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So who do you all think the usual bunch are that click "I like this" on each anti-JMG post?
Let's attempt FINGER POINTING, /talk! Come on!
It's fun.

Accusations are what make the internet run.

/edit
Actually, Mykey's admitting to clicking one of them.
So there's one. But it takes more than one.
Come on you fat detectives!

/edit
www.b3ta.com/users/profile.php?id=41093
www.b3ta.com/users/profile.php?id=64185
:(
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:09, archived)

BLUE STAR MUST HAVE POSTED

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:10, archived)

BLUE HANDS = SMALL GLANDS

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:10, archived)

Bald and Geordie = you're gay OH LORDY!

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:17, archived)

Nothing rhymes with "Queer in a Scarf".
:(
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:18, archived)

i can think of 3 girls i know who have slept with him
he seems to be a fair few ahead of you..
(

Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:22, archived)

Zing!
how goes it, Az?
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:23, archived)

ello :D
hows the webs favourite boozehound?
(

Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:24, archived)

Getting on the outside of some Sicilian shiraz
and wondering where my next paycheck's coming from.
And applying to join the coppers.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:25, archived)

wtf?
thats just wrong dude...
(

Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:26, archived)

It's a steady job
and they don't have any dirt on me at the moment.
I'm going for a bit of a change in life outlook.

edit: I also think there are far too many arseholes in the cops, and I'd like to think I could make a small change to that.
Cue much abuse and pisstaking.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:27, archived)

i look forward to the footage of you taking off you badges before you beat the shit out of someone.

(

Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:28, archived)

I would prefer to avoid anyone getting beaten shitless
it's something I'd look to bring to the job.
Perhaps a few minor concussions, though...
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:30, archived)

Plus you hate blacks.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:31, archived)

Now that's just unfair
I hate any cunt who's a cunt, regardless of race, creed or colour.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:32, archived)

and thats why you shouldnt join up
you think you wont see your fair share of cunts in that job?
(

Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:33, archived)

I'll see them
and send them to jail.
Job done.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:34, archived)

even the innocent ones?
being a cunt doesnt automatically mean someone is guilty

or will you be one of those wanker coppers than insists on being called sir?
(

Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:36, archived)

Fuck no
I'll insist on proper evidence and due process.
And you can call me what you like - 10 years of retail work have left me with a rather thick skin, and a general disinclination to take offence at personal remarks.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:37, archived)

will you fuck
"i'll send the cunts to jail" *thinks* "even if i have to make up some bollocks to do it"
(

Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:39, archived)

That's precisely the sort of crap I'd be avoiding
I want the guilty banged up, and the innocent free to get on with it.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:43, archived)

so young
so naive
(

Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

heheh

(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:47, archived)

apart from the whites.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:33, archived)

They're the worst of the lot
shifty bastards, all of 'em
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:35, archived)

he's bound to breeze through any entry process then

(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:35, archived)

"Good grief, Look at his eyes! He's clearly a rapist! Guilty! Next case"
"erm, your honour, that's PC Wynoh, he's a witness for the prosecution."
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:31, archived)

hahahah!
good work there
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:32, archived)

good luck with that..
you will be stealing from the evidence locker within weeks..
(

Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:32, archived)

It's not stealing
it's removing for evaluation purposes
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:33, archived)

does this mean we can come to you for all our
gear?
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:37, archived)

Keep it quiet
and don't tell the sarge.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:46, archived)

My housemate became a copper a while back.
Another month's training and he gets his warrant card.

He claims he's looking forward to beating up some black people, but I don't think he means it. He's HK Chinese, so nobody would really be able to take his attempts at racism seriously in this country.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:41, archived)

HALT!
This is VERY important
...A fair few ahead of me, at what?
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:25, archived)

girls JMG, girls.
even spider gets more pussy than you do.
(

Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:26, archived)

How many women have I, JMG, slept with?

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:26, archived)

do ones you have had to pay count?

(

Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:27, archived)

I see the internet has moved to the MAKE STUFF UP defence very early in this debate.
In fact. In your first post.
:(

A new land speed record.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:28, archived)

They have won the First Division Championship four times and the FA Cup six times, though their last league success was in 1927
guess the wiki page?
(

Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:31, archived)

Something to do with me being on the dole.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:32, archived)

to be fair, the toon being a shit team has very little to do with your employment status

(

Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:35, archived)

So.
Let's recap:

My sex life.
Newcastle United.

You've got to try HARDER when it's JMG. Come on internet!
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:39, archived)

400 I reckon
some of them awake.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:30, archived)

THIS IS THE KIND OF INTERNET SCREAMING LIES THAT I ENDORSE!

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:31, archived)

~~wake~~ live
(

Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:31, archived)

He runs around the room, one fist in the air style, Shearer Post Coitus celebration

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:32, archived)

With his "old chap"
flappping in the wind, watery cum flicking all over the lasses bedroom carpet.

We've all done it.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:34, archived)

Then they fall off the slab.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:34, archived)

Where's his other fist?

(

thealternativefact, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:35, archived)

"poncey short necked giraffe"

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:23, archived)

is what he calls his penis.

(

Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:24, archived)

Mum dole = likes bumhole

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:19, archived)

I couldn't care any less.

(

TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:10, archived)

I'm playing with Google Maps Apps and listening to Nine Inch Nails.

(

TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:10, archived)

I care even less.
Etc.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:11, archived)

NO U DNT. I CARE LESS.

(

TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:11, archived)

I'd rather do finger painting.
Blue Star is already taking the lead.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:10, archived)

God I'd forgotten how difficult applying for jobs was.
It's asking about my previous employment. That was three years ago, I can't bloody remember!
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:19, archived)

I know the feeling
I'm trying to remember the addresses in which I've resided for the last ten years.
It's not easy.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:24, archived)

I only hope they don't ask me to provide all my qualifications certificates,
goodness knows where they are. But it's the council, and they're really anal about this kind of thing.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:31, archived)

haha this is a new one
the Equal Opportunities page has options under Gender: Male, Female, Other (e.g. androgyne person)
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:36, archived)

Forge them, obviously.
Maybe award yourself a few more for good measure while you're at it. God, no wonder you have such difficulty getting a job. Lucky that I'm here to help.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:37, archived)

They're only asking for a C in GCSE English and one other subject,
let's not go overboard here.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:38, archived)

Hmm, you're right.
Maybe give yourself two Cs and a couple of Ds and Es. Best not to mention A-levels, let alone a degree. A friend of mine missed out on a job at B&Q for having too many (3) A-levels.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

oh shit,
think I should take my A-levels off as well? It's an online application so no trouble.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:46, archived)

I don't know.
Maybe. I wouldn't listen to my advice, if I were you.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:41, archived)

Just tell them you spent the last three years abroad,
in prison.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:26, archived)

For grand grand grand grand GRAND larceny

(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:35, archived)

Sexface and Amorous Badger

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:10, archived)

You want BADGER OUT NEXT! Admit it!

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:11, archived)

rnuk and Teviot Moose

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:15, archived)

If these were fatties I'd suggest a grand sumo event.
:(
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:16, archived)

I reckon it's you
it would be suitably Machiavellian.

*schemes*
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:11, archived)

You're ON to me!
:(
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:11, archived)

to
(

TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:12, archived)

I simply recognise your twisted genius.

(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:12, archived)

Your widow's peak is so severe that it looks like the bottom of Batman's cape.
IT'S ALL ME AND MY QOTW CHUMS

/I don't think I've ever even posted there before...
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:11, archived)

I can see you've got a new saying, today..
:(
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:12, archived)

YUP :D
Don't worry jammy, I love you really, I just love pretending to be one of the Chubberwobbers, in an ironic way :)

www.b3ta.cr3ation.co.uk/data/jpg/jmgpeak.jpg
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:17, archived)

my ankle hurts a bit.

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:12, archived)

I thought each of your ankles was equally as powerful as 7 regular man ankles?!
Or "mankles" if you will?
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:13, archived)

My ankle was sore last week while running
but today I ran without any pain.

*beats chest and rips up trees*
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:31, archived)

I click on them if I find them funny.
The same as I will click on anyones post if it amuses me.
(

M o D, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:13, archived)

YOU TOUCHED THOSE ELKS, EVEN WHEN THEY SAID NO AND MOONEIGHED SADLY

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:13, archived)

what noise do elk make?

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:13, archived)

hnnnnnnuuuuuuuuuuurk.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:14, archived)

it'll be those awful lurkers again
they'll click anything
(

well, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:14, archived)

Not me.
I rarely click I like this on anything. Mostly when I do, it's by mistake and I meant to click reply.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:16, archived)

I might've clicked on one once, but I don't think so.
Surely JMG's not affected by public opinion?
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:16, archived)

Not at all!
I am heralded by public opinion!
Like a Champion of the common man.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:27, archived)

Awww. I would pat your head but it's far away.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:29, archived)

Probably a cavalcade of lolarious comedy accounts

(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:29, archived)

Indeed!

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:31, archived)

I like the word "cavalcade".
Well done.
(

Jobe, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:31, archived)

I've just painted our front door blue.
I now have blue hands and can't reach the white spirit down to clean them.

Who wants to be pulled off by a smurf?
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:04, archived)

Oh Papa Smurf, not again :'(

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:05, archived)

doh!
I'll decline your kind offer if I may.
(

Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:05, archived)

Get in
so long as it's not Papa Smurf.
I always thought he was weird

edit: however, I'm 6'2", so if I were there I could reach the white spirit.
*goes off into babbling insanity*
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:05, archived)

Thats mans work

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:05, archived)

Pulling folk off?
You've changed.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:07, archived)

:( boys only, then.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:05, archived)

I'll get the plunger

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:06, archived)

I like my womb internal, ta.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:06, archived)

NO! you listen to me this time. it's time for a new meme. it's time for....
THE WOMB WANK!

now, I'll get the plunger.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:08, archived)

I'm frightened.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:09, archived)

It's like wanking off a wellington boot.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:18, archived)

How the fuck am I meant to walk?

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:19, archived)

The same way men walk.

(

OneSullenBrit *air sandwiches*, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:23, archived)

I don't get how you lot don't catch yourselves, though.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:25, archived)

I tuck mine into my sock

(

OneSullenBrit *air sandwiches*, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:26, archived)

Hello, nurse.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:30, archived)

Animaniacs?
:D
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:34, archived)

YES!

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:35, archived)

There really should be a badge for you bimosexualists

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:06, archived)

One that you only earn once you've had sex with the opposite sex.
Bloody teenagers giving me a bad name.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:07, archived)

Agreed
Too many faux muff divers
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:10, archived)

Fucking teases.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:11, archived)

Most of em would run screaming at the sight of split clam

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:14, archived)

aw
never mind.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:11, archived)

:D not at all patronising, dear.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:14, archived)

Or girls with really impressive clitorises.

(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:07, archived)

Define impressive in this context.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:08, archived)

Furry Dino's
or bigger.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:09, archived)

Alas, I have never seen her nethers.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:10, archived)

Nor have I
but it's frequently alluded to.
I suspect it may be the size of a small building.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:13, archived)

Somewhere between "third thumb"
and "you could hang your coat, boots and hard hat on that".
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:09, archived)

If I was packing something like that
I'd not be wasting my time talking to you people, I'd be dipping it in things.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:10, archived)

Must not laugh...

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:12, archived)

:D

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:14, archived)

guacamole?
cups of tea?
the tunnels underwater that conger eels live in?
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:12, archived)

Everything I could think of.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:13, archived)

an unsuspecting ear would be a good start

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:14, archived)

Your brain. I wish it to win awards.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:15, archived)

:D

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:16, archived)

I'd like to ask for my coat, boots and hard hat back
before you start.
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:12, archived)

*moves pelvis slightly away*

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:13, archived)

Well I'd offer
but I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want blue paint in your fairy hole.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:07, archived)

My next question was re: the dryness of the paint.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:08, archived)

pfft
fairy hole.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:12, archived)

My name is Fae, so it works, too.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:17, archived)

Especially if you use the proper spelling faerie
;)
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:19, archived)

Oh great uncle Bulgaria!
:(
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:06, archived)

em....not really

(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:09, archived)

Can I put horns on you an pretend that you are a World of Warcraft creature?

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:10, archived)

Murloc

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:11, archived)

No, these are just new pants

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:16, archived)

only if i get to be Gargamel

(

theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:11, archived)

Is that Gilgamesh's brother?

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:15, archived)

I have no idea... If he was, I don't think it was ever revealed in the cartoon.

(

theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:28, archived)

70 minutes with no new postings
OH INTERNET !

Is it mid afternoon feeding time ?
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:41, archived)

I was about to post a new thread about the google streetview car
Just had it go past, tried to get naked but it was too quick :(

EDIT: news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8044335.stm ohh nnooeesss but that's ruined the new Rock Profile that has come out today.
(

executiverocker only wears C&A, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:42, archived)

I'm on google street view, looking stern in camo shorts, walking to work.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:43, archived)

link it bitch

(

Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:48, archived)

yes daddy
www.b3ta.com/talk/6014470
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:50, archived)

I actually think Peter Andre is a nice bloke. She's a ball busting, spoilt nightmare, with issues.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:44, archived)

I can picture her now
forcing Peter to shag her so she can hatch more MONSTERS.
(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:46, archived)

if it wasn't for him I'd have to sing something equally shit when I'm scared whilst climbing
"WHOA MYSTERIOUS GOAT, I WANT TO GET CLOSE TO YOU"
these are my lyrics
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:46, archived)

I always sing that stupid Boney M song from Touching the Void.

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:48, archived)

haha
I've found myself singing c'est la vie up a particularly blank slab above pretty dreadful pro.
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:50, archived)

Urgh - I just reminded myself of that feeling when you start a move and your foot doesn't quite go where it was supposed to and for a moment you think you might not make it :(((

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:52, archived)

at that point my mind starts spitting out this mantra:
"DROP HEEL DROP HEEL DROP HEEL DROP HEEL DROP HEEL DROP HEEL"

usually followed by this mantra:
"WEIGHT FORWARD WEIGHT FORWARD WEIGHT FORWARD WEIGHT FORWARD WEIGHT FORWARD WEIGHT FORWARD WEIGHT FORWARD"
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:54, archived)

this is 95% the time followed by:
"THANK FUCK THANK FUCK THANK FUCK THANK FUCK THANK FUCK THANK FUCK THANK FUCK THANK FUCK"
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:55, archived)

stairs must be a fucking nightmare for you two...

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:56, archived)

nah, we're talking blank slabs Dongle Kums
try climbing something which is literally an incredibly steep ramp with a slight undulation occasionally placed.
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:57, archived)

If it were me
I would sit on a skateboard attached to a long bit of rope, tie the rope to you and then wait.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:59, archived)

Wheelchair Ramp at the library then.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:59, archived)

pretty much yeah :(

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:00, archived)

*tickles*
;P
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:01, archived)

*ARMFLAIL*

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:03, archived)

Welcome to my life :D

(

Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:01, archived)

He ws lovely, if a little mad, on cribs.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:47, archived)

indeed. He seems like a quite funny and genuine guy,
She always busts his balls on the Jordan & Peter programme for no reason.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:52, archived)

I've never seen it. Poor Peter Andre.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:53, archived)

I never thought I'd be agreeing with that...

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:56, archived)

You should always agree with me.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:57, archived)

yes ma'am!

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:03, archived)

I don't want my fingers to get skinny from all this typing. *drinks custard*

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:42, archived)

Your fingers look like pugbodies

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:43, archived)

There was a very fat pug on the dog whisperer at the weekend.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:45, archived)

REALLY!?!?
heheheeeee aww :)
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:45, archived)

Mentalface's dog.
Whats her name? Denise Richards, that's it. Her.

