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Please can I have interent hugs ?
I have just endured the hardest day of my life, I've said goodbye to my mother in law, realised the pain in my back is likely a Kidney infection and been told that my husbands ex partner was a miserable bitch because she made him leave functions early just as I was about to ask if I could come home because I am in agony so I have sat for 4 hours felt pressured by people saying "go on have a drink celebrate her life" leading to me eventually breaking down in a pub doorway like a right wanker and leaving my husband 15 miles away pissed in a pub when I should be healthy and with him and now I feel like POO

Edit: Thank you everyone, This place is great for virtual hugs and comfort when needed .
(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Sp@m, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:22, archived)
Please add your own full stops, grammar etc.

(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Sp@m, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:23, archived)
Not your fault,
sorted!
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:23, archived)
*internet hugs*
Sorry it's been a shitty day hun - is he still out? Maybe drop him a text to let him know you're ok and that. x
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:24, archived)
I have, I just feel a cunt.

(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Sp@m, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:25, archived)
well don't
if you've got a kidney infection there's not much you can do. I'm sure everyone understands.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:26, archived)
It's just typical it's friday and I can't get to the doctors.

(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Sp@m, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:29, archived)
Back pain is a complete bastard
don't feel bad about leaving a social function that you've already spent a considerable amount of time at.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:27, archived)
You are not even NEARLY a cunt
You can't even see a signpost to being 100 miles away from a cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! in vino veritas, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:34, archived)
I wish I could feel a cunt.
But I'm married.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 22 May 2009, 22:02, archived)
*massive hugs*
Do not ever, EVER, compare yourself to her. EVER. Hear me?
Otherwise, I'll have to come over there and make with the harsh words.
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:25, archived)
I was told this earlier but it doesn't help when they are all having fun and I sat like grumpton mcfucking grumpy pants in the corner rubbing my back and knocking back vodkas when I don't want to

(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Sp@m, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:28, archived)
You were right with the assessment of her though.
She was a bit of a misery at times
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:34, archived)
Make all those who doubt your pain suffer double
*internet hugs*
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 22 May 2009, 21:25, archived)
Imagine that I'm reaching across 12 miles of countryside and obliging.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:25, archived)
Me too?

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:27, archived)
My arms aren't normally that long, but I can install extensions.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:28, archived)
how about your tongue?

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:30, archived)
That would incur a 30% surcharge.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:31, archived)
Boooo, don't think you're like her.
You are the best Sp@mmy ever.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:26, archived)
Sp@m is absolutely nowt like her at all.
Knowing both of them, I can say that with my hand on my heart.
Mrs. Sp@m is one of the nicest loveliest people I know.
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:33, archived)
Me too.
I want her to adopt me.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 22 May 2009, 22:04, archived)
*sympathises*
Everythin' gunna be all righ'.
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:27, archived)
still, gotta laugh.

(I helped save b3ta! scott,, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:28, archived)
Heartless rotter,
does nobody use BOB these days?
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:32, archived)
not really
i do FTL now. it's better.
(I helped save b3ta! scott,, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:35, archived)
Can you link my face up please?

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:38, archived)
www.ftlfm.com
it's the Reverend Tony on tonight. i should be doing a show on sunday night.
(I helped save b3ta! scott,, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:42, archived)
Who are the old people at the top of my screen?

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:53, archived)
*internetty hugs*
have a nice hot bath, run one for your hubby when he gets home
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:29, archived)
*hugs*
The people who matter don't mind, the people who mind don't matter.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:29, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6169142
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:35, archived)
*many many many cuddles*

(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:31, archived)
Poor Sp@m
*enormous hugs*

That sounds horrible :(
(I helped save b3ta! in vino veritas, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:33, archived)
*Cornish hugs*

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Fri 22 May 2009, 21:34, archived)
is this a bad time to ask if you fancy a quick thump up the knickers?

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:35, archived)
Have a hug from me internet triplet.
That sounds a shitty day. Will Mr Sp@m be able to get home OK?
(I helped save b3ta! The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Fri 22 May 2009, 21:38, archived)
Yes, my dad said he will go pick him up, he's just called me to tell me not to worry and that we'll get me to a doctor ofver the weekend.

(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Sp@m, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:47, archived)
don't be afraid to go to A&E, kidney infections are nasty.

(I helped save b3ta! Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:58, archived)
That's good, all sorted then.
Now take care of yourself, nice hot bath and an early night maybe?
(I helped save b3ta! The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Fri 22 May 2009, 21:59, archived)

you need more than internet hugs, you need Maru
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:48, archived)
*Fluzzy hugs*

(I helped save b3ta! Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:55, archived)
No new thread for an hour and a half?!
Bloody 'eck. Is everyone out having a life?

Who is your favourite serial killer? (or make up your own question and call me a cunt or something...)
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:10, archived)
Tony the Tiger
/wasn't paying attention
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 22 May 2009, 21:11, archived)
ugh no favorite killers
which wine, white or red?
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:14, archived)
Red.
Always red.
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:15, archived)
Cabernet Franc or Noche?

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:19, archived)
The 3 bottles for £10 offer at my local corner shop.
I think it's called (quite simply) 'ITALIAN WINE'. Good brain rotting stuff.
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:24, archived)
no no
I'm not anywhere near where you are
I'm going to probably travel to get them tomorrow, as well as a sangria party box (absolutely faboosh).
*excites*
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:27, archived)
Box wine = WIN!
I think you'll find this to be correct.
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:30, archived)
next you'll be telling me to get some Boons Farm Strawberry Hill

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:31, archived)
White.
Always white.
(I helped save b3ta! Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:16, archived)
What's wrong with rose?

(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:17, archived)
I'm quite partial to a nice cold rosé
The only problem is that I only have 2 speeds of drinking. Spirits, and beer.
Therefore, I end up drinking wine by the pint.
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:18, archived)
^this.
Is that bad though?
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 22 May 2009, 21:19, archived)
I find it like a tastier version of white wine.
There is nothing wrong with it at all.
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:21, archived)
I meant the speed thing.
I find White Wine very consistant... the cheaper stuff doesn't taste vile. However, get the wrong Rosé and you've got a ruined night on your hands :(
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 22 May 2009, 21:22, archived)
Red wine is for sipping,
you buffoon.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:23, archived)
Rosé you knob.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 22 May 2009, 21:17, archived)
mix together
ROSE!
(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:19, archived)
John Wayne Gacy
he dressed as a clown, and that makes his crimes funny.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:15, archived)
What a character!
Clowns are so funny.... and rapey.
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:18, archived)
Ed Gein

(I helped save b3ta! moohalaa, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:16, archived)
He only killed one bloke
but Varg Vikerness was my teenage hero
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:18, archived)
Confirmed a free man, as of today.
Hmm...
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:22, archived)
REALLY??
Fuck, those 14 years flew by...
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:29, archived)
Alexander Pichushkin
This guy was quite interesting.
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:20, archived)
I'm a Ted Bundy fan, myself.

(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 22 May 2009, 21:22, archived)
In terms of celebrity status alone, Peter Kürten.
Not many criminals have had more than a handful of films, albums and poems made in their honour.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:23, archived)
Ein zwei polizei, drei vier grenadier
What was the last cheesy song you listened to and enjoyed?
(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:34, archived)
I listened to Jozin z Bazin from the newsletter
despite hearing it over and over again on the radio all last summer
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:35, archived)

"Jožin z bažin už si zuby brousí, Jožin z bažin kouše, saje, rdousí...."
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:37, archived)
I know few forrin songs
Is that Polish?

I like Simarik, by Tarkan
(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:46, archived)
Polish isn't so fucking stupid to have those diacritics
It's Czech, which is basically Polish spoken by a bunch of retarded children
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:48, archived)
Helan gor
Helan gor sjung hop for a la la la la ley. Och den som inte helan tar han inte helle halven for. Helan gor sjung hop for a la la la la ley
(flipper is going to die in a bizarre gardenning accident, Fri 22 May 2009, 20:30, archived)
Uptight (Everything's alright) always makes me smile and want to sing.

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:36, archived)
Total Eclipse Of The Heart.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:38, archived)
I've got my mind set on you, I've got my mind set on you. I've got my mind set on you, I've got my mind set on you. I've got my mind set on you, I've got my mind set on you. I've got my mind set on you, I've got my mind set on you.

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:38, archived)
crying this down the phone to the object of your desire at 3am.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:48, archived)
it's a whole lotta money

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 20:05, archived)
I Love Cheese
by Cheesy Cheesemaster and the Cheesey Cheezes.
(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:40, archived)

cheese mancock
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:41, archived)
If you are changing ALL the cheese there you will end up with quite a mouthfull.

(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:45, archived)
Summer Bries

(I helped save b3ta! The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Fri 22 May 2009, 20:00, archived)
Gruyere The One That I Want

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 22 May 2009, 20:25, archived)
pffffthaahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! moohalaa, Fri 22 May 2009, 20:26, archived)
Stilton On The Dock Of The Bay

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 20:28, archived)
That'll Wensleydale that I die

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 22 May 2009, 20:31, archived)
Gouda Be Magic?

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 22 May 2009, 20:52, archived)
Ricotta Get Out Of This Place.

(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 22 May 2009, 20:56, archived)
Edam and the Ants

(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Fri 22 May 2009, 20:59, archived)
Maasdam I Wish I Were Your Lover - Sophie B Hawkins

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:02, archived)
Mozzarella Fitzgerald.

(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:12, archived)
Paneer I Go Again On My Own

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:00, archived)
Halloumi, Is It Me You're Looking For?

(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:10, archived)
Camembert Feel The Noize

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:15, archived)
"Whatcha Waiting For".
I enjoyed it so much I dressed up in a leotard and pranced round my room moving my arms up and down like the hands of a clock, in time to the bit that goes "tick! tock! tick! tock! tick! tock!"
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:45, archived)
I can actually believe that

(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:46, archived)
Haha, fuck off.
As if I'd ever spend actual money on a leotard, never mind wear it.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:49, archived)
*starts to panic and looks for hidden cameras*

(I helped save b3ta! moohalaa, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:55, archived)
That is an ace song.
Hollaback Girl is on my jogging soundtrack.
(I helped save b3ta! TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Fri 22 May 2009, 20:12, archived)
Does It's My Life - Bon Jovi count?

