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OMGOMGOMGOMG!
I'm going to see Romeo and Juliet at the Globe on my BIRTHDAY! I think this deserves a little dance.

Now, back to you lot. Do you enjoy the theatre? What was the last entertainment you enjoyed that wasn't sat on your own wanking?
(

Bats, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:13, archived)

It hasn't aged well

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:14, archived)

I saw that a week ago.
The girl from The BBC Anne Frank thing is the lead. She was very good. Remember to rent a cushion though.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:14, archived)

To hide an erection?

(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:25, archived)

That's why I always eat pringles at the theatre
I use the crumbs to hide my errection.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:29, archived)

I HATE the theatre
which is odd, because I love being in musicals and such. I guess there is no magic for me any more.
(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:15, archived)

...
It's because YOU ARE the theatre darling!

Compton Street Queen they call you.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:16, archived)

They do?
RECOGNITION AT LAST! :)
(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:18, archived)

I want to be your backpack

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:22, archived)

You can be anything you like, ducky

(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:23, archived)

I AM MAN GOOSE A HOONK

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:30, archived)

They both die in the end.
/spoiler
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:15, archived)

WHAT?!

(

Bats, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:16, archived)

Don't be stupid.
If they died, how do they manage to keep putting on more shows?
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:17, archived)

In the extended DVD edition the monk puts his winky in her mouth.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:17, archived)

Onlooker: Forsothe! Verily thy monk, hast thou plonketh thy love-truncheon into yon lady's cakehole?
Monk: Aye! And wotcha gunna do abow it, eh?
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:19, archived)

My dad used to say that before
every film we watched as a kiddie

/something inappropriate about porn yadda yadda
(

its_hatorah_bitch is b3ta the devil you know on, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:29, archived)

In the past couple of months, I've been to a professional dance performance, the ballet, the orchestra and the football.
And I'm going to ALTON TOWERS on my birthday.
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:16, archived)

*Double Tens*

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:17, archived)

I'm very cultured, derncha knerr.
Chicks dig it.
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:19, archived)

this is fucking good.
www.thewomaninblack.com/
(

Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:16, archived)

Stop tempting me.
I've wanted to see it for years.
(

Bats, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:17, archived)

I saw it when I was about 12
It was chuffing marvellous
(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:18, archived)

I saw it a couple of years back
It terrified me!
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:23, archived)

Never going to see that
the rubbish film of it freaked me out enough.
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:23, archived)

its all in the stage management dahling :P

(

Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:41, archived)

I saw that when I was in school.
and the version I saw I thought was absolute shit.
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:25, archived)

depends on the actors.
they change them every 6 months or so to keep it fresh.
(

Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:40, archived)

I went to see Blood Brothers last Thursday.
It was fucking ace. I cried. I'm going to see The Specials on Friday night. Yay.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:16, archived)

That's a lie, you;re coming nowhere near Weast Suffolk.
And that's a very nasty nickname you've got for us :(
(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:20, archived)

Lucky you
I love going to the theatre but I haven't been for bloody ages.

The last entertainment I enjoyed was watching my twins in a performance at school assembly. They were dinosaurs.
(

Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:18, archived)

I've not been since we went to see Cabaret
which was just a bit weird.

For my birthday we're going to a Steampunk gig/show/extravaganza. I get to dress up c:
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:19, archived)

*jealouses hugely*

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:26, archived)

there might still be tickets
it's in London though, it's called White Mischief.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:27, archived)

i never leave the house, i'm scared of the outdoors

(

mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:23, archived)

I bet
if you did some martial arts and weightlifting, in about 2 years, you'd end up beating the fuck out of the outdoors, running it over in a Honda and fucking its mum up the arse while pouring its dads ashes on her arsehole and fingering them up there till her eyes water.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:25, archived)

You never go ash to ass

(

Three Dog Man, Wed 13 May 2009, 18:15, archived)

I wanted to go to have tea at the ritz on my birthday ):
I enjoy the theatre, but not in Sheffield. Tolethorpe was always good though.
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:24, archived)

I do, but I prefer ballet at the moment
I go through stages of one or the other. I think it's because BBC4 have been doing a lot of ballet recently, including following the glorious Carlos Acosta back to Cuba to see his fusion piece, which was fantastic.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:25, archived)

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:26, archived)

What now, Happy McCongenial?

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:28, archived)

I was forced to do ballet as a toddler.
I had to be a rabbit.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:28, archived)

When you say "ballet"
you mean "bumming with furries" dont you ?
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:30, archived)

I did ballet for quite some time when I was younger.
This is why I'm very limber for a chubby bint.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:30, archived)

hahaha

(

mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:33, archived)

So cruel

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:34, archived)

Bullying
live, online.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:35, archived)

Oh dear
www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post421464

It's spread to /talk.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:38, archived)

...

.....

...

.

Ballet? Radio?
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:37, archived)

BBC4 the television channel.
not BBC Radio 4 the radio channel.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:40, archived)

Ohhh, is that a new chanel?

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:42, archived)

Only 7 years old.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:43, archived)

I'm so behind the times
=(
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:44, archived)

Probably a pantomime.
Haven't been for years.

/drunk, online
(

Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:27, archived)

It watch a lot of films
although it is normally beer + film = not remembering the plot
(

its_hatorah_bitch is b3ta the devil you know on, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:28, archived)

I've never really enjoyed the theatre but haven't been for a while.
I've seen my girlfriend play in orchestras and her quartet a few times, that can be quite entertaining sometimes.
(

my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:32, archived)

Have fun.

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:33, archived)

I love the theatre but I never go
I should. I keep saying I will but never find out what is on. *rubbish*
(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:52, archived)

I've not been to the theatre in ages.
I did watch a dance show the other week though, that was quite good.
(

Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:52, archived)

I do enjoy the theatre but haven't been in a few years.
I should put that right soon.
(

nick the greek, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:55, archived)

theatre is rubbish
just people pretending to be stuff and saying words innit
(

scott,, Wed 13 May 2009, 18:06, archived)

I'm tired of this QOTW and TALK divide.
They're shit at the internet, and we really should make them better people.
That's why I, JMG suggest "ADOPT A LONER". A week of befriending a QOTW user. Teaching them not to over-exaggerate situations, slowly drag away from a life of needing internet pity, and over here to /talk.
Let's be honest, you're a terrible bunch of shitheads, but these people are a grade lower.

I'll adopt geordieal because God knows whatever I type on here these days, he'll reply to it.
Feel free to pick your own.

Try and stay clear of fat birds.

Line break.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:47, archived)

What if
you QOTW and /talk?
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

News just in:
Verbs now unnecessary. More at 8.
(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

Sorry.
What if you post on QOTW and on /talk?

Can 'to QOTW' not become a verb? Please?
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

Spread stories of better internet amongst the QOTW Rolling Dahls.
You have a duty!
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

Alright then.
There is an awful lot of dross this week, I might just wait for the best of rather than trawl through everything.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

You and me both

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 17:05, archived)

You people go back to read a "best of" of that stuff?
What makes Best Of?
Best story? Most female poster?
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:08, archived)

Votes generally
Which usually leads to accusations of cliqueiness.... Oddly reminiscent of stuff I've read on /talk.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 17:11, archived)

Everybody likes JMG.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

I have suggested you post someting...
...it's obvious you can write.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 17:13, archived)

Usually when I post I'm replied to by the same 8 or so people on QOTW, looking for an argument.
It's understandable as I've had to counter several office block bouncies whilst on here.
As ever, I usually end up on top. Or at least with the other user having a tantrum.

Anywhere over the space of three weeks.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:16, archived)

it's boredom that prompted the responses IMHO
fuck all happened on O/T until we got nested replies.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 17:18, archived)

There may be accusations of cliqueiness
It seems to me there are generally a few new or different names on the best of every week. Mind you I haven't been about long enough to judge properly.

There do seem to be a few people who almost always get into the best of, I agree with the results though, they are usually the funniest and best written that are voted best.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:20, archived)

this is pretty much it
We've had a few people who obvious get upset if their post doesn't gain enough votes to make it to best of (Friz?) and who cry foul and suggest everyone's voting for their mates.

Spanky and Pooflake make it consistently because they're consistently funny. Chickenlady because she's consistently funny and well written. Chart Cat because he's a filthy, funny bastard!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 17:23, archived)

Anyone that uses the word clique on /talk is automotically considered to be b1773r

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:23, archived)

this is familiar

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 17:26, archived)

If I get picked last
I'm getting into my Honda Accord.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

Reply of the day!

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

^this
*salutes*
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:58, archived)

im far too much of a cunt

(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

Wound't you like it some some officie drone from Leeds was made in your own mould, though?
Wouldn't you feel BETTER about yourself?
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

the world's just not ready for that much sexy

(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

A fine reply.
We should integrate you slowly into the mainstream.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:55, archived)

I know exactly which one to adopt

(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

Piston_Broke is beyond help.

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

He's hammering off-topic.
:(
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

I wasn't going to adopt him
I'm in the lucky position of having met a few QOTWers
(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

like me
Afternoon SuperMatt!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 16:54, archived)

nooooon

(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:55, archived)

Hope you and gonzo enjoyed Friday?

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

I did
and I think he did too.
But I'm not his keeper, so I don't care.
(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:03, archived)

Are you going to adopt me?
If you can adopt and then bully me I'll have a story for this week as well.
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:01, archived)

I'll only adopt you if you're autism

(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:02, archived)

Oh you want Kaol then

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

Shut your filthy mouth.

(

Cawl, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:05, archived)

It's OK
I was hoping for Spak
(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:07, archived)

I was hoping you'd want him.
This is excellent. You can take him dancing.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

I was just going to lock him in Gonz's cupboard

(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:14, archived)

This would work well for everyone.

(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:18, archived)

*has knives, likes black*
edit - Kaol, not me
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 17:05, archived)

How can you fight the mysterons if you don't have knives?

(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:10, archived)

innovative use of puppetry

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

Yeah.
You're a real person, with a face and everything.
(

Cawl, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:55, archived)

none of them have memorable user names

(

well, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

I know.. I know..
But we must at least TRY.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

i will when they do

(

well, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:55, archived)

Just £1 a month?
Do they send me a letter every year telling me all about how quickly they're growing up, about their new enclosures and how they hope to find a mate soon?
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

This I LIKE!

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

Ooh I could go for that
who wants to adopt me?
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:54, archived)

Yes.
And then, when they find out the terrible truth, you'll get a letter the starts: "Dear Dad, You bastard! You're not my real dad at all..."
(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

^this
*applauds*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 13 May 2009, 17:06, archived)

I'm having Scaryduck.

(MooCow_Byter, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

*Applause*
Lovely stuff.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

Someone has actually posted
"so I did martial arts and weightlifting and got my own back on the bullies"

www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post421346
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

OH MY!

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

Surely that must be the Goats new account?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:55, archived)

Dude
the guy goes through all this "and then I was really hard and the dojo and criminals were scared of my punchbag and shit" then the punchline is that no matter how hard he had become, his wife could still beat him in a fight.

Must have been why they separated (Not split) to spare the local area being razed to the ground should they engage in mortal combat.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:58, archived)

Do you think it would have been like a low budget version of Hancock?
Except it would have made people laugh?
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:01, archived)

I think it would have been
a couple of overweight goths inefectually slapping each other before one of them pulls their hamstring attempting a roundhouse kick.

What do you expect from a £10 an hour sensei ?
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

But have you seen his profile
It's full of weird stuff like The Goats was, and he is currently homeless apparently.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:01, archived)

But I thought The Goat dropped off the grid, man, y'know, to get away from the man, man
He's mining his own water in Paraguay in a shack, man.
(

Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:03, archived)

Maybe thats his "project"
that he sent his "wife" away for.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

He had to let her go, otherwise he would have destroyed her in his Kung-Fu Grip

(

Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:06, archived)

So, he didn't get bullied and didn't get his own back?

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:06, archived)

Can I ask mine to go to the shops for tartan paint, or a long wait, or to fall under a bus?

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

I am initially unopposed to this.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

I prefer it if you were posed to it

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

I'm at a loss here
you post threads asking for attention. And then when I reply to them, you seem to get upset about this. Please explain.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

There we go.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

Explanation?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

I don't think "There we go" was a particularly "upset" response.
Do you?
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

No but I think
the fact that you are singling me out for replying to your posts shows a certain amount of wobbling which is missing from most everybody else's posts. I'm curious as to why
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

As soon as you said "No" there you were counter-arguing with the remark:
"And then when I reply to them, you seem to get upset about this."

Now you're embroiled in a bitter debate with yourself.

Line break.

As JMG, internet leader. I feel I can only assume the blame for this. At this time.
The fact you've then gone on to say I single YOU out really does make my internet day.
Then, the term "wobbling". Another JMGism.

Well done JMG

Line break.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:02, archived)

HOW MAN

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

PET.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

*HIGH FIVES*

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:54, archived)

ooo, ooo
someone pick me!
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:55, archived)

*Clipboard and gun*

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:57, archived)

where do I sign?
and how do I sign with a gun?

is it like the A in A-team?
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

I like this idea.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:05, archived)

"Here Mr JMG, sign on the dotted line and the property is all yours. Need a pen?"
"No thanks"

KA-CHING

BUDDADADADADADADA

*rejoicing*
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:10, archived)

Another day, another bullet fired in the war on fat internet.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

it's a noble cause
*salutes*
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

But I don't wanna!

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

Don't make me get the cane.
*Irrational spinning of bow tie, etc*
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:57, archived)

how do you pick one?
I think I'm about as popular there as here...which is not popular at all...either way I'm still a BGN.
(

Lisette von Falcon, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

Unlucky dip.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:58, archived)

It's like wandering round battersea dogs home
only the stench of piss is more rank.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

I'll take the weakest looking one with dodgy front legs.