She's got a Boston Terrier and a French Bulldog as well. I love French Bulldogs.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:46, archived)

I'd love to wabble her long tits and pull her face even wider whilst fucking her as all her dogs watched.
I'm not even joking for once.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:53, archived)

I would watch that.
I'd cheer you on. Could you do it harder than necessary though? I don't like her.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:55, archived)

I always do.
She'd think that what we're doing is kinky and hard, then she'll realise that she's not enjoying it and all I'm doing it tugging her face even wider whilst calling out "OooooooNNGEE I WANNA FUCK YOU IN THE LANTERN JAW SNEEEEE!UNF UNF UNFUNFUNFUNFUNFUNF"
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:58, archived)

I would giggle and clap like a 4 year old with a massive cake.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:59, archived)

Your fingers look like a Down's squeezed a Curly Whirly so hard the chocolate turned grey.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:45, archived)

Damn it Gums, you have to give me a chance sometimes
you escalate too quickly :D
(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:50, archived)

bah, sorry dude :)

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:54, archived)

At least put it on some apple and rhubarb crumble
drinking custard is no way to go about things.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:43, archived)

GLUB GLUB GLUB try and stop me! GLUB!

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:46, archived)

*puts chilli sauce in it*
that'll learn you, you scamp
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:47, archived)

MY BUM HURTS GLUB GLUB
GLUBGLUBGLUBGLUB!!
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:55, archived)

hahahah!
that made me chuckle lots :D
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:57, archived)

GLUBGLUBGLUBHELPMEICAN'TSTOPGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUB
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:00, archived)

Oh dear
call the paramedics, we have a custard incident.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:05, archived)

I'm looking for a telephone number of a woman in Monaco.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:44, archived)

I wouldn't bother
she probably only speaks FORRIN.
(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:45, archived)

Nah, she's got an English name and she works for an English company
so hopefully she speaks it. If not it's either my shit attempts at French or German.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:45, archived)

Don't forget
to get angry and start shouting if she wont do exactly what you want.
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:47, archived)

She wants ME to do something.
Well, her bosses do. I've got to be good though, I think she's dead senior.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:48, archived)

Weekend at Bernies!
*rereads*
Hmm, that's a pain in the backside.
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:49, archived)

That's because people are FLOCKING to offtopic, now cr3 has made it threaded replies.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:45, archived)

ONE B4SH AND YOU'RE WHORING IT AT BETTER PEOPLE!
:(
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 15:46, archived)

Isnt it a bit pointles considering thats what /talk is for?

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:46, archived)

Yes
but there are fewer cunts on there.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:48, archived)

why don't you go over there and introduce yourself?

(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:53, archived)

Yeah', mykey, just fuck off.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:55, archived)

*opens mouth like a newborn chick*

(

Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 15:45, archived)

I've been screenshotting a new tool we have
The atmosphere of excitement in this office could be cut with a knife
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:48, archived)

Is it a socket wrench?
I like those. Clickclickclickclick.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:49, archived)

Alas no, a software tool
EVEN LESS EXCITING
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:49, archived)

:(
more socket wrenches are needed. Tell the big boss wo/man.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:51, archived)

No feeding for me thanks
I just ran my first mile HURRAH.
(

Mrs Sp@m, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:50, archived)

Congratulations
have a sherry to celebrate.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:52, archived)

Sherry is for christmas
if I have it too often it tastes less special at christmas.
(

Mrs Sp@m, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:55, archived)

I just like sherry
I think I shall pick up some manzanilla from the shop.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:01, archived)

Well done!
I can't run for very long, I'm more of a sitting/lying down sort of girl.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:52, archived)

It's odd because I was absolutely knackard when I arrived at nursery to pick the boy up but now I want to go again

(

Mrs Sp@m, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:55, archived)

Endorphins?
If I were you, I'd have a leap around the living room to some tasty music.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:56, archived)

Congratulations. :)

(

Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:57, archived)

Hello Fatties.
BLIMEY the football..
It's ever so important.

How's the whale tank?
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:28, archived)

I attracted the envy of a passing vagrant last night.
I was with The Woman and her friend. We were all drunk. We were stood outside the pub. I held The Woman's boob in one hand, and her friend's boob in the other. 'Here,' I said to man, 'Look at me. Aren't I ace?'.
It was great.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:29, archived)

so you felt a tit in front of a vagabond

(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:30, archived)

why is it always raining in your breasts?

(

spacefish bong!, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:23, archived)

severed?
or still attached?
(

Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:30, archived)

What next for Dr mastectomy
tune in next week!
(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:32, archived)

*Standing ovation*
You've no doubt just made several enemies on here, who'll deny it ever happened, ever.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:31, archived)

I'd like to think that you were there in spirit, JMG, nodding in approval at the clutching of breasts.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:32, archived)

Oh I most certainly am!

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:33, archived)

This sort of thing belongs on QOTW

(

SuperMatt, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:33, archived)

I think I'll go to off-topic and thrill them by posting.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:33, archived)

The love you over there
They told me themselves, at a bash on Friday night.
Every single one of them lied.
(

SuperMatt, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:38, archived)

*Head in hands*
Oh my..
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:39, archived)

you horribly middle class poof.

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:57, archived)

A really middle-class person
would consider public displays of affection like that to be extrememly vulgar.

As for doing it in front of a vagrant, it's patronising and deeply disrespectful. I am disapointed, but not surprised.
(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:22, archived)

some bloke hung himself
after Arsenal lost to Manchester
(

Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:30, archived)

:(
Poor chap.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:30, archived)

he was foriegn though
so it dosen't really count
(

Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:31, archived)

Yeah, but supporting Arsenal?
*sympathy*
(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:32, archived)

haha
I love you
(Goatse not a comedy account, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:43, archived)

That's nothing
I know a chap who openly admits to supporting Tottenham.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:42, archived)

Any truth to the rumour that
you are from the midlands, and live with your dad?
(thediscokingpin, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:30, archived)

Well this is only a matter for Aberdeen to decide.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:31, archived)

I heard you were
two dwarves in an overcoat.
(thediscokingpin, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:32, archived)

One calls Esme whilst the other one calls Moohalaa.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:36, archived)

I love a bit of soccerball, arm pads, oranges at half time oh no umpire! tackle above the shoulder! love the Manchester Hotspur and the Harlequins when they play. it's a game of 3 halves, WHAT HO!

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:31, archived)

RAH RAH RAH, COME ON FOOTBALL AND KICK US A GOAL.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:32, archived)

LBW! Look! Black Wog! Off the football fairway please, no place for the likes of you! next they'll be asked to be paid...tssk

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:34, archived)

Oh Dear...
:(
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:36, archived)

Oh what ho...a commoner from ...oh god, I can't understand his accent...NewKasssel is it? never heard of the place...
IT'S IN THE NORTH?!? oh god, that's where that terrible disease of Widow's Peak comes from! where's my medical snuff box?!? GET AWAY FROM ME !
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:39, archived)

Stop picking on 90nz0.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:32, archived)

I see the Newcastles are playing the foot-to-ball tonight
I hope they manage to avoid downgrades into lower tiers. They should hit the ball into the scorebag often.
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:31, archived)

That's a direct quote from myself, only this morning!

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:33, archived)

Oh, they're playing Boro
I hope they slaughter Boro. The Facebook will get interesting.
(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:56, archived)

fuck that
it'd make my day to see that shower of shit go down

erm by which I mean, lolfootballs hahaha
(Goatse not a comedy account, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:57, archived)

<OVER THE TOP REACTION AND BOOHOOS ON THE INTERNET>

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:58, archived)

Sifting through the tasteless plankton of the internet as always.
How's life at the towers?
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:31, archived)

Nervous, Double R.
Nervous indeed.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:33, archived)

Blimey. It's squeaky bum time and no mistake.
A feeling that the chubbers on here can no doubt empathise with, regardless of their sporting apathy.
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:34, archived)

A tad on the grumpy side.
Even Sainsbury's don't have any jobs I could get, but at least their website works better than the last time I looked at it.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:32, archived)

If I owned a chain of supermarket, I'd employ you.
I can't be any fairer than that.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:34, archived)

Thank you JMG,
that means a lot to me.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:37, archived)

argh Tesco only put management positions online

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:47, archived)

I have a friend who plays football
so I don't need to care about it. apart from Rangers and Sheffield Wednesday, and even then I barely do.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:33, archived)

Well, it's a start.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:34, archived)

I appreciate football players' thighs, JMG.
Have you got thighs, or are you a Johnny Eck sort of a chap?
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:35, archived)

I have two.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:40, archived)

Be still my beating heart.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:40, archived)

It's a pretty damn good one too, if she drops the scottish mob.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:37, archived)

When I make my triumphant return to the nation of my birth
I shall have to make a point of going to see a Wednesday game. It's been years since I last went. Terrible form.
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:38, archived)

I'd say I'd go with you, but I'm scared of you foreign dwelling internetters - you might stab me up.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:40, archived)

This is unfortunately most true
I've stabbed quite a few this year already. I keep waking up covered in blood with a knife next to me and oh god oh god I did it again oh god
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:42, archived)

They're only there because of friendship loyalty.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:39, archived)

i had an altercation with a tree
i'm never going outside again
(

well, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:33, archived)

Oh deary me..
:(
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:35, archived)

i've never had anything but good things to say about trees over the years
so the whole incident was a rather unpleasant surprise
(

well, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:36, archived)

oh jmg i am so fat
i want a new telephone, but i cannot have one until i get a letter from the GPO saying that i can keep my old phone number. all this waiting is bringing my acne out
(

spacefish bong!, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:34, archived)

Nothing a good SHOWER won't fix.
Hop to it man, into the tub and out with the Clearasil.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:35, archived)

I'm iiiillllll
:(
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:35, archived)

*rubs with vicks vapo rub*
Open your eyes, I want to make sure I've got everywhere.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:36, archived)

hahaha
I can see why you went for command rather than medical.
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:37, archived)

More throws on the +12 dice?

(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:39, archived)

I do the same when ill, but rub Marmite into my chest mane.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:41, archived)

The wife got marmite on his chamois at the weekend.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:42, archived)

He has a pet antelope?
*glees*
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:44, archived)

*pulls sun squinty face*

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:45, archived)

Don't give me that look :'(
I like unusual pets
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:47, archived)

I want a crocodile.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:48, archived)

They would be a bit difficult to cuddle though
I want a pair of Fennec Foxes, they look awesome.
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:50, archived)

no wonder you do not attract the ladies
smelling like a yeast infection.
(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:43, archived)

Marmite's fucking yum, you broken.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:43, archived)

nope, just a different opinion of it
I personally find it fucking vile.
(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:45, archived)

It's so niiiice
but then I hate baked beans
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:46, archived)

I think you'll find the ladies love me and want to lick me.
*zoro swords your T Shirt*
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:49, archived)

SWISH!



 oooooooooooo 
d'""""""d888' 
      .888P   
     d888'    
   .888P      
  d888'    .P 
.8888888888P

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:58, archived)

Do you like bovril too?

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:45, archived)

Yep.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:46, archived)

:D

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:47, archived)

arg no it stings

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:47, archived)

I'd kiss it better
but as you're covered in vicks you taste horrid so I can't. I'll waggle my leg at you instead.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:48, archived)

PUFF!

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:36, archived)

shortness is not a disease.

(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:37, archived)

Its an affliction / genetic abnormality
which has symtoms that might include random violent outbursts or extrovert personally traits. Or gingerness.
(McDazzle Knows not what he does, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:17, archived)

football football football football football i'm the best football football football football football
So ends my JMG impression
(

Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:38, archived)

This will net you, ALL of the girls.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:40, archived)

I've already batted them off with my big, bald head.
yet another JMG impression for you. Bam!
(

Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:44, archived)

Why would you knock women away from yourself?
This homosexual twist you've played on the JMG stereotype is surely now just making you look like a bit of a Mandy.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:45, archived)

Bam.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:45, archived)

They only want me for my JMG impression.

(

Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:49, archived)

That's understandable.
I'm very much the current trend.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:49, archived)

They see the specs and they go wild!
WILD! Like fucking cougars! i've been bitten.
(

Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 15:00, archived)

hello!
Football = Gentlemans sport played by thugs
Rugby = Thugs game played by gentlemen

heard this a while ago and agree completely, disagree with me and ill go away and sulk like ronaldo
(McDazzle Knows not what he does, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:41, archived)

Somebody who likes Rugby may fall out with you, over this.
:(
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:42, archived)

I don't see why,
it's being complementary to rugby and a bit rude to football.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:47, archived)

But wasn't rugby originally invernted by the upper classes
While football was considered to start with the working class?
(

Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 15:41, archived)

I do like this; but Football is actually a thugs game played by thick people who can run fast.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:50, archived)

Or
Overpaid scumbags whos proffesion requireds them to shepherd a piece of leather into whats essentially and outdoor cupboard

(thanks Bill Bailey)
(McDazzle Knows not what he does, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:54, archived)

The only sport where people boast and get respect for having GCSEs of B and above.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:27, archived)

A friend of mine
fairly smart but a real lazy stoner when he was doing his gcse's used to boast that he was the only person who could spell anything with thier grades, he could spell fudge.
(McDazzle Knows not what he does, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:33, archived)

I could spell the word a Down's uses when he sees a taxi;

C CC ccCCCAB!
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:40, archived)

If the people of my unfortunate acquaintance at University who played Rugby are anything to go by,
they consider themselves to be gentlemen on account of their upbringing, but are in fact brutish drunkards with far more money than etiquette.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:55, archived)

All of my family play rugby, myself included
and we're not rich or brutish, and I don't drink.

I've tended to meet more posh lads into football, presumably because it doesn't muss up their hairdo or nails.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:00, archived)

Perfect description
Im glad you agree then ;)
(McDazzle Knows not what he does, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:00, archived)

CMON PRESTON!

(

executiverocker only wears C&A, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:47, archived)

Good luck, there.

(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:48, archived)

It will be tough
The second half on friday was atrocious
(

executiverocker only wears C&A, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:49, archived)

The very best of luck Jammy
I have felt the gut-wrenching unpleasantness of relegation many times, it is not nice. Belive me when I say that the sweet taste of survival is worth experiencing though.

I was at the Hawthorns with an executive ticket on Saturday, much fun was had, I quizzed the ref before the game about the most unpleasant footballer he had had to work with

'Craig Bellamy' came his reply.
(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:25, archived)

Friz endorses Wormulus over SexFace.
That was last night's big news.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 15:28, archived)

Have you been talking about me JMG!
I feel honoured.
(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:33, archived)

I was getting opinion from Friz.
He's a big player.
(

Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 15:40, archived)

Moving on from my question the other day about who was most likely to commit suicide live on /talk
Who is most likely to end up a deranged stalker such as this?

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/8040178.stm
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:01, archived)

my sincerest apologies russell

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:02, archived)

BBC LINK

(

SuperMatt, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:02, archived)

I could link the story from another news site if it'd stop you vomiting up and twitching
Look, you've ruined your thundercats tshirt:(
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:03, archived)

I realised something about you last night

Did you used to be the Milky Bar kid when younger then you went a bit head wrong? I think you did used to be the Milky Bar Kid and then flipped out when hitting puberty. And when I say 'hitting puberty' I mean hitting on 12 year olds.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:09, archived)

No.

(

SuperMatt, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:11, archived)

:'(
why do you always shoot me down in flames?
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:13, archived)

Because you're too stylish to be shot down in any other way

(

SuperMatt, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:15, archived)

flames on the sexual catwalk beeatches

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:16, archived)

what a crap sequel to the fantastic four that was.

