What's the best way of descriing 'Twilight' to ensure Optimum Goth Upset?
'Piss poor lazily written Anne Rice fanfic' or 'High School Musical for goths, only with shitter songs'?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:19, archived)

I have never seen it.
In fact, the only knowledge I have of it is when people on b3ta slag it off.
( OneSullenBrit *air sandwiches*, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:20, archived)

NEAR THE TOP!
Some of you will probably cheer at this, but for those of you who are interested and haven't seen anything about it, Soho is on fire.

I see this has been mentioned down there. Good good. Carry on now.
( Jobe, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:31, archived)

i yam on fire :(

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:32, archived)

Is your sex on fire?

( Jobe, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:32, archived)

*checks trouser mono-scaffold*
yup :'(
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:34, archived)

I like how they define two acrynims yet don't use them again.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:36, archived)

harry potter with vampires?
i'm not sure how accurate that is as a description though or even if it would cause upset, perhaps i just shouldn't have answered
( well, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:20, archived)

"Gay Vampires"

( WHARRGARBL, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:21, archived)

Just mention sparkly teen vampires
That'll raise some ire
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:21, archived)

NICE.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:21, archived)

Porn for freak teenage girls too afraid to masturbate.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:21, archived)

They're not vampires, they're unicorn people.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:21, archived)

They've all got the horn?

( CowJam, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:23, archived)

I quite enjoyed the anne rice vampire novels I've read
and I'm not a goth.
( CowJam, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:21, archived)

The earlier ones are good
the recent ones are hideous shit.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:25, archived)

De Ja Vu
I quite enjoyed reading Twilight, it took my mind away with the fairies for a few days during a dark time.
( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:21, archived)

Poor poor man
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8143086.stm
( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:22, archived)

BBC viewers: sick fucks.
"MOST POPULAR VIDEO/AUDIO
Bull gores man to death in Spain"
( CowJam, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:25, archived)

I like the complete look of indifferance on that guy's face.
If a bull fucked me over, i'ld be straight in there with the morphine drip.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:33, archived)

on the plus side, if he fell off a cliff he could glide to safety

( spacefish bong!, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:25, archived)

I was thinking 'hmmmm...some kind of career fighting crime is in order here'

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:27, archived)

i was thinking of sugar gliders
i think about sugar gliders a lot
( spacefish bong!, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:30, archived)

If he turns around too fast he'll have to shit out his cock and piss out his arse

( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:29, archived)

I like how the voluumn goes to 11.

( AzToTheRescue The arsehole formally known as Az The S slur, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:49, archived)

You're....I am a....are you a ....vamp....what are you....I'm a v....are you a? you are a vampi...I am a ...WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WE BE CLIMBIN A TREE! BASEBALLBASEBALL

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:22, archived)

I've seen it and this is a good summary

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:30, archived)

My Facebook is full of people who are obsessed with Twilight
I am going to steal this and annoy them.
( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:43, archived)

They've obviously never experienced the non romance of being biten and bumfucked

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:45, archived)

Every time I see somebody with a copy of Twilight
I immediately assume that they have no control over their emotions or bowels.
( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:48, archived)

"Is that the film done by those Buffy people?"

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:22, archived)

"Is that the one
with the Romulans in it? Don't they kill Dumbeldore or something?"
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:26, archived)

'My First Beanflick Material'

( ArthurTheRat, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:26, archived)

Just mention that
they're really poorly written, and isn't the lead vampire gay?
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:29, archived)

"healthy family viewing, well in the mainstream"

( spacefish bong!, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:29, archived)

Haha!
I like this the most. That would REALLY piss them off.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:30, archived)

I don't even know what it is
something about vampires.
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:34, archived)

I just trumped and it burnt my bum a bit.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:43, archived)

Right then, any plans for the weekend you guffbeaks and queermos?
I shall be touring a couple of castles and a distillery with the boyish good looks and charm of Lonewolf as company.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:06, archived)

I'm going to go round to your house and stick food to your ceiling just outside the reach of your chubby fingers.
then film you sobbing and jumping
and use the footage to make Flubber 3: the klumps.
( WormuIus, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:07, archived)

He'll probably reply
once the gravy has dried on the keyboard.
( WormuIus, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:11, archived)

But i can easily reach the ceiling.
I suspect you'd be the one struggling to reach it, what with your weak, almost feminine arms and heavy chin dragging you down.

I imagine the scene to be like a t-rex in a pretty dress struggling to mush a cream cake into the light fitting.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:12, archived)

I forgot, you live under a bridge

( WormuIus, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:13, archived)

Its something we have in common
:(
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:16, archived)

I know you are you said you are but what am I?

( WormuIus, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:18, archived)

Clearly a closethomosexualterribletrollbully

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:19, archived)

I've got a gaggle of parties in the heart of Soho tonight.
Tomorrow I gotta BBQ
Sunday I'll be sitting around playing with my ballbags and the new BF 1943 on Xbox Live.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:08, archived)

apparantly there is a fire in soho
right now
(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:09, archived)

I know, Dean Street. about 200m away from me. sounds pretty serious.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:10, archived)

i found out due to the rapidness of twitter

(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:15, archived)

I found out on the radio, then looked out my window and noticed a massive fire :S

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:18, archived)

Can I come to one of your Soho parties later?
I'm going out for dinner (probably at Soho House) and will probably be in the West End.
( WormuIus, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:09, archived)

You can't meet up unless it's posted on the calendar

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:10, archived)

Fuck you MOM AND DAD

( WormuIus, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:10, archived)

I'm going to come down to london at the end of this month,
I will have to meet you for a pint.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:11, archived)

I'M WASHING MY HAIR THAT WEEKEND ANYWAYS !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:15, archived)

I'm almost tempted to come to your park meeting thing,

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:15, archived)

When is it?

( WormuIus, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:16, archived)

www.b3ta.com/calendar/event/20225
I probably wont come though.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:17, archived)

You should come, it'll be fun.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:23, archived)

You're too good looking. You'll cramp my style.
I like Soho House, their roof garden is cool.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:12, archived)

I'm going to the pub tonight,
and going to a 1950's themed party on saturday at a swanky bar.

I wish rob would put his crackpipe down long enough to deliver the newsletter.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:08, archived)

Probably whining with pain and running to the loo
Or alternatively if I am ok tomorrow I am going out tomorrow night for fun times.
( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:09, archived)

there's guffbeaks in here?
i'm totally going climbing tomorrow. and drinking. and maybe hellraising
( spacefish bong!, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:09, archived)

What sort of climbing?
The gay kind that Gmos does?
( WormuIus, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:10, archived)

pretty gay
it's stag do entertainment, we will probably do ourselves a mischief
( spacefish bong!, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:12, archived)

That's the spirit
follow your heart
( WormuIus, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:14, archived)

i've become addicted to ebay recently, so i'll probably spend a lot of time on there refreshing frantically in order to get last minute bids

( Lightguy hail satan, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:10, archived)

I've got my watch list down to 80 items...

( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:11, archived)

There was a plan of pub tonight, but I might pass. It is a tough month financially in the Theoban household
May play some computer-mo-games. I haven't decided yet, yo.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:10, archived)

Lost and the damned FTW
Although Ghostbusters was most enjoyable
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:13, archived)

I'll be playing that Lord of the Rings Online
I just became the GAYEST MAN IN MIDDLE EARTH
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:19, archived)

I'm going to be visiting or being visited by my girlfriend,
who I haven't seen for a few weeks. Should be good.
( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:11, archived)

She's going to be on her period and wants to just cuddle and watch Sex & The City :(

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:15, archived)

If it bleeds
we can kill it.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:16, archived)

Nb - not recommended as an icebreaker if your woman is on.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:17, archived)

I put a sticky plaster over her mimsy and then fuck her in the bot bot.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:21, archived)

I'm considering getting her gym membership for her birthday,
am I a terrible shallow bastard or a loving boyfriend? Or a bit of both?
( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:19, archived)

Why not call her ugly and punch her in the ovaries, for the full effect?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:21, archived)

Because I want to keep something in reserve for Christmas

( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:22, archived)

Many a fine sailor
has sailed the red sea.
( CowJam, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:20, archived)

no plans

( well, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:12, archived)

Housemate's 18th.
Was supposed to be going for a meal with her before she goes into town to drink herself silly, but her family are all mentalists and the meal has been cancelled.