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:10, archived)

Problem fixed
www.b3ta.com/questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post421397
(

willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:58, archived)

You're clearly not in tune with my theory on lunch threads.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:58, archived)

I;m adopting the ugliest one to make myself look even more amazing
Or a 'female' one with a AHEEEN CHEWY BRAIN! with big tits that I can ruin even more.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

You be careful of fat birds, DG.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:03, archived)

I will be Jammers. I've got an inbuild 'No Fat Birds' LED sign on my forehead
Like the ones they have in the windows of chicken shops.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

Now then.
I went to a QOTW bash and they all seemed like lovely individuals, no more or less mongy and weird as people I've met from /talk.

WHERE IS THE LOVE.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

This is why I encourage the re-joining!
I'm very nice.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:03, archived)

Who can I have?
I'll teach them the Ways of the BGN. Also the Magical Mysteries of Tediousness
(

Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:00, archived)

I say you throw a spear at them and whichever one you hit, you take home.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:03, archived)

I'll keep them in my rude hut

(

Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

is that a euphemism?

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

Nah, my hut is totally rude, dude
Like, 1991 style. You're only allowed in if you're sporting a hi-top fade
(

Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:13, archived)

how about a hi-top fade?
and basketball boots with the biggest tongue you ever saw
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:13, archived)

TONGUE LIKE A MOTHERFUCK
Aiii? You're well in the Rude Hut.
(

Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:14, archived)

radical

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:15, archived)

You're far from BGN, Theo. You're one of "RR's b3tans to watch 2009"

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:14, archived)

But this is just Richard Nixon's list
And you put your name at the top
(

Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:15, archived)

I want Wormulus.

(

Cawl, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:02, archived)

I think you've got this the wrong way round.
We don't want to spread the lies!
Together we can stop it.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

I meant
I want him to adopt me :(
(

Cawl, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:06, archived)

I didn't think we were allowed to request them
If so, then I want Donkey Gums. Please and thank you
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:05, archived)

*waggly eyebrows*

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:08, archived)

O_o I've got a /talk one to love and hug and squeeze and call him George

(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:10, archived)

+ of the Jungle
;P
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

If you insist

(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:15, archived)

He'll only ask you to groomy his sideparting all day and call you Mary Poppins

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:06, archived)

I've met you before.
And I laughed at you.
(

Cawl, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:07, archived)

Many people do, I'm a right spastic

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:08, archived)

It was a comedy night.
But yeah...
(

Cawl, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:09, archived)

I can only apologise as I usually get hideously drunk before embarrassing myself :)
sorry you wasted your money.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:13, archived)

He didn't pay.

(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:20, archived)

Not seeing a lot of adopting going on
Obey your leader, JMG, embrace us QOTWers!
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

We're waiting to be assigned QOTWers
I'm not diving in and choosing, what if it doesn't want me? I can't take it back to the pet shop.
(

Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:08, archived)

I recommend you keep the receipt
There's a 14 day exchange policy.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:09, archived)

I'll just take it out the back and deal with it there
"I'm sorry Mr Snugglesworth"
*BLAM*
"I love you Mr Snugglesworth"
*BLAM*
(

Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:10, archived)

or sewer of utter filth
depending on some persons
(

willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:10, archived)

No, everyone here is lovely
It's me that's the problem. I'm a bad owner.
(

Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:11, archived)

The internet is slow and fat.
Give it a bit.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:09, archived)

Can I get mine to do the randomburn I wish I hadn't signed up for?

(

mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:10, archived)

Sure!
They'll love a bit of social interaction!
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

lloks like i've missed out on helping save the internet, oh well, maybe next time

(

mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:22, archived)

JMG
I think you're quite funny. I like reading your posts. This new venture of yours is full of win.

I am in desperately need to be taught how to behave in real life, in particular how to rid myself of this need for constant validation, and how to recognise the unimportance of the events in my life. Seriously.

I'm not a fat bird.

I'm exactly the sort of QOTWer you're talking about, prime adoption material.
(

warmfuzzies Isn't here, Wed 13 May 2009, 23:12, archived)

Adopt me please
I'm neither fat nor ugly. And I don't make up stories.
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Thu 14 May 2009, 10:29, archived)

I went for a job at Magners
“Why do you want to work for us?” they said
“To prove my wife wrong” I told them
“Really” They said ?
“Yes, she’s always telling me I’ll never be any use in Cider”
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:32, archived)

Is there any new music I should know about?

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:33, archived)

Rock n Roll daddio
it's the new Jazz.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:34, archived)

Passion Pit
White Lies
Grizzly Bear
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:34, archived)

What would you know about it, dotard?

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:35, archived)

You never talk to me any more
I feel unvalidated

: (
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:35, archived)

that's because you're hideous and offensive to the eyes

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:37, archived)

I'm fucking lush
you'd fancy me if you met me.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:38, archived)

I bet you look like half a scrotum

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:38, archived)

This is true, but it is the sexy half.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:39, archived)

well!
*swoons*
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:40, archived)

Pah !
You'd take one look at me and your fanny would be wider than mykeys waistline.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:40, archived)

Bring a mop.

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:42, archived)

A mop would be of no use whatsoever
you'd need a thousand rolls of "Bounty"
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:43, archived)

I WAS ANSWERING YOUR FUCKING QUESTION
CUNTLEGS
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:36, archived)

Those arent cunts on his legs
they are cankers.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:38, archived)

Bleargh

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:40, archived)

Vote for my suggestion on QOTW

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:34, archived)

Is it
"Fuck off you lying cunts" ?
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:35, archived)

www.b3ta.com/questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post421342
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:44, archived)

WORDS :)
Sweet sweet words.
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:36, archived)

Hands up who got the fear
when b3ta just went offline
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:37, archived)

I thought I'd have to fill the time dinner was cooking with housework or something.
Lunacy.
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:43, archived)

I was just worried that it had only broken for me
and I was missing out.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:44, archived)

I thought I'd have to do some work.
*phew*
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:38, archived)

This is madness
Never speak of that again
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:44, archived)

I don't feel well. I want to go home.

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:41, archived)

Oh noes :(
What's wrong? Is it swine flu?
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:46, archived)

It's anxiety I think. But it still makes me barf.

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

*applies tummy rubs*
:( Not good
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

I'm complaining about someone landed moby dick before me
dry white wine
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:46, archived)

I just heard about a dwarf that was pickpocketed
who would stoop so low?
:(
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:07, archived)

Someone headed down
and out.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:07, archived)

I'm standing on my desk right now... thumping my chest and shouting "LOLLYPOPS!!"

(likeajackhammer, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:08, archived)

~~shouting "~~ singing "MY BOY
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:10, archived)

it IS my favourite choooon!
*continues*
(likeajackhammer, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:11, archived)

Did you hear about the gay who got burgled ?
He liked touching mens cocks.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:08, archived)

Spangs
hard
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:08, archived)

I hope you wee out a poo and fart out a wee wee

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:09, archived)

Farting wee wee could be quite fun.

(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:10, archived)

Pissing yourself is entertainment now ?

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:11, archived)

Vindaloo has that effect on me

(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:11, archived)

Was he a bit thick too?
It's not big and it's not clever.
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:32, archived)

That's the shittest thing I ever heard.
Get out.
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:39, archived)

JMG must have posted 45 minutes ago.
What are you most looking forwardest to in the world mostest ever?
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:59, archived)

Someone else posting a new thread within 2 minutes

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:00, archived)

And Amsterdam

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:00, archived)

Another day of JMG success, tomorrow.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:00, archived)

JMG, earlier:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgm9LgqgVyM
Clearly wearing a wig.
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:01, archived)

Hooray!
Excellent indeed.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:04, archived)

Ooh, I like your socks.

(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:05, archived)

I use them to hack in to the internet.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:05, archived)

I'm highly amused to see that Norwich City have held a press conference to anounce that their new manger..
..is the manager they fisished the season with.

The manager who was their PR man.
Who got them relegated.
(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:06, archived)

Someone validating my awesome puns.
But even more than that, my wrist not being shit any more so I can do some proper bouldering again. It's not fair, I always get injured just when I'm at my strongest.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:01, archived)

proper 'Bouldering'* i.e. *wabbling your massive balls about at girls

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:04, archived)

Finishing my degree and going on holiday to Cornwall.

(

TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:02, archived)

Where in Corrrrnwall?

(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:04, archived)

ym

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:03, archived)

My mum's too classy for you.

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 13 May 2009, 16:04, archived)

She'd wear him like a pair of crotchless pants

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:06, archived)

Watching my first sober HD filum
Have poked at the crazy magic box in my living room (my xbox 360) and it's downloading Casino Royale as we speak. Very slowly. Hurrah!
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:08, archived)

I can never look forward to anything more than a few weeks away
being quite an excitable person if I get too excited I might burst or something so I am looking forward to seeing the boys faces on Friday morning when my son turns NINE :( and I have boght him and X-wing and a Tiefighter and so the little one doesn't feel left out I've bought a shit load of lego.

If anyone has any odds and ends of the stuff I'd be willing to pay for it.
(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:09, archived)

Hello Fatties.
Who has issues they'd like to blame me, JMG for?

/edit
*National Anthem*
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post421229
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:16, archived)

www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:17, archived)

Oh I bet there's some crackers in there.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:17, archived)

www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post421149
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:20, archived)

www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post421188
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:21, archived)

Why would anybody post that?
How could they possibly be proud of being picked on by a kid smaller than they were, and then holding a grudge and beating them up ten years later when the "bully" is helpless and fucked up?

What a pathetic tosser.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:28, archived)

Oops,
replied to the wrong post.

Never mind.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:30, archived)

JMG WAS in the year below Mr T though.

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:30, archived)

I certainly took no pity, etc.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:32, archived)

Did you travel by plane?

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:33, archived)

Yes.
He slept in the back.
With page 3 girls I'd just had sex with.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:34, archived)

I made a real one
It's about to be pushed down forever by the fibbing
www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post420966
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:36, archived)

Fibbing you say?
www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post421205
(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:36, archived)

I made a proper one too
www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post421236
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:40, archived)

We're all over this.
It's wonderful.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:40, archived)

*fives*

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:43, archived)

What slightly concerns me, is the repeated mentioning of who 'WINS' out of them and the bully, 'in the end'.
It has more than a shade of Partridge'esqe "Needless to say, I had the last laugh"
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:55, archived)

Oh Piston_Broke..................
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post421253
:(
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:56, archived)

And your MASSIVE STASH OF DRUGS?

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:36, archived)

b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post421222
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:37, archived)

That, is fucking BRILLIANT.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:21, archived)

YES!!!
Get in!
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:22, archived)

This also reminds me.
geordieal will spend an hour replying to all of my posts, today.
Same as every other day.

:(
I'll be, very boring.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:24, archived)

Surely you meant it'll
Although, yes, i expect you will be plenty boring
(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:38, archived)

HOW have you managed to get bitter at that?

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:42, archived)

Sorry, just seemed to be the done thing

(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:42, archived)

This one is classic QOTW.
www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post421022
(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:20, archived)

Honda Accord: Car of the HARDMAN.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:21, archived)

E Honda Accord: Car of the HUNDREDHANDSLAPMAN

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:22, archived)

Honda Acorn: A car for men that FALL FROM TREES.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:32, archived)

Honda Accorduroy
A car for History Teachers
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:41, archived)

Honda Accordian:
A small car that's a bit of a squeeze.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:43, archived)

Honda Record:
A car that gets you round.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:47, archived)

Honda A Chord:
A car that's ACE.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:49, archived)

Hon d'accord:
A car you can agree with.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:52, archived)

All of these are going into my stand-up act.

(MooCow_Byter, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:58, archived)

Honda Accordlessdrill: Car of the HANDYMAN.

(

ArthurTheRat, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:50, archived)

Hmmm..
"I was bullied by one of the "cocks of the year" from the year below....."
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:22, archived)

That was my favourite bit.

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:24, archived)

Made me laugh

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:24, archived)

THEY CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:47, archived)

Fuck.
I would post a disparaging reply, but I fear me might go all Heiss on my ass.
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:23, archived)

I gotta be honest, even I'm swooning at such impotent rage.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:25, archived)

He counts running a drug addict over
as a win?

fucking hell
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:26, archived)

This.
The guy obviously has a lot of issues. The fact that he still has all that anger after a decade.
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:27, archived)

Once a year below you,
always a year below you.
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:30, archived)

I'd like to hear Mykeyboy's view on this.

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:27, archived)

I'll run you over, you lemsipjunkie
I'll have to get a car first, perhaps a honda...
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:44, archived)

shut it cock breath

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:51, archived)

and reply to my gaz

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:55, archived)

OUTSTANDING

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:29, archived)

I'm not clicking that.
It'll just make me want to post something like 'having read through a few of these it makes me wish I'd been at school with all of you, just so I could flush each and every one of you's heads down the bog.'
(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:18, archived)

My internet broke down for ten minutes.
Do try to be more careful, JMG.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:17, archived)

:(

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:18, archived)

It's clearly your fault I have bastard hayfever.
What the FUCK were you thinking, planting all that oil seed rape?
(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:17, archived)

AHAHAHA!
I'm winning over the population with the illnesses and the like.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:19, archived)

Even saying 'all the rape around here is terrible' has lost it's lustre :(

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:21, archived)

Replace it with 'there's a lot of rape in the air' whilst looking darkly at female co-workers.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:23, archived)

I watched an episode of Firefly last night where some guy asked a bird...
"Have you ever been raped?" And I lolled.
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:43, archived)

My office heating being on and sillyhot.
What do you plan on doing about it? I'll vomit soon.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:18, archived)

HIGHER!

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:19, archived)

I will vomit on you, and not your wipeclean head.
Right in your fucking pocket, JMG.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:20, archived)

I can't get off the sofa.
I blame you for this, JMG.
(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:20, archived)

Up and at 'em!