(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:45, archived)
Yes.
Yes it does.
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:47, archived)
not to put too fine a point on it
say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
make a little birdhouse in your soul
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:47, archived)
My brother had that on vinyl when I was a kid
which was when you were already old, you cunt
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:48, archived)
TMBG were my favourite band throughout the 1990s
tragically, I know all the words and the chords to almost all the songs on the first three albums
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:52, archived)
( . )( . )

(IWishFrizWasDead, Fri 22 May 2009, 20:07, archived)
the speedycake remix of Caramelldansen

(I helped save b3ta! moohalaa, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:54, archived)
haha
that came on my random playlist today. I managed to avoid doing the ears dance in public.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:57, archived)
*/^\* */^\*

(I helped save b3ta! moohalaa, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:58, archived)
Macarthur Park, by Richard Harris

(I helped save b3ta! The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Fri 22 May 2009, 20:00, archived)
This morning I put Jump by Van Halen on as loud as I could,
as part of a motivational exercise.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 22 May 2009, 20:15, archived)
I do love that song

(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Fri 22 May 2009, 20:31, archived)
just Jump?
or did you play the intro as well?
(I helped save b3ta! Zank Frappa Who let the lefties in?, Fri 22 May 2009, 20:36, archived)
The intro?
Isn't that just part of the song.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 22 May 2009, 20:36, archived)
depends....
wether you play it as a seperate entity or as the intro!
(I helped save b3ta! Zank Frappa Who let the lefties in?, Fri 22 May 2009, 20:39, archived)
Walk Like A Man
Franki Valli & the 4 Seasons
(I helped save b3ta! Zank Frappa Who let the lefties in?, Fri 22 May 2009, 20:35, archived)
A Gouda Heart, by Feargal Sharkey

(I helped save b3ta! scott,, Fri 22 May 2009, 20:39, archived)
Alice Cooper, God Made Roll and Roquefort You

Or was that KISS?
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 22 May 2009, 20:47, archived)
I'm like the genie in your lamp, the face on your stamp
The hip hop rocker, the microphone champ.
I've got a knock-out voice,
Like a Rolls Royce ...

Which is a very shoddy lyric as they are famous for being exceptionally quiet automobiles.

It's now the summer. I predict four day weekends and sunburn. And a riot. What do you predict?
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:31, archived)
Ridiculous amounts of rain or an infernal heatwave.
Hmm, it appears my browser is going senile:
"Syntax error in [user script filename], line 425."

It's only got 423 lines. HOW CAN A NON-EXISTENT BIT OF CODE GENERATE A CUNTING SYNTAX ERROR?
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:32, archived)
I love the English obsession and pessimism about the weather.
It's what makes us such thrilling company.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:33, archived)
teaching phrases like "pissing it down" "cats and dogs" and "turned out nice again"
keeps me in potatoes and poppyseed cake
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:47, archived)
Is one of the first conversation topics they learn 'how was your weekend?'
'yeah not bad, yours?'
'alright I guess'
(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:50, archived)
That's pretty much it
we use Language Conditioning, which means the first thing they hear when they sit down at my desk is "what have you been up to?"

Once they've learned to say "oh, you know, not much, bit o' this, bit o' that, you know how it is" instead of "naaahfink", they get a Pass Certificate and a job at the British Council.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:52, archived)
I predict retail therapy darling.
Thanks to some this evening, I have a ridiculous amount of male-oriented skin-technlogy enhancers with marketingbollox™ and mostlywaterandfragranceonol™
(I helped save b3ta! moohalaa, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:33, archived)
Oh moomoo. Bless you.
You're rescuing the economy just through the catastrophe that is your oily youthful visage.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:34, archived)
Only the pink pound can save us!

(I helped save b3ta! moohalaa, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:37, archived)
The what?

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:43, archived)
the money spent in the economy by fruity sorts
who do you think buys this crap?
(I helped save b3ta! moohalaa, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:44, archived)
fruity sorts?

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:45, archived)

www.mooky.net/uploaded_images/Richard-737171.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! moohalaa, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:47, archived)
he went out with my mate's mum.
But still, fruity sorts?
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:48, archived)
MASSIVE STEAMING BUMMERS

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:00, archived)
WHAT?!

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:02, archived)
RECIPROCATING BOTTOM HUGGERS

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:04, archived)
I have heard of this "bumming"
but didn't believe it actually happened.

Well at least it's happening in other countries, I'm totally safe on the south coast.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:05, archived)
PROSTATE JABBING BACK-HAIR STROKERS

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:07, archived)
I'm sorry it's that time of day that the sun shines directly on my screen
so I can't read your post about prostate jabbing back-hair strokers.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:09, archived)
SCROTUM CUPPING CUSHION SCATTERERS

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:13, archived)
Nope
you might as well not be saying scrotum cupping cushion scatterers, can't see a thing.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:15, archived)
lesbians

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:31, archived)
PHWOAR

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:48, archived)
I got some lovely face stuff for my birthday.
Apparently it's made of mushrooms and costs £44 a bottle.
(I helped save b3ta! TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:35, archived)
It's made by Campbells and costs 44 pence a tin.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:36, archived)
linda mccartney's stump grease?
that's fabulous for combination skin.
(I helped save b3ta! moohalaa, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:36, archived)
haha, you're still fat and ugly though

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:37, archived)
I'm fully aware of that
but all this stuff is in French, and the packaging uses phrases like
"Natures energy"
"Bison grass, Chinese galanga, Purslane"
"Intense cellular activity"

I'll be looking like George Clooney in ten days according to this.
(I helped save b3ta! moohalaa, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:41, archived)
Bog standard shave gel.
... employs SSETM v2.0 of our unique Skin Surface Enhancing technology, with DDSTM (Dual Delivery System) ...
(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:10, archived)
It has little pictoral instructions in case you can't read marketing twat.
It's good stuff mind.
(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:11, archived)
Exams
and then drinking strawberry wine in Cornwall.
(I helped save b3ta! TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:33, archived)
having a word with some dodgy crows to sort out the seagull.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:36, archived)
they'll only go and get them selves shot before they manage it

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:42, archived)
Just in:
photo of my harrowing encounter.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:44, archived)
This is the plot of Fritz the Cat, isn't it?

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:44, archived)
my only real knowlege of Fritz the Cat
is a clip of him getting high with a fat black lady crow, which yes, he knobs.

Whilst high.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:48, archived)
That's precisely the scene I'm referring to

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:50, archived)
I miss Vidz
the low budget film review show with the "Welsh bastard".
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:53, archived)
THESE ARROWS ARE GOING INTO MY SKIN
THIS IS A GOOD THING
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:18, archived)
this wasn't meant to be sarcasticaps
I just made a mistake
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:19, archived)
fencing, equestrians, aston martins, wine

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:38, archived)
Do stop messing around, 007. This is serious.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:45, archived)
oh auxilliary-'do'-for-emphasis, how I've missed you
Kiss me.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:48, archived)
Hands off, I saw him first >:(

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:49, archived)
GREY DULL TOO HOT

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:42, archived)
That the new woman will insist we spend tomorrow together and I won't go to Grudziadz to buy a car after all
then I'll mope, and we'll have a tiff, and some hardcore sex, and she'll make me dinner to make up for "ruining my saturday" despite my insistance that she didn't, then we'll phone the seller to see if the car is available on Sunday and he'll say sorry, it's sold already, and I'll be despondant because, despite the rust, I was really enamoured with it cos it's got four wheel drive.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:42, archived)
Pussy-whipped nancyboy.
I believe is the accepted response in such circumstances.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:47, archived)
There'll be other Trabants petal.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:51, archived)
which of course wouldn't rust.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:52, archived)
I like the idea of a 4x4 Trabby

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:52, archived)
what was this car anyway?

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:53, archived)
BMW E30 325iX
www.allegro.pl/show_item.php?item=641547927
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:01, archived)
What's that photo of,
the one of a component that's not actually in the car?
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:04, archived)
yeah, the in-tank fuel pump's fucked
which means you can only drive it on LPG at the moment
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:09, archived)
I was hoping www.allegro.pl
would yield more stuff like this.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:11, archived)
oh, what, you mean
like this?
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:15, archived)
Mustard yellow,
phwoaar!
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:20, archived)
Are you never tempted just to go and buy a new/not very old car and just drive the thing without having to adjust, alter, remove or replace anything?

(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:14, archived)
what's the fucking point in that?
I live 20minutes walk from work anyway, I don't need a car at all. It's not a vehicle, it's a Lego set for grownups.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:17, archived)
Thank heaven for people who like poking around in cars and getting all oily,
because I sure as fuck don't.
(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:23, archived)
Vrooming about
Maybe while singing loudly to myself inside my helmet.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:49, archived)
fancy a bit of surfing?

(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:12, archived)
I could be tempted
When and where?
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:24, archived)
I predict UToL will drink more wee

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:52, archived)
he'll drink so much he'll run out of his own and move on to other people's

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:06, archived)
I am accepting donations.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:23, archived)
I want to fill myself with it to bursting point,
like a yellowy human tick.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:07, archived)
Misery.

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:59, archived)
Inevitably sunburn
I need about 10 minutes in direct light and I'm burnt. *sigh*

I expect everyone I work with to complain about how it is a lovely day and they're stuck inside working, and about how at the weekend it rained. and about how life is sooo unfair. as if they've worked every day that it's ever been sunny. *sigh*
(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:06, archived)
This, without the sunburn.
I have very fair skin but I tan quite quickly.
(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:17, archived)
PIMMS OVERDOSE.
I predict afternoon teas of joy.
(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:18, archived)
I predict I shall have a shit in the morning.

(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:20, archived)
Optimisitic.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:23, archived)
Well yeah but, you know...

(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:26, archived)
BOO!
Ha, that put paid to your plans. Where's the mop and bucket?
(I helped save b3ta! The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Fri 22 May 2009, 19:28, archived)
A night out in shoreditch + getting an early train in the morning + not having packed yet = JAPERY.

(I helped save b3ta! rosie posie tingly bongly, Fri 22 May 2009, 19:27, archived)
I want to add some rapping to a thing I did but I don't know how to do rapping without sounding like a middle-aged white man who doesn't know how to rap trying to rap.
When you are rapping what tricks do you use to sound like you know how to rap?
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:51, archived)
I write down some lyrics that rhyme
then I find a beat that matches my natural flow
then I punch myself in the throat and, whilst rolling around gasping for air like a seagull-beplucked koi carp on the lawn, realise that anyone who raps is a cunt, and bin the idea.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:53, archived)
Rapping is the new crooning.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:53, archived)
My rhymes flow like my charts.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:10, archived)
I'm spittin' like Sylvester
when I'm lookin' atchor Tweety Pie, baby girl
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:14, archived)
I gotta plyon
checkin' out her nylons
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:18, archived)
I like to roll my R's
For example RrRRrRrRRrRRRRr EWIND


Also, saying "Uh..Uh..." every so often, and sprinkle "fuckin'" and "ma hoes" around the gaps in the "songs".
(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:54, archived)
I'm far too intelligent to be able to rap

(I helped save b3ta! minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:55, archived)
Say that to MC Hawkings

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:56, archived)
ok, how can I contact him?

(I helped save b3ta! minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:57, archived)
Only by getting to the finals of the 2009 World Rap Battle.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:58, archived)
Surely releasing an independant 7" vinyl dissin' his homies and saying all his bitches got pox, yo
would get him round to your crib sharpish
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:01, archived)
or saying all his bitches work in the private care industry.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:21, archived)
Why the fuck would I want to rap?

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 22 May 2009, 18:00, archived)
If Baldmonkey starts to rap, rapping will be considered cool again
and the whole board will be doing it. You don't want to feel left out do you?
(I helped save b3ta! minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:06, archived)
hold onto your bottom lip
this will make you sound blacker.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:06, archived)
I just got attacked by some cunt seagull on my roof
dirty motherfucking gull fucker.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:10, archived)
This actually happened :(

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:21, archived)
I HOPE YOU ARE OK

(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:29, archived)
Hold me :(

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:34, archived)
attacked as in pecked/clawed?