(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:23, archived)

I was Dr Broom.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:27, archived)

Why yes it is, who's a clever boy? yes, _you're_ a clever boy !
*belly rasberys*
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:14, archived)

GET OFF

(

SuperMatt, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:16, archived)

TY&GN

(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:02, archived)

Piston?

(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:03, archived)

In lieu of this, I'd like to retract my previous statement

(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:03, archived)

Poor Piston:(

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:03, archived)

A couple hours after his debut stand-up performance?

(

Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:04, archived)

I'm really looking forward to meeting him.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:05, archived)

Thing is, I mock Piston the way I mock everyone on here
I quite like him. In a way.
(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:07, archived)

Do you mock me?
Because if you don't *shakes fist*
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:07, archived)

Lots of people are fucking nasty to me, and I'm a nice person
I'm hoping he is that way round also.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:07, archived)

To be fair, I haven't seen anyone be nasty to you on here.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:13, archived)

You've missed it then
I haven't been active on here that long and I've seen some of the shit she gets.
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:14, archived)

Like?

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:15, archived)

Drop it.
my point was, I hope he just gets ribbed a lot and he's nice, and not deserving, but I won't know that till I see for myself.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:17, archived)

It's your own fault, I mean it's just a 127min film
and sam neil is pretty cool
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:19, archived)

And what a soundtrack

(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:20, archived)

I'm going to poo on a copy and send it to you.
Not a nice poo, either.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:20, archived)

he actually makes bashes
if only for the `fucking hell` factor.
(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:08, archived)

He's harmless. But doesn't know how to just chillout and not hit on every underage girl or be aggressive to every other guy.
He'd be fine if he just learnt to be cool, be himself and chill.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:16, archived)

He's not a bad chap, just a little bit socially retarded.
I can emphasise with that.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:16, archived)

your not retarded
just a shorter version of magnum pi.
(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:18, archived)

Gonz is an online retard sometimes (which makes him epic) but in reallife he's a diamond.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:19, archived)

I'm looking forward to meeting Gonz, he's a really lovely chap on here.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:20, archived)

He's top banana :)

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:22, archived)

I only chatted to him very briefly, but he seems like a nice bloke.
You, on the other hand...
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:25, archived)

I never touched your other hand!

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:28, archived)

Gonz is one of the best b3tans
I would put my winky in him if he were more ladylike
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:25, archived)

I'm going to cuddle his lovely head.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:25, archived)

It's all jewy and smells of sultanas

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:28, archived)

Jewy heads are the best.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:30, archived)

I have met Gonz on a couple of occasions
He's a lovely chap.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:30, archived)

Reply to this and all the above.
Aww, chucks, *blushes*
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:44, archived)

I would love to see his stand up routine
as the last comedian to die as badly as that whilst on stage would be Tommy Cooper.
(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:08, archived)

Do you ever wonder if people are as nice about you when you're not around?

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:09, archived)

nah
I have a life.
(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:16, archived)

Must be nice :(

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:17, archived)

overrated really
always end up wanting to live someone elses.
(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:18, archived)

You can live mine if you want
lots of bacon sandwiches and star trek.

Yes it IS awesome. Shut up.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:19, archived)

more star trek
/looks at video/dvd collection
/looks at star trek books on wall
/looks at signed poster of Garak from ds9 on wall

tis a living hell.
(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:22, archived)

I have lots of star trek
Maybe I should introduce some bacon sandwiches but I'm not sure about the appropriate bacon sandwich:star trek mixing ratios and I don't want to cause a reactor breach.
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:25, archived)

Just stick a cornish pasty to your head.

(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:28, archived)

Will it get me teh ladiez?

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:29, archived)

well, they are internally ladies
but externally...fucking awful.
(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:31, archived)

Excuse me.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:36, archived)

all the ones I have met
had have `issues`
(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:38, archived)

90nZ0

(

nick the greek, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:04, archived)

Cr3 gazes me all the new female sign up every week so I can ask them if they enjoy hollyoaks.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:18, archived)

that should be part of the registery process
Name: _______
Username: _______
Email: _______
Subscribe To Newsletter? Yes [ ] No [ ]
Sex? Male [ ] Female [ ]
Do you like Hollyoaks? Yes [ ] No [ ]
Pander pander pander? "Go away you bloody pervert!" [ ] "Oh how sweet! Here's a picture of my tits!" [ ]
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:25, archived)

~~hollyoaks~~

it up the arse
bukkake
themselves
sleeping with their pets

etc etc
(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:27, archived)

I can think of at least one person with more than a passing interest in the relationship of two people on here
But it would be remiss of me to say anything at all about the creepy cunt.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:04, archived)

I thought that was our little secret >:(

(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:05, archived)

FFS
Shush will you!
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:07, archived)

uugggggghhhhhhhh

(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:18, archived)

But supermatt and gonz have split up:(

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:05, archived)

A terrible tragedy

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:08, archived)

I don't see how any of us could be stalkers
We're all just so lovely. And functional in modern society.
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:05, archived)

I'm great, me.
Ask anyone.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:09, archived)

I did
The answers came in - 98 say you're great, 1 spoiled ballot, 1 voted for 'calm down, intertubby'
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:09, archived)

Typical autistics ruining a good day.

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:11, archived)

You're a fucking foodwrong, is what you are.

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:28, archived)

Fuck right off

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:29, archived)

Det Ch Insp Tony Heydon from Nottinghamshire Police warned people about the unknown dangers of the internet.
(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:05, archived)

Sounds like something a Cenobite would say

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:06, archived)

One wonders if he's seen /talk.

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:07, archived)

He looked briefly and then had to go and sit in the dark and have a cry for a while

(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:11, archived)

+ a wank

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:21, archived)

"look out for the things we don't know about"

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:07, archived)

I thought he was a Detective Chimp for a minute there.
That would be awesome.
(

nick the greek, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:11, archived)

~i'M not sure, amybe someone shoul dpost thier address and seee

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:09, archived)

I'm in the phone book.
You're nearly all welcome.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:14, archived)

my overnight rapecase is already packed

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:16, archived)

WOOHOO!
You know it's not rape if I say yes?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:18, archived)

Gaffer tape = no chance to

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:22, archived)

Pro tip!

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:30, archived)

This couple
Do you reckon it was some sort of sex website that they ran ? The nutter was looking at flapshots of the girl and getting all hot under the collar ?
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:10, archived)

It was for a Nintendo DS game...
Probably closing his cock in the console.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:18, archived)

I would say, but I don't want to get all stabbed up like.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:11, archived)

I blame the girl.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:11, archived)

By being female, the slut had it coming

(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:17, archived)

'course.
All girls that won't fuck me are frigid, all girls that won't fuck me again are whores.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:21, archived)

She probably wears bras
and knickers.

And takes baths, fully naked.

Filthy whore.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:22, archived)

Any woman that has kids or is pregnant is a filthy minx who is begging for it if you ask me
I mean, they've definitely done sex at least once.
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:28, archived)

me.

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:15, archived)

*sends you explicit gaz*
*leads you on*
*teases you*
*is genuinely suprised to find you living in my bin, wanking into a discarded pringles tin containing a small clump of my hair*
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:20, archived)

I don't really understand why the judge considers the motive "bizarre".
Men have been killing other men out of woman jealousy pretty much forever.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:17, archived)

It's because they met on the Internet
and the Judge grew up in the 1940's.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:23, archived)

yeah, like Adam and Noah.

(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:23, archived)

Adam killed Noah ?
Should think so, animal pestering cunt.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:24, archived)

I liked their soft toy movie piss takes

(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:25, archived)

Two topics in one post, you lucky bastards.
How should we solve this MPs' expenses thing? Perhaps they should be given lower wages, to encourage only those who were actually interested in running the country, or a higher salary and no expenses? Please note: Answers along the lines of 'politicians are wankers, they're all as bad as each other, etc.' are not allowed.

Second point. Personalised number plates are for wankers. Discuss.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:58, archived)

I agree on point number two.
I don't want to get started on point 1.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:59, archived)

Thanks for contributing.
Have a great day.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:59, archived)

Thanks
If I had actually typed a long and detailed response to point 1, would you have derided me for not talking about lunch or something?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:00, archived)

What are you having for lunch?
(

thealternativefact, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:01, archived)

Already had it
I had corned beef sandwiches and a packet of Mcoys and a yorkie and an apple and some chocolate rich tea biscuits. INTERNET FATTIE.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:02, archived)

Certainly not.
I'm here to relive the golden age of /talk, when topics went on for ages, and nobody posted things like 'No posts for a while'.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:02, archived)

*bums*

(

SuperMatt, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:02, archived)

Personalised number plates are a special self-inflicted tax on the vain.
I've no idea how politician's minds work, so I couldn't really say what strategy would be likely to work.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:59, archived)

Actually what's worse than personalised number plates
is number plates in fancy fonts, which are illegal, and silver and black plates on non-vintage cars, which is also illegal.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:01, archived)

£60K per MP per annum. Nothing more, nothing less.
They can live with it and make ends meet like the rest of us.*

2. Yes, very. My numberplate almost ends with clit. Hurrah.

*OH MY GOD SO UNINFORMED yadda yadda yadda.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:59, archived)

Yeah, but what about those who need two houses in London. £60k CLEARLY isn't enough

(

SuperMatt, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:02, archived)

Tough. Fucking. Titties.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:03, archived)

What about those with 3 houses in london then?
Why the fuck do cabinet minsters need a second home as well as their family home AND they are given a house on Downing Street
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:03, archived)

If your constituency is, let's say, 30 miles or less from Westminster, you don't get a second home.
How's about that?
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:09, archived)

Why do they need a second home?
Nobody else I know who travels for business has one, certainly not one that they don't have to cocking well pay for.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:10, archived)

We should change the way elections work...
The main party leaders should be forced to fight to the death ala Star Trek, with dramatic music and people betting 400 quatloos on the newcomer
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:59, archived)

If you're given an allowance to say, a business trip, you're going to milk it for all it's worth.
And yes, a good way to spend £300 is to have a numberplate that reads "X21 CAT"
(

Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:00, archived)

Yep, a set amount salary, then they're on their own.
Point two - more money than sense
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:01, archived)

A big MP Boarding House near Whitehall would be good.
Free accomodation, free meals, no expenses. No booze allowed on the premises.

Maybe chuck in free travel from their constituancy to London and back.
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:02, archived)

One of the least ugly ones on Loose Women suggested Halls of Residence for MPs today.
I don't think it's a terrible idea.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:03, archived)

I'd very much like that to be a bus ticket.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:03, archived)

I would have no objections about them getting trains

(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:06, archived)

Not tubes then?

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:07, archived)

No. Bus.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:08, archived)

On his website, David Davis takes credit for getting Hull Trains to stop at Howden on their way to London.
Man of the people, he is. Getting an excellent transport link to London from a shitty northern no-mark town to London. Well done.

David Davis lives in Howden.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:07, archived)

A patriotic tear just ran down my cheek and formed a puddle on my desk of pure pride

(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:09, archived)

yeah, why not this.
Or, like, a little mini council estate.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:04, archived)

Oh look, it's the Blears, they've just moved into number 5
Go say hello little Davey Cameron
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:07, archived)

i saw a car the other morning with the plate HE5 1 DAD
Also my brother in law had to chauffeur Rhino from Gladiators about for a bit, his was B1CEP.
Personalised plates are for cunts*

*unless rhino is lurking then exceptions can be made
(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:03, archived)

Short of an independent panel made up of people with no axes to grind
it would be difficult to set up an aceptable expenses policy.
For people who never work on expenses then often the whole notion is often seen as a jolly.
If you do travel on expenses then you know that a paper and cup of tea at an airport every other day soon adds up, and if you werent on works business then you woudlnt be spending it, so its only fair you get it back.

My own solution would be Crown owned flats in london for each elected palimentarian with electricity, gas, broadband etc all paid for and a fixed 'days in residence' food budget linked to a 'signing in' process for parliment or other official work. Travel expenses from constituency to London would be paid based on the signing in policy.
If you weren't in residence then no expenses.

Peronalised plates such as th3d15c0k1ngp1n i.e 1337 sp33k are a bit naff, but I can understand why people might want non-age related plates on a newer car if they are of the keeping up with the Joneses persuasion.
(thediscokingpin, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:13, archived)

Ten things to do before you die
1 - Fall in love
2 - Become a parent
3 - Experience awe (fuck dolphins, swim with a whale)
4 - Have sex exactly how you want to have it
5 - Explore the limits of your physical strength and endurance (fatties, this can mean walking to collect your pizza)
6 - Conquer something - a fear, a mountain, an unwilling sex partner...
7 - Put yourself in perspective, stand next to a mountain, lie on a warm sandy beach and count the stars
8 - Learn to love adrenaline (drive a car too fast, climb a cliff, ride a bike down a mountain)
9 - Make someone laugh with you
10 - Obtain validation from the Internet.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:29, archived)

Too much mountain; didn't read.

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:30, archived)

*validates you*
I reckon I've got 8 of those.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:30, archived)

LEVEL COMPLETE!

Your time: 23 years
Average time: 72 years
% explored: 80%

-- PRESS THE SPACE BAR TO CONTINUE --

(

TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:47, archived)

This loot system sucks.

(

Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:48, archived)

What loot system?

(

TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:49, archived)

I've counted up 5
not bad for only 22.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:31, archived)

I've got 5
I suspect not the same 5.
(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:32, archived)

I've not climbed any mountains or had any children
but the internet loves me and I do love shagging.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:33, archived)

ever shagged a whale?

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:35, archived)

The moment I posted that I realised how this could be misinterpreted as a crack at your ex

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:35, archived)

ha
I didn't pick up on that.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:36, archived)

Did he ever ask you to stick a harpoon up his arse at the point of orgasm ?

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:43, archived)

no
and I won't do it for you either, Ahab.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:44, archived)

Ok
You just do the sex at me and I'll handle my own harpoon.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:46, archived)

FROM HELL'S HEART I STAB AT THY PROSTATE

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:44, archived)

I should really have edited it to 'dolphin'
rather than drawing attention to it.
(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:36, archived)

it's too late now
we all think you're mean.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:37, archived)

I am mean, terribly terribly mean.
It's been getting me into trouble on here recently.
I think perhaps I've changed.
(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:38, archived)

to be fair, you do take insults as well as give them
you side-partinged ponce.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:39, archived)

*ignores*

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:42, archived)

their penises are the size of small cars
too big even for my cavernous vagina.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:36, archived)

Your fanny is like an inverse cast of a Matey bubblebath.

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:37, archived)

you just want to see it filled with an octopus wearing a sailor's hat
you sicken me
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:39, archived)

*adds to wank bank*

(

SuperMatt, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:42, archived)

oh hai there!
did you stay long on Friday?
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:44, archived)

Until closing time.
There was lots of merriment and derision of the shitter b3tans.
(

SuperMatt, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:47, archived)

:(

(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:49, archived)

aw
Piston broke doesn't have much luck, does he?
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:50, archived)

:(

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:52, archived)

:)

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:55, archived)

All but one done

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:31, archived)

I've done
1,3,4,6,7,9
if you reply to me I can check off 10 as well.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:31, archived)

4 isn't possible you dozy fuck.

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:32, archived)

It doesn't specify that it has to be with someone else.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:34, archived)

Yeah but now imagine you had four hands,
eh?
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:43, archived)

how could you get four hands on something so small?
ha hee ho hum
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:56, archived)

7/10
FUCK YEAH
(

Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:32, archived)

is that your own set of standards?