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:23, archived)

I am not a God
I feel you're holding me back.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:21, archived)

I've let EVERYBODY down.
With bad parenting.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:24, archived)

An office minion made me a cup of tea WITHOUT my desired sugar
I blame JMG
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:32, archived)

TO THE PICKET LINE!

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:35, archived)

i'm blaming you for my yank stalker
and the fact the mong at the restaurant last night made our mojitos with mint fucking sauce
(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:42, archived)

what the FUCK

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:43, archived)

this^^^

(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:43, archived)

I hope there was bloodshed.
I mean, really.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:57, archived)

he was little and bald and looked so proud of it
i nearly hurled. i hadn't the heart to call the man a cunt so i smuggled it into the toilet under my napkin and slung it down the sink. which then got blocked with the fucking shrubbery he'd mashed in the "cocktail".

i was pissed.
(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:59, archived)

Mint sauce?!
The puff.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:45, archived)

it was most untasty

(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:45, archived)

Hahahaslit the cunt's throat hahaha.
No, really.
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:51, archived)

we had to throw it
decimated lime and mint fucking sauce :(((
(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:56, archived)

god that looks like the bottom of a pond

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:57, archived)

You still drank it, I see.
Why not throw it back in the mixers' face, give him a bit of a beating and then demand that he go and do it properly?
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:00, archived)

don't judge me he was SMALL and BALD
www.b3ta.com/talk/6146578
(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:01, archived)

always at the classy joints eh rosie?

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:56, archived)

at least i didnt pick anyone up in the toilet
EH LOSER
(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:00, archived)

Oh Rosie baby.... Saddest of Sad Faces.
What is it with you, resturants and mongs?

Bad mong, BAD MONG *hits on head with roled up newspaper*.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:02, archived)

i'm a magnet for mongs.
pauly, he tainted the mojito. he KILLED it
(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:03, archived)

You should have dashed the glass at his head and sent him away to do it properly.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:37, archived)

I'm not gay, I'm just curious
I bet JMG is somehow responsible for that. What with all his dazzling bald and dolesque charms.
(

Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:48, archived)

I've completely sexed up things with my added hacking.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:52, archived)

Are you officially autistic yet?
Or are we still waiting for this to be confirmed as Internet Truth?
(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:54, archived)

Bogus Official started his day by telling he was going to work.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 13 May 2009, 15:57, archived)

Mercifully the short-lived trend of breakfast threads appears to have died.

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:01, archived)

I went for a job as a chef the other day
he asked me to cook him a pie to show him what I could do. Eager to impress and a little nervous I started to over-season my pie.

"GET OUT" he said "YOU'RE WASTING MY THYME"
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:04, archived)

haha
fucking hell.
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:04, archived)

GET THE FUCK OUT NOW.

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:04, archived)

*moonwalks while giving you the finger*

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:05, archived)

Oh you terrible cunt.

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:04, archived)

He's right you know you should get your coat and GET OUT NOW!
You bad bad man
(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:04, archived)

You'll never make it as a chef if you
over do the seasoning. Surely that's the first thing you should learn. Nerves or no nerves. Pull yourself together.
(

Jobe, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:06, archived)

It was an Otter pie
I didnt even kill them. The pastry went on and was moistened by their tears.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:07, archived)

My review of your cooking:
NO STARS. I'd rather eat my own hair.
(

Jobe, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:09, archived)

God damn
now I'm hungry for your hair.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:11, archived)

I'm on a lads weekend to Austria
Lock up your daughters!
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:07, archived)

In case they catch posh?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:09, archived)

It's a Fritzl joke
you monkeyclit
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:10, archived)

That's as maybe
I still wouldn't let any daughter of mine near you.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:11, archived)

I was asked my make a new italian dish the other day but I make a boring Spag Bol.
They said to me "That's not very oreganal"
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:08, archived)

You've got to earn a crust somehow

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:08, archived)

She was only the fishmongers daughter
but she lay on the slab and said FILLET !
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:09, archived)

I made a pudding out of a convicted murderer for our church fete
They said it contained too much sinner man.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:15, archived)

Sage words

(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:16, archived)

In European bestiaries and legends,
a basil whisk ('bæzlsk[1], from the Greek βασιλίσκος basilískos, "little king"; Latin Regulus) is a legendary reptile reputed to be king of utensils and said to have the power to cause death with a single glanceAccording to the Naturalis Historia of Pliny the Elder, the basil whisk of Cyrene is a small stick, "being not more than twelve fingers in length",[2] that is so whisky that it leaves a wide trail of deadly venom in its wake, and its whisking is likewise lethal; its weakness is in the odour of the weasel, which according to Pliny, was thrown into the basil whisk's hole, recognisable because all the surrounding shrubs and grass had been scorched by its presence. The pie was awful
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:16, archived)

Competive people.
*sigh* There is a lady who's son went to the same parent and toddler group as my son and we occasionally see each other when I go to the centre where I volunteer. And good god if I've done something she's done it a million times better or more often than not had it a million times worse. I was talking to another friend about my new SLR the other day and she leaned over and said her hubbys just bought a nikon D90. She then went on to say "whats the one you've got Sam, a D60, that's a bottom of the range Nikon isn't it?" I then changed the subject and mentioned books, and how I wanted a new bookcase cause they are all over the place so she stuck her nose in again and said "Well I've got over 600 books and I've read them all" I was actually quite proud of my usual slow self by returning with "600 copies Janet and John don't count Susan"

What can I do about this interfering wench stealing all my thunder all the time with her bullshit? I feel like a child back at school.

Or tell me about competitive people that you know.
(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:47, archived)

I dont know anyone stupid enough ot compete with me
by my advice to you is that you should punch Susan in the fucking cunt.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:49, archived)

You always win at soggy biscuit
:(
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:50, archived)

Something is probably missing from her life if she feels the need to say that,
not books though obviously.
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:49, archived)

Sounds like she needs a good seeing to
/gynacological panacea
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:50, archived)

this was pretty much my line of thinking,
her husband is probably knobbing their aupair.
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:55, archived)

I hear he's at it with the pug
his cock is all covered in it's doings.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:56, archived)

hahah

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:57, archived)

anything would be better than Susan's dried up gravel-snatch.

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:03, archived)

I hear it has more teeth
than 15 great white sharks
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:04, archived)

'luckily I don't measure the success of my life by how many objects I possess. That must be quite a sad existence.'
Would be what I'd say, if I were feeling annoyed to the point of not being nice.

My lad's the nicest man ever, but Monopoly brings out the worst in him. Competitive isn't the word.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:51, archived)

Oh I think that's a man thing with monopoly
Mr Sp@m is exactly the same and even worse with Scrabble.
(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:52, archived)

20 minutes he took to take his go a few nights ago in scrabble.
FFS. I was half tempted to take his letters off him and do it myself.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:53, archived)

Haha I so know where you are coming from
I bet he has a scrabble dictionary as well doesn't he?
(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:58, archived)

We were round a friend's, who only had the bloody concise.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:00, archived)

"Povs always say that"
would be her reply.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:52, archived)

No, that would be YOUR reply.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:53, archived)

Well, that would be your reply

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:54, archived)

I can beat ANYONE at monopoly

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:58, archived)

You'll beat me then, I'm too nice.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:00, archived)

Cunt Susan in the fuck.
And then stomp on her windpipe.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:52, archived)

YES!

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:52, archived)

Kick her up the cunt
And say it's from me, as arch bastard cunt kicker by proxy Esq.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:52, archived)

Can kick anyone up the cunt and say it from you?

(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:58, archived)

Yeah, why not?
I'm easy.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:00, archived)

Start any old topic, wait for her to butt in
reach into your bag and pull out a severed child's head. 'Top that, you smarmy cow' you will say.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:54, archived)

Hahahaha

(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:59, archived)

Hmm
Have you ever entertained the possibility that she is better than you?
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:57, archived)

It does remind me of a strange episode in primary school
after Short Circuit 2 came out, the conversation would go like this:
"Have you seen Short Circuit 2"
"Yeah. Course I have"
"I've seen Short Circuit 3"
"Yeah well, I've seen Short Circuit 5. It's better than 3. And 2."
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:59, archived)

Are we suggesting that women are mentally children?

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:00, archived)

but but but
there isn't a short circuit 3...
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:05, archived)

She probably is Mykey as most people are.

(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:59, archived)

I suspect I am a lot more competitive than I realise.

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:57, archived)

You are very competetive on here
you're always trying to be the biggest, most annoying cunt.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:58, archived)

How do I measure up?

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:02, archived)

Nailed it

(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:04, archived)

Overachiever.

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:05, archived)

I'm WAY more competitive than you, you queer.

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:59, archived)

My acquaintanes are FAR more competitive than yours.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:59, archived)

Oh hunnybuns
You're far too awesome to waste tim with these squabbles!
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:00, archived)

I don't even know why it bothers me
I can't work out if I am either a little jealous of her or just plain irritated by her.
(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:03, archived)

She's just trying to show you how rubbish you are, you'd think you'd learn and save yourself the trouble and embarrasment of talking

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:00, archived)

I assure you EVERYONE will think she's a tool so don't let it bother you.

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:01, archived)

^this^
as i also think she is a tool and I have never met her.
(

TBL I posted this on, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:04, archived)

I'm only competitive when it comes to games
I really don't like losing when it comes to anything to do with sport or team games. It is totally irrational and stupid, I just can't help myself.

I don't understand the need for oneupmanship though. Let your actions do the talking, don't brag about it.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:01, archived)

go back at once and tell the stupid bitch that the D60 is not the bottom of the range nikon

(

TBL I posted this on, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:03, archived)

it's only one off the bottom though.
Meh! at least I know how to use mine and I don't just point and shoot.
(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:06, archived)

correct
I have a D40 and have taken photographs that my mates are very jealous of, and they have D300's

its down to skill and a certain amount of being in the right place at the right time :-)

edit: oh, and pure luck..
(

TBL I posted this on, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:08, archived)

Has anyone looked at Question of the Weak today
It's like one massive outpouring of misery.
I can see why JMG gets the way he does.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:38, archived)

At least we might get some real answers to this one

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:40, archived)

They'll be hugely exaggerated, mind.

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:40, archived)

That one by Wormulus is a definite lie.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:41, archived)

It is 100% true.

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:48, archived)

so's ym

(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:51, archived)

The bullying wont be exaggerated
but the revenge will be entirely fabricated.

I can just imagine the pudgy little fingers sweating away as they type up a Walter-Mitty all about how they spent 2 years doing Kung Fu and working out so they could beat up the kid who stole their dinner money at school.

When the sad reality is, the only time they ever won a fight was when their 15th level Dark Elf Fettle-Spelunker defeated a wounded Orc outside a Brothel in the hamlet of Whank-y-Cynt.

Online
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:44, archived)

A bully tugged on my school tie really tight so I couldn't undo it.
And when I tried THE WORLD EXPLODED leaving nothing behind except my uncle and my virgin anus.
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:44, archived)

It was a massive mistake to ask that question, really.

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:40, archived)

This is you
www.youtube.com/watch?v=cw88JamMxFw
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:40, archived)

OMG LOL I WAS GETTING A BLOWJOB OFF A MODEL IN MY FERRARI WHEN MY DAD CAME IN
AND SAID "Tsk, it doesnt seem that long ago that you let me do that for you, son" AND SO I SHOT HIM IN THE CUNTING FACE WITH A GUN MADE OF DRUGS !!!!!!!
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:40, archived)

+ But the police let me off, cos of my Autism.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:41, archived)

I used to take the piss out of the spazzy kids because I was one of the cool kids and wore a leather jacket

I think I lived above a garage and was a jukebox repairman but I might be making up that last bit. Ayyyyyyyy Mrs CEE!
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:41, archived)

judge by the best answers and not the worst
*checks*

yep, it's the usual mix of good and rubbish but this is good:
www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post420966
(

rob, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:42, archived)

*facepalms*

(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:44, archived)

~~good~~ lies
(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:45, archived)

You're like a kindly Catholic preist
looking after all the rag-tag elements of his flock.

And not bumming any of the little ones. Oh no.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:46, archived)

STOP MOCKING ME

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:50, archived)

I laughed and was annoyed when I scrolled down and saw your name on it.

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:16, archived)

ooooh
I might go over there and bitch about you in a minute. *lower lip trembles*
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:43, archived)

Ohh, oh oh, ohhh ! I know !
Wouldn't it be really funny if I reply something like...

"There was this kid at school with only 3 fingers on his left hand, so I smashed his fucking head in until his nose caved in with a hammer, I then raped his sister because she had a spackhanded brother. I got to the point where I was pissing on her tears when I was pulled off by a teacher".

That would be so edgy and cool !
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:44, archived)

are they all essays? Or does it just look that way because I'm on my phone?

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:45, archived)

I just put this on /links
b3ta.com/links/314501 probably GC but fuck this bloke is good.
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 13 May 2009, 14:46, archived)

As I was changing the bottle in the office water cooler,
the bottle I was taking out popped out a bit too suddenly, collided with the first aid kit above it and knocked it down onto me. Fortunately I avoided any injury.

But what a bit of irony that would've been. To hurt myself with a first aid kit.

What cases of irony have you experienced? (Apart from rain on your wedding day)
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:06, archived)

I once really needed a spoon

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:07, archived)

Whatever happened to that old man?

(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:08, archived)

I don't know
I don't care
Leave me alone.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:08, archived)

I can't.

(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:09, archived)

It's not your fault I suppose
I am /talk's Cassanova.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:10, archived)

Only when Mykey's not here.

(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:11, archived)

I might challenge Mykey to a duel
after I've defeated sexface.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:17, archived)

He'd get you in a headlock, sit on you
and make you look a fool.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:18, archived)

He'd be far too slow
It would be like that scene from The Princess Bride where Carey Elwes defeats Andre the Giant.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:21, archived)

I bet you £100
you couldnt even hurt him without using a weapon.

