the ammount this series is overlooked fills my body with a thick porridge like substance
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:27,
archived)
I remeber that.
It was shown around the same time as stressed eric
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:30,
archived)
Didn't they tone it down?
I was too young to really understand it then, but I was told it was much more adult than it was later on when I actually saw it,
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:33,
archived)
Hello, I'm Rex. And welcome to my world.
Rex the Runt, Rex the Runt
It's time for a doggy dialogue
Rex the Runt, Rex the Runt
The wobbly bobbly dribbly squiggly dorrrrrrg!
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:39,
archived)
It's time for a doggy dialogue
Rex the Runt, Rex the Runt
The wobbly bobbly dribbly squiggly dorrrrrrg!
I loved that show
Didn't deserve to be axed... or at least doesn't deserve to not be released on DVD... or has it been released and I'm just oblivious?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:12,
archived)
There was a nice 1+2n progression in number of "ha"s per reply going on there, and you've spoilt it.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:30,
archived)
*waves hand*
You just had a great time.
"I had a great time."
You will tell all your rich friends about my services.
"I will tell all my rich friends about your services."
You will tip me greatly.
"I will tip you greatly."
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:31,
archived)
"I had a great time."
You will tell all your rich friends about my services.
"I will tell all my rich friends about your services."
You will tip me greatly.
"I will tip you greatly."
I cringed at his swami expression
but he's starting to guru on me.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:13,
archived)
Don't poke fun at the punners.
We'll have no more Punjabs like that.
{;-o
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:25,
archived)
{;-o
Just trying to curry favour on /board.
OK, that was really feeble, you win this time.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:43,
archived)
Mr. Freebs sir
How are you doing Mr Freebs sir.
www.mocpages.com/moc.php/156610
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:39,
archived)
www.mocpages.com/moc.php/156610
Yeah, I'm still in the race of becoming the internet's next top lego geek
;)
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:25,
archived)
"....and after years of research and extensive testing, the first human/prune hybrid was created."
:D
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:19,
archived)
Ahahahahapffft
Edit: I actually know someone with a face/hair like that.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:20,
archived)
I for one welcome our new cat overlords!
heheheheh, very woo *clicks*
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:10,
archived)
i can't even remember what i was searching for when i found this,... your guess is as good as mine...
( , Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:20, archived)
( , Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:20, archived)
i might have been looking up 'concept cars'...(?)...
...maybe not, i can't find it... but there are some awesome images there.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:38,
archived)
I have been a "car nut" since the 1950s and I sure didn't know.
so I asked some friends - here is the poop:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phantom_Corsair
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 22:40,
archived)
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phantom_Corsair
Hahahahaha office snortering
Brill stuff as usual, Msr/Mme Zone!
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:33,
archived)
Dr, actually!
Which really helps no-one with the gender online.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:58,
archived)
Of course they can
They're yawning constantly
Life as a fish is fucking boring.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:35,
archived)
Life as a fish is fucking boring.
I hope you are aware that your constant accusations
of racism are in fact setting back the Black rights movement by years each time?
You must be very proud of yourself.
You racist!
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:38,
archived)
You must be very proud of yourself.
You racist!
I fucking hate racism!
I hate it nearly as much as I hate Papua New Guineans! Fucking bastards stole my Oyster card!
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:44,
archived)
Bloody Pacific Islanders are all the same.
Got my camera nicked in Fiji and some Solomon islander stole £200 out of my suitcase.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:30,
archived)
I don't think you can really blame the Fijians for nicking your camera.
They just misread Fuji probably....
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:31,
archived)
Are you saying Fijians can't read properly?
You fucking racist!
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:37,
archived)
You fucking racist!
The book is on hold, instead I'm releasing short stories as audio books.
I've recorded the first four. One of them will be available for download very soon (hopefully in the next 24 hours, assuming my new shop software goes live). There'll be two free ones and two paid-for ones available by the end of the month :)
My theory is that it'll be a lot easier to get an agent when I can say 'I've already had 5,000 people downloading my stories'. So... All I need now is to get several thousand people downloading my stories!
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:47,
archived)
My theory is that it'll be a lot easier to get an agent when I can say 'I've already had 5,000 people downloading my stories'. So... All I need now is to get several thousand people downloading my stories!
Lovely jubbly!
Make sure to let me know when they are up and running, would like to give them a listen :)
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:49,
archived)
If all goes to plan, then it should be pretty obvious when they go online
but I'll make sure you hear about it.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:52,
archived)
Got a story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:47,
archived)
He was busy hiding all the remaining packets of Iced Gems from the marauding herds of Rhino in Macclesfield.
*admittedly, this is just a guess.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:01,
archived)
And that raises further questions
As to where you were as well :)
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:12,
archived)
I was journeying twixt London and Brum.
Rather scuppered my bash plans.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:29,
archived)
The book is written
It could do with a bti of polishing, but finding an agent is always the tricky part, so I figured I'd use what I've got experience with to try and tilt the odds in my favour.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:50,
archived)
The can and they do.
Our Pufferfish, Martha yawns so wide her face practically turns inside out.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:52,
archived)
Yep. He's clearer on the big versions.
There were close-ups a week ago. comic.matazone.co.uk/2009/09/28/self-doubt/
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:00,
archived)
The whole point of a yawn is to draw more air into the lungs.
No lungs means no yawn.
/The More You Know blog
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:09,
archived)
/The More You Know blog
That is not what a yawn is for
that is what breathing is for. And fish do yawn, everything with a backbone does, except for giraffes (special adaptations to their respiratory system).
Nobody knows what yawning is for really (as in primary function), though there is some evidence supporting the notion that yawning improves vigilance. It might do this by cooling blood going to the brain by drawing cooler air over the larynx which is fully aducted during a yawn: greater surface area and cooling. This might be different for fish, but they do yawn, honest.
There is also the social yawn, but I won't bore you with that :-)
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:21,
archived)
Nobody knows what yawning is for really (as in primary function), though there is some evidence supporting the notion that yawning improves vigilance. It might do this by cooling blood going to the brain by drawing cooler air over the larynx which is fully aducted during a yawn: greater surface area and cooling. This might be different for fish, but they do yawn, honest.
There is also the social yawn, but I won't bore you with that :-)
Yo, Sam the Man.
Word up to yo momma. How's it going diggy doktah?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:32,
archived)
I can only admit to things going rather well, currently. I trust you're in a similar position with regard to your own personal welfare?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:34,
archived)
Sickipedia stand up comedy night
A pub in Shoreditch, London got in touch a few days back and asked if we wanted to do a Sickipedia stand-up comedy night.
First I thought, "god no" then I thought fuck it, let's do it.
My plan is to do it like an open mic thing - and get people who fancy giving it a go a chance. 5 minutes each and I'll introduce the acts - and the act that goes down the best will get a bottle of wine or something.
Tuesday evening - 10th of Nov 2009
If you're interested in doing a turn then post on this thread or email me on robmanuel at gmail dot com
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:19,
archived)
First I thought, "god no" then I thought fuck it, let's do it.
My plan is to do it like an open mic thing - and get people who fancy giving it a go a chance. 5 minutes each and I'll introduce the acts - and the act that goes down the best will get a bottle of wine or something.
Tuesday evening - 10th of Nov 2009
If you're interested in doing a turn then post on this thread or email me on robmanuel at gmail dot com
That would be cool. I won't be able to get there but is there any chance the acts could be filmed and subsequently youtubed?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:20,
archived)
oh, I just remembered, I have tickets to see a tate, horne and corden 24 hour stand-up/sketch-a-thon, so i'll be too busy to attend....
