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Hello fatties.
Can YOU out-do Aberdeen?!

Let's have the weekly round up.

What do YOU think JMG's profession is, currently?
For bonus attention. Describe my living arrangements.

Currently. SIX b3tans know these two answers for sure.
That I am aware of.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:58, archived)

Professional Lithuanian.

(

ArthurTheRat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:59, archived)

RED RANDOMNESS!
*Red Ructions*
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:00, archived)

Freelance IT technician
Helping the lonely wives and ladies of the toon with their computer problems.
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:00, archived)

ETHERNET PORT MAN PET!

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:01, archived)

Hamster groper
and you live in margaret thatcher's vagina.
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:01, archived)

There's no denying these accusations.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:01, archived)

are you the guy who sells the Big Issue outside Eldon Square?

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:01, archived)

I've never bought a Big Issue.
True JMG info, there.

I'm germophobic.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:02, archived)

I'm having a proper punk rock afternoon JMG
Stiff Little Fingers were bloody great
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:03, archived)

Gimp-Suit Fashionista

(

Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:01, archived)

Something 9-5ish, which means you have to iron a shirt most days, and sit at a desk
and you live with two other blokes in a grotty two-up two-down wanking, eating junkfood and playing on consoles with your massive TV that you bought using the proceeds from your mundane desk job.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:02, archived)

I heard you used to grade the turds of lower league footballers by scooping them off the touch line and mushing them through a seive.
But they made you redundant because the gleam from your shiny bald head was blinding the referee.
(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:03, archived)

WHO TOLD YOU?!
:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((!
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:06, archived)

I got a flirty gaz on one of my online fake bird accounts from a joy-void in aberdeen.

(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:08, archived)

I think you're a salesmen of some sort or a milkman/postman. You never post in the mornings.
Also, I just realised it's 7/7 tomorrow, I was on the tube at the time when it happened and jogged from Shepherds Bush to Oxford Circus when I got chucked off, watching it all unfold.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:03, archived)

I got harrassed for a TV interview when that happened, because I was English
"Were any of your family harmed?" wasn't broadcast when I said "fortunately, they don't live that close to the blast area, 150km away to be precise", but they did show the bit where I said the imminent threat to Warsaw's underground (with its solitary line) was "something to be very worried about." They fucking lapped that scaremongering right up.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:06, archived)

I would have said " Yes...200 of my closes friends and relatives...MY COCKROACH FAMILY NOOOOO!!"

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:08, archived)

You also live on the back of a dog

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:11, archived)

you're a railway station announcer,
and you live in a flat above a corner shop.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:06, archived)

I like this answer.
But I would prefer it if you added "cap" to the "flat" part.
(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:07, archived)

I'd never get away with that.
I'd critique most destinations.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:08, archived)

you'd only have to go downstairs to get more vimto, though.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:11, archived)

Personal trainer.
Or one of those generic office non-jobs.
(

my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:09, archived)

I don't know, and I don't really mind.
I don't judge people on where they live or what they do for a living.
(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:09, archived)

I didn't realise we were judging, I thought we were just making things up about JMG's caravan made from bald

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:13, archived)

That's because you live in a scraping in the gravel and spit-rinse pig farmer's boots for a living.

(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:13, archived)

If they'd pay me, I'd do pretty much anything.

(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:16, archived)

Sinead O'Connor impersonator

(

Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:10, archived)

Naked Bear Wrangler

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:11, archived)

The Newcastle Town Cryer.
Oh yez! (rpt x2)
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:13, archived)

IKEA furniture namer
A portakabin buried underneath another portakabin which is a sham front, advertising itself as a taxi company but isn't.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:17, archived)

I've just finished putting books on my new Whayapët

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:22, archived)

*Applause*

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:32, archived)

stadium of light tour guide, and a biffa bin at the back of the stadium

(

mongychops, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:19, archived)

Phantom Moob Groper

(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:20, archived)

Surprise Sexist

(

Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:26, archived)

horse manicurist

(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:36, archived)

and i think you live in sheltered accomodation

(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:39, archived)

Crackwhore
crackhouse

aicmfroc
(

broadsword, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:39, archived)

+ling
+ling
(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:41, archived)

God I can't stand La Roux anymore
She's fucking everywhere with her whiny screechy crappy fake london accent "singing". I don't give a shit if her mum was June Ackland on the bill or whatever, I just want her to shut the fuck up, no other singer has grated on me more than her EVER, and I am usually quite tolerant.
She's on my telly, radio and other peoples radios that I can't turn off. :(
(

Mrs Sp@m, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:55, archived)

Which one is she?

(

WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:55, archived)

This whiny cunt
www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lVaWYkKOdY&feature=related
(

Mrs Sp@m, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:56, archived)

I fucking love la roux

(

SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:55, archived)

Nothing wrong with a nice roux
Lots of stirring though
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:56, archived)

What about the music underneath the singing though?
La Roux are a duot, so they might only be half bad
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:58, archived)

you know I think it would be quite a good song if someone else was singing it.

(

Mrs Sp@m, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:59, archived)

I don't really know what song you're on about
I only know of their existence because TutT was touting one of their tracks a month back.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:00, archived)

That one up there ^

(

Mrs Sp@m, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:03, archived)

Reminds me of the music that loaded when I played my Commodore 64

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:07, archived)

aah. is she the one with the huge quiff thing?

(Usernameless Wooh, scary. Not really., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:58, archived)

Yes!

(

Mrs Sp@m, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:59, archived)

she appeared to be have fish scales on her head during a song yesterday, cant remember what program though

(Usernameless Wooh, scary. Not really., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:00, archived)

I really didn't like 'in for the kill'
as her voice really irritated me. I like 'bulletproof' yet I heard another song from the album this morning on the radio and it sounds near identical so *shrugs*
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:00, archived)

The White Lies had the same effect on me
one good track, aquired the album, realised it's all regionally-accent guitar-driven dross, gave up.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:03, archived)

it's all been shit since The Ramones finished

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:00, archived)

The Ramones will never finish.
Punk will never die. Even if all four original Ramones already have done.
(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:04, archived)

Tommy isn't dead is he?
If he is, why was I not informed?
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:08, archived)

Ah. Right enough.
Drummers always survive longest. Are you listening Macca? You're next. Don't buy any LPs.
(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:11, archived)

Keith Moon?
All the drummers from Spinal Tap?
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:17, archived)

Keith Moon is dead?!??!??!!

(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:27, archived)

I can't listen to I wanna be sedated now without remembering baldmonkey's Maddie animation

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:08, archived)

YES!

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 21:33, archived)

Blech! I hate her voice.
The music isn't bad, but she is; it's like being at a Goldfrapp concert where Alison has been kidnapped and replaced with someone from the audience.
(

custard, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 18:07, archived)

Love honour and obey
is fucking AWFUL
(

SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:54, archived)

I prefer Marry, Snog, Avoid

(

ArthurTheRat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:55, archived)

hi SickRik
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:57, archived)

Oh man, I just remembered.
It's probably best I nip out for a bit, catch you all later. Thank's for reminding me.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:34, archived)

That's all right dude
Pleased to have been of assistance
(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:35, archived)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Sand_cat_at_bristol_zoo_arp.jpg
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:35, archived)

dawww

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:36, archived)

I want a fennec

(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:36, archived)

I want this fennec
cute-n-tiny.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/fennec1.jpg
(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:39, archived)

wow
it's like a pokemon
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:39, archived)

FENNEC!
I CHOOSE YOU!
(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:40, archived)

they are hella expensive
I've looked. Cute little buggers.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:42, archived)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Pug_black_600.jpg
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:36, archived)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Puglet1.jpg
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:36, archived)

sooper-husky.deviantart.com/art/Husky-Puppies-9693-128464456
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:38, archived)

one of those walked past me today
with a plastic cone round his head. I gave the owner a smile, which she returned, and she had cracking tits, so everyone was happy. The end.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:39, archived)

when I see that
it makes me realise why so many people think our dog has some husky in him.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:41, archived)

I was feeling a bit down, but I just went too....
images.google.co.uk/images?q=husky+puppy&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-GB:official&client=firefox-a

And now the pain of a life gone wrong doesn't hurt quite as so much.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:42, archived)

:)

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:47, archived)

I really want you to get a pug
the image of you walking it around st james park is amusing.
(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:37, archived)

I would put a handle on its back and carry it like a briefcase

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:38, archived)

No no no
You should have it on a lead because then it can drag you around. And you'll have to lean back a little as you walk because it's pulling so much.
You'll look so cool doing that in your tight jeans, cowboy boots and aviator sunglasses.
(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:40, archived)

And it's tiny little legs will be moving really fast as it pulls you forward
tying desperately to get to the tree it just saw a squirrel climb
(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:41, archived)

I call my jeans "Change Counters"
Because you can actually see how much money I've got in my pockets.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:41, archived)

I can also see when you're pleased to see me.

(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:46, archived)

Which isn't often

(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:46, archived)

That's because I like girls innit

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:52, archived)

jesus wtf is that?

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:37, archived)

it looks like someone got a dog,
cut its head off, took the face off the head, ironed the face, and then put the face back on the neck stump.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:40, archived)

aawwwww yee :)

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:43, archived)

it's like a dog, only shitter

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:40, archived)

"where is my tea? Jenkins! Come quickly!"

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:43, archived)

*sniffle wibbly wobble*

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:49, archived)

Yeah well
GIANT HAT
(

Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:41, archived)

haha brilliant.
i like the way those other two guys are wearing really small hats as well.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:42, archived)

Friz Joke.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:43, archived)

i am going to get my hair cut
EDIT: right im off
(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:42, archived)

It's about time you trimmed your bush
It was seeping out from your trouser legs last time we met.
(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:43, archived)

lulz
im only young, i dont have bush
(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:45, archived)

I think you're about to get a squillion gazes

(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:46, archived)

nah :(
ive been banging this drum for months. no fucking bites
(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:47, archived)

I'm sure if we told Irish
he'd be VERY interested.
(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:49, archived)

I've ripped out a fist full of chest hair and woven you a merkin
I NEED YOUR ADDRESS. *deep breathing*
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:55, archived)

I should do this too.
I've been trying to let it get longer, but it's a bit of a mess now.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:44, archived)

six quid
find a local bird
(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:45, archived)

not after the last time I let seagulls do it.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:46, archived)

ha
my mam lets my old man cut hers :\
(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:46, archived)

Speaking of DeviantArt, down there, who wants to play the DeviantArt game?
Take two words, search for them on DeviantArt, and if you don't get furry shit or Sonic the fucking Hedgehog and his shitty fucking friends, you win.
Talk board does not win. Neither does Karl Hysteria.
:(
(

ArthurTheRat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:01, archived)

Or Donkey Gums :(
www.deviantart.com/#order=9&q=donkey+gums
(

ArthurTheRat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:02, archived)

LORDY ME!

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:04, archived)

browse.deviantart.com/anthro/?order=9&q=jam%20master
:(
(

ArthurTheRat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:07, archived)

It would appear "I" draw like a girl.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:08, archived)

No matter what you put into that site, the results will be furry fanfic pictures

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:09, archived)

I used to be terrified of the folk on /board who'd seemingly pack heat for a photo of a rabbit/girl with a big arse.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:13, archived)

it reminds them of Cadbury's Caramel.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:15, archived)

If you do come to CHBs then I'll tell you about the time I went to a furry party by accident in the middle of Orange County in California.
It was like a nightmare jammy, so many Wolf & Moon T-shirts you would have shit yourself.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:16, archived)

I'm looking forward to this anecdote!

