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# The Most Evil Prank You Ever Played...
As a student Joel attached a hose from the sink into my bed. I slowly woke thinking I'd pissed my self. I had the last laugh though. He had to pay for my ruined mattress.

Can you beat that? (Best evil prank stories will be used for B3ta Radio on Friday.)
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 20:53, archived)
# Yay!
So, my mum found a dead buzzard in the woods near our house. She thought it might have been poisoned, so brought it back home, and phoned the RSPCA.

I strapped it upside down outside the back door, and, as an afterthought, put big cardboard SPONG! eyes on it.

My older brother walked out the door to find this huge bird of prey staring him in the eye, upside down. He didn't bat an eyelid, the shite.

Still have the photos, somewhere...
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 20:54, archived)
# we wet
ijon tichy's pants when he was drunk and he thought he'd wet himself.
arf arf.
then sick boy simulated oral sex on him.
ho ho.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 20:55, archived)
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 20:55, archived)


(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 20:57, archived)
# ijon's beefed out a bit
he looks better though
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 20:57, archived)
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 20:59, archived)
# The
'tache is a bit fuller these days too.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:07, archived)
# Not me, but my brother
A guy who lived on the same floor as him in uni halls went away for the weekend, so they broke into his room and mixed a load of jelly in his sink and let it set. Apparently he spent hours scooping it out once he got back.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 20:55, archived)
# why
didn't he just use boiling water?
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 20:58, archived)
# clever kitten
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:00, archived)
# I don't know
maybe he was stupid
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:01, archived)
# certainly sounds it
hot water cures all

even burns
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:04, archived)
# hmmm,
well, no, duct tape is the force holding the universe together, but hot water is certainly a close second
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 23:13, archived)
# because when it cooled...
...in the drain again he'd need a plumber
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 22:31, archived)
# my mate
at uni jellified his flatmates tv remote control then left the jelly brick on the table
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:29, archived)
# he he
we put our english teachers stapler in jelly (yes the ofice, yes was our insperation)she wasent very amused. oh come to think about it we did loads of stuff to her, like we used to kidnap her stationary and well any thing she left about (car keys, course work, her computer) and post her ransom notes, ahhh those where the days
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 11:23, archived)
# If you want pranks on teachers,
If you want pranks on teachers,
We had general studies in one of those nasty pre-fab huts you get, and the teacher was the usual spoon you get in that sort of subject. Just before lunch break, we locked the teacher in his cupboard and cellotaped the key to the outside of his window where he was the only one that could see it, but not reach it
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 16:19, archived)
# No surprise...
...that it was your English teacher who was the recipient of your pranks. ;-)
(, Tue 28 Oct 2003, 14:27, archived)
# in the airforce
I spent a fair amount of time in the hospital... and the two things you can guarantee about hospitals are boredom and beds on wheels

we once managed to get a fellow inmate patient's bed moved not just into the hallway, but all the wany into another ward... an opposite-sex ward... passing the staff quarters in the process

not necessarily evil, but it got a few people in trouble
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 20:56, archived)
# on reading it first
I thought you meant a sex change ward...
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 20:57, archived)
# if there had been a surgical unit
we may well have tried...
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 20:59, archived)
# Blimey
That reminds me of a book I once read :)
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 12:27, archived)
# are you Sid James?
whaa haaa haaw
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:41, archived)
# at uni
late one sat night, we put up loads (about 100) of signs round campus, directing people to one of our mates rooms.
He awoke on sun morning, opened his curtains, and found a small group of people staring into his ground floor window.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 20:56, archived)
# Now that
IS funny ..
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 22:19, archived)
# but
whatever did the signs say?
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 0:08, archived)
# golf
sale (obviously)
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 16:39, archived)
# I told
my brother if you take the cotton wool bit out of a vics inhaler and rubbed it under your eyes, you see in black and white.

He kicked my fucking head in after bawling his eyes out for two hours.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 20:56, archived)
# your name is appropriate for that story
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 20:57, archived)
# i got
the name from giving someone a cigarette dipped in poppers and then lighting it. They burst, really really burst and because I used to make poppers for pocket money at uni.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:00, archived)
# excuse my idiocy
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:10, archived)
# amyl nitrate
or similar
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:11, archived)
# yeah - in my crueller days at high school
we nicked some magnesium strips and were looking for something to do with them. ended up emtying out a mates cigerette, and refilling it with the magnesium down the middle. needless to say when he smoked it it suddenly burst into an intense, blinding white flame that nearly removed his eyebrows and rendered him blind for several minutes.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:44, archived)
# ahhhh...I did that as well...
You should've sprinkled iron filings into it as well for good measure...
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 20:26, archived)
# Ditto
A mate was sponging too many fags from me at a party (we were only 15 and very skint). So I took the fuse from a party popper and inserted it into a cigarette. He thankfully had the ciggy away from his face when it went off. It was one of those many moments from your yoof that could've gone horribly wrong and you shudder when you think about them now.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 17:34, archived)
# I've done that with NaNO4 (sodium nitrate)
A mate grabbed it (on the sly) from a full packet whilst I was driving. How he manageed to get the one marked ciggie from a nearly full packet I'll never know. But It filled the car with smoke and flying embers rapidly. Burnt the bejesus out of his t-shirt and fingers too.
Sereved him right, the theiving bastard.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 9:32, archived)
# some more chemistry-related mayhem...
A good few years back, a mate and I managed to locate some magnesium tape from the chemistry lab at school and had been saving it for a rainy day. We had it in for one of my mates neighbours - something to do with them cutting down a tree we used to climb in and decided to take our revenge. We cut a tin can with a slot down the side so that it fit nicely around the hinge of the neighbours' gate. We then filled the can with a mixture of iron oxide (rust) and some aluminium powder (also from the chemistry lab), stuck the magnesium tape into it, lit it and ran. For the non-chemists out there, this causes what's called the Thermit reaction, which means basically that the aluminium grabs the oxide from the rust leaving pure, molten iron. Hurrah! We then waited for the neighbour to come home...only to find his gate welded shut at the hinge. Oh how we laughed. Looking back, this was pretty evil, I guess, but we was only young...Anyway, the neighbour had to park his car out front for two weeks till someone had come round to de-weld the hinge and somehow we never got found out... if you're out there Mr neighbour - serves you right for cutting down our tree!
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 16:38, archived)
# that is fucking brilliant!
woo to you!
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 20:55, archived)
# hehehe
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 20:59, archived)
# Took a freinds numberplates
off and the first time we put the front on the back and the back on the front... then the next week we took them off again and posted them through his letterbox
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 20:56, archived)
# Left a post it note for my manager
asking her to phone 'Ann' and put the phone number for the local Ann Summers shop.

Very childish
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 20:56, archived)
# not the same ...
but a young and naive Rob walked into a Sue Ryder charity shop. "Mrs Ryder I presume..." Within a few seconds I wanted the ground to swallow me up.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 20:59, archived)
# hehehe
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:01, archived)
# Not the same either
But I once went up to one of those animal cruelty stalls in Camden and asked the bloke how much his posters were.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 9:38, archived)
# And Another Thing !
Cancer Research Shops.
There's never any cancer research going on in them.
Just old ladies trying to flog second-hand tat.

(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 11:26, archived)
Not necessarily.
I saw a 118 shirt in one. (as in 118 118)
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 16:28, archived)
# me too
I walked into local sandwich shop 'Al Fresco' and asked to speak to Al...
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 14:10, archived)
# along the same lines
during a GCSE town survey, I went into an easy listening shop called Pomp & Circumstance, and asked if it was a sole trader, run by partners Mr Pomp and Mr. Circumstance.
(, Sat 25 Oct 2003, 4:27, archived)
# Along the same lines...
My mate sent me a text saying:

"I'm in london at the mo (don't ask). I need to talk to you urgently... VERY IMPORTANT YOU GET IN TOUCH. Call 02079304832 ask for Liz she'll get me for you thanks."

The phone number, I discovered, is for Liz's house - Queen Liz II, to be exact.

(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 10:08, archived)
# Yeah I got
one from my sister asking me to call 020-xxxxxxx (can't remember). She said ask for "Tony, he runs the place". I rang and got through to Downing Street. It was a recorded message saying "if you have recived this number in a text message then hang up, it is the number of the Prime Minister." Bitch.
(, Sat 25 Oct 2003, 3:14, archived)
# but...
couldn't you have just called him back on his mobile?
(, Tue 28 Oct 2003, 13:23, archived)
# ?
whats an ann summers shop
(, Tue 28 Oct 2003, 12:51, archived)
# We were in this pub once,
and they had flat touch-screen thingies on the table, so you could order your food, and drinks, and stuff like that.

you could also play movies, in what seemed like a shell of Windows Media Player, so I said to my mate (who was driving, therefore sober) "See if you can right-click it, to make it full screen."

He held his hand up to the screen, and extended his little finger, and then thought "oh fuck," while my friends and I rolled around in laughter.

Well, it was funny at the time. Really.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 20:57, archived)
# do you use
your little finger to right click?
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 0:42, archived)
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 9:09, archived)
[challenge entry] I use
My driving finger to right click.
You know, the one you hold up when driving.....
(, Mon 27 Oct 2003, 12:02, archived)
# we were in really cheap (mixed) halls - the walls were made from what appeared to be paper mache
Every night for weeks, a friend dampened a patch on the wall (normally with just water) until one night (after pub) he ran at the wall head-first, slammed his head through the wall and shouted "ELLOOO LOVE!".

She didn't find it anywhere near as funny as we did.

Odd that.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:00, archived)
# sounds like we were in the same halls.
Some bloke once fired an arrow through one of the walls apparantly. I used to piss in my sink when it was freezing and block the sink and overflow up. These were shared with the bloke the opposite site to me, he could never work out why his room stank of piss when the heating came on.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:02, archived)
# just remembered another thing i did
was take all the stacking chairs out of the kitchen in halls and leant them againt my mates door. In the morning he opened the door and they fell on him. How much of a cunt did I fell when it broke his wrist
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:07, archived)
# I'm glad
I've never met you
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:10, archived)
# I'm such
a cock, I really am.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:12, archived)
# chairs against the door
I dont know about a cock, you sound like a fucking arse'ole !
(, Sat 25 Oct 2003, 2:22, archived)
# Same thing happened to me
but not as drastic...my flat mates put the ironing board, shopping basket and chair against my door...scared the crap out of me in the nmorning..especially as i was half asleep
(, Tue 28 Oct 2003, 15:17, archived)
# and that, in turn, has reminded me....
end of the first year at uni, and we all had to vacate our halls...
some people, being a bit more organised, had left already and shifted all their stuff out, but rather than handing tehir keys in, they loaned them to us to store our boxes while we were packing, and thenw e'd hand all the keys in in one go.
Sound plan we thought, until it turned out that they were renting the rooms out to some school kids on a weekend trip somewhere(alton towers mebbe?) and they needed some of the rooms, so they made us vacate one of them...
Thus, that night, we filled the kitchen bin with water and propped it up against one of the doors so that when schoolkid who had stolen our storeroom woke up and opened the door they got drenched.
Oh how we laughed, until it turned out that we then had to vacate another room for the next night as we'd flooded that one...oops.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 20:34, archived)
# genius
if a bit stalky
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:02, archived)
# that is great
simply marvelous
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:03, archived)
# ha ha ha!
you crazy students!
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:05, archived)
# Haha
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:05, archived)
# Ala
Vivian, no?
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 22:20, archived)
# Erm
some of my sisters mates went into her room at uni and turned all her posters upside down. ity was quite funny.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:05, archived)
# We tried to do that to our drunk mate...
...he woke up when we where trying to turn his fridge upside down
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 22:35, archived)
# we did that...
to our history teacher who (very kindly) let us use his room to watch videos when the weather was shitty. how did we repay him? we moved the whole room (his desk, the student tables, bookcases, everything) round 90 degrees. he came striding in and bashed his shin on something.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 17:01, archived)
# not that funny
My "friends" borrowed my room keys without my knowledge one evening and went back to mine and completly turned my room upside down and put stuff in my bathroom. About 4 hours later when i went back to my room...i opened my door and i felt so sick...my window was open and i couldnt understand how anyone had got in! I shouted at one of my flat mates who had no idea about it...i was all up for calling the security gaurd till we realised two of the members of our group had dissapeared...but we thought it was for a little adventure of their own if ya get my meaning...i never mentioned it to them. I still owe them one.
(, Tue 28 Oct 2003, 15:22, archived)
# My mate and I once rearranged his flat mates entire room
He had a first date that evening and wanted us out of the flat so that he could impress her.

He was out to begin with and so as we did back then, drank shitloads of vodka and got completely ratted.

We hatched this ingenious plan to ruin his date.

We moved the entire contents of his room into the dining room and re-made his room there. Bed, tables, posters, everything. We pissed ourselves laughing (and probably literally too) and then went out to a club.

We didn't see the reaction but for stories like this, you don't need to........you only need to imagine his horror.

Unfortunately we never put her off him and now he's living in London with her. But it was fun.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:05, archived)
# on a similar note
Me and a mate hung a flatmate's door on backwards.

Lots of humour as he staggered home drunk and couldn't open his door.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:18, archived)
# On a similar note
Not me myself, but friends at Loughborough uni moved someone's room... Loughborough has big towerblock halls, and all the layouts on each floor are identical. They moved a guy from the tenth or whatever floor down to the ground... swapped the room, made it identical. The guy was out getting pissed for his birthday at the time, and when they brought him home, they stuck him in the lift, kept getting out at wrong floors, totally disorientated him until ending up in 'his' room on the ground floor.

Then, about half hour later, they opened the window, and threw him out.

Bear in mind he believed to be 10 floors up at the time... they ran outside to find him flat on his back, pointing upwards saying 'I fell'...
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 7:55, archived)
# I was at loughborough uni
about 15 years ago.
Lived in towers for a 2 years.
I vaguely recall hearing about something like that. Not as funny as the rugby team taking a shit in the lifts. Every. fucking. saturday. night.

My exploits were pretty much limited to hiding fishes under peoples beds just before they went home for the weekend. Heated floors. Nice.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 9:47, archived)
# Hmmmm
heard that story about Stoneham of whatever the tower bloke halls at Southampton Uni are called ..... must be the latest thing the crazy kids are doing ;)
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 16:37, archived)
# Hmmmm
I think it's "happened" at every Uni which has tower block halls. I certainly heard it when at Soton.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 18:15, archived)
# Yes, it's utter bollocks.
Particularly at Lufbra, where because of a lack of basement area the heating units are on the ground floor of Towers and the accommodation starts two storeys up. So, if you did chuck someone out of a room on the lowest floor you'd probably kill them anyway.

There are other variants, such as freaking someone out by jumping from the window and coming back in, or lying at the bottom covered in ketchup waiting for the cleaner.

One we did do was to someone who nicked loads of pint glasses from the bars - filled them with water, up-ended all over the room.

I also got up very late one afternoon in Elvyn Halls to find a wall of beercans built in my doorway.

(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 23:36, archived)
# there's a lot of ex-Lufbra types here ain't there?
I was in Towers hall too until '91. I got in a lift there once, full of furniture, bedding that sort of stuff. Said to the bloke in there.."nice one, which poor tw*t's getting his room done then?"...then I recognised the duvet cover...f*ckers. Still remember the rancid sh*t in the corner of the lifts 1st thing in the morning too..lovely..top 1% of the population my arse.

On the plus side, we soaked the horrid nylon carpet in one guy's room while he was away for the weekend and then planted cress seeds. He had the beginning of a nice lawn by the time he got back.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 19:10, archived)
# Thinking of student carpets...
Golden syrup goes quite well on the carpet outside housemates bedroom from what I've heard...stays sticky for weeks/months/years depending on how drunk my mate is when telling the story...apparently his housemate managed to avoid treading for almost the entire year, and then trod in it barefoot on the last morning they were in the house...
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 20:45, archived)
# I'm a
current-Lufbra type!
In Elvyn.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 9:14, archived)
# lufbra
im a current towers inhabitant! removing toilet doors and leaving them in butler court swamp and covering peoples door handles in marmite is getting old admittedly!
(, Sat 25 Oct 2003, 14:45, archived)
# a couple of my mates
decided to ruin a first date for their flatmate. While the guy was out, they bought loads of porn mags, left them open on the table with tissues scrunched with glue and his glasses, all nicely arranged for when they got home...again, they didn't hang around, just went out, pissing themselves with laughter....
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:32, archived)
# frozen piss
On a very cold night at Uni i found that pissing in a pot, letting it cool, then pouring it all over an ex schoolfriend's crappy beetle including over the ageing locks left a beutiful yellow ice sculpture for the morning that he really didnt want to scrape off himself. Koit, for your reference, Brian Richardson. That will teach him to get ladies well above his league.
or maybe not.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 11:34, archived)
# Sort of similar
We were at University around the same time as mad Joe in Eastenders, the guy who covered his roonm in silver foil and wrote messages on his walls.
Our flatmate was away for the weekend and so at about 3am on Sunday morning we decided to recreate Mad Joe's bedroom. We wrapped all his posseisons in silver foil (stereo, books, table legs etc). We also wrote messages such as 'Satan speaks to me' on paper at stuck them on the walls.
Our flatmate came home on Sunday night and I'm sure he would ahve found it funny had he not brought his mum back with him for a surprise visit.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 14:06, archived)
# After the last England match,
my friend had drunk rather a lot and fallen asleep... in our student union bar. I proceeded to place a crisp packet on his head, like a crown. Someone emptied a pint into his crotch.
Lots of poeple found this amusing. Lots of people had camera phones...
...then we left him.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:09, archived)
you c***!
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 15:49, archived)
# Good ol' uni
We once removed the entire contents of a friend's room in halls while he was out.

Thing was he lived on the first floor and therefore thought it was safe to leave his window open a crack. Took him a long time to find out how we'd got in.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:12, archived)
# My friends
also decided to punish me once for bailing out of a pub-crawl early.

While I was safely tucked up in bed, a few of them carried one of the bins from the courtyard outside (including concrete base) up to my room on the third floor and left it outside my door. The pain in my toes when I kicked the bastard thing in the morning was excruciating.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:15, archived)
# this is going to run and run and run
#2 - older brother again, we used to run about on Honda 90s. i thought it'd be funny one day to take the slide out of his bike so it'd stick at full revs, and he wouldn't be able to start it. I didn't expect him to bump start it into a main road.


#3 - living in a shared house with two of my mates. was watching my mate mow the lawn one day from my room, getting closer and closer to the house, lost in concentration. When he got right up to the house, I leapt out of the first floor window, yelling 'YEEEAAAAARRR!!!!' directly in front of him.

Once he'd recovered, he then proceeded to chase me out of the garden, down our street, and into the middle of the village, where he rugby-tackled me to the ground, jumped on top of me, and started slapping me. I seem to recall yelling 'RAAAAPE!' as well.

Result - something of a 'reputation' in the village, population 200...
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:17, archived)
# At Uni
Me and some flatmates used to run around the local park after dark with bb guns (out of boredom, mainly). One miserable housemate thought this was below him. So, one skirmish evening he called the police.

Fortunately, we were just heading home, but had to leg it from two cop cars and a van. All good fun really
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:17, archived)
# Not really evil, but has a violent ending
in my college dormatory last year, my hallway was very friendly. But you still shouldn't leave your room unlocked and unguarded while you're getting drunk down the hall.
We sneaked in and hid/took everything that wasn't tied down. Matress from a futon, hid all the shoes(about 15 pair) in the refridgerator, switched dresser drawers, etc.
When drunken occupants returned, they became very angry (even though it was only done as a joke). One of them threw a large 5-10 lb rock at the wall in anger, smashing it in a few pieces and leaving a large hole.

what we were doing with the rock in the first place is another story. but lets just say it doesn't take much for a large rock, a well waxed dormatory tile floor and a little bit of soapy water to form a makeshift curling rink
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:21, archived)
# Cambridge fools
Remember visiting a "clever" ;) mate at Cambridge, they punished a bloke who had pulled by removing all the wheels from his car and leaving on bricks on a main road in Cambridge, then broke into his flat and hid a wheel in his fridge. While he was out tipping his filthy cement into some young lady. imagine his surprise when he came home :)
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 16:44, archived)
# Just rememberred..
cos this was years ago. I was on a youth-group week away thing, staying in a church hall. Curiously, it had a rather nice lounge room, with a fairly low ceiling with those crappy pannels.

After virtually everyone had slunk off to their sleeping bags me and a lass spent a good while hanging everyone's shoes by the lases/straps from the ceiling, thanks to the support bits and tiles pinning them in place.

When we woke in the morning it wasn't as funny as it seemed the night before, until nobody could find their footwear, dangle a foot above them
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:27, archived)
# shoes
This guy i know glued his flatmates shoes to the ceiling.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 16:57, archived)
# i remember in primary school
we put a kid upside down in a bin attached to the wall. it was a deep bin too. h couldnt tip it, and he couldnt get out. was very amusing at the time.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:35, archived)
# Blair Witch?
One bored night at our University me and a freind were watching the blair witch project, now if youve seen it you might know the end where the woman is screaming just before she is murdered.

We decided to record this onto our answering machine, and wait for our other housemate to get back, who we knew would have seen his girlfriend that day.

When he got back, the three of us pretended to be serious and grave, after asking about how long ago he had seen her, we played the message of blood curdling screams.

After seing his face we pretty rapidly decided to tell him the truth ...

I still beleive its a pretty evil trick to play ...
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:39, archived)
# Another hilarious "when I was in a student hall" story
Sellotape, sticky side outwards, laced back and forth in the mini-corridoor leading up to the victim's room. Just to make sure he didn't see it, we removed the light bulb outside the room. It appears that pissed people don't notice sellotape until they're completely wrapped up in it.

As with all these stories, it amused us at the time.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 21:43, archived)
# I'll join in
third floor of the Colorado Belle casino in Laughlin, NV

we took police caution (yellow warning) tape and strung/tied it from door handle to door handle all the way down the corridor. Raced back up the corridor and unscrewed all the light bulbs as we went along. When we reached the end of the corridor and fire escape, we banged on the first door and legged. I can only hope the results were something like we planned.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 22:06, archived)
# On the subject of police warning tape
weell....according to mark, a 3rd year, a couple years back there was a stoner kid in the halls i now live in.

so they decided while he was out to just stick police line tape on his door.

he literally shat himself

(, Sat 25 Oct 2003, 21:22, archived)
# the cunts
that were my flat mates put a maggot in my glass of water, set fire to my carpet, threw a cake tin lid at my face, pissed in my cider, spent one night beating the shit out of me, took naked photos of me in the shower. they said they were pranks.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 22:09, archived)
# Cunts
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 22:14, archived)
# but
last week i chucked *most* of my mates soft stuff outta his fourth floor window...his cushions, duvet, pillows, clothes, shoes and best of all his mattress. and i decided the other night it'd be a really good idea to stick 30 slices of cheap sainsburys ham to the windows and carve out the words "ace ham" in ham.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 22:14, archived)
# I suppose
thats redeems it some ... did you go a university specifically for cunts or something?
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 22:17, archived)
# yeah
cheltenham. don't go.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 22:18, archived)
# Hahaha
I just moved there 4 weeks ago ...
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 22:24, archived)
# Been here
for years now. Pretty fed up of the place really.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 14:56, archived)
# Would that be....
Cheltenham Ladies College? ;)
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 16:48, archived)
# Suprised you..
...haven't put fairy liquid in Neptunes Fountain yet, its about this time of year it happens....
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 17:38, archived)
# ...
So it was you, about 2/3 weeks ago??

haha. tesco value, nice choice!
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 15:15, archived)
# ...
So it was you, armed with 2 bottles of tesco value, about two or 3 weeks ago then?
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 15:34, archived)
# Alas no..
...not this time...its pretty though isn't it!
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 16:58, archived)
# Bloody Hell Cheltenham sucked!!
I went to Cheltenham Uni. Crap it was. Used to get kicked out of 'Time' and 'Sub Zero' for getting really drunk and then telling the owner when they said I'd enough "Do you know who I am" to which they would always tell a large black man to throw me out!

I have quite an elaborate Prank that I played on a mate in halls. I changed my name in his mobile phone so that when I texted him it brought up hi ex girlfriends name. I then (when he walked into the kitchen after a night with his new girlfriend) texted him telling him that I had (ex girlfriend had) a STD check and it had thrown up some serious complications, and that he should call me imediately. My mate went very white, and his new girlfriend asked him what was wrong, to which he just said that one of his mates at home had texted him with some bad news and he had to make a call. I could/hould have stopped it there, but I (and three other uni boys) heard him call up his ex and ask her about an STD test.. Which she had never really had... Bloody brilliant!!
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 16:47, archived)
# That reminds me...
I woke up one morning to find one wall of my room covered in thousands of little black flies.

It seems that one of my flat mates thought it would be funny to put a couple of lamb chops in one of my pot plants, weeks before.

This was replied to by hiding a few chops under his bed - with similar results.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 9:27, archived)
# Maybe my head's just in the wrong (right) place, but
Did you just say "pot plants?" Is that the UK equivalent of a potted plant, I hope? I'd say it's beyond a prank to sabotage your pot plant!
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 15:22, archived)
# not terribly evil
but I told a student to go to the Science Prep room and ask for a "Long Weight", and he did. Its not very evil but I can't belive he fell for it!
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 22:11, archived)
# Anyone ...
... that stupid deserves such treatment.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 22:15, archived)
# I feel for that one
on my work experience at school - sad thing was, I was so bored with nothing to do that I didn't mind...
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 23:31, archived)
# bucket of steam worked on someone I knew!
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:37, archived)
# Well, I didn't actually do this....
Rather, it was done to me. When I was little (maybe 5 or 6 years old) my brother and a friend of his both started acting like they had just had something especially good to eat. naturally I enquired, and they said that they had had malted milkballs, and offered to give me one. What they gave me looked quite suspicious, but with great effort they convinced me to taste it. Dubiously, I licked the "milkball", and...