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:41,
archived)
Certainly sir
Would you like your eyes and ears gouged out with a rusty spoon now or at the venue?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:28,
archived)
Blimey! Considering some of the (albeit very very good) material on Sikipedia, that's very brave!
and the act that goes down the best will get a bottle of wine or something. bottled offstage and followed outside and given a kicking by drunken daily mail sponsored audience members who take umbridge at Madeline Mcann jokes.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:21,
archived)
Will it be broadcast on t'internets for those of us not in London?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:21,
archived)
Are people required
to come up with new material, or just recite their favourite jokes from sickipedia?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:21,
archived)
I'm going to sit right at the front with my arms folded, stroking my goatee beard and saying "Hmmm ... "
And will get offended the moment someone tells anything in any way sexist.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:22,
archived)
old blue last - capacity 100 in the top room
www.theoldbluelast.com/
I'll stick up a proper invite thing once I've sorted out a few names to actually be comics for the night.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:31,
archived)
I'll stick up a proper invite thing once I've sorted out a few names to actually be comics for the night.
Ah The Old Blue :D
My favourite of all the pubs in Shoreditch. Seen some fantastic bands in there over the years.
EDIT: Also, you should well book Kunt and the Gang to provide some music!
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:33,
archived)
EDIT: Also, you should well book Kunt and the Gang to provide some music!
can I come up on stage and hold up a big picture of a nun with a Javelin through her head?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:24,
archived)
"we will now bow our heads in prayer.
NOT YOU SISTER IMMACULATA YOU DAFT BITCH, YOU'VE GOT A FUCKING JAVELIN THROUGH YOUR HEAD"
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:25,
archived)
It's now been 5 minutes since you posted this
how many emails has Friz already sent you?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:26,
archived)
5 minutes of T-Rex style hand keyboarding with a clothes horse behind him
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:28,
archived)
I think piston_broke deserves a chance to prove he can't redeem himself.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:29,
archived)
hmmmmmmmmmmmm....
.....maybe the time to unleash the power of shite sweary poetry!
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:35,
archived)
John Cooper Clarke is coming?*
*Does not think that JCC is shit....
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:37,
archived)
why not?
send me an email if you're up for it and I'll book THE MUSHY POET
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:39,
archived)
provisionally then......yes!
i'll give it a go, fear my dress wearing violent wrong.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:01,
archived)
Will it be an evening of
offensive and unpolitically correct jokes ?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:41,
archived)
your guess is as good as mine
I want to get about 10 or so people to do short sets and what they do is up to them.
Sickipedia is obviously well known for anti-PC gags but there's a big difference between writing a gag on screen and getting on stage to do it.
Either way it'll be an interesting experiment.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:46,
archived)
Sickipedia is obviously well known for anti-PC gags but there's a big difference between writing a gag on screen and getting on stage to do it.
Either way it'll be an interesting experiment.
I would offer, but I'd just get heckled because it's me, Popular Friz
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:51,
archived)
I'm not sure that imagining a world where anthropromorphic ducks fuck each other can strictly be called "doing it right"
But your picture is posted correctly, and seems to include the right amount of magenta for this compo.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:04,
archived)
Arf :)
We should have a sweepstakes for the number of NSFW images posted tomorrow.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:06,
archived)
ha ha It will be one big seamy porno fest!
(I am suprised this compo has actually produced some good stuff with only minimal NSFW tash, gash, and splash)
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:10,
archived)
did you post this last night as a reply to a thread?
HANDE HOCH PIGDOG
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:14,
archived)
I might have.
And I might have deleted it because it was ignored, and re-posted it today in the desperate hope of validation from strangers off the internets.
I really don't remember.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:20,
archived)
I really don't remember.
Jesus she needs some anti depressants...
... is there a quack for that?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:35,
archived)
I realise I'm new here,
but are you allowed to declare spang about your own work?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:38,
archived)
You're allowed to type lots of things
the only time you overstep the mark is when your keyboard breaks
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:40,
archived)
That's never been known to sto ...khfbsadegva xhgadav,xaaafdacacad
abfehffhv ebabcaef F5
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:42,
archived)
Tracey Emin pleads to Tories for tax reduction or she'll run away to France
story here
don't think this is NSFW but will linkify if prob.
beau bo d'or blog and archive
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:21,
archived)
story here
don't think this is NSFW but will linkify if prob.
beau bo d'or blog and archive
Hahahhahahaha
Only once you said that, did it dawn on me, as it were :O
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:23,
archived)
what's rude
about a blue man waliking behind a bush in front of a hill
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:26,
archived)
A bird off our land is worth two in the bush...
great idea, nicely done
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:27,
archived)
How much tax does she pay
As a layabout artist who gets money for crapping in bed?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:28,
archived)
she's probably already using a bank that has an effective tax avoidance scheme anyway...
..
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:50,
archived)
Who put the bump in the bump-a-lump-a-lump?
Who put the ram in the ramalamadingdong?
EDIT: Shit. Wrong thread.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:33,
archived)
EDIT: Shit. Wrong thread.
Ironically...
she'll end up paying more tax in France, cos their tax structure is diffeernt.
She'll pay less INCOME tax, but more WEALTH tax.
SO, she can fuck off... daft cow
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:34,
archived)
She'll pay less INCOME tax, but more WEALTH tax.
SO, she can fuck off... daft cow
"Emin said she is considering France because she thinks it has lower taxes"
She thinks. She didn't even check before crying to the media. I wonder if she knows they speak a different language.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:37,
archived)
And drive on the wrong side of the road.
Bit like Corby then...
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:41,
archived)
I hope
that the bendy-mouthed, whining, talent-vacuum does fuck off to France.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:35,
archived)
hahahahahah, bloody hell, that's ace, took a moment to realise what it actually formed
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:38,
archived)
B3ta Interview with Eoin Colfer - your questions please
Eoin Colfer - best known for the Artemis Fowl series of books has a new project: he's writing a sequel to Douglas Adams's Hitchhikers books.
Controversial stuff. He's agreed to answer your questions. Even awkward ones.
So feel free to ask him whatever you like.
UPDATE: 07 Oct 2009 - 1pm - no more questions please. The thread is going over to Eoin now - hope he's not offended by the rather alarming questions.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 11:55,
archived)
Controversial stuff. He's agreed to answer your questions. Even awkward ones.
So feel free to ask him whatever you like.
UPDATE: 07 Oct 2009 - 1pm - no more questions please. The thread is going over to Eoin now - hope he's not offended by the rather alarming questions.
If he were a cake
Would he be battenberg, carrot cake, or goatse cake.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 11:58,
archived)
If you had to have a giant insect as a pet, which one would you chose?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 11:58,
archived)
Are you going to try an imitate the great Douglas Adams, or are you going to make it your own book?
Are you working from any of his notes that he may have left behind?
If your sequel proves to be any kind of success, are you likely to write more?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 11:58,
archived)
If your sequel proves to be any kind of success, are you likely to write more?
^ this.
Nearly died after eating them on Cathay. Was so dehydrated within ten seconds that I was trying to get to the ice between the window panes for the water...
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:33,
archived)
Books are papery and sharp. That's pretty cool, don't you think?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 11:58,
archived)
I can't find my favourite trousers.
Do you know where they are?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 11:58,
archived)
getting a load of nerds and geeks on the internet to put questions to the author of a proposed sequel to a revered series of books by nerd and geek God Douglas Adams
that can only end well
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 11:59,
archived)
Eating jelly with a knife is all of the awesomeness
Did you give me the flu on saturday?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:12,
archived)
I actually feel worswe than I did yesterday
which takes some doing
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:17,
archived)
I haven't read any of your stuff
Why should I? Please reply without using the letter L
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:00,
archived)
how many copies of your book will you survive being hit by when all the hardcore DA fans try to "Book" you to death?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:01,
archived)
Sometimes I use books to make stairs for my cat. Is this normal?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:01,
archived)
Did you ever wish you'd wrote derivate shite and sold loads of books like Dan Brown?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:01,
archived)
If you couldn't use paper to print your books on anymore, what would you use instead?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:02,
archived)
I know many liberal vicars but I don't know any who would allow that!