(

ArthurTheRat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:20, archived)

I've got tons.
I met a man that I dubbed 'The Human Pancake' skinny from the side, fat from the front, tons of fat nudity, my mental GF at the time had a mental breakdown and hid behind the sofa, it was well funny. The tattoo'd cat man tried to rape me. I got there in the boot of the car.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:24, archived)

I remember reading that here
and wondering how you came to find yourself at such an event "by accident".

Edit: I won't ruin your anecdote but I just found the post, sounds terrifying.
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:23, archived)

Staying with old old exGF's friends who were furries. I did not know this. Animal porno stuck up every where in the house
Asked to go to a party. I said sure. got there in the boot of the car.

Was 100miles away from where I was staying, tons of furries, no booze.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:26, archived)

haha
did you get Surprise Yiffed? :P
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:24, archived)

actually yes, I got my hair scratched by people and a fat girl rubbed up against my leg like a cat and everyone laughed
There was no booze so I threatened some guy to give me all of his weed. The only way I could deal with it was to smoke 6 joints and get inside a cupboard.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:29, archived)

Sir, you live the life us ordinary folk can only dream of

(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:30, archived)

I'd rather not even have dreams like that,
and I thought my dreams were pretty damn weird already.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:31, archived)

You don't dream of catladies rubbing themselves on you?
Weirdo
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:31, archived)

I have got twat-nav
I always get myself into retarded stuff like this :(
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:32, archived)

still, makes for a good story

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:33, archived)

eeek
:(
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:31, archived)

So my name brings up the thumblings of a spastic with a 2B pencil.
sounds about right really...
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:05, archived)

cheese sandwich doesn't win.
but so close...
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:05, archived)

I'm assuming bizarre manga is also a fail.
probably SFW but a bit odd.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:08, archived)

Just link to the Something Awful thread ennit.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:05, archived)

I know, I know.

(

ArthurTheRat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:07, archived)

Super and Matt wins :)

(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:07, archived)

No it doesn't
kintobor.deviantart.com/art/Super-Sonic-nightmares-123928797

spastic.
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:09, archived)

Well it wasn't on the first page

(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:09, archived)

You gotta look through all of them.
Press 'anthro' for concentrated furry.
(

ArthurTheRat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:10, archived)

Oh right my mistake.
You can change the rules of the game and win.
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:10, archived)

You really are grumpy today
Would you like to take a time out on the stairs and eat some fruit pastils?
(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:12, archived)

Pastilles spastic.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:13, archived)

Oh fuck, I forgot how to spell every work in the English language
Shit fuck shit fuck shit. What am I going to do?
(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:16, archived)

don't let him upset you
it's just the internet
(

well, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:17, archived)

I wasn't going to go any further tbh

(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:18, archived)

Reinstate yourself inside the Matrix.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:20, archived)

You used to be funny
now I just think you're trolling.
(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:24, archived)

Free your mind dude.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:25, archived)

haha

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:26, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6279248
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:26, archived)

And I thought this was a safe bet...
www.deviantart.com/#order=9&q=nigger+hating
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:07, archived)

Biro Kettle wins

(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:08, archived)

Except biro is a brand name.
spastic.
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:09, archived)

Actually, I believe Bic is the breand name
and biro is the generic term.
Fuck you, you twat-faced shit-cunt.
(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:15, archived)

I think you'll find ballpoint pen is the generic term.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:21, archived)

There is no ballpoint pen.

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:24, archived)

lololol

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:25, archived)

Spastic.
"The company's intellectual property department keeps a close eye on the media and will often write to publications who use its trade name without a capital letter or as a generic term for ballpoint pens, in order to preserve its trademark."
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%C3%A1szl%C3%B3_B%C3%ADr%C3%B3
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:23, archived)

Why me?
I hate all that furry shit.
(

WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:08, archived)

*yiff*

(

ArthurTheRat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:09, archived)

Yeah right, emo-furry-cat-ear-hat-boy

(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:10, archived)

I am so not.
:(
(

WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:11, archived)

You bought a butt-plug that's also a horses tail
And you parade around your garden, trotting, neighing at the neighbours
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:12, archived)

IT'S A UNICORN

(

WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:13, archived)

Very poor
www.deviantart.com/#catpath=anthro&order=9&q=fat+spastic
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:09, archived)

Alas, fifth line on the right.
www.deviantart.com/#order=9&q=fat+spastic
(

ArthurTheRat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:11, archived)

What the fuck is wrong with those people?

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:13, archived)

For fuck sake.
www.deviantart.com/#catpath=anthro&order=9&q=twat+faced
(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:11, archived)

Hayfever shed! I win!
www.deviantart.com/#order=9&q=hayfever+shed
(

St. Defenestration The REAL one, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:12, archived)

=/
www.deviantart.com/#catpath=anthro&order=9&q=shit+cunt
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:12, archived)

Yegads... you've just reminded me of something

(

jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:18, archived)

You are allowed to tell us.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:21, archived)

Preferably in front of a microphone

(

ArthurTheRat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:21, archived)

ha

EDIT: Oi Erasty! have you seen the picture in the calendar?
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:20, archived)

www.deviantart.com/#catpath=anthro&order=9&q=hood+butter
(

ArthurTheRat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:21, archived)

What complete shit.

(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:26, archived)

Polish Monster is alright

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:24, archived)

and Doner Kebabs
and ROCKET SHAFT
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:26, archived)

and TANK MURDER
actually, I really like this
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:26, archived)

My gods
you're right
www.deviantart.com/#order=9&q=train+wreck

first go
(

VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:24, archived)

oh deviantart
you are filled with shite
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:28, archived)

what?
www.deviantart.com/#order=9&q=hat+biscuit
(

VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:30, archived)

Gah
Even "imhotep" and "invisible" comes up with a pharoah cuttlefish
(

Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:31, archived)

JMG's on.
Time for everybody to calm down.

How's the internet?
Report in with woe.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:35, archived)

I'm being "stalked" by a 16 year old girl.

(

WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:36, archived)

Why "Stalked"?
Did she talk to you more than twice on Bebo?
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:37, archived)

She's trying to add me on FB, somehow got my MSN and phone number, and I'm sure she was behind me when I went to the shop today.
I have no idea who she is.
(

WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:38, archived)

ahhh that sounds pretty stalkerish to me.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:38, archived)

I've blocked her on everything now.
She'll find a way through.
(

WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:42, archived)

Although secretly you enjoy the attention if you want rid then do what Mongy told me to do.
text her saying "Show me your bumhole". they never message you again after that.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:45, archived)

I'm so going to do that.

(

WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:47, archived)

Stop, does she have an older brother?
If yes, send it to him instead.
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:52, archived)

I don't think so.

(

WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:53, archived)

vampyrecat somehow added me on msn.
That was all pretty weird since my e-mail isn't in my profile.
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:47, archived)

That's very creepy.

(

WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:49, archived)

(14:20) -Tess-: hey
(14:21) Mike: who's this?
(14:21) -Tess-: vampyrecat from b3ta
(14:21) -Tess-: you probably don't know me
(14:22) -Tess-: but I was bored and looking at replies and you said something that got my attention - can't even remember what
(14:22) -Tess-: and I'm on deviant art too
(14:22) -Tess-: and I remember seeing something of yours awhile ago - so I added you
(14:22) -Tess-: my name's tess
(14:22) -Tess-: I hope you don't mind
(14:22) -Tess-:
(14:25) -Tess-: I was just bored and you seemed like an interesting person to talk to.
(14:26) Mike: i wouldn't be so sure about that
(14:26) Mike: it depends if you like talking about binary or not

Deviant art link not in profile either.
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:51, archived)

She wuvs woo :D

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:52, archived)

You're such an interesting person to talk to
BE MY BEST FRIEND MIKE
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:52, archived)

Does she think your funny?
or a cunt?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:54, archived)

Fucking hell, ask her for n00d p1x

(

WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:54, archived)

Oh dear.

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:56, archived)

lol:
(10:46) -Tess-: so........ what do you want to talk about today?
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:58, archived)

Fuck yeah BINARY
I'm half tempted to stalk you now
(

Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:57, archived)

Ha
unlucky
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:58, archived)

Maybe if you play your cards right, you know, you might, you know, maybe, get a photo of her bumhole.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:58, archived)

None of the cool hip cats have me on MSN anymore.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:58, archived)

MSNing Gonz is now something only for elite power users
Us normos aren't allowed the priviledge
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:00, archived)

hhmmmmm
she's coming to get yoooooooou!
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:49, archived)

And she sent two bumhole photos
If you put them side by side, it looks like it's winking at you.
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:51, archived)

pfft!

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:51, archived)

You should be afraid
she says she'll be in the UK in november.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:51, archived)

My stalker had a corkboard that she'd stuck poloroid pictures of the back of my head to.
He ex-best friend told me.

Properfreaky.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:38, archived)

You do have an exceptionally beautiful "back head" though.

(

Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:46, archived)

It's better than the front I must admitt

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:49, archived)

Maybe she had a Cousin It fetish

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:49, archived)

I do tend to wear my sunglasses back to front...

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:51, archived)

Have you got any bumhole pictures yet?

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:38, archived)

hehe, mongy's advice stopped it dead :D
www.b3ta.com/talk/6248918
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:39, archived)

Is this the same stalker as the corkboard back-head collector?
Or are you gathering a flock of stalkers?
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:45, archived)

nah two different ones.
corkbaord was when I was about 19, she was 17. She lived opposite me and used to watch me undress and stuff. I only found out about this about a year into her doing it.

I went up to her and asked her to stop and she screamed in my face and started crying like a child whose dad has just been found hung. Everyone looked at me like I just punched her or something.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:48, archived)

I bet you used to clean the car in hotpants
YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING.
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:57, archived)

Oooh no...I dropped my towel again oh no...

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:08, archived)

you lucky fucker
my mate had a stalker who would leave him things like cheese, milk and bread. I would love a stalker like that! although he did make the mistake of shaggin her...
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:37, archived)

Is it cooler to leave off the "g" or was that an error?

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:38, archived)

It's only cool if you remember the apostrophe.

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:38, archived)

i write how i talk :P

(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:43, archived)

moronically

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:46, archived)

That's called a 'Milkman'
they come everyday.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:40, archived)

The missus won't shut up about the man with nicotine gum on his cock.
I am not this man, btw.
(

B.T., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:37, archived)

Tell her about the woman with a jam doughnut up her fanny
Well, it must have been a jam doughnut because that's what it looked like when it was on your chin...
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:43, archived)

I have no coat and it's pissing down
And I got a repair report saying "I check the pump and now pump is work". 'Work' looks like 'wonk', too.

Blah
(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:37, archived)

no woe
thanks to the internet I've reserved a book in store and figured out the name of two songs I like
(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:37, archived)

JMG, I have five jam doughnuts

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:38, archived)

Keep them away from fat people.
Just out of reach. So they cry.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:40, archived)

have you thought about the online business opportunity you're sitting on here, JMG, with your jam-inclusive username, your unwaveringly negative stance towards the fat, and your fame? I'm seeing a krispy kreme franchise, Jammie Doughnuts, they could be delivered to the desk of any customer and perhaps include a small plastic action figure, or a collect-them-all series of laminated weight-loss tips
(

vladimir, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:46, archived)

Or explosives!

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:51, archived)

now that's exactly the kind of out-of-the-box thinking on radical weight loss I would expect of you, top work
(

vladimir, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:53, archived)

TO THE PATENT OFFICES!

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:56, archived)

I have a stomach ache JMG.
It's not even your fault, it's my own for being female. I'm off work tomorrow (but have to come in for a training course which sucks) but I'm off on Wednesday AND Friday. YES.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:40, archived)

HAHA!
Women are so terrible!
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:42, archived)

My bicycle broke JMG
Clearly due to my massive weight and not because it was a crappy plastic part not fit for purpose. The shop are fitting an alloy headset though, so the collar won't crack again.
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:46, archived)

I'm just not really in the mood, JMG.