Fat jokes dont count as a weapon either.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:22, archived)

I'd jam my thumbs in his eyes
that would hurt him.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:24, archived)

You're nothing but a lavender scented pansy

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:27, archived)

I could punch him in the face
that would hurt him BAD
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:29, archived)

You couldnt punch a fucking daffodil you emasculated boy-man

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:38, archived)

I could if the pollen didnt make me sick.

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:39, archived)

He would wrap him in a scarf and then pull one end of it
Making Mykey spin like a top and fall down, dizzy. And scrape his knees.
(

Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:29, archived)

You can't defeat him.
You MUST tie.
(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:18, archived)

I defeated him yesterday q;

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:28, archived)

SILENCE YOU!

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:29, archived)

You can.
If these two tie, Pickle Fatty is executed. So sayeth JMG.
(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:33, archived)

You should have sold those 10,000 knives
and bought one.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:08, archived)

Or just stabbed some cunt and nicked theirs.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:30, archived)

I ONLY HAVE 9,999 SPOONS, WHERE THE HELL HAS THE OTHER ONE GONE?
C'mon guys, own up, I won't be angry, I just want my spoon back.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:32, archived)

I hope you stapled this to Alanis Morrissette's face
with a note saying THIS IS IRONY. NOT JUST BAD LUCK OR EXCEPTIONALLY POOR CUTLERY MANAGEMENT.
(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:09, archived)

She thinks sarcastic is the band that stops your knickers falling down

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:10, archived)

Staple it
to her big, moony forehead.

The fucking cunt.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:11, archived)

Man, that would just be so ironic.

(MooCow_Byter, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:11, archived)

Fucking horsefaced warbling cunthole.
I can't abide that woman. I want to hit her repeatedly until she doesn't live anymore.

/bad mood blog
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:11, archived)

I like this.

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:13, archived)

m
fiery
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:13, archived)

The best thing she ever did was Dogma
bing!
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:14, archived)

And also she thanked India.
That was quite nice.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:16, archived)

What about those dangling carrots?

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:23, archived)

Some live lounge-type album I have
Has a version of Ironic on it where she goes "It's like meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beatiful ...... husband"

I would really quite like to hammer a stake into her eye, punctuating each blow with "Him. Being. Gay. Doesn't. Make. It. Any. More. Ironic"

*breathes*
(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:14, archived)

Oh man, you should have seen what she was saying about you the other day !
She's got quite a potty mouth on her.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:39, archived)

When trying to get the Chinese launderettes to get the wrinkles out of my shirts

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:10, archived)

my neighbour said "i hope the families well" over the fence to me the other day
which I found ironic, given that at that moment I was burying her decomposing corpse
(

cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:10, archived)

I'm surprised she was able to speak.

(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:14, archived)

quite a restrained response for a zombie, all considered.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:17, archived)

This statement makes little sense,
and is most likely entirely untrue.
(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:21, archived)

Someone telling someone else to "get a life"
on an internet messageboard.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:10, archived)

I dressed the bairn in a vest that had the definition of 'lively' printed on the front yesterday,
and the little fucker slept all day.
(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:10, archived)

That'll be the ether

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:11, archived)

I saw buns on a shelf in the 24 hour co-op the other day
and on the label on the shelf it said "contains ant". I don't know what that means or whether it constitutes irony.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:11, archived)

I once bought a Meat feast pizza
which had a label on it proclaiming that it was made with vegetarian cheese.

Get to cunting fuck !
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:12, archived)

I bought some peanut butter a few weeks ago
that said on it "not suitable for nut allergy sufferers due to the methods used during production". What methods be those, then?
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:15, archived)

the methods of "putting peanuts in"
I despair. My muesli says "may contain nuts" on it.... I mean, forget people being so retarded that they need to warn you that nutty muesli has nuts in, why the guarded warning? Surely, it DOES have fucking nuts in it.
(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:18, archived)

It's like when you buy kids clothes
and the label inside says "Keep away from fire" Really ? There was me thinking if I put a pair of Dora the Explorer pyjamas on my kids they would be able to walk accross the surface of the sun.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:20, archived)

It says that inside my shoes.
"not flameproof equipped"

Really? you fucking surprise me. I always fireproof stuff using Puma trainers.
(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:22, archived)

The thing that really gives me the fucking rage is these film description things
"Finding Nemo - Contains mild peril and language"

FUCK OFF YOU AMERICAN CUNTS, JUST FUCK OFF AND DIE, JUST DIE, ALL 200 FUCKING MILLION OF YOU. DIE NOW. I'M FUCKING WAITING !!!!!
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:23, archived)

I think "mild peril" is a brilliant phrase.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:31, archived)

It is
but it should refer to the journey of a rich tea biscuit, dunked for slightly too long, from drink to mouth. NOT TO A CUNTING FILM YOU SACKS OF PEDANTIC, RIGHT WING, FUNDAMENTAL YANK CAAAAAAAAANTS.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:37, archived)

I love you two, you pair of curmudgeonly old fuckers.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:31, archived)

pfft

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:38, archived)

I like the Schroedinger like uncertainty it brings to everything
This sandwich may or may not contain nuts, until I open the wrapper and collapse the quantum field. At the moment it both does and does not contain nuts.
(

Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:21, archived)

haha I'm going to view the labels like this now

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:38, archived)

I bought some nurofen for my nipper, it clearly states from ages 0-2.
The back of the label warns against Driving and operating heavy machinery
(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:21, archived)

no Bob the Builder toys then

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:30, archived)

I did some irony this morning.
The Woman insists on buying irony water. It's smelly water you put in your iron. Waste of time and money if you ask me.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:15, archived)

Rain on your wedding day should actually be considered lucky
As it is an ancient symbol of fertility.
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:19, archived)

Getting shat on by a bird is good luck I heard
I always used to get the missus to lay a cable on my chest before I went down the bookies.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:20, archived)

D:|

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:21, archived)

I'm kidding I'm kidding!
It was your mum.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:23, archived)

But you might get wet!

(MooCow_Byter, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:21, archived)

I have never experienced any form of irony

(

Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:31, archived)

I could beat your face in with a crowbar if you like.

(MooCow_Byter, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:32, archived)

I could beat you in the face with a joke about a crow that walks into a bar if you'd like?

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:39, archived)

ok who can help with this?
i got a paypal payment for £4080, i had to wait for it to clear as it was an Echeque.

So, it duly cleared, bu when i go to accept the payment it takes me to a page where the only button says Refuse Payment.

Why in fuck would i want to refuse it? No explanation or anything. I'm verified and all that shit, i don't think i'll ever use paypal again. their help section is fucking useless.

anyone had this? i know you won't care. your mum etc etc.
(

Mortal Wombatteries not included - Awesome Awesome Awesome, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:04, archived)

*is absolutely fucking riveted*

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:05, archived)

*round of applause*

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:05, archived)

Sorry I replied without reading.
Wow, it's even more interesting than I thought.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:06, archived)

This is possibly the most fascinating account of anything I've ever read, in any format, ever.

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:06, archived)

Thank Fuck
A new thread.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:07, archived)

good sarcasm, would read again A++++++

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:07, archived)

I don't know,
try contacting their customer support department or something.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:07, archived)

yeh did that it's useless

(

Mortal Wombatteries not included - Awesome Awesome Awesome, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:07, archived)

their first reply is automatic,
you need to persevere until you get a human being. There's nothing anyone here can really do about it.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:08, archived)

try asking questions that will break the automaton
such as "this statement is a lie" or "play noughts and crosses against yourself until you become a pacifist"
(

spacefish bong!, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:10, archived)

they aren't questions

(

spacefish bong!, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:11, archived)

oh piss off

(

spacefish bong!, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:12, archived)

do you actully need help, or is this just your way of letting us know you've been paid 4 grand?

(

cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:07, archived)

i'm not that sad
i need help because i can't accept the payment. there's no-one on here i know to wish to impress
(

Mortal Wombatteries not included - Awesome Awesome Awesome, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:08, archived)

why the fuck would anyone use something as idiotic as paypal for that amount of money?
I mean, seriously.
(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:08, archived)

this makes me feel better

(

Mortal Wombatteries not included - Awesome Awesome Awesome, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:09, archived)

What did you expect from this place?
Seriously though, what on earth are you doing to get 4K transferred through paypal?
(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:11, archived)

perhaps he's a nigerian prince

(

spacefish bong!, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:18, archived)

Drugs, guns, children, carrots.

(

The Teviot Moose major 5th., Wed 13 May 2009, 14:19, archived)

Get a proper bank account, you fucking shit.

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:09, archived)

I want to hit things.

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:09, archived)

Whatever for?

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:11, archived)

Can you read my signature?

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:13, archived)

Are you having any luck with the randomising?

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:14, archived)

Yes, yes. All done.
It appears some people can't read my signature though and keep needing to ask about it. I'm proper getting the rage now.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:17, archived)

I was only messing when I asked.
I apologise.
(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:19, archived)

I can help
Give me your paypal login details, your bank details, your pin and your mother's maiden name and the money will be in your account in 3 working days.
(

nick the greek, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:12, archived)

I've decided that my CV needs some 'personal interests' section, as it seems quite droll at the moment being mainly academic.
Suggestions? What do YOU do in your free time? Give me suggestions, etc.
(

TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:28, archived)

I used to ninja folk
now I just sit around.
(

jenpots, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:28, archived)

Do you mean 'droll' or some other word with a different meaning?

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:29, archived)

Good suggestions include
Moutaineering, Art, coaching a youth football team, boxing champion
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:30, archived)

Probably another word. Ahhh exercise, how I should probably do you.

(

TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:32, archived)

Bad suggestions include
Internets, chid abuse, Jew
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:32, archived)

Two of them are on mine

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:56, archived)

Nah not really.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:01, archived)

...Handsome, gay, pædo, King of France, AIDS, Hitler

(

spacefish bong!, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:02, archived)

and when asked your weaknesses in an interview
never answer "children".
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:04, archived)

specifically
'your children'
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:05, archived)

two of them are on mine.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:56, archived)

I dance.
I understand this is not everyone's cup of tea, but it gets me out every Tuesday and some weekends.
(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:30, archived)

I want to do dancing
However I don't know what kind of dancing to do, or where to go for it.
(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:32, archived)

Have you heard about this wonderful thing called the interwob?
there's this thing called go-ogle which allows you to ogle other peoples wobsites and they have stuff saying "dance classes here every week" and people turn up and have fun. It's an extension to REAL LIFE.
(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:34, archived)

What a helpful little sod you are.

(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:34, archived)

Oh ssh
Plus, that won't help the first point.
(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:37, archived)

My point being, you won't be able to choose a dance style until you know what's on offer in your area.

(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:38, archived)

I've always thought you'd be quit light on your feet for some reason even though you're quite stocky.
I think you'd be very good at skipping.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:34, archived)

I've never tried
Shall we meet in the playground after work and give it a try?
(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:38, archived)

OK :D

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:40, archived)

I sing, write and bully people ONLINE.

(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 13 May 2009, 13:31, archived)

not forgetting coughing.

(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:46, archived)

Not a lot
However this week I have joined a book group and a knitting group to speed my way into old lady time.
(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:31, archived)

Do not put "Football. going to the cinema etc "
I'd put:

"I like breathing too hard when talking to to people on Vent, Pretending to be a caveman around the various marshlands around London, telling people that a spider laid goose eggs under my skin and over 200 geese will hatch from there at any second AHONK AHONK AHONK, Karate-Ninjutsu-Kendo a hybrid martial art that you made up yourself and your a grandmaster and no one can talk to the grandmaster directly otherwise they'll get a KIAI!.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:32, archived)

I had a dream about you last night.
You were playing guitar on a bus, and shouting abuse at Dermot O'Leary.
(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 13 May 2009, 13:33, archived)

PHWOAR
no wonder you needed a wheelchair and oxygen.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:34, archived)

That sounds about right actually ;)

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:44, archived)

football can be good
because it shows you like working as a team

but yeah, it's mostly a pointless section. it is handy small talk if your interviewer picks up on it though
(

spacefish bong!, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:05, archived)

'Watching films, listening to music, performing music,
going to the theatre, swimming, reading, sitting about in my pants playing with my bits.'

That's what it says on mine
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:34, archived)

Golf!
Everyone who doesn’t play it automatically hates it, and anyone who plays it is generally addicted to it. But besides the point, put it down on your CV and bone up a bit on golfage slang, and I guarantee they’ll talk to you about it. Unless you get a lady interviewer. Unless she’s a rug muncher, in which case she might drag you to a driving range to show you her 400 yarder.
(

Rookie You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:37, archived)

Sudoku is shit

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:38, archived)

Say "playing world of warcraft"

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:40, archived)

YES

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:41, archived)

I PLAY WORLD OF WARCRAFT
I AM NOT ASHAMED.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:44, archived)

when I've interviewed people / read CVs and I've never bothered even reading these bits
the only thing I look for is relevant experience.

surely you can just dump this.
(

rob, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:42, archived)

This is all well and good until you discover later that your new employee spends his spare time making model nazis out of his own shit and piss.

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:43, archived)

as long as he does it in his own time
if it's on the clock I want a %age of the ebay takings
(

rob, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:44, archived)

Can I work for you please.

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:45, archived)

sure
I pay in shit and piss tho
(

rob, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:47, archived)

What about spunk?

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:49, archived)

i put "i am an awful but enthusiastic downhill biker and five-a-side player"
and a load of stuff about how i'm even a spod in my spare time
(

spacefish bong!, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:48, archived)

"I have no interests in life other than improving workplace productivity and profit. I spend my free time thinking of ways to be a more effective employee."
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:57, archived)

I take photos and teach myself languages

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:58, archived)

You're shit at both.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:59, archived)

I know
:(
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:59, archived)

power electronics

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:01, archived)

power metal!