So instead I'm going to shit myself inside out then go to bed.
( CowJam, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:12, archived)

Work.

( ArthurTheRat, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:15, archived)

I want to live here
www.findaproperty.com/displayprop.aspx?edid=00&salerent=0&pid=3584194#
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:15, archived)

I hear Birmingham is a lovely, vibrant city full of intelligent, attractive people.

( WormuIus, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:18, archived)

Birmingham?
Christ, why not go all out and move to Coventry.

You know, its where Wormulus intends to retire to?
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:18, archived)

Rotunda?
SNNNRRRRK
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:20, archived)

You want to live in a badly shopped flat?
Gaz me a photo and I'll make it happen.
( CowJam, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:22, archived)

I'm making out with a bottle of co-op's finest vodka
then inviting some irn bru in on a threesome
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:17, archived)

Also I'll probably play some football, work on some robot music
and write an article or two for the football site
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:18, archived)

Inevitable gak fuelled nightmare.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:18, archived)

I've got a busy one.
I'm going to start off by meating up with wormulus and seeing how high we can stick those mars bars, i'll give him a bunk if he needs it, then it's off to london to hang out with DG down Soho, we might then move onto 1950s theme party and hook up with Phsyco. Then I'll wake up and go to Sp@ms and give her snuggle wugglez. Then back up to scottland to go climbing, I'm hoping to do a 1080 on some rad peek. I'll probably check my ebay sales during this time. Then I'm up for some computer games with Theoban, I hear he's got the latest Mario Kart now. Back down to london to meet up with Lu, not sure what we're going to do exactly, maybe go TGIs or something. We'll probably meet up with porsh something's girlfriend and Well and have an orgy. Then onto Cowjam's housemate's 18th birthday.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:21, archived)

'meating up with wormulus' ?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:23, archived)

You heard me.
Meating up with wormulus.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:28, archived)

Todays diagnosis murder is using a plot stolen from columbo.
The one with leonard nimoy and the dissolvable sucher.

What blatant plagiarism have you spotted recently?
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:40, archived)

You plagiarising Gonzo's spelling.

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:41, archived)

I thought I could ninja it in time.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:43, archived)

I'm sure that that would suture aims perfectly.

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:45, archived)

That El Guiri character has been plagiarising Northern Wifeb3ta
Disgraceful
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:42, archived)

I really like both those accounts and want us to make them feel welcome.

( WormuIus, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:45, archived)

I do think, plagiarism aside, that they represent the best that b3ta has to offer
Each post is beautiful, a work of art. I'm rendered speechless sometimes by the grace each well crafted word displays.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:46, archived)

not blatant plagarism but I was so excited to see it I nearly exploded. Episode 3 of Psychoville began with a dream sequence that was a spot-on tribute to Fallout, the last episode of The Prisoner.
( vladimir, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:43, archived)

I tried to like the prisioner.
But the music and the fact the newspaper was called the 'tally ho' made it unbearable.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:47, archived)

was that the clown court scene? the whole series has been awesome so far
i have no idea how this programme went under my radar.
my dad asked me at the weekend if i'd been watching it, and i hadn't a clue what he was on about!
i caught up on iPlayer last night and have ep4 to watch on Sky+ tonight
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:49, archived)

that's the one
here www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWRmf1EnGzg
Psychoville is just great, I could burst with joy
( vladimir, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:54, archived)

Cheers for your randomburn the other day matey, some god tracks on it.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:43, archived)

Diety tracks FTW

( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:45, archived)

tracks that make you thinner?
nice work.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:01, archived)

no bother, sorry it was late.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:48, archived)

I saw a dog pretending to be Police Dog but he wasn't a police dog, he just liked to pretend by barking lots.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:46, archived)

I should sue him,
because I'm police dog.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:48, archived)

What you need is some kind of legal representation.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:50, archived)

DEAR INTERNET USERS
STAND ASIDE.
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:57, archived)

DON'T BREAK MY HEART D':
Anyway, you can't be Police Dog, you don't have a snout.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:51, archived)

BARK BARK
^ see proof.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:51, archived)

You sound NOTHING like him!
Lets wait for him to post and ask him....hold on, if you're him then surely you can post from his account hmmm?
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:53, archived)

I'm in love with Police Dog but he's never around for me to tell him...

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:54, archived)

aww poor LimLam :(

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:55, archived)

And I thought you were saving yourself for me
;(
( Mornington Crescent Come the Envolution ..., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 15:07, archived)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2526769/Simona-Halep-has-boob-reduction-surgery.html

Thats like having a penis reduction! WHY!!!!!!!

anyways, I just had some beans on toast - the first time for a year or so and it was.. not bad.

edit: wow the video is hypnotic

what are you posh london types having today?
(richard cropper's comedy account Stephen Frizzle is on the sex offenders list, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:41, archived)

I'd imagine they hurt bouncing around that much

( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:43, archived)

I have received a black eye
from a bouncing tit once.
the former Mrs t had massive norks, and when they bounced around, it was like being hit in the face with a bowling ball.
( turb0t, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:36, archived)

I like this post, as it's totally irrelevant to me
I don't know why she had a boob reduction, you'll have to ask her, and I don't live in London.

Great post, good times, forum banter.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:43, archived)

That's it, you're suspended from /talk
Hand in your badge and gun to Sexface on your way out.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:43, archived)

:(
*hands over battenbergs to friz*
*hands twitter badge from profile to mykey*
*sticks a finger up at wormulus*

*leaves*
(richard cropper's comedy account Stephen Frizzle is on the sex offenders list, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:46, archived)

Best. Flounce. Ever.

( thealternativefact, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:48, archived)

at
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:49, archived)

I love your hatred
but it feels undeserved, I want to earn it.
( WormuIus, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:07, archived)

Really? So far you've put in no effort?
Impressive.
( thealternativefact, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:09, archived)

That's all a massive publicity stunt
A) I have 34DD boobs and hers are much bigger than a DD.
B) Even with this being the case, any grade 4 sports bra would hold them in place far far better than that. In that video it looks like she's not even wearing an underwire bra.
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:48, archived)

We're going to need a video of you in a tight top bouncing around
purely for scientific comparison purposes, of course.
( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:49, archived)

You do know that Baroness is only 15 right?

( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:50, archived)

You obviously don't know me very well.
Ask Badger or Dave Trouser to explain.
( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:50, archived)

That was the joke

( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:51, archived)

Oh. 'k.

( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:52, archived)

Yeah' boi, gurl got bear tits, yahgets me, she iz well buff'n'tings.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:53, archived)

she wasn't actually that fit..
just massive wubs.
( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:55, archived)

I thought Baroness looks ok.
I'm sure she'll be gutted that you don't fancy her though.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:57, archived)

:|

( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:59, archived)

If I didn't think it would be used for wanking purposes, I'd actually attempt that.
That article has made me so angry.

Wear a proper bra you tennis playing slag.
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:50, archived)

I predict multiple replies to this.
Possibly involving the popular page.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:50, archived)

I'm aware of this, but I demand the women of b3ta unite to agree with me.
That a bra with spaghetti straps is not appropriate underwear for a professional sports woman.
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:52, archived)

Very true.
They should be massive and have straps like old men's trouser braces.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:58, archived)

*nods emphatically*
If I went down the gym and bounced like that I'd been in pain for hours afterwards. Needs more strapping and wear sectioning to make boobs look like a cone bra.
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:02, archived)

When she gets to my age
they'll be round her knees at that rate.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:09, archived)

S'ok...
gives you something to kneel on when you're doing the gardening.
( thealternativefact, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:16, archived)

Every cloud I suppose.
Built in dibber too.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:24, archived)

This.