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:33, archived)

Yes
I've done 9
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:42, archived)

That's convenient.
I think I'll also choose my list of things to do before I die from things I've already done.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:45, archived)

Hoorah !

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:46, archived)

bugger
i won't be having kids
(

crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:33, archived)

You can adopt
Even if it's just a gorilla at London Zoo
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:39, archived)

I reckon I'm up to about 8

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:33, archived)

laughing at you
is not the same as laughing with you
(

crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:35, archived)

Actually I suspect 7 is closer actually.

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:45, archived)

actually actually

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:55, archived)

Fuck off, you fucking wanker.
I hate all this "things to do before you die" shit. I don't give a damn about swimming with any hairy fish or visiting Rio de Janeiro during a festival or whatever.

If I want, I'll sit in my room all day every day from now until I starve to death.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:33, archived)

die then you fucking grumpy cuntface
pffft
(

crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:34, archived)

I MIGHT JUST.
WHAT THEN, EH?
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:37, archived)

WE GET TO EAT ALL YOUR FOOD FATTYPUSS

(

crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:38, archived)

Joke's on you!
It'll have gone off by then.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:40, archived)

bugger

(

crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:50, archived)

would you like a free 10-day WoW trial?

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:34, archived)

No, but thank you.
I've tried the odd MMORPG, and I tend to get bored after a week or so. 3 of those days would be wasted!
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:36, archived)

Yeah I'm putting all that pretentious stuff off until after I die,
priorities priorities, dying is far more important.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:34, archived)

I'll never achieve any of these
NEVER
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:34, archived)

Being Genuine BGN I'm fucked for number 10
6 - Conquer something - a fear, a mountain, an unwilling sex partner... Made me office LOL
(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:35, archived)

hiiiiissssssssss

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:38, archived)

big gay nigel

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:57, archived)

4 out of 10
Must try harder.
(

Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:36, archived)

You missed out
11 - Have Dolly Parton wank you off into a dinner lady's hair..
(

wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:36, archived)

That's covered under "experience awe"

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:40, archived)

I've done all except 2 and 10 :(

(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:37, archived)

I've swum with sharks, will they do instead of whales?

(

Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:39, archived)

Depends
if it was a couple of manky dogfish, no, if it were bronze whalers, fuck yeah.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:41, archived)

I don't know what they were
they were about 1.5 metres long and close to the shore of Santa Cruz Island, Galapagos.
(

Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:45, archived)

Dude
those were marine iguanas.

*shakes head*
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:47, archived)

Those buggers are everywhere.
they snort out little puffs of salt water from time to time and huddle together like mini dragons.
(

Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:49, archived)

You lucky person
I'd rather swim with sharks than boring non-bitey things.

Sharks are beautiful.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:43, archived)

They are
I have done it too, though only gay nurse sharks and in a tank, not in the wild.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:45, archived)

I watched a programme a while back
and I vaguelly remember it having a woman in it testing a chainmail suit by basically taking bits of chum in with her, and confusing the shark with it to get it to bite her arm. She was sore from all the yanking, but essentially fine.

Seriously jealous.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:47, archived)

I wouldnt want a shark to bite me
fuck that.

Fuck that up its scaley cloaca.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:50, archived)

She was fine, though.
I reckon I'd be alright. Sore but happy.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:51, archived)

Not sure about beautiful
but it was amazing to have them swim around us.
(

Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:47, archived)

They're beautiful to me.
I like the whole 'perfect for purpose' thing.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:48, archived)

I thought a 'bucket list' was a warning on the bus shelters about local women with big vaginas.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:39, archived)

Are these instated by you? Or by some sort of magazine puff piece?

(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:39, archived)

What magazine puff peice
would miss out "SWIM WITH CUNTING DOLPHINS" ?

I swam with Dolphins and it was shit. I was far more in awe swimming with stingrays or seeing a badger. Dolphins are a fucking let down.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:44, archived)

Bottle nosed cunts

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:46, archived)

I'd bottle their fucking noses
WITH A BOTTLE !

Fucking clicky cunts.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:48, archived)

ha ha ha ha

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:51, archived)

hater

(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:49, archived)

8! I think. Ish.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:40, archived)

All these young hipsters, I don't know
Maybe 2 of those at a push.
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:55, archived)

I thought I had done number 4
then you realise you just want more and better.
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:44, archived)

That's more about
not being repressed.

Like if you're a gay, go out and suck some cock, dont just have sex with ugly girls and make do.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:49, archived)

is fucking dolphins THAT awe inspiring?

(

theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:49, archived)

Dunno
Apparently dolphins like you to touch their cocks and fannies though.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:51, archived)

*gets depressed*
*thinks of the time he made someone very happy, lightens the fuck up*
(

weaver., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:49, archived)

Plant a tree, fight a bull.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:53, archived)

Bullfights are only good
if the bull wins.

Or if the human is alone an unarmed.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:55, archived)

Or a blind human.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:57, archived)

I watched a bullfight once.
It was actually quite impressive, even if the bull didn't stand a chance. Those matadors are hardy bastards.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:59, archived)

fight a tree, plant a bull

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:00, archived)

Done
And I punched a cow and ran away once, does that count?
(

nick the greek, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:00, archived)

Done them all ta.
Life's a bit shit knowing they're all in the past though and it's a while before most of them will happen again.
(

nick the greek, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:55, archived)

You miserable pile of dogshit

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:56, archived)

I am these days.
Maybe I should try to do some of them again.
(

nick the greek, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:58, archived)

think of some different ones.
the power is in your hands.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:58, archived)

How did you know my nickname for my penis?

(

nick the greek, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:59, archived)

hurrah, your life is complete, now you can go ahead and die happy.

(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:59, archived)

I've done
1, 3 (but not that sort of awe - SCIENCE awe), 7 and 9 and I'm making a start on 5.
The rest don't really interest me that much.
I'd like to obtain validation from getting a job hippie, but that doesn't look likely at the moment.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:57, archived)

It's my 21st birthday in 7 days.
What are you all getting me?
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:01, archived)

a hug.

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:01, archived)

I'm 24 in 18 days, what're you getting me?

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:02, archived)

Exactly what you're going to get me for my 24th.

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:03, archived)

YES!

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:06, archived)

A brass dildo?

(thediscokingpin, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:21, archived)

i'm 20 in 15 days, what are you getting me?

(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:05, archived)

I'm getting you exactly what you got me for my 20th

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:07, archived)

for ($i = 1; false; $i++) 
{
  $suffix = "th";
  if (substr($i, -1) == "1") $suffix = "st";
  if (substr($i, -1) == "2") $suffix = "nd";
  if (substr($i, -1) == "3") $suffix = "rd";
 
  echo "What are you going to get me on my " . $i . $suffix . "?";
  echo "Exactly what you got me on my " . $i . $suffx . ".";
}

(

Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:11, archived)

You've missed out an if statement
for if my age is less or more than the birthday being mentioned.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:13, archived)

if ($jenk->cares())
{
  // ha.. never gonna happen
}

(

Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:17, archived)

Too busy being a nonce, eh Jenk?

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:22, archived)

I'm 35 in 14 days
What do I get?
(

M o D, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:16, archived)

Bus pass and zimmerframe.

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:17, archived)

A course in redundant apostrophes.

(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:19, archived)

I'm 20 in 20 days, what are you getting me?

(

Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:22, archived)

21 hopi ear candles to put on your cake to destress it

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:01, archived)

I'm getting you exactly what you got me for my 21st.

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:01, archived)

An e-hug

(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:02, archived)

I won't come and see you
BEST PRESENT EVER
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:02, archived)

A fighter jet.

(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:02, archived)

Oh, wow.
Sorry for making all your presents look shitty by comparison, everyone else except GMoS. I didn't realise that we'd implemented a "no good presents" rule.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:04, archived)

The thing is, my present is REAL.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:05, archived)

So is mine.
I'm getting a real, actual fighter jet and flying it to TuTT's house and landing it on the street outside. I'm thinking maybe a Harrier; their vertical landing is pretty cool.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:09, archived)

Pictures or do what you like.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:11, archived)

I'm going to fit it with a sweet soundsystem
and blast out Chesney Hawkes - The One and Only as I land.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:13, archived)

I wish this was true.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:16, archived)

I AM THE ONE AND ONLY,
YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:17, archived)

I used to fancy him.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:18, archived)

Me too.
He did a signing of The One And Only in Woolies when I was 11. I went to see him with my friend. This friend had a hen weekend at Butlins in 2005 mainly because he was playing there at a School Disco weekend.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:19, archived)

I never got to meet him :-(

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:21, archived)

My friend got back stage after his show at Butlins and invited him to the wedding.
She still emails his brother.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:22, archived)

Whatever drink you like on the 30th
I'll even hold you up for a bit, or sit you down. Whatever you fancy.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:02, archived)

I'm not 100% settled on the London bash.
I just dunnooo.
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:07, archived)

ahhh go on

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:07, archived)

Fucking charming.
Ah well, have a good time doing something less fun than hanging about with meeeee.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:08, archived)

Part of me really wants to
But part of me has large reservations.
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:18, archived)

Well you shall be missed
but life cannot be put on hold for internet people.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:21, archived)

Boooh. I'm in Amsterdam. I wanted to go :(
I may send a replacement DG. some sort of upturned broom...
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:09, archived)

aw man, I was bringing my team of Acrobatic Pugs too
looks like they'll have to go to waste.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:13, archived)

D: DON'T JOKE AT SUCH THINGS D:

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:19, archived)

you should see them flip about
in their little masks and capes
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:21, archived)

We need more /talkers attending

(

The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:17, archived)

I'm going
aren't you thrilled
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:17, archived)

Oh spangles, if I go will you cuddle me?

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:22, archived)

of course I will
cuddles and drinkies will be yours!
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:23, archived)

i'm going as well you know

(

crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:29, archived)

It's going to be a right cuddlefest!

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:31, archived)

*rubs thighs*

(

crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:33, archived)

Rugby team
And a tub of margarine
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:03, archived)

I won't infect you with my disgusting cold

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:03, archived)

I was 30 two days ago
and none of youse got me OWT (apart from FF and rhcpaul. And Malchick. And milknosugar. And TheFallGuy. And jenpots).

But I would get you some lovely flowers and make you a compilation CD.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:06, archived)

Your card should be with you in a few days by the way.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:07, archived)

YAY

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:08, archived)

*not a weirdo*

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:08, archived)

Who are you again?

(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:08, archived)

She's the Leprachaun
to be sure.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:08, archived)

Yes.
Here I am enjoying my birthday.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:11, archived)

*something about lucky charms*
Sorry, I'm tired today. I'll insult you properly later.
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:13, archived)

Great.
I'll look forward to it.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:14, archived)

I'm glad I didn't go to your bash.
If I did I wouldn't have been able to keep my hands off you, you sexy beast.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:14, archived)

I NO

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:15, archived)

Marry me?

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:16, archived)

I'm already betrothed.
Sorry Benji
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:17, archived)

Bigamy isn't a crime when you're as sexy as you.

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:18, archived)

Well I know.

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:20, archived)

I got you a box full of my various flakes from scrubbing my body with wire wool.
I'm just yet to send it, that's all.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:08, archived)

Well send it and I can use it like a Lush bath bomb

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:18, archived)

An erection

(

wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:09, archived)

A card made from skin from my own back.

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:15, archived)

What do you want for your birthday?

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:25, archived)

Tetracycline
Thats what you give the girl who has everything.
(thediscokingpin, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:19, archived)

you can never have too much tetracycline

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:20, archived)

Err.....I think you can.

(thediscokingpin, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:21, archived)

yeah I guess,
if you had so much you completely filled your house so you couldn't even get in through the front door, then you'd need someone to buy you another house.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:23, archived)

Welcome to Tricky's World-o-cycline!

(thediscokingpin, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:25, archived)

Will something australian do?
Also: It's pub o'clock time so bye-bye!
(

Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:21, archived)

I could make you a wee animation if you like.
Cause you're lovely.
(

Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:22, archived)

BEAR AWAY STICKS

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:26, archived)

why would you not want to make friends with a bear
I hear they give good hugs
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:28, archived)

I'll send you a postcard with suspicious stains on it

(

Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:28, archived)

My Mum shagged Sting.
No matter how hard you try, you cannot beat this claim to fame.
But I want to watch you fail anyway.
(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:42, archived)

My Mum is Sting.

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:43, archived)

my mum has a stinger

(

Lightguy hail satan, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:58, archived)

Whose mum didn't shag Sting though?

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 12:43, archived)

your last line reminds me of a two gallants song
and so it's my favourite post of yours, ever.
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:43, archived)

also, a friend's mum has kicked one of erasure up the arse while he had his head stuck in a fence

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:44, archived)

Epic, but...
Mum Shagged Sting.
(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:45, archived)

Did it last for hours?

(

thealternativefact, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:47, archived)

Roxanne's still at it.

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:48, archived)

Are you sure your mum isn't Roxanne?

(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:51, archived)

No one's quite sure about Wormulus's parents

(

thealternativefact, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:58, archived)

One of my best mates had Hornblower.
He's got a better (shitter) name.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:44, archived)

That is quite flair
Did you make lots of jokes about her blowing his horn?
(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:44, archived)

She doesn't like to talk about it.
Also, that bloke from the real hustle, the tall dark haired one.

I've sat on 3/4 of Slayer, but that's a bit tame.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:45, archived)

He didn't 'bad touch' her did he?
I'm not sure I could reconcile my feelings of admiration and respect for a fictional Naval hero with the reality of Iowan thingy being a rapemaster.
(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:47, archived)

Not as far as I know.
I think he was just a bit of a prick.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:47, archived)

which 3/4?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:47, archived)

Kerry, Jeff and Tom.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:48, archived)

That's impressive
Where they all sat in a row, or did you sit on each of them in turn?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:49, archived)

Each in turn
Signing tent, backstage area, Ozzfest 02. Lombardo was sulking in the tourbus. I gave not a shit.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:50, archived)

3/4 of a inch

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:48, archived)

Horatio Hornblower is about the best name ever

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:44, archived)

I fucked your mum but was wearing a blonde wig and bass guitar.
I shouted "ADOODOODOO ADAADAADAA!" when I wetshouted into her neck.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:44, archived)

I am the real Magneto from X-Men
The films are based on my recollections.
(thediscokingpin, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:44, archived)

that is a damn good claim to fame.
I hope some of you buggers become famous so I can tell any offspring of mine that I once called [insert name here] a bummist.

I'm looking at the musical people, here.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:44, archived)

I'm waiting till Hex becomes famous
So I can tell the News of the World that I once licked his face whilst shouting a soliloquy from Hamlet in his ear.
(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:46, archived)

I bounced on his trampoline
make of THAT what you will.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:47, archived)

He simulated anal sex with me.

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:53, archived)

My mum punched Sooty in the face

(

Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:45, archived)

Fairly uncalled for
or are you being 70s telly comedy racist?
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:45, archived)

Apparently, he started it
Also: Sooty? Comedy? Pfft.
(

Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:47, archived)

telly comedy
as in Alf Garnett, and icky things like that.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:48, archived)

BLACKS, WEST HAM ETC

(

Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:50, archived)

Thank fuck I'm in my 20s.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:51, archived)

I'm catching up to you

(

Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:52, archived)

Warning: 23 is shit.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:53, archived)

How was 22?