(

spacefish bong!, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:08, archived)

Hot, wet pussy
It opens all teh doors.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:01, archived)

I've not written a CV for years
blimey. I should.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:03, archived)

Write one for Noel Edmonds
and send it to the BNP.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:05, archived)

simply put:
'Many and varied, but I won't tell you here as we'll need something to talk about at the interview before you offer me the job'.
(

The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:05, archived)

Play netball
Shows a "team spirit" attitude, apparently
(ricky_darkholer is blonde on the inside, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:31, archived)

Is there a /talk 5 a side football team
if not there should be.

edit: I've already decided on a name
Mottingham Forest

edit: I'm chuffed - a perfect excuse to repost my favourite story
www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post420966
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:54, archived)

I'll be cheerleader and jump around in small shorts.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:55, archived)

I had a dream about that.

(

TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:55, archived)

Sexy

(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:56, archived)

You'd be up for it right?
Who else is in London?
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:56, archived)

I can't play - but I'd attend all the games.

(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:57, archived)

Nah, it would be shit.
Watching unskilled puffy chubbers jog about some astro turf? I would be embarrassed to be seen with them, do you know what that will do to my street cred?
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:58, archived)

You could be the star player
Just think of that!
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:00, archived)

This is a sad thought.

(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:02, archived)

oi!
South Ruislip Rangers striker in my hayday I'll have you known you cheeky minx.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:04, archived)

*sees your twig and berries*
*swoons*
(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:06, archived)

Would you please stop picking at them please thanks luv?

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:11, archived)

*makes jam*

(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:12, archived)

HOOOOOOOOOOOF!

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:14, archived)

I can be the dour but professional holding midfielder.

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:07, archived)

epic tag team

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:07, archived)

please please please
I want a football team
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:09, archived)

a warm up in a park would a good thing, just a kick around one weekend to see if it's viable.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:11, archived)

Hmmm, I could be you know. I do like the attention...
But I would feel a bit bad making chubbers fall over. I still think people would like me being a cheerleader though. I could jump too high and my twig and berries could flop out...that would be pretty cool...
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:03, archived)

:(
*runs off crying shrieking 'Mummy! Mummy!'*
(

Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:02, archived)

Well, more trundles off at a low, sweaty speed

(

Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:04, archived)

pfft

(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:07, archived)

I'll be goalie

(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:30, archived)

I'll be the girl that turns up, gazes at thighs and asks questions throughout.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:57, archived)

that set me wondering how one would send a private message to someone's thigh

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:57, archived)

No, it's making me see that too
and I wrote it.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:00, archived)

I'll provide half-time CAKE

(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:55, archived)

Ooh yes.
This is a splendid idea. I'll help with this.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:58, archived)

Great.
I vote we eat our way through most of it during the first half.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:00, archived)

YES
it's a deal
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:07, archived)

If it's half as good as your curry then I'm so there
Noms while thinking of Clendrix's curry
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:18, archived)

:D

(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:19, archived)

I want clendrix curry :(

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:20, archived)

Then one day I shall make it for you :)

(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:21, archived)

:D
I'll get my yum yum bib ready
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:28, archived)

It really is all of the awesomes
as are her mini pitta breads :)
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:37, archived)

All it takes is for somebody to stand round-about in front of the net and.. well, yeah, no balls will be getting in.

(

TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:55, archived)

This was my joke too

(

Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:55, archived)

You fat fingered wanker.

(

TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:56, archived)

I love you too Tony

(

Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:56, archived)

I could go in goal
I'd fill the fucker, no ball'd get past me.
(

Theoban What of it, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:55, archived)

There should be a /talk debating society.
edited to make sense
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:55, archived)

a fat person could go in goal lolololololol

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:56, archived)

There should be a 100 a side team.
Imagine that.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:56, archived)

You can have as many people as you like on your 5 a side team
but sadly only 5 of them get to play at any one time.
limitless subs mind.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:57, archived)

stop oppressing me

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:59, archived)

He's getting all stroppy and controlling and we haven't even got a team yet.

(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:02, archived)

I CALL FORWARD!
*scores goal from a yard out*
*puts tshirt over head*
*runs around pitch wailing and flailing arms*
(

WHARRGARBL, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:56, archived)

Are you in London yet?

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:57, archived)

No.

(

WHARRGARBL, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:00, archived)

It would naturally be London only.

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:01, archived)

I'll build a secret Midlands team.
You'll win the league and then my team will turn up and be like "You've not beaten us yet" and there'll be a hotly contested match where ultimately, you'll win by virtue of a goal scored in the last minute of injury time.
(

WHARRGARBL, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:03, archived)

~~runs~~ wobbles
(

TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:58, archived)

I'm quite small actually.
I used to run the 400m at school.
(

WHARRGARBL, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:00, archived)

I ran for a bus once

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:07, archived)

Was it worth it?

(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:08, archived)

yes, now I have a bus and I don't need to run

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:09, archived)

there's certainly enough footy fanciers on here
i am not one of them so i'll sit in the stands and boo/eat pies
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:57, archived)

I'm certain it would be dead wheezy to set up

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:59, archived)

No there shouldn't.
There, you weren't ready for this level of debate were you?
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:03, archived)

FUCK FUCK FUCK

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:07, archived)

I'd play and be your star man
If I weren't 150 miles away.
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:08, archived)

I'd be his star player if I weren't in a wheel chair and on the moon.

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:10, archived)

I think you still stand a chance.

(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:13, archived)

all of you can fuck off.

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:28, archived)

I'll play
but you have to promise to not cry when I beat you Wormulus
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:16, archived)

I'm going to play
just so I can foul someone and get sent off.
(

jenpots, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:23, archived)

i'll play
so long as there's no twatting around with "rules" and boring stuff like that
(

spacefish bong!, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:52, archived)

I went up to see the new Star Trek filum last night in our local movie emporium.
I don't go to the cinema that often (in fact I think the last one I saw in there was the last Star Wars one) Anyway, there was exactly 40 people in the place and was rather empty, so next thing is 2 forrins planted themselves directly behind us. Like hello, there are about 960 seats to pick from, why the fuck do they choose to sit right behind us? anyway yes I must agree with the reviews that somebody had their finger on the lens flare button, it had more holes in the plot than swiss cheese and really did feel at times like 90210 in space. But, I enjoyed it and I look forward to the next one and the series that will no doubt come from it.

Oh, and £5.50 for a large coke and a bucket of popcorn? not feckin likely pal.

do you like popcorn?
(

TBL I posted this on, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:02, archived)

Airline food eh ?
Whats that about ?
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:04, archived)

Weird food, deffo
On Singapore Airlines, they offer spicy oriental dishes for breakfast.

Good old culture, throwing main meals out in the morning.
(BombayMick Dogs are better than cats, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:05, archived)

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:05, archived)

I tried bringing my own food to the cinema and they kicked me out
I told them their popcorn prices were outrageous. Besides, I hadn't had a barbeque in ages
(

cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:33, archived)

How unreasonable of them.
(BombayMick Dogs are better than cats, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:37, archived)

guile guile guile
feel free to help yourself to some
(

cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:39, archived)

SONIC BOOM

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:41, archived)

hahaha

(

cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:42, archived)

it's no laughing matter

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:07, archived)

People seem to have missed the point of your sarcastic response.

(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:09, archived)

It's the chance you take
when casting pearls among swine.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:12, archived)

Maybe you should've tried a mother-in-law joke
/talkers take food very seriously.
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:13, archived)

I wouldnt say my mother in law's fat
because she's dead.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:16, archived)

I think its more that
the 'Airline food..' sarcasm is so overdone that the only way to deal with it is in an equally sarcastic manner.

Double sarcasm = honest answer.

Or something.
(thediscokingpin, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:14, archived)

That's really interesting.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:27, archived)

i see what you did there, very clever

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:36, archived)

That means so much, coming from you.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:43, archived)

thanks, it fills me with joy to know that you value my input

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:51, archived)

Haha, ho ho, right, get this, right, yeah'.....
Tomorow I'm, hehe, hoho, going on a flight. teehee, then, like, when they bring out the food, i'll totaly hit them blamo, with "What's the deal with THIS?".

Hahahahahhahaha, I bet they ain't heard that before !
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:25, archived)

Salted popcorn wins every single time.

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:05, archived)

Wrong wrong wrong
HAS to be butter!
(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:05, archived)

this

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:05, archived)

In the way that salted cardboard wins over plain cardboard.

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:08, archived)

I only eat cardboard drizzled with EVOO and sun dried tomatos

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:27, archived)

My mrs loves popcorn
I can take it or leave it.

You should have turned around and waved your cock at the forrins.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:05, archived)

never thought of that
one of them was a nice looking blonde girly as well.
(

TBL I posted this on, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:07, archived)

"I've bought some popcorn and now I have no money"
"yeah, thats how much it costs"
(

executiverocker only wears C&A, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:06, archived)

"I only said I done it so that they'd take me balls out of the blender"

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:46, archived)

Awww I am sad it's getting bad reviews I really fancied going to see it.
I will just wait for transformers instead I think.

Also in other sp@m news I am slightly perplexed as to why after doing lots and lots of maths this morning I discover that it's going to work out about £200 cheaper a month for me to stay at home rather than going back to work in September when little sp@m starts big school.
(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:06, archived)

Star Trek? It's had almost nothing but rave reviews
www.rottentomatoes.com/m/star_trek_11/
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:08, archived)

TBL gave me the impression lots of folk thought it was bad.

(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:10, archived)

Every review I've read of it has said it's great.
I can't abide Star Trek but even I want to see it.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:12, archived)

I love it,
it's star trek week on Sky Movies so I am taping them all and watching them again The wrath of KAAAAAAAAAAAAAHN is on either today or tomorrow
(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:13, archived)

Watch Khan then the new one

(

executiverocker only wears C&A, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:15, archived)

bad reviews? erm no..

(

executiverocker only wears C&A, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:08, archived)

Lots of people think it's quite good though

(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:08, archived)

Oops I forgot to answer the question
I love Cinema popcorn when it's all warm and yummy but everything else is rubbish, I've never tried to make my own so I don't know what that tastes like as I wouldn't know how to flavour it. I hear you can use fruit juice but I haven't looked into it properly.
(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:09, archived)

Microwave popcorn is good
but you get a lot of it unpopped at the bottom of the bag.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:13, archived)

Then you should microwave it for longer

(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:16, archived)

It then just burns the nice bits
0/10 for this advice
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:18, archived)

This.

(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:18, archived)

I have never burned popcorn
Maybe you should try it on a lower setting.
(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:23, archived)

I don't really like mircrowave popcorn I think it has a metallic taste
Also don't open the bag and smell.

www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21425634/
(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:17, archived)

two bags a night for several years?!
i'm surprised he hasn't got more problems
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:41, archived)

no its not bad at all
it is worth going to see, only do not go and see it with a "die hard trekkie/trekker" or they may complain throughout.
(

TBL I posted this on, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:09, archived)

As a die hard trekkie myself
I am not sure I want to now.
(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:10, archived)

I don't want to ruin it for you
so I won't give away any plot stuff, my mate is a real die hard and he left his complaints until the end, but even he had to admit it was a good show.
(

TBL I posted this on, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:15, archived)

Oh OK maybe I will go then
I'll have to go on me todd though as I have no friends who want to come with me.
(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:18, archived)

I have to go alone too
as the mrs doesn't want to see it.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:21, archived)

I want to go...
and I am all alone because my friends saw it without me last night :(
(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:28, archived)

we should have had a star trek bash.

(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:34, archived)

Us lot? All sitting together in the dark?
Hmmm...
(

thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:36, archived)

Last time I went to the cinema we paid £7 for four of us.

(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 13 May 2009, 12:07, archived)

£6 for one last night
I download everything usually, but Sci-Fi stuff I will go to the cinema to see.
(

TBL I posted this on, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:11, archived)

god, I bet they even talked forrin too

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:07, archived)

You sit in the best seats you can find (most likely centre of the room - middle of the row).
The next people, forrin or no, also want best seats. You're in them, so they take the next best being one row back.

It's a logical conclusion. Being a Trek fan you should know that.
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:08, archived)

well yes I suppose so
thing is, the surround sound in our cinema is pants. so the middle seats are not as good as they should be.
(

TBL I posted this on, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:12, archived)

I also went to cinema last night.
2 5ft innit blud wide boys chatting in front of us so we told them to shut up, one goes "Yeah what you gunna do 'bout it?"

There were 14 of us, some of us very big, all stood up and just looked at them. They were quiet after.

Great film but reminded myself why I hate the cinema. full of chatting loud eating cunts.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:09, archived)

The sound of other people eating is the worst in the world.

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:12, archived)

It's just Uxbridge seems to have ONLY people in the cinema that don't actually want to watch the film.
In the arthouse ones in Mayfair are cool, but they are expensive an only show certain movies.

The sound of people eating is my biggest pet hate.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:16, archived)

CHOMP CHOMP CHEW GUZZLE

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:35, archived)

When I was younger
I used to take my dinner and eat it on my own in a different room
becuase my disgusting family made such awful eating sounds.