It was a ball of mud with a snail in it.

Naturally I can use this as emotional blackmail for the rest of my life--he's very sorry about it now--but it was an unusually bad prank. Especialy since he and his friend had to try so hard to make me do it.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 22:17, archived)
# ah, big brothers
when we were kids, my brother had a Britains truck, that I wanted more than anything in the world. I saved up my pocket money for ages and eventually bought a Britains tractor and trailer, which I swapped with him for it.

I was so happy...until one day i came back from school to find him with half of my truck in one hand. It seemed that he'd decided to make it into an authentic truckbed trailer - so he'd cut it in half with a hacksaw and glued a trailer hitch onto it.

I use it as emotional blackmail to this day.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 22:35, archived)
# abatoir japes
my sister is 7rs older than me and when I was really young she used to go down the road to the local abatoir and get a pigs head
bring it back and put me in a wheelbarrow and whizz me round the garden, lots of fun until she started rolling over the pig's head with it...scarred for life i am....being 27 now she is considerably smaller than me and i can exact my revenge regularly :-)
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 12:31, archived)
# A long time ago
I pulled a similar prank on my lil sis. She was maybe 5 or 6 at the time. I put some cinnamon on my finger, and told her it was cayenne powder. I licked it off my finger and made a happy face, then held out the jar of cayenne powder for her to try some. She did, and immediately ran to the faucet for some water. She is still mad at me about that, some 10+ years later.
(, Sun 26 Oct 2003, 1:28, archived)
# Bruvvers are bastards
Mine and his mate were about 8 years old and had had his mate's 4 year old cousin tagging along with them for most of the day so they stopped at the bottom of our steps and both Bruvver and mate pretended to eat a birdseye chilli from the plant there, telling cuz that it was delicious. Poor little sod - fell for it and they cacked themselves laughing. (I did later when they both got a whalloping!)
(, Sun 26 Oct 2003, 7:51, archived)
# Once
I froze a can of shaving cream till it was solid, cut it in half and put the solid cream in my mate's room. When they melt, they expand and there is a bloody lot of shaving cream in those tins.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 22:22, archived)
# Foamtastic
where did you get the LN2 to cool it?
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 23:00, archived)
# similar except
un-frozen can + mates bedroom + air rifle = same sort of effect except the can spins around like fuck spraying it everywhere including the ceiling.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:41, archived)
# did you actually manage that?
Cause I heard it was, you know, physically impossible
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 16:48, archived)
# I'm gonna
use that one.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 18:19, archived)
# perfectly possible,
it's the aerosol propellant stuff that doesn't freeze, and that can sort of... kill you, so you have to saw it open outside.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 2:14, archived)
# I got one of those nigerian scam emails last year....
And one of my housemates was irritating me greatly, so I replied to the scammer and asked him to give 'me' a call, obviously including my housemate's mobile number.

Middle of the night, I get woken by half of a very confused conversation, with lots of "Eh?" "What?" "How did you get my number"?

Now, due to my housemate's northern accent, neither side in the conversation really knew what the other was on about, so when the scammer eventually wrote back to me, I explained that the line was bad and asked him to call back the next night.

After ringing my housemate up in the middle of the night and barking incomprehensible english in a nigerian accent for most of a week, the scammer eventually got bored and stoppped calling.

Shame :)
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 22:32, archived)
# My flat mate at Uni
( he is probably reading this) ate nothing but marmite on toast and coffee for the first 2 years. He arrived home from a club early one Sunday morning still out of his mind on E. I chatted to him about the previous night and each time he looked away I turned off the grill. Every couple of minutes he would check his toast and look confused. By keeping a straight face this went on for over 40 minutes before he gave up and went to bed.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 22:40, archived)
# Another
toast related story involving my flat mate at Uni. The grill had a metal handle so one day I decided on an experiment and left the oven on for 3 hours. When he came in that evening and went to make himself something to eat ……………
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 22:41, archived)
# but thats..
not funny, just plain sick
(, Mon 27 Oct 2003, 13:52, archived)
# My brothers mates...
...often played nasty tricks on him.

One of the most memorable was to re-arrange his bedroom whilst he was out drinking, and to put the bed underneath the light fitting. They then took the light bulb out of the fitting, and placed it neatly in the bedclothes, directly underneath the fitting, as if it had fallen out.

They moved the cupboards over to the other side of the room, but left everything that was on the cupboards on the floor where the cupboard used to be, still arranged as they were on top of the cupboard.

He was rather pissed when he got back, clambered straight into the wall where he thought the bed was, fumbled around for the light switch, found the lights wouldn't come on, so he tried to find his bed. He found out, climbed in, only to find they'd put loads of dry leaves in between his sheets :)

Another memorable one was the "Fish Prank Of Legends".

My brother had two goldfish. For some reason, he kept them in separate bowls. One night, whilst he was drinking, his mates bought another goldfish and put it in one of the bowls.

My brother woke up the following morning, went to feed the fish, and noticed the extra one. He actually went into a pet shop to ask if baby fish were the same size as the adults shortly after being born. He was laughed out of the shop ;)

Baffled by his extra guest, he went for a drink at the pub, whereupon the barman approached him (having been let in on the gag) and said, "Mike? Why the hell were you hanging around my fish pond at 3am this morning, stark bollock naked?" :D

Much hilarity ensued ;)
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 22:41, archived)
# 'Barely Dressed' in Cockfosters.
There was a ladies underwear store in Cockfosters called 'Barely Dressed'. It was next to the local bakery/cafe, our hang-out when 12/13. There was one person in our group of friends who lived on the far-side from where we were coming from, so we told him to wait outside for us and we'll meet him there. I noticed him pacing up and down waiting for us, and he was mainly outside the underwear shop. I dashed to the payphone down the road and call up the shop.

I said "My friend is coming to see you now, and wants to buy something nice for his mum'n'dads weeding anniversary, but is very embarrassed. Would you mind showing him something nice?" And the very nice lady understood that this sweet young boy wants to get something for his parents but was nervus.

She noticed him pacing around outside and showed him in. Im not sure what happened, but he was in there for a good 10 minutes.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 22:48, archived)
# Acid and chocolate - the wonder years
In my younger and more drug addled days, me and four friends decided to do some acid. Me and my two closer friends had done this far too many times already, but the new guy was a first timer.

As the trip kicked in we all simultaneously decided to stop talking and just 'mouth' the words to each other, except obviously for the new guy.

We pretended to hold deep conversations in silence as he got more and more confused, then paranoid and finally hysterical. Crying, in fact.

Eventually he passed out upstairs in a gibbering wreck. Once we were absolutely sure he was asleep, we undid his trousers and nestled a Marathon (snickers) bar into his underpants.

As he woke up in the morning, feeling none the brighter, he must at some point have realised there was a nagging, heavy prescence in his loins and then discovered a melted chocolate and peanut mess in his calvins.

Whilst we didn't witness the horrified look of discovery, we did see him come downstairs in an uncomfortable manner and try to pretend that nothing untoward had happened.

None of us ever mentioned the incident again.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 23:01, archived)
# That ...
...Is one of the funniest fucking stories I have ever read.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 23:09, archived)
# i like that
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 23:29, archived)
# That reminds me of a very similar thing that happened to me...
There used to be motorbike road races in the town I'm from, which basically meant going on the complete rip for the weekend.

On the first day of the festivities we persuaded this chippie van to park out the front of the house that we were doing all the partying in, mostly because it's a very small town and the more screening we could get the better.

The night after that one of the lads, in his infinite wisdom, decided to break into the van and steal every single chocolate bar they had. Little did I realise the significance this would have later on.

When a few of us had passed out from the days activities the absolute demonic swine that were still awake put a couple of bars of chocolate down the front of my jocks and down the back of one of the other lads jocks.

Now, I woke up pretty early and the fact that the chocolate hadn't set yet combined with the fact that I was still hammered meant that I didn't notice anything was awry. So cheery as you like I ambled down the stairs, into the living room and set up shop on the couch with some smoke and cans (about 9am). The lads were all nearly killing themselves laughing at me but I was in too much of a mess to notice anything.

Skip forward 3 hours I was still on the couch getting nicely toasted, and everyone had pretty much forgotten what they had done to me as I was too clueless to cop on to the fact that they were laughing at me not with me when I came down the stairs. Suddenly my mate lets out a roar from upstairs and comes pelting down shouting blue murder as "that tore all the hair out of my arse, you bastards".

Much to everyone else's amusment I was in tears of laughter along with everyone else. First they were laughing at him, then they were laughing at me laughing at him, then they told my friend who had just come down the stairs about my situation and he instantly forgot his pain had a good laugh at me aswell.

About another hour later I decided the time had come to go next door (where I lived) and get myself cleaned up.

As I was unaware anything was amiss I jumped up of the couch, in one stroke viciously ripped out half of my pubic hair and fell on the ground in extreme pain. My mates laughter earlier on suddenly made sense, and knowing that I'd made an idiot out of myself taking the piss out of my mate earlier on multiplied the agony of the situation.

My God almighty it was painfull.

At least I got some kicks out of the situation though, I came out of the shower only to find my dog was half way through eating my jocks.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 9:27, archived)
# That
is cuntish behaviour. Making your mate cry on a trip? Wow.

The chocolate's funny, though.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 14:55, archived)
# it is the worst kind of "prank"
no one should be fucked with while tripping.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 19:31, archived)
# You
evil, evil bastards. Messing with peoples head when they're on acid could be pontentially dangerous, specially if it was his first time.
Cruel, very cruel......
(, Sun 26 Oct 2003, 12:01, archived)
# Was that near.....
Peking Inn??? That place was the butt of many a joke phone call...
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 23:33, archived)
# Yep, across the road, and down towards Cat Hill a bit.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 1:50, archived)
# At college (surprise surprise)
we realised that the carpet tiles were not only loose, but that there were some in a darker shade than others.

so we did the obvious thing and started replacing the tiles in front of the cctv cameras so that they spelled rude words. actually they weren't that rude because we only had space for 3 letters, until we uprooted the entire common room to spell out the word 'cunt' in big letters. it took the security people ages to notice.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 23:07, archived)
# hmm...
well, one time i told this kid in the year below me at school that if you look at the sky too long, the clouds would try to fall on you... he was lying on the school field looking at the clouds at the time }:)

or there could have been the time we buried a kid in sand in the sandbox, and said that if he moved, the ants that lived in the sand would eat him alive
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 23:08, archived)
# i burnt down a disabled boy's home
i made sure he was out at a 'fire safety' talk so that he wouldn't die, i didn't want to be harsh.

his parents and 4 month old brother were in though, and with their parkinsons' they'll be knock knock knockin on heavens door.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 23:16, archived)
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 23:20, archived)
# wait.. there's more
I went to school with a really obese kid called Andrew. And by obese I mean michellin man style lagging on his legs.

Anyway, he left his gym kit out in the changing rooms just before the P.E. lesson started. I don't know whether I just saw my chance or fate decided, but I seized my day and, with the aid of a ice lolly stick, smeared a streak of thick mud down the inside of his white nylon shorts.

As Andrew emerged from the changing rooms to face his fellow peers, and as an unexpected bonus the girl's netball squad, my carefully chosen henchmen shrieked 'he's shit his pants'

For the rest of his 2 remaining school years he was known as 'The Shittypants Kid' and also, quite bizarrely, 'Chicken Giblets'. I knew my work was complete.

Incidentally I met his brother about 6 years after I left school. I enquired after Andrew and discovered that he was blind due to the same illness that had caused his weight problem and that he had hid this from his classmates.

(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 23:32, archived)
# worst prank ever
When my mate passed out due too much drink for the third time in a month, it was deemed appropriate to teach him a lesson - so myself and my 2 mates each gave our pubes a quick trim and gave his face a nice sprinkling of cheesey hairs - "parmezaning" we called it.

Amazingly were still best mates with him, but were always very watchful when drunk around him these days.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 23:42, archived)
# The college years
It's been over a decade (1987) so I think it's safe to mention without endangering my friend's well being. This friend had a father who was a VP at Procter & Gamble: he had access to their main warehouse in Honolulu and occasionally fun and odd things were found in the unregistered inventory (why a complete 8mm camcorder rig showed up there we never found out but it proved to be one of the key ingredients in our on-campus entertainment afterwards). He also had access to their packing and shipping center so when it came time to play a prank on an especially offensive campus resident we were given access to the foam peanuts and as many as we could truck away: for the price of a heavy duty truck rental we obtained enough bagged foam peanuts to fill his room with (minus the bags) and it was damned near to the ceiling. The logisitics were tricker than most would think and involved creating a cardboard wall from which the filling would occur in later stages and built up as the peanuts approached the ceiling. The final work involved securely attaching a bunch of strings to each cardboard panel and leading them out the main door. Once the room was filled to our satisfaction we exited, relocked the door and then pulled the strings, collapsing the wall with a satisfying rush of peanuts filling the space. We cleaned up the remaining debris poking out under the doorjamb and awaited the fellow's return. That happened during my second year at the college: new residents moving in were still finding the occasional odd bit of packing foam when I finally cleared out during my fifth year.

Two years later we were being plagued by a really tough case whose skull and skin were much thicker than the norm. Towards his rehabilitation I sacrificed a surplus electrical WWII air raid siren (back when Big 88 was still in the business of selling military surplus at bargain prices) and an old but robust coffee pot timer (60s vintage, all steel, I still miss that most of all). The beds in the dormitory were set up as a stacked series of box frames and were hollow inside with an air passage leading out from beneath the bed platform which was glued in place: you had to bodily lift the frame in order to put anything beneath it and even with the mattress removed it required two people for the task. During one of this fellow's drunken carousals in Waikiki we snuck into his room with a master key that conveniently appeared shortly before and disappeared shortly after the work and secreted the gear beneath the bed frame, running the power cord from the timer beneath the bed frame and into a power outlet which fortunately was right next to the bed where it contacted the wall. We set the timer for a decent return time (approximately 0245) and returned to our third floor viewing spot to survey the pending mayhem. The fellow returned, blasted as per usual and yelling out some tuneless song at the top of his lungs. He could not figure out how to open the large glass doors leading to the lower lobby so with one gigantic kick he blasted the door's full length glass center from its frame as had happened twice before: the glass never broke but he was continually destroying the aluminum locking pieces which held it in. He staggered back to his room, closed the door and doused the lights a little after 0200. As the timer was not especially precise it actually activated shortly after 0230. The siren was of the rotary/chopper type so it took a few seconds to actually start making real noise as it spun up but by the time we could hear the rising wail the lights were on in the target's dormitory room and we could see him through the pebbled glass louvers thrashing about in an attempt to locate the source of the sound. Several other dormitory room lights were on and a bunch of extremely irate students were gathering around his room, pounding on his door and yelling at him to turn the noise off. He eventually started to tear apart the bedframe by which time we were having so much difficulty laughing we retired to our upper floor room and hid deep in the shared bathroom area (two suites shared a single bathroom area in the layout) until we could get ourselves under control. By then the noisemaker had been deactivated and the poor little timer smashed into a jagged ruin as we confirmed later. Everyone who learned about the stunt's origins and reasons afterwards thanked us after the poison pill had transferred to a campus more supportive of rowdy partying versus academics and restrained partying.

One other bit of fun I had with a few other friends over the years there involved a pair of binoculars or spotting scope, a programmable IR remote control and the Tyron infrared remote signal booster. I have been notified that the maker seems aware of the use of this product for similar pranks and has since dramatically reduced its power output, but when it first came out this little enhancement would extend the effectiveness of IR controllers to over a hundred yards. When we were really bored we would scan the dormitories until we spotted one with an active television set or VCR and then use the scope to determine what brand of equipment was in use. It was straightforward at that point to punch in the proper code sequence and then, with the booster in place (it used a 9V battery to power its brute force LEDs) see what mayhem we could cause. Few ever figured out what was going on but the best times we had centered around a special a/v stack set up in the all-girls dorm: they had a large TV, VCR and cable feed box secured to the massive central table with stainless steel straps and the residents there would gather around the screen at night and on weekends to watch their favorite shows or rental tapes. Once we entered the codes for each device we would alter their programming and switch channels on a whim. One particular evening's antics I still remember clearly: I was scanning the screen and said, "it looks like they're watching St. Elsewhere," upon which I heard from behind me, "fuck that: they're watching The A-Team!!!" and bing! the set switched over to the desired channel. The girls would stare at the screen for a few seconds and then attempt to use their remote control to switch back the set. This went back and forth for a few minutes until one of us became bored with that and turned the power off to the set. I rather hope we made a few of those students neurotic: for some odd reason the all-girls dormitory was always whichever dorm received all the remodeling work that year and by year's end it invariably was the most trashed of the buildings on campus. The rest of the dorm residents were not happy with the amazons' behavior.

The most cruel prank I was ever a part of involved a student who most likely never remembered any of his weekends up until one particular event while in college: every Friday evening he proceeded to become so plastered he was nonfunctional until Sunday afternoon when he would appear at the dining commons looking terrible and mumbling "never again" or something like that as he slowly put food in his mouth. I contacted an especially lovely cousin and explained the idea for the prank to her, to which she smilingly agreed. A word about this cousin: she has the timeless beauty which makes young women wish they, at 20, had the skin and looks she has at 50; a real Oil of Olay model. She was the star daughter of one of the oldest non-native families in Hawai'i and has the uncanny ability only the old money has to convey the feeling of immense power held in check even while sitting and reading a storybook to children. She proceeded to intercept and distract the target after his last class that Friday afternoon and invited him to dinner, redelivering him to the campus later that evening with a promise to pick him up the next day and visit some other areas of the island. The next day the planned excursion involved a trip to the Bishop Museum, the Honolulu Academy of Arts and finally an afternoon stop at the Botanic Gardens situated on an estate bordering the Pali Highway. It was there that she dropped the bomb on him, likely sitting on one of the antique stone benches scattered around the grounds. She basically told him, "I'm pregnant, it was definitely you that weekend and daddy says we have to get married." Apparently the shock was so great he became emotionally catatonic and did not remember any of the rest of the afternoon, including her walking him back to the car and dropping him off on the campus, never to encounter him again. That next Sunday he appeared in the dining commons sober for the first time ever: he still looked like hell and I don't think he ever fully recovered from the shock of that particular prank. I am surprised he did not call her bluff and agree to the proposal.

Thank you for your time.
(, Tue 21 Oct 2003, 23:52, archived)
# Blair Witch
Went to see the Blair Witch Project with a friend and ended up staying over at theirs after having a few at 'Frankie and Benny's' afterwards. They were a little more worse for wear than me. As i had to get up early the next day and knew that they would be sleeping...i stacked a chest of drawers, an armchair and a hoover against their bedroom door and followed all the way up the hallway with stacks of cutlery and general kitchen stuff in crucifixes.
I then left the house.
Needless to say they were seriously spooked when they woke up the next day!
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 0:02, archived)
# When I was 15
I used to play pool for a pub side on Monday nights. I didn't get on with the pub captain, who wouldn't select me to play for the side, despite the fact that I used to be pretty much the best player there. I turned up week after week, each time he'd say "Come back next week, you'll get a game".

One week, I'd had enough.

I went to the british pool association's website, copied their logo, and forged a letter from them saying that as I was clearly a more advanced player, he as captain was obliged to pick me otherwise the team would face expulsion from the league.

I posted this to my uncle in London, and got him to post it back to the pub, so that it would have a London postmark.

The captain and landlord both believed it, and after threatening me, the captain wrote back (to the fake address that I specified, as well as a copy to me) about 5 pages of extremely small text about what a crap player I was.

I then wrote back, again pretending to be the British Pool association, saying that I had tape recorded conversations that proved that I was telling the truth. Unless the captain made a complete and full apology the team would be kicked out of the league. He half apologised, but refused to pick me.

Content that I'd made a big enough tit out of him, I then sent him a letter from the British pool association saying that due to a technical error, they had accidently sent several pages of made up bollocks to him, and so he shouldn't have believed any of the previous letters...

He was fucking spare. He then got drunk, challenged me to the best of 3 at pool, I won 2-1. best of 3 became best of 5, which I won 3-1. I left it at that...
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 0:21, archived)
# I hid a loudspeaker in my sister's bedroom when she was 8
and played BBC death and horror sound effects vol2 - Sweeney Todd, and Buried Alive as she was trying to get to sleep. She still doesn't like the dark to this day

(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 0:28, archived)
# Hmmm. *grin*
I know where to buy the preparations for MY halloween prank this year. MWAHAHAHA!

Nice one!
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 23:38, archived)
# Lame revenge: the best kind of revenge
I briefly worked as a temp for a company who decided to use my considerable talents as a tea-boy. One of the workers in the office was a real twunt and used to whistle at me to indicate that he was ready for a cup of tea. He used to have his tea in a massive pint mug with three sugars (and then bitch if it wasn't the exact right shade of brown - twunt).

After humiliating me in the office for making it "too milky" one time, I finally lost my cool and decided to teach him a lesson. Over the next three months I minutely increased the number of sugars that he had in his tea, until by the end of my tour of duty he was on close to eighteen spoons per mug.

Then he got diabetes.

(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 0:46, archived)
# i giggle
at that
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 1:31, archived)
# I chuckeled almost like a mad-man at that.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 1:53, archived)
# heh
That's like in the Twits where Mr Twit convinces Mrs Twit she has the Dreaded Shrinks.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 9:46, archived)
# "You're shrinking, woman!!"
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 20:13, archived)
# It's a pity he didn't drink coffee
Spit makes a very frothy cappuccino from instant stuff.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 9:52, archived)
# we just went to...
....20 sugars poured into the tea but not staired.

As victim drank said tea it gradually got sweater until he was left with a big pile of goo in the bottom.

We used brown sugar too.

Hiding sweeteners in food can be fun too
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 1:23, archived)
# have you
ever eaten a sweetener? it's a taste sensation unliek any other.
it hurts not too laugh at these but i'm in the uni librabrbarby. ow.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 16:07, archived)
# Deafness!
A mate of mine (who we'll call 'E') had a free house when his parents went away, back in our school days. Him, me and another mate ('M') crowded round and began drinking crap 80p-a-bottle dutch lager (as you do when you're underage) M got drunk way faster than me or E, and E had this really nice stereo, which happenned to have a wake-up timer on it. We took his inner-ear headphones and sat them next to M's ears as he was sleeping, about an inch from his ears, and then turned the volume on the stereo up to maximum, inserted a Rage Against the Machine CD and set the timer for two minutes. We then ran upstairs giggling like the drunken idiots we were. Two minutes later, we could actually hear the noise from upstairs. M woke up with a splitting headache, rather stroppy, and it didn't really help that E had written "GAY" on his forhead in permanent marker either. He couldn't hear properly for a few days.

He got us back though, I had a penis drawn on my forhead the following night (which took an hour of continual scrubbing with soap and a nailbrush to remove) and E woke up looking like The Crow.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 0:47, archived)
# this guy i lived with last year called
me a cunt one too many times. so, i used his scanner to scan my face and set it as his computers wallpaper, set his computer to make loud noises in the middle of the night, stole his keyboard and sellotaped it to the underside of the kithchen table, removed his matress and put it on the roof of the bike shed outside our hall of residence and replaced it with an ironing board, took all of the labels off his tins in his cupboard (he had about fifty), drew faces on all his potatoes and used post it notes to cover his room with bible quotes. i also shredded his cheese and sugar puffs through a mister frosty.
he was less than thrilled.
a few days later we decided to pick a different guys car up and move it round the corner.
that was funny.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 1:02, archived)
# Actually now you mention fiddling with computers
my old Business Studies teacher was the stupidest person you could ever imagine, and she was trying to teach us Business Studies and IT, when it was clear (to us anyway) that 90% of the class knew a lot more about computers than her. This was around the time that X-files episode came on where all the screen devices flash the word 'Kill' at random intervals. I programmed her computer to do this. As if this was not enough, me and a few mates managed to synchronise all the computers (Acorns) in the room to all scream obscenities at the same time after a 20-minute time delay. We snuck into the classroom 10 minutes before the lesson started in order to set them up. In addition, I have one of those watches that has a built-in remote control (which had only just come out at the time) and every time she tried to show us a video I began messing around with it. She actually sent the video back to the manufacturer claiming it was broken. Pranks like this happenned every lesson for two years. It took her a year and a half to work out that it was someone in the class doing it. She was fired the year I finished school. I miss her. I really do.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 1:47, archived)
# games
I used to throw screwdrivers into the classroom ceiling before lessons so during lessons we would get raining screwdrivers...

I once had a 20 people soggy bog roll fight in a chapel that we had hired then the viccer walked in.... whopse

we used to put evil shit on coins then laugh at all the grannies pickign them up.

a friend of a friend got a new mobile so my mate kept sending txts saying "battery low" so he kept in on charge for 2 weeks before he realised...

used to hack into my colleges computers and display rude messages on login.

oh the fun
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 3:24, archived)
a friend of a friend got a new mobile so my mate kept sending txts saying "battery low" so he kept in on charge for 2 weeks before he realised...

heh thats good - i changed my mates display to read 'no signal' ... confused him for a while that did :)

(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 9:28, archived)
# or...
"a friend of a friend got a new mobile so my mate kept sending txts saying "battery low" so he kept in on charge for 2 weeks before he realised...

heh thats good - i changed my mates display to read 'no signal' ... confused him for a while that did :)"
hehe! or the one that says "opening" with the graphic, so you sit there for ages waiting for nothing to open..hardy har
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 14:24, archived)
I friend of mine changed his colleagues phone so it used an arabic (or similer) character set. Took him ages to get it back as he couldn't read the menus to change it back to english
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 16:27, archived)
# mwo ha ha
one of the girls in my class at high school did that to me [ dutch or sommit] luckily i knew the restore lanuage code for my model.

unfortunately for her she didn't know one for her's and she couldn't speak greek. the menus were text based [few years back now] so she went in the huff wae me for ages. which was a shame because she was(is much more so now) hot
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 0:40, archived)
# My mate
set the welcome message on his gran's new mobile to "This phone will explode in 5 seconds". When she first saw the message, she screamed and dropped it into a sink-full of washing up.