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:13,
archived)
Train A, traveling 70 miles per hour (mph), leaves Westford heading toward Eastford, 260 miles away. At the same time Train B, traveling 60 mph, leaves Eastford heading toward Westford. When do the two trains meet? How far from each city do they meet?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:02,
archived)
2 hours
140 miles from westford and 120 miles from eastford.
Assuming constant speed and no stops for either.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:04,
archived)
Assuming constant speed and no stops for either.
what will be written about you in a) the encyclopedia galactica, and b)THHGTTG?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:03,
archived)
Is Blu-Tac actually sticky? It doesn't feel sticky. What's up with that?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:03,
archived)
If you could ask gronkpan and infinite number of questions, what would they be?
/ac
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:04,
archived)
I just want to compare the answer to the one in the last interview
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:07,
archived)
You think Rob will ignore all these frankly superb questions and opt to ask boring ones in their place?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:04,
archived)
nah - he's getting the lot
whether Eoin answers them is up to him of course.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:08,
archived)
hahahah! ok, I'm adding this to the pile then:
are you regretting agreeing to this interview, yet?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:18,
archived)
Are you really going to write this sequel, or do you have an infinite number of monkeys locked away somewhere and are just waiting for them to come up with the goods?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:05,
archived)
I think you'll find it's...
Daddies-Long-Legs.
It should follow the same principle as any plural compound noun, like sons-in-law!
( ,
Wed 7 Oct 2009, 14:53,
archived)
It should follow the same principle as any plural compound noun, like sons-in-law!
Don't you want me, baby?
Don't you want me? ohhhhhohhhohhohhhh.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:08,
archived)
Are you going to put pictures of Zooey Deschanel's tits in the middle
to entice fans of the shit film to read your book?
Also:
Will your book be more or less shit than the shit film?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:09,
archived)
Also:
Will your book be more or less shit than the shit film?
Why does everyone hate the film?
It's a different version, just as the Tv series is different to the book, and the book is different to the radio series.
Different
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:10,
archived)
Different
yeah, they're all different, it's just that the film was crap.
:D
yo Joe!
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:15,
archived)
yo Joe!
I liked the film
I think.
Umm, are we talking about the same film?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:17,
archived)
Umm, are we talking about the same film?
I liked it to
it had great stuff in it and some not so great.
But it;s hit ratio was far higher than most hollywood 'product' these days
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:18,
archived)
But it;s hit ratio was far higher than most hollywood 'product' these days
Holy shit, that made me laugh my arse off
I'd say something about keyboards and coffee if it wasn't so lame and nerdy.
( ,
Tue 6 Oct 2009, 9:41,
archived)
If Hitchhikers Guide was remade as a film (again)
who would you cast a Ford Prefect?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:09,
archived)
James Corden
and that Horne fellow as Dent.
edit: ok, I typed this as a joke, but I now feel quite sick even thinking about it.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:20,
archived)
edit: ok, I typed this as a joke, but I now feel quite sick even thinking about it.
my face just fell off because of you >:(
my muscles tried to make the biggest sadface ever and failed
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:02,
archived)
I don't mind Corden
Wouldn't like him as Ford but I don't mind him. Horne is useless though, alright in Gavin and Stacey but outside of that it's obvious he's just fairly useless. Corden has at least had some moments outside Gaving and Stacey I've thought "hey, you're amusing."
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:59,
archived)
Why do you feel the need to do a sequel to one of the best loved series of books in the geek community?
They stand quite well on their own.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:10,
archived)
As space is so extremly large
what happened to the box it initially came packaged in?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:11,
archived)
Like Lembit Opik, your name screams "anagram of something"
Would you have ever been published as "Coon Relief"?
I suppose what I'm getting at is the use of anagrams for character names - would you stoop this low, or is this something just for the Dan Brown school of suspense?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:13,
archived)
I suppose what I'm getting at is the use of anagrams for character names - would you stoop this low, or is this something just for the Dan Brown school of suspense?
Can I write the book instead? I've never written before but I am seven and a quarter years old and i wroted a story about a plane once it went EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH and shotted the iffel tower but it was all a dream
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:13,
archived)
You're in jail, do you become:
A) Part of the Neo Nazi set
B) A wanna-be gangster rapper
C) Part of the Qur'an kings
D) Ooooh, so suacy
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:13,
archived)
B) A wanna-be gangster rapper
C) Part of the Qur'an kings
D) Ooooh, so suacy
Is that a paranoid android in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:16,
archived)
What other sequels have you considered?
How about a new Mona Lisa?
Or Pet Sounds 2: The Cluckening?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:17,
archived)
Or Pet Sounds 2: The Cluckening?
did you know an anagram of your name
is fierce loon
edit*chthonic,mindpiss*
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:17,
archived)
edit*chthonic,mindpiss*
Question:
In the infinate nature of mercurial suffering endured by the constant malignant cursing of dichometic proposals, viz; the chicken and the egg, do you consider there to be parts of the mind in which we should not tread, or to do so, only with a humourous backbone? If the affermative, is this the latent fear of a greater being, or a source of spiritual power, magical power, what you will - but essentially a greater force? If not, are the archaic searches one might imagine to discover, whether by wit or wisdom, to propogate therories (however frivolous) for the sense, nay, meaning of excistance, merely corroborating long-standing views of the greater being, even if you yourself deny such a thing? Alternatively, is a dimensional thing, do you think? If all that's a bit too much - what's your favourite colour.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:18,
archived)
Can you babysit for me on Friday nights please?
You'd be exempt from the 'no childminding for rewards' malarky as it would be from 7pm till 10pm. Thank you.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:19,
archived)
If f(x) = x^2 + 2, find the sum and difference of the roots (solutions) for the equation: f(f(x) + 3 f(x) = xf(x) + f(x)
edit: Quiet at the back, k3b/-\b
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:19,
archived)
I'm still looking for the trick to do it...
ed: you missed a bracket...
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:27,
archived)
nup :( got the sum of roots, can't figure out the easy way to the difference.
ed: just cheated. it goes complex, which was giving me such a pain in the arse. ed, ed: i'm a dope...the difference in roots will change if the difference is taken in a different order :(
assuming obviously I have the bracket in the right spot...ed again: no the question is probably crap.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:55,
archived)
assuming obviously I have the bracket in the right spot...ed again: no the question is probably crap.
I can get a sum of the four roots and the differences between the conjugate pairs of roots.
Sum = 0.0625
Difference of pair 1 (-0.110348 ± 1.4099i) = 2.8198i
Pair 2 (0.141598 ± 1.40711i) = 2.81422i
I suspect I've taken this a little too seriously.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:40,
archived)
Difference of pair 1 (-0.110348 ± 1.4099i) = 2.8198i
Pair 2 (0.141598 ± 1.40711i) = 2.81422i
I suspect I've taken this a little too seriously.
in one of the hitchhikers books...
Arthur Dent is at a bus station at a table when the man opposite starts eating Arthur's kit kat. Arthur defiantly begins to eat the kit kat himself in a silent war with the man before finding his own kit kat under his paper. It was the other mans kit kat all along.
My question is this.
How many people have told you this story as if it happened to them. I have had 3 people tell me this happened to them.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:20,
archived)
My question is this.