My housemate does this thing where he sort of pants whilst he eats relly fast.
It makes me want to kill him.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:37, archived)

I feel irritated and sick
just thinking about it.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:37, archived)

GUH!!!!!
ME TOO.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:39, archived)

that does sound pretty extreme
occasionally at work, i'll be on the phone to someone and they'll start eating something
so i hang up on them
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:43, archived)

Aaaah I hate that
My boss does it all the time. It is disgusting. If he talks to me with his mouth full I just ignore him.
(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:45, archived)

RAAAAAAAAAAGE!!!
LIEK OMG, I YAM A SUPER SAIYAJIN?!?
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:38, archived)

I've never had problems at Uxbridge
Always seems a bit chatty before the film, but everyone seems to settle down one it starts.
(ricky_darkholer is blonde on the inside, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:48, archived)

Well I always seem to go whenever the Uxbridge Kiss Mah Teef Chavs are there and you know what they're like...
We should swap :)

Ruislip Massive brap!
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:51, archived)

nah - Hayes is where it's at!!
*may contain lies
(ricky_darkholer is blonde on the inside, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:02, archived)

Hayes...guuuuhhh

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:46, archived)

It's not all ba..
oh no, wait.. yes it is :(
(ricky_darkholer is blonde on the inside, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:12, archived)

Everything you say is tainted with
THE TRUTH!
(Goatse not a comedy account, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:13, archived)

It's all true homey as I was with Rob's football team
I ain't no QOTWer
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:27, archived)

We had a genius girl sit behind us during X-Men Origins.
She was in my bad books when she felt like announcing loudly to her friends "I dun even know what x-men is!"
She then proceeded to bleat out every wonderful thought that tripped out her little head and out her wide gob. Presumably to try and impress the bloke she was with so he would hopefully plow her disease ridden snatch and finally she'll have a daddy for the wee unborn baby currently swimming in a foamy sea of 12 teenagers's spunk. "Oh, that's the wife!" NO FUCKING KIDDING YOU RAY OF LIGHT IN THIS DARKENED ROOM! Thank fuck you were here otherwise I'd have to think for myself.
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:16, archived)

Oh god.
Had this soooo many times. And also the funny SSSHH Fights people have.

I hate the cinema. Only will go if I'm with the lads.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:18, archived)

Chavs should be fucking banned from the cinema.
Anyone under the age of 20 as well. SHUT. THE FUCK. UP.

Having said that, the cinema's too loud these days.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:11, archived)

That's the sort of thing my mum would say
EDIT: this doesn't mean i disagree
(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:12, archived)

OLD
;)
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:13, archived)

I'm beginning to think so....

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:16, archived)

we've been to a couple of 3-D childrens movies recently
I forget how noisy children are in the cinema. Still, can't whinge if you chose to see Monsters vs Aliens in the first place.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:19, archived)

You can and you should. Bloody OtherPeople'sKids.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:22, archived)

I dunno
kids are noisy, that's how they are. You can't expect them to sit still and quiet for a whole film when they're little.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:27, archived)

I can and will.
*advances at children with duct tape*
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:28, archived)

My phone iz on silent innit, so youz can't say nuffin'.
I needz da bright screen to txt me brevrin's blud, cuz Iz got serihus buhznis blud, iz need to know where me crew be at.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:15, archived)

They tend to have shit quality sound systems
and turn them up too loud to compensate.

I'd rather watch a decent special effects-type film at home, in my lovely home cinema, with my great big Bose speakers rumbling and sitting on my comfy leather sofa with NO CUNTING STRANGERS EATING CUNTING POPCORN around me.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:15, archived)

Yes, very much this.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:17, archived)

i'd rather go to the cricket.

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:18, archived)

and i do.
so i have nothing to complain about.
i suggest doing what you would rather do, if you get the chance.
(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:19, archived)

it might lower your blood pressure.

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:19, archived)

Cricket is shit
just the knowledge that some people somewhere in the country play cricket makes me homicidal.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:20, archived)

you poor thing!

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:26, archived)

What if all I want to do is hang around with you, but I don't like the cricket?

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:21, archived)

you can meet me in the pub afterwards if you like?

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:27, archived)

Go to a 10cc gig

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:28, archived)

i found out not that long ago that the name refers to spunk
as does 'pearl jam'
obvious now, but it honestly never crossed my mind
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:39, archived)

I prefer going to your home cinema too
especially to knock one off to dirty films in your special chair.
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:29, archived)

We went to see knowing a few weeks ago
and I am not kidding it was so loud it really hurt my ears, I am sure one of the speakers blew because after plane scene it was crackling for the rest of the film.
(

Mrs Sp@m, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:54, archived)

My local cinema now has a "over 18" screen
Where stuff like star trek can only be seen by over 18s.. works quite well
(

executiverocker only wears C&A, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:16, archived)

Apart from the doggers taking photos on the back row...

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:17, archived)

Won't stop annoying drunk people though

(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:31, archived)

That rock music is just a load of old noise too.

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:17, archived)

I'm in a post-metal band, and I don't mind how loud we are.
I just don't see why the cinema has to be louder than all the amps I've ever owned turned up to eleven.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:18, archived)

What's post-metal?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:23, archived)

because I can't be arsed to make a tit of myself explaining
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post_metal
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:25, archived)

I prefer to call it apres metal,
I more of a apres rock man myself though.
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:27, archived)

Would you consider Pelican post-rock? Pelican are fantastic.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:29, archived)

I've heard of them
but never heard them so I am afraid I am of no help here.
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:31, archived)

Consider them highly recommended.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:32, archived)

I don't think I've ever listened to any
the closest I've come would be NIN.

Where would be a good place to start? I like new musics.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:32, archived)

ISIS, they're absolutely mind blowing.
Then The Ocean, the last album's bloody amazing, Russian Circles...

Try them for now.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:34, archived)

*writes down*
thank you! :)
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:38, archived)

I really hope you enjoy it, then I can foist my band on you.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:40, archived)

What's post-metal?

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:25, archived)

Read above, R2.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:29, archived)

You play through people's letterboxes

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:30, archived)

And the other day
I saw this kid, and it had long hair and I COULDNT TELL IF IT WAS A BOY OR A GIRL !

DISGUSTING !

Jesus would never have had long hair.

No....wait.....
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:19, archived)

Best to go to an out of town cinema at a late showing on a sturday.
Its usually quiet as the knobs are too pissed to drive by that time, or just dont come all the way out in the first place.
(thediscokingpin, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:18, archived)

like hello, nobody gives a fuck

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:11, archived)

apart from everyone replying lol

(__, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:18, archived)

These bleating fucks don't count Friz
as well you know.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:23, archived)

damn forrins and their different senses of personal space!

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:12, archived)

London cinemas are sooo pricey
£9 for a ticket and a fiver for food easily - each.

But you don't have to sit next to anyone Northern or From the Country.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:14, archived)

*moves to London*
*moves back again*
(

TBL I posted this on, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:16, archived)

This is so true
unless you live with a northern. Or a country type.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:20, archived)

Oh spango, I have FEELINGS you know
:(
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:26, archived)

I'd sit next to you ANY DAY.

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:33, archived)

Awww, shucks thanks. I'd let you share my popcorn and I wouldn't even put my willy through the bottom of the box or anything

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:45, archived)

aww
:(
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:52, archived)

You'd never find a place to park your tractor in london anyway

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:35, archived)

Do I have to buy a seat for my whippet?

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:43, archived)

I usually take some bottles of beer in with me
and some fruit.
(thediscokingpin, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:15, archived)

I like that toffee popcorn with the chocolate and nuts in it.
The best thing about butterkiss is saving half the bag 'till the next day and having it as a cerial.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:15, archived)

You'll be fatter than Mykey
by the time you're 28
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:21, archived)

Yeah', but at least people'll like me.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:24, archived)

I like Mykey, but I've never been very fashionable.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:27, archived)

I suspect they are more likely to think you are a retard

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:41, archived)

I like salty popcorn
I don't understand people who complain about how expensive cinema snacks are when it's no surprise to anyone.
(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:16, archived)

This
it's not as though they body search you when you go in and stop you taking food & drink in like they do at Airports.

Go to a supermarket, buy a fucking great bag of maltesers and a vat of coca cola and poison yourself with sugar all the way through the film for about £3.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:23, archived)

yes, you shouldn't complain about things that are wrong but that have happened for ages.

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:27, archived)

No, but there are other options

(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:30, archived)

do these other options change the price of popcorn in cinemas?

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:36, archived)

No they involve going to a shop where the prices may be more to your liking

(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:39, archived)

A while back someone said some cinemas now search your bags for food,
because they don't like this dangerous new idea of fair competition and free markets or something.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:49, archived)

i don't think you understand what i'm saying here.

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 13 May 2009, 13:23, archived)

what does bother me is when people abuse the staff at the concession stand about the price of popcorn
they have no control over it and are being paid minimum wage to stand there and dish it out to people

/ex cinema employee blog
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:56, archived)

Female Genital Mutilation.
It doesn't suprise me, but it's still not on.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:30, archived)

I'm pretty certain there isn't a choice for that though

(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:32, archived)

No, you're right.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:37, archived)

Yes indeed
Morrisons used to do a microwave popcorn that was "candy" flavoured.

It was the second worst thing ever
(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 13 May 2009, 12:31, archived)

Was the first thing Morrison's microwave candy flavour pigskin?

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:39, archived)

no it's
people who open a packet of ginger biscuits, take one then TIP THE REST INTO A FUCKING BISCUIT BARREL FULL OF NORMAL BISCUITS, MAKING ALL THE NORMAL BISCUITS TASTE ALL GINGERY!

Rraaaggghhh!!!

*breathes*
(

h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 13 May 2009, 12:49, archived)

they always put the "tear here" strip about a quarter of the way down the packet as well,
so you've either got to do that or eat loads of them.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:54, archived)

I thought it was shit.
I did a review. BLATANT SPAM. www.karlhysteria.co.uk
(

WHARRGARBL, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:35, archived)

But you hate everything that's cool and like everything that's shit due to being emo and stuff so I'm going to read it as if I'm living in topsy turvy land.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:41, archived)

No, I just hate stuff because I'm better at writing about bad things.
I have gone out of my way to see shit before.
(

WHARRGARBL, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:44, archived)

You know how in photoshop you can do "negative image".
Microsoft Word needs something similar.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:52, archived)

popcorn is something I would never think to eat outside of the cinema,
so I can't think why I'd really want it in the cinema either. Not that fussed. I can go two hours without eating anyway.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:45, archived)

There is also this
Where did the obsession with having to eat at the cinema come from?
(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:46, archived)

The States, I'd imagine.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:50, archived)

I heard someone refer to poo as "doings" yesterday
I havent heard that phrase for ages, I think it's ace.

Doings.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:11, archived)

It's doubly useful
for coprophiliacs.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

now i know what betty boo was singing about

(

spacefish bong!, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:40, archived)

She used to shit in condoms
freeze it, and then use it as a dildo.

I believe it's referred to as a Lumley due to Joanna Lumleys preference for that kind of thing.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:46, archived)

I totally dont beleive this
though Joanna Lumley did do some porn in the 1970's.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:48, archived)

I think I read that on here yesterday
Although I could have just imagined it.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:49, archived)

I read it on here yesterday
but that's no guarantee that you read that on here yesterday.

I think you have an urge to pleasure yourself with a frozen shit.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:50, archived)

I don't think JL
ever did proper porn, she was in the odd farce comedy.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:51, archived)

I bet she would if the Gurkhers asked her to.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:53, archived)

I would if one of them cunts
was threatening to cut me a new bumhole with his little stabbity knife.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:54, archived)

That would be
quite a few catergories in one there.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:55, archived)

"gerkhers" are the regiment that protects 9n0nz0's house.

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:57, archived)

She did
took it up the shitter off dogs
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:54, archived)

I thought that was called space docking
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=space-docking

Obv nsfw
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:54, archived)

I think you'll find the correct term for this practice is
"OMG THATS FUCKING SICK WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU FUCKING SICK WIERDO FREAK, GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE NOW, BITCH"
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:55, archived)

I think it'd be quite difficult to poo into a condom in the first place
And wouldn't there be a danger of a "tongue stuck to frozen lamppost" scenario?

Is it one of those things that no-one has ever actually done, an urban myth like the superman and the angry pirate? Or are people that bored and broken?

INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW GOATWORRIER!
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:00, archived)

?
1 do a firm shit
2 roll the johnny over it
3 freeze
4 seek treatment for mental illness

simples
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:02, archived)

also
I think another fresh johnny over the frozen one would solve the tongue lamppost stick thing.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:05, archived)

*real life shudder*
But eventually it'll melt... and...

Urgh. This makes me very sad.
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:08, archived)

But you'd have to grab your own poo.
Although I imagine if the intention is to put it in your freezer then in your bum that'd be part of the fun.

*does a bit of a shudder*
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:06, archived)

Like an auctioneer on the toilet.
Doing once, doing twice, DONE.
(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:13, archived)

That sounds like a crazy provincial phrase

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:13, archived)

I remember a lot of people using it as a euphemism when I was a kid
but not so much since the end of the ice age.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:14, archived)

I've only heard it used in referral to dogs.

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:16, archived)

Pugs doings
all over your mucky tits.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:17, archived)

My tits are spotless, I'll have you know

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:20, archived)

whatever, spottytits

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:27, archived)

No nipples ?
You are Polly Pocket.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:28, archived)

I had them removed
and replaced with two smiley faces.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:28, archived)

Jesus Christ woman, this is the internet !
I expect your GAZ inbox just bulged...
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:29, archived)

nerp
maybe I am immune to pandering now.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:40, archived)

Someone keeps telling me they want to "touch base" with me.
Does this mean I'm in for a shag here?
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:17, archived)

No
it means they are a cunt and they want to bore the fucking cunt off you by being a cunt.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:18, archived)

yes, definitely
next time you see said person, start stripping off immediately
they'll follow suit
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:18, archived)

Nah, they just think you'd be good at Rounders

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:18, archived)

He is
/relurks
(

The Teviot Moose major 5th., Wed 13 May 2009, 11:39, archived)

MOOSE
*grasps your shin*
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:42, archived)

Oh yes, I'd forgotten the rounders bash
:)
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:53, archived)

next time you see this person
cup their genitals. This is a secret code, they'll know what you mean.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:20, archived)

It mean they want you to rape them
and they'll be deeply offended if you don't
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:24, archived)

I fucking hate that phrase
It's normally followed by a meeting where cunts say things like, Blue sky thinking or Thinking outside the box.
(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:36, archived)

PROMOTE SYNERGY
Like a boss
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:37, archived)

:-(

(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:40, archived)

NSFW
www.funnyhub.com/videos/pages/snl-like-a-boss.html
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:44, archived)

*shits on your desk*
/like a boss
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:53, archived)

haha
I quite enjoyed that
(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:01, archived)

I'd fuck that fish's brains out for sure
LIKE A BOSS
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:10, archived)

i say do, and you say action
you say synergy, and i say what the fuck is synergy?
do, action, synergy, thingy
let's have a strategic review
(

spacefish bong!, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:42, archived)

Ahaha, I just looked up synergy
It basically means teamwork.