He has to buy her a new phone, but says it was worth it.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 11:42, archived)
# I did that...
...but I changed it to Dutch, then panicked, turned it off, and managed to lock it when I discovered it had a PIN number on the start-up thing.
I hid it for the rest of the week, and then gave it to her when she left.
So it's not actually a practical joke, more like something really stupid that i didn't mean to do.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 19:17, archived)
# Try putting an operator logo saying...
....1 message received on someones phone
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 1:26, archived)
# You didn't go to Camp Hill did you?
Just wondering.. 'cos that teacher of yours sounds EXACTLY like my old boss when I worked there!!
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 11:43, archived)
# Moving objects around
reminds me of when my mate bought a new Triumph motorbike and couldn't have been more proud. He just kept talking about this bloody thing.

One day he came round to our house and got stoned with a load of other people we had round, and while he was almost comatose on some real Morrocan Black, a few of us went outside and pushed his bike, which he had neglected to lock up (we were his friends for christsakes), round the corner.

We went back in and toked some more and after a while, someone wandered up to the window and said "Ere Des, someone's nicked your bike."
Despite being stoned, he shot out of the chair, glared out of the window........and burst into tears like a bitch with a skinned knee.

We really dind't expect that and he really started blubbering, then slide down the wall to the floor and started to really bawl, with tears just streaming down his face and loads of snot and stuff. Then someone went out side, had a look around and announced that it was round the corner and some kids must have moved it, which just made him cry even more - probably from relief. It was very weird to be stoned and watching this.....
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 9:35, archived)
# another horrible story
I have a friend who is so very scared of everything - I pull a lot of little pranks on her. She is never amused. I stayed at her house on her birthday. We rented The Ring. She hid and squealed every time something remotely scary happened. Dinner comes along. I excuse myself to the bathroom, but instead go to her bedroom and take her mobile - and then from the bathroom call her home number. She answers. Silence for a few moments.."hello?" and another few seconds later: "SEVEN DAYS." Needless to say she dropped the phone, ran out of the house and leaped inside her shed, screaming all the way. She never actually understood what happened until a few hours later. I was pushed into a swimming pool.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 2:48, archived)
# I used to live
in a shared house, and no one locked their doors. We'd only perform minor pranks on each other, though. Two of the guys used to go out and find the most graphic gay porn they could, download it onto the other's computers, and make it into a password-protected screensaver. Good times.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 2:57, archived)
# Always password protect your work
Many moons ago in student house in Manor House .... housemate was writing a project for his economics degree, finished a paragraph with "as Harding stated." .... FORCED you understand by the laws of comedy, we changed it to "and Harding stated that felching was most salubrious" ... did he proof-read it before submitting? did he f*ck .... did we laugh? I nearly soiled myself :)
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 10:45, archived)
# 6th form
did this MANY times at college... even putting stuff in capitals in work... queue the Business Studies teacher inviting One person up to the front of class to read their "paragraph" with contained the words "WIBBLE WIBBLE FLOP" in caps in the middle of a sentence..

Also at uni we played the "using a word" game.. where someone though of a word and you had to use it in a sentence in your report...

good examples are

"Young males are considered the JISM of society"


"In the same BENDY STRAW marketing strategy"
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 12:15, archived)
# my computing a-level teacher
considered himself the don of all things computer related. however, every single handout he ever had printed (usually 2 or 3 a week) contained the word donkey. he never found the hacker that did this. har de har har
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 17:34, archived)
# we did that
we drew up a whole list of words and had various points for each, the highest scoring being "eke eke eke pitang, zoop boing bleaughru". I got "bottom face" 3 times and "played with her breasts" once in one assignment.
(, Sat 25 Oct 2003, 16:41, archived)
# This happened in a mate's lab at Univeristy when he was doing his PhD
Someone had left their final draft of their PhD thesis on one of the lab computers. Somebody did a replace on all occurences of the word 'organism' to 'orgasm'. They didn't notice until after they had submitted the thesis.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 17:29, archived)
# We made his girlfriend cry.
Together with a compatriot of mine, we wallpapered a friend's bedroom with porn while said friend was out at dinner with his girl... lots and lots of hardcore porn, taken from magazines of various fetishes and sexual orientations. Wall to wall porn, floor to ceiling, and even on the ceiling.

We later found out that his girl had never seen porn before. She had never even seen a single porno mag or porn site on the Internet. Apparently, the sudden exposure to wall-to-wall reproductive anatomy & explicit shagging was too much for the poor girl to bear, and she broke down into hysterical unconsolable sobbing.

We laughed anyway.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 3:04, archived)
# Me being nosey, but
are they still together?
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 12:04, archived)
# Yes
But neither of them will speak to me.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 8:57, archived)
# Pure Halarious!
EArgh, I have spammed someone's (a dormmate of mine) account on Hotmail/yahoo to have , you know, at Newgrounds.com it asks you to sign up for "various Webzines" such as "Tit news monthly" sometimes? In case you haven't noticed, they make good spam to 23 year old men with girlfriends. Grr. Poor guy shrieked at the top of his lungs, and busted a few blood vessels in his face when he checked his mail. even worse, his Girl had his password and log-in. She got the same spamtreatment the next time we heard of her. *Grin*
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 23:48, archived)
# A few years ago - here in the US,
a friend of mine came round for dinner with me and (now ex) hubby. She brought the board game of "Who Wants to Win A King Size Twix be a Millionaire".
Now my girlfriend is well known for being thick as pigshit, and my hubby fancies himself as a bit of a know-it-all.
I buggered up early on in the game, so it was decided I'd ask the questions. At about the $1000 mark (yes, I really fucked up before then) my friend was stumbling over an answer, so I started using my fingers to help her (1st finger = A, 2nd finger =B etc) and she twigged.
Throughout the entire game ex hubby was getting more and more flustered, and needless to say my friend won $1 million. Poor bastard Jules still doesn't know to this day either.....

Mind you, he doesn't know about the time we went to Vegas with friends and I won $500 and never told him!
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 3:31, archived)
# at a party
that was getting wild my friend concieves af a brilliant idea. Earlier, we had thrown a chunk of hamburger into the microwave, blasted it for waaay too long, and then proceeded to throw it at cars passing by (it was a busy street). Gassed, he decides to shit on a plate and throw it in the microwave, and blast it (for waay too long). The house starts to smell like absolute shite and we all run out, only to learn what had happened. The house smelt like, well, you know, shite for like a week. I never lived there. And never, EVER want to small microwaved shite again.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 4:06, archived)
# I was hospitalized for a while, and my brother came visit.
Now, in the bathrooms in the hospital, there's a little chain on the side, which calls a nurse in case of emergency. My brother needed the bathroom. Just before he went, I was sure to let him know that the flushing lever didnt work, and that they had put the chain there for easier flushing access...
Ah, how amusing the panicked cries of "CODE BROWN" were...
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 3:54, archived)
# my grandma
(rest her soul) had a stroke and was paralysed from the waist down. I used to take her for walks in the afternoon, to a park with a pond featuring ducks and geese. Well, ducks are cool but geese are cunts and are always hissing and charging you. the bastards. anyway, one day i had decided that i had had enuff of grannies shite, so i took her by the pond where all the geese are, and fiplled her chair over. OH, how i laughed as the geese swarmed my parapeligc grannie and proceeded to pluck her eyes out! What a prank!

Just kidding, but the other story is really true :p
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 4:29, archived)
# Thats
really quite disturbing.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 19:38, archived)
# Disturbing Yes!
But I laughed my socks off! I'm off to my Grandma's 95th birthday party this Saturday - rockin'
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 11:05, archived)
# Not me, but this bloke down the pub
really hated someone he worked for, and as a leaving present for him, got some duplicate number plates made, hired an identical silver 330 BMW and put the plates on, then proceeded to go through all the speed cameras in town and get done (they were rear facing back then). Dont know what happened after that coz I left the country, guess he got a big fine and banned, serves him right for being a w@nker I guess
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 5:21, archived)
# pubic prank
My friend and I got stoned and finished our stash.. When another friend arrived he wanted to get stoned too, and we told him we'd got high by smoking our pubes (we were 15 at the time). He went into the bathroom with some scissors and came out a while later armed with a "pubic joint", with hairs hanging out and everything. We were giggling so much I don't know if he tried lighting it or not.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 5:22, archived)
# my mate
did that once it burns fucking fast and as you inhale to light it it's gone tastes pretty rank i'd imagine
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 17:35, archived)
# A friend of mine stepped on a Jelly fish...
So I told him that he could die, and that although it sounded crazy, he could neutralize the poison by pissing on his foot. So he quick started pissing on his foot and I took a picture of him doing it, which I mailed to his mom...

(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 5:40, archived)
# crazy but true
One of thoes silly Jackass movies has a twit putting his face into a tank of stinging jellyfish. Then neutralising it by pouring a jug of his own piss all over his head.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 10:09, archived)
# meaner one
My friends mother died...we had her over for dinner with a bunch of friends. One thing lead to another and we pulled out a Ouji board...
we were all in on the joke and pretended we had made contact with her mother...
Then we had another person flick the lights on and off. She burst into tears and took off running out of the house. She ran into the street and got hit by a car. She's okay now but she spent 6 weeks in the hospital.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 5:42, archived)
# That's just
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 6:57, archived)
# i
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 19:33, archived)
# what the fuck?
there is something majorly wrong with you. i condemn your behaviour sir
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 17:41, archived)
# I did this in Elementary School when I was in 2nd or 1st Grade
While this kid was away from his desk I put thumb tacks (push pins) on his seat. I'd actually forgotten I had put them there when I just happened to look over and see him stand up and pull them out of his ass. Much to my dissapointment, he didn't yelp and jump 30 feet in to the air (like in the cartoons).

The kid who sat next to him got blamed for it, and no one ever found out it was me. All these years later I still think it's one of the worst things I've ever done.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 7:26, archived)
# you reminded me
I found half a large bouncy ball, so I stuck pins in (the standard long thin things you find in new shirts after you've put it on).

I then put it down on someone's seat. He did yelp and leap up. Everyone laughed, especially when he beat me.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 10:08, archived)
# Not Funny!
My best mate at school was in another class to me. The kids in her class used to really pick on her. One day they thought the pin on the seat thing would be funny, they couldn't find a drawinf pin, only a normal one. They thought that would do and propped it up on her chair using blue tac.
She came in sat down, felt the jab and squealed a bit. They all laughed, assumed the pin had fell on the floor and left it at that.
The pin had actually gone into her thigh. Things like that get pulled down into the mussel so after several weeks of agony she got an X-ray, they realised what it was and she had to have some really nasty surgery to open up the mussel in her thigh to get this pin out.
Not Funny
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 15:14, archived)
# Whilst working at Argos one Christmas...
...me and a friend removed around 20 Magna Doodles
from their boxes and drew increasingly explicit adult sketches on each one. Then we put them back in their boxes like nothing had happened.

I'd love to have seen the looks on those kids' faces as they opened their new toy on christmas morning...."Mummy, what is that man doing?"
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 8:22, archived)
# oh heck...
...beer + screen
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 1:32, archived)
# spoon !
We had a teacher known affectionately as 'spoon' due to his towering dome like head. One day we got wires from the CDT room and hung them down from the strip lights. We also stoved the front of another kid's locker in. When spoon turned up he saw the locker but was far more concerned by the alarming wires hanging down. I'll never forget spoon dramatically shrieking "Reynolds - NO !!!" as my mate Daz grabbed the (harmless) wires and pulled them down.

Another time I drew a life-sized spoon head on som A0 paper and sellotaped it to the outside of the classroom window, then shut the curtain. When spoon arrived first thing he did was open the curtain - to see his own cariacature staring grimly back at him. And there was nothing he could do to remove it. Ha ha ha.

(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 8:50, archived)
# My mate......
...fell asleep in an armchair in a drunken stupor, so we picked it up, carried it outside and left him in the middle of the road where he happily carried on sleeping while the traffic went by on either side...
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 9:11, archived)
# more confession than prank.
My dad once won a bottle of vodka in a raffle. I was about 16 and working at a hotel, one night we had a party in one of the staff rooms and we quickly ran out of booze so knowing my old man hated vodka I popped home and nicked it with the intention of replacing it. A great time was had by all and in the morning I took the bottle and filled it with water and put it back in the cupboard for the time being...

A couple of days later an opportunity arose where I could replace the water with a fresh bottle. Upon opening the booze cupboard I saw that the vodka was gone and in its place was a bottle of nice rum...

I didn't have a clue as to what could have happened and I really couldnt ask my folks so I kept quiet until that evening when we were all sat round having dinner and there is a banging on the front door.

My dad gets up to answer it and it turns out to be one of my dads workmates. Hes screaming at the top of his lungs "YOU FUCKING CUNT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR SOME KIND OF FUCKING IDIOT?!" WHY WOULD TRY SOMETHING LIKE THIS?" whereupon he smashes a bottle of vodka on the doorstop. "ITS FUCKING WATER YOU CUNT!" I was nearly shitting my pants by this time but my Dad eventually calmed him down and reasoned with him and gave him back the rum he had swapped for the vodka!

My parents questioned me and I have denied everything to this day, they are convinced the raffle organisers did it and even went so far as to get another bottle of vodka from them.

Ah I feel cleansed.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 10:34, archived)
# A pub favorite:
Empty the gunpowder from a few shotgun shells into a bag.
Go to the pub.
Slyly empty the powder into a fullish ash tray.
Wait for someone to stub out their smoke.
Try not to laugh to loudly.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 9:38, archived)
# You can do the same thing
With Ammonium triiodide - a black powder produced by adding iodine to ammonia. When wet, it is stable but when dry, it is a shock-sensitive contact explosive which, although not powerful, makes a loud bang and a nice little cloud of purple smoke. Ideal for ash-trays. You can also paint a wet suspension of it onto door handles, bicycle seats, etc.
(, Tue 28 Oct 2003, 16:36, archived)
# Fish!
My old boss was an absolute bitch, she made our lives a living hell.So one lunchtime in the pub, we came up with the brilliant idea of hiding prawns underneath her desk and taping them to the blinds next to her desk. Needless to say, after about 2 days she began to stink of old fish - she never did find the prawns, but boy did she stink! I think her manager had a word with her about her personal hygiene - boy did we laugh!
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 9:51, archived)
# Kippers..
...are also good for this, especially frozen ones as they have a time delay. On leaving my old job I sellotaped one under my boss's desk, and got an angry phone call a fortnight later. He'd got Rentokil in and they'd located the offending article.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 11:13, archived)
# Prawns
in curtain hems are also good ;-)
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 18:35, archived)
# We stuck....
a some milk in a small container and pushed it down the back of a blokes radiator at university. That stank to f*ck inside a few days....
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 12:23, archived)
# Milk chicken bomb
I made one of these by putting old milk in a jar with a rotten chicken leg inside and hid it behind my "mates" boiler when its all fermented enough it explodes. he did'nt find it for a week and his girlfriend removed priviledges until it was sorted. how we laughed
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 17:45, archived)
# Disposable flash bulbs
wired in series with any electronic equipments power switch is usually good for a laugh.

I've not tried this (yet).
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 9:55, archived)
# When my sister
Was joking about my fish dieing (the one that sufferd brain trama when SHE droped the bowl...the other one is still alive nearly 2 years on)I hung all (most cause she has loads)her My Little Ponies round with nooses round there plastic heads, pinned onto the celing.

She was 18 at the time and not pleased.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 10:04, archived)
# continuing the My Little Pony theme....
i collect MLPs, and before my mate left for summer holidays from our student house, I removed the head off one and lay it on his pillow.

Not quite the Mafia Godmother though, am I?
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 12:22, archived)
# Once I went skinny dipping
with my friends and we didn't invite one friend (cause he wasn't allowed out for some reason) and when we got back (we were staying over all in the same room) we found all of our belongings out of the window, a teddy bearr hanging from the curtain rail by a feather boa wearing my spare bra and slipknot playing at full volume, with a note stating "revenge is SWEAT".

(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:15, archived)
# Sweat
is a dish best served cold.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 12:24, archived)
(, Mon 27 Oct 2003, 15:07, archived)
# Party Poppers
A friend of mine spent a fair amount of money on new computer components - new motherboard, case, PSU, memory, graphics card et cetera...

He spent a couple of hours putting it together, and when he had finished and went to push the power button, I set off a party popper (under the desk, where he couldn't see it) - he was so shocked he couldn't speak for about 15 seconds.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 22:49, archived)
# That
is bloody brilliant!
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 4:24, archived)
# Speaking of party poppers...
...me and some mates found a great use for them a few years ago. We were driving along through some small town, with a bag of party poppers in the car for some reason, and saw a pair of kevs walking along the pavement, so we slowed down and pulled in a bit and basically performed a 'drive by' on them using a party popper, they looked like they'd shit themselves before they opened their eyes and saw streamers all over themselves :)
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 14:42, archived)
# Party Poppers
Ha! Amatuers!
I went through a bit of a demolitions faze when I was about 14.. I used to rig party popper booby traps all over the house.
If you tape the body of a party pooper to a wall near a door and then tape the detonator string to the door itself (with some electrical tape) you can get the popper to go off when the door is opened.

I used to spend hours playing pyschological games with my mother.. She used to work nights and would come home in the early hours of the morning when all was quiet.. firstly i rigged a couple to go off as she opened an vestibule door or some thing. But she soon got wise to that and started to check the doors before she opened them too far.. So, OK, I then started put 2 poppers on the door.. one where i usually put them, say at the bottom of the door, which she would find and disarm, but she would miss the popper that I had rigged at the top of the door.. and BANG! bwoo ha ha..
Soon she got wise to that too so.. I would sacrifice the 2 poppers on the one door to lull her into a false sense of security and ten stretch a trip wire across the hallway so she would think she was safe.. the best place to put it is a couple of feet before the lightswitch . bwoo ha ha..

Also being an inconsiderate male who can't piss straight I would naturally leave the toilet seat up after necturating... Of course I had taped a popper to the seat and the side of the cistern.. bwoo ha ha..

Plus years ago we had one of those house mobile phones that she always used to leave in her bedroom.. so I rigged that to go off when she picked it up.. that one was lying there for a couple of days before it finally went off.. She screamed dropped the phone and broke it.. D'oh!

Anything can be rigged if you think about it.. Cupboard doors, tins of food.. etc..

I can't wait for th UK to be invaded so my latent talents can be employed fighting guerilla actions!

(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 15:07, archived)
# your a bit of a prat really huh?
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 21:56, archived)
# Crucifixion
This was banned at my old tech college:

The victim has a broomstick inserted through his overall arms, and is then hung by the arms over toilet stall walls.

The reason it was banned: busted broomstick tends to pierce flesh effectively.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 10:01, archived)
# Not especially evill... but necessary
But a couple of years ago my mate got a mobile for the first time, one of those Nokia 3210s and kept getting the thing out at the pub, laying it on the table, showing us his fancy new ring tones and basicly acting like a ponce.

So I changed the display to TAKE MY ARSE. He had no idea that I'd done it or how to get rid of it. It never left his pocket after that.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 10:03, archived)
# Greek
Changing the language selection to greek is always a killer. Do you know what the greek is for language selection??? i dont!
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 10:18, archived)
# dead rabbit
A friend at college had a dog. This dog was a bit of a nutty bastard. It managed to get to his neighbours garden and broke into the rabbit hutch. The rabbit died a horribel bloody death. When the dog brought my mate the rabbit as some kind of present, my mate, instead of telling the neighbour or giving it a descent burial, decided to clean it up, put it in a shoe box. From the top it looked like a stuffed toy, with no apparent goryness. A little bit of wrapping paper later and he had the perfect gift for a girl in one of his classes. She was physically sick when she tried to lift the mangled beast out of the box and the bloody underside was exposed. It seemed even funnier considering he was the head of our college's christian union.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 10:03, archived)
# At Art college
We had this Photography teacher called Phil who was a funny bloke we had a laugh with. One day some lads in my class were laughting and told us to follow them to the staff carpark. One of the guys worked in a factory and got hold of huge factory sized clingfilm which another guy had completely wrapped Phils car in, and toped it up with a big bow.

Phil wasn't too impressed...the shock of his face was a picture.He proceded to blame my friend lisa who was getting a load of bitching so after he asked if I knew anything, i just said I thought it was done by a guy with long hair.

Later that day, the guys responseble werent in trouble but they tied me to a chair with the remaining film (which i escaped and got rugby tacked to the ground)
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 10:25, archived)
# we houseshared with a couple we didn't like
so one day, after they'd annoyed me greatly by breathing wrong or something i took a used johnny and emptied it into their garlic mayonnaise.

stirred it in nicely and they never noticed.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 10:17, archived)
# While we're on the subject.......
..of harcore pornography (ok we weren't but I'm creative) I used to live with this guy at Uni who's very conventional dad was on the way to pick him up to get him home to mummy.

His clip-frame collage of all his mates from home hadn't escaped our attention and was duly "modified" to our tastes using a selection of porno mags from the cubboard under the stairs (where porn is always kept). The most puke-wretchingly vile readers wives (including the most nasty stinging minger I've ever seen with huge dragon tattood across her giblets)was pasted in along with many others, including also "featured reader" Albert who was about 70 and was proudly showing off his shrivelled manhood.
Funnily enough, from a distance, the collage of porn wasn't as stikingly different to that of his mates from home and his dad didn't actually notice it - nor did he, for about two weeks after that......until...........one evening..... he was no longer a happy little tosser......"YOU FUCKING BASTARDS" - Very loud. (very very loud).
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 10:48, archived)
# OK, this is too good a thread to pass on
I've lurked here for a while but I have to post on this one.

In High School we had this really dizzy Spanish teacher. She was dumb enough to trust us and let us stay in her classroom during the lunch period before our class began. First we took her cigarettes and smoked them all in the class. She came back and acused us of burning paper. But nothing ever came from it. The nest time we went to get her cigarettes and smoke them we found a flavoured condom in her handbag. 'Kiss O Mint'. That was immediately taped to the chalkboard and every available class was marched through to see it.

The next time we took everything off of her desk and turned it around backwards, placed everything carefully back on the top as it should have been so that when she sat down she racked her knees. From then on out everything involved her desk. I purchased some very heavy duty quick drying glue and one lunch hour we glued everything to the top of her desk and glued all her pens into the drawer. The next time we wrapped her desk in two rolls of cling film.

But the absolute best was two weeks later when we actually managed to shift this huge 1950's teachers desk out of the room, down the hall and hid it in the boys bathroom. She returned after lunch and went berserk. She actually started crying and went from classroom to classroom crying out "Donde esta mi escritorio?" She couldn't even function in english she was so upset.

I feel kinda bad now as she was a nice lady and we drove her nuts. She was very emotional after her desk disappeared and she yelled and cried at the drop of a hat. She quit after the first year and went back to her hubby that she had seperated from.

(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 10:35, archived)
# desks
my mates would gradually move the modern studies teachers desk closer and closer to the wall every period, an inch at a time. she did not notice for some time.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 17:48, archived)
# The turd where you can jape.
As a student we played hide the turd in the flat that three of us shared. The only rule was that the turd had to be left where it was dumped. the first was soon found in the glove compartment of my pals car. The second took longer but eventually the uplighter in the living room was identified as the smell source. The last one took much longer. Three weeks had passed and no sign of the offending article. Eventually as one of the boys scraped some butter out of the tub, a brown sludge beneath appeared.........
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 10:39, archived)
# fucking hell
that's rough
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 11:26, archived)
# Oh my god
I can't believe it's not shitter.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 12:06, archived)
# While at Uni (of course, where else can you get away with this shit?)
Funniest I did was to get hold of some official uni headed paper from a lecturer (on the grounds that we were writing to some company for information for an essay) then printed a letter to my mate saying that over the Easter holidays he had to remove all his stuff from his room in halls (bearing in mind this was a few days before Easter) due to essential maintenance on the pipes under his room. we forged the signature of the campus residence manager from an old letter

He went absolutely mental, started throwing stuff around his room and kicked a hole in the bathroom door, when we calmed him down we persuaded him to go and talk to the campus manager and have a go at her directly.

Later in the day another mate came back to his room to find an official letter from the campus manager telling him he'd been enrolled in the uni's 'Handwriting forgery course' because of his poor signature copying skills.

Apparently the mate we played the prank on had gone into the manager's office absolutely steaming and started to have a go at her and slammed the letter we wrote on her desk, she took one look at it and pissed herself, then wrote a letter back to whoever my mate thought had pulled the prank, not me though!!!

(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 10:40, archived)
# My and my housemates went out on the piss one night
All except one lad who couldn't be bothered, and ended up staying home and drinking a bottle of whiskey and getting absolutely hammered.
By the time we got home, he was passed out on the common room floor.
So we took it upon ourselves to shave his head.
But not all of his head, only one half.
We then drew swirly patterns in the stubble with highlighters.
And gave him some tattoos on his knuckles with marker pens.

The next morning who knocks on the front door and is first to see him (while he still dosn't know what we did)
His mum.
She wasn't impressed.

Apparently if any of us had been awake then she would have probably killed us.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 10:52, archived)
# Not one of mine, but
When I was at a certain Northern English University College With A Strongly Artistic Slant in the late 80s some acquaintances of mine celebrated a fellow student's birthday with some Ex-lax chocolate that had had the writing melted off and been repackaged (art students: easy). The poor fucker ate the lot in one evening and spent hours running to the bog. It kind of stopped being funny when he started shitting green slime.

Correction: "stopped being funny" SHOULD READ "got fucking hilarious", as the guy in question later revealed himself to be a total cunt.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 10:57, archived)
# Well, this wasn't really me
but it was my older sister.
A few years ago, one of my younger sister's guniea pigs died, which she was quite upset about.