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:55, archived)

I can't remember.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:55, archived)

awww
:(
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:55, archived)

It probably won't be for you, the world'd have to be pretty cruel to be mean to you.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:55, archived)

I hope not, it starts on the 22nd

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:03, archived)

\o/
you'll be fine
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:05, archived)

23 was fine for me.
I think I elbow dropped someone really good that year.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:57, archived)

It was shit for me
24 is much better, so far.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:58, archived)

25 10/12ths is weird because I'm closer to 30 than 20 even though I act like an 18 year old.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:00, archived)

I think I got stuck at 21, I'm the same.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:03, archived)

a guy i went to school with was asked to leave butlins by bigears

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:47, archived)

I'd prefer to be asked in Haven by whores

(

Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:48, archived)

+a

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:47, archived)

In the faace, then

(

Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:50, archived)

I was on TV this weekend

(

WHARRGARBL, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:45, archived)

Are you sure it wasn't a Sting tribute act in an alley somewhere?

(

The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:48, archived)

Now, now, wormulus, going through the entire staff of Top Gear in one day, including catoring staff, is not quite the same thing.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:49, archived)

I bet they all proper bum each other

(

Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:51, archived)

My mum's shagged almost everyone.

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:50, archived)

Are you playing catch up?
Oh, I totally went there.

*runs*
(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:54, archived)

Polis I'm going for a casting for toni & guy this afternoon.
More smelly modelling ahoy.
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:55, archived)

Are they cutting your hair?
You'll come out with TonyandGuytis.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:56, archived)

theyre cutting colouring and styling it
Which should be funny. Hairdressers really struggle with my hair.
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:58, archived)

Careful
Tony and Guy seem to give everyone the '17 year old girl trying desperately to look interesting' cut. TonyandGuytis. Good luck!
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:00, archived)

Is she still going?
*gets in queue*
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 12:56, archived)

Sure. Go for it.

(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:59, archived)

*makes devilsh plans for mother/daughter success*

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:00, archived)

i showed john hurt my impression of the elephant man with a mouthful of hash brown

(

rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:51, archived)

My impression is better
ASK ANYONE
(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:11, archived)

My mate's mum shagged the drummer of Def Leppard, or something.

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:53, archived)

I heard he gave her a good fist....oh...
nevemind
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:54, archived)

Oh good work.

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:55, archived)

I am your mum.

(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:58, archived)

Hello mate.
Get out this weekend?
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:01, archived)

Hello Rick.
How's tricks?
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:01, archived)

you know what, things are good.

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:02, archived)

My mum grew up with Phil Lynott
and when she worked for Jaguar, Tony Curtis came for a tour around the place. He kissed her on the cheek and said 'I sure do love you English girls' She pointed out to him that she was in fact Irish.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:01, archived)

But you said she didnt
www.b3ta.com/talk/5851423
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:02, archived)

She probably did shag Sting.

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:16, archived)

I've just got a spiffing new haircut.
Keep an eye out for the glossy celeb magazines this week, they'll probably all be fascinated with it.
(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:26, archived)

I want to run awaaaaaaaaaaaaay

(

Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:27, archived)

Joining the circus is a bad idea.
It involves far more prostitution than you'd imagine.
(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:27, archived)

I ran away from the circus when a child so I could join a travelling accountancy clerks.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:31, archived)

This is more or less the true story of John Major.

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:31, archived)

If we painted him green he would look EXACTLY like Kermit the Frog

(

Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:36, archived)

my dad played badminton with him, in nigeria.

(

sleepybinky, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:36, archived)

My dad played football with Dire Straits

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:37, archived)

my dad helped build mark knopfler's new house
and worked on a boat for simon le bon, i think
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:38, archived)

Been out drinking with Mark Kopfler and the editor of Time Out to see Little Barrie at 100 club.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:39, archived)

i met kriss akabusi in a toyshop on christmas eve!

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:40, archived)

WINNER!
AWOOGA!
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:41, archived)

that's john fashnu, you berk!

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:48, archived)

actually, they might both have said it
I CAN'T REMEMBER
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:49, archived)

I met Rolf Harris in Newcastle airport.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:42, archived)

He signed my University Card

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:43, archived)

my dad's got a Ferarri with a drumkit in the back

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:40, archived)

Your nickname is 'drumkit'

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:40, archived)

yeah well my dad IS your dad

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:40, archived)

my dad's still bigger.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:41, archived)

my dad could have my dad

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:41, archived)

awesome
both my parents went on a canal boat trip with Vic Reeves, sometime in the distant past. There are some funny and unfashionable photos.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:41, archived)

that's a good one

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:45, archived)

that's quite a claim

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:37, archived)

I want to break free.

(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:33, archived)

I want candy.

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:34, archived)

I want to know what love is.

(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:35, archived)

I want is my two front teeth, All for christmas.

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:36, archived)

i want to breakdance

(

spacefish bong!, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:42, archived)

I want to ride my bicycle.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:33, archived)

I wanna be sedated

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:34, archived)

HANG ON do you need my rb address? i am moving on the 21st or so.....

(

sleepybinky, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:35, archived)

YAY HOUSE TO RENT.
gonna have a bathtub, a garden, a shed, a proper kitchen...
(

sleepybinky, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:35, archived)

ooooh!
where is your new house? Near to where you are now?
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:37, archived)

it's in TOWN baby.
near the PARK and the PUB and things.
(

sleepybinky, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:39, archived)

wa-fucking-hey!

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:42, archived)

i want you to want me

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:35, archived)

Male Behive is SOOOOO 1790s

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:27, archived)

Oh, beehive yourself.

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:27, archived)

I did that at the weekend
and had my face very close to being buried in the armpit of the wee woman washing my hair. It's alright, she was quite fit in a titchy sort of a way (I'm 5ft3 and I was a good few inches taller)
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:28, archived)

I now have the slightly odd feeling of having a beard longer than my top-of-the-head hair.

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:29, archived)

Do a handstand, quick.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:30, archived)

I might crash my skateboard if I do that.

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:31, archived)

Not if you're RAD.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:32, archived)

TOTALLY TUBULAR!

(

Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:33, archived)

GNARLY

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:34, archived)

handstand manual!

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:33, archived)

What style of haircut did you get?

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:31, archived)

I woke up on Saturday morning with bunches.
I quite liked them.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:32, archived)

bunches is totally the name of your pet monkey
pervo
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:34, archived)

My teddy when younger was a luminous gorilla called Boris. I would pick his leather nose really fast when I was anxious

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:37, archived)

...

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:38, archived)

Hush your lips guffbeak, you used to bite people you thunderous spastic :)

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:40, archived)

I thought that was just your mum's way of showing affection

(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:42, archived)

Your mum shows affection my pecking you on the head
with her massive bill because she's a deranged pelican.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:46, archived)

Your mum shows you she loves you by
taking chunks of flesh out of any girls who may be interested in you.

It's just something mothers do
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:50, archived)

this is actually true

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:55, archived)

Aww, *ruffles hair*

(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:02, archived)

The same. Long layers, keeping as much length as possible, Veronica Lake front fringy bit.
The front fringy bit's a tad too short, but it'll grow in.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:32, archived)

:D
I managed to style my hair last night, we have a low beam (~6'2") between my bedroom and the upstairs bathroom. At some point in the night I think I may have smacked my head on it hard enough to cut myself. I woke up this morning and there was blood spots on my rug and I had a nice big gash in my hair.
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:38, archived)

Good work!

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:39, archived)

Yes I was rather impressed.
I hit my head on that beam far too regularly in the morning just after I wake up. This was only time I can recall doing it at night though, maybe it was just the first time I've hit it hard enough to cut myself :P
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:41, archived)

There is not a single hair on my entire body.

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 12:32, archived)

Your pubes blow off if there is a gentle breeze

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:34, archived)

you assume there were pubes to start with

(Goatse not a comedy account, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:35, archived)

I've just said there's not a hair on my body.
There are no pubes to blow away.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 12:36, archived)

does it look like a baby mouse asleep on a swimming cap and a large lychee?

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:37, archived)

It looks like a baby's arm holding an apple.
But about 1/10 scale.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 12:38, archived)

Awwwwww.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:39, archived)

no hang on,
does that image have a foreskin?

I've got a foreskin.
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 12:40, archived)

I've not.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:40, archived)

Are you sure?
Can I have a look?
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 12:41, archived)

Yes, no.
I'm positive, I've had a good old look. Definitely a girl.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:42, archived)

Can I touch it?

(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 12:43, archived)

you're brave.
It eats boys twice your size.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:44, archived)

Matthew Walliams would love to do comedy with you.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:38, archived)

I'm sure amanda holden will be upset

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:33, archived)

Though it's very difficult to tell.
LOLBOTOX
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:34, archived)

At least she won't look it.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:34, archived)

How will you be able to tell?

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:35, archived)

will anyone notice?!
how many other ways are there of wording this joke?
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:36, archived)

You all know she had a stroke last year?
I hope you all feel terrible.
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:38, archived)

You'd think
but my grandpa had a stroke and it didn't make him look like a fairly expensive blow up doll.

Well, unless you like that sort of thing, I guess.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:38, archived)

I leave my blow up dolls stuffed in a mug especially for the wrinkled pensioner look on partial inflation

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:41, archived)

My grandpa = sexier, prettier, nicer, better, more human than Amanda Holden.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:42, archived)

her face doesn't move.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:41, archived)

But she's got no nose!

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:46, archived)

I'm starting to look a bit 80's, with not having had a haircut for ages
but I must persevere, so I can have long(ish) hair again.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:34, archived)

80s duran duran
or
80s Strawberry Swithcblade?

Anything else is just a haircut.
(thediscokingpin, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:38, archived)

Flock Of Seagulls

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:42, archived)

I had my usual short back and sides.
And top.
Easy to maintain.
(thediscokingpin, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:37, archived)

I've got Sky filming in my bedroom
My teddy's going to be a celebrity!

What are you doing today?
(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:58, archived)

feeling ill,
I might go home soon I've got a slight temperature.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:59, archived)

SWINE FLU!
But hope you get better soon
(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:59, archived)

OMG SWINE FLU WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:00, archived)

Aporkalypse! Parmageddon! etc

(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:01, archived)

i'm gonna think of another one if it kills me

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:04, archived)

oh god, i can't do it
*weeps*
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:11, archived)

Sausage rolocaust!

(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:12, archived)

the end is pie

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:12, archived)

Baconspiracy

(

Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 12:15, archived)

I'M COVERED IN RASHERS!

(

The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:16, archived)

off to Valhamma with you

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:19, archived)

smear on some oinkment

(Goatse not a comedy account, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:23, archived)

GLOBAL HAMDEMIC/GLOBAL PAN(cetta)DEMIC
I DON'T KNOW WHICH IS BETTER.
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:28, archived)

THEY'RE BOTH SHIT
not really, hamdemic is better

ones with brackets in the middle are very gonzo

IT'S TOTAL CARN(saus)AGE!
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:30, archived)

By gonzo, do you mean completely retarded?

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:31, archived)

Do you even have to ask?

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:33, archived)

'very completely retarded' doesn't scan as a sentence
and gonzo's alright
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:33, archived)

I LIKE THIS.

(

sleepybinky, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:18, archived)

HOW WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:23, archived)

FRICKING AWESOME how was yours?

(

sleepybinky, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:25, archived)

i got utterly pissed on friday and had a barbecue on saturday.
i got clothes and books and a new car stero that does USB and MP3 and shit.
(

sleepybinky, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:25, archived)

KICK ASS AWESOME THANKS

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:26, archived)

WHAT DID YOU DO? how does it feel being exactly um 3 years older than me?
OH i got ID'd on the way into the pub too.
(

sleepybinky, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:27, archived)

I went out on Friday with the girls
and the on Saturday with friends and family. It was my friend's birthday yesterday so there were about 30 of us in the place, a mish mash of mutual friends, and our friends and families.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:27, archived)

friends and family and also i was there!

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:28, archived)

COOOL.

(

sleepybinky, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:35, archived)

could be, my housemate went through 2 major airports on thursday.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:00, archived)

Oh then it definitely is!
I was at a party with a man who's just got back from Mexico, and I'm fine, still have a cold though
(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:02, archived)

and yes I could man up
but I'm sneezing and I've been advised to go home if I think I'm infectious etc etc.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:00, archived)

more details required.
I'm doing trying to work out what the hell I'm going to do in general.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:59, archived)

Fuck all
Doctor
Fuck all
Eating
Fuck all
Sleep
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:59, archived)

That's my tomorrow plans

(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:00, archived)

All the cool kids are doing it

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:06, archived)

why are they filming your bedroom
are they making some sort of hilarious documentary?

Like Channel 5's The Man With No Face

Sky's The Girl With No Personality (but plenty of racism)
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:00, archived)

Nazi-Bears And Their Owners

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:00, archived)

The Woman Who Magnetised Dog Eggs
The Little Girl Who Grew A Beard And Then It Turned Out She'd Just Put PVA On Her Face And Rubbed Her Face On The Toilet Floor Picking Up Stray Pubes
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:02, archived)

Something about angels
But I'm not going to be in it
(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:01, archived)

Is there an angel in your bedroom?
None of this is making any more sense yet.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:03, archived)

They're making a film about angels that's going to be on Sky
I'm not sure of the specifics, but a very young girl has just came into the house.

what I don't get is that the form I signed said 'Sky Real Lives' on it.
(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:04, archived)

The channel it will be on?

(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:06, archived)

How exactly did they "scout" your bedroom as a filming location?
You act like this whole thing is a mystery to you. Surely you must have known about it.
(

The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:07, archived)

My landlord is in the documentary business
It's a documentary about a woman who says an angel touched her chest and all was well. The actress is in Oliver at the west end at the mo.
(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:12, archived)

Ah.
Cool.
(

The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:13, archived)

When ever I try this women slap me.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:16, archived)

Haha, not really. they fucking love it.
I mean, it's me for god's sake. They should feel honoured. I usually charge.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:21, archived)

Is it a porno?

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:14, archived)

Her teddy is an angel that tells her to do things OBVIOUSLY.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:05, archived)

*cricket applause*

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:02, archived)

or The Pencil Sharpener That Had No Arms
quinparker.com/channel-five/
(

weaver., Mon 11 May 2009, 12:06, archived)

I'm going to Sky+ "The Pork Pie That Gave Birth To The Dinosaur That Ate The Man With 8 Squillion Arms"
and what's not to love about:
The Man Who Hated The Woman Who F****d The Woman Who Killed The Hamster That Loved The Woman Who Had No Brain
(

The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:10, archived)

I'm still in bed.
Today I shall be:
washing
baking
painting the front door
eating left over birthday cake to add more to my BMI

YAY

Did you have a nice birthday?
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:01, archived)

Yes, I did thanks
Quite a mellow one
(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:03, archived)

MY BMI IS FALLING.
i am now officially overweight.

FUCK YEAH.

(may be because i got hammered on friday and can't face food since then)
(

sleepybinky, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:34, archived)

the thought of you in a teddy has just made me sick into my mouth
i'm leaving
(

mongychops, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:01, archived)

Why?
I am working. Kinda.
(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:01, archived)

Trying to get through work without falling asleep
Then falling asleep
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:02, archived)

Don't fucking lie
you fucking LIAR.
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:04, archived)

Yep, I would otherwise be up and awake at midday after my birthday..

(

Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:05, archived)

It's really Channel 5
They've asked her to do a headstand so they can film a UK special for 'Oil Riggers'.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:06, archived)

*boik*

(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:12, archived)

ABANDON RIG! WE GOT A GUSHER!

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:17, archived)

Lots and lots of work
but currently I am stuffing my gaping maw with chicken salad sandwich.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:05, archived)

'Noon cap'n
How was the weekend?
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:08, archived)

I BOUGHT A CACTUS!
Also almost bought an 18th century French bed, but decided it was slightly too short for the wife.