(I helped save b3ta! Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:29, archived)
it's eyes like hot coals the fearsome beast dove at me, it's cruel talons outstretched, all the time screeching like a devil;
so I waved my arms around and screamed and it backed off, this happened a few times.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:34, archived)
yo, I totally shot a policeman daddy-o

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:10, archived)
I am raising my hands in a manner showing a general disregard for things.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:20, archived)
I say hey
ho
hey
ho
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:13, archived)
Well I click my fingers
and stomp my feet
& shake my white bottom
to the funky beat
if you can look
as cool as me
then a tip-top rapper
you will surely be
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:25, archived)
I am cringing so much I just turned inside out.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:28, archived)
Wow. You're even sexier on the inside.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:28, archived)
it's what's inside that counts!

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 18:30, archived)
how would one pretend or at least attemp to look sober
when one is actually a bit wobbly......
solutions, internet people! NOW!
(I helped save b3ta! Godzuki needs more sleep., Fri 22 May 2009, 17:43, archived)
no time sorry, no offence
fuck off, bye
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:44, archived)
charming.
fuck yourself up the bum.
No offence.
(I helped save b3ta! Godzuki needs more sleep., Fri 22 May 2009, 17:49, archived)
I suggest a course of hardening the fuck up.
Or, rig a breathaliser so when you blow into it with alcohol breath it says you are stone cold sober. Then use this as evidence of your sobriety.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 22 May 2009, 17:44, archived)
Shut the fuck up, sit down and don't make eye contact.
Pissed people give themselves away by stinking breath and stupid comments.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:44, archived)
Stinking breath and stupid comments?
In that case, my housemate is raging alcoholic.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 22 May 2009, 17:45, archived)
Winner

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:46, archived)
+a constant sweaty sheen on their forehead.

(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:46, archived)
walk to the corner
face the corner

stay there until sober, ignoring anyone who talks to you in the meantime.
(I helped save b3ta! minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:45, archived)
Claim to be mentally disabled.

(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:45, archived)
stick your head underwater in the sink for 15 minutes

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:48, archived)
Eat something stodgy.
Drink loads of water or orange juice.

Then once you have achieved sobriety, stop drinking so you never have to worry about faking it again.
(I helped save b3ta! The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Fri 22 May 2009, 17:55, archived)
^
You can also then remember all of the embarrassing things your friends do when they're pissed that they won't remember. Then tell them about it in public.

Edit: Bye bye, Mrs HB, bye bye /talky types. Have lovely extended weekends.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:56, archived)
That's evil...
I like it

Bye bye captain, have a fun star trek, picnic, photoshoot filled weekend
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:59, archived)
Thanks, you too.
My son hates me doing this. This makes me do it more.
(I helped save b3ta! The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Fri 22 May 2009, 18:02, archived)
If you're in a position
to be constantly leaning against something without appearing suspicious, that'd be a great start.
(Sparkytus is obviously not a golfer, Fri 22 May 2009, 20:32, archived)
JMG.
I've returned from outside business, and where were we?
Ah yes. The football.


Who'd like to condemn us to the Championship nice and loudly so all the girls can see you being ROFL?
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 17:27, archived)
I think it would be for the best JMG
Lawro agrees with me, which make me question my beliefs somewhat though.
(I helped save b3ta! minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:29, archived)
Lawro's predictions (or How Many will Liverpool win by?) can never be trusted.
He's had the hump with us ever since he was fired by the club.
Also, he was hit on the head with a pastie at our semi-final in Cardiff.

Sir Les Ferdinand was cheered like a King.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 17:32, archived)
How is getting into a Championship a bad thing?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:29, archived)
Sounds like less sitting down if you ask me.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:30, archived)
I suspect that soccer players and fans are in favour of soccer.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:31, archived)
I'm not to be blamed for that.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:31, archived)
Would you like to explain why you used the word "soccer" then put a u in "favour"?
Soccer = American English. If you're going to use that, you might as well say favor. We in Engerland enjoy Football, or, at a push "Association Football", no portmanteau.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 22 May 2009, 17:40, archived)
I don't understand why I just did the post I did.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 22 May 2009, 17:40, archived)
you know the English and their liking to do things in reverse
Championship is a step down in this case
(I helped save b3ta! minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:31, archived)
No wonder they lost their empire.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:32, archived)
Yes, because the Premier League isn't actually the premier league,
no, wait, it is.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 22 May 2009, 17:36, archived)
shut up
this sub-thread is reserved for mocking the English
(I helped save b3ta! minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:38, archived)
division one is where all the cool cats hang out

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:29, archived)
You're going to be relegated JMG.
My major sadness is that Sunderland won't go down :(
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 22 May 2009, 17:34, archived)
Keep the faith MoT.
We've seen enough turnarounds on the final day over the years.
I'll be keeping confidence until the final whistle.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 17:37, archived)
If Hull go pointless, Boro (who have the easiest tie) could manage to stay up, which means newcastle and hull go down.
This is the only change from the current table I can honestly forsee.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 22 May 2009, 17:41, archived)
Monaco Grand Prix on sunday

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:38, archived)
I'd like to see Nelson Piquet Jr. crash in the tunnel and cause major havok.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 22 May 2009, 17:43, archived)
Oh Delirium Spong..
Will you ever learn?
(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:18, archived)
ha ha.
Internets fail again.
(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 22 May 2009, 17:21, archived)
SHUT UP I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:26, archived)
i'm going now, you'll never guess where or what i'm going to sleep in

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:27, archived)
GIMME A 'B'!

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:28, archived)
B

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:28, archived)
GIMME AN 'IVVY'!

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:34, archived)
ivvy

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:35, archived)
Is it because he's found more links than you?

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:28, archived)
I'm the strophunter.

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:30, archived)
stro-funter
i'm going to the pub
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:46, archived)
fuck you, I found the Wormulus one
that surely deserves some kind of internet award ceremony
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:33, archived)
I'm having my dinner made for me right now by the missus.
And I won a bottle of tequila last night.
Just thought I'd let you all know.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:17, archived)
Tequila's nasty.
I've got rose syrup. I'm going to make turkish delight over the weekend.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:19, archived)
No thank you I don't like that.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:22, archived)
Well I do, and you like tequila so you're wrong.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:22, archived)
I'm taller than you so you're really wrong.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:23, archived)
Know why you're tall?
SATAN. That's why.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:24, archived)
Yes, I inherited half my DNA of the chap.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:26, archived)
Well.... good. Then.
Now what?
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:28, archived)
Canasta?
Bridge?
Ski boxing?
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:28, archived)
Mucky scrabble?

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:30, archived)
I love tequila.
I'm on your side doc.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:25, archived)
Good stuff, nice to see some quality drunks around here.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:26, archived)
If there'sa margarita around
I'll slurp it,
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:28, archived)
Yeah but the thing you have to remember about tequila
is that it's shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:19, archived)
Not the good stuff.
I just need some Creme de Cacao Blanc and I can make the world's best cocktail in the world.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:21, archived)
What you having for dinner?

(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:19, archived)
*Picards*

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:20, archived)
eh?

(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:20, archived)
Tea. Earl Grey.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:20, archived)
ohh
I'm very confused.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:22, archived)
Make it so.

(I helped save b3ta! FoldsFive, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:22, archived)
Fuck off, Q.
Or words to that effect. You are not Q.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:24, archived)
The Dave Continuum is considerably less powerful than the Q one.
Even though we are Legion.
(I helped save b3ta! FoldsFive, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:25, archived)
However there are more of you than any other type of being the world over.
world galaxy. Whoops.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:25, archived)
I know.... 5.
The only people with my name are wiccans that've changed their names, their children and Scottish children actually called 'From'.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:29, archived)
So Picard couldn't get the thread into the needle on his old Singer, so he took it down to whichever cunt was in the repair place on the ship and he says, get this;
"My sewing machine's fucked. Fix it."
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:24, archived)
ENGORGE

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:25, archived)
Take over, number one.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:27, archived)
Lasagne.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:21, archived)
I just found a tenner in the street
FUCK YOU WORLD
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:25, archived)
Oh hello.
I don't have a job at the moment, so I'm back to /talk entertaining me.

What's your party peice?

I can fit my fist in my mouth and sing like Belinda Carlisle.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:34, archived)
BANJO!

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:35, archived)
Sweet.
Do you strum a whole tune?
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:35, archived)
Lots of them.
The last session I was at we all played for about three hours, and none of the musicians had ever played together before.
Great gas altogether.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:37, archived)
musical instruments at parties are usually a party killer,
no offence.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:39, archived)
Only if they play songs I don't know the words to.
If I can sing along I love it.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:44, archived)
The hemp trousers stay inside to sway and talk about lentils then, I find
I go outside to smoke and look at stars.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:52, archived)
I had a party at uni
where a bunch of art students were outside playing the bongos in a circle until 5am.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:54, archived)
Pricks

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:56, archived)
Fucking cocks.
Nobody's allowed to play them except Jack Lemmon, for starters.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:56, archived)
Still a good party,
and I was drunk/stoned enough to pass out over the sound of hippies.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:01, archived)
*pats* awwwwwww.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:02, archived)
I have to agree with you

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:54, archived)
You haven't been to a proper hooley, then.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:03, archived)
Unless that's the intention of the party in the first place.
I'd never bring an instrument the party unless I'm asked to, and I never start playing until the host requests it.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:05, archived)
My tongue is about 6in long

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:35, archived)
When sticking out?
I can't even touvh my nose with mine.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:36, archived)
It's the same length wether I stick it out or not silly girl
It's a bit like a mongs tongue only less scabrous and worn.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:38, archived)
My tongue is about 6" long in my mouth.
But I can't stick it out far.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:12, archived)
I can still be interesting when I don't drink alcoholic drinks.
Also, I'm fucking ace at distracting people.
(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:35, archived)
What distractionary techniques do you use>?

(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:37, archived)
Mostly dancing.
I do a great "what the hell is that" dance.
(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:42, archived)
I do this dance too!
It's so much fun.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:43, archived)
what do you mean, "still"?

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:46, archived)
I can swallow hot dogs whole.
I once beat a gay man at a hot dog swallowing competition.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:36, archived)
And I can tie knots in cherry stalks with my tongue

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:36, archived)
I learned to do this last year.
I swallowed 12 stalks before I got the hang of it.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:38, archived)

at a hot dog swallowing competition
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:36, archived)

+ with my extendable clitoris.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:37, archived)
That too.
I beat him until he was DEAD.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:38, archived)
I bet he was black and a cripple as well as a gay.
You hidous bigot.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:38, archived)
He had no legs by the time I'd finished with him.
I'm a terrible terrible person. Worse than Hitler.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:39, archived)
you're like hitler, raping fritzl dressed as that looming mental woman off "Britains got mentals"

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:56, archived)
Holden?

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:57, archived)
She's not looming
she just sits there with her horrible dead skin, acting like she's interesting and good looking when she's neither.