Anyway, her and my older sister were sitting with the dead guinea pig in a box in the living room. My older sister decided to animate the corpse of the aformentioned rodent by making it 'dance'. However, in seeing this me little sister thought that it had somehow came back to life, only to have her hopes dashed seconds later, causing her to be even more upset.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 10:57, archived)
# 6 weeks ago
When I moved into my halls of residence, some girls in our hall stole the microwave from downstairs. About 3 days later I had to cover up for them when the cleaner came finding it in our kitchen cause it was for the disabled lad. I felt guilty even though I had nothing to do with it.

When I used to go out with my friends on the weekend in the years I was at school, if they winged or pissed me off by moaning at me about me talking or something, I used to do a brilliant disserpearing act so when they turned round, I wasnt there so Id watch them foe about 10 minutes getting scared stiff, or if i was in a particular bad mood, id just fcuk off home.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 11:11, archived)
# At a party in a mates flat at college
we stole the toilet door and the ironing board. They never noticed that the ironing board had gone.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 11:37, archived)
# Not a college prank
I had a party several years back, and some people came who I didn't particularly like (and hand't really invited). As the ever polite host, I welcomed them into the house. I insisted that all those who came in cars, put there keys in a locked drawer so they wouldn't be tempted to drive home drunk. These people wre driving and so were pleased to be able to stop over.

I took everyone's keys and locked them in the drawer in the hallway. Sometime during the evening, a friend and I conspired to irritate these unwelcome guests.

We took there car keys and went out to their car (it was dark, people were drunk, dancing and chatting, and we went unnoticed).

Opening the driver door, we arranged to turn the windscreen wipers on full speed (they don't work when the key is not in the ignition).

We also turned the radio to come on when the ignition was turned and put the volume on as high as it would go (again, this wouldn't work without the key being turned in the ignition).

We poured a bag of flower into the warm air vents in the dashboard, and arranged the fan to come on at it's highest speed. Once again - this wouldn't work without the key being turned in the ignition.

We locked the car up, replaced the keys and carried on with the party.

The next morning I got up and "had to inform people" that "something urgent had come up and that I had to leave to drive down to London". People would have to get up quickly and go home so that I could lock up the house.

Lots of hangovers were in view, and the unwelcome guests looked particularly bleary eyed. I unlocked the drawer and handed over the keys to them.

They got in the car, shut the doors, seatbelted up and turned the ignition.

Wipers, mad loud radio playing drum and bass and a sudden huge white cloud completely blocking any view of the car's occupants.

I do believe they may have soiled themselves, and we never saw them again.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 11:00, archived)
# Abolutely
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:09, archived)
# the other night
me and my flatmates managed to successfully remove every single item of furniture from this guy's room while he was on the computer. we all crowded round him and said things like 'ooh, that's interesting' while the rest quickly and quietly moved all his furniture, including the bed and mattress, and all his clothes and belongings into the corridor and set it up by the lift exactly as it was in his room. the piéce de résistance was someone going 'look there's a fire out the window' and coughing to disguise the sound of his bed being moved out the door. he seriously didn't notice AT ALL and when we'd finished he turned round and just went "ahh... shit."
And all at 3am!
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 11:12, archived)
# When my stepdad was at uni
He had a friend who was a bricky so one night they build a wall infront of someones door.

I think the firebrigade were called in
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 11:28, archived)
# My Dad's scared of heights....
...but that never stopped him when it came to cleaning the upstairs windows at home. It would take more than that to part cash with a window cleaner.

At an age when my sense of humour was just developing, I was drawn into the upstairs bathroom by the familiar squeaky sound of sponge against glass. I arrived to find the vent window open and white knuckles hanging on to the frame for dear life. If I stood on tiptoes, I could just about reach those knuckles and Dad wouldn't notice me through the frosted glass.

I just reached out to touch his hand...

Fortunately, he didn't fall off the ladder, but he's never been up one in the 20 or so years since...
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 11:23, archived)
# we once moved a mates complete room interior
i was in a boarding school on 1800 meters above sea level.
once in winter we stole the main key that fit all doors in the school.
then we broke into a mates room - took all his stuff out and rearranged it again outside on the campus exactly how we found it in his room.. including carpet, bed, shelves, drawer, toothbrush etc. etc.
fun thing was that there was snow and it was -30°C
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 11:23, archived)
# On my mates birthday
we got this guy wankered with vodka shots, jumped him and tied him up with gaffer tape. We then got him into his girlfriend's g-string (stolen days earlier), put him in the back of a reanault 5 and dumped him on his girlfriends doorstep. Her father opened the door and found his daughter's naked, bound boyfriend there, who promptly threw up on his shoes.

(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 11:23, archived)
# I put my brothers hand in a bowl of warm water whilst he slept
this caused his muscles to relax resulting in him wetting the bed.

I have also been involved in putting a raw fish in the roof of a school classroom of a teacher everyone hated so as it decomposed the classroom began to stink (it was the summer!)

I also know of a guy who woke up to discover what looked like a used condom hanging out of his arse. What had happend was he had passed out drunk and his "mates" had partaken in a richmans wank (wank in a condom) and then pushed it up his arse with the aid of a pencil. EVIL
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 11:32, archived)
# In my last job, I used to do some DNA
testing. Nothing sinister, just extracting DNA from samples colleagues donated, and having a look at how much dna there was. One particular test looked at the X and Y chromosome. I airbrushed out most of the Y-chromosone in one of my colleagues (male) dna pictures, and told him he was probably XXY. He did some research on it and found out that that it cause fertility problems and secondary sexual characteristics etc..

I didn't know he had been trying to have a baby with his wife for 7 years, before finally succeeding. He went home and asked his wife if they were really his kids and had a major doestic about it.

Sorry mate
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 11:35, archived)
I sent a striper around my mates house when he was having a family dinner with grand parents from France...Her name was Helen 'Chubbs' Dobson.

I pissed myself with one other mate in my car all night, he even payed her.

He still doesn't know it was me.

That's about as good as it gets!

(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 11:40, archived)
# one time
one of my friends had passed out reaaallly drunk. So we took all of his clothes off (apart from his intimates) and turned them inside out before putting them back on back to front. He was a tad confused the next morning when he tried to go to the toilet.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 11:45, archived)
# Many Moons Ago
There was a Right Twunt in our village, ownwed a "customised" Ford Capri.
Furry Dice, Air Horns, Jacked-up Rear Suspension, Go Faster Stripe. Very Tasteful.

This Arsehole pissed virtually the entire village off, driving around day and night sounding off his air horns, wheelspinning away from everywhere - just generally being a Capri owner.

Me and a mate removed his front hubcaps, put some old rusty nuts and bolts behind them and araldited the fuckers back on.

Idiot had his engine removed and rebuilt twice before he found out what had been done.

He never found out who'd done it.

Got jailed a few years back for sex with an underage girl. Some Twunts never get any better
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 11:46, archived)
# Car attack
It was mates birthday and he had this shitty old Astra GTE that he loved. We got him drunk on cheap whisky knowing that he'd need to go to his bed 'cos he started work at 7am.

Once a sleep and once we where pissed we went down and painted the front wings of the car pink with big green flowers, filled it and I mean filled it until we couldn't get another on in with balloons (filled with paper for maximum mess), Covered it in balloons so it looked like an astra hedge hog then wrote Fat pie GTI, and I love cock in huge letters all over it with masking tape.
I heard him get up (late) to go to work, run down the stairs and in the distance I heard 'Baaaaaaaaaaaaastards'. He drove around with it like that for about 3 months aswell the twat.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 11:51, archived)
# Manchester
not mine, but watched it happen.
A party in the Hulme crescents, some guy falls into a drunk sleep in an armchair.
A couple of ther guys see this,a nd see that the sleeping guy has a sweaty face.
So they get two packs of Rizal papers and gently stick them to the sweat completely covering his face. Sleeping guy's breathing gently moving the papers back and to, back and to.
After an hour or so.
He wakes up.
Can't see a thing, grabs to his face, probably thinks his face skin is shedding and starts screaming.
Very funny, but i guess you had to be there.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 11:54, archived)
# Done That
And it is Very Funny to watch.
Squirting Silly String down someone's Bum Crack (Obviously an unconcious someone) causes turmoil when they awake - it solidifies into a grey crack-filling mess.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 12:07, archived)
# Not me but one of my best friends...
After a Tequila Night at our union, my friends were heading home when they came across 'Dave' (name withheld to preserve dignity), a mature student, riding up and down on a racer push bike. It was apparently his 40th birthday, and he and his friends were in high spirits (hammered).
Now, my friend had an uncanny ability that allowed him to persuade drunken people to do whatever he suggested, so it was with great gusto that Dave undertook the challenge of a bunnyhop over a barrier, on the racer (for those of you who dont know, a bunnyhop is where you and the bike 'hop' straight up in the air from a static position).
Unfortunately, Dave was not in the know, and assumed a bunnyhop was a flying jump. Another problem was the height of the barrier. At about 3 foot, it was a formidable target.

With a large run up, Dave hit the barrier at speed. The bike stopped quickly, he didnt. My mate still swears he saw a whole chunk of gum and teeth come out. He could not look Dave in the (mangled and bruised) face after that day.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 12:05, archived)
# I want to send an album for your radio show
where can I send one? email me [email protected]

Here are a coupple of tracks:
Dr Coca Cola McDonalds - There's Too Much Information in the World

I would post another, but it won't let me, ho hum.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 12:07, archived)
# Why
on Earth did you post this?? Is it you?? Do you think it's clever? Funny? Witty? It is in fact meaningless nonsense- - --
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 7:11, archived)
# That song
and intro was possibly the worst thing I have ever listened to. C*nt, you've just wasted 1 minute 38 seconds of my life.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 13:25, archived)
# I second
That you are a cunt. And I'm guessing you sleep with your mother, and your underwear smells of Frazzles crisps. Cock.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 17:36, archived)
# Aargh
You're not wrong. Utter, utter, utter shite.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 17:43, archived)
# .
well, that song was bollocks
(, Sat 25 Oct 2003, 18:19, archived)
# two here
As a teenager on a school trip, I once crept up on a sleeping roommate and squeezed toothpaste all over his bare belly. When he woke up the next morning, he thought he'd had a wet dream in front of everyone...

In a startlingly unoriginal prank at university, we broke in to a friends room and started removing all the furniture and sending it down (nine floors) in the lift. The true stroke of genius happened when the victim came back from the pub so drunk that he didn't recognise his own room and started helping ...
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 12:17, archived)
# No, please, help yourself...
I was at Uni with a girl who was supposed to be some forrin countess or summat. Very sensitive type- *very* serious ethical vegetarian and generally carried on like her farts didn't smell...

Anyways, she used to really piss me off so when we found a little dead robin, I put it in an empty crisp packet and walked into the studio where she was working carrying packet and making chewing motions. Needless to say, there was no- "Gosh, you have a rather wonderful-looking packet of crisps, may I please have one?"

Nope- hand went straight for the packet, brief pause for effect, blood-curdling scream, runs for Ladies' & vomits. Job done.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 12:19, archived)
# The door of lard
On the last night of living in a shithole of a student dive in Leeds, we bricked up our fat, lazy flatmate's door with about £30 worth of lard.

Then, we got a paint stripper (don't ask me why a bunch of students had access to such things) and set to very low, gradually melted the lard slightly so all the packets merged into each other.

The result: our flatmate woke up, hungover to buggery, opened his door and had to dig his way through a wall of lard before he could break all the plates and glasses he could find in the kitchen out of angry-toddler frustration.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 12:20, archived)
# ..
That's a good one.

Thinking out of the box.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 12:23, archived)
# Top one.
I'm getting the image from The Fellowship of the Ring when the Uruk-Hai captain is 'born' from the slippery earth. Only with a fat lad and a shitload of lard.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 16:10, archived)
# A mate of mine
had a long running prank that he and his brother used to do. It was in the style of Clouseau and Cato where whoever got home from school first would hide somewhere in the house and being kids at the time you could hide almost anywhere. So in true Clouseau style upon seeing the other siblings school stuff when entering the house a good five mins was always spent searching the house waiting for the inevitable attack from 'Cato'
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 12:23, archived)
# A mate of mine told me this one
While students in Sheffield, he and a bunch of mates went out for one blokes birthday bash. While out and drunk, two or three of them hatched a cunning plan and went home early.

When the three conspirators got back to the student flats, they proceeded to swap everything round from birthday boys third-floor flat living room to the ground floor flat.

When birthday boy arrived home, drunk and not paying attention, they took him to "his" living room and continued to drink. Then someone had the brilliant idea of throwing him out of the window.

Kicking and screaming all the way, they dragged him to what he thought was the third-floor window of his living room, and chucked him out.

The story-teller doesn't tell me whether or not the flatmate was amused. But it doesn't really matter.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 12:35, archived)
# Scratched tape and raffle prize ...
I'd recorded a cassette from a record and we were playing it at a party. The record got stuck on a scratch for a minute or so, but I'd left this on the tape as I did not have time to redo it. At the party when this bit came up, I said to the girl next to the cassette player, "Why don't you just tap the player, the needle with probably just jump to the next groove and play on?" She kept doing it for ages. Dumn arse!

Another, I met a friend at a pub. He'd brought a raffle ticket and had it on the table. I asked what it was for and memorised the number before he put it in his pocket to protect it from inevitable beer spills. At the end of a boozy night they read out the winning numbers, we could not hear properly, so I told him that the winnering number was whatever his was and he ran cheering through the cowded pub with his arms in the air thinking he'd won a CD Player or something. How I laughed!

(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 12:26, archived)
# another I've just remembered.
During my first term of Uni in Aberdeen, me and a mate (who I've since discovered is a complete wanker) were sitting in his room drinking and smoking when there was a knock at the front door. We went to see who was there, and there was nothing but a note. The note said "The Phantom is watching you. Ha ha ha", and nothing more.

Mildly amused, but with our powers of reason diminished by various substances, we thought it would be a good idea to "flush out" the phantom by posting messages through the doors of the other 5 flats in the block.

It didn't quite work out as we'd expected.

Within a few weeks, "the Phantom" was being blamed for all sorts of things on campus. the best one I heard was a bloke who had fallen asleep listening to his radio in a ground floor bedroom. His stereo was turned up full-blast, obviously waking him, and a little note blaming the phantom was chucked through his (open) window.

However, where it began to go wrong was a group of stoopid girls who lived up the stairs. They obviously lived in a bubble, and thought the phantom was actually a stalker, instead of a massive in-joke on the campus.

Example: chocolate from advent calendar gone missing? Explanation: phantom has broken into their flat and stolen one chocolate from their advent calendar and then left as silently as he appeared.

Fuckwits. Turned out it was the chinese girl in the flat, who really didn't understand the concept of the advent calendar.

Anyway, they called the police, who began interviewing everyone on campus.

I, being a young Catholic, felt guilty about having started the whole thing, and spoke to the warden about it. He suggested that I should write a few notes saying that the phantom was finished, and that everyone should stop it. So I did. And guess what? The police interviewed me, found the notebook and the imprint of the notes I'd written not an hour before.

I was threatened with a charge of Threatening behaviour (seriously) and something else, I forget what now. And they took all my notes for uni away, which I never got back to this day.

The final lunacy was when I was called down to the Uni head office to account for my actions. They showed me a selection of notes which they'd recovered, about thirty of them, and asked me to admit that I'd written them. They were quite obviously all in different hand-writing, but when I refused to accept responsibility, they took this as further proof of my guilt and moved me out of the student flats and into some unheated grotty place in the town centre without a bathroom, shower, or even a fucking toilet. Toilets were on the landing, shared between two flats. Unheated, and this was winter in Aberdeen.

needless to say, I didn't finish my degree, and wound up doing door-door sales for six months before getting a proper job.

I'm trying to think of a moral for this story, but I can't.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 12:52, archived)
# never admit to nothing
That's it really
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:12, archived)
# I learnt that early on in my IT career
after deleting the directors mail file
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:20, archived)
# If he didn't take backups
he deserved to lose his emails. An IT Director should know better.
(, Tue 28 Oct 2003, 17:37, archived)
# I used to go swimming training very early in the morning
My brother changed the alarm from 5.30 to 1.30. I got up, got dressed and waited outside in the freezing cold for over an hour until I rang the doorbell to be let in again.
He also used to drop pointy metal things at me from a great height and I'd get in trouble for it, but it's a touch too complicated to explain here.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 12:40, archived)
# Toilet Cam (TM)
No furniture moving here...

Mate of mine used to have an old digital camera he could hook up to the tv via scart to see the pics, since it had a crappy screen. One party in a mates gaff, he went to the jacks and climbed up on the bath to take a photo of the seemingly empty room from the corner.

Once someone went for a dump, he'd hook it up to the tv, then when they came back out everyone would laugh and point at the still image on the screen, claiming there was a live feed from the jacks. surprisingly effective!

It got so much better when later that night a couple who'd arrived late and missed all the fun snuck off to the loo, first one, then the other joining them *ahem*... When they returned to the party, noone even had to say a word, everyone ran with it. They went apeshit, but *I think* someone must have set the record straight since... must have... oops... Worse still, he since got a fake security camera that can be left on a high shelf to convince them...
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 12:45, archived)
# Worst prank I myself have played...
Only one that springs to mind involves fear rather than faeces thank god, not my style...

When I was in uni in Cork, I used to get web and mail access in a building that, while recently built, had a fairly dodgy lift. Twas new enough, and an Otis or Schindler, but for some reason it tended to make awful screaching noises as if dragging against the shaft, sounded liek it was goign to fall at any moment.

So one day I went into the lift armed with a swiss army knife (don't thank me, thank the moon's gravitational pull!) and a roll of yellow tape stolen from macdonalds whilst drunk (looked like police tape, but had the words DO NOT USE repeated infinitely).

Once the lift doors closed I quickly ran tape across the INSIDE of the doors police style, smoothed it down, then cut the middle before the doors opened, hiding the tape once the doors retracted.

This way victims would enter the lift, hit a floor-button, and the doors would close bearing official looking warning not to use the lift, before (too late!) the lift would begin it's screaming ascent/descent.

Many people had to have a sitdown afterwards. It was great. By the by, some of the shit on the thread is sick and wrong, except for Sunshine Elephants, which had me pissing myself with laughter.

(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 12:55, archived)
# so it was Schindlers lift.
bu-boom tiieesh!
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 17:42, archived)
# After my earlier post I've been thinking about other pranks
1. There is a type of tent called a Vango Force Ten that has an inner and outer tent that attach to the frame seperately. It's possible to remove the outer and not disurb the inner. It's also posswible to turn the outer round so that the zips to the tent are now on opposite sides trapping the victim inside their tent.

2. Take one Youth Hostel dormatory, 5 bored 15yr olds, a roll of Gaffer tape, 20 Rook Scarer explosives and a locked Fire Door to the next room (containg Girls).
Gaffer tape rook scarers to fire door and light explosives.
Result, one very burnt fire door no longer on it's hinges! and a small matter of being banned from ever youth hostel in the country.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 12:51, archived)
# Classic Faith no More lyrics
It's always funny until someone gets hurt...
And Then it's just hilarious!
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:01, archived)
# not really a prank per se.
duke of edinburgh expedition, in the hills. i was in a tent with two of my mates, and the next tent along had two chicks in it. it was pitch dark and the girls had gone to the toilet, so quick as a flash we lifted their tent and moved it about 50 metres down the campisite. they eventually found it, called us cunts etc.
Both of them were scared of dogs, so we started shouting 'There's wild dogs outside your tent' (this is in Hong Kong, where you do get wild dogs) and stuff like that. they predictably just called us cunts again. we carried on for ages and eventually gave up.
then, their tent was attacked by wild dogs. seriously. it was pretty funny.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:09, archived)
# On your head, Joey!
A friend of mine had an old snooker cue-ball.
With the aid of a pencil he turned it into a passible tennis ball (you know how they look when they're all old and grey?).
He tossed it to another friend (who was unaware of its true nature) with a cry of, "On your head, Joey!".
Joey dutifully obliged with a beautiful header and was rendered unconscious.
(Very mean, but oh how I laughed!)
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:17, archived)
# Surname of...
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:19, archived)
# Nope.
But don't tell me....
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:26, archived)
# Not so much a confession
as a revelation that will revolt you to the core.

One of my favourite tricks at junior school was to go for a shit, pull a couple of sheets of from the single-sheet dispenser, wipe my shitty arse with them, and then neatly tuck them back in so the next lucky punter would get a good look at my breakfast.

I used to put snot on light switches too.

(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:25, archived)
# tune brine
shower head

don't do it - it reeks for weeks

edit/obviously I meant tuna brine
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:30, archived)
# Every sperm
A friend a uni took a young impressionable 6th former (she was up for interview) back to his room one night, determined to get some action.

So we connected ourselves up to his computer on the network and made his computer suddenly burst out with 'Every Sperm is Sacred'.

That was off-putting :)
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:31, archived)
# at school
the entire class decided to laugh at a certain girl in, the class without explanation. It started in one area of the room and then quickly spread, as she went around the room trying to find out why she was being laughed at before desperatley asking the teacher.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:35, archived)
# that happened to me
i was the one being laughed at. Fucked me up for years, that did.

(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 17:28, archived)
# About 10 years ago…
… I played a fine gag on my mate. We both knew a lad at college who was flamboyantly gay – let’s call him Rod. He’d moved to London (probably to bum some blokes) and we’d sort of lost touch. I wrote a letter purporting to be from Rod telling my mate that a new friend of his was going to be visiting Manchester and he thought it would be great if my mate could show him around the Gay Village in town.

It’s important to know 2 things at this point: 1) My mate still lived at home with his highly intolerant Mum, Dad and sisters, 2) My mate was also a gay, but he was in the closet (at least to his family).

I sent the letter to my brother who lives in London and got him to re-write the letter and post it in London. So, my mate gets a letter ‘from Rod’ telling him that a big nancy called Brian Stead will be calling round to his house next week and will expect to be shown a good time. There was no return address on the letter and no way to get in touch with Rod to tell him “No! For fucks sake, no!”

He met me in a pizza place in town the night he got the letter and was shitting himself. I cruelly let him stew in it for about 5 days then phoned him and told him the truth. He was so relieved he wasn’t angry at all. He laughed greatly when I told him that ‘Brian Stead’ is an anagram of ‘Arse Bandit’.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:38, archived)
# Never Mess with Psych Majors
So I come home one afternoon after The Husband has been home all day and, at random, press "play" on the VCR, assuming that the tape I'd been watching last night was still in the thing. Nope! Porn! Hot triple-X lesbian porn!

Instead of making a big fuss over it, I called The Husband into the room and made all innocent: "D'you know, love, I've never seen any real porno ever?" So we sat and watched some together, my husband clearly believing that something kinky was going to come of watching porno with his wife.

After a time I kept commenting, "Hey! That woman's wearing shoes during sex! Who wears high-heeled pumps during sex? HEY! That woman's wearing them too!" And so on and so forth.

By the end of the video, I'd conditioned my husband to a Pavlov's dog effect. Now when he watches porn, he irresistably checks to see if the porn star is wearing shoes. Which makes him think of me. Which makes him feel guilty for watching porn. Which makes him not want to watch porn anymore.

I'm a wicked, wicked monkey.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:40, archived)
# Veeery interestink.
So why do feel zat you have zis aversion to pornography?
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 17:39, archived)
# I spent one winter working for M&S
The security guard there was always playing tricks on people - he eventually got sacked for squirting people with a water pistol. People doing their shopping, not staff, that is.

Anyway, some time before he left, we got a shop mannekin and dressed it up in some dark clothing and a balaclava, gave it an axe to hold and left it leaning on a door at the end of the day.

He comes in first thing to unlock the shop...
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:47, archived)
# I had this played on me...
my g/f took the front door bell and wired it to my bed so that when I got in, the doorbell rang. Bastard.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:53, archived)
# my mate rob pissed me off one night
by crashing out unconcious and proceding to kick a whole through my table in his sleep, sending broken glass, ashtrays and beer dregs all over my floor.
so i dreesed him up, photographed him and then cleaned him up so that he didn't know anything about it.
anyway, fast forward 2 months later, we are at a friends 21st birthday. it was fancy dress and rob thought he was the shit cause he had got a really good (and expensive) stormtrooper outfit. i got the DJ to stop the music and call rob up onto stage to recieve a prize for his effor in dressing up. so when the smug bastard gets up (this is infront of his parents, friends of the family and pretty much everyone we knew), i instead present him with the new issue of "front" magazine, page 16 - "mate in a state" section (in a nice picture frame) - there's robs picture, complete with 10 inch dildo in his ear (below)! got him back infront of every single person he knew and the entire readership of a national mag. cunt.

it's the issue with victoria siversted (or whatever she's called) on the cover, if anyone has any back issues from about 4 years ago
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 13:59, archived)
# another one i just thought of...
me and my mate whent round to our friend sams house to hang out (as we usually did). on the way we found a roll of plastic tape at some road works (kinda like the "police line - do not cross" stuff), so pocketed it thinking it may come in useful later. sam pops out for 10 minutes to buy some fags, and me and my mate proceed to wrap her entire house in this tape. i'm talking about hundreds of meters of this stuff - around the house and garage numerous times, through windows, around furniture and door handles, all the way down the stairs through the banisters, and finally tied to the back of her front door handle. we then dressed up in her nurses uniform (it was for her work!) and sat watching tv as if nothing had happened. after she'd wrestled the front door open and come in to find us sat there quite calmly as if we knew nothing of the incident, she exploded!
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 19:22, archived)
# Quite Stylish
At work there was a guy who drove a yellow lotus elan with the top down all the time. Stylish chap - loved himself! So one day we took a luminous pink piece of card, cut it into a number-plate shape and wrote "I'm So Gay" (oh the wit!) on it in fat black letters. Attached it over his back numberplate in the car park so naturally he didn't see it when he drove home. He was definitely confused about why we all all waved him off so enthusiastically that evening, but he only found out when he got home and his girlfriend pointed it out. Hehehe.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 14:08, archived)
# childishness
when at uni, we signed our mate up for everything free under the sun. pornmags, carpet samples, clothes, cds, ferret food.

the postman used to leave a full sack of useless crap outside his door every morning.

oh and speaking of ferret food. they were tiny brown circles so i mixed some into his wheetos. what a cunt.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 14:09, archived)
# I signed my mate up
for saga holidays and a walk-in bath.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 20:04, archived)
# my mate alex once...
broke and dislocated his ankle in a skating accident and therefore he was out of skool for a long time, one day a few weeks after the accident a teacher asked us what had happened to him as he had not been in any lessons and didnt phone the school and tell them he was ill, me and me mate james just looked at each other and said that he was dead, he died in a skating accident. we went back to his house to tell him that we told the school that he was dead, however the plot thickens as the school now prepares for a memorial mass for him and a collection for his family (we told the news on a tuesday and by friday the collection was £120, the mass was set for the following tuesday) so on monday me an james couldnt carry it on and decided to tell the truth, we got suspended for 3 weeks and was told to apologise to alex, we subsiquentally spent the 3 weeks off at alex's playing goldeneye
*evil grin*
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 14:15, archived)
# Thats good
At least you didnt waste your free time. Reminds me of this old point horror book I recently found and read TWINS

Really crappy but still, I was really bored in college so I made a web page called lisas secret crush page puting all the names of her crush's and more including things like the hamster, other people in college and peter madelson etc etc and emailed it to her saying that id emailed it to everyone listed and others too and she believed it.