(

Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:46, archived)

No woes here Jamstar
How's life up in the North? Beaten up any poofs recently?
(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:46, archived)

I believe they are referred to as
'fookin hermersexuals' up there.
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:50, archived)

It's not been good JMG
I've nearly had to post this a few times.
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:49, archived)

I've just got back in after a fairly long walk.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:55, archived)

These kids on CBBC:
"So who do you all support?"
"Portsmouth."
"And why's that? Is it because they're your local team or because they're good?"
"Because they're good."

How're you deluding yourself at the moment?
(

Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:09, archived)

He also just called Ronaldinho "Rolandino"

(

Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:09, archived)

The stupid child bell-end idiot.

(

Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:09, archived)

Who do you support?

(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:11, archived)

Liverpool.

(

Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:12, archived)

Ahahahahahahaha!
Better luck next year Chicky.
(

Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:14, archived)

It's funny because you got raped by Torres and Gerrard,
suffered a terrible run of form, and then got raped again by Xavi and Iniesta, and then lost your most influential player, and then failed to sign one of the players you pinpointed as a replacement. And your financial situation is, if anything, potentially worse than ours.

/you're-still-better-than-us-but-you-probably-shouldn't-be-so-smug blog
(

Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:17, archived)

I'd like to take this opportunity to mock anybody who doesn't support Leicester City.

(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:18, archived)

That's a lot of people to mock

(

Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:21, archived)

That's like a Down's syndrome mocking people for having straight hips

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:23, archived)

All kudos for a finely ran championship, but until pre-season starts I'm allowed to gloat still.
:-P
(

Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:20, archived)

Fair enough :P
We brought it upon ourselves 16 years ago with our "Come back when you've won 18 of them" banners and such.
(

Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:21, archived)

And also by having Graeme Souness as manager.

(

Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:21, archived)

And why's that? Is it becuase they're your local team or becuase they're good?

(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:15, archived)

They're my dad's team. He supported them because they were his local team.
It certainly wasn't because they were good. (my dad was born in 1942)
(

Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:19, archived)

By that logic I'm a glory supporter, given that most of Leicester's success came before I was born.

(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:25, archived)

Well, same for me, I suppose.
Though that's a bit different to Leicester.
(

Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:28, archived)

I think you should stop fucking watching CBBC

(__, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:13, archived)

NEVER.

(

Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:13, archived)

I will admit to watching The Sarah Jane Adventures

(__, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:14, archived)

pedo

(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:23, archived)

fart?

(

Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:25, archived)

whats a pedofart

(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:31, archived)

A smelly Gibraltarean?

(

Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:32, archived)

nice :D
*is anti-gibbo*
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:34, archived)

Isn't Sarah Jane, like, sixty?

(__, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:25, archived)

And I thought all the actor/actresses in it were 20-odd?

(__, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:25, archived)

You really don't put the thought power into your accusations, do you?

(__, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:26, archived)

crap
i don't watch cbbc

i assumed you were watching it to get some ideas for your teaching classes.

ah well!

back to the fat jokes :(
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:28, archived)

this one puts next to no thought into posts
i wouldn't worry about it
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:27, archived)

always rushing at work, so don't have time to read/check everything :/

(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:31, archived)

they should chuck him out and sign dino the dinosaur from the flintstones

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:10, archived)

But then Dino will put him out on the doorstep and then Wilma won't let him in even though he's screaming at the top of his lunges

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:15, archived)

WIIIIILLLMMAAAAAAAA!

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:16, archived)

one day....oooooonnnne day, I will order ribs and it will make my car fall over.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:17, archived)

to dream... the impossible dream!

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:23, archived)

I've just had a white magnum

(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:10, archived)

I'm deluding myself into thinking I'm not gay

(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:11, archived)

Are you wearing denim short shorts with the pockets poking out the bottom?

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:17, archived)

racist

(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:18, archived)

I have elizabeth hurley's legs

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:11, archived)

Where do you keep them?

(

Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:11, archived)

UFO'S ARE REAL MAAAN
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentich_Disappearance#Transcript_of_the_Valentich-Robey_transmissions
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:11, archived)

That's ace.

(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:14, archived)

This is pretty MENTAL too.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G%C3%B6bekli_Tepe

And this just makes me sad: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddhas_of_Bamyan
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:17, archived)

hehe I like this one
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philadelphia_Experiment
(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:22, archived)

and this one
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Die_Glocke
(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:26, archived)

At least they aren't out stabbing people
/mail
(

executiverocker only wears C&A, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:12, archived)

Nah, shouldn't the Mail be stating that kids *not* stabbing are a concern
However will they learn self defence?

How will the be protected by the paedos?

ARM ALL KIDS

EDIT: FROM! Protected FROM the paedos.
(__, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:14, archived)

By convincing myself that England have just made a mistake by not including me in the Ashes squad, and I'll get a phone call before the first test on Wednesday.

(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:14, archived)

Aww give em a break, they're from Portsmouth
they'll all be sucking off sailors for smack by thier late teens anyway
(

Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:14, archived)

*punches you into the sea*

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:16, archived)

Chicken annoyed by childrens television.
More at eight.
(

FoldsFive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:16, archived)

That would be quite a headline, actually.

(

Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:20, archived)

I'm actually not.
I am deluding people at work into thinking that I'm great at my job, smart, fabulous and wonderful. HA HA, JOKES ON THEM.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:16, archived)

CBBC kids piss me RIGHT off

(

Mrs Sp@m, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:18, archived)

Why's that, Spammy?

(

Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:31, archived)

posh unrealistic middle class twats thats why

(

Mrs Sp@m, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:58, archived)

I'm not deluding myself.
_{my cock really is this big}
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:22, archived)

As the font size?

(__, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:23, archived)

needs two more <sub>s

(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:28, archived)

poor bugger
|-------------2"--------------|
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:25, archived)

Oh fuck off!
It's not THAT big.
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:27, archived)

I was saying poor coz that's way too big
girls scream at my 3cm penis due to they are scared its going to tear them in half. I think.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:29, archived)

you're not supposed to put it in their ears

(

ArthurTheRat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:31, archived)

....
NOW they tell me...
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:36, archived)

I´ve installed a little bell in my toilet
now deludings
(

broadsword, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:26, archived)

(

FoldsFive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:27, archived)

(

Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:30, archived)

(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:31, archived)

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:48, archived)

So what questions should be asked on the citizen test as a true measure of Britishness?
'Who does Ian Rush say that you won't even be good enough to play for if you don't drink lots of milk?'
'How much is 10 Lambert & Butler?'
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:27, archived)

How to walk across a pebble beach without looking like a Secret Lemonade Drinker

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:29, archived)

pffft!

(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:47, archived)

ACCRINGTON STANLEY?

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:29, archived)

WHO ARE THEY?

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:32, archived)

EXACTLY

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:37, archived)

"Is it Murray's year this year?"

(

ArthurTheRat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:29, archived)

What's an acceptable amount of time to bite your tongue and refrain from complaining for?

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:30, archived)

Twenty minutes?

(

Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:56, archived)

How to order a kabab when drunk and stylishly drop it on the floor and shirt before you've eaten it

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:30, archived)

How do you spell Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch?

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:30, archived)

i dont know :(

(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:49, archived)

Is the correct answer.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:53, archived)

List the full set of ingredients for an English breakfast

(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:30, archived)

A choice of two questions
Use the space below to sum up the offside rule

Or

Pinpoint on this diagram where the Silly Mid Off stands

That'll sort the wheat from the chaff
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:30, archived)

Name all of the Spice Girls.
Who is alwayz in are harts?

a) Babby P
b) Jane Goodie
c) Princess Di
d) Micheal Jackson
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:31, archived)

e) All of the above.

(

Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:57, archived)

ahaha
SURELY you haven't really seen someone write her name as jane?
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:09, archived)

´Going on holiday anywhere good this year?´

(

broadsword, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:31, archived)

as them if they like xkcd, if thy say yes then drag them outside and shoot them twice in the back of the head

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:32, archived)

Ther should be a Stiff Upper Lip test
and a No Talking to Strangers on the Underground test
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:32, archived)

I fail the second test if I´ve been drinking

(

broadsword, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:33, archived)

I once explained to a woman how my hairbrush was better than hers because mine had a rubber handle, thus making it a 'Sports Brush' and I gave her a hair combing race.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:37, archived)

And an orderly queuing test
In fact there should be 2 of these, one of them will be a trick when they are asked to queue at a bar.
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:37, archived)

and then the women should use the Low Top manouver to get served first.

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:38, archived)

and the short cute girl wiggling through the crowd manouevre to get to the bar in the first place.
if your eyes look them beseechingly enough in the elbow, they always let you through, FACT.
(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:53, archived)

Short people are creepy
I think they have some sort of mind control powers, how else would tall people know they are behind them :S
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:57, archived)

it's true!
us shorties have unexpected bar powers.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:03, archived)

I KNEW IT
You could make your own TV series, like if Heroes collided head-on with Cheers
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:04, archived)

"Oi no kids in the ba...oh sorry...erm, please, take my place...erm"

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:04, archived)

I love how stupid that is.
Pubs and queues are THE two most British things, but the normal rules of queueing do not apply in pubs.
It must be immensely difficult for foreigners to even get served.
(

Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:59, archived)

Demonstrate the tut, rolled eyes and folded arms formation to an effective purpose.

(

thealternativefact, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:32, archived)

Describe how you'd use casual racism in a curry house to make the waiter feel uncomfortable and spit in your bhuna

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:33, archived)

You've also got to talk about the weather for a solid hour to your next door neighbour

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:34, archived)

But finish your sentence with, 'But can't complain, eh?'

(

thealternativefact, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:35, archived)

'Cheerio!'

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:38, archived)

Would you describe yourself as slightly arrogant towards people from other countries who do not speak english?
Do you think that lager is an okay drink, but no substitute for proper beer?

Can you engage a stranger with a pleasant conversation about the weather, after your eyes meet due to a shared social situation?
(thediscokingpin, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:34, archived)

How do you prounce "No' bein' funny or nuffin'..."

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:34, archived)

"Would you like a cup of tea?"

(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:35, archived)

If you encounter a bear what is the best course of action?
a) make yourself as large as possible
b) hit it with a stick
c) there are no bears here, you must be in another country, why are you even taking this test. Go on, piss off.
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:35, archived)

"Did you spill my pint?"

(

FoldsFive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:35, archived)

What is the correct pronunciation of the word 'scone'?

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:36, archived)

I'm with SexFace.
Rhymes with cone not gone.
(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:44, archived)

Rhymes with "gone." Anyone who's done 90 seconds of research on it can tell you that.

(

Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:00, archived)

What the fuck are you staring at?

(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:36, archived)

Bonus points for:
DO YOU FUCKING WANT SOME?
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:39, archived)

How do you break up potential fisticuffs?
A: Please cease with this provocation
B: I understand your point of view & whilst I cannot agree, I do not wish to provoke any antagonism
C: Leave it Darren, e aint fuckin werf it
(

broadsword, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:41, archived)

How d'you do?

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:39, archived)

Q. What's yellow and made up of many pages?

(

executiverocker only wears C&A, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:40, archived)

Jade Goody's biography
after I've pissed all over it
(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:43, archived)

I can't imagine it having many pages.

(

executiverocker only wears C&A, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:45, archived)

Can any sentence beginning "I'm not racist but..." be anything other than racist?

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:41, archived)

Yer.
"I'm not racist but can you pass the salt please."
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:43, archived)

Woah, steady on there, Adolf.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:45, archived)

Isn't it hot? It's too hot isn't it? I do hope it rains soon, do you?