She should be killed for not being better than she is.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:58, archived)
Plastic Slag.
Not you, Holden.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:58, archived)
My thoughts exactly.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:00, archived)
Is she even a slag ?
I cant see who would want to shag her, shes a fucking ugly cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:00, archived)
She cheated on Les Dennis with Neil bloody Morrissey.
Her piss poor taste aside, I don't like her anyway, which may be clouding my judgement. She just looks as cheap as I suspect she is.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:02, archived)
I'd say anyone married to Les Dennis
could be forgiven for cheating on him with Neil out of the fucking young ones let alone Mr Morrissey.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:02, archived)
I just don't like her, Goaty.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:04, archived)
I dont like her at all
but I think I prefer her to Les Dennis
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:04, archived)
I prefer Les.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:05, archived)
You sick fuck

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:06, archived)
Nobody with clothes on has ever said that to me.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:07, archived)
You asume too much young lady
*bommyknocks keyboard*
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:11, archived)
Alright
nobody that wasn't sat shaking in the corner clutching a carving knife has ever said that to me.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:12, archived)
That's one of the sweetest things anyone's ever said about me.
Thanks, you massive mooby fuckbag
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:58, archived)
Mooby ?
I've lost 2 stone since you met me.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:01, archived)
If i'm honest I only really remember you being very
very tall. I wasn't paying attention to your moobs, or not moobs as the case may be.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:18, archived)
I before e except after C. Repeating that.(I have nothing better in my life)
Having backwards arms, doing my impression of Poppy the cat off the Wye bird stop and finding the faults of everyone else there.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:36, archived)
I don't feel so bad about yesterday now :D

(I helped save b3ta! Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:37, archived)
What happened yesterday?
Hi poppet *hug* I really am that forgetful.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:38, archived)
I know that saying, thing is, I can't tell ifI've put them round the right way when I look at the word,

(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:39, archived)
I'm just being a twat, I wouldn't worry about it.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:42, archived)
I'm not worried.
Bad spelling is a part of my charm *dazzles*
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:44, archived)
The Wye Bird stop
was the worst of all the playbus stops.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:40, archived)
SHUT THE FUCK UP
I can't do impressions of anyone else, I can only do impressions of me doing impressions of them. My Lloyd Grossman's quite impressive, if you like that sort of thing.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:42, archived)
Actually that mime stop was also pretty shit
I think it was the circle stop or the dot stop.

I do not like that sort of thing, it'll probably leave me crying and confused
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:44, archived)
Phwoar.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:45, archived)
you're such a perve

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:51, archived)
Of course.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:52, archived)
I can do impressions of
Zippy & George (though in my animations, Edd Egg's voice is very similar, so now my attempts at Zippy just sound like Edd Egg)
Patrick Stewart
Brain Blessed (needs a bit more work though)
Andy Parsons
Goofy
Heath Ledger/Joker
Solid Snake
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:48, archived)
I can do accents, but not impressions.
The wife is the other way around.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:48, archived)
I can do a handful of accents too
Mainly Brum for the toons.
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:52, archived)
Edd egg is just you.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:50, archived)
Your MUM is just you.

(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:50, archived)
Well, I AM Norman Bates
LOLOL
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:53, archived)
sitting quietly in the corner
looking like a deer in the headlights when people talk to me.
(I helped save b3ta! Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:36, archived)
That's a skill in itself my dear (hehe)
I'm never allowed to stay in the corner. I have a party to go to tonight, and I just know they are not going to let me be,
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:41, archived)
'get the fuck away from me or I shall steal your wallet, go to your house and bite your children'

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:45, archived)
I'm just too polite to say such things to myfriends,
Myspace bar sucks today.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:51, archived)
What sucks?

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:53, archived)
my keyboard space bar, notspacing sowell,

(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:55, archived)
OH.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:56, archived)
Nobody puts Fluzzy in the corner.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:52, archived)
Now I'm singing about having the time ofmy life,
and imagining fluzzy dirty dancing,
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:58, archived)

inda lender
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:36, archived)
That's a drag tribute act in the making.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:37, archived)
I always think of her as "Bellender Carlisle"

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:38, archived)
I saw her live once
she touched my hand.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:41, archived)
I'd bellend 'er Carlisle.
Hang on, that didn't work did it?
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:45, archived)
It did
if you assume that "carlisle" is a euphemism for her vadge.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:47, archived)
Oops, sorry

(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:42, archived)
didn't you just get a job?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:39, archived)
I got a short contract a few months back.
ended, now jobless and soon to be homeless.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:42, archived)
:(
Well, anyway it's good to see you back on /talk
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:44, archived)
Thanks Chompy.
*hugs*
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:46, archived)
People see the size of my shoes
and they all laugh, it's a winner ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:41, archived)
That happens to me too!
It's often remarked on how I manage to not fall over all the time.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:43, archived)
Mine are the opposite

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:47, archived)
What size?

(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:49, archived)
UK 15

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:51, archived)
Fucking hell.

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:53, archived)
Are you tall with it?
Cos 5'4" would make melaugh. 6'4" would make me swoon,
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:55, archived)
6'6"

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:57, archived)
*swoons*
Then big feet is a good thing,
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:59, archived)
You'd run in terror if you really saw me
Big feet isn't a good thing, shoes cost a fortune and decent looking pairs are few and far between.
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:01, archived)
She wouldn't
RIGHT

My Phil who has just left is 6ft7 and a size 13.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:03, archived)
RIGHT

(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:09, archived)
Bah, nothing scares me.
I'm dating Mono for goodness sakes.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:04, archived)
Lord, they are expensive.
Though I like the look of these
www.walktall.co.uk/vans-widow-plus-large-size-nubuck-skate-shoe-black-p-3263.html?osCsid=152f241110676754d5652f52960c1740?size=17
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:15, archived)
They aren't that expensive in the scheme of things
But when I was a size 14 I could get 2 pairs for the price of one pair now.

I just bought some new DC trainers I'm looking forward to wearing at the bash.
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:41, archived)
That's still disproportionately clownish though
I'm 6'4 and only have size 11s.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:02, archived)
i can do _this_
*does*
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:44, archived)
Wow!
*is amazed*
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:47, archived)
Twisting my left foot back 180 degrees.
Legs apart (not feet side-by-side) and without bending my knees.
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:45, archived)
That sounds freaky.
Does it hurt?
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:49, archived)
No, otherwise I wouldn't do it.
I can remove my arm too, but that would bloody hurt.
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:50, archived)
I take a box of matches, tear off the striking surface
fold it lengthways and place if surface down in an ashtray, then set it on fire.
Then I take the greasy residue left on the ashtray, and rub it between my fingers, and amaze people with my awesome smoking fingertips.

It works well if you do the ashtray-burning in secret, then take your besmeared fingers over to a girl you like, rub her earlobe and show her the smoke, proclaiming "WOAH! YOU'RE HOT!"
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:45, archived)
has that ever worked?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:48, archived)
worked in what sense?
Producing smoke?
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:50, archived)
worked in the sense that you slept with the girl you rubbed chemicals on.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:53, archived)
Why would I want to do that?
What sort of desperate cunt goes to bars to find women to sleep with?
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:57, archived)
It's more common than you'd think.

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:05, archived)
This would certainly explain the increase in ugly people in and around Britain

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:08, archived)
I am placing a £5 bet on
"no"
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:57, archived)
That's pretty cool.
But if someone did the ear thing to me, I'd run a mile.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:53, archived)
Helllllllooooooooooooo
typically I can drink a longneck faster than anyone
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:46, archived)
Well done at having a throat as wide and loose as your vagina

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:48, archived)
Faster than someone with a straw?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:51, archived)
Hello sweetcakes.
What's a longneck? Some kind of Turkey?
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:57, archived)
Today I've had 6 cups of tea and 5 satsumas.
So I guess my party piece is chain eating satsumas and chain drinking tea.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 22 May 2009, 16:46, archived)
Tea!
Now that's a good idea.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:48, archived)
I'm in the kitchen doing my work on the kitchen table.
I just made two of my housemates a cup of tea. they think I'm being nice, but actually I just wanted to remove the need for them to enter my revision zone.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 22 May 2009, 16:53, archived)
win-win situation

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:59, archived)
hello again
how's things?
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:51, archived)
Hello spangles.
Things are ok. How's you my sweets?
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:02, archived)
damn good, thanks
:)
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:12, archived)
I can recite all the soliloquys from Hamlet
and do all the important heroic bits from Henry V
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

Hamlet Rambo
Henry Police Academy
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:58, archived)
I *heart* you Double R

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:59, archived)
I can do all of Withnail and I

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:09, archived)
I do a brilliant Joe Pasquale impression
and an equally impressive Heather Small impression
and I know all the words to Doop
(I helped save b3ta! Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:03, archived)
This would impress ,me.

(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:04, archived)
I can do scarily good impressions (e.g. Cilla Black),
and if I'm thirsty enough, can chug down pints in record time.

And I can effortlessly wind up arrogant, stuck-up twats whose faces look like they had a serious argument with a door in their youth and think they're the next Aphex Twin just because they excrete wacky, broken-sounding music.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:04, archived)
I wish I could do impressions,
Wynoh is good at them too.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:07, archived)
If somebody annoying is talking to me and I want them to bugger off, I do a spectacularly creepy Donald Pleasance.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:09, archived)
I can do a fantastic impression of the holocaust

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:06, archived)
But you never get the smell quite right.
But still, 4/5 would hire this holocaust impersonator for another Bar Mitzvah.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:10, archived)
CHECK OUT MY CARD TRICK!
www.gilgamesh.zen.co.uk/video/0001.wmv

form an orderly queue to have sex with me
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:12, archived)
I'm impressed, but it's notsex good,
more ofa half hearted BJ good.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:18, archived)
OH YEAH WELL FUCK YOU THEN, FUCK YOU VERY MUCH

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:25, archived)
Has nobody done this then?
in mouth up clunge
(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 22 May 2009, 17:14, archived)
I can
vibrate my eyes like Johnny 5.

It's gotten me WAY more action than he ever got, mind.
(Sparkytus is obviously not a golfer, Fri 22 May 2009, 20:34, archived)
I've tried out a few new podcasts lately
I tried one called "Sick and wrong". Here is my synopsis :

Duuude, I like, totally found a story about something sick !
What is it dude?
Well there was this Indian Dude right ?
Yah ?
In India, and he totally didnt have a bath for 35 years ?
NO way man
Yah, I can like totally imagine how he smelled, cause I know this indian guy who smells.
Totally
He smells of like curry and animal feaces.


It was shit. Anyone got anything good to reccommend.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:18, archived)
Beirut. It's music.
I don't really listen to podcasts.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:19, archived)
Then your reply is a bit superfluous here

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:20, archived)
I know, but I wanted to help.
You could pretend it was a podcast from the land of musical instruments, and that's how they talk...
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:20, archived)
You are so nice
I wish I was as nice as you.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:22, archived)
Bet you don't really.
Even I don't wish I was as nice as me, I'm too soft.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:23, archived)
Slightly soft and slighty over sensitive
but very nice.

And you wave your bum and fanny around when putting your jeans on.

And you dont hold a grudge about me upsetting you too much.