How many people have told you this story as if it happened to them. I have had 3 people tell me this happened to them.
You are indeed correct
it's biscuits - I seem to remembers Douglas saying in a interview that this happened to him
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:32,
archived)
But, but, but
Bill Bryson said it happened to him in "Notes from a Small Island"!
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:14,
archived)
It was biscuits.
If they say kit-kat then maybe there's a kit-kat thief operating in your area.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:30,
archived)
I was told this as an anecdote in chapel by some stupid woman trying to make us believe in Jesus.
Further contributing to my lack of trust in christians.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:44,
archived)
yeah, but wasn't she eating fish...
... and then she realised that it wasn't from the son of God but that she was stealing a tramp's Filliet-O-Fish
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 18:23,
archived)
You know...
I never got that they were the other man's biscuits all along. I did read it when I was 12 so I might have been a bit dense, but all along I thought it was some kind of magic trick of the stranger's.
Ooh err.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:47,
archived)
Ooh err.
Given that god is infinite and that the universe is also infinite, would you like a toasted teacake?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:22,
archived)
If you could rate from 1-10 on a loveliness scale, 1 being not lovely and 10 being absolutely lovely
How lovely would you rate "Letting wonderful things stay wonderful"?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:23,
archived)
Tell us about a time when some hitherto unknown cunt came in and tried to hijack your childhood memories.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:24,
archived)
I've heard the phrase/name 'Artemis Fowl' but know nothing about it. Is it anything like Will Quack Quack?
Anyway. Are you going off deeper into the HHGTTG universe to explore the many strands Douglas left open or will you have familiar characters hanging around and interacting like people would expect them to?
I hope more for the first. Like the novel of 'The Starship Titanic' Douglas took a loose strand and expanded it into a computer game and Terry Jones did the novel so DNA could get on with writing/creating the game and it's wonderful dialogue but it was still imbued in the HHGTTG universe.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:24,
archived)
I hope more for the first. Like the novel of 'The Starship Titanic' Douglas took a loose strand and expanded it into a computer game and Terry Jones did the novel so DNA could get on with writing/creating the game and it's wonderful dialogue but it was still imbued in the HHGTTG universe.
i very much
enjoyed starship titanic, more of this sort of thing
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:36,
archived)
Are you going to slag off digital watches like Douglas did? I hope not, they're great.
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:25,
archived)
I imagine it will be the same book but he talks about the youtube instead
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:31,
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I think it counterpoints the underlying surrealism of the metaphor.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:27,
archived)
Thy micturations are to me
as plurdled gabblebotchits on a lurgid bee
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:41,
archived)
Nooooooooooooooooooo
"Counterpoints the surrealism of the underlying metaphor"
Honestly...something about HHGTTG turns me into a complete pedant
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:44,
archived)
Honestly...something about HHGTTG turns me into a complete pedant
Dear Eoin Colfer
could you ask rob when the Vote for a Change challenge finishes?
ta, and good luck with the book
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:26,
archived)
ta, and good luck with the book
They're gonna keep it going until the January sales so they can get the macbook cheaper.
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:03,
archived)
Your sequel will probably end up made into a film...
What measures will you take to ensure the cast of the 2005 movie are excluded from the sequel (Stephen Fry, John Malkovich and Bill Bailey excluded)?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:32,
archived)
Do you think I should go for copper lamé or green velvet curtains in the dining room?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:34,
archived)
Who put the bump in the bump-a-lump-a-lump?
Who put the ram in the ramalamadingdong?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:34,
archived)
If you had to choose between one of these options, would you say:
1. You had to see many suitcases of money before you thought this book would be a good idea
2. You were thinking about future suitcases of money
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:35,
archived)
2. You were thinking about future suitcases of money
Jim finds himself in the central plaza of a small South American town. Tied up against the wall is a group of twenty people – most terrified, a few defiant – in front of several armed men in uniform. The man who appears to be in charge sees Jim, and, establishing that he is in the town purely because of his membership of a party of botanists and not some interfering do-gooder, explains that the detainees are a random group of the local aboriginal tribe who, after recent acts of protest against the government, are about to be shot to remind the rest of the tribe of the advantages of not protesting. However, since Jim in an honoured visitor from abroad, the captain is happy to offer him the privilege of shooting one of the detainees himself. If Jim accepts, then as a special mark of the occasion, the other detainees will be set free. If Jim refuses, there is no special occasion, and all will be killed. Jim quickly establishes that schoolboy fantasies of grabbing the gun and heroically setting free the captives are not an option. Moreover, the detainees understand the offer, and are obviously begging him to accept.
What should he do?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:37,
archived)
What should he do?
Ummmm, is he allowed to just kneecap one of them?
The oldest, maybe?
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:45,
archived)
Will hardcore fans of HHGTTG come round to enjoying your book, or will you always be the bastard who's pissing on DNA's grave?
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:38,
archived)
Dogs or cats?
Tea or coffee?
In a fight between a dog and a cup of coffee, which'd win?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:42,
archived)
In a fight between a dog and a cup of coffee, which'd win?
What do you think about Chris Evans replacing Terry Wogan on the Radio 2 Breakfast show?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:44,
archived)
And is Simon Mayo the right man for the drivetime slot? And who'll get his 5live show? Richard Bacon? Then who'll do the late night show?
Talk about the rotation of BBC radio presenters for a bit.
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:52,
archived)
Simon Mayo on Drivetime - no thanks
/Chris has made it his own, and I enjoy listening to it.
Would rather have seen Radcliffe & Maconie get the drivetime gig.
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:54,
archived)
Would rather have seen Radcliffe & Maconie get the drivetime gig.
I think I'd rather Mayo had moved to Wogan's slot.
I'm glad he's still doing the friday afternoon films show with Mark Kermode though.
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:56,
archived)
It's funny because all these people did the same jobs on radio one 15 years ago...
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:58,
archived)
Radcliffe & Maconie FTW
Or alternatively, give Absolute Radio an FM licence so I can listen to the Geoff Show.
( ,
Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:05,
archived)
Have you ever put one of Douglas Adams' books between your bumcheeks and farted?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:45,
archived)
And if so
did you get the angle of the pages right and make a high-pitched squeaking noise?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:28,
archived)
Eoin. You're hoping to make us all laugh with your new book in the Hitchhiker series,
but what makes YOU laugh?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:45,
archived)
Has anyone already asked you this question?
If so, what was your response?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:47,
archived)
When you get to the bottom, where do you go?
a. Home for a nice relaxing poo
2. Moo moo land via Tescos
III. Back to the top of the slide
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:48,
archived)
2. Moo moo land via Tescos
III. Back to the top of the slide
Have you considered basing the next book on mishaps and random encounters from the Infocom HHGTTG game?
It has hours and hours of mid-period DNA poured into its many possible outcomes and is entirely hilarious, a good guide to the man when faced with endless possibilities and the unforgiving vacuum of an early text-based universe
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:49,
archived)
Eoin
You're writing a sequel to the Hitchhikers books, but have YOU ever hitchhiked, or picked up a hitchhiker?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:49,
archived)
Hello.
Given that the best you can hope to achieve with this project is a passable imitation of someone who made some jokes that were popular in 1978, what are you doing to make yourself feel good about this?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:51,
archived)
Haha
let's be absolutely clear about this, I don't care at all, I'm just being obnoxious for the sake of it.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:57,
archived)
I don't know about you, but I always think the main objective when setting b3ta interview questions is to make the interviewee regret agreeing to do it.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:59,
archived)
And to keep them away from the internet for the rest of their lives.
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:00,
archived)
Adams struggled with deadlines, and his style really wasn't suited to sustained pieces of writing.