She hated me for ages and bit me on her birthday in which I had to have a bandage on my knee for ages
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 18:09, archived)
# prank call
We once called McDonnell Douglas, the erstwhile commercial aircraft manufacturer and reversed the charges to St Louis from the UK. It was early in the morning in the US and a cleaner answered the call, and took a message from me on behalf of the class spod who was 'interested in some flight simulation software'.

A couple of days later he got a phone call at home one evening from some bloke at McDonnel Douglas....

(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 14:17, archived)
# Smarties
Take one tube of smarties with a few left in, insert live wasp, leave on prominent display. It works brilliantly, with the unexpected bonus that people usually shake the tube to see if there's any inside -- the wasp *hates* that. Note, unless you have Bruce Lee-esque coordination and reaction speed, don't try to trap the wasp using the smartie container itself -- catch it in a glass or something and tip it in. This was a schooltime favourite, with pretty good results, until somebody realised that if the victim poured the sweets straight in their mouth they might actually die.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 14:22, archived)
# postcard to mum
A mate and I were on the piss in Newquay when we found a nearly finished postcard from a teenage girl to her mum about what a lovely time she was having. It was already addressed and stamped so we added a couple of lines about how she'd also spent the week getting ******* by several large men (in the best copy of her handwriting, of course) and then sent it
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 14:24, archived)
# not a prank ive played, but one my sister was involved in at uni
someone went home for long weekend but didnt shut their door properly, so his housemates went in his room covered his carpet in grass seed and watered it regularly so when he came back he had a small lawn in his bedroom!
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 14:47, archived)
# not something ive actually done
but put serious reseaarch into. one lunch time we decided that guys could be hotter with tits, and that with the aid of prgoesterone/ oestrogen found in the pill, then we could make this happen. this would obviously need to be put into food of some kind over a long term period. we then thought this guy always leaves his lunch in a plastic bag in our sixth form common room.on further research i found that such treatment would result in shrinkage of the scrote, as well as the desirable effects of growth. hence it didnt happen as being too plain wrong.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 15:03, archived)
# you need to read
a book called Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk (Writer of Fight Club). Involves a similar situation. :D
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 17:43, archived)
# Superglue
There were a couple of arsehole girls sharing a room opposite me in the student halls who really wound everyone up.

I ended up putting a couple of drops of superglue into the key hole of the lock one night while they were out.

It took the caretaker 3 hours to chisel out the wooden frame around the door to let them in and then disassemble the lock.

Funniest thing was that another girl on the corridor, who nobody liked, got all the blamed, kicked out of halls and eventually quit the course.

Did I feel guilty? Did I fu.........
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 15:31, archived)
# Chainsaw massacre
After a drug & drink fuelled night a group of friends came back to mine for a few more........ Well i had just serviced my chainsaw but i had not refitted the chain it only had the bare blade/chainguide.
well.... as laugh i went out started it up, went running into the room waving it around people were jumping out of the windows etc hahahahaha think my friend spence is still running aint seen him since hahaha
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 15:40, archived)
# Superglue
Once when I was very young I superglued the handset to the receiver on a public telephone box and then laughed with my friends across the street as people tried to use the phone..
We stopped laughing and ran for it when one guy REALLY pulled the handset and smacked himself in the face with it!

Also on the run up to bonfire night we used to stick stink bombs to the front of those cheapo mini rockets you could get when a kid and fire them through the local libraries door as one of us held it open.
Screach.. Tinkle.. pooh!

(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 15:42, archived)
# We once convinced
a mate to buy tickets for millenium new years at enigma in muswell hill. hehe.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 16:15, archived)
# horrible
My friend works with her father in his garage, she is the secretary. Today she was told to write a blank check to the grocery store, as her father wrote a note for one of the men to take with him to the store. He is illiterate, can't read or write, so he gives the note to someone at the store to help him with what he needs. The note said something to the effect of "Hi, my asshole hurts, will you show me where the preperation H is?"
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 16:25, archived)
# 5p 10p
My friend once held someone who had succumbed to a 'whitey' out of a balcony/window at the end of a corridor in nursing accomodation in Virginia Waters. I had a look out the window the day I heard the story and by Christ it was high up. My friend said that he and the bloke holding the victim's other ankle were jiggling him around to make him wake up. When he did he said they could SMELL his fear.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 16:40, archived)
# my friend smokes so i took his cigarettes
and took some of the tobaccy out the top. I put in a little of my homemade gunpowder (sulphur carbon and other things) i then topped the end off with the tobaco. When i saw him the next day he had no eyebrows and his fringe was singed so i asume it worked :D
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 16:33, archived)
# Me and some mates....
had run out of ganj, but our other friend still had some left. Anyway, he was rubbing this fact in our face so when he went to work for the day we searched through his room and found it.

We didn't wanna steal it so in the end we came up with this idea. We took a big plastic lunchbox and filled it with water, sealed up the ganj so it wouldn't get wet and put it into the water. We then put the lunchbox into the freezer.

Our mate came home 9 hours later after doing a nasty saturday shift at sainsburys to find he couldn't have the smoke he was looking forward to as his only ganj was set in the middle of the biggest icecube you've ever seen. Cue much hilarity as he gets more and more enraged at the fact that no matter how much he throws this ice cube around, the fucker still wont smash!

He got to have a smoke in the end though, as the cube melted about 5 hours later.

on a completely unrelated incident, this friend also has a rather attractive little (but legal) sister. Anyway, during one of his infamous house parties, his little sister walks in completely hammered and is being rather flirty with everybody. One thing leads to another, and she gets with another mutal friend. Him being quite resourceful, decides to videotape the 'encounter' and leaves the video in my friends player for him to see at some point in the future. Unfortunately, he doesn't see it. But his 16 stone, rugby playing dad does. Thus, my friend will never go back to that house for fear of being recognised and beaten shitless.

I love alcohol, it makes life much more interesting,
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 16:36, archived)
# Me and some mates....
had run out of ganj, but our other friend still had some left. Anyway, he was rubbing this fact in our face so when he went to work for the day we searched through his room and found it.

We didn't wanna steal it so in the end we came up with this idea. We took a big plastic lunchbox and filled it with water, sealed up the ganj so it wouldn't get wet and put it into the water. We then put the lunchbox into the freezer.

Our mate came home 9 hours later after doing a nasty saturday shift at sainsburys to find he couldn't have the smoke he was looking forward to as his only ganj was set in the middle of the biggest icecube you've ever seen. Cue much hilarity as he gets more and more enraged at the fact that no matter how much he throws this ice cube around, the fucker still wont smash!

He got to have a smoke in the end though, as the cube melted about 5 hours later.

on a completely unrelated incident, this friend also has a rather attractive little (but legal) sister. Anyway, during one of his infamous house parties, his little sister walks in completely hammered and is being rather flirty with everybody. One thing leads to another, and she gets with another mutal friend. Him being quite resourceful, decides to videotape the 'encounter' and leaves the video in my friends player for him to see at some point in the future. Unfortunately, he doesn't see it. But his 16 stone, rugby playing dad does. Thus, my friend will never go back to that house for fear of being recognised and beaten shitless.

I love alcohol, it makes life much more interesting.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 16:37, archived)
# it was funnier the first time
yep, definately.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 16:51, archived)
# Oh, oh, i've got one...
Earlier this year I went on holiday to a mates cottage, now there were like ten of us, me and my girlfriend at the time, and one of my mates and his girlfriend, the four of us were sharing a room.
Now because they didn't see each other very often they just stayed in the room all day fucking, then they'd come down, eat all the fucking food and sod off back upstairs.
So after a few minor pranks we decide we've had enough, and as it just so happens Tenacious D was the favourite album of the entire trip, I think by now you can see where this is going, every time they went upstairs we'd flick to 'fuck her gently' whack up the volume and get everyone else to sing along at the top of their voice, needless to say the couple were not impressed, but we all had a good laugh...
I guess you had to be there.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 16:41, archived)
# When I was at college in Blackpool
Me and my mates got very drunk one night, one of them especially drunk, and since we were in dorms the security guard made us put him to bed.
We carried him to his room and put him in bed then (inevitably) decided to shave his eyebrows.
It was so funny that we decided to shave his pubes as well, we pulled his kegs down and started shaving his pubes, my mate went to rinse the razor under the sink and due to the sound of the water the guy getting shaved started to piss himself....but, the way his Willy was he was pissing on his own face.
He pissed for ages but by this time we had collapsed on the floor in hilarity agony and were slowly crawling out of his room.
The next day he came down for breakfast and obviously hadn't washed as he stunk of piss and wasn't aware that he had no eyebrows.

Oh and his name was 'Jasper Crips' snort
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 16:48, archived)
# Evil one for the pub
I'm a regular in my local pub and we've done this one a few times when people are annoying us.

Ask if someone smokes, or stand by the cigarette machine, when they get their fags, ask to borrow the packet. Then say you're playing a game for how many fags someone can hold. Get them to hold both hands out palms down fingers spread and put cigarettes between each finger. Screw packet up, throw in bin and walk away :)
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 17:00, archived)
# I once blew up my neighbour's beloved punt.
When i were a lad, i used to live in the cunnery in a house that had a huge garden with a river running through the bottom of it.
Me and the next door neighbour were friendly-ish (he was a couple of years older but quite thick) and we used to go boating on the river. He lovingly made his own punt in his dad's workshop. It took him a couple of months to make, and he was very proud of it.
This was around the time when i was getting into making home-made pipe bombs, using weedkiller, sulphur and charcoal. This fairly powerful gunpowder mixture was rammed into a closed copper pipe, and when lit it would explode with a great deal of force.
As long as it was ignited, it would keep burning underwater until the pressure got high enough that it would explode.
So i made some very large ones of these intending to do a bit of Dambusters-style damage to the riverbank.
I was having a ciggie, planning how to do it when down the river came the neighbour on his shiny new punt. In a flash of inspiration, i waited for him to get quite close, lit one and chucked it near his punt. I had intended that it would blow up near him and get him a bit wet, but it took longer than i though to get up to exploding pressure. It exploded directly under his boat, seperating the bottom plate of wood from the sides, and the punt quickly began to sink. His first expression was utter shock, but when he realised it was me, he jumped off the sinking punt and started wading towards me.
I have never run faster, and i am glad he stopped short of breaking our windows to get inside my house.

Years later, i still have to supress giggles.

I ask you, is there anything better than being a cunt?
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 17:03, archived)
# No,
there isn't
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 12:13, archived)
# Chemistry Teacher Helped Me...
...make some extremely strong contact explosive on my last day of school, and he planted it under a toilet seat in the staff men's loos, propped up with matches, so that the first unfortunate bastard who sat down for a crap would get a bit of a loud bang.

Unfortunately, the first person in was the acting head. And, also, unfortunately, the explosive was more powerful than it should have been. It ended up shattering the toilet bowl, and the acting head came running out onto the landing, trousers round his ankles, screaming his head off!
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 17:26, archived)
[challenge entry] Nice
When I was a stoned student I ended up listening to Cyprus Hill and brandishing a replica handgun in my front room...next to a main road...as I got more caned I began to realise the possibilities...I ended up waiting until people had a swift look in the window as they drove past (or were stopped at the traffic lights 10 yards down the road) before staring back menacingly and pointing the gun at them. Not particularly inspired...but certainly particularly amusing when one driver panicked and (as I later found out) phoned the coppers bleating about a madman with a gun. So it was that I was enjoying another recreational blunt and giggling to myself when the armed response unit cordoned the road off and laid seige to my house. What was even better was that they phoned one of my flatmates at work to ask for the layout of the building due to the real possibility of a need to storm the place and I got treated to the sight of him hauling his lumpy carcass at high speed up the road and openly crying because...hehehe...my other flatmate was his pregnant girlfriend and he feared the worst.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 17:33, archived)
# Heh...
... that's twisted!
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 17:35, archived)
# How is this a local news story?
Just out of curiosity.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 5:27, archived)
# As per usual, whilst at Uni...
... there was a girl I didn't like, so I filled her lock with superglue. She had to transfer to another hall when she got back at the start of term and couldn't get into her room.

... in Belgium, where students go home at weekends and comeback with a week's worth of grub from mummy, we broke into a flat for 12 people and stole the entire contents of their fridge and freezer. Took several weeks to get through it all. Yummy.

... got away with the comedy "bucket of water balanced on the top of a door" trick
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 17:57, archived)
# Streching clingfilm over my pal Owen's student accomadation bog,
then removing the lightbulb from his bathroom was fun.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 17:59, archived)
# ...

Oh yeah, boot polish on black plastic toilet seats goes quite well too...
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 21:03, archived)
# A couple
1.Duke of Edinburgh expedition, found a sun-bleached ram's skull in perfect condition, we stored it away until night time, then 3 of us waited till the girls were just about sleeping, stuck a maglite in the hole for the spinal column, slowly and quietly unzipped their tent and stuck it through on the torch. Then switched the maglite on and went "WooooOOOoo" then pissed ourselves as their tent collapsed.
2. My granddad was a big practical joker. One morning he told his workmates that he was depressed and that he was going to end it all. They all thought he was taking the mickey out of them until they came out of the canteen and found him dangling from a noose just outside the works canteen. They all rushed off, got the foreman and the work's doctor, only to come back and find him sitting on an empty oil barrel, pissing himself with laughter. What he did was got a long bit of rope, noosed it, threw it over a railing, head in noose and gripping the other end tightly behind his back. Then just before everyone came out of the canteen he kicked the oil barrel he was standing on, away. After that he just had to cling on tightly to the rope to counter-balance himself. My Granddad had a sick sense of humour
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 18:00, archived)
# I convinced a mate
that I was shagging his ex. I had to *really* large it up - "got something important to tell you tonight... we're really good mates aren't we?...etc". I'll never forget his face when I told him and I'll never forget the memories we had. We're not friends anymore. There's a lesson there - if you're gonna shag your mate's ex, don't tell them.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 18:05, archived)
# yeeeesss
I find that when they rip down walls with their bare hands and smash the roof of your car in, it was probably a mistake to sleep with their ex.....
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 11:36, archived)
# I was away from
Uni for a week or so once. My corridor-mates got the cleaner to let them into my room so they could soak the floor and sow cress seeds. The cleaner - who clearly didn't give shit :-) - let them in every few days to water it. I returned to find a luxuriant crop of cress. :-)
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 18:17, archived)
# During the long summers of university...
I had a labouring job working for the maintenance department.

A fellow worker had to move a big pile of 10' scaffolding poles from across the road, in through a fire escape and up a flight of stairs.

Whenever he was across the road, we shut the fire escape, which meant he had to go right round the building, in the back door, up stairs and through the building to open the door.

We did this for a whole day.

The next day, he resigned with a letter beginning "Bullying is rife in the workplace".

After I stopped laughing, I felt really guilty.

Also -

The job workshop was in one of the union buildings at the bottom of a stairwell. Also at the bottom of this stairwell, just round the corner, were the toilets.

So we found one of the shiny metal toilet signs and stuck it on the workshop door.

Bless their faces when they charged in, legs practically crossed, only to find 8 blokes drinking tea and reading the Daily Star.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 18:32, archived)
# Not exactly a prank
But one time in the band room a drummer threw his stick at the back of my head while I was playing guitar. So I put the drumstick in the mic stand, aimed very carefully, and got the pointy end of the drumstick aimed right at his wang.

Then ran. Naturally.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 18:37, archived)
# OK, first post, second time lucky, get on the right board!
In my tutor group at school, I had one pleasant and well mannered friend named Paul who would bring a large bottle of squash in every day, as you do. Also in my tutor group there was a not so pleasant and, to be honest, fucking twat of a kid who had been dubbed "Ratboy" by one of the sixth formers. Ratty would come into the classroom at lunchtime whilst Paul was not there and neck most of the bottle of squash from his bag. Paul was too nice to say anything but we knew he was getting more annoyed at this daily occurance. One day, Ratty was kept in a class for the start of lunch so my classmates decided we would help Paul get some payback.

Firstly we found a suitable substitute bottle and tipped half Pauls drink into it, which he put in his locker for safe keeping. I then took the original bottle into the toilet and filled it with my own brand of squash, replacing it in Pauls bag (having made sure the top was tightly on). We then went and spread the word, with someone keeping an eye out for the Ratboy's return. Ratty lived up to our expectations and took a few good swigs, before the crowds that had gathered inside the classroom and outside the window of the classroom exploded with laughter.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 18:42, archived)
# get those smoke bombs from a local...
..fireworks store.. twist like 3 or 4 of the fuses together and light them and open the victim's storm door, and throw the bombs in there and close the storm door and wait for all the smoke to come out... then ring the doorbell a couple times, then hide and watch.. when they open the door all that thick smoke will pour into their house!
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 19:11, archived)
# ...
Storm door??
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 11:34, archived)
# In the Queen's English.....
...its a porch :-)
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 14:36, archived)
# Actually,
More of a screen door with swappable glass panels, usually.

In the U.S., A "porch" consists of an expanse of exterior floor, occasionally with screened or lattice walls and a roof.

(, Sat 25 Oct 2003, 2:20, archived)
# A few weeks ago at a party
a complete dickhead from my school had parked his car in the club carpark (this was one amazing party btw, at some posh place with ice luges and sculptures). Well, I'd blagged a lift over with him in his car, and felt like repaying him by removing his hubcaps and placing them on his roof, with me being so drunk at the time I also accidently made a huge scratch and dent in his roof in the process.

Well, it's definitely not the worst prank Ive ever played, but I did lead him pressing charges against me, so I guess it wins. :(
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 19:23, archived)
# a few
1. when a friend asked me to get her some hand cream as her hands where dry, i went to my bedroom and mesured my prit stick and cut a peace of paper of the write size and coved the inside of the paper in pritstick, i then placed the paper onto the outside of the pritstick, so as to completly obscure pritstick product markings and then gave the newly rebranded handcream to my friend.

i convinced a friend that, paracetamol was dug out of the ground and then proseeded to feed her chalk when ever she had a headache.

my girlfriend was to supprised that i keep to my promesis. she would not stop doing some activity which was really anoying me, so i told her that if she did it again i would paint her ass blue.

two weeks later my girlfirend was enjoying a wonderfull erotic massage, which moved down to her bottom. with her head looking forward i removed the conceled face paint. once i had finnished, i started laughing, she realied what i had done after a short while. as immediate revenge she put her bum on my wall and left a big peach shaped blue bum mark on my nice white painted wall. I am lazy, it reamined there for some time.

my best friend any stayed at my house, he unrinated in a bottle of cleaning fluid in my bath room. several months later he told me and i placed the bottle out by the door to be thrown away.
a couple of days later , i came home to find my father cleaning the floor, whith my best friend urine. when i told him to stop he asked why, i could not bring myself to tell him so ,i just let him continue.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 19:46, archived)
# When I was about 4 or 5
My father kept asking me "Where does Milk come from", to which I would reply "Cows, Dad". One day, he launched on me that milk, could in fact be grown on trees. I said "Nooooo it doesn't, it comes from cows!". This carried on for a few days.
One day, I awoke, sun was shining, birds were singing, and all was well with the world. I looked out of the window, and there was a magnificent sight! I ran downstairs, shouting "The Tree has grown Milk!". And there, in front of the window was a tree bearing milk. My Father, loveable as he is, had tied milk bottles to the tree.

Problem was, he led me to believe that this was the case for


And he wonders why I'm a bit twisted sometimes.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 19:40, archived)
# Pranks that haunt you for the rest of your life.........

This must go back to one October in the late 70's when I was roughly 10 yrs old. Me and a couple of mates thought it would be funny to remove a drain cover from the side of the road. I don't know why then, and I don't know why now. We stayed out most of the evening messing about as kids do. My parents had gone up to the local fair with my younger sisters.
I'm not sure of the time I got in, but I was quickly followed by my Mother who was fretting about my Dad. He'd managed to fall down an open drain in the dark on the way back from the fair, and had a suspected broken leg! (He went right down to the hip!)
Found out later after a trip to the hozzy that hadn't broke it, but he'd hyperextended his knee and spent a while off work.
I pretty much shit myself. I've still not told him that it was me who did it and I'm now 36!
It will haunt me for the rest of my life....
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 19:42, archived)
# i am still totally ashamed of this
and its about 20 years later.

when I was eight,I tied a bandage to a light fixture & then lay on ground below the light and wrapped the bandage round my neck. I then waited for my mum to come back from shops, to find me, prentending to have hung myself. in the living room.

fuck knows what I was thinking. i remember thinking everybody would laugh. but they didn't. my mum just went completely joey.

it guts me now even thinking about *shudder*
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 19:58, archived)
# Well,
I was cooking with my brother-in-law one evening and it involved cutting up chilis. Now these were the most evil and shock-inducing chilis I have ever had the misfortune to eat.

Well my sister has a habit of coming into the kitchen, opening the larder and taking a biscuit (not like us - we have some self-control). So i thought I'd be a bit nasty. I went into the larder, took out a packet of custard creams and cut one open with a knife. I then decided to liberally sprinkle some evil-bastard-chili seeds on the oh-so creamy centre, put it back together and put it back in the packet. Lo and behold sis comes in, goes in the larder for a snack, and ends up with her mouth under the tap and half a cucumber stuck in her gob. Oh the fun.

In a wierd karma-like way she did get her own back - I went for a pee and had forgotten to wash the chili off my hands. Believe me, I have felt the pain...
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 20:12, archived)
# when i was a kid
me and a mate spent ages in our park building a huge pile of grass cuttings over an even huger pile of really minging dog diarrhea. we then told my girlfriends incredibly annoying NOT to kick it. we told whatever he did, do not kick our pile. so of course he took a run up and aimed a mighty free kick right at the centre. it exploded in a huge shower of grass and poo, resulting in runny dog shit all up his entire leg and waist! we told him not to kick it.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 20:34, archived)
# Family is fun.
My brother and I used to pull all sorts of pranks on each other when we were younger.
Eventually, we found out it would be a lot more fun to team up and pull pranks on our Mom.

We did all sorts of small annoying things - For a while, every morning, I would sneak into her car and set something on high - be it the AC, the radio, or the windshield wipers - Whavever. The best pranks are the most subtle, though...

She always listen to the "lite rock" station on her stereo, which had a tape player she never used. We carefully recorded the radio station - very quiet, and for about three songs - and then inserted the most obnoxious, horrific death metal we could find, which happened to be much louder.

I wish I could have been there to see her as she frantically tried to change the radio station, not understanding why it didn't work. She took it in good spirits, and I believe she even pulled a few pranks on us.

Perhaps the worst thing I ever did was shortsheet my parents bed on april fools day - I must have been about 10 or so at the time, and I did the CLASSIC shortsheet, to where it ooked as if nothing was wrong. Little did I know that my parents had already been at the beginnings of their divorce.. Each one blamed the other, and my Father moved out shortly afterwards - I didn't own up to that one for a few years, but both found it to be funny.

Finally, I was the victim of a very clever- but malicious prank by my brother - and I believe it was the last one he ever pulled on me. At the time, I was not exactly a good studen. I had been obtaining just barely passing grades - mainly because I didn't care. Anyways, he gets his secretary at work (he was a few years odler) to call, and impersonate the school, saying that I woudl have to come in over spring break to prevent being held back. He thought it was hilarious until he came home to see all of the furniture in the house overturned - some thrown dwn the stairs, and me quite pissed off and exhausted. I couldn't laught about that one for a while. I don't think he's ever forgiven himself...
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 20:49, archived)
# Shortsheet?
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 17:07, archived)
# Shortsheeting...
Its when you take the sheet on the bed, tuck the top part in so it looks like the mattress cover, fold it in half, and then take the bottom and make it look like the way the top sheet normally would - I probably botched the description, but maybe this illustration will help:

Normal bed:

Comforter: --------------------
Sheet : --------------------
Mattress : --------------------


Comforter: --------------------
Sheet : /----------
Mattress : --------------------

Heres another description: www.rotteneggs.com/se/1425.html

(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 20:46, archived)
# an apple pie bed?
speak english
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 15:28, archived)
# sorry
can't speak english - i'm in america
(, Mon 27 Oct 2003, 21:48, archived)
# still having trouble
imagining it. What happens when they try to get in the bed??
(, Sat 25 Oct 2003, 2:58, archived)
# Its also known as....
... an apple pie bed. Don't know why though.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 15:11, archived)
# Yet another Uni story...
Housemates 21st. At the pub. with a load of friends.
Unfortunately, birthday boy was steadfastly refusing to get paralytic by not mixing his drinks. So we had a whipround and got him a pintglass of every spirit the pub had, on the understanding that, once he'd finished it, we got him the hell out of there.
the drinkw as looking quite nice until the baileys and warninks went in and curdled.
It was then toped up with Bitter (Dogbolter I believe)
He had a few mouthfuls, felt terribly ill and we carried him back tothe house where I made him a nice big mug of extra strong coffee.
Extra strong so as to mask all the cherry brandy I'd poured into it.
As a result, he vomited all over his bed within 5 mins.
So, we stripped his bed and turned his mattress over, which is when we found his stash of porn mags.
So we then drew comedy moustaches and glasses on all the centrefolds...
Ahhh, halcyon days, eh?
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 20:51, archived)
# Ah yes...
...he never did mention the moustaches.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 12:49, archived)
# Mail bomb
I bring you this from the Scaryduck Archive of Nearly True Tales

www.geocities.com/coleman66uk/index.html for more if you can be arsed....