Apart from that, it was choc-full of sunshine, the brilliant film Toy Soldiers and my mates. Lahverly. You?
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:10, archived)

Shopping, cleaning, drawing
Nothing too interesting I'm afraid. I did spend the evening round at a friend's house yesterday, it was as predicted with me sitting like a lemon while he raided on WoW. Luckily I took my laptop so spent the evening drawing.
Oh I also spent the weekend not shaving. I now haven't shaved since my boss told me off on Thursday :D

What kind of cactus did you buy? Was it one of the really nasty ones or one that looks nasty but has soft bristles.
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:13, archived)

I'd have made annoying noises until he gave up trying to play.
WoW and that are for when you're visitorless.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:14, archived)

He just turns the volume up on his computer

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:16, archived)

Go through his bedroom until he gets up to see what you're doing
then run past him, unplug his computer, steal the power lead and stick it down your pants.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:17, archived)

He closes the door to the computer room when we are in there
I do sometimes wonder why I go to see him :(
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:20, archived)

I wouldn't. Give up. He sounds useless.
If he wants naught but internet friends, let him get on with it. He'll soon realise he's a fat, white moomin with key callouses.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:20, archived)

He's not fat though
It's unfair, he eats takeaway food pretty much every night, does nothing but play WoW yet he's like a rake
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:22, archived)

More than enough reason to cut him out of your life.
Seriously, chap, he sounds like a prick who doesn't give a shit.

It's your call though, god knows I've had doormat tattooed again and again on my forehead.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:23, archived)

I don't think it's to do with being a doormat so much as a lack of other friends

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:30, archived)

Not you, I was just saying I've got no reason to offer advice because I'm a twat
not saying that you are.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:33, archived)

You are probably right (not about being a twat though) :)

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:39, archived)

I GOT TUNNOCK'S TEACAKES NUMNUMNUM

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:09, archived)

Wafers are better, but teacakes are good
I have no money on me, so I shall have to have a chocolateless day. :(
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:10, archived)

do you usually have chocolate every day?

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:11, archived)

No, far from it.
I would like some today though.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:12, archived)

I do

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:17, archived)

Apart from a Starbar I had last week it's the first sweet thing I've had in about 6 months.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:12, archived)

I have chocolate more than that.
Probably why I'm not a size 8. Ach, never mind. There's time enough to be skinny when I'm in my box.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:13, archived)

When I'm dead I'm going to bloat up like Henry The VIII and explode my coffin.
with my willy.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:20, archived)

We might keep it, like Rasputin's.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:21, archived)

My new term for my winky this week is:
My Creaker
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:23, archived)

Should vaginas have names too?

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:26, archived)

Of course. The more unerotic the better.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:29, archived)

My apocalyptic knickergoat.
Yes?
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:30, archived)

size 8's not always attractive, mind
HELLO
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:21, archived)

I was a size 8 for a few weeks when I was a teenager
I looked so emaciated, it wasn't good. I'm built to be the size I am now.

Hello, little spanglebunny.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:22, archived)

I was size 8 for ages, being a shortie
but genes kicked in and I inherited my mother's hips and bum. Plus some extra boob is good. As long as it looks right on you, I wouldn't worry at all.

Hello, Captain! *salutes*
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:24, archived)

I have no idea what looks good on me.
The wife seems not to give a shit though, so we must be good. \o/

Boobs are good. I don't want mine to get any smaller now.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:27, archived)

^ speaks sense.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:22, archived)

hello DG
:)
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:24, archived)

Hello my lovely lovely flame donkey helper :)
I hope Paul didn't mind me taking your time. I'll buy you guys a brewskii and dinner in a few weeks if you fancy it?
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:27, archived)

:) Naw, I left him with some internet.
Sounds good to me! Is your new flaming donkey fantastico?
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:33, archived)

I HAVE 20 MINUTES UNTIL ALLOTTED LUNCHEON HALF HOUR
I will go to the sandwich shop in my poncho.
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:10, archived)

You have a poncho? How stylish.
I have never owned a poncho.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:11, archived)

It's alpaca wool, it has a hood, and it was bought for keeping warm between boulder problems and routes whilst climbing
however it's far too cool for just that one reason.
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:12, archived)

*tries to imagine*

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:12, archived)

I have no images of it, yet.
I'm sure one will show up soon.
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:13, archived)

I hope I can concentrate till then, GMoS
you are such a big tease.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:14, archived)

I was complimenting it with a flat cap on the weekend
I felt like the sexiest tramp ever.
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:15, archived)

What did I wear at the weekend?
OH YES! My original Star Trek The Motion Picture t shirt. And grey checked bermuda short things (nicer than they sound). I was a summery captain.
(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:17, archived)

I've had my tattoo touched up, i need to start writing a paper on a client and configure a program for said client.
I need some luncheon.
(

Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 12:14, archived)

Fun for all the family
So what's your BMI's?

www.bbc.co.uk/health/healthy_living/your_weight/bmiimperial_index.shtml

I'm overweight apparently but not obese. Hurrah.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:48, archived)

BMI; baldmonkey index.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:49, archived)

You are morbidly obese
cargo ships could use you as ballast.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:50, archived)

Mine's 16
but I can't put on weight easily, no matter how much junk food I eat.

/woe is me
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:50, archived)

Stop going to the toilet,
I'm sure you'll gain weight that way.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:51, archived)

Good plan
I'll try that
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:51, archived)

Junk food probably isn't the best for it, counter-intuitively.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:52, archived)

Likewise. Only think is I can't put muscle on either and that sucks big time.
When I was training I was eating about 8 tuna pastas a day...Guhhh.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:53, archived)

I put on muscle quite well
BUT, it doesn't actually show up very well... I gain weight and strength but don't appear to.
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:57, archived)

I get stronger and that's about it.
about 4 years ago before I ripped my legs and fucked my back up I weighed an extra stone. Slowly getting back into it but stretching out again to former glory is fucking uber painful.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:59, archived)

I like exercise pain...
but I damaged my foot at kendo on thursday as I wasn't warmed up so I'm going to take a week off.
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:01, archived)

most of the time, i'm mild-mannered and normal size
but if i get angry...
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:01, archived)

I had that problem as a youngster.
Eat an extra meal a day. Really, it works. Not shit food, just another normal meal.
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:57, archived)

I'm obese.
*eats more pie and cake*
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:50, archived)

I'm not,
IN YOUR FACE!
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:51, archived)

*shrugs*

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:54, archived)

oh no you didn't, here come the bores telling us all about how bmi is all rubbish
i can feel the thundering push of keyboards :((((
(

mongychops, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:50, archived)

kol;./l. iksdz9tr8um dre4 mr4de8imk rd
I just mashed my keyboard with my fists in anger and disgust.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:54, archived)

21.5

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:50, archived)

Congratulations
you are in the healthy weight range.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:52, archived)

I'm still fat though.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:58, archived)

Alot.
I think i'm the same. Overweight, but not obese.
(

Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 11:50, archived)

19.54
*flexes*
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:51, archived)

Your not supposed to write your IQ in here

(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:56, archived)

If my IQ was a BMI number I'd have a Mykey brain.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:57, archived)

23.1
Bosh! Healthy.
(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:51, archived)

23.89
But I am eating buttery crumpets to put that right.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:51, archived)

6ft 3" @ 15st = 25.60
Officially obese. :-(
(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:52, archived)

I think that bmi goes a bit wierd after 5ft 10 ish

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:54, archived)

*wabbles your belly*
Thing is though, say if you're 5"11 built like a brick shit house, full of muscle, would that mean you're obese? I think BMI is a load of BS.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:54, archived)

all tall people are obese
the bmi system was invented by a shortarse who hated the lot of you
(

spacefish bong!, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:55, archived)

BMI = Bloody Massive Idiots

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:56, archived)

overweight, not obese. thicko.
read it properly
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:00, archived)

I usually obsess about this kind of thing, but I don't care today.
I want to go home:(
(

Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:52, archived)

23
No matter how much or little I eat. Mostly, "much".
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:53, archived)

BMI = Load of shite

(

Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:55, archived)

I'm sure it really stands for
body mass index or something
(Goatse not a comedy account, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:57, archived)

12.5 stone for 6'
BMI is rubbish because it assumes average muscle size, but I'm quite muscular under my skinny appearance.

23.77
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:56, archived)

www.gilgamesh.zen.co.uk/lolhello.htm
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:56, archived)

cheer up mate,

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:58, archived)

I scrolled to the bottom hoping there would be a lol

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:58, archived)

i'm going now, could you bookmark all the really good threads for me so i can read them when i get home, cheers

(

mongychops, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:59, archived)

Why would I look at that when I could be using the time to shove more pies down my hole?

(

Comma, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:59, archived)

22.2
I've been the same weight since I was twenty despite my best efforts, I never put on any weight.
(

Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:02, archived)

If one had an interview proposed

at a national medical research centre as a vet tech, would it be safe to assume that the animals there were being used as medical subjects do you think?
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:58, archived)

yes
otherwise why would you need a vet tech?
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:59, archived)

Hello vet tech
we've just finished our experiment on "how many times can you punch a rabbit in the face"

Can you have a look at Mr Floppy for us, he seems a bit sleepy.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:00, archived)

From what I've heard
you have a Mr Floppy problem
(Goatse not a comedy account, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:10, archived)

You're funny.

(

RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

Depends
Have a look outside the fire escape, if you see loads of rabbits popped out for a fag, yes.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:59, archived)

haha, I love this thought.

(

TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:19, archived)

I personally will not spray anything under my armpits that hasn't already been sprayed in the eyes of a small white defenseless rabbit

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:00, archived)

Fucking straight
and if it hasn't been tested on animals you can always do it yourself down the local pet shop
(Goatse not a comedy account, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:04, archived)

I guarantee, I 100% guarantee that they want to employ you to stitch hamsters onto pigs
and put makeup on them.
(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:01, archived)

I had a feeling it might be
thanks
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:01, archived)

this thread isn't about dinosaurs at all!

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:01, archived)

Depends
they could have recreated them and be experimenting on them to find a cure for meteors
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:03, archived)

If you shaved a chicken
and put it in a lizardskin suit, it could look a bit like a dinosaur.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:16, archived)

I would hope so
Waste of time keeping a load of animals around in a medical research centre for any other reason
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:01, archived)

maybe it's a petting zoo

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:03, archived)

The job will just be stroking bunnies and kittens
Possibly giving them little toys to play with.
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:05, archived)

If you had a job stroking kittens and the like
all day every day, how long would it be before you got bored and tried to slip a finger in one ?
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:17, archived)

13 minutes

(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:18, archived)

they'd be like fingerbobs

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:18, archived)

Better than cosmetic research
Experiment 1: How much eyeshadow can patches wear before she looks like a whore.
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:03, archived)

Patches is such a little tart
She wants it so bad
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:04, archived)

I wouldn't mind doing it as the money's great
but I'm not qualified yet and this isn't a training placement.
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:03, archived)

if you put it that way...
I'd really like to be a famous footplayer with lots of money and a sexy wife (i.e. not like most WAGS) I just don't want to play football or do anything I don't want to.
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:05, archived)

footplayer?
kinky
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:20, archived)

Infect them with RAGE
and then we can have a big zombie apocalypse. And hopefully we can all get to see the beautiful Cillian Murphy's cock again.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:05, archived)

Good lord.
*drops monocle*
(

BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:27, archived)

use the reply links you overblown tart, you're not on qotw now

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:06, archived)

Fuck off you cunt
better?
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:07, archived)

haha
win
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

it's a start
now stop being a puff and go rub some alkyl benzene sulfonates into a beagle's cerebellum
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:11, archived)

How did you know I hate beagles?

(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:13, archived)

Why beagles?

(

Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:34, archived)

because I haven't met a nice one yet
just ones that want to eat my fingers.
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:51, archived)

They won't be nice in research facilities.
Not socialised at all. I haven't actually come across a bad one, I've been lucky.
(

Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:54, archived)

So you've just wasted all our time?

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:06, archived)

NOW EVEN THE DINOSAUR POST HAS BEEN S TAINED WITH THIS FETID SHIT

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:07, archived)

Poor dinosaurs

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:08, archived)

D:

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

I'm absolutley absolutely apalled appalled appaled I can't even spell straight

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

but you got an interview anyway?

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:06, archived)

Yeah, I've been deciding whether or not to attend

(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:11, archived)

may as well,
it's good practise if nothing else. And there must be a reason they decided to invite you.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

I think I'll go along
as it would be interesting to see what they do there. I don't think I'd like to do the job though and it would mean I couldn't continue with college as I wouldn't be working at a training practice.
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:18, archived)

see what happens,
even if they offer you a job you don't have to take it.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:19, archived)

using animals for medical research is always going to be a good idea in some circumstances
be sure to ask what sorts of experiments they're involved in, and for which industries
(

spacefish bong!, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:23, archived)

I have no problem with animal testing for medical research
even though it's not always accurate, but its the fact that I'd have to quit college and put my career on hold for a while that concerns me a bit.

I'll go to the interview and see how it goes.
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:29, archived)

it's worth mentioning this to them
they may be able to help you out
(

spacefish bong!, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:43, archived)

perhaps the medical research centre have an animal juggling troupe?
I hear jugglers suffer from tendon issues, perhaps you would aid them in this issue.
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:04, archived)

I have a tendon issue
perhaps you could help me with it.
(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:07, archived)

I'm wearing a smart casual poncho in work.

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:08, archived)

Doubtful, I only deal with sick animals, not humans
I could never be a nurse for humans
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

I was asking GMOS
The tendon is in my anus.
(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:41, archived)

Then definitely no.

(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:52, archived)

I don't know.
It doesn't sound like a very likely scenario.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:05, archived)

I see you're posting this both on offtopic and here,
Why?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:05, archived)

It's called the 'JMG effect'

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:07, archived)

Presumably
to get the opinions of as wide a variety of people as possible. Do you think?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:07, archived)

I'm not a thinker,
I'm a doer.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:08, archived)

You just think about all those lovely women on a friday night then.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

I spent my friday night watching Star Trek
How awesome am I?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:10, archived)

More aweseome than me
I spent it with people from the internet.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:11, archived)

double the online attention
I'm surprised it's not all in bold caps to be honest
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:07, archived)

THE WORLD MUST KNOW!

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:07, archived)

Different sorts of people
different replies
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:08, archived)

Which side have given the best responses?
Careful now.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

I think what's more important is people's opinion on Poncho Work Clothing.

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:10, archived)

I'm dead against it.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:11, archived)

I've never worn, let alone owned a poncho. I feel they could be dangerous in my line of work.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

I'll be honest, initial response was mild attempts at bullying, but now everyone fancies me even more.

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:17, archived)

it's impossible to be unhappy in a poncho

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:21, archived)

Both
as they've been different replies
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:11, archived)

Pick a side damnit

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:13, archived)

yeah,
it's what the internet is all about.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:18, archived)

No chance
ok talk
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:20, archived)

That's the correct answer.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:25, archived)

poor /board feels left out
it hasn't had a chance to post 3 million FAIL images for at least 20 minutes
(

Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:27, archived)

I'm wearing a Smart-Casual Poncho, I'm in work, your thoughts?

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

I always think of ponchos as fatman capes

(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:11, archived)

y'see I thought this too
but as a trim young man I feel pretty damn win in it.
(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

fatman capes sounds like a jazz musician

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:24, archived)

I've got no problem with make up testing on animals. I fucking love Sexy Rats.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:11, archived)

it only makes me wonder how much more different make-up we really need.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:13, archived)

depends on how ugly you are.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:15, archived)

I didn't me 'you' as in you btw.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:16, archived)

yes you did, you bully
i'm telling!
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:25, archived)

I've sent her a make-up application shovel in the post.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:32, archived)

you didn't you 'you' as in me?
you are a nonsense
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:34, archived)

UUUUU!