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:04, archived)

breasts... spaghetti...
breasts... spaghetti...




breasts... spaghetti...
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:09, archived)

A perfect b3tan thread
Food and norks.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:11, archived)

that's a spicy meatball!

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:16, archived)

Chilli paste is not a good body paint

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:18, archived)

Is that the voice of experience?

( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:25, archived)

Nope, just a hunch
After getting chilli on an open wound once
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:44, archived)

spaghetti hoops... uh oh...

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:30, archived)

Alphabetty Spaghetti
AAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaaaaAAAArrrRRRrrrrGGGGgggHHHHHHhhhHHHHHHahthatsalotbetter.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:31, archived)

In any case
I can understand a tennis player wanting to reduce them. They put more load on the lower back and could get in the way of normal movement.

Still, TITS EH? PHWOAAARRRR.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:54, archived)

Dude she should spend time with me because then she'd always be on her back
IFYOUKNOWWHADIMEAN

I'm talking about sex, just to clarify.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:59, archived)

Can you gaz me please UToL?
You haven't got the link on your profile and I need to send you contact details for the b4sh.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:12, archived)

This is true, I fully understand that they would get in the way of her career
But she should be taking better care of herself anyway. Proper sports bras look like this (possibly nsfw) but then again, won't get your cleavage famous.
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:00, archived)

I'm quite glad I've only got little tits.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:01, archived)

So why haven't you won Wimbledon yet?

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:06, archived)

I could, if I wanted to.
Those Williams sisters just seem to be enjoying it and I don't want to ruin their fun.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:08, archived)

ha! good point
more intelligent media dissemination, less whining about fhm wank potential. there'll probably be a petition
( spacefish bong!, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:01, archived)

DOOOOOOUUBLE-DEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
_*spuff*
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:04, archived)

Can I have a go on your boobs?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:08, archived)

Use them like a trampoline, HURRY!

( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:56, archived)

Moroccan salad
with cous cous, chick peas and olives, courtesy of the studenty types in a Land Rover that come round. They bring us wooden cutlery too, it's ace!
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:55, archived)

I like the mix-hippy message going on there.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:57, archived)

There has to be a question, it's the law.
And I must admit to a few hippy tendencies.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:02, archived)

Sloane square farmers? :p

( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:58, archived)

Cambridge university students.
Same thing really. They've probably got daddy's old Land Rover.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:03, archived)

when a bloke expresses a liking for freakishly large tits, I can't help thinking, were you bottle fed or something?
more than a handful's a waste
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:03, archived)

I have two hands, and am happy to alternate between breasts.

( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:05, archived)

I go for the personality.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:13, archived)

...and hope she doesn't.

( thealternativefact, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:14, archived)

hahaha oooh
ZING
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:17, archived)

Yep,
No one could ever love me.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:18, archived)

I usually have sex with some right ugly female dogs
But I like they way they sniff my bum and lick me clean when were finished
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:20, archived)

dude
that's whack
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:45, archived)

roffles I fooled you. I was lying to make everyone do roffles
didn't work roffles
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:54, archived)

we shall never mention it again

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:08, archived)

That's not at all true
good purchase on the shaft is what you should be looking for.

SHAFT PURCHASE.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:23, archived)

I just went for a walk and saw Eddie Izzard
I had him for lunch.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:18, archived)

I like him.
His new stuff isn't that funny though :(
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:21, archived)

Yeee, he was looking like he'd just done some jogging as he lots of things strapped to him

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:37, archived)

He loves a good strap on does Eddie.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 13:50, archived)

So, anyone read any good books recently?
*watches tumbleweed blow across the board*
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:16, archived)

i read the outsider

( sleepybinky, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:17, archived)

before that i read queen camilla, and it was shit.
and before that, white teeth, which was good.
( sleepybinky, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:17, archived)

I liked White Teeth too.
I have Cloud Atlas in my bag, ready to start.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:28, archived)

I couldn't be arsed with that...
I watched it on the Spacker-box and it was ok
(likeajackhammer, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:33, archived)

I'm still reading the first wheel of time book
but I should be done by the end of next week.
I'm a bit miffed by the sheer amount of deus ex machina in there, but it's been an OK read.
( SuperMatt, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:17, archived)

I am currently ploughing through all of the books written by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child
Its ace stuff
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:19, archived)

It took me about a year to get through all 11 books.
I only read when on the trains to/from work and travelling on holidays, hence why it took me so long. Mrs Eddache could read all 11 of those books with 6 weeks.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:26, archived)

still waiting for the last book though

( jenpots, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:28, archived)

It's apparantly being split in half.
Book 12a should be out later this year or early next.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:42, archived)

It's taken me about 2 months to get through the first book
but I've also been reading some comics. And I too have only been reading on the bus, but that only takes 20 minutes.
( SuperMatt, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:28, archived)

There's good
I enjoyed them.... it's the ones with Rand Al'thor?
( jenpots, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:26, archived)

Yuppers

( SuperMatt, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:28, archived)

Wheel of Time gets drastically better in the second book
And is consistently good up until book 7, when it rapidly descends into some of the shittest writing I've yet seen
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:27, archived)

My favourite books
are by Terry Goodkind, the Sword of Truth. I loved them.
( jenpots, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:32, archived)

Never read them
I heard they sort of got a bit preachy
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:33, archived)

I didn't think so
but I enjoyed all of the Wheel of Time. Each to their own.
( jenpots, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:34, archived)

I just thought after book 7 it creaks to a halt, and the main character of the series becomes a shit and even disappears for an entire book

( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:35, archived)

yeah he did
but I really enjoyed the last one, and I'm looking forward to the next story.
( jenpots, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:36, archived)

Yeah the last one picked right back up
Next book is going to be split in two, so even more waiting for the resolution.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:37, archived)

Fucking hell

( jenpots, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:40, archived)

I'm reading Raymond Feist at the moment
The Serpent Wars
( jenpots, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:39, archived)

Oh man, not read his stuff either
Big names in Fantasy that I've ignored
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:40, archived)

I've only just started reading his stuff
it's very good.
( jenpots, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:44, archived)

From what I recall, the series was originally conceived as a 7 book series.
But it was decided it should be 12 and there's a bit of padding. But you're right. I really liked Rand until around that point.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:41, archived)

I like the wolf chap
I can't remember his name.
( jenpots, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:43, archived)

Perrin
I liked him until Winter's Heart. He gets a bit mopey after that
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:45, archived)

That's him
he's is a bit, but he's still one of me favourite characters.
( jenpots, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:47, archived)

I understand it starts focusing on some of the smaller characters, which people hate
It's a compliant I've heard from a fair number of people.
( SuperMatt, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:35, archived)

The smaller and more annoying characters
I just want the story, not the Life and Times of Background Person #781
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:36, archived)

just re-read The Green Mile

( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:18, archived)

is it a Choose Your Own Adventure book?

(likeajackhammer, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:26, archived)

This is what is sounds like....when doves cry.
COOhoohooo...*sniff* ACOOhoohooo....
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:18, archived)

Also, I read about the News Of The World tapping Vanessa Feltz's phone, I bet that was a very diverse log:

Vanessa Feltz Phone Tap - - -

Tuesday 13th May 2008
(10:31)Pizza Hut - Ahhh hello! I'll have my usual breakfast please, 2 large Meat Feasts in a coffee cup

(10:56)Pizza Hut - Hiya, Can I have a Margarita Dustbin lid please. Hold the anchovies...hahah I love that joke, 'course don't hold them! I'll fucking eat anything me! gwuff gwuff!