We should have learned by the fifth year at school that all our troubles, by and large, were self-inflicted. However which way this particular descent into hell started, bitter experience should have taught us that there was only going to be one outcome. For most of us, anyway.

We had all grown older and not necessarily wiser together. We were too clever and too soft to be a proper gang, yet we still controlled our own bit of turf in the playground behind the music block. Woe betide anyone who tried to play football on our pitch, just as long as they were smaller than us. And that was no guarantee of success. “Intellectual Terrorists” is what Mr Lewis called us, and I don’t think he was being particularly complementary.

How the whole affair started is lost in the dust of history. Mild-mannered Geoff - my best friend as it happens - had somehow managed to get Ju-vid into trouble with “King Kong” Bull, our volcanic headmaster. Knowing Ju, he probably had it coming anyway, and Geoff was probably doing him a favour by drawing the law onto him sooner rather than later.

A Ju-vid prank had the tendancy to mature. The longer it was left to fester, the worse the outcome, and the worse the trouble. Trouble which usually saw us guilty-by-association.

Like the time Ju left a whole tub of fishing maggots in a science lab cupboard, hoping for a quick scream from some unfortunate girl who’d find the wriggling mess. Unfortunately, the maggots remained forgotten and the cupboard was left unopened for the whole half-term holiday. It was opened by Mr Jenkins the following Monday and we was engulfed in a swarm of flies, which unfortunately, were not of the flesh-eating variety.

Ju-vid was fingered immediately, along with the rest of us. Geoff managed to save our arses with the time-honoured “It was nothing to do with us, sir” speech, but Ju-vid was bang to rights: the bait tub had his name on it.

The long and the short of it was that Ju spent his breaktimes writing a fifteen hundred word essay on the importance of the maggot in modern culture, while Geoff got off Scott-free. Our warped sense of loyalties lay with the suffering Julian. Honour must be settled, revenge must be served. Warm, with chips. And I’m afraid to say, it was all my idea.

I had an older friend at college, and they’d just used the same plan to make some obnoxious student’s life hell. The whole concept tickled me, and it sounded perfect for us.

We got hold of every magazine we could lay our hands on to aid our filthy little scheme. I happened to collect old newspapers from our neighbours to raise funds for the Scouts, so we weren’t exactly short of supplies. Then is was snip, snip, snip, write, write, write, post, post, post. Every mail order coupon we found, allow 28 days for delivery. All we had to do was sit and wait.

Within days Kays, Grattan and Littlewoods and come good, sending three-thousand pages of lingerie, shoes and girly fashion thudding onto his doormat. That was just the advance guard. Before long, all manner of insurance salesmen were slugging it out on Geoff’s front lawn, closely followed by the guy fitting him up for a wig. Well, we weren’t to know that baldness ran in his family, were we?

He’d only just got rid of that lot when the go-faster spoilers arrived for his dad’s classic 1937 Austin Seven on two week’s approval, and while his parents were still fuming over that, they had to turn away the engineer who came to measure their house up for a stair lift. It may have come in handy one day, if they didn’t live in a bungalow.

Oh yes, Operation Postman was working perfectly. Poor old Geoff was drowning in a deluge of junk mail, unwanted collectors plates, Star Trek chess sets and the finest mail order tat that our new friends at the Franklin Mint could provide. The entire family had taken to answering the door armed to the teeth, waving crosses and garlic at the swarms of salemen. It was ace.

The motorbike, on retrospect, may have been a step too far.

Naturally, it was only a matter of time before we were found out. We were caught red-handed in art class. We were supposed to be exploring the use of colour in autumnal landscapes, but we used this two-hourwate of our lives to catch up with some much-needed coupon clipping. From what I remember, Geoff was due to receive a test drive in the latest Ford Escort, a pile of religious literature, a catalogue of clockwork cucumbers, and the coup de grace - membership of the Revolutionary Communist Party of Britain (Marxist-Leninist), the splitters.

There was no drama. Geoff caught us all with the magazines, scissors, envelopes, and most tellingly, a pile of coupons with his name on them.

With Douggie “King Kong” Bull away on a skyscraper-climbing course, we were marched up in front of the fearsome Mr Marx, a man so hirsute that hair sprung out of this shirt collar, sleeves, nose, ears, everywhere. His hands looked like they were grafted on from a yeti. He needed a shave, big time. Or at least a good brush-down.

With all the evidence on Geoff’s side, we were, to use the correct legal terminology, fucked. There was only one way out of this one. Every man for himself.

“Nothing to do with me, sir”, said the coward, “I had no idea was was going on.”

And so it came to pass that while the gang was led away screaming to the Department of Ironic Punishments, yours truly was sent away a free man, dismissed by a wave of Mr Marx’s hairy hand. Even Geoff was disgusted. Sorry lads, I have an allergy to polishing floors.

Within days, the Kays catalogue thumped onto my doormat. While I was entertained for several evening by the scantily clad young ladies between pages 213 and 247, I couldn’t help thinking it was to be the start of something terrible. Revenge can be a horrible, horrible thing.

I never paid for the Star Trek chess set.
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 21:51, archived)
# Hahahah
I loved that :D and the rest of the incidents on your site, great stuff!
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 22:23, archived)
# Toilet roll
First post for a starters.. We were pretty pissed in our local when we were 18 and decided to toilet roll our mates car that lived next to the pub. We legged it into the toilets and stole the really big rolls of hand paper and proceeded to wrap this stuff all over the poor bastards car. We spent ages in the freezing night to cover everything including rolling the stuff under the car and wrapping it up soo tight it looked like a christmas present.
The next night we are sitting in the pub again and the mate that we had done that to stormed into the pub looking really pissed off. Trying to keep a straight face we inquired what was up.
Basically the poor fucker had left his house late for his 6am shift at a cafe that he worked for and was confronted by a car incased in frozen solid tissue. It apparetly took him 20 minutes to chip it off and took paint with it in some places. He then turned up for work, had his pay docked and got a written warning...The stupid twat never even guessed it was us :)
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 22:58, archived)
# Don't chew pencils
At school (about 8yrs old I guess) my best mate had a habit of putting his pencil in his mouth while thinking.

I had the bright idea of "curing" his addiction by tapping him on the head. Logic told me that the rubber on the end of the pencil wouldn't do that much harm.

"8 year old" logic failed to inform me the reason people put pencils in their maws is to generally chew them.

Anyways with a bit too much gusto I smacked him on the back of the head with a wee bit too much enthusiasm I guess.

3 days later I visited him in hospital after at least two attempts to get shredded wood fragments out of the back of his throat.

We lost touch soon after that..
(, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 23:28, archived)
# 'lady's things'
I had a friend called badger who intensely disliked another boy named morgan. badger went onto the internet and found incontinance pants and sanitary towels as free samples and signed morgan up to recieve them in the post

he also advertised morgan's mobile in the free ads, the contact number being of course the mobile in question, so he'd get about 15 calls a day from people asking to buy it

i'm not one for perpetrating pranks on other people but i've been the victim of a few

my brother once took the bottom out of a wooden dining chair and replaced the cushion, the idea being that i'd sit on it and fall through.
instead i knelt on the chair and leant forward to open the glass door of the hi-fi cabinet, which i was subsequently thrown through
i ended up with glass all over me, in my nose and my ears and my hair and blood litterally covering my face like in carrie. i still have scars
my brother screamed for about 20 solid minutes
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 0:55, archived)
# Escorts
A mate knew someone once who's just bought a brand spanking new ford escort, one of the older ones where the escort logo was individual letters. so he prised them out with a knife, and araldited them back in spelling 'scrote'

apparantly, the guy had to drill them out and wait 6 weeks for replacements
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 1:05, archived)
# this
is my favourite
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 13:40, archived)
# Sheesh, are any of these college stories from US colleges? (I am so alone)
My roommate is of a particularly evil spoiled, bratty, sorority girl breed. Her sorority is Kappa Kappa Gamma, but is known all over campus as Visa Visa Mastercard, which really sums it up right there.

Living with her is like living in some sort of hell. I have morning lecture, she wakes me up at 3 in the morning by stumbling into the room and *turning on the TV*. She takes my food out of the refriderator and actually leaves it out to spoil so that she can fit her food in. She steals anything of mine that she happens to want at the moment... things like pens and paper, but also things like photo frames, clocks, binders, and computer cables. When I see them on her desk and ask why she has them, she shrugs and says she needed them. She leaves toenail clippings in the carpet and spills hair bleach everywhere.

Anyways, she's in the same chemistry class as me. She is every bit as bratty in class as she is in the dorm... and in a lecture of 200-300 kids, you have to really try to get in the teacher's bad books.

We're talking about her cell phone ringer going off at it's loudest volume at least twice a class, talking loudly to everyone around her and whoever happened to call her, spraying perfume everywhere (causing many of those seated near her to have fits of sneezing), and, in what I think was probably the clincher, showing up for class drunk and passing out on the stairs in the lecture hall. And then when one of the graduate student instructors tried to help her up, she woke up and accused him of trying to rape her, despite the evidence of 300 witnesses who said otherwise. *This last one happened twice.*

In other words, the girl had it coming. And you honestly can't blame my chemisty teacher for not hesitating too long when his help was required.

One night she went out to get hideously, annoyingly drunk, as only overly-rich sorority girls can. Enter me, roommate. Enter collaborators, the rest of my hall (including the RA). Enter chemistry teacher, looking slightly sheepish to be walking into an undergraduate dormitory while wheeling a huge motherfucking container of liquid nitrogen.

Perhaps I ought to note that my dear roommate's entire wardrobe consists of apparel by Louis Vuitton (sp?), Prada, DKNY, and the like. All very posh designer names. All *very* expensive. All paid for by daddy and lovingly removed every weekend by whatever frat boys wanted to do so.

Chemistry teacher, RA, myself, and Liquid Nitrogen enter the dormroom. The rest of hall gather around the door, bearing beatific smiles in the face of justice about to be served.

Well, you can guess what happened. Probably a classic prank. Take one Prada bra, dip into Liquid Nitrogen. Remove. Give sharp rap against door for satisfying shatter and cheer from onlookers. Repeat with as many articles of clothing as desired.

We did her entire wardrobe... shirts, pants, skirts, socks, underwear. Everything except for two tshirts and one miniskirt. We collected all the shattered bits and put them back in her drawers.

Everyone fled the premises.

Eventually the roommate came back, too drunk to do anything but collapse, fully clothed, onto the bed. The fun didn't begin until about noon the next day, when she woke up and opened her drawers.

Such a lovely shriek.

Did I mention that we're in a rather northerly state here? And it is winter. Well, close enough to winter, anyways. And did I mention that my roommate is from Los Angeles? And had never been out of Los Angeles before coming to this college? And is dumber than a pile of concrete blocks?

Well. I quite innocently told her that in these harsh nothern climes, sometimes clothing that had been made in warmer places would just freeze and shatter.

Hook, line, and sinker.

No one ever told her what happened. She had to buy an entire new wardrobe, which took months, and which led to all sorts of fun fights with daddy dearest and all kinds of great long distance phone calls back home to California.

It is a memory much cherished on my hall.

Name of school withheld to protect the now well-beloved chemistry teacher. Sorry the story was so long, but I just *had* to post it.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 1:39, archived)
# I love that story!
I can't stand what we in SoCal call "Newport Bitches" - they run around as if they own the place because daddy is a plastic surgeon and has lots of money.

Good for you!
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 2:39, archived)
# Ah, so that's what they're called
I had never met one until I suddenly had to room with this one. We have rich, annoying girls where I'm from, but this seemed like it had to be another breed altogether.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 3:08, archived)
# one of my dad's uni stories
My dad and his mates nicked off with another one of their mate's briefcase, and put about 6 full, glass ink bottles in it, along with all his stuff. They then ran to one of the higher tower block floors. They tied a rope around the briefcase's handle and suspended it out of the window, and shut the window on the rope, leaving the briefcase hanging nicely. I think it was a sharp knife that cut the rope too short on the inside of the building to hold.

Dad's friend how has a problem: Either he opens the window to get the briefcase, and lets it fall to the ground, smashing the ink bottles and ruining his stuff, or leaves it there, rendering everything useless anyway.


In the same group of friends, one of them was explaining that methanol burns at a very low temperature, and you can, therefore, burn meths in the palm of your hand without being burned. Another friend, impressed by this, tells him to put his money where his mouth is (conveniently they had a bottle of meths lying around their student house.. i wonder about my dad sometimes) The first friend refuses to prove his theory.
The result? Second friend chasing first friend around the room with a bottle of meths, soaking his hand and arm. Then chasing him with a lighter and setting him on fire. (btw, he wasnt hurt, his arm was just hairless for a while)

More fun with meths:
Realising that methanol could be much more harmless fun than they'd originally anticipated, they went and soaked their friendly neighbor's door with the stuff. set the door alight (note: the meths burns, the wood doesnt) and knocked. Neighbor opens door to firey wall of inferno.

shits and giggles.

(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 4:34, archived)
# More meth fun.
If it snows at chritmas. Pour meths from the side of the house down the front path. You wait round the side of the house for the arrival of the post man/milk man/bayliff and then proceed to light it. Watch them run in the other direction as a blue flame approaches.

This can be done at any time of year but the white snow makes it really stand out.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 12:02, archived)
# Well, yes, but
What did he do about the briefcase? I must know!

And now my story.

My Dad is an engineer, and he was once helping with the construction of a road. His job mostly involved placing wooden stakes in precise locations to help guide the machinery. Thing is, the stakes needed to be EXACTLY precise, or the road would come out lopsided or something, and then they'd have to tear the wonky area up and start over.

Problem. Every few nights, someone finds it hilarious to move the construction barriers out of the way, and drive their car through the stakes, with the obvious result being lots of broken stakes. So Dad and his engineer lackeys had to measure the locations again, and put the stakes in again. This happened many times.

Finally, Dad had enough, so shortly before quitting time, he got himself a long, thin steel pole. He buried it directly behind one of the stakes, with about four or five feet of it securely underground, and another foot and a half or so sticking straight up, concealed from view by the stake. Then he went home.

When he got back the next morning, sure enough, the stakes were smashed again. Until he reached a certain point. The stake was trash, sure, but the pole was now bent at a strange angle... and the area surrounding the pole was littered with large oil slicks, chunks of metal, and various other things from the underside of some unfortunate bastard's car. Judging by the look of things, the victim had to call a towtruck... to the middle of a construction site... where it would be obvious what happened.

Dad nonchalantly dug up the pole, threw it into the scrap heap, and was greeted by his boss, who was dumbfounded as to why someone's car apparently disembowled itself. Dad felt slightly guilty, but more than slightly pleased.

The stakes were never broken again.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 18:30, archived)
# woo!
what justice!
(, Tue 28 Oct 2003, 1:16, archived)
# pranks? I've done a few....
in my home town there is a local church school which has one of those readerboard signs with the changable letters. A few years back some friends and I used to go out to this school late at night and rearrange the letters to make the sign say different things such as:


and my personal favorite:


I know we did some others, as well, but I can't recall what they were....
The funniest part of this is that the school no longer uses their sign. It sits blank most of the year....
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 5:49, archived)
# pranks
My friends & I found a dead mouse on the way to school one day, so picked it up & took it with us (as you do...). Then at lunchtime we hollowed out a bread roll & put mousey in it. When the usual scroungers came around we handed it over, one of the kids took a big bite, pulled the roll from his mouth to reveal back legs & a tail protruding. Laughed so hard I was almost sick. So was he actually...
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 9:39, archived)
# On a similar note
Driving home I saw a church poster with "Autumn leaves; God doesn't". Next time I saw it someone had crossed out leaves and replaced it with exists. I chuckled.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 9:53, archived)
# some fine studenty japes
1. A mate of mine had his new and expensive bike nicked. It was insured, but even so he went into a complete spaz about it. So we saw our opportunity. We secretly stole the spare key to his bike lock, and once he bought a new bike, waited a week, and then nicked it from him and hid it in the attic. He went spaz again, even more this time.

Repeat until the insurance company is asking questions about what is going on, the police are somewhat suspicious of our mate and we have SIX expensive bikes hidden away.

By this point he was going seriously mental, so on his last return from the police station we returned them all, locked together where he'd left the last one. But with our own lock. He went mad when he found it was us, but then quickly forgave us when he realised he had 5 nice new bikes to sell.

2. Possibly my favourite uni thing to do - find a strange elected student post and run an entire campaign to get a friend elected for the post without their knowledge. Surprisingly easy to do (just make up an email address and fake contact details), and it can be hilarious to see a mate wake up and discover that they're in charge of transexual issues across the university for the coming year. That mate was far from pleased.

(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 11:12, archived)
# One of my most evil pranks
We had this awful housemate back in my student days....anyway.....she announced she was going to be out for the day, so we took our chance to mess with her head.
We took her bedroom door off the hinges (she had it locked at all times) and set to work on her room and belongings:
1 Recorded over all her tapes with silence.
2 put itching powder in the crotch of her knickers and the nipple area of her bras.
3 went to deralict resurant bagged up all the dead flys removed all legs and wings with tweesers and replaced all the raisins and sultanas in her Alpen with dead flys.
4 Put prawns in the the hem of her curtains.
5 put an alarm clock under the floorboards in her room set for 4.30am.
6 switched the labels around on her tinned food.
7 put sunflower oil in her shampoo
8 tuna brine in her hair dryer
9 glued her windows shut

plus much much more.......lots of careful planning went into this and she never said a word.......not a singel word.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 11:49, archived)
# also
Wehen I was a nipper I had a pet mouse, I enjoyed cleaning his cage out as I used to put the poo under the door handel of my evil step fathers car!!
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 11:58, archived)
# And another one...
In Chemistry (Secondary School) we watched with fascination as a small ball of Magnesium (it was something like magnesium, anyway) was lit and dropped into a tank of water. It became an incandescent white ball of light that rocketed round the surface like a bastard.


Two weeks later, 'Spud' the Lab Technician (why are they all like that) procured a HUGE roll of the stuff and we made a ball about the size of a football with a 6" fuse. Then lit it and lobbed it into the swimming pool during 1st year swimming...

Fucking brilliant noises came from the rapidly shut door of the pool.

(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 11:57, archived)
# and another thing......
My boyfriend and I used to sell sheep droppings (the small ones) to youngster who belived that it was hash.
All looks the same in cling flim!
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 12:55, archived)
# Land Rover?
I once did a shite on the bonnet of my mates Freelander for a laugh.

Needless to say, I was drunk, and he didn't laugh.

I laughed.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 13:29, archived)
# Probably sodium...
...it is usually stored in oil as it reacts violently to air and water. My mates and I were slightly peeved by the miniscule amount designated to us by our chemistry teacher, Sconny (a former alcoholic who used to distill meths to drink and once pissed himself in front of a whole class... but that's another story.) We broke into the lab store room and stole the entire container containing several small pieces and one HUGE chunk, which we fucked off the bridge in our town at the soonest available oppurtunity. The chunk whizzed around for a while in a most pleasing manner before annhialating itself in an explosion that most teenage boys only dream about. The cops are probably still wondering about that one...
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 16:57, archived)
# I made a meal for my ex-girlfriend when her parents were out.
It had way to much chilli in it for her, and she wasn't happy. So I got her drunk, which makes her horny. Anyway, we were watching a film when her parents returned. We had a duvet over us, and her parents came in and sat on the other sofa in the living room. My ex-girlfriend decided that she was up for a bit of fun. She began to grope me under the duvet, and after a while, being slightly drunk myself, I had my hand up her skirt. I was two fingers up to the knuckle, so to speak, when she began to make weird noises. being drunk, i thought she was enjoying it, so I continued. She began to move around, making these noises, so I continued further. She then crushed my testicles as hard as she could, pulled me next to her, and hissed in my ear...... wait for it....

"You didn't wash your hands properly". I gave her a blank look, and didn't know what she was on about. A minute later it registered that I still had chilli powder all over my fingers, and she had it up her cunt. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 13:45, archived)
# Subtle psychological pranks...
...were favoured by a mate i used to live with here in Bristol. Once while I was out he reversed my entire CD collection. And I don't mean he just grabbed a block and flipped it over; he did it one by one, so each one was still the right way up. I had over 400 CDs, in alphabetical order, so it must have taken him ages! It freaked me right out, cos when you always keep your CDs in order you get to recognise the pattern the edges make together, so the whole thing looked weirdly familiar but just plain wrong!

Another one this guy did... anyone remember that insanely irritating song by The Cartoonz, called 'Witch Doctor"?? I'll give you a hint... "ooo, eee, ooo, aaa-aaaa, ting-tang wallawallabingbang"... *really* shit stuff. Well, a third guy we were living with at the time used to get driven mad whenever he heard it; I mean, he'd start ranting and screaming, it was fucking hilarious. So my evil flatmate takes a 90 minute tape, and fills one side with this song on a loop. When the third guy got home one night, completely smashed, we slipped into his room and hid a walkman in a box he had lying around, and started it playing the blank side of the tape, set to auto-reverse, just loud enough to be able to hear the headphones from across the room. Obviously he was asleep by the time it got to the non-blank side, but what basically happened was it played all night, and he woke up practically twitching because he thought he'd been dreaming the song, then thought it was coming from the TV he'd left on all night, then when he switched that off he decided it must be inside his head, which sent him under... It wasn't until he went to get some water and found that he could only hear it when he was in his room that he realised it wasn't in his head. But I don't think he was any less freaked out by the fact that an apparently empty box was playing that damn tune. We're lucky it didn't break his mind, I think...
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 13:53, archived)
# CDs
I took immense pleasure in taking the CDs out of the boxes from my best friends collection, and put the discs back in different boxes. Took ages, but for months he couldn't find the CDs he wanted to listen to....
(, Mon 27 Oct 2003, 20:36, archived)
# not me but..
A friend of mine wrote a program that would cause your computer to restart. He secretly put it into his brothers start up folder. A nice continual reboot cycle!
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 14:05, archived)
# Whilst a student
this guy was out with his mates getting bladdered. He lived on the 33rd floor in a tower block halls. Some of the mates snuck back and moved all his furniture and stuff down to a room on the ground floor and made it look exactly like his room. The mates still with him brought him back - travelled up and down in the lift a bit ( he was really off his face) brought him into his so called room and proceeded to throw him out the window !
You should have heard the scream (albeit shorter than it should have been) until he realised he only fell 3 ft in stead of 33 stories :-)))
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 14:50, archived)
# Filled lift
In my first year at uni we filled a lift in halls with popcorn late one night - got lift to floor below and then opend the lift shaft doors on our floor with the emergency release thingy - filled the lift through the ceiling hatch and then went to bed.

Some poor sod pressed the liftcall button on the ground floor the next morning and got swamped as the lift emptied!

There was popcorn everywhere for months!
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 15:06, archived)
# silliness
popcorn good but ....foam fire extinguishers - when you pull the pin, you mix two chemicals soooooo ... if you take one apart BEFORE you pull the pin, tip one chemical into the toilet cistern and the other into the bowl and then leave it .... the next victim sorry person to flush it, one cubicle full of foam in 5 seconds flat. Oh, how we laughed ....
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 15:11, archived)
# 3rd time
in one thread?

must be a popular one this!
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 15:25, archived)
# I've just remembered
another one. We built a snowman on our History teachers desk one winter (obviously). It had the usual stuff for a face plus the usual fat carrot for a cock.

She looked like Barbara Woodhouse and was a strange, prim thing. She just shook her head in a sort of 'you boys' way. (The teacher, that is).

And enough of the 'moved his stuff to a lower floor and threw him out the window' apocryphal bumfoolery. k? k.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 15:28, archived)
# Now,
a Barbara Woodhouse-like snowman with a carrot for a cock.

That i would like to see.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 16:26, archived)
# Evil Tip for today!
Here's a little trick I discovered when I was a temp:

Eye Drops + Coffee/Tea = DIARRHOEA

It's hilarious when you see evil co-workers sprint to the bog!
Go on - I dare you all to try it!
Hahahaha - (evil laugh)
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 15:59, archived)
# that's not good
you can poison people with that... It was even in CSI FFS!
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 20:47, archived)
# Well..
We found some "police line do not cross" tape thingy round the back of the local police station under cover of darkness and thought we may be able to have some fun with it.
The following day we lay a mate down in the middle of the road and drew round him with a stone, leaving a white mark, the tied the police line round 4 traffic cones. This blocked half of the road but it was relatively un-used anyway. It remained there for about a week before dissappearing suddenly, only to be followed by a news report in the local paper about how kids are seeking alternate forms of enjoyment due to there being nothing to do in our area, using this stunt as an example.
I guess you could say we're famous...only not.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 16:00, archived)
# when the internet went down at work
i typed up a fake memo saying that they'd taken the internet down to investigate improper usage.

i then left said memo in a certain colleague's desk.

said colleague had spent much of the previous day typing in URL's such as 'sex-and-death.co.uk' to see if they existed).

after about 4 hours of worrying himself sick said colleague was about ready to hand in his resignation and just get it all over with.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 16:16, archived)
# after doing nothing for months
my housemate realised he had about 48 hours to write a massive dissertation for his final year . after 24 hours of panic he decided that he needed a couple of hours kip- so we went round the house and added about 15 hours to all of the clocks and woke him up telling him he had slept all day and he now had about 9 hours to do the work. he was not best pleased when we told him the truth.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 16:18, archived)
# Evil Pranks
My mate's housemate went away for a weekend so they decided to redecorate his room.... with 60+ porno mags. They plastered all 4 walls and splashe moisturiser all aver the room.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 16:42, archived)
# Myself and a few mates...
filled a pint glass up with piss, put it in the fridge to chill and gave it to an already drunk friend. He drank the whole thing and we never said a word...
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 16:39, archived)
# I accidentally drank
A bottlke of two week old red wine and piss mixture that had been left out for some reason. Nobody told me until MUCH later.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 19:10, archived)
# Things to do in a small town cinema when you're bored...
Having heard that Aracnaphobia was scheduled to play in our local cinema, it was with a sense of scarcely contained glee that my brother and I set about collecting the biggest, hairiest spiders that we could find. The trick is to find a row of teenage girls and sit behind them, releasing the spiders as the plot begins to thicken. It only takes one girl to find an arachnid crawling up the back of her neck to set off a chain-reaction of hysterical fits in her friends. Lovely...