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:43, archived)

Oh I do hope so too. It so needs it. We need a thunderstorm. Oh look, there it goes now.
Fucking rain.
(

thealternativefact, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:44, archived)

if you have fish for dinner do you drink red wine or white?
It was good enough for james bond to try and kill a man because he got it wrong
(

VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:45, archived)

Is it white wine?
Do I get to live?
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:46, archived)

How do you do the Shake n' Vac dance?

(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:47, archived)

For mash get, what?
My goodness! My... what?
Washing machines live longer with, what?
You can't get quicker than a, what?
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:47, archived)

Jizz
jizz
jizz
jizzer
(

broadsword, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:56, archived)

I think the entire test should be
'Draw a line to match the actor/actress to the correct classic British sit-com'
(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:52, archived)

are you starting?

(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:57, archived)

are you asking?

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:05, archived)

10 Lambert = £2.70 (in my shop they do)
most of my poorer customers choose JPS Blue at £2.12 a pack
(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:59, archived)

Fuck me. in my shop it's £3.40 for 10 Marlboro lights

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:07, archived)

haha, I just took the fucking thing
I got 12/24 :(
(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:04, archived)

Do you deserve to be here then, or WHAT?
www.ukcitizenshiptest.co.uk/

How much do you like ladies' bottoms? Are you a fan of knockers?
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:11, archived)

twitter -> facebook -> b3ta

(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:12, archived)

Things are taking longer to get here than they used to

(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:12, archived)

Shove it up yer hole.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:12, archived)

Done.
Now what?
(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:12, archived)

Turn 360 degrees and walk away.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:16, archived)

Reinstate yourself inside the Matrix.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:17, archived)

I pay some tax and don't break UK laws
Thats enough for me. They can kick me out if they want, but no matter how many times I turn up they keep letting me in.
(thediscokingpin, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:13, archived)

I took the test they give out to people looking to settle here
it's absolute bollocks. I got 11 out of 20, I think. The questions are utterly irrelevant, and have ambiguous answers.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:13, archived)

actually, going through these questions now...
still the same. What does it matter if you know how many parliamentary constituents there are?
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:15, archived)

9/24 here
I'll move to Canada.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:17, archived)

You have failed the practice citizenship test.
Questions answered correctly: 9 out of 24 (38%)

Time taken: 03 minutes 33 seconds
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:27, archived)

I don't even know where I LIVE!
I think they should just put loads of you in a room with a post office style window at one end. You have to queue properly and tut lots at people who don't queue properly. That's the test.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:20, archived)

and demonstrate the ability
to use understatement and make a decent cup of tea
(negative armadillo There never was much hope..just a fool's hope., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:25, archived)

haha
yeah, a queueing test would be fantastic
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:29, archived)

wow, I got bored of that really quickly
I like ladies' bottoms quite a fair bit though
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:13, archived)

Big butts?

(thediscokingpin, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:14, archived)

He cannot lie.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:15, archived)

I'm a big fan of knockers too

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:15, archived)

I'm glad SOMEONE is answering my questions.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:18, archived)

I failed :(
Time for me to pack my bags, Britain.
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:15, archived)

That's why you've been banished to forrinland.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:15, archived)

This has been exposed as a lie.

(

thealternativefact, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:16, archived)

It's true, the lady Clendrix intercepted my messages that I was sending from Hull
I was using a proxy to make me look Parisian, I'm actually a chip shop owner in Hull.
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:23, archived)

Which proved to be problematic when I arranged to meet him in Paris.
Who cooked the chips?
(

thealternativefact, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:24, archived)

I got Big Geoff to do the chips
He's a mean man with a chip pan but he's a shit with haddock. And his pies leave MUCH to be desired
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:26, archived)

Hmmm, chips you say?

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:24, archived)

Chips Doubler
CHIPS
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:26, archived)

It's National Kissing Day today.
I haven't had a single kiss. Rubbish.
(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:15, archived)

*leaps and smooches*

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:18, archived)

Are two women allowed to kiss?
Oh my!
(thediscokingpin, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:19, archived)

YES!

(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:25, archived)

*dives into the way... TOO LATE :(*

(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:33, archived)

there's enough spangolin to go around.

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:37, archived)

is it?
cool. i can feel worse about the fact that i won't get any than usual
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:21, archived)

My fist is so getting a solid tongue workout when I get in tonight.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:26, archived)

I failed!

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:16, archived)

I love a nice fanny, the more it looks like a horizontal chimp's mouth sucking some berries the better

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:17, archived)

I'm also strongly in favour of the well-presented vagina

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:18, archived)

Not too keen on the fannies that look like they are trying to escape their keeper...

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:22, archived)

oh lordy no
or the big vampire bat wing flappy floppy ones
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:26, archived)

I like those muscular, prehensile ones that can strike prey up to three metres away.

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:27, archived)

Drizzled in balsamic with a sprig of parsley.

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:25, archived)

I Failed
I know a bloke who married a Thai bride, the 1st part of the test is to actually phone up and book it yourself (If you are incomprehensible then need not apply type rule) she failed this twice and now is facing deportation.
(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:18, archived)

13 of 24.
Welp, I'd better pack up and go back to Somalia.
(

ArthurTheRat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:18, archived)

very much so
why does it matter what year women were allowed to divorce their husbands?
(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:19, archived)

tits and arses are not relevant to my interests

(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:19, archived)

haha, puff

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:21, archived)

GAY

(thediscokingpin, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:24, archived)

14/24.
Who wants to go live in Japan?
(

WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:19, archived)

you and smathels
you can take it in turns dressing up as schoolgirls and molesting each other
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:27, archived)

i like knockers more than bottoms
although i am a fan of both

hooray for women's bits!
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:20, archived)

and i failed the citizenship test

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:27, archived)

14/24
That's why I left.
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:20, archived)

Although frankly, I'm in favour of any system of citizenship
that is based on trivia.
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:21, archived)

But surely it should be based on true measures of Britishness
Like 'Who won Big Brother 4?' or 'Who does Ian Rush say that you won't even be good enough to play for if you don't drink lots of milk?'
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:24, archived)

snap.
that's why I'm going to dynamite the border but obviously stay on the English side
(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:22, archived)

I failed.
I quite like my bottom and knockers. Will this answer do?
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:21, archived)

Why not your fanny? Does it look like a dog sneezing into the wind?

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:24, archived)

I like my fanny, yes.
But that wasn't what was asked. My fanny is a smashing orangey bit indeed.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:26, archived)

I got 9 right.
Is this a reason to celebrate?
(BombayMick Dogs are better than cats, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:23, archived)

Celebrate the fact your getting deported?
*pops champagne*
(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:26, archived)

58% :(

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:23, archived)

I think I'm a bum man myself. A nice bum can do a lot for a girl

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:25, archived)

lol

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:26, archived)

sigh
~~man~~
(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:27, archived)

Haha
You have failed the practice citizenship test.

Questions answered correctly: 11 out of 24 (46%)

I prefer knockers to bottoms.
(

broadsword, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:27, archived)

I think they've mixed in some driving theory questions for a laugh

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:33, archived)

Gilgamesh has seven entries on the Popular page.
There's a distinct possibility...
(

lion-cake Bad lion-cake, bad., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:00, archived)

you forgot the rest of your post

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:01, archived)

It's my sausage like fingers.
udsgfhvaudfveufhv
(

lion-cake Bad lion-cake, bad., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:03, archived)

~~fingers~~ Head Dobber
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:04, archived)

...that you're a cunty.

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:03, archived)

that your fullstop key is sticking

(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:03, archived)

A distinct possibility of what?
Aren't you just a comedy account that hates Wormulus?
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:03, archived)

That's like saying "Aren't you just a comedy account that breathes oxygen."
Everyone hates Wormulus.
(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:05, archived)

deffo clickin dis

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:09, archived)

...that two people clicked "I like this"

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:03, archived)

Alright, DG?

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:05, archived)

Alright.........Blue Star?!?

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:07, archived)

Fairly meh
with shouting. I am wonderful though. I was told that today. YES.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:11, archived)

i only click franks posts

(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:03, archived)

You whiff of the sea,
frank enough for you?
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:14, archived)

salty goodness :)

(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:17, archived)

that you care too much about what goes on here?

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:06, archived)

...parrots is not birds

(thediscokingpin, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:09, archived)

what would be the worst song to hear when you're doing the dirty?

(

weaver., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:49, archived)

Jungle Boogie

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:50, archived)

Grandad
Clive Dunn?

Also: b3ta.com/calendar/event/20358
(

RedStar returneth, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:50, archived)

There's no-one quite like (a) Grandma

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:52, archived)

can the bristol zombie walk be moved to somewhere more convenient than bristol please?

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:27, archived)

Spitting Image's 'The chicken song'
www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vUVJsfG3eA
(thediscokingpin, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:50, archived)

This
open.spotify.com/track/0Jl2Rer8X06ntzi2vYU0Pg
(

Elvis of Nazareth This isn't a sig, it's a fucking liberty., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:51, archived)

Or I love Horses

(

Elvis of Nazareth This isn't a sig, it's a fucking liberty., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:52, archived)

anything by Celine Dion

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:51, archived)

anything being sung by your mum

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:52, archived)

the "I'm just an HIV-positive underage police bait" song.

(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:52, archived)

Tarzan Boy by Baltimora

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:53, archived)

Actually fuck that, this is going on my next 'Sexytimes Mix Cassette #4' that I keep in my back pocket at all times

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:54, archived)

You git.
I can't get that out of my head now. *sadface*
(thediscokingpin, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:54, archived)

O O OO ooOoOo OooooooOO O

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:54, archived)

The remix with Public Enemy is outstanding.

(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:58, archived)

TJ: I think it would be more interesting to find out what songs would make you chuck your string faster
I think C'est la Vie by B*Witched would make me do a gush within 5 seconds of it coming on. All that jumping and denim jackets, cor. I'd make her say "aaawhatarrryaloyk..." all disappointed after too.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:01, archived)

thanks to a church fair and a spare 50p
we now have the B*Witched album.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:09, archived)

I do excellent covers of b*witched songs when I'm drunk.
b3ta.com/talk/4981300
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:13, archived)

i remember seeing a video that would support this statement!

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:15, archived)

I remember that
it's fucking great :D
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:16, archived)

This.
Although I now have B*Witched boucing around in my head now.
(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:18, archived)

OH! here comes the DIDDLY DIDDLY LINEDANCIN' BIT!
*widdlediddlebuddabiddlediddlediddle*

*glees :D*
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:21, archived)

I double tracked me whistling.
I can't sing.
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:23, archived)

My uncle was their manager
he's now managing McFly.

I don't talk to him.
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:36, archived)

my friend's dad is responsible for bringing 'wife swap' to this country
which man is the more evil?
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:46, archived)

there's only one way to find out

(

ArthurTheRat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:48, archived)

I really really hope that you don't blame all of the world's ills on the weatherman.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:14, archived)

michael fish, specifically

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:15, archived)

On a seperate note:
I'm upset that Lilly Allen has lost weight.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:23, archived)

has she?
i don't like her very much
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:24, archived)

I love her big bottom

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:28, archived)

i DO like big butts and i cannot lie
just not keen on hers really because it comes attached to the rest of her
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:30, archived)

I'd like to put a sock in her mouth and mess up her hair.
blow a raspberry on her forhead.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:32, archived)

i'm going to allow this

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:33, archived)

She did look better when she was slightly sturdier, you are right.

(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:26, archived)

I now have a new internet crush which is pathetic for a full grown man
Ashley from HAWP (Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin)
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:29, archived)

i already googled it and now you go ahead and tell us what it stands for
i wasted my time, dg!
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:32, archived)

sorry!