(11:04)Pizza Hut - I'm ready for pre lunch now, send the Salad Skip please.

(11:14)Pizza Hut - I can't wait for lunch, send me the 6 Meat Feasts and 18 garlic breads...And just to let you know I ate the last delivery boy...May need to get another.

(11:35)Pizza Hut - OOOO NOW IT BE DA BEST BIT NOW IT BEE CAYKEE TIEM!!! GET MY GULLET SHOVEL!

(12:03)Pizza Hut - guuuh, call the Jambulance...I've had too much dessert....*snigger* HAHAH only joking! I right funny me! MORE TRIPLE DECKER PIZZAS PLEASE! KEEP THEM COMIN YOU SLAGS!
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:18, archived)

what do wolves shagging sound like?

( sleepybinky, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:18, archived)

You...will go on my first whistle...
*paw hands*
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:19, archived)

Haha, you funny bastard.
That was good.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:21, archived)

Yiff

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:21, archived)

when my missus was ill recently, I read A Place Called Here to her...
I did all the Oirish Accents Peerfectly too
(likeajackhammer, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:19, archived)

I read a book by a Russian guy
about fox spirit werewolf things. It was rather wordy and a bit ridiculous.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:26, archived)

I recently finished Small Gods by Terry Pratchett.
I'm now onto Interesting Times.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:27, archived)

winter in madrid
ghosts of spain

winter in madrid is very good. if you like history, concentration camps and some action.
(richard cropper's comedy account Stephen Frizzle is on the sex offenders list, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:28, archived)

I read The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker
and Asperger's Syndrome and Mindfulness (Taking Refuge in the Buddha) by Chris Mitchell
( custard, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:28, archived)

I read a terrible book the other day
Called 'Demon Download'. It was brilliantly laughable. It's so futuristic that they listen to MP7 players but for some reason reference Hanson and Billie Piper. With a demon that's a computer virus. And a nun who's an assassin for the vatican.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:29, archived)

that sounds like the most AWESOMELY RAD book in the world!

( RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:42, archived)

It's rude man, rude and whack

( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:47, archived)

Moondust is good
As is A Quiet Belief in Angels by RJ Ellory.

Looking forward to the latest Robert Holdstock (Avilion) which comes out towards the end of July.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:29, archived)

Reading Galilee by Clive Barker at the moment.
Loving it.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:30, archived)

books are shit, if it's not on a web page then I'm not interested
fuck off books
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:30, archived)

I'm reading Mark Gatiss' Lucifer Box books currently.
They're not exactly taxing, but enjoyable romps none the less.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:30, archived)

I read part of the Caché ObjectScript reference guide
Recently I read a book about AI philosophy
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:31, archived)

Since when has "Build your own sexbot" counted as AI philosophy?

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:40, archived)

litrasy is ovr8d

( spacefish bong!, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:31, archived)

MY EYES!

( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:39, archived)

The Revelation Of John The Divine
hilarious.
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:33, archived)

I'm re-reading the Riftwar saga by Raymond E. Feist
I'd forgotten how good the books were, even though the first time I read them I chewed through two in three days.
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:39, archived)

The Mikado
Handbook for Vbar electronics.
( M o D, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:42, archived)

Lots.
Just finished rereading Wittgenstein's Philosophical Investigations. Outponce that.

Also just started and enjoying The Story of English, by David Crystal.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:45, archived)

www-etcsl.orient.ox.ac.uk/section5/tr561.htm
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:55, archived)

Hello internet.
I'm presently idling around the house. I might go out in a bit to buy things to enable me to bake cakes and biscotti. It's all GO here, I tell you.

How exciting is your life right NOW?
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:31, archived)

fucking scary.

( sleepybinky, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:31, archived)

+ spice

(likeajackhammer, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:32, archived)

crab paste

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:32, archived)

OOOOOOOOOO
you minge teasing bastard
(Goatse not a comedy account, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:34, archived)

pfft

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:32, archived)

It's very exciting...
because of the silly Irish, I get Monday and Tuesday off..
(likeajackhammer, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:32, archived)

YAY

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:33, archived)

brum brum beep beep *revs you*

It's alright. My jeans are too tight today and it's giving me backache.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:32, archived)

Alright D Gizzle?
I might speak to you later.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:33, archived)

Go for it :)

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:37, archived)

Those jeans are skintight baby! How do you get into those!?

( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:23, archived)

I have to do the wiggle bum dance
As my legs expand through the day they won't go past my calves :(
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:27, archived)

You were supposed to say "you can start by buying me a drink"
But you're obviously too cool for Austin Powers quotes.

I enjoy the image of your wiggle bum dance though, A+
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:29, archived)

It was Jean-Jogging at it's most ridiculous
If you thought that was sexy, you should see me trying to do my shirt up with popper buttons. I think really hard and get confused as I lick my lips.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:42, archived)

You're just a WHORE!

( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:00, archived)

I know :)
*fairy wings and cowboy boots*
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:16, archived)

are you black?

( spacefish bong!, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:38, archived)

Yes.
Are you?
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:43, archived)

I'm starting a new black swimming awareness troupe, you in?
We'll be called 'NWA'.

'Now, With Armbands'
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:46, archived)

i thought so
their knee grows

that's my favourite racist joke right there
( spacefish bong!, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:48, archived)

I have to go to elstree later.
Ostensibly to get medications, but secretly, it's so i can wait by the Eastenders set and get babs windsor to sign my todger.
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:32, archived)

AWESOME.
Try to see how much that fat one eats. Careful though, she might eat you.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:34, archived)

Hev?
I'm ashamed I know that. It's mrs 'zuki that watches it, I'm just in the room at the time, OK???
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:39, archived)

I'm well tasty. I wouldn't blame her.

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:40, archived)

I'm going out drinking and dancing tonight
I'm going to adopt the JMG method this evening, see where that takes me.
( SuperMatt, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:33, archived)

Nice one

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:35, archived)

With added *Capes*?

( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:22, archived)

i have new glasses

(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:33, archived)

Oooh
are they sexy?
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:35, archived)

wildheart baby said i look like friz

(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:40, archived)

keep going
I'm almost there
(Goatse not a comedy account, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:41, archived)

Pit cures.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:48, archived)

These ones?
here?
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:04, archived)

Pint or half?

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:40, archived)

I'm housewiffing and shouting, and am preparing onion bajis later.

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:33, archived)

hurrah

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:36, archived)

We have curry tonight.
yay.
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:41, archived)

It's all go at the moment
Between work, gym, cycling, friends and everquest I barely have enough time to do anything
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:33, archived)

Aw man Everquest.
Double F used to play that.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:36, archived)

I hadn't played it since 2005
But 2 weeks ago a friend persuaded me to try it again. Since it was like £6 for the game, every expansion and a 1 month subscription, I thought I might as well give it a go.
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:39, archived)

I am just about to drive all the way to Devon
Mummy Veritas is 60 today and is having a knees-up.
( in vino veritas, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:35, archived)

Hurrah for mummy veritas not being dead yet

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:38, archived)

\o/

( in vino veritas, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:42, archived)

knees fist
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:38, archived)

Filth on the internet!