Even better was Nightmare on Elm Street 2 - we had acquired a very authentic Freddie Kreuger mask (one of the rubber ones that go over your entire head), a fedora hat, stripey jumper and fingerless gloves with butter knives sellotaped on. During a particularly suspenseful scene, my brother jumped out, dressed as Freddy, and said 'Hi girls' in his best Freddy voice. Most of them immediately started screaming but there was also lots of crying and whimpering. They got such a BAD fright that I almost felt sorry for them... Nah! Not really, come to think of it - I was too busy trying to prevent my chest cavity from cracking due to uncontrolable laughing fits.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 17:17, archived)
# Oh yes,
super-glueing cigarette lighters to pub tables is also worth a giggle.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 17:23, archived)
# We
superglued a ruler to a colleagues desk. Unfortunately, when it came off, it took a very large chunk out of the surface of the desk. He has had a post-it note over it ever since.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 23:21, archived)
# Horrible prank
speaking of mean bodily functions i have a great one. in high school i was on the swimming team and we used to be really good (though i personally was the worst swimmer). there was one team which was ALWAYS better then us and beat us handily every year. my junior year they beat us and were being bastards about it so we decided to get revenge by taking a team shit on the hot coals in their sauna. we turned the heat off and squated over the coals and dropped probably 4 or 5 pounds of shit then turned the sauna back on high. it was in their newspaper the next day and apperantly it took a few thousand dollars to clean, de-smell and resanitize the room. they never even pinned the crime on us. dumb rich bastards.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 17:19, archived)
# That is
fucking superb. I applaud that wholeheartedly.

In fact I'm pushed to think of a better thing *ever*.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 20:55, archived)
# my brother has that
looks like ill be going to hell soon too
(, Sun 26 Oct 2003, 1:45, archived)
# Millionare Mayhem
At University My housemate Marco applied for Who Wants to Be a Millionare...While he was out me and the rest of my housemates left a note saying.."Millianare phoned ring this number..and left a name and a number..(which was my NEW Mobile Number so he didnt know it was my phone). We then got one of our lecturers in on the joke who kept my phone for the day and later that day all sat in the Student Union having a few beers..and my phone went so our lecturer answere dit and it was Marco....Our lecturer then proceded to ask rediculus "Qualifier Questions" to get to the next stage..OH what hilarity when your young LOL
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 18:19, archived)
# Ladyboys
There was this guy I lived with in my second year at uni and basically he was a cunt. anyway it turned out he was a crossdresser (he had pics of himself in womens clothes etc...). Much laughter was had after we mailed the pics to his mum, dad and girlfriend.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 18:29, archived)
# I go to my local bar about 4-5 times a week
and they have 3 bartenders - Michelle, who's ace. Anita, who's also ace and Rod who's a miserable grumpy bastard but the owners nephew.
Rod never smiles, he gets pissed off at the slightest thing and he's ALWAYS on the phone to his various girlfriends.
So one day, me and a bunch of other regulars just started calling the bar from our cellphones when he was in the back. He'd come out, pick up the phone and hang up.
It took him 4 hours to figure out it was us doing it, then he kicked us out.
It was funny at the time.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 18:54, archived)
# We used to do lots of krayzee stoodent antics
I wrote an article about them but I'm too much of a spaz to be able to do links.
It's members.lycos.co.uk/gotobed/games.htm
I'm afraid that aswell as being the aformentioned spaz I'm colour blind and need somebody to redesign my web pages so they don't make your eyes bleed. Highlight the text to read.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 19:06, archived)
# School pranks are fun
Yeah, some of my friends in college have done some pretty mean pranks. One friend had a roomate nicknamed 'Butt' who was rather annoying. While he was out, they took apart his cable box and took the cover off his computer. They then proceeded to apply ample amounts of bologna to the inners of the cable box and computer fan. All placed so nothing would be broken, but so that the heat would make it smell lovely after a while.

As seniors in high school we threw dead fish up under the ceiling tiles on a Friday afternoon so when the juniors came to take their midterms (seniors got out a week early) it would smell funky.
(, Sun 26 Oct 2003, 9:21, archived)
# story from b3ta email - don't do it kids! use the board.
In my first year at Uni i was in Halls of residence, so it wasn't easy keeping things private for long.

There used to be a girl called Kim who lived at the end of my corridor. She wasn't the fittest of women and often competed with the Moon to control the tides, but she still managed to get laid nearly every night with blokes she pulled at our local nightclub Tokyo Joes.

Anyway, this went on for weeks, and everyone on my floor, including myself were often woken up late at night by her moans of delight from pulling yet another desperate bloke. no-one wanted to say anything to her becuase it was pretty embarrassing anyway, so i decided to write a fake letter from the university; and without sounding big-headed (chort) it was so good, no-one could tell the difference from a genuine letter; it had faked signatures from the housing officers, Uni Crest, the whole lot!

The letter basically said that there had been a number of complaints about her sexual antics and the resulting noise, and that if it continued, she'd be evicted from the halls...

Anyway, a few days past and the letter arrived through the uni post. On the day it arrived however, her boyfriend from home came up to see her, completley unaware of what she'd been doing....

He somehow got hold of the letter during the day... Lets just say it the resulting 'spat' wasn't the pretty....

Mr. Kamikaze
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 20:05, archived)
# Ahhh memorys
Building on TheRealDrJohn's story, I and a bunch of mates also had some fun with thermite. There was a mean old bitch of a art teacher at out high school, she lived some distance away and needed her car to get to school. So placing a bit of thermite on the hood of her car we lit it with some magnesium ribbon, and watched as the molton mass burned cleanly through her bonnet, tyre and made a sizable hole in the floor.

However a prank I regretter was after searching through our schools I.T drives I came across a pic of my I.T teacher, edditing this photo I then placed around 100 posters proclaiming "active paedophile in this area". The teacher eventually left school after a nervous breakdown, but he was bullied by the students ever since he came in on the first day with odd shoes on. yes, shoes.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 21:16, archived)
# In a morning, I used
to put rub my stepfathers toothbrush in the soap.
He never said a word about it though as I always did it the mornings after he'd "visited" me the previous night.

(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 21:43, archived)
# 'Visited' you?
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 14:03, archived)
# when i was in 8th grade
our school was getting new pc's and at night they left a door unlocked for the delivery guys so me and a friend went in and took an old one and played games on it at his house. diamonds on the old mac was the best game ever.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 21:56, archived)
# Your "hot girlfriend" looks
like a man.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 22:06, archived)
# its
not my girlfriend , and she looks hotter in other pics, i will change my profile just for you.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 22:15, archived)
Sitting in the garage loft where my mates house their band equipment, we were bored and hungry, and I believe some people were a little stoned. to relieve the boredom we decided to call a pizza and torment the pizza boy.

Many plans were put forward, many involving nakedness. These were rejected, much to the disgust of one of the group who disappeared into the garden soon after. We put a notice up on the front door telling the pizza boy to come round the back of the house, necessitating a walk through a very dark empty courtyard on a very dark still night. Three of us hid in the courtyard where he couldn't see us but we could see him. The loft has no windows looking out, but does have a bejaysis massive Marshall PA system that delivers whopping amounts of decibels.

Pizza boy comes in and parks his car facing into the courtyard, and walks around to the front door with the pizza. He then reappears having read the note, walking cautiously into the courtyard. I call the lads upstairs as 'their eyes' and let them know he is coming in. There are three road signs of the blue background, white arrow variety pointing to a spot on the ground with a small pile of change.

Woody flicks on the amp and immediately anyone within around 3/4 of a mile can hear him booming apocalyptically out of nowhere


Pizza boy's pants were filled, he dropped the pizza, picked up the changed and sprinted to his car as Woody continued screaming.

As he spun wheels all the way down the driveway, our disgruntled mate (bearded, looking like a caveman) who had disappeared into the garden sprinted up buck-arse naked alongside the terrified pizza boy, screaming obscenities like a madman in through his window.

We laughed
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 23:18, archived)
# A real nasty one
that I have an alarmingly regular habit of doing is getting chickens feet, or any other bird feet that comes to hand, going into town and finding a pub with one of those vending machines that give out a handfull of minstrels or jelly beans (can you see where this going folks?) and placing the feet in the little metal flap at the front. Then I wait with baited breath for some poor sod wanting a handfull of sweets. Screaming and in some cases vomiting ensues along with much hilarity.

A bastard prank I pulled on a mate once was when he fell asleep at a mates house after a few smokes and drinks. I placed a load of cusions in front of him 'cos I'm just not that big of a twunt, then tied his laces together, put a load of paper in an ashtray, lit it and wafted the smoke around him. Then a bang on the shoulder and yelled "FIRE!" in his ear. He woke up, saw and smelt the smoke, shit himself and tried to run. The look on his face as he fell forward had me pissing myself for days.
(, Thu 23 Oct 2003, 23:42, archived)
# Bananas!
I was in the car with my friends Ryan, Kim, and Kyle. We were really bored so we decided to play a hilarious prank on the high quality Wendy's drive through people. First we went home to get a banana as a prop. We drove up to the drive through window and Ryan put the banana on his crotch and Kyle pretended to "tease the banana"...with his mouth. The drive through lady looked absolutely disgusted! When Ryan reached out to get the change he moaned "climaxed" and dropped the nickles and quarters on the ground. It was beautiful.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 0:16, archived)
# cola
oooh just remembered, when I was 6 or so I was at home with a friend- little fat kid who used to eat everything in the house. My dad used to be totally irritated by this so he bet the kid that he couldnt down a glass of coke in one go. Kid accepts bet. Dad fills glass, kid drinks it in one, then pukes in the garden. It was a glass of brown vinegar.
Nice work
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 0:44, archived)
# Mmmmm nice
While I was at university I broke my leg playing rugby. It was right at the end of the season, so the hot weather was just starting.

It wasn't long before the plaster cast on my leg started gettign very sweaty and very itchy.. which was helped along by the fact that my housemates at every opportunity they had would pour salt, pepper, herbs...sand, dirt(basically anything they could get their hands on) down the side of the cast! As you can expect my leg was starting to stink inside the cast and itch like buggery!

At the same time they also thought it would be funny to see me trying to run up the stairs to the loo all day - so they attempted to put laxatives in all my drinks. Thankfully I sussed this and they never got me.

Well the day arrived when my cast was finally taken off - it was disgusting.

My now withered leg was covered in a mixture dirty, smelly, rotten bits of dead skin and hair. I had waited for months for this moment when I could finally scratch my leg! I held back though.

I waited until I got home, luckily my housemates were still at lectures... so I took a penknife and started scraping all the manky bits of skin off my leg, from the bottom of my foot and between my toes. I gathered quite a pile of this foul smelling stuff together and then sat patiently cutting it all up into tiny pieces. Oh, did I mention that my housemates always used to eat ready-brek for breakfast? :)

I went into the kitchen and carefully mixed in all my leg scrapings with their cereal and put the box back. Then just sat back with a smug grin on my face and waited for the next morning.

Sure enough the next day I walked into the kitchen to find them all sat there happily chewing on their breakfast of ready-brek and dead skin. Oh how I laughed!
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 9:38, archived)
# That
is truly fucking rough.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 11:18, archived)
# I can't believe it's not... a turd.
A mate of mine once shared a flat with an utter cunt. Always nicking other folks food. And stuff like that.

One day they scraped all his margerine out of the tub, and melted it. Placing a freshly laid turd in the tub, they then replaced the margerine over the top, and replaced the tub in the fridge.

Then one day, an inexplicable brown streak appeared as he buttered his toast... marmite in *bottom* of the tub?
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 11:21, archived)
# Another Flat story,
In halls as a student we had a tiled floor with eight bedrooms and a kitchen leading off. The floor was covered by a carpet/mat that could be rolled up and taken a away for cleaning. Some of my mates from another floor came home one night drunk. One of them owned a motorbike, they brought it into thier ground floor flat and started to rev it up in the corridor, they managed to burn a six foot stripe down this mat by wheel spinning the bike. They knew they would get in trouble so at 2:00 in the morning they rolled it up took it to the top floor of thier buliding and swapped it with another flat.

In the morning they were sat round the kitchen table drinking tea when the cleaner came in and started moaning about the top floor flat ruining there mat and how they would have to pay for it and she honesltly looked at them and said, "but what gets me is how they got a motorbike up eight flights of stairs"
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 11:33, archived)
# Yet another flat story...
My flatmates stuck a tunnel shot girly centrefold to the ceiling above my bed, with some heinously witty caption written on.

I noticed them behaving oddly, and couldn't understand. Apparently they thought I was just blanking them but after a week they told me. I am very shortsighted, and in the mornings I sit up before I put my specs on. So joke was on them. Hahaha, silly bastards.

Also good to plant rude word shapes in mustard-seed on highly visible and beautifully kept lawns. Comes up different colour, and any attempts to remove result in same word in bare earth.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 11:55, archived)
# ...
Unless you cut a rectangle out...

Am i too clever for this prank game?
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 16:33, archived)
# Face Art
When you get drunk as a crowd regularly, you always get one who passes out first regularly. D was ours and regularly woke up with his face plastered with obscenity. He will no doubt read this and may post some of his gallery of finds. One evening he had a particularly good batch of faceart performed on him including "I fuck boys","Cunt", moustaches, spitting cocks, etc.
He was rudely awoken at around 10:20 to be dragged into town before McDonalds stopped breakfast. He ate the breakfast and then in the centre of town was shown his reflection. nice walk home.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 11:57, archived)
# As a child,
any time my mum bought fish, I would take the eyes and put them in an air tight tablet bottle. I would then bury this for a few weeks (or months if I was feeling particularly cruel). The fun bit was walking up to people and shoving the freshly(?!) opened bottle directly beneath their nostrils. Incredibly foul smelling - I would only get a peripheral whiff which would still be enough to make me retch.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 12:38, archived)
# Not mine
but my daughters,who was still 7 when she did it this time last year.Some of you might want to try it with halloween coming up.
The wife's a big kid at heart, still and likes doing halloween.She bought the kids pumpkins and hollowed them out to make lanters.Next morning Alison was down the stairs first and when the wife and our son,then age 5,came down Alison was at the table heaving from the pit of her stomach and the dinner table was covered in puke.The wife ran over to see to her and Alison burst out laughing.She'd found all the mush from the pumpkin and splatted it over the table and pretended to be sick as they came into the living room.Unfortunately it was to late for my son who'd seen the table covered and heard the wretching sounds and he proceeded to throw up all over his school uniform.The wife did her nut,but I pissed myself laughing when she told me at night.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 13:07, archived)
# When we were about 14
my friends and I went through a spell of doing supercharges. These basically involve breathing really hard so that you hyperventilate, then getting someone to push hard on your chest. This makes you feel very dizzy, and sometimes leads to unconsciousness. Anyway, we gave a supercharge to one friend who promptly passed out, at which point we decided to turn all the lights off in the room and sit there in silence. My, how the poor kid screamed when he woke up and thought he had gone deaf and blind.

Also, every time I used a computer in an IT room at uni, I would use autocorrect on Word so that, for example, the word *and* autocorrected to *arse*. I would then sit back and watch the looks of bewilderment on the faces of the poor bemused freshers.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 13:20, archived)
# Harvey Wallbanger
Combine with a blowback and you get the Harvey Wallbanger, the reason my friends and i spent most of our 18th year talking crap, falling down and being out of it for 5 minutes a time.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 13:56, archived)
# These are even better when...
You do them whilst on E.

Stand up against a wall and drop your head down beneath your knees. Start to take deep breaths in, then short breaths out and you start to hyperventilate. Now comes the fun part...

Take one large breath in, then stand up straugh, and fold your arms up across each other, so your hands (in clenched fists) are on the opposite shoulder. The point where your arms cross needs to be over the lower part of your breast bone. Get one or two mates to push as hard as they can on the point where your arms cross and hold your breath.

After a short period, you kind of collapse in a heap, and as long as you are brought round by your friends after about 10 seconds then you should be OK.

It is one of the best rushes I have ever experienced whilst on E. :-D

You, and moreso your friends, have to be very careful and most importantly of all,don't let the performer stay out for too long.

(, Sun 26 Oct 2003, 23:02, archived)
# heh
similar qv beneath
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 14:14, archived)
# Not a prank, but I laughed my arse off...
I was in the library yesterday and the librarian that was assisting me with my quandry had a name tag on... it read M.Johnson. I couldn't help myself.... I asked her if her first name was Massive.

After I recovered from fits of Laughter she said "No, its May". Struggling to control myself I said "So your name is May Johnson?" (Pronouncing May much more like My)... She says "Yes"... I said "See you later Dick" and walked away, she looked realy confused.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 13:38, archived)
# Our a-level biology class
was asked to show the younger kids at school how to do rat dissections as paret of a science day, so we went into school really early and stitched some wings and big teeth to one of the rats we were supposed to be dissecting we also smeared the whole thing with blood thus creating a RAT-BIRD OF DEATH, the intention was to leave it somewhere where one of the other 6th formers would find it when they went to get the equipment. instead it was an 11 year old kid who was ratching in the cupboard saw it screamed and passed out... it still would have been funny if she hadn't smacked her head on the table when she fell over
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 13:48, archived)
# rat-bird of death
should be a challenge one week...
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 14:12, archived)
# would almost of worked
in the real life photoshops one
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 14:38, archived)
# Not by me but...
My brother new this guy that kept pissing himself when he was asleep after a night out on the shandy... this wasnt too bad but he developed a habit of doing it on the sofa before he went to bed... so first they started pouring water on him when he was asleep but not pissed (which convinced him he had a bladder problem), and followed this up with sticking chocolate all over the sheets and himself the next time he got drunk, which convinced him he had shit himself and went to see the doctor...
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 13:48, archived)
# Genius
In halls at uni if someone goes away for the weekend arm yourself with a large (wholesale large) bag of flour, a hairdryer and a piece of paper. You put one edge of the paper under their door pour some flour on to it and start blowing with the hairdryer so the flour is essentially funneled under the door. This takes patience and time but you have to use as much flour as you can physically be arsed to. You really have to be there when they get back from their trip but it is really quite beautiful.
They open their door and everything in their room is completely covered in flour, it's like snow always looks in the movies except it's indoors and it's real...and the cleaners hate you forever!
If you have a friend with a house and they're going away, or indeed if they have a room they don't go into much cover the carpet in mustard seeds (the ones you proved could grow in virtually anything at school)and some water. After a few days the seeds start to germinate, they return to the house, or enter the back room after a week or so, and they have a carpet of mustard. Again very funny but also quite beautiful. Don't do it on their brand new shagpile unless you hate them because it can be a bitch to clean up. If you're actually friends with them I'd recommend a rug they might not mind chucking if you want to continue to be friends with them!
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 14:07, archived)
# How to lose friends amongst neighbours
Get a bastard of a brother to pinch some police line tape, some fake police uniforms , several mates dressed in these, fake blood,draw the outline of several bodies on the driveway of your house and stand around talking loudly into walkie talkies for 1/2 an hour early on a sunday morning.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 14:11, archived)
# at school
some mates and I were doing that thing where one hyperventilates for a bit then uses the shoulders to block bloodflow to the head. After a few seconds you usually pass out doing this; we did it for the fun coming-around boot-up feeling where you gradually remember where you are, who you are, what day it is and why the fuck everything is all grey.
We were hanging around next to this river after school when it was decided that I should demonstrate my particular technique for passing out. As we were next to a river in full school uniform I asked my companions to ensure I didn't go anywhere near it when incapacitated. I woke up shortly afterwards to see them pissing themselves laughing whilst I lay flat on my back in the river, completely saturated.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 14:11, archived)
# I remember...
...doing the passing out technique with a bunch of mates when we were 14. Funny thing was when we eventually passed out we acted like total tits, ran around and said some really embarresing stuff and never remembered any of it and this was while we were "sparked out".

Also my mates younger brother developed a technique where he would be able to make himself passout without our help and go on crazy seizures. His face was a picture when he woke to find himself tied to the bannister with his jeans down and his mum coming home :)
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 15:22, archived)
# Evil
The last pranks I mentioned didn't really conform to evil...this one does.
I'd been living with a bunch of arseholes for a year at Uni, the most biggoted bunch of twats I've ever met in my life who were also completly anal about cleaning which made them much worse!
I was leaving the house and most of them were staying on for another year. The guy I hated the most left two days before me to go home for the summer. The other guys in the house were running home to mummy for the summer, the same day I moved into my new house.
I snuck into the prize pricks bedroom, turned over his mattress and poured in a couple of litres of milk. Turned it back, made the bed and left in the knowledge that the house would be empty throughout those long warm summer months.
I never saw, or even heard about the results, but I like to imagine. I take even more pleasure when I realise what he would have to have gone through to track down the stench and then get rid of it :)
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 14:13, archived)
# Evil Evil
I didn't actualy do this prank but hey its the worst one I've heard. This is bad do prepare yourselves.

It was this guys from newcastle's stag do and all of his mates got him really really pissed.

Anyway he passed out in the hotel room and they decided to mess with his head...

So they got a condom and put some pantene shampoo in to it then placed a pencil inside the condom and proceeded to insert the condon into his anus then removing the pencil and leaving the condom sticking out of his bottom.

The next day he was really upset and wouldn't talk to any of his mates
So they didn't tell him what they had done... for two weeks he was walking around thinking one of his mates had shagged him up the arse, pretty bad ehy!
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 16:18, archived)
# While stopping at a mates house
I had packed a few of my posters and things in my bag, so when he went downstairs to make a drink I quickly took all his posters down, put mine up and some other stuff around his bedroom and sat there proudly until he noticed...a hour later!

Not very funny, I know...
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 16:35, archived)
# Old People...
Once lived in a block of flats that was full of old people apart from us 3 mates who lived in the top flat.
Whatever we did they complained, even if we breathed too heavily they moaned, so....

We pulled the panel off the lift and swapped the wires over on the buttons so down went up and up went down etc.
There were all these old people wandering around the middle floors, trying to work out how to get down.
Took the lift engineer 4 hours of banging in the lift room with a hammer to fix it. Last thing he would look for was some fools swapping the button wires :-)

Don't feel sorry for them, they were evil!
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 17:01, archived)
# 3 pigs
there's this old tradition at my high school (colorado, u.s.a.) that the seniors pull one large prank every year. two good ones:

1. get 3 pigs and paint the number "1", "2", and "4" on each of them (only one number on each) let the pigs go inside the school building or on the campus and the staff will spend weeks searching for the 3rd pig... it's excellent.
2. get an extremely large boulder from out in the woods or somewhere and use some kind of truck of sorts with a bed to haul it to the school. dump the rock from the truck right in the middle of the entryway to the school:
a. make sure it's really heavy and hard to move
b. please, please PLEASE do this at NIGHTTIME. can't tell you how easy it is to get caught when everyone's fricking watching you :-p

oh, great... remembered another... another great one to do is to take the head of the school's car and take the wheels off and put it on cinderblocks... makes for great fun, especially if you're in arkansas, u.s.a - home hicksville.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 17:19, archived)
# it took a while to do
but one time me and a friend were at a mates house doin a favour, and she wanted a lock puttin on her bedroom door (one of them yale ones like a front door one, cos she has a shared house and obviousley doesn't trust the bastards she lives with) so we agreed to do it for her.

anyway. she went out, and instead of puttin one on, we put 2. one with the handle inside, one outside. the seccond one was right at the bottom, so she didn't notice. she came back that night very drunk and went straight into her bedroom. Clunk.

we let her out after a few hours. but she didn't speak to her for a fair few weeks.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 17:36, archived)
# framed
when one of our staff was leaving, we clubbed together to buy her a nice picture frame she wanted.
When everyone went home I unwrapped it, and replaced the cheesy picture with some high quality explicit porn, and re-wrapped it.
To see her face when she opened her present in front of the assembled staff next day was priceless.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 17:46, archived)
# Happy times taunting the less fortunate
Stinky Marcus and what we did to him.

Stinky Marcus was both aptly named and deaf. We used to place containers of deodorant and air freshener on his desk. This didn't work, so we got a can of Whiskas cat food, emptied half out and placed the can on the radiator pipe under his desk. It stank most stinkily.
This was followed bay putting capacitors across the scan coils of his monitor. Fine in text mode, much smearing in graphics mode :)

Next, we half wave rectified the power feed to his bench. His BBC and Archimedes computers continued to function, but the monitors wouldn't degauss :))

Finally, I thought fuck it, so we built a small circuit that allowed us to touch a piece or veroboard under the desk and trip the power to his sockets. Enjoyed that rather more than I should.

We built a coded door entry system for the workshop that hooked into a BBC micro complete with speech synth and audio capabilities. Whenever stinky keyed his access code into the door, the beeb emitted a 'BuuuuurrrrrrrrrMuuuuur' that sounded just like his speech :). Got a right bollocking for that one.