Will you end up locked in a hotel room by your publisher until you come up with horribly strained chapters too?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:51,
archived)
I read the intro you wrote for the kids edition of hitchhikers where you basically say who are goodies and who are baddies
Did you really think that the book was so complicated that it needed that level of dumbing down? Do you and your publishers think that your normal target audience aren't intelligent enough to follow the book and make up their own minds?
Secondly, how do you feel about someone (maybe even someone you don't think too highly of) possibly taking the characters you've created and telling the world what "officially" happened to them next after your death? I would imagine most authors held their creations very dear, are you the same? or is publishers money just that great a thing?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:52,
archived)
Secondly, how do you feel about someone (maybe even someone you don't think too highly of) possibly taking the characters you've created and telling the world what "officially" happened to them next after your death? I would imagine most authors held their creations very dear, are you the same? or is publishers money just that great a thing?
Dear Mr Colfer
HappyToast is normally a cheery fellow. How have you managed to annoy him this much? Did you have to put in much effort?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:55,
archived)
I didn't think this sounded that annoyed
sorry, was genuinely wondering how he felt about the two points.
It's not the end of the world his doing this book, and it might be very good, I just find it sad the concept of the characters doing things that DA never knew about - like a parent not seeing their kids go off in to the world
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:02,
archived)
It's not the end of the world his doing this book, and it might be very good, I just find it sad the concept of the characters doing things that DA never knew about - like a parent not seeing their kids go off in to the world
Don't apologise...
I think a lot of people here had been wondering something similar...
:)
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:03,
archived)
:)
Publisher's money has always been that great a thing.
Just ask Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:57,
archived)
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is dead Archie.
His new book comes out next month.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:58,
archived)
I hear Dan Brown is doing the new adventures of Holmes and Watson based on the Guy Richie movie
in the first one they wrestle Derren Brown on a waterfall over the channel 4 studios
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:04,
archived)
Do you like Herring Sandwiches?
What would you do if you found one?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:53,
archived)
I like the juxtaposition of this question and HappyToast's one.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:54,
archived)
Does the study of mathematics tell us about the nature of reality, or simply about the way in which we're constrained to think?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:53,
archived)
Look, I'm worried about Jim, I'm not sure he's going to be OK :(
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:57,
archived)
Why is this thread taking so long to load when it is mostly text?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:56,
archived)
Can you provide an intuitive explanation of the Banach–Tarski paradox?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:58,
archived)
Wraps are almost as popular as sandwiches.
Why is this, and does it show that the West really is in decline?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:59,
archived)
I reckon it ought to be possible to teach Kantian moral philosophy in about 10 minutes flat.
Do you agree, or is this crazy talk?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:02,
archived)
If I said you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:02,
archived)
If mice is the plural of mouse, and lice is the plural of louse, why isn't hice the plural of house?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:04,
archived)
Which languages do you speak? Which languages do you wish you spoke? Which languages are you glad you can't speak? Which languages make you vomit up your lungs whenever you hear even a single syllable?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:05,
archived)
Given that the Artemis Fowl books are brilliantly written, charming, exciting, and thought provoking
how annoyed are you that most people seem to think that J. K. Rowling's derivative nonsense gets treated like the second coming of Enid Blyton?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:09,
archived)
eh?
How can you even think you would be remotley in the same category of human mind as douglas? what makes you think your shit is wroith even one cent of douglas'? and who the fuck are you?
jesus wept.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:10,
archived)
jesus wept.
What is the most important lesson to be learned from the HHGTTG series?
I have my towel, but what else?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:10,
archived)
If this were a job interview and we'd reached the end, what question would YOU ask us?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:11,
archived)
The Artemis Fowl books have a theme of environmental awareness, as did the work of Douglas Adams,
so there are commonalities between your works, but in what ways do you think that your sequels to the Hitchhiker's novels will be unique to you?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:12,
archived)
Please answer all of the above questions again but in the style of Joseph Merrick.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:12,
archived)
If Yoda yodels about yoghurt while doing yoga with Yogi Bear, when will Obi-Wan stop wanking?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:13,
archived)
No one else asked so.....How much did you get paid to write the new book?
and what sort of royalties are you hoping for?
I appreciate you must be a big fan and doing the job was reward itself, blah blah blah, but really, how much?
I'm thinking of rewriting The Hobbit and wondered if I'd be rich
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:13,
archived)
I appreciate you must be a big fan and doing the job was reward itself, blah blah blah, but really, how much?
I'm thinking of rewriting The Hobbit and wondered if I'd be rich
What one change would make life more like a cartoon in your opinion?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:13,
archived)
What's it like to release a book cashing in on other people's work?
Oh wait, that one's for Rob.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:14,
archived)
As a connosieur of the English language...do you think we should develop our own English word for 'faux pas'?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:16,
archived)
With the great success of mittens on string, should I invest in a scheme to similarly tie shoes together with rope running up the trouser leg?
and how would this work for girls in skirts?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:17,
archived)
Can someone please create a random question generator to save me the time and effort?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:18,
archived)
What 'B' is the body of water between mainland Australia and Tasmania?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:23,
archived)
It's the Billy Bass Strait.
It is a body of water that sings "Don't Worry, Be Happy" every time you walk past it....
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:41,
archived)
I imagine that would get quite annoying
until someone took the batteries out.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:44,
archived)
You must be brave to take this on...
Did you not fancy something that would give you a little less stick, such as writing the sequel to The Koran in which Muhammad realises he's a great big homosexual?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:34,
archived)
Can you slip a wee reference to b3ta in the new book(s)?
(such as naming a quadrant of the universe b3ta-one, or a robot or something. A robot would be good. A great big robot with wanking spanners for hands).
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:35,
archived)
(such as naming a quadrant of the universe b3ta-one, or a robot or something. A robot would be good. A great big robot with wanking spanners for hands).
Sadly this is just part of the PRE-LAUNCH PUBLICITY PRESS PANDERING
As the book is out next week. First i'd heard of it though and i'm a huge DNA fan so their marketing leaves a lot to be desired.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:41,
archived)
Are you sick of people suggesting what to put in the book
when it's already written and printed and will be available in just a few days?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:40,
archived)
Are you considering writing a sequel to any other classics
Such as the Koran or any Maeve Binchy books?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:45,
archived)
Who? Me?
No.
But I do have re-imagining of the bible in progress. It's called OMGLOL*
*not really
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:49,
archived)
But I do have re-imagining of the bible in progress. It's called OMGLOL*
*not really
Eoin Colfer? That's not a real name
Were you thinking of a pen-name when your cat walked on the keyboard and decided to stick to it?
Perhaps it's an anagram.
Fierce loon?
or maybe it's the vaguely racist "coon relief"?
c'mon... you can tell me.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:44,
archived)
Perhaps it's an anagram.
Fierce loon?
or maybe it's the vaguely racist "coon relief"?
c'mon... you can tell me.
I read Artemis Fowl
and was disappointed at the lack of chickens.
Why should I trust you again after that?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:51,
archived)
Why should I trust you again after that?
If you're looking for books about chickens then I can highly recommend 'Chicken Little' and 'Fantastic Mr Fox' (although the main protagonist in this book is not a chicken)
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:55,
archived)
I was watching the elephants on the telly last night and the daddy elephant got on top of the mummy elephant and poked it with his no-no.
Why did he do that?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:58,
archived)
There is only one question, Shirley.
But it's in three parts:
A) Why do we need a sequel to the trilogy in four parts?
2) Where did the dolphins find the finance to build an entirely new Earth?
iii) If you could unthink anything what would you unthunk?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:30,
archived)
A) Why do we need a sequel to the trilogy in four parts?