( in vino veritas, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:43, archived)

You should really tell her to stop crouching if the arthritis is that bad

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:39, archived)

Are you going to try to get to Devon
in a jumbo jet/playtex bra? You could have a sing-along.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:43, archived)

I'm going on the M6 and M5 in a Skoda
I don't think it'll fit into the song.
( in vino veritas, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:44, archived)

I think you'll find, sir,
that a platex bra is incapable of extending itself to anything like that distance.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:02, archived)

it doesnt need to be stretched
if a woman was wearing it, should could indeed be going to Devon in a platex bra.
( turb0t, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:13, archived)

No no
in a baked bean tin, silly.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:46, archived)

oh man my life is so exciting right now you couldnt handle the excitement if i told you how exciting it is

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:35, archived)

HELL YEAH

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:38, archived)

HAVE YOU SEEN ANY DOGS YET TODAY?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:39, archived)

i havent no but i might see some on the way home tonight i dont know, i guess it all depends on if anyone is out walking a dog

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:42, archived)

We can all hope, rose.
I'll pray and hopefully someone up there will listen.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:46, archived)

already today i've seen 4 dogs
i didn't like it
( mongychops, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:44, archived)

Damn, I'm sorry to hear that Mongy.
I didn't realise you were actually dead inside, not liking dogs'n'what-not.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:47, archived)

i really really don't like dogs
all of them, i hate their faces off
( mongychops, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:22, archived)

I have one asleep on my bed RIGHT NOW.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:44, archived)

That's supper lucky, you should go buy a lottery ticket.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:47, archived)

He's there every day.
It's not that lucky, he has smelly feet.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:48, archived)

I'ld still get a lotto ticket, it's probably your turn anyway.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:00, archived)

Oh hai
I'm having a rest.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:06, archived)

oh hai me 2
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:10, archived)

ME AND MY DAD
ARE GOING TO WATCH THE CRICKET AGAIN TODAY!
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:43, archived)

let's hope england get a couple of early wickets

( mongychops, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:45, archived)

WOT NO TWIN?

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:48, archived)

he is not so in to his cricket.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:50, archived)

youve basically invited him down and then ostracised him
i dont even know what you are
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:55, archived)

I might recompile my Linux kernel

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:37, archived)

GO FOR IT

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:39, archived)

Woo I love popcorn

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:40, archived)

can you get Linux for a IBM 3090 ?

( turb0t, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:43, archived)

I don't know what Linux is
I think it's Windows for communist hippies
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:45, archived)

I haven't used Linux in ages
Windows 7 is very nice though
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:46, archived)

OPERATING SYSTEMS

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:47, archived)

I am about to drive to an office to setup laptops for two temps starting next week
it's all go
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:37, archived)

Yeesh.
I might have to have a lie down.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:39, archived)

I'm answering emails today
I just had my review meeting about our 'restructuring' and I learned I'm going back to Tech Support. Joy.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:38, archived)

Oh dear :(

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:39, archived)

I'LL SWAP YOU, tech support for redundancy

( sleepybinky, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:07, archived)

GET A JOB HIPPY
You can have the job as long as I can have the pay
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:28, archived)

I just woke up.
My cat was supposed to go to the vet, but fucked off up the field.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:38, archived)

There's a euphemism in here but i've yet to isolate it.

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:39, archived)

Pfft
stupid cat. cat hat
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:40, archived)

Not stupid.
I think she knows. Oh well. I'll just get the vaccination and inject her myself if she keeps doing that. HA.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:43, archived)

i`ll inject your cat for you

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:48, archived)

Is it heading in the direction of the vet?
Maybe it's just dead clever
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:42, archived)

i left my security pass in my office, i had to borrow one, i have my one now

( mongychops, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:41, archived)

WOWSERS

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:41, archived)

I've got a collection of security passes and door fobs from about 10 places I've done contracts for
I might hire a van and clear out their offices this weekend
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:44, archived)

most offices around mayfair the west end off londo you can just pick a random firm, press the buzzer and say you do the building maintenance
they always let you in, i could blow them all up
( mongychops, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:47, archived)

my brother once forged a Railtrack ID badge
out of a leaflet he found in the waiting room.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:34, archived)

multipass

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:44, archived)

biscotti
is how i always imagine gonzo pronounces spaghetti.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:42, archived)

You made it back safely!
God be praised.

I mentioned that you'd gone to a better place yesterday and everyone got terribly upset at me:(
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:43, archived)

Mykey, please stop trivialising my illness,
I honestly think that you have overstepped the line, I am all for banter and joking about my illness, but please, stop taking it too far.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:49, archived)

Worse than Hitler:(

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:51, archived)

Ha ha,
I loved this www.b3ta.com/talk/6287273
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:44, archived)

exciting, I`ll tell you how much
I have galactica 80 to watch

oh yes

dire sequel that has flying bikes, invisible spaceships and the return of starbuck.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:43, archived)

Oh man, it'll be quite hard to discribe it in words.
But, basicly, I'm going to see why my code fucks up in Internet Explorer but works in all the other browsers. Well, I know why, it's more of a matter of fixing it.

As I'm sure you know, **, IE isn't complient standard, and this is the baine of people who don't write code properly. It's a shame that Micro$ofts** reffuses to budge on this issue.

Then, maybe, just maybe, i'll go to work tonight and earn fag money !


* Geddit? The link is blue, and it's a star, arn't I such a clever so-and-so.
** Geddit? Because microsoft have lots of money, so I'm using a 'dollar' symble in their name.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:44, archived)

sounds like you are going to be busy
you tesco value magnum pi person.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:46, archived)

this is the bullshit excuse of all web developers who don't understand Javascript and the Document Object Model
waaaah my code doesn't work, waaaah it's EVIL BILL GATES' FAULT, bullshit, learn to write proper code and stop whining
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:52, archived)

Thank's for reilliterating my point there.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:57, archived)

no, I was totally disagreeing with you
I'm so bored of web devs who whine about IE, it's a piece of piss to write cross-browser script, learn your job and stop blaming Microsoft
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:00, archived)

Yeah', that's exactly my point when I said "people who don't write code properly".
I'll have it working within 30 minuites.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:01, archived)

but you also said "my code"

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:03, archived)

fuck it, I'm bored, link me your code and I'll have it debugged in 5 minutes

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:58, archived)

Coolio, I'll give it 30 minuites, and if I ain't got it workin' by then, i'll bung it on my webspace.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:02, archived)

i think that the asterisk should go at the start of the word reference rather than the end
in order to maintain consistency with c
( spacefish bong!, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:53, archived)

I've never written anything in C before.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:58, archived)

you're not missing much
imagine if php had a "break everything" command, but it also did really useful things depending on context
( spacefish bong!, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:30, archived)

Yo!
I'm going to Ireland tomorrow for a week. Get in.

Also, I just read somewhere that "Marriage is for tragic losers and fruit loop fundamentalist bastards." Who knew?!
( Jobe, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:45, archived)

YES.
What bit?
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:46, archived)

the dry bit as the water can get a bit wet

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:48, archived)

Cork. Kinsale to be precise.
I am going with my mother and we are staying with her sister. I am very much looking forward to it.
( Jobe, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:52, archived)

Cool.
You won't be that far from me.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:53, archived)

*high fives*

( Jobe, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:03, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/5936378
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:47, archived)

Naughty.





( Jobe, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:51, archived)

pretty thrilling
i'm doing work i feel good about for once, i'm going on a stag do tomorrow, and have this morning picked up my half of the homebrew that my next door neighbour and i are making. every time i go out i spot another plant in my garden which is bearing fruit, i have taught my old dog a new trick, the randomburn cds are almost ready to exit the castle at long last and it's SUNNY

yes
( spacefish bong!, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:48, archived)

Poor Moon girl, has she learned to juggle or something?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:49, archived)

why you...!

( spacefish bong!, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:55, archived)

it's ok
I WANT TO BE BETTER, I WANT TO BE BETTER, I WANT TO BE BETTER.

But I'm not.
( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:56, archived)

It is a source of constant disappointment
when one is not better than one is, but instead only exactly as good as one is.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:23, archived)

There is no I.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:21, archived)

I´m working out how to set up an EPOS system for a new bar
woohoo
( broadsword, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:23, archived)

And in a minute I will be going to the bank
fuck yeah
( broadsword, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:27, archived)

I've just taken some FANTASTIC painkillers.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:35, archived)

Are they the kind that give you massive hands?
I like those
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:38, archived)

like on Star Trek?