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:35, archived)

Why?
Are you one of those mentalists?
(

Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 11:15, archived)

Read its qotw answers
the answer is yes.
(

wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:33, archived)

Do they abridge it to V-tech?
In which case you'll be constructing toy computers for early learning purposes.
(

Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 11:20, archived)

Or engines for Honda

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:23, archived)

Yes.
But look at it this way - if Beagles don't smoke Benson & Hedges then who will?

As a shareholder in almost everything that is dangerous and morally abhorrent (at least listed on the stockmarket) I rely on suffering and mutilation of fluffy animals to fund my lifestyle. I can't run my big gas guzzling car on good morals and limp wristed ideals.

Take the job and start punching some kittens.
(thediscokingpin, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:25, archived)

the women in w h smiths tried to charge me 7.05 pounds for 20 bensons, i told her to keep them

(

mongychops, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:35, archived)

that showed her

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:37, archived)

i like to think it showed the whole company, to try and overcharge by a pound is just greed
i might start a protest group
(

mongychops, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:41, archived)

I'm handing in my notice today, I'm scared.
More scared of actually going back there, though.
(

Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:32, archived)

You'll feel better after you've done it.
And if they give you hassle then just whip out your clitararti that looks like a Silverback's knuckle.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:34, archived)

Pffft.
Cool. I'd love one of those.

I don't even know if I want to be a vet nurse anymore.
(

Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:37, archived)

I think you just need to find a practice that you're happy in and you'll be ok.

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:45, archived)

:((
any other ideas?
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:46, archived)

I don't know:(((
I feel like crying.
(

Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:51, archived)

I handed in my notice two weeks ago
and instantly felt better. Cuntish vets and bitchy nurses are not worth bothering with.
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:03, archived)

This.
Fuckin arseholes.
(

Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:17, archived)

Grow the fuck up.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:43, archived)

What's your favourite dinosaur ?

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:24, archived)

Cuntosaurus

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:25, archived)

Sore-o-cuntus
(your mum)
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:37, archived)

:D

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:25, archived)

Captain Hood-Butter

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:25, archived)

CUNT!

(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 11 May 2009, 10:28, archived)

Gilgamesh

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:25, archived)

my opinions are better than most people's facts

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:33, archived)

This is mostly true
I'm off to the doctor's now. I'll let you know how dead I am later.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:34, archived)

Stegosaurus
Armoured plates AND a clubtail with spikes coming out of it? Fuck yes.
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:25, archived)

The plates werent armour
they were thin and full of blood vessels to enable the animal to regulate it's temperature. They were no use in defence.

You fucking idiot.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:28, archived)

SHUT IT, THEY WERE ARMOUR
If they weren't, they should've been
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:29, archived)

Oh yes
they were armour, and their eyes fired lasers.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:31, archived)

See? Best dinosaur ever
AND they could fly
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:31, archived)

I knew it!

(Stegosaurus Shaped Pencil Top, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:34, archived)

Dude
no dinosaurs could fly.

If it flew or swam, it wasn't a dinosaur, it was a prehistoric reptile that lived alongside dinosaurs.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:34, archived)

it's as good a theory as any to be fair

(

mongychops, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:32, archived)

no they didn't, you cleft
it was when they roared
www.kongregate.com/games/I_smell/robot-dinosaurs-that-shoot-beams-when-they-roar
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:33, archived)

That's nothing
Ankylosaurus could shit spiders.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:35, archived)

That game rocks more than anything.
Oh, I've completed it.
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:50, archived)

yes, it's short

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:00, archived)

sweet fuck

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:57, archived)

roooooooooar

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:59, archived)

*is obliterated by death beam*

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:23, archived)

It didn't have a club tail either
the ankylosaurs had them.
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:31, archived)

If we're all going to tell me I'm wrong then we'll sit here in silence

(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:33, archived)

WRONG

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:34, archived)

Bob

(

Rev. Cleo still alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:26, archived)

the one that gives wedgies?

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:32, archived)

Yeah. He's cool.

(

Rev. Cleo still alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:36, archived)

These
www.retrojunk.com/details_tvshows/750-diplodo/
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:26, archived)

...the heck?
never seen them before
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:29, archived)

It used to be on The Childrens Channel on cable
when I was little.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:30, archived)

can't have been. it's in colour
ZING
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:34, archived)

I keep remembering reasons to hate the french
www.thechestnut.com/wattoo.htm
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:36, archived)

dinosaurs are shit

(

mongychops, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:26, archived)

Velociraptors driving DFS vans

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:27, archived)

this is the closest i can get, i'm afraid
off-road velociraptor safari
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:28, archived)

Ones with the teeth

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:27, archived)

T-Rex
this one specifically:
www.qwantz.com/archive/000815.html
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:27, archived)

The furry one.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:27, archived)

^this !

(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 11 May 2009, 10:29, archived)

I was going to say that
she's ace.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:42, archived)

Bogus

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:28, archived)

Fuck off, lard arse

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:32, archived)

Denver

(

theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:31, archived)

Are you Eddache?

(

WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:33, archived)

No
Are you ?
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:37, archived)

I'm Eddache and so's my wife

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:39, archived)

Velociraptors
or Baryonyx
or Parsaurolophus

don't make me choose!
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:34, archived)

/olds gun to head
choose.
(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:35, archived)

probably Velociraptors then
as they were also probably a bit fluffy.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:40, archived)

Parasaurolophus was shit
Honking vegetarian cunt

not you, the Parasaurlophus
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:35, archived)

no pokemon allowed :p

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:36, archived)

*sets VELOCIFROTTER on yo ass*

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:38, archived)

Good call on the Baryonyx
I'm partial to a therizonosaurus myself.
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:42, archived)

what the shit is that real?
scary claws.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:45, archived)

It was a herbivore
it probably used them for stripping bark off trees or for scratching that hard to reach spot on the middle of the back.
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:49, archived)

Or flicking the bean
of a very, very smelly female.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:58, archived)

or poking smaller dinosaurs in the eye

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:58, archived)

Spinosaurus was also cool

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:47, archived)

They're all great!

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:49, archived)

The Family Ness

(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:34, archived)

you won't find them in a zoo

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:40, archived)

No
They're all round your house, having it off with your mum.

All at once.

All loch ness monsters, shagging away at her, crosseyed and sweating.

And she's loving it, your mum. She's loving it. It's like Christmas and her birthday all at once cause she's got loads of Loch ness monsters having it off with her.

The dirty fucking cow.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:42, archived)

Your mum talks like Penny Crayon having a doodle when on the job

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:44, archived)

I dont know who Penny Crayon is
but your mum is actually Lorraine Kellys vagina.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:46, archived)

Really hairy and full of potatoes

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:47, archived)

Your mum is an inside out giraffe with the voicebox of John Inman

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:52, archived)

When you were being gestated
they didnt use a scanner to take pictures of you, they just got a giraffe to stick it's head up your mums cunt with a camera strapped to its head.

It had flap goo on its shoulders.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:56, archived)

Your mum obviously works at the hospital then.
I'M FREEEEEEE.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 11:13, archived)

you're just jealous she turned you down
for being too old and smelling of goats and piss.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:46, archived)

That's what you think
I put on a Sumo suit, pretended to be Mykey and I got double helpings.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:47, archived)

Supersaurus
said with a camp accent and mincy hands.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:42, archived)

ym
or have we stopped that now?
(

weaver., Mon 11 May 2009, 10:43, archived)

Allosaurus
It's like the sleek sportscar to the overpowered SUV of the T-Rex, and it doesn't have gay arms.

Or elasmosaurus, for the sea. Just for the name. Elasmosaurus. Elasmo.

I bet it got called espasmosaurus at school, kids can be so cruel.
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:44, archived)

pfft

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:47, archived)

You do sort of look at Tyrannosaurs and think
Does that shape really work ?

I mean, fucking great big head, two legs, gay arms. How does it work ?

I can't see it being that agile or fast somehow, I reckon it was a shit animal.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:49, archived)

they probably just ate microwave ready meals in front of the telly

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:51, archived)

Probably chatted online
boasting about how many Triceratops they'd killed, when the reality was they'd wait for a pack of Velociraptors to kill an Iguanadon, then chase them off and eat it.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:53, archived)

Then again
they were around for 19 million years which is pretty fucking good going...
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:52, archived)

The T-Rex probably tried to warn the rest of the dinosaurs about the meteorite
but because of his stumpy arms, none of them could tell what he was pointing at.
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:52, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/4071535
(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:54, archived)

Massive head and keyboard hight arms.
T-Rex = The World of Warcraft Dinosaur.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:54, archived)

Behemoth

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:45, archived)

hey /talk
I feel like writing a country and western song but I can't decide what to write it about?????????! What should I write it about!?
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:16, archived)

Drinking all night til 7am because your woman left.
BBC Bitesize doesn't cover Japanese, this is irritating. Include a verse about that.
(

Bats, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:16, archived)

write it about ME

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:17, archived)

will RB addresses be sent THIS week? Should I stop asking?

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:18, archived)

*sigh*
I've had that in real life too over the weekend.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:19, archived)

are they being sent or not?
i am at the end of my tether, give me a fucking answer
(

mongychops, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:25, archived)

/plays guitar
shee is smaaaalllll
/plays guitar
shee is haaaiirrrryy
/plays guitar
shee has a hunched baaaaccckk
/plays guitar
annnndd heerrrr minge is scaaaarrrryyyyyyy
(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:20, archived)

That's got to be the most erotic song I've ever read

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:23, archived)

Blue Star Blue Star
What you gonna do, What you gonna do when she comes for you?
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:23, archived)

how your fingers are raw from playing guitar since 'you left'

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:18, archived)

MoT's dissertation

(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:18, archived)

why country and western is not rock!

(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:18, archived)

I smashed my toe into the corner of the bed this morning
That was 4 hours ago now and i am still in a fucking temper.
Bloody Mondays
(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:18, archived)

Shove it up your cunt?

(

Rev. Cleo still alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:20, archived)

I'll shove it up <b>your</b> cunt in a minute

(

Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:25, archived)

I hid it.

(

Rev. Cleo still alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:26, archived)

Write it about blue star
Or about me
Or both of us
(

TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:18, archived)

Shitting.

(

Rev. Cleo still alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:19, archived)

bivvys

(

mongychops, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:20, archived)

The rise and fall of the Star Trek films.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:20, archived)

A long, tedious train journey to Tenesee
However you spell it.
(

Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:21, archived)

Lots of yee hars.

(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 11 May 2009, 10:21, archived)

wee whores
are better
(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:22, archived)

agreed

(

Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 11 May 2009, 10:28, archived)

what 40 pictures I should have printed off?

(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:21, archived)

Oh I have been trying to write a song
Oh baby I have been trying for so long
But I seem to be stuck between a hard place and rock
Because I'm suffering from a bad writer's block
I having been calling to Jesus everyday
Gimme some inspiration I would pray
And lo behold he came down in robes and no shoes
He said he had come to be my muse
I had to be honest I then thought
I said, Jesus, you were just a last resort
I'm unique for a country singer I confessed
Because in actual fact, I'm an athiest.
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:22, archived)

good.

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:23, archived)

It was Johnny Cash's rejected lyrics for the Man In Black.

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:23, archived)

Traditionally
something to do with a hard life or bad luck. If it's about a man, the man should be tough and honest and do something admirable. if it's about a woman she should either be a devoted, loving kind woman or a feisty, tarty sort. Both would have hearts of gold.

Jesus should be involved.

That would be tradition, I'd do a rap in a country style, talk about all your bitches and how you gave them Cristal enemas out of pure boredom and how many cattle rustlers asses you've "popped a cap in"
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:22, archived)

People who have flounced from here
That'd be ace
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:22, archived)

Something about your wife shagging bears in Alaska

(

M o D, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:24, archived)

This heres a little ditty
bout a woman treated me shitty
she was the baddest bitch in Texas state
She she laughed, said I was funny
smeared her cunt with some honey
told me that grizzly loving was just great
Well she rode off lookin pretty
lookin to get paws on her titty
All it made me feel for her was hate.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:27, archived)

hey /talk, I'm trying to decide which gas to breathe in
ideally I want something that will bind with the haemoglobin in my red blood cells so I can respire aerobically, what would you suggest?

alt: ever been outside?
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:55, archived)

HELIUM

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:56, archived)

more like ^HELIUM

AHAHAHA
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:08, archived)

Heli um big heap light gas

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:17, archived)

I've never been outside.
I've spent most of my life attached to the internet, ramming cake and pies into my gaping maw.
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:56, archived)

*doesn't strike through*

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:57, archived)

you big fat liar
as if you actively pick up the cakes and pies. they just go into that machine with the conveyor belt
and you just lie underneath with your mouth open
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:00, archived)

YOU SWORE YOU WOULDN'T TELL

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:01, archived)

I SWEAR A LOT OF THINGS

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:02, archived)

My family went into our nuclear bunker in 1961 during the Missile Crisis and we've been in here ever since
Are you telling me the radiation's cleared enough to leave now?
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:57, archived)

You'd better stay in another few years.
Until the global warming is lapping at your door.
(

Rev. Cleo still alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:58, archived)

no, we're all just mutants

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:00, archived)

Now I have a tough decision to make
Do I stay here in the bunker in safety and security, or do I grab a shotgun, head above ground and start blasting?

I know which option will be more fun. Just more dangerous.
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:01, archived)

you'll get ripped to shreds within 8 seconds
we're all impervious to shotguns
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:03, archived)

Oh no! All that planning, gone to waste
I knew my parents should have gone for the flame thrower.
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:05, archived)

actually
all the mutants in france are poofs, you'll probably be alright
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:06, archived)

They were swanning about in girls jeans and artfully 'distressed' hair before the nuclear apocalypse.
They're swanning about in girls jeans and artfully 'distressed' air after the nuclear apocalypse.
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

Steak and kidney pie
Yes. And I will go out in a bit to see a medical professional to assist with my ills.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:57, archived)

Carbon Monoxide loves the haemoglobin.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:57, archived)

hahaha, you are like so brilliant, i love you, can i see your bumhole?
what are you having for lunch?
(

mongychops, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:57, archived)

I just danced round the room like John Travolta, stick THAT up your bumhole

(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:05, archived)

cor blimey guvnor
is it time for me smoke break? it surely is, toddle pip me old china
(

mongychops, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:12, archived)

you know what else you can stick up your bumhole?
all these fucking posts about dissertations

fuck off students, no one in the real world gives a fuck whether you've done your homework or not
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:14, archived)

i agree with you, students insist upon themselves way too much

(

mongychops, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:21, archived)

Try carbon monoxide.
Or ozone.

I went outside yesterday to talk to beggars and buy a muffin. Those beggars are my peeps yo.
(

Rev. Cleo still alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:57, archived)

pissage

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:57, archived)

Triple piss!

(

Rev. Cleo still alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:58, archived)

great minds piss alike

(

theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:01, archived)

Carbon Monoxide, it's very efficient at binding with haemoglobin
Aerobic respiration may be a problem unless your body can increase temperature enough to break the carbon and oxygen bonds though.
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:57, archived)

sulfur hexafluoride

it's good for a laugh
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:58, archived)

I thought that was Dinitrogen monoxide

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:59, archived)

clever

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:00, archived)

Well, it might not help with respiration, but Carbon Monoxide is always fun,
but I find Nitrous Oxide to be more of a laugh.