2) Where did the dolphins find the finance to build an entirely new Earth?
iii) If you could unthink anything what would you unthunk?
there are five parts, this will be the sixth
and as Stilton said
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:43,
archived)
Is there any way you could work The Clangers into the plot?
That's proper Science Fiction, that is.
Don't forget the Soup Dragon
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:33,
archived)
Don't forget the Soup Dragon
Or the Froglets.
I loved the froglets. They were never on enough though. /me hopes for a froglets spin-off mini series.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:54,
archived)
If you could ask yourself any question
What would the answer be?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:41,
archived)
Why on earth did they pick Martin Freeman to play Arthur in the film?
I hope your book continues Arthur's irritation at everything and not the ho-hum attitude he had on the big screen
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:47,
archived)
Under the circumstances,
Morgan Freeman would have made a better Arthur Dent.
In fact, I couldn't think of anyone who could be worse with the possible exception of Martin Freeman - oh, wait......
( ,
Tue 6 Oct 2009, 15:35,
archived)
In fact, I couldn't think of anyone who could be worse with the possible exception of Martin Freeman - oh, wait......
How about:
1) Orlando Bloom
2) Dame Judy Dench
3) Martin Free.. - oh, wait.....
( ,
Tue 6 Oct 2009, 17:33,
archived)
2) Dame Judy Dench
3) Martin Free.. - oh, wait.....
Douglas Adams successfully predicted much of the (then) near scientific future.
This is a huge act to follow! What new technologies do you think will happen in our lifetimes? And, on a more fanciful note, what new technologies would you like to see happen in the near future?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:33,
archived)
Have you ever been killed to death whilst masturbating over a photo of 80's pop sensation Sabrina?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:33,
archived)
Who (or what) is your favourite character from the originals, and why?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:56,
archived)
Is this
book as full of clumsily shoe-horned in 'issues' and cop-outs as your other work has been?
Or alternately, how many inventive ways do you think Douglas Adams if he came back from the dead, could torture you?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:14,
archived)
Or alternately, how many inventive ways do you think Douglas Adams if he came back from the dead, could torture you?
Whats the absolute most you would pay for a pickled egg?
(in rupees)
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:39,
archived)
Is this a piece of fairy cake ?
Where will you be on October 12th ?
Can I get a signed copy of the book to go next to the signed Douglas Adams copy of Mostly Harmless I have, bearing in mind I live in Amsterdam and unless you're doing a signing there in the near future I'll probably never get one...
But I will be at the door of the shop when it opens on the 12th to buy a copy.
Thank you for taking this on.
BTW - Just to show what an H2G2 geek myself and the wife are we named our daughter (and we can scan in her passport if proof be needed) Milliway Fenchurch Reeds - Is that the oddest Hitchhikers fan act ever or what ?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:01,
archived)
Can I get a signed copy of the book to go next to the signed Douglas Adams copy of Mostly Harmless I have, bearing in mind I live in Amsterdam and unless you're doing a signing there in the near future I'll probably never get one...
But I will be at the door of the shop when it opens on the 12th to buy a copy.
Thank you for taking this on.
BTW - Just to show what an H2G2 geek myself and the wife are we named our daughter (and we can scan in her passport if proof be needed) Milliway Fenchurch Reeds - Is that the oddest Hitchhikers fan act ever or what ?
How much
Are you only doing this for the money and to boost your reputation or are you in touch with Douglas Adams spiritually?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:50,
archived)
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 18:14,
archived)
I know the answer to this one.
If a woodchuck could chuck wood, he would, chuck as much wood as he could.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 22:21,
archived)
How much wood could Edward Woodwards woodchuck chuck if Edward Woodwards woodchuck could chuck wood?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 20:24,
archived)
Artemis Fowl was a good book
but one line stuck with me from it, it was a description of Butler having 'hands like shovels.' Anyway, did that particular detail come from anyone in particular?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 20:29,
archived)
erm...
didnt they all die in the last book after Random went back to earth and it was the day of the Vogon Constructor Fleets? How do you propose to bring all our beloved characters back? And if it has anything to do with a dream followed by arthur dent walking out the shower, will not be impressed sir!
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 21:35,
archived)
True story: In the late Eighties, I sold Douglas Adams a (then impressive) 40Mb hard drive for his Mac...
I was so star-stuck and over-awed I didn't take the opportunity to chat to him and never told him how much his books meant to me.
He looked like he was in a hurry, and I didn't want to be a needy fan. I regret it to this day...
Did you ever get the chance to meet him? If so, were you as tongue-tied? And what's your biggest regret?
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 22:30,
archived)
He looked like he was in a hurry, and I didn't want to be a needy fan. I regret it to this day...
Did you ever get the chance to meet him? If so, were you as tongue-tied? And what's your biggest regret?
I know the BBC radio show got around the characters deaths....
at the end of Mostly Harmless by claiming that it was a quirk of those born in the Z-plural zones, thus providing the happy ending where everyone appeared back at Milliways for cocktails rather than the stark fact that all the main protagonists were in fact deceased by the end of DNA's last foray into that particular storyline, thus neatly tying up all the loose ends.
However, this thread of questions has gone on for quite some considerable length, so aren't you bored of listening to me by now?
Lot's of love,
The voice inside your head whenever you read something.
message transcribed from your cranial cavity by:
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 22:34,
archived)
However, this thread of questions has gone on for quite some considerable length, so aren't you bored of listening to me by now?
Lot's of love,
The voice inside your head whenever you read something.
message transcribed from your cranial cavity by:
Do you intend to write the book naked?
(As Terry Jones did writing Starship Titanic).
Also, do you feel that the many different versions that Douglas Adams created free you from being overly stingent in maintaining a consistent (er... "canon"[possibly no such thing in HHGTTG]) book in his style, and do you worry about making it too aimed at existing fans and risking alienating new readers?
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 22:56,
archived)
Also, do you feel that the many different versions that Douglas Adams created free you from being overly stingent in maintaining a consistent (er... "canon"[possibly no such thing in HHGTTG]) book in his style, and do you worry about making it too aimed at existing fans and risking alienating new readers?
That last part is probably the opposite of the case.
He'll make it friendly to new readers and completely alienate anyone who has read the previous books.
It'll be the Wii of DA books.
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 23:21,
archived)
It'll be the Wii of DA books.
What's stopping you from answering all these questions with 42?
You cheat.
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 23:20,
archived)
Cock or Biro?
In your bottom.
What would you rather have inserted into you?
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 23:29,
archived)
What would you rather have inserted into you?
"It's pronounced Owen!"
You have this almost everywhere...
You have it on your amazon page:
www.amazon.com/Eoin-Colfer/e/B001JS4V8E
You have it on your Wikipedia page:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eoin_Colfer
A Google search tells us you repeat it 88 times on your own site:
www.google.com/search?q=eoin+colfer+pronounced+owen+site:eoincolfer.com
We get the point: your name is quite an annoyance to you. Rest assured this is also true for the rest of us, if that helps.
Through b3ta's almighty powers, you are now granted the right to select another name.
What name are you chosing?
Bonus points for having at least as many consonants as "Slartibartfast" and/or containing a "3" as in b3ta.
( ,
Tue 6 Oct 2009, 10:46,
archived)
You have it on your amazon page:
www.amazon.com/Eoin-Colfer/e/B001JS4V8E
You have it on your Wikipedia page:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eoin_Colfer
A Google search tells us you repeat it 88 times on your own site:
www.google.com/search?q=eoin+colfer+pronounced+owen+site:eoincolfer.com
We get the point: your name is quite an annoyance to you. Rest assured this is also true for the rest of us, if that helps.