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:40, archived)

Naw, I still have to go to work
the kind that stop me wanting to curl up in a corner and whimper. Ooh, woozy.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:41, archived)

Ahhh, Anti-Lonely Puppy pills. I know the ones.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:44, archived)

I wish they'd give me a huge blister pack with pugs in
:(
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:47, archived)

I like those
it means I can see what a wank looks like for normal men.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:52, archived)

shit. i´m doing the same thing...
i need to go to the cashpoint to buy food, but i´m too lazy.
(richard cropper's comedy account Stephen Frizzle is on the sex offenders list, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:52, archived)

Not as exctiting as this girl's.
www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2525921/Teen-pregnant-after-swimming-in-pool.html
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:12, archived)

hahaha awesome

( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:17, archived)

I'm going to get a sandwich in a sec.
My heart is going like sometthing else
( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:16, archived)

Tonight I will be baking mini carrot cakes
Tomorrow is our local "carnival" - it's always shit but you can have a laugh and go on the fun-fair rides.

Sunday I am playing in netball tournament. I may need a week off from all of the excitement.
(ricky_darkholer is blonde on the inside, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:49, archived)

I've got a genuine question for you lot.
On the subject of marriage, I firmly believe that engagement rings and wedding rings should be bought new. If they're second hand, they might have been pawned because of divorce or break-up, and I'd be superstitious of the bad luck. Ridiculous, maybe, but there we go.

What do you think of this? Would you propose with a second-hand engagement ring?
( Bats, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:45, archived)

i have no problem whatsoever with secondhand rings and things. i think marriage is a bit gay though.

( sleepybinky, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:46, archived)

you know what else is gay right?
your face.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:47, archived)

you know what else is gay right?
your face.
did you have fun at glastonbury?
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:48, archived)

yeah life is sweet when you're in a field with booze and music and friends.

( sleepybinky, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:11, archived)

gay marriage must be ok then
two wrong'uns make a right, right?
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:47, archived)

Yes.
But two mongs rarely do.
( Cawl, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:51, archived)

two mongs make a BALLOOOOOOON

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:53, archived)

BALLOOOOOOON BAWOON
( Bats, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:54, archived)

W B
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:54, archived)

I'm going to have to tell you about my dinner with the crazy last night,
total car crash.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:54, archived)

Sure, go for it.
Gaz if you want.
( Cawl, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:55, archived)

No, do it here
we must all enjoy the hilarity
(Goatse not a comedy account, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:56, archived)

This better be good.
He's taking his sweet damn time.
( Cawl, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:59, archived)

I went for a fag,
basically... meal was ok polite and all that,
then we went to meet some mutal friends, I nearly made her cry by doing an impression of her.
She got over that and then we went to another pub and started talking about politics...
She's very right wing, I'm not.
She said something I considered racist, (basically that racisim doesn't exist any more and that black people should get over it because "slavery was years ago")
I said "I think that's as good a time as any to go home" and stood up to leave.
She drove past me as I was walking home, I waved, she flipped me the bird reved her engine and nearly crashed into another car at the roundabout.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:09, archived)

I'm awesome with women.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:09, archived)

that was a great story
I'm glad you shared. Nothing like this ever happens to me.
(Goatse not a comedy account, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:28, archived)

so not really a car crash then.

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:10, archived)

*calls trade description people*

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:10, archived)

im still waiting for the good bit

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:11, archived)

It was the end.
I felt much better when I didn't have to read any more of it.
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:28, archived)

Did your impression involve putting two fingers under your nose
doing the Nazi salute and goose-stepping around the pub, speaking in a German accent to offer all the men blowjobs?
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:11, archived)

No I said
"why does everyone think I'm crazy?" in a high pitched girly voice.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:12, archived)

Champion

( WormuIus, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:20, archived)

She said something proper crazy just before.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:25, archived)

Ha.
I love you.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:13, archived)

So, had you already given up on the date
as a bad job before you did the impression, or are you just an Aspergers?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:12, archived)

I didn't want to go in the first place,

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:13, archived)

ah, fair enough.
....erm, why did you, then?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:15, archived)

I was hungry.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:16, archived)

Didn't you manage to get a little bit of piss on your chest?
Damn, sorry mate, I know you were lookin' foward to a bit of watersports.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:13, archived)

I don't care, she's a wierdo that tricked me into buying her dinner,
I had the last laugh though, I had a voucher.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:14, archived)

McDs?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:17, archived)

Pizza express,
it's like a middle class McDonalds.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:19, archived)

I've heard of them.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:28, archived)

Getting flipped the bird
Is a sign that she's playing hard to get.
I thought everybody knew that?
( Cawl, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:13, archived)

so did you fuck her or what?
i'm confused
( mongychops, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:15, archived)

I did not,
I could gaz you her number if you want to ask for bumhole pics.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:15, archived)

yeah go for it

( mongychops, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:16, archived)

Nah she'd probably stab me.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:17, archived)

sounds like she probably will anyway.
you've nothing to lose!
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:29, archived)

Give us her number
I'll burp on her and biff her with my menacing Mussolini hand. She'll get a right Facist-On.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:31, archived)

no-one likes Bobby Davro
this is all your fault for doing impressions.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:17, archived)

I've just suddenly got why it's called flipping the bird

this is a new chapter in my life.
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:19, archived)

Is it because she rolled down the window and bellowed
"UMMA MAOU MAOU UMMA UMMA MAOU MAOU"
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:20, archived)

I'm not telling you and it make me feel good

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:22, archived)

She sounds like a bit of a spastic
I would have told her this. Before anything bad had even happened.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:21, archived)

was it Mykey in a dress?

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:32, archived)

Honda Accord?
You want to be careful
( Mornington Crescent Come the Envolution ..., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:55, archived)

I NEEED GOSSIP

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:05, archived)

He's too fuckin' slow.
I reckon he tried to have sex with her in his HONDA ACCORD, only to find out that he was actually a woman. Then he beat up a smack-head.
( Cawl, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:09, archived)

well
cheryl from accounts has been seen going home with a fuller bag than what she came in with and we seem to be running out of teabags and sugar cubes a lot faster lately.

COINCIDENCE?
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:10, archived)

Why did I read that as "teabeans"?
Have I just managed to stumble upon the secret of Hot-Drink-Awesomeness?
( Cawl, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:12, archived)

hot-drink-awesomeness is hot chocolate+brandy

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:14, archived)

yes, it's known as using coffee beans instead of tea bags
it's a secret drink called "coffee", but we're trying not to let the English know about it because they'll fuck it up like they do everything else, so keep shtum.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:18, archived)

faaaaaackin bitch
I'd wipe my fanny on the rim of her cup.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:18, archived)

This, actually.
I'd never want to get married to someone who thought a ring was all that important anyway. It's just an arbitrarily expensive stone on some arbitrarily expensive metal.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:48, archived)

I agree to an extent
in that you don't need to spend three grand on an engagement ring. I would honestly prefer something that was more unique than expensive (even if it was from Accessorise or wherever), but I'd get paranoid wearing another woman's ring.

You get some perfectly reasonable rings new in the high street jewellers, for £300 or so.
( Bats, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:52, archived)

What does Accessorise sell that's unique?
In any case, superstition is silly. It's what keeps people from doing things they know better than to be kept from doing.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:07, archived)

A piece of card with one ear ring missing from the pair

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:08, archived)

Yeah.
Hearing about women that won't marry some poor guy because his ring didn't cost five grand makes me a bit pissed off.