Fucking buzzwords.
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:46, archived)

that extra syllable
is empowering
(

spacefish bong!, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:48, archived)

i'm waiting for the little tits to leave the nest, the big tits are in and out all day, if the little tits fall out they will land on the paving tho

(

mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:18, archived)

I have a wren nesting in my garden
it's so tiny I think it could fly down my jappy and nest there.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:19, archived)

i have a nun wrestling in my garden
words are fun!
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:26, archived)

There's a Gun Pestling in my hardon

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:30, archived)

Girls only fart to impress boys

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:20, archived)

My best mate is the fartiest woman I've ever met.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:22, archived)

Girl farts are vicious compared to boy farts

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:23, archived)

I can't smell hers, for some reason
it's a sign that we were meant to be platonic wives.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:25, archived)

great success!

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:26, archived)

That, and she's got very comfortable knees for a skinny bint.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:29, archived)

Getting farted on whilst spooning is funny for 5 seconds then just disappointing...and then upsetting.
with my last missus I could always tell if she was going to fart. she would powt, look at me all upset like she was about to cry and then let out an anal fog horn. She'd try and get hugs but i'd push her on the forehead bully style to get her away from me.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:25, archived)

You need to strike up a deal with her
for each time she farts on your cock, you get to bum her.

I feel this would fix 90% of failing marriages.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:27, archived)

hahaha
harsh but fair
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:28, archived)

GIRLS! don't hold it in! it just strokes against your poops in your bumbank and makes them smell worse!

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:31, archived)

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:35, archived)

*inserts finger into your mouth slowly...*
...you like? you liiiiike?
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:43, archived)

I've never heard that phrase

(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:24, archived)

My boy was staying up late
He said to me, "wow dad it dark time"
Dark time, I havent used that in years
(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:27, archived)

Is he 15 and a retard ?

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:28, archived)

Yes
What of it?
(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:29, archived)

bloody racist toddler
He's called Lenny Henry, national treasure.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:33, archived)

My flatmate is moving out.
Would anybody like to rent the room? It's cheap, but you may have an unfeasibly long commute.
(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:35, archived)

I'm moving back in with my mum soon.
I'm dreading it.
(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 13 May 2009, 10:38, archived)

I had lots of fun with her.

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:42, archived)

Did she let you help with the Times crossword?

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:46, archived)

I just can't keep up with all the crazy new euphemisms for sodomy any more.

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:50, archived)

Careful, you'll find yourself losing your hair
and claiming dole.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:46, archived)

She'll turn into Gail Porter?

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:52, archived)

Next comes the warhammer and lies on the internet
then you gain your virginity.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:58, archived)

Im already in a third world country
I dont need to move to one
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:38, archived)

Lol, but surely aberdeen is so full of pissed offshore workers chucking their money at pubs and strippers the economy is like Vegas

(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:51, archived)

Thats pretty much exactly what its like
Expensive as hell...outside of aberdeen there be dragons though
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:52, archived)

God bless offshore workers and their funny scottish money
And their amazing capacity for rum.

DRAGONS!

Is it pretty tho? The weather lady said scotland is sunny today.
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:55, archived)

Very much so

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:56, archived)

You bastard. Norwich is decidedly grey

(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:57, archived)

Then you would not like Aberdeen

(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:59, archived)

Ha!
Move up here then.
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:59, archived)

I would, but I like english money too much

(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:01, archived)

word bitch
I'm off work sick give me sympathy
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:00, archived)

Oh, I just bloody emailed you, you useless fuck
What's the matter then?
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:01, archived)

I've got fairly mild flu,
but due to panic, I'm under instruction to stay home.
I was starting to piss off the people sitting near me by sneezing all over them.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:02, archived)

Hahahaha
I'll get you some oinkment etc

*prepares you tea and soup and paracetamol*
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:03, archived)

no thanks!

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:39, archived)

Are you sure?
We have a pond.
(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:42, archived)

tempting, but i like my new place too much

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:52, archived)

Keep it away from the fire room though!

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:53, archived)

I'll take it.
But I don't want to live in it. I want the room to be contantly on fire, never going out. You'll have to keep fuelling it obviously, but 24/7/365 that fire must keep burning.

I cannot offer any money so you may keep any money the fire room earns.
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:40, archived)

I would watch you sleep whilst doing tortoise face and jazz hands
I would be the best flatmate ever.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:40, archived)

Or the best, if you're in to that sort of thing...

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:42, archived)

Or even, the best. It's possible.

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:45, archived)

Or possibly, given that x is a type of thing, that y is that thing, and that z is you being into such a thing, the best.

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:46, archived)

With the outside chance of it being the best.
Depending, obviously.
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:50, archived)

or maybe the best?

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:46, archived)

I think you would find it soothing and slightly endearing with me doing tortoise face at you as you slept.
Sort of like a dreamy lizard guardian.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:46, archived)

You bastard.
I just nearly choked on my water and very almost splurted it out my nose. I haven't done that since I was 14.
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:49, archived)

It's a talent.
*Tortoise Faces*
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:50, archived)

I move in to my new house on the 1st July. Yey.

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:40, archived)

Would you like to send me some money every month?

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:42, archived)

would YOU like to send ME some money every month?

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:45, archived)

Children, children, don't squabble.
Why don't you both send me the money and I'll work out a fair arrangement.
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:46, archived)

Don't be ridiculous.

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:46, archived)

1st July is the best date ever.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:47, archived)

National Pug Hurling Day?

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:51, archived)

I'd support this

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:54, archived)

Only because your face is a pug's bumhole height.
OH NO! DON'T BACK UP MR. BONGO *blooooop* mrfffffmrrfmrpphh!
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:55, archived)

Pfft
Hello DG
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:05, archived)

Heeeeello cheeky chops :)

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:06, archived)

It's my birthday when all pugs spin anti clockwise in celebration and snoffle at a house plant for 15 minutes

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:54, archived)

National Pug Curling Day?

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:53, archived)

but they already are curly...
...near their bums.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:04, archived)

You're on the weird koala bear looking island right?
I'd only move over there is someone passed a law demanding that every fairly alright looking man I met whispered my name softly into my ear every time I passed them.

*shivers*
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:53, archived)

That's the law.

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:55, archived)

I'm packing my bags as we speak.
I actually make every irish man I meet say my name.

It turns me into a pathetic puddle.
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:57, archived)

This is understandable.
Irishmen tend to sound a lot like me.
(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:59, archived)

I can see how that would happen

(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:00, archived)

Wouldn't that make them sound like stalker pyscho murdering types?
As opposed to just looking like stalker pyscho murdering types.
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:55, archived)

~~murdering types~~ freedom fighters
(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:00, archived)

yeah, ok, it's a deal, i'll be there at 6

(

mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:58, archived)

Groovy.

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:58, archived)

But you'll have to wait in the garden for a few weeks till the other lad moves out.

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:00, archived)

that's cool, i noted you have a pond so i'll just bivvy up and do a bit of fishing

(

mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:02, archived)

BIVVY

(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:05, archived)

How much ?
I dont want to live there but I need somewhere to store some carcasses.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:03, archived)

We're very near the Wicklow Mountains, which is Ireland's premiere destination for people burying murdered women.

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:04, archived)

Hahaha, I just googled that
And there's a book called "Where no-one can hear you scream - Murder and assault in the Wicklow Mountains"

Awesome.
(

The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:08, archived)

That book is shit.
It couldn't even spell my name right.
(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:11, archived)

I read that as 'Windowlick Mountains'

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:08, archived)

Did you have a quick one off the wrist ?

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:11, archived)

yeah, alright
you take DSS?
(

Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:39, archived)

FOR FUCK'S SAKE
ARE THERE ANY HEALTHY PEOPLE HERE TODAY?
(__, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:08, archived)

NO
FUCK OFF
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:08, archived)

:'(

(__, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

Now I'm ill with sadness

(__, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

bawwww

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

And the only medication is TOPLESS WOMEN

(__, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:10, archived)

TITS, STAT

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:10, archived)

I predict seven males reply to this

(__, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:11, archived)

GET YOUR TITS OUT FRIZ! COOR!

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:16, archived)

Two.

(

Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:11, archived)

If Friz counts as a male that is.
It's dubious I know.
(

Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:12, archived)

three

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:12, archived)

phwoar

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:16, archived)

WAHEY.

(

sleepybinky, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:16, archived)

HANG ON WHAT WHAT WHAT?

(

sleepybinky, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:16, archived)

BINKY

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:18, archived)

BINKITTY BINKITTY BINK

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:23, archived)

YOU HAD A BIRTHDAY.
ME NEXT.
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:20, archived)

I'm going to be 22 in 88 days.
EXCITING.
(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 13 May 2009, 10:21, archived)

I'm discovering that I'm older than most of you
this has upset me somewhat.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:24, archived)

i assumed you were about 14

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:25, archived)

that's what your mum said
HAHAHAHAHAHA
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:31, archived)

mine is in october, i'm pretty sure that no-one else has theirs between now and then

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:24, archived)

Mine and baldmonkey's are on the same day.
Stick THAT in your diary and bookmark it!
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:26, archived)

were you born in the same year?
surely the world cannot be gifted two such individuals on the same day?!
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:28, archived)

God no.
He's WELL old.
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:32, archived)

how old are you?
plus or minus me?
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:39, archived)

just seen
nurrrr old nurrrrr
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:40, archived)

when are you?
I'm 23 on the 22nd.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:26, archived)

20th
I'll be *cough*27*cough*
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:32, archived)

oooh, you just beat me
I'll get you a pair of slippers and a pipe ;)
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:33, archived)

You bloody kids! Get out of my garden!

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:45, archived)

OLD.

(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 13 May 2009, 10:34, archived)

noooooooo
oh, the bike was a midlife crisis, wasn't it? *SADFACE*
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:37, archived)

COCK TUESDAY!

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:26, archived)

*cough*

(BombayMick Dogs are better than cats, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

Everyone has one compliant or another
then human body isn't perfect, you know.
(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:10, archived)

*flexes*

(__, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:10, archived)

lol!

(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:13, archived)

yeah
I'm a walking advertisment for rude health.
(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:10, archived)

Visible erection and a sly wink?

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:11, archived)

There's not a minute goes by that I'm not lightly sporting at least a lazy lob

(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:12, archived)

Rockin' a semi eh?
I'm not sure it is a good look.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:13, archived)

It's the concentration of natural SEXY.

(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:21, archived)

Maybe that is what i'm doing wrong.
If I walk around with a visible semi through my jeans, the ladies won't be able to resist!
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:29, archived)

best if you rub it against them too
we like that.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:30, archived)

Thanks for the advice
I'm going to the pub this evening, i'm going to have to try this out. I didn't know frottaging against girls was what they liked.
(

Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:36, archived)

It's tried and tested.
www.awkwardboners.com
(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 13 May 2009, 10:34, archived)

They have pills to sort that out now.

(

Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:17, archived)

I SAID I WAS TIP TOP.
WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:10, archived)

You, poured on flan.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:11, archived)

I'M TRYING TO BE.

(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 13 May 2009, 10:13, archived)

I'm pretty much always healthy :)
morning all :D
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:14, archived)

Morning D to the G.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:16, archived)

Word up spinnypants

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:18, archived)

you sicken me, poopot

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:17, archived)

I still giggle like a school girl when you call me that
Then again, I giggle like a school girl anyway, see, HAAW HAAW EHHOR EHHOR HAAW HAAW HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!!!!
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:20, archived)

you know some peculiar schoolgirls
this is not in any way surprising
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:25, archived)

They've got wicked Popeye arms.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:26, archived)

i've just noticed that i missed my 12345th post
shame!
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:28, archived)

HOWEVER!
it turns out that the 'poopot' one WAS my 12345th
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:29, archived)

yay :D

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:35, archived)

*jet-propelled high five*

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:41, archived)

I appear to be in no current danger of dropping dead.
Does that count?
(

Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:14, archived)

My housemate has Swine Flu

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:14, archived)

Do you live with a person or a pig though?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:17, archived)

The irony of the situation is that I often suggest that his head was carved from some pork by-product.

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:28, archived)

no, i have cancer

(

mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:16, archived)

chin up bud :)
Not unless it's throat cancer and you've had a tracheotomy, may want to keep that chin down, don't really want to see that spit valve thanks.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:22, archived)

If I had a tracheotomy I'd have one of those whizzing whistles in permanently just to be really annoying.

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:26, archived)

or a kazoo

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:26, archived)

Did you get your tools back?

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:28, archived)

nope, someone now has them or has sold them
looks like i'll be buying all new stuff
(

mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:33, archived)

New tools are nice things to have.

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:34, archived)

could have done without the expense this month, but ho hum, shit happens

(

mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:37, archived)

I'm tip top and a okay today thanks.

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:18, archived)

Well I'm healthy but you clearly have a cancerous personality.

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:19, archived)

Yes.
Me.
(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:22, archived)

Healthy in what way?

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:39, archived)

Ow ow ow ow ow ow OW OW OW OW OW ow ow
I've just had the worst stomach cramp ever. Literally bent double trying to breathe. I hope that's just my IBS.

What's wrong with you, medically? I've got stupid guts, am clinically emo and bonegay.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:04, archived)

I'm anaemic.
Red wine, steak, broccoli and spinach dusted with crushed up iron tablets for every meals sorts me out a treat.