"Outside"? What the hell is that?

(edit: looks like CO is a bit popular)
(

theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:59, archived)

Are we using a democratic voting system?
'Cause I think CO has won.
(

Rev. Cleo still alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:00, archived)

The internet wants him to gas himself in a car
lolsuicide
(Goatse not a comedy account, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:08, archived)

Doesn't have to be in a car.

(

Rev. Cleo still alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:20, archived)

Everyone who has ever breathed oxygen has died or will die
ergo it is poisonous.
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:07, archived)

shit!

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:08, archived)

Your logic is impeccable
You have much to teach us
(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

Why isn't it Tuesday yet?

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:13, archived)

Because there is not yet sufficient cock.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:14, archived)

I don't give a fuck about 'cock tuesday' I just want to go climbing and then Pub Quiz

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:17, archived)

I would strongly suggest to avoid my methane!

(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:13, archived)

I'm listening to loads of The Pogues and related Irish folk type music. Though currently "The Wire" soundtrack.
And I've discovered I have 40 free prints with boots. I'd just have to fork out the 135 pennies for delivery.

What should I get printed?

Should I make 40 of something?
(

Rev. Cleo still alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:46, archived)

I fucking love the wire,
I loved it before you loved it, which makes me better.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:47, archived)

I've never watched it.
I'm hearing enjoyable sound clips though.

It's just that a pogue's song is on the soundtrack. And as I'm listening to a large amount of their discography, I am listening to this soundtrack.

ALL PRAISE SPOTIFY
(

Rev. Cleo still alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:48, archived)

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit !

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:49, archived)

the game is rigged man, the game is rigged.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:50, archived)

I loved it before they made it
and I watched "the corner" and was mildly disappointed.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:48, archived)

photos of some description

(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:47, archived)

Of your face? Your mother?

(

Rev. Cleo still alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:48, archived)

Dunno, 40 pictures you would liked printed off I suppose.
/has this dilemma with Virgin Medias free photo thing.
(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:49, archived)

don't be ridiculous
his mother's face, of course
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:50, archived)

so, you're listening to music .... and you can't decide how to spend £1.35 without asking the fucking internet?
and this is meant to interest me in some way?
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:48, archived)

She mentioned the Wire,
that's interesting.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:52, archived)

i read that as pints and got excited, now i couldn't give a fuck what you do

(

mongychops, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:49, archived)

Print out a dog, or something
I dunno, what do you want to print? I don't know what you're able to print. Stop all this pressure. It's too early.
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:49, archived)

I've got all the things printed out I want or need.
I could print out more zombie engie.

Or I could do pictures for people and then get them printed and sell them.
(

Rev. Cleo still alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:54, archived)

40 pictures of you slowly getting closer to the camera
When you get the prints throw them at someone from 40 paces away, taking a step forward after each toss.
(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:50, archived)

I saw that DG. That complete bungle of the word "When".

(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:51, archived)

...I just uppercut the keyboard and hope it makes sense

(

Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:54, archived)

you might want to diversify occasionally
try an e-honda style hundred hand slap

or a spinning bird kick if you're feeling limber
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:02, archived)

SHORYUKEN
dSHORYUSHORYUKENKENfhjkhdfjkhasjkfhdlfjkasdhfjkdhfljksdabcnfuwerich
(

Rev. Cleo still alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:07, archived)

...right

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

This may require too much effort and throwing at people.

(

Rev. Cleo still alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:54, archived)

Get 40 pictures of Prince done.
Then you can say, "I want 40 prints of prince," and everyone will rofl.
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:50, archived)

But then he'll sue me :(

(

Rev. Cleo still alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:55, archived)

You can print out pictures for me
Since I never seem to remember to do it.
(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:52, archived)

I could.
Do you want anything printed? Standard print size 4x6 I believe.
(

Rev. Cleo still alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:59, archived)

I tried to watch the wire once
It hurt my ears. It was worse than watching Auf Wiedersehen Pet. I just couldn't get my ears tuned into it.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:55, archived)

I love the Pogues
and the Dubliners, etc
(

Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:15, archived)

Yup.

(

Rev. Cleo still alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:20, archived)

I'm going to see if the early-people have better problems.
I am recording a podcast this evening. I need some problems to solve in Dear baldmonkey. Please could I have your problems to solve. The more realistic the problems, the better. Thank you. You are very kind to tolerate me.

EDIT: These are mostly very good. Thank you.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:24, archived)

Dear Baldmonkey
I have to go to the embassy and I've been putting it off for a while now. I need to get my passport renewed so I can pay a visit back home to that England place. What motivational tips can you offer?

Lots of love,

Theoban
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:26, archived)

Where are you now?
France, innit?
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:27, archived)

France aye.
It's been over two years since I've been home.
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:30, archived)

You know, you dont have to...
I mean theres no rush...
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:28, archived)

England is suffering without me
I'm sure all these problems being faced over there could be solved if I returned.
(

Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:30, archived)

Dear Baldmonkey,
What is the meaning of life?
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:27, archived)

Dear Baldmonkey
The bills are piling up and the money isn't racing in as fast as it should be. What's the best way to turn a quick buck?

Yours,
Mine.
(

Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:28, archived)

Put Esme out on the game.

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:29, archived)

ARE YOU FUCKING BALDMONKEY?
I DON'T FUCKING THINK YOU'RE BALDMONKEY SO STOP FUCKING ADDRESSING QUESTIONS DIRECTED AT FUCKING BALDMONKEY.
(

Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:32, archived)

Dude
No one is fucking baldmonkey.

That's why he's always on here.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:32, archived)

DUDE!
YOU TOLD HIM!
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:51, archived)

Noone is fucking baldmonkey

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:32, archived)

OMG LOL WE ARE MIND TWINS !!!!!!

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:33, archived)

Dear Baldmonkey,
I'm having a lot of difficulty finding employment. What can I do to improve my chances?
(

Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 11 May 2009, 9:29, archived)

More lipstick

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:30, archived)

Dear baldmonkey
I am frustrated by my work/life balance. I'm sick of commuting for hours every day and want to spend more of my time doing things I want to do. If I do that though, it means taking a huge pay cut and not being able to pay my mortgage.

So, should I have pie or chips for lunch ?
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:29, archived)

pie, you shouldn't even need to ask.

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:31, archived)

Tsk
The correct answer is Pie AND chips.

You fucking idiot.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:32, archived)

chips don't matter, really
the pie is the important bit.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:32, archived)

*shuns*

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:33, archived)

Why can't you have pie AND chips?

(

Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:32, archived)

I've got a cold, Baldmonkey
what should I do to entertain myself at home?
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:30, archived)

also, I had curry for dinner on friday.
it's still in the fridge. Will it kill me if I eat it for breakfast today?
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:31, archived)

I know the answer to this one

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:31, archived)

yeah, but how many board games are any good if you're on your own?

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:39, archived)

Wankopoly positively encourages solo play

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:51, archived)

Have baked beans on toast for lunch,
then tell us about it here.
(

Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:37, archived)

Have baked beans on toast for lunch,
then tell us about it here.
(

Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:12, archived)

I've had a headache for more than four months
My doctor won't give me class A drugs. Without stepping over legal boundaries how can I solve this problem?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:31, archived)

get a drill
relieve pressure in head.
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:32, archived)

I can't find my drill anywhere.
Will a cork screw do?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:34, archived)

all ills can be solved
with trepanning
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:45, archived)

Have you got a bad back?
Sorting that out could help you.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:33, archived)

Nope
And if I had I would use Firey Jack. It is red hot on yer baaaaaack.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:35, archived)

Fucking hell can you still get that stuff?
My gran used to rub it on her neck and it stank the house out for hours.
(

Mrs Sp@m, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:39, archived)

I dunno
But I once had some similar stuff applied to my shoulders, and a bit of a scratch and then went for a piss. Double ungood.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:43, archived)

Dear baldmonkey
I need a poo. There are several toilets in the office, should I go to the one nearest my desk and leave a rancid smell that could easily be traced to me, or should I walk all the way downstairs and go to the one by the kitchen where anyone could be blamed for the stench and rancid brown skids ?
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:31, archived)

Probably downstairs.

(

Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:41, archived)

I've agreed to help someone put up a flat pack bed on friday
My life is turning into an episode of the chuckle brothers.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:32, archived)

Turn up drunk
and start a fight.

You'll never be asked to put a bed up again.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:33, archived)

She's a girl,
I'll get drunk while making the bed and say something like "lets test it out love" before passing out with my head on a sick covered toilet seat.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:35, archived)

If it's a girl
turn up with an obvious erection and keep winking at her.

Shell ask you to leave.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:36, archived)

She'll just think that's my alan key.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:38, archived)

or is it more like this?
www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article106604.ece
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:35, archived)

Lol
NSPCC advert at the bottom, they're such nonces.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:37, archived)

Oh man
I did one of those, but it was a twatting great big cabin bed thing. A full day of work and I lost 5lb in moisture. Grim days.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:36, archived)

I hope it's not a full day,
Hopefully be finished in about 2 hours...
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:39, archived)

Dear Mouldbunkey
My parents had to put down the cat over the weekend. They said he was very old and ill and it was "just his time to go".
Are cats allowed in Heaven?

From,
Eddie (me)
(

Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:34, archived)

All animals are, except cats
Cats are shit
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:37, archived)

People who beleive in heaven are bad enough
but people who beleive that animals go to heaven are deserving of a hideous and violent death.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:39, archived)

People who dont believe in heaven are bad enough
People who believe that animals dont go to heaven are deserving of a hideous and violent death.
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:42, archived)

SCHISM !

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:44, archived)

Dear Baldmonkey
It is sunny and I am stuck inside doing work. Can you suggest a job that lets me work outside when it's nice, and inside when it's cold and wet?

Lots of love
Pickle
(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:39, archived)

Tortoise prostitute
During the winter, Tortioises hibernate, so in the summer, you can let them lick your tits in a field, in Winter, you can snuggle up with them in a hay-filled cardboard box and slip a finger up their cloaca while you gently tug their little scaley cocks.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:43, archived)

Dear baldmonkey
I've always read your name without emphasis on any one syllable, however when I listen to your podcast, you refer to yourself as baldMUNkey.

This grates with me. It makes me wince. Sometimes I feel the need to visit violence upon innocent strangers because of this.

Please help me with these feelings.
(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:41, archived)

dear cuntmonkey
i have trouble sleeping at night due to the fact i worry that the fridge light doesn't really go out when i close the door, how can i calm myself?

yours

x
(

mongychops, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:41, archived)

sleep in the fridge

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:45, archived)

MAFIA H C PAUL SAYS
"Tonight, you will sleep with the fridges."
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:47, archived)

dear baldmonkey
fuck off, there's a good chap
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:42, archived)

dear baldmonkey,
a local lunatic keeps telling me i have a 'cornish' face.
i have no idea what he means by this.
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:43, archived)

You're looking a bit pasty?

(

Randomgazz, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:44, archived)

oh gaz, if that had been anyone else i'd be trying to punch them through the internet now

long time no see, how are you?
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:47, archived)

I'm fairly good,
just got my diss bound ready to hand in. How about you?
(

Randomgazz, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:50, archived)

aye, not so bad
congrats on getting it finished
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:04, archived)

Dear baldmonkey
what is the best thing to put in a cheese sandwich, relish or pickle?
(

Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:49, archived)

cheese, probably

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:57, archived)

I'll just..
..leave this here.

*hic*
(StreetSpirit, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:25, archived)

What is it?

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:27, archived)

Some sort of belm chasm that thinks we care.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:40, archived)

Maybe we do

(

Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:11, archived)

I think not.
I have no internet access at work anymore.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:18, archived)

Why?
Did we do something wrong?
(

Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:28, archived)

Wrong door mate
you wanted second to left that says /links on it.
(

Mrs Sp@m, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:30, archived)

Oh
crap, oops.
(StreetSpirit, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:36, archived)

Right

(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:35, archived)

Blimey its sunny today

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:39, archived)

Yes, it's lovely
Now I just need to find an excuse to go and work in the park.
(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:40, archived)

This is definite picnic and camping weather
Im amazed Scotland can provide such a day.
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:51, archived)

Oh ssh

(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:58, archived)

it was smashing to get my tackle out in the sunshine at the weekend

(

mongychops, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:13, archived)

did it scare the fish?
Hmm i think i might have to organise a camping trip in the highlands...
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:16, archived)

i caught a 16lb mirror carp within 5 minutes of dipping my bait it, much to the disgust of the fellas opposite who had blanked all day, lol

(

mongychops, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:19, archived)

Now you've upset them they'll probably follow you around obsessively all day, replying to everything you say
Even if you pay them no attention
(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:20, archived)

i'd thrive on such attention, it's been ages since we've had a good old ding dong here :(((((

(

mongychops, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:23, archived)

This

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:26, archived)

I hope it rains on you

(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:25, archived)

If you are very lucky i'll invite you

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:27, archived)

Only if there is lots of wine

(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:43, archived)

I think you know me well enough by now to realise that i wouldnt go anywhere without lots of wine

(

Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:47, archived)

Good good

(

Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:52, archived)

does the hic mean you are drunk or have hiccups?

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:39, archived)

Looks just like the shitty flat that my wife used to rent on Holloway Road
bastard landlord.
(

turb0t, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:45, archived)

...
*facepalms*
(

lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:52, archived)

that's a link, many a time i've posted links, if you clicked on them sometimes you get a smashing picture about me, and my bivvy

(

mongychops, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:11, archived)

AT LAST
I've been dying to hear about this.
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:23, archived)

whatever it is don't enjoy it all at once, spred it over the day, or else the high will quickly become a crushing low

(

mongychops, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:25, archived)

Just to squeeze that nasty turd around the u-bend.
I'm going to a sit-down gig on Tuesday. This is my second sit-down gig in a month. I'm not a fan of sitting down. If I wanted to sit down I'd buy myself a games console and a Dominos Pizza hotline.
(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 11 May 2009, 7:56, archived)

You'll note they don't expressly forbid yogic flying.

(

Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 May 2009, 7:57, archived)

I'm already quite annoying to anybody who has to sit behind me.
This sounds like an excellent plan.
(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 11 May 2009, 7:59, archived)

He'll only start stealing other people's picanic baskets

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:06, archived)

You can order online now you know.

(

Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 7:57, archived)

I'm not sure I understand your post
what is a sit down gig?
(

minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Mon 11 May 2009, 7:58, archived)

A gig where you sit down.
As against a gig where you stand up.
(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 11 May 2009, 7:59, archived)

can we be a bit more specific about what you mean by gig?

(

minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Mon 11 May 2009, 7:59, archived)

A gig.
As in a live musical performance.

Do you speaky the english, pedro? Two beers, poor favory.
(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:03, archived)

I didn't know you were a musician
Good luck with that then, I'm off to work.

edit: I just realised you are going to, and not going to do. My bad.
(

minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:04, archived)

It's a tricky language at this time in the morning.

(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:07, archived)

I've been to a couple.
It can be very good, though I prefer a good mix of seated and non-seated areas.
(

Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 11 May 2009, 8:03, archived)

Seated people can fuck off.

(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:04, archived)

/Stands To Attention

(

turb0t, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:09, archived)

I saw Paul Simon doing an all-seated gig at the G-MEX, years ago
When he came onstage everyone stood up anyway.

The slightly elderly couple sat behind us tutted and complained bitterly. The cunts.
(

Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 8:09, archived)

I can't remember the last sit down gig I went to.
Bootleg Beatles I think. Everyone was standing and dancing in the aisles by the end anyway.
(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 11 May 2009, 8:17, archived)

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