Is this Pandering ?
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:24, archived)
Let's consult Hilary Clinton
The answer is inconclusive
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:25, archived)
I've had her
she had an eyeball instead of a clitoris.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:26, archived)
Ah, the fabled ocular vagina
Most favoured they are in Hawaii
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:27, archived)
Yeah, but her cunt reeks of rotting Petit Filous
and when she smiles it's like Slimer smeared his ectoplasm all over Stone Henge.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:25, archived)
That pales into insignificance
when you consider all the skiddy bits of poo on her bumhole.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:26, archived)
You said you were saving them for later, don't blame me.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:27, archived)
Love you too, schnookums.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:27, archived)
I'm not sure, I haven't been pandered at in a while.
I used to be, and then they all met me and oh, how I was a big fatty and then it stopped :-(
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:26, archived)
I have never met you and I'm still not pandering at you
But my, what a lovely blouse you're wearing
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:27, archived)
Why thank you.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:29, archived)
It's not a blouse
it's a tit-tent
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:29, archived)
It doesnt make a lot of difference to me how fat or ugly you are
I dont want to have sex with anyone on the internet
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:27, archived)
I want to have dinner with loads of b3tans.
Not in a sexy way, just because conversation is good and food is better.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:29, archived)
You want to be around b3tans when they're eating?
You're a nutjob.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:30, archived)
I want to be around b3tans when I'M eating.
Sod them.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:31, archived)
I went to a couple of OMGB45H's
But people were all a lot more "wallflowery" in real life. They had fuck all to say in most cases.

The agressive ones were all silent disdain and the hyperactive young ones were all teenage gawkiness.

Fenris and I stripped to the waist, oiled each others torsos and wrestled some life into the party.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:31, archived)
I'm sorry I missed that.
I was too busy being OMGMENTAL at the bash you were at.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:32, archived)
Give over were you
all the girls were all like "OMG, QUIET BOYS WHO ARE ENTRANCED BY MY BIG FAT TITS"
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:32, archived)
I really wasn't.
Not at that one anyway. I spent an awful lot of time sitting alone drinking soft drinks. I can really only remember talking with Flappers and that's because he made me.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:34, archived)
I have a feeling that's what I'll be like next weekend
I won't have to worry about talking to anyone because I will scare them away
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:36, archived)
I'm sure you won't.
I was depressed and on medication and had tried to get out of going to that bash.

I went to the christmas one this year and was back to my normal, lairy, flirtatious, gobby, twatty self.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:37, archived)
It's true.
A PROPER twat.
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:45, archived)
I NO RITE

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:49, archived)
JUST HOW WE LIKE YOU

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:50, archived)
VALIDATION
ONLINE
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:54, archived)
YOU KNOWS I FUCKIN LOVES YOU RIGH.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:56, archived)
I stand outside smoking and talking to older men about things I have no business knowing.
As usual.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:32, archived)
I'm a lot older than you
but I doubt I know anything you have no business knowing.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:33, archived)
I bet you do.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:34, archived)
Invite them all round your gaff then
and make a big pit of chilli.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:31, archived)
In my house?
I've realised I actually have incredu-face on.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:32, archived)
It's the best way
Give total strangers your address and then be prepared to find a sweaty 15 year old looking in your knicker drawer.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:36, archived)
one word: randomburn.
*shivers*
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:39, archived)
Prepare for jizz crusted pants coming through the post

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:40, archived)
God, I hope so.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:42, archived)

chilli minced kitten surprise
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:34, archived)
I'm a hardfaced cow.
*snarls*
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:24, archived)
You've been one of the nicest to me, over here.
Not gone unnoticed.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:25, archived)
Daw shucks.
*blushes*
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:29, archived)
You're buttering me up for gay gingerness, I can tell.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:30, archived)
Blue Star can be hard faced and nice simultaneously.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:30, archived)
Like an easter island statue with a pretty flower on it's head.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:33, archived)
I like the Rock, Paper, Shotgun podcasts
They are about PC Games. If you like PC Games you should listen to them. If not you'll think they're shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:20, archived)
It's PC gone mad.

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:20, archived)
You can't call a Mac a Mac anymore
Mental.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:22, archived)
OMG you cant say "mental" any more ?
You have to say "Fuckwit"
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:24, archived)
SORRY SORRY
Don't get the police on me, I'll be good, I'll be good.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:25, archived)
Radio 4

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:20, archived)
I havent got a radio

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:20, archived)
you can get it on the internet

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:21, archived)

www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/podcasts/
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:21, archived)
You have the internet though

(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:21, archived)
No
No I havent.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:22, archived)
There could be a problem with what I was going to suggest then

(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:24, archived)
Adam and Joe on six music (they do podcasts)
Frost/Nixon
The Wrestler
My lemon drizzle cake
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:20, archived)
What's the ratio of lemoness to drizzleness?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:22, archived)
There's lemon zest in the cake
and lemon juice in the drizzle. It's more lemony than drizzly.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:23, archived)
That sounds like a good ratio
Will you eat it with Ice Cream or cream or just unadulterated?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:25, archived)
Just on its own.
Cream makes me want to vomit and it's too good for ice cream.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:26, archived)
Lemon duce in the jizzle

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:25, archived)
Lemon Duce?
Like the famous dictator Mussolemoni?
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:26, archived)
He made the trains run on time
and smell fresh and lemony.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:30, archived)

i hy
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:30, archived)
The earliest example
of biofuels.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:35, archived)
Professionally produced studio shows
rather than amateurish shit-quality unfiltered verbal effluence.
Homespun podcasts are the latest demonstration of just how shit humans can be if you give them half a chance.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:22, archived)
you should do a podcast about all the things you hate

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:25, archived)
I don't hate anything
there's nothing in the universe that deserves that much of my attention.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:28, archived)
I'd recommend sitting in your pants eating icecream and watching buffy the vampire slayer

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:22, archived)
Totally

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:24, archived)
I really wish I was only wearing pants right this minute

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:27, archived)
Take your trousers off then you weirdo

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:29, archived)
The Hare Krishnas always seem very keen to recommend something.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:24, archived)
Angry & Cliff are good
www.iamlivid.com
(I helped save b3ta! Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:31, archived)
You could try baldmonkey's podcast.
I hear that it's utterly briliant.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:33, archived)
here's a question I'm not sure on how to go about answering...
depending on the answer, the licence for a particular piece of software varies...

are political parties deemed (in the eyes of the law - not by our cynical ones) as non-profit organisations?

EDIT: PS it's Friday and I'm very tired...
(likeajackhammer, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:56, archived)
no

(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:57, archived)
I'd have thought so.

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:57, archived)
I think there's an internet thing that helps you find information out.
It's called ruegle or dougal or something.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:57, archived)
I thought I'd also ask to see where people's opinions lie...
I found it quite interesting if you must know..

*throws head up*
(likeajackhammer, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:59, archived)
*catches, glues to shoulder*
Check me, I'm Richard E Grant.


No, finders keepers.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:00, archived)
hubare's going to take you over
hubare's going to take you over
beware beware, you'll drive a vauxhall nova
when hubare's head doth take you over
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:11, archived)
doth is one of those words
that is only ever used to make something scan. like "twix't"
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:12, archived)
Verily
dude.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:15, archived)

it's also useful for writing Star Wars-themed sonnets
Oh, how much more Doth Vader beauteous seem, and so on
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:23, archived)
I drive an astra at the moment.
Well, sort of. I own it.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:13, archived)
My Accord pwns your astra

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:13, archived)
my astra was FREE, motherfucker.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:13, archived)
I dont even have an Accord.
LIES, ON THE CUNTING INTERNET !
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:15, archived)
Well then in that case I CAN drive my car.
Brooooooooooooom vroom vroom vroom squeeeeee CKSHHHHH.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:17, archived)
Crashing isn't fun :(
Unless it's Gran Turismo, then you just bounce off the wall and carry on going
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:18, archived)
Neeeeow.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:20, archived)

Crashing is always fun
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:23, archived)
it's started! it's started!

(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:17, archived)
Awwww, my big grown up woman!
Mummy's pads are in the bathroom, do you know how to use them?
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:19, archived)
:o
i wasn't expecting that
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:22, archived)
You're 13 love, it's a perfectly normal age.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:24, archived)
my tits hurt

(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:42, archived)
Stop flirting, you weirdo.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:44, archived)
i'm so confused!

(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:49, archived)
that's a rather obscure film reference

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:11, archived)
So is YOUR MUM.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:12, archived)
First one that came into my head.
This head. The prettier one.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:12, archived)
not it's not
"Check me, I'm Mark Wing Davey" would have been an obscure reference
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:16, archived)
And so would this
www.b3ta.com/talk/6132279
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:18, archived)
awesome

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:20, archived)

pffft 'Dougal'
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:01, archived)
also... what would the query be... SMARTY PANTS!

(likeajackhammer, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:02, archived)
politcal party non-profit "organisation?"

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:04, archived)
THE MAN IS A GENIUS !

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:13, archived)
"Dog vomitting in to naked woman's mouth"
The quote marks are essential for accurate results.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:10, archived)
As far as I'm aware political parties exist in a class of their own.
Just like people with severe learning difficulties.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:58, archived)
The wife's mum sits on them for a living.
(she works in s special school and that's one of the few ways you're allowed to restrain them)
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:59, archived)
Is that how you met?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:02, archived)
Actually, I met him in our local rock pub.
He was the lead singer of a band, I was an impressionable 14 year old, I thought he was Johnny Depp... 6 years of friendship later, we finally got together.

Oh, sorry, HA. ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:03, archived)
Yeah you totally missed my burn there,
I was saying you were a spastic, and that your boyfriend was the sort who dated the children under his care.

rofl.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:05, archived)
Jealous. You want my bones.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:06, archived)
only to make crude tools

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:08, archived)
yeah, to FUCK ME WITH.
I should calm down.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:08, archived)
Is the aircon off in your office or something?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:09, archived)
Do women only love you because of heatstroke?
Oh, Chompius :-(
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:11, archived)
Women love me for my fucking charm.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:13, archived)
Not your charming fuck?
'I do apologise, my sweet, but I fear I may be about to ejaculate in your eye'.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:14, archived)
I'd be honoured if you'd put it in your mouth now my love.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:16, archived)
"Cum for me, you fucker, oh hnnnghhh!"
"Oh no, my dear, after you"
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:18, archived)
If only I didn't know you were talking about jobbies.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:18, archived)
I'm a dentist
I was fitting your new retainer.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:23, archived)
I could use some braces, actually.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:24, archived)
yeah bet you could,
bet you're desperate for braces.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:27, archived)
I'm a ho for the orthodontic wire apparatuses.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:28, archived)
Who wouldn't, it would be like having a life-sized posing mannequin
Oh right, you meant still attached to you
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:09, archived)
Unless you'd like to carry around Captain Bag.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:12, archived)

Yeah you totally missed chose to ignore my burn there.
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:07, archived)
sorry, I didn't mean to offend you,

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:08, archived)
I think I hear the blaring horn of the Internet White Knight being blown
Too-too!
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:09, archived)
I'm adorable, he can't help wanting to protect me.
Thank you, lovely Max.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:10, archived)
I'm sorry, don't shout at me
I didn't mean it.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:11, archived)
I don't think we can withstand this two pronged attack

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:11, archived)
I've already folded
The massive coward that I am
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:12, archived)
Be nice to me and I'll bribe you with a drink.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:13, archived)
I am nice to you,
now shutup with yer moanin
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:15, archived)
NAW.
You never send me flowers.

Oh, alright then. You are nice, actually. Aw.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:16, archived)
You know you love it, worm.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:11, archived)
How did you know my ex's pet name for me?