This is funny.
awkwardfamilyphotos.com/
(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 13 May 2009, 10:05, archived)

That's quality.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:07, archived)

I particularly like "The Lean"

(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:08, archived)

:D I've never been in a family portrait like that
I can't think of many things more cringeworthy.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:08, archived)

My parents' house is plastered with them.

(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 13 May 2009, 10:12, archived)

I don't think I could handle it, so well done to you.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:14, archived)

I wouldn't waste your time with the broccoli or spinach if you want iron though.
just eat the flesh straight off a still-mooing cow.
(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:13, archived)

I like brockly and spinnidge though.

(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 13 May 2009, 10:14, archived)

SICK.

(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:22, archived)

:(

(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 13 May 2009, 10:24, archived)

love ya really ;)

(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:34, archived)

GUINNESS
I loved being anaemic.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:17, archived)

Fuck all.
I'm tip-top.
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:06, archived)

I can't cough up phlegm.
It gets as far as my throat, and that's it. I can't do that horrible *cccccggggggggghfffffffffhhhhhhhhh SPIT* thing to get rid of it, and medicines don't help at all. I've inherited it from my dad, and Western medicine has so far been unable to work it out.
It's fucking horrendous.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:06, archived)

Upside down?

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:07, archived)

I'm not Batman.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:08, archived)

and you never will be with that attitude

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:26, archived)

deep throat a toilet brush and chimney sweep it out

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

There'll be 26 years' worth.
I'll be there all day.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

IBS is very sexy.

(

Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:06, archived)

I don't need to be sexy, I've already tricked someone into proposing to me.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:07, archived)

*HIGH "TRAPPED COMMITTED TO ONE PERSON FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE" FIVES*

(

Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

You're damn right. He's my wife now.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

I've got a cold right now
otherwise, SAD and sleep apnea sometimes. And terrible skin, but I'm on the internet so that's to be expected.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:08, archived)

Do you have a pushy-airy-sleepy machine?

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

no
Unfortunately, it means I have to sleep hugging something. TERRIBLE.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:10, archived)

Awwwww :D

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:13, archived)

i have a dodgy sympthy gland which leads me to not giving a fuck

(

mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:08, archived)

don't forget the bivvy fetish

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

not sure that is a medical condition
if it is i might see if i can get signed off for it and spend more time in my bivvy
(

mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:19, archived)

I am a chest fail.
I also have low blood pressure, which could be a result of the chest fail and the medication. I get IBS and migraines too.

Other than that I am annoyingly healthy for a fat bird.
(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 13 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

I think I might have stupid guts, but I haven't really bothered checking it out because it doesn't affect me much
I think I have buggered knees though. It hurts when I cycle or climb up long flights of stairs. This is a convenient excuse for not exercising properly.
(

SuperMatt, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

I think I've fucked my knees
by habitually sitting cross legged.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:14, archived)

Depression mainly.
Doctors tried to claim I had IBS but they never did any kinds of proper tests so I don't believe them. If I get that kind of stomach ache, I'll just have some peppermint 'tea'.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

I'm more prone to headaches too.
These are due to when I had meningitis when I was a wee one. When I get one, you'd do best to fuck off and leave me alone.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:13, archived)

Duly noted.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:15, archived)

I have cartilage damage in my neck
and nerve damage in my right arm.
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:17, archived)

I'm getting horrendous migranes
for the first time in 8 years.

Last time I was getting them I ended up having a catscan.
Hopefully that doesn't happen again
(

Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Wed 13 May 2009, 11:20, archived)

BOLLOCKS!
BOLLOCKS #1
My ex-wife phoned me just now. She was drunk, which I think at 9:15am is a new record even for her. She was screaming at me as my daughter will not speak to her as she got pissed and went walkabout when she was supposed to be babysitting. Then she had the front to ask me to loan her £5000. I told her to go down to the docks and sell that yawning horse of a fanny of hers at a pound a go. That went down well.
BOLLOCKS #2
I just got settled into work and I got another phone call telling me they sent the wrong batch and I’ve now got to go to that London to pick up the right one. Cunts.
BOLLOCKS #3
I was one of the 27,000 people who reported a GATSO camera being triggered by traffic speeding in the opposite direction. As a thank you for reporting this, I have to do a speed awareness course as it registered me doing 32MPH in a 30MPH zone. (I have to take a day off work, and pay £60 for the privilege)

Enough bollocks for now. What are you people doing today? Please feel free to use this thread to vent your spleen at any bollocks that you may have encountered.
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 13 May 2009, 9:36, archived)

Feeling a bit bad for you
working and being hungry.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:37, archived)

We need 250ccs of sushi, stat

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:38, archived)

Om nom nom nom.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:39, archived)

Ths is special, extra-fresh sushi. fish is still alive when you eat it.

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:40, archived)

Sushi != raw fish
Some sushi does have raw fish, but not all of it.

Sashimi on the other hand.
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:42, archived)

ym has raw fish

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:44, archived)

Give it to us raw and wrwrwrwrwriggling.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:43, archived)

you keep nasty chips

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:44, archived)

How does Wednesday find you?

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:45, archived)

It never rains...

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:53, archived)

Clunge? Sandwiches? Work?

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:54, archived)

250cc Sushi?
We've already done a motorbike thread.
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:48, archived)

SPAM SPAM SPAM
Any Manchester based b3tards fancy getting several grands worth of education for free?

3 day course - Gaz me for details.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:37, archived)

Also
I laugh at your horrible misfortunes.
You deserve it for being so old and for being mean to Piston.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:38, archived)

is the education in amonia chillers?

(

mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:42, archived)

Have you opened your own online university?
Send fees now for a lolBsc and a lolBa
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:43, archived)

Yes.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:46, archived)

Depends what sort of education we're talking about.

(

Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:54, archived)

he'll educate you in the ways...
of love
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:59, archived)

Yeah, I know the kind of "free educations" doled out in Manchesters back streets.

(

Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:00, archived)

Mediation Training

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:29, archived)

BOLLOCKS!
The world.
(BombayMick Dogs are better than cats, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:38, archived)

eurgh
that's a whole lot of shit for one morning. Sorry mate :(
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:38, archived)

That song with the lyrics 'your eyes are the size of the moon' is on
and all I can think of is Friz.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:39, archived)

pfft
I like that song, you bastard. I like to sing it loudly in the car.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:40, archived)

You're always thinking of me, no matter what the circumstance

(__, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:40, archived)

I wish you appeared like this every time I thought of you.
I can remember when I saw your shit jokes and memey attention seeking as being a threat to my dominance of their dark arts.

Now I see you as a comrade.
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:42, archived)

It's the keyboard playing, isn't it?
It impresses all the ladies.
(__, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:45, archived)

It's your posts on /board that keep me on side.

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:54, archived)

I'm writing my essay this morning, then lunching with my friend, then I have my first formal final exam, then a department leaving party
for final year students, then my friend's birthday party. I'd really rather just go back to bed.
(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 13 May 2009, 9:39, archived)

That's all very shit.
Have a hug.

*hug*

I had to be taken to hospital yesterday. I was wheeled out of work on a wheelchair, with oxygen masks and nebulisers and looking like a really shit Darth Vader. I was mortified. That was pretty shit.
(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 13 May 2009, 9:40, archived)

blimey!
are you ok now? Was it asthma-related?
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:41, archived)

It was unnghgghghhhnnnnrrrr related.

(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:43, archived)

Yup. I had chest x-rays and everything.
They've ruled out everything very horrible, and are fairly convinced that it is very bad hayfever. I'm at home now with yet MOAR steroids, recommendations for anti-histamines and local honey, and I have to go and get all my meds changed at the asthma clinic as they did precisely Fuck All yesterday.
(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 13 May 2009, 9:43, archived)

wow, that is impressively shit
Hope you feel better soon hun x
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:45, archived)

On the plus side you get to eat honey.

(

Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:59, archived)

you big mong.
*sympathy*
(

WormuIus, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:41, archived)

I'm ready for the knackers yard.

(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 13 May 2009, 9:44, archived)

more like the knockers yard
ahahahahatits
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:02, archived)

I'm so horny right now

(__, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:42, archived)

Oof! Hope you're OK.
I was dragged in to horsepiddle the other week in an ambilumpse. It is not funny at all.
(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 13 May 2009, 9:43, archived)

No, but if you are a girl the ambulance men flirt with you to cheer you up.

(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 13 May 2009, 9:45, archived)

I flirted with the nurses the *counts* three times I've ended up in hospital.
They're actually quite receptive, the dirty trollops.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:52, archived)

Badger is such a slag.

(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 13 May 2009, 9:54, archived)

Me, after turning up in a Slovenian hospital with a suspected broken rib: Hello
Lovely and very attractive Slovenian nurse: You're drunk.
Me, clambering for something terribly witty and charmingly British to say:...Yes. Yes I am...
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:57, archived)

Clambering?

(

L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Wed 13 May 2009, 9:59, archived)

You know
reaching out, trying to grab onto something, like a plant. A clambering plant.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:01, archived)

I don't like this use of the word.
It means climbing, not trying or reaching out.
(

L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Wed 13 May 2009, 10:06, archived)

I, like most words in my lexicon thought to be used in a dubious manner,
am going to put this down to DIALECT.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:07, archived)

I'll agree with the spirit of that, but
since the parenthesis does not agree with the rest of your sentence, I'll do it with a raised eyebrow.
(

L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Wed 13 May 2009, 10:13, archived)

I just re-read that and agree with you.
I've gone and confused the subject with the object.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:14, archived)

Or it's got confused with you...

(

L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Wed 13 May 2009, 10:16, archived)

smoo oooth

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:01, archived)

~~something terribly witty and charmingly British to say~~ her tits
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:05, archived)

Well, this too.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:10, archived)

Good lord, lady.
Be well, it's apparently brilliant.
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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:46, archived)

I'm going to be well for the 30th May. Yes I fucking AM.

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Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 13 May 2009, 9:49, archived)

I sincerely hope so
I can just tell I'm going to have a dicky tummy for the meet. I can feel it in my waters.
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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:50, archived)

*pointing finger of great justice*
YOU SHALL BE THERE
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spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:51, archived)

Nothing's stopping me from making it, promise.
I'm importing b3tans from Germany, I have to!
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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:53, archived)

Oh you poor love.
*gentle cuddles*
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LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 13 May 2009, 9:47, archived)

Rules are rules
32mph is breaking the law, I'd have you in chains for that
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Gooch Is neither here nor there, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:44, archived)

Meh.
I'm getting properly fucked over in court tomorrow for speeding. Try going quicker. they like it much more*

*disclaimer. they may, in fact, not like it much more at all. they may try and shaft you back to the dark ages
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:46, archived)

i'll sit here for a bit, then go over there, then maybe have some lunch, then do something else, then go home, and sit there for a while, then i might lay in my bed for several hours

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mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:47, archived)

I was told when i was learning to drive that you got 10% grace regards to speed limits, to counter for inaccuracies in speedometer.
ie, you wouldn't get done in a 30mph area unless you were doing over 33mph.

Is this bollocks?
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RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:48, archived)

I thought this too, to be honest

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spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:49, archived)

It's not bollocks.
But it's not a legal defence. Your speedo is allowed to be 10% inaccurate and it always reads 10% over, pretty much (except my MG which reads 25% under but that's another story)

therefore, to be sure you are doing less than 30, you should drive with the speedo on 27. That's the legal counter-argument.

having said that, police guidlines are 10% plus 3 mph. so 36 in a 30, 47 in a 40, 80 in a 70. But that doesn't mean they can't do you for doing less than that.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:53, archived)

To be honest though, why you'd need to do anywhere near 30 in a 30 zone is beyond me.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:56, archived)

Are you saying you don't need to go as fast, or that you should go faster?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:58, archived)

All speed limit signs should be
X x 10¹⁰
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:00, archived)

do you mean slower or faster?
if you mean slower, because out of THAT LONDON (yes there are places you know) most 30s are small villages and are a complete waste of time. 20 years ago I was caught doing 49 in a 30 on the edge of a little village in Staffordshire. Nowadays you might get banned for that, regardless of context. Then I was let off because, and I quote Her Majesty's Constabulary "It's the most stupid 30 zone in the county, but we have to police it because the rich locals complain unless it's them speeding. Have a nice day"

Context is the problem. We broadly apply speed limits and then enforce them for revenue, not safety reasons. It's stupid, pathetic and counter-productive in safety stakes.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:01, archived)

Never mind THAT LONDON
I gave up driving when I got here. I drove around small East Yorkshire villages, and it was a bugger to drive safely past 20.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:03, archived)

that's because half of them have never seen a car before

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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:05, archived)

There is this.
When buses drive around Barnsley, the locals come out and punch it because they think it's a big metal cow.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:11, archived)

Used to be.
The fines used to go to the Safety Camera Partnership, or the local constabulary or something, so if they were feeling a bit poor, they'd bang out a few extra fines. Now it's retained by central government, so should be a bit better. That's the theory anyway.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:55, archived)

I got caught by a speed camera twice on the same road.
But here's the thing: they caught me once, and fined me. However, they didn't even give it enough time for the notification to get to me before they got me again, so instead of me going 'Ooops, three points and seventy quid, I've learnt my lesson', I went 'Cunts. No wonder nobody likes these bastard things. I'm now on six points and a hundred and forty quid (about three days' wages for me then) down'.

Fucking cunts.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:51, archived)

cunts.
I'll probably get a four-figure fine in court tomorrow. I notice Michael Essien was only fined £1,500 for drink-driving recently. by that logic and based on income and relative seriousness of offence, I should be fined about 11p. Likelihood of that happening, do you think?
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:05, archived)

Whatever, you fancy-dan research scientists with your playboy lifestyles and outrageous incomes.
Deserve everything you get.
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RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 13 May 2009, 10:14, archived)

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