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:34, archived)

i'll let you off this time

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:38, archived)

I love custard - Strawberry Shortcake

(

WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:54, archived)

A Hymn

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:54, archived)

your mother singing karaoke
well... for you, anyway... she gives me the RAGING HORN lol
(likeajackhammer, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:55, archived)

:(
for that, i'm going to play Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush into your house
(

weaver., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:00, archived)

Star Trekkin'

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:56, archived)

Teenage Queen
unless you're that way inclined
(

Neddy shucking chit funt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:58, archived)

Pervert
Nerf Herder
(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:57, archived)

In The Navy
Village People
(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:57, archived)

The Schindler's List Theme

(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:58, archived)

Faggot
Mindless Self Indulgence
(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:58, archived)

Daddy
Korn
(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:58, archived)

Your Mother Would Know
The Beatles
(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:59, archived)

Mmm Bob
Hanson
(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:59, archived)

Anything by Rammstein
/speaking from personal experience
(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:00, archived)

I don't know why I keep all my music in one massive playlist.
It's retarded.
(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:00, archived)

~~don't~~
~~It's~~I'm
(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:01, archived)

that chris de burgh one where he he takes a hammer to a cat

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:58, archived)

Kitty gone Red?

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:00, archived)

does your mother know

(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:58, archived)

going through the motions

(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:00, archived)

Do Ya Fuck on First Dates

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:02, archived)

smack my bitch up

(

St. Defenestration The REAL one, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:03, archived)

I dunno, that's got a good bassline to it

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:04, archived)

It's all good and well
Until a friend plays it in his car with 4KW RMS of subwoofers :'(
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:32, archived)

nosebleedy

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:39, archived)

I don't see why anyone would want to spend £3000 on 2 speakers and all the gubbins to go with them
When they'll never be able to turn them up very loud anyway.
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:48, archived)

duelling banjos

(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:04, archived)

vienna

(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:05, archived)

yodelling
or any children's songs.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:05, archived)

or your friends and family singing Happy Birthday
right before they jump out of the wardrobe for your surprise party
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:06, archived)

pfft.
winnar.
(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:06, archived)

surprise sex party?
amazing.
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:11, archived)

"SURPRISE!"
"Oh! But it's not my birthday for another month!"
"We know! This is GANGRAPE!"
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:12, archived)

in read that as gan grape.

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:16, archived)

hurray!

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:17, archived)

abdul abulbul amir.

(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:12, archived)

OR the CUCUMBER SONG

(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:14, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7vUTLRkt1w
(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:15, archived)

haha
fuck me that guy's great :D
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:43, archived)

that is a poor poor recording too

(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:45, archived)

i can't listen to it at work
whatisitwhatisitwhatisit?
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:50, archived)

John Isherwood
there's a lot of screaming and drunkenness and a guitar.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:57, archived)

it's an old alcoholic folk singer with a guitar singing an awesome song about a cucumber.

(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:13, archived)

sounds good
hopefully i'll remember to look it up when i get home
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:15, archived)

bon jovi
i'd be instantly sick on her

which would probably ruin the mood
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:14, archived)

You've reminded me of
this
(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:14, archived)

yay xkcd!
my housemate went out and left his music playing once
he has a lot of stuff by whoever it was that did barbie girl
also, music from sonic the hedgehog
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:18, archived)

_{I've got sonic music too...}
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:19, archived)

i imagine it's not good as sex music
it'd all be over super speedy

and then the last thing you hear is the game over music
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:22, archived)

I play the Sonic drowning music during oral.

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:23, archived)

god i used to hate the underwater stuff
the countdown music was so stressful

i'd say the special zone music would be good for foreplay
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:25, archived)

I think you live with Cleocatra
/from the future
(

Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Tue 7 Jul 2009, 21:07, archived)

www.isxkcdshittytoday.com
(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:20, archived)

Oh stop whining.

(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:21, archived)

it's not whining to point out a comic written by and targeted at creepy autists

(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:23, archived)

not sure what you said there but i read
'wah wah wah. but i don't LIKE this comic. why doesn't anyone agree with me?!'
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:26, archived)

no one actually LIKES xkcd
it's impossible to like something so smug and witless

it's the Wormulus of webcomics
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:29, archived)

denied
i like it, jokes about obscure maths aside
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:32, archived)

I even like the math jokes.

(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:40, archived)

i'm not a total ignoramus with maths but there's some stuff that makes no sense to me.
i don't doubt that those strips have jokes in, but i wouldn't know where to look!
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:44, archived)

here, I made it all better
www.gilgamesh.zen.co.uk/images/xkcd.gif
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:41, archived)

you could probably make a pretty succesful webcomic with this format
as long as you were consistently creative with the swearing

there's one somewhere that has no dialogue at all. just some shapes with incomprehensible squiggles.
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:46, archived)

I might just edit swears into xkcd every week, fill the page with google ads and clean up

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:48, archived)

that'd probably work
the xkcd guy would probably even link to you and your hit count would go through the roof

can i get a cut of the profits please?
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:51, archived)

jerkcity.com/
(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:54, archived)

sexylosers.com/002.html
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:59, archived)

jeez, i'd forgotten all about sexy losers
used to read that years ago
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:02, archived)

it went downhill when he totally ran out of ideas

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:03, archived)

LOL INTERNET OPINIONS
yep no one agrees with me

don't bother making counterpoints, just mock, that's the internet way!
(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:31, archived)

why shouldn't i?
you're ignoring the fact that people do like it and posting a mockery based link
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:37, archived)

i'm not ignoring them, i'm calling them creepy autists
see, i said it up there
(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:40, archived)

i was calling you a twatty whiner
i'd say each of these opinions are as irrelevant as each other
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:43, archived)

read the bad wecomics wiki review of it
it explains why it's bad rather neatly without resorting to as much name calling as i have here
(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:48, archived)

it 'explains why it's bad'?
that doesn't sound right to me

i'm pretty sure this comes down to personal opinion
did you form yours then have it enforced by this 'review' or just let the internet tell you what to think?
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:53, archived)

the first one

(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:56, archived)

no it doesn't
the review was written by someone with an IQ less than that of a golden retriever.

The major approach of the review is that it's rubbish because a)the drawing is poor (moot point, the author has never claimed points for drawing skills) and b)it's rubbish because if you understand the maths or the science you suffer from aspergers (which is a rather childish thing to think, really).

It's basically retard bully level "hate what you don't understand"

If you don't get the science, you might not find it funny. That's fine. But only a terminally self-obssessed idiot assumes that because they don't understand it, it might not be funny to those that do.
(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:54, archived)

i understand most of the jokes and i think laughing about statistical data and the fibonacci squence is borderline autism
does that make me a bully?
(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:59, archived)

i'd say that it makes you someone who doesn't really understand autism

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:06, archived)

no, it makes you a bit of an idiot.
how on earth can the subject matter of comedy be defined as autistic?

you don't find it funny. Cool. But that doesn't mean it isn't to others. Even though this is the internet, and this may come as a shock to you, yours isn't the only valid opinion out there.

People find humour in whatever they want. and those that work with that kind of maths or science day in, day out, are likely to find humour in it. It's no more or less "autistic" than finding humour in any work-related subject.
(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:06, archived)

i don't think you understand the meaning of the word "hyperbole"
and i'm sorry, but it is still intensely nerdy to find fourier transforms and poisson distributions funny, no matter what you say
(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:23, archived)

It's subjective.
Some people (myself included) like it. Some people don't.

Spouting sweeping generalisations just makes you look like a bit of a tit.
(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:57, archived)

so say i were to completley unironically state
that this comic was my favourite one in the whole wide world

would you put down the tastes as subjective or would you think i was a creepy furry inflation fetishist?
(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:02, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6278052
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:03, archived)

A lot of the criticism seems to be more about the fact that it's stick figures
as opposed to the "smug" writing.

Does a comic really have to be well drawn to be a comic? So can it have pretty pictures but shit writing and still be called a comic?
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:48, archived)

i don't think it takes much to be labelled as a 'comic'
the difference is being regarded as a good comic
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:49, archived)

this
but this seems to be a major issue for them.
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:53, archived)

a comic is a media form where the pictures and words supplement each other to tell a story
a comic with good writing can be really let down by bad art, and the reverse is true also

although in the crazy world of webcomics i don't think it matters too much either way, people will still praise you unequivocally no matter what turds you plop out
(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:53, archived)

B^U

(

ArthurTheRat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:03, archived)

All that review says is
"I don't understand the science, therefore it's rubbish"

In case the reviewer (and you) missed the fucking massive tagline in the comic, it's a maths and science comic. Not understanding it doesn't make it not funny full stop, just not funny to you.

And since that review basically says "anyone who understands science or maths has Aspergers' " then you'll forgive me for suggesting that there isn't really any need to counterpoint an opinion that fuckwitted that it might as well have been written by a 5 year old.
(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:49, archived)

I understand the science just fine
and xkcd is a shithole piece of arsecunt piss-rag written by autistic pseudo-intellectual shitcunts

fuck xkcd man, fuck xkcd right in the ear
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:54, archived)

No it's not.
OMG, difference of opinion, ON THE FUCKING INTERNET.
(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:57, archived)

Yes, I'm a creepy autist.
What the fuck is an autist?
(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:27, archived)

it's like a flautist
but without the fl
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:28, archived)

Is it ever no?

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:21, archived)

haha, how completely twatty

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:23, archived)

I enjoyed that a lot more until I realised how creepy his obsession with cunnilingus and some girl called Megan is.

(

ArthurTheRat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:55, archived)

little sister

(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:19, archived)

young girl

(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:20, archived)

Someone should do a blog of attempting to have sex to all these songs and rating them.
But not you lot though. Nice looking people. At least one of them actually genuine female.
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:21, archived)

I ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE
*shouts downstairs*

muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum?
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:22, archived)

The Star Trek theme tune
Because then you'd remember you were pounding away at your fist.
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:22, archived)

I'M INFECTED WITH AIDS
GG Allin.
(

Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:38, archived)

The theme tune to Animal Magic

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:44, archived)

or rainbow
or spongebob
or the magic roundabout

i think any well known kids tv theme would be a bit creepy
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:48, archived)

the littlest hobo

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:50, archived)

Can you feel it?

(

VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:49, archived)

I was in Hamley's a few minutes ago, and they had a stuffed toy on sale for €4655.
Admittedly it was a life size giraffe, but who the fuck pays the guts of five grand for a teddy that won't fit in a child's bed?
(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:58, archived)

A giant paedo

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:59, archived)

This is the right answer.

[CLOSES THREAD]
(

Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:59, archived)

can I come in? I just need a bottle of milk
go on, I'll be 2 minutes
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:03, archived)

I bet you're going to spend an hour reading TV Quick and won't even buy it.

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:19, archived)

~~TV Quick~~ Razzle
(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:21, archived)

A cast photo of coronation street accompanying the article about next weeks harrowing tale of northern life would do me

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:28, archived)

idiots?

(

jenpots, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:59, archived)

It's how I ran up all of my debts :(((((

(

Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:59, archived)

If you want, I can help you consolidate all your teddy bears into one easy manageable sofa.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:00, archived)

hahaha, this is genuinely one of the best posts I've ever read.
Congratulations 90nz0.
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:27, archived)

=)

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:37, archived)

supermatt was inside it, praying and hoping

(

thealternativefact, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:59, archived)

what, like inside, or 'inside'?

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:00, archived)

I think he'll take what he can get

(

thealternativefact, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:02, archived)

A zookeeper that lost one and doesn't want the boss to find out?

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:59, archived)

pfft

(

jenpots, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:00, archived)

splendid

(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:19, archived)

"He doesn't seem to be eating much"
"He's just a bit unwell guv"
"He's not moving much either"
"He had a big breakfast"
(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:23, archived)

michael jackson

(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:00, archived)

This isn't a growth market.