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:12, archived)
Your flies are undone, chap.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:13, archived)
Nonsense, I have safety flies
I have to get a grown up just to help me pee
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:14, archived)
Do those really exist?

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:15, archived)
If not, they should
I need something to stop Mr Squinky flopping out when I'm doing things like going to the shop, holding meetings or attending funerals.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:17, archived)
I'd be really happy if there was accidental wang at my fineral.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:22, archived)
I see what you did there

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:14, archived)
actual LAUGH OUT LOL

(likeajackhammer, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:59, archived)
I'm eating Hobnobs

(I helped save b3ta! Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:59, archived)
I'm proper knackered today.
It's utter gash.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:59, archived)
I'm gingerly waving my mini "TFI FRIDAY" flag

(likeajackhammer, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:00, archived)
You stole that one from me.
You should have a hubare sized flag.

How are you, lovely?
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:02, archived)
not bad... very tired and skint, though
ready to go home and waste my weekend... you?

EDIT: also, Ireland's RAIN\BLAZING SUN\RAIL\BLAZING SUN\HAIL\RAIN weather is getting me dizzy
(likeajackhammer, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:03, archived)
Pretty much the same.
Not a clue how to spend the weekend. Possibly asleep, or in a drunken haze.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:06, archived)
You mean you work on the street holding up a sign advertising a chain restaurant?
I know the recession is hitting hard and all, but you can do better than this.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:02, archived)
but i get FREE INTERNET!
\o/
(likeajackhammer, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:04, archived)
They receive donations and spend them on posters and stickers and leaflets
which makes them like religions and charities and all the other mentals who don't live in the real world.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:03, archived)
what world do they live in, then?
and how do I get there?
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:04, archived)
The world where shoving paper through letterboxes equates to "making an impact"

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:06, archived)
But it does.
Every so often you get a candidate who says "Fuck all this leaflet and poster nonsense, it doesn't make a difference."
Then they lose their deposits.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:08, archived)
I got some paper like that the other day.
There is a quote from someone called Gillian on it. It says "I'm not voting for the Tories because of the last recession, never mind this one."
Which is perhaps the most astonishingly poor bit of reasoning I've ever seen, as well as an utterly desperate attempt at distraction.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:09, archived)
That's not illogical.
Leaving aside the question of whether or not you agree with the proposition she's saying "I've seen how the Tories act during a recession, and I don't like it."
Perfectly logical.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:11, archived)
No, she's saying
there was a recession during the last Tory government, which was the fault of the Tories because they were in government. Whereas this one doesn't count.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:13, archived)
Maybe this one doesn't.
Did you get a terms of usage statement with your recession?
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:14, archived)
Eh?
You've lost me now.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:15, archived)
we should start awarding a prize for the dullest question of the day

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:11, archived)
Alright Frank?

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:13, archived)
hello sexy buttocks
I'm wall to wall and treetop tall, how's your bum for spots today?
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:16, archived)
Not bad.
Tired and bored but it's nearly hometime so YAY and thank FUCK for that. Possible booze, probable junk food and definite sexy pyjamas. YES.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:19, archived)
I volunteer to not have to judge this.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:13, archived)
there'd be a lot of runner up prizes

(I helped save b3ta! The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:17, archived)
We need a new form of torture for this one
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8062786.stm

They are all sneaky, conniving cunts, but he's arrogant with it.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:33, archived)
string em up etc

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:34, archived)
I'm hoping some of them start commiting suicide
like that silly tory bint was saying this morning.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:34, archived)
Thing is
I can't see an arrogant, wealthy public school cunt being the type to shoot himself.

They havent got the self awareness.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:36, archived)
Wouldnt arrogance be self awareness?
You homo.
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:16, archived)

they could be a hung parliament
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:38, archived)
I think we'd all like to see a well hung parliament
Let some horses have a go at running the country, they COULDNT BE ANY WORSE THAN THIS LOL OMG LOL ROFL !!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:39, archived)
Labour are terrified of this prospect.
That's why Brown is stallion (stalling) for time.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:40, archived)

it might bring the counntry some much needed stability
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:41, archived)
They've got to make HAY while the sun shiRE HORSEnes

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:42, archived)
You can't(er) be serious.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:45, archived)
Dont SADDLE me with your expectations

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:47, archived)
Hoof the fuck do you think you are?

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:50, archived)
Now now, dont get aggressive, love thy NEIGHbor

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:51, archived)
You've really got the bit between your teeth on this one.
i guess we won't need to spur you on.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:52, archived)
You mane have a point. I feel like such a foal.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:52, archived)
You need to manetain your composure.

(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:53, archived)
this is escalating fast, Don key their car or anything.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:53, archived)
Dont say anything MULE (You'll) regret !

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:54, archived)
and definitely don't muletilate any thing.

(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:54, archived)
HORSE HORSE HORSE expenses.
How am I doing?
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:55, archived)
See, if Margaret Beckett spoke like this all the time
I'd be more tempted to not want to rake her in the face.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:56, archived)
Bad horse puns to lead Britain through recession?
Don't be such a trot (supporter of the version of Marxism formulated by Leon Trotsky.)
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:43, archived)
You know you're onto a loser if David 'most punchable man in the UK' Cameron can hold the moral hugh ground.

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:35, archived)
As much as I think he's a cunt
I think he's dealt with this in the best way possible.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:37, archived)
On the surface it looks like this is the case.
Whereas what he's actually done is made a Tory government more likely.
There's nothing right with that.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:39, archived)
I think the term you're looking for is inevitable
People are bored shitless with labour, Brown is unelectable.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:40, archived)
It really is a shame that there's absolutely nobody else in the party.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:41, archived)
Like PISTON BROKE'S birthday bash

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:43, archived)
or no other party with a chance of winning

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:43, archived)
Now that's just loser talk.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:44, archived)
What they need is a darkie
it worked over there.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:44, archived)
Yes, KEITH VAZ TO THE RESCUE!

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:46, archived)
Then Cameron would have to find some mental Tory bitch who went out shooting things

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:48, archived)
Boris Johnson.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:49, archived)
Boris Johnson in a Honda Accord
with a boot full of dead junkies.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:50, archived)
why's that then?
I'll be voting Lib Dem again in any case.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:45, archived)
Aye, me too.
*waits for someone to tell her why that's a bad idea*
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:46, archived)
my gran tells me it's a wasted vote,
because, it seems, if the party you voted for doesn't win, you might as well not have bothered.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:47, archived)
With attitudes like that going around
no bloody wonder they've got no chance.

No disrespect to your gran there.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:48, archived)
Fuck that
I'd kick her gran up the cunt
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:51, archived)
Yeah, but I'm MUCH nicer than you.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:53, archived)
So you say
but I bet you've thought about kicking her gran right up the cunt.

Right up it.

So your big toe goes right in and her old, leathery clit flaps against your ankles.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:54, archived)
I hadn't up until then, you foul wanker.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:55, archived)
you're imagining your big toe is wet now arent you ?

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:57, archived)
I'm going to turn you inside out and use you as a poo bag, you rotter.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:57, archived)
Tactical voting
if you live in a safe seat where one side has no chance, vote Lib Dem.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:50, archived)
Probably becuase it's a bit pointless
That said, I've voted Lib Dem twice, and both times that constituency ended up with a Lib Dem MP.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:48, archived)
Lib Dem is far more likely to win here than the tories.
It's pretty close between them and labour every time.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:49, archived)
It's all going Lib Dem
in North Somerset. The Nu-Torys can all fuck off.
(Audioduck So, can I haz fucking Cheezburgers or not?, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:58, archived)
I find the complete lack of action
by Nick Clegg (indeed his complete lack of anything) to be the most frustrating thing. The Lib Dems were virtually untouched by this and they really haven't capitalised on it.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:47, archived)
I reckon what this country really needs is a government that doesn't do anything.

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:48, archived)
I think what this country needs
is a government who all drive Honda Accords and have crazy ninja skillz.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:49, archived)
If only in 2001 someone had driven a Honda Accord into the mountains in Afghanistan
We would've avoided these years of pointless wars. Bin Laden would've surrended right there and then.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:50, archived)
We need Jesse Ventura.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:51, archived)
In the current circumstances the smaller parties have he strongest chance in decades.
Basically the relative dominance of the various parties (known as political cleavage, lolfact fans) only undergoes serious upheaval during times of prolonged national crisis.
You've got one, ergo the various small parties are all in with a chance of serious growth.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:49, archived)
oh yeah they'll grow no doubt,
but they still won't win. We'll get the Tories again, I think that's pretty much a foregone conclusion. I must make clear I'm not using any of this as an excuse to vote or not vote one way or another.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:52, archived)
Or a Labour/Lib Dem coalition.
That way ye'd finally get PRSTV.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:54, archived)
If we got a government split exactly three ways,
that would be interesting.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:55, archived)
A parliament or a government?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:56, archived)
both

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:57, archived)
That wouldn't happen outside a world war.
Labour and Tories would both try to exclude each other, and the Lib Dems would get more of their legislation passed by making a deal with either.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:59, archived)
The hissy flappy fights'd get even worse.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:56, archived)
It annoys me a lot
but he's acted extremely well throughout this whole situation, they will almost certainly win the next election on the back of this.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:39, archived)
REASONED POLITICAL DEBATE, ONLINE !
It's only a matter of time before someone says "OMG WTF n00b U R LIEK SUCH A DICK !!!! LOL"
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:41, archived)
That's because the Telegraph published Labour's expenses first while giving the Tories a day to craft their responses.

(I helped save b3ta! ArthurTheRat, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:50, archived)
That's not really an excuse for two weeks of Gordon Brown
doing fuck all other than setting up a committee and not sacking Hazel Blears even though he thinks she's totally unnacceptable, it's not about his immediate reaction, it's his total lack of understanding of what he should be doing as a prime minister i.e. showing some leadership.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:56, archived)
Blah-de-blah.
*Didn't click the link*
(I helped save b3ta! Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:35, archived)
Shortarse

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:37, archived)
Lanky cunt.

(I helped save b3ta! Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:38, archived)
I don't know why everyone's surprised that a castle dwelling conservative's a bit of a smug prick.
What a prick, though.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:36, archived)
Tory in 'Acting Like a Tory' shocker
More at 10
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:37, archived)

This isn't order-order you know.
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:37, archived)
New forms of torture?
There's nothing wrong with with the ones you people have already invented.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_five_techniques
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:37, archived)
five? is that all?
consider yourselves lucky... Patrick!
(likeajackhammer, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:42, archived)
You're just jealous because he's got a big house that looks like Balmoral

(I helped save b3ta! in vino veritas, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:38, archived)
I'm jealous because he's much better than me at being a cunt.

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:39, archived)
and you try REALLY REALLY hard!

(likeajackhammer, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:43, archived)
I've got a whole town that looks like Balamory.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:39, archived)
I've got a cock that looks like a turnip

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:40, archived)
I've got a turnip that looks like JMG.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:41, archived)
I've had JMG AT BALMORAL !