I set fire to another colleague. Not really a prank, I just hated him. I modified the boot ROM on his beeb to call a small program that played back me singing 'Pat Sharp, Pat Sharp, what a wanker ', as he resembled the aforementioned wanker. The thick cunt never did work out how I did it :)

Another cunt I had to work with was made to almost barf after a mate of mine and myself made fake dog poo. This stuff was used for many pranks including placing in lunch boxes, having a piece of it on my dinner, removing the guards from a fan and hurling a lump at the whirring blades ( I know what happens when shit hits the fan ). Sadly, a dog took a shit near his car. Thinking it was fake poo, the spakka picked it up...

I got a right bollocking for that. Worth every bit of it.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 17:58, archived)
# Other stuff
The moaning spakka had the wires to his wheelchair motor reversed, and the power limiter 'altered'. Twist throttle slightly, nothing happens. Twist a bit more and one wheel went forwards, the other backwards. One rotating spastic.

18v AC down an Econet anybody?, bang! goes the board.

Remove the plug caps on someones car and rest them gently on the plugs. The car runs OK until it hits a bump in the road, when you then get an almighty misfire. Took Pat ages to figure that one. Oh, and garlic granules in the heater intake, stones in the back box etc.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 18:05, archived)
# computer pranks
Our 6th form network guy was completely useless.

Net send was enabled throughout the 800-computer strong network - big school - and it only took me so long to figure out how to send the same message to the entire school. The word was spread, and it didn't take long before you were logging on and finding several messages popping up to greet you - some teachers even got threatened :)

A few of us also changed the "waiting to login" desktop background of every computer we ever logged in on to something offensive.

I filled the entire public harddrive with over a gig of sega mega drive roms - literally every computer in the library had Sonic playing at one point.

And the amount of "FUNGAME.bat" files we left on C: drive that attempted to delete the entire contents of C:\system32\ was proposterus.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 18:37, archived)
# Not fantastic, but it worked.
when I was about 14 on halloween, my mum had borght a load of sweets for the trick or treaters. 99% of those who usually came where arsewipes who we dispised and most of the village hated to. We, being me and my sister desided too keep the sweets so I his under the front door window with this fucking scary old man head mask and fake green fingers on. Every time someone knocked i jumped up smacking my hand on the glass. It made everyone jump but worked beautifully on a girl I particually hatted who screamed and ran off.....bitch

next day we were sick of too much sweets.oh well
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 20:31, archived)
# A"prank"
This one is one of those that you regret straight away afterwards, then laugh about it later...
I was over my girlfriends house and she had just got back from a costal resort in Tenby. My present - a large stick of seaside rock. I said my thanks and started to eat it. Only to find that it was anniseed, which I hate. I needed to find a way to get rid of it without eating it or causing offence. One of my long-term, but most annoying friends popped around to see us. He was greeted by me answering the door and stabbing him in the forehead, with the rock. At least I thought It was his forehead.. we then spent four hours in A&E, while they removed the stick of rock from his eye. It was lucky that he didnt go blind. At least I didnt have to eat the rock. LOL
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 21:39, archived)
# Kind of funny, yes,
but not a compo entry.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 22:14, archived)
# fun
Using msn messengers remote access and b3ta's buffy swears. It was always fun to watch tutors at college shit when computers no one was sitting at (with the monitors turned off and keyboards removed so it looked like it was switched off) would start to scream stuff like QUIM, MINGE and ZEBRA BASTARDS!!!
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 21:51, archived)
# I MUST know how to do that.
Woo! Yay! Houpla for your shenanigans!

(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 22:16, archived)
# Zebra bastards
i love that
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 23:11, archived)
# yes
i'm inspired too. Tell us all how you achieve this wonderful prank
(, Sat 25 Oct 2003, 2:40, archived)
# the joys of net send
Seeing the net send being left on has reminded me about an incident in my first year at Aberystwyth uni, and it's inspired me to stop lurking and register.

As bored first year computer science students we used to use net send quite often to send insulting messages to people. It was never sent to lecturers or sstuff like that since the message body always contained "Message from (whoever was logged on) at (the time they sent it)". However, some bright spark must have looked up some documentation on it and realised that instead of typing "net send (login) (message)" you could type "net send * (message)" and the message would come up on everyone's computers in the room. There were only a few people in the computer rooms at the time, and they had a great laugh swearing at each other for a few minutes.

Problem was, net send * actually sent the message to everybody who was logged in, all across the campus. Computer rooms, library, halls of residence, lecture theatres where the lecturers were using powerpoint (ie most of them)... the subsequent traffic was enourmous and caused a good few problems for a couple of minutes, as well as some very confused lecturers.

The 3 involved got their accounts suspended for a while and a severe bollocking by all sorts of people, and I think I remember somebody telling me they were fined too, but that sounds a bit suspicious... Anyhow, net send was swiftly axed.
(, Sat 25 Oct 2003, 14:55, archived)
# w00 yay!!!
gotta love aber :)
(, Mon 27 Oct 2003, 16:20, archived)
# Pranks
There is a wonderful book that used to be available at book stores in the US, it was called "Spite, Malice and Revenge"; unfortunately it is now out of print but you can pick it up at used book stores and such. There was also a sequel, it was excellent!! One man took revenge on his bitch of a wife; they owned two cars, one was a junker the other brand new. Out of the kindness of his heart he always let his wife drive the new vehicle. Any time he requested to drive it though, she would not let him. After a year or so the man divorced the bitch and since she was being such a twat during divorce proceedings he super-glued her windshield wipers onto the glass. So when she went to use them they wouldn't work and she kept trying and burnt the motor out. Very expensive to replace. Not to mention you can't drive your nice new car in the rain without windshield wipers.
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 22:49, archived)
# Cambridge japes
I go to Cambridge University. After exams each year, each college puts on a ball called the May Ball, confusingly not in May but anyway.
It's the social highlight of the year. Tickets cost £90 - £160 and for that you get twelve solid hours of free drinks (including unlimited champagne - feel free to throw a bottle at someone's head,) free food, and there's always some reasonably good student bands/stand-ups/soloists performing.
Anyway, because it's the end of the year and everyone's got something to celebrate, most people get very very drunk, especially seeing as it's all 'free' (in a sense) and besides I feel that special occasions make one drink more.
Our story starts with a man named Dave Rhien, he was known as Diamond Dave for some reason, I think because he dad sold cars for a living or somesuch. Anyway, his dad must have sold a lot of cars because his family lived in Cambridge as well, about a mile from our college, and the location of course of the May Ball.
As May proceeds, a terrible plan is forged in the cracks of Mount Droonk. Eventually the conspirators make the sign of the serpent and all is set. Dave goes to the ball, dressed up to a T and generally having a whale of a time. I think it was his second year so he was quite familiar with the format.
All his mates seemed to be trying to get him drunk. I didn't know Dave too well but anyway I remember him constantly having his drink topped up with whatever. His mates also never let him sit down. Sure enough, at 6am the ball is over and Dave is totally totalled. I am relatively sure I saw two of his mates carry him off in the direction of the car park, but it could have been a secondhand memory, I don't know.
His chums have found someone with a car, who drives him home quickly. His parents are in on the plan. They have gone through his bedroom and removed anything which refers to the last four or five years of his life. Then they went through his wardrobes and found his old school uniform. They laid it out on the chair next to his bed, and set the alarm for 7am. They also set the clock's 'real time' forward about six hours to give him a good bit of sleep. Lastly they took his dinner attire off and tucked him into bed.
Eight hours later Dave is wakes up. Maybe a little hung over but that is quickly forgotten. He realises the room, the bed, the alarm clock beeping at 7 are horribly familiar. He sees the school uniform. Confused to the point of insanity, he stumbles out his door. He bumps into his dad, who acts along marvellously. "Oh, I've signed your school report, remember to take it in today."
For thirty mindmelting, realityblowing seconds he awoke from a Matrix-like coma. All of the past five years - the sixth form college, the University, the people, the girls, were all just an incredible dream that must have taken place in only a few hours.
Then his dad cracked at the seams and burst out laughing in his face. Dave realises he's been had. The story has already been circulated around college and Dave enjoys the fruit of the world's focus for his last few days at college.He became known as The Incredible Time Travelling Dave, which is something of a factual error on the nicknamer's behalf, who misunderstood the hoax - it was nothing to do with time travel. (Time compression maybe?) And of course, like all good stories the exaggerations began. In one, his mates get him stoned as well as drunk. I've also heard versions where Dave is called Peter, Daniel etc, and also a version where he comes from a different college. It's flat out hilarious for me, because remember I was there on the day itself. Dave graduated last year, went to the May Ball again, and reportedly wore his old school tie!!!
(, Fri 24 Oct 2003, 23:28, archived)
# Whilst at Uni (of course)...
At Lancaster University you have to buy printer credits in order to print anything out.

In the 24hr computer labs you must log-in in order to get access to your print-credits. Once you're logged in you get lots of choices for your printouts (ranging from the cheapo dot-matrix in the corner of the computer room (2p per sheet, Black and White only) right up to A3 colour (£1 per) which are sent to the library desk for personal collection.

Can you see where i'm heading with this? Surely you must be able to guess by now...

One very late night in the empty PC suite I noticed that someone who lived on my corridor had foolishly left their computer logged on.

In order to teach them an amusing and valuable lesson about PC security I went onto their computer and spent the next hour trying to find pictures of dog-fucking, gay orgies, midget porn, amputee sex, necrophilia, etc) and printed it to the library in A3 colour. The muppet had left about £20 worth of credit in the system so I had to spend ages finding enough smut worthy of printing. I then used up the last few pennies printing "Dear Dad, I'm a paedophile and I used to bugger my brother" to the local printer in 150 point letters.

Suffice it to say the library staff were not amused and neither were the University Vice-Chancellor, The College Dean, the Disciplinary Committee, the security officers or the Police Officer assigned to search his room and
all his belongings.

I thought it was hilarious though. And that's what counts
(, Sat 25 Oct 2003, 0:31, archived)
# wow that's a fucking
great prank! That would seriously fuck me up
(, Sat 25 Oct 2003, 3:05, archived)
is the BEST FUCKING PRANK I've EVER heard of. Those evil bastards have secured themselves a place forever in the annals of annoyance.
(, Sat 25 Oct 2003, 4:27, archived)
# Rather g33ky, but...
Download the Blue Screensaver Of Death from SysInternals.

Install on all the servers.

Watch face of other admin when he walks into the machine room.
(, Sat 25 Oct 2003, 12:30, archived)
# OK here goes - I'm not proud of this one but.......
Back at school (early eighties) we got a brand new swimming pool built for the school. Naturally there were the usual stories about dye in the water to show if someone has peed.

there was one guy in class (we were 4th year by this time) who had smelled of 'weewee' since 1st year. On the day of our first swimming period, we nicked his bag and filled the gusset of his trunks with powdered Pottasium Permangnate.

This guy gets changed and is one of the first to go into the pool (naturally those of us in on the joke hung back), leaving a ruddy great purple trail behind him. Someone shout 'he's peed' and all the girls, who were in the pool first, jump out and start screaming the place down. Me & the guys were absolutely pissing ourselves laughing - ahhh happy days.

Sad thing was that the PP made his bollocks turn brown - apparently its not nice stuff. everytime he showered after PE lessons, he tried to hide his brown bits :) Shame was he went to uni and got arrested for exposing himself in a public park - guess we affected him more than we realised at the time :) snigger.

Nuther one, really evil, but not psychologically damaging.......One of our neighbours at Uni had a second hand mini cooper (the original kind - not the German crap they sell thses days) and thought he was the dogs bollocks. He used to drive to lectures from his flat next door but never once did we get a lift. He'd even toot as he passed us on the road. we hated him with a passion.
One night after a session at the pub, we were coming home ( about 5 of us) and we spotted the mini parked as usual. The whole lot of us got hold of the car and a mixture of lifting and 'bouncing' it on the suspension managed to move it onto the pavement, between two trees. There wasnt hardly room to get a playing card between the car or either tree.

Next morning, we woke to the sight of neighbour & an AA recovery van arguing about 'what the F** do you expect me to do with that!'.

I nearly passed out from laughing.

(, Sun 26 Oct 2003, 0:38, archived)
# Really...?
Um... I think the first story is a bit of a fib. Potassium pemanganate (KMn04) is a supremely powerful oxidising agent, and a 'scoopful' would have incinerated that poor kid's testicles just as if you'd put a blowtorch to them. Also - how did he not notice there was a bright purple powder in his trollies?
(, Sun 26 Oct 2003, 1:02, archived)
# its true
It was three crystals (thats enough to make a LOT of purple water), crushed and put between the gusset and the trunks - it wasnt actually in contact with the skin - these werent speedo's

Believe it or not, your decision, but I saw it.
(, Sun 26 Oct 2003, 8:36, archived)
# Osama Bob Larcombe

Made these, printed off about 25 and posted them up around the school while no-one was around. Was highly amusing, especially when the whole school were talking about it, although we eventually got found out and told not to put any more up. Kids still call the teacher (Mr. Larcombe) Osama Bob to this day - ah those were the days!
(, Sun 26 Oct 2003, 1:45, archived)
# A mate
of mine used to go to a really small village primary school. I think there were about 5 or 6 kids in his year with him. My mate used to be (and still is to some degree) a right little bastard. He was always doing dodgy things. When he got rumbled, he used to blame this other kid in his class. This happened so many times that the other kid was sent to a school for children with behavioural problems. Poor little fucker hadn't done a thing wrong!

Again not me, but this still makes me piss myself whenever I think about. A mate of mine told me a story about a guy from round his way called Choclate Eddie (fuck knows where the name came from).Anyway he goes into the offie to get the beers in. He's counting out a load of change to pay with, and he's 5p short. The woman in the offie wont have it , and says he cannot have aforementioned beers. So he flops his cock onto the counter, and says "See that? Now fuck off!" Picks up the beer and walks out with it!
Even now its making me laugh......
(, Sun 26 Oct 2003, 13:15, archived)
# Shared Kitchens....
..At Uni....used to get ABSOLUTELY EVERY MUG AND CUP in all the kitchens then do the whole 'filling them up with water & turning them upside down on the worksurfaces' thing. Old trick, new slant I'd like to think. Literally hundreds of them....a joy to behold.
(, Sun 26 Oct 2003, 15:57, archived)
# A beastly prank
My little (2 or 3 year old) brother used to have very regular nightmares about bears and would often wake up crying and screaming.

My mum was frantically trying to find a solution and eventually she did - a ceramic frog, nick-named the "Bear Frog" who would watch over him.

This seemed to make things a lot better. But what might have helped somewhat was the fact that a certain five-year-old had gotten bored of lying under his brother's bed growling.
(, Sun 26 Oct 2003, 16:16, archived)
# in secondary school
a group of lads i know broke into school in the middle of the night and procceeded to move all the lockers onto the football pitch. They then assembled the lockers into their very own version of Stonehenge. Lockerhenge, I guess. The art teachers loved it, photographs of it got into the yearbook, and the boys had actually filmed the whole thing so most of the school saw the amusing mini movie.
(, Sun 26 Oct 2003, 18:10, archived)
# in secondary school
I want pics, that must of been cool...
(, Sun 26 Oct 2003, 23:59, archived)
# in secondary school
I would of taken tons of pics.....yep
(, Mon 27 Oct 2003, 0:00, archived)
# So the thread's dead, but I've got a couple
When I was younger, my brother was badgering me about when the Scalectrix was ready. Finish putting it together and tell him that the best way to test it is to lick the track. "Ow, I got an electric shock!"
"Really? That shouldn't happen... Now try again..."

Cut out a small picture of a woman with her tits out and taped it in to a mate's passport. He went through three passport controls before someone pointed it out to him.

Because of the proximity of the airport in Luxembourg to, well, everything, many people take their weekend bag in to work and catch a flight back to Blighty on Friday evening. Quite a few people have returned to England to find their bag full of office stationery and no clothes.
(, Sun 26 Oct 2003, 22:12, archived)
# passport
Indeed! obtained a sticker from a bike mag (can't remeber which one) on the way to Belgium with the boys - while one of them was at the bar on Eurostar we got his passport and stuck this yellow sticker on the picture page, saying "look at me - I'm shit!"

got some odd looks from miserable c*nt belgian passport control. Have pictures ..... may post ;)
(, Mon 27 Oct 2003, 9:50, archived)
# Hilarious prank
When I was just turned 15, I went to a party at my mates house, while his parents were away. These parents being famous for having made a porn collection, unfortunately seen by their son. So, after having one too many, the poor lad passes out on the parents bed. We decide to have a gander, and one of us happens to stumble upon something, which we put to good use.
I dont think My mate was too happy to wake up the next morning with his mums dildo in his mouth
(, Mon 27 Oct 2003, 0:18, archived)
# me and a friend are notorious liars...
and a couple of years ago we decide to tell a guy at college, who we knew to be very gullible, an outrageous lie and see if he believed it. Basically we told him that another of our friends had gone to a party where he didn't know anyone except a fat kid called Wyman who we knew when we were younger. We told the gullible guy that these 2 had got really pissed and ended up in bed together, but didn't want anyone to know. Oh yeah, we also said that Wyman looked like a bin. Anyway, he believed us hook line and sinker... but then it kind of turned sour when he told his girlfriend...who was friends with our mate's girlfriend...and told her...and they split up... still, we found it funny.
(, Mon 27 Oct 2003, 0:45, archived)
# If you work in a bar...
Fill a small shot glass with tabasco, cover with cling film, then pierce with a straw. Make a coke slush puppy & place the shot glass & straw in the inviting drink. When another barman comes in to start his shift offer him this tantilising drink. Oh how much fun it is to see someone realise they have a mouthful of tabasco when they expected coke slush puppy!
(, Mon 27 Oct 2003, 2:15, archived)
# So
Which ones got used?
(, Mon 27 Oct 2003, 6:42, archived)
# fish....
I had a summer job working for this company which had an on-site canteen. I got to know the chef really well – he was a top bloke who would constantly supply bacon rolls at any time. As you would expect, we used every opportunity to get each other with blags and jokes. The greatest came that August. He was due to fly out to Ibiza for two weeks holiday late on the Friday afternoon from Heathrow. To save time he showered at work and headed straight off to the airport without going home, leaving his car in the long stay car park. Whilst he was in the shower, I pinched his car keys from his office, and stole into the kitchens. With the help of one of his staff I then headed into the car park armed with two deep frozen whole trout which I had carefully unwrapped and a bag of ice. The whole package was then secreted underneath the driver’s seat. Two long VERY hot weeks in the sun did the trick. I had expected him to have to put up with the smell when he got back but I hadn’t bargained on the flies and maggots. His car was full of em.

Amazingly he saw the funny side of things and pulled the same blag on one of the company directors two weeks later.
(, Mon 27 Oct 2003, 10:50, archived)
# A bit late...
...But I'm bored so here goes:

My old mate Johnathon used to get hung over the banisters by his older brother before he went out clubbing on friday nights. One night, to take revenge, we spread a thin layer of icing sugar over his older brothers bed and waited for him to get home.

He was too late for us poor wee kiddies, but it worked a treat as in the morning he awoke to find himself completely stuck to the bedclothes! Hooray for childish ingenuity!!!

Didn't stop him being a wanker though.
(, Mon 27 Oct 2003, 13:28, archived)
# Pranks using computers
This is one for the fuckwits better known as PC world staff, and how to beat them at their own game.

First of all, and my personal favourite, the screensavers they have on in PC World. These are always passworded, but just require the user resets the PC (The easiest way is to unplug the power from the back, then plug it back in immediately). When windows finally restarts you can right click the desktop and put on the "marquee" screensaver with some dubious text like "PC World still think Babbage is a green vegetable." Oh! and make sure you change the password yourself so they cant get back in either.

Another goodun is if you have a PC from them with about a months warranty left... Turn off the internal and external cache in the BIOS and tyake it back saying that the PC appears to be running very slowly. Watch them vent their spleens as they change a setting in Windows to make it run faster, and have to restart, each time taking upwards of 45 minutes before windows has finished loading.

Disable the Plug and play bios in device manager... this is a really mean one, that will take them hours to find out and makes the PC run like a real sloth.

Put in 2 CDs into one CD drive. Make the lower one be a hard porno CD or such like, and the upper one be something *nice* like the best of Dire Straits and get them to try and get Dire straits playing in the store... make sure you leave the volume controls up full :D

Get the small magnetic coil from a product that stops you nicking it, and put it into your shoe. Everytime you go to leave the alarm will go off, and eventually they will get fed up with it and let you through without checking you. Of course you can then take stuff from there, but it's PC World, and what could you possibly want that they have!
(, Mon 27 Oct 2003, 15:18, archived)
# Yeah ok,
just try the last one. I'd love to see that happen now they have metal-detecting wands that they're allowed to use.
(, Mon 27 Oct 2003, 23:44, archived)
# blargh
So just stick it on the bottom of your shoe, like you accidently stepped on it.
(, Tue 28 Oct 2003, 22:00, archived)
# Bogus Radio Show prank
One of my mates from Birmingham used to work in a clothes hop in the city centre with an office upstairs. Being very bored they decided to do a wind-up, using a tape of 'Gold' by Spandau Ballet, the phone-box opposite them and a huge wheelie bin. What they would do (from the office) is ring the phone box and when somebody answered it, they'd play the first few seconds of 'Gold' before saying 'Congratulations you're live on the radio, do you want to go for gold?' Naturally they'd get all excited and say 'Yes!'. They'd then go on to tell them that there was a Gold envelope with a grand in it in the big wheelie bin and they had 30 seconds to find it. So off they went jumping into this big bin throwing all manner of rubbish over themselves and astonished on-lookers, meanwhile my mate and his colleagues would be rolling all over the floor of the office in merriment.
(, Mon 27 Oct 2003, 16:45, archived)
# Evil bastards stories
1) A buddy of mine got married. During their honeymoon, a handful of us got drunk and we cleaned out their apartment. Took all their furniture, clothing - everything. Took all the labels off their canned food. Rearranged their 1000 CD collection (switched liners and CDs in a random order). Stole the ice cube trays, light bulbs and electrical socket covers (what sort of sick fuckers take the ice cube trays?). Placed stuff in a storage locker. Put key to that in an airport storage locker. Took airport storage locker key and placed it in bus terminal. Left them bus terminal key with riddles to find keys.

Needless to say, they're divorced now.

2) Walked in on evil roomie in college having sex with some coed. Simply asked, "Did you tell her about your warts?" then closed the door. Never heard a woman swear that much in my life.

3) Apparently, the elderly sometimes have problems swallowing water, so there's this stuff you can add to water that sort of gellatinizes the water. Got drunk and stoned one night - and dropped a 5 gallon drum of it into a University fountain. Oops.
(, Mon 27 Oct 2003, 17:11, archived)
# Another One
I hasten to add this wasn't all my idea.

Whilst working for a certain fruit machine developers, we were looking into the effects of static and piezo devices on the fruit machine. Various devices were developed to *zap* the machines to see how much damage could be done to them, and if money could ever be made to pour out of the front.

These included such delightful objects like portable ionisers (crap), electric lighters (much better) and the mother of all zappers I came up with; an old flash gun from my camera, with the bulb broken and the two metal prongs inside extended to contact the surface to be zapped. One of the main testers of the machine asked if he could borrow this for some extracurricular activity that weekend (zapping rival machines around Shrewsbury) and proceded to leave it at home whilst he went out to get hammered.

Well it's his fault for leaving it home when he plans on going out and getting drunk.

Well it's his fault for bringing his mates home after the obligatory curry and promising a few more beers and a film when they get in.

Well it's his fault for leaving my "Taser on steriods" on his coffee table.

So thats the point where he decides he's gonna show his mates how well it works on his dog.

Yes, he did. Yes it did. One smoking, dead dog later, and a need for disinfecting the carpet after the little puddle left by said dog being electrocuted. He was so upset he threw a wobbly, or more like my master zapper against the wall, so I never saw it again. Twunt. But my how I laughed the following Monday when he told me all about it. He didn't seem to find it as funny, no idea why.
(, Mon 27 Oct 2003, 19:37, archived)
# On the M40
from Oxford (I see this when I go to visit a friend at Uni there, it's just before the cut in the hills), someone has written, in foot-high, visible-from-the-road, red and yellow (I think) letters:

"Why do I do this every day?"

Now that's a headfuck for someone who works outside of Oxford.
(, Mon 27 Oct 2003, 23:36, archived)
# Capacitors in work
As an apprentice, people were always messing about in the factory environment to help the dull time pass. We had the usual turds on the toilets etc. but one day, while testing some capacitors for their leakage, I noticed that the little blighters might have a use other than that intended...
As my mate headed to the toilet, I charged one up and followed him there. Making sure that his flow was in progress, I stood next to him and lobbed the capacitor into his urinal, sending the discharge straight up his piss and shocking his cock! Worked a treat....although alot of capacitors were found to be faulty over the next few weeks.
(, Tue 28 Oct 2003, 8:31, archived)
# I shouldn't have done this at my age
When I was about 12 or 13, me and my friend Carl managed to convince a lot of people that we could get hold of weed, just so we'd look hard. One kid, (with a ponytail no-less) called Richard thought he'd be the big boy and asked us for 2 spliffs. Not knowing the slightest thing about weed and its then market price, we said we'd charge him £1 a spliff.

That night, Carl nicked some rizla from his dad, while I collected some dry grass from our garden and proceeded to make the most dodgy looking spliffs from the remnants of my mums half smoked ciggys.

I brought them in the next day, and the exchange took place. £1 each for me and Carl for each spliff. Richard proceeded to light one of the "spliffs" up and smoke it. We really tried not to laugh when he commented that the smoke "was really good." We bought sweets with that money like good little kids.

Last I heard, Richard was working in McDonald's.
(, Wed 29 Oct 2003, 12:23, archived)