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:00, archived)

Oh. Wait...
(

WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:00, archived)

I'm probably not the first to say this, but he looks like Skelitor in that photo.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:01, archived)

It doesn't matter if your black or white,
so long as you're white.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:01, archived)

Mohammed Al-Fayed

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:01, archived)

No matter how many life size giraffe tedies he puts in Dodi's bed, he aint coming back.

(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:21, archived)

"Those fugging Germans killed my Diana"

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:24, archived)

NO-ONE
Thats why it's still in the shop
(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:01, archived)

A millionaire furry obviously

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:02, archived)

Richard Branson, then.

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:03, archived)

~~Richard Branson~~ Donkey Gums
(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:10, archived)

A giraffe with a fetish?

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:02, archived)

someone who REALLY likes giraffes.

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:03, archived)

I did see a video of a guy who'd attached a dildo to a large unicorn soft toy
I imagine it'd go a similar way
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:04, archived)

Filth.
Collecting lots of large stuffed toys would make for a (relatively) cheap and rubbish zoo.
(

Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:05, archived)

that's true
no upkeep to think about, except for hoovering all the animals once in a while.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:05, archived)

I hope it was a massive horse soft toy with a dildo on its forehead

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:05, archived)

that would be the comedy option
alas, no :( It was an animatronic one, too :((((((
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:06, archived)

:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:08, archived)

ROBOPLEGIC WRONGCOCK

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:09, archived)

what do animatronic unicorns do even when they don't have dicks strapped to them?

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:11, archived)

Sudoku, mainly.

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:12, archived)

this one seemed to totter about and its mouth opened and closed
it may have been saying "end this hellish existence, please"
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:27, archived)

or asking for carrots.
do unicorns eat carrots?
(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:31, archived)

I think they eat virgins.

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:38, archived)

Phew,
You're safe then, you tiny pervert
(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:42, archived)

possibly not safe for work:
www.newgrounds.com/store/product/penicorn
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:50, archived)

I have a friend who is attracted to giraffes.
He doesn't have €4655 though. And it would be a bugger to shoplift.
(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:04, archived)

they have very elegant knees

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:07, archived)

He likes the eyelashes and tongues.
I wish I was making this up.
(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:07, archived)

haha
bless. Aren't giraffe tongues blue?
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:10, archived)

I have no idea.
I will be drinking with said pervert later and shall inquire.
(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:11, archived)

their tongues are prehensile though.
I imagine that's part of their charm.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:28, archived)

maybe his friend is a smurf

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:13, archived)

I know what he means about the eyelashes.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:18, archived)

Not you too.

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:18, archived)

do a google image search for "giraffe eye".
I wish I could get my lashes like that.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:20, archived)

tie your legs to a lamp post, and your eyelashes to a fast car
/kipling
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:25, archived)

Exceedingly bad idea.

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:29, archived)

thanks for the advice Mr Kipling

(

Neddy shucking chit funt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:40, archived)

I know someone who bought a life-siz inflatable rhino.

(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:35, archived)

I bought my son a 6ft inflatable Godzilla when he was about 6 years old for christmas
forgot to buy a foot pump.. spent several hours blowing the bloody thing up on christmas eve.
(

Neddy shucking chit funt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:45, archived)

DADDY!

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:47, archived)

I'm sorry sweetie
daddy took quite a beating from the lad and my brother.. he died the next day
(

Neddy shucking chit funt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:49, archived)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
You killed ma paw.
*swears revenge*
(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:50, archived)

This is probably the most wrong thing I am ever going to admit to you lot
but I used to collect inflatable dinosaurs.

My favourite was a MASSIVE Pterodactyl.
(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:48, archived)

screencapped just in case you delete this post you big Jurassic Geek

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:50, archived)

my son was (and still is) totally obessesed with dinosaurs
if you see a 20 year old with a very tight dinosaur t-shirt on in North London.. that's probably him
(

Neddy shucking chit funt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:52, archived)

I have a triceratops lamp
and a dinosaur mug, for tea.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 14:11, archived)

Millionares?
I don't know. I always thought the biggest teddies and things were just for show.
(

Bats, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:06, archived)

Really?
Seriously?
Do they take credit cards?
(thediscokingpin, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:30, archived)

That's no way to talk about ym
/ac
(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:34, archived)

For a moment there I was worried that I have nothing to say before I posted.
Then I remembered where I was.
you pricks.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:40, archived)

let's elope.

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:41, archived)

do it on the internet
e-lope

god why did i even post this
(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:42, archived)

e-ven

(

Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:44, archived)

because you're an e-diot

(PsychoChomp, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:45, archived)

I didn't get stung by a bee today.
I do not have a cup of tea either.

let's envelope.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:41, archived)

mY car started

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:42, archived)

a fight?

(

thealternativefact, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:42, archived)

I hope it stopped as well.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:42, archived)

Hopefully I didn't make a mistake when I cut his brakes.

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:53, archived)

a rumour?

(

Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:44, archived)

something it couldn't finish?

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:48, archived)

to toss me off, but got bored

(

Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:49, archived)

work at the garage?

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:56, archived)

let's antelope.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:41, archived)

let's envelope

(

WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:42, archived)

do i need to think of a relevant reply then?

(

well, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:42, archived)

Don't get me wrong, I ain't dissin' dizzy rascel, I'm just using this beet as a single example.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:42, archived)

lol, four on the floor
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:50, archived)

nyom nyom nyom.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:57, archived)

periscope

(

Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:42, archived)

i'm listening to capital FM
debating whether i make a cup of tea or coffeh. hmmmmmm
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:43, archived)

make me a coffee, please.

(

jenpots, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:44, archived)

ended up making tea :/
sorreh
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:05, archived)

this is you
this shit, right here, this is you
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:45, archived)

I bet you'd jack a lope

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:46, archived)

I found this last night.
LOVE YOU.
(

Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:46, archived)

*chuckles*

(

jenpots, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:49, archived)

haha
BONGO BONGO BONGO
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:51, archived)

needs more hair
on the balls
(

turb0t, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:55, archived)

I've never had anything to say when posting
Been ok for a few years though, haven't been rumbled yet
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:47, archived)

You have...
we just talk about you on another board.
(

thealternativefact, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:50, archived)

OH NO NOT THE SECRET BOARD
I'm not allowed on there, I made a mess and spilled chocolate sauce down the front
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:53, archived)

¬_¬....hold on a second!
ALL THIS TIME YOU'VE BEEN FOOLING US!
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:51, archived)

And I would've got away with it if it weren't for you damn kids!

(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:53, archived)

let's ENVOLVE

(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:48, archived)

Lets evolve

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:49, archived)

Let's evolne

(

Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:50, archived)

*initiates whirring arms*

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:56, archived)

"Oh Niles! You've gone and put your penis in the trifle again!"
Frasier isn't as high-brow as I remember it.
(__, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:31, archived)

lol trifle.

(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:32, archived)

shit television programmes for shitcunts

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:32, archived)

I do not remember it that well myself
but then I have only seen about one episode as it had irritating shouty americans in it.
(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:32, archived)

Kelsey Grammer's forehead is so big it's impossible for it to be high brow

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:33, archived)

they stopped making it a few years ago so you're probably watching an unofficial rip off

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:33, archived)

It's the US equivalent of Fawlty Towers

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:33, archived)

Only without the hotel
and the comedy
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:36, archived)

it rapes dramatic irony with a scaffolding pole

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:39, archived)

"Oh Niles, you're a good brother and a great psychiatrist"
"Frasier, you're a good brother too"

ZING
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:33, archived)

Frasier was never high-brow
just snooty.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:35, archived)

You're snooty.

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:39, archived)

your mum's snooty.

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:39, archived)

His mum is Snoopy

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:40, archived)

*does the Snoopy dance*

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:41, archived)

*sucks blanket and feels ear*

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:42, archived)

eurgh get your finger out my ear

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:52, archived)

that's not his finger......

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:58, archived)

It was like friends
But even more up it's own arse
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:39, archived)

I liked Friends though
the only people I know that liked Frasier were incredibly up their own arses themselves.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:39, archived)

the dog was cool

(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:42, archived)

I've only seen friends a few times
It just seemed to be Jennifer Aniston with her bullets on show making a trifle with beef in it
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:42, archived)

"Jennifer Aniston with her bullets on show"
I never noticed the plot when it was a 'No Bra' episode.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:43, archived)

I remember someone having a Jennifer Aniston calendar.
If she wasn't famous and on the telly, that would normally be considered extremely creepy.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:45, archived)

well... yes, but she IS famous, and on telly.
And probably knows those photos were taken, it's highly likely she was present at the time.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:55, archived)

I'm sure she even got paid quite a bit for it,
but it still seems kind of weird.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:04, archived)

I bet she's got well saggy boobies.

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:51, archived)

Oooohhh, her name's 'betty' and she's 'ugly' even though she only wears designer stuff !
I get it now.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:36, archived)

she doesn't wear any designer stuff.

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:37, archived)

I thought everything she wears is designer.
That's one of the main jokes in the shows, that she's 'ugly' even though she's wearing designer stuff.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:39, archived)

no the main joke in the show is that she's ugly
even though she's being played by a decidedly non-ugly actress.

I've never even seen the show.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:39, archived)

no,
the joke is that she's got a high up job at a fashion magazine, where all the people are superficial and beautiful and wear fashionable clothes, where as she's "ugly" and doesn't wear designer clothes.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:40, archived)

Oh, ok then, fair enough.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:41, archived)

(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:38, archived)

Ooooohh, she has an artical in a newspaper called 'sex in the city', which is the title of the show.
I get it now, it's like multipule personailty disorder or something.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:40, archived)

I think you should go and lie down

(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:41, archived)

Are you coming onto me?

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:42, archived)

STOP LISTENING TO SEXFACE!

(

jenpots, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:46, archived)

Haha

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:57, archived)

TonyUNDERSCORE just phoned my mobile internet dongle to talk to me
so, that didn't really work
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:38, archived)

i'm struggling to come up with a fat joke for this thread

(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:06, archived)

Fine, fuck you Fanj
everyone else can have an invite
i90.photobucket.com/albums/k264/Wormulus/WAFFLES.gif
(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:22, archived)

I love you again now.

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:23, archived)

Waffles?
b3ta.com/board/9536496
(__, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:24, archived)

It's waffley versatile

(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:24, archived)

it's almost as if he knew SOMEHOW that you weren't actually going to be any help

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:24, archived)

I'm just irritated that he didn't spring the trap.

(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:27, archived)

that`s waffely versatile
edit: fuck beaten to it
(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:25, archived)

how do I get waffle invited?

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:26, archived)

anyone got a waffles.fm or other OiNK-replacement invite that I can have?
*dons flameproof jacket*
(GoldenFanjita whistle posse blow! horns crew i can't hear you!, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:56, archived)

FAAAAAAAAANJ

(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:57, archived)

I don't know what either of those are.
I'm too nice to flame you, so I'm just going to ask for bacon.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:57, archived)

what type of bacon?

(

TBL I posted this on, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:58, archived)

Unsmoked please.

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:59, archived)

*sends*
11p please
(

TBL I posted this on, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:59, archived)

Pay by paypal?

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:06, archived)

no
coz by the time they take their "fee" I will owe them 50p
(

TBL I posted this on, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:09, archived)

I don't like paypal that much.
They're owned by ebay who take a 10% cut of your auction anyway, then they take their own fee.

BASTARDS.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:10, archived)

I bet it will be streaky and unsmoked

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:59, archived)

*shakes own hand*
Good prediction Gummy.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:00, archived)

Streaky?
Only when going in pasta.

Smoked bacon is good, but the inferior bacon.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:05, archived)

Depending on the use
Applewood smoked bacon is king when it comes to quiches
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:07, archived)

If I'm having a sandwich I want unsmoked,
for other things, sometimes smoked is the choice.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:08, archived)

there's one word in that sentence that has ruined all the other words

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:08, archived)

Yeah,
in the UK we have a queen. By saying "King" it implies he wants shitty foreign pigs.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:12, archived)

yes, but i buried it in an undisclosed location for safe keeping
i can make you a map if you want to go and dig it up
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:57, archived)

get to it at once!