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:42, archived)
Never mind that
I've got a big house that looks like a balrog.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:40, archived)
You should really call the fire brigade about that

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:42, archived)
YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

(I helped save b3ta! Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:49, archived)
Get him on that ''BRING ON THE WALL!'' show.
Except the wall is really a Honda Accord travelling at 100mph and there is no hole to get through. It's still presented by Dale though.
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Fri 22 May 2009, 15:39, archived)
like this
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/8063855.stm
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:40, archived)
s/beaten/beaten off/g

(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:46, archived)
while i sincerely hope that labour is ousted at the next election
i can't say i like the alternatives much either
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:41, archived)
christ, bored of that now
it's all my dad talks about, I phone him up and he's all "ooh did you see blah blah tory MP blah blah it's a disgrace blah blah they should be in prison blah blah cut their bollocks off"

I'm just bored of it. Can we talk about real issues like Peter and Katie instead?
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:42, archived)
I reckon it's all a SHAM
I mean what guy in his right mind would leave a fuckwitted plastic bitch with an opinion of herself even more overinflated than her hideous fake tits ?
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:44, archived)
fake tits are utterly revolting
fake tits attached to a vacuous bottle-blonde airhead like her, doubly revolting
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:45, archived)
Big, solid tits, tiny, bony flat arse and mutant plastic lips
She's a keeper.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:47, archived)
now you mention it
those features would make her better at catching a football
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:48, archived)
they're a pair of whole new worlds

(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:47, archived)
I'm surprised no-one on here has sided with them against the plebs.
Looks like predictably "ironic" attention-seking can only be taken so far.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:43, archived)
Well, really, they broke no rules
And it's their priviledge as leaders of Britain to be allowed a better standard of living. We should applaud them for being so restrained.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:46, archived)
Good start, but it needs more patronising castigation.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:52, archived)
Me & Mrs Duck were watching this interview, slack jawed, last night.
I still can't believe that he was so arrogant.

Here's his site if you want to send him mail.

www.anthonysteen.org.uk/
(Audioduck So, can I haz fucking Cheezburgers or not?, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:44, archived)
:-0
Surely you can't be suggesting that everyone emails him in an aggressive way? You'll give the internet a bad name if you encourage that sort of thing
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:47, archived)
Especially given that we are, to a man, a bunch of cliquey internet bullies and kitten-kicking cunts.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:54, archived)
That's quite enough of that, you 'Orrible lot!
What's been happening that side of the world since I've left ity?
All I've seen has been sun and endless free time, sadly.
(I helped save b3ta! Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:14, archived)


(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:15, archived)
Wormulus is Flouncy Pants.

(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:15, archived)
Jobe called me a cunt

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:16, archived)
You are a cunt

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:16, archived)
TERRIBLE INTERNET BULLYING

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:17, archived)
Rubbish, thats textbook internet bullying
I shall now call your sexuality into question, as is the ancient rite.
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:18, archived)
LOLFAT

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:18, archived)
That's the sort of thing
Now say 'Aberdeen'
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:22, archived)
TORY CUNT
Damn I fucked that one right up : (
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:26, archived)
Good times

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:29, archived)
He did, I saw it.
You are, mind.
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:18, archived)
Fine
everyone gang up on Goatworrier day then.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:19, archived)
*gangs up*

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:22, archived)
*stares down your top*

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:27, archived)
Is that all ya got?
That happens on a daily basis.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:28, archived)
*Stares down your top an' all*

(I helped save b3ta! Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:29, archived)
*gets a semi*
*has strangely erotic daydream about a Hyena*

*wanders off*
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:30, archived)
*Stares down YOUR top*

(I helped save b3ta! Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:28, archived)
He's very very tall Spider.
You wouldn't be able to. Also, he has shit tits.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:30, archived)
They are hairy
and dont jiggle.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:31, archived)
Really? I always thought he was shorter than m,e.

(I helped save b3ta! Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:32, archived)
You're confusing me
with Spangolin
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:33, archived)
Nah.
Spangolin's better looking than you, in my eyes.

Though you are not without your charms.
(I helped save b3ta! Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:36, archived)
You made this up!
I love him. I love him ok?! There, I've said it. Happy now?
(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:20, archived)
I dont think we're sexually compatible.
I am only aroused when I see a vulva with the complexion of a Mandrills arse.

Hence my frenzied hammering away at your mother, nightly.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:21, archived)
It's ok. I'm over you now.

(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:24, archived)
Don't make me mention your dark secret

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:20, archived)
I don't have a dark secret, Mr "I don't have a second account, even though the evidence is stacked against me!".

(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:21, archived)
I misunderstood
I thought he meant i had an open one, everyone knows about Hermione but it got banned so it doesn't exist.

At the moment I only have one account.
INTERNET LAWYER MAN is going to be my second account.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:23, archived)
I'm going to create it now I think.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:23, archived)
*sigh*

(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:24, archived)
will you wear an INTERNET LAWYER MAN costume while logged in to it?

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:32, archived)
Hello, sir.
Two weeks to the voting. FF are completely fucked, as are Libertas.
Huzzah!
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:15, archived)
I dont know or care
I have ZZ Top 'La Grange' on at full whack

*continues*
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:16, archived)
*engages rawking mode*
www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BYny9l20wc

*sets phasers to beards*
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:17, archived)
Is it me or do Billy and Frank sound quite out of time in the intro?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:31, archived)
*Listens to better Rawk!*

(I helped save b3ta! Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:30, archived)
I still love you all
That hasn't changed
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:16, archived)
up to the minute LOLEXPENSE CLAIMS on the Expense Claim channel... formerly bbc news 24

(likeajackhammer, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:16, archived)
You will get one of my Random Burn CDs in the post soon
:D
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:16, archived)

one of
Random
rn
 m
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:18, archived)
GIVE ME ONE

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:19, archived)
COR!

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:23, archived)
You got me?
YAY!
:-D


Aslso, though there may be a slight delay, I should get mine away by saturday evening!
(I helped save b3ta! Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:34, archived)
shush you
I don't want to read about your awesome new life
love you, really
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:17, archived)
*Huggles HARD*
Need to find a job, though.
(I helped save b3ta! Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:38, archived)
*snuggles*
good luck, babes
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:41, archived)
Thankies Pet.
:-)
(I helped save b3ta! Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:43, archived)
Nothing
We were nuked last Tuesday, it was glorious.
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:17, archived)
The Government were overthrown by a band of revolutionaries in masks lead by a mysterious character known only as V.

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:20, archived)
brilliant.
there goes my job application
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:20, archived)
8008⇂ᄐގ noʎ ǝɹɐ ʍoɥ `sʞuɐɥʇ ǝuıɟ ɯɐ ı

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:21, archived)
*ahem*
8008⇂ᄐގ no o `su u
(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:22, archived)
I had a rather embarassing mix-up today
First call of the day:

"Can I take your name please sir?"
*customer gives surname*
"Okay and can I have your first name."
"Fimon."
*I check the database*
"Could you repeat that name again for me?"
"Yep. Fimon.
*Check again, no name found.*
"I'm sorry about this, could you spell that for me please?"
"F-I-M-O-N."
"Okay, let me just check again, F-I-"
"No! F! F for FUGAR!"
(I helped save b3ta! Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:28, archived)
Pfffftt.



Pffffffft.
(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:29, archived)
fucks to be him

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:29, archived)
haha!
i reckon you knew he meant simon, but were bullying him for his twatty voice
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:34, archived)
I did think Fimon was a pretty unusual name, but then I get four or five unpronouncables a day
so I really don't bat an eyelid at it any more, but I was pretty mortified about that
(I helped save b3ta! Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:37, archived)
I really am quite tired.
However someone else in the room is even tireder.
What are you being slightly outdone at?
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:11, archived)
Nothing
I'm the only one in the house
(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:12, archived)
Being popular
ONLINE. And also OFFLINE.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:13, archived)
NONSENSE.
THREE CHEERS FOR BLUE STAR!
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:13, archived)
The gentleman specified 'slightly'

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:13, archived)
Do you think I could pull off tights as part of a fancy dress costume?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:13, archived)
No, but you could put them on as part of the costume.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:14, archived)
Robin Hood is the plan,
I plan to steal drunk peoples alcohol and give it to the drivers. (if there are any)
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:15, archived)
They didn't have cars back in the olden days.
Back when he was.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:16, archived)
Dress as Captain Jack Sparrow and i'd bet you'll get to pull off who you like.

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:14, archived)
It works for the wife.
Drowning in clunge whenever we go out, bless him.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:16, archived)
Everything
Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:13, archived)
VOLTRON

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:14, archived)
Vulcan

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:14, archived)
Needs moar vagina.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:14, archived)
I have new 5 gum. I'm pretty sure I'm outdoing everyone in my office.

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:14, archived)
Writing shit posts on /talk

(I helped save b3ta! Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:15, archived)
Refusingf a drtink.
Can you believe someone did that earlier?
(I helped save b3ta! Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:15, archived)
Even logic is upside down there.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:16, archived)
i've got narcolepsy
i always feel so fucking tired i might as well be fucking dead.
(I helped save b3ta! op op op op op I stink therfore I spam, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:18, archived)
threadwaste
www.b3ta.com/newsletter/issue379/
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:51, archived)
You absolute motherfucker
My QotW story won by a country mile.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:52, archived)
Yours depends on the pictures though.
And the newsletter sticks to just words and links.
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:57, archived)
I have a distinct memory of a photo only QoTW story getting a mention in the newsletter.
If I recall, it was a photograph of a broken road that someone's Tom Tom had directed them down.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:00, archived)
I read what you wrote as
"Weee weee weee weee weee weee weeee"
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:07, archived)
I remember this

(likeajackhammer, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:08, archived)
I feel you've totally failed to understand the concept of
"win"
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:07, archived)
I thought mine was quite good
but I got called a bully and I can't reply now, so I'm not impressed lol!
(I helped save b3ta! Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:10, archived)
It was hard to edit down
and needed TWO picture links to work.

Anyways, you got #1 story, so the qotw link goes straight to your story.

What more do you want? Kittens?
(I helped save b3ta! chthonic, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:12, archived)
I beleive he's having them right now

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:15, archived)
I think you should have a special edition newsletter on Tuesday edited entirely by me.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:15, archived)
Haha, no Wormulus mention.

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:52, archived)
I sometimes wonder why I even bother.
Naughty stepped for pushing porn off the board.
and now this.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:54, archived)
can't really add pictures to the newsletter though can you.
I mean that would be impossible the technology hasn't been invented yet.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:55, archived)
QotW stories with pictures have been linked to before.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:56, archived)
Apparently a fleet on Honda Accords doorstepped Rob and threatened him with their karate skilz if you made the newsletter.

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:55, archived)
Compare my story with the ones in the newsletter
and tell me, honestly which is more deserving of a mention.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:56, archived)
It's not like I forced anyone to click it.
It was the people's choice.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:57, archived)
Chthonic picks the ones he wants to put in the newsletter and in this case I'd imagine
he didn't want to run something that requires links rather than just reading.

I like your story tho. Even if you're being a bit Mr Flouncy Pants now.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:59, archived)
he's been unbearable since he won

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:00, archived)

been since he won
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:01, archived)
I AM NOT BEING A FLOUNCY PANTS
I DEMAND THE ONLINE ATTENTION THAT IS MINE BY RIGHT.