I'd rather wear something unique.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:08, archived)

Pretty pretty.
www.coffingems.com/Images/Jewelry/5CSol300.jpg
( Bats, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:09, archived)

lolwut

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:12, archived)

I think that's the strawberry flavour one.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:14, archived)

Hehe
Not my style, but pretty cool :)
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:12, archived)

What about this
ny-image0.etsy.com/il_430xN.77224052.jpg
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:18, archived)

That's cool.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:37, archived)

You're worried about a second hand ring but are happy with something with an edible center?
I'd just sellotape a pushpop to your finger. Job done.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:25, archived)

OH GOD IT'S YAWNING

( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:28, archived)

A mask made from Esther Rantzen's skin?

( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:10, archived)

*Puts a monster munch on spangolin's finger*

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:11, archived)

I fear our marriage would not last long
Om nom nom
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:35, archived)

Over before it started, so tragic
*weeps* :)
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:49, archived)

A frown with your monobrow shaved into topiary?


Maybe like this?
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:14, archived)

I DO

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:32, archived)

How can we persuade Druid to do this?

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:33, archived)

The spigot ring bush from the gearbox of a 1968 Ford Cortina 1600?
That'd just about fit your ring finger
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:16, archived)

You never know when it might come in useful.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:34, archived)

Silly Grrr,
spigot bush isn't gearbox component.
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:06, archived)

FINE
*throws 3 carat diamond in the river*
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:54, archived)

I love being married

( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:49, archived)

I think marriage is a good thing

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:50, archived)

Even gay marriage ?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:51, archived)

Its all good

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:54, archived)

Awwww.
*hides box behind back*
( RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:09, archived)

Yeah, but only if it was my grandmothers or something.
Actually that'll save a few bob.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:47, archived)

this

( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:47, archived)

I do like this idea.
Family heirlooms show dedication.
( Bats, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:48, archived)

dedication an unreasonable obsession with the trinkets and trivia of the past
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:50, archived)

I like having my grandmas wedding ring
it's probably the most expensive thing I own.
( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:55, archived)

I'm sure it's (very expensive)

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:01, archived)

It can't be that expensive
unless Sammi owns it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:03, archived)

not again, lol

( mongychops, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:47, archived)

I feel the same about pants.

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:47, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6289022
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:58, archived)

Depends. More antiques have got a history.
It's like saying if you use your nan's ring (which a lot of people choose to do) then she pretty died in that and has got crusty death dust all over it.

If the ring was amazing then I don't think it matters too much.

I wouldn't wear a wedding ring anyway.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:48, archived)

Why wouldn't you?
Or do you just not wear rings?
( Bats, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:49, archived)

I'm a musician and I just don't like it.
My dad never wore his ring due to him used to being a printer and loads of people would get their fingers pulled off.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:57, archived)

also true for most watersports.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:59, archived)

and a number of mechanics
and builders. And womanising salesmen.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:03, archived)

Indeed. Whenever I've tried to slip my finger into a ring whilst pissing on someone they usually get a bit funny.
Then again what do you expect at the gents urinals...
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:07, archived)

George Michael.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:27, archived)

"and now, Jo Whiley presents an intimate concert form the lavs at Wembley....."

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:31, archived)

Not on your finger anyway.
*looks in pants*
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:49, archived)

OOoooo bloody Nora, it's like a penal dumbell....*swings*
I can't wait for her to put it on me at the church. The vicar will probably get a right Collar-On.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:59, archived)

I've never regretted using her nan's ring.

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:06, archived)

I thought it was more of a bracelet myself.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:08, archived)

Being a sane and rational adult
I wouldn't propose at all
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:49, archived)

you won't have to darling

( mongychops, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:51, archived)

I found my wedding ring as I was clearing out a desk the other day
It went the way of all the other worthless shite I found.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:49, archived)

you turned it into a rubbish dinosaur

( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:50, archived)

It has a shiny gold bumhole now

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:54, archived)

beautiful

( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:00, archived)

Found mine* the other day as well
Still trying to decide if it's worth anything and if I can be arsed to sell it

*well, my second one. The one that wasn't lost/stolen/eaten by my cat.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:58, archived)

wearing a ring makes me feel physically sick.

( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:49, archived)

The idea of commiting to another person makes me bleed from my ears.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:51, archived)

that's probably because of pressure points like acupuncture or something

( gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:58, archived)

nah, I just hate things that are restrictive, or give potential for getting 'stuck'
like Rings, Bracelets, Necklaces & that guff.
( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:01, archived)

bad stranglewank experience in the past?
hmmmmmm? Tell TMB all about it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:02, archived)

Climbing.
Not really a good plan or pleasant feeling when you're jamming a crack and slipping and leaving bits of you in it.
( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:16, archived)

*lolclick*

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:20, archived)

tee hee

( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:25, archived)

Writing on a single sheet of paper on a surface is bad luck
It must be at least two sheets deep.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:50, archived)

I just do it because you get scratchy handwriting.
The idea of it being bad luck is just superstitious claptrap.
( SuperMatt, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:52, archived)

I think your belief that it isnt, is claptrap.
I also dislike your blouse.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:54, archived)

MY DEAD MOTHER BOUGHT THIS FOR ME
YOU INSENSITIVE CHUBBY BASTARD.
( SuperMatt, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:54, archived)

Your dead mum is hot.

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:56, archived)

Decomposition is still going on

( SuperMatt, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:59, archived)

What?
Why?
( Bats, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:53, archived)

Also, did you know that butterflies are poisonous if swallowed?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:55, archived)

I think weddings are SHIT
LOL
( gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:54, archived)

Even new rings could have been made from scrap gold which
could have been from Hitler's cock ring or some dirty dead bastard's teeth.
Have a nice day :)
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:54, archived)

Hitler's Cock Ring
would be a good name for a wedding band.
( Mystery_Bob, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:56, archived)

wedding Bar Mitzvah
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:57, archived)

wedding
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:00, archived)

STOP MAKING ME PARANOID!

( Bats, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:57, archived)

Considering the circulation of gold over the past 5000 years
it's almost guaranteed that every single gram used in the jewellery business to date has been the cause of a murder through theft, jealousy or inheritance squabbling.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:00, archived)

or NAZI JEWKILLING GOLD.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:03, archived)

Imagine knowing that the token of your everlasting commitment
used to be the lower 6th molar of Mr. Hendelburg, born in Bydgoszcz, died in Treblinka.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:05, archived)

I'm warming to this marriage idea

( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:08, archived)

Oh I dunno
that gives me a bit of a lazy lob.

Sadly unlikely for me or any future partner, I only ever buy or wear platinum or titanium.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:09, archived)

Imagine knowing that your cufflinks were made from the platters of hard drives
seized during a raid on a child pornography ring
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:14, archived)

Don't stop, I'm nearly there...

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:16, archived)

Or that the earrings you gave her
were made from the melted down reclaimed exhaust catalyst of the car her parents died in. THAT'S love.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:20, archived)

You could have the ring made from
specially hardened and lacquered cat shit. That way you will rest easy knowing that the materials used to make your token of marriage were never used for anything other than a jolly good dump.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:14, archived)

If you are stupid enough
to think that 'bad luck' from a piece of inanimate jewellery would affect your relationship, then your relationship is probably doomed to failure anyway.

I did once see a couple pouring over the engagement rings in my local Cash Converters. Each ring was like a dream of love, broken, then pawned to buy skag.
( Mystery_Bob, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:54, archived)

"at these prices i can buy you eight rings, baby"

( gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:56, archived)

No
My Gran's ring is battered.
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:56, archived)

sorry about that, forgot the ky

( mongychops, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:57, archived)

i bet she had a lovely little hump

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:58, archived)

wey hey!

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:57, archived)

Gran's Onion
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:00, archived)

these are the questions that keep me up at night :(

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:57, archived)

Viagra does that for me.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:02, archived)

I mixed up my althimzers medicene and my viagra up.
The good news is that I had the first stiffy in 10 years, the bad news is that I forgot what I was supposed to do with it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:10, archived)

ha !