(GoldenFanjita whistle posse blow! horns crew i can't hear you!, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:58, archived)

how quickly can you get to the isle of wight?

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:02, archived)

I don't know what this means, so I'm going to talk about the lack of places looking for staff at the moment.
There aren't many. Not in this town.
(

Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:58, archived)

its in my other handbag

(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:58, archived)

handbag?
you fucking girl
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:04, archived)

I just found a cookie recipe
that suggested the oven be at 1900ºC.
(

Bats, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:01, archived)

Maybe they are used to cooking in a pottery kiln?

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:03, archived)

Lead Cookies OM NOM OWoowowowglubglub i got no jaw nyom

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:03, archived)

hmm.... that could cause problems
you may overcook things.
(

TBL I posted this on, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:03, archived)

I have an It-Leaked invite.
You're not having it though.
(

WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:05, archived)

dunno what that is
am a bit out of the loop on these things

i gave out a load of oink invites back in the day

i demand payback
(GoldenFanjita whistle posse blow! horns crew i can't hear you!, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:07, archived)

Well you didn't give me one.
So I have nothing to pay back.
(

WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:12, archived)

I have 13 invites for waffles.fm
You can't have any
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:06, archived)

What are these things?
I come to you to answer this as I love and respect you.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:09, archived)

I don't really know what waffles.fm is
I was hoping he'd get upset with me
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:17, archived)

First result from Google:
"Waffles.fm is the torrent site equivalent of Halo 3. Overhyped, mediocre, and surrounded by a cloud of fanboys so thick you'd need a chainsaw to cut through"
(

Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:21, archived)

OH MAN I WANT TO BE A PART OF IT NOW

(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:21, archived)

I had potato waffles for tea last night ,if that helps

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:09, archived)

Yes, gaz me for details.

(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:16, archived)

Did you get a text from Zoe last night?

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:17, archived)

I just call her 'your mum'

(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:21, archived)

Oh! that Zoe!
No, no texts from her.
(

WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:21, archived)

Hmm... I do think
the price of goods you order online is directly connected to the time it takes to deliver them. In that the more expensive the goods the longer they take to get to you. I ordered some shiny things and some ink on Thursday. The ink arrived Friday morning and the shiny things are still in "Droitwich Spa" wherever the fuck that is.

bastards.

its warm and sunny here, I have had breakfast, there is soup for lunch and TORCHWOOD is on tonight *dribbles*

what are you doing on Friday?
(

TBL I posted this on, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:51, archived)

I don't know yet.
probably nothing, I can't go out drinking as I'm on a fitness drive and I've got interviews and stuff coming up.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:52, archived)

Torchwood is fucking shit
/ac
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:53, archived)

it's quite likely i'll be in london visiting a friend i haven't seen in ages
which will be nice

if not, i still have the day off work. yay!
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:53, archived)

droitwich is nice
i think they make sugar there. or something.
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:53, archived)

go work, go home

(

mongychops, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:54, archived)

I ordered a 32" LCD TV and 15 hours later it was at my house.
Ebuyer is pretty good when it comes to delivery.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:54, archived)

fuck me. I just read that back and almost fell asleep

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:54, archived)

i read all your posts in a squealy excited voice

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:55, archived)

That's how they should be read
like Bobcat Goldthwait from Police Academy 3
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:01, archived)

i ordered a 32" telly once, they delivered it
then i got an email saying that since i have returned the item, they were refunding my money

free telly!
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:55, archived)

whoop!

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:02, archived)

Play.com
Projector and a big screen. they are usually very quick, but not this time.
(

TBL I posted this on, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:55, archived)

That rule doesn't just apply online
I ordered a sofa from a shop offline about 6 weeks ago, it should be arriving within another 6 weeks :(
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:54, archived)

Probably going to see Bruno

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:54, archived)

I may wait for that on DVD so i can have a break from watching it
Borat was bad enough, I left the Cinema and my face hurt from cringing/wincing too much
(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:58, archived)

Fuck knows.
Probably continuing my Deep Space 9 marathon unless I get enough money together to go out, which is looking unlikely.
(

Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:55, archived)

driving to slough
great times
(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:55, archived)

SLUFF

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:57, archived)

wahooooooooooooo!
I've just got a ticket to watch the Peace Cup semi-final in Seville, which should be Real Madrid Vs Juventus if all goes to plan!

Can't wait to see Ronaldo, Kaka and Benzema in action! Last time I watched England Vs Spain in Seville it was an amazing experience.

What good things have happened to the rest of you b3tans on this sunny day?
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:46, archived)

I did a big wee

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:47, archived)

3/10

(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:48, archived)

crrrrrrssssshhhhhhhhhhkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk crackle nope, just getting background noise here

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:49, archived)

turn the squelch up
way up

to 11

that should sort it.
(

TBL I posted this on, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:52, archived)

What a coincidence, I've just done a big poo.

(

Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:51, archived)

5/10
wee
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:51, archived)

it's not sunny here, and keeps raining, imagine that
nothing good has happened today and i doubt anything will
(

mongychops, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:48, archived)

0/10
chin up fella
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:48, archived)

what
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:50, archived)

*pushes glasses up nose*
err i think you will find there is a spelling error in there
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:51, archived)

my keyboard's on th blink
on of th kys is dodgy
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:52, archived)

i well don't even believe you, so there

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:54, archived)

i'm cool, i just don't expect anything good to happen, it's a normal day

(

mongychops, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:50, archived)

Every footballist in the world met an unfortunate end with a faulty kettle.

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:48, archived)

que

(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:48, archived)

I've seen over 4 cats already today, one more and I may have to write about it in my Livejournal™
over 6 and I'll probably write a poem and tag all my friends on Facebook so they'll think I've wrote something about them and they'll be bitterly disappointed.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:50, archived)

i haven't seen any cats at all today
none!
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:52, archived)

i'm at work!
yee-haw etc.
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:50, archived)

I got told that I was wonderful today
by the doctor whose secretary I'm covering. It's true you know, I am.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:51, archived)

8/10
this is lully
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:52, archived)

what are you covering her in?
*pre-emptive vic reeves leg rub*
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:56, archived)

I woke up
and I'm still breathing, that's a good thing.
(

TBL I posted this on, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:52, archived)

10/10 :(
poor SSG
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:52, archived)

SSG?

(

TBL I posted this on, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:56, archived)

you've forgotten him already?
he's not even cold yet!
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:01, archived)

oh yes that SSG
for a moment I thought you confused him with me.
(

TBL I posted this on, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:03, archived)

Give me one sentence that describes the internet.
Not b3ta, /talk etc., but the whole internet.
(thediscokingpin, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:57, archived)

A gigantic waste of time with some useful things on it.
(

morrybyte made a subtle namechange at, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:59, archived)

sentence fail.

(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:59, archived)

okay then.
The internet is a gigantic waste of time with some useful things included.
(

morrybyte made a subtle namechange at, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:00, archived)

A sentence must contain a finite verb.

(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:01, archived)

well doesn't that "is" cover it?

(

morrybyte made a subtle namechange at, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:02, archived)

yes but i didnt read all that post before and i suspect you edited it
*narrows eyes*

*awards biscuit*
(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:02, archived)

A series of tubes.

(

Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:59, archived)

SENTENCE FAIL.

(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:00, archived)

*Super Mario underground music*

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:09, archived)

The internet is made of pixels and data packages and it tastes funny if you try to eat it.

(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:59, archived)

I heard it tastes like toffee at first then turns sour.

(thediscokingpin, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:03, archived)

This was a Tryumpth, I'm making a note here, huge scuess.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:59, archived)

oh gonzo.

(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:00, archived)

Blinkabulous, why do I keep on bidding on new mac laptops on ebay, even though I hope I lose because I can't spare the cash in this current economic climet?
I do it in a half-sleep.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:03, archived)

because buying things is a joy and a pleasure and in half-sleep you are not so inclined to resist the shiny things.

(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:04, archived)

It's a rollercoaster ride of emotions.
I gave some guys at work the jyst of an iPhone all I want to develop, and they all want to buy me a Mac in exchange for equal share of any profits I make. I told them to fack oof.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:06, archived)

i'd say let them do it, THEN write better app afterwards that make MORE money that they DONT share.

(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:07, archived)

This is my billion-pound idea.
You don't get many of those in a lifetime, gotta strike while the iron is hot.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:09, archived)

well then you'd still make half a billion
that's enough surely?
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:17, archived)

That would mean giving away half a billion in exchange for a laptop then.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:19, archived)

you could say they could have 50% right up until it's paid for the laptop and given them a bit of interest, like 5 or 10% of their investment.
then you could get the rest from there, and they would have a return on investment.
(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:24, archived)

Except there is no way they would do that.
It's not like I'm desprate for the money for the laptop, I'll be able to get it on my own in a couple of weeks.

I don't really belive in borrowing money for non-critcal things (like food and bills).

It's not a Dragon's Den thing, there are no gaurnties on any return on their investments.

If I really thought it was going to make me millions and if I don't do it right-now I would lose it; I would delve into my savings.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:30, archived)

i bought buzz for the ps2 on ebay yesterday
i can't wait for it to arrive

i also bid on some transformers but i lost
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:07, archived)

i want to buy things but i am scared of my bank balance at the moment.
i havent checked it since before glastonbury. and i want to book holiday flights for septamber.
(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:08, archived)

yeah, i'm supposed to be being good with money this month
BUT I DON'T WANNA
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:13, archived)

Tryumphant speeling!

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:01, archived)

woah, ted!
most tryumpthant!
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:02, archived)

Is a tryumphant just a dog with a long sock on its nose?

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:04, archived)

The Internet is a global system of interconnected computer networks that use the standardized Internet Protocol Suite (TCP/IP)
i mean...
the internet is a big virtual bucket filled with cats, tits and the violently ignorant.

will that do?
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:01, archived)

The cats bit, yes.
The other PCP/METH etc. bit is clearly rubbish.
(thediscokingpin, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:02, archived)

that's the first line from the wikipedia entry

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:03, archived)

Exactly!

(thediscokingpin, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:04, archived)

The internet is both the cause and solution to my insomnia.

(

Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:01, archived)

*luffs*

(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:31, archived)

A whole bunch of bored people with nothing better to do
and it's usefull for self diagnosis and paranoia of illnesses
(

Mrs Sp@m, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:02, archived)

It's the noise your gran makes after tea, but continuously and in your mouth.

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:03, archived)

The weapon of the armchair warrior

(

The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:03, archived)

Itz liek loads a spin kicks and tits with a few SHUT I YAM ARGUIN and look at dis puppeh i play da bagpipes terrybull comments AAAA++.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:04, archived)

haha, we came up with a surprisingly similar description

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:05, archived)

whoop!

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:06, archived)

tedium interspersed with cuntishness and illiteracy

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:05, archived)

can anybody love anyone so much that they will never fear, never worry, never be sad, the answer is we can not love that much nobody can, this is why i don't mind you doubting

(

mongychops, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:06, archived)

you should write a self-help book

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:09, archived)

i wrote a diary once, would you like to read it...
arrived bangkok

the end
(

mongychops, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:11, archived)

distracted by ladyboys eh?

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:15, archived)

pretty much, yeah

(

mongychops, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:16, archived)

The internet can be compared to a room containing millions of people shouting at the top of their voices, talking about whatever they want.
(Purple_Monkey_Jingles Purple Monkeys need love too, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:10, archived)

Some pictures of tits

(

Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:11, archived)

An online network of websites and science which contains 99.9% porn and the other .1% made up from assored crap, and tossers going 'LOL' and 'OMG' and accidentally hitting a '1' instead of a '!'
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:14, archived)

so you meant .!% ?