I ALSO DEMAND AN APOLOGY FROM YOU FOR NAUGHTY STEPPING ME
OTHERWISE YOU WILL BE HEARING FROM MY INTERNET LAWYER
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:01, archived)
Is he not hearing from your internet lawyer now anyway?

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:01, archived)
Someone get Marcus's dad on the phone

(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:02, archived)
Haha, Flouncy Pants.

(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:02, archived)
ok, that's two things you're banging on about that I haven't done
I haven't naughty stepped you and I didn't include or not include you in the newsletter.

Are you having a period?
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:02, archived)
Did you hear that?
It was like a million womenz cried out in anger
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:05, archived)
I didn't think it was you or cr3
It must be one of the secret mods.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:06, archived)
It's a big conspiracy to prevent me from becoming too popular.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:07, archived)
I blame JMG

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:07, archived)
I thought *you* were the Internet Lawyer
Is there another Internet Lawyer? I only ask in case I need a second opinion on things.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:02, archived)
INTERNET LAWYER MAN is my idea for a second account.
but I don't think cr3 would let me get away with it.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:05, archived)
The golden era of comedy logins has passed

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:06, archived)
Donkey Gums gets to keep his :(

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:07, archived)
his is funny

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:08, archived)
Police Dog transcends funny

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:09, archived)
I totally don't get the whole police dog thing.
It's like a thing that all your friends thought was funny when they were drunk and you weren't there. I don't understand, I don't understand why it's funny and it baffles me a bit :D
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:11, archived)
Police Dog just popped up one day
good timing and not over-using it has made Police Dog into the star he is today.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:15, archived)
Nah. Still don't get it.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:16, archived)
Police Dog YEAH

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:17, archived)
licky licky
snoffle snoffle
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:25, archived)
*checks your admin*
ha - you've already got a second account mr penis wednesday.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:07, archived)
What?
No I don't.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:08, archived)
haha

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:08, archived)
I've only ever had 1 second account
and it's been banned :((

s1.b3ta.com/host/creative/39915/1243001440/hermione.gif
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:11, archived)
NOW WE KNOW YOUR EMAIL

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:11, archived)
My name is hardly a secret
and actually you can't see my email.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:13, archived)
Well since it's a gmail account I'm guessing it either ends in gmail or googlemail.com. But you're right, it's not the whole thing so fair enough.
And I didn't know your name, I don't pry sir.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:13, archived)
Quick!
Use this knowledge for eviiiiil.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:13, archived)
who bets his password's CockTuesday

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:14, archived)
You can even see my name in that screengrab

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:12, archived)
yep - id 55040 - looks like it was banned tho
evidence it's yours

* same password as you
* it's called "cock tuesday" and that's what you bang on about all the time
* um, haven't got a third but the first two points are strong circumstantial evidence
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:13, archived)
Unencrypted passwords o_O
or are the hashes the same?
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:15, archived)
hashed and salted
but yeah - they are the same - I can't actually read the passwords
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:19, archived)
Sorry I misunderstood
I thought you meant I had another one.
That one got banned.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:18, archived)
Woo my suggestion made it
I shall now be smug all day long
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:56, archived)
I think THE LIST should be in the newsletter.

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:08, archived)
I dont remember Wormulus flouncing

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:09, archived)
I've flounced about a dozen times.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:14, archived)
two weeks in a row i've been in that newsletter
things really must be getting dire
(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:10, archived)
Well done. You've got me thinking about the lovely football again.
Who'd like to predict our fate nice and loudly so we can all see you?


/edit
Actually. Please hold, I've just been called off on outside business.
We can get to this when I return.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 14:40, archived)
As a girl
I know nothing about the football.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:40, archived)
THERE WILL BE CHUBBY FISTS SLAMMED ON SPUNK ENCRUSTED KEYBOARDS

(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:40, archived)
As a girl
I prefer it when men run around being men and not little fairy bunnikinses.


I predict a lot of running around shall be done, and fat sweaty people standing around the edge will think it's all terribly important.

I shall not be there, as I shall most likely be at home watching COPS.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:42, archived)
Bad boys, bad boys, what'cha gonna do...

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:43, archived)
Now rugby.
They've got THIGHS.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:46, archived)
You're not wrong.
That French hairy rugby chap, he's fucking LUSH. Now there's a man.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:49, archived)
cheval?
he is a proper man indeed
(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:51, archived)
Chabal
Cheval is a horse
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:51, archived)
He can have a lick of my sugarlumps any time.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:52, archived)
ha

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:56, archived)
Maybe they know something you don't ;)

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:53, archived)
Moi beau cheval.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:07, archived)
'orse-dentiste.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:09, archived)
Ooh
You'll have to fight Limey and me for Sebastien Chabal.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:58, archived)
Limey thinks she owns everyone I fancy.
Are you alright to share? See, she won't share and that's just rude, but luckily I'm bigger than her.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:59, archived)
I would share
but I think I swapped him for Guy Garvey. You'll have to fight her for him.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:01, archived)
Ah, that's alright.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:05, archived)
Some balls will enter goal bags
Other balls will be astray.

There will be high drama aplenty.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:42, archived)
Bunch of grown men sobbing like schoolgirls
Because their leather ball kicking heroes spent too much time acting like pansies instead of kicking said leather ball into a rectangular shaped hollow white structure.
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:42, archived)
Smoggies and the Scum down by suppertime!

(likeajackhammer, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:42, archived)
Worst. Hold music. Ever.

(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:51, archived)
Wheee!
It looks like there's going to be good weather over the bank holiday weekend. I'm off climbing in wibbly wobbly Wales.

Anyone else got any good stuff lined up, or is it just going to be an epic 3 day marathon of porn and bestiality?
(tacpprm has a mmrpcat, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:34, archived)
Yeah
Work, Specials, work.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:35, archived)
I imagine 'specials' to be the work you do in the gents toilets in Leeds station

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:36, archived)
I am in fact inferring that you practise the Greek arts

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:36, archived)
I am aware of your inferrence and I take in in the manner in which it was intended

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:37, archived)
Does that mean we are on for tonight in cubicle 6?
Christ Leeds is shit. I dislike Leeds.
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:38, archived)
Leeds, as we all know, is the fat gay cousin of civilised West Yorkshire.
The overbearing mincing queen that all the girls find charming and all the boys think is shite. Like Roaneah.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:41, archived)
I got ripped off by a taxi driver in leeds once.
First and last visit.
(tacpprm has a mmrpcat, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:42, archived)
And, rather coincidentally, Malchick has been inside both.

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:42, archived)
I say!

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:44, archived)
the disabled loo too I bet

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:37, archived)
Facing the Maddie Is Loft poster.

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:39, archived)
Err 'Lost'
I meant 'Lost'

I wasnt suggesting that Maddie is actually the space between the the ceiling and the birds.
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:40, archived)
wedding
then my birthday party
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:35, archived)
I have just awoken
Day off naps FTMFW

Now to abuse the ice in the freezer.
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:35, archived)
GOD THE FOOTBALL!

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 14:36, archived)
I somehow accidentally said I'd come into work

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:36, archived)
Oh just great,
I'll go to the European Balsa Conference on my own then.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:39, archived)
My boss phoned me up at 7:30 last night to ask how I was and told me not to work this weekend
which was a bit odd.
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:51, archived)
Working tonight
Party at my house on sat
Working sunday morn, going into town sunday night.
Working monday morning.
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:36, archived)
I'm going to crack on with sorting the bairn's room.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:37, archived)
Star trek, band photoshoot, picnic, sleeping, buying new glasses.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:37, archived)
Make sure you look at frameless glasses
Or a big metal visor, both are good.
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:39, archived)
sleep
White Mischief, seaside, more sleeping.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:38, archived)
That sounds like a really pansy street name for cocaine.

(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:39, archived)
hehe
What ho, my good Sir - I wonder if I could partake in some White Mischief?
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:39, archived)
Is that the branch of the KKK that get their message across with buckets full of confetti over doors and whoopee cushions?

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:39, archived)
I'm going to a small festival in Leeds.

(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:38, archived)
I'm going to see Maximo Park on Sunday night
There will be barbecuing before and beer during and after.

*thumbs up*
(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:38, archived)
My boyfriend is coming down to spoil me mid-finals.
I am so so so so excited. Then he's going and I'm getting back to revision. :(
(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Fri 22 May 2009, 14:39, archived)
Did his wife have to work?

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:40, archived)
TRUE INTERNET KNOWLEDGE.
STRAIGHT FROM ABERDEEN.

RIGHT HERE.

READ ALL ABOUT IT.
(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Fri 22 May 2009, 14:47, archived)
Yup

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:13, archived)
Tea and sleep I think.
Possibly with watching Drag Me To Hell thrown in. And possibly Rock Band
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:40, archived)
FUCKOFF IS THAT OUT YET YOU UTTER BASTARD?!
*excites*
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:41, archived)
Isn't it out this week?
Oh well, maybe not then.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:43, archived)
Vue here has it out wednesday and thursday onwards
I cant wait
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:44, archived)
Championship next season.
It's like one massive midlands Derby.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 13:48, archived)
Newcastle isn't in the Midlands.

(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Fri 22 May 2009, 13:50, archived)
Just without Birmingham City, Wolves, Aston Villa.
And to a lesser extent, Northampton Town.
(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Fri 22 May 2009, 13:50, archived)
Cobblers

(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 22 May 2009, 13:53, archived)
Oh come on people, that's football comedy gold.

(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 22 May 2009, 13:59, archived)
/Talk isn't really the place to attempt football or fun.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 14:00, archived)
The internet lied to me :(

(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:01, archived)
rubbish

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:05, archived)
Your face is rubbish

(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:11, archived)
You're both rubbish and don't make me come over there and sort this out

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:11, archived)
*blows raspberry*

(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:12, archived)
and Southampton.
but at least we get Reading and Peterborough
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 13:54, archived)
and West Brom

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 13:55, archived)
I'm really looking forward to going to Leicester -v- Forest

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 13:56, archived)
How on earth are Southampton a Midlands team?

(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Fri 22 May 2009, 13:57, archived)
They aren't really
It's more of a grudge match for Leicester.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:00, archived)
Soccer post

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 13:50, archived)
I think many people are confused by which towns are where in the Midlands.
For example, I don't know which town is more south.
Leicester or Derby.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 13:50, archived)
Leicester is more Southernly from January - June
But Derby gets the Southern Crown from July onwards.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 22 May 2009, 13:51, archived)
Thank you.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 13:51, archived)
Leicester
maps.google.co.uk/maps?hl=en&q=leicester%20to%20derby&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wl
(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 22 May 2009, 13:52, archived)
I'll look through these reports with a fine tooth comb.
Thank you.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 13:53, archived)
*tip of the hat*

(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 22 May 2009, 13:55, archived)
And then there's us (and hopefully United)
Just outside the midlands.
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:16, archived)
Will you be going to Hillsbrough next season?

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:31, archived)
Football, and such.
It's rubbish.
(I helped save b3ta! Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:19, archived)
foot

(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:20, archived)
ball

(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:20, archived)
sucks

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:21, archived)
TOP

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 14:22, archived)
OFF!

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 14:22, archived)
*unfurls official TOPS OFF LADIES banner covering upper tier*

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:30, archived)
*Wild celebrations*

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 14:33, archived)

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