spoon...
( chef losing more hair on a daily basis since, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

I forgot it was a bank holiday.
Thankfully, I'm not a bank.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:10, archived)

you're in mine
my bank that is. oh yes.
( chef losing more hair on a daily basis since, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:14, archived)

Precisely fuck all
with added alcohols.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:17, archived)

Went to a carboot sale today and whilst looking about I found one of these hidden away in a huge brown paper envelope
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sega_Multi-Mega

Knew these were kinda rare and went to ebay to see how much they were going for...around the £250/300 mark and you know what I paid today...

£2

fucking win.

another rarity for my retro console collection.

/smug bastard.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 25 May 2009, 10:43, archived)

I need a shit.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 May 2009, 10:45, archived)

Yeah I think I'm probably gonna have a shit.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 May 2009, 10:45, archived)

I just had a shit.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 May 2009, 10:50, archived)

I'm so glad I LOGGED on in time for that news.
Congratulations.
( thealternativefact, Mon 25 May 2009, 10:53, archived)

That's alright.
Poo.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 May 2009, 10:53, archived)

Was the texture, smell and consistancy up to regulation standards?

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:08, archived)

I was just a single block with a suprising amount of wiping needed.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:11, archived)

I had a shit yesterday.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 25 May 2009, 11:10, archived)

Great!
Bye!
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 25 May 2009, 10:45, archived)

My fucking smart radio is now clicking all the time
fucking shit bollocks.
( magnum, Mon 25 May 2009, 10:46, archived)

change the batteries

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 25 May 2009, 10:49, archived)

Apparently I have to stick a takeway foil lid behind it
galfen579.blogspot.com/2009/03/evoke-flow-crackle-solution.html

FFS.
( magnum, Mon 25 May 2009, 10:52, archived)

Good work!
I managed to pick up an early 80's 'Kasparov Chess Computer' at a boot fair for £8 a couple of weeks ago. Did some research, listed it on eBay Germany and sold it for 200 euros.

Win!
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 10:47, archived)

Got a chess computer the xmas before my first ever home computer
used it about twice.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 25 May 2009, 10:50, archived)

Haha!
This thing boasts it is compatible with a Spectrum ZX and a printer. It also proudly announces 'You can print out the co-ordinates of your moves in real time!'

What retro console rarities do you have?
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 10:52, archived)

lynx ,3d0,and gawd knows what else up in the attic.

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:06, archived)

Nice.
I have pretty much all the mainstream ones, master system, mega drive, nes, snes, n64.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:08, archived)

Anyone want to buy
and Atari 7800 and about 50 games?
( chef losing more hair on a daily basis since, Mon 25 May 2009, 11:10, archived)

Fuckin' win.
Last console I bought was this.

Charity shop WIN!
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 25 May 2009, 10:56, archived)

Oh man that sounds win.
That sounds the complete opposite of fail. Oh man this is totally win. I'm glad it wasn't epic fail but it turned out to be complete win.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 May 2009, 10:58, archived)

Lucky me eh?
You so wish you were me.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 25 May 2009, 10:59, archived)