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:23, archived)

I'm not fussy about whos ring I slip my finger into

( broadsword, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:01, archived)

 _____ ___ _   _____ _   _ _   ____  ___ ____ _   _ _____   _____ _   _ _____ ____  _____        .
|  ___|_ _| | |_   _| | | | | |  _ \|_ _/ ___| | | |_   _| |_   _| | | | ____|  _ \| ____|      /|\
| |_   | || |   | | | |_| | | | |_) || | |  _| |_| | | |     | | | |_| |  _| | |_) |  _|       / | \
|  _|  | || |___| | |  _  |_| |  _ { | | |_| |  _  | | |     | | |  _  | |___|  _ {| |___        |
|_|   |___|_____|_| |_| |_(_) |_| \_\___\____|_| |_| |_|     |_| |_| |_|_____|_| \_\_____|       |            

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:07, archived)

This is something I will never have to worry about, so I have no opinion
Sorry for wasting your bandwidth with my useless response
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:05, archived)

wow. you must be really ugly.

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:09, archived)

I make the elephant man look like George Clooney by comparison

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:12, archived)

superstition is bollocks, bad luck is bollocks, marriage is bollocks, who gives a shit really, I won't have anything second-hand in the house

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:11, archived)

My God
you're beautiful.
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:15, archived)

hello you bloated gay watersports sex pig

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:17, archived)

Morning
you demented buggerist.
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:21, archived)

What about the tap water?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:16, archived)

You need to keep on fighting the snow-wolfs of Azenia until they drop a decent ring.
The trouble with second hand ones, is that most of it's attributes have been used up. They only drop one decent ring every 10 hours, so it's a bit lucky. Make a deal with the rest of your guild first that you get first dibs on that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:11, archived)

marriage is crap
its old-fashioned. almost as old-fashioned as superstition, and hy-phens.
( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:16, archived)

Marriage is for tragic losers and fruit loop fundamentalist bastards.

( WormuIus, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:17, archived)

Would a dead parent's wedding/engagement ring count? I assume not.
I got Mrs Jobe's engagement ring brand new, and our wedding rings will be new too.

I wouldn't second hand ones purely because I would want them to be ours, and have no other history. The superstition thing would not be the reason.
( Jobe, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:19, archived)

What about if the diamonds are conflict stones?
Or the gold is from melted down puppies?

You'll always have history in a ring.
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:24, archived)

Wedding and engagement rings are all about symbolism
That's the point of them. So I think the ring's provenance is important.

They're supposed to symbolise your happy relationship, so a brand new ring or a ring from a much-loved relative who was happy in their marriage is good.

A second-hand ring from an unhappy stranger is bad.

Just because it destroys the symbolism, not because it's bad luck.
( in vino veritas, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:27, archived)

What about a second-hand ring from a happy stranger?
Or a second-hand ring from someone who's unhappy but you know quite well?
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:29, archived)

Neither of these are appropriate
due to either unhappiness or distance of relationship with previous ring-owner.

It seems unlikely that a ring with such a history would adequately symbolise the new marriage.
( in vino veritas, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:34, archived)

there's always a terribly slight risk that it might be the ring of sauron, so no

( spacefish bong!, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:44, archived)

Cliff's dead.
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/8141696.stm
( the RAND corporation a.k.a. Kevin Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:13, archived)

He's gone on the eternal summer holiday

( broadsword, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:14, archived)

TJ
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/bristol/8143103.stm this is a better news story
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:35, archived)

Where the fuck is Goatworrier?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:15, archived)

BOYCOTT NEWQUAY

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:15, archived)

I went last year for the first time
I don't need any further persuasion.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:17, archived)

I went there about ten years ago
I dont imagine its improved any
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:18, archived)

I think I might have enjoyed it ten years ago,
a 14 year old literally threw herself at me on my first night there, so not all bad then.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:21, archived)

and you were 26, right?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:22, archived)

30 :(

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:24, archived)

Even I managed to get a shag in Newquay
*sighs wistfully*
( broadsword, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:23, archived)

I thankfully avoided that hazard.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:24, archived)

Personally I had a guillemot.

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:30, archived)

Did you do it in front a bunch of terns
you filthy bastard?
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:31, archived)

MOOSIE

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:37, archived)

It is a horrible shitehole these days
I will give it that.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:18, archived)

BOYQUAY NEWCOTT: FASHION DETECTIVE

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:18, archived)

NEWKY BOYCOTT
Cricketer, brown ale drinker and all round wife-beater.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:20, archived)

COQUAY BOY NEWTT
ARROGANT LIZARD
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:40, archived)

good morning i am at home and i am sad and i do not know what to do.

( sleepybinky, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:16, archived)

Why are you at home and why are you sad?
*interhugs*
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:37, archived)

wank
its what I do
(Goatse not a comedy account, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:51, archived)

And
remember, it's not a crime anymore.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:02, archived)

He don't walk anymore

( broadsword, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:16, archived)

Arf

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:17, archived)

"urged to boycott town until it is made safer" ?
It's by the seaside. Fuck me, who'd predict there would be some cliffs there? Let's boycott trains too, because occasionally a child gets hit playing on the tracks.

Teenager gets drunk and falls of cliff. Score one for Darwin. Move on.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:17, archived)

For some reason i read that as 'sometimes a child gets molested on a train'
*blinks*
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:19, archived)

Let's not get your inner thoughts in here, now.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:21, archived)

*Forward Defensive*
/Boycott

*relurks*
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:19, archived)

Those accusations of wife beating are ridiculous
they said he hit her fifteen times. That would have taken Boycott 4 and a half hours.

/lol.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:22, archived)

I thought you were dead, Snake.

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:23, archived)

Rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated
However my new role at work makes death from overwork a distinct possibility.

Who ever thought it would be a good idea to merge one of the world's biggest retail banks with one of the world's biggest investment banks?
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:30, archived)

You bankers SICKEN me.

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:32, archived)

The parents are trying to sue the restaurant for letting him get drunk
Although they stand to lose their licence, it's not their fault if someone can't hold their drink.
( SuperMatt, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:34, archived)

Even their seawater isn't safe to drink
and they have sharp knives.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:34, archived)

I'm disgusted the government hasn't put a 6foot chain link fence at the edge of every cliff and hole in britain
it's disgusting
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:17, archived)

I hate the nanny state
WHY DON'T THEY PROTECT US?!
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:18, archived)

because a nanny state
would only shake us until we got brain damage.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:23, archived)

Shaken Britain syndrome.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:26, archived)

No wonder no one noticed him falling off the cliff, all of his mates have got HUGE cataracts

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:39, archived)

I'm going to click I like this

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:40, archived)

Morning!

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 8:38, archived)

Good morning.
Edit: This QOTW thread about sums it up for me: b3ta.com/questions/gyms/post477617
( Bats, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 8:40, archived)

that it is

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 8:40, archived)

Gah this is too early in the day for a headache.
I blame you.

Also, there was a dutch food van at the international market in town recently.

Hurrah for a variety of deep fried dutch foods!
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 8:43, archived)

deep fried edam?

( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 8:43, archived)

blame who you like
its not my fault you over did it on kroket
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 8:49, archived)

I dont like kroket, oh no
I love it
( broadsword, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 8:58, archived)

Are they the same as croquettes?
If so, om nom nom.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:01, archived)

Yus with chicken in.
Fast food places in Holland sell them, they is well nice innit.
( broadsword, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:05, archived)

Morning
I feel ill again, I wish my hospital appointment would hurry up
( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 8:41, archived)

Would you let non-experienced people hold your snakes?
/ac

(It was going to be "Would you like a hug?" but I prefer the AC)
( Bats, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 8:42, archived)

Haha can I have a hug instead
I don't mind snakes but I imagine they are a bit squeezy
( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 8:43, archived)

Would you like to hold my snake?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 8:44, archived)

ewww no thanks

( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 8:45, archived)