Through b3ta's almighty powers, you are now granted the right to select another name.
What name are you chosing?
Bonus points for having at least as many consonants as "Slartibartfast" and/or containing a "3" as in b3ta.
I've grown ,quite successfully this year,
a fair few cherry tomatoes an plan to do so again next year. I have tried, with considerably less success, to grow peppers, averaging only one or two per plant. My garden is Westerly facing and both plants have been grown in approximately similar conditions (i.e. a few meteres apart but identical soil conditions, level of rainfall etc.) Where am I going wrong?
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Tue 6 Oct 2009, 11:02,
archived)
Will you do my 11hr Sunday shift this week.....
So I can go to the Hitchikers convention at the Southbank?
Thanks in anticipation.
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Tue 6 Oct 2009, 11:34,
archived)
Thanks in anticipation.
Brian Herbert wrote some shit Dune sequels after Frank Herbert died.
Are you going to be Douglas Adams' "Brian"?
( ,
Tue 6 Oct 2009, 11:40,
archived)
What's the Question to Life, the Universe and Everything?
Don't bother with the answer to the Question.
( ,
Tue 6 Oct 2009, 11:51,
archived)
If your new project was food
what do you think Greg Wallace would say about it
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Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:23,
archived)
Do you think a cull of some of the human race to preserve the remainder, numerous animal species and flora is acceptable?
and if so what would be your criteria for the dead list?
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Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:17,
archived)
What's your favourite bit in the original books, and why?
Mine is when the characters are eating a sumptuous meal with the mice on Magrathea. The mice try and get serious and say, "to business", which is followed by Ford and Zaphod leaping up, clinking glasses and exclaiming "to business!", because they thought it was a toast.
I like it because the mice are trying to broach the subject of dicing Arthur's brain, but Ford and Zaphod are entirely focussed on drinking and having a good time.
I'm sure you enjoyed hearing my opinion there...
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Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:17,
archived)
I like it because the mice are trying to broach the subject of dicing Arthur's brain, but Ford and Zaphod are entirely focussed on drinking and having a good time.
I'm sure you enjoyed hearing my opinion there...
rehashes of old franchises are always shit and we as a culture we should be thinking of new ideas rather than trying to make a quick buck out of crapping on anything with a bit of nostalga attached.
discuss.
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Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:24,
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Oh come on...
i'm sure writing this book moved him...TO A BIGGER HOUSE
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Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:40,
archived)
A question from my son,
an Italian 11-yr old fan who has read all of Colfer's books (the ones that have been translated, that is, plus a couple of english ones I read to him in italian)
My favourite book of yours was Airman. Do you plan to write a sequel to that?
.
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Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:39,
archived)
My favourite book of yours was Airman. Do you plan to write a sequel to that?
.
I was flicking through my old Molesworth books the other evening
and I found a reference to 'Radio Malt'. Do you know what this is?
Also, in the unlikely event that this HHGTTU sequel goes well, would you consider doing a sequel to the Molesworth books? Maybe when he's managed to get into a polytechnic?
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Tue 6 Oct 2009, 16:22,
archived)
Also, in the unlikely event that this HHGTTU sequel goes well, would you consider doing a sequel to the Molesworth books? Maybe when he's managed to get into a polytechnic?
If we were on a date together, what restaurant would you take me to and why?
And that goes to contestant number one.
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Tue 6 Oct 2009, 16:29,
archived)
Douglas Adams was stolen from us at the age of 49 by a heart attack, leaving millions bereaved.
In the event of the new Hitchiker's book becoming as popular as those of the late Mr Adams, what precautions have you taken to ensure that your coronary arteries are in a satisfactory condition in order to avoid a repeat of this tragedy?
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Tue 6 Oct 2009, 17:48,
archived)
Why not just
post your bloody fanfiction on the internet for free?
Why did you agree to do this thing, surely knowing how much shit you'd get?
What colour does a smurf go when you choke it?
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Tue 6 Oct 2009, 18:12,
archived)
Why did you agree to do this thing, surely knowing how much shit you'd get?
What colour does a smurf go when you choke it?
If only Smarties have the answer why did they build Deep Thought?
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Tue 6 Oct 2009, 20:27,
archived)
Did you think the film was crap or OK?
I enjoy your books, and so do my kids (I even bought one once, instead of waiting for the library to get it in) but if you think the Hitch-hikers film was even remotely OK, then I'd be a bit worried about this book.
I'd still read it though, to be honest.
Also, tea or coffee?
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Tue 6 Oct 2009, 21:45,
archived)
I'd still read it though, to be honest.
Also, tea or coffee?
He ended the books
He ended them. Ended them. They finished.
He didn't want to write any more and given he didn't ask any of his very funny friends who were good at writing to continue his work, I doubt he would have wanted some shitbubble like you to piss all over his really excellent books.
So, in the form of a question: why don't you just go away?
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Tue 6 Oct 2009, 22:08,
archived)
He didn't want to write any more and given he didn't ask any of his very funny friends who were good at writing to continue his work, I doubt he would have wanted some shitbubble like you to piss all over his really excellent books.
So, in the form of a question: why don't you just go away?
Given that God is infinite, and given that the Universe is infinite...
do you like toasted tea cake?
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Tue 6 Oct 2009, 22:35,
archived)
do you like toasted tea cake?
I'm offering you three categories for this next question.
Please pick from:
Waters of the world, Hair and Red Things.
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Tue 6 Oct 2009, 22:38,
archived)
Waters of the world, Hair and Red Things.
Were you aware of b3ta before this or did your publisher think this would be a good idea and you just went along with it?
and with hind sight, do you think this was worth the trouble for such a tiny bit of advertising?
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Tue 6 Oct 2009, 22:51,
archived)
Have you ever considered writing theological thrillers like Dan Brown does?
How about one where Tom Hanks gets aids after he bummed off a priest and then finds out that the whole aids thing was started by a group of satanists in a plot to wipe out the catholics because they don't believe in condoms and it turns out that the satanists have the cure for aids but they've hidden it up Ewan McGregor's bum and he has to follow a series of clues written on the walls of public toilets around Rome and there's a climactic final scene where he fists Ewan to death to get the cure out.
There, you can have that one for free. All it needs is some full stops and things.
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Tue 6 Oct 2009, 23:24,
archived)
There, you can have that one for free. All it needs is some full stops and things.
If a Pug dog (medium size) walked into your parlour would you embrace it with lust or would you kick it, whilst talking to the RSPCA over the phone, sort of like a cruelty commentary?
( ,
Wed 7 Oct 2009, 0:39,
archived)
if you stare at yourself in the mirror for a really long time
do your eyes start to look really evil, followed by the rest of your face? or is it just me?
( ,
Wed 7 Oct 2009, 0:43,
archived)
Why did you choose to call a male character Artemis?
As someone with the given first name of Artemis, I am humbly requesting that you pull all books from publication and edit them so that his name is Diana. Then he can deal with having people constantly call him up looking for Ms. Diana Fowl, and people will stop assuming I am a man just because I was named after a Greek goddess.
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Wed 7 Oct 2009, 1:47,
archived)
Here's another one for you...
Tom Hanks is drilling a hole through the wall of the men's changing room in Topshop when he discovers an ancient scroll that describes the location of a secret document which proves that the Bible was written entirely by the Roman emporer Caligula after eating a load of cheese too soon before he went to bed and which fell into the hands of catholic extremists who have hidden it up Ewan McGregors bum and then sent him to live in a monastery in Italy and they have cloned him so there are like three hundred of these Ewan McGregor clones and in order to find the document Tom Hanks has to bum all of the Ewan McGregor clones in turn but then his knob falls off from all the bumming so he has to use his tongue instead.