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:15, archived)

No I meant .1%
The tossers in question may make this mistake but I would not be such a cunt 1
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:16, archived)

so you meant ((.(5
/
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:39, archived)

Don't forget the pendantics who'll point out that hitting a '1' and a '!' is the same key, it's missing a 'shift' that makes the differance.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:26, archived)

BEWARE THE BOX WITH A SOGGY LID

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:14, archived)

People referencing stuff that stopped being funny or interesting years ago.
Sources:

www.b3ta.com/talk/6278280
www.b3ta.com/talk/6278283
(

Koba http://sexycooladventures.blogspot.com/, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:15, archived)

people filling their profiles with images that weren't good enough for a FP
that's always been my favourite thing here
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:21, archived)

OH MAN YOU GOT ME GOOD.

(

Koba http://sexycooladventures.blogspot.com/, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:22, archived)

oh sorry, should have checked first

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:23, archived)

A massive encyclopaedia with no real index

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:25, archived)

and the anatomy pages are worn and folded

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:35, archived)

Wasn't one of the early worries about the internet was that it didn't have the Dewey Decimal Classification?

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:36, archived)

A text-based adventure video game that's gotten a bit full of itself.

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:41, archived)

go north

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:50, archived)

at the moment, i'd describe it as 'boring'
you people aren't doing enough to entertain me!
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:47, archived)

*puts a toothpick in my mouth, vertically on my tongue so one end is poking out my mouth*
*uses tongue to rotate the toothpick, like hillbillies do in those old movies*
*accidentally spears the roof my mouth*
*goes to yell in pain, but the tongue scratches against the other end of the toothpick, cutting open the tongue and forcing it further into the roof of the mouth*
*begins chocking on the blood*
*tries to retrieve toothpick with my hand*
*blood making it too slippery*
*manages to snap toothpick and accidentally swallows the broken half*
*half the broken toothpick lotches in throat*
*flails around in bloody pain*
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:53, archived)

*films*
*youtubes*
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:05, archived)

the internet
innit...innit though
(DefyingDarwin Old, untalented and white,, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:52, archived)

Morning. Did you have a nice weekend?
I saw a Butterfly.

Also, for some reason, I have applied to go on the fourth plinth in Trafalgar Square. What would you do with an hour up there?
(

Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 9:58, archived)

If we're doing photos
www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/06/glastonbury_2009.html
I went to glastonbury dontchaknow.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 9:59, archived)

Doing photo's what?
no, wait, hang on a minute.

*checks pedantry handbook*

Ignore that, carry on.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:01, archived)

shut up shut up shut up

(PsychoChomp, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:02, archived)

I've confused myself for a moment.
You put apostrophes in when you take letters out of the middle of a word.

Photo = Photograph
Photo's = Photographs.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:03, archived)

shut up shut up shut up

(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:07, archived)

Very nice photos
I take it you had a LOVERLY time. Did you get soggy?
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:06, archived)

Not really,
bit muddy but I missed the rain.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:12, archived)

Where you drunk and/or asleep?

(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:18, archived)

in a field, probably

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:25, archived)

Beer tents are waterproof.
which is awesome.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:27, archived)

I knew you'd be drunk. Good times tho?
Would you recommend the experience? Mr Baroness is on at me to go next year.

Do you think I'd survive?
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:32, archived)

you'd have to try very hard to have a bad time,
it's awesome.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:38, archived)

Fair enough!
What did you enjoy the mostest? Apart from the beer.
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:43, archived)

I WENT THERE TOO
i camped in south park. there was a beer tent labelled BEER TENT. was that yours?
(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:00, archived)

when you went down to south park
did you have yourself a time?
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:01, archived)

fuck yeah.

(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:03, archived)

friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation

(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:03, archived)

:D

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:06, archived)

the scousers in the next door tent were lovely.
we gave them some beer and they lent us their trolley and offered us "something magic"
(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:09, archived)

what magic did they have to offer?
did they saw you in half or pull a rabbit out of a hat?
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:14, archived)

i think it was fungal. we politely declined on the basis it was the first night. they did not offer again.

(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:15, archived)

yeah, i'm not interested in magic mushrooms
they scare me a bit. like practically all drugs
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:21, archived)

i hate mushrooms. EXCEPT IN MARIO GAMES WHEEEEEEEE

(

sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:27, archived)

*gets real big*

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:32, archived)

Ah yes, I saw those photos the other day.
There are some pretty good ones...
(

Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:02, archived)

Eat my lunch

(

WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:00, archived)

Night fever.
Over and over and over.

Whilst singing like a BeeGee.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:00, archived)

Pffft.

(

Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:02, archived)

I'd probably detonate some kind of dirty radiation device, that sounds like fun

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:03, archived)

A dirty, filthy, slutty, WHORE of a radiation device?

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:23, archived)

I'm thinking an ICBM in fetish gear

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:33, archived)

Hello.
Mrs HB & I went for a walk along the river near the Lazy Otter pub to see the otters. We didn't see any otters.
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:03, archived)

That's a shame. Maybe next time.

(

Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:04, archived)

Morning all, All have a good weekend?
I played a wicked gig and am fucked:
photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs162.snc1/6080_228410015483_784300483_7669399_6531619_n.jpg
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:03, archived)

*groupies*

(

Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:04, archived)

oh, get you, playing above the 5th fret like some poncey jazz muso

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:05, archived)

Drop D tuned and was exploding anuses like a bad boy.
I saw 12 girls frigging themselves off before I'd got past the first verse.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:08, archived)

I bet he's playing the theme from countryfile

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:10, archived)

Animal Hospital actually
"Saaaaaaaaaaadly he...didn't...MAKE IT THRUUUU THE NIGHT-TA!" *widdly solos*
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:11, archived)

you are on that confused.com advert!

(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:11, archived)

Ha!

(

Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:12, archived)

GAH! I'm much prettier than him. He needs a wash.
Although he is funnier than me..."Do you have a beard!??" ho ho hohaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:14, archived)

i was on a boat, DG. A BOAT!

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:12, archived)

WOOOHOOOPOOO!
Did you get told off for peddling too fast and spashing people?
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:14, archived)

this was a REAL boat, man
a tug, which is like the boat version of a pug

a friend of mine does the commentary on the harbour tour so i went for a free ride in the sun
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:16, archived)

Sweeet!
I wish I had a boat...one day. I'll just have to make do with pretending to be a submarine in the bath, firing torpedos at the S.S. Bath Sponge.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:23, archived)

i don't fit in baths :(
a giant's lot is not a happy one
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:25, archived)

But can reach things without having to go on tippy toes

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:32, archived)

that's true
on the whole, i like being tall
there's only a couple of situations where it's not nice
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:34, archived)

Like if you need to predent* to be a shurb
*pretend
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:42, archived)

WHAT?!

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:44, archived)

You just look like a small tree dude, never a shrub...
I am sorry...
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:47, archived)

heh, i knew what you meant
i was whatting violently at predent and shurb
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:49, archived)

hahah I just noticed, what wobbly fingered spastic :)

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:53, archived)

DG: internet superspaz!

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:58, archived)

*has cape on backwards*

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 11:06, archived)

think yourself lucky
I almost drowned in one
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:33, archived)

did you fall off your lollystick bath raft

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:35, archived)

someone threw me a polo, which was nice

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:36, archived)

Until the horse started drowning :(

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:50, archived)

might've been a seahorse

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:52, archived)

Try and stretch my bumhole over the entire plinth.

(

Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:03, archived)

Oh Noit...

(

Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:04, archived)

i spent it knee deep in coke and hookers
then on sunday i went round my nans for tea and a nice chat
(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:05, archived)

Drinking soft drinks with Rugby players sounds gay.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:09, archived)

SHARK VERSUS SQUID CAGE MATCH

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:06, archived)

my money's on the shark.
no wait! the squid. shark! squid! OH GOD I DON'T KNOW.
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:19, archived)

I've not decided if it will be one giant squid,
or a flock of squidlets

probably funding dependent
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:25, archived)

also. it depends how big a cage you can fit on the plinth

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:26, archived)

But wouldn't the water run out of the cage
causing the shark and giant squid/squidlets to suffocate?
(ricky_darkholer is blonde on the inside, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:26, archived)

This is my picture of the weekend
supermatt.net/Pictures/Misc/orly.jpg
(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:08, archived)

O HAI!

(

Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:09, archived)

It's a little over exposed but that's only the JPG version
the cr2 is actually a lot better
(

SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:10, archived)

that's a male budgie
see, I can tell the difference
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:13, archived)

ceres bsns

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:26, archived)

*ornithology spang*

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Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:36, archived)

i don't know what it means
thought maybe it was new internet shorthand for 'serious business'
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manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:37, archived)

the earlier version of cr3

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manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:14, archived)

before the upgrade

(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:19, archived)

cr1.0 was rubbesh.

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Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:22, archived)

loving the horizontal scrollbar action on your website
that's some special CSS fuckery right there
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Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:10, archived)

Yeah, I'm not bothered.

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SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:16, archived)

If the hits to the website were significant, I would set about changing it.

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SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:16, archived)

I'm going to DDOS you until it's fixed

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Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:18, archived)

you can dosie do him later when you're both at your line dancing class

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manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:20, archived)

look at my life and wonder where it went so wrong that i'm sitting on a plinth in london

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mongychops, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:09, archived)

It's only for an hour, and
you can do what you want.
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Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:12, archived)

if i could do what i wanted i'd fuck off early and go to pub

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mongychops, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:14, archived)

you do

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rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:16, archived)

well, yes, but i'd have to fuck off really early from sitting on a plinth

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mongychops, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:17, archived)

goodnight, sweet plinth

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spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:15, archived)

thomeday my plinth will come

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manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:17, archived)

WHERE IS IGOR?

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manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:18, archived)

Thorry thir. Buthy thir.

(igor, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:21, archived)

ah, there you are.
was last night's grave-rob fruitful? do we have the parts we need now?
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manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:24, archived)

I didn't rob anything thir
I jutht found thome meat lying around that noone wanted. We've got lotth now but I jutht want a few more girl partth thir.
(igor, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:29, archived)

excellent work, igor.
take a short break in the dungeon
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manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:30, archived)

Jobey, you do take some spanking photos.

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spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:11, archived)

*curtsies*

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Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:12, archived)

spanking photos?
how rude!
*blushes*
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manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:18, archived)

I've made them "friends and family" only...

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Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:21, archived)

depending on who the spanker and spankee are
i would like to apply to be either a friend or family member
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manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:26, archived)

*hides on your beard*

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spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:26, archived)

where'd she go?
*spins around*
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manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:27, archived)

muahaha
I'm stealing all your crumbs.
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spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:32, archived)

are you, for want of a better word, 'grooming' me?
like a small bird on the back of a rhino
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manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:36, archived)

yup
you have tasty, tasty fleas
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spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:40, archived)

i'm glad we're both profiting from this symbiotic relationship

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manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:45, archived)

have a fag

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Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:12, archived)

only one? i'd probably have about six, sitting up there with fuck all to do

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mongychops, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:18, archived)

just to annoy the anti smoking campaigner that hijacked the start
I'd have a massive cigar
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Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:20, archived)

i just moved 45 computers and 45 22" monitors
off a truck, down a corridor and up 2 flights of stairs

somebody make me a cup of fucking tea
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manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:13, archived)

Wow, that's good effort. The kettle's on.

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Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:18, archived)

i had a guy helping me but he's dead old so i did most of the work
*hulks*
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manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:21, archived)

been hijacking delivery lorries again?

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Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:21, archived)

just the one
wanna buy a computer?
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manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:32, archived)

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