I've literally got hundreds more of these, if you are interested then get in touch and we can talk business.
( ,
Wed 7 Oct 2009, 2:39,
archived)
I've literally got hundreds more of these, if you are interested then get in touch and we can talk business.
Ok, one more then.
Dan Brown and Tom Hanks are two gay lovers who get married and go on their honeymoon to Israel and while they are there they find a gideons bible in their hotel room that has a spelling error in the copyright information which turns out to be a clue that leads them to a secret tomb which they have to get to by climbing into a toilet in the Jerusalem branch of McDonalds and as they are climbing down the toilet someone does a big poo on them and then they find themselves in an underground sewer and they're all covered in poo and wee and then the sewage level starts to rise and they need to find the key to get out but the Quakers have hidden the key up Ewan McGregors bum and he has explosive diarrhoea.
I admit that I only got a C in my English GCSE but hopefully you will be able to see past the few spelling and grammatical errors I have undoubtably made and realise that these could be some of the best selling works of fiction of all time.
We're talking bigger than the Bible here.
So, how much will you pay me for them?
( ,
Wed 7 Oct 2009, 3:17,
archived)
I admit that I only got a C in my English GCSE but hopefully you will be able to see past the few spelling and grammatical errors I have undoubtably made and realise that these could be some of the best selling works of fiction of all time.
We're talking bigger than the Bible here.
So, how much will you pay me for them?
I review plays for a living and all of your plots are better than 90% of the submissions I have to wade through. Give up your day job!
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Wed 7 Oct 2009, 3:56,
archived)
Thank you! I've always wanted to write plays.
I would be grateful if you could cast your eye over this script I'm currently working on.
NARRATOR: Our story begins in London, England. The famous author Mr Daniel Brown is driving to see his friend Tomothy Hanks about a matter of grave importance. Unfortunately as he arrives at Mr Hankses house a cat runs out in front of his car. Daniel slams on the brakes, and is catapaulted through the windscreen.
ENTER DAN BROWN, STAGE LEFT, FLYING THROUGH THE AIR BUM-FIRST.
TOM HANKS IS SITTING ON A CHAIR. HE TURNS AND HIS JAW FALLS OPEN WITH AMAZEMENT AS DAN BROWN FLIES TOWARDS HIM. DAN BROWN LANDS ON TOM HANKSES HEAD WHICH GOES RIGHT UP HIS BUM.
TOM HANKS: (MUFFLED) "What is the meaning of this?"
DAN BROWN: "I'm terribly sorry, there was a cat. I had come here to tell you about a matter of grave importance!"
TOM HANKS: (MUFFLED) "Can it wait until we've got my head out of your bum?"
DAN BROWN: "I'm afraid not, you'll just have to wear me as a hat for now. I'll explain what's going on in the car."
EXIT STAGE RIGHT TOM HANKS WEARING DAN BROWN AS A HAT.
NEXT SCENE: TOM HANKS IS DRIVING WHILST DAN BROWN GIVES DIRECTIONS
DAN BROWN: "Are you okay in there?"
TOM HANKS: (MUFFLED) "It's not so bad now I'm getting used to it, and at least you're keeping my head nice and warm. So, you were going to tell me what this matter of grave importance was?"
DAN BROWN: "Mmm? Oh, yes, of course, how could I forget? I was listening to the news earlier and apparantly some extremist Jehovah's Witnesses have broken into that secret warehouse from the end of Indianna Jones, stolen the Ark of the Covenant and hidden it... UP EWAN MCGREGORS BUM!!!"
TOM HANKS: (MUFFLED) "I should have guessed. Thosed damned religious fanatics are always stealing priceless religious artefacts and hiding them up Ewan McGregors bum."
DAN BROWN: "And what's worse is that I've discovered that they plan to use it to MELT THE POPE'S FACE!!!"
As you can tell, it still needs several more minutes of work on it, but I was wondering if you would be interested in commissioning the entire play?
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Wed 7 Oct 2009, 4:33,
archived)
NARRATOR: Our story begins in London, England. The famous author Mr Daniel Brown is driving to see his friend Tomothy Hanks about a matter of grave importance. Unfortunately as he arrives at Mr Hankses house a cat runs out in front of his car. Daniel slams on the brakes, and is catapaulted through the windscreen.
ENTER DAN BROWN, STAGE LEFT, FLYING THROUGH THE AIR BUM-FIRST.
TOM HANKS IS SITTING ON A CHAIR. HE TURNS AND HIS JAW FALLS OPEN WITH AMAZEMENT AS DAN BROWN FLIES TOWARDS HIM. DAN BROWN LANDS ON TOM HANKSES HEAD WHICH GOES RIGHT UP HIS BUM.
TOM HANKS: (MUFFLED) "What is the meaning of this?"
DAN BROWN: "I'm terribly sorry, there was a cat. I had come here to tell you about a matter of grave importance!"
TOM HANKS: (MUFFLED) "Can it wait until we've got my head out of your bum?"
DAN BROWN: "I'm afraid not, you'll just have to wear me as a hat for now. I'll explain what's going on in the car."
EXIT STAGE RIGHT TOM HANKS WEARING DAN BROWN AS A HAT.
NEXT SCENE: TOM HANKS IS DRIVING WHILST DAN BROWN GIVES DIRECTIONS
DAN BROWN: "Are you okay in there?"
TOM HANKS: (MUFFLED) "It's not so bad now I'm getting used to it, and at least you're keeping my head nice and warm. So, you were going to tell me what this matter of grave importance was?"
DAN BROWN: "Mmm? Oh, yes, of course, how could I forget? I was listening to the news earlier and apparantly some extremist Jehovah's Witnesses have broken into that secret warehouse from the end of Indianna Jones, stolen the Ark of the Covenant and hidden it... UP EWAN MCGREGORS BUM!!!"
TOM HANKS: (MUFFLED) "I should have guessed. Thosed damned religious fanatics are always stealing priceless religious artefacts and hiding them up Ewan McGregors bum."
DAN BROWN: "And what's worse is that I've discovered that they plan to use it to MELT THE POPE'S FACE!!!"
As you can tell, it still needs several more minutes of work on it, but I was wondering if you would be interested in commissioning the entire play?
I would like to see this play made
but only if the climax featured a giant animatronic bum, atleast 20 foot tall.
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Wed 7 Oct 2009, 23:02,
archived)
WHO'S WRITING THIS FUCKING PLAY?
It just so happens that I had planned to include a giant animatronic bum.
And I thought maybe 40 feet tall.
( ,
Thu 8 Oct 2009, 2:18,
archived)
And I thought maybe 40 feet tall.
If Gregg's was the center of the universe
Would the meaning of life be a sausage roll?
( ,
Wed 7 Oct 2009, 3:27,
archived)
How big was the truck?
You know, the one full of cash they drove up to your front door when you agreed to write this book.
( ,
Wed 7 Oct 2009, 11:44,
archived)
If your book sucks,
What are you going to do with the 24 hours you are given to live, by the mob.
( ,
Wed 7 Oct 2009, 12:41,
archived)
Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!!!
Where did everyone go?
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 11:49,
archived)
Where did everyone go?
Haha
I started off thinking "wait a minute, this has bindun" and found myself guffawing. To hull please.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 11:11,
archived)
Ah - Simon Weston
He represents the 80's as much as Joey Deacon and white dog poo.
( ,
Mon 5 Oct 2009, 11:14,
archived)
Hahahaha...
You would need two bags, one for her head and one for yours in case hers fell off :)
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 10:47,
archived)
That's very disturbing
Also, why does his hand look shopped? It's oddly deformed....
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Mon 5 Oct 2009, 10:48,